#i can't fail you all now

[pettyprocrastination]

whoever this beloved anon was I am so touched by your kindness! You definitely didn’t have to do this but I am so happy you enjoy this idea and I will happily expand upon it for you!

this is just a collection of word vomit bullet points for the time being but I will happily answer any and all questions about this pair!!

warnings: violence, angst, child death (Sarah Miller), foul language, the same warnings that apply to tlou, reader is Sarah's mom and described as having similar features to her. 

So the general Idea is that you and Joel are happily married before the outbreak. 

You had been Sarah's mother, his high school sweetheart he got pregnant when neither of you were old enough to have any reaction to the pregnancy test other than a fucking panic attack in one another’s arms. but you made it work 

you both worked but made time for one another and your sweet girl, going to museums every other weekend and joel insisting on swooping you off for a date every now and then 

nothing special. He knows you’re more of a diner gal than anything too fancy that makes you both feel out of place. 

On his birthday in 2003, you had planned to tell him that you were pregnant again. But the memories of your own fears of motherhood from all those years ago begin to swirl through your head again and you get cold feel. deciding to tell him the morning after

it is his birthday afterall, you want to focus on him. 

but when you’re woken up in the middle of the night because tommy needs to get bailed out, Joel kisses you sweetly one last time before promising he’ll be back and you can’t shake the feeling that something bad is happening. 

its you that shakes sarah awake that night. shouting at her to put on her shoes when she’s still rubbing the sleep from her eyes because you’ve been listening to the radio for the past two hours, calling joel again and again and again praying for him to fucking pick up but to no avail. 

Sarah, bless your little girl’s bleeding heart is the one who insists you check on the adler’s against your better suspicions and when you find the eldest looming over her daughter, blood and sinew dripping from her mouth, you grab your daughter hand and burst into a full sprint until something slams into your back and sends you tumbling onto their front lawn

its how joel finds you, struggling to keep the once sweet old woman, whose now nothing more than dead eyes and gnashing teeth straining to snap at your pulse point as you push against her while sarah shrieks before your husband runs forward and cracks her skull with a wrench. 

there’s hardly a moment of pause, just enough for him to pull you up and into his arms before he’s ushering you both into the car with an urgency. 

when the truck crashes, you get separated from them. Perhaps at Tommy’s side when the flames rise and create a wall, separating you from your husband, or maybe pulled into the mob of chaos when trying to escape from those already infected-

all joel knows is that you promise you’ll find him: just get sarah to safety and you’ll meet him at the river

Poor thing is already so frightened, held in her father’s arms with tears streaming down her face insisting they can’t leave you they just can’t but her father kisses her forehead and reassures her its going to be okay 

“we just need to be brave, okay babygirl? Your mama’s real tough, she’s gonna be alright.” 

he isn’t sure if he’s saying it to his daughter or himself. 

but when he comes to the river you aren’t there. Only a soldier who points a gun at the scared little girl in his arms and then he loses everything

its when the light is gone from his daughter’s eyes that he realizes. His voice cracked and raw from sobbing that he looks around to see his brother with drawn in shoulders and tears in his eyes but his wife is nowhere to be found. 

Tommy says you got lost in the chaos. Everything was so loud, so sudden that he turned around and suddenly you weren’t there. 

Joel wants to go back but its Tommy that stops him, that dulls the red in his vision to a sad faded pink because his brother points at the orange horizon not too far from them, so much of the city is already in flames. 

“We’re gonna find her, but not there.” 

So Joel searches. for the first year spent in the world post-outbreak its all he did. 

He became a smuggler because of it. 

Information came at a price and he needed to be able to fucking pay it, whether it be in blood or ration cards. He was willing to do anything to find you or any thin thread that lead your way. 

But it’s Tommy that asks him to give up. Not in those words of course. 

The youngest Miller knows better than to say something so cruel that would make his brother, the only person he has in this world turn on him. 

But his voice is worried when he asks him one night in Boston when he hasn’t even had the chance to wash the blood from his knuckles 

“You think she would have wanted this for you?” 

the fight that followed his words was brutal. Vicious insults and scarred fists slamming against each brother until they're both too tired and bloody to continue. Each leaning against a wall for support and Tommy’s wavering voice breaking the silence. 

“I don’t know where she is, Joel. But I do know you're gonna get yourself killed if you keep lookin’ for her.” 

All he can do is nod. 

It’s a few days later when he meets Tess. Who has heard plenty of stories about the elder miller’s brutality and wants him to put that muscle to good use for some extra profit. 

It begins his new life. One that empty and cold but one he can live. 

Until of course, Ellie comes along. The sweet and incredibly opinionated girl that makes him become something akin to the man he thought died twenty years ago. 

its when he’s traveling with Ellie, that it happens. When a warm familiarity has settled between the two because so much blood and pain has been shared he can’t help but see her as something close, something bright even though all he can force himself to utter in her reference is “cargo” 

when theyre traveling through the woods as Ellie chatters away, probing his memory about a movie that may or may not have existed thirty years ago because her descriptions of the plot are incredibly odd he hears a voice shout for them to stop and finds himself staring at a man- no, a boy- pointing a gun at them. 

Ellie stills, but Joel can see enough to know that from the lanky figure and dimpled face that he’s young. Maybe twenty, twenty-two at the oldest, but his eyes dart from Joel to Ellie with a pinprick of fear that allows Joel the time to charge forward and slam him to the ground before wrestling the gun from his hands. 

He has enough to time to tuck it under the stranger’s chin before he hears the sound of the safety being turned off and finds himself looking up and seeing a gun just inches from his face. 

Joel’s head whips around when Ellie’s voice calls out his name in fear, he turns to see another stranger holding her a gun point, shoulders drawn back and a shadow cast over their face by the had obstructing their identity. 

“You hurt one of mine, I hurt one of yours. That a fair deal?” 

Its takes him a moment to recognize you. It’s been so long since he’s heard your voice, the sweet tease when you would poke at him each time he woke up late despite the fact that you reminded him to set his alarm the night before, the times you’d chide him with a harsh “Joel Miller!” whispered in public anytime he was able to grab you a bit too passionately to be appropriate in public but the laughter in your voice let him know you were never truly mad at him. You didn’t know how to be. 

But that sweetness is buried under a cold rasp that cuts through the air as you point a rifle at the scared little girl in front of you.

“You think I won’t?” You’re older now, skin covered in scars from a life he didn’t know you got the chance to live and your eyes are cold as they regard your husband. “Put the gun down and get the fuck off of him, I won’t repeat myself.” 

Joel mumbles your name in awe. The woman he loved, the woman he mourned the one he fought so hard to find stands before him like some sort of hallucination and suddenly the world feels like its spinning until you bark orders at him again. 

“You’ve got five seconds Joel, make a fucking choice before I make it for you.” 

He looks down and realizes the boy under him, the one with the bleeding nose and snarling face has your eyes and his dimples. 

“One.” 

The one above him has Sarah’s hair. Soft brown curls that shine under the sun. 

“Two”

Wait. No, they both do.

“Three.” 

Twins. Jesus fucking Christ you had twins. 

“Four.” 

Joel holds the rifle up above his head and the one boy standing snatches it from his grasp, tossing it to the ground and kicking it far from his reach. He slowly stands, allowing your son- dear god your son- to scramble to his feet. 

Your voice softens just for a moment. “You okay, Duke?” 

Blood stains the bottom half of his face from where Joel slammed his fist into the boy’s nose just moments before, but he nods nonetheless. 

Now, they both stand on one side of you and he can see the resemblance clear as day the same way he would whenever Sarah was by your side.

When you order him to hand over his bag, he does so without question before telling Ellie to do the same. 

She watches him with wide eyes, her hands still up in the air but gaping at her companion as if he had grown a second head. 

“Joel!” “Just do it, alright?”

He doesn’t miss the way you watch their interaction with narrowed eyes until she tosses her bag to you and you slowly lower your gun. 

“Now, you want to tell me what the fuck you think you’re doin’ at my home?” 

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #i had an idea of something similar for tommy but on outbreak night he uh. abandons you instead of getting separated from you #because. angst :D #people say nice things #this was incredibly generous of you anon thank you so so much! #i may get myself a little starbucks drink this week now because I havent had starbucks since like january 1st lol #joel reeling from taking in all this information and also realizing he suckerpunched HIS OWN KID #id like to apologize for all the grammatical issues with this. this is just a bulletpoint word vomit to get my thoughts on the page before- #-beginning the actual fic. also I have to do a midterm tonight and this is my treat to myself hehe #but yes. joel getting separated from his wife on outbreak night and having to accept that shes probably dead #meanwhile youve lived this entire life without him because you think HES dead ad raising your boys all on your own #which just- further digs into his insecurities about failing in his role as a protector #he couldn't save sarah. he can't save ellie and he couldn't even save you #he thinks about you pregnant and alone. fending for yourself in a world full of infected and raiders and his chest grows tight again #this is all followed by Ellie going >:O 'you KNOW THIS PSYCHO?'and then joel immediately snapping at her to WATCH HER MOUTH #because that kid has no filter and he has to explain that youre his wife #anyways joels wife is a badass mfer who also maybe has a little garden and some chickens that you and your boys take care of <3 yeah . #reunion tag #ill be using that for this specific couple because I dont have a fic title yet but if anybody has suggestions!

[givehimthemedicine]

never forget El isn't just touchy feely as a random personality trait, she's spent most of her developmentally critical years horribly starved of touch and warmth and love :)

and every moment of physical comfort she receives is precious to her as an antidote to some specific moment in her past when she suffered the lack of it :) and you can also see the shadow of her traumas in the ways she thinks to give physical comfort :)

and also don't forget that her trauma didn't end with the lab :) when we first meet her her traumas are drawn from lab days but by later seasons it's clear some of the traumas guiding her behavior are just... the show :) such as the crushing pressure of everyone counting on her to find Will :)

and if I spend more than 2 seconds thinking about what any simple little moment of closeness/physical affection/comfort must mean to El I will start sobbing and never stop :)

#eleven #lab feels #the max ones are heavily relevant to my fic #el is fairly into touching peoples heads during hugs in general #but her comforting max involves a lot of head stroking and i'm thinking it's because that's an old self soothing habit :( #also I realize 'its okay' is an extremely standard thing to say to a distressed person but #what if she says that to max because she remembers joyce saying it to her in the void and it making her feel better #and what do you wanna bet she held onto max's hand like that because she remembers going into the void to find will #and knowing she's his only hope and his fate is completely on her shoulders and all these people are counting on her #and then feeling will's hand dissolve in hers. and not knowing where he went or how to help him #and now she's gone in to find max and it's the same thing all over again and she's max's only hope #only this time it isn't some kid it's her best friend and the person she probably loves most in the world. and who trusts her to save her #do you know how terrified she is that max is gonna turn into smoke too. and disappear to somewhere el can't find her or help her #do you know how terrified she is that she's going to fail her #do you get what unfathomable trauma it is that she did fail her (it wasn't her fault but with her hero complex she'll feel like it is) #i will be adding to this gifset in season 5 when max wakes up #im fine (im not) #angst #mine #bestof

[lunarharp]

qifrey's birthday and silly stuff

#witch hat tag #orufrey #excerpt is from my 30k failing eye fic (link in pinned) which has a birthday scene. i revisited and edited it again and it is now 30k :) #kerplunk thing is because of a mysterious game that shirahama has drawn orufrey playing before and to me it looks like Kerplunk. #a kids' game from this 'Real World' which we live in. card game is Cheat from neopets. but it's a real game. i want to play it for real.... #you lie and cheat in it..hence the name..and 'branston the eyrie you are a bold one' classic neopets tumblr post...no....ok then..... #'hey qif i know we're obsessed with witches' kerplunk but we used to play cheat all the time what happened to that??' #'oh. i just..don't like lying to you. i don't like how it feels.' 'oh haha i guess that's a good thing. ok let's play kerplunk instead ^_^' #'mm. *dying inside crying in the rain in my soul*' #i dislike trying to illustrate my writing. i resent myself for having described oru's captivating mysterious smile so perfectly #i can't draw that. i know what it looks like perfectly in my mind and i am right there on that roof but i can't draw it satisfyingly enough #writing comes from a different part of my brain. there's different things in there. i'm glad i wrote out some of what i can't draw. #then there are things that i don't write or draw but which are still a crucial ongoing facet of my orufrey mindscape. #the Written orufrey the Drawn orufrey and the Unspoken orufrey... three faces of a beautiful irreplaceable jewel in my heart... #could a depressed person do THAT.

[sollucets]

guys i am trying Really hard not to have public opinions about of this morning... pray for me

#i work really hard not to do that. genuinely. every single time i reblog a meta or post my own opinion or write more serious tags #it is Vetted #i keep these things to my friends & my discord & such on purpose because. because. it's better for everyone #but im hanging on by a thread today i guess :') #for now.... just.... people need to remember that when youre debating fiction like this #the characters are fictional but the people listening aren't #and you can cause real fucking harm by talking about demographics the way people have been #rowan chatter #(if i see someone fucking say ray can't love again i'm going to kill. it's directly to murder i will be committing crimes) #(AND if i see another implication that he should've had to get sent to prison it'll be arson also) #fuck you all you dont get to have ray anymore. im taking him he's in my pocket now #do people even know how rehab & therapy fucking WORK #okay. okay. okay okk okokokkok mission failed a little #but we're far enough down in the tags now. reblogs are off. don't eat me

[hopeinthebox]

tagged by the fabulous @cordiallyfuturedwight and @jimin-gaon <33 here's the december list

apologies for being late again new year same me: @aprylynn @jiminsproof @pauls-mccharmly @thvinyl @visionsofgideontheninth @btsbs @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @eoieopda @monismochi 💜 and anyone else who feels so inclined MWAH p.s. please do tag me anyway if you've already done it

#superfluous commentary in the tags as per usual: #i feel you - ADORE THIS TRACK i can't even explain what it does to my psyche except that it initiates a beach episode. #noso is a phenomenal queer artist and you should check them out #smoke and mirrors - ms faith back in action on the rotation i loved this album in 2009 and it still hits. for the love of GOD take me back #loving you - i am a paolo nutini stan if nothing else. exceptional #love is all around - i am in my frazzled english woman era hence the romcom soundtrack #and tell me who could possibly embody that frazzled english spirit better than four weddings hugh grant #boys don't cry - it's the cure by name and the cure by nature for one listen and i am FIXED!!! #she's always a woman - now billy joel is a great name for a cat or hamster but i digress. the stranger album of the year 2023 (again i fear) #little bird - was annie lennox in the last one?? i still have this on repeat. #googling the lyrics and it thinks i want the jonas brothers and it makes me want to sit right down and cry cry cry i'll tell you that much #jenny - paolo again can you blame me? i cannot express how much i adore his entire discography. #these scottish italians... deadly combination for my mental health. peter capaldi sit down #white flag - dido save me.. save me dido... my jihope anthem because i WILL go down with this ship #eternal flame - banger after banger it's almost as if i made this playlist myself!! can you feel my heart beating??? i apologise #as for the artist list #norah jones and jamie cullum christmas albums on repeat lord forgive me for i have listened to jazz #hozier and abba seem to make it without fail every month. for those who aren't familiar hozier is like if abba were irish. and bitchless. #NOW I'VE SAID TOO MUCH #the rest of the artists are fab of course but does olivia dean know i would die for her? #anyway. insert closing statements #tag #receiptify #MWAH

[balkanradfem]

I've been weeding the garden for the last 2 days and my hands look sooo nasty, I maybe should have been wearing gloves. Not only I managed to get dirt stuck so badly under a fingernail that my entire finger got inflamed and upset, but parts of my hands are now permanently black, cannot wash it off, and the skin around my nails is torn, inflamed and messed up, some of it is bleeding.

However I am very satisfied with my work, strawberries are free of weeds and flowering, some tomatoes are transplanted outside, I have space to plant the peas, potatoes have started coming out of the soil, my hands will just have to get over this and grow thicker skin hehehe.

#i'm looking at my hands like #what happened to you #but it was just clayish soil #because i failed to take care of the garden last year #due to very bad mental health #there was so many worms though #and i have seen and touched so many weird bugs! #so basically the ecosystem is thriving #it was just very overgrown #and i can't have that because the wild plants are leeching all the nitrogen from the soil #but now they're all being composted #and will return the nitrogen #it will all be well

[badoccultadvice]

So like, I have been having this weird experience analyzing the Harry Potter books lately, and please indulge me while I talk about J.K. Rowling's weird writing.

My goal was simple: read the Harry Potter books to find which parts were influenced/inspired by actual magic that people do in real life. My theory was that there was a lot more magic in the earlier drafts of the books, and that she took a lot out due to fear of backlash from America's ongoing reenactment of the Satanic Panic. For instance it's quite obvious some of their magic lessons got dumbed down so that very little of what's in the books could actually be tried in real life, and I think she took out a lot of astrology.

I also wanted to do a couple errands along the way, one of which was to check and see if it's explicitly written in the books that Harry is a cis man. I'm a trans man, SO I'D KNOW. (I'm a slow reader so all I can say for now is: the FIRST book does not explicitly state Harry is cis, but if he's trans, there's some implied worldbuilding with items like the Sorting Hat that comes into play. Also I'm fairly sure the Dursleys would have gone along with him being trans because that meant Petunia could reuse Dudley's old clothes instead of having to get girl stuff. I'mma save any other explanations on the topic for a video on it.) The reason I'm doing this read-through is because I think J.K. doesn't know anything about trans people and didn't think to make sure her wizard world was trans exclusionary. AND IT TURNS OUT THAT WE TRANS MAGIC USERS HAVE A WAY OF WIGGLING INTO MOST PLACES UNDETECTED BY NORMAL MEANS.

While I was doing the re-read I encountered two sort of broad revelations:

There's a lot of old stuff in there like Latin and Greek and tradcraft stuff, but also modern magic of the more recent era... but the incorporation of modern magic cuts off somewhere before the 80s. These books read like they were written by a early 70s magician. Like they honestly read like J.K. is a magical practicioner who just didn't read any magic books written after 1972 and never discovered what Chaos Magic is, (and also, never heard of most of what happened in the Cold War). I have never found a writer, in fiction or non-fiction, more dedicated to referencing magical stuff that most magicians alive today just don't care about anymore.

J.K. Rowling's knowledge of child abuse laws and general social mores regarding treatment of children also ceased to update itself by about the 80s. I keep getting distracted by this and having to make more side-notes about corporal punishment and researching stuff like when caning was banned in England. (HInt: it was banned before Harry went to school, so in Book 1 it's fuckin weird that he assumes that Wood is the name of a cane he's about to be whipped with.) Like, this woman raised children in the modern era, she should know when canes stopped being used.

So like, when I mention that I'm doing some research in this area, this is the sort of stuff I'm reading for and the sort of stuff I'm encountering. I haven't been talking much about this journey because it seems like any time anyone brings up anything Harry Potter up whatsoever, we've got to talk about how J.K. is a terf in every other sentence. But like, y'all: I hope you slow down and re-read the books, because J.K. Rowling is a terf who is also a child abuse apologist and normalizer. She is a terf who is also a horrible fat-shamer. She is a terf who is also an ableist with a huge problem writing about mental illness. And she's a terf who's also a sexist who undermines feminism with her actual writing of female characters.

And I honestly think she double and triples down on the terf stuff so that people will only talk about that. I think it's worth talking about the fact that not only is she an awful person in the terf way, but like, every other way imaginable too. I think it's worth talking about the fact that with all the obvious biases she has, the group she CHOOSES to publicly marginaiize is trans women, and I think she makes that choice because she thinks that she'll get more allies that way. That if she wore all of her issues on her sleeve like she wears the terfness, that she'd lose a lot of allies, that a lot of prestigious charities would stop having anything to do with her. That she uses the identity of "terf" as a shield because she knows that certain people will protect a terf, and she does this specifically so people won't notice how much of a sexist, abuse apologist, ableist, fatphobe etc she ALSO is. Opinions that could lose her a lot of money and clout if people remember them enough.

She's trying to pick on who she thinks is the most unpopular kid in the class out of the hopes that the bullies in class will be her friends instead of pile up on her, but if the bullies knew what she really thought of them, THEY wouldn't even be her friends.

Also like... I just want someone else to read the actual words in these books and see what fucked-up choices she made as a writer. I think a LOT of people remembering these books are actually remembering the movies, which are way more different from the books than you might expect.

#this got long and rambly #every time i try to read the books i find a new thing that is weird #i had to look up when milk bottle delivery stopped in england #i know so many things about knickerbockers now #it seems like the only reason platform 9 3/4 is used is for the parking and that's so weird #why would you name something futuristic a 2000 when that's only 9 years from when the first book is set #who leaves a one year old on a doorstep #how come the dursleys are so affluent to have late-era milk bottle delivery at the doorstep #yet no 4AM joggers in the neighborhood who would have seen Harry before Petunia did #these books are an assault upon all logic and I am mad and angry that there is a theme park based on them that fails the ADA #you're telling me wizards can hide an entire castle yet they can't add a ramp to a shop's doorway #oh gods i'm never going to stop get me out of these tags I need a snack and a hug

[hungnitan]

Myriad Celestia Trailer — "Kyoden: A Cleave Across the Transient World"

THERE'S SO MANY HI3 REFERENCE HERE to the point that video alone could make a big money for standlone game !

For many HI3 reference, let those lore master handle the talk (lol). When AcheSwan video release I thought this "Mei" is HoT different AU if her Kiana died, which seems not so far fetched aside she become HoO. It's kinda ironic since HI3 Mei become HoO basically because of power of her love to Kiana and Elysia (let's simplified as that XD)

From pionner relics lore, I guess we can deduce that Acheron's Kiana I mean Frebass timeline is more backward than myriad celestial since it explained Frebass is just a 14 year old nameless girl. If we think they're same age, Acheron nowdays should be 18 or 20 ish.

Now into the interesting part, almost nothing explain about Frebass whereabouts in two Acheron videos ! So what's happened to the nameless girl diving herself into nihility ? One scene from Black Swan memories indicate the very same rooftop HoTMeiKiana scene which isn't a good sign...

And let me added something as that video showing a clear words that HI3 connected to HSR. Kiana is a human made person by Otto, meanwhile HI3 Otto already remove all branch of his existence as price of saving Kallen. Which means Kiana is special entity only at HI3, so there's possibility Frebass isn't Kiana but Durandal (real Kiana) like existence.

Now I watch the video I just feels grateful Otto doing so many things to stop honkai... if not for him, in one possible universe HI3 could become Izumo HSR

I only hope these missing piece will be explain in TB 2.1 !

PS : I guess HSR will cook really hard at 2.1 TB quest, with Acheron lore become like that it's all about how Aventurine past could beat Mei angst max level. So let's prepare lot of tissue and don't read it at public place (lol)

#honkai star rail #honkaimpact3rd #raiden mei #acheron #after saw that video I kinda think maybe Ei is hoyo experiment to create a new MEI but failed #we all know how Ei writen pretty bad #which is maybe the reason Nahida not using Theresa models #but for hsr as honkai children they can export the lore (lol) #it gonna be pleasant suprise to see Welt reaction on her #at the same time this AU telling something hard to shallow #if you try to save one person you must sacrifice the other one #HI3 Kiana still alive after saved by Himeko #but HSR Himeko become astral express member... #which indirectly (maybe) become a cause of frebass dying #put aside Acheron Kiana things #I'm now worried Aventurine lore can't beat her sorrow #eh it's not competition which more sadder I know (lol) #but as hoyo older player I moreless know how scary trio hoyo girls stories could go #this is something scarier than Yoimiya banner always side by side with archons bannef (lol) #Acheron please have mercy on Aventurine ! #and you know Acheron and Aventurine had one similarity ? yups it's lone survivor 😭 #happy one year anniversary hsr 😭

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the desire to do comms vs my inability to remember that i got a message FIGHT-

#its like 'oh a message! i will respond later' #and then later never comes cause i have no damn object permanence Or working memory #then its like... what do i even say #'hi sorry i ghosted your simple question for two days i forgot you messaged me' AGH #or especially lately #i mean to do things and then i get a New piece of distressing information about the way my life is going #which then consumes my thoughts and leaves no room for anything else #ahaha thanks! ill claw my eyes out now!! wow!!! FUCK! #trying to keep up the things i enjoy is. so tough rn #but ill flounder w/o em so! hard work that i am mostly failing at but i Keep Trying #yes i wanna do comms. yes i wanna draw. yes i wanna talk to people. can i? mmmmm...... #can't wait for this chapter in my life to be over. goddamn. #ive been in a perpetual state of intense stress since early childhood #but my fucking duck things lately have been taking the cake #absolutely unprompted #oh no this is turning into a vent post Look Away #well my mother called again last night and was all 'im getting you a car' #and uh. i started physically shaking while profusely thanking her (lying through me teeth) #GIRL!!! I DONT NEED A CAR THATS TOO MUCH RN!!! #she's always mentioning how the collective We are tight on money #and that rn i need to focus on making decisions and getting a job ill hold for like. a month #and then she slams this down outta left field??? thats so much extra stress i dont need right now??? #now i gotta worry about parking and maintaining it and gas money i dont have And And And- #i cant exactly tell her Dont Fucking Do That bc then she'll blow up in my face and call me inconsiderate & ungrateful again #me and my stepdad dont have the fucking TIME to get one! and then she was like 'oh i can always come down to help' #please dont. do not do that. i cant deal with you in person right now that sounds hellish #anyway. case in point #cant even think about messages and stuff i Want to think about bc all this bullshit is taking up my entire mind #metaphorically slamming my face into a brick wall till theres nothing left. aaaghhahsbkjadadj #its too much its Too Much everything is so much and its too much and can i be let be for two fuckin seconds please

[oozeandgoo-art]

old drawing I never posted. i like these two freaks, I should draw them more

#rubin #skironir #oc #rukaan #humanization #skironir is fully on board with the murder for the record. She likes rubin because he loves to kill people and she thinks it's cool and fun #someone warned her when she was like human-nineteen (im not sure how to translate caribou ages to humans LMAO could've been #anywhere from 19 to 25ish) that there was a weird loner freak eating out of the garbage and threatening people with knives and she went #'damn thats crazy. hes kinda hot. im gonna be his friend' #rubin (also approximately the same age as her) was like 'ive never had a friend before and im not going to start now. fuck off' #and then failed so hard at not having any friends that he fell in love like an idiot and now he's stuck with her forever and she can't get #rid of him. which works for skironir because she would be very sad if she did get rid of him #im not sure im gonna keep the she/her pronouns for skir. in all the stuff i've written for the deer game with skir i use he/him #but rubin using he/him pronouns in the mg!au also trips me up a bunch because i keep being like this is girl rubin he's a girl i made him #into a girl and now he's a girl. and then i get lost in the pronoun weeds LMAO #you undrestand #anyway i enjoy them a lot #very straightforward characters. they roll into town. they cause problems. they kill someone. they leave #i should make magical girl katjaana straight up just a dude. for balance. a dude who uses she/her and turns into a magical girl also #or maybe i could go full tuxedo mask with her.... idk

[daily-hanamura]

to pair with the ‘your house is there’ post, these panels from the mange imply (a teeny bit) that souji going to yosuke’s house might be a regular occurrence ♥

#submission #!!!! i can't believe i haven't seen this before #i love the way nanako casually goes okay! have fun! because you are right #souji dipping and going to yosuke's house is indeed an ordinary everyday occurence nbd #also can i just say. can i just. GUITAR LESSONS AS A GUISE FOR UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL TIME REAL??? #we're all going over to study is exactly what i would tell a parent when i'm going to go on a date justsaying #ALSO THE WAY SOUJI'S NEED TO SEE YOSUKE TRIUMPHS ANY SELF PRESERVATION INSTINCT #HE JUST RUNS AWAY FROM DOJIMA IN THE MIDDLE OF AN INTERROGATION #mental calculus - dojima mad = critical BUT seeing yosuke = super critical most impt #thank you for showing this to me #also sorry about it being super late this is my FIFTH attempt at posting i've failed 4x now but i didn't have my laptop while i was overseas

[petiolata]

Decided I'll just block people I see tag their art with "not ship art" "don't tag as ship" and the like.

It's not that I care whether it's ship art, or whether the artist intends it platonically or romantically.

It's that it shows a deep, fundamental misunderstanding of how art works. Art is not meant to be interpreted to the exact dictation of the artist. Art is meant to evoke thoughts and feelings *beyond* what the artist intends.

The audience, viewing, completes the experience by supplying interpretations based on their own unique experiences.

If someone doesn't get that, then they're too mentally shallow for me to waste time on their art. Why would I? There's nothing for me in it--I'm not permitted to have my own thoughts or feelings about the art after all.

Viewing art as complete, immutable product that the audience exists only to "consume" without thinking is the mentality that enables the hideous conversion of "artist" to "content creator".

Besides, the artist has admitted they can't clearly communicate ideas or scenes, since they feel the need to clarify something that should be obvious 99.9% of the time.

#fandom #artist problems #fandom discourse #discourse #death of the author #reader-response theory #op #personal #it always surprises me how ignorant many creatives are about their own supposedly beloved method of creation #“I love to make art! now I'm going to learn absolutely nothing about it 😃” #“I'm never going to bother thinking about the audience's role or art's purpose and what it gives humanity! 😃” #it's just a very complacent and shallow attitude #altho tbh it's a common failing generally. so many ppl never bother to think critically or analytically or have any curiosity about anythin #i know i probably shouldn't bother voicing these opinions but pseudo-intellectual rants are just part of my content-creator “brand” baby #along with my struggles with various household objects #if you can't be a little insane and pretentious on your own tumblog then where can you? #btw the art that prompted this wasn't even about a “problematic” ship which is what made seeing it so bizarre and jarring? like it wasn't #even an attempt at advertising the artists' values #just “You [the audience] are clearly all idiots so let me clarify this scene for you and spell everything out” #but even aside from that particular piece I've seen plenty of posts with similar tags. stop treating your audience like they're dipshits #also trying to forcibly control how your audience interprets your work is control freak BS

[juliareed]

Mr. Sark has assumed control of your mother's operation— Please stop referring to her as my mother. Therefore, Ms. Derevko must know what he's looking for. // You were hired to kill me? Who hired you? Who put a contract on my life? Derevko. Irina Derevko.

#aliasedit #alias #multiamorymarch #sydney bristow #julian sark #kazu tamazaki #polyamships #polyamoryinfandoms #userthing #multiamory march #sark x sydney x tamazaki #sark x sydney #sydney x tamazaki #sstrio #myedit #unlocking some new levels of rare ships here. #okay so what if. irina's double didn't just hire tamazaki to kill sydney. #what if elena's plan involved the double pretending to be irina for an extended period of time and building a new criminal empire AS irina. #and what if eventually. the double and tamazaki started working together. #and what if right before dying she told him about the assignment she only trusted him with. to kill her daughter. #assuming that all this time he thought that he's working with the real irina. that she managed to convince him and everyone else. #managed to convince herself too. began to believe in the lie. began to think that she's the real irina. #and when tamazaki and sydney meet; she fails to kill him. he escapes but she can't forget about what he said. #and maybe they keep running into each other after that. and the more she learns about the irina that he knew the less sense all of it makes #and then there's only one last option left. one person who can help her to figure out the truth. #so now there are two men who claim to know her mother better than she does. but the thing is. they knew two different irinas. #that's the love triangle material of ALL TIME right there. #ideally i would want sydney and irina's clone to form some sort of a relationship in this verse too. #you heard about getting attached to the clone of your best friend; now get ready for getting attached to the clone of your mother.

[chiarrara]

i caught up on jjk. favorite panels in the last few chapters, plus:

thematic catharsis coming around

#jjk manga #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #i really think fushiguro is more of a parallel to geto than he is to gojo #geto saved gojo first but gojo failed to save geto #fushiguro saved itadori first and itadori's going to save fushiguro #it's also propping up my theory that gojo is an unreliable narrator #and most important things he's said in the series are going to be proven wrong #1. love it the most twisted curse of all #it's actually the key #2. you can't save someone who isn't prepared to be saved #you can and he will #those are my thoughts #i don't think the manga has gotten as bad as people are saying it has #but it does have issues #and the style change and quality dip in the illustration is bugging me #and don't think characters being introduced and dying quickly is that bad either #the ones that matter are written well and their deaths are significant and well integrated #the main issues cropping up now are also the issues that have existed for much much longer than post-shibuya #villains motivations make no sense #random battles that don't have thematic significance abrupt the pacing in an annoying way #the magic system isn't always well integrated narratively and thematically #gege has too many ideas and not all of them needed to make it past editing #but a lot of problems are just typical shonen problems that jjk seemed above when the story was a little tighter #also i don't think the magic system is as smart and complicated as people are pretending it is #i don't think it will be hard to adapt in the anime #i think the weaknesses in pacing and the increase in exposition are going to be more exposed in the anime though #and more people will catch on to the basic rules of the magic system being inconsistent or underdeveloped

[aeide-thea]

sometimes it really is just like. is this all there is. feeling oversensitive & undersocialized—too sensitive to socialize—forever, bc you never got enough ~affirmation~ growing up (poor, pathetic baby; how long will you persist in singing the same self-pitying song…), & so never developed the proper emotional cushioning against the heartache & the thousand natural shocks, &c, &c, &c, &c, &c…

#like—you can't get close to people if you're too raw to bear the inevitable grit of misunderstandings and small incompatibilities #we all fail one another. sometimes in a myriad of small ways‚ sometimes in big ones— #sometimes you and people you care about are simultaneously failing each other on separate but parallel tracks #and ultimately you have to be able to bear that and keep reaching out to people anyway‚ as you hope they will to you #and i just. i need so badly for something—someone—to be new and good and an easy fit‚ because i haven't got trying in me #but also frankly i wouldn't trust anything like that if it appeared to me‚ at this point #molly grue voice how dare you come to me now &c #i'm a fussy person whose capacity for delight has drained away #and i think it's SO important to be kind and yet still so often i don't manage it #despite biting my tongue SO often that it hurts‚ which has taught me to feel there's nothing acceptable abt my own reactions #and i never MEAN to be pompous or dickish or whatever but caring about precision and conscientiousness and whatnot isn't in fashion #so i'm pretty sure that's how i come off to most people #and there's no prospect of anything changing and it's just like. sometimes in the night i think. well. i'm basically already dead then. #like. the last‚ i don't know‚ almost-decade at this point has been a slow painful process of sinking ever deeper into exile #stripping away various social positionalities and connections in trade for—nothing. #alien nation. #all the norms are shit but outside them—what is there. #anyway. #feelingsblogging

[twilightarcade]

that's a weird dog

#wordstag #notwordswordstag #neptune wgen it's being normal about that eclipse thing #drawn at late oh clock it's like 2am right now . I think I'm gonna darken the eyes in the morning #or I won't. You never know with this guy. #anyhow I'm in bed now and I'm sooooo cozy. #ok so [mr beasts] this drawing was a 'let's use all the brushes in the sketching section & see what happens' thing #I think we're going 2 do another one w/ a smaller canvas size because I wanna . Try something. & this canvas was way too big #(<-I've been using the same canvas 4 like . Ages. And some IDIOT refuses 2 just move the sketches over( #literally whoever invented patterns on clothing should go explode . Do you have any clue #it's ok though . Fun exercise in whatever it's called. Perspective. If it was evil. ( I am failing the exercise) #ummmmmmm I thibk that's all. Spent way longer on this than I meant to. But the REAL criminal here was anzu because #That was supposed 2 be a warm up. Of sorts. I don't really do warm ups much if I'm going 2 be honest #trying 2 get into the habit but me drawing is more like . I'm going to draw 5 things in one sitting take it or leave it #ok guess who just . Fixed it. #I could point out like a million other things wrong but I'm not going to [smug cat picture] I'll leave that up to your imagination #ok umm how many tags is that . Not enough ? I want 2 do those whatever u wanna call those things again #yyou know. Peeks in my inbox. #ddude I might want to uh. I might want to crop this thing. #landscape is fun and all but seriously I can't #whatever. Officially a tomorrow me issue. Guess who's headed to sleep baby. #tomorrow neptune here I ended up cropping it after all.cod bleAmerica.ca. #anyhow I don't think I mentioned the . The Animal?