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serendipitouscontaminant · 3 months

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Okay. Yes, Jacob is a chatterbox.

He talks about stuff like his school play from a million years ago or trees or whatever, and he does overshare in Valentine’s Day, but that was very positive oversharing and there’s a pretty high possibility that he knew people weren’t really fully listening to him.

I guess that in Festival when he talks about his night terrors that can also be seen as oversharing, but it’s heavily implied that he is loopy from sleep deprivation. Which just goes to show that Jacob’s most likely to show negative feelings when things have gotten absolutely unbearable.

Because in Holiday Hookah it was like pulling teeth to get him to admit why he was acting how he was.

And he did spend over a year not mentioning that he had a boyfriend of two years. He has not once mentioned either one of his parents when the other two younger teachers have mentioned at least one of theirs, and often. He pretty rarely mentioned Zach. Most instances of him talking about himself have been offhand or pretty surface-level. His life revolves pretty hard around his work and the people he’s met through Abbott.

(And given what we know about him and his people pleasing tendencies, it’s much easier for me to imagine him not saying anything to Zach out of fear than him bringing up to him that he’s unhappy in the relationship. Which is essentially what the episode says.

And lbr, we barely knew Zach. Anything is IC for him. And given how little we knew about the relationship…tbh, their relationship dying isn’t so much a surprise for me as exactly as believable as their relationship being happy.)

And sure, maybe he says more off-camera, but it’s still reasonable to assume that he isn’t saying the most important things. What I’m saying is that Jacob is cagey about his personal life.

And Jacob does not like having personal problems. He likes fixing problems. (He often makes them instead, but hey, I never said he always sets out to do what he wants to do.) I do think it makes sense that he would simply not bring up his own personal conflict, especially given that he’s prone to avoidance and it’s a very painful issue, and I think that the fact he did bring it up was because he really trusts Gregory.

Anyway, that is my take on Breakup and why I was not surprised by the breakup or the seeming abruptness of it. It was all brewing in Jacob’s head for months; we just weren’t privy to it because he guarded that part of his life from his friends and from the cameras. (Who were gone for five months anyway.)

#abbott elementary #abbott elementary spoilers #jacob hill #i am honestly really excited to see what happens for him next #and i am saying all of this as like a next-level jacob fan #but he is a mess and he is not the kind of mess who will admit to it until it’s impossible to keep inside #again this is just my take and i’m not trying to start arguments or make anyone feel bad #but i felt like this episode was ic in a really creative way #abbott meta #this is not super coherent i am sorry it is late i am writing fic about gregory so jacob isn’t even really where my head is at #but i loved everything about this episode

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luck-of-the-drawings · 1 year

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THIS IS HUMANITIES 11TH HOUR I THINK KIAN WAS RIGHT. THERE WAS SO MUCH HE COULD HAVE DONE BETTER BUT HE DID IT FOR GREAT REASON. THEIR RELATIONSHIP MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL. EVEN THE ECHO OF SOMEONE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND THE ECHO OF YOU LOVES THEM TOO. they COPIED A HUMAN DOWN TO THEIR BASIC CIRCUTRY AS A SURVIVAL INSTINCT AND THE VERY WIRES STILL LOVE YOU. ITS THE ATMOSPHERE. ITS THE DISCORDANT AND SAD YET YEARNING CORDS IN THE AIR AS THE SKY REDDENS. ITS A WISH FOR SOMETHING MORE, PRESSING AGAINST INEVITABLE GLASS, CLEARLY NO HOPE OF CONTINUING OR BLOSSOMING. A PAINTING OF A MEMORY THEY WANT TO BE MAKING WITH NO CONCLUSION.

#cw gore #cw blood #jrwi blood in the bayou #jrwi bitb spoilers #jrwi bitb #jrwi fanart #AAUAUGHGHUHHGHH SO IM RELISTENING TO THE THIRD EPISODE RIGHT. THATS WHAT THIS PAGE WAS DRAWN FROM.#AND IM AT THE PART WHERE. YKNOW. THEYRE ON THE SEXY MOTORCYCLE AND GOING TO THE TREE. THEY LOVE EACHOTHER SO MUCH. FUCK YOUUUU IM WEEPING #ALSO I MIGHT ASWELL SAY HERE. i remember listenign to the first episode at midnight. i was heading to sleep bc i had work in the morning #and i remember hearing rolan n im like awww hes such a babyyyy lil baby giiirrrl #and then i saw his official art the next day n i was like. no WAY thats rolan he looks way too cool and chill in that.#AND THEN. and tTHEEHHEHEEENNN HE GOES AND DOES. WELL. YKNOW. N IM LIKE DAAAAAMAMNNN HELLO SIR!!!! FUCK IT UP MAN!!!! YEAHAHAHA I LOVE HIM!!#OHHH and yknow what lemme say some shit about RAND!!!!!!!! 'i love you man' 'i promise i love you man' HE CARES ABOUT HIS FRIENDS SO FUCKIN #AAUUUHHHH RAAAANNNDDDD HE WAS SO READY TO DIE. HE WAS PLANING TO DIE. UGH.#ALSO I STILL LISTENING N I JUST GOT TO THE PART WITH KIANS SONG TO BECKY. SOBBING SOBBING WEEPING IM SO EMOTIONAL ABT THEM #RUN AWAAAYYYY OOUHHOOOOO JUST TAKE MY HAND AND RUNN AWAAYYYYY EHEEEM HEEM WILL BOY YOU SHOULD BE RUNNING!!! U SHOULD BE RUNNING!!!!#HEY hey cmere. cmere n listen. im workin ona lil music video. right. been chippin away at it for the last few months #its supposed to go along with tha song 'am i in heaven' by king gizzard n the lizard wizard #go find it. go listen to it. see my vision.#HEY HEY IF U REBLOG THIS. RAMBLE ABOUT BITB N SHIT IN THE TAGS PLEASE I NDEED TO HEAR OTHER THOUGHTS. GIVE ME UR BRAIN #ALSO JUST GOT TO THE KISS SCENE BTW. ITS SOO FUNNY TO HEAR BEBO FREAKING OUT LIKE NOOOOO NNOONONO N MAKING SOUNDS. HES RIGHT #'do you want me to take anything off?' DSHUT UUPP BECKY I LOVE YOU. WHATEVER.#OKAY okay im nirmal now (lying) imm gonna go cry. alot. hope u do too. pls enjoy myart

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tomfrogisblue · 6 months

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I have finally finished O Segredo Na Floresta.

I have cried more than I thought possible.

And I fear I shall never be the same.

#i have discovered that however bad quarentena was - cellbit has tons more angst material ready to unleash when least expected #it was so so so good but my god - i have never felt more empty #you ever see a piece of media and think yeh this is gonna change the way i view certain things forever - yep.#but now i enter the ordem episodes that arent captioned and only have the youtube autotranslate - the final boss for my portuguese knowledge #cellbit #ordem paranormal #this post is sort of my proof to myself when i actually finished the bastard - this season was three billion years long i swear #and still so long to go #cellbit will continue to stab my emotions for many more hours to come!!!#it is very late at night and i am very sad. TIME TO START THE NEXT ONE :D #o segredo na floresta #enigma do medo #bro i need to yell at someone about the last like hour of the damn thing because i have many things to say. or maybe just cry some more #at least my portuguese is much better now lmao. I'll get to a point where i can just listen to an episode with no subtitles if it kills me!!#hopefully cellbit will be back on the qsmp soon to rip my heart out with a cute lil cubito delivering heart wrenching angst for some variety #qsmp #ok sleep time lmao

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biblionerd07 · 1 month

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I tried watching some of the Ian/Mickey scenes from season 11 and it made me ill. These are IMPOSTERS. That is not Ian and Mickey!! Especially Mickey!!! Look at how they massacred my boy. But one of the most frustrating parts is that if you watch the deleted scenes it shows that someone in that writers’ room DID know how to write Ian and Mickey but the producers or whoever makes that decision were like “nah, no meaningful conversations that show how much they love and respect each other and are working on their relationship. These fans who’ve been watching the characters struggle for a decade want them to continuously argue and beat the shit out of each other and act like they hate each other!”

#John wells if I ever catch you #there were a very few small spots of goodness and I credit ONLY Noel and cam for that #they were doing their level best #some of the things they had coming out of Mickey’s mouth made me want to drive my head through a wall #in what world am I supposed to believe Mickey was getting blow jobs from other guys #and making a joke out of Ian’s bipolar????#like the one time they remembered they even wrote Ian as bipolar and it was for a shitty line where Mickey throws it in his face #it feels like every season is a whole new show and not connected at all to the others #and then it starts feeling like every EPISODE is a whole new show that’s not connected #why was there like a goofy soundtrack as Mickey’s literal Nazi abusive rapist father moved in next door #Noel was giving us everything and they made a joke out of it #and then they made a joke out of Mickey being conflicted and crying after terry died??????????#I want to kill them #Ian saying frank was worse than terry????? girl in what world??????#Mickey was NEVER insecure about bottoming and he was always adamant about how much he loved it but suddenly it’s an issue #from ‘liking what I like don’t make me a bitch’ back when he could barely LOOK at Ian to…this #also Ian used to be very sweet even when he was being stubborn and self-righteous and even violent #but they really lost his sweetness #and I know it wasn’t just cam growing up bc there were glimpses of it in the way he chose to have Ian move and hold onto Mickey #but the writers seemed hell bent on all of the characters being so horrible to each other #in the early seasons they could sometimes be cruel and selfish even to each other but underneath it all they loved each other #and it feels like when they decided to lean solely into goofy comedy that lost that #it’s just sad to see a show that started so good end so badly #I’ve seen people talking about a spinoff with Ian and Mickey and I don’t even fucking want it with these writers #maybe if cam and Noel were producers and got to choose the storylines #they’re the only ones I trust

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artisdrama · 2 years

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“right now, i feel useless. no, i've always been useless. i never exist. i have no feelings. i don't freaking have anything left within me. i can't take myself anymore, vegas.”

we all kept saying that vegas and pete are parallels to each other to what the same kind of abuse can lead to. it’s almost tiring how many times we analyzed how vegas weaponized his trauma by turning into an abuser in self defense, but we were a little blinded by pete’s smile because we genuinely believed pete was always being completely open about everything. his tattoo says it all, doesn’t it? no legacy is so rich as honesty. didn’t he share with vegas what his dad did? didn’t he follow what his heart told him? isn’t he gentle, a good friend, a good subordinate? that must be who he is.

vegas craves attention, acknowledgement, and he thinks he never received it because he never accomplished anything. pete did, though. he won the fight, and yet his dad still hit him. it doesn’t matter how good he is or how much he contributes to his surroundings, he’s never actually seen. it doesn’t matter how much effort he puts, how much emotional labor he puts in his relationships, he’s still secondary to their choices, a supporting character. it’s not just vegas that was never recognized as a person, it’s pete too.

it’s pete because he can disappear and people that he holds dear to him wouldn’t even notice until someone dreams about him. because he keeps being the wingman to others, but no one ever falls for him. he solves the problems for everyone, but not only that, his efforts always turn into more responsibility since he’s so reliable - never, i don’t know, a vacation i guess? his work has no emotional return to him, and while he’s loved by tankhun he’s still a subordinate and not a friend. it’s his boss, and he has no say in their relationship like the other does. “my most understanding bodyguard”. pete understands tankhun and shows his concern for him through how he takes care of the other, but tankhun loves pete exactly for that, and not for him. no one sees the true him.

he puts his heart in everything. yes, the honesty is there. and he does everything without expecting anything in return, because he knows that doing the right thing sometimes isn’t rewarding. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t crave recognition, it’s just that he doesn’t feel he’s ever going to receive the type of recognition he so desperately wants. and he can’t show this side to the others, because then he will be a burden and not fulfill the role he wants. he honestly wants to make everyone around him feel ok - and he’s fine with that, in some levels. he thinks helping others is rewarding because you can see the smile in their faces after it.

“i’m sorry. i aim to spread more smiles than tears.”

he’s content. it’s enough to keep him going, to inspire him to keep making others around him happy, because if anything that’s the only thing he knows. he has to live each day by itself, because if he sees the big picture he’ll feel like a side character to his own life. but deep inside, even though he has come to terms with his father’s abuse, he can’t distance himself from the violence. it’s his whole environment, it’s how he learned relationships work, it’s thrilling - and makes him feel alive. after being successful in destroying vegas’ plan, he’s so high on his accomplishment that the torture is almost a recognition on how well he fucked up vegas, and he can take it with a smile in his face.

but after all the violence and the torture vegas puts him through, he still can’t turn his caring persona of, because he’s so used to finding patterns in people in order to make them smile that he easily cracks the code to what’s vegas’ problem is. it’s almost instinctive at this point to only comfort him, not because he actually feels for vegas but because he is simply like that. he opens up just enough for vegas to understand that he’s being seen, but not enough for vegas to see him. he says just the right things at the right time, never giving information about himself or opening up. his goal was never to have vegas obsessed with him, but just to live each passing day and try to handle it as best as it could.

but vegas gets obsessed with him - actually, the idea of him. vegas is so caught up with the idea that someone understood him and didn’t judge him harshly that he completely ignores that pete is not “someone” in the sense of an abstract concept in his mind, but a person entirely separate. he starts seeing pete as an extension of him, projecting his feelings and his desires into the other. but this obsession shows up in the form of little actions of care and attention (in vegas’ way, of course), in the sexual tension, and this desire is so intense that it moves pete’s heart.

because, for a second, pete wants to believe that all that intensity and emotion is for him. that vegas actually saw who he is and understands, and is desiring him. when vegas tells him he’s sexy, is he saying that because he sees pete’s body and thinks he’s attractive or because the sex they had and pete’s submission is sexy to him? vegas proceeds to only talks about him and his feelings, but he never asks pete how he feels. he opens up - “i thought i was a freak”, but it’s not followed by a “have you ever felt something like that, pete?”. vegas finally asks him “how did you survive in this environment?” and pete’s finally smiling, asking back “why, do you think i’m a good guy?”. he’s expecting vegas to give an actual insight on it. but vegas shows how little he understands pete telling him he’s “stupid” - pete is far from stupid and he knows. and it’s not just bickering, because pete realizes that vegas truly believes he has nothing going on inside his mind, that he’s just what vegas wants him to be.

after that, he slaps himself in the face to wake up - vegas isn’t seeing him as a person, he needs to leave. that life is not what he wants. but then why did he say yes to him? why did he kiss vegas? of course there was a previous build-up of desire between the both of them, but what was that made him give in? he has never been into subspace before and he’s still trying to understand himself and what he wants, but right now he’s completely sober. and he blames himself a lot for everything. but when vegas gets inside the room mad, he’s doing it again - he’s trying to help vegas.

vegas still doesn’t sees pete, only what he wants to see. so it’s easy for him to simply act up and vent all his violence on the other when pete shows again how understanding he is (and he switches his emotions as if he wasn’t, a few hours earlier, putting all the care in the world making a dish for him). vegas still believes in what he told pete in the last episode before they kiss, that pete likes that side of him and that it turns him on, so it never occurred to him that acting like that again could have any other effect. not only that, but the line about them sleeping (which was already making pete dwell on self hatred for what he did and what he desired) finally snaps pete, because not only he isn’t in the mindset to enjoy that type of violence, but also because he’s done - he understands everyone, even vegas, but no one ever tries to understand him.

vegas’ obsession isn’t seeing him, but just a toy that will behave how he wants and like him the way he wants. pete wants to be desired intensely, madly and deeply, but he knows this isn’t what’s actually going on. it’s all a lie he’s telling himself, because he had a hard time coming into terms that vegas’ liked what he provided for him - comfort - and not him. he’s once again secondary to someone else’s feelings, and it doesn’t matter what he wants and what he likes, what his pain is, he’s not seen. and now, being punished by something he didn’t do, unable to even comfort vegas with his words, he’s useless too.

pete’s so done that he asks for vegas to kill him, and vegas is so out of his mind that he goes on to grab a knife and actually threaten to do it. vegas isn’t thinking properly but he does think this is just pete’s usual bratty behavior, and in his mind is something that can easily be solved like every other instance between them where he plays abuser with pete and then leaves. but this time, pete’s finally honest about his feelings. he’s done with everything, and he’s done with vegas treating him like that. he feels like shit, and there’s no point on keeping with this if he will still be treated like that. he tells him, he’s lost his humanity. he’s not living as a person, but as something. in this case, vegas’ plaything.

after all that, vegas sees the huge mistake he’s making, and starts begging - and that touches pete’s heart again. because vegas is begging him so desperately to not kill himself, that he’s sorry and that he needs pete so much, that pete falters a little. he knows that vegas still isn’t truly seeing him (if anything, he’s just finding out about him) but the feeling of having him begging for pete to stay with that face creates a bitter taste in his mouth. he wants vegas to desire his true self like that, and not the character vegas created in his mind. and that reinforces pete’s desperation either dying or running and leaving.

“i’m a human, vegas. i have feelings.”

vegas insists on needing him, which pete finally throws in vegas’ face that is not him that he needs but a mirror. he keeps projecting onto him, and never asking what pete needs, treating him like a pet. and pete shows him - if he actually needs him as a person, why the chains? why aren't his needs being met too? and vegas begs him to promise he won’t leave him. the fact is, pete can’t lie to vegas at this point, because he’s opened his heart so much he can’t pretend anymore he would do something like that. and he touches vegas’ face, because deep down he’s still conflicted with all those feelings, but he finally chooses to put himself first and knocks vegas out.

and while they’re apart, vegas never leaves his mind. even though he’s loved by everyone and everyone is grateful he’s back, there’s still a lingering feeling that he only ever felt being with him, and he misses it so much. because now that he had the taste for the obsession, for being almost consumed by someone else that wants them so badly, how can he go back to his normal and mundane relationships? he’s numb, both traumatized by what happened and dwelling in guilt because even though everything was so terrible he wants a little bit of it back. and he feels the shame of the intoxication he feel, unable to open up to anyone about that. him lying and denying to tell porsche is not only because he wants to protect vegas, but because he wants to protect himself from acknowledging that he doesn’t despise him as much as he wanted to, as he should do.

“get the hell out of my life.”

pete screams, but he’s unable to shoot the gun and end it all. when vegas takes the gun to his chest and screams, pete has an automatic reaction of fear that doesn’t go unnoticed by him, but he keeps pushing to try and make his point. but pete can’t say anything, just cry the tears he has been holding all throughout the episode since he left vegas’ house. and again, he is only truly honest in that moment where he lets himself fall to the ground from how painful everything is, and vegas is comforting him. the worst, for him, is that he’s allowing once again vegas in his space, touching him intimately and taking care of him. and his hand goes trembling to the other’s face, unsure if it’s the right thing to do or not, because he’s pained by everything that went down and all the abuse - but also a little bit glad that vegas is still so obsessed with him that he’d follow him there. he’s conflicted because he can’t reconcile the idea that he wants vegas and, maybe, vegas wants him too, because it’s never the case. just like he said, he’s useless, has never existed, has no feelings, no humanity. there’s no point in hoping that vegas would do that to him. but he wants to believe in him so much that he can’t stop crying.

#vegaspete #vegaspete meta #wow i WROTE for this one like . dammit don't you have a thesis to write to the 7th sir #i said i had many pete thoughts that i was waiting for the next episode to be released and i am glad to announce that i was right! yeeeee #but fr i am soooooo obsessed with this episode and everything and all the feelings i'm definitely a new human #kinnporsche the series #adding no pics because i'm lazy to screenshot everything #vegas kornwit theerapanyakun #pete phongsakorn #vegaspete analysis #also i feel i need to at that this is pete's inner monologue and not the truth per say #we know vegas' side of the story is different but still i think it's important to state that #pete has no way to read vegas mind so that's what he's working around... and it's a whole mess #pete doesnt know about the little things like making a dish from his home to him and never will so he thinks vegas is ignoring his humanity

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octoagentmiles · 2 years

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bonjour I want and also 99% believe in there being a chance of above and beyond finally dropping the L word (lieutenant) on Kwazii.

here are my contenders for who I think could say it:

Barnacles: I can also 1000% see him calling him his "first mate"; mostly to humour him- but still. I can see Paani or someone else asking what the heck Kwazii does and for him to explain.

Tracker: This dude calls Barnacles "Captain" and "Sir" despite literally being childhood BFF's with him. I can vividly hear him in my head calling Kwazii the L word and Kwazii being awkward about it because he's the only one who does it-

Natquik: Less likely than the others, but I'm ranking him higher simply because I can see him being the one to ask Barnacles, and/or making a random comment about it.

Calico Jack, but he might say "first mate" instead. Other than that I can see him having a Moment™, where he's praising Kwazii and naming all the things he's done that he's proud of him for.

Tweak: Same thing as Barnacles; I can see someone asking, and her explaining it. OR—and this is wishful thinking—I can see her having a Moment with Kwazii as well, talking about responsibility or something.

Dashi: Responsibility Talk™, but Dashi edition.

Peso: Same thing as Barnacles/Tweak again BUT I can also see him like?? casually bringing it up?? if they were to have any character randomly say the word, only for them to never address it again—I can see it being Peso lmao

Paani, but only as an echo. ie: someone else says it and he goes "ah yes lieuten—LIEUTENANT???????" in shock xD

Ranger Marsh. I can't explain this one but I can feel it in my bones. and really that's all you need ain't it?

I can't see it being Kwazii himself at all—because I firmly believe the reason he's never introduced himself with the word is not because of some pirate reason (prefers "first mate", feels imposter syndrome bc of his identity, etc), but because he struggles to pronounce it. like how he has trouble saying "symbiosis" and "aggregate anemones" etc. Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk.

#do i want the moment they finally say it to be meaningful and dramatic? yes #do i also want it to be out of nowhere and hilarious? yes.#🐺🐺 <– the two wolves inside me /j #octonauts #octonauts above and beyond #kwazii #*banging on silvergate's gates* WHERE IS SEASON 3?????? /j #just a crumb of content pleas. i am hungr.#......i happen to know. that they have in fact been recording lines recently. meaning it's only a matter of time til something drops 👁️👁️#i estimate we'll get a trailer either the end of next month or in dec #but n e way #imagine one day they decide to just go HARD with the angst and lore-- and give us everything we've ever wanted #then the next episode everything's back to normal ✨✨✨#that'd be so funny but also amazing xd

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