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purplemanbehindtheslaughter · 2 years

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Covered in blood...

so I found a sick new photo of Alastor and just had to do something with it it drives me fucking INSANE so this shit ain’t gonna be as fluffy, nah, it’s gonna be rather dark. Still gonna have some fluff tho mostly hurt/comfort bc its me and the hell do you actually freaking expect?

graphic and bloody pics/vids (like Yuri’s death in DDLC) get me really worked up in a really strange way so ya I need some serious fucking help

With this pic, I will be making this have slightly yandere elements, but it’s just really dark. I usually write fluff, and with me being me, I don’t get scared easily so my rating of whether some shit story is worthy of being horror is really kinda fucked up.

BTW i say some harsh shit at the end, and if you believe any of it seriously, and not in a joking matter, than I’d advise you to seek help, I don’t want someone dead cuz of my story unless its metaphorical death or I kill you by my own hand. But seriously, if you believe those things not in a joking matter, seek help.

PROBABLY NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER 18 (even tho I am under 18 LMFAO-)

You stood up, admiring your own work of the bodies. They were torn open, their intestines were used as party streamers, lining the tree branches and coiled perfectly around the trunks. Considering how short human intestines actually are, there was a shit ton of blood on your hands tonight. the organs, well, you had eaten a good portion of them. You see, this spree was originally from your hunger, but you saw this perfect opening when you saw the party. There was music, lights, there was everything. You never knew festivities like this could happen in Hell, so you crashed it. First you made them immobile by different means for most, so no one could run away. Then, you had slowly and dilibrately torn them open, one by one, but keeping them alive still. You had cut some, butchered and maimed others, and literally made some look like fucking ragdolls. And all the while, what scared them the most, wasn’t the fear of death, or the pain.

It was the look of pure joy in your eyes. The look of a sadist, a look of complete bloodlust in your eyes.

Now, this was far from rare or even different in Hell, but this didn’t stop their fear. You could feel it radiating off of them in waves. You could smell it in the air.

And man, did it smell good

It made you want more, it made you hungrier than you already were. You wanted a feast. And what better way then some kid’s party? Such a wide range of different textures and feels, different tastes and screams.

Now, there was nothing left of what used to be a joyful event besides bodies and pools of blood.

So much blood.

It was intoxicating.

You were high off of the rush, the screams, and their pain. You stood there, a wide smile on your face. You derived almost a sexual pleasure from this; it felt so good. Oh, how you’ve missed this. It’s been so long since you’ve done yourself like this. You finally figured you’ve been standing for long enough and walked away from the forest, flipping them off before vanishing completely from sight. You didn’t even bother to wash the blood off of you, and wandered around pentagram city with a dreamy look, covered in blood. Other demons flashed glances that showed all different types of emotion. Some with a wanting look (you ignored their dirty comments), some with worry, but the most dominant was fear. Some even ran away from you, causing a smile so wide it beat an adreniline junky on a roller coaster. How lucky you happened to run into someone, knocking you on to your butt. You glared.

“Wow, had to ruin my mood, didn’t you?” You got up, brushing yourself off. When you looked up, you actually saw an old friend of yours, Alastor.

“Why hello there, my dear, why are you covered in blood?” You smiled once more at this, knowing that he knew perfectly well why you looked the way you currently did.

“Oh, nothing really. Just had a little meal. You know how eating fresh meat gets.” You smiled sadistically, you voice soft and luring. It almost seemed innocent, and this made the deer smile wider.

“Well, I must say, you must have truly outdone yourself this time; you look astonishing!” He twirled you around, making you blush modestly.

“Aww shucks, come on. I’m not that beautiful.”

“No, you’re right; you’re more beautiful than words can even describe. You must have been hungry.” He chuckled. “How beautiful one can look, covered in blood.”

“I suppose I have to admit it; I was drop-dead starving, and you know the mess I make of things.” You chuckled. This was the kind of flirty af relationship you had the the all powerful radio demon, even if he wasn’t much for intimacy at all. You still found it baffling though, how his simple, inside-joke compliments worked their way into your heart without a hitch.

“My my, do you always just wait and wait until you can’t hold your hunger back anymore? That’s really not a good thing to do, despite the eerie beauty you have, covered in blood as you are.” He said. You nodded.

“I don’t really have much food, not edible food anyways. I have to feed on animals and demons, and animals are pretty scarce in these parts, and demons well, that’s pretty self-explanitory.” You chuckled sheepishly. He nodded.

“Well, how about you stay with me? It’s certainly better unintentionally starving yourself.” He offered, his voice as charming as ever. How could you say no to an offer like that? You caved with a sigh.

“I guess. Don’t treat me like I’m a child though; I hate playing the defenceless animal.” You put your hand on his chest and pushed him a little bit, and somehow failed to notice the blush he felt creep to his cheeks.

soon goodbye, but now love-

Here you were. You had Alastor tired and breathless, on his knees in front of you. You smiled, crazed. You weren’t thinking straight. You had gotten so used to caging your hunger that when he tried to give you actual food, you tried to hunt him. You finally realized why you did that to yourself. Because, you didn’t want to overeat, and no matter what, whether you’re hungry or not, you have to hunt occasionally. You live for the chase, the rush, the blood. you craved it all. You couldn’t live without seeing it, tasting it’s sweet, yet bitter and metallic taste. If you couldn’t hunt, you’d end up cutting yourself.

Right as you were about to kill him, he chuckled when you took a step closer, making you tilt your head like a confused animal. Suddenly, you were held captive by one of Alastor’s shadows, unable to move. He had you mouth covered too, preventing you from yelling or anything. He clapped.

“Well, well, well, darling. That was such a fun game, but nothing can last forever, now can it? Oh, don’t look at me like that.” He said. Suddenly, you were unconcious.

When you woke up, you were laying on the bed of that place Alastor usually stayed at, where he let you live, in the little room be let you borrow.

Where you betrayed him.

You tried to eat him.

You were a monster.

You shook your head at the flood of thoughts and painful memories made tears gather behind your eyes. You were thankful for the dark scenery. It was easier to hide your tears, as you couldn’t stop them from sliding down your face. You heard footsteps enter the room and quickly wiped your face, looking away. You couldn’t stand to look at Alastor after what you’d done.

“Hey, darling, look at me. Are you hurt?” He asked, trying to turn your face towards him. You resisted his sweet touch and turned away from him.

“You shouldn’t have brought me here. I’ll only hurt you again. It’s all I ever do.” You growled, clutching your chest. He touched your arm gingerly, making you flinch. All you wanted was for him to hurt you, so you could feel your punishment and never do that again. But no matter what, Alastor refused to hurt you, whereas you had hurt him badly. He was covered in deep cuts and discolored bruises, while the only “injuries” that you had were minor scrapes. You felt guilty, like you deserved to be tossed out onto the road, beaten and abused. You probably did.

But all you got from the ruthless Radio Demon were gentle pats, and little head rubs, like a cat. As much as you loved it. You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve any of this. Yet you got it anyways, so much so that you felt like a thief, taking all of the affection from one who needs to way more than you do, taking and taking from a supply that will never run dry. Until... until he grows tired of you. Until he leaves you. That was the thought that scared you the most. The day he up and left you, having had enough of your bullshit. You didn’t want him to leave, but knew if you never learned any control that is what would happen. Hell, it’d probably happen either way, how could anyone love a monster like you? The thought made you want to curl up and die already, so you didn’t have to live in fear of the day he’d leave.

Little did you know though, that day would never come.

Who else would the radio demon turn to? You were his best friend, save for Rosie, and you were the most entertaining demon or even person that he’d met in years! So what if you got a little reckless and hurt him? He could understand the crave, the need, the hunger for a good hunt! Hell, he lived for the chase, just like you!!!! Now, what he could never understand about you is how you didn’t understand this at all! It was preposterous! Insane! Yet it was sadly true. Oh, how he wished he could tell you how you were deserving of all you had, no, how you deserved more than what you had, but every time he opened his mouth with the intention to inform you, he could never find the words.

Rosie had said it was love one night, while they sipped tea, a usual meeting for a couple of old friends like them. He had nearly choked, but quickly regained his composure and denied this.

What a stubborn man he was.

He refused to change his ways, believing what he believed with no one daring to tell him different. Well, besides a fellow overlord, or a either incredibly brave or stupid demon who overheard him once. That was the end of him. It was just then you had entered the area, and started laughing. Laughing like it was the funniest thing you’ve ever seen, even though you were stocked up always with amazing jokes. It made Alastor happy, the way you laughed like that. Sometimes he even wondered if there really was a god above, or blessings, or unearthly wonders. Whatever it was that caused you to come into his life. He didn’t really mind though. In fact, he loved that you were a part of his life. He just didn’t know what he’d do if you were gone.

He couldn’t live without you.

“I can’t live without you-” He spoke quietly under his breath, making you look up at him with red eyes.

“Yes you can. All I’ve ever done is hurt those close to me, as if even knowing me was too close. You don’t need someone like me in your life. I’m bad for you.” You shook your head, but Alastor chuckled sadly.

“Maybe I don’t need you, but I want you. If you’re bad for me, you’re so nice. It’s like a drug almost, and I never want you to go.” He pulled you close to him, almost like a “cuddle” as you refered to it as both of you despised touch. As much a you wanted to pull away, you let him rock you side to side, too tired to resist. All that was left of you at the moment was a shell of a body controlled by a clouded weary mind. Eventually you drifted off to sleep, muttering apoligies and phrases like “I lve you”, not having any control of yourself as the lure of sleep reeled you in, making you shut down for the night.

#hazbin hotel #alastor x reader #alastor #you #dark #profanity #I am a fucking psycho #horror

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am-imagines · 5 years

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Got Moves. - Alex Morgan Imagine.

Requested by an anon: his kinda sounded better in my head buttt, could you do one where Alex and the reader are dating and the reader and the younger girls go out to the club while everyone else stays at the hotel for a chill day. And then the girls get really drunk that the reader starts dancing/twerking at the club and no one knew she could dance like that and posted it to social media. And they don’t remember what happened the next day. so then when the team reunites the next day, they tease the reader

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” You ask Alex.

The team is getting ready for a fun evening, but while you and some of the youngsters want to go clubbing, the rest are happy to stay behind and have some pool fun. It’s been some time since you had a drink, and even longer from the last time you had a chance to properly dance.

In all honesty, the team has never seen your moves. In a way, you’re grateful for that. No one knows what they would do with that intel, but you’re pretty sure the teasing would be endless. Maybe they would try to start some sort of competition between Sonnett and you. Not trying to brag but, you would win without a doubt.

“I’m sure. Have fun, okay? Don’t let them break the law.”

You chuckle at her words and nod.

Even when you’re missing her already, you understand she needs some time for herself after dealing with people day in and day out. As much as she’d like to have some privacy in town, she’s Alex Morgan; everyone wants a piece of her.

Media is exhausting as it is, and you’re not gonna ask her to sacrifice the little free time you have just for a drink.

“I’ll try my best.”

There’s a smile on your lips when you lean down to kiss her. Her arms wrap around your neck as she brings you closer. Truthfully, you could do that all day long. And you would; if Rose and Mal hadn’t convinced you to go with them. O’Hara doesn’t count like an adult when alcohol is involved. She would drink her way around a concussion if left unsupervised.

“Y/N! You coming?”

Lavelle’s voice breaks the spell. You pull back reluctantly much to Alex’s amusement. The fact she wants you to have fun doesn’t mean she won’t try to keep you there as long as possible. So, she kisses you again until you forget about the girls.

“Y/L!”

“Go,” Alex says this time. “You don’t want to keep them waiting.”

“Are you sure?” You ask, leaning down to steal another kiss.

“Oh my God. Y/L! You and Janice can make up for this hard separation with sex when we get back. Now, hurry up! The car is here.”

With a sigh, you let Alex go as she chuckles with that mischievous glint in her eyes. That woman drives you crazy in all the right ways; unlike Kelley.

“Real classy, O’Hara!” You shout over your shoulder. “Have you ever heard of love?”

“I have, but that doesn’t mean our face holes are attached together all the damn time.”

You shake your head at that. There’s no way to win with an impatient Kelley. You should’ve known, but when you kiss Alex, it’s easy to forget everything else.

“Love you,” you mouth to Alex while you’re dragged away by a bunch of teenagers.

By the time you make it to the car, you start wondering if their ID’s are fake.

***

The club is packed, but there’s always space for the USWNT. They make space in a private area where the girls and you can do almost anything you want. You claim a corner of the dance club with a drink in hand, that’s enough for the fun to start.

The neon lights flash along with the music, and you follow the girls as they “dance”.

You’re basically jumping on the spot while moving your arms around; barely ducking in time before Sam wacks you in the face. It’s fun even when their rhythm sucks. Someone puts another drink on your hand as you keep fooling around. You enjoy the moment among the younglings of the team, and wonder if this is how it feels to be a parent.

The songs blend together, but at some point the beat drops. You can feel the bass in every single atom of your body, and you smirk.

The beat calls you with its sensuality, and before you know it, your body moves on its own accord. You wish Alex would be there. You would guide her back to your booth and give her a lap dance she couldn’t forget.

You would tease her with the dangerous move of your hips as you flow with the wavelength of the music around you. It fills your body with a different kind of energy; provocative by nature. It feeds your primal side, and you simply don’t have to think.

Your hips sway with that instinct as if luring a prey that isn’t there. The bass leads the way until you’re fully immersed in that moment; going down while your shoulders invite to the touch that won’t come.

It’s such a pity Alex decided to stay at the hotel. She would have liked this song.

Who knows? Maybe you could have convinced her to ditch the girls and go back to your shared room. Instead, you’re doing shots with Kelley until she’s wasted.

She’s laughing uncontrollably; trying to get into the table for God knows what reason.

Rose, Mal and Sam are on their phones, talking among themselves about something you can’t hear above the music. They don’t even notice when you approach, and that seems like a good time as any to call it a night.

Only then you realize you’re phone is nowhere to be seen. Thinking about it, you didn’t have it with you leaving the hotel. It’s probably forgotten somewhere in your room, and you blame Kelley for that. Yes, technically you were too busy kissing Alex to even think about the damn phone. But maybe you would have remembered if O’Hara wasn’t rushing you so damn much.

“Lavelle, can you call an Uber?”

“On it,” she says without looking at you.

“Damn, Y/n! You got moves! Can you teach me some of those?” Mal asks.

“Maybe next time,” you answer with a smirk.

“Oh, I bet certain forward would really really like to see them,” Kelley adds before winking with both eyes.

Totally wasted.

“O’Hara?”

“What?”

“Shut the hell up.”

***

You wake up groggy the next morning; not hungover but you’ve definitely had better days.

Alex is nowhere to be seen, but she left a note telling you she’ll see you at breakfast. You groan after reading it, and cuddle into her pillow for five more minutes. This would be the perfect time to cuddle with her instead of the pillow, but that can’t really happen now.

You leave bed, shower and change before starting a hunt for coffee, love, and food in that specific order. The slight headache reminds you exactly why you don’t drink that much anymore.

Everyone turns their attention to you as soon as you enter and you wonder what’s going on as you shamelessly sit down on Alex’s lap. She’s your girlfriend, she’s offering you a steaming cup of coffee, and they can suck it.

It’s not like Kelley is going to move when she’s slumped all over the table; probably half dead. And you’re not going to sit on Tobin’s; Press would probably try to murder you.

“Did I miss something?” You ask when the team keeps giving you weird looks.

“Oh, God. She doesn’t remember,” Rose mutters into her orange juice.

“Remember what?”

“Yesterday we went to a club.”

That’s extremely unhelpful and you roll your eyes at that. You turn to face Alex, but she won’t meet your eye. Oh, now you really want to know what’s happening if it makes Alex fucking Morgan act like that.

“Yeah, I know. I remember Sam almost gave me a black eye while we had to drag Kelley away from the table. Her dancing is not the kind that should be broadcast.”

Alex looks up at that; eyes darker than they were a moment ago. Interesting.

The girls laugh at your comment but still, you’re even more confused. Apparently, there’s something you can’t remember even when the night is clear on your head.

“Have you checked your Insta?” Christen finally throws you a bone.

“I don’t know where’ my phone is.”

After a soft kiss, Alex lets you borrow hers to check your mentions and sure enough; there’s a vid of a very specific dance you remember. What you can’t recall is; the exact moment they started recording.

“I didn’t know you could dance like that,” Sonnett chimes.

“Yeah, no offense, but that was the point.”

You poke Kelley’s side but she doesn’t react until the fifth time.

“What do you want?”

“Why the fuck did you record me?”

“Al deserved to see it.”

“You ever heard of DM’s?”

“With the way you hog each other in public, I thought you wouldn’t mind.”

You don’t have a comeback for that so you solely wait until Kelley is dozing off again before pouring half a glass of ice cold water into her head.

“What the hell?” She shouts jerking awake just to glare at you.

“I hate you.”

“No, you fucking don’t.”

“Shows us the moves, Y/n!” Ash interrupts your staring contest with Kel.

“Sorry, those are reserved for number thirteen only.”

“Do I get to see them now?” Alex whispers.

So, that’s it. You knew she would have liked that dance. And you don’t mind putting on a very private show for her. However, it wouldn’t be good for your reputation to give on so easily.

“Tell you what, win the scrimmage today and I’ll see what I can do.”

Appealing to Alex’s competitiveness is like playing with fire, but you plan to burn.

“Game on.”

“You two are seriously disgusting.”

“O’Hara?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll shut the hell up.”

#Alex Morgan imagine #alex morgan imagines #alex morgan x reader #uswnt imagine #requested #fulfilled prompt

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death-himself · 5 years

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enjoy my theories and me connecting dots that weren’t meant to be connected and also random notes

this is from my third time watching the new episode, including every single tiny detail i noticed because when it comes to theorizing i either dont do anything or go all out

also know that I am terrible at reading facial expressions so most of those parts are likely wrong

(under the cut because on google docs it said it was 7 pages long and i am afraid)

virgil looks automatically anxious and frustrated

logan stutters a lot after roman makes the "take off your glasses" joke and i cant tell if hes confused or if hes actually offended by that

what they all say the first time they yell at logan: virgil: "shut up before i shut you up" thomas: "WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH" patton: "hey now heeeyy nowww" slowly turning into song

thomas calls virgil "the purp man"

references to Sword and the stone? may refer to something?

second time they yell at logan: virgil: "i'm gonna prohibit your BREATHING if you keep this up" (damn virge calm down) thomas: "please stop please i really dont want to think about it" patton doesnt speak (im pretty sure)

virgil glances at thomas a lot

is it just me or around the time virgil says "we're going to talk about something else now" he starts to sound a lot like deceit? Especially with that "sure"

roman gets easily distracted

"of course you're not a chick. You're a metaphysical human being. A chick is a really ??? girl"

why does remus appear behind the TV?

patton notices remus when saying "evil" virgil notices remus when saying "show up" and his tempest tongue comes in

when roman get knocked out the first time virgil looks at thomas like hes frustrated or annoyed maybe he looks at thomas like that because he thought it was thomas that was to blame for him showing up? since he was the one to have those intrusive thoughts?

also why does remus smack roman with a morning star?

all dark sides wear eye shadow confirmed

also this disproves the theory that all dark sides have a more animalistic features, therefore proving the headcanon that deceit just puts on makeup to look like he has scales on his face because hes dramatic

virgil looks kind of scared right before the song starts

during the song: logan looks done with everything thomas looks scared virgil looks furious and maybe defensive (that snarl tho) patton looks confused

why is patton of all sides to be the one to puke out remus (that's probably not the weirdest line i've written)

Remus considers any creativity that isn't dirty or horrific (aka his stuff) to be dull or boring

I think the A-Z part of the song is a reference to this one song video about the ABCs of ways to die but i have no clue

Even early on in the song when logan says "It's fine" it shows that hes trying to sort this out and get to the problem, but Remus prevents him from continuing, then allows Pat and Virge to say their thoughts

ROMAN CALLS REMUS "BRO" 8 MINUTES IN

"recently a snake offered me a morsel from the tree of knowledge" reference to deceit but also adam and eve

one of deceit's hands is holding a gavel reference to SvS

also deceit wears a coat just sayin

"No longer will you deceive yourself about the ugliness within you" this means that deceit really doesn't want thomas to lie to himself

why is deceit always the one with multiple arms when half his face is a snake? snakes dont have arms

Is remus holding up the mirror to thomas a reference to remus and roman basically being mirror images of each other?

Remus is SO PALE compared to thomas WHICH IS WEIRD CUZ THOMAS IS ALREADY REALLY PALE

I think remus is actually a lot smarter than he seems he knows how to manipulate thomas into believing hes a bad person by using religious topics and language, something that's been with thomas his whole life

also while remus is singing about hell he turns from normal to fully colored green, similar to all the other sides

Virgil looks so disturbed and frustrated after the song

"I'm really stupid right now" MOOD

when remus agrees with thomas that roman's his creativity he's just like "yeah...." SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS TO A T

Virgil and Remus argue like they know each other super well

Patton's so pure he doesn't even like to say "B-hole" precious dad

Remus uses words that have been said before to back himself up "Why do you want to stifle your own creativity, thomas?" 12 Days of Christmas: "We shouldn't stifle Roman's creative whimsy!" also all the other times roman's admitted to feeling ignored

Virgil's so uncomfortable he might have been afraid that remus would outright say that hes a dark side (bc honestly remus seems like the kind of guy to do that)

Why does remus like Jeffery Dommer so much?

also when remus turned his head to the side at about 10:30 the music matches and sounds like hes cracking his neck

Remus gets confused for a moment when Logan takes his "lot of good that did him!" seriously this seems to be a recurring theme throughout all the dark sides: them being confused by logan taking things literally You think I'm joking? I'm not Virgil early on gets frustrated that logan seems to "only take what he says literally" and I'm pretty sure I remember some time where deceit has to stop to process the fact that logan took one of his metaphors seriously

LOGAN IS A PSYCHOLOGY NERD AND WOULD LIKELY BE A PRETTY DECENT THERAPIST. YOU CAN NOT CHANGE MY MIND

Patton looks so scared when logan asks him to do the experiment. Hes like "what? what do you need me for? what's going on?"

virgil looks so tired and annoyed when he says "good save"

LOGAN GIVING OUT VALIDATION TO PATTON AND THEN LATER TO VIRGIL IS ADORABLE

wait does virgil blow at his bangs whenever he's really annoyed or anxious? because he did that in moving on part 2 while he was dealing with his panic attack in pattons room and then in this episode where he is clearly anxious throughout the whole thing

"No mommy I dont want the mashed potatoes" ROMAN HAS A MOM WHICH MEANS THAT REMUS HAS A MOM BUT WHO TF IS THEIR MOM

when thomas calls remus scary and he responds with that it sounds like a virgil problem Virgil glares at him so clearly defensive and angry remus just smiles like "yeah, i know whats going on"

virgil's the only one who doesnt suspect logan to be deceit when remus claims it

you know when everyone was creating theories about who romans counterpart would be and everyone was expecting them to be extremely elegant and suave? yeah, why the fuck did we think that? If the dark sides are like mirror images of the light sides, then of course remus would be this chaotic demon with literally no elegance whatsoever roman's the elegant, romantic, graceful prince, so of course whatever remus is would be his opposite

Cane and Abel - another biblical reference

also after remus says that virgil looks like hes confused or maybe just deep in thought about something

self-immolate means to set fire to yourself i had to look it up too remus literally wants thomas to strip, set himself on fire and play shake it off

despite all the biblical references reeling thomas in, remus is sooo bad at getting his point across "and then the baby...dies" "AND NO ONE SURVIVES"

a demented version of that "hallelujah" thing plays while hes talking about the baby bird and the airplane

"I am YOUR creativity" at that it flashes to Virgil, who looks like hes thinking about it. probably a sort of build-up to show how long virgil thinks about it before admitting that remus had a point

virgil looks so nervous when remus says that hes never been one to soften the truth

"why would you aspire to be so...boring?" (i feel like the word aspire there is important for some reason)

patton tries so hard to believe that thomas is a good person to the point where he ignores logic

THAT TURN TO LOGAN REMUS DOES IS SO FRICKIN TERRIFYING

it seems like both remus and deceit seem to understand that logan is the most dangerous for them remus threatens logan to try and get him to stop talking deceit chucks logan to the very back of the courtroom in SvS

"TURN INTO A GHOST" "TURN INTO THE HULK"

"I merely gave him a baby...AND A LARGE SHARP KNIFE" ME

"one of you is enough!" I wonder how that line affected Virgil? since it's possible that at this time he was already doubting whether or not hes really grown

PATTON LITERALLY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT REPRESSION IS

that voice-crack when virgil says "But what if he's lying?" That might show how he feels about lying and deceit a bit more. he might be terrified at the thought of being lied to

paranoid is definitely a really bad word to virgil and the others know it. virgil and patton turn to look at logan the moment he says it, and logan freezes for a moment to change it into something better

when both virge and remus say "but what about jeffery dommer" virgil just looks so scared, his eyes darting around as if his mind is racing, probably worried that he really hasnt grown

they keep referring back to "that can't be where the bar is"

Logan says "figuratively" to stop Remus

"I LOVE BEING GIVEN TWO D's AT ONCE"

Virgil looks so afraid that he's still the bad guy in this its so sad

both patton and virgil laugh at poop jokes they are 29— they are very mature adults

"I would never hide anything from you" *glances at virgil* I feel like that might have been the moment virgil realized he couldn't just hide him being a dark side much longer

THEY DON'T EVEN LOOKED SCARED WHEN REMUS SCREAMED THEY JUST LOOKED ANNOYED

as the vid goes on remus tries more and more to be noticed

why did logan ask virgil how thomas was feeling instead of patton? was it because he knew thomas was really anxious or because he felt like patton would claim that he was feeling fine?

while everyone's calming down during logan's lecture, virgil just seems to grow more and more anxious, since he knows that he'll probably have to tell thomas that hes a dark side

thomas and virgil STILL dont want to go to a therapist

virgil just looks so guilty when thomas decides to lie down on the couch

"It was just like old times" when remus says that patton and logan just look so mad that he would say that

after that logan glances up at virgil to see how he feels aww

VIRGIL'S SMILE WHEN ROMAN GETS BACK UP IS SO UNSURE YET SO HOPEFUL AT THE SAME TIME

everyone just looks so proud of logan awww

virgil sounds so lost when hes about to reveal himself

he never calls them "the dark sides", just "the others"

virgil looks on the verge of tears when he says "because i was one of them". it shows how much this affects him, and how terrified he is to tell thomas. this is even more terrifying to him than telling them his name, which was shown to be an important thing to him

and afterwards thomas just goes silent, and looks so lost and confused, maybe even betrayed. he clearly needed a moment to think before saying anything

then virgil shrugs and leaves, his eyes red and full of tears, probably too scared to stay any longer

once he leaves thomas just stares at the ground processing the information

i’m bad at theorizing and my thoughts are a mess rn so all of this is probably complete shit

#sanders sides #ts spoilers #tw remus #tw duke #cursing #what i do when theorizing is write down my thoughts the moment i have them and dont look back

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yodawgiherd · 5 years

Text

Heartbeat

>>>Read on AO3<<<

Rating: T Setting: Modern AU

Prompt: EreMika; Eren listening to Mikasa's heartbeat

I had another idea which i ended up scraping in favor of this one, but then my beta said that he really liked the first one. ... So, I'll edit the draft into something readable this evening (prolly) and you can expect a different take on the prompt tomorrow. Gonna be a really short one, I don't want to expand it too much. It's kinda angsty. ;(

Car tires screeched as Eren took the first exit, speeding up onto a highway, leaving the airport behind. Scanning the traffic, he picked a good timing and squeezed between two trucks, successfully entering the high-speed zone. Great, because he really wanted to step on it now. In the end, it was rather worthless, because it wasn’t like she would just let him drive in peace.

“Eren, why are you acting like this?”, Mikasa asked from the adjacent seat, reading his expression, or trying to at least, since he did his best to avert his face from hers.

“Like what?”, he half-growled, tightening his grip on the wheel. Just a tiny bit.

“We haven’t seen each other for months, and all you can do is “Hi”? Seriously?”

“Eh, I just don’t feel like talking.”

But she was already shaking her head.

“No, I know you. You’re pissed off about something. Tell me.”

“No…”

“Tell me!”

There it was, the steel in her voice to match her eyes. But Eren didn’t feel like caving in, so he ignored her, focusing on the driving for a change. After all, it was dangerous to lose your cool on the road, they can argue later.

“Eren, please.”, Mikasa’s voice softened, and he could feel her hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing, “I’ve been on this tour for months, I’m tired of it all. Performing, travelling, I just want to go home with you and rest.”

“Well what’s stopping you?”

“You! Acting like this! Best I could see was your face on the computer screen for this long, and when I come back then you won’t even hug me?”

There was pain her voice, hurt and confusion, and no matter how hard he tried, Eren couldn’t hold back anymore. He was never bad at saying no to her, not since childhood.

“I just…. Missed you, and then I saw the videos you guys did… and just some talk.”, he sighed, “I’m sorry.”

“The videos? You mean the music ones?”

“You know that there’s exactly fifteen different angles on your ass in the latest thing? And the outfits you and the girls wore… Revealing.”

He did try his best not to be bitter about it. Eren knew what Mikasa’s job was. She was in a band, they were idols, this is what they did. Yet it was hard to see it in the rational light, when the body of the woman you loved was the subject of talk in the celebrity magazines for the last months.

“Sex sells, Eren, you know that. We are new in the business, and need all the attention we can get, in any way we can acquire it. Those videos, that’s the easy way to get it, that’s how we sell our records, that’s how we got the tour. To make it big we must do them. Jean says…”

“Jean?”, he interrupted her, frowning, “Who’s that?”

“Our new agent.”

“So, he’s the one responsible for that visage, huh? I can see why he would do that.”

“I don’t like what you are implying.”

“Oh really? Well, maybe you’ll remember me, when next time he doesn’t ask you to throw your top away during the performance but meet him afterhours to “discuss” your future with the band and he’s going to require some oral persuasion.”

“You really think I’d ever do that?”, Mikasa was angry now, and it showed in the both her tone and the volume of her voice, “What do you think I am? A whore?”

“Yea well…”, Eren scoffed, still refusing to meet her eyes, “If I judged only from those music vids, I’d say that would be a pretty accurate description.”

“Eren…”

“It’s not very pleasant,”, finally he turned, matching her outraged gaze with his own, fingers gripping the wheel hard, “ to go for a beer after work and listen to another of those fucking conversation next table, where the patrons are watching you shake your ass on the fucking TV and discuss between themselves how much they’d love to run a train on that thing.”

“I…”, her eyes were glistening, and Eren was almost feeling sorry for his outburst, but then they snapped over his shoulder and widened not in reaction to his words, but to something else entirely.

“Watch out!”

There was a loud horn sound, squealing of tires, and a crash, the impact of the truck from the side sent the car flying. Metal creaked, and when the roof met solid ground, Eren’s vision went black.

Shouting woke him, a man’s voice, and soon two strong hands helped him, pulling him out of the wreckage and onto the grass.

“Jesus man, you okay?”, a tall male silhouette asked that, in a shaky voice that suggested he wasn’t really okay either, “You ran right into my path, I had no time react! Fuck!”

The trucker ran his hands through his hair, pacing back and forth, but blinking his eyes open, Eren noticed one way more important thing. He was alone, Mikasa nowhere in sight.

“Where’s…”, he coughed, lungs and throat hurting, “Where’s she?”

The man stopped in his steps, looking down at him.

“There was someone else in the car with you?”

Ignoring his own body, Eren rolled over, staring through the mangled mass of metal and plastic that used to be his car, searching for the familiar flash of pale skin or black hair. There, still strapped to the seat, Mikasa’s head was hanging at an odd angle, a massive scratch on one cheek, eyes closed, and she was completely unresponsive, not reacting to his shouts in any way.

“Call an ambulance!”, he screamed at the trucker, who quickly nodded and pulled out his phone, punching in the number with trembling fingers. Turning his attention back at the car, Eren crawled back in, ignoring the danger it presented to himself, and undid the belt buckle, pulling Mikasa’s limp body out. She was still unconscious, even when he slapped her lightly, hoping to wake her up, and when Eren pressed his ear right above her heart, he was shocked by what he heard.

Nothing. She had no pulse.

Instincts kicking in, even through the shock, he began giving her CPR, hands steady in their movements, much unlike how the thoughts raced inside his head.

Compressions. Open her mouth. Breathe in. Listen.

Nothing.

Clenching his teeth, he continued, not ready, not able to accept this. Mikasa couldn’t die, not here, on a side of a fucking road, just because he was being an asshole to her and didn’t watch where he was driving.

Compressions. Breathe in. Listen.

Nothing.

“C’mon Miki, you can’t leave me here. I don’t want to go on without you. Please…”

Compressions. Breathe in. Listen.

Nothing.

“She’s gone man.”, the trucker appeared next to him, clapping him on the shoulder, trying to show support. “I’m sorry for your loss, but…”

“Shut the fuck up.”, shaking the touch away, Eren continued his efforts, ignoring whatever the man said. With a sigh, the trucker took a few steps back, leaving him to his grief. Or so he thought.

“Please, I love you, so fucking much.”, Compressions. Breathe in. “Don’t do this to me.”

Listen.

There! With a joy he never felt before in his life, Eren could hear it, the soft fluttering of a pulse, unsteady, but there. She was back, she didn’t leave him. Sitting back on his heels, Eren closed his eyes, tears flowing down his cheeks, while the sounds of sirens

grew steadily closer. Soon after there were voices all around, medics left and right, picking up Mikasa’s body and putting it on a stretcher and up in the ambulance, giving her the immediate first care.

“Sir?”, another touch on his shoulder, this time from the medic, prompting Eren to look up. The man gestured towards Eren’s leg. “Your wound…”

Following his gaze, Eren saw that there was a big piece of metal, piercing right through his thigh, blood leaking everywhere. In his rush to save Mikasa, he didn’t even feel the pain, but now it began manifesting, white-hot needles of agony.

“Oh…”, was all Eren managed to say, watching the redness gush out.

Then he fainted.

He shouldn’t even be up yet, as the nurses told him, he got beaten up pretty bad, and his leg was still hurting, but once he heard that Mikasa woke up, nothing could keep Eren in the hospital bed. Hobbling with the help of a cane, he found her room, managing to cross the short distance to the chair next to her bed without falling once. Her eyes were on him from the moment Eren entered the room, but Mikasa didn’t say anything, until he managed to sit down, cursing under his breath when his leg protested the motion. Then, he could finally look up and take in her visage, noticing all the pain he caused by being a total asshole. The cut on her cheek was bandaged, and she had multiple dark spots on her face, standing out against the pale skin. From what Eren heard, or rather managed to squeeze out of the nurses and doctors, Mikasa got out with severe bruising and rattled bones, but nothing was broken. The worst was the shock to her system, making her heart stop, but Eren’s on-site CPR managed to kick it back on, saving her life.

“Hi.”, she finally breached the silence, managing a half-smile before the sting in her cheek made her stop.

“Hey.”, he shot back, redirecting his gaze back on her face. “You look great.”

“They say I’ll have a nasty scar.”

“I bet it will look great on you.”

“Yeah right.”, she giggled, “Jean will have a stroke when he sees me.”

The mention of her manager did bring back the memories of the crash, and the conversation that led to it. The stupid argument that was totally Eren’s fault, and almost killed them both.

“Miki, I…”, clearing his throat, he reached out, taking her hand between his, squeezing. “I…”

But the words just died inside his throat, over and over, because seeing her in the white bed, with the machinery around her, the reality of just how close to losing her forever seemed to finally hit him, making everything he could say feel hollow. Because how could words ever make up for this? How could he ever express the terrible feeling of loss and hopelessness he felt, in those cursed seconds when she was lying dead in his hands. Back then, it was like the universe just stopped existing, time and space felt meaningless, because without her, what was the point of going on with his life? Eren took a shuddering breath, hoping to fill the hole that seemed to appear in the middle of his heart with oxygen, yet it hardly helped.

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

And the angel, the saint she was, Mikasa reached out, wiping the tears Eren didn’t even realize he was shedding from the corners of his eyes, the tiny smile she had shining more radiantly than any sun.

“It’s all right, I forgive you.”

But it wasn’t all right, not until she gently pulled him closer, allowing him to rest his head on her chest, right above her heart, to listen to the steady rhythm, soothing as nothing else to Eren’s ears. Because she was still here, alive, she didn’t leave him all alone in this cruel world. Mikasa didn’t say anything when his tears began anew, drenching her gown, she just dragged her fingers through his hair, whispering that it’s okay. And the heartbeat, that was more beautiful than any music Eren ever heard in his life.

#eremika #fanfic #snk #prompt fill

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hydrospanners · 5 years

Text

no kind of romantic. Doc knew what he was getting into when he signed up for this marriage, but that doesn't make him feel any better about spending his first anniversary alone. SWTOR. Angst & Fluff. F!Jedi Knight x Doc. 2100 words. AO3.

On the first anniversary of the only one of his weddings he actually bothered to attend, Archiban Kimble comes home to an empty apartment, pours a single glass of whiskey, and considers his life choices. He takes the holocomm from his pocket and tosses it onto the kitchen counter, the durasteel leaving a deep gouge in the luxurious, organic wood that would fry every one of Ceetwo’s circuits if he saw it.

(What does it say about his state of mind that thinking of Ceetwo is enough to make his heart ache?)

The light on the comm is still flashing as Doc traces his finger around the smooth metal edges, hesitating each time it passes the button that will play a message he’s been avoiding since yesterday. He doesn’t know why he’s putting it off. He knows perfectly well what the message will say, just the same as he knows who’s to blame for it. He’s the one that left. He’s the reason they’re clear across from the galaxy from each other today. Doc’s never been the sort to avoid things before but--

Well.

It’s the day is all.

He knew when he married Nirea Velaran that she was no kind of romantic. Back then, Doc hadn’t thought he was much of one either.

It’s funny the kinds of things you learn about yourself.

He’s never expected Rea to be the sort of person who remembers anniversaries. She’s got a whole galaxy weighing down on her shoulders and most days she’d forget her own name if Teeseven wasn’t there to remind her. On the list of things it’s important for her to know, the day Archiban Kimble sprang a wedding on her is pretty damn near the bottom. He knows that. He’s okay with that.

He doesn’t need her to remember. Doesn’t need her to make any kind of sentimental gesture. He just needs to be wherever she is.

He’d made plans, back when this residency first came up and he realized what day was right there in the middle of it. He’d thought he could just take a few days off, make a hyperspace jump to whatever warzone she was knee deep in out on the rim, and the problem would be solved before Rea ever knew it existed. He’d imagined laying her out across the war table after lights out and making her come at the exact moment Seeger had made the whole thing official. It would’ve been just the kind of romance his wife would appreciate.

But the timing was shit. A three day trip for some quick sex between shootouts would’ve kept him trapped here, alone in this glittering hell, for an extra three weeks. The math just didn’t work.

He’d thought he might bring Rea to him instead, but he knew almost as soon as he mentioned it what a longshot it would be. In the two months he’s been on Coruscant, she’s planned four separate visits. She hasn’t shown up for any of them.

Doc knew it would be like that when he said yes to this job. He’s a smart man. He knows his wife, knows how she lives and where her priorities are. He knew from the start that he shouldn’t expect to see her until his time here was up. He knew he was staring down the barrel of four months apart. Four long months of dirty holocalls and drinking alone. Of cold beds and eerie silence in a luxurious, yet strangely uncomfortable apartment. By himself. Alone.

He’d thought he would be okay with it. He’d survived twenty-seven years without Nirea Velaran. How bad could four months be?

For being such a smart man, Doc could be a real dumbass sometimes.

He taps the ‘play’ button on his comm.

A spectre of Rea appears in the air above it, blue and crackling. The image quality is too shit to really make out her expression, but he thinks it looks like guilt.

“You know what I’m about to say.” Her voice is tinny and distant. Blaster fire is screaming in the background. “Probably past time I stopped making promises I can’t keep so I guess… I’ll come when I can. I miss you like hell and--” A loud noise cuts her off and the image cracks, shifting into formless static. When she reappears a few seconds later, the picture is hazy and distorted, her voice barely audible over the crackling of the signal. She says only a few words before the message is abruptly cut off. “--and I love you, Archiban.”

Doc lays out his suit anyway. It’s Rea’s favorite, the same burgundy and crosh hide from their first date, and if sitting around, drinking her favorite whiskey in her favorite suit is the closest he can be to her right now—Well, he’ll take what he can get.

He takes a long, hot shower before dressing. Lets himself indulge in the luxury of steaming water cascading over his body, loosening the tense muscles in his shoulder and neck. He briefly considers letting his left hand be his date for the evening, but it’s too disappointing a replacement to work up any kind of enthusiasm.

He’s honest-to-stars moping.

Tomorrow morning he’ll probably laugh about it. He’ll shoot Rea an overwrought message about how the stars aren’t as bright without her that’ll play as a joke even if he kind of thinks it’s true. It’ll be charming and funny and he’ll think of how her whole body seems to bloom when she laughs and that thought alone will get him through the week.

For tonight, though, he sighs into the foggy mirror and half-heartedly moisturizes. Decides to go full self-pity and skip the shave--overgrown stubble is the traditional look of loneliness--and skips straight to the cologne. It’s Nirea’s favorite, rare and expensive enough that he saves it for special occasions, though he doesn’t think she’s ever noticed that. She always thinks he smells delicious anyway.

For the life of him, Archiban can’t figure out why he’s bitter about that.

Marriage can be hard. And not always the fun kind, either. He wonders if he should call his mother and congratulate her on finally being right about something. He’s sad and starved enough for attention that he goes as far as picking up his holocomm before it occurs to him that this level of pettiness will set Rea’s relations with his mother back by decades. He hardly cares what his parents think of his wife or their marriage, but Rea sure as hell does.

He’s still a little surprised by how devoted she turned out to be to his family. Archiban hadn’t spoken to his parents in over a year when he woke up one morning to find her on a holocall with his father and his aunt Tilly. They were talking about pazaak.

She still talks to them more than he does. He suspects she likes them better than he does, even though none of them seem to like her much at all. (Honestly, how can he be expected to like people who can’t appreciate Rea? He’s met Sith--an alarming number of them--who have a better sense of her worth.)

Because he’s a masochist, Doc wraps himself in the expensive amaranthine robe that Rea’s still trying to pretend was a gift from someone else and heads back to the kitchen for another drink. He probably shouldn’t--not without his unsinkable Jedi to back him up--but he’s already committed to this moping thing and Archiban Kimble never does anything by halves.

He pours three fingers of Rea’s favorite Corellian label and he’s two fingers in before he notices the glint of metal in the corner of his eye.

Teeseven is parked in the middle of the living room doing no kind of hiding. (He can almost hear Rea’s voice in his head. “If he was an assassin,” she would say, “you’d be dead.”)

But he isn’t an assassin. He’s an astromech with a stream of flowers bursting out of an extension in his chassis that Archiban is pretty sure was intended for a flamethrower. The whole living room is already covered in delicate red and pink petals, and they’re starting to drift into the kitchen through the breeze from the open balcony door.

He blinks. Faintly, he hears the swell of orchestral music. It takes a minute before he recognizes it as the soundtrack to that Alderanian romance vid he secretly loves. Curious, but not daring enough to be hopeful, he lets his feet carry him toward the sound. Toward the balcony and flicker of candlelight against the darkened skyline. Toward the familiar scent of citrus and spice and metal.

Rea is waiting for him.

She’s standing there looking like some kind of goddess, draped in gauzy blue shimmersilk that clings to every perfectly sculpted muscle on her perfectly sculpted body, smiling the most shit-eating smile he’s ever seen. There’s a storm of flower petals as the wind whips around her, tossing her hair in just the right way, setting the candles to flickering.

It’s a scene from a starsdamned vid.

“Holy shit,” he says.

“Happy anniversary,” she says.

When it becomes apparent that he’s not going to be able to move any time soon, Rea rolls her eyes and comes to him. He’s probably imagining things, but he’s pretty sure she crosses the landing pad in slow motion. He’s also sure there’s a producer somewhere adding special effects to his mind that make her fucking glow.

He means to say something smooth about how devastating she looks and how much he’s missed her and how painfully in love he is, but what tumbles out of his mouth is, “I can’t believe you did all this.” And then, because he’s already committed and Archiban Kimble never does anything by halves, he puts the back of his hand to her forehead and adds, “Are you feeling okay? Not possessed or anything?”

And because Rea is Rea, she just laughs and pulls his hand away, pressing a wet kiss to his palm as her thumbs massage the inside of his wrist. It’s a testament to how lonely the past two months have been that he finds the gesture almost unbearably erotic.

“I love you Archiban Kimble,” she says, pressing a kiss to wrist. “I wanted to make sure you never forget it.”

Doc drinks her in with wide eyes, his veins on fire with love and desire and longing, his stomach swooping to his knees as her plush lips stretch into the most heart-stopping smile he’s ever seen. Nirea Velaran is no kind of romantic, but here she is anyway. Dressed like a starsdamned princess, kissing his hand in the middle of a scene straight from a storybook.

It’s the most romantic shit he’s seen in his entire life, and she did it all for him. Because she loves him.

They’ve been married for a year, and his heart still stutters in his chest when he thinks of it.

“Never thought I’d see you speechless, Handsome.” Nirea’s grin turns wicked as her hand strays to the back of his neck, stroking the downy hairs at the nape..

“I love you,” Archiban breathes, totally unable to summon his usual brand of humor. “And I’m gonna keep doing it forever, like the wookiees. I don’t wanna stop.”

He doesn’t know how much time he has. Maybe just the night. Maybe not even that. But he decides in that moment, as she throws her head back and laughs that warm, throaty laugh he’s been missing like hell, that she’s going to feel as loved as he does before she leaves. He’s going to wring his heart out and bathe her in every fucking drop of love that pours out. He’s going to smother her. He’s going to terrify her.

He’s going to have the best damn first anniversary that any man has ever had.

Rea’s still laughing as she draws him down for a long, lingering kiss. He luxuriates in it, in the feel of her lips, warm and chapped and smiling against his. When he draws away, she kisses her way along his jaw and up to his ear.

He sighs happily, relishing the feel of her so close. Her scent and her energy. “I would marry you now if I hadn’t done it already.”

Her laughter brushes the shell of his ear like a caress. “You old softie.”

Doc pulls back, failing utterly to hide his grin as he pretends to be offended. “Watch who you’re calling old,” he says, then adds, “And soft.”

Rea waggles her eyebrows in a way that shouldn’t be as seductive as it is—it’s been a long couple of months—and presses her hips closer to his. He wants her so bad it hurts. “Prove me wrong, Doctor Kimble," she purrs.

“I think you’ll find I rise to every challenge that comes my way.”

“Stars above,” Rea groans, dragging his mouth back to hers. “Stop talking and kiss me you impossible man.”

#swtor #archiban kimble #swtor doc #jedi knight #docember 2018 #nirea velaran #the velaran legacy #my fic #folks i am catching up #might actually get 11 pieces of doctent published before tomorrow ends

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epiphanyksj · 6 years

Note

TELL ME ABT JK DURING UR CONCERT IN LA !!!!!! HE LOVES LA N U DIDNT TELL ME ABT IT IN DETAIL !!!!!!💞💕💖💓

oh god :(((( HHH!!!!!! ok im literally gonna go through this event by event. so I WALKED INTO THE ARENA with my friend to go find my seat and there’s a moment of silence before the beginning of danger’s mv begins playing. and up on the screen is jungkook playing outro: propose, that really pretty dramatic piano part. and let me tell you i literally burst into tears AT THAT MOMENT because it was just so overwhelming to realize that i was actually there and going to see them. and then there was the vcr and they all looked. So Good! i literally said “oh my god” so many times during the concert it was unreal i mean ive told you about this but yeah on to actual performances (read more)

so all this fire starts torching into the air and the stage lights are flashing everywhere with this dramatic music with heavy drums (think mama 2016 fire-esque). ok so im rewatching the vid i took as i write this and im laughing because everyone else is like “TRAADE OFF” and from me you just hear this hysterical “CHOO CHOO” OK thats not the point. i could barely focus in the first performance because i could not believe they were real but like he’s GORGEOUS they were all so gorgeous n i wanna gush about the others too but this is a jk ask. he is So Stable and powerful i dont know how he even does it. so after they finish performing they begin their ments…. when it goes to jk he kinda looks up like “:o its my turn” but then he goes “WASSUP” and he’s so sos ofuckginfg pretty he glows and his eyes and just his face at that point i screamed “I LOVE YOU… (weakly) jungoo….” and then he also said LONG TIME NO SEE he has the cutest voice :(.

when he starts singing in save me… his voice is so beautiful. and i already said it but his dancing is so powerful. n the way he looks at the camera… you feel it in your soul. and his voice is so good in im fine!!!!!! i was not, in fact, fine. the part where he falls to the floor then suddenly looks up is so intense.

but incredibly he looks absolutely ethereal when he stands and sings. this might sound weird but like…. the way his eyes are half closed is so pretty and he looks at peace. even more so when he closes his eyes all the way. ive said it so many times but his eyes literally are so captivating. all of bts look unbelievably good in person. also there’s supposed to be a fanchant In Magic Shop During The Instrumental Break But Nobody Did It but i faithfully went through all the way anyway.

n then. THE GOLDEN DUO VCR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! theyre so cuuuteekjsdhdskjfh :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( like it was just such a happy pure colorful lighthearted vcr!!!!!

ok not to be cheesy but i literally got goosebumps and started tearing up when i heard his voice say “euphoria” in the silence. the pretty guitars start coming in and he’s revealed on the stage. he looks so at home when he sings it and there’s golden light all around him and he’s smiling. but when it’s not the chorus the lights are a blue color and it reminds me of the ocean in the music video. he really puts so much into his singing and just his overall performance. and when he does the high note in euphoria and the golden confetti explodes into the air and shimmers in the lights.

he puts his hand to chest often when he sings like he’s feeling it in his soul. but he also jams out really cutely! he jumped around during run a lot (and yet is ridiculously stable still) and his hair is bouncy! he headbanged a little too :( at the end of run during hoseok’s part he took out his earpiece to listen to us. his part in dna with tae is so iconic!!! rapper jk!!!!!!!!! literally even just the way he sings “DNA”!!!!

he asked us if we were having fun!!!! babie :( (side note tae is SOO cute when he talks in english). also the army bomb ocean was so pretty it was a range of colors from yellow green to purple and it was this amazing gradient.

then. Then. 21st century girls. Came On. but i need to save this gushing about the song itself for the next ask. all of them gather together to jam out in the center of the stage! afterwards jk wanders around! YOU SAY YES OR NO YES OR NO WOOAAAHOHHH

this goes for everyone else too but when he sings in gogo its like the words are just rolling out of his mouth if that makes sense.

but the transition to bst. unreal but im also saving that for the next ask. god and i keep talking about jk��s dancing but seriously him and the entirety of dance line are a serious force to be reckoned with. his voice when he sings his parts is so light and fluttery.

you shouldve heard me during his rap part of boy in luv. i was like “APPAAAAAAA” “EOMMAAAAAA” “PYEONJIIII” “MWONJIII” like i think those technically aren’t his lines but that whole section. and they cut straight to the bridge instead of doing the second verse and jk’s voice there especially combined with jimin and jin. and he holds the high note!!!!!!!

but his rap part in danger. hard fucking core. he’s so talented it’s unbelievable. this man does not hesitate when it comes to bangers or when it comes to headbanging.

airplane pt2. he saunters onto the stage like nobody’s business and sits and kicks back on that damn chair with his sultry ass voice. his falsetto is gorgeous when they do that part before hoseok’s airplane rap and at the end of the song. and i know it’s only part of the studio recording but when he does the “ah ah” part i lose my mind. the way he sits with the other members surrounding him just emanates this air of power and regality but almost in a casual way like “yeah we’re royalty, what about it?”

his outfit during fake love is perfect. all of the outfits are so good i could gush about them all day but alas this is a jk ask. his sleeves are see-through and he has shiny chains going across his chest harness and i’m sure you could find pictures of it but i hadn’t looked at concert pics beforehand so i was in shock at how good the outfits were. it’s like some performing beast is unleashed from jungkook during fake love. he’s absolutely in the zone and i couldn’t take my eyes off him because his presence is so strong especially when he’s in the center. it’s like he moves his body and projects his voice perfectly to the flow and energy of the song. fake love as a whole is so captivatingly intense it’s like you’re under a spell when you watch them perform it.

ok im burning out i can only write so much DSKJHSDF but the truth untold. it’s like he transforms into full angel form at this point. his voice is incredible and his harmonies and pitch and the emotion he puts into it. also everybody say thank you stylists!

he also has such an aura during mic drop. everybody does but it seriously is honestly such a great track live because the energy is dominating and in that moment you really know that they absolutely do own the whole arena and set the stage on fire. ugh! and the strength that he has during the dance break at the end of mic drop!! unreal!

also i can’t imagine genuinely truly hating so what. like i see so many people saying they hate it but you know that when you hear it irl that shit makes you JUMP and they have so much fun on stage especially jk! we like to make fun of him for his shoot dance but seeing him go across the stage enjoying himself so much makes you feel just as much joy as him :( at this point would it really be a performance of so what if he didn’t do it?

at this point i knew that so what was one of the final performances n i was like. What. because it really passed by like a blur it didn’t feel nearly as long as it supposedly took and before i knew it they were performing anpanman so i HAD to cheer up because that song is so cute. and jk is all smiley when they perform it! nose scrunches and all! he actually gets up in a normal way during namjoon’s part. his eyes are all big and sparkly and playful and it feels very boyish!!!

N THEN DURING THE ENDING MENT JOON CALLED JUNGKOOK “MISTER COOL GUY JK” AND JK WAS LIKE “cool guy!” n then like “make some nooooiiiise!!!” n he was smiling doing his cute scrunch and rewatching this like. ive said it 50 times already but he’s seriously so pretty. his eyes are lit up and his expression is bright and there’s a blue light shining on him but his EYESSSSS :((((( he has a slight accent which is rly cute but his pronunciation is also really good and it feels like you just want to hug him really tight even though he’s sweaty but like Would I Complain.

his voice in answer: love myself is so smooth it’s like sitting in a warm patch of sun with a cool breeze looking up at the sky. ok i know i said i was burning out but am i really. rewatching the videos makes me so happy. and his harmonies were so nice. and he was moving side to side really cutely! like one of those figurines you put on the dashboard of your car and they dance side to side! n he’s so full of love. they were all moving their arms side to side and the army bombs were moving along with them i want to cry watching it again it’s so weird thinking that i was actually there it felt like everyone in the audience became one with all the members on stage jk was acting cute and he and all the members were waving to everyone in the audience in the pit and the further away and upper levels of the arena.

for a really long time i’ve never been able to pinpoint the happiest moment or memory of my life everytime ive been asked about it. for lack of a better answer i always left it vague but ever since the concert i can easily say it was the happiest i’d been in a long time and possibly ever and i wouldn’t trade that feeling for anything else in the world

#long post #ly tour #jae.txt #asks #rainmv #nova #jungkook #concert #i didnt mean for this to get so long..... oh well

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anoddreindeer · 4 years

Text

Aftershock

continued from https://anoddreindeer.tumblr.com/post/633249232157114368/very-very-frightening-me

When Tag woke up, he was lying on something soft and supportive with exactly zero memory of how he'd gotten there - the last thing he remembered was...was...

"Oh good, you're awake."

Tag looked up to see Toman walking towards him down the line of soft, white-linen-covered beds that constituted the infirmary of the monastery. He had a cup in each hand - one that steamed gently and one that didn't. Upon reaching Tag's bed, Toman reached down slowly and held out the cup that didn't steam. Tag had to grip it with both hands - his muscles felt like jello - but an exploratory sip revealed it to contain cool well-water and he drink greedily until Toman reached over to stop him.

"Woah easy here, you'll make yourself sick if you gulp it down like that. Small sips," he cautioned as he guided the cup away from Tag's lips. Tag sighed but nodded. The water he'd managed to get so far had sent pleasant tendrils of coolness through his chest, and while he still felt like he could drink a whole bucket of water he no longer felt inclined to try and drink the whole well. He licked his lips anyway, chasing any remaining droplets, and Toman shook his head with a huff of exasperated laughter before sobering again.

"Tag, I need to know what you remember," he said in that too-calm way that Tag knew from past experience meant that he about to be in trouble.

He looked down and rubbed his forefinger along the line of scar that traced a path down the side of his thumb - Stephano had tried to break him of the habit many times, but Toman didn't care. "I was in the Lightning practice room," he said slowly, trying to stave off the inevitable scolding for as long as possible. "Secundus was there too; I'd forced him to promise me he'd show me something he saw in the vids from Lightning where they'd figured out how to make music from magic. He was going to play 'The Planets Shine in the Continuum's Light,' I think, which I know is a kid's song but we have to start somewhere, right?"

Toman's expression didn't change. "And then?"

Tag felt his heart speed up a little - or try to, anyway. It definitely skipped a beat in a way that didn’t exactly feel healthy, but he didn’t mention it as he continued. "And so we were in the practice room and I was on the safety mat, and...and.." Flashes of memory played in his mind - Secundus' terrified face, the salty drip of tears, Toman cradling him against his chest, the hallways leading to the infirmary - but nothing concrete, nothing that made words come out of his mouth so Tag fell silent with a frustrated huff.

Toman nodded slowly and sat on the low stool that had been sitting next to the bed out of Tag's line of sight before sighing deeply. "Secundus' story matches up with yours, except that he insists it was all his idea and that you'd been punished enough already."

Tag opened his mouth to object - it had been his idea, not Secundus', and it wasn't Secundus' fault - but Toman held up a hand. "As it happens, I feel like you are both to blame for what happened. Granted, what happened was merely an accident; Secundus assures me that as far as he knew, he'd laid down the necessary pathing to put the Lightning into the rod and has no idea why it got diverted to you. Nobody intends for accidents to happen, which is why they are accidents and not anything else, and so I do not blame either of you for what actually happened. However," he continued, with a stern look that made Tag want to sink into the floor and disappear forever, "that does not absolve either of you of the responsibility for the actions you took leading up to that accident. Rules are in place precisely to prevent accidents like this, and it was breaking those rules that allowed this accident to happen."

He sighed and rubbed his forehead with his free hand, the other still occupied by the cup that was now no longer noticeably steaming. "I'm suspending all of Secundus' outings for the next three months, and he'll spend that same period scrubbing the refectory every night after supper. As for you," he said, looking directly at Tag and making him squirm, "your library privileges are suspended for three months, and you'll be washing dishes with the cooks after supper as well. People who don't have the elements the training rooms are designed for aren't allowed in them for a reason, Tag, and it's not just you. The only reason we have extra safeguards is for testing days when an impartial judge is required and only people of the incorrect element are available."

Tag hung his head as best he could, given that he was still mostly lying down. It ended up being more of a sulky head tilt than anything, but it was the best he could do without actually sliding to the floor and Toman seemed to sense that. Reaching over, he patted Tag's shoulder with his free hand. "If it's any consolation, Secundus is waiting outside to speak with you."

The thought filled Tag with a sinking kind of dread - would the older boy yell at him for getting him into trouble? - but he put on a brave face and Toman ruffled his hair. "Chin up, Tag. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Drink this before I let him in, though," he said, and held out the cup that he still had in one hand.

Tag took it in both of his and drank deeply - only just avoiding spitting the tepid, bitter liquid inside out all over his bed. He gulped the first mouthful of the nasty tea and looked at Toman, hoping against hope that that would be enough but the Old Guard simply gestured at him to drink up. Screwing his face up, Tag drank the rest down in two more big gulps and panted heavily afterwards in the vague hope that the air moving over his tongue would somehow diminish the bitter flavor.

Toman laughed and handed him the water cup, and patted him on the head before standing. He glanced down at the prone Tag, and his face softened. "Remember, Tag, I'm not angry you got hurt - that's life. I'm disappointed you made choices that lead you to getting hurt unnecessarily. Try to be more careful next time, okay?"

Tag could only nod mutely, and Toman nodded back before walking away down the row of otherwise unoccupied beds. Tag sipped at the water to try and wash the awful, awful flavor of the bitter tea out of his mouth, but before he'd really succeeded Secundus was rushing down between the rows of beds.

"Tag! Thank the Continuum you're all right!" Secundus skidded to a stop next to his bed, narrowly avoiding ramming it with his knees, and Tag looked up at him owl-eyed.

"Why wouldn't I be alright? You're good with the Lightning, and you didn't mean to hurt me," Tag said reasonably, and Secundus laughed a little wetly.

"That's you all over Tag, always looking on the bright side." Secundus slumped onto the stool so recently abandoned by Toman and hung his head. "I'm sorry, Tag, I didn't mean for you to get hurt. You were just, just so excited to see the music, and it doesn't take much power and I thought it'd be safe to show you but -" he paused to suck in a deep, thick breath, " - but there was too much power, more than I meant, and - and - and you could have died, Tag," Secundus said miserably, sounding very small, and Tag blinked.

Too much power? He could have died? He blinked and swallowed, suddenly feeling pretty unsteady himself. "Wh- what do you mean by 'too much power?'" he asked, fear making his throat tight and a miserable little noise pushed itself out of Secundus' throat as tears began rolling down his face.

"The music doesn't t-take much, b-but when the p-pathway switched to you it, it, it pulled all the power I had ready, for the whole song. You t-took nearly thirty th-thousand volts, Tag. I thought-t-t you were dead, like, like," words failed him as he began to cry in earnest, and Tag felt sympathetic tears well up in his own eyes.

Everyone knew Secundus' story. He used to help with the two cows the monastery kept for their milk - mucking out their stalls, bringing them hay and oats, walking them to and from pasture. He hadn't needed to do it - he was here to learn to be a parallel, after all, not like Tag - but he'd wanted to and nobody had objected. He had loved those cows - Bessie and Spots - and they had loved him right back.

Right up until the storm blew in.

The lightning strike had been enough to wake up Secundus' then-dormant lightning powers, and he'd been so overjoyed with his newfound power that he hadn't realized it had also charged him up. He'd gone to hug Bessie and Spots...

A tear slid down Tag's cheek as he reached over and laid a hand on Secundus' arm. "Hey," he said gently, and Secundus looked at him with a tear-stained face. "It's not your fault. You didn't know that would happen. Toman said accidents are just things that happen, and I agree with him. It's not your fault I got hit - if anything, it's mine for insisting on you showing me."

Secundus shook his head vigorously, but seemed too choked up to speak. Tag thought for a moment before he squeezed Secundus' arm again. "Okay, well, if it helps we're both in trouble with Toman, so maybe we're equally at fault? And we know enough not to do it again?"

Secundus laughed a laugh that was only a little better than a sob and reached over to squeeze Tag's arm back.

"Yeah. Okay. Deal."

#tag the parallel #void jumpers #short story

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cathygeha · 7 years

Photo

DUTCH by Madhuri Pavamani

E-Original published by Swerve

Publication Date: April 4, 2017

ISBN: 9781250127198

Price: $3.99

Description

“Full of sex, magic, and turmoil...poetic and utterly beautiful. I can't remember the last time a book made me stop and think, wow.” --Meredith Wild, #1 New York Times bestselling author

DUTCH is Madhuri Pavamani’s first book in a stunning new, suspenseful urban fantasy series that will take you on a wild ride full of danger, love, sex, and magic.

I've spent years holed up in the deepest, darkest parts of the city, fighting to keep Death and her Poochas from crossing the dead back to the living. My skill with a blade is bested only by my menace, my despair, my anguish - the strongest weapons I yield.

Then I meet Juma Landry and it all goes to hell.

She is beauty and love and sex and light, everything I am not. And she makes me want things I haven’t desired in years. But the monsters of my life, the evil lurking in the dark corners of my soul, those places craven and vile, bind me to a past I cannot shake free. As the most skilled Keeper for the Gate, nothing and no one can prevent me from excelling at a job I never wanted. I do it because it is my legacy, a fate I cannot outrun, but when Juma becomes my next assignment, each of her nine lives to be ended by my hand, I must decide: the legacy I never wanted or the love I don’t deserve.

"Ms. Pavamani's DUTCH is the perfect melange of poetry, fantasy and rebellious raunch. Absolutely addictive!" --Helen Hardt, New York Times and USA Today bestselling author

"Dark. Sensual. Unputdownable. I devoured this book and can't wait for the next!"--Kate Baxter, author of The Untamed Vampire

Author Bio

Madhuri Pavamani is the author of the paranormal romance trilogy, THE SANCTUM. A Southern girl with Northern sensibilities, a slight twang, and who still uses the word y’all, but never fixin’, she has an affinity for writing twisted love stories and dark poetry. A graduate of Barnard College, and incapable of leaving the bright lights of New York City, Madhuri works in Manhattan, but rests her head in New Jersey. She loves whiskey, tattoos, Bukowski, and yoga.

Author Links

Website: madhuripavamani.wordpress.com

Twitter: twitter.com/madhuriwrites

Buy Links

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MZI3C0A

B&N: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/dutch-madhuri-pavamani/1125684506

iBooks: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/dutch/id1202992419

Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/dutch-3

Google Play: https://books.google.com/books?vid=ISBN9781250127198

EXCERPT

CHAPTER ONE

DUTCH

I was eight years old the first time I rode an elephant.

I was visiting my grandparents, and the local zoo’s specimen had given birth to a dwarf, so everyone in the household wanted to witness the freak. They rustled up the whole lot of us, waved down some auto-rickshaws, and off we went, zooming toward the unimaginable feat of nature.

I took one look at that dwarf and knew it was scared. I also knew it was a complete bore.

The mom was much more interesting and already back to earning her share, offering rides to any souls brave enough to climb atop her back. My cousins needed no invitation, and before anyone knew what was happening, grandparents included, they scampered up the poor beast’s back and were raring to go.

I stood off to the side and watched, shy and somewhat quiet, still a bit ill at ease in my new environs. It was not every day I was shipped halfway across the world on a bird in the sky, and summarily deposited with two elderly souls I barely knew and certainly did not trust.

The elephant was a good move.

I was warming up to the two brown people smiling while their eyes flashed back and forth in rapid succession from me to the brood atop the grey beast. My grandmother clucked warmly in my direction, offering some words of encouragement as the mahout waved me over.

He was awfully scrawny and rather filthy, and I shot him a foul look. No fucking way was he controlling anything if that grey monster decided to stop taking anyone’s shit. But I was eight, and I was curious, and it was an elephant, for fuck’s sake. So I stopped putzing around on the outskirts of the action and leaned in

contemplative

somewhat curious.

Which was enough for Mr. Mahout. Faster than I would have ever assumed he could move, he grabbed me by the nape of my neck and hoisted me onto the dwarf’s mama.

Not on her back, with my cousins

but right behind her ears, on what seemed to be her neck, my hands resting on her head.

She was just like the old man who swam laps at the YMCA every Monday and always bent over to lotion his legs, providing me the perfect view of his ass—hairy and wrinkled and grey.

The mahout settled in behind me and gave his signal, but the old girl wasn’t going anywhere. She bobbed her head side to side, and he yelled something in Tamil, all of it unintelligible since I didn’t speak a bit of anything from the motherland.

At least not then.

He yelled again and gave her some swats with his whip, but she didn’t give a shit. Instead, she lifted her trunk into the air, pushed it about like a show-off, raised it to her head, and sniffed my hands.

I froze, for a second worried I might piss my pants.

I did not want to piss my pants, sitting there high in the air, because I did not want to soil her neck, but really I did not want another excuse to be the laughingstock of my unruly gang of cousins. So I let her do whatever she needed to do, praying all the while her trunk wasn’t full of tiny teeth that could suddenly inhale my hands and then my arms and then my head to chew me up and feed me to the dwarf.

I had not flown halfway across the fucking globe to wind up as dwarf fodder.

So I shut up

and homegirl sniffed me up

and eventually she started walking, doing a slow rotation of the park, giving us kids the ride of our lives.

I was eight, and it was magical.

I am now thirty-seven, and let me tell you, this world is anything but magical.

My name is Dutch Mathew

I kill for The Gate

and I am a Keeper.

CHAPTER TWO

JUMA

I was five years old when I died

and ooooooh god

did it hurt.

The pain is what I recall most, even more than the blood and the fear, the panic in my ma’s eyes as she begged my da to drive faster, the strain in my da’s voice as he emphatically insisted his child would

not

receive

transfusion.

Louder than any of that was the pain, the searing shock and burn of my throat as the bullet missed its mark, entered my neck right below my left ear, and exited slightly lower on the right side.

It had been a normal summer day in Atlanta, hot beyond all get-out, but by late afternoon with a storm on the horizon, the heat had relented a bit, providing some respite from the cramped boxes of our apartments in the Shamrock complex

North Druid Hills Road

Decatur, Georgia.

Hardly glamorous but hardly the hood, kind of a socioeconomic in-between land, rather nondescript and average.

The complex was full of families with kids everywhere

in the pool

on the courtyard

down the street.

A jumbled, excited, energetic mix of brown and black and white arms and legs, ponytails and braids, Mohawks and fades. We played outside, unsupervised, because there were so many of us, a mass of pint-size humanity, running wild.

Until the day I died.

The sky was clear and a bird sang,

which was so strange because usually the heat killed any motivation for creating sweet music. But not that day and not that bird. She was singing her heart out that afternoon.

I like to think of her as a “she” because that song was so damn pretty, so clear and melodious.

Until it wasn’t.

The shot rang out in all of that summer perfection, ruining our fun and scarring our childhood. Those kids I ran with when I was so, so small, they forever remembered that shot. I, on the other hand, forever remembered the pain.

Heat

ripped flesh

pain like fire

too much for a tiny human to comprehend and contain.

And metal.

The taste on my tongue, filling my throat until I coughed and sputtered and felt like I could barely breathe.

I screamed

I think

or I tried at least.

It came out gurgly and thick

choked.

Then arms

so strong and certain clutching me

and being airborne

high above the others

running

fast

faster.

And screaming

everyone was screaming

kids

mothers

fathers

and over all of them was the lilt of my ma’s voice.

Through the haze of my pain and blood loss and trauma, she talked to me. Rubbing my head, begging me to keep my eyes open

we’re close

we’re close.

But she could not ease the pain, damp the burn. Her voice could not soothe my misery, act as a salve, a poultice for the gaping holes in my tiny throat. Nothing could stop the fire that threatened to rip me in half.

That pain remains to this day. It hid in the dark places of my body, lingered in some of my light, and made certain I never forgot it. I might have worked for Death, that sexy mistress, but the pain was my lord and master.

I just didn’t share that with Death. Not then, not ever.

My da was chief of something at the hospital in town. He ran in like he owned the place, I came to learn much later, and started going about the business of saving my life. Until he was pushed away and told to “wait right there!” so they could go about the business of saving my life. But it did not matter, they could do nothing. None of them, neither the doctors and nurses nor my da the chief, because that day, July eleventh, was to be my last on this earth as Juma Landry, daughter of Rufus and Mimi Landry.

Because on that day, July eleventh, I died and became Death’s Poocha.

#Madhuri Pavamani #St. Martin's Press #Urban Fantasy

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