#i actually cannot stand my brain

[somekindofsentience]

twitch chat is trying to convince me that i am a worse person than Sunny and i have committed worse actions than him

#omori spoilers #omori #actually ocd #i actually cannot stand my brain #i dont think sunny is that horrible of a person tbh #“do u regret what u did” i didnt do shit #i am actual so tired #omori sunny #i have never committed recital day in my life #crying and shitting #sentient rambles

[beetlevsboy]

I want to preface this post by saying that I love the cat king as a character, especially one that has such a major impact on Edwin and his relationship with his queerness and learning to be okay with it; HOWEVER, I also believe that everyone that genuinely believes he should be a love interest for Edwin should read this. (Also if you just like the cat king as a character and want to understand his character better and why his and Edwin’s relationship is not something that would be healthy or “real” for either)

#dead boy detectives #edwin payne #the cat king #i do not ship them but I don’t want to hate on those who do (mostly) I just want to kind of inform people of the creators meaning for their #Relationship because I keep seeing people saying they hope they get together in s2 and it’s really confusing to me #Their relationship stems from the cat kings own narcissism and predatory behavior and Edwin’s need for someone to push him into under #Standing that his queerness doesn’t have to be torture and can be something giddy #even if he doesn’t return those feelings #The cat king does like Edwin but he doesn’t know anything about him. He likes the game and then he likes the kindness he’s shown despite #Knowing the cruelty he’s presented to Edwin #Queerness and preformance always go hand in hand #He’s a older secretly insecure character #Edwin is the younger #genuinely kind character that shows him that projecting his hurt will never get him what he wants #It’s about the isolation of queerness and the walls put up and the coping mechanism used to protect yourself even at the risk of hurting #Those just like you. That kiss from edwin was to say “I’m sorry your loneliness had caused you to be cruel. It’s the easiest way to feel. #And while I cannot and will not give you what you want or need #you deserve to feel happy and not like you have to gain the attention of uninterested people #I can’t even explain all my thoughts about their dynamic it’s just so much it’s just about the predadation from older queers because of #The trauma they’ve endured and the cycle of hurt and the way we can break the cycle with kindness while also protecting our youths by #Healing those traumas #Something the cat king learns and accepts #Off topic but I don’t like people defending their age gap because #Yes; Edwin is 86 #but he died with a teenage boy brain and then spent 70 of those years in hell where he certainly was not getting his brain developed while #The cat king has possibly hundreds of years of sentience and experience. The power imbalance is not if y’all. And that part of their dynami #Is actually very clear I think but some people didn’t catch it?? Or didn’t care??? Idk man

[stevieharringtonwifeguy]

changeling!steve part 2

part like. 0.5

part 1 (part 1 ao3)

ok so definitely the most fun part of any fae au is imagining the fae realm like. ooo alternate dimension thats pretty and creepy at the same time??? stunning, conceptually. basically i imagine it like the bubble in annihilation (great movie that was definitely about humans traveling into the fae realm and nothing can convince me otherwise).

and so far steve’s only been in there alone. it’s not really safe or healthy for humans to be there for too long (again this is a sign for you to watch annihilation on netflix if you don’t mind body horror and psychological horror. very spiral based if you subscribe to the magnus archives fear sorting system). he definitely wouldn’t take any of the party there if he could help it. eddie might be fine, but the very nature of the fae realm really wouldn’t mesh with the highly curious and intellectual minds of most of his friends. if the upside down is the human dimension turned upside down, then the fae realm is the human world turned sideways and inside out.

the whole place feels different. as weird and unsettling as the upside down is, it still feels fundamentally the same as the human world, just if the earth had had an entirely different geological and evolutionary history. but in the fae realm, it’s like the very atoms are put together differently. it’s hard to put your finger on it really. for all intents and purposes it looks like a normal forest on a sunny summer’s day. but it’s a little too bright, and it’s hard to tell where the light comes from, really. there might be a sun peeking through the dense canopy, but nothing casts shadows. the light seems to come from the trees themselves in a very strange way, not like a tree shaped lamp or anything but like the light starts in the air around the trunks. steve had to learn to turn his brain off every time he visited, like the more he tried to think and make sense of his surroundings the more his head hurt and his stomach turned. and that’s steve; dustin or nancy wouldn’t stand a chance.

unfortunately, he doesn’t really have a choice here. eddie’s dying, and they definitely don’t have the time to make it back to the gate and then all the way to the hospital before the magic keeping him alive gives up and he bleeds out. steve needs a shortcut. so he thinks quickly, ties jackets around his, nancy’s, robin’s, and dustin’s waists until they’re tied together like links in a daisy chain. warns him as best he can about the dangers of the fae realm as he bundles eddie into his arms, never more thankful for his unnatural strength than he is right now.

he tells the humans of the group to stay focused, keep their eyes on the back of the person in front of them, and that no matter what they hear they can’t look away. it’s so, so easy for a human to get lost in the fae realm, that’s practically what it’s for, and he’s not risking anything. tells them if they somehow get separated, to put their shirt on inside out and start walking backwards, to not stop unless steve shows up and picks them up bodily. under no circumstances should they follow any voices calling out for them, even if it sounds like one of their party.

when they’ve all repeated his instructions back to him, shown they’re taking this seriously (he knows the inside-out shirt thing sounds dumb, but it works. he’s not unconvinced that the tried-and-true methods for getting out of the fae realm aren’t supposed to sound dumb, like the universe left loopholes in fae magic that are so stupid humans dismiss them out of hand, getting stuck just because they don’t want to look ridiculous), he gets to opening a doorway. he’s glad he practiced before this, doesn’t have to hang around waiting, and soon there’s a little space between the twisted trees of the upside down where the light looks a little different, the air smells a little sweeter.

he leads them in, and the second his foot hits the soft, pillowy moss of the fae realm, all of his injuries seem to disappear. he breathes a sigh of relief, even if the rest of the group hisses in surprise as their eyes struggle to adjust to the harsh light. more magic funnels into him, and he sends all of it to eddie’s fragile form in his arms, willing the witch’s flesh to knit together. just being here has sort of stopped the bleeding; time works strangely in the fae realm, he can feel it trickling slowly over them. eddie’s still technically dying, but now he’s dying at like quarter speed.

steve leads them through the forest, looking for a good place to build a doorway to the hospital and occasionally glancing back at the group to make sure he hasn’t lost anyone. they’re all still with him, and just like he expected, their faces are pinched with pain and nausea, nance and dustin especially. robin’s head keeps twitching like she’s hearing something off to her side and half-turning to look, before remembering her instructions and keeping her eyes resolutely stuck on the back of nancy’s head.

he’s honestly not sure what they’re hearing. whatever magic is built to ensnare humans here doesn’t work on him. there’s probably not any other fae calling out to them- he’s reasonably sure he’s be able to hear it if there were. he’s met other fae a few times, never talking to them for very long, and each interaction has been both confusing for the part of him that still feels human (being raised as such for 18 years before learning otherwise definitely left a mark on his psyche) and deeply refreshing for the part of him that knows he’s not

they make it most of the way through without incident. he doesn’t talk to the group behind him, doesn’t want to confuse them further when he already said not to trust anything they hear in this place. but he talks to eddie, bundled in his arms and slipping in and out of consciousness, tells him it’s okay, steve’s got him, they’re almost at the hospital. tries to crack a joke and tells him to hold the blood in, which earns him a weak huff of laughter that lights up his heart until it turns into wet coughing.

eddie has to be okay. steve isn’t entertaining any other possibility.

he’s just found a good place for a doorway, two trees bent together in an arch in just the right location for steve to link it to the park right by the hospital, when he sees the fairy. they’re currently in the shape of another tree, but steve can see them plain as day as long as he’s not using his eyes. they’re watching him, watching the gaggle of humans he’s brought into their land, watching the witch currently bleeding out in steve’s arms. a breeze like a sigh ruffles through their leaves, the bow of their branches looks almost pitying. they don’t say anything as he passes them, and neither does he.

they’re all through the doorway in another beat of a heart. dustin lets out a gasp of relief as soon as they hit the cool night air, and nancy quickly unties herself to throw up into a bush. steve wants to check in on them, but eddie’s bleeding has picked up again now that they’re back in a dimension where time means something.

robin smiles at him reassuringly, regardless of how pale she looks. ‘i’ve got them. get him inside, quick.’

and steve does, rushing towards the hospital doors with the closest thing a fairy can get to a prayer sitting heavy on his tongue.

eddie can’t die. steve won’t let him.

....

tag list: @wonderland-girl143-blog @estrellami-1 @tauntedperfume @he-she-steveharrington @imfinereallyy @fairytalesreality @swimmingbirdrunningrock @pyrohonk 

#steddie #fae!steve au #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #later nancy and dustin are like wow steve how can you stand to be in there it hurt my head #and hes just like yeah just dont like. look at it with your eyes. #theyre like what #yeah you know just. dont think with your brain. you gotta act like youre dreaming #theyre just absolutely baffled. cannot comprehend what hes saying #i like the idea of them slowly coming to the realisation like. steve isnt dumb actually #hes an entirely different species whose intelligence works very differently from theirs #the fae realm is like. the antithesis of everything nancy and dustin stand for they so arent built for it #also i got distracted while writing this about how good annihilation is for fae representation #fucking work of art #honestly its a good thing robin didnt look when she heard noises she absolutely wouldve seen that fucked up bear #my fics

[bununuu]

zhang hao and hanbin before the p01 candidate announcement:

and after the announcement:

#i'm so so sorry i literally cannot get this moment out of my brain #also fyi some fan speculation ahead that is more about their dynamic rather than the Actual People #i wonder if part of hanbin's relief was not knowing if he would've been able to handle being a p01 candidate without zhang hao #in an alternate universe where hao was p09 it's actually devastating to think about him standing there alone #and hanbin having to walk up without him and leave him behind... #why i am so dramatic lmao #haobin #boys planet #zb1

[angelsdean]

i think one minute mary should be all soft and lovey-dovey smiley at john and then in the very next scene she should be snappy and lowkey highkey annoyed with him and vice versa like john is sweet with her one minute and then rolling his eyes and yelling the next. and carlos and lata are like damn. wtf is happening. but it’s because. it’s the cupid spell refusing to stick. 

#they are acting TOO lovey dovey already. like. love at first sight shit. which makes my brain scream CUPID SPELL #but i wanna see the cracks. i want to see that they actually cannot stand each other #spn prequel #vic.txt

[gingerbreadmonsters]

ginger, cracking an eyelid and thinking about opening requests for a little bit? its more likely than you think 👀👀

#redacted asmr #i never say it in as many words but my askbox is almost always open 🥳🥳 #to be honest i am rubbish at actually filling reqs so its probably not a good idea #im so fucking picky about what to write and the kinds of things that appeal to me #plus like....... most reqs that come in tend to be for things that im either not great at and/or dont particularly vibe with yk #its nobodys fault that writing david feels like pulling teeth its just the way it is you get me #hence why in my pinned it makes it clear that i take Suggestions rather than Requests #thing is i could do reqs or we could do like another ask game or smth #yeah another issue w me and reqs is that my little goblin brain just CANNOT stay on track and it fucks me up Every Time 😭😭 #the prompt will be like 'uhhhh elliott sunshine beach day fluff uwu' and i will get 100 words in and #think 'wait what if they were actually dead/imprisoned/doomed the whole time that would be so fun' and then thats all i can write #i mean i started what was SUPPOSED to be DAMN crew cute halloween fluffy stuff and all of a sudden they're all dead so #not a great track record on my part #i cant stand a close plan there has to be room for improvisation #which is awkward when someone has asked for smth specific 🫣🫣 #ginger rambles #oh also anon is off bc i am not putting up with any more ridiculous horseplay in my inbox no sir #fuck around in my askbox and..... actually don't find out bc surprise! i deleted it already sorry who are you again

[cloudsthatglowinthenightsky]

um hey guys!!!!!! sorry for basically abanonding u i just got the new update for how tumblr looked and then was like fuck this place so much that i'm phasing out of existance. so far tumblr has been so silly and goofy and fun for me and they kinda just ruined it tbh 😭😭😭 and i don't think i'm actually gonna come back anytime soon. maybe if they revert their changes or smth i'll crawl back here bc i do miss hanging out and seeing so many epic creators on this stupid platform but atm it's not rlly worth it for me :( feel free to unfollow or whatever bc it's unlikely i'll be sillyposting anytime soon. i'll let u know if i post something new on my ao3 (eternalknight) but besides that i'm pretty much dead. thank you all for being the best people ever!!!!! i adore every single one of u

#haha my brain waves #sorry for getting all serious and shit i just actually cannot stand being here anymore #u guys made it so much fun though so ty #if u want to send a message or whatever i'll probably respond but!!! goodbye :))))

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

side notes from my last episode of Miss Scarlet that didn't fit into the other post I just made:

-- DETECTIVE FITZROY. THAT BOY. for real I don't think anything could BE cuter than his little grin at Eliza when they're standing the doorway at the end of the case. AAA. LOOKIT THE SOFT BABIES.

-- I appreciated the complexity with Detective Phelps!! he wasn't reduced to a stereotype *or* just a simplistic subversion of a stereotype!! he was interesting!! I think I actually may like him as a character now??

-- (I mean he's still going to keep being a jerk to both Fitzroy and Eliza, I'm sure. and I'll hate him for that. but he's multidimensional and interesting now, he's not just 'The Office Bully With Seniority'. and I can understand a little better why he is the way that he is. and I always appreciate when writers give us that in characters.)

-- ok this one's gonna be kinda long:

on the one hand, of course I wanna be irked at William for courting Arabella. but on the other... I cannot blame him? she's got a lot of what he's indicated he would want in a potential wife, and while I do believe that he loves Eliza anyway... she's resisted all of his attempts to court her, or even to move their relationship past anything beyond friendship((+ """secret""" unspoken pining)). he directly asked her whether she would ever want a family of her own the last time we saw them interacting together, and she dismissed it immediately. as far as he's concerned, she's fully indicated that she's got no interest in being courted by him or having any sort of formal future with him. or anyone else, for that matter.

basically, I'm just thinking... there's no commitment between William and Eliza. they've already formally agreed to keep their official relationship to 'old friends/professional working partners,' even if there are other, more complicated emotions under the surface. and sure, it's kind of angering that he's so attracted to the one person Eliza Can Not manage to get along with, or even to like. the one person who always made her feel Inferior and Disgusting and Worthless at school. but... he has no real bond to Eliza. not right now. and there's nothing that's stopping him from courting Arabella. and I don't see that it's wrong for him to do it.

-- it IS wrong for him to make Eliza cry at a distance while watching them together tho so I shall once again renew my vow to break the nose of this fictional character immediately

#ok actually that last one is slightly a joke bc I *do* stand by what I said in the second-to-last point #I just think that it makes sense! and I cannot logically be angry with him! #even tho it hurts my heart a little and it definitely hurts Eliza's even if she won't admit why!! #i'm still not over her crying all the way from his office to hers bc she thought he'd left and she'd missed him at the end of last season #gurt says stuff #miss scarlet and the duke #random thoughts #I need to make a tag for all the random brain vomit stuff I come up with while consuming new media tbh #bc I feel a little bad putting all this under the main tag for the show #given that it's not constructive or beneficial content in anyway. it's not like. actual meta or something. :') #literally just all my thoughts semi-organized and vomited into a tumblr post and published for the world bc I do not feel like putting them #in my formal diary

[gaylotusthatexists]

me proud of myself for cooking that doesn’t look like something a four year old would eat, ignoring the fact that i used frozen pre seasoned chicken, frozen vegetables, and microwaved rice.

#better than chicken nuggets and chips ig #consuming vegetables for the first time in like over a month let’s goooo #frozen vegetables are great when it comes to sensory issues tho bc usually i. cannot stand vegetable but when i’m having a rare Good day #there’s a few i can cope with but buying them fresh? absolutely fucking not who knows when i’ll use them they’ll go off #at least with frozen vegetables i can keep them as long as i need to eat when i am able to #same with frozen chicken actually. i tried to get fresh chicken and was gonna season is myself (i do have all the stuff to do that) but the #chicken. went off before i got chance. bc i had no energy to do the seasoning part. #but with this i don’t have to :) bc it’s already done for me :) and i can use it whenever i am ready #the rice has also been sitting in my cupboard for like two months but that’s bc i was waiting until my brain will allow me to try new thing #i’ve had rice before so i know i like it but i don’t have it very often so like. gotta convince my brain first. #it’s nice tho i will be buying more microwave rice i think.

[arundolyn]

ngl i sometimes forget cishet nerdbros exist and are the only ones who like kenny pretty much, like to the point of nigh worship, which is like On Brand. these bitches like genuinely try to make him some kind of christ figure almost as if he doesnt fucking suck terribly and is mediocre and iirc its never even CONFIRMED confirmed he ever did the one good merciful act that he ever SEEMED to and put him in We Don’t Know If He Died limbo. and its very funny also how they hate anyone who rightfully calls kenny out on being an ass and say theyre weak cowards (BEN. BEN. BEN.) or evil and lying (JANE! WHO WAS FUCKING CORRECT ALWAYS! YOU HATE HER CAUSE SHES RIGHT). anyone who killed jane over kenny is wrong and a coward and he dies anyway so die mad.

admittedly there is SOME nuance and depth to kenny’s character for sure. but these people are just straight up making shit up completely all the time. cope and seethe die mad etc etc your cool white guy died. boo hoo. which is really funny these were probably the same bitches crying when vasco wasnt playable anymore in indivisible and replaced by a cooler black man and genuinely got big baby mad when there was not a playable white man anymore. that happened

#crow.txt #yes the game is about making choices But there are wrong choices (picking kenny over literally anyone else for anything ever) #IDK HE SUCKS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO JUSTFIY IT! HE SUCKS IN S2! DIE MAD IDC! #idk idc i dont give a god damn kenny aint shit and never was. kenny fans are the signora mains of twdg #twdgposting #jane also dies anyway to be fair but i mean at least it wasnt as insane and gruesome i suppose? for her at least? #and its sadder imo. whatever whatever kenny whatever the fuck jane literally like hung herself from the ceiling fan. which like #iirc it was on. and i feel terrible for laughing. but like she was literally slowly rotating. as a zombie. im mad it was so fucked up #but in my brain it was funny just looking back. like it was shocking but did you have to do it in the funniest way possible. girl. #not to mention kenny like. being southern Obviously. says some fucking WILD shit a few times #and implies some wild ass shit that i dont appreciate. idk abt yall but im not gonna side with the racist redneck guy #hes literally the type to own a confederate flag. i bet he did in the first draft of the game #idk unpopular opinion i like ben and im fucked up over like..... sure i get why kenny was pissed. but jesus fucking christ have some empathy #you arent the fucking protagonist surprise surprise! though he sure does want to be #these are the kind of people who saw ben standing up for himself and somehow didnt like. care. which i cannot fathom #like honestly kenny aint fucking shit!!!!!!!!!! im actually mad now #ben went through sooooo much worse. like a LOT fucking worse. but its always about kenny of course. #kenny apparently goes so far as to praise lee if he lets ben fucking die in crawford which. fuck you for that #and ben CLEARLY feels fucking TERRIBLE about it the whole time and is absolutely riddled with guilt after he ruins kenny's family #and is honestly just kinda telling people to kill him after cause he feels he deserves it and shit. and then his death IS sad as fuck #if you spared him from falling in the bell tower thing. like arguably worse than breaking his legs and being eaten alive maybe #idk i just like the cringe little failboy. he was doing his best. BEN did nothing wrong actually i think. kenny genuinely sucked #ben was just scared and confused. justice for ben 2k22. #like even after the supposed mercy kill kenny shit talks him postmortem after purportedly starting to understand him #what is his fucking issue. didnt ben literally like JUST graduate from high school. if he had graduated at all. christ i hate kenny. #...and also the nerdbro kenny obsession is totally cause hes like the white guy power fantasy every dude like that has in apocalypse setting #theyre always Cool and Right and doing the Best For Who They Care About while being a fucking asshole to everyone else #and from the outside seeming like an utter fucking tool in spite of the times they do good. cant stand him #hot takes from me today i guess?

[marklikely]

barbarian fans have rapidly become the actual most insufferable people in the horror community

#i hesitate to even say in the horror community bc thats literally the problem #they cant just be like oh it was a good movie they have to be like 'the ONLY scary horror movie to come out in DECADESSS' #'ohhh it was sooo refreshing for a horror movie'. 'it was the first unique horror in years' #MAN. SHUT UPPPPPP. we have to do this every fucking time you people like a movie from The Dumb Genre. #i cannot stand it . there is absolutely a reason why most of my horror fan circle has not talked abt this movie #meanwhile the wider film community cant shut up about it. its bc we actually know theres better horror out there. #avpost #im also a touch bitter because i really didnt enjoy watching it i cant put specifics on why but there was such an undercurrent of misogyny #like. not outright sexist but near lethal levels of Made By Men energy pouring out of the entire experience #could be just me because nobody else seems to have had that issue but it was really suffocating my brain. #anyway yeah i hate to be That Person but i am silently waiting for the backlash to set in. even though it probably wont

[urbanfiltered]

i cannot stop talking huh

#oh man #finally saw my favorite band live yday but then spent today teary and in despair #the come down from all that adrenaline was so ROUGH i feel so empty and sad #like don’t get me wrong it was like a top 10 night for me i will never forget #the lead singer & i got to chat and exchange jewelry after the show and like afterwards i was full body trembling like a chihuahua like #i’ve never loved life more #but now everything feels so grey and unsatisfactory #ugh!!!!!!!! #i’m TIRED of it grandpa i’m tired of constantly planning enrichment activities for myself so i don’t leap off a building!!!!!! #also i thoufht i wss going to do a lot of wholesome hobby stuff once i moved out #like start drawing and writing and reading again and perhaps even picking back up instruments and stuff #but instead i have to schedule social interactions constantly back to back to back bc i cannot stand being alone #but then conversely when the stars aligned and my friend’s lease was ending and i wss up for transfer i was like no #i can’t do it i love being alone actually #a roommate would probably be good for my brain but at the same time i’be spent the past two years bouncing in between #stifling living conditions that never gave me my own space so now i do have to sit here and fiercely remind myself that i NEED this #anyways one ray of positivity is that i made a soup today and oh my god it is so delicious #my second soup i’ve made in this apartment and i do consider myself a culinary genius of just this genre #it’s just annoying that this is the only day this entire week that i blocked out to make myself sit in my apartment and not see anybody #but yet i’m still fiending for at least a phone call and hoping a friend texts spontaneously #i’ve been running back to back between my friends and i was like ahhhh ok i finally get a day to relax #but i do think it was a bad idea to place it right after the show bc i DEFINITELY needed company today #half the time i didn’t even know why i was crying

[waywardsalt]

for the zelda ask game: 🎭😔👊⛩️

🎭 When you play Zelda games, do you imagine being Link yourself, or is Link a separate character to you? Basically, are you Link, or is Link a separate character?

I always consider Link to be his own separate character. There's juuust enough to him most games that he has his own character, and I'm not usually one to go full self-insert with video game characters unless that's what the game is really going for. So I generally consider him to be his own separate character.

😔 Least Favorite Zelda character?

Hhhmmmmmmm normally I would say Jolene (and i think she was my answer for a similar ask game a few years ago) but I'm trying to get myself to at least somewhat appreciate her so it would be kind of counterproductive to say it's her. But it's Jolene.

👊 Favorite Zelda Villain/Boss?

Yeah no Bellum is my favorite Zelda villain... also my favorite boss! I think he's a silly little thing and a lot of fun to think wayyyy to hard about and I really like the variety between the three segments of his extended fight, plus just on a story level his whole fight is really cool. I would normally say I wish more was done with him but I can make do with crumbs so it's fine actually. I kind of want a little plushie of him.

⛩️ Favorite Zelda Dungeon/Location?

Hm... it's hard to decide on just one favorite dungeon, I've always been fond of albw's dungeons and both oot and mm have really good dungeons, but I think I'd have to pick the fire sanctuary from Skyward Sword. I really like sksw's dungeons a lot, and the fire sanctuary especially just... looks really nice and is fun to spend time figuring out. I think it's the one I enjoy the most, while the others are just fine or have some snag to them. With locations, I’m a fan of albw’s Hyrule and Lorule, and Clock Town is probably my favorite town in the entire series.

#asks #doomed-era #salty talks #loz #legend of zelda #very phantom hourglass brained but sksw also owns me in a sense. big fan of control schemes that everyone else hates #not gonna tag games or anything this took me long enoguh so maybe ill be quick in tags? likely not #genuinely struggled to think of any other loz characters i actively dislike beyond a little eh i dont like em #cuz either i just dont really care? or i generally like em jolene might be the only loz character i genuinely cannot stand #its that combo of annoying game mechanic and character traits/personality/whatever thats just like. man i dont enjoy this at all #anyways. i think the general control scheme of sksw and the fact that i tend to play standing up helps me enjoy the dungeons a lot more #also they just are really cool. i love albw's dungeons sm and oot + mm dungeons are incredible but ough sksw #ph is fine lol. as much as i love it the dungeons are eh theyre serviceable theyre fine #i think some loz characters i kinda dont like are like. botw/totk link (oversaturation and totk taints everything it touches for me) that #one creep by gerudo town in botw/totk mayyyybe tingle but thats nothing new uuhhhh. god i dont really have any i dont like #cuz like with botw/totk none of the characters get enough screentime for me to give much of a shit #and for the other games i generally like all of the characters? its the fuckin. ph tunnel vision i have the strongest feelings abt ph #i do like the temple of the ocean king. and a minor location i like is that one island with the fairy upgrade spring thing #its a neat little island. and link just has too much going on w/ his place in the story and whatever that hes his own thing for me #also like. as. a fic writer. i kind of have to view link as his own separate character anyways #skyward sword scratches an itch in my brain i love the gameplay sm. i also really love its visual style its a nice game to look at #oot and mm are just like. good??? i replayed oot recently and ofc its fucks but i need to replay mm so bad i dont think ive ever replayed i #im just extremely fond of albw since its the first loz game i actually finished and i just spent a lot of time with it while younger

[29121996]

.

#im ngl i thinl i am gonna avoid that beach at all costs now i need to avoid him at all costs #for my fucking sanity #this iz weird bc i fucking Hate changing shit in my routine of any kind ! #like ok beach isnt actual routine But . it is my go-to once or twice a month at Minimum but i go when i am rlly sad and overwhelmed #but . adter saturyday i luterally have to avoid him at all fucking costs i cannot stand tje sight of him lmao #everything abt yhat was Too Much and i just . dont knoe how to Fix that yet #like jesus fuck okay ! #but moons in cancer its moon day #makes sense i go to the beacb today actually sorry #also gotta get some . food n stuff bc i am Starving and the . ed thing is winning #im stsrting to think i may have developed afrid or wtv the acronym is #im stoned and my brain is like . yes it would make sense #anyway thats cool i actuslly Hate my eating habits theyre notnstsble #n its not rvrn . as if i hate food . i just . cant eat half the time for wyv rrasons #going toctown on juice n mini eggs tho so theres thst !

[raeofgayshine]

I made a joke about how every wedding should have Butter Barn Hoedown played at, because it’s honestly an iconic song. This led to my friend agreeing and saying they were going to bring it up to a mutual friend (though primarily their friend) for his (gay) wedding.

I made another joke after that if only I was marryable (alas I am aroace and have no desire even for a platonic marriage to be honest unless someone came along I felt comfortable enough for that with), I would play Butter Barn at my wedding.

And see. Here’s the thing I will be thinking about for a long time.

My friend then said, and I have no idea if this was a joke or serious, that I could just come to mutual friends wedding as their platonic date and all three of us could enjoy Butter Barn at a wedding together (And I could go to my first wedding also).

I don’t know if it was a joke. I don’t care either. The fact they would even joke about something like that, that I’m like enough of a friend they would consider that. Fuck dude, what am I supposed to do with that information? That makes me feel things

#ravenpuff rambles #I don’t want to get my hopes up #but this friend and a few of our mutual friends and also the little stream community they built #it feels like maybe this is my place. and these are my people #maybe not in the way young me dreamed of #but in a way that’s actually realistic #and it’s been a couple years now but especially lately #after bonding over so much shared trauma because apparently being aroace in the same spaces we’ve been in brings similar trauma #and finding someone that also happens to share a lot of your interests #and who is willing to be excited about them even when they don’t share them #yeah I feel things about that #at least for now #this is my place #I still have no idea if the wedding thing was a joke but fuck if it isn’t #I will find a way to attend I don’t have a job but I will figure something out #I’m chronic ill but I’m also resourceful and I’m already trying to figure out how to make money #so I can go see them not related to the wedding #I just want to be able to spend time with friends #but fuck is it hard to find a job when I am easily over stimulated cannot stand for literally any stretch of time #and have unpredictable brain fog fatigue and flare ups #I need to find a way to get into modding (in the moderator sense) #because I’m really good at that! and it’s done with a team so if i have a bad day someone will pick up the slack #I’m good at managing discords and Nightbot and other bots also because I just understand them #and I’m great at following rules and answering questions and helping to solve problems #and I’ve done really good I think so far with where I’ve been working #it’s just a small channel so it’s not like they get a lot of pay nor much to pass on #but it’s fun! #I’m also great at title and announcements I do both of those #I could be good at more social media I think also to promote stuff #I’m funny. I’m great at memes and little jokes and references.

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

*sigh*

#there is So Much. So Much to know and consider and have opinions about. #and I feel like my brain cannot hold it all and my heart might fail under the weight of all this responsibility. #how can I as one small human being possibly Comprehend everything happening all at once #much less have educated opinions and take responsible action to everything ?? #these people are embracing dangerous ideologies and those ones won’t commit to anything #and maybe the college I want to go to is changing its priorities and isn’t going to be the same place by the time I actually get there #and maybe all the people I respect and aspire to follow in the creative footsteps of are abandoning integrity for mass approval #and what if the whole world ends in fire and ash before we even see the end of October. #how can I possibly Know and Plan and Respond to everything?? #I am trying so hard to remain faithful but I fear I’m not doing a very good job stewarding the time I’ve been given… >_< #worry weighs heavily on me always and I am Tired. #gurt says stuff #(also I already know all of the proper answers to these questions. it doesn’t stop the questions from coming tho. #as Ella so brilliantly talked about the other day—I think what I need is just someone to stand here and hold this with me #this combination of accepting that now is a time to wait and the constant nagging urge to worry that I’m wasting time and doing enough #personal #delete later #mobile