#but then conversely when the stars aligned and my friend’s lease was ending and i wss up for transfer i was like no

[urbanfiltered]

i cannot stop talking huh

#oh man #finally saw my favorite band live yday but then spent today teary and in despair #the come down from all that adrenaline was so ROUGH i feel so empty and sad #like don’t get me wrong it was like a top 10 night for me i will never forget #the lead singer & i got to chat and exchange jewelry after the show and like afterwards i was full body trembling like a chihuahua like #i’ve never loved life more #but now everything feels so grey and unsatisfactory #ugh!!!!!!!! #i’m TIRED of it grandpa i’m tired of constantly planning enrichment activities for myself so i don’t leap off a building!!!!!! #also i thoufht i wss going to do a lot of wholesome hobby stuff once i moved out #like start drawing and writing and reading again and perhaps even picking back up instruments and stuff #but instead i have to schedule social interactions constantly back to back to back bc i cannot stand being alone #but then conversely when the stars aligned and my friend’s lease was ending and i wss up for transfer i was like no #i can’t do it i love being alone actually #a roommate would probably be good for my brain but at the same time i’be spent the past two years bouncing in between #stifling living conditions that never gave me my own space so now i do have to sit here and fiercely remind myself that i NEED this #anyways one ray of positivity is that i made a soup today and oh my god it is so delicious #my second soup i’ve made in this apartment and i do consider myself a culinary genius of just this genre #it’s just annoying that this is the only day this entire week that i blocked out to make myself sit in my apartment and not see anybody #but yet i’m still fiending for at least a phone call and hoping a friend texts spontaneously #i’ve been running back to back between my friends and i was like ahhhh ok i finally get a day to relax #but i do think it was a bad idea to place it right after the show bc i DEFINITELY needed company today #half the time i didn’t even know why i was crying

[heroicallybee]

I know y’all have been following the posts over the years and my single heart’s desires

This past 13 months of my life has seen the most exponential growth.

I’ve taken control of emotional eating and changed my life by taking care of my body.

I’ve changed my nutrition and it lead to a huge increase in energy and positivity for me.

Part of this growth was a serious about of weight loss - which was incredibly easy. I’m ready to work on maintaining these habits and eating behaviours and incorporate exercise into my lifestyle and daily routines.

All these positive things led me to an increase of confidence and comfortability I haven’t known in years.

I was ready to date.

I met a cute boy who met some of my needs and filled up the loneliness with laughter. But, if I’m being honest with myself and you... I knew from day one he wasn’t the right person for me. I did the right thing and ended it. I was sad because I liked dating someone ! It was amazing to be valued that way and care about someone! I felt peace about my decision and I’ve maintained confident that it was the right thing to end it.

I wanted to “date” and meet people and find a partner to link my life with! I was so ready for these experiences and meeting new people to see what we could build. I went back on the dating apps and I felt HORRIBLE. I was talking to a few men and I wasn’t connecting with or interested in any of them. I was so frustrated and had a complete break down because they weren’t what I was looking for in a partner and I wanted something to happen. @followthered helped me see what a tremendous amount of pressure I was putting on myself and how I was rushing this process of “dating” and encouraged me to disable the app.

I had about 10 guys in my match queue and left the app for about 23 hours and didn’t message any of the men I was speaking with during that day. At the very last few moments before the matches expire I quickly glanced through all the matches in my queue and felt so drawn to message one in particular. I had a really strong feeling about him.

Within moments of talking I already felt something towards him that I didn’t feel with any of the others I had been speaking to.

I messaged my best friend to ask if she knew him because they went to the same university. The words she used to describe him were “he was highly admired” and you should absolutely meet him.

Less than 18 hours after our first conversation began, we met. (I asked 89000 questions about covid and safety and I decided we could trust each other. He drove across the country and got tested before he left and when he arrived to be safe, refused to get on a plane so he drove here to be safe, won’t go in restaurants, social distancing from all his friends and his brothers to be safe.) He was exactly who I thought he would be. My heart was comfortable and sure and steady. We laughed and talked and shared and held hands.

He wants to live a life like Jesus and is passionate about social justice. He is a law student in Ontario and wants to work in international relations and effect policies that cause injustice. He’s incredibly intelligent and has this vocational calling (like mine in teaching). We have values that align and agree on critisicms about “the church” and we just respect each other.

That night we met and stayed up till 3 am in the park under the stars and when the sprinklers came on we danced in the water and he kissed me. (When did my life become a romantic movie?)

I met his family 3 days later and his mom is my soul mate. I don’t even believe in soul mates but she is my most kindred spirit.

He wanted to meet all my family and friends so that when he had to go back to Ontario I could get wisdom and support about our relationship from the people I trust.

He was supposed to leave the week he met me but He extended his trip by a week to invest in getting to know me.

Behind the scenes he was organizing with his family a way to move to B.C. to date me. His lease was up in October and law school is online due to covid. He arranged to move here to date me in person this year.

He treats me as an equal. He treasures me. He disagrees with me respectfully and listens to me try to make sense of things. He accepts my flaws and wants me to annoy him forever. He loves the sound of my voice and my embrace. He demonstrates leadership and ensures my leadership is followed, too. He is a critical thinker and provides balance to my emotional reactions. He challenges me in the best ways. We are learning so much about each other. And we are committed to making this grow.

I have never felt so steady and sure about something before. This peace is priceless. He’s really special. And I tell him that all the time, that there’s something about him that I’ve never known could exist. His response is that there’s something about US that’s special. He affirms me and speaks life into me. We are both scared but being brave and being vulnerable in this. He’s not afraid to tell me what he thinks and believes and I trust him so much to do the right thing. There’s nothing I would change about him. I accept him fully for who he is and appreciate it all.

Dating at this age is weird because we have both built our lives and are looking for someone who fits in to what we have already established. And I’m confident that I found someone I want to link my life with.

Thankful and content heart here.

#journal entries #prayers and advice welcome

[twilight-adamo]

As Dreams Are Made On: The Mixtape - Liner Notes

Hello everyone! I am currently in the process of gathering my thoughts on Brave New World and trying to get the next installment of These Our Actors (which will focus on Rosalie) just right, in addition to trying to find my thread on Out of the Blue and other non-Twilight projects. This has been complicated by the fact that I’ve been fighting a couple rather nasty nose and throat bugs of late, and so this weekend I’m doing my best to relax and recover.

In the meantime, I thought I’d start offering up my notes on the Spotify playlist I posted a while ago and why I chose the songs I did. For anyone who didn’t see the link, here it is:

https://open.spotify.com/user/12153099402/playlist/5IYjYDbcM6qvQ2hgGnOCGF?si=orkjWU50SjKm7xbPSF_r5w

Since many of my choices do relate directly to specific plot points, there are potential spoilers ahead, so I’m putting this behind a cut. I won’t get through every song in this post, but I’ll add additional notes in subsequent posts as time allows.

As I think I mentioned before, I find playlists to be a very useful tool in my writing. It’s possible to spend too much time tinkering with playlists, of course, so I try not to do it in place of writing or outlining - this is just something I work on when I’m occupied with non-writing tasks that allow for a certain amount of downtime. Each song tends to relate to a plot point or an emotion I’m trying to evoke in a certain part of the story, and the sequence generally follows my outline of the plot, though I’ll sometimes put the playlist on shuffle if I’m feeling stuck and want to try and shake things up, and I sometimes end up adding, removing, or resorting various songs as my understanding of the plot evolves. Since As Dreams Are Made On is done, the current version of the mixtape - all 49 songs - is now pretty much in its final form, but when I’m working on a story, the associated playlist is very much a living document and subject to change.

Music has always been a hugely important part of my life, thanks in large part to my mother, who was an influence on much of my creative output. I tend to think of myself as a visual and verbal person first and foremost, but music has the power to set my mood, to reawaken old memories, to align my thoughts, and to soothe my emotional turmoil. My personal tastes are fairly eclectic - my mother favored country, and I’m still fond of the genre, but I also listen to a lot of pop, classical pieces, musical theatre, folk music, movie scores, and so on. Spotify has been kind of a godsend when it comes to building playlists, though there are unfortunately a few pieces which should be on the mixtape but aren’t simply because they’re unavailable on Spotify. I’ll try to make a note of those missing pieces in the appropriate sections.

Right, well, without further ado, let’s get to the songs.

Pieces and Pieces - The Rough and Tumble This song’s sort of a thesis statement for the whole story, in a way. The refrain, in particular, speaks to me of where I was going: Nothing is lost when it’s been found again / Everything’s found where it was lost. Cass/Bella (or CB, as I refer to her, when I’m not simply calling her Bella) has seemingly lost a great deal, but she comes to gain a great deal as well, and to recover things she thought lost to her forever. The line “I will make you mine again, pieces by pieces” also speaks to me of the story’s dramatic climax, where the nature of CB’s relationship with Alice becomes clearer.

Where Is My Mind? - Pixies Here’s where we’re getting into the actual sequence of events. This one might be a little bit of a cliché, but it reflects CB’s confusion when she wakes in the world of Twilight. It’s also just generally one of my favorite songs.

Turning Page - Sleeping At Last This is the first of many pieces pulled directly from the soundtrack of the Twilight films, and the first song that centers a character other than CB, as it reflects Alice getting hit by the mating bond full-force. It’s a lovely piece, but I think there’s an undercurrent of anxiety and some slightly ominous elements that suit Alice’s mood well. Love at first sight sounds like a pleasant prospect, but it’s also a frightening one, and neither Alice nor CB would have chosen it, given the chance to choose.

Iowa (Traveling, Pt. 3) - Dar Williams Another of my favorite songs. I listened to a lot of Dar Williams in college, and listen to her fairly often still, but I keep coming back to this one in particular. As a lifelong New Englander, famed for what my great-grandmother called ‘the Yankee reserve’ (which means we don’t tend to wear our emotions on our sleeves and generally we keep to ourselves), these lyrics in particular speak to me:

But way back where I come from We never mean to bother We don’t like to make our passions other people’s concern And we walk in the world of safe people And at night we walk into our houses and burn

So, to me, this song speaks of CB’s struggle with her own emotions as her life in Forks begins and she grapples with the mating bond and all it implies. And it also speaks to her background as a lifelong Bostonian, who doesn’t like to be a bother but nevertheless finds herself in a whole new social context and a position where she needs to reach out to others to survive.

Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs This is Rosalie’s introduction to the story. I don’t really know why, it just seems to suit her, somehow.

Bela Lugosi’s Dead - CHVRCHES It may be physically impossible for me to write about vampires WITHOUT using this song. I just felt like I had to fit it in somewhere, and the first meeting with the rest of the Cullens (sans Carlisle and Esme, of course) seemed like a good spot.

Looking for a Place to Shine - Deidre Thornell Hear the Bells - Naomi Scott I’ll be honest, I don’t have a lot of compelling reasons for these two. They just seemed to fit the sort of transitional period between the first meeting with the Cullens and Leah’s introduction a little later on.

Red Eyes and Tears - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club Leah’s introduction to the story. Again, it just seemed to suit her.

New For You - Reeve Carney We’re back to Alice with this one. It sort of reflects her own emotional turmoil in dealing with the mating bond and having to accept that CB doesn’t necessarily reciprocate all her feelings just yet.

Fearless - Taylor Swift Well, this one actually comes up in the story, so you can pretty much guess where it fits in. Again, though, it’s one of my favorite songs, and speaks to the joy that I think love should carry with it, and the idea that love should drive us forward and make us better. It’s been a serious contender for the first dance at my hypothetical wedding for a long time (though “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri may be beating it out now).

The Mercy of the Fallen - Dar Williams More Dar Williams! This one...I don’t know. Somehow, it speaks to me of love and acceptance, of individuals who are all burdened and broken in their own ways reaching out and comforting one another. And that, in turn, makes me think of CB’s first visit to the Cullen house: her first real conversation with Rosalie, her introduction to Carlisle and Esme, all of that. This is where she really starts to build bridges, I think, and where she and some of the others begin to open up to one another.

Bella’s Lullaby - Carter Burwell, Dan Redfeld and Elizabeth Hedman This is of course one of my favorite pieces from the Twilight movie score, and includes a leitmotif that comes up more than once in both the films and in my playlist. I couldn’t find the original version from the score itself on Spotify, but this cover works. Of course Edward plays it on the piano at this point in the story, reading it out of CB’s thoughts, and I think she adopts it in a sense as a sort of personal theme. Every time I listen to it, it makes me think of soaring pine trees and crisp, cold air, and I find the melody very soothing.

Missing Piece: Star by Star - Cassandra Lease and Melissa Carubia Someday I’m actually going to get together with the friend who helped me with the arrangement on this one and record it. It probably won’t go up on Spotify, but I’ll likely post it somewhere. This is the song I wrote for my mother’s memorial service; the lyrics are of course reprinted in the story in their entirety. This is probably one of the most personal elements of the story, the point where I really started to spill my guts across the page. I obviously backed off a little from my own life once I introduced Callie to the story, but there’s still a lot of my soul buried in the text; sometimes, I think, too much.

Bella’s Lullaby (Extended Mix) - The Twilight Orchestra I’m not really sure why this shares the name Bella’s Lullaby when it doesn’t seem to have much to do with the shorter piece, but whatever. This is just a lovely piece that sets the mood for Alice and CB on the rooftop and the events that follow.

Possibility - Lykke Li Similarly, this is more of a ‘setting the mood’ song. I don’t think the lyrics quite fit, in their entirety, but this basically represents CB awakening to the possibility of forming a real attachment to Alice, despite her qualms.

Shake It Off - Taylor Swift Another (highly anachronistic) Taylor Swift song that shows up in the story itself. I can be an extremely basic white girl at times.

Bad Reputation - Avril Lavigne The Joan Jett version isn’t on Spotify! I don’t know what to tell you! This cover’s pretty good, though. Another Leah song, and something I imagine might be playing in the dive where CB introduces Leah to fried pickles.

Nothing to Lose - Minusworld My friend Melissa’s band! Get their EP, Giant Blazing Sword, wherever you buy digital music! Listen to them on Spotify and Bandcamp! Anyway, I think this is the track playing during Leah and CB’s encounter with the scary assholes in the alley, and when Emmett and the others get their big damn hero moment.

In Place Of Someone You Love - Carter Burwell, Dan Redfeld and Elizabeth Hedman We’re skipping ahead a bit here. This piece comes after the shopping scene and CB’s attempt to analyze Rosalie’s abilities, when she’s in the dream of the burning house, trying to save her memories.

The Forgotten - Green Day This piece represents CB’s emotions after she wakes from her brief coma, as she struggles with losing her memories and burning away parts of the world she left behind.

Black Is The Colour - Cara Dillon And this piece represents CB’s acceptance of her feelings toward Alice, her confession of love despite her reservations. It took me a while to find a cover I liked, as I very much wanted to use a version that had a woman singing about another woman, for obvious reasons.

Okay, I think that’s pretty much all I can handle for now. More to come soon!

#twilight fanfiction #twilight fanfic #twilight au #adamo #as dreams are made on #adamo spoilers #the mixtape #bellice #alice/bella

[twodeadchicks]

Meet "TRICK GRIMES"

At first glance your heart might plummet to your stomach. You might think to yourself, "It can't be him, right? There's no way! IS THAT ANDY LINCOLN?! IS RICK GRIMES REAL?! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!' These are all thoughts I had when I saw Rick Grimes cosplayer Trent Roberts at Walker Stalker Nashville. Though I can assure you, after careful inspection, he is in fact NOT Rick Grimes. But he's pretty damn close. First, tell me a little background on you. What is your day job? How did you get into cosplaying as our favorite python wielding badass? [caption id="attachment_21760" align="alignright" width="225"] Roberts with his sons Josh and Zak[/caption] I live in the Dallas area but [am] originally from Louisiana. My "real" job is Regional Sales Manager for a Whiskey company so I stay very busy with a lot of travel. That's why I have to be selective on how many events I can do as a cosplayer. As for how this started, I have been a fan of the show since day one. From the age of about 20 or so I've always had a beard and longer hair. Every once in a while I would change up and shave but it wouldn't last long, so I've looked like Rick way before there was a Rick. Starting about season 3 I started having people notice and comment on my resemblance. Then early in 2016 my sons wanted to go to a comic con in Dallas and suggested I dress as Rick and they ended up regretting the suggestion. We started getting stopped for pics in the parking lot and once we entered we couldn't walk more than 10 feet at a time before getting stopped for another picture. It didn't help that my youngest son dressed as Carl. He quickly got tired of hearing "Ccooorrallll". This is where someone mentioned to me that I should go to a Walker Stalker Con. I had never heard of it but went home and looked at future dates. How many Walker Stalker conventions have you attended? [caption id="attachment_21763" align="alignleft" width="300"] Roberts in Trick Grimes mode[/caption] The first one was Dallas last year and then Atlanta last October. Nashville was my first working WSC. I did attend Dallas FanExpo twice and another smaller con or two in the Dallas area. Megacon the week before was my very first con to work. I will be attending A-kon this weekend but not cosplaying because I want my boys to be able to enjoy themselves even though they realize even in regular clothes I will probably still get stopped some. Oh and I forgot one of the most fun things I've done with this, the cruise. Do you have any memorable moments from this past weekend's convention in Nashville? Too many. Even though I am working some of these now I still have a hard time thinking of myself as a professional cosplayer. This is for fun and to give fans a great experience. I guess a couple of times this weekend we had fans with either physical or mental disabilities and to see their faces light up makes it all worthwhile. Also, it's funny how many of the fans that I have to actually convince I am not Andrew.  What's been the best part of attending WSC? The fans. I didn't realize how close knit a family this was. I have started seeing the same people now at multiple events and started forming friendships. I also have to say that through this I have had the pleasure to meet many of the stars of the show and they have all been incredibly nice. [caption id="attachment_21762" align="alignright" width="262"] Roberts with Michael Cudlitz, who played Abraham on The Walking Dead[/caption] Which ones did you meet and what was their reaction to you? Have you met the elusive Andy Lincoln yet? I've met Steven Yeun, Scott Wilson, Greg Nicotero, Michael Rooker, Michael Cudlitz, Chandler Riggs. In Nashville, Irone came up to me hugged me and complimented me on my resemblance as did Chad Coleman who I happened to run into in the restroom of all places. I was lucky enough to get to ask Andrew a question at his panel in Atlanta. Norman was on stage and saw me first and said to him "he looks just like you" and then Andrew asked if I could fill in for him at work on Monday. It was nice to get the acknowledgement. I have also met a couple of the saviors and they have said the resemblance is uncanny. Norman passed me on the walkway as we were boarding for the cruise and even he did a double take when he saw me then even in street clothes. Gave me a thumbs up. Kia and I were majorly creeping on you in Nashville because you look SO much like Rick. All the way down to the swagger. As someone who has met Andy in person, the swagger is an integral part to being Andy/Rick. Is the swagger learned or is that just you being you? I've had people say I even walk like him but that is just my normal walk. For most of my life I have worn cowboy boots almost daily, so I'm sure that is part of the natural walk. I'll admit though that once the jacket and gun belt go on it probably amplifies it a bit. So, be honest, is it weird when people stare you down (*ahem* kind of like we did?����)? Sometimes. I'm still wrapping my head around all this. It is weird to me the way people act towards me and I'm not even the guy. I just look like the guy. The one thing I want to make very clear to everyone, I am not the celebrity here. Even when fans know I'm not him they get all emotional around me or are afraid to approach me. Please don't do that. I'm just a regular guy who happens to look like someone famous. That doesn't make me famous. I have been around enough cons now to see that there are too many professional cosplayers who think they are celebrities and have the attitude to go with it. That's not why I'm doing this. I enjoy cutting up and having fun with everyone and I hope that if nothing else people will know me as the fun, nice Rick cosplayer. How difficult was it to acquire the Rick Grimes wardrobe (including his famous murder coat)? [caption id="attachment_21759" align="alignleft" width="225"] Roberts showing off the infamous Murder Coat[/caption] I'm kind of a perfectionist about this. If I'm going to do it I have to be true to the character. There are a lot of Rick coat options out there but I wanted to make sure the collar was the right color and pocket zippers were at the right angle. I also had a few comments early on that my wardrobe was to new and clean so I took the jacket with me to my deer lease and drug it down the gravel roads behind my 4 wheeler. I also would freeze frame the show to see exactly where there were rips or fraying on his shirts and pants in order to duplicate as accurately as possible. The only other two significant expenses were the gun belt and Colt Python. I ordered the exact Tex Shoemaker holster that he uses in the show and again made sure I had all the accessories on the belt exactly as he does. The Python was a CO2 pistol that I modified the grip and replaced with actual Colt grips. It looks and feels just like the real thing now. The beat up boots, jeans and tshirt were obviously easy. Do you have a favorite wardrobe item? The gun belt. I grew up watching westerns and reading Louis Lamour books and always said I should have been born in the 1800's. When I put that on I just feel like the sheriff getting ready for a gun fight. Do you ever get stopped when you're out and about because people think you're Andy Lincoln? Everyday. Especially because I do spend a lot of time in airports due to my real job. It always happens when I'm walking through and out of the corner of my eye I see people sitting at gates tapping the person next to them and pointing at me. Or, I walk by a group and over my shoulder I hear " OMG that was.....". It was just funny to my friends and family but now it's kind of like, can we not go anywhere with you that someone doesn't come over. We were at Universal Orlando for spring break and my sons wanted pics with they people in the Bart and Homer Simpson costumes. Now I'm on vacation in shorts, flip flops, tshirt and sunglasses. When my boys were finished and we were about to walk away we hear Homer say "excuse me but can we get a picture with Rick". I've been to Senoia) about 3 times now and have had interactions with people there who have been face to face with Andrew, sometimes on a regular basis. They have approached me and started a conversation as if I'm him. I've had to stop them and identify myself. [caption id="attachment_21761" align="alignright" width="284"] Trent Roberts (left) side by side with Andrew Lincoln (right)[/caption] What do you love most about cosplaying as Rick Grimes? Having the opportunity to due some charitable work due to this resemblance is great. I have committed to due an event for a children's charity in Vancouver this October and hopefully this will open doors for more. Talking to fans and hearing that I may be the closest they ever get to meeting Rick is another motivation to make sure they have a memorable experience when they meet me.   Make sure to follow Trick Grimes on Facebook and Instagram.  

#rick grimes #the walking dead #twd #TWDFamily #two dead chicks #Walker Stalker #Walker Stalker Nashville #walking dead podcast #WSCNashville