#human but slightly to the left

[sysig]

Some highlights from a tense but still very Winterkov-y scene (Patreon)

#Doodles #Adventure Time #Fionna and Cake #Simon Petrikov #Winter King #Winterkov #The first five are all in sequence and then from there it's a bit sporadic #I dunno if this is one I'm gonna finish by they did both turn out very cute so I wanted to show some of them off lol #It's mostly a headcanon comic about how they differ in attractions (basically how much influence the Crown has on Winter) #I initially compared Winter to a slightly more chill Bill Cipher - a non-human entity inhabiting a human body #Probably tempered by how much Simon is still left over - not a lot but even a little does make a difference! #In that there's a lot of things the Crown might get out of a human body while still experiencing an entirely alien interpretation of stimuli #It's all just a lot of character analysis headcanon stuff lol - the Winterkov is still the main focus! Here anyway lol #I am very endeared at the idea posited by some fanfic writers that inviting Simon to the lab was just a pretense lol #He /did/ have to get out of his clothes before getting into new ones lol #They really do both have such lovely designs ah <3 They're fun to draw! #This was a lot of settling into them - I love the little floof-lifts that Winter has from Simon #His hair is long but it's still not completely able to weigh itself down from his voluminous bob! Very cute #The nose ears and shape of Winter's glasses really set him apart but their similarities are so fun #And while it's not featured here Simon's shy little smiles vs. Winter's big and loud expressions! Their contrasting features are so neat! #Very enjoyable character design

[thebramblewood]

Apologies for ruining your weekend.

Previous / Next

It's not necessary, but if you want to learn more about the events Grace is describing (particularly the spellcaster who sacrificed herself), it originated in another story you can read here (chrono link for desktop only). I'm sure there are some inconsistencies because I had no idea I'd be doing more with it and my storytelling was more casual and gameplay-oriented then, but it might help fill in some gaps.

[rapid knocking at the door]

Caleb: …Morgyn? 

Grace: Caleb-

Caleb: Why are you in your nightgown? Are you crying?

Grace: Caleb, I-

Caleb: Where’s Morgyn? Council meetings never go this late.

Grace: [sniffling] Oh, Caleb… The Sages, they’re… they’re…

Caleb: What happened?

Grace: [strangely detached] I’d already gone home. Almost everyone had. There was an… attack. No one saw it coming. Dark magic… ancient spells… malicious… forbidden. How did he even find them?

Caleb: [impatiently] Grace, you’re not making any sense.

Grace: [distantly] The Realm is secured. Someone stopped him before he could tamper with the portals. A teacher, I think, from the children’s school. She sacrificed herself to drain his power.

Caleb: I don’t care about the goddamn Realm! What about Morgyn?

Grace: [sobbing] I’m sorry, Caleb. I’m so sorry. They were ambushed. They had no chance to defend themselves. Faba, Simeon, Morgyn… The entire Council is… dead. Oh my god. Caleb, are you okay?

Caleb: Stay back!

Grace: But-Caleb: I mean it! You’re not safe around me like this. Go home, Grace! Now.

#ts4 #sims 4 #ts4 story #sims 4 story #simblr #story: hzid #caleb vatore #grace anansi #for some reason caleb's jaw/chin area is slightly more pronounced in his human form... not sure how that happened #i hope it makes sense why his dark form takes over at the end! #it's sort of like the vampire equivalent of going into fight or flight mode #it's like their bodies' defense system so it can kick in automatically if they feel overly threatened or overwhelmed #and as a result they become more easily driven by base instincts and less in control #which is why he tells grace he's dangerous! #since he's so disciplined he would probably be able to restrain himself from hurting her but he'd rather not leave even a small opening #(and besides it's a convenient way to tell her he'd prefer to be left alone) #death tw #gif tw

[sunatsubu]

connor face practice and bonus hank

#myartdbh #dbh connor #dbh hank #hank anderson #detroit become human #2nd one actually left out his led on purpose for once lol #i dunno why but giving him those slightly different bangs gave him more of a human vibe #may or may not color hank one in later.. #kind of like just the lines tho

[goatbeard-goatbeard]

so Aziraphale says “I know, but I have a suggestion” right before Crowley escorts the humans out of the ball. then seems a bit disappointed when Crowley says “I’ve got this”

ever since the season came out, I’ve been wondering what his idea was, but couldn’t think of what it could be. was he thinking of the ritual circle? was he thinking of his halo? but then why was he trying to interrupt Crowley?

just saw the scene again

he was thinking of hiding the bookshop

#ALL the humans would have been safe #he wouldn’t have had to use his halo #but Crowley left with the humans then went to heaven #and Aziraphale had to fall back on some much worse plan Bs #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens 2x05 #good omens meta #good omens analysis #good omens speculation #good omens theories #good omens theory #Aziraphale looks like he’s flailing because he is #if Crowley had actually come back right after escorting the humans #they could have done a joint miracle and had everything sorted out #25 lazarii #also slightly losing it over Aziraphale having a Suggestion and Crowley missing it #of all people who you would think would check the Suggestion Box #they had to have written it as ‘suggestion’ rather than ‘idea’ on purpose #it’s such a deliciously painful irony

[aforgottenthing]

Do you think Lawrence took up smoking after the bathroom trap?

#listen… chainshipping appeals to me in a very specific way #something something a part of him was left behind in that bathroom. was it it his humanity? was it his goodness? was it the man he knew for #only six hours? #I find Lawrence and Adam so interesting because it’s specifically the idea that these are two men who barely know each other. Adam know more #about Lawrence solely bc he was hired to follow him but he doesn’t KNOW him. #they definitely weren’t chatting during those six hours. and yet. #everything they felt together led to that final moment. where Lawrence crawls away from the exit so he can touch Adam #it’s this moment of raw humanity between two people who have been trying desperately to *ignore* their shared humanity #and it is something that haunts Lawrence. #I don’t think he lied to Adam. I think he meant to come back but he was bleeding out and delirious and most definitely passed out from the #pain #and I don’t think he ever forgets Adam #it is a love story. but in the way that a ghost story is #there is a love for what is not there #and so I ask: do you think Lawrence took up smoking after the saw trap? #to feel like he is even slightly closer to KNOWING what is not there? #anyway. I’m tipsy #saw #saw 2004 #lawrence gordon #dr lawrence gordon #adam stanheight #Adam Faulkner-stanheight #lawrence x adam #chainshipping #I’m gonna be real I find chainshipping wayyyyy more interesting when Adam stays dead

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Hey, I think I missed a bit of lore or something, what’s the pit? And what’s the goop™️?

oh yeah no i haven't really talked about those Important Things yet! mostly because i'm still solidifying how they work in my mind... i try my best to adhere to canon, since to me aus are an exploration of the source / characters, so... its still tenuous. i have to think and consider and run parallel - there's a balance i'm still trying to find

like The Pit™️ (the spiral/eye void under Home) in Lights Out is gonna be different from the canon one since i started thinking about the au before the update. and the update changed my perception / theories on what the void is! but the au Pit™️ needs to remain mostly the way it originally was, or a lot of "plot" points fall apart

#and then the Goop™️ is like... the fuckin... black sludge stuff... #yk? the stuff? the stuff that makes humans sick? #its that but slightly to the left #the more i think about canon the more i realize that the au needs to diverge slightly more than i'd like lol #but thank fuck its remaining more... Smooth than canon if that makes sense. it has less facets #its more Straightforward. less wonderfully complex. shrimplicity over delicious intricacies #but im getting wildly off point! this is not what you asked! sorry! #but anyway to put it simply for the au: #the pit under home is filled with the black stuff. its the source #and the black stuff / goop is uh. well its everywhere and its Important and wally can manipulate it to a limited extent #also it chokes frank to death sorry xoxo #ok its a lil more complicated than that but yk yk #rambles from the bog #wh lights out au #but yeah the update came out and i went #Oh! I Got It Wrong! Neat! #i am honestly happy about it #i like being wrong in certain situations. this is one of them. #but for ease of the au and to keep it at a respectful distance from canon without straying too far #ill keep my Original Thoughts / Theory as au-canon!

[ziracona]

Thinking for the rest of my life how S1 of TWDG begins with Lee in cuffs, life over, because of a man he just killed, who took a girl he loved, and ends with Lee in cuffs, life over, because of a man he just killed, who took a girl he loves, but literally everything about that string of statements has so utterly changed meaning, the end could not be farther from the start. The bookend of finishing right where you started, and nowhere near it.

Both the first and last line in the game are spoken to Lee, about Lee, and reflect regret towards the end of his life, but even the flavor of regret could not be more distant. “I reckon you didn’t do it,” and “(I’ll miss you) - Me too,” do not even share a sadness. The first legacy, remarked on throughout season 1, would have been ‘murderer.’ The real one is so far the opposite, his ghost carries every person who survives for the rest of the series. I hear it described as about redemption, but the focus is never once in the game about Lee making up for something. You never even really know what he did or if it was merited. The game is a second life, and culminates in a stranger accusing Lee of having no right to live or have someone who loves him for every single thing he’s done wrong since the game began, no matter how unfair the accusation, and about that being bullshit. About it being enough, what he did for Clementine, for everyone, for himself. It’s about salvation, maybe. Of the self, by the self, from ruin, through meaning in love and caring for other people, no matter their endings or yours. Ben always dies, but it mattered. Omid always dies, but it mattered. Duck, Carly, Katya, Mark, Doug, always die, but it mattered. And Clementine always lives, and that does too. Lee always dies. It just takes the course of a season. But he’s not lost anymore when he does.

#and he’s never lost again. #the walking dead game #twdg #lee everett #twdg spoilers #it really is one of the best games of all time. like it won game of the year for a reason #I know the last lines are determinate but I have watched scores of plays and I’ve literally never see a human being their first time pick #any line but ‘I’ll miss you’. of course we all did. because we desperately needed to say ‘I love you’ and couldn’t. #but even if you do select one of the others the bookending remains just the dialogue is a slightly different line #anyway ‘I’ll miss you’ ‘me too’ may as well be it because every single person on the planet picks it and they knew we would #it’s literally the only dialogue everyone had in common #plus ‘don’t go’ if you let him turn but again. same emotional end same dialogue same meaning #thinking about the fact the narrative was so powerful Dave Fennoy said regularly after young people send him messages asking for help and #advice or just some kind of fleetingconnection or guidance because he voiced Lee and Lee left such an impact it carried over in a different #way than popular lead usually does #how incredible to think about

[pastelhousewithlegs]

watched the defunctland video and then fell down a nostalgic rabbit hole of the wiggles and found a video of the og guys from 1996 doing “Dorothy would you like to dance”

I feel like I’m back in high school watching some guys trying to have a party.

#I’m a grown human being and my YouTube history is full of videos and songs by the og guys smh #everyone de-aged like 10 years in this video #Greg’s shoes look like bowling shoes #the wiggles but slightly to the left #Greg page #Greg wiggle #Jeff fatt #Jeff wiggle #Murray cook #Murray wiggle #Anthony field #Anthony wiggle #dorothy the dinosaur #what is my life #defunctland #wiggles

[hyperionshipping]

"here man you looked cold, that'll warm you up"

"Oh, uh- t-thhanks! Fuckfuckfuck!!!!"

#tricks art #very much OK 2 rb! #dndads #dungeons and daddies #glenn close dndads #***THIS IS MY GAY LITTLE S/I NOT ANY CANON CHARACTER*** #In my heart I know Glenn would have a Down With The Sickness shirt. Trust me #ALSO. im on ep 37 rn!!! #i dont think this would happen but man on the left (my s/i) uses he/they #I'm still thinking a lot abt s/i stuff so I just like drew Me. But I def am thinking abt a demon or just.... Some Guy or slightly not human #hmm hm hmmm #selfship #selfshipping #selfship art #self insert #really love how I did Glenn's nose ^w^ big noses!! #one day I'm gonna study how to draw /my/ big nose but not now eh

[sun-marie]

It turns out the portraits in PoE are stored as .pngs in the files, so I made some alterations for Sabina 😊

#assuming I did it correctly anyway lol #left is original right is my alterations #i think the og is supposed to be for a human so I tried to make the portrait more dwarf-y #and her model has slightly longer hair so. why not? #pillars of eternity #watcher sabina

[bluebudgie]

Alright gw2 peeps, here's one for all of you with a lot of alts:

All your characters of the same class (e.g. all your rangers) are stuck together in an escape room.

Which of your "class groups" is off the worst and who gets the job done with no problem?

#edit: yall did this way more detailed than my word salad so lemme redo this class by class as well: #eles: not awful. overall a relatively cooperative group despite very differing personalities. #wouldnt be the fastest in finding the solutions but definitely are getting out of there without casualties or other damages #necros: shit tier dynamics. hostile charr that wants to be left alone vs. volatile chak madman vs. way too gentle sylvari plant #communication would NOT go well but they would make it out (neljje contributes NOTHING to this) #mesmers: nightmare courtier who is out to be as destructive on purpose as possible vs. just some guy vs. tvekks (enough said) #tvekks will suffer but they'll probably make it out. maybe. im unsure. #rangers: actually competent. if we ignore the hostile inquest rat in the room we're left with a competent charr leader and a #very cooperative norn huntsman (and bobbie but he contributes absolutely nothing). they will get out just fine. #engineers: disaster. there might be dead. too many egos in one room and a poor norn who just wants to get out beween everyone fighting #she might jus solve this on her own while the other three are about to slice each other's throats #thieves: absolute hell tier. mordrem sylvari trying to eat everything he can possble dig his teeth into. #a mildly confused human who probably just tries her best while the asura in the room is suffering psychic damage caused by #the mordrem and the charr that will simply not shut up for one second #i do not see ANYONE managing to get a solution in these conditions even if individually they might just be able to. #revs: awkward atmosphere between happy upbeat asura kid and really grumpy charr but they're getting through it #warriors: also a weird clash of personalities but they'd pull their asscheeks together and get out of there #and finally the guardians: no destructive force in here. just two very mature people and a slightly chaotic but otherwise clever bard #absolute dream team coming up with solutions. peace and happiness. #budgie plays gw2

[juno-infernal]

okay nm i took half an adderall, put on my fluffy black bathrobe, switched the music to goth and new wave bops and now the world is full of beautiful possibility again

#m #still slightly insane. because the moisturizer is not found #and because i am facing the mortifying ordeal of being emotionally invested in a human being. #but the doom spiral is averted. false alarm. #i am going to hang up some of the MANY paintings/posters/misc art pieces i own soon & this is exciting #i have some really neat stuff #and i am trying not to be so sad #about the fact that i thought (as i collected furniture and paintings and dishes etc) #that by now i’d have a home of my own. instead of so many hopes languishing in boxes. #there’s a lot i should just get rid of tbh. it would make things easier. #but i don’t want to completely abandon my hope for a future #where for example i have a use for the silverware my great (x3) aunt left me when she died #or shelf space enough for my weird trinkets. #or my 1 million boxes of books. #it’s… not likely. but i don’t know if i can take giving up entirely yet.

[lunart-06]

Kamukura with emotions doesn't make him weaker than before, just because he's in relationship with Makoto doesn't mean he's gone completely *soft*. He's only gone soft in just one angle, the rest is still pretty much still the same except now he perfers to rest his head on Makoto's lap than anything else that was already available for him to simply just lean his head against.

The first thing he feels when being around makoto isn't *love*, it's simply the same feeling he always felt which is *boredom*. And the second that came along wasn't the first thing mentioned, it's *interest* (from the form of the prespective of boring normalcy that differs his own) that slowly by time turned into *obsession* (realizing this whole thing is much better than when being stuck in the tight room in his lab) and by then began to be sticking around the guy instead of the other way around and it'll be a surprise to Makoto one day and to Makoto that will only be taken as an invitation to be closer. A progress.

All in all *love* will be the LAST THING appeared even AFTER they were in a relationship because it is something that Kamukura HAS to come in terms or accept himself, or realising too late to stop it cause he only accept to be "in a relationship" (with the entitlement of 'lovers' or 'partners' and everything) with Makoto simply in a way so Makoto can stay close to him (knowing the guy's unyielding loyalty and used that to his gain), because Makoto continues to make himself intriguing to Kamukura in his own boring, simple ways because Kamukura has grow to hate and berated normalcy of the untalented by his teachers and developed it through there. Plus he never gets to experience or learn a lot more of it other than the lab staffs' explanation of how "boring" it is and it's seem to also be the reason *he* became Kamukura in the first place as well.

(So the beggining of their relationship itself, the "love" part was one-sided. Kinda. In a way)

Sure it *is* boring. The whole "normal lifestyle" thing is sure sucked away his life source (if he even had one) and it's already just as he expected even when he lets Makoto around for at least a few days, he only let the guy around cause his luck is unexpected at most times but then of COURSE Makoto would use those times to shimmy his way into Kamukura's life. Shortly yet slowly. A very strange pace it is but it worked well with both of them.

His sickening optimistic, motivating nature to upbring Kamukura's gloomy, unmotivated one to pull him in the most boring of activities eventhough he had stated either directly or indirectly that those are, obviously, *boring*.

But Makoto's other traits that has first caught him just *slightly* off guard (which is. Rare and almost to never) was his undeterred determination to prove someone wrong (either in a morality sense in what was naively generally right). Perhaps he has been too assuming of Makoto's commonly pushover antics, or maybe Makoto's usual everyday and everytime genuine optimism has put his guard down just a bit that it made him passed by the fact that Makoto- no matter how positive and hopeful- *can* get mad or bothered if being triggered in certain ways. Certain ways as in if it involves someone else or views of things morally in a negative sense (the reaction made Makoto look more.. real. Something along that line).

Im also thinking how at some point, that *stubborn* determination that *always* butts in whenever Kamukura try to state or refuse. To try and always attempting to change his mind and at some point it led to another breaking point leading to the next change and that would be Kamukura- in his still usual bored tone yet out of character dialogue, said, in *annoyance*; "can you shut up." And doesn't THAT caught them BOTH off guard.

Silence followed when both were lost in their own thoughts in trying to process it before Makoto snapped out of it first to apologise for crossing the line and in promise to not do it again. Which, Kamukura is fine with but at the same time- "no" he would say, "keep talking". Cause sure, Kamukura has a fair share of being annoyed sometimes, but THIS is different, because just *how* can he be so easily annoyed over something so... *simple* as Makoto to be able to *blurted out* the moment of thought? It's something worth to explore more. To *experience*. Because it's new and when it's new, it's usually *interesting and unexpected* to someone like Kamukura.

And sometimes it's not just usually some new emotion just popped up at certain times, it's also the fact how constant it is of how the emotions he had experienced off kept *shifting*. He'd be bored then suddenly feeling intrigued in something then suddenly be slightly fluttery-ish? ('Amused' he noted) or suddenly feeling heavy in his chest ('sadness' he thought), heck, even the feeling of something clawing his insides when Makoto almost get a brick crushed his own head ('fear' he whispered to himself) then suddenly sometimes shifts back to being bored, then intrigued, then over and over in an out of order cycle. It either shift back to the same things or it develops something new.

It was never just one thing everyday just like how things are before meeting Makoto- like continuously be bored of everything and that's what makes things both overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time.

I also think that another thing that pulls Kamukura to Makoto is that just from Makoto, wanting to hang out and stick to him, to befriended him, with the payment only be *spending some time with Kamukura* and not to use him for his talents and abilities alone. Is one thing Kamukura unmanaged to just *understand* or fully grasp. In the end though he resolved by thinking that perhaps this is just a Makoto thing. That Makoto is being too good or cared too much of others in a way. But it does put Kamukura in a good "hm..." moment though.

I have a funny imagery that Kamukura just seem to be more often being put *slightly* off guard more by Makoto (wether intentionally or unintentionally which is usually the latter) than anyone else does. To which he be more on guard than he is before and to not jump to the most obvious conclusions or assumptions on some people because, of course, the Makoto situation and all. To which also means it made him statistically *more* dangerous than before (congrats Makoto! You made him more cautious or more thoughts in than usual of what was around him!).

His obsession in wanting to keep Makoto close to him by time will become apart of his own conciousness that *I* believe to be the case. Because after everything?? Everything that happened for the last few months?? Wether before or after being together (though I believe the moment they are together is the moment where the feeling became more hecticly stronger)?? It would only be obvious that he would, for once, *accidentally* (cause really, since when does being with Makoto Naegi means anything gone as planned?) Putting the obsession from wanting Naegi close because he is the first and often only source of interest for Kamukura's own bargained to wanting Makoto close because suddenly he was in too deep in the pit he had been *still* continuously dig himself in and finding that he doesn't *like* it when Makoto was out of reach.

(Going from trying to keep the guy around for selfish reasons by means to keep himself out of his usual bored state [cause let's face it, Kamukura isn't a good person, nor a bad one either, heck doesn't even attempted in search to at least *try* to quench his boredom just because he lacks any sort of motivation. But if the interesting thing were to suddenly presented dangling just in sight he WILL grab onto it tightly.], to obsessively trying to not get the guy lost out of his reach figuratively or metaphorically sense cause he *knows* that he will never *feels* something like this again, to feeling just *right* to have Makoto close to him and not letting go just because he doesn't *like* it)

I doubt Kamukura even realised the moment he had been *attached* to Makoto, simply because he had never experience emotions in the first place other than just knowing the basic theories to diagnose others in. And when he did, it's too late by then (it won't be him unable to escape Makoto. No, no, on the contrary, Makoto will be unable to escape *him*).

So anyways. Love isn't the priority to Kamukura since the very beggining in the start of their relationship, because the other foreign subjects that is emotions (twinging sadness, light amusement, flickering annoyance, poisonous jealousy, and dare he not admit the clawing fear) *are* the foundations that build his own *version* of what was the concept of 'Love' is.

Love is different to everyone afterall, so far what Kamukura has learned and see, if there was anything the same about all of it is that; love is a form of passion, and the connection of the bonds, it can be different from others, but Kamukura *doesn't* feel anything a lot WITH anyone else in general more than he is with Makoto. So essentially to him, it was different. It's not love that was viewed *generally* but it was his own version nonetheless.

This is just *my* insight of how I see Kamuegi *in* Kamukura's prespective. Cause he is my favorite character to write. You can do so many things to him in certain situations no matter how impossible it seem to try and not break his character. But that's the thing. You NEED to break certain characters, but as long as you didn't break the fundamental core of their characters then trust me, it's more of a scratch or a rather small crack on a ceramic vase than it looking all smashed up.

Sometimes you GOTTA make a scratch or heck, added something on it, without it losing it's shape or material as a ceramic vase, in order to make it slightly more jazzam get it? Or to make it work for the theme of the room you placed it in. (Not me using the vase metaphor for all of this)

#another funny imagery is that since Kamukura lacked human touch #makoto showing the wonders of doing cuddles #wrapping his arms around his back and everything #kinda like snuggling. screw it he *is* technically snuggling the guy #rubbing his head and face against the other's chest cause might as well enjoying it too in the meantime #and *this* is different than just a small pat and quick hug #that this isn't just some skin and skin contact with one another #there was something else behind this that he can't really point out to #cause duh it involves something as foreign (still) as *feelings* #this is one of the “overwhelming and underwhelming” moment for Kamukura #and it is more sided to overwhelming but in a positive sense (probably) #well whatever it is. Makoto felt the other's body suddenly shaking ever so slightly as the arms wrapped around him #“uhh Kamukura. you okay..?” #“you're kinda shaky..” and it *is* a little concerning for someone like Kamukura #but rest assured when he tilted his head a bit to look up #he can't really see Kamukura's face since the guy placed his chin on the heair below him #and was looking away to the side. but he can see how tense the posture is a bit #he was about to pull away cause he thought he overstep the other's boundaries or smth #but rest assured once again when Kamukura wrapped those now more slightly composed shaking arms tight around Naegi #and he subtly noticed the slight red ears that was left uncover from the black strands #and all Makoto can do is just sighs in worry bht relieved smile and buried much closer to the other without a word #and they stayed like that for probably halfway from the day #now it's one of the only thing in Kamukura's “favorite” list now Makoto gotta bare with it #it's a win-win cause then Kamukura can keep Makoto close. metaporically AND *literally* #danganronpa #makoto naegi #izuru kamukura #kamuegi #lunardr thoughts

[gingerbreadmonsters]

[wailing]

#the two most agonising things a human can experience: starting 2 new classes tomorrow AND having to write a sex scene #the history class shouldn't be THAT hard all things considered #but the japanese class looks to be pretty intense #its three sessions in person plus 2 online classes per week #which is like...8 and a half hours a week i think?? #then i have another (slightly less intensive) japanese class to do as well but that one starts on wednesday #i only have 4 different modules this term but yeah that japanese one is pretty hefty #granted the sex scene is entirely my own doing so i can't REALLY complain #but god. every time i start one i remember how utterly excruciating the last one was and why i said i would never do it again 😭 #this one also has the unique distinction of being solely composed of characters whose anatomy i can concretely define #which may not sound like much but its certainly different to how i normally write these things #(i.e. w characters whose anatomy is left up to the reader's interpretation) #so you know. Fun #[unimpressed portal 2 confetti sound]

[ikishima]

.

#the amount of compassion you have to pour directly into a bad-faith asshole's mouth without knowing whether there's even a point #in order to get them to the point where they're willing to engage at a level where they actually take your feelings & words into account #the point where they even start hearing you and seeing you as a potential equal in conversation #the point where learning and growing becomes a possibility #is fucking exhausting. and i understand why a lot of people refuse to do it. i understand why some people dont practice what they preach #because sometimes the congregation in question is just there to throw tomatoes without any intent of listening #but idc! idc! im not gonna let a bunch of assholes close my heart off. id rather be naive but kind and get taken advantage of #if the alternative is leaving people behind or making a single person feel the way i have felt #having good intentions but being unable to express it w/o negative emotion or without the correct words or not being given a fighting chanc #to never be seen as a person or heard or listened to is so hurtful #i never want to do that to someone #and if i have parted ways with you or made you feel like that at any point please know it is only when i have no other options left #i know it's an autism thing to be so utterly gutted at being misunderstood and i'm most likely giving energy to people who don't deserve it #but i dont care! i dont care! #my compassion IS a renewable resource because i keep feeding it hope and humanity #i get mad sometimes but please know every angry word i've ever said has stuck on my mind like a glue trap #i remember every fight i have been slightly too aggressive and potentially awful in since the fifth grade and i continue to ruminate #on harm i have caused however big or small #i feel so surrounded by hate and anger and i just want to be that person who doesnt get caught up in it and can be compassionate no matter #lots to think about today ... #x

[ezraphobicsoup]

sometimes i think i’m a fully proper binary guy. and then i think about gender for a minute too long and

#no but i am a guy i’m not non binary #but equally what makes me a man? what is masculinity?? how can i identify with something i don’t understand?? but i am a man! but why?? what #does that mean???? what makes anyone anything and does it matter??? no of course not! all that matters is that people can comfortably view #themselves and that’s the point of gender; to be comfortable #and gender *roles* are just bullshit and not real. but if not for gender roles where does gender come from?? again does it matter???? #i mean really. we’re all just people and it’s about being happy. these boxes exist for a variety of reasons but if there’s happiness in the #box then you take the fucking box #you can have as many boxes as you like. or none! you just do what makes you happy. .. but then what makes me happy #cause as i say. i am a man completely. i wouldn’t be happy if someone referred to me as not a man. but am i a Man? do i want to be? #if masculinity is built upon stereotypes and i can never truly meet those stereotypes then what makes me a man? it’s the feeling of it? #the euphoria in being someone’s son. someone’s brother. someone’s boyfriend. you know? maybe that’s all it needs to be #i don’t have to understand masculinity to be a man. maybe no one actually understands masculinity or feminity for that matter because theyre #not tangible things. that’s what it boils down to it’s fucking intangibility and culture isn’t it #and i mean i think in a sense that’s beautiful? gender boxes can suck because of what we say are in them but really inherently? the fact #that humans have such an array of ways to make ourselves feel more comfortable in how we talk about ourselves? that’s incredible #i think that’s all i have to say for now #once again this is macbeths fault fuck shakespeare why does this always happen #ezra’s real life rambles #tldr i am a binary man but in a silly way i think. ever so slightly to the left. but i like being seen just as a guy and that’s easy enough #sorry to uh broadcast this on tumblr dot com if you read all of this i hope this was interesting