#how do you do line breaks on this thing

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[molinaesque]

"You went against your word and defied our contract! In doing so, you brought the chaos of your world into mine! I will not abide it!" - Raphael (Baldur's Gate, 2023)

#raphael #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #raphael bg3 #raphael baldur's gate 3 #games #bg3gifs #okay one of the things i love is how if you do the team raphael route and sign the contract and choose to break it #all of this sounds SO much more personal #like kudos to Andrew Wincott... Raphael just sounds so angry and dissapointed #like he's not being smug or smarmy for the most part #which is pretty damn rare already #when he pops in and says “You?!” it's with such utter disbelief #like he genuinely didn't think you'd ever even consider doing such a thing when he has been actualy pretty truthful #he just operates LIKE THAT because as Korilla mentions “he's the devil! It's his nature!” #i LOVE that #like that third line? when he says “littlle mouse” it just sounds SO dissapointed #i just love how layered and they wrote the characters #anyway don't worry booboo i'll do a save file where tav doesn't break your black heart

[cairafea]

i think the fast travel in this game is very cool 👍

#ghost trick #ghost trick phantom detective #sissel #my art #fanart #comic #pov the ghost you just met after dying can travel through telephone lines (he is breaking privacy laws and you work in law enforcement) #look i know the phones are more like level select but they're also narratively fast travel #and i know sissel doesn't have a corporeal body but work with me here #sissel can just Say Things and the souls he talks to will just have to accept that because they're Level 1 Dead #what they don't know yet is that sissel is only Level 3 Dead with a severe No Context debuff #uh nothing i drew or said in tags should be a spoiler since it's all introduced in the prologue #knowing the ending of this game it's actually hilarious that sissel can go anywhere he wants to mess with every object in the vicinity #but only if he can reach it. #no watermark or signature do you see how low quality that sissel is #don't repost or i'll {Trick} your kneecaps next

[gale-force-storm]

I'm really just Feeling Things tonight about the conversation with Gale after Elminster's visit and like. Gale is So Insistent that if Mystra says he needs to blow himself up, then it must be the best option. The only option. And of course he is! Because what's the alternative? If there's another way, any other way, that means either

1. Mystra doesn't care enough to consider whether there might be another option. Gale blowing himself up is the easiest solution, so that's what she goes with. Or, even worse,

2. She does know there's other options, but tells him to sacrifice himself anyways, because it gets rid of two of her problems at once.

Gale doesn't just assume she's right because she's a goddess. He goes along with it because of what it implies about him, and her, and how she sees him if there is another way. He has to believe that this is the only option. Because the alternative? That he's disposable at best and actively unwanted at worst? That's just too much to bear.

#bg3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #meta #i'm sure this is nothing that hasn't been said before but like. goddamn i've just been thinking about it and it hurts my soul #and tbh i feel like the fact that everyone else in camp is like 'that's a stupid idea we're not doing that' really drives the point home #even elminster has that line about how 'even the waves of fate can break upon the shores of will' #which is as close as you can reasonably expect him to get to outright agreeing that yeah this is shit and you should look for other options #but at that point gale is the one person who can't imagine that there's another way. can't stomach the thought #because it would mean some things he's really not ready to face yet #i'm like. banging my head against a wall the writing is So Good and it makes me So Sad

[makotonaegiunderstander]

something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.

“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”

#makoto naegi #Danganronpa character analysis #Danganronpa #danganronpa thh #danganronpa future arc #I fucking love Makoto Naegi man. #I think there’s a fine line of nuance to Makoto that’s easy to miss bc he doesn’t really make it known #he’s not a pushover and he’s not overpowered. he’s a people pleaser but he will say what needs to be said #he’s an immovable object and the exact opposite of Junko but he’s also just a normal guy who’s optimistic and (un)lucky #he isn’t invincible but he has immense power to his words the same way Junko did #if anything his superpower is being kind above all else. he’s compassionate to some of the worst people in the world. #he was even conpassionatr to an extent to Junko. he didnt want her to kill herself despite everything she’s done #and he still acknowledges that for years she was a classmate and friend. #I do think the more he learned abt what she did the more he’s come to actually hate her though #post the first game he always refers to her without a suffix to her name which is one of the most subtle rude things you can do #it means you have zero respect for the person you’re referring to #and he speaks about her with some venom he doesn’t use for anyone else in the future arc #he’s not incapable of feeling negative emotions #I really liked the future arc scene bc it showed that Makoto DID experience enough despair to have overcome him if he didn’t refuse #and that it still affects him deeply. people treat him like he’s either this perfect ideal Chad or this baby chick who’s so delicate #and no one really focuses on how makoto shoulders so much and yet is still vulnerable. #honestly that guy was DUE for a mental breakdown even without the tape. it would have happened eventually #I actually wrote one based on him finally hitting a breaking point after giving so much of himself away and keeping nothing for himself #that his issues that he shoves down constantly finally can’t be held down anymore. Hajime helps him bc he knows how that feels #it was a LONG time ago that I wrote that but honestly if I can remember where i was going w it I might finish it #it was initially an rp but I could make it a fic #anyway. the point is Makoto is SO much more complex than people give him credit for #the most fundamental thing about him is that he’s normal and that’s ok! that’s what helps him rise!

[adammilligan]

when adam says "no, john winchester was some guy who took me to a baseball game once a year. i don't have a dad" like yes SIR get his ass

#i have so many thoughts about adam and kate and their dynamic with john and it's mainly that #obviously anything about john said by the ghoul has to be taken with a whole handful of salt. obviously #because it was actively trying to manipulate sam and dean #but when the ghoul said that younger adam bugged kate 24/7 to call john i believe it. just because it makes sense #he was young! he wanted to know who his dad was. and that's understandable #and the fact that adam HAD to beg 24/7 for kate to call him....i think kate knew something was off about john #i really do. and the fact that john only showed up on adam's birthdays and only ever took him out to baseball games #which are very crowded very PUBLIC places where anything can be observed by bystanders #i think kate set that up as well. without adam's knowledge #but adam eventually grew disillusioned with john as well because from a kid's perspective #who's had to watch his mother work herself to death to support the both of them #john WAS a douchebag who only ever came around to try and fail to play house #he didn't bother trying to raise adam he didn't pay child support he didn't do ANYTHING #he just showed up pretended to act like a father and then left. and adam and kate were left there still #with their bills. with adam still having to raise himself. with kate still working the night shift and breaking her back to support them #it makes me think about how it affects adam in the future. like his behavior #because adam as we've seen has always tried to look at things from different perspectives and hear people out #in 5x18 he was like okay i'll hear you guys out even though i don't like you. give me one good reason #and in 15x08 he advocates for sam and dean even though he doesn't want to. he talks michael #but it's so interesting to me. because the line that's always gotten me about 15x08 is 'you still care about that? after he left you in the #cage?' #and it's like. adam IS genuinely trying to understand where michael's coming from. he DOES understand michael's love for his father #but when concerning the father it's like #he DOES tend to be black and white about it. john was a shitty person so therefore he's not his dad #god is a shitty person who left michael in the cage therefore michael shouldn't care what he thinks. or about him in general #et cetera et cetera #the issue of the father is the one issue that adam is black and white about. and that is to say fuck them we don't need them #it's SOOOO interesting to me. really #kate rambles #adam milligan

[itsalwaysforyou]

jay not asking coach about letting lonnie onto the team bc he doesn’t want to do anything coach might disagree with…….

#‘coach trusts me…’ like what if i cried #man i wish they made more of a thing of jay being TEAM CAPTAIN #<- i’ve made a post before abt how easily he gives it up & jay not liking positions of power etc etc #but i do think he treats the role like it could be taken away at any moment #coach TRUSTS him. holy shit coach trusts him #the first positive adult figure in his life trusts him to take care of the team #train them and critique them and lead them to victory #and coach probably wouldn’t have cared abt lonnie being on the team #but jay is sooooo hesitant to ask #coming from the ‘if you want it take it and if you can’t take it break it’ guy #like this is the one thing he doesn’t want to risk breaking……. #and then obviously he gives it up!!!!! #he gives up the thing coach TRUSTED HIM WITH bc it was the only way to let lonnie on the team #& mr ‘my only dislike is women being unhappy’ was like I CANNOT REST UNTIL LONNIE IS ON THE TEAM #it’s suchhhhh a sweet gesture not only from a hashtag feminism standpoint #but also character wise for jay #like this precious thing that coach has trusted him with but didn’t really want that much anyway….. #it’s going to mean more to lonnie if she had it. even though it means everything to jay #oh it makes me crazy #damn my mum was right. i think too deeply about things #im like i analyse things a normal amount and then i’m writing essays about 1 line from descendants 2 #I AM UNWELL #anyway. jesus christ #descendants #jay son of jafar #EDIT i’m not finished actually #do you think jay fears the repercussions? what would happen if he went against coach’s word? #bc sure. he knows coach is nice. he knows auradon isn’t like the isle #but. ‘you don’t want to be at my house at dinner time’……. #he is still scared of his dad. you know. he can never get the lamp he can never do anything right

[skunkes]

unsure how to word this but there is something about having ocs with unsavory events happening in their past where it's like. talking about it, even when asked, seems almost gratuitous and inappropriate. and i'd much rather describe it through the oc themself and/or draw Them saying it. which is like. fitting for the subject matter? like of course its weird to talk about somebody else's business...!

and falls back into humanizing em/exploratory writing and development where u consider the impact of words said/words unsaid/HOW those words are said etc etc

#because not all real persons would give u every detail of their trauma obviously #which makes sense but im an overexplainer but also it feels inappropriate to overexplain when it comes to dis #i hope that makes sense #talkys #i once described what went down with al as just directly as possible and it still felt weird. ykwim?? idk why. #well i do know why! i dont want it to seem gratuitous or like That Cheap Writing Element. fine line #same with talon so he'll just keep implying it thru text + dialogue which is how it should be ! #the only difference is i think with al i wrote it like he would've said it bc he has more access to that side of himself #and is aware of how it affected him #whereas characterwise talon absolutely would just speak in riddles about and around it #i don't even think he's conscious about the direct effects of it #(but i wouldnt know bc he hasn't made that known to me in my brain) #people respond differently to different things and all that #also im so sorry if half the shit ive said recently is so like. Well Duh. i havent made a new oc in a decade gimme a break LOL #also i realize the. irony? of me even vaguely talking about it in the way i did but 1. i think that's also realistic when you #dont want to do a whole deep dive on someone else's business and 2. people are becoming #curious about my oc(s) and im just thinking about well; significant events and how to handle not speaking about em #FOR them. <- weirdly #idk. they're real to me. #its just so much more interesting to leave it up to them! people can lie people can downplay

[pixelatedraindrops]

some feverish yumas 🌡

preview of a big collab project I'm working on

#rain code #master detective archives: rain code #yuma kokohead #whumpcode #illness whump #fever whump #art collab #pixeldoodles #im doing another collab with kazinsblog c: #this time its a whole comic story #re-making the workaholic yuma comic they were doing before #IF YOU MAKE THIS BOY SICK I WANT IN #I will show you how its done >:3c #it will likely not get done until next year (next month) #I've lined 7 pages and there are 15 in all #and I still have to color them #we're both working hard and its been a blast! >w< #hope you look forward to the finished product :3 #fun thing to do over my winter break! #love putting this poor boy through the most hellish fevers ever #pushing himself to the limit because he doesn’t wanna disappoint #this is too easy #I love my little whumpee so much <3

[isaacathom]

i have genuinely so many thoughts about how the book Lieutenant Hornblower was adapted and how most of the changes work, when accounting for the fact it must necessarily leave Bush's POV in order to work as television, and how those changes end up fucking over Bush's character in the movies, and how he was further pilfered by the series' decision to maintain characters like Styles and Kennedy. There is so much going on in there. Unfortunately, I don't yet own a copy of Lieutenant Hornblower, and having to constantly borrow it from my library is a faff and prevents me using post its to mark important passages. :(

#i also last read lt hornblower over a year ago at this point #analysing the intersection of bush and kennedy is particularly ripe since kennedy DOES NOT EXIST in that book #and barely exists in the book prior. he's in two chapters. he has like 5 lines of dialogue. he probably gets killed in france #but in Lt you can understand the impulse! because other than bush and buckland? there are two other lts who arent important #so scrapping them in favour of an existing character you cobbled together for the series? yeah! yeah!!! #but they can't give archie the fate of either of the scrapped lts. bc itd be utterly ignomious #one of them gets cut in half by a cannonball. the other dies offscreen during the prisoners revolt on the renown #so they shift the circumstances of the firsts' death to a sequence with bush (the anchor thing) #and they alter the latter to remove archie from canon before he completely breaks the events of Hotspur #but THEY ALSO take actions from bush! and give them! to archie! #and it has a marked effect on bush's character in those two movies! #and when loyalty/duty are more “faithful” to the books re: bush's characterisation its jarring! #*shaking the books* i have so many thoughts #hornblower #“what does styles have to do with it” changes how he relates to the crew. #also they give the cradling bush scene to styles instead of horatio which is Funny as hell but also ;-; #it has a completely different tone but thats the stand in! for horatio calling for him tenderly! #but they couldn't give that scene to horatio because he was about to have a similar thing with archie. :(

[ectonurites]

SUPER DARK TIMES (2017) DIR KEVIN PHILLIPS

#tragically had to skip the 'are you afraid of me' exchange i love at the start bc. this scene is Long #super dark times #josh templeton #zach taylor #sam edits #btw i'm firmly in the 'Josh didn't kill John' camp. bc to me THIS scene is the point that... makes the most sense as Josh's breaking point/ #'villain turn' if that's what you'd want to call it. because this is really when Josh... sort of 'officially' loses Zach. from early on in #the movie it becomes clear how much Zach is like... an anchor for him—the way Josh is just fucking *chanting* his name in distress during #the Daryl accident. The way Josh begs Zach to believe him that it was an accident. The way Josh turns to Zach for answers/clarity/direction #Like even if we want to take a cynical approach and think of it as Josh just latching onto Zach in the Daryl situation because he was There #rather than that being an established thing w/ them... in the aftermath of that same incident Josh is still looking to/depending on him! #Josh self isolates at first... but after they talk & Zach tells him they shouldn't act weird Josh goes back to school. (yes #he lashes out there because He's Dealing With The Crushing Guilt but *all* of 'em are acting off then—Charlie specifically calls attention #to the idea they all probably are) Josh goes to the party just like Zach said they should and is *visibly confused* when Zach seems mad to #see him there. He goes to Zach's house to talk and you can SEE how caught off guard he is by what Zach says. Even though the script version #of this scene is VERY different from the final version I do think this one bit of description from it is... insightful: 'Josh seems sincere #almost vulnerable. But Zach is too focused to see it.' LIKE in this scene Zach is already convinced Josh has lost it! He's trying to act #more neutral about it (claiming they could just 'draw a line') but we saw his phone call with Charlie. Because of his own guilt-fueled #paranoia—something shown pretty clearly through the assorted dream sequences and like tht scene of him walking in the hall hearing people #gossip about Daryl—it seems like everything lines up too well! that '*of course* it's Josh and what if it's *been* Josh all along and well #then the role *I* played in the situation really isn't *my* fault because it was all *Josh* and...' etc. even if that's more subconscious #But like... this scene is really when it hits Josh! from the moment he asks if Zach's afraid of him now like... there's a shift. although #Zach says he isn't... i mean he fucking stumbles on the word 'afraid' (like... he hangs on the 'f' sound a moment too long to sound natural #its very subtle but like Noticeable). But Josh sees right through him. Zach doesn't trust him anymore. Zach thinks he's the bad guy. the #monster. Josh feeling like he lost the last person he had in his corner feels like the most realistic thing to... push him over the #edge. like that's a compelling tragedy to me—the idea that these two poorly coping with the Daryl situation in these separated ways where #they *aren't* talking/communicating ends up CREATING the feedback loop that makes everything get worse and worse. #But for that to be the case... it wouldn't make sense for Josh to have just randomly killed John before this scene. I think it's a more #interesting story if certain things really ARE just coincidences but it's that Zach's paranoia won't let him see that 🤷

[carefulfears]

thinking about how sarah connor was a girl who worked in a diner and wanted to go to a late movie because her date ditched her and kissed her pet lizard on the mouth. in a deleted scene from the first film, she tells her time-traveling warrior that when this is all over, she wants to take him to disneyland. buy him a hot dog. "i want it to be over for you." when we see her again, 10 years later, she's strapped to a psych ward bed. she's screaming of the end times, how everyone is already dead, there is no future. she's snapping at her kid until he cries, because he wanted to help her.

#nurse she's talking about the ramifications of trauma in media again #i love sarah. i love her rage. i love that she's the only hope for the future. #not just because she births the leader of the revolution- because she TRAINS him #the reason sarah has to live isn't so that john can be born. it's so he can be lead by her and taught by her. #he wouldn't have the skills he needs if she didn't have them first #T1 is a good movie but it would've been elevated by the deleted scenes tbh #especially the cut line where sarah says 'i want to buy you a hot dog so bad kyle' #it's actually heartbreaking to look back on after seeing how the truth breaks her and how kyle's death affects her #all of those things she wanted to do with him- she can do with their son. the world hasn't ended yet. but it's going to and she doesn't. #she won't even share his fries #ALRIGHTTTTT IM DONE TERMINATOR POSTING FOR TODAY #terminator 2 #sarah connor

[roetrolls]

Was Archie holding Mallum's phone funny as in the same way he holds his knife?

HE WAS IM SO GLAD THAT WAS CLEAR ‼️ it's also what made Mallum's panicked (and possibly mildly concussed) brain go I KNOW THAT FUCKER

Also you didn't ask but Archie picked it up and stayed close enough to be run into because it was Mallum's phone, he recognized it and was like "hm that doesn't bode well"

#it's not WHY i made him drop it but #a lot of my writing process is coming uo with things that need to happen #and then introducing new elements on the fly #and realizing i can tie them to necessary story beats #in this case: #there were any number of ways i could have resolved the phone situation #have mallum scoop it up on his way out #have one of the twins take it and mallum can yoink it back when he frees himself #make it so he never drops it to begin with #but i knew he was going to run into archie at the end #so i was like oh! archie can have it! #and that gives archie a reason to be nearby beyond sheer coincidence! great! #IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT WRITING TBH I LOVE HOW THE STORY COMES TOGETHER IN FRONT OF ME #i didnt know all that was gonna happen! #i didn't know mallum was gonna break elison's nose until i went #'how do i get him out of this?' #and thought back to the line about poetic irony from the beginning of the drabble #and then i was like YESSS EXACTLY WHAT MOLLIE DID TO GET AWAY FROM /HIM/ #IT'S SO FUN YOU GUYS I LOVE IT SO MUCH

[roxyandelsewhere]

"I'm not a damn thing but this time that lasts between running from finding myself and finding myself while running." (x)

SPN moments but abstract [17/?] - The ouroboros of Carver era Dean, aka "what if Dean's present had been presented as connected to his past"

inprnt.| society6 | ko-fi

#SURPRISE BITCH! BET YOU THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN THE LAST OF ME (i feel like it's not the first time i say this) #spn #spnart #spn art #spnabstract #mine.caro #i keep having art hiatus i'm sorry. but i refuse to make art feel like a chore so sometimes my brain says NO and i say Okay :( #anyways i'm back babeyy #ok so. what do we have here this time #this post has so many links posting it feels like a whole thing. i'm gonna add this one to the stores now uwu #this was motivated by my frustration with carver era dean having all these things happen to him that feel like punchlines to his whole life #but they're not presented that way. he becomes a demon after All That in previous seasons and the connection isn't made #hence the FMI line. i did josémáriobranconatural again but i had to #i wrote a list of bullet points when i was trying to figure this one out and it says: #'Hunting monsters while running away from becoming one and becoming a monster by how he hunts them in purgatory and with the mark of cain' #'Running from becoming a demon until daddy's little girl breaks in thirty and is pulled from the rack by an angel #and then is killed by an angel and becomes a demon' #'Black eyes and branded arms pointing death at the family he's become a monster out of the vow to protect' #and lastly you can't have a visual essay on performanceboy without touching on that part so this is supposed to look #like we're seeing it all through a window. suburban house window even #i thought it'd be more visually interesting if the lines of the window weren't there but you can also see it as the window not being there #and there you have it folks. finally a new one!! #pros: i'm drawing again. cons: i'm still in the spn pit

[pyrriax]

6, 12, 30 for the writing asks ^_^

6. What’s the last line you wrote?

Shaking its head in what seems like disbelief before meeting his eyes again, almost like it wants to say something before it makes a noise like a growl, "oh, you're one of those seraphs, aren't you. A star-eater. No wonder you act like you've lost your mind."

(ignore that that's a couple sentences, the Thought is important)

12. Do you outline your fics?  If yes, how detailed are your outlines?  How far do you stray from them?

Oh yes! I outline my fics thoroughly. Though, I do allowed myself to deviate as much from the outline as I feel like when things go off the rails. Some snippets of planning from a couple fics & concepts:

My outlines are very... One for one. With some exceptions. I tend to basically write a very brief version of the fic and try to get the feelings and words right before I actually write it. This is... Also why it can and will take me a month to write a oneshot. I try to get things Right.

30. How much do you edit your fics?  Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft?

So! I edit them a bit? I edit while I work, but often I don't really touch anything I've already written unless it's something longer that might be taking a few months to get through. I think the fic I've edited the most is the prologue of Artificial Stars, which was originally a quickly written 2k oneshot into about 5k of actually decent fic.

Usually I don't edit to make something shorter/more concise, since I tend to only come up with more ways to bridge concepts when I go back to it. Also to be fair... There's usually no difference between first draft and final product. I cannot be asked to edit my fics after I write them, I just release them to the birds and pray for the best. (Unless I actually decide to show it to my beta reader in full instead of just sharing snippets as I... usually do.)

Conclusion: Rarely, those thangs are being given to the world as-is unless something is horrifically wrong with them

#ask a ghost #asker: solxr-planet #ask game #i get a little silly sometimes but also uhhhHH!! welcome to several things i havent posted about before #grey notes is an oc thing that will never be finished but i still have the line-by-line dialogue between two characters that is. #kind of how i plan dialogue? at least how i outline it. #i'm super picky with it and i plan stuff so much that you can usually tell pretty quickly when something isn't planned #ALSO! #scene titles! #nobody sees them ever but theyre there for me and me alone #usually theyre song lyrics or something i think is important to the concept but also other times theyre just kind of silly #“all the candy you can eat” is a song title from one of my favorite albums. #honestly i think this is the first time i've shared anything of my writing that is even remotely roshambo-centric #i am still learning how i want to write & characterize him so its a bit funky #haunted bookshelf #purely for the random stuff that's in there #also! i started breaking things up into scenes rather than just chapters and it helped a hell of a lot with my process #since it's easier to divide when there's a lot potentially happening in a chapter of something #or even just in a oneshot #my process is. definitely made for the way i write. i don't think i would ever recommend anybody do what i do with my fics #also yes i could actually just edit my plans and call that a fic because really that is the effort i put into them. #theoretically you could call my outline my first draft because really that is the way that it is

[cheswirls]

looking @ old fic i started when i was 14/15 is so funny bc im realizing once again why i never mark fics as abandoned even if its been literal years since i've touched them. specifically i was checking docs for stuff i started and either did or didn't post to ffn.

and its like. nothing is bad??? like i can see where my outside-the-box ideal of fic writing comes from. not just fics but writing in general, i'm p sure. even if it's a total cliche plot setup, there are details on each that rly make it stand out like oh yeahhhhhh i did have this great idea once upon a time.

funny too bc was it executed well in prose??? no absolutely not i wrote like shit when i was 15. would i revive an idea one day and revise it to be less cliche or cringy while still keeping the stand-out elements??? yea maybe. i might. everything i'm currently working on that i started from 2021 up to now still holds my supreme interest, but like i'm not gonna say never.

esp since i write fic first and foremost for my own need and specifically what i like to read, it makes it impossible to consider an idea i've thought extensively about "not worth writing anymore". anyway not making this too long i jus found everything interesting to consider

#writing #this fic i pulled up from JUNE 2014 crazy was the old chosenshi au i was trying to write for a friend #i dont ship blue/silver and never will and thats prolly why i never finished it #but i do still like!! the idea of rocket!blue raised w silver and breaking free of tr while running the hoenn branch #no idea how i remembered bc it wasnt in the plot pts on the doc but she was gonna get sent to the battle frontier #to nab jirachi and have encounters w frontier brains and change her mind at the end of it all #hell i could go back and not make it ship fic at all - have silver be a little one-sided obsessed or #even jus like.. attached to blue as a rivalry like as a way to show her up at every turn #another fic around the same time was the old pokespe hs au where i changed all the dexholder's names for some reason #i have no idea where i was in reading spe bc i put lyra in for some reason and had the sinnoh trio even tho i never read past v2 of dp #idk if it was more gameverse or what but its so funny looking @ the ship list n seeing i had gold paired w black #bc i had manga!ss and manga!ferriswheel so was it rly speverse or was i projecting???? #actually i think black was supposed to die and gold was gonna go thru this whole thing abt grieving #looking at the ship list so funny bc i never shipped gold/crys or entourageshi #and clearly i did not know the superiority of pmshi if i threw lyra in jus for silver #god but i do love (most!) of the alt names i gave them #would absolutely fuck up the ship list if i ever redid it tho #also have perfectworld tho im sure i have the most recent rewrite on pen and paper somewhere #that one i also gave up bc the idea i had for flare!sycamore was cringe along with #every time i went back to work on it enough time passed that i thought my writing sucked #i rewrote that damn thing so many times but oooooooo i still love the idea #as long as i changed the cringe parts to smth better i could still rock w most of these #that fic rly had everything... psychic!korrina. leaf/serena. sycamore hacking the secret to mega evo. lys/syc that ends in failure #bc of the ending line i will never forget > only in a perfect world could you and i be together. destined and doomed from the start #im rambling n im boutta run outta tags gimme a sec