#how cas truly sees that and it KILLS HIM to ask this of dean

[scoobydoodean]

Hi! I just wanted to start off by saying that your analyses on the characters are awesome and they really helped further my understanding of the show, so keep up the good work! :D

I was wondering, if you don't mind answering, what did you think of about Dean giving permission for Gadreel/Ezekiel to possess Sam in season 9?

I'm still a bit on the fence about how to feel about it and I thought your particular brand of wisdom might be able to help me out.

Dean had just a few pieces of information at the hospital in 9.01.

Dean knew that Sam had every intention of surviving The Trials in 8.14 and in fact Sam promised he would survive them and show Dean to the light at the end of the tunnel, because Dean was suicidal: "I'm closing the gates. It's a suicide mission for you. [...] I want to slam hell shut, too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live, and so should you. You have friends up here, family. I mean, hell, you even got your own room now. You were right, okay? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm sorry you don't – I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it."

Dean observed that Sam became suicidal over the course of The Trials and that this culminated in Sam forsaking his promise and his desire to live and falling into a tailspin where he wanted to die to make himself "pure". Disturbing dialogue from 8.21: "Knights of the Round Table. Had all of King Arthur's knights, and they were all on the quest for the Holy Grail. And I remember looking at this picture of Sir Galahad, and, and, and he was kneeling, and— and light streaming over his face, and— I remember... thinking, uh, I could never go on a quest like that. Because I'm not clean. I mean, I w— I was just a little kid. You think... maybe I knew? I mean, deep down, that— I had... demon blood in me, and about the evil of it, and that I'm— wasn't pure? [...] It doesn't matter anymore. Because these trials... they're purifying me."

Dean pleaded with Sam not to kill himself in 8.23, and Sam agreed, asking, "How do I stop?"

These are the details Dean has prior to Sam falling into a coma. He believes that his brother wanted to commit suicide, but that he did change his mind and decide he wants to live.

Two other notable details:

First, Gadreel earns Dean's trust quickly by risking his ass to help Dean, and then on the phone (after being given the fake name "Ezekiel") Cas, relieved and pleased, vouches for Ezekiel. So Dean has no reason to suspect anything nefarious (and in fact, at this point, Gadreel doesn't have particularly nefarious intentions besides staying in hiding away from other angels).

Second, Dean is not the one who pleads with Sam to live in the dream sequence, getting him to say "Yes". It can't be Dean, because 1) "Dean's" face morphs into Gadreels which is clearly intended to indicate to us that this wasn't Dean speaking 2) If Gadreel was somehow projecting the real Dean into the conversation to give that speech, then Gadreel wouldn't be the one receiving the consent. It would truly be Dean receiving it and not just Gadreel pretending. Those words HAVE to come from Gadreel's mouth for the possession to work—not Dean's. We've seen angels morph into loved ones and mimic their voices perfectly several times.

With all that in mind:

After Gadreel pitches his plan to possess Sam, Dean immediately says it isn't his call to make—it's Sam's. It's after Gadreel shows him Sam falling back into the same suicidality from 8.23—wanting to die so that "no one else can get hurt because of me"—that Dean wavers. Still—at the end of the day, whether Sam agrees to live or not was never Dean's choice, and this is something I often see people get mixed up about. Dean doesn't get to choose whether Sam dies or not. It is still Sam who chooses to live. Sam does this by saying "Yes" to Gadreel. This could not have happened if Sam hadn't changed his mind about living. He doesn't know he's going to be possessed, but he has once again beaten back his suicidality and chosen to live. Sam still had hope in a good future.

Sam chose to live. He did not know he was going to be possessed. That's the issue. However, Dean did not intend to keep Gadreel's possession from Sam after it happened. Dean and Gadreel have this conversation upon leaving the hospital:

DEAN So? How's it look in there? EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY Not good. There is much work to be done. DEAN Yeah, but he's gonna wake up, right? EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY He will. DEAN So, what he does – what, is he gonna feel you inside, triaging his spleen? EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY He will not feel me, no. There is no reason for Sam to know I'm in here at all. DEAN You're joking. No, this is – this is too big. EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY And what will he do if you do tell him he is possessed by an angel? DEAN Well, he'll have to understand.

This conversation suggests that Dean's initial thought process was "We perform supernatural life-saving surgery". He just wanted to get Sam to a point where he'd wake up and they could talk. Like any situation with a relative in a coma, that person in a coma can't consent to surgery. The next of kin is the one who gives consent, because their loved one can't. They can only consent to a procedure if awake to do so. So Dean doesn't stop Gadreel from performing life saving surgery, but his intial belief and intent is that they'll put all of this back in Sam's hands when he's awake.

Up to this point, I don't actually have a problem with what Dean's done based on his knowledge. It's here at the end of the episode, where Gadreel convinces Dean to depart from his intial intent and stall, that in my opinion, the "Dean doing something wrong" part starts:

EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY And if he does not? Without his acceptance, Sam can eject me at any time, especially with me so weak. And if Sam does eject me, he will die. DEAN Then we keep it a secret for now. Or until Sam's well enough that he doesn't need an angelic pacemaker or I find a way to tell him. I - I... As for him being in a hospital, I'll have to figure something out. EZEKIEL IN SAM’S BODY I can erase it all, if you like. He will not remember any of this.

Dean doesn't feel good about it, but he agrees to keep quiet, because he's scared Sam will yet again make a suicidal play. Dean is riddled with guilt in the following episodes over lying to Sam, and in 9.08, Dean tries to tell Sam he's possessed, but Gadreel takes over Sam's body and stops him. Dean comes clean again in 9.09, only for Gadreel to stop Sam from receiving the news again.

So. Dean's mistake is lying to Sam. He shouldn't have lied to him. Point blank. At the same time, had Dean pushed the issue, would Gadreel have been willing to be expelled? Would he ever have allowed Dean to tell Sam the truth, from the moment he was... installed? Or was Dean screwed from the beginning, and was the idea that he got to choose any of this—any bit of it—really just... an illusion to keep Dean compliant with the possession that was keeping Gadreel under the radar?

Think about it for a second. Why did Gadreel ask Dean's permission? He didn't ever need Dean's permission to do any of this. He didn't need Dean's permission to trick Sam. He didn't need Dean's permission to remove Sam's memory of the hospital. He didn't need Dean's permission to keep the fact that he was possessing Sam a secret. He could have done every bit of this without asking. The problem was, Dean probably would have caught onto the disappearing angel act, and Gadreel would have had to get violent, and for the first part of season 9, Gadreel doesn't want to get violent! He just wants a place to lay low, and sees an opportunity to prove he's a good angel who helps humans—not just the angel who let the serpent into the garden. Getting Dean's "consent" might ease his own conscience about nonconsensual possession or be a way to keep Dean compliant or both, but ultimately, these are more questions worth weighing imo, because Supernatural loves to toy with the illusion that Dean has power in situations where he doesn’t, and in this case, he doesn't... actually have any power at all... does he?

That said, when it comes right down to it, Dean still did something wrong by helping keep the secret—by not trying to tell Sam the truth immediately because he was scared. And well. Okay. So what?

This is a show with characters who have good intentions but still make mistakes. As Cas will say about this later, "You were stupid for the right reasons". We get some great insights into the pitfalls that lead Dean down this path, and it's interesting to watch that happen and then later, see a broken mirror as Sam endeavors to prove through season 10 what Dean is willing to do can't touch what Sam is ultimately willing to do to keep Dean around.

Here's the thing—I don't believe for a single second that Sam wouldn't do the exact same thing in 9.01 had their positions been reversed. Sam and Dean have a conversation along these lines at the end of 9.13 "The Purge":

DEAN All right, you want to be honest? If the situation were reversed and I was dying, you'd do the same thing. SAM No, Dean. I wouldn't. Same circumstances...I wouldn't. 

This genuinely wounds Dean and gets brought up a few times, but then in 9.23 when it's brought up for the last time in another context:

DEAN What happened with you being okay with this? SAM I lied.

Sam never gets the chance to do the exact same thing to Dean, but he has already gone behind Dean's back to try and save his life before. He's used Dean's death to justify doing things Dean begged him not to do on his behalf. He kept the case they were actually on under wraps as he inched toward a plan to turn himself and Dean into Frankenstein's monsters in 3.15 (and really the only reason it didn't work is that Sam got captured by Doc Benton and Dean had to save his ass, and then Sam morosely helped dig the grave). Sam went behind Dean's back directly against his wishes to threaten a crossroad's demon in 3.05. In season 10, he violates Dean's consent by removing the Mark of Cain from Dean's arm using the Book of the Damned, which not only requires an overt human sacrifice of Oskar and gets a woman named Suzie killed in "The Werther Project" because Sam refuses to heed her warnings, but also results in the apocalypse... and all of this was something Dean asked Sam not to do, and Sam did every bit of it to get his brother back, and while standing in the wreckage in 11.01, echoed Dean's line from 9.13, saying, "I would do it again". Dean signed the supernatural possession next-of-kin consent form, and the fallout was Kevin and Sam. Sam violated Dean's consent and tens of thousands of people died and he said he'd do it again while they died around him.

#also i got excited but xoxo 😘 #season 9 #9.01 #gadreel #the flannel business #3.15 #3.05 #11.01 #9.13 #8.14 #9.08 #9.09 #mail

[destielgaysex]

Truly heroic of them to have Dean pin a 'monster' up against a tree and ask Where's The Angel. And that monster to straight away be like ohhhh you're the human.

I would pay cash money just to see monsters gathered around a fire in Purgatory sharing warning stories that there is a batshit insane human running around with a stray vamp, trying to find a Capital A Angel (???), and killing everyone he comes across.

i think about this every day. dean was literally KNOWN as the human in purgatory looking for his Angel. because dean was running around looking for monsters in purgatory to chase down and ask "Where's the angel?" and then kill them. he was SO DESPERATE for any information about cas. and when benny told dean how they could both escape, dean refused to leave with cas. dean would have told benny and his back to earth portal to get lost if he wasnt willing to search for cas and get cas out too. and this happened for a year. AND dean prayed to cas every single night. EVERY NIGHT. dean would talk to cas and beg him BEG cas to find him, to be okay. mr. i have no faith PRAYING to his angel to come back to him. and the whole time, cas thought dean was being stubborn about not leaving cas behind because dean is the most loving and caring man ever... CAS DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT WAS BECAUSE DEAN LOVES HIM....

#is anyone else thinking aboutt this #destiel

[diminuel]

Destiel Hanahaki: both of them have it but Cas’s angel powers keep them from growing in his vessel and one of the big issues Cas had as a human all alone was his flowers starting to grow, and it’s another reason he kept stealing Grace even tho it was killing him, the flowers would also without the Grace so might as well right?

And Cas knows Dean has developed it, probably around season 6, so clearly it’s about Lisa. Cas tells Dean about Dean’s affliction when Dean asks him to erase Lisa’s memories but Dean insists (and Dean knows his flowers aren’t for her, they started once he began missing Cas who was being all weird and distant and then the betrayal and then the lake…). Cas heals Dean’s lungs consistently, he’s asked Dean if he wants Castiel to fully remove them like the surgery would, roots and feelings and all, but Dean the stubborn, loving man that Cas knows he is refuses the full procedure, only asks that the symptoms be treated.

(It’s one of the reasons Dean goes so off the rails when Cas dies or disappears, the longer Cas is away the more the flowers strangle his lungs, because contrary to the usual movement of the disease, where being around the object of one’s unrequited love usually speeds up the process, Dean’s flowers are more content when Cas is around and this makes Cas REALLY not suspect they are for him, Dean truly is one of a kind.

Jack watched in curious horror as he watches the roots only he can see slowly strangle Dean as he waters the flowers with bitterness, alcohol, and a broken heart. Sam tries asking Jack to heal his brother, who he watches cough up orchids and extinct flowers, and ancient plants that predate flowers, but there’s nothing the Nephil can do. Billie sent Dean back into the world of the living with a pruning just before Cas’s return, who didn’t see how bad Dean got away from him in such short amount of time. )

When Cas goes to the Empty, he heals Dean one last time, hoping Dean will one day either go find Lisa or have the surgery to finally heal himself, not knowing he’s only delayed Dean’s death by a few months, not by a rusty nail in a barn, but a broken heart and a jungle in his chest.

(Over the years there have been “allies” and enemies and even a desperate Sam that have tried covert, magical, and usually effective ways removing the roots and feelings fully. Crowley, Rowena, Ketch, and even Naomi and Amara have tried demon, witch, MoL, medical, and angelic treatments to either save this idiot against his consent or to sever his connection to Cas, but these treatments, powerful and usually 100% affective, don’t work to their bafflement)

No MCD (at least none that is permanent) allowed on this blog! X3

Hanahaki is a trope that completely passed me by. I vaguely know what it is but I haven't read a fic about it yet.

In any case!! I don't know if Cas would think that Dean's still mourning Lisa that many years on? Also, what would happen to Lisa in this circumstance? Wouldn't Cas have seen that she doesn't have the flowers? (Or doesn't it have to be mutual? Like some sort of soulmate thing?)

But I don't know enough to really contribute ideas to this scenario, apart from the "NO MCD! *Rowena voice* Fix it!" *lol*

#Anon #Diminuel replies #Destiel

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Thunderstruck. My new horny fic where Dean sucks Cas off during a storm ❤ here's a teaser (😏) :

"Urgh, we're going to have to pull over. I can't see shit with this rain." 

It's only just 6pm, and summer too, but the clouds are so heavy it's dark out. The rain has been lashing for an hour, but now it's to the point Dean can hardly see through the windshield, wipers just pushing the water around rather than giving any real clear spots. Cas has been watching the storm from the passanger seat with intense interest, and he doesn't look away from it when he asks: 

"You don't like storms?" 

"Hm?" He's only half-listening, focused on discerning the layby from the darkness. "They're annoying. It's always just as your shovel breaks earth when the heavens break open. Like we're being punished or something." 

"Storms are a sign of demonic activity," Cas says, making Dean scoff. 

"Everything's a conspiracy. Can't we just be having bad luck and that's the end of it?" 

"The truth is out there," Cas quotes, so Dean gives him a laugh and a quick peck on the lips for his efforts after he kills the engine. 

"Talk TV to me, baby," Dean flirts, then whistles and looks up at an especially loud roll of thunder. "Glad I'm not out in that." 

He looks back to Cas and jumps - in the 10 seconds he'd turned his face up, Cas had crawled right up into Dean's space, his face suddenly inches away. Cas kisses him insistently, and while Dean's surprised he's also thoroughly on board. Cas's tongue breaches Dean's mouth sooner than normal, hedonistic and hot, and if he wasn't already sitting down Dean would definitely be feeling a weak at the knees. 

When he's released for breath (or rather, to pant) he remarks, "Jesus, Cas. What's gotten into you?" 

"Do you trust me?" Cas asks, instead of answering. 

"I think we've covered that by now." 

Cas shakes his head and brings his hand up to cover the front of Dean's throat, not pressing down but the concept makes Dean swallow. His heart picks up speed, a little pavlovian. This is how Cas always asks when their about to have some truly inspired kinky and/or romantic sex. 

"Do you trust me?" 

Read more on ao3!

#destiel #deancas #destiel fic #they're literally in love I won't apologise #cawis creates

[blacknidstang]

// some wincestiel thoughts

Maybe a bit of a Cas angst hour but you ever think about how Dean asked Cas to kill him over MoC because "Sam would never do that" and in S11 finale he asked Cas to look after Sam because "he's gonna be a mess ... Take care of him, don't let him do anything stupid" ??

So, it does say something funny because, one, this is quite a statement on how while Sam and Cas both do fall apart after Dean is gone but Sam is the one going off the rails, the dogged stubborn one who drags everyone into his mission of searching for Dean or finding a way to help him, (again MoC, then Demon Dean... S14.. etc etc)

This is not to say Cas doesn't WANT to save Dean but i always think how Sam literally being the LEADING role of Dean rescue squad gets overshadowed in fandom to the point that so many just forget.... Dean is loved by Sam. Wholly and irrecoverably. In fact there's no one Sam loves more than Dean, and I will say it right here and there, that nobody loves Dean more than Sam either. There's such a bizarre belief that Cas is the only person ever showing Dean some love. Insane stuff.

So anyhows, the second funny (tragic) thing is how Cas' grief is often sidelined, especially by Dean himself. Because none of the things i mentioned above means Cas is not madly devoted to Dean. YET, Dean assumes Cas can kill him, he assumes Cas should comfort Sam because he, as nonhuman angel of the lord doesn't need to be comforted, and i find that somewhat heartbreaking. The way when Dean accepts he is loved, he only sees that in one person, but it is far from the truth.

This is truly a tangled mess between the three of them because Cas is put in the backseat most of the time, sometimes Dean doesn't even SEE that Cas cares about him. He was right about how him and Sam sometimes forget everyone else because this was never supposed to be like this, because it was always supposed to be him and Sam against the world clinging to each other tight, but now there's this other person who abandoned his own house and family and cannot bear losing Dean, who is also hurt and grieving but Dean always ends up overlooking what he feels.

This somewhat brings me to the idea that maybe, MAYBE Sam unlike Dean does see it, and the Sam that is confident in Dean's love for him, will reach out to Cas and will comfort Cas and they do help each other in fact i am begging Carver to tell me about those missions Sam and Cas took together between s9 and 10 please man I know there's a point they can let each other in.

Anyway some thoughts because sometimes, sometimes i think Cas deserves some hug and acknowledgment for his loss too.

#wincest #wincestiel #sastiel #spn #im babbling #dean and sam are both kinda sentimental about their third wheel u know #but sam has ups and down when it comes to cas and its very interesting

[faithdeans]

western au fic recs part 1

i have loads of these but i've decided to re-read them all before reccomending them. idk how many parts there will be of this but probably at least another 2 and one for ficlets! anyway hiii have fun and pls let me know how you find them!!! i also left comments because idk how to shut up!

Vagabonds by chevrolangels [89k]

Dean is a sheriff in a tiny town in Colorado, restless and unsatisfied with his life. It's not like what he's read about in the dime novels since he was little, capturing dangerous outlaws and being the last word of the law. More like tossing the town drunk in a cell to sober up when they get a little too rowdy. But Dean's chance comes when a thief rolls through their town. He pursues the thief, which puts him right into the path of Emmanuel, a notorious outlaw. When he is captured by the outlaw and his gang to be held for ransom, Dean starts off on a journey he could have never envisioned, and learns that perhaps there's more to Emmanuel than meets the eye.

i reread this the other day and if you didn't already see my posts let me say i lost my damn mind all over again. the pacing and characterisation in this fic are perfect. it's a delicious slowburn, the action is amazing, and also as someone who has a hard time handling angst, this fic is the perfect level for me. the end makes me cry because i never wanna finish it. the stories of the side-characters are just as enthralling as dean and cas. i could read a million one-shots based on this fic. i'd probably say it's my favourite fic, period.

The Shawnee Trail by emmbrancsxx0 [166k]

In 1887, Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak lead a peaceful life in Lawrence, Kansas. Dean and Sam are stagecoach messengers for Wells, Fargo and Castiel is the town doctor. When Castiel's patient, Kelly Kline, knocks on their door one night about to give birth, she asks for the Winchesters and Castiel's help in protecting her son against one of the west's most notorious outlaws. To fulfill that promise, the men set out on a journey full of shootouts, trouble with the law, gambling, and an important discovery: Dean and Castiel really need to define the nature of their relationship.

okay to everyone asking which fic i was talking about when i posted "fics that make you pace around your room at midnight while sobbing", i was talking about this. this fic felt like a movie, it felt like i was living it, like i was riding with them. the storytelling is unbelievably vivid. i was hanging on to the "angst with a happy ending" tag for dear life. this fic is a rollercoaster of an adventure and a wonderfully moving ode to the western genre. it's truly one of those fics where you finish it and you can't believe this is supernatural fanfic and not a critically acclaimed piece of literature.

Lonesome Rider by onwardorange [67k]

Dean Winchester, better known as the “Lonesome Rider” throughout the Wild West, spends his days galavanting from town to town, drinking, dancing, and flirting his way into people’s beds. He’s got no responsibilities and no direction in life; it’s just him, his beloved horse, Baby, and the open road. And that’s just the way Dean likes it𑁋or so he tells himself. That is, until the day Sam falls deathly ill. When nothing is able to cure him, Dean makes a desperate deal to save Sam’s life that puts his own on the line. Enter Castiel Novak, a small town preacher in possession of the Colt, a gun rumored to be able to kill just about anything as well as the one thing that could save Dean’s life. When the gun is stolen by a gang of infamous outlaws, Dean and Castiel must travel across the West together to get it back, though what they discover between themselves along the way may turn out to be more powerful than the Colt itself.

this fic was so sweet and full of heart that it actually left me breathless in places. the way dean and cas bickering was written was so s spot on. hurt/comfort that will blow your cock and balls straight off. and the pining!!!! oh the pining!!! something about this story is like a warm hug and i just didn't wanna put it down. also the constellation scene and certain recurring themes to do with it. *dies*

#worm.rec

[13x02]

Picking your brain on Jack stuff (2 of 2)!

This is a long-winded way of asking you your thoughts on how Jack's flashbacks and the snake relate to his identity and soul. I'm just not sure how to phrase it, so you get this rambley thing instead. Happy Thursday, haha.

///

After the mysterious girl, there's the snake. Oh, the snake. The obvious parallel to the snake is the cultural myth of Lucifer.

 The snake appears and asks, "Who are you, really? Who are you meant to be?"

This snake isn't coming to him with lies, statements, or riddles. Only simple questions. Perhaps asking questions is what generates real Wisdom, then? Or perhaps Lucifer's (and humanity's) original crime came from this tendency to question. I recall Lucifer's season 5 quote:

"We're going to kill each other. And for what? One of Dad's tests. And we don't even know the answer. We're brothers. Let's just walk off the chessboard."

Questioning is that wonderful, wonderful disobedience. The Gnostic interpretation imagines the serpent in the Garden as a force of Good, that the serpent was sent to reveal to humans the evil intentions of their creators. The serpent succeeds in convincing them to eat the fruit and become like the divine, capable of distinguishing between good and evil ("empathy").

The snake is yellow. It seems to be like Jack, as golden as his eyes. Jack is, after all, the chicken (human) and the snake (angel/Seraph).

(Ouroboros 14x14 draft, Text Attributions// Supernatural scripts here via @spnscripthunt. Transcripts are located here via SPNWiki. Visit their Tumblr to donate.)

The snake is a key divinity symbol and is linked to immortality. The Garden is Earth (the chicken), and it's the generator that grows the soul.

///

Like the figure of the Girl (Hokmah?), the snake in the garden and his fruit/pomegranate/"apple" are associated with Truth and Wisdom. There's something Ecclesiastical with this, too--that Wisdom brings pain.

Biblical Translations of Ecclesiastes 1:18

For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief. The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow. For in much wisdom is much vexation, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.

///

*Flashing GIFs*

///

Then, we get these flashes as Jack's soul regenerates. My question for you (and for everyone) is a deep dive on why these images in particular? Aren't they interesting?

///

Like Sam in season 8, we have Jack's forgiveness associated with a Church, a symbol of Forgiveness.

Occultus simply means, "hidden away; secret."

We have this hidden Garden referred to by Cas as a crossroads of humanity and divinity, something specifically disallowed by God.

(According to Heaven's oldest laws, Heaven and Earth aren't allowed to mix together, but Jack is a Nephilim. He is the result of humanity and divinity mixing. He represents the ultimate disobedience; an abomination; imperfection.)

Another oddity to me is that The Occultum is wrapped in an Enochian riddle, as if it's meant for angels in particular. How strange...

///

Then, we see Jack retaking his place at the kitchen table and feeling the weight of all that pain.

What's this all about? Why did this Occultum thingy and the Garden regenerate Jack's soul? Was it all about Wisdom, about asking questions and truly facing the Awful Truth head-on?

Why didn't I understand? It was my fault. Forgive me.

Perhaps as a Nephilim, given enough time, Jack can repair his own soul the same way he was supposed to be able to slowly recharge his grace over hundreds/thousands of years.

After all, angels can "cleanse" damaged Hell souls via their grace (see: Dean's Hell rescue), and Souls can "charge up" injured angel grace (see: Bobby's "nuclear reactor" soul in season 6). Tragically, Heaven and Earth seem built to naturally complement one another.

Perhaps, that's why the mixing of the two is so dangerous.

///

Anyway, thoughts? Thanks for humoring me with these. Hope you're not stabbing me in your head after these monstrosities. Please remember to tag this with #flashing gifs when you answer. :-)

the line you put with heaven and earth being natural and tragic compliments is causing me pain.

and i did notice this back when it aired but: so much of the flashes have dean in them. it is such an important note to me because of the end of 13x02 and all of 14x20. dean is what jack viewed as the ultimate form of being a human being. your free will makes you make mistakes and he forgives dean for it. i think getting his soul back was in part answering a question of what it meant to be human too. dean was his answer.

dean, sam, cas, and everything he has ever done wrong is what makes him a crossroads of divine and human. free will makes him both and neither. he is both and neither because he is just supposed to be jack. something new. something unheard of living long. all the other nephilim are dead. he lives despite everything against him.

and you pose such an interesting thing! I do think maybe if the circumstances were far different we could have seen jack replenishing his soul himself. after all, nephilim really are supposed to be a whole new level of power. jack is also the son of an archangel and i know it had to have give him even more of an edge to the nephilim who were simply the children of angels.

i am feeling particularly insane about this so let me add on:

Another oddity to me is that The Occultum is wrapped in an Enochian riddle, as if it's meant for angels in particular. How strange…

sometimes, i wonder what chuck was really thinking. it's so hard to know with him. i do think he did care for the angels. lucifer was his favorite, of course, but he did offer bringing back michael what he loved. he doesn't seem to be as close to gabriel and raphael but i wonder.

was the occultum meant for them? was he trying to see if he would end up fixing one of his big four children?

rebelling, like i put in the last ask, seems to just go so damn poorly for the angels. i wonder if going to the garden or something for them would have ended up with them with human souls but still angels. it would be such a fucked up form of being a nephilim that i can see chuck having done it.

i wonder if he hoped one of them would have found it. i wonder if none of them found it because they were still just too divine in the long run. i think the closest we got to divine human was castiel, but even he didn't end up happy. maybe jack could have been the divine human if they hadn't gone for the ending they did, actually.

#flashing gifs #ofc i try to always tag it TY SHAL THOUGH GOD IM INSANE ABT THESE I WAS SO SAD DOING CLASS AND NOT BEING ABLE TO ANSWER LIKE. ALL DAY. #asks #jack kline #spn meta

[firespirited]

Confession time. After destiel went canon and broke tumblr, I read the entire wiki for the main characters before watching the final episodes and felt the finale was so out of character that I mentally wrote a fix it fic.

Here is me writing it down in honour of the third anniversary. A show that to me: consists of 3 episodes, a lot of meta posts that trended over the years, jokes about loving your car, some manic wiki reading and that odd dude who inexplicably did iffy prolapse photomanip fanart.

I have made no attempts to polish this. The voices probably aren't right but I tried to write an open ending that stays true to characterisation (aka as tumblr presented these three beloved characters which may be the opposite of what the writers of manly male, rock loving, hunters with guns in a muscle car and dead girlfriends had in mind) .

We follow the final episode as it began except after the pie festival and the vamp mime first murder, they're off to hunt but a flaming meteor falls from the sky and they follow it in the car. It hits a field, they see a human figure, run and use their coats and feet to put out the flames. It's Cas. They put him in the car, they're all very shaken no answers to Sam's many questions, awkward glances in the mirror from Dean then Cas breaks his silence and asks for his slice of pie... the one in the glove box. Sam is confused, Dean looks like he's going to vomit.

We restart the episode from a different point of view: After Castiel got sent to the empty, Dean began praying to whomever, whatever would hear (silently or under his breath but constantly.) he thinks he might be insane from grief but after all he's seen he has the smallest hope) . Jack as God can't technically rewrite all the laws of the universe but he's receiving these "prayers". He smirks when he finds a bylaw that he can make a saint of Castiel so that prayers to him are redirected straight to him and cannot be diverted (heaven's bureaucracy is complex).

The empty has known no peace for six months. Dean's internal monologue of prayer has been echoing around and amplified the more the empty tried to create silence. The empty has tried to kill Dean so many times but he's got a protective barrier on his hand that looks like a scratch (placed by a grateful angel) so he's been dodging these deaths like it's looney tunes, completely unaware. (insert scenes of echoey overlapping narration of longing and yearning over near misses of murder by multiple means. For angst broken up by comedy)

Back to now, to the car. The brothers staring at Cas, Dean gets out of the car to hyperventilate and try to hold it together. We focus in on the ringing and rushing blood sound in his ears as Sam seems to be asking questions again and Cas seems to be talking. Sam gets out of the car, asks his brother if he's OK, he obviously lies and says Yes.

Sam sighs and says "Yeah clearly, you look fantastic. So uh Cas says he wants in on the vampire mimes and is eager to do more hunting evil... and I know it's not the time but damnit when is ever the right time? ... Look, when I talked about a more normal life, I meant it. We write our own stories and maybe it's time for you to go try something, anything else really. How about you take a vacation? Cas and I will handle things."

"I've, well, I've given normal life a lot of thought, I've never truly fit in and I could try but I can only fake it for so long. Funny, but when I allowed myself to daydream of a different life, I imagined careers that led me back to the road and back to making things right, you know? I think at the core, that's who I am... And, hey, since you brought it up, I never asked you if this life is the 'normal' you want....To be honest: I know it's not. and I didn't want to be alone, at least not these past few months, I know I've seemed fine but"

"Oh no no, you did not seem 'fine' but I wasn't going to go out of my way to point it out. You didn't even wash for days at your worst. You mumble under your breath sometimes. Those guns are cleaned down to the last speck of dust. I wasn't going to leave you alone, not ever."

"Okay - Ok.ay! Since we're here having the 'talk', aside from your duty as my brother, have YOU let yourself imagine what you'd want normal to be, for you?"

He blurts out "Eileen... It's Eileen. I know she's out there somewhere, I felt a strange pang and it was relief." he's speaking so fast "She's back. My mind races at the possibilities, I haven't dared to let myself start. I'm not sure how I want to live but I know it has to be with Eileen"

"I'm calling a taxi. You have a serious phone call and some travel ahead. Older brother's orders. I'll do the blood suckers"

"Work again. Will you ever open up about what's been going on with you? You wouldn't even tell me how Cas summoned the Empty."

"I, uh, these things take time, more of an actions over words kinda guy. *stares at phone* Oh your taxi is two minutes out."

"I don't know what to say"

"You don't have to say anything, you already told me through all you've done. Text me when you arrive safely, or don't, if you're otherwise occupied"

"You're the worst. And the best." They hug

A car pulls up, Sam yells at Cas though the window that they'll talk soon and to keep Dean out of trouble. Cas gives him a thumbs up.

Dean gets back into the car after watching the taxi drive away until it's completely out of view. He hands the vamp case notes to Cas to read, instead Cas puts them aside on the seat. "It could be the six months, it could be the new body: this appears to be an empty copy, my host was spared the empty thankfully. Yes it could be the new body but you were right this pie is exactly to my taste"

"I don't want to know do I?"

"Indeed, you'd be mortified, it's a word you used a lot about your inner conflicts but, you've faced hell, I promise that voicing your thoughts isn't as terrible."

"Uh your coat and top are burned and falling apart, here have my jacket."

"I mean, voicing your feelings can get you sent to the empty but that's the worst case scenario"

"Nice. Reassuring." *goes quiet*

A phone dings, Cas pulls it out of the jacket. "You have a new message from Sam: "Eileen fine and well, two exclamation marks" aww, he's going to Eileen? She's wonderful isn't she? "meeting at station at 3am. Capital T, A L K and get answers from Cas you idiot skull emoji skull emoji laugh crying emoji"

"Vamps first... then I need a drink" Dean looks out of the window with a mixture of apprehension and giddiness, there's a small smile creeping across his lips that fades into seriousness, there's a flash of fear, then the smile returns with a tremor as if despite himself.

Various old friends are sat around in heaven: they reminisce, they can't know the boys future but they know it's nothing they can't handle, the senseless cruelty is over.

#Destiel #Saf #How a SPN hater was moved by the love it's fans had for the show #Enough to be haunted by a fix it end for an angel who found love and a broken bi-guy who can't believe he's lovable #SPN

[scoobydoodean]

Thinking about angels 🤝 demons 🤝 "testing" what Sam and Dean are willing to do early on in ways that predict their ultimate goals. In 4.07, Cas and Uriel show up, and they tell Dean that the raising of Samhain will break one of the 66 seals, and that this must be stopped no matter what the cost—the most sure and efficient way to prevent the seal breaking is to raze the town to the ground. Of course, Dean refuses (Sam backing him up), and he stands his ground against Uriel and Cas about it, who are saying this is heaven's will. But we later learn from Cas:

CASTIEL: Our orders were not to stop the summoning of Samhain, they were to do whatever you told us to do. DEAN: Your orders were to follow my orders? CASTIEL: It was a test, to see how you would perform under... battlefield conditions, you might say.

And even though Cas doesn't actually know what heaven's will truly was, we can easily infer that Dean failed their test by not being willing to sacrifice the town. Because accepting collateral damage on a massive scale is where they are trying to lead Dean. They want Dean to say "Yes" to Michael and accept what it'll do to the world, and this is a little mini test to see if Dean is "ready" to accept something like that.

This immediately brought me back to 3.12 "Jus In Bello", where (if you reflect on it in hindsight) Ruby and Lilith orchestrate an assault on the police station, and Ruby's role is to get inside and perform her own test to see how Sam will perform under battlefield conditions. Namely, she wants Sam to be willing to kill two people: herself and Nancy... for a spell that will wipe out all of the demons. And if we then look to the season finale, 3.16, we can see that Jus In Bello predicts exactly what Ruby would have asked Sam to do, had Dean not interrupted her.

In 4.22, we learn that, to be strong enough to face someone on Lilith's level, Sam needs to drink gallons of blood, and in 3.16, Ruby talks about urgency—she says,

Suck it up because we've got a lot of ground to cover, and we've gotta do it fast. But we can do it.

Is there enough time to find a random demon for Sam to bleed dry? Probably not. But reflecting on 3.12, it seems very likely that Ruby was going to tell Sam to bleed her dry to be strong enough to face Lilith, and she isn't wearing a corpse.

#3.12 #3.16 #4.07 #4.22 #pk rewatches spn number ? #season 3 #season 4 #multiseason

[thegeminisage]

i just read broken road and i enjoyed it immensely. i just see it differently (not exactly negatively) now knowing you once(?) shipped sam and dean. does that have any influence into it🤔 just simply wondering not interrogating u. i’m interested in that essay even

(prev ask)

ok, my essay is under the cut. it's very, very long. everybody please consider this your warning for inc*st ships if you'd rather not get into it

first point: actually, broken road was not in any way secretly influenced by any previous love of sam/dean, if that helps you any. i wrote it in post november 5th mode and you better believe i was not remotely capable of thinking about anything else. thank you for enjoying it! it's very very special to me and the time i spent working on it and posting it are genuinely some of my fondest memories. cringe <3

second point: to just honestly answer your question, since you're not interrogating me and not being an asshole (thank you and i'm not saying that sarcastically, i have gotten sooo many rude asks about this), my answer is, "eh." my favorite was sam/dean/cas (once he started being on the show) because i'm a cas girl first and foremost. and if i come across a fic where the premise looks good i might check it out, but i basically never actively seek it out bc my preference rn is strongly for destiel.

(that said i do like sam and dean's relationship a lot as brothers or as...whatever else, i'm mostly neutral as long as we don't leave cas out of things, AND i'm perpetually bitter about sam getting left out in the cold, so if i wanna read good sam fic, sometimes people who ship him with the other main characters will do a better job than making him the perpetual longsuffering butt of the slash joke. same goes for early seasons spn fic: sometimes the sam/dean writers just do a better job. i very rarely get the hankering though because i like late seasons, such as season 13, who is my best friend. i think sam got pushed to the side SO STRONGLY that sometimes people sometimes subconsciously associate him being written well or mattering at all to dean beyond functioning as dean's accessory and/or proof/the catalyst of dean's traumatic upbringing with w*ncest. because otherwise they see him as a minor character (?!?!), and why are you bringing this minor character up so much if you're not secretly shipping him with dean, The Main Character? god, does anybody remember when SAM was the main character?? sorry there is truly not enough punctuation in this paragraph.)

now for the actual essay: i do get a little irritated/confused with how much pearl-clutching people do about sam/dean. like, this is EASILY the most harmless of the "problematic" ships. they're consenting adults, barring some tropes and genres i would not like to read nor discuss. and before cas came into the scene (and sometimes even after) we got baited just as hard for the two of them. it was weird and unsettling because the nature of inc*st is that it's often weird and unsettling. their dynamic is unhealthy and codependent and that's part of their appeal in whatever form. people who get the heebie jeebies because it's "problematic" are missing the point. there are also weird and unsettling vibes between dean and john, because that was part of the abuse. that actually played into broken road way more than any sam/dean stuff. he was a bad father and he made dean his backup wife and there was probably some emotional inc*st happening CANONICALLY. we all watched that in the show right?? but for some reason talking about that is fine and talking about whatever sam and dean have going on gets you put on block lists. because sometimes sam/dean fics are just for fun and whenever we talk about john we have people in fics punching him out or killing him. like we have to point our fingers at john and go "THAT'S BAD" loudly enough to ensure everyone else that we're above moral criticism. it's like. weirdly thought police-y. (and tbh, that's part of what inspired broken road - i was looking for nuance re: john and couldn't fucking find any because of this weird black-and-white mentality fandom has developed.)

and it's so hypocritical sometimes! i remember deancas stuff used to have "w*ncest fans dni" banners all over it, in the guise of protecting and standing with survivors, but when actual survivors would say things like "actually those banners just remind me of everything all over again" they would mostly get ignored?? it was so performative, like this kneejerk reaction of promising everybody YOU know what's bad so you won't get ostracized. my tastes don't usually run very dark so most of the sam/dean i wrote or read was way less unhealthy than, say, whatever lestat and louis have going on in iwtv. but nobody's making blocklists of iwtv enjoyers because that would be insane? there's just a little bit of cognitive dissonance happening i think.

like, obviously, yes, in real life inc*st pretty much always speaks to something having gone extremely wrong in someone's life and a dynamic being extremely unhealthy at best, but in fiction it is possible for it to be consensual, even if it is a little fucked up or the people involved are a little damaged.

(warning for discussion of rape fic from here down) i'm not actually totally anti-censorship though. i do firmly believe there are some types of fiction people shouldn't write! i wouldn't read parent/child anything, or any kind of rape fic unless it's tastefully engaging with the aftermath of something like that. sam/dean just seems so, so tame to me in comparison to some of the other stuff fandom has come up with. in 2014-2016 people used to write a thing called hydra trash party, which was just porn of bucky barnes being gang-raped by hydra agents. ie nazis. and half the time he was headcanoned as jewish. like??? can you even GET more tasteless than that??? i hated that shit (and i still do, deeply). i talked about how much i hated it all the time and people would come after me like "well who are YOU to censor other people? what if the authors are survivors working through their own trauma? you can't ask authors to disclose that kinda stuff if they want a license to write graphic nazi rape porn!" i got literal hate mail about it. equal but opposite energy of those dni banners - both people claiming it was "about survivors" to justify doing, uh, whatever they wanted. it's just fucking wild to me that in less than a decade my stance of "i don't care what people write if everybody is a CONSENTING ADULT," while not changing at all whatsoever, moved from being too prudish to being too problematic.

another side tangent (sorry, you did ask) is that i was a slash writer on FFN in the video game and anime fandoms during the late 00s (ironically, quite a lot of straight men there) and holy mother of god...the kind of shit comments i would get for putting two dudes kissing in the same fic, even though it was PLASTERED with disclaimers. i felt like the mob was after me sometimes lol. and that's sort of the way i felt once those w*ncest asks started. i remember back in the peak of post nov 5 stuff if i like, reblogged art or gifs from certain blogs people would write in to tell me that person was a sam/dean shipper so i'd take down my (gen, non sam/dean) post. i felt paranoid (and still feel paranoid) reblogging GEN sam & dean content because i'm worried people will take it the wrong way. i actually deleted one from my drafts earlier today - i'd been thinking about it but then i got your ask and decided against it, lol. what a way to live! especially in fandom, which is (and i hate to politicize it this way but it's true) a queer-adjacent space that's supposed to be free of the kind of judgment you'd get for not being a normie irl.

on FFN, one of the many pairings i wrote for actually involved an underaged teenager and and an adult. but as i was the same age as that teenager at the time, and had a crush on that adult character and toootally wanted to marry him, i couldn't see what was wrong with pairing them together. like i quite literally did not know better. it's a pairing that actually disgusts me now, lol. if people now could send me asks about what i did back then to try and "gotcha" me (they can't because it's all been deleted) i'd be really pissed about it, because you can't continue to punish people after they've learned and grown. everyone's been so terribly kind about broken road, and there's this real fear of losing or tainting something so special and wonderful just because people have a problem with the fics you read or wrote a decade ago. it sucks. i do think there's a line (like, maybe don't write nazi rape porn, also whatever was going on with that j2 haiti fic), but i also think we've got to try at least a little not to reinvent puritanism on fandom websites of all places. that's wack.

and man, i know i said it already, but i just keep coming back to w*ncest being SO TAME? like it doesn't compute that someone would get icked out over CONSENSUAL sam/dean and meanwhile ship for example rowena/ketch like he didn't torture her or sam/lucifer because they like mark pellegrino like lucifer isn't sam's fucking rapist. and not even get "in trouble" for it. it boggles the mind.

and like, idk. i initially got my hackles up at your ask because it's 1 of a million, and i could dodge the questions by taking down the one sam/dean/cas fic on my profile ig, but that fic is how i met a good friend of mine and she'd be sad if i were to take it down, so i don't want to have to, and i shouldn't have to. you know??

my final thought: i've been writing fanfic for 20 years. 20 years ago when i started writing fic sam/dean would have been unacceptable because it's two men. 10 years ago it was fine because they were the ONLY two men, and every woman in supernatural got bullied off of the show, and people writing het got hatemail. now it's unacceptable again because of the inc*st. 10 years from now, who knows what will happen? so i try to base my morals on what i feel i can live with as a person rather than what a bunch of people on the internet (i'm not including you in that) tell me what i can or can't do, or should or shouldn't do.

i really hope this answer doesn't like, ruin broken road for you, or anyone else. i don't think of myself As A W*ncest Shipper at all, but neither do i deny that i used to be, and i certainly don't have any problem with (again) keyword CONSENTING keyword ADULTS in fanfic now, even if they do happen to be siblings ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i just hope that like someday we find a middle ground where we can live and let live but also have enough sense not to write nazi erotica. if that's problematic of me, so be it 😔✊

#liz answers asks #anonymous #really really really long. sorry. this has been bothering me for literal years #absolutely no way i could have expressed these thoughts directly post nov 5th during the spn revival #without people hunting me for sport lol #so if nothing else at least i got to get it off my chest

[vaicomcas]

On Bitterness

cw: very long and cringey self-reflection of an unrepentant, dean critical, spn critical bitter Cas fan. It's actually kind of funny how melodramatic I am.

I once read a post that said, if you hate the show so much, why are you on tumblr writing post after post about it, go away leave us who love it alone. Or, the very fact that you keep going on is the validation of how great the show is. Or, that's a miserable way to engage with media. Or, please only focus on what you like rather than what you hate and "make the fandom better ". Or, do you even know how to consume media, just ignore what you dislike. I see this type of post periodically. I follow few active blogs so I'm sure I only see a fraction of them.

Some of it seems fair enough. To say "I hate the show so much" is an oversimplification because I am obviously consumed by my love for Castiel, and the show created Castiel. Also a lot of the ideas/writing/visuals are brilliant (although quite a lot not so much--but of course, it's easy to criticize and hard to create something that went on for so long). Lots of amazing actors of course. The skills and quality are of course there. But does that validate the show? I say no.

I honestly hate a lot of the overall narrative and underlying values of the show. And I have come to hate the Winchesters, espeically Dean, because of the type of men they stand for--reflecting my own experience and bias, no doubt. Just like how anybody "consumes media": from their own perspective.

I am not looking for reassurance or validation. I don't accept it when I read that people like me are consuming or engaging with media wrong. I don't make any personal criticism of writers or producers (I try not to even know who they are most of the time, though it's impossible). I don't go out of my way to argue with or upset people I disagree with. I tag myself clearly and people can block me. I paid for my DVDs. Within these confines of what my conscience requires, I can consume media however I want. So what if what I share on tumblr is not "positive". I read rage-filled posts about Cas from 2, 4, 7 or more years ago from bitter Cas fans who came before me, and these posts are what I came to the internet for: they made me feel less alone. Yet, there are simply not enough of them. I post to let my own rage out, and to add to this particular voice so others like me can also find it and feel less alone.

I do ask myself all the time: why don't I just let the bitterness go for my own mental health? Like they say condescendingly, "it's a miserable way to engage with media". (what a loser you are is what this means.) They say to be bitter is like drinking poison in order to kill your enemy. I don't dispute that. Yeah it is miserable. Yeah it's truly not healthy. Yeah it infects my outlook in real life too. Can't I just focus on the positive like so many people seem to be able to do? Isn't there so much, so much positive about Castiel?

I can't. Being miserable is the only way for me to love Cas. Only in the first two seasons was he genuinely celebrated (to a degree and not nearly enough), followed by relentless reduction and sidelining of him. I should clarify: it's not his suffering and his pain in the plot per se that depresses and angers me. It's the slander, the subjugation, and the enslavement of his brilliance to serve the main characters who can't hold a candle to him. My kind of love for Castiel means that it would be an insult to not feel sad and outraged about him. There is not even a grain of "positivity" in that show that is uncontaminated with the injustice done to his character. As far as I am concerned, nobody on earth deserves to be happy because of what was done to Castiel, because it could never be undone. (this is hyperbole, of course. I don't actually want to make other people unhappy unless they want company in misery. That's why I put heavy warning on the bitterest of my posts.)

I'm aware of how melodramatic I am about a TV show character. I am aware all of it is written to elicit reactions, all of it is artifice, and I am picking and choosing what I love and hate about it. I am aware there are real social injustices that deserve my outrage a lot more. The thing is I have never cared about fictional characters. It is unfathomable why I chose this sickness of taking Castiel seriously, as real flesh and blood and grace and spirit being in a half-real half-fake universe. If I allow myself to be objective, if I allow myself to acknowledge that he is not real (rather, just the sum of a series of often inconsistent writing and production decisions by a large heterogeneous mixture of people) in order to get away from the misery, I would then also have no reason to care about him at all. And that's unacceptable, at least for now. I dread the day, possibly not far away now, when I will wake up from this dream.

Back to part of why I keep thinking and writing about the show when I am so bitter about it. Something occurred to me. The show didn't just create Castiel out of thin air. The show's underlying universe came from the wellspring of the Abrahamic religions and related lore and a lot of the characters/stories are taken directly from the bible. Yet, it made God and its world order, including heaven and angels, corrupt and evil and ultimately vanquished.

I am not criticizing the show about making God evil. But If the show gets to trash its source material, in fact subverting its source material being the cornerstone of the show, then why can't I?

I am "canon parallel".

#castiel #anti dean winchester #dean critical #bitter cas fan #spn critical #anti winchesters #my ramblings #my insanity #my castiel manifesto

[shallowrambles]

OOF. Imaginary lovers never turn you down.

This is one of Dean's Harper-coded neuroses for sure.

I think because John was hot-and-cold caretaker, Dean is very...insecurely attached. Even as a child, we see him balking at Sam seeking college, to the point of accidentally smothering the dreams on occasion, and pressuring even when tries to be "sorta okay with it." (Like how we see him in Drag Me Away from You)

///

So anyway, it's a neurosis I love love love to see. Dean will use phrases like, "This isn't really you," and occasionally always-and-never statements whenever he's glomped on a brand new ally to fulfill the fantasy of "never letting him down / disappointing him." SUPERMAN, even. That old hero worship.

But much like with Harper Sayles, even Vance isn't Vance! And so, none of Dean's idealized figures are really them either. He struggles with balancing trust and instinct. (Note: This is how all relationships tend to work. It's what's so LOVELY about Dean growing through these imperfections. He gets older and wiser. "He can try to get better, every day.")

He eventually starts to accept the mistakes of his loved ones: Sam, Mary, Cas. HIMSELF. We see in s15 when he insists he always "knew Chuck was squirrelly" when he clearly didn't. Dean is so used to being right about people/intuition, it's REALLY had to swallow when he's dead wrong. "I didn't wanna admit I was wrong." (He got played by Crowley, by Cain, then Chuck. It sucks to get manipulated so thoroughly!)

///

Anyway. This theme of imperfection, of seeing one another is even what's driving SPNwin.

It asks the question: "What if mom and dad had been REALLY able to truly see one another?"

///

ANYWAY, this stuck out to me!!! I don't know if I want it to be a meta or not, so it goes on the vent blog instead...

IN SEASON 10, Dean is spiraling and running. It doesn't matter who. He's disinhibited, used as a pawn to ensure a "rich man's" continued place as ruler, just as Michael would have used him as a sword to win a war/maintain power.

In season 9-10, Dean is vulnerable. He's reeling from rejection and being shunned for his mistakes. This makes so much sense in the terms of the scripted season 8, with Dean saying "I love you" and getting rejected by Cas, and then again for trying to save Sam's life and “trusting the wrong person" the way Cas (in parallel) trusted Metatron to try to protect others…

After spending all of season 8 coming to terms with the imperfections of his family and loosening up on some of his rigid expectations, after dealing with the complexity of both his little brother AND his would-be love interest, it all blows up in Dean’s face.

Itssooooooooo

//

-> Dean was rejected by his bro for trying to do the right thing, for trying an experimental treatment to save his life, which lead to both the unintended rejection of Cas and Kevin's death. (Sam will later "get Charlie killed" in his attempts to save Dean with ....an experimental hail-Mary.)

-> And in season 9, Cas got back into the Angel war, and Dean didn't like him being a military man again, fearing that it would be Groundhog day all over again. And so, Dean continued to spiral. He was continually paralleled with both Josie Sands-Henry relationship and Josie's shadow self, Abbadon, a knight of Hell, a shrieking wrathful pain.

Dean is become like knight of Hell Abaddon herself at first, before later reversing course to parallel another knight of Hell: Cain.

//

I think of this like Dean's reversal power arc. Dean is become like Rowena: I'll never be powerless again. And his whole world reverses: he gets to call out Sam for the evil Sam is doing, Sam gets to be the one who makes mistakes when trying to save him, and Cas gets the "wife" treatment instead of the war husband one.

Dean is the one to beat Cas up for once, and Cas is one of the characters who gets the brunt of Dean's brutality, because Cas is the one who hurt him the most.

Which brings me to this. Oof. Imaginary people. Imaginary lovers. Escape to the fantasy world. It doesn't matter WHO. Just keep running.

In season 9-10, Dean escapes more fully into a more extreme version of his season 8 neuroses, a world where no one lets him down, except this time he's flipping from imaginary person to person, searching for anyone that "won't let him down."

And guess what? The world still does. And Dean's tired already. Chasing freedom didn't free him or bring contentment.

With the toiling work of Hell on his tail, he runs again, this time to Anne-Marie, who despite his demonness and Crowley's ire, Dean seems to be catching feelings for. Crowley clocks it right away: "Damanged. I can see the old you falling for that."

(Because Dean already is. His humanity is a glimmer, but it's still there. We'll see it in demon Dean’s dispatchment of Lester rather than his assigned target, the wife.)

And more than that, Crowley misunderstands Dean's whole deal: that he is simply running. Running, running, running. Anyone will do.

"Somewhere else.” He says this to Anne-Marie. In a way Dean’s running is checking out of life, a bit like season 7 Cas (nihilism/existential crisis) and season 8 Sam (white picket fence as purely escapism).

But you can't run from yourself.

Dean's humanness hangs on, even in the midst of his Hell tasks, and his humanness persists even in seedy bars with random women-he-should-feel-nothing-for. It is a vexing thing.

He's supposed to feel nothing, to be a rolling stone.

And he isn't.

///

And Dean himself has been a little bit like Anne-Marie herself. It's an old wound by this point, but I see it as a nod to the whole Cas-Raphael thing.

Dean was so busy spiraling over Cas being in danger in s8-10 that he never had time to process all of what happened with Cas’s betrayal. He's still hurt.

And with s9 Cas rejoining the angels, though understandable and well-intentioned...it opened that old vein.

& things like this are in parallel too.

Cause Cas was saying he was doing it for Dean...and then he kept going, punishing Heaven. (There are real feelings for Dean in the mix, but nothing is singular…it’s always tied up in other things.)

I disagree with Metatron in saying that Cas “in love with humanity” solely explained his actions. Yes, Cas is motivated by protecting his human fam, but there have been incredible moments where he wanted to punish the other angels, where he inflicted unnecessary violence on demons (like the demon looting and fleeing Hell in 15x03 The Rupture.

Demon Dean’s “I protected your honor, didn't I?" sounds a lot to me like, Cas’s “Has any but your closest kin ever done more for you?"

Cas did all that for him, or so he said, and yet...

///

Because imho what was going one with Cas wasn't solely about protecting his human family.

There's other complicated stuff in the mix.

It was also about the feelings of betrayal BY Heaven. (Which is why he didn't even trust his own rebel angels!) Cas was utterly rejected by Heaven, MURDERED without a thought by Raphael.

Cas gave into his authoritarianism because he was angry. He was emotional and he was channeling that. They need a firm hand because he loves them. You know, like the specter of pizza man and the babysitter.

///

And yeah, it’s okay that Dean hasn't fully reckoned with that. Dean in s9 said, “Cas, I know you try to be a good guy, okay?" Anne-Marie...she almost...echoes that sentiment when she said “I thought you were a good guy playing bad.”

It's off-key, but it's...similar somehow.

I love that Cas toppled from the Superman pedestal, hitting at Dean's emotional interiority and challenges in the most extreme example possible!

I feel like Lily Sunder flirts with the shadow version of this, because when she first met Ishim, she thought he was PERFECT, too.

It's not one-to-one, but it sure as Hell is getting at Dean's "Cas makes so many mistakes" anxieties, which AU Michael will tap into, too!

But mistake-making IS humanity! AU Michael doesn't get that. (Metatron eventually will. "Sure they lie and they cheat and they steal...but they never give up. YOU do!")

///

So back to Anne-Marie. When she calls Dean on his deeper issues, he:

DEAN: *belittles her judgment and demeans her, calling her a skank* ANNE-MARIE: I'm so screwed up myself. I'm gonna walk out of here thinking I actually deserved that.

This conversation is a a little like this one, where Cas belittles Dean's human status. It's not *skank* but he does call him *just a man.*

CAS: You're just a man.

Anyway, when Dean starts becoming enamored with Anne-Marie, he's doing his own version of soul-searching, seeing himself in someone else.

But because this is his reversal arc, where HE has the power, he gets to be in Cas's more powerful position here.

(Until Amara, ofc, where he will abruptly flip to a powerless default.)

ALSO!!!! There’s this swirling painful question of being nothing more than an EXCUSE to do violence…or used as MUSE to give you work “more importance.”

Dean is afraid he is both for Cas.

I mean. Cas left after season 5, after a weird “fishing” convo where Dean tries to figure out if Cas plans to stay. He left in season 8 to go and lick up Heaven behind him, etc etc.

Dean worries that he’s more muse than loved one. A banner. An excuse. Inspirational, at best????

///

Dean is working through his defense mechanisms. And like I said, idealization is a normal part of most relationships.

It's usually in the early phases and signals immaturity. Choosing to move past them and staying with the people to keep striving can be a lovely thing to show, even if in extreme strokes like SPN does.

And then we get MARY, the motherload of Dean's idealization.

In season 15, when Dean says, "My mom is my hero," he means it in a different way to his early idealizations. He means warts and all! It’s so great!

///

Which is why I love Optimism SOOOOOooooo much. You get Harper, who struggles with similar things...and we get that dynamic scene of her crowing about perfection contrasted with Dean's wisdom he's giving to Jack!

BONUS thoughts:

Cas, Raphael, and Dean, and the thing with Dean, Hell, and Anne-Marie reminds me of this SPNwin scene:

Ah, yes, my fave motif. The John-Cas-Jack boxing motif.

Anyhoo, we have John saying he wants to PROTECT Mary...to KEEP HER FROM DYING. He's doing this to protect her.

And...

Yeah, sometimes I will kiss Robbie on the mouth.

BONUS BONUS thought: in SPNprime, Mary does the same thing for her kids....resonating with John's journal and his fear. Mary dives head-first into trying to eradicate ALL the danger...to win the ENTIRE war so her sons can be safe.

(Aside///Samuel C does this in SPNwin too...with the box that would eat up all the evil in the world.)

I love the theme. Mary nearly destroys the thing she was wanting to protect in the first place. (Like Henry. Like John and his boys. Like so many others.)

BONUS:

It's not either/or! For the matter, why is it peace OR freedom, never both!

#i may not have a point #but having some thinky thoughts #spnwin #alt mary #dean #demon deaon #season 10 #i'm too tired to tag #freeform meta #harper sayles #dean's fear of abandonment #messy messy #the root of dean's perfectionism #is that it's a defense mechanism #cas john parallels #cas henry parallels

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 09x03 I’m No Angel

“One good looking homeless guy” “Did he just swallow the toothpaste?” “umm” “might want to say something to somebody; otherwise they’re going to think Cas did it” “Who’s robe?”

It’s the dead guy robe “Same guy? TEP?” “oh shit” laughter

“Dean’s hair is way too big today. It’s a ploof” “There’s that anti-religion propaganda” “was that one or two?” “Does she just explode?” “oh hell yeah brother” “truly brainwashed” “technically wouldn’t the radius of days be different in any one direction for any terrain? Just saying” “it’s not like Cas can fly” laughter

“You’re fkn telling me, Cas” “some random blown out bus from a different set?” “I wouldn’t be able to sleep with that kind of music going on in the background either. Fuck me” “killed another one” laughter “Jesus Christ” “were those dragons fucking?” No they’re dancing

“It’s got 6 legs” “time to steal some street meat” “you’d be able to walk into a tattoo parlor and say I need this now?” some of them yeah

“He doesn’t hide in plain sight very well” “BOOBAS” 🎶sensory overload🎶

That’s how you know he’s autistic

“How is sitting in a wooden fkn pew going to help with anything?” laughter

“Fkn weird ass question to ask a grieving lady” “except the ones listening will murder your ass so don’t” “that’s 3 syllables” “how do you know to skip over the commercial?” “I thought he said how big of a Reese’s does this guy have/“ “I like candy but I wouldn’t get in the van though” “you’re getting fucked now” “gotta get his street meat” “Detroit style hot dog”

“That’s what happens when I see boobies half the time. I don’t see the label either. I just see boobies” “that’s the serial killer stare” As a human female presenting person, I would not invite a strange man into my one bedroom apartment. I don’t care how nice and handsome he is. male presenting nipple

Laughter “is this the part you send him back now?” there it is! male presenting nipples

“Cas has such a weird way of communicating.” “What’s Plan B?” “boobies” “what the fuck” “She like half-stabbed him” “He’s still stabbed” laughter

“You’re fucked now” laughter

“Yeah this works. Keep your story going” “Didn’t Dean say something about the water pressure when they first got there?” laughter

Laughter

I hate this part

“Don’t give it away!!” “You hate that they have to kick him out?” “Why can’t anyone in the show be honest? You can’t stay. Explain why”

#beautifulspouserewatchesspn #supernatural rewatch #supernatural #supernatural s9

[blessyourhondahurley]

Golden Brown and Delicious

The second part of the story begun in A Perfect Disaster. Dean helps Cas to accept and appreciate their differences.

Suptober prompt: Morning After Flufftober prompt: Secret Family Recipe Fictober prompt: "I don’t want you to do that." Inktober prompt: Kind

(Read on AO3)

Cas takes the mug of coffee from him and groans, "Oh no, you’re a Morning Person! No, anything but that!”

Surprised by this outburst, Dean settles into the chair across from Cas. He considers, then shrugs. “Uhh, I mean, yeah, I guess I am kind of a morning person, most days..? Is that gonna be a deal breaker for you? 'Cause I would suggest you wait to make that decision, at least until you've had another cup of coffee, and a couple bites of these bad boys.”

He drops three fluffy cakes onto each of their plates and drizzles them with syrup while his gorgeous, drowsy dining companion gulps his coffee. As soon as Cas swaps his mug for his fork, Dean tops his cup off again, then digs in to his own breakfast. By the time he's three bites down, Cas has managed to make his fingers work well enough to get a single steaming triangle of pancake into his mouth. Dean pauses in his meal, head cocked, eyebrows raised expectantly, to watch him chew.

“Well?” he prompts. “How are they?”

“Wow,” Cas says dazedly, cutting a sizable chunk off of the stack on his plate and stuffing it in his face.

“Pretty good, huh? And, I mean, look at all this! Fresh, hot coffee, a delicious homemade breakfast... Perks of having a morning person around, sweetheart! You ever think about that before?”

“I had not considered the benefits.” Cas shoves more food in his mouth, washes it down with the rest of his coffee, then takes another big bite. “What kind of pancakes are these?” he mumbles.

Dean smirks. “Secret family recipe, hot stuff. You know the drill. I could tell ya, but I'd have to kill ya.”

Cas looks stricken, but keeps eating. “Well, I don't want you to do that,” he states, nudging his empty cup toward Dean's side of the table.

“I don't want to have to do it,” Dean allows. “You're awfully cute. Of course, there is another way...�� He grabs the coffee pot off the counter and hands it to to Cas, who nods gratefully before refilling his mug and taking a swig.

“Another way? What do you mean?” he asks. He spears the last bite on his plate, mops it in syrup, and devours it.

Dean gives him a wink. “Well, instead of killing you, I could marry you. Then you'd be part of the family. Full access to all family secrets.”

Cas holds up a hand. “Whoa there, cowboy,” he intones.

The nickname conjures up some very intense and pleasurable memories of their previous nights' activities for Dean. He blushes and shifts, suddenly uncomfortable on the hard wooden chair. Apparently half a pot of coffee is enough to bring Cas all the way back into the land of the conscious, because he tracks Dean's reaction with a look of smug satisfaction. He continues with a smirk. “I'm willing to give you a provisional pass on your ridiculous tendency toward early rising. You make an excellent point about the coffee, and truly fantastic pancakes. And last night was... Exceptional. But I don't think we're ready for the altar quite yet.”

“Fair enough,” Dean replies. “How about another date?”

“Another date like last night's date?” Cas growls, raising one eyebrow provocatively.

Dean's starting to sweat a little. “I was thinking more along the lines of... You know, an actual date, maybe grab some dinner, see a movie, get to know each other better outside of the sheets. But I'm gonna keep it real with you, chief. I may have been awake for a while, but I am very interested in going back to bed right now, and staying there for a good long time. You in?”

“Oh, I will be.”

“Let's go.”

Concluded here...

#suptober22 #flufftober2022 #fictober22 #destiel #supernatural #day 13

[100and1fics]

(002/101)

Part 1 of 2. Dean/Cas, set post-4x11. Inspired by the premise of an older Destiel fic (which I would link to but it's been taken off AO3; I feel like the references are fairly obvious, but who knows). CW consent issues.

The second time he wakes from now-in-technicolor nightmares of Hell to find Cas sitting on his bed, it’s 3 in the afternoon.

After Angels vs. Demons: Kaiju Battle, he and Sam had been slinging back jobs like it was a sweaty summer night, and it’d been working. Keeping him too tired to even dream. But then Sam had started bugging him again, asking if he wanted to talk about it. No. Telling him he should talk about it, that he’d feel better if—still no. The dreams came back, no matter how long he stayed awake. His head hit the pillow and every every was there in the dark: underneath fingernails, behind eyeballs, between each of his ribs, shuddering flesh beneath hands, skin trembling against his teeth. Even when the sun was shining down from on high.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Cas.” He sits up, rubs sleep from his eyes. Cas doesn’t move a muscle.

Since the mess a few weeks ago, he’d wondered if Cas was gonna come back at all. 1-800-HEAVEN, the number you have dialed is no longer in service. But he’s glad to see him. Kind of wary. That’s just how it goes with Cas, the confusingly sort-of-attractive tax accountant who could kill him with a wave of his fingers. Still, he hadn’t seemed to enjoy being on CSI: Angel Murder Squad. “I haven’t seen Anna, if that’s what you want to know.”

“We’re searching for her, but other priorities are more important now.”

“Great. You found another seal?”

“It’s being handled,” Cas says, and then abruptly changes the subject: “You haven’t been sleeping well.”

Does the Pope shit in the woods. “Since when does Heaven care about my sleep schedule?”

“Sleep is important for humans,” Cas continues, “and we need you to be battle ready.”

His jaw clicks. “I am ready. You got a battle for me right now? No? Then a little afternoon nap won’t hurt anyone.”

“That’s not—” Cas starts, then stops. He shifts, moving closer, until he’s right next to Dean on the bed. Anybody else, the way Cas doesn’t stop staring at him, Dean would think it was a come on. Except the whole warrior for God thing. “Heaven told me… they want…” He’s never seen Cas grapple for words this much. Angels are decisive, righteous, ruthless; Cas is hesitating. Finally, he ends with, “We want you to be less troubled by your dreams.”

Nonchalance, a shrug and “What dreams?” But Cas doesn’t roll his eyes like Sam, or sigh with impatience like Bobby. Cas just stares right through him with those cold blues. “I’m fine, okay?”

“You aren’t fine. You spent years in the depths of Hell, and any soul would be—”

“Yeah, I’m not talking about that.” Dean’s off the bed and crouched down next to his bag. It’s half full with his crap: the jeans with the tibia-length tear down the side, his two gutting knives, King’s The Colorado Kid. He really should start packing. Sam might be back soon.

Cas’s baritone rumbles from behind. “It wasn’t your fault.” That makes Dean grab one of his shirts and throw it in with too much force. Doesn't help. “My squadron was tasking with reaching you, and if we had truly know what what you were facing, with Alastair—”

“Guess hindsight’s a bitch, huh?”

Some boxers, a towel. Probably the motel’s. Whatever. A flask of holy water, almost empty. Dad’s journal; his usual comfort read. He’d been flipping through before his nap, checking again if there was anything more on the Apocalypse, wishing there was something, knowing there wasn’t.

Cas’s hand was firm, insistent, on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

Anna had said angels were frozen, obedient statues. No chocolate cake, no forgiveness, no sex. They could feel like pigs could fly or fish could tap dance. But Cas sounds so goddamn sincere, his heart is beating double-time.

“What, you want me to say thanks for trying?” Now he’s the one invading Cas’s personal space. Cas doesn’t blink. “Make you feel better about failing?”

“We didn’t fail. I rescued you. But I…” That hesitation again. Then Cas moves even closer, until they’re practically breathing each other’s air. Dean can see the beginnings of crows feet around his eyes. Angels still got wrinkles, who would’ve guessed. “I can’t change what happened. But I can give you what you want.”

And then Cas kisses him.

Hands down the weirdest kiss of Dean’s life, and that’s counting—Cas doesn’t know to move his lips, or what to do with his tongue, and when Dean draws back, Cas’s eyes are open.

“What the hell,” Dean says.

Cas says: “We should have sex.”

Cas grabs at him as Dean’s heads try to catch up to what’s happening. It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about it. Lots of people he’d want to fuck but never get to. Anna Nicole Smith. Belladonna. Mr. Petrov from his second school of junior year (Silverpark Wolves, let’s howl!), somehow both a history nerd and the hottest teacher he ever had. But imagining was just imagining. Half of it with Cas was the adrenaline, looking over a cliff’s edge and the warm pull in the pit of his stomach, that voice saying, jump, baby.

“But angels can’t have sex,” he says as they land together on the bed. It squeals in protest.

“Circumstances have changed,” like that’s supposed to make sense, but Cas has stopped trying to lead. They’re awkwardly straddling, legs tangled up, with Cas hovering above him and a little lost look on his face. He keeps glancing down at Dean’s lips but doesn’t move to kiss him again. It’s like seeing human eyes in one of those museum marble statues; humanity where it shouldn’t be.

He’ll only live twice. He might not know angels, but he does know this.

Dean puts his hand on Cas’s cheek. Cas’s eyes widen, but after a moment he softens into Dean’s touch. “You sure?” Dean asks, waits for Cas’s nod, then shifts up to kiss him again, gentle.

If Cas was breaking the rules here, it wasn’t like Dean was going to smooch and tell. It'd been sliced apple sweet, getting back in the saddle with Anna, but he didn't think Cas wanted to jump straight to the Kentucky Derby. They'd go slow. Easy. He takes charge, and if there wasn't something nostalgic about a long breathy make-out session. Cas learns quick and Dean is 16 again, rewound half a century, taking Emily Smith’s first kiss at Owl Creek Point and the warm black blood under his fingernails disappearing as he runs his hands over soft tan skin, wet lip-gloss mouth giggling against his, and Cas is kissing him so earnestly, lips open now but still a little rough. Off comes Cas’s old man raincoat, his suit jacket, and then Cas wants to take off his shirts, until they’re both skin against skin. Dean trails his hand down Cas’s chest, and Cas shudders beneath him. No flushed cheeks, no heavy breathing, but no mistaking the curve ball he’s starting to pitch. “Dean,” Cas whispers. “I…” Dean grinds down and Cas groans low. They’re hidden in the back row of a movie theater, heavy petting through explosions and car chases, and there’s no such thing as werewolves or bone saws or the Apocalypse or Hell. When Cas moves his hips, mimicking Dean almost exactly, Dean gasps softly into his neck, and then hands grab his ass and twist and he's back against the bed. Cas fumbles with Dean’s belt until Dean helps, shimmying out of his jeans as Cas undoes his own, and it’s then that something falls out of the pocket.

A gold wedding band.

Cas picks it up and without looking drops it off the side of the bed.

Shit. Dean had forgotten. Hadn’t even thought about the guy at all. Was he a newly wed? Did he have kids? Must’ve been one awkward conversation: Pardon me, ma’am, but I need to tell you your husband’s been touched by an angel.

“Cas,” he says, but Cas doesn’t hear him. “Hey, Cas!”

“Yes?”

“We gotta stop.”

Cas tilts his head. “Why?”

Dean gestures at Cas’s body. “The guy you’re—possessing.”

“Jimmy isn’t aware of anything I’ve done,” Cas replies. “So he won’t be aware of this.”

“Uh, but I will. You will. What, you think he'd be down for an angelic three-way?"

“Why does it matter?”

Through the haze, alarms start going off. “Because I’m not gonna make a guy catch when he doesn’t even know he’s playing the game! Look, I don’t like stopping just when we were getting to the good part, but I won't." Not—again.

Cas is frowning. “But you said yes. You want this.”

“And I’m saying no now.” Dean goes to move up, push Cas off, and hits a godblessed brick wall. His second try’s not any better, and makes Cas grab at his wrists. Pin them to the bed.

“Do we need to fight?”

“Oh, if you don’t get off me, we’re not just gonna fight, I’m gonna kick your ass!” But his anger’s more a whisper than a shout. He just hasn’t gotten his breath back yet.

“You can’t hurt me, Dean.” There’s no threat, no malice, no glee in Cas’s voice; just the facts.

He struggles again but it doesn’t do shit against Cas’s inhuman weight, and his dick’s picked the perfect time to betray him, still flying half-mast. Frustration sets his eyes stinging. “You better believe I can try.”

“I believe you would.”

Dean glares. For seconds that stretch decades he thinks Cas isn’t gonna let him go, or try to kiss him again, or—then the pressure’s gone, and Cas is halfway across the room.

“I… I’ve misunderstood,” Cas says. He’s dressed again, all buttoned up in his shirt and suit and that laughable coat. As if nothing had even happened.

“You think?” Dean rubs at his wrists.

“I’ve upset you. I thought…”

“You thought wrong!” He swallows and his throat’s full of razors. Crappy dry air motels. “When you find another seal, you let me and Sam know, but if you ever touch me again, you’ll regret it.”

Cas says nothing. Doesn’t even look at him. Then he’s gone in a whoosh of air, and Dean’s all alone.

#002

[crowley-the-1-true-king-of-hell]

Spn 6x22

I don't care what you think

Cas being an icon

So apparently according to Eleanor, Cas is a better torturer than Crowley

Do I feel sorry for Eleanor? Yes. Torture hurts. But I understand the necessity of it. Sam and Dean have done bad in pursuit of what they see as a greater good. Sam and Dean have tortured and killed monsters for not being on their exception list. Eleanor just so happens not to be on Cas' exception list just like how Amy was on Sam's exception list but not on Dean's exception list

Cas did what he had to do. That doesn't mean I can't have sympathy for a woman in pain

Woah the music when Cas said he would save Sam. That music was chilling and badass

I love this dark Cas the most 😍 but then again I say this as someone who loves season 8 Crowley while also feeling bad for his victims

I don't know if this counts as a bitter Cas episode because I love dark Cas so my bias would get in the way there

Nope never mind they made Cas kill his brother Balthazar. This is bitter with some great moments like Cas being a badass and dark!Cas. Balthazar is of the few people who has ever asked Cas if he's okay. In real life Cas would take advantage and lie to Balthazar instead, rather than kill a brother who genuinely loves him. Whose betrayal of Cas was motivated by love for Cas rather than Sam, Dean & Bobby's betrayal being motivated by not wanting monsters to get out of Purgatory

You're not my family, Dean

Go off! Legend snapped

I truly think that Godstiel is in two flavours

There is the leviathan influenced Godstiel where he killed beings he otherwise wouldn't have, unless the narrative forced it

There is the self-respecting Godstiel who is essentially Castiel but a Castiel who believes he deserves to be loved and respected. A Castiel who doesn't tolerate mistreatment and has high standards for who he sees as family

#castiel #supernatural #spn 6x22 #crowley spn #dean critical #bobby singer critical #sam critical #balthazar #spn critical #godstiel