#hopefully it should be easier but like... still

[heartsyncproductions]

Future Game Jam Idea I want to make happen

Putting this on my Tumblr instead of just my Twitter because I never pay attention to Twitter so I forgot about this idea BUT

During my Year in Review it made me realize part of the reason why I don't interact with the community as much as I'd like is that it doesn't really feel easy to break in, in a way that feels comfortable with interacting with others. I think the rise of so many communities being so heavily focused around Discord makes it super unfriendly to some people as well (I'm in the Indie Otome Discord now, however it took since 2022 to take that step to join any type of server due to my Schizoeffective Disorder/paranoia making Discord really scary asfjdlkafjl) and it just made me think.

What if there was a game jam whose whole point was to help with the anxiety of making a game/interacting with the community? Rambling thoughts below:

Placeholder name and subtitle: The No Stakes Game Jam (The jam to help you find friends and community)

One of the things I learned through doing three game jams last year, is that it's so much less daunting to comment on a game when it's expected of me vs commenting on a game when it isn't. It's so silly I know, as a game dev I love when people comment idc if I know them or not. But I think since I'm /also/ a developer it makes me overthinking it really bad. But you know. Life hack: you can't overthink commenting when it's expected of you-

Like there could be a requirement of like "You have to comment on at least one other game or else your entry will be removed" or something, and then there could be like a Bingo card with extra challenges if participants wanted to.

I was also thinking of using the discussion board to share resources to manage anxiety/mental health (since game jams can be stressful even for people who don't struggle with the community/socializing part) as well as posting maybe a check in or two throughout the jam depending on how long I run it.

There could also be two version of it:

Non-ranked for those that just want to try engaging more with other game devs and

And a ranked version specifically made for those anxious about critiques/reviews/etc both in giving and receiving and would have posts and resources to help manage anxiety around the topic, as well as general advice on how to learn to critique and how to manage getting feedback as well

The Non ranked version would happen first so that way people could transition from there to the ranked version after (obviously people can just do one or the other).

Anyway, this is just coming from someone with severe paranoia around internet spaces and is trying to think of ways to make it easier for others. If you've read through all this, thank you! And if you like the idea/have thoughts feel free to add on or share! I actually really want to make this happen at some point if I'm able to!

#game jam #indie games #game development #visual novel #idk this might be a weird idea since it's a little less about the game and more about forming a community around making a game #in a way that might be easier for people but there will still be a bit of focus on just the nerves of making a game as well #and it should hopefully feel super beginner friendly #like I remember posting my first game I wanted to perish asfljkda #and sometimes Determination or something isn't enough to beat the Mental Illness ya know? #anyways I'm rambling thanks for tuning in #also the indie otome discord is great my brain is just on fire #very much a me problem

[thedevotionaltour]

man. thinking about how my insurance is out of network i feel so fucked i have so much money owed in therapy bills. literally over 1k bc of my weird insurance happenings and also bc idk if insurance was even doing its thing before i dont know and just other various things im sure i've forgotten. man.

#and i have no insurance card picture to upload from the medicaid i had in jan-mar none at all it's a damn scrap of PAPER. sigh. #it's less an ohhh nooo me not in therapy i dont feel the way i did last year when it was really I Need To Be Here but like. idk. idk #it's more just frustrating. all of it. all of it is so frustrating the situation and myself too are frustrating me #sometimes i just wish this shit was easier. i need to remember to send info to my therapist bc i forgot to text him back #and then i got embarrassed about it instead of just doing it and i still feel embarrassed and i have to email a place back and #i have to write a cover letter and submit a job app to who even knows if the position is available anymore and i just have so many things #and im failing at all of them poorly bc im actually an honest to god failure. whatever man. #at least i maybe hopefully get to go to the comic store tomorrow. maybe that will be fun #im gonna try and pick up some issues for friends. bc that is one of my summer tasks for myself bc i like sending comics to friends. #and i should get started on that. #vent.txt #< this got whinier and more self pitying miserable than i intended ahem. apologies.

[guinevereslancelot]

i'm so bummed i accidentally turned town a job interview for a job where I could have worked with a good friend and mentor 😔

#i was telling her abt the preschool i got hired at and i was like yeah im worried bc the other teacher doesn't seem nice #and the student teacher ratio is really bad they're really understaffed and underfunded im just really worried it will be too much for me #and she was like oh you should apply to the school i work at bc we're hiring snd the ratio is great and the pay might be better also #and i never knew the name of the school she worked at until then #and its one i DID apply to but i told them nevermind after this one hired me 😬 #but now i really wish i'd taken that interview #i'm going to call or email first thing on monday tho and hopefullyyy i can get in for an interview before i start my new job on thursday #so i wont literally have to take time off for it #and then if they offer me i will be able to tell the new job nevermind while its still early #either that or i'll try to stick it out a few months then apply to the other one for summer or something #but im not sure whether its best to quit immediately or let them think im dependable and staying then leave in three months lol #but mostly for the other job idk if it would ruin the opportunity to tell them nevermind i want the job a week after i said no #compared to a few months later #they might have forgotten me by then which would probably be good #idkkk #my first reference literally works there which will hopefully help and maybe they'll give me a break #the pay scale looks the same as the one i just accepted but i think they'll offer less bc they're not as desperate #but i literally dont care its such a better working environment #and the pay scale is the same so they would give me a raise after a few months #and the work will be so much easier #and the commute #and i Definitely know i can work with my friend #vs the co teacher at this new job who seems really intense and unfriendly #anyway!! #im really anxious abt this new job and i'll stay if the other place wont take me now #but i really hope they give me another chance #also its super close and easy drive and the commute for the other one scares me a bit lol #this has been a shitpost

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it is truly so wild to go from feeling miserable and hopeless all the time for... lets look at my excel sheet #the last 23 days. then to suddenly rocket up to smiling to myself all day. the world is so fucking beautiful #for no rational reason aside from what i have to assume is a chemical shift in my body #like is this what happy ppl feel like all the time? its truely so crazy. have i always been like this? #did i not notice this was a thing? like ive definitely noticed it in the last year but like ??? #my suspicion is that it doesnt actually last long enough to b considered hypomania but like idk i should see a doctor probably lol #u would think being happy would make it easier to do things but i just keep forgetting to do them and just like spacing out lol bc rn i #feel chill. even tho i need to make a list of the shit i gotta do by Friday. bleh. but idk it makes being in thr lab so much nicer bc i #mean. i still dont give a fuck abt what im doing but im like fuck it this isnt gonna b my problem in like 2-3 months. even tho im sure ill #still have to write up everything. but idk. it also makes it easier to b like. ok so i kno what my problems r lets plan yo make things not #so horrible so u dont just live a miserable life and then like die having lived a life of fear. like its so crazy how much easier thst is #to do rn??? well see how long it lasts but yea v strange. wish i could control my fucking focus tho. like that would b great #its like the fucking painting of hypnose. my focus is like a lighthouse wildly swinging its light around until it sometimes blasts me in #the face. like not helpful. i need to b able to do things. #i guess the weird thing rn is thst while i feel happy. i also have this like simmering fear of irrational things. like when i used to live #in my parents basement and i was terrified of the dark rooms down there at night. like that kind of childish baseless fear #but like im in i tiny tiny apartment lol like bro what r u scared of??? silly silly silly #idk hopefully it holds out the whole rest of the week and then i can travel and see my parents like !!! yo !!! happy vibes :-D #that would b kinda unhinged lmao. i doubt itll last thst long. its already slipped from this morning so we shall see #unrelated

[toytulini]

trying to go through the photos on my phone and sort them into dif albums to then have an easier time sorting through each album later and i didnt get em all done tonight, but. i got 10,120 out of 22,488 sorted into separate albums for tonight, i feel like thats not too bad?

#toy txt post #to be clear. 22488 is the amount in the camera album thats on the SD card. it is not the total amount of pics/vids i have saved on my phone #this is going to be extraordinarily tedious but if i can get it done and stay on top of it i think it might be worth it #i should still comb through at some point and delete some but! thay will hopefully be easier once i separate them into smaller piles! #part of the problem here is i take a bajillion pics of my pets and then also everytime i go to an aquarium i seem to average #over 1000 photos per visit that i never go through. so. yeah #idk maybe when im done sorting and tagging and combing i can actually fuckin post some places #even tho there aint a lot of places left that feel worth posting to :/ #anyway #ALSO to clarify while the sd card camera album is not the total amount of pics on my phone it is. the Largest album #its the only one that broke into 5 digits #but i have like 6 others thats are 4digit numbers #2 of them pretty high. 4143 and 5583 respectively. so after i have the 2 camera albums sorted i think ill try to tackle those next #and i thought id tag right in my 'pets' album but idk? theres a lot so maybe it would be easier to give each pet their own at least til i #can get their pics tagged or whatever haha?

[upperranktwo]

Got my mark back for my assignment I finished on Monday and I got 70%!!! from the grading system I fall in the second highest tier!! I was so convinced I failed!!! it was really hard and impossible for me to not compare myself to everyone else😭 really glad I actually did well!!!!

#omfg! i hated that discussion 😩 #got another in January but now I know what i'm doing and how to manage things it should be a little easier #I was same in my undergrad when we had to do debates and discussion nsajdsadas but I've always done okay in school #and always exceeded expectations of me so I need to have a little bit of belief #gonna start my report tonight!!!! hopefully I get a good if not better grade from that! #the good thing with my masters is that there isn't any group work so nobody can drag me down like they did with my undergrad lmao #:) Still annoyed with that but ah that was in 2014-2017 #I know 70% isn't amazing but I'm very doubtful of my work and second guess myself all the time #I'll never be my sister and get in the 90s so I'm happy with anything that is over 60% #during GCSE i was able to get in the 80s but GCSE was a lot lot lot easier lmao

[highwaydiamonds]

As someone who hates the sisyphean task of cleaning, how dare my mental health prefer a clean room.

#like come on brain - you could have made this one easier on the rest of me but ( as usual) NO You didn't #did i think about this as i sit in my tidy bedroom where everything just looks a lot cheerier and cozy and happy now that it's clean? yes #did it literally take me DAYS to get it this clean - and by this clean i still have laundry and stuff to do - so it's not perfect #but it looks like it p much is #and while my skin has not been cleared no my depression cured - it certainly is a boost to feel like this is a refuge #i actually want to spend time in her and feel like it's a nice room to be in - awaaaaaaaay from the other people i live with #and lbr - i need a plce to get awaaaaaaaay from them (and ok fine vice versa most likely) #but still - it would be a lot simpler if my brain liked a messy room more- my lazy parts would prefer that- but no #depression brain says -BITCH CLEAN UP - you will be happier and capable of doing some of the things if it's clean #also - you will feel LESS OF THE BAD HORRORS if it is clean #so UGH - FINE i will have to work to keep it clean - I GUESS. #i should reread camus's myth of sisyphus because iirc he didn't talk about dishes or laundry or room cleaning in that #he probably talked about death - been too many years since i read it - i don't remember - probs death and suicide #but not cleaning - he should have talked about cleaning. or wanting to die when you realized living means more cleaning #that would have been way relatable - but anyway - here we are- i'm not dead - and not planning on being so any time soon hopefully #partly because there is shit i still wanna do - but also partly because this room looks p decent and i'm not gonna make it messy #especially not by dying in here when it takes forever to get it clean #moral of the story: cleaning makes you feel like you wanna die but when it's done for the moment you'll be like i'll do that another day #because now the room is clean and dying in there would be a waste of the efforts of cleaning. just appreciate the space - vibe w/ it #and then you realize - ok life is maybe okay - and there's art and books and flowers and sex and chocolate and cute animals #so even if there are sisyphean tasks - and there are many - well do em anyway - brain will like it and then get back to the good stuff #thus endeth the tag saga after a short text post #welcome to how shit is around here sometimes

[lee-blogs]

It's a slow day today. Super rainy, chilly (Or at least, chillier than usual) and it feels like i'm just waiting. Waiting for what? I'm not really sure.

So, i've been throwing myself into my art, finally working on and finishing up old requests that i haven't had a chance to touch since last year/January of this year.

So that's good, i guess.

I hope you all are doing well, stay safe, and i love you 💙

#lee rambles #kinda feel like doing these from time to time #i dunno #Still feeling... eh. Not happy; not sad #though i probably *should* feel sad because of what's going on... that'll probably happen after everyone in my house goes to bed #so i can be alone with my feelings and stuff #that's what i've done the last few nights #But anyway #Hopefully i'll finish a lot of those requests; i'll put them in my queue for the next few days #Working on personal stuff too but for some reason it's easier to just make and post requests atm #maybe bc i don't have to write too much down? maybe. #Made a new character for my ArtFight tho so that's cool #redesigned her a little too yesterday

[loregoddess]

honestly I wouldn't get sick as often if my workplace adopted a stricter policy about sick people working

#my coworker looked super sick and said he thought he had a stomach bug and was STILL AT WORK W/OUT A MASK #BUDDY GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WHY ARE YOU HERE SICK #if this keeps happening I'm gonna have to contact HR or something #like less workers will get sick at work if you do not let the sick workers near them #ALSO I WORK IN A FOOD PLACE THAT SERVES FOOD????? #sick people should NOT be allowed near food I'm sorry but that's just fucking common sense #at least wear a mask if you're insistent about showing up to work sick like that is the LEAST you can do #I have asthma and can still manage the masks when sick like! it's not hard! and if it is then don't come in! #we are not getting paid enough to come into work sick!! #hrnngh....my work is run by idiots I swear #I'd get a different job but I also know it's literally going to be the same anywhere I go but tips won't be as good #if I can just hold out and things come together I might get into a teaching residency and get to deal w/ a different sort of nonsense #and not be as insane hopefully #sick kids do not scare me as much as sick adults and if memory serves teachers have an easier time calling out #(at least they did when I was a wee lass in school) #oracle of lore

[pebblezone]

🫡🏳️‍⚧️

#talkingcore #‘quarantine didn’t affect people’s mental health’ explain this 🤨🤨🤨 #actually nah he was fine then he hadn’t been hit with ace attorney twas just in acnh world #I wonder if someone’s looked at the rate of anti depressants prescribed before the pandemic compared to during #to be fair like all the girlies on my mom’s side are epic like me but I think it’d be interesting to look at #need to put stocks into jellycat they’re like plush calico critters they do something Marvelous to my head #Lottie bunny tartan my beloved it’s so fucking cute they got everything #the fucking dogs with the sweaters…. the snails with the scarves….. I don’t even think I want it for myself I just need to share the wealth #praying my group project goes alright so unless I don’t post this til after I shall hopefully not be Dead or Miserable #me and r have beef I don’t understand you girl and this project is so tedious for no good reason #just let me do my silly little stats and charts and move on #i looooove charts i should find something in hellsing to make useless charts about what is there to tally hmmmmm #calculating screen time seems too complicated… I could do pages that would be easier maybe but then does it count if they’re out of frame #I shall reflect on that. maybe. maybe not. still in the midst of The Beach Boys I got side tracked cause talking about smile is intimidating

[dokyeomini]

like honestly i low-key wanna quit my job asap

#not before im finished with experiments tho #and well maybe not before new year's either alhks #really i'll wait for them to tell me they can't afford to keep me algkslh #also still contemplating if i should drop lut algkslh #but i wanna finish my programming classes..... #and things will be easier once i finish with lab work... #so like. juat 3 weeks of hell left hopefully

[love-fireflysong]

Okay! Final update (I swear lol) for those who are worried about/invested in my ps4 hard drive issues!

Long story short: my save data is completely unrecoverable. It's gone. I'm completely shit out of luck for recovering pretty much anything on that drive and I have no one to blame but myself.

Learn from my mistakes and take note of these two very important tips I'm about to impart on you.

If you have a ps+ substriction and you turn off the auto upload to the cloud to platinum a game in one playthrough instead of like 3 (like i did) than for the love of all that is holy turn that shit back on the second you finish. I did not do that so all my save data since I finished vampyr a year ago is kaput cause none of that uploaded.

If you start to notice that your ps4 is starting to lag a little bit when on the hud screen or when a game is booting, then that means that hard drive failure is on the horizon and back up your save data ASAP onto a USB drive. My ps4 had been letting me know for weeks now that it was about to bsod me but hindsight is 20/20 as they say 😔

(For those that want to know exactly why all my data is unrecoverable, then all the in depth techy talk about my discoveries over the past couple of days are below the cut)

So first things first: any site or article that promises a way to recover data from a ps4 hard drive is lying through their fucking teeth. Maybe the methods work on an external ps4 hard drive I don't know, but an internal hard drive is GONE baby! Due to the fact that a pc and ps4 format each of their hard drives in completely different ways, neither is readable on the other without reformatting said drive to work. Which *will* completely erase everything that once existed and leave it empty and ready for use. (Which I already knew about going in so I never did that but I figured I would mention just in case someone tries it for themselves)

That being said, lots of programs will scan your hard drive for free and it *is* possible to scan an internal ps4 hdd. It will just appear hidden as a 'lost partition' and unavailable to pick through the files because, once again, the formatting is not native to pcs. BUT, every scan I tried was only able to find *maybe* about 2gb worth of what I knew was a nearly full 500gb hdd.

And while scanning is free, recovering the said files are not. Every program will cost pretty much $100 usd for a months subscription.

And in a test of putting the old hdd into the external hard drive and hooking it up to the ps4 and seeing if i could access my data that way, the answer was also a big fat no. While I did find out that I *could* still use the hard drive as an external if I wanted hilariously enough, it would require me to, once again, reformat the thing so it would work. Also, turns out anyways that a ps4 external hdd only saves the game applications and thats it. No pictures, videos, or save game data: that is all saved to the interior hdd so that method of backing up is a no go sorry to say.

I admittedly have one last method to try, but I don't have high hopes for it though lol. When I next get paid and have money again, I'm gonna call the actual game console repair store that is located in the northern part of my city and see if they can do anything, but I doubt it. Even if they can though, if I'm correct that method will probably cost me like $400 cad to transfer the data to a new hdd that's already formatted to my ps4. Cause it turns out that you can't move hard drives from one console to another, each one is uniquely formatted so putting mine into my roomies would require reformatting the thing so it can be read and used on hers.

But it's my last shot, I just don't have high hopes of it working 😒

#So yeah all my save data past like halloween of lasy year just doesnt exost anymore sadly enough #Learn from my mistakes people fhdjdkdndhd #But starting this morning when i get off this bus and arrive home i start the crash 4 slog all over again #Hoping ill get through it quicker cause i have a decent memory for maps and shit #So i should still recall the level layouts and box/gem locations pretty easily #And seeing as i already did the n.sanity relics once already for those levels #It should hopefully not take me too long to beat them again #Cause in my experience once the objective is achieved even once on shit like this #Its for some reason markedly easier easier to do it a second time #Ill just make this my after work slog as i try for like an hour at most before finally heading to bed

[lesbiten]

acacias not doing too hot :(

#its not surprising shes being getting worse she was already doing poorly when i moved #i just wish i was with her #im gonna try my absolute hardest to go home this wknd so i can see her and hopefully help my mom make adjustments for her #based on what my mom told me i think she needs to be moved into the smaller cage and should be let out a lot less #my mom has just been leaving the cage closed because she doesnt want acacia to leave and hurt herself but #at the same time that stops juniper from leaving and he genuinely needs the exercise and stimulation #having one bird with poor health and the other neurotic because he cant fly around is a bad combo #i wouldnt be surprised if this wknd is the last time i see her :( but its okay im gonna try to help her out #ever since oasis died shes been on a decline and because of how soon after oasis died acacia started getting worse i have to imagine #the two things are linked. since they were bonded #i was lucky acacia took to juniper pretty well but im sure losing oasis was still a lot to handle for acacia #now i have to worry about whats gonna happen to juniper when acacia passes :( hopefully not soon but with how shes been #ive gotta really think about it now #ughhh everything would be easier if i was just home #i hate having to leave bird stuff up to my mom because i love her but she doesnt exactly know what shes doing like i do #stress #simon says

[raksh-writes]

Gotta go to the job office to ask about an intership and lemme tell you, Im so goddamned Stressed 😣

Why adulting has to he so damned hard...

#personal #vent #Ive been unemployed for two months rn #with no luck in job hunting so far #and in the worst depressive slump #so I gotta start doing Something #but my anxiety is freaking out so badly its all but freezing me on the spot #if I manage to drag myself out there it should go at least a little easier but before then 😣😣 #I just gotta start crawling my way back to life in some way #and hopefully if this internship is still available and they take me it'll be a start #then I could sign up for some post diploma studies so I feel like Im also doing smth I actually like #figuring out adult life while battling your trauma demons and anxiety that makes you stressed out of your mind is way too hard #please wish me luck #if any of you got through this post and tags #I could definitely use it 😣

[arolesbianism]

I'm starting to see ppl talk abt updating their artfight pages and at first I was like what why it's still months away and then it hit me that by months it was two months and now I'm just silently sweating as my anual side project to remake the eternal gales refs and give them all icons comes back to haunt me

#rat rambles #oc posting #well I mean the good news is that all the staliens are already done and Ive already started on the human kids #the bad news is that theres still 5 more refs for me to remake and 9 icons if I decide to commit to that #the only one Ill probably force myself to do is sprinkles since shes the only stalien that doesnt have one and I dont want to leave her out #the human kids might just not get them tho especially since theres other characters Id like to make refs and icons for too #not as many newbies to the field this year which is a good thing since I do not have a lot of space left for new characters lol #Im probably going to take it easy this year in terms of my goals for artfight since last year I crashed and burned Hard #hopefully Ill have the time and motivation to draw a decent amount but if I dont Ill try not to be too broken up about it #especially since Ill probably burn myself out a bit doing the last minute ref rush lol #its not necessary especially since all the guys who needed the new refs most got theirs but Id like for them to be on the same page #I also went ahead and cleaned up my page a lil bit to make my life easier in the future #I should probably update bios and stuff but I dont feel like it Im too tired #tomorrow Im definitely going to need to clean some more as I have been for nearly every day #I mean guess thats why Im here in part #last week of pet sitting tho so soon Ill be back home again #Im not sure if Im excited or dreading it cause while I miss my family I also have been rly enjoying a house to myself #like its not necessary easy to do all the chores and stuff but it's a lot easier to do said chores when Im alone #and Ive actually been waking up at reasonable times too like not having my mom floating around is doing wonders #its almost making me rethink my insistence that I couldnt live alone but I definitely think itd get to me in the long term I need people #I just wish there was a better middleground since having people constantly in the house stresses me out so bad #it leads to me hiding out all day in my room and that's just not good for me #but its not like I could live by myself even if I wanted to #at this rate I dont think Ill ever move out but lets not think abt how much worse that could be for me thats future me's problem

[seokshinedk]

Soo messed up that my final semester will be yet another frenzied balancing act of juggling several things that are due within the same time frame..

#text #I’m spread pretty thin between my school placement class working as a speech para #& studying for the praxis exam and applying to medical clinical fellowships #🥴🥴🥴 #just started my school internship so it’s overwhelming at the moment #but gotta realize that this will pass & I will get used to the kids and the flow of things #but even then I know my heart is set on the medical settings #but there’s very few openings for medical placements #there’s two in my area I’m trying to apply to & one that is still up in the air #but no one’s gotten back to me yet & im getting anxious #emailed my previous supervisors for LORs so hopefully they respond soon #there’s…so much to do & im feeling pretty burnt out ngl lol #I feel like I’m already behind on things & when I do have the time my energy is just so low #but……this is the last semester so I…just gotta push through #& I rlly should be grateful that my school placement is one of the easier/more straightforward ones #& my supervisor is nice & competent. I just need to get it together. #one last time….