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emy-1895 · 2 years

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Last part! Good chance I’ll add an epilogue though, but this is the end of the main story! I hope everyone who’s read it liked it! I’ve literally never written a fan fiction in my life much less a story in general. This is chapters 7-8

Pairings: Kas!/vampire! Eddie X Oc, Cannon ST couples

Warnings: blood (like, a lot of it), violence, death and descriptions of death, swearing, knives, guns. Character deaths

Chapter 7:

I knew I should have been focused on Vecna, but my eyes landed on Eddie first. He didn’t look great.

His hair was tangled and unruly, even more than usual. His shirt was ripped in a couple places. Dark bags clung under his eyes, which were much more red than I had previously seen. He was spattered with blood, not like my dream, but it was on his arms and neck; a trail of it coming down the corner of his mouth (I didn’t think it was his).

He stood next to Vecna, arms crossed and head low. Vecna on the other hand hadn’t changed much. Still burned, gross, noseless and slimy.

“Eleven.” He spoke, the deep rumble of his voice echoing through the vast space.

“One.” El said.

They had a pretty epic stare off for a solid three minutes. I almost thought they were just communicating telepathically.

El broke the silence first, letting out a scream as she shot her hand forward and sent Vecna flying back. He stopped himself mid air, coming back to the ground gently.

“You’ll have to do more than that if you hope to stop me or my plans… you think I’ve been weakened by your feeble attempt at killing me. You think I fled in fear that I would meet my demise…” he walked slowly back to the middle of the room. “I simply left to form my next plan. You think you’ve bested me… you’d be wrong.” He raised his hands opening all the doors in the gym.

I watched in horror as monsters appeared in droves from every direction. It seemed like all the creepy crawlies from the upside down had come out to play, and we were the toys.

“There goes our plan.” Steve whispered.

“How much ammo you got?” I asked. He shook his head.

“Not enough.”

The group formed a circle, our backs to each other as we each focused on a side. I saw Vecna whisper something to Eddie, and his eyes locked on me, dark and cold.

El delt the first blow, screaming as a section of monsters exploded in front of her. Then the chaos began.

They charged, from all directions. Demodogs lept at me, bats lashed with their tails, new terrifying spider things hissed and spit green poison in my direction. I was moving on pure adrenaline.

Half the time I didn’t even know what I was doing, what I was hacking away at. I vaguely heard shots being fired, screams from El, cries from Lucas, Will and Mike. I head Dustin scream ‘Shit shit shit!’ A few times.

A dog pounced at me, and I stabbed upward, rolling away to hack at the legs of a spider. Sure i’d taken a few self defense classes but honestly I had no idea where these moves were coming from. Maybe something in my brain broke and I was running purely on auto pilot.

It was after that when I looked up and saw Robin failing to light a Molotov, a demodog racing towards her.

“Robin!” I screamed. Everything happened in slow motion, she looked at me then to the dog. It’s claws and ugly mouth coming down at her. I grabbed a knife from my boot, chucking it with all the aim I could muster. It hit, but not before it’s claws raked across her neck.

“NO!” I cried, dodging bats and spiders, slashing my way through. Robin was laying on the ground. Holding her neck as blood poured out.

“Oh god, oh god, short breaths okay? Stay with me! look at me!” I screamed as I held her throat. I looked around frantically, the others were surrounding us, fighting for their lives. Then I noticed them. The vampires had come out to play. And I had an idea.

I ripped part of my shirt off as quickly as I could. Shoving it on to her neck and placing her hands over it.

“Keep pressure on it!” I yelled, her eyes filled with terror. The claws hadn’t gone too deep, I didn’t think it got an artery or she’d already be dead, but she was still losing blood fast.

I eyed a vamp, he saw me from across the room and headed my way.

“Let’s get this over with.” I seethed.

He ran for me, I did the same. Now I’d like to say what I did was pretty cool, but honestly It was pure luck and boiling rage.

As he ran for me I slid on the ground, stabbing the back of his knee. He fell with a howl of pain. I quickly spun around and grabbed him by his hair, harshly pulling down and stabbing my knife through his throat.

I didn’t have time to think about anything other than Robin, I dragged his body over to her, Steve gave me a confused and worried glance but was quickly distracted again. I made it to robin, yanking the blade out and letting the vamps blood spill over her mouth.

“Swallow it! Don’t question it!” I yelled.

She did as I said, swallowing the blood that had entered her mouth. I quickly shoved the body away, being distracted from Robin for a moment and I slashed down at a spider.

I heard her coughing and sputtering, looking back quickly to see her sitting up, rubbing her neck that was free of gashes, only thick white scars.

“That was disgusting.” She choked out. I smiled and pulled her into a hug quickly.

“I know, but you’re not dead. Get up. It’s not over yet.” I pulled her to her feet.

I looked around, the army had surprisingly dwindled down to maybe two dozen or so. I’d like to say it was because we were such an amazing team, but honestly El had made more than half of them explode or snapped their necks with a jerk of her head.

Suddenly all the creatures stopped. None moving a muscle, I saw Vecna with an outstretched hand.

“Pathetic.” He growled as he threw the group of monsters aside. They weren’t dead, but they didn’t try to run back into the fight.

He walked towards El, Nancy quickly jumped infront and fired off a shot. He only took a step back before continuing his March forward. She fired more shots, Jonathan and Steve joined in. It was slowing Vecna for sure, but not killing him. Looking back I should have told them to maybe aim for any vital organs all, but apparently that wasn’t in the plans.

Suddenly a hand was digging into my throat from behind.

“End her.” I heard Vecna seethe.

Everyone looked back at me, frozen in shock. I felt warm breath on my neck.

“I’m so sorry.” I heard Eddie whisper in my ear.

His hand grabbed by chin. I knew what he was about to do. Eddie hadn’t been able to stay as in control as he thought he would. Even if he could still have part of his mind, his movements and darker thoughts were winning. I was hoping at the last second he’d break free, but I never came.

“I love you.” I whispered back, shutting my eyes.

Then it happened.

Chapter 8:

I can’t really tell you what death feels like, if I had to describe it, there was a weightlessness, like you’re floating in the sea and the salt water makes you more buoyant. I can really only tell you what I heard. There was a cry, my name coming from Dustin’s lips. A gun shot rang out. Then there was, buzzing.

Like cicadas on a warm summer afternoon. You’d come back from a hike in the woods and you’re walking through your neighborhood. The cicadas were loud and annoying, but oddly comforting, breaking the other wise silent air around you. That’s what I heard. Constant buzzing.

Then all of a sudden, I was snapped back into my body like a rubber band. Like the air had been knocked out of me but in reverse, like there was too much air now.

The lights were bright, my ears heard too much, my nerves felt everything. Then it stopped as soon as it started. Then, it exploded again. Everything around me turned up to one hundred.

I felt a searing pain in my neck, I opened my eyes slowly to try and see where I was. It took a moment to adjust to the light. I was still in the gym.

Vecna was still here, my friends were still fighting. El was facing him, Nancy had her gun aimed at his face.

I saw Dustin, his eyes were red and swollen like he’d been sobbing. I spotted Eddie, standing behind Vecna, head bowed, he looked up for a moment. Eyes widening at seeing me alive.

I nodded to him, standing slowly to my feet. Everything felt like I was wading through water. He nodded back.

El had Vecna in the air, holding him steady as Nancy fired shot after shot. The bastard just wouldn’t die.

El flew backwards into the wall with a flick of his hand. Her head slamming into the brick wall.

I made eye contact with Eddie again and ran forward. Vecna was so focused on El that he barely registered me coming at him.

I threw my other knife to Eddie, everything happening in slow motion, like I’d slowed time. But I realized, I was just moving extremely fast.

It was in that moment I knew what had really happened, Eddie’s blood. It must have still been in my system, it didn’t just heal, it hadn’t kept me from dying completely. It didn’t stop me from dying at all actually, no. It made me like him.

But I couldn’t think about all of that at that very second. I pulled my knife from my side, bringing my arm back and stabbing through the veiny exterior of Vecna’s chest, where his lung would hopefully be, the tip of another blade burst through the area his heart should lie.

Everything was quiet for a moment, Vecna looked down at me in shock.

“I wonder if shit like you goes to hell or not? Guess you’ll know in a minute.” I growled as I twisted the knife in his chest, then pulled it out.

El had come back, she raised him in the air. A look if pure hatred on her face, but I also saw sadness behind her hard exterior.

“Goodbye One.” She said, before she jerked her neck to the side and Vecna’s head spun with a sickening crack. His body slumped. Eddie quickly jumped as high as he could, slicing His slimy head off of his body. It hit the floor with a dull thump and rolled away.

One by one the other creatures started cry and drop to the ground, the vampires left hadn’t died, which I guessed was a good thing considering Eddie, and now me. The bolted out the doors. The vines on the walls began to fall off and disintegrate. None of us spoke for a long while.

“It’s… it’s finally over.” Will said, touching the back of his neck. “I can’t feel him anymore.”

El looked around the gym, tears in her eyes, Mike came over and hugged her, the rest of the kids joined in on the group hug, kneeling to the floor.

Steve looked at me, fear and confusion on his face.

“You… you literally died.” He stated. I nodded slowly, my neck felt stiff.

“Yeah, I don’t recommend it.” I said, trying to be light about the situation.

“How the hell…” Robin started, looking at me with wide eyes. “He gave you his blood didn’t he? It brought you back, like it healed me…” Her hands ghosted over her throat.

“With a few side effects… but yes that’s pretty much what happened.”

“Yeah, uh… we can see that.” Steve said, motioning to his teeth. Fuck, I hadn’t even thought about that part.

The others ran over to me, bear hugging me much like the kids were doing. After years of fighting and almost dying, and really dying. It was finally over… at least I hoped.

I saw Eddie off in the corner, head in his hands crouched on the floor. I walked over to him.

“Hey rockstar.” I said, sliding down the wall next to him.

He looked up to me with tears in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, putting his head back down.

“Don’t be. If you didn’t do that, Vecna would have killed you then me himself. You didn’t have a choice.” I told him. He shook his head.

“Yeah I did, I could have tried to break out of his control more, took a spear or something and ran him through right then and there.” He cried angrily.

I moved over so I was facing him, placing my hands on either side of his face.

“I’m still here, you’re still here. We won. The only thing I’m mad about is that food won’t taste good anymore, I really liked pizza.” I laughed, He gave me a half hearted chuckle back.

I stood up, taking his hand and pulling him with me.

“You’re taking this really well.” He mused, I shrugged.

“There’s definitely a chance I’m in shock and still on an adrenaline high, we’ll see how I feel in a bit.” I teased, walking back to the group hand in hand. I stopped abruptly, causing Eddie to get yanked back.

“Everything okay King?” He asked me.

“Yeah, yeah I just almost forgot something.” I reached in my pocket, pulling out the pick necklace and holding it up to him. “You’re attire is missing its signature item.” I said, placing it in his hand.

He looked down at it, smiling as he quickly put it on.

“Much better.” He said, giving me a quick kiss on my forehead.

As we started walking again the ground started shaking.

“Uh guys!? I think it’s time to get out of here!” Dustin yelled.

We all ran for the doors, Jonathan slammed them open and we bolted. It’s hard to run when the ground is shaking beneath you. I contemplated using my new found track star speed, but decided against it.

It was only a few short minutes of a run back to the gate that ran through Town Hall.

“Come on! Almost there!” Nancy screamed.

I could see the gate, just a few yards ahead. Unluckily for us it was starting to close.

“Fuck, FASTER!” Steve yelled.

We hauled ass like we were competing in the Olympics. We made it barely in time, all of us diving through the gate, fleshy membrane and all.

And just like that, we were back in the right side up Hawkins.

Mike groaned. Sitting up and rubbing his head. “I think I’ve definitely got a concussion.” He said, El nodded along with him.

We watched as the ground mended it’s self, the gate closing before our eyes. The upside down would finally stay in the upside down. Hopefully forever this time around.

We all stood shakily. From the feeling of just being on unsteady ground, from the shock, the nerves, I wasn’t sure, but it was probably a combination of all three.

“Let’s go home.” Nancy said in a hushed voice, turning back towards the direction of the cars.

I grabbed Eddie’s hand and pulled him along.

“Wait, I’m still a wanted man.” He said, I smiled.

“I’m sure the sharif and his buddies in the government can help you out with that.” I told him.

“Then by all means, lead the way.”

And we headed back to the cars.

#eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson stranger things #kas!eddie #vampire!eddie fanfic #vampire!eddie #eddie munson story #eddie munson x oc #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things

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rosebloodcat · 3 years

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Toonkind Storyline Idea

Not too long ago, I got an interesting idea for a DnD storyline thanks to some interesting spells I found in the Player’s Handbook. I’ve also been listening to the Toonkind DnD recordings as well. So, as one would expect, the two have been slowly melding together into (what I think) is a fun/interesting story that could be played.

The only awkward thing about it is that I’m not actually in the Toonkind Discord (I’ve got my eye out for the next invite link and I’m praying I’ll be online and aware enough to join in then), so I can’t really share the idea and see if anyone would be up for it. This awkwardness is only increased by the fact that a character I want to see/use for it is one that isn’t mine.

Because of that, this idea has just been festering in the back of my head for several days now and I just- Need to talk about it now.

Like, the fear of possible embarrassment is being replaced by the pure need to talk about this. It’ll probably just sit in my posts/notes forever and not get used, but I want to have it down and out there. (Keeping hopes/expectations low on that front.) I mean, what are the chances that, even if I At’d the players here on Tumblr, they would actually read through the idea? Or want to talk with me about it? Pretty low as far as I can tell.

So honestly, there’s nothing actually stopping me from just rambling into the aether about this. Might as well go for it.

Anyways, let’s get into the meat of this.

I’ll start off by telling people that I had been curious about spells to revive/bring back the dead because I was curious about how many there actually were.

Unsurprisingly, I found four spells that involved reviving/bringing back the dead.

Surprisingly, though, only three of those spells were necromancy spells! (Revivify, Resurrection, and True Resurrection.)

The Fourth spell was called Reincarnate and was a transmutation spell used/learnable by Druids. (If you’re curious about it, you can check out the exact details here! https://www.dndbeyond.com/spells/reincarnate )

A quick summary of it goes like this: If someone has been dead for less than 10 days, you can touch them (or a piece of them) and create a new body for that person and call their soul to it. The spell causes their race/subrace to change, and the new one can be decided by the DM or via Dice Roll. All their abilities and memories stay the same, but their racial stats/abilities are exchanged for ones matching their new race/subrace.

And I thought, “What if this spell (or a variant of it) was used on a character that died in one of the Toonkind games?”

(Also, I realize I should mention this before continuing, Spoiler Warning for anyone who’s never listened to the Taffy Train Saga and the Coup De Blues games? This involves characters from those.)

I can’t think of too many toonkind characters who are actually Dead-Dead, but I do have one that I have a little bit of a soft spot for. One who was killed in the very same game he was introduced in.

Victor Tim, the (very dead) accountant for Dodo Studios.

(Who has been played by both @modmad and @snailcomicz and I’m not sure which of them he actually belongs to, so I guess he just goes to both for now. I know he was presented as a tool/not very liked character, but I just found him weirdly charming. I can’t explain it if I tried.)

Thus, the seed of an idea was planted in my brain.

What if Victor Tim was brought back from the dead by someone using a variation of this spell? Either as someone experimenting with magic or something. Heck, it could even be done with a machine instead of a spellcaster. (I’m not opposed to the “Illegal or at least Unethical Science” route for a villain. Seeing if they can expand the limit for how soon the spell can be used.)

I mean, considering the chaos brought by Dora Z Scale after the Taffy Train, would it really be so crazy to say that someone took advantage of it?

Someone could have noticed Dora robbing graveyards, seeing that the reports on it were few and far between, and decided to piggyback off her and snatch up remains in her wake. Get some free test subjects that didn’t need to sign waivers whilst everyone was focused on the Engineer and later Dora drama in the papers. Of course, they could have also been a bit more careful and waited until after Dora was captured/arrested before starting their experiments. To give more time for people to forget about them (if they had been spotted during that time) and let their focus be taken up by the former actress instead.

And it probably took a while before they got around to Vic, likely from how little they had of him due to Dora drinking a large portion of him. The Perp probably took their time refining their materials/process since they didn’t want to lose what little they had of him.

All things considered, the extra grave robber probably wasn’t noticed for a long time thanks to the sorting that needed to be done with Dora’s undead army. After figuring out who came from where and sending them back to their proper graves, I’m sure the police were very surprised to find that there were still a number of graves that remained empty.

That lovely little problem was probably kept buried to prevent the public from panicking/getting the police in even more trouble. Especially if The Engineer or Mrs. Tim found out that Vic’s remains were among those missing.

(Not to mention the field day the press would have about it. Like that one, very intrepid young reporter. The one with the dog, you know who.)

I’d say that Vic, when brought back, is still a toonkind but probably a different subrace. (Maybe a Frankenalie? Or a Warne? Unless Mod or Snail see this and think of something that would be more fun/interesting.)

He also probably has no idea what’s going on. Just that he’s pretty sure he’s supposed to be dead but somehow he’s not and he’s stuck somewhere he doesn’t recognize and are both his eyes facing forward? And “Oh no this is bad. I’m pretty sure there is a bad thing happening and I’m alone with no help, oh no, oh no, oh no.”

Because definitely not-okay, illegal/unethical experiments tend to mean the “Subjects” are basically captives/prisoners of the person responsible and need to either be rescued or find a way to escape.

Both routes could go in fun/interesting directions.

Cause, on one hand, there’s the possibility of getting the info out and having Engie pulling/being part of a rescue mission, or at least someone from the studio/Taffy Train may want to check it out. (I mean, who fakes being a dead guy? That’s weird enough that someone would want to look into it.)

On the other hand, there’s also the fun of Vic managing to bust out with the help of other victims in the same situation. Which could actually be a cool set of stories/games to be played. (I’d- I’d actually love to make a character to play that out if I’m being completely honest here. I may have one slowly being drafted out in my head as I type this.)

There’s also the potential hitch of Vic having to try and convince people/prove that he really is Victor Tim, the guy who was murdered by Dora Z Scale. Or that Vic’s note/message really was from him. Even more so if Vic’s talking to people who actually knew him before. (Powerful potential Angst and feels right there if they don’t believe him. Or it could be really funny, depending on how it’s played.)

There are also some fun shenanigans that could happen too. Mostly from Vic trying to figure out how his new race/abilities work. Like (if he was a warne) accidentally using Expeditious Retreat and yeeting himself into a wall. Or (if he was a frankenalie) getting into a heated argument with an animal via Speak With Animals but not knowing it.

(“Uh, Vic?” “Wha- Oh! Sorry, I was caught up talking with this guy-” “Vic, you’re talking to a dog.” “...Oh. Suddenly this makes a lot more sense.”)

But- yeah. That’s my idea for a potential storyline for Toonkind DnD, Victor Tim brought back from the dead but not as a Yupyaen and all the possible chaos that could entail.

Honestly, I have more thoughts on the story, but it’s one of those things that would probably go better if I was able to talk with others about it.

This will probably sit in my posts for who knows how long and never actually get used/played, but I have said my piece now. Who knows, maybe I’ll use the initial idea in something and just remove Vic from the equation.

(... It would be cool if I actually got to use/play this in Toonkind though.)

#toonkind #toonkind dnd #victor tim #vic tim #rosie rambles #i mean #i'd actually really love to play this #especially if i got the chance to play with mod or snail #i really like the games they do #i'd love to be part of one

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tropicalfreckles · 4 years

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Beej?

Anon you’ve opened the floodgates you absolute fool(i’m kidding) OKAY, let me tell you all about what I like about the smelly trash man cause if it wasn’t obvious before with me not being so subtle I have a big crush and enjoy this stupid demon a lot (crush on musical beej specifically of course LAWL)

Why I Like them: OKAY IN ORDER, first movie Beetlejuice. I enjoy he’s a big sleazy asshole that has funny one-liners every time he actually just show up in the movie. He’s a fast-talking con man that acts like a used car salesman and he has a sleazy charm to him. I also enjoy watching Barbara school his ass every time I rewatch the movie, stan movie Barbara y’all she’s a babe and will take you down. I also like to thank Michael Keaton for his performance it was a great one and we all have movie Beej to thank for the other Beetlejuices we got!

Toon Beej! Adorable, a brat, a jerk, a man that would do anything to make a quick buck and he’s gross and such a petty shithead I love him lmao. He can be pure and adorable and nice when he wants to be even if he doesn’t like to show that he has a soft side. Also holy shit all his puns??? YES?? I LOVE PUNS. His jokes, his powers, everything about this middle aged dead ghoul is A+ and ya know what when karma does slap him that’s good too cause he does deserve to get taken down a peg some times lmao. Toon Beej is someone I’d happily be friends with.

now we get to my big ass crush on a stupid, smelly BASTARD OF A BUGMAN

Musical Juice. What don’t I like about him? Besides his dumb ass plan of a green card marriage lmao (I mean movie beej also sleazy af for doing that too). ANYWAYS. What I like. His stupid smile (both blum and brightman just WHY ARE THEY BOTH SO ATTRACTIVE AHHH), his unhinged pansexual disaster energy, who tf is letting this man do coke that is a terrible idea but it gives such hilarious results, the fact that he uses his humor with his trauma he needs to NOT call me out like that lol. I weirdly relate to Musicaljuice like a lot (as someone who struggles with trying not to be petty or get jealous and stuff like that), plus him feeling invisible and lonely also hit home really hard when people in middle school and high school would randomly just drop/ghost me out of the blue. He’s such a chaotic sleaze and I just enjoy his energy and his jokes so much. His dirty humor? Sign me up I keep it clean here folks cause I got another blog for dirty stuff but I like dirty humor when it’s done right lmao. Also dadbod. Dadbod is CHEF KISS. The little things I also enjoy. How he does have an affectionate side (him being just affection/touch starved also coming for the throat cause me too), the fact that he jumped to protect Lydia after she rightfully killed him and he even gave her his cowboy hat as a goodbye present. I thought it was nice of him to yeet out of there cause he did do a lot of bads lmao. I also love how excited he got and the chaotic sibling energy he had with Lydia when scaring. I just really, really enjoy musical Beetlejuice a lot guys.

Sorry I’m such a simp for him lmao

He is my emotional support bastard

Why I don’t: I honestly do not hate his character at all, but, I can criticize his actions. To a degree. I can’t exactly say (ex. Musicaljuice)“Oh no! a demon trying to kill Lydia’s friends and family?? How unexpected!!” he’s a demon he’s gonna do evil-ish things. Which is why I applaud Lydia taking matters into her own hands good kid 10/10. and like movie Juice is a bastard sleazy man of course he’s gonna have a shitty idea as to marry a teenage girl so he can freely do whatever he wants in the world of the living. He never in the final script showed any creepy shit towards her which god I am grateful for I don’t need someone perving on this teenager that’s already having a wild time in her new house. He’s a conman just trying to have a good time but goes about it by crappy means. The petty/jealousy thing can go too far some times (but I chalk that up to musicaljuice’s sad upringing along with not having an positive relationships that we know of in his life to support him) for musical and toon juice (toon juice once again I don’t think had any friends that really understood him when he was alive and when he died so he just does whatever he wants since people already think so little of him before he meets Lydia), however with the proper talking to I think both could improve from it. Like in an analysis way I know these guys are fictional just like character development thoughts. All three have said and or done some things ranging from like small shitty things to problematic obviously. Beetlejuice is a very complex character as a whole. Movie juice obviously not as developed since he’s barely in the film to kind of shroud him in more mystery but that doesn’t mean his motives aren’t intriguing. I don’t want to make this post longer than it already is so that’s just all of my thoughts summarized.

Favorite Episode (scene if Movie): Fav movie beej scene is hard.

His first time meeting the Maitlands, his charades with Lydia, then the ending scene are all so good.

Toon Beej I’m trying to think. Once again I’ve only rewatched like 20+ episodes for the cartoon so it’s hard to pick with limited options. Uhhhh I like the haunted attraction episode lmao also the creepy tree and how he went out of his way to help Lydia move her favorite tree and in the end tried saying something nice to the tree even though eh was annoyed with it the whole episode.

Musical juice that is HARD, Blum and Brightman just own every scene they’re in shit lawl. I really like the evil plan reveal during the séance. The whole being dead pt 1&2 (the guide reprise), say my name, his scenes with the maitlands.

Favorite season/movie: Skip

Favorite Line: NICE FUCKING MODEL!! *honkhonk* (pfft)

also like... everything beetlejuice says in the musical lmao “new phone who dis”

Favorite Outfit: HONESTLY I love every single outfit all three beetlejuices wear. I want the fucking guide hat so badly!!!

OTP:

hahahaAAAHH ah. Well. Ya see here. Let’s go with the first options. Cause of a number of artists on here I’ve been pretty keen on the BeetlejuicexMiss Argentina ship for moviejuice tbh lmao. I like the idea they had an office fling. Musicaljuice and Miss Argentina sounds cute too.

I don’t actively go into the Beetlands tag but I do think the art and idea for it (after a lot of building up trust/consent/and talking) think it can be a super cute poly ship! I like.

I don’t really ship Toon Beej with anyone tbh.

so now into the self indulgent shit lmaaoo

I love people’s ocs/self inserts with the Bugman a lot and I myself super hardcore ship my oc Leilani and musicaljuice. I... maye have drawn self insert art I have no posted here out of being shy but it’s on another blog that will stay hidden lmao. I don’t normally post self insert stuff of myself cause man I can draw it easily for other people but when it comes to myself I am shy.

I mean I’m writing a fic for beej and lani as we speak and you all know by now if you’ve been following me for the past couple of months I’ve drawn a handful of doodles plus commissioned numbnutspo to draw my self indulgent ship lawl

BROTP: The obvious for toon and musicaljuice is Lydia Deetz of course. Chaos siblings. Also I have a BROTP of my demon oc Antares with musicaljuice too. Dumb demon bros.

Unpopular Opinion: TBH Idk if I have one. I like to think there’s a resounding hiss @ the ship that shall not be named lmao.

A Wish: Same wish I had for Lydia’s ask, I wanna see the musical live REAL BADLY. I also wish I could tell the cast/crew of the musical how much it has helped me get through this shitty year and how it legit just revived my passion for drawing again. I got to meet a lot of people through the musical and made some new friends. Plus I’m actually making money off my art now???

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I wanna forget that clean beetlejuice from that one episode of the cartoon exists lmao it scares me (I mean I wouldn’t object to musical juice to taking a fucking bath or brushing his teeth but let’s be real that ain’t happening)

5 words to best describe them: Bastard, Unhinged, Handsome, 1-Brain Cell, Huggable

My nickname for Them: I mean when I refer to him or write fics it’s always Beej, BJ, Bugman, Bug, Bastard Man, Smelly Trashman, Garbage Man, Lawrence, the list goes on lawl

and now I have aired out more of my stupid obsession with this dumb demon

edit: I FORGOT HEADCANONS

OKAY HEADCANONS. Musical juice is definitely the oldest of the three, (in dead terms too, in alive terms he was ony alive for like less than 3 minutes or something), I love musicaljuice pansexual/genderfluid so much. I have a bunch but my mind is like blank rn for the rest shit sorry but I added those in at least

also I like the funny headcanon toon juice is taller than keatlejuice and musicaljuice

I also like the headcanon for autistic beetlejuice (as someone who is also autistic)

#asks #long post #anon #beetlejuice #musical beetlejuice #asks game #Anonymous

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danasmonster · 4 years

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Comparing the SKAM Remakes: SANA (Part I)

Sana (SKAM original)

Sana is constantly having to defend and explain herself to others - her friends, her family, strangers. We see this with Vilde when she says Sana can’t have sex, and Sana clarifies that by explaining that she can have sex, she just chooses not to. There is also the assumption that Sana isn’t interested in boys or that she can’t participate in russefeiring “because she’s not ‘allowed’ to drink alcohol.” We see it with her parents when she has to explain to her mom that not all aspects of Islam fit her, and with her brother when she references him discouraging her from wearing a hijab in order to fit in more and avoid stigma. And finally, she explains during her season that she has experienced watching her brother being spit on, being asked racist questions, and other rude or hateful acts because she and her family are Muslim.

The struggle to be both Norwegian and Muslim turns into a competition she gets lost in, and she ends up doing some very non-Muslim things like bully the Pepsi Max squad and lie in order to procure a russ bus. She also develops feelings for former Muslim and current atheist Yusef, which opens up an internal debate about the “Muslims only marry Muslims” rule.

With all of her bitchiness, her prickliness, her rudeness and her mistakes, I still absolutely adore Sana. She is strong, outspoken, and takes absolutely no shit from anyone. Her story is so incredibly relevant to the world as a whole because of the way a lot of people view Islam or other “restrictive” aspects/sects of Christianity or other religions. It is a reminder that ultimately we should strive to love and understand each other, whether you are a theist or an atheist, a Muslim or a Norwegian. All is love.

Everything I Love:

The opening scene with the contrast between Sana’s view from the bus with terrorist attacks and None of Dem by Robyn & Royksopp is so fun, & the look Sana gives the woman giving her a look over on the bus is pure Sana perfection

The scene when Elias called Sana a slave woman and all of his friends gave him a verbal beatdown

When we heard that Eskild was redecorating Noora’s room without her permission

The Hot in Here scene with all the Balloon Squad working out while the girl squad ogles them, and the way Sana visibly snaps herself out of her trance. Also the shot of them coming up the street with a bunch of balloons to meet the girls is iconic

The way Yousef comes over to talk to Sana while she is over in the corner being a grump on the bus - I knew there was a reason she and Isak became friends. They’re both grumpy pants.

When Sana catches Yousef dancing in her living room

The happy little look on her face when Yousef sends her a friend request on Facebook. She always smiles so freaking bright when she’s having fun with him

When Yousef showed off his carrot peeling skills

The way the Pepsi Max squad always has Pepsi

When Yousef took the rap for the vodka left out at Sana’s party, then Sana was hit with a metaphorical brick when Yousef told her he isn’t Muslim. You could see the shock on her face, and now she is conflicted because “Muslims only marry Muslims” and she clearly has already developed feelings for Yousef

When Sana and Noora drink coffee and bask in their solidarity that Vilde and Magnus are gross

When Sana and Yousef play basketball together and we see her smile - we have NEVER seen her smile like that. And then they have a heart to heart about their individual religious beliefs and it is PURE GOLD

“I just feel like Islam, or religion in general, creates a lot of anxiety in people . . . I personally feel like I’ve taken the best out of the religion and thrown away the rest. It’s like, compassion towards others, being grateful for what’s best, having compassion. That’s it. Don’t you think I can remember to be a good person without praying?” - Yousef

“For me, everything can be total chaos during the day, but the moment I start to pray, everything turns quiet and clear. Because even though there’s all this chaos, you’ll remember what really matters. It’s fine because everything has a bigger context and a meaning. Because every little part of the universe is so complex. Imagine that! Even the brain of a cockroach has greater meaning on earth. I just can’t believe all of that is a coincidence,” - Sana

Her chat with Elias was also fantastic

“What’s more important, saying you believe in Allah or behaving as though you believe in Allah?” - Elias

Watching everyone join in during “Imagine” definitely almost had me tearing up - another song added to my playlist. Honestly this scene was so sweet and touching and then everything just came crashing down. It was intense. And Sana’s face just looked freaking broken. Then when she overheard that her suspicions about being pushed out of the group because she’s Muslim were correct it was like an extra stab through the heart

The scene where she’s walking through the schoolyard was excellent - very reminiscent of Isak’s similar scene, and another way in which the two of them parallel one another

And this line is so, so true from Sana to Isak regarding why she never told Isak she knew Even before he met Isak

“I think Even should get to choose for himself how much he wants to share about his past. I mean, you might not want to share every thing about your past.”

When Sana and Jamilla have the conversation about all the different ways people fast, and Jamilla references her friend who won’t even swallow her own spit. So this friend goes around spitting all the time while she’s fasting. “She’s really confident about it, too.”

Both Sana’s expression of how she thinks the world views her and Isak’s response are very powerful

Sana: “Do you know what people think when they see me, when they see my hijab, which is the first thing they see? They think I’m wearing it because I’m forced to, not because I want to. And if I say it’s because I want to, then I’m just oppressed because I can’t have my own opinion. We talk about freedom of religion and all kinds of freedoms here in Norway, but being allowed to wear an extra piece of clothing, that’s wrong? Do you know what people do when they see Elias and I walking down the street? They spit at him because they think he’s oppressing me! He doesn’t even want me to wear the hijab because he doesn’t want me to get hate. Do you know how fucking tiring it is to walk out the door everyday knowing it’s yet another day where you have to prove to a whole country that you’re not oppressed . . . I’ve received so many dumb, racist questions in my life.”

Isak: “The dumb questions are so fucking important. People can’t stop asking the dumb questions because when they stop asking the dumb questions they start making up their own answers. And that’s dangerous. You just have to stop looking for racism in dumb questions. Even if they feel racist, it’s so fucking important to answer them.”

The Los Losers bus definitely had me tearing up

When Linn admitted to sending a used tampon to someone who flirted with the boy she liked

When we see Eskild picking up his guru mantle once more and he compares The Bible to Beyoncé . . . “The Bible says ‘The greatest of these is love’ or as Beyoncé would say ‘Love on top,’” while giving Sana advice

Noora’s face both when she saw William getting out of his car and when she got out of his after a four day sex and talk marathon

The conversation between Sana and her mom about why it is important for her to eventually marry someone who understands her beliefs and reminds her of them, not because she should be Muslim but because she chooses to be Muslim and she “would be very lonely if she were the only one in the relationship who believes.” So, whether or not she marries a nonbeliever or a non-Muslim is Sana’s choice, but there would be essential parts of Sana’s own wellbeing that would effected if she chose to go that route because her faith is an essential part of who she is.

The conversation with Noora was equally important. They may not necessarily be fated to be together, but there is a reason this person (Yousef) came into Sana’s life and avoiding him would be ignoring this sign from fate that this person is supposed to be a part of her life right now. Life is now.

When Yousef and Sana have yet another philosophical/religious discussion and Yousef proposes: “Maybe that’s why society needs religion. Democracy isn’t based on the idea that all people are different. It’s based on the idea that all people have equal worth. And that idea doesn’t exactly come from science. But I don’t think it helps to pretend there aren’t prejudices. What you have to do instead is show what Islam is.”

And The Finale!!!

When Vilde was putting on her makeup and listening to Pretty Hurts by Beyoncé, and everything else about her segment. I loved getting that glimpse into some of her life and mind for a little while. I’m still disappointed she never got to tell us her story during the original SKAM.

When Eva reminds Chris that he’s a fuckboy so they can never be together. Sure he’s momentarily disappointed and probably felt sad for a little bit, but he was really quick to move on to Emma - proving Eva was smarter than him and knew him better than he knew himself. Seriously though the scene where Penetrator Chris and Emma first see each other is fucking awesome

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that the school nurse has a big white dildo on the desk next to her while she has her chat with Chris

When we see Even stressing over making Isak’s birthday perfect

The interaction between Eskild and Linn when Eskild tells Linn she has to wear a hijab to Sana’s party because Sana is Muslim was hilarious. And then he told her they are always going to be there for each other and it got me right in the feels

And then when Eskild was proposing he, Noor, and Linn could share everything together if William moved in . . . shampoo, and William, and dish soap . . .

Then Vilde to Chris; “You know why you’re my best friend? Because no matter how hard my day is, you always find a way to make me laugh. Sometimes it makes you feel better to pretend that you’re fine.”

And the final speech!!!!

“Dear Sana, This speech is for you. And you’re getting it because what you’re inviting us to today overthrows American presidents tomorrow. We live in a chaotic world where it is difficult to understand the rules. Because why are some people poor and other people rich? Why do some people have to be refugees while others are safe? And why is it that sometimes even though you try to do something good it’s still met with hate?

It’s not weird that people give up, that they stop believing the good. But thank you so much for not giving up, Sana. Because even though it sometimes feels like it no one is ever alone. Each and everyone of us is part of the big chaos. And what you do today has an effect tomorrow.

it can be hard to say exactly what kind of effect, and usually you can’t see how everything fits together. But the effects of your actions are always there, somewhere in the chaos. In 100 years we may have machines that can predict effects of every action but until then we can trust this: Fear spreads But… But, fortunately love does too.”

I’m going to go cry now.

#skam #sanaxyousef #sana #Muslim #islam #religion #atheism #islamophobia #russ

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that-kids-storybook · 4 years

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There goes my first ever post! :) Hope you like it!

It was the cold breeze of November the second that made my hair flutter as I rollarskated my way down the fully decorated hallway, my eyes analysing the beautiful golden chairs perfectly aligned together majestically around the large red angelic serving table in the middle that was set up with those admirable empty culinary.

I circled my way round this beautiful aspect and immediately met with the familiar auroma of my favourite cake that was currently being prepared in the kitchen by my mother.

I licked my lips at the remembrance of the little personal fact: after my first birthday, it became a tradition for her to prepare my cake. I chuckled at the thought of her quoting; "Made with love," to my friends.

Speaking of friends, I had made sure to invite everyone I loved, which apparently meant that this was going to be an amazing day filled with laughter and happiness.

"I can't wait!" I exclaimed with my eyes closed and arms sticking out.

"This is going to b-"

My glorious train of thoughts and ranting was rudely disturbed by the solid concrete wall that divided the kitchen from the hall.

The momentum made me stumble backwards, and I crashed into the floor.

Letting out a moan and rubbing my sore temple, I stood up and pounted straight at the wall, glaring at it as if it were an offender who had managed to arrogantly disrespect me, just by existing.

"You'll never change will ya?"

Came an oddly familiar voice, I did not even need to look back as I already knew who it belonged to.

"I'm the 'Birthday Girl', I've an absolute right to act egotistical," I muttered enough for her to hear but not enough for my precious mother to hear either. I was not going to risk my chances of getting lectured. No, not at all.

"Yeah, yeah, understandable, anyway what's up?" Noor casually mimicked taking a seat on one of the golden chairs.

"Hey! Don't you dare sit on my legendary Iron-man chair, you punk!" I bellowed beckoning my best friend to sit on the couch instead.

"Dude, c'mon what made you choose a pathetic Iron-man theme?" She indirectly obliged to move an inch.

"Welp, Tony Stark's death ain't goin' good on me ya know... Poor Mr. Stark," I said mocking her tone.

"Hahaha, so funny,"

"Shut up, sour patch!"

"Why should I? Alpaca,"

"At least alpacas are cute," I acknowledged as-a-matter-of-factly, smirking.

"Mr. Stark I don't feel so good, please I don't wanna g-," She was disrupted by me throwing a cushion directly at her face.

'No one, I mean no one, makes a joke about Peter Parker's despair in this household,' I thought to myself.

"You dare use my own spells against me, Potter?!" I cursed, as a cushion hit me in my perfect tooth.

In no time, we found ourselves having a 'cushion war', as if that was even a thing.

"You won," I cried out in defeat, gesturing for her to give me her hand to stand up.

"C'here," she signed giving me her hand and making me stand on my own two feet.

"Lessgo," I said lazyly putting the rollerskates back on, ironically I wondered when I even took them off.

Slamming myself on the bed, with a slight thud, I sighed deeply. The clock on my bedside table notificed me that it was 4 O'clock which if we put in perspective, clearly meant that the celebration of me inhaling my first atoms of oxygen, would start in roughly an hour.

"You wanna kill some time while we wait for the party to start? I got the new Spider-man movie here!" Noor squeaked, beaming at the movie's compact disk in her right hand. How could I refuse such great things in life? "Yep, let's make this go down!" I sassed taking the disk from her hand and putting it into the drive reader of my laptop.

[Time Skip]

Noor and I were perfectly done with our routine of wasting time, the humongous clock on the ceiling of the hall boomed throughout the house. Indicating the time as 5 o'clock.

'The guests should be arriving by now,' My brain broadcasted to me.

We looked at each other, grins reaching our eyes. Nodding, we took a jog down the entrance gate of the house.

"Now, we wait," I said, proudly puffing my chest high. Noor just giggled at my childish behaviour.

Just as the door bell rang, I enthusiastically swung the door open without even bothering to confirm if it was a phedophile or not. Luckily, it was not.

"Konichiwa," the three of my friends chirped like sparrows. Making Noor and me snicker in the process.

It was just like I imagined a perfect birthday to be. After the arrival of my good friends, gradually as the clock ticked, the hall started to fill with my classmates and relatives. It was strange as well, because I did not remember requesting my mom to invite this much people, but perhaps the phrase; "The more = the better," was quite correct.

"It's 7 o'clock already, Areeba, when're ya goin' to cut the goddamn cake?" Screamed - I do not know - Mishal? Yeah it was her.

Taking Mishal's request as a treat, I proceeded to make my way toward my obviously expected Iron-man cake, which portrayed Tony Stark vibing with his capri-sun. To make it more divine, the candle holder was just above the nano infinity gauntlet, I was about to lit up the candle as Rozhna was informing the guests about the main ceremony taking place.

"Stop!" Shahar's voice echoed through the fusion of chatter, which made me stutter, fortunately, Noor caught me from the back before I could fall face-to-face into the cake. Not to mention but I reluctantly knocked a couple cupcakes in the chaos.

"What?" I whimpered practically shooting daggers at her through my eyeballs. How can someone not expect me to get furious after they make me subconsciously murder two delicious cupcakes?

"Areeba, we gotta talk this through," my dad joined in. The confused look on my face probably took Noor off-guard but I did not care, this was honestly pretty bizzare.

"On everyone's 13th birthday after they blow the candles, one word appears on their skin, depicting their career or purpose in life. We want you to know that after you blow this candle, your purpose, your destiny, will become apparent, it'll be engraved on your body, and you won't be able to get away with it, because that's what your chosen for," mom's little speech was appreciated by the crowd, as they were applauding and cheering, some were even whistling. Which only made me confuser.

"But how come I didn't know about this?" I whispered, hoping for some sort of savior to take my confusion away.

"It's because we're forbidden to let this bit of information wander through the ears of those who're younger than thirteen," Shahar, or in other words, my 'saviour' described causally. I looked through the crowd and realized that there were no children under the 'appropriate' age present. The little bulb inside my head lit up and I started laughing.

"Really? You sure this isn't a prank or somethin'?" I asked eyeing everyone in the room.

"Nope," Noor said softly, showing me her ankle, the word 'doctor,' inscribed there with a golden splint.

"Alright,"

The scene was overwhelming, literally everyone was curiously gathered around the table, pure astonishment in their eyes as I blew the candles. They were applauding which for some odd reason, made me feel sick to my stomach.

Just as the little fire left the candle top, everything went into slow motion, the party poppers that were shooted directly at me became numb, the second hand of the clock that hung high to the ceiling started to move moderately, the screams of joy disappeared, my heart was unusually beating faster, I could feel the aderline pumping through my veins as tears threatened to escape my eyes.

Pride, it was all I could feel.

After about what felt like an eternity, everything came back to as it always was.

Perhaps it was just me who felt that sensation?

"What is it?" A voice quizzed.

"Go to the bathroom and see!" Another voice ordered.

I have no idea what happened after that but when I did come to my senses, I found myself in the bathroom trying to find the word. Or if we put it bluntly, My Destiny.

I looked and looked but could not find it.

A thought made my heart swell.

What if all this was just a prank?

Before I could contemplate any further I started to sob hysterically while sitting crossed leg on the cold bathroom floor.

As my head jerked to the side, a glimpse of something red caught my attention.

I shakily closed my eyes and directed my head towards the back of my left foot.

Deep down, I wanted this 'prank' to not just be a prank. Pulling myself together, I opened my eyelids to find my destiny there, written in a colour as red as blood.

"Assassin,"

"Wow! That was lit!" Jax gasped, as he professionally shot the target in the most vulnerable spot, which instantly resulted in her dying.

"Yeah, mine is sort of the same!" Alexa declared, the smile visible even through the black cloth that she infamously described as her 'mask,'

I chuckled, "this is one of the best memories of my childhood," I mumbled dragging the body of our target toward the dumpster.

#i dunno what im doing #i hope this is okay!#is this even funny #narrative #fiction

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jaqfms · 4 years

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there's jacques ‘jaq’ daingerfield ! though on their socials they go by @thedangerousq . i heard he is originally from paris , france , but made the big move to los angeles to join TWENTIES . you haven't heard about it ? well , apparently their dream is to design his own video game , but they have no chance unless they quit being so cocky & lazy . that said , those behind the scenes have said they can be witty & charismatic too. guess we'll have to watch and find out ! ━ & laughing until you cry , a cartoon theme song paired with a hip hop beat , a juul behind your ear , vines quoted in a thick french accent . ( timothee chalamet , cis male , he/him ) ( pepper , she/her + they/them , est , twenty four )

ABOUT THE MUN. are ya in a relationship? you think i can convince someone to do that?

hello, it’s me again. i tired myself out with haisley’s so jaq’s if going to be considerably shorter. let’s go.

BIO. aaaahhhhhhhhhh shhiiittttt *begins understanding things*

jacques daingerfield was born in france to two very average parents. like his mother was a teacher and his father was a financial analyst. nothing wild or crazy going on there, and to top it off he was the middle child, and well, you can tell.

he has four siblings. he was the third kid, and well, he spent most of his childhood fighting for any kind of attention, usually by making inappropriate little jokes or you know, fart noises. yes his parents were generally exasperated with him, but that behavior made sure they paid attention to him. and honestly that was all jacques wanted.

again, jacques had a pretty average upbringing. he went to school, he was actually pretty popular among his peers despite being so annoying (definitely very unpopular amongst his teachers for generally that class clown that sat in the back and always interrupted), and he excelled academically without really trying too much. well, in every subject but english funnily enough. jaq always struggled in english, which is why it was incredibly ironic that when his parents separated they decided to move to uk with his father. jacques was ten at the time, and he still doesn’t understand the decision.

so yes, jacques was the kid in class with the weird name and weirder accent who could barely communicate with his classmates. it didn’t take long for them to stop really trying to pronounce ‘jacques’ properly. jacques became jack without much input on his part, and by the time jacques had got enough of a handle on the english language to correct them the americanized name had already stuck. even at nine jacques was smart enough to know that insisting on the correct french pronunciation of his name just kind of made him sound like a pretentious french asshole, so instead he spun it. he embraced it. started signing all of his papers and assignments with ‘jaq’ with a q like it was his brand or something. even as a child jaq will give himself credit for being clever af.

it actually worked pretty well honestly. the older jaq got the more he grew into himself, and the more comfortable he got with the english language. honestly a lot of how jaq learned english was through video games and youtube videos and cartoons, like those were some of his go to resources. spent a lot of time playing games with strangers and tested his english out with colourful trash talk. actually started his first ever youtube channel was basically that as just a way to practice his english a bit. all he did on there was play video games, and honesty he didn’t even show his face. the channel wasn’t that popular, but he had fun making it.

jaq on the other hand had gained popularity by the time he was in middle school. granted, that popularity was mostly due to the fact that he had a popular older brother and sister, was french and therefore ‘cute’ (jaq didn’t pretend to understand how girls brains worked then, and he still doesn’t now) and his family always had the newest gaming system at their household, and even then it wasn’t wild popularity. but it was enough that barely anyone teased him for his thick french accent anymore, and yk what jaq would take it. he weirdly got even more popular with the guys in his grade when they found out about his youtube channel. they found it funny, and they would generally watch his videos and come tell him about their favourite parts later, ask him about how he got past a certain level or learned a certain cheat. jaq soaked up their admiration like a sponge, right into his ego. they were the beginning of jaq getting the big head he proudly sports today.

that said for most second form jaq’s youtube channel was just a hobby. something he did for fun. like i said earlier, jaq actually did really well in school and his parents always expected him to follow in his father’s footsteps and go into something in business. after all, it would be an easy transition with both french and english under his belt. they knew he would excel.

but then he met madi. and somehow the two started doing videos together for fun, and it quickly expanded into something a lot bigger. something that jaq wouldn’t have even dreamed of doing before. suddenly the picture perfect future he had planned for himself just seemed boring in comparison to what he and madi had going on, and so jaq easily picked that instead. his parents weren’t all that happy about it, of course, after all jaq had full scholarships to some schools just waiting for him to accept and he ignored all of them in favour of making videos of him playing games online. they still don’t understand, but jaq doesn’t really need them too. he’s happy with what he’s doing and he figures he can always go into business when he’s old and boring.

he moved out of his parents house straight into an apartment with madi when things between them started getting really tough. they can’t really speak without the whole ‘we’re so disappointed in you’ conversation coming up so jaq doesn’t really speak to them unless he has to. both of his older siblings went into business like their parents wanted, and his younger siblings are on the same path. his little sister wants to be just like him though, and that warms his heart tbh.

has come to TWENTIES to have a good time! wants to break into the acting industry like dylan o’brien and maybe show his parents that a ‘real’ career can come from something like this. his parents begged him not to come on this show and embarrass them so that is definitely what he’s about to do.

HEADCANNONS. there are a lot of people who need to shut up. not me though

thinks he’s funny! sometimes he is

will answer to jacques, jaq, jaqi, or q! you can call him daingerfield if you want but not many people do

fun fact, made his instagram handle as a joke, much like awkwafina. was just supposed to a little dig about how many times he has to say ‘jack with a q’ whenever someone spells his name. but now the dangerous q is his brand, and just finds it really dumb and funny.

a bit of a kleptomaniac. will swipe something he thinks is cool mostly just to do it. has very little impulse control. loves to pull pranks and generally make trouble, but not in a way that will ever actually hurt anybody because he’s not a whole idiot. not the biggest fan of cops.

is an artist. will spray paint your walls and probably has spray painted the walls of his apartment. will doodle weird things all over napkins or receipts or whatever he can get his hands on. has drawn out little video game characters he wants to be in his future games, and actually is considering going to school for a video game programming degree just for that. the funny thing is with his grades he could probably do it. is teaching himself coding in the mean time.

the type of person to start drumming on the counter or desk with his hands or like pencils or pens when he’s bored. will make up fun little raps on the spot.

incredibly intelligent but doesn’t like to talk about it. would much rather act dumb than act like he has any braincells. he doesn’t want to give anyone expectations.

all the youtube success has definitely gone to his head in the way that?? he just thinks they’re untouchable like he cannot compute the concept of their channel failing or their future endeavors failing. definitely thinks that TWENTIES will lead to much bigger things for them. will walk into his future acting auditions like he’s the shit.

an introvert with extrovert tendencies. needs to be by himself to chill out and recharge but can like work a room honestly. can make friends pretty much everywhere he goes. a bit of a charmer when he wants to be.

a smoker unfortunately. also a bit of a stoner. definitely has a juul on him at all times, like i said he tends to keep it behind his ear and then be like ???? where’s my juul.

needs glasses but refuses to wear them. is very stubborn about it tbh. does not want to get contacts because he hates the idea of putting something into his eye. so you can catch him squinting sometimes like a fool.

one of the first things he treated himself to with his first big youtube check like outside of rent was a tattoo! it’s on his ribs and it’s just a drawing he did himself but he loves it and it was the start of an addiction. he has about five. also has a few helix and orbital piercings on his left ear.

another muse of mine with a tiktok, but jaq just uses his to make music for the most part. will turn the mickey mouse club house theme song into bars! (if you’ve seen that tiktok,,,, ily)

a big nerd. reads comic books. watches anime. will get very reasonably upset about the avatar the last airbender movie whenever it’s brought up.

can cook really well, but whenever he does it it’s pure chaos. like julian/brad leone in the kitchen for sure. but the food comes out tasting really good, so???

is jewish af. knows a bit of hebrew and a bit of yiddish because of his grandparents mostly. is kind of ??? a lot more lenient with things now that he’s not around his parents as often i’m ngl.

brings his ds everywhere and you can literally catch him on the bus vaping and playing animal crossing because he hasn’t bothered to get a american license yet

is always willing to take a picture with a subscribers and they’re always the weirdest thing. there are pictures of subscribers like pretending to stab him in the eye. prom pose pictures with subscribers. the weirder the better tbh

has gone to vidcon a few years in a row, always has the wildest time. there is video footage of him waking up in some strangers bathtub with a feather boa around his neck. it’s probably on instagram.

is also bi af.

WANTED CONNECTIONS. very proud to announce that i am officially a lost cause!

BEST FRIENDS.

A BROMANCE.

FWB/EWB.

EXES.

FANS OF HIS YOUTUBE VIDEOS.

and here’s his wanted tag, i forgot to do the same for haisley so here is her wanted tag.

and many more, y’all this took so long and i’m so tired but like this and i will slide into your dms for plots!

#twenties:intro #i have completely exhausted myself omg #rip #( intro. )#any typos in this can stay idec anymore

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vaguely-concerned · 4 years

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I played Death of the Outsider finally and I have some Feelings about it

and most of them not very positive. nice stuff first tho!

THINGS I LIKED:

- billie is such a good character. still new to her old self and slightly tender from coming out of the protective shell of lies that was meagan foster, full of old scars and doubts and bitterness but trying for something better, something kinder even though she still doesn’t quite understand what she’s walking towards -- the genuine care and tenderness in her voice when she talks to daud or thinks about deidre. I love her.

all that and she effortlessly IS also the queer disabled woc the gamer bros refuse to believe could possibly exist. exquisite.

- the idea of ‘killing’ the outsider is compelling, but it’s the sort of idea that needs a full length game to support it and its implications. cool idea, completely wrong execution.

- saying that: I love that the injustice of the outsider’s creation being righted is only made possible by a long unbroken line of mercy and kindness. daud saved billie from the streets, corvo spared daud, daud saved emily and spared billie after her betrayal, billie tried to save aramis stilton and became entangled in the void, emily spared billie, billie took this job in the first place partly because she loves her dad daud and wants him to find peace. that idea is so beautiful that I wish the rest of the narrative was strong enough to hold it up lol.

there’s also something going on here with other people holding on to the important pieces of you -- that billie is ‘all that is left’ of daud after he’s dead. once he saved a child from true loneliness and gave her a purpose, made her feel seen again, gave her the closest thing she had to a home, and when he’s completely lost himself in the void... that kindness is still alive in billie, and she helps him find his way. again that is really touching and thoughtful and plays wonderfully into the chaos system in these games thematically! too bad about all the stilted dialogue and characterization messes and uh. everything else.

- most of all I love how clear it is that billie and daud love each other. it’s a quiet love that has nothing to prove anymore, it’s survived all the blood and the ugliness and everything they’ve done to each other and to the world, a love with no demands left. it’s not the sort of love you usually see, in all its unsentimentality, but it’s real. when daud tells her he’s proud of her and trusts her no matter what she chooses to do, you feel how much he means it. (making his insistence on trying to make her choice for her all the weirder -- see my long rant of lamentation about his characterization in doto below lol)

there’s something about daud’s undramatic yet complete acceptance of and respect for billie that... I didn’t know I needed this, but it was a nice gift nonetheless haha, thank you. (it’s similar to how good it feels in D2 when you realize corvo just likes emily a lot as a person, even aside from her being his daughter. a good series for father & daughter stories)

- this carries over from D2, but I think the journal/log entries are better written and more insightful than the stuff out in the world.

- it cannot be overstated how much the gameplay loop of these games is just... pure crack cocaine for my brain haha, very few things give me this specific kind of brain tingle. I love the sound of looting and I love the art style and ambiance and I love planning out a strategy after finding all the options and I love never being spotted or killing anyone and I love the puzzle elements they put into exploration sections and I love the feeling of how you move through the environment. it’s one of the few games where I routinely get so into it I end up with a crick in the neck because I’ve been so focused for so long and never noticed I’ve been sitting in a way that makes my entire spine hate me. I needed something to get me through the last few days and it did deliver that, at least. karnaca is pretty enough that I didn’t even mind that most of the levels were recycled from D2 either.

- I’m not quite sure whether I understood this right but there’s a woman standing behind daud in the void -- I wonder if that is actually his mother and he’s been so close this whole time? at first I thought maybe it was jessamine but god no I hope she’s finally at peace after All That Nonsense, she shouldn’t have to hang around there anymore. there’s also a figure near him I could swear was corvo with his mask on, but he’s not dead canonically so that would make very little sense. oh well I’ll take my feels where I can get them even if I have to make them up wholesale

- the bankheist was cool as fuuuuuck, that and the emotional impact of daud dying was sadly the height of this game for me, after that it all went mediocre real quick

- paul nakauchi as shan yun was, as I have said before, a blast. ‘ugh I cannot continue my throat is as raw as a plucked pheasant’ fsdkfhlsadjkhfas

- daud’s funeral is genuinely touching. she gave him the entirety of her old life for a sendoff, battered and worn and dear as they both were. someone hold me

THINGS I H A T E D:

- the stuff they did with daud’s characterization. I am so unreasonably angry over this haha, the more I think about it the more I hate it. I think there are paths you could go with his ACTUAL character to make this work, but this was not it. I’ve said this before, but his most iconic, most defining scene is him surrendering himself to corvo’s judgement without justifying himself or deflecting the blame for any of what he’s done. this isn’t even regression in his character, it’s just.. a different character altogether. they could have gone for the angle that delilah almost managed to end the world b/c daud showed mercy and that’s the reason he’s moved to action, I think that might be a more compelling motivation for him at least. OR have him be more conflicted about how to do things -- violence is still the only tool he knows how to use but it’s not what he wants to or even can be anymore and the conflict troubles him, ‘His hands do violence, but there is a different dream in his heart’. or even use a different character for the ‘kill kill kill’ angle, he didn’t need to be here for this dlc at all.

also, just on a purely practical level... for all his flaws and longstanding moral shortsightedness daud is not a stupid man. why the FCK would he be so sure that killing the outsider will fix anything? if I, dumbass extraordinaire, could within half a minute wonder if maybe something even worse would take the outsider’s place if you removed him... why does that never occur to the Knife of Dunwall tm, a man about Void for like half a century or whatever?? ugh fuck this, I’m having a hard time explaining exactly why it all feels weird and wrong to me, but know that it does and that I Do Not Like It lol. I feel cheated out of something important I thought I had.

- again, this should have been a full game. (I think it is sold as one already, but it just hm isn’t) there’s way too much shit of literal cosmic importance for the game’s universe being picked up here for something this short to cover. save this HUGE idea for a rainy day should you ever want to do another game in the series and do something else with the dlc, honestly.

- god but the outsider is insufferable in this. I don’t know what happened, but by the end I was like ‘*thoughtfully strokes chin* maybe daud has a point billie keep that knife handy’. he’s annoying and boring, which is wild to me because he was always a lot of fun in the other games.

for real tho I don’t know if this is just my atheist-but-still-angry-at-god-somehow??? talking, but daud HAS a point. people are responsible for their own actions, but the outsider didn’t have to do any of what he did either. he could have chosen to be bored through the centuries instead of seeing what people would do if you gave them such ~*morally neutral*~ abilities as y’know summoning a bunch of rats to eat other people. the game wants me to buy the ‘but really this black eyed boy is woobie tho uwu’ so badly and no I’m not buying that give me my refund I want my chaotic neutral bastard back pls. I’d probably be more inclined to want to help him like that. where’s his salt gone, arkane. if you didn’t want him to be edgy why did you make him look like that.

- this is the lamest possible version of the outsider’s backstory lol, it feels like the pearl clutching panic about satanic cults back in the day all over. listen if it’s this easy to make a god the thrill is sort of taken out of it, if these randos did it anyone could. also how the fuck are they just normal-ish people anyway? why do they follow modern fashions? haven’t they been hanging around for thousands of years, haven’t their culture changed in any meaningful way? (I realize these aren’t the same guys as back in the day but it’s just weird) why do they speak a language billie and the player can understand? why did anyone think ‘idk some cultists no one’s ever heard of before with no thematic significance whatsoever’ was the way to go world building wise? they’ve taken all the unknowable eldritchness out of the eldritch horror and we’re all poorer for it now haha

relatedly the last level is... just not very good. you come down from the awesome bank heist and then there’s... whatever the fuck this was.

- while I do like billie finding daud in the void and him remembering her I hate that he goes out still full of self loathing and rage when you talk him into the nonlethal option, that he can’t forgive himself or find any sliver of hope or peace. I wish there had been a few more moments for the two of them to come to peace with themselves before he gave the outsider back his name, some real catharsis. as it is I was annoyed when the outsider ‘woke up’ or whatever b/c it felt like he was stealing attention from what I was actually emotionally invested in and not done with.

they had n o t built up billie’s or my sympathy for the outsider well enough either. again this is something I think they could have done if they’d structured things differently, if they’d been more deliberate in making you understand he was basically a child and letting you dwell on it. because there is a parallell there between him and billie, and billie and daud, but I, how do I put this, did not give a fuck

in short this was really similar to my experience with D2 in that there’s enough good there that it’s all the more painful when it fails to deliver on it again and again, and it ruined things I already liked about this story from the first game (daud’s arc and everything to do with the outsider, mostly). give me some months of denial and hard core headcanon work and I’ll probably be able to live with it

#*shows up to doto years late with enraged takes and starbucks*#dishonored #death of the outsider #meta #I am ranting but it really is because I do love these games and it hurts me when they let themselves down like this lol

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f-117-nighthawk · 4 years

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More playlist meta bc I don’t wanna do homework and Jimmy kicked me out of the TA room saying I’d been in there for far too long for a Friday (it was four hours! Interspaced between classes! Workshop kit inventory is just an excuse to blast Gloryhammer to me, it’s fun)

Since I was talking about Ten Thousand Against One earlier, I’ve been thinking about the timeline and which event the songs are connected to. Long post under the cut

Turn the Lights Out is... sort of an odd case. It’s not like Remnants of Stars, which is about Galran and my philosophy about how we were created, what happens to us when we die, and the cycles that power the universe. Of course, Remnants of Stars is a little more than just philosophy. It actually describes (in a rather metaphorical way) the actual process of the marthinazik filtering quintesence into new stars, planets, beings, anything you can think of. It also has a very important lyric for much much later like, post Sticky Notes later. Now that I think about it, it actually defines a good chunk of that maybe-sequel-maybe-idea era in conjunction with Soul Extract’s Filaments.

Anyway, back to Turn the Lights Out. It’s an odd case because it’s sort of like Remnants of Stars in that it’s more about the philosophy, but it’s before Remnants of Stars because it’s also kind of an event. If you read interviews with Delain about Moonbathers, Charlotte states that Turn the Lights Out is about Neil Gaiman's Sandman comics, specifically the character of Death. I confess I haven’t read those comics, but my interpretation fits her rather well I think. To me, Turn the Lights Out is about a gentle god who accepts they will not always be seen as who they are but will give their everything to protect those within their universe. Now, who does that sound like? Which characters have been around since the birth of the universe, under various names, whether they be Ibeshganszá, ‘kibrraldíl, Marduzbazí, or Vôltrôn?

You can make an argument for Your World Will Fail to be directly after Turn the Lights Out, but I rather like it after Remnants of Stars too. Turn the Lights Out is the beginning of the universe, so naturally, it goes first. Sentient life needs to evolve for Remnants of Stars to truly fit, and even though Your Would Will Fail technically can happen at any point between the first Plank time and the next, it also happens when the comet that becomes Voltron crashes into Daibazaal. The Your World Will Fail/Dark Matter/Eater of Worlds trio is both a general, entire timeline-spanning idea, and a specific event.

(Your world will fail my love/It's far beyond repair/Your world will fail my love/It is already there)

(Bring me your soul/Bring me your hate/In my name you will create/Bring me your fear/Bring me your pain/You will destroy in my name)

(Can't imagine the violence/The rage and the love in my madness/I am the eater of worlds and I'm looking for someone to feed me)

And then, right after that event, or even during, you have Apocalypse 1992. The death of the dream, the final madness before the triumph of chaos.

You Keep What You Kill is very much the odd one out out of everything. Helion Prime based it off a book I forget the name of, but here it’s purely about Zarkon’s empire. The “Holy Half-Dead” have lost so much of their culture, of the family bonds that kept them together even when their mistakes threatened the destruction of all, but they still remember the songs of glory. And they do keep what they kill.

And then there’s a rather large time jump of about five thousand Earth years to The Seven Sisters. This song is pretty well encapsulated in Child From the Stars (Lost in the Dark) (which is a lyric from Closure, but Closure is later for Reasons), but the other half of it is connected to Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met.

Who Will Save You Now has gone through so many iterations of what it’s connected to I honestly don’t remember what it actually is anymore. Given its placement between The Seven Sisters and Nobody Gets Left Behind, I think it’s related to the SFSS Genesis’s disappearance. But it could also be placed in conjunction with A Simple Plan and be about something slightly different...hm, I’ll think on that. This song has such a Dark Matter vibe to me, but it hasn’t found a home that sticks in my brain yet.

Nobody Gets Left Behind is really there bc it’s a fun song and when I found 1551 I immediately had to put something in. BUT it is a good song about family dynamics and, well, that’s Voltron in a nutshell right? (and then you get, right there in the first verse, “Don't even try to pretend/That you're rough and just as tough/As when you're missing a friend/Attack and take him back/Cause when the team isn't whole/You've got a hole in your soul/So step up to your fucking role/We might get hurt/We might be taking some hits/But when you're taking our friend/Then that's some personal shit” and you cannot tell me that’s not everybody’s mood post Battle in the Sarnan Nebula)

A Simple Plan is a new addition in the past few weeks. I rediscovered The Spiritual Machines a few weeks ago and the lyric “How long can we hold off ending/How long can we pretend we're ok” hit me right in the Keith feels. So this one is in conjunction with the first verse of Nobody Gets Left Behind. The entire song actually reminds me of Dark Matter with how it’s centralized at one event but contains hints of other things (The truth arrived too slow).

Memories of a Girl I Haven't Met is maybe one standard year (so six earth months-ish?) after A Simple Plan.

String Theory is... weird. It’s mostly there for the title, but the lyrics do contain themes found in other parts of the playlist that fit really well but don’t map to the event I associate the song with. It’s honestly about Shiro missing Adam and the rest of the people on Earth. Which, granted, given the point in the timeline the title is associated with makes a certain amount of sense but...idk. And the bit that begins with “You don’t believe in space” is about something entirely different. It’s confusing, but all inexplicably related to the title event.

Interesting fact: My Dark Matter drafts/ideas folder is actually split int pre- and post- String Theory folders. It was originally because String Theory is such a pivotal moment in the Coalition’s efforts, but it also ended up vaguely the middle of the timeline. It’s the point where things absolutely, truly, have no relation to what happens in canon. The butterfly effect stemming from the events of Shatterpoint (and an implied secondary shatterpoint in another fic) have changed things enough that apart from one general event, nothing happens the same way (and that event is for drastically different reasons). All in all, it fits the weird vibe of the song rather well.

Next is Belgrade, the Ultimate Klance Song, about three months later. Fun Shenanigans happen in conjunction with this absolute bop.

Here’s the surprisingly big gap of just over a standard Earth year, in which several important events happen that don’t have songs attached to them (Roentgen, maybe)

Then we get Birthright/Firewall, a set of songs about reclaiming yourself from the depths of hell with just a liiiiiitle bit of help from your family.

(It's time to take ahold of what belongs to me/It's time to walk away with no apologies/Voices in the mirror start quietly/And now they're screaming back at me!)

(This force knows what you can do/And what you can make/With your tattered shell)

Here Comes the Reign technically starts during Birthright/Firewall, but doesn’t come into full effect until a month later, and then even fuller around five months after that. Meanwhile, we have The Day the Earth Collapsed, which is rather self-explanatory.

A few months later there is Darker Matter. The fic connected to this is real weird, but also real important. Suffice to say it’s gonna be confusing, and a universe doesn’t like the Paladins for a while.

And then we have Closure. Child From the Stars (Lost in the Dark) is actually the first of four fics inspired by Closure’s chorus. (I also drew a picture for each fic. They’re combined into my desktop background, and the first one is still my phone background and my pfp) “I am the child from the stars/That got lost in the dark/Between heaven and hell/I am forced to live on/I am the cause when you sin/I am the demon you skin/But there is no more tears to beautify/This is my last goodbye”

Closure is a rather sad song actually, but the way I’ve interpreted it ends on a bright spot of hope. The first related fic I’ve already posted/talked about, the second would be around the time of A Simple Plan. The third is somewhere in the gap between Belgrade and Birthright/Firewall. I’ve placed Closure at the approximate time of the fourth fic. I actually just moved it while writing this, because I realized this makes more sense after Darker Matter and with the Fall of [Redacted]. I’ve chosen to interpret the last line as finally deciding to stay instead of the (probably more likely given the rest of the album) darker interpretations.

After Closure is Ember, which is actually super connected to Darker Matter which is why I originally had them next to each other. The thing is, all three of these songs are connected to very specific events, the latter two of which are in direct response to the first even if there is a month or two between them. Ember is on the playlist for two reasons: the first is the line “dark matter falling from the sky” that basically required me to put it somewhere; the second is the fact that I keep mishearing the lyrics. “chthonic” is not “cuthonic” (which is not a word, but I interpreted as meaning Cthulu-like) and it’s “riches to embers” not “witches to embers.” Make of that what you will.

And finally, after almost seven Earth years, we get to The Reckoning/This is a Call/World on Fire/Louder Than Words. The Reckoning sort-of picks up where The Day the Earth Collapsed left off, spanning at least a year before going full force into the frantic five days of the other three songs.

(In blood and tears/A thousand times/We rise against/We'll always hold the line/Of reckoning)

(This is a call to action/This is a call to arms/All lives for one, together/There are no false alarms)

(World on fire with a smoking sun/Stops everything and everyone/Brace yourself for all will pay/Help is on the way)

(We have the force to fight/We have the blinding light/A war is more than heard/Coming in louder than words)

#i am dark matter; your road to ruin #dark matter playlist #to the tune of sketchy galore: meta galore #god I hope the under the cut works this is so long #its also two am i'm going to sleep it's been a long few hours #DM Playlists

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jira-chii · 4 years

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I tried rewriting the Afterlost/Shoumetsu Toshi anime

Background: Madhouse made an anime from a mobile game with the best story out of any gacha game I have ever played, and fucking botched it. So I tried to see if I could do it better.

You don’t need to have seen Shoumetsu Toshi to read this post. However I do recommend reading this article concurrently with my summary of episodes on twitter.

So, the Shoumetsu Toshi anime was announced during the game’s fifth anniversary, and aired in April 2019. It was both exciting and terrifying because Shoumetsu Toshi is a seriously underrated game with a mindblowing story, but given the track record of game-to-anime adaptations, everyone was sceptical about it. And that scepticism ended up being justified.

In summary (my opinion): the anime itself started out half-decent, shot itself in the foot three episodes in, staggered back up for another two or three episodes, fell flat on its face directly after, and then just kept on falling from episode 8 onwards.

While watching said anime, I realised there were very minor things I could do to improve the flow, such as changing the order of episodes, or introducing certain characters later. After a while I came up with a new alternate anime structure (see tldr on twitter). This post will be the accompanying commentary explaining the decisions I made.

My aim for this exercise was to stick as close as possible to the main message and tone of the original anime. Honestly though, if I were rewriting the anime from scratch, I would have taken a different approach entirely (because I don’t agree with the message or the tone of what we got, but that’s a story for another post).

I have tried to make sure you don’t need to watch the anime to understand this post (it would be my last wish to force anyone to watch it). That said, I may make reference to the (far superior) source material, the Shoumetsu Toshi game. I have tried to keep the general commentary in the main body, with more specific detail in the side notes at the end of each episode break-down.

Ok, here goes.

Episode 1 Lost/Lost

The role of the first episode is to establish the characters and setting. The main idea of this episode should be to introduce Lost as mysterious and frightening, and why the main characters need to go there.

As a whole, I think the original anime does do this. It starts off with an overview of the situation (courtesy of Yuki’s monologue), and then gives us some action. Characters are introduced, the mystery starts to reveal itself, and then we end on a cliffhanger. I personally don’t feel a need to change that structurally.

I do however feel the need to switch up the order and amount of introduced characters in this episode. Our brains can only hold so much information in one episode and this episode probably exceeded that capacity and then some.

Instead of Eiji and Kikyou saving them, I suggest having Takuya take Yuki to Geek’s first. Geek can provide a simple man’s explanation of the tragedy of Lost, using his favourite idol group SPR5 as an illustrative example.

This means we will not be met with completely new information when the much heavier exposition from Kikyou and Eiji comes later. Because instead of brand new information, most of it will be filling in the gaps from what Geek told us. And that is much less headache-inducing than the chaos of the original episode 1.

This also means the cliffhanger of the first episode becomes Yuki finding out her father is possibly alive (instead of us wondering if Takuya is still alive…). This is admittedly not as dramatic nor as shocking as the cliffhanger of the original anime. However I went with this because I don’t think an audience going in blind would have been able to handle any more new information right after what Kikyou and Eiji did to us. Also, I don’t think many people would fall for the main character dying in the very first episode...

Side notes:

The original episode 1 started with Yuki’s monologue. I liked that it invoked interest while telling a story succinctly. So I would keep it. I would also keep the scene where Takuya busts Yuki out by throwing a fire extinguisher and jumping out the window because ngl, that was badass.

I think the original anime built up too much goodwill in Takuya in the first two episodes. By episode 2, Yuki basically completely trusts him, but I think it would be more fitting if Takuya had to ‘earn’ that goodwill gradually. Note that in my version of episode 1, none of the conflicts between Takuya and Yuki are resolved. For example, in the original anime, Takuya tells Yuki even if she doesn’t trust him, she has to trust her dad. What a good-guy thing to say. That doesn’t happen in my version. The aim of that is to create a constant feeling of unease and tension. Because this early on, none of us should be sure if Yuki can really trust anyone around her. She’s just forced to follow them to find her father.

You may have noticed I’ve removed Rou (flying monk dude) entirely from my version of the anime. I’m not hating on Rou, but I really don’t think he was useful. In fact, he just made people more confused. I would much rather prefer Suzumebachi appear in both episodes, with the fight not even happening until the second. I made this decision with three reasons in mind: 1. It sets up the expectation in the audience for more action in later episodes, encouraging them to keep watching to see the resolution; 2. It makes Suzumebachi seem like a more threatening opponent, thereby upping the tension; and 3. There is one less character we have to introduce (Akira), meaning he’ll really shine and leave an impact when we do the big reveal

Honestly, I would also remove fortune teller Kazuko. That’s a cameo nobody asked for, and it felt kind of forced. Though there’s also no harm in keeping her in.

On the other hand I have deliberately chosen to delay introducing Yumiko and Kouta. Like I said, there are already too many characters in this first episode. The result of this, though, is that my ending deviates quite a lot from the original episode 1 ending. But I think that’s fine. This is only episode 1, we don’t have to end with drama. I think it’s more important to get the main themes across (the episode is titled ‘Lost’, so let’s make that the focus until the very end ok).

Episode 2: Sacrifice/Sacrifice

Episode 1 should be somewhat dramatic and action-packed to hook our audience in. But then episode 2 should provide them with more information about the setting. I think the anime made a bad move by pulling a plot twist at the end of episode 1 and then immediately rectifying it in episode 2. It feels cheap and undermining. And a waste of time.

So I chose to avoid the whole thing with Yumiko and Kouta saving Takuya. Instead I get Eiji and Kikyou to send them straight into hiding. I think it is more fitting if, directly following from episode 1, this episode starts off focusing on Yuki’s feelings about her family. This provides some much-needed context, and makes her values clear from the beginning, as she starts thinking about whether it is worth going to Lost to find her father.

Now we can start introducing some new characters. Honestly though, in the grand scheme of things, Yumiko and Kouta serve the exact same purpose as Eiji and Kikyou in the narrative. Which is a shame, because I think just their connection to the organisation opens up a whole heap of possibilities. Therefore, if I am going to include them I should take advantage of that connection. In my version of the anime I make them privy to certain information about Lost. This would make sense because the organisation they used to work for was all about getting Taiyou to Lost to complete the Noah Plan. By making that special information only Yumiko and Kouta know, I make them important to the plot.

I can further leverage their connection to the enemy to arouse suspicion in them, because Takuya and Yuki wound up in an ambush with Suzumebachi following their instructions. But that’s a minor conflict that can easily be resolved and is honestly not that important.

What is important, is that being ambushed by Suzumebachi means I can finally show off tamashii Akira! The fight will basically play out like the original episode 1, only with Suzumebachi instead of Rou. After the fight, I envision the scene to play out similar to the end of the original episode 3, with Souma appearing before them.

Side notes:

In the original anime episode 2, Yuki talks to Takuya when he shares bread with her on the roof. They talk about Akira, which is fair enough. However in my version they don’t even know about Akira at this point. They have nothing in common to bond over. Also, Yuki is still distrustful of him. This more closely mirrors the game, where both of them were more closed off. But I think it makes sense to be wary of a stranger you just met, let alone one who just called you a fucking package.

That said, we can hint at some development through symbolism. Yuki starts off thinking about her family all by herself. But then Takuya comes. And even if they get nowhere in their conversation, physically at least, Yuki is no longer alone.

The true reason Yumiko betrays the organisation is simply that she likes Takuya. But she can’t just tell him that directly. That’s one of the reasons the anime uses Suzuna in episode 2. I have Kouta take that role here. I also wanted Yumiko’s attraction to Takuya to be more subtle than her straight up telling Suzuna she likes him. There’s a bit of dramatic irony there because Takuya would still be suspicious of her, but the audience should be able to tell her true reason for helping is actually quite pure.

Akira is actually a symbol of hope for Yuki. He is a remnant of her old life. But as is the case in the tragic storyline of Shoumetsu Toshi, whenever we see hope, we must destroy it in the most ironic way possible. Here, it is the appearance of the other person from her old life, her brother Souma.

Episode 3: Memory/Suspicion

The original anime pulled a really, really bad move here, by throwing in a monster of the week-style episode while its setting was still developing. This is confusing and distracting. But the biggest reason I chose to delay the SPR5 episode to episode 4 is because Yuki’s character development in the original episode 3 was too great, as to almost make no sense.

Therefore, I use episode 3 instead as a stepping stone to get Yuki to learn to trust the people around her. Once she can resolve her own insecurities, then it makes more sense for her to be able to fix other people’s problems.

My version of episode 3 is more similar to the anime’s original episode 4, which introduced Ryouko. After being betrayed by her remaining family member, a traumatised Yuki is finally introduced to somebody she thinks she can actually trust. But Eiji and the others warn Yuki she must not tell Ryouko anything. That said, Ryouko proves to be a good person, who even helps with some of Yuki’s troubles.

Introducing Ryouko also introduces the investigative element of the anime, which emphasises the Lost mystery, but is also honestly a breath of fresh air from the doom and gloom on Yuki’s side. A benefit of seeing the police’s perspective is that they are just as clueless as the audience. So it is much easier to follow their train of thought (compared to the other group led by Eiji and Kikyou).

So, with three episodes done, the audience should now have a good idea of what they are getting themselves into. We’ve got the characters, the setting, and a couple of mysteries set up. All that’s left is to deliver on them (which is easier said than done).

Side notes:

Honestly, writing up this first encounter with Suzuna and Souma was harder than I expected. The problem is that Souma is too powerful to be deterred by anyone, especially not the police. I have to come up with some reason to force him out of the picture. I decided to use Suzuna for a couple of reasons. It gives the audience a good sense of her foresight powers. But also, maybe it could indicate Suzuna has another motive? I had thought as far as using Taiyou as Suzuna’s excuse: Souma did not inform Taiyou he was going off on his own. If he does anything unnecessary he could get into trouble. This also effortlessly allows me to foreshadow the final boss.

Yuki is a very introspective character, meaning she thinks to herself a lot but rarely shows it. Which is why having a character like Ryouko spell out things for the audience can be helpful.

Importantly, Yuki does not reveal everything to Ryouko just yet, even though she really wants to. This ups the tension, but importantly, it also means Ryouko can stick around a little longer! So we (and Yuki) get some time to get attached to her.

Ryouko’s thought process right now would be: she thinks the group is suspicious, but needs more evidence to back her gut feeling. So she does the background check, leading to Kaibara where we can hint at Takuya’s connection to Yoshiaki and start setting up the Kaitodan arc.

Episode 4: Suspicion/Memory

With the main plot finally set up, I am now comfortable to slip in the SPR5 episode. Surprisingly, I actually did not mind the episode as much as I thought I would.

My biggest recommendation for this episode would be to drop the entire Seiji/Shoumetsu subplot altogether. It is just too confusing with all the other information in the episode. And with Seiji dying eventually, in the grand scheme of things it means nothing. The main aim of this episode should be to focus on what tamashii really are and what they can do. Dropping Seiji also means Takuya doesn’t have to disappear during Yuki’s character development (?) during her moment with Yua. I would really like to use this episode to hint more at Takuya’s regret, and do some more solid foreshadowing of the orphanage arc. This then leads in nicely to the sudden phone call from Yumiko I have inserted at the end of this episode to set up the next.

Episode 5: Affection/Affection

Just like the anime, my versions of episodes 5 and 6 focus on the Kaitodan. However, I make some pretty big changes. While I did really enjoy the execution of the original episode 5 (which was my favourite episode of the whole series), the whole ‘heist’ made no sense to me. Kaitodan didn’t even enter the building past the roof. The only real merit of the original setting is the clock tower, which is an Easter egg referencing Tsubasa and Yoshiaki’s reunion in the actual game.

So I decided to switch up the tone entirely, by having Takuya and Yuki meet Yoshiaki in a family restaurant (family being the key word). Again, admittedly not as dramatic as the original, but this saves a lot more time.

Something I think the anime really should have done was foreshadow Tsubasa better. He has deep ties to Takuya, but episode 5 is the first time we hear about him. I opted to foreshadow him in episode 3 (through Yumiko’s memories), and episode 2 (being used by Souma). This should make it easier for the audience to piece the puzzle together with Yuki.

My drama for this scene comes in the form of an actual kidnapping. By separating Takuya and Yuki, we get a glimpse into how each thinks of the other. It’s also great that Rui canonically flirts with Yuki so I want to see that. I also really want to show the family dynamic of the Kaitodan, for three reasons. 1. As a contrast with Yuki to emphasise the loss she feels in losing her own family; 2. The irony that Yoshiaki will join this family as a result of losing his own, and to know he will be in good hands; and 3. Kaitodan’s quirky personalities are the most lovable thing about them and we need to see more of it.

Side notes:

Yoshiaki’s power reveal having a purpose to the plot would be so much cooler than him just randomly making an owl feather disappear. I decided to show said power in the midst of a dramatic car chase scene. Because why not.

I gave quite a lot of thought into how Kaitodan could secretly track down Takuya and Yuki, and it goes like this: Kana bugged Yumiko, because Kaitodan know the organisation had something to do with Tsubasa disappearing. I envision it happening the night Yumiko left the organisation. Once Yumiko escapes far enough to be safe, she would feel a sense of relief. But her guard would also lower. Kana has been tracking Yumiko ever since, waiting for a clue. This means the Kaitodan heard Yumiko’s call with Kaibara and know Tsubasa is involved. But they couldn’t make a move on Yoshiaki directly because they were aware he was being surveilled. So they followed Takuya and Yuki via Yumiko, and waited for their chance. Also, because it was Yumiko they bugged, they don’t get to know the contents of Takuya and Yuki’s meeting with Yoshiaki. This is all implied in my version of the anime, but none of it is important. It is just a check I did to make sure everything made logical sense.

I went as far as making up a scene to show some Kaitodan interaction. But including that in the episode summary is probably too much detail, so I will indulge myself in these side notes:

The Kaitodan notice Takuya chasing them. Jack tells Yuki that her “lover boy” is here. Yuki gets flustered and says he’s only coming after her because of their contract.

Rui doesn’t understand what Yuki sees in an uncouth guy like Takuya. He talks about a time Takuya used some pretty underhanded methods to catch them. They managed to escape by the skin of their necks by Jack throwing an up-close bomb. Kana laughs remembering how the bomb totally ruined Rui’s clothes. Rui then gets angry at Jack because that was a new suit. Sumire tries to break (i.e. cut) them apart with her chainsaw, causing chaos as Kana continues laughing hysterically.

Yuki looks on this with a small smile, thinking the Kaitodan aren’t such a bad bunch.

Episode 6: Parting Ways/Choice

The anime concludes the Kaitodan arc in this episode, but I’d like to keep them for a little longer. I reserve the fighting for a later episode, and instead, I make this episode quite information heavy. The aim of all this is to lead into the orphanage arc. I did not like that Takuya went off to resolve his own regrets without Yuki in the original anime. However it makes no sense to have him make Yuki tag along with him to something unrelated to their contract. My solution to this is to give Yuki more agency, and the mind to make her own decision.

I intend for a couple of truth bombs to come out here: the organisation does human experimentation; Daichi works for the organisation; the organisation has a base in Lacuna; and Yuki and Takuya will die if they go to Lost. The anime left a lot of these reveals until the end, but I don’t think they are truly that important to warrant that. Having Yuki know these things now, and make a decision despite that, helps build her character more (so we can pull all her confidence down later).

Side notes:

Having Eiji reveal the truth puts both suspicion and trust in him. If he was working for Daichi, that means he was also working for the organisation. However, if what he says is the truth, the reason he reveals this information is because of his guilty conscience. To make sure he comes off as sincere, his guilt should be foreshadowed in earlier episodes.

I wonder, if Lacuna really did end up being the final boss, would that mean Yuki would not need to go to Lost anymore? If Yuki were able to save Souma and return him to ‘normal’ would she be satisfied with never seeing her father again? Or was she hoping Souma could join them on their journey to Lost as well? Honestly, not even I know what Yuki was thinking. All I know is that the anime built up Lacuna as a fake ‘last boss’ (spoiler: it’s not), so I will too.

Episode 7: Regret/Regret

Like the anime again, I make episode 7 the orphanage arc. Unlike the anime, I also combine it with Tsubasa’s arc. The key to making this work is to progress both, but put the focus on only one of the storylines. For episode 7, the orphanage will be the focus, while I leave Tsubasa for episode 8.

The anime originally put the focus of this episode on solving the mystery and finding the link between Lacuna and the orphanage. However, because of how I set things up in episode 6, our characters’ main goal is actually to find clues to the Iink between Souma and Tsubasa. I want the focus on the orphanage side to be entirely about Takuya’s character development, and how Yuki looks over that development. The real plot actually happens on the Kaitodan side. Naturally, Takuya and Yuki will eventually join the fray but I think, for the purpose of the final message of the anime, it is important to show that things can still happen without Takuya and Yuki.

Side notes:

I want Ayano to have more screentime, so I am making her lead them to Hinako. Ayano thus acts as a facilitator, rather than an observer. Also, I plan to make her shuumeigiku an AF (because AF were built up as some really important thing in the original but were not even used in the final battle).

Having the episode end on a cliffhanger means the main characters (and hopefully the audience too) won’t have time to ponder the shuumeigiku, nor the birdhouse for now. This is intentional.

Episode 8: Choice/Parting Ways

In the original anime, episode 8 is the Lacuna break-in episode. But it’s still too early for that. My episode 8 wraps up the Kaitodan arc.

We've had some time to get to know the Kaitodan members so I want this episode to be their moment to shine. First off, putting the Kaitodan flashback at the start of the episode, instead of in the middle of a fight (like what episode 6 of the original did) makes it feel less hasty. I also use this opportunity to insert some more Kaitodan shenanigans through flashback. This episode focuses on the bonds they have with Tsubasa, and the pain of losing that bond. So to make that emotional impact really hit, I have to utilise the flashback effectively.

Other than that, I guess the fight will progress similarly to episode 6 of the original, just in a different setting.

Side notes:

Having Yoshiaki and Tsubasa’s confrontation in the middle of what was once the lab both were experimented on as children has symbolic significance, especially because AF are the key to the battle.

I avoided the whole flashback around Tsubasa slashing Tsuki/the organisation hacking Yoshiaki’s twitter to lure Tsubasa into a trap. Because I think this episode already has more than enough flashbacks. I want to try to avoid overuse of flashbacks because they tend to ruin the immersion and pacing of an episode. If I really had to insert it somewhere though, it would be during an exposition by Souma when he calls Tsubasa weak.

I tried to make Sumire and Kana’s roles more relevant. I am not sure if it worked.

You think the title of this episode refers to Yoshiaki and Tsubasa parting ways, but did you expect Ryouko would also actually die? This is (I hope), an unexpected death, and I want the audience to feel almost just as devastated as Yuki does. Ryouko’s stuck around for a while now, so killing her off should have some sort of impact.

The ending of my version of this episode is a direct copy of the Tsuki Taiyou scene from episode 10 of the original. Placing it here is a set up for what I have planned in my version of the Lacuna break-in. But alternatively, it could also be placed at the end of my version of episode 6, because that is the episode we learn more about the heads of the organisation.

Episode 9: Fate/Fate

The original anime made this entire episode a flashback. And I hate that. Because I hate flashbacks. And using one for an entire episode just seems like lazy writing. I will address the whole thing with Daichi in my own way in a later episode, but for now I’ve got to do the break-in.

So, in a nutshell, I was very unsatisfied with how the anime handled the break-in. It was anticlimactic, and the real conflict (with Souma) happened nowhere near Lacuna. I understand the need for futility, but having nothing accomplished at all in the grand scheme of things is also doing a disservice to your audience. Because it’s wasting time if it’s not progressing the story or characters.

Essentially, I want my version of this episode to deliver the same information as the original anime episode 9 (flashback), but with about 70% more action and 99% less flashback.

As I mentioned before, Lacuna was built up like a climactic boss battle so I am going to treat it like one. This is also a chance to foreshadow Taiyou’s powers that exhibit symptoms of Lost. and a chance for Suzuna to show off more of how formidable her powers can be.

I’ve put Tsuki as the miniboss because mate, she’s perfect. Why wouldn’t I? The anime seriously missed a golden opportunity. Tsuki is actually a really good character to fight against because she stands for a lot. She is obviously on Taiyou’s side, but in a tragic way. Despite being betrayed by him, she still stands by him, and will sacrifice herself even after he turned her into a monster. This is exactly what makes her fascinating. She brings moral greyness to an otherwise black and white fight against Taiyou. It’s also a chance to show that Akira is becoming more powerful, and Yuki feels more confident in herself.

That said, the end of this episode is a direct test of Yuki’s character development, because she’s been put in the exact same situation she was in at the start of the anime. This is her chance to fix that regret that’s been haunting her the whole time. And now she has Akira by her side, she can be brave enough to move forward. Little does she know, what lies beyond the door is really going to test her limits…

Side notes:

Yuki being a product of two worlds was surprising, but i feel the impact is stronger if she gets told that directly by Taiyou, rather than the audience seeing it through a flashback. It adds more tension, especially as Taiyou gets away.

In my version of the anime, it is entirely possible for Takuya and Yuki to not even be aware Tsuki was once human (but the audience does know). I can play up the dramatic irony, by having Tsuki voice her thoughts. Yuki might get the feeling: this monster is completely loyal to Taiyou. Is she his pet?

On the other hand, if I choose to have Tsuki present herself as human-turned-monster, this gives an opportunity for her to explain there is good in following the Noah plan: it will save a lot of people. Going with this version should involve suggesting that Tsuki at least genuinely does want to save the people on her side. Maybe she has a child?

The Noah plan is important for understanding Taiyou’s motives. But honestly it is not that important for the audience to know all the details. Which is why I want Takuya to be the one to see it. He’ll trivialise it, because he knows what’s really important is what’s happening for him now. And really, Noah is just trivia/fan service for the audience in this anime, seeing as there is barely any moral ambiguity in Taiyou anyway.

Episode 10: Decision/Decision

This is the Souma episode. Despite the very different build up, the events in my version aren’t that different from the anime.

I thought the lab would be an appropriate final confrontation setting. It symbolises Souma’s desire for power which ultimately led to his current downfall. But he wanted that power to protect Yuki. Which should resonate with Akira. And that is why he is also there.

Akira needed more screen time in the anime. He is not just a weapon; tamashii are not tools. He is Yuki’s protector, and his very presence as a tamashii implies his regret and desire around that.

This is simultaneously the grieving episode (original episode 10), which I’ve merged into the seaside scene. To really heighten the emotion, Yuki should have an outburst. Think about it, she’s been keeping everything bottled up inside her: her lab PTSD, the tragic fate of the orphans, and Ryouko. Losing her brother was the last straw. Showing vulnerability to Takuya is a sign she trusts him.

At the same moment Yuki loses one of the most important people in her life, Takuya gives her hope for the future. A bittersweet moment like this is really what the message of the anime should be about. Additionally the timing of this ray of hope means it is so much more important to Yuki to hold onto that image of happiness (and more impactful for the audience).

Takuya showing willingness to give up his contract is the ultimate sign this man cares for Yuki.

Side notes:

I feel like I packed a lot into this episode, but that’s because Souma’s death scene actually goes by very quickly, because neither side are putting up much of a fight? Both the original anime and my version have to rely on flashbacks to pad it out.

I foreshadowed Souma’s fate using Tsuki (both morphed into monsters).

Akira should also feel emotionally impacted by Souma’s death. Why does the anime make it seem like both Daichi and Akira show favouritism towards Yuki? Souma is also Daichi’s child, and he also saw Akira as a big brother.

I also think the flashbacks should show more of the three interacting together, instead of solely Yuki and Souma.

Souma gets some final character development by apologising to Akira before he dies.

At the seaside, Akira is also grieving. But he is full of guilt. He does not have the right to comfort Yuki.

Putting ourselves in Yuki’s shoes for a moment: the only two people left as a reminder of her previous ordinary life were her brother and her father. Now that Souma is gone, she is left with no choice but to go to Lost. Even if we ignore all the saving the world rhetoric, Yuki would still go just for personal reasons alone. Because what Yuki wants more than ever right now is the comfort of family. It’s an incredibly tragic situation. That’s why it is so important that Takuya shows a willingness to break his contract. He’s not just comforting her because he wants her to get over it and go to Lost so he can do his job. Knowing this allows Yuki to trust him, and show her vulnerable side.

This is the moment Yuki wishes things were different. If Takuya wasn’t here with her, she really might have reset the world like Daichi wanted her to.

Episode 11: Trust/Trust

My version of episode 11 is quite similar to the anime’s episode 11. Except I cut some NPC moments and massively extend the parallel world moment.

Suzuna and Taiyou’s scene plays out like in the anime. If possible, I’d like them to have some conversation in the sedan hinting that Taiyou has lost his way to his original altruistic goal.

I make the crux of this episode the parallel worlds within Lost. I thought that part was very cool in the original anime, but it just wasn’t impactful enough.

I want to use this as an opportunity for Yuki to see Daichi’s memory. Essentially, I want to condense the flashback episode (episode 9) in the original anime to its bare essentials. This is probably going to be challenging, but with a combination of visuals paired with efficient narration by Daichi, I think it is possible to make things move quicker.

Basically, I want Yuki to see the whole picture, to understand her father’s perspective, and despite that make her final decision. Yuki realises her father is from a parallel world and is trying to save a lot of people from another world. But even so she is conflicted about whether what she is doing is right.

I like that this allows a clear link to happiness at the end. Yuki resonates with Daichi’s own desire for happiness, causing her to remember the happy future she painted together with Takuya. This is a much clearer way of explaining how Takuya and Yuki managed to free themselves from the effects of Lost, while also emphasising their bond.

Side note:

I’d like to believe that even with a clear image of happiness in mind, a normal human like Takuya should not be able to escape Lost unscathed. I’d like to hint that the fact he is even able to function in this space is because of his bond with Yuki, a girl intricately connected to parallel worlds and thus more immune to their effects?

Episode 12: Future/Future

The last episode’s boss battle with Taiyou plays out largely like the original anime. But I think there is scope to have a lot more satisfying pay-offs.

Lost is how the tamashii came to be, so first off I would recommend there be more of them. Even Tsubasa, who disappeared, could possibly exist as a parallel world version of himself. That’s what Lost is about, after all.

It would be fitting if Taiyou also gets taken down by these other tamashii, including the orphans. This would be an appropriate approach to highlight the contrast between Taiyou (who is alone), and Takuya and Yuki (who are not). Additionally, I bring back the shuumeigiku, which means ‘to endure’, in order to emphasise the justice that was eventually served.

I wanted there to be less spotlight on Suzuna and more on Akira. After all, he is the one with the real meaningful connection to protecting Yuki. Therefore I have him deal the final blow after evolving. On top of being epic fanservice, the fact he is the only tamashii who evolves in the entire anime means there is narrative significance to it. It is the culmination of his bond with Yuki, and it is fitting that he can finally wield that power to protect her properly.

After the fight in the original anime, Daichi shows Yuki an alternate world without tragedy, an ideal world. However, importantly, this is a world where Yuki never interacts with Takuya, Geek, or any of the other people she’s met on her journey, and I think the anime could have done better to show that.

So my alternative is to have Yuki see those happy versions of Ryouko, Yoshiaki etc in the previous episode, while showing her own alternative life in this one. I really want to juxtapose the happiness she feels living an ordinary life with her family, against the missed opportunities to meet people like Ryouko and Takuya. This provides a lot more ambiguity to her choice, and we get to see the conflict playing out in her head in real time. By actually making it possible to follow her train of thought, the audience will be more likely to understand why she makes the decision she makes.

Finally, I choose to end my version of the anime with a monologue from Daichi as a homage to the game. But also, it seems appropriate because he is an observer, just like us. And as observers, who are we to judge the choices people make? I contrast Daichi’s message of hope to the somewhat less than ideal futures everyone leads in order to show the ambiguous ending I think the original anime was going for. Regardless of whether you end up better or worse, life moves on.

Side notes:

Yuki needs to show more emotion when she sees Daichi. Seriously.

I referenced the ending of the original anime (Yuki’s ideal house) in the ‘ideal’ world Daichi shows Yuki. I think the message the anime wanted to convey with that scene is that what we perceive to be true happiness may not really be that. And that’s kind of the vibe I’m going for in my ideal world scene, which is why I put it there instead of at the end.

Daichi should thank Akira. Holy fuck the poor guy’s been through so much with absolutely zero gratitude. He kept your daughter alive gdi

Ultimately the problem of Lost was never properly resolved? But the anime left it equally open-ended so I’m cool with that.

Finally, some overall points

I removed Keigo and Shunpei entirely from my version of the anime. Because they weren't needed. Keigo I can put back in (because he and Yuuji serve the same narrative purpose), but I don't want Shunpei. He was an original character created purely to betray Ryouko and then die. I have no need for a character like that. He could be Ryouko's assassinator I guess, but I would rather the sniper be a tamashii cameo like Wolf or something. Or nobody at all. Because the sniper as a character is not important at all.

I removed all the deliberate food scenes because there was no scope to include them. It is one thing to claim you want to put more emphasis on food, but that should be second to creating an actually viable product.

And with that, this project is finally complete.

I admit I had high hopes for the anime, and it frustrates me that it turned out the way it did when there were so many simple things they could have done to make it less confusing.

That said, fixing something that has already been done is much easier than creating something entirely from scratch. And while everything may work on paper, translating that into practice with the actual production is a very different story. Therefore, despite how everything turned out, I still commend the production team for being able to make the anime a reality at all.

As I've mentioned before, it is not easy to make an engaging story fit in the span of just twelve episodes, let alone one adapted from an epic game featuring time travel and parallel worlds. But I wish they could have tried just a little bit harder, to be just a little bit more risky, to deliver a product we could actually enjoy.

Some of you may like my version of the anime better, some of you may not. A lot of my personal biases definitely showed through, and it was more challenging than I thought translating my ideas into writing. If I’ve confused you about anything, feel free to drop me a message.

If this post wasn’t long enough for you, you can read more of my analyses on the Shoumetsu Toshi anime below:

My thoughts on the anime before it aired

My thoughts on the anime after it aired

a deeper analysis of episodes 5 and 6

#anime #shoumetsu toshi #afterlost #analysis #long post #madhouse

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eexeve-blog · 5 years

Text

Let’s talk about Poly, the intro.

Well, folks- here it goes.

I’ve thought long and hard about whether I wanted to create this blog or not, and clearly I came to this conclusion. Now- that being said, this is only my perspective on the relationship- while I’m sure my counterparts would say the same things- this is exclusively my opinions on here. I’m sure to feature them on later blogs.

Well, now that we’ve got that out of the way. Here’s a little (a lot) about me- rapid fire! I’m 27 years old, I have been married twice, and I have two beautiful little boys (with my second ex husband). I am a reformed emo kid from circa 2007- though if you look at my Spotify playlist you would realize that I am only partially reformed and I will never cease to listen to Hawthorn Heights and My Chemical Romance. I’ve worked most of my adult life as a hair stylist, but have recently started bar tending. Besides my day to day life a little more about me- I’m a Cancer so I’m told that means I’m over emotional- which to be honest Guillllttyyyyy, I read FAR too much in every situation, its disgusting really but hey I didn’t pick the anxiety life- it picked me. Oh shit- my names Haley by the way,.

Okay now that your know some vague information about me, here’s some more. I’m currently in a relationship with two people- a married couple in fact. L(shortened for some privacy)- a feisty blonde haired, red bearded jack of all trades (master of none). Last but certainly not least B- a black haired, Susie homemaker with a heart of freaking gold. Now- long before I came along B and L had a life (amazing right? I always thought I was the center of the universe but it turns out people still have lives with out me- mind blown) like 5 years of life and three kids before they ever met me. Now you’re reading that correctly. 3 kids- and as of 6 months ago a fourth minion! Now- when i first embarked on this journey i fucking hated kids- all kids- young, old, fat, skinny, loud, and quiet. I hated all the kids that i didn't directly push from my body. But here I am almost 8 months later getting ready to move into a new house with B, L and said minions, in addition to my own spawn, Six kids- SIX KIDS- and all the stock in Ibuprofen.

Its really fine now, I’ve learned to embrace the chaos- and chaos is certainly freaking is.

Let me just say that HANDS DOWN, this is the hardest relationship that I have ever been in. I don’t mean hard because we don’t get along, but the most complicated as far as emotions go, its honestly hard to put into words.

I love her, and I love him, separately as well as together.

Now here are the questions I get asked-

- Don’t you get jealous? Meh- yes and no. and what I do get jealous of isn’t what you would think. I get jealous that I haven’t known them as long as they’ve known each other, I get jealous that I’m coming into this so late, and that I may never be an equal. Not that they have ever made me feel that way. But you know- this big ol’ dumb brain likes to play tricks on itself.

-So you like, have threesomes all the time? UGGGGHHHHH SHUT UP- I get it- you think one dude and two chicks- every dudes fantasy. EYE ROLL. It’s easy to purely sexualize my relationship- but it would be cooler if you fucking didn’t. I get it- i do but it gets old.

-Where do you guys sleep? In a bed... like you, a king size one. We all snore too. B is infamous for falling asleep first, L will fall asleep and then pretend like he didn’t when you go to turn it down or change the channel. I’m a snuggler- I never use to be, never was a cuddler but now i like to sleep in the middle, like the cream filling in the Oreo. SO TOASTY.

I’m sure there’s more- but feel free to ask, with in reason of course.

We grocery shop, we talk about bills, we laugh and cry, we get frustrated with each other, we go camping, we’re no different from the rest of you.

This being the first blog of a series, its hard to not keep rambling on and on- but I want to be more specific in the future, and I would love to hear your feed back! Let me hear about your relationships, questions about ours, blog ideas, or anything!

xoxo Haley

#poly polyamorous relationships

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theexistentiallyqueer · 5 years

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Sorry to bother, but where do autistic and adhd brains overlap? Because both are neurodivergent (and beautiful, I agree) But how can I find out which behaviour belongs more to me being autistic (got diagnosed this year) and which is adhd? (No Matter What Deadline, after several years in hostile environment (failed university, then call center work) I panic. Hard.) How do I disentangle adhd and autism to find out what strategies to use to function better?

Please don’t feel like you’re being a bother, because you’re not! Honestly the fact that someone is coming to me to ask ADHD questions makes me teary-eyed, because I’ve fought so hard to learn to function with ADHD that people Asking Me Things like I’m a trusted expert just makes my heart grow three sizes, the opposite of the Grinch.

I’m probably not the best person to ask about how ADHD and autism overlap specifically, especially if you’re taking this from an autistic POV. And I’m also not a behavioral expert, which is a very strong preface. But I can (and am very happy to) talk a bit about my experiences with ADHD and how I’ve learned to make things work for my brain.

I’m going to put this under a cut, if that’s okay with you, anon. It got kind of long and I don’t want to overrun anyone’s dash. And you can always, always ask me ADHD questions, and I’ll try my best to answer.

My ADHD tends to manifest specifically in the following ways:

Extreme hyperfixation that has its own varying degrees (e.g., I’m really into Fire Emblem: Three Houses, but I have so lack of interest in Byleth/Claude that my lack of interest feels like an actual void)

An inability to process feelings regarding things other people care strongly about that I don’t. If we’re using the same fandom example: I could rant forever about how Byleth/Edelgard gives me ALL THE FEELS, but if I friend I care about started to talk about Byleth/Claude, I would immediately lose all interest in the conversation and struggle to react in a way that doesn’t present me as a selfish monster who doesn’t care about the person I’m talking to.

I tend to monopolize conversation if I’m given the opportunity because I LOVE getting the chance to talk about my hyperfixations. If someone cuts me off when I’m really into a topic, I get incredibly irritated and have to try to restrain from myself from acting petty in response. The number of times I have smiled my mouth is a knife and said, “ANYWAY, as I WAS SAYING…” is beyond count.

I don’t recognize or remember people until I have something meaningful to associate them with. I also don’t tend to notice things that don’t clock themselves as Important in my brain. I usually describe this as “background furniture.” Even PEOPLE become background furniture. A girl I work with mentioned a person on her team had quit, and I’d literally walked by that person’s desk earlier that day and didn’t notice it was empty, because that person and the entire space they occupied was background scenery.

If something affects or touches me personally, it hits me Very Personally. I had a complete fucking breakdown watching the video of Philando Castille’s shooting, because I heard his daughter crying while she watched him getting shot and went down onto a spiral of personal loss over my own father to gun violence and started to immediately correlate the two. Separating ADHD brainness from my whiteness is complex and hard and (said sarcastically) so, so much fun.

The direct inverse of that are things like: I’m talking to my mom, who’s telling me about a high school friend of hers just got into a horrific vehicle accident and is in the ICU. My mom then goes on to give me regular status updates on this woman I don’t know. I get out of work, and she talks about this woman’s surgery. I get out of work, and she talks about this woman’s family’s attempt to find an adequate rehab center. They find a rehab center, and my mom shows me how her friend decorated her daughter’s room. My mom shows me a video of the girl working with a physical therapist, who gets her to push herself upright with a walker and take her tentative steps. “Awesome!” my brain thinks. “Great!” my brain thinks. All of it spans over several days, weeks, months. I have nothing to do with this constant influx of information. I don’t know how my brain should file it. I don’t know this woman who was injured. I feel for her in theory because no one should ever have to go through that even though so many people do, but I haven’t ACTIVELY PRETEND like I personally am invested in the situation or else my mother gives me Concerned Eyes because I seem to be In A Bad Mood Today.

When it comes to organization, I tend to lean towards hyper-organization rather than hypo-organization. By which I mean I over-organize to combat the fact that ADHD often results in disorganization, and disorganization results in chaos, and chaos gives me COMPLETE PANIC ATTACKS. At work at one point, I had my emails auto-tagging every incoming email based on the email type, on top of tagging for my clients. Every label had a different color, and it all made sense to me, because I’d made it. When my team had cover my stuff on a day I was out, my inbox was such a horror show that it left them feeling drained and distressed.

Let’s talk about socialization! I have a rocky relationship with my childhood best friend. When I discovered social justice in college, I started picking fights with everyone over everything Problematique. The first major fight I had with my best friend at the time was because she felt I was over-aggressive towards a mutual male friend of ours. She was probably right, because I know the kind of bullying behavior I later developed. I thought I learned from it. After the 2016 election, I messaged her on FB, thinking I had a sympathetic ear, to say that seeing her mother post constant messages of support for Trump and sharing stuff dismissing Trump’s sexual assault allegations was particularly hurtful considering I’d told my friend that my mom had been sexually assaulted.. I’m not going to share what she said, but she wasn’t in the wrong. We didn’t talk for several months after that.

Speaking of her! When she started dating the guy she’s now married to, at one point I asked her if they’d had sex yet. I asked it because I thought it was a thing you were Supposed To Talk About as friends, and also because I was, in a way, morbidly curious, because I’m grey-ace and queer. She confirmed that they had, but I still felt so icky and uncomfortable about that for so long afterwards. It was only after I started to understand that I’m not cis and not allo that I really understood why: I was forcing myself to perform what I thought female friendship was based on how it’s portrayed in media, and it’s only once I began to understand that I’m on the ace spectrum and that I’m nonbinary that I really started to understand how forced mainstream conversations of attraction are.

I’m loud! I’m loud! I’m loud! I’m loud all the time! I live with my mom and I socialize with my mom and when we’re in public spaces and I’m talking about something that interests me, she always, always, always feels like she has to shush me. What makes it ironic? If there are other people being loud around me, I can’t function. I can’t process the noise. It’s EVEN WORSE if they’re speaking in another language, because if it’s English I can process the words at least, but if it’s another language, it’s just pure, inescapable sound that I know has meaning but can’t intuit, and if I can’t understand something, that’s as bad as dying.

From what I’ve read about autism, here are ways I THINK my ADHD traits overlap with autistic traits:

I can’t read facial expressions. I think I have a better concept of emotional nuance in facial expressions than someone who’s strictly autistic, but I’ll still panic when I see a smile that isn’t bland enough. RDS (rejection-sensitive dysphoria) will kick in. They hate me, they hate me, they hate me, is the track my brain will play on repeat until I’ve drunk myself into oblivion. Whenever someone smiles, I mistrust it immediately.

Eye contact is incredibly fucking frustrating. I understand that it’s expected, but it’s SO UNCOMFORTABLE. Why do we need to stare into each other’s eyes to understand one another? How can you people write whole treatises on the sanctity of locking gazes and finding an instant intellectual bond without realizing that eye contact that’s not called for is personally invasive?

I can’t understand flirting vs not flirting to the point that I’m absolutely paranoid someone is flirting with me, at which point I usually become hostile if I think they ARE, because DON’T FLIRT WITH ME. TALK to me!

I hate, hate, hate unsolicited physical contact. If I’m in a state of over-expression, I hate it even more. I’m not physically withdrawn, because I love hugs, and cuddles, and human touch. But when I’ve spent the entire day listening to other people talk and I have to walk into a room where people continue to talk, if someone touches me, it’s fucking No-Oh-One.

Someone is interested in a thing I’m interested in. We’ll use Persona 5 as the concept, because this honestly happened recently. I talk with the guy whose desk is across from mine about Persona 5 all the time. He’s also excited about Royal. I started going into my Sophia theory that I’ve really only lobbied at @softspokensansa. I could see, I could viscerally see, the interest drain from his expression. BUT I HAVE AN IDEA SO I WILL TALK ABOUT IT ANYWAY, and then afterwards I felt incredibly resentful that I was being filtered through a cookie-cutter drain.

It’s painful–it’s really painful!–to try to talk about my spiritual ideas with other people. I have a side blog I just started and am preppy myself to share, and I’m absofuckinglutely TERRIFIED everyone is going to write me off without looking at what I have to say. IT’S THE RSD AGAIN! Nothing I ever said has actually mattered before, so why should it now?

I feel, constantly, like I’m halfway between a point of reality and a point of something. What that something is is indefinable, but regardless of it, I exist.

I’d like to direct you to two very positive youtubers I know; I meant to do this earlier, but now feels right in terms of how I’ve written: How To ADHD and Amethyst Schaber.I credit both of them in helping me find a safe place with ADHD before diagnosis. There are stories other than yours that matter.

I wish you the best, anon! If you think you’re autistic and ADHD: given the comorbidity between the two, you probably are! And ADHD is just as beautiful, complicated, and misunderstood as autism is.

If anyone reading this can speak to living as both autistic and ADHD, please respond so I can lift your voice. And to my anon: you’re beautiful completely. I hope my story has helped you in its anyway, and I hope that you find yourself at a place of peace. It’s a struggle to get there, but it’s worth it, every step of the way.

#anonymous #thanks for coming to my teq talk #gaydhd

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grimelords · 6 years

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My May playlist is finished and it’s got everything from Rachmaninoff to Peaches across 3 and a half hours, I hope you enjoy it.

If The Car Beside You Moves Ahead - James Blake: James Blake has got such a big brain and this song is unbelievable. He has such a way of taking things that could be gimmicky like this vocal stuttering, or looping vocals and making them totally heartrending.

The Boxer - The Chemical Brothers: The central melody of this song is constantly stuck in my head and complete proof that you can make an incredibly catchy hook with just three notes if you need to.

known(1) - Autechre: I think this is maybe Autechre's most straightforward song but it still sounds like a harpsichord concerto getting sucked into a black hole. The way the violin-ish part swoops around throughout the whole thing, disintegrating and reforming before your eyes is hypnotising.

Sundown - Boards Of Canada: Guess who started crying this month listening to an ambient Boards Of Canada song thinking about how the end of soil is within my lifetime and we have destroyed our only home the earth!!

Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys: With their new album coming out I went back and listened to AM for the first time in a while and it's still really astonishing what they pulled off. This and R U Mine? completely blew me away when they came out. Having the audacity to completely change your sound and style and have it work perfectly is amazing, and then disappearing for five years and trying to do it again? Bold.

FML - Kanye West: I was listening to this a lot when Kanye was off his lexapro and fucking his whole life up. And now there's a sequel to this on the new album where Kim's begging him not to fuck the money up, which I think is a very good kind of storytelling.

United P92 - Venetian Snares & Daniel Lanois: I love the idea of ambient Venetian Snares and this is the song on the album where their two ideas meet in the middle the best I think. Also the way this builds and builds into total chaos I always forget that it's coming and get surprised when it says 'the machine can cum', what a funny song.

Turnstile Blues - Autolux: I saw Autolux's drummer in Jack White's band when he played on SNL a couple of weeks ago and suddenly remembered how perfect this song is. A true testament to the power of a simple groove that sounds like it was recorded in a concrete garage.

Young For Eternity - The Subways: Yet another great song about being a vampire and all the benefits that vampirism can bring to your life! Thank god for Dracula! He sucked the shit out of me, now I can leave my work for nights and leave my days for sleeping! Young for eternity!

Oh Yeah - The Subways: I bought a 7" of this song a couple of weeks ago in honour of the time it inexplicably caused me a mental breakdown and made me sprint out of my house to drive around town crying and listening to it on repeat for some hours about 5 years ago. Not sure what that was about!

The Blues - Defeater: As far as songs that go for less than a minute go, I really can't fault this one. Pure power, it does absolutely everything it sets out to do and still manages to get two choruses in under the wire.

Bombay - El Guincho: I saw Holy Mountain this month in a double feature with El Topo, and although El Topo kind of sucked I loved The Holy Mountain a lot. There's a part where there's been a battle and a whole lot of protesters are dying on the ground bleeding, except you can see that the blood and guts are obviously special effects, you can see the hose that she's using to pretend to cry and the guts are green balloons and things like that. Hold on I found it on youtube anyway I know I've seen it before and I thought it was in the video to this song or another one of CANADA's videos but I watched them all and can't find it! If anyone can tell me the music video I'm thinking of, thankyou. This song is also, of course, good.

Swim Good - Frank Ocean: Honestly has there ever been a better song about wearing a cool suit and driving your car into the ocean?? Never. This is perhaps the best sing along song ever because you've got to do your smoothest voice ever until he does his little emo yells of 'I'm goin out!' near the end.

Batphone - Arctic Monkeys: I think this is my favourite song off the new Arctive Monkeys, it's the most '3am slamming away at a club piano' type vibe of them all, but most of all I love the little spiralling into space guitar noise that keeps happening whenever he finishes a line.

An Open Letter To NYC - Beastie Boys: I'm almost always thinking about the time Beastie Boys made a very serious song about how good New York is after 9/11 and they said 'dear New York I know a lot has changed, we're two towers down but we're still in the game'.

Black Car - Beach House: I can't get enough of the new Beach House album, and this song in particular. It's some of my favourite lyrics of theirs ever, a good song for when you're trapped in a dark labyrinth of your own creation.

Midnight Radio 1 - Bohren & Der Club Of Gore: Got quite heavily into Bohren & Der Club Of Gore again this month. This is from the album before they got rid of their guitarist and replaced him with a saxophonist, which pretty dramatically changed their sound from 'extremely brooding night music' to 'film noir soundtrack', which is still very good but really not the same. Anyway this song goes for 20 minutes and it feels illegal to listen to it any time before 2am.

House In LA - Jungle: I am so excited that Jungle are finally back and with such an amazing song too. I love how spacious this is, it feels very different to their first - a lot more grown up and I really can't wait for the album.

Lemonworld - The National: Someone had a tweet a while ago that was like 'the guy from the national sounds like he's been going through a divorce for ten years now' which is very true, but this song feels like it's from happier times when he went to see his sister in law and had an morosely horny time. This song feels like the entire experience of reading a literary novel condensed into 4 minutes: a depressed older man in New York having a sort of backwards, confusing sexual thought. This is a song I regularly listen to on repeat and sing along to, it's a very specific feeling and I think "it'll take a better war to kill a college man like me" is one of the best lines he's ever written.

Rigamortis - Zomby: I put off listening to the new Zomby album for so long because his last one was just so boring but he's completely redeemed himself on this, it's really something. It feels like one long piece, which is amazing when any sort of thematic coherence is a rarity for Zomby albums. There's a lot of recurring sounds and motifs, and almost zero drums in the traditional sense. It feels like a really mature reflection on grime that he's been building up to for years.

Indoors - Burial: Whereas this song sounds like you're waiting outside a club in hell.

Segeln Ohne Wind - Bohren & Der Club Of Gore: Another Bohren song but from much, much later. I love the way the brass sounds in this when it finally comes in, it's so rich and overpowering.

Isle Of The Dead - Segei Rachmaninoff: Wikipedia says "The piece was inspired by a black and white reproduction of Arnold Böcklin's painting, Isle of the Dead, which Rachmaninoff saw in Paris in 1907. Rachmaninoff was disappointed by the original painting when he later saw it, saying, "If I had seen first the original, I, probably, would have not written my Isle of the Dead. I like it in black and white." and it also says "Prints were very popular in central Europe in the early 20th century—Vladimir Nabokov observed in his novel Despair that they could be "found in every Berlin home". Folks what is going on with this spooky painting.

Been Caught Stealing - Jane's Addiction: For a long time this was the emergency dead air song on Triple J, which is an inspired choice in my opinion because there'd be ten seconds of eerie silence because something's gone wrong at the station and then suddenly two huge loud chords! and dogs barking! A BEEN CAUGHT STEEL IN! ONCE!

Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel: I was sitting on the toilet when I saw a news article that said Peter Gabriel has finally made his music available on Spotify and I said 'yessssssss' loudly myself and then played Sledgehammer. Honorable mention to the best ever sample of this song in Contemporary Man by Action Bronson, which is unfortunately still unavailable on Spotify.

Reaching The Gulf - Dylan Carlson: I saw a review of this album saying Dylan Carlson is the only choice for soundtrack if they ver make a movie of Blood Meridian and they're completely right. I'm also so glad that he collaborated with Emma Ruth Rundle on this, it feels like the closest I'll get to bonus tracks to her Electric Guitar One album.

T-1000 - Swarms: I have no idea where or why I first heard this album but it's been in my rotation for a long time. It's in the general canon of post-Burial dubstep before dubstep got americanized and it's just very nice. When the vocals finally come in on this it's a very emotional moment for me.

Casino Trem - Tyondai Braxton: It's really surprising listening to Tyondai Braxton's work after Battles because he has such a distinct melodic style it's shocking to realise how much he brought to that first album. After listening to a lot of his solo stuff it becomes so recognisable it almost feels like you can go back through Mirroroed and pick out every single guitar line of his making. Anyway this song is great. Starts out sounding like what it feels like to be trapped in a pokie and ends up like you're trapped in a databent Banjo Kazooie cartridge.

Kick It - Peaches & Iggy Pop: The first time I ever heard this song, and the first time I ever heard of Peaches or Iggy Pop was on the soundtrack to Midnight Club 3 so I didn't really know what the fuck was going on. I still don't really. I love that this is supposed to be like a dangerous sexy song but the whole time Iggy Pop is just rebuffing her advances and bullying her. Then she's like 'go to berlin' and then the song ends. Still not sure what this one's about still!

If You Know You Know - Pusha T: GOD this song is good, I've been listening to it on repeat. What I love about Pusha T is where a lot of other rappers talk sort of frivolously about drug dealing and everything, he often feels like he's putting his hand on your shoulder and looking you straight in the eyes saying 'I am not fucking around. If you need drugs of any calibre or kind I can get them for you in massive quantities.' The impish way he's saying 'if you know you know', absolutely kills me, like he's a cartoon man winking at me while hiding drugs inside a tennis ball.

Hacker - Death Grips: I think I put this on my playlist last month but I'm still on it so. My new favourite part of this song is when he says "The table's flipped now we got all the coconuts bitch / Burmese babies under each arm / Screaming beautiful songs".

Cavity - Hundred Waters: Hundred Waters feel like a really underrated band to me, I've been listening to their last two album a lot this month and they're just stunning. The long build up towards the end before the two note melody comes back and kills me? What a moment.

Music For The Long Emergency - Polica: I didn't love this album when it came out but I've been listening to it more and more and it's really growing on me. I think I put this song on a playlist a month or two ago so I won't write more but let me say this: Polica rules.

On The Grid - Lime: tfw you turn the knob and you do a good job and you wind up on the grid :/

Elephants - Them Crooked Vultures: I feel like Them Crooked Vultures gets forgotten when people talk about Queens Of The Stone Age albums. People bring up Desert Sessions and Kyuss but somehow forget that this giant album happened. Anyway this is far and away the best song on it because it just keeps on giving and giving. It's just a huge jam about riding an elephant and having cool hair(?).

Particle - Hundred Waters: This song feels like it could be the EDM hit of the summer if it was structured slightly differently, but instead it's the biggest brain pop song I've heard in a long time. I love how much power the bass has in this, it really feels impactful when it comes and goes. The vocal performance is obviously incredible as always but I really love the distorted vocal line that sort of tears itself apart now and then, against how clean everything else in this song sounds it really makes it.

Me Or Us - Young Thug: Thinking hard about when Young Thug sampled First Day Of My Life by Bright Eyes and made it into a really really good song.

Because I Love You - Montaigne: God this song is good. All the time the lyric 'I ate a salad today, I ate one yesterday too' pops into my head and makes me laugh. She tweeted about this song a couple of days ago and it really made me laugh: "My ex-boyfriend & I once watched BBC Sherlock & during the ep he paused & basically soliloquised about how he’s a tortured genius just like Sherlock & I’m his Watson in as condescending a way as you’re probably imagining then poured a shot of whiskey & now you know the story"

listen here

#playlists

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internationalhouseofblupjeans · 6 years

Text

An Eighth Bird, Born Out of the Storm - Chapter 18

Based loosely on the Luume'irma headcanon from @interstellarvagabond

Eighth Bird AU.

Angus celebrates a birthday and makes a new connection. Kravitz searches. Lucretia regrets.

Thank you to Calcu from the writer’s chat for Beta'ing!!

Also on AO3 (link in the source)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 below Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22

The placement of the runes are most important. We have determined that by adding onto the previously etched in runes, my body will not be hurt during this process. If all goes well, then when the reset occurs, our child will still reset with us and be able to develop, unharmed on a safer cycle.

We are not sure if the ritual will affect their soul, but as far as we have been able to determine, it will only affect Barry and myself.

I have made sure that Barry’s runes have extra safeguards as well. Being human, he will need more protection than I will. Human souls are not made of the same pure magic that elven ones are.

It will be interesting to be able to see it.

Ļ̵͚̱̬͔͍͉̮̲̮̖̰̾̎ͧ͊ͯͮ̑́ͤͥ̐̋͜͝ư̛̜̭̖̥͉͔͈͋͛̂̉̏̃̈́̔̽̿ͫ͆̈́̍ͅp̵̸̢͍̲͉͓̺̯̭̳̤̺̼̰͔̈́ͤ̆̿̽̓̄ͣ͝ͅ,ͮ̾́͋̎̔̾ͮ͑҉̰̠̥͍͕̻̖̼̤̘̦̖ ̸̧̫̝͓̠͓̹͎̐̓̆ͬ͗̔̅ͩ̇̒ͬ̂͆͛͒̉͑͢ͅS̷̡̟̖̞͎͔͕͓͓̺͖̣̤͚̘͓̟̜͆̍ͮ͐̈ͥ͑͆͑̓͂ͤ̈́͂̍̎̎͟t̶ͤ͆̂͑͌̆̉ͪ̃̔̋̑̅͆͌ͨ҉̷̩̦͖͔̼̖͠uͫ͗̂͛͌ͮ̅̆͛ͭ̐͢͏̞̥̥̱͓̯̦͍d̝̱̲̦̠̻͈̞͈͎͈̫̪̭̆ͦͦ͗̑ͤ́͞ǐ̟̟̟̬̣͑̈̓̐̓͊̄ͯ̿͌̚͘͘͢͞e̿̈̓͌̀̐̆̀ͮͣ̎̈́̾̀̚̕͘͏͔̰͈͕̣̬s̮̩͕̫̝ͯ̅̀͆ͭ̉͋̈́̎͂ͦͥ̂͢ ̷̳̰̝̘̲̤̣̱͙̠̰̖͕̯̺̪̜͍̘̿̎ͣ͗ͮ̋͠ǫ̸̛͓̭̙͙͓̲̱̬̺̯͚͍͍͎̩ͯ̂͋ͥ͆ͥ͊̽͒ͩ̒͆ͨ̄nͯ̌ͨ̓̉ͯ̕҉͏̣̠̗̬̼̺̰͚̖͕͍̘̙ ̸̼̟͈͖̻͇͍͈͎͕̣̮̳̳̯̳̠͋ͧ͆ͭ͗ͭ͑̇͢B̷ͩ̔̓ͪ̉͑̐ͥ͒͏͖̼͎̦̖̖̖̗͞e̛̳̘͙̱̝̤̽̃̃̄̇̓ͩ͊ͫ̆͊̈ͣ̌ͫ͝ͅc̵̴̨̨͇͕͓̖͚̼͕͕̼͈̩̺͎̠̻ͬͩ̂̎͋̈́̈́ͅô̵̸̂̓̎͋̽ͦ̓ͩ̇͑̒ͮ̋ͮ̚͝͏͏̤̯̲̝͇ṃ̻̼͇͎̬̱͍̺̘̦̲͍̪̠ͦ͌̓ͯ̏̑̽͆ͭ͜͝ͅi̴̹͉̟̞̠̥̞̱̥̗͍ͤͭ̐̿ͦ̊̅̌ͩͪ̉̋ͥ̊͂̿ͦͭ͞ṅ̩̥͚͕̥̐̓̏͠g͐̍ͦ̄͑ͬ͒҉͍̦͉̠̩̜͚̮̥͍̘͔͕̝̹̱̕͘͢ ̝͓͖͈̗̞̹̖̘̻͙̰͉̣̳̞̏ͪͨ͌͑̈̉͌ͫ̚͡͞a̧̢͕̤͇̬͓͚̠̱͙͈̺̻͓̖ͣ͂͋ͧͅ ̸̨̛͕̤̻̱̤͚̭͚̠͉̤ͬ͌͐ͤ̅ͤ͘̕Ļ̶̡̫̜̠̥̙͉͍̖͙̏͑̿̽̽̆ͪ̒ͨͥ͡i̡̨̤̜̠̓ͣ͒ͨ̇ͮͨ̔̍̍̑̊̆̿ͩ͐̇̾ͅç̵̢͈̻͈̝̬̙̼͕͉͉̟̞ͪͫͭͥ̇͒̆h̵̵̥̮̰͖̓ͨ̆̏͐̓

Lucretia wasn’t sure whose idea the party was, but she stared at the invitation with a sinking feeling in her stomach.

She was Madam Director and needed to keep the ruse going, but a part of her wanted to have this moment. To relax and enjoy an evening with her friends, even if they didn’t see her as such right now.

So, she arrived at Magnus, Merle, and Taako’s dorm with a present in hand and a weak smile on her face.

“Welcome!” Magnus grinned, opening the door. “Ango doesn’t know and just thinks he’s coming over for a magic lesson, so this will be great!”

Lucretia nodded.

This week was hard for her anyway, so it was hard to focus.

In a couple of days, it would be the anniversary of when she had lost her friends.

When she knew she had lost Lup.

When she knew Lup and Barry lost their …

“Hey! You need to get behind the couch!” Merle grumbled. “Haven’t you ever done a surprise party before?”

Lucretia smiled.

“Sorry, Merle, I suppose I’m a little out of practice.”

She ducked behind the couch and waited.

Taako was the first one to walk through the door, about fifteen minutes later.

“So, the trick with mage hand is to visualize something not so … horrifying,” Taako explained as he opened the door, Angus eagerly taking notes next to him. “Seriously, kiddo, we need to figure out why-”

Taako flicked on the light to the dorm and the gathered members of the Bureau of Balance leapt up and cheered for Angus.

“SURPRISE! Happy birthday!”

Angus froze. He didn’t know what to do. No one had ever done anything like this before and he had no frame of reference for why everyone that he had considered friends and family were surprising him like this. He adjusted his glasses, trying to keep his composure and cleared his throat.

“Um … Sirs?” He asked.

“We found out it was your birthday this week, kiddo,” Magnus explained, leaping over the couch and picking up Angus. “So, we decided to throw a party for you!”

“Oh …” Angus started, a little crestfallen. He hadn’t ever had one that started this way, but he knew that it would soon devolve into sitting around awkwardly while the adults talked. “Well, thank you. I guess we um … Are we going to eat and then you guys can all talk?”

“Nonsense!” Magnus grinned. “Johann is going to play us some music and then we can do party games and stuff if you like!”

“Party games?” Angus asked. “I don’t … I don’t understand.”

He’d heard about them, sure, from the elven boys who had become the bane of his existence. He had almost been invited to one of their parties, but then the invitation was taken away, the boys only having done so in order to mock him. He didn’t know the first thing about birthday parties like this.

“Don’t worry, Bubelah,” Taako grinned. “I didn’t do birthday parties until I was much older so this will be a first for me too.”

Angus was even more confused. He’d always thought that elves had parties for every birthday. And Taako was a Sun Elf - a High Elf! He should for sure have been rich enough to have huge parties when he was a kid.

“Wait,” Angus started. “You didn’t have …”

The sound of Johann’s violin interrupted the little half-elf and soon the festivities began. He watched as the rules for Pin the tail on the Gerblin was explained and eventually watched an argument erupt between Taako and Leon over Taako’s use of mage hand to cheat at the game. A round of musical chairs was next, and Angus tried to not feel sick at the attention and chaos that was surrounding him.

He hadn’t ever had people pay this much attention to him. All he’d really wanted to do was go down and maybe see Jeff Angel wrestle at Chaos Stadium this week. He didn’t even really want people to try and celebrate for him because his parties had always been so boring before.

This one, however, was overwhelming.

His guests were sitting around, enjoying cake when Angus felt someone sit down next to him. He looked up to see Merle looking at him with an odd softness to him.

“Kid, you’ve hardly touched your cake. What’s wrong?”

“Oh … Uh … well, This is kinda new for me,” He started. “I’ve never actually done a birthday party before. Like, I honestly didn’t even know anyone knew it was coming up and I don’t usually get so much … attention,” he panted. “I usually am sitting in a corner by now just reading a book while my grandpa …”

He trailed off. He hadn’t thought about his grandfather since leaving Neverwinter. He had just thrown himself into cases and into work for the Bureau but now he realized that he had lost the only member of his family that he truly had.

He sniffled and wiped his eyes.

“Sorry, I just … I guess I got overwhelmed,” Angus whispered. “I really appreciate this, I do … I just … I’ve never had people do this much for me before.”

Merle smiled, sadly. There was something about Angus, in this moment, that felt familiar. Perhaps it was just because of what he had helped his own daughter through. Perhaps it was something else, something he couldn’t verbalize, as much as he wanted to.

“Kiddo, believe me I … I understand what you’re going through, I really do. I guess we should have asked you first, huh?”

“No, sir, it’s ok! Really! I just … I’m not used to this.”

He didn’t realize it until just now but he actually was calm. Angus looked down at his untouched plate of cake. He guessed Merle had done something cleric-y to him. Maybe calm emotions?

For all that Taako and Magnus complained, Merle was a pretty good cleric, all things considered.

“Th-thanks, sir,” Angus smiled. “This actually helped a lot.”

Merle grinned and ruffled Angus’ hair. There was something else about this kid. Something familiar, but he couldn’t focus on the thought for too long or else his brain would dissolve into static.

“No problem, half-pint,” Merle sighed. He rose to his feet and then paused, turning back to look at him before he could join Taako as he tried to hustle Killian’s shoes away from her at a game of pool. “Oh, and we’re going to a wrestling show on your birthday so I …” Merle gritted his teeth as if it hurt him to be kind to this child. “I guess you can come with.”

Angus’ eyes lit up.

“Really, sir?”

“Yeah … There’s some sort of murder or something that happened and -”

Merle froze as he felt Angus’ arms wrap around him tightly.

“Oh thank you sir! Thank you so much! This is the best birthday present ever! A new mystery!”

“Oh shit …” Merle groaned.

Lup had listened in, trying to project herself out just enough to see what was happening.

A party. They were throwing a party for this little boy.

She was glad that he had been working with the Bureau of Balance now. She had worried about him after he had been on the train. Had worried that this child was traveling alone.

Now, however, she knew he had someone to look after him.

It was strange. She felt oddly protective around this child, and even started to feel pangs of sadness as she watched him becoming more and more anxious during the party.

It was wishful thinking. That’s what it had to be. The anxiousness reminded her so much of Barry. Reminded her so much of how he had been before the launch. In the earlier cycles.

Before Legato.

But this wasn’t their child. She had already confirmed that. Yes, his name was Angus, but it wasn’t Angus Bluejeans. No one had come to grab him. She hadn’t seen or felt Lucretia at all during her wait in Wave Echo Cave.

Her son had to have died. Somehow. Perhaps wild animals had come into the cave and taken him. Perhaps it was gerblins.

Perhaps it was her own foolishness at trying to solve her problems by herself.

It was getting too difficult to keep herself projected, so she retreated into the darkness.

She could feel her energy being sapped. Every day it was a struggle to just stay conscious. To stay herself.

As she tried to meditate, she began to realize that time was running out.

She wasn’t sure if she would make it to them eventually leaving this world.

She wasn’t sure if there would be anything left to reset.

Taako couldn't find anything in any books regarding the extreme discomfort he felt.

He found himself pacing the communal living room, trying to deal with thoughts and feelings that deeply disturbed him.

He couldn't ask Merle. He was too ashamed.

Even worse was the horrible feeling he had during this week when he would see Magnus. They barely knew each other (in Taako terms) and yet he wanted to curl up in his arms and let the warmth take him over.

He couldn't understand it. He couldn't push the thoughts from his mind.

So he meditated for the first time in ages. As he sat, he heard the door open, Magnus’ booming voice echoing in.

“Hey, Taako, do you need anything? I’m just heading down to the cafeteria for …”

Magnus stopped.

“T-Taako? Are you ok? What’s wrong?”

Taako pinched the bridge of his nose.

So much for meditating.

“Dude … just go. I kinda need to focus. I’m don’t want to have the thoughts I’m having and there’s like … nothing here that can help me so I’m just gonna hang tight in here and wait for it to blow over. I don’t know if I was hit by a spell or what but … This sucks and everything is too … Everything!”

Magnus walked in, quietly. Something was tugging on his heart as he watched Taako clench his eyes and breathe.

“What thoughts?”

“Like … dude, we know each other and are friends and all but I really don’t want to share this.”

“Come on. Taako, it’s ok. We’re a team.”

“Magnus … I’m serious. I don’t want this and it’s frustrating and aggravating and it hurts!”

“It hurts?” Magnus said, freezing in place. “Should I get Merle?”

“God no. He’ll tease me relentlessly and I can’t do that right now!” Taako gritted out. “I just need to wait this out.”

“Ok … Are you sure you can’t tell me?”

“I … So you know I like guys, right?”

“Well, yeah. I saw you flirting with death back in Lucas’ lab-”

“Well … I also don’t want … I don’t like being … touched. And right now, that’s all I want and it’s scaring me, Mags. It’s scaring me and I don’t like it! And … I keep thinking about you and that reaper and I don’t … Mags, please go. I’ll … I’ll be better soon. I promise.”

Taako didn’t know for sure, but he knew that this had to end eventually.

Right?

Magnus sighed and closed the door softly, waiting outside. He wondered if he should go over Taako’s head and talk to Merle, but Taako was right. Merle was the worst person he could talk to about this.

So he went to the Director.

He knocked softly on her office door and peeked his head in.

“Hey … Lu-Madam Director?” He started, remembering that she had been so disturbed when they had used her name.

“What is it,” she started, looking up from her journals to see Magnus’ concerned expression. “Magnus? What’s wrong?”

“It … It’s Taako. He’s not doing well and I didn’t want to talk to Merle about it because … well, Taako didn’t want me to.”

Lucretia froze.

She had redacted too much. She had realized that, in erasing so many things from their home world, she had neglected to make sure she could come up with ways to fill in things that occurred.

Things like the Luume'irma.

Which Magnus usually comforted Taako through.

Once again, she was struck by the weight of her actions. She was reminded just how much she took.

Taako had once trusted Magnus but after a decade apart, they may as well have been strangers.

And Magnus didn’t know …

“Oh … Um … Well, there are … ancient texts that existed in my studies of … A period of time where every ten years, Sun Elves would go through … these feelings,” she said, carefully choosing her words. “It only lasted a week but a lot of Sun Elves didn’t like it so they augmented their bodies … I think Taako may have been immune to it.”

“Oh …” Magnus started. “So … what should I do? I don’t like seeing my friend so upset. Should I go … help him?”

“No!” Lucretia started before remembering herself. “No … Just … Let him be. He’ll be alright in a week. I promise.”

Magnus nodded and returned to the dorm. As he sat in front of Taako’s door, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of deja vu.

But when he tried to make sense of it, his mind dissolved into static.

Angus was so excited for his magic lessons. He loved learning from Taako, having this moment to be close to his idol. He’d had to wait a week (apparently, his tutor had been sick), but he was alright with that.

Taako was someone who might be able to answer all of his questions, eventually.

He also had another reason to take lessons from Taako. He was going to ask him on this particular lesson. Sure he couldn’t do it himself, he wasn’t high enough level …

But Taako could …

“Hey, Mr. Taako, sir?” Angus asked as Taako prepared to teach him a cantrip. “You … specialize in transmutation magic, right?”

“Sure thing, my dude,” Taako started. “What’s up?”

“I … I was wondering if you could do something for … For me … If you could change something, that is ...”

Taako looked at Angus. Something about those words. There was something in his mind that dissolved into static when he tried to place the memory.

Just like in the dreams he had.

“What’s wrong, Ango?”

Angus pulled off his cap and untaped his ears.

Taako felt his heart break.

Angus trusted him enough to show him. To show him that he was not human. That he was a half elf.

And that he was ashamed of what he was.

“I … I don’t want these anymore,” Angus whispered. “I want to be one or the other so if you could just change my ears …”

“Angus …” Taako started, kneeling down to him. “My dude, I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to be a half-elf. You’re like … the best of both worlds!”

“Not according to the other elves,” Angus sighed. “You’re like, the first elf who isn’t a jerk about it.”

Taako felt like that was wrong. He never remembered elves being so cruel about half-elves. About humans.

Hell, that was why-

Static.

He shook his head to clear it and then looked back at Angus.

“Look my dude, I can teach you disguise self so you can pull pranks, but I’m not going to make you give up what makes you you. And if you need to, you can talk with Johann. He’s a half elf and look at him now! Making music for a Voidfish! Everyone loves him too! We don’t care that he’s not one or the other. He’s Johann and that’s what makes him awesome. And your our Ango McDango.”

Angus sniffled.

“Thanks sir.”

Taako smiled and leaned in to whisper into Angus’ ear.

“And if you ever tell anyone that I had this moment with you and that I care about you …”

“You’ll end me.”

“In seconds.”

Angus chuckled and hugged Taako.

Lup wanted to try and project herself out again. She could sense it.

They were running out of time.

She had to tell them somehow.

Her chance came when Taako was about to cast a spell. She didn’t realize until it was too late that it was supposed to be a transmutation spell. She pulled back as much as she could, but it was too late.

The sweet little boy’s macaroons were destroyed.

She would make it up to him eventually.

But she needed to use this moment. She needed to send a message.

L … U … P …

It took all of her energy, but she did it. She sent a message, hoping that Taako would see it. Would understand it.

She looked over at Angus, at the sweet little boy and nearly gasped.

His ears.

They were pointed.

“I have a new mystery to solve!” She heard him chirp.

Huh … She thought as darkness reclaimed her.

Johann sat, tuning his violin. He had another composition for the Voidfish. Something that he had been working on for weeks now. He played, softly at first, taken in by the music. The Voidfish floated nearby, seemingly watching is every move.

“Um ...Mr. Johann, sir?” he heard a small voice ask at the doorway.

He looked over to see Angus standing there, his cap off and in his hand. The pointed tips of the boy’s dark ears were bright red.

“What’s up, little dude?” the bard asked.

“I … I was talking with Taako a while back and he said maybe I could talk to you?” He started. “I’m a half elf, like you, and … I was ashamed of it and asked Taako to change me but … But you’re a half elf too and you’re like, such a cool bard and I was wondering … Can I learn some of what you know?”

Johann smiled, sadly.

He’d never had a student before. Most of what he did was self taught anyway. He didn’t know how to teach, but the look on the boy’s face moved him.

“Heh, sure thing, kiddo,” he laughed. “So, was there any sort of instrument you were thinking of?”

“Well … when I heard your violin, it reminded me of a song and I want to know how to play it. And since you’re a bard and good at violin …”

“Say no more my little dude! Here, can you hum it for me? I can figure out the notes.”

“Oh! Yeah! Um …”

Angus began to hum as Johann transposed, playing along.

“Ah, so it’s in E major … so .. F# … A F# E D C# D G G G A...”

As he played, he heard a wail come up from the tank. He looked over at the Voidfish who twirled and called out, echoing the notes that Johann played. It was almost like the last time the Voidfish had sang, except this time, they seemed happier, as if they knew this song.

He continued to play as Angus hummed the song and the Voidfish lit up.

He’d never had this happen before, where the Voidfish not only knew something he was playing but also didn’t wipe it from existence after he had created it.

Johann looked down at Angus who had some tears pricking his eyes. He smiled sadly and stopped playing, ruffling the child’s hair.

“We can go get you a violin and then start doing lessons, little man,” he began.

“I’d like that very much, sir.”

Johann led Angus out of the room, neither one noticing the Voidfish pressing one tendril up on the glass as they left.

Angus sat by his Stone of Farspeech. He had been relieved when Avi told him that they had safely landed and that they were on their way through the bubble. Now he could focus on his mystery du jour.

The Red Robes. There was something Lucretia wasn’t telling them about the Red Robes.

He had been plagued with nightmares again, ever since the magic lesson that started this new mystery. His vision was always blurry in the most common one he had, but he always saw the same image. Something that his brain couldn’t make sense of.

He found himself, absentmindedly drawing as he waited to hear any news at all from the reclaimers.

Lucretia came up behind him with a plate of cookies.

“Angus, we probably won’t be able to hear anything until they get out of there,” Lucretia started.

“I know, Ma’am, but … If they need me, then I need to be listening,” he explained. “I’ve learned a lot since they grabbed the Philosopher’s Stone and so I know I can actually help now!”

Lucretia ruffled Angus’ hair and looked down at his paper.

“Drawing something?”

“Yeah, I guess. I was just doodling. I’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately,” he sighed. “Leon said that drawing them out might help me so I’ve just sort of been … doing this.”

Lucretia looked down and then bit back a gasp.

“Oh … Wow …”

Angus looked down at the drawing.

“Oh … yeah … I keep having the same nightmare. It’s blurry but … Yeah …”

He looked up to realize that Lucretia was standing in the doorway, her shoulders slumped and her hand covering her mouth.

He looked back down at the drawing. He supposed it had been just him trying to make sense of the latest nightmare, but this was the most detailed it had ever been.

The Red Robe from his nightmares was in the center of his blurred vision. The one who looked down at him with blackened skin, closed eyes …

And a sad smile.

Taako watched time pass by as he was shown his own past.

Static. That static was there again, right next to him, after a long period of static that had no explanation.

It hurt too much for him to try to make sense of it, so he shut his mind off to it. Like he always did.

Then the Chalice showed him Glamour Springs.

Taako wanted to turn away. He didn’t want to see this. He didn’t need this.

But then he saw.

Sazed.

That bastard was going to poison him.

Instead, forty people died.

He watched everyone coming up for samples. Then he saw a face.

A face that didn’t make any sense being there. A face that shouldn’t have been there.

Barry?

It didn’t make sense. He couldn’t have been in Glamour Springs and also been in Phandalin. Everyone who had eaten that food had died.

Everyone.

How was this possible?

He couldn’t accept the offer. It wasn’t his fault and he had to know now.

Something was being hidden from him.

When they watched Phandalin burn again, Barry being pummeled to the ground, Taako stared intently.

There had to be something that he was missing. He wanted to tell the others but, he couldn’t. Not when he didn’t even know what was missing.

Lucretia sat in her study.

That drawing. That couldn’t have been …

She buried her head in her hands. This had gone too far. It had gone too far but she couldn’t stop now.

She looked over at Junior's tank. If she gave out his ichor, would this put an end to everything? Would they ever forgive her?

Would this world, and every world, be lost?

She wanted to grab Angus. She wanted to bring him in here and let him learn everything. Seeing that picture … that was Lup. That had to be her which meant …

She choked back a sob.

He had survived. He had survived and she had erased him from his family

And where was Lup now? She was a lich. She should have been with him. And Barry … did he know now?

Her heart was heavy with regret. She had separated Barry from his son. He would never forgive her.

And Lup. If she had just waited. If she had gone to find the cave. To find Lup … would she still be around?

She thought back to something Taako had said. About the Raven Queen’s emissary. Her blood ran cold.

What if she got reaped?

It had never happened on any of the cycles. She had no frame of reference for what could have happened to Lup.

If her soul even existed anymore.

The tears flowed freely as Lucretia buried her head in her hands.

She had fucked up.

And there was no turning back now

Barry watched them come out of the bubble and breathed a sigh of relief. He knew that they wouldn’t have taken the Chalice. There was no way.

But there was still that fear ...

He made himself known to them, confirmed that they had indeed resisted the thrall, and then locked eyes with Taako.

Something in Taako’s eyes …

“I’m really proud of you,” he began, much to the others’ confusion.

Then Magnus called him one of “the bad guys”. If he had blood, it would have run cold in his veins.

“Who told you that?” Barry asked.

But he knew. Even before they said anything, he knew.

Why had Lucretia done this? This wasn’t like her. This wasn’t like her at all.

“I need to know … Do you trust me?” He asked.

“Hell no!”

It was too much.

He had lost his friends. His family.

Taako didn’t remember him. Didn’t remember Lup. Didn’t remember any of it.

He grasped at himself, trying to think of his Best Day. Of his anchor.

“Lup … They don’t trust me … I can’t do it anymore, Lup … I’m sorry ….”

He could hear her voice. He could feel her.

He had to keep himself together.

Taako watched as the Red Robed lich tried to gain composure. He heard him mutter to himself and the one word that had been repeating in his mind escaped the lich’s lips.

“Lup …”

The lich knew what this word meant. This Red Robe somehow knew …

But Taako couldn’t make sense of it.

And it hurt.

Barry rose up from the ground, his composure regained.

He gave them a final warning and vanished. He needed to get back to his hidden lab. He had been out for too long.

The Reaper would be coming.

Angus eagerly welcomed back the Reclaimers, hoping that he could spend some time with Taako. He wanted a magic lesson, of course, but there was another motive.

He needed to study that umbrella.

Every time he was near it, there was a painful sense of familiarity.

Every night after he did, he had the nightmare about the Red Robe.

On one such night, Angus awoke with a start. The image of the Red Robe filled his mind while a woman’s voice weakly sang that lullaby to him. Angus couldn't get the song out of his mind so he climbed out of bed and grabbed his tiny practice violin.

He had memorized the notes, the music flowing naturally as he played. He closed his eyes, trying to imagine his mother.

Davenport had been wandering the dorms. He’d been trying to clear the constant static that had been filling his mind more and more as he got closer to Merle, Magnus, and Taako. He couldn't piece words or thoughts together, the ideas he tried to form becoming a jumble the more he tried to make sense of them.

He heard music coming down the hallway and it struck something inside of him. He followed the sound to Angus’ dorm and stood outside. The music felt so familiar but he couldn't place why. He sat down outside the door and listened, his ears flicking curiously as Angus played.

Angus knew he was being watched, but he couldn't stop. Not now. Not when he needed to try and make sense of the nightmare.

He opened his eyes for a moment and looked at Davenport. He wasn't sure if the music had spurred his mind or not but Angus had started noticing things about Lucretia’s ward. Things that didn't make sense.

He had seen plenty of gnomes growing up and had even been taking cases for Leon. It was why Angus chastised himself for not noticing that Davenport did not look like other gnomes.

Most gnomes had hair colors that ranged from white to grey, in the boy’s experience. Davenport had bright red hair and a neatly trimmed mustache. He was also much smaller than any other gnomes he had seen …

And no other gnomes had expressive, pointed ears.

Angus closed his eyes again and continued to play. He needed to finish the song. He needed to try and keep the static away.

When he finished, he gently set down his violin. He looked back to see Davenport rising to his feet, as if coming out of a trance. He shook his head and then stumbled over his words for a moment before making eye contact with Angus.

“D… Davenport.”

As the gnome walked away, Angus couldn't help but wonder if, for the first time, he actually understood what the gnome had said.

Thank you.

Taako stared at the umbra staff.

Kravitz had said he sensed a lich, but … The Red Robe wasn’t up here. And Taako wasn’t a lich.

The Umbra Staff going off on its own had nearly ruined the date, but he couldn’t blame it. He supposed his own magical weapon was picky about anyone coming near its owner.

Except that it had reacted when Kravitz had mentioned liches.

He thought back to seeing the Red Robe in Lucas’ lab.

He had noticed the staff.

Had mentioned … someone.

But his mind wouldn’t let him think any further. It hurt too much.

He went back to their dorm and set the staff down on the couch.

He needed to make a trip to Fantasy Costco. Magnus would be waiting for him.

Angus was perceptive. It was what made him such a good detective.

It was why he followed Merle to Neverwinter.

He’d never pictured Merle as a father, but suddenly, everything started to make sense about the dwarven cleric.

He listened, intently, as Merle told him everything. Told him things he was pretty sure neither Taako nor Magnus knew.

It was oddly comforting. He was privy to something no one else was.

Even if Merle hadn’t threatened him, he would never have said anything to anyone.

It was why, when the cart narrowly missed hitting Merle’s children, Angus sprang into action.

He almost missed the flash of red off to the side.

He almost missed the Red Robed Lich that held his arm outstretched, red lightning cracking off of his cloak.

He almost missed when he looked to Merle and nodded.

He did miss, however, the wave of sadness that emanated from the lich who looked after his son.

The lich who was running out of time.

Taako sat, watching as Angus practiced Disguise Self to look like him. He still looked like a tiny, child-like version of Taako, but he was getting better at it.

Looking at Angus continued to send pangs of emotion through Taako’s heart. Emotions that he couldn’t place and that were almost frightening to think about.

He cared about this child. Almost as if he was his own.

But he wasn’t of course. And whoever had been this child’s father had been human.

Had been that dead bastard, Barry Bluejeans.

Taako shook his head.

He didn’t know why thinking of Barry hurt so much, but he decided that it had to do with this child. That it was guilt at not saving this child’s father. At leaving him to grow up without him.

Except Barry had been at Glamour Springs. Had taken some of the food.

Maybe Barry had survived? Maybe he had known and had come to Phandalin so that he could covertly tell Taako?

No … That didn’t seem like Barry’s style. Neither did trying to bust Taako.

It didn’t make sense.

Taako wished, for a moment, that Barry was here, watching his son. Maybe he would have trained Angus to be a fighter? No, Angus wasn’t built for that.

And come to think of it, he had never actually seen Barry fight …

“Sir? Are you alright?”

Taako shook himself out of his thoughts and looked down at Angus who had changed his appearance back to normal.

“Sorry, boychik,” Taako smiled sadly. “I was just in thought …”

“Oh …”

They sat in silence for a moment before Angus scooted up next to him.

“Hey, Taako … Um … I know you kind of personalized those macaroons for everyone but … I was wondering … What was that flavor in mine? It was really good but it was like … familiar?”

“Heh,” Taako chuckled. “That’s odd … I actually had a hard time finding the ingredients for yours. I don’t know why, but I wanted to make them like my aunt used to make them … They were our favorite …”

“You and your Aunt’s?”

Taako paused.

Our …

“Yeah … Must’ve been my aunt’s favorite too if she made it all the time for us …”

Angus nodded and looked down in thought. Taako found his own thoughts wandering too.

It didn’t make sense. He didn’t remember his aunt particularly liking macaroons, much less the lavender flavored ones he loved but it was the only thing that made sense.

Maybe she had but she had given him so many because she knew he liked them?

He felt a little guilty now. If he had known …

“Sir … I’ve been wondering a lot … Do you know any other Sun Elves?”

Taako smiled, sadly.

“No. I haven’t seen any others really since I was a kid. I didn’t even really grow up with elves after my aunt died. It’s probably why I’ve never really gotten on with other high elves,” he laughed, bitterly. “You’re the first one I’ve actually spent a lot of time around in almost a century.”

Angus giggled.

“I’m only half-elf, sir.”

“Doesn’t matter!” Taako laughed. “Why do you ask?”

“Well … I mean, I was wondering if you might have maybe known … Well, if you had ever seen either of my parents?”

Taako’s heart nearly ripped in half.

“I … I never met them,” Angus started. “Not really … I mean, maybe I saw my dad once but … I only knew my grandfather and … I know that my mom loved me. That she died saving me but … My dad …”

Taako wanted to grab Angus close and tell him. Tell him that he had seen his father.

But then what? Barry hadn’t ever even mentioned a kid.

Would he lie to this kid? Tell him that his father’s last words had been something about the son he was going to return to? Taako lied easily (he thought), but to Angus?

No, he couldn’t lie to him.

And he couldn’t tell him.

He sighed and looked down at the Umbra Staff in his lap, feeling a warmth radiating from it.

“Sorry, kiddo … I … I didn’t meet anyone who could have been your parents in my travels but …” He bit his lip. “If they could see you now, I bet they would be awfully proud. I bet they loved you a whole lot ...”

Angus looked at Taako. He had only sometimes been privy to moments of honesty from the elf and had learned to play them off as nothing. He knew that Taako didn’t like the attention. Didn’t like it when someone pointed out when he actually cared

So he smiled quietly to himself and then snuck a glance at the Umbra Staff.

He could feel the energy now and realized it.

He needed to roll an investigation check on that staff.

~ Kravitz looked over his clues again. The Umbra Staff that Taako had carried - the staff that had almost blasted him - had rekindled the mystery that he had almost put to rest.

He had been a bit distracted lately and it wasn’t the top priority anymore.

But that staff. It had been with the Sun Elf’s corpse. It had been in the cave.

He couldn’t just take it from Taako and it hadn’t had as strong of a presence, even after it had almost blasted him like before.

And when he had returned to the scene of the crime, the body was gone. All that remained was dust.

He had another option, but it had been such a tedious idea that he had been avoiding doing it.

But the more he thought about it, the more he realized it was his only plan.

He headed into the Sea of Souls to try and find the Elf’s soul.

It wasn’t a common thing to need to do, but he had been an emissary for long enough that he knew how to sift through the souls that were being cleansed. Since she had died ten years before, he should be able to find her relatively close to the top.

He searched for Sun Elves, knowing that there weren’t as many of them in the Sea of Souls to begin with. They lived long lives and they were nowhere near as numerous as their other elven counterparts - especially after the Old Wars that had nearly decimated them.

The more he thought about the Old Wars, the more he mused about this half-elf child. Sun Elves in particular were not known to harbor fond feelings toward humans and yet here was this child that was the product of such a union. And a child who obviously had been loved enough for the mother to care to leave a note for whoever found her and the child.

He came across a few Sun Elf souls, but none felt right. None of them seemed to even know what he was talking about. He knew they hadn’t been in the sea long enough to have forgotten their past life, but this was ridiculous.

If his mother was here, then she would have been speeding to him to hear about her son. To know if he was safe.

He searched for what felt like days as he combed through the souls. He had to find her. He needed to know if she had any leads on the lich.

He was about to give up, realizing that the only other option was asking the countless human souls, when he felt something that was … wrong.

He looked down into the depths to see the lights start to blink out. He had never seen anything like this before. When a soul was ready to be reborn, it would leave as it had come in.

Instead they were just being swallowed up into darkness.

No. Not quite darkness.

There were shimmering bands of color throughout the darkness that was slowly approaching him.

He didn’t know what this was, but he knew he had only one option.

He began to frantically swim up.

Carey had taught him how to be sneaky. She hadn’t asked why, probably assuming that it was for detective work.

In a way, it was.

Angus sneaked into Taako’s room while they were training. For some reason, Taako had left the Umbra Staff in the room.

It was too easy.

Angus rifled around, looking for any other clues, when he found a headband.

He picked it up and curiously put it on.

“Taako? Taako, get back here! I swear to God if you die during training …”

“H-hello?” Angus asked. “Who said that? I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to break in! I mean I did but -”

“Wait … Ango? The kid that my b̵̸̧͘r̶̕͘͝͡o̶̢͞͝͡t̛͘͜h̡͜͞e͘҉̵͠͞r̵'̴̸͝s̴̶̡̧̨ been training? Sweet!”

“Sorry ma’am … I … I don’t see you and you’re speaking static.”

“Aw beans,” the voice sighed. “You can’t understand it … Um … So … It’s me … In the Umbra Staff …”

Angus gasped.

“You can talk?”

“Heh, yeah … It took a lot but I can,” she chuckled. “Is Taako ok?”

“Yeah! He’s in training. Don’t know why he didn’t take you but … You know.”

“Yeah,” she chuckled. “So, my name’s L͟҉u̸̸̧̨p̨͘͢͟ and I have been in here for quite some time.”

“Sorry, you were speaking static again …”

“Oh … Ok …” she sighed. “Well … I was hoping that I could get Taako to … It’s ok. I guess we can try this again in a year … It’s not like my son is still alive … I shouldn’t have gone out alone …”

“A son?”

“Yeah … I … I had a son,” she started. “I was alone when I had him and I’m pretty sure he’s … He’s gone …”

“Wow, Miss Umbra Staff … Can I call you that?”

“Sure kid.”

“I just … didn’t know Umbra staffs could have kids!”

“Well, I wasn’t always one … But … Yeah … Gods, you look so familiar,” she pondered. “If I didn’t know better, I would have thought … sorry, I just miss my family.”

“I’m so sorry. I … I never met my mom.”

“Oh …”

“It’s ok! She died, saving me from a murderer! Once I’m done helping the Bureau of Balance, I’m going to go back to trying to solve her murder! Someone said a lich did it!”

Angus felt something in the umbrella. Something sad. The feeling quickly went away.

“Oh geez. Are you sure you’re old enough to be doing that?”

“Yeah! I solved a murder bef- Well, I guess you were there, huh?”

“Heh. Yeah.”

The umbrella felt heavy in Angus’ hands.

“Hey kiddo. No offense, but … It’s getting difficult to project myself out anymore …”

“Oh! Yeah, you must be getting tired …” Angus replied sadly. “Do ...Do you want me to sing you a lullaby? I've always known it so I think my mom sang it to me!”

“Sure kiddo.”

Angus sang softly, the elvish words to a long forgotten lullaby drifting through Lup’s mind. It was strange. She knew this lullaby by heart, but it was impossible for her to understand how he would know it. Her mother sang it to her when she was a baby and she remembered singing it while her son was still in the womb.

Her thoughts became fragmented as she started to drift out of consciousness. She could have sworn she heard her and Barry’s composition being worked into the lullaby.

But it was impossible.

Just wishful thinking.

#blupjeans #barry bluejeans #lup #angus mcdonald #angus bluejeans #taakitz #taagnus #Lucretia #taako #magnus burnsides #taz merle #davenport #johann #fisher

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