#honest to gods im losing it

[inkymaws]

#guys i cant do this anymore #honest to gods im losing it #loki marvel #loki series #lokius #character playlist #ship playlist #Spotify

[ruthlesslistener]

Me: hmm well I'm kinda fading out of hyperfixation with D2 back to casual interest but I'm still super invested in this one fic author's ocs, lemme just open this Transformers/Destiny 2 crossover that they did for the hunter in their fireteam so I have something to read during lunch and then I can hop on those Hollow Knight longfics I've been saving for break-

Me 56 chapters later, a goddamn mess:

#its 'seeker' by keltoi and i'm a goddamn DISASTER RN. #i'm a MESS im STUNNED i have NO WORDS i have EYESTRAIN #what the fuck dude this is a wholeass scifi story on its own. wjat rhe fuckkk #yes its nearly 500k words yes I forgot to check that before I read but like. GOD. HELLO???? #LOSING MY MIND ITS ONLY GOT LIKE 1 COMMENT PER CHAPTER ON AVERAGE(yes ive been commenting shhh #) #I AM ON THE FLOOR #this person whipped out an oc tragedy story that honest to god makes me both want to try to do sometjing similar in my writing #but i habe no idea how to do tht #what the fuuuck dude #i would die for khiri/kharad #-tan

[thompsborn]

parksborn au where harry is a prince. that’s it. i’m not awake enough to think of anything else but harry is a prince and somehow him and peter become best friends as kids and grow up constantly aware of each other and the struggles they face but their struggles are completely opposite from each other’s and and. and. and.

#parksborn #thinking of like. like 8 year old prince harry sneaking off during an event and meeting stuck in poverty peter parker #recently orphaned living with his aunt and uncle but sneaking out at night to explore or something or just to do something because he hasnt #been able to sleep much since losing his parents #and harry is like imma be honest i have no clue where i am #and peter is like ur literally the prince?? this is your kingdom???? #and harry is like yeah but also i have left the palace grounds a total of 17 times #and peter is like ok well there’s a litter of puppies being raised by the street dog i’ve taken care of since i was 5. wanna meet them #i said im too tired to think of more and then i thought of more #and now it is the only thing i can think of #god the way i would be writing this right this second if i wasn’t literally half asleep currently

[arahabakix]

i can't stop thinking about knives using his remaining life to turn himself into an apple tree to sustain vash while he's injured and recovering at the end of trimax. he really did apologise for ousting them from paradise. how tragic that love drives you to this extent; that wanting to carve a world for the one who means the most to you ends up being your downfall; how your last moments are not in their presence; how you choose to not say goodbye; how you resign yourself to their hatred; how your last moments are filled with regret.

but they're brothers--yeah so what? trigun is an incest creation myth. it is biblical to the core. just like eve sprung from adam's rib, vash was created for knives and knives was created for vash. the running theme in trigun is obsessive love and how you end up demonising and glorifying the other to justify the treatment meted out to them. it is knowing that you and your other half are both adam and eve and the snake and the forbidden fruit and the paradise that eschewed you. it is fucked up and abhorrent but at the end of the day, trigun is about love and how it warps your perception. it is self-sacrifice and self-destruction in the name of the ones you love. the love of your life consumes you to live unaware that it is your love that gives them strength at the end of the day. your love that changed the course of both of your lives forever. your love that made the both of you grow into the beings you are now. knives’ action at the end is him saying, all this bad blood between us is but a mere drop i have to step over if it means what remains of my life can add to yours.

#millions knives #vk #plantcest #trigun #trimax #trigun maximum #draco.txt #look this is something from a while back but i started thinking thoughts about them and now i'm sad #i posted this on my ig stories and i went fuck it and cobbled it up rn because i miss nai and trigun #honest to god losing my mind over millions knives my abhorrent meow meow #when i say i love tragic characters im taking about millions knives (trigun all media types 1995-2008; created by yasuhiro nightow) #this is not a meta its just a rant by a very sad vk mainer #also i do not respect grammar im crying about the biblical incest angel man do you think grammar is of my concern????????

[batz]

-

#oaghhh diamox has me feeling really sick its the worst #i cant get outta bed i cant eat i cant do Anything ! just in pain and laying n bed #still have no idea why they have me back on these meds bc its making things So much worse :( #but unfortunately doctors even neurlogists only focus on weightloss and diamox already made me lose almost 100 pounds i feel SICK #felt healthier when i didnt lose that weight i am being 100% honest here. i hate diamox so fuckig much #frank.txt #also makes my body pain so much worse idk i just hate this brain thing #im thinking of just . stopping the meds even tho my neurologist says not to bc like even he says theyr not making a difference!!! #but he wants me on them so he can compliment my body shrinking every god damn appointment and remind me of how sick i am and feel #eugh #again . diamox doesnt impact my veins and im having an issue w veins in my neck and brain #bc of that im dealing w some pain. they fix that by putting in a stent but instead they just rlly want to like #see How Much Frankie Can Shrink #and ignore the fact that alll they can do is sleep bc theyr shrinking too much #fatphobia m #at least i gain back the weight and feel a million times better when im off tbe meds but still i hate it so bad #they even notice that i feel better after regaining the weight i lost and my optic nerves r no longer Damaged but like #idk . #its just Frustrating ! chronic illness moment

[bayzadas]

The thing about NWH is that even though it's so praised and loved there are things that makes me wanna throw hands. One of them being Aunt May's death. May died for nothing. Her death was meaningless.

I mean, sure, she said and taught him the famous line "with great power comes great responsibility" but the thing is, PETER ALREADY KNEW THAT. That's literally one of first things Peter says when he was being introduced to the MCU, remember? When Tony asked him why was he doing the things he was doing, Peter responded saying "When you can do the things that I can, but you don't, and when the bad things happen? They happen because of you."

Sure, not the same line, not the same words, but the same fucking meaning. MCU Peter already knew that lesson. That's why he was there in the Civil War. That's why Homecoming happened. That's why he was there with Tony in infinity war. That's why Tony literally saved half of the fucking universe. That's why Far From Home happened. That's why Peter is Spider Man. Because he felt responsibility. Because he knew he had to save people. I mean, what? Did the writer of this movie think Peter was saving people because he was bored? Had nothing better to do? What the hell?

MCU Peter learnt that lesson before he was introduced. He already knew that with great power comes great responsibility. And to kill Aunt May only for him to learn that lesson again? That's only to shock the audience. That's just bad writing.

And the thing about MCU is that the writers make this annoying mistake a lot. Loki, Stephen, Wanda, Thor... The writers are making the same movies again and again. Maybe that's why lots of people are losing interest towards MCU. MCU needs better writers.

#FOR THE LOVE OF GOD #GIVE MCU BETTER WRITERS #im done watching the same movies with different titles #they are boring #they are badly written #and they make me wanna commit crimes #nwh is so loved and all #but let's be honest guys #the only reason why nwh is loved and praised is because of the fan service #it was nice to see tobey and andrew again #but like. that's not enough #that shouldn't be enough for a good movie #they seriously made peter lose everything #even his fucking identify #he was erased from fucking existence #so that the writers can restart mcu spider man's character #why do you think aunt may died and gave that speech? #because the fucking writers spent a bit too much time listening to little boys in twitter #it's an adaptation. it's meant to be different from the comics. relax about it. #peter parker #mcu criticism #mcu critical #spider man #mcu peter parker #may parker

[hella1975]

by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn

#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem #& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss #and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified #whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing #but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!! #like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard #(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha) #is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this #like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp #and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life #and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM #THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER #SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME #but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself #and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it #like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe #that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love #or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress) #and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness #otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc #and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway #like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done #('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us) #whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me #and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response #AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT #like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart #ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum #but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism #taob updates

[thedevotionaltour]

thinking about daredevil yellow again im not. going to make it Guys.

#static.soundz #crying screaming and hitting the ground. so good. it made me cry really bad #bc whenever i think about jack n matt it always makes me think of me n my dad for various reasons #when matt said i couldnt feel his heartbeat inside me anymore. no words. #i rambled about it on my main but dd is very much intwined in an interesting and special way with my own heavy grief about my dad #and matt was a very important character to me during that time of my life for the exact same reason. #it's why i take a lot of very heavy issue when things try to make it so his dad died in his childhood as opposed to college #bc a) think it takes away a lot of the important nature of their relationship and b) my own personal projection #bc all grief at any stage is highly personal and unique and particular #but it really does feel like. matt is really just starting to become an adult (depending whether he dies when matt's in under or post grad) #(bc i can never remember which) but he's not quite a mega established one. there's still that lingering of childhood #so even though he's grown. it just hurts in a very particular way. they saw you grow up. but they didnt really see you become an adult. #they did not see the person you're going to be. that you are. that you're becoming. it feels like such a bizarre unfair moment in time. #bc why now? why not when i was younger? why not when i was truly an adult adult who is expecting to lose you now? #why at this moment and no other time? #but thinking about matt going i wish i told my dad how much i loved him. #more than anything when he goes 'i love you dad. did you hear? i love you.' #it made me cry like a fucking bitch. honest to god tearing up when i type about it. it wrenches my heart it twists it and it makes me wanna #drop to my knees and just weep and weep and weep. they are everything to me. #i have intertwined a lot of matt's grief with mine in a way that makes him so so so important to me. because as stupid as it fucking sounds #that comic and him as a character are everything to me. so genuinely. they were a lifeline my freshman year #when i was so depressed all i could do was read comics. or listen to music #i could do nothing else. i did. clearly. i did work and assignments. but dd was everything to me alongside dm #im sorry i am being an actual like nutbag in my tags im sorry i just have a lot of feelings. this story is everything to me ever ok? ok.

[nandorsjansport]

ok i just saw this image which pointed out that laszlo is wearing suspenders under that shirt and i just like blacked out and started knocking shit over and hyperventilating. not available for comment at this time

#wwdits #i think i hauve covid #LITERALLY WHAT WAS THE REASON #YOU LITERALLY CANNOT SEE THEM EXCEPT FOR HEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEE #laszlo cravensworth #im CHEWING MY OWN ARM OFF #i honest to god am experiencing the worst most appalling life-ruining thirst of my life for this man like it's been non-stop months of this #i feel like im losing my GODDAMN MIND

[simsfromupthere]

opening The Sims 4 after updating my mods, immediately being hit with a "your computer may not have space to run the game smoothly" or w/e, trying to at least use CAS, even though my UI is still broke, watching the screen freeze for up to 20+ minutes on the same frozen screen only for the game to immediately crash

#non sims kinda #photo is my honest reaction #textposts #textpost #text post #text posts #im losing it #im sick bro #literally and metaphorically #i just want some ESCAPISM like goddamn #aaaaaa stupid game i wish it wasnt fun for me to make digital peepol #i hate this game ill likely still play it whenever i have a pc w space lol #also god my whole body hurts and everything feels 100x annoying even things that arent which makes me feel bad #my spine feels like it has a giant boulder whenever i sit up to draw #so even when i try i cant do escapism through art #like damn fuck my dumbass ig #jesterposting #jester posting

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

love having those absolute stalker moments where two people that look as close to your characters as youve ever seen sit 10 ft away from you and then you have to pretend you're not staring like a fucking creep

#NO OKAY IM FREAKING OUT HELLO #theres many differences but like.. fully jensen and bryce #actually screaming #honest to fuck thinking about changing bryces hair purely bc of this mf #theirs is a LITTLE longer than bryces is but it works so well #literally their noses and evwrytjing guys im losing my shit #you dont understand #like.. their face shapes too #this fucking close to just drawing them so if they think its weird ill be like see look just coloring.. yk.. totally normal things #thats still so weird but like jfc im losing it #actually this is insane #the way theyre talking w each other and everything #the one w long hair keeps fucking w it too which is such a bryce move #YES i am full out stalking but idc at this point this is my only win in life #body types and everything jfc #im never going to recover #actually no its fucking crazy #yes youre watching me spiral into madness but fr wtf #im havint a meltdown what is this #i will be thinking about this forever amd ever dear god #im baffled #dont grt me wrong they were not the same #but artistically and stucturally it was literally them #the vibes amd everything i cant im done this is it my life is over

[hgduo]

A (likely unintentional) cool detail I absolutely adore in fanart of c!Q during Nevadas- specifically early Nevadas/Peak spiral is how red it is. Not just cuz of the pleasant aesthetic but because that is not his color, Quackity is more associated with pleasant navy blues or bright sunny yellows... but you don't see that in Nevadas-centric fanart... it's red- it's wrong- it's not him, well not who he used to be- and God that is just so symbolically perfect! The fact that the red is usually only present as an accent to more neutral beige and brown tones is also just so *mwah*! Like both in how the red stands out even more against those more muted colors but even so it still only accessories- something that isn't truly a part of the original outfit but chosen to enhance it- to create a solid 'impression' against to those more vague neutral tones. Or in the way his sleeves gradually get stained more and more red and it just cannot be washed out, even now there's stains that can't be erased...

Red is not his color... it's a color associated with someone else... a ghost that haunts him in more ways then one and God is that just the cherry on top!

#quackity #dream smp #the someone else is c!Schlatt btw #c!Quackity #now I'll be honest... I'm not the biggest fan of fanart that swings too far in making him look super fucking evil... but sometimes #it really slaps #I've yet to really sit down and draw out my design but like #my idea for my c!Q design is early nevadas design just gradually loses all blue bits #the the 'height' of the spiral there is no more blue and the iconic beanie is abandoned #and then post ln 4 sees the blue return but... not as much or as vibrant as before #maybe one day I'll draw it out (dont count on it though-) #also the accessories bit augh I don't know how to word it but like... #it plays into the 'masking' element of trying to make himself look more dangerous and his desire to be taken more seriously #by emulating the actions of those who hurt him- like- #it's an accessory- a tie he chose- does that make sense (its late when im typing this) #forgive my for being a pretentious english student for a moment here but like... I just think it's cool to view it as symbolic of that #I just... god even after all this time... c!Q is my most blorbo of all time <3 #and jesus I fucking miss him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[scalemodelarbysreplica]

lads i fucking hate the city

#i was waiting for a bus stop and this oldass man comes up to me #and starts complimenting my figure and my hair and my Fucking Feet #going on about how he would treatme right if i gave him a chance #and now im on the bus home trying not to fucking lose it #like i honest to god might be sick i fucking hate it here #fuck creepy old men and the bus stops they harass people at #vent post

[murdereyesnicky]

hey! do you have any good ways to pirate watch the caps games?

Im a little wary of givin these out since they are ya know Illegal and many piratin sites have been shut down as a result of bein shared publically (rip volokit and the reddit page for these) and tumblr is for the most part public.

Also some are. Well more Malicious than others so ALWAYS use a good adblocker and some sorta antivirus protection. Firefox has a built in adblocker and was required by ona the sites (idk if it still is).

Oh and most don't Usually work on mobile or if they do so many fuckin pop ups and new tabs to get thru and then they nuke your battery so quick

#ignore the slashes alright? and if these disappear anon- #n/h/l/66.ir on/ho/ck/ey.tv bi/la/sp/ort vo/lo/kit/2 #last two are more like last resorts tbh #HONEST TO GOD I AM /NOT/ TRYNA GATEKEEP IM JUST TRYNA BE CAREFUL SO WE DONT LOSE MORE GOOD ISH SITES #like ya gotta understand it can be hard for these sites to just reappear if they get taken down #that online pirate library that got taken down bc people on tiktok keot sharin it PUBLICALLY #thanks anon!

[voiding-vex]

i wish i could have been in like. a 2000s era punk band so much. The music, the outfits, the vibes. Like, idk, theres something about the imperfections of technology and video and audio at that time that just really gets me. Everything nowadays feels like it has to be polished and perfect to be relevant, like, your videos have to be in the sparkling best of pixel quality and everything needs to be flawless if you want attention. I wish i could just chill with some friends and write songs and music and perform for crowds and just live that life

#lets be honest i probably just wish i was gerard way from hit american rockband my chemical romance i get so much fucking gender envy #but shhhhh #im totally normal over mcr #and not losing my mind over the concert next week #GOD i wish i could perform like that #sing those songs on stagee #UGHHH

[s-static]

i gotta see a doctor soon man my body is falling apart

#p #ears are ringing more i keep feeling sharp shoots of pain on my right hip my lower back hurts and my head feels full 24/7 #honest to god i feel like im losing some of my cognitive ability #which is frankly worrying #idk how to explain how i got to that conclusion but #urgh