#hi thirsty im dad

[commaclear]

Return of the Jedi (DILF VERSION)

THE SINGLE DADS AU HAS TAKEN A TURN FOLKS

#hi thirsty im dad #fic advert #commaclear.tumblr.com/missingposter

[darthstitch]

I can't believe a ridiculous owl demonlord who apparently makes a lot of y'all question their kinks just sent me into floods of tears with this ADORABLE lullabye.

It made me think of my darling Mommy Duck, who's already a star in my skies.

I will be okay. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

#stolas #stolas goetia #octavia goetia #helluva boss #im crying #gdit #this stupid bird and his thirsty hoe birdpuss #and he's the most adorbs dad #i am in tears

[kurashikeys]

bad dad also means bad cat dad i guess

#my dad just came to our home without letting us know first #and dumped his three kittens on us #and left #so they're our problem now i guess #and i love cats!!! i would love to look after them!!!! but we already have tosbik and she hates other cats #we didnt let her see them yet but #it will be ugly when she does #i honestly have no idea what to do with them #but like. this is just like him #get a cat. let her have kittens. when they're not cute enough for you? dump them off at someone else #and the worst part is even though these three were born at home and grew up with a human being around them they are not socialized at all #he said they dont even approach him. so. well something's wrong here #also im just noticing that ever since we put out some water for them to drink #they havent left the bowl #they are really really thirsty #so they were not only neglected emotionally #he didnt even care for their basic needs #'what do you buy for their food? would they like ours?' 'oh i just gave them whatever's cheap' #I WANNA MURDER HIM #sorry for the looooooong tags but these three kittens made me relive my traumas :)

[nekkowafer]

i have daddy issues not in a „i want to sleep with older men way“ but in a „i am your father now my son“ kinda way

#I’m adopting you #hello son #hi thirsty i‘m dad #i will be your father now deal with it #daddy issues #queer little gremlin boi #im just a gay potato #queer #son sit down and listen to my monologue on math

[pokotho]

i hate having a celebrity crush im an adult i shouldnt have tummy sickness at the thought of robert irwin one day getting a girlfriend and it not being me this is literally an unhealthy mindset

#i haven't been able to stop thinking about boys lately its starting to piss me off #im just glad that its a casual thing like i don't sit around all day thinking abt him like i did as a teenager #i wasted so much time as a teenager just thinking about boys and i don't want to be doing that again #i have shit to do #its just every once in a while i open instagram and see his latest post and im like =-)normal!!!!!im normal!!! #but he's starting to get a noticable amount of thirsty adults in his comments and like #i feel so bad that half his comments are wanting him sexually and the other half are talking about his dead dad #like he's a WONDERFUL photographer yes he's upholding his dad's legacy but he's also got other stuff going on #i hope the world treats him well as he gets older. its scary out there #but i suppose australia is probably scarier

[marksmelodies]

nct dreams reactions to meeting your baby who looks just like their dad for the first time

—————————————————————————

dad nct dream x fem reader

warnings: suggestive, mentions of sex and pregnancy

minors dni

note: i went crazy on jaemins part bc he’s so girl dad coded

—————————————————————————

mark:

“they’re here” mark looks at you

today was the day jae was going to meet some of his uncles, getting yourself situated on the couch holding your baby, mark let the guys in, immediately they all stand around in awe at the sight of yours and marks child

“woah he looks just like mark” chenle says

“well isn’t he the cutest thing ” jaemin gasps

“you wanna hold him?” you look to chenle as he seems completely indulged at the baby in front of him

“yeah of course” he says as you stand up handing him your child

“hi jae it’s your coolest uncle chenle, im gonna spoil you so much” he smiles as the baby looks up at him with his big brown eyes that look exactly like his fathers

“yeah right he’s going to love me more” haechan whines

one by one the boys carefully pass jae around

“mark your genes are strong, hes literally your spitting image” jeno says

“yeah man that’s my mini me” mark laughs

as the boys all get the chance to hold him you place jae in his crib, not long after he starts crying, mark picks him up slightly rocking him side to side calming him down

“isn’t he already the best dad ever” you say to the guys

“i remember meeting mark when we were kids and now he’s all grown up and a dad” jaemin says

“yeah man it’s really emotional seeing you two start a family together, it’s beautiful really” renjun states

“i still claim the credit of setting you two up so technically you all should be thanking me” haechan laughs

“oh shut up i would’ve ended up with her whether you were there or not haechan” mark jokes

you and mark look at your baby in awe

“we did good” he whispers as he kisses your head

“yeah we really did”

renjun:

after buckling your baby boy into his car seat you walk to the passenger side getting into the car “all set” renjun asks before leaving the driveway

you and renjun were going to introduce the guys to Chaoxiang, as you pull into the parking spot you get chaoxiang out of his seat before placing the binki into his mouth

“babe you have everything?” you ask renjun who’s carrying the baby bag

“yeah we’re all good” he says heading to the dorm, a few seconds after knocking an excited mark opens the door

“hey come in, we blocked off apart of the room and baby proofed it” he says leading you to the area

“thank you guys” you say as you place the baby carrier onto the counter

renjun taking chaoxiang out of his carrier caused him to cry due to the sudden movements but renjun quickly calmed him

“oh my god he’s adorable” they say in unison as renjun gives the baby to mark

“he’s definitely renjuns kid” mark laughs

“he has all of his dads features” you say

“even the eyebrows are the same” jisung laughs

as the boys are all talking to renjun about fatherhood mark sits down next to you

“i bet this month has been rough on the both of you” he says

“yeah it’s definitely a big change but i wouldn’t have it any other way” you sigh

“you have a beautiful family y/n i cant wait to watch it grow” mark says

“thank you mark”

renjun walks up to you giving you a quick kiss

“they’re already asking when we’re trying for another one” renjun laughs

“oh god i don’t even want to think about being pregnant again for the next 3 years at least” you laugh

“you’re doing such a good job mama, i’m proud of how strong you’ve been” he gives you another kiss

“thank you jun, you’ve been so helpful and supportive throughout all of this, i love you so much”

“i love you more sweet girl”

jeno:

you were currently at the dorms watching a movie with your boyfriend and his members

as the movie plays as jeno lays next to you rubbing your pregnant belly, feel yourself getting thirsty, looking over to jeno his eyes are focused on the screen

“i’m going to get some water” you say getting up and walking to the kitchen, chenle was standing by the microwave making popcorn as you tip toe around him to get a cup from the cabinet

chenle was facing you as you put ice into your cup, all of a sudden you feel liquid tricking down your leg and onto the kitchen floor

“oh my god” you lock eyes with chenle

“my water just broke” you say as chenle eyes go wide noticing the pile of liquid on the floor

“JENO” chenle yells on the top of his lungs

jeno quickly gets up from the couch walking into the kitchen, he knows exactly what happened by the look on both yours and chenles faces “ baby we need to go to the hospital” he says walking into his room quickly grabbing the bag you packed for when you went into labor

the boys are now up from their spots in the living room standing around the kitchen anxiously

“i’m sorry clean it up” you say looking at the liquid that’s still on the floor, grabbing some paper towels

“are you kidding y/n don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault, don’t worry about it” renjun says grabbing the towels out of your hands

“alright i think i got everything, let’s go meet our babygirl” jeno says to you as you head to the hospital

after hours and hours of painful contractions it was finally time to push, jeno standing right beside you as you squeezed his hand with every push

“you’re doing so good one more big push for me” the nurse says

finally the cries of your babygirl are heard as she enters the world

you look up to jeno crying as he smiles wider than you’ve ever seen, tears rolling down his face as well “you did such a good job, i’m so proud of you” he pushes the lose hair sticking to your sweaty forehead out of your face, placing a kiss to your head

the nurse looks at your baby in her arms and then to jeno and then at you“oh she looks just like her dad” the nurse smiles and handing the baby off you you “here she is mama you’re beautiful babygirl” the nurse says

“she’s so tiny” you stare at her in awe as tears continue to stream down your face

after spending one on one time with your daughter you give her to jeno as he takes her small frame into his arms “hi baby it’s your daddy, i can’t believe you’re finally here, you look so much like me” jeno giggles

after resting for a while the boys came to visit shortly, all standing in the hotel room looking at the baby in your arms

“jeno she has your nose” jaemin smiles

“and your eyes” chenle adds

“she has your lips and eyebrows too” renjun says studying the baby’s face

“she’s so incredibly beautiful, just like her dad” you say looking up at jeno as he kisses your lips

the guys get a chance to hold her, they all feel an overwhelming sense of love for her

“you’re already so loved” mark whispers to her

“we all promise to protect you sweet girl” jaemin says once the baby is in his arms

chenle takes the baby into his arms as he looks at her and all of her beauty, trying to blink the tears forming into his eyes he quickly hands the baby back to you before walking away wiping his tears

“awe chenle why are you crying” the boys tease him, he takes a minute wiping his eyes that are now red “ she’s just so precious, im so happy to be her uncle” he scoffs and shakes his head at himself for being so emotional

“she already loves you so much” you say to chenle as you and jeno try to hold in your tears

“you guys are going to be amazing parents” they all say

“such a beautiful family, im so happy for you both” haechan says

haechan:

“hey sweet girl” haechan says as he holds his baby in his arms as she looks up at her dad with big eyes

“what time are the guys coming over” you ask your husband

“they should be here anytime now” haechan says

the doorbell rings and the boys pile through the door waiting to meet their niece, haechan walks in either the baby as they all coo at the sight of her

“wow shes gorgeous” renjun whispers

“just like her mama” haechan places a kiss to your lips

“she looks a lot like me though” haechan stands proud

“yeah she does, she’s literally your twin” mark laughs

you all let them hold her and talk to her while you and haechan sit on the couch together

“we should let them come over more often, free babysitting” he jokes

“all jokes aside im really proud of you and everything you’ve done for our family, i love you” he says kissing your temple

“thank you babe that means a lot”

you continue talking to the guys as they finally hand your baby back to you

“i’m gonna feed her” you look to haechan before going into the nursery, as you finish up you hear the guys talking about you

“she’s incredible honestly, i could never have gone through what she did and the fact that i didn’t hear her complain about the pain she was in once, she’s literally the strongest woman i know” you husbands voice echos through the house

“she’s such a good mom already, you found a good one haechan im really happy for you and your new family” mark says

you walk out of the room acting obvious to the conversation you overheard as you burp your daughter

“hey love i can do that, why don’t you get some rest” haechan says taking the baby from you as he puts her over his shoulder patting her back

“okay yeah i think ill lay down for a few, i love you ” you say going in for a kiss

as you lay down in your bedroom your mind begins to wonder how lucky you are for such an amazing husband, you knew no matter what life brought to you, as long as you were with him everything will be okay

jaemin:

jaemin sits on the couch with his toddler on his lap watching cartoons

“layla baby come get dressed your uncles are coming over to see you and your sister” you yell to your daughter

“coming mommy” she says running to her room

once you dress layla, brush her teeth and style her hair you let her play in her room making your way to you newest addition to your family min-jun changing and feeding her, you speed walk to the kitchen to clean up the breakfast table and do the dishes before you can get yourself get ready, as you approach the table all the dishes have been cleared and the table has been wiped down, looking to the kitchen you see jaemin scrubbing the dishes in the sink

walking over to him you hug him from behind

“everyday you remind me of all the reasons i married you, thanks for cleaning up babe” you say leaning your forehead against his back as you take in a deep breath, he wipes his hands dry before turning around engulfing you into a hug “ you don’t have to thank me, you’re not responsible for doing everything around here” he kisses your lips

“oh i would so have sex with you right now if i could” you say laughing

“those days of having alone time are long gone” he jokes

“yeah i love my little cockblockers though” you say as layla comes running into the kitchen

you and jaemin look at each other trying not to laugh

“speaking of the devil” jaemin says picking her up ticking her stomach causing her to laugh

“i got it from here babe go get ready” jaemin says, you nod walking into you and your husbands shared room

taking a shower, getting dressed, styling your hair and doing your makeup all the span of 25 minutes is a new power you attained since becoming a mom

“layla come in mommy and daddy’s room really quick” you say as jaemin joins you walking to the bedroom

you both sit on the bed with her as she looks up at the two of you

“mommy am i in trouble” she asks

“of course not sweetheart, daddy and i wanted to talk to you really quick before your uncles get here”

“now you know mommy just had your sister a little over two months ago” jaemin asks

“yup” she smiles

“well your uncles haven’t met her yet they are going come over today to meet her” he continues

“even though their attention might be on your sister that doesn’t mean that they don’t love you just as much, the same goes for mommy and i, today we have to make sure your uncles are careful with your sister because she’s not a big girl like you are yet, she needs a little more help from us” jaemin says

“okay but will daddy and uncle haechan still play dolls with me” she asks

“of course honey, we wouldn’t miss it for the world” jaemin says kissing her head before letting her run off

you lay your head on your husbands chest for a moment taking a deep breath

“you were made to be a dad, it comes so naturally to you” you say kissing his lips

“i can say the same about you, you’re the best mommy i know”

you latch your lips onto jaemins as you stratal his hips, jaemins hands immediately going to your side and your ass

“fuck baby” he hisses as you grind yourself onto his clothed dick

“i want you so bad ” you moan as you nibble on his ear

“what’s up- oh shit” haechan says bursting through your bedroom door

“jesus christ” jaemin says as you two practically jump off eachother

“who the fuck let you in” jaemin says trying to palm the boner in his pants

“my sweet angel layla” haechan laughs

“i thought we told her not to open the door” you say looking to jaemin

“yeah for strangers, sadly this idiot isn’t a stranger” he says

“daddy uncle haechan is here” layla says running into jaemin arms as he picks her up

“yeah baby i can see that, why don’t you, mommy and uncle haechan go wait for the others to arrive, daddy has to take care of something real quick” he says as she runs off again, jaemin stares at you and then at haechan letting out a deep sigh before rolling his eyes heading into the bathroom

you cant help but laugh as you bring haechan to see min-jun

“she’s beautiful” haechan says staring at her

“yet again another mini jaemin” you say laughing

“she looks exactly like him” he says

“you said the same thing about layla” you chuckle

hearing a knock on the door you open it as the rest of the dreamies come flooding in

“uncle jeno” layla runs up to him as he picks her up, after layla says hello to all of her uncles they follow you into the nursery

“layla let’s go play in your room” haechan says

“oh my god i feel like i’m looking at jaemin” chenle says as he hold your daughter

the guys pass around your daughter as jaemin comes into the room

“how come every baby she pushes out looks exactly like you” mark laughs

“my genes are strong what can i say” jaemin shrugs his shoulders

haechan appears in the doorway of the nursery

“i wouldn’t be surprised if next week jaemin comes into practice saying y/n is pregnant again, i walked into them nearly making baby number three today”

“someone should definitely babysit tonight” jaemin says as he wraps his arms around you

“oh stop it” you say smacking his arm

“daddy” layla yells from her room

“coming princess” he yells back before leaving the nursery

“i pray everyday that min-jun doesn’t turn out to be another daddy’s girl” you laugh

the boys stay for dinner as layla sits between haechan and jeno, you excuse yourself early to feed min-jun, jaemin walks into the room as you’re feeding her

“my mom said she’ll watch layla tonight” he says excitedly

“why?” you ask

“i told her we desperately needed some alone time and she offered to take her for tonight”

“jaemin you seriously just admitted to your mother that you want to have sex” you say disgusted

“i mean you are my wife i don’t see what the problem is”

“geez you’re too open and honest sometimes” you sigh “ i mean if layla wants to sleep over there then that’s fine i guess ” you say

returning back to the table you hear jaemin asking layla about the sleepover

“a sleepover with grandma?!” she says excitedly

“yes sweetheart after dinner we can go pack your bag”

“yay i’m so excited” she says

“oh me too” jaemin laughs as the guys just stare at the both of you

“he’s absolutely ridiculous” you roll your eyes

“baby number three let go” haechan jokes

“oh don’t worry he’ll be wrapping it” you say loud enough for jaemin to hear as the guys nearly joke on their food

the boys all say their goodbyes to your girls as they head out

“oh thank god min-jun is asleep and layla almost packed” jaemin says walking back into the living room

“ i’ll drop layla off at your moms” jeno says

“really, that would be so nice of you” you say hugging him

“yeah no problem, enjoy your alone time” he says smirking as he pats jaemin on the back

“layla are you almost done picking out what plushie you want to bring” you husband yells

she comes out of the room with her big backpack on

“uncle jeno is going to take you to grandmas okay” you say your goodbyes as jeno carries her out of the house

closing the door you take a deep breath

“let’s go run a bath sweetheart, i’ll bring the baby monitor” jaemin says

as you lay in the bath together, jaemins arms wrapped around your waist “i didn’t know i genuinely needed this tonight but i definitely did, thanks babe” you say

“just wait till we get into bed, i’ll be giving you something else you definitely need” he says kissing your neck

chenle:

backstage after the performance you text chenle to come meet you in the hallway of the dressing room he walks out kissing both you and his son jiahao

“good job today lele you did amazing” you kiss him once more

“oh my goodness what does his shirt say” chenle notices your sons shirt

you hold jiahao up so that chenle can read what is printed onto the shirt

“you think you’re cool? well my dad is zhong chenle” he reads aloud

“haha i love it babe” he laughs taking jiahao from you kissing your lips

“let’s go see your uncles huh?” he says bringing you and your son into the dressing room

“oh my god”

“he so cute”

“let me hold him”

the boys all yell from inside the room

“calm down you’re gonna scare him” chenle rolls his eyes, handing his son off to renjun, the boys all take a good look at him

“chenle hes your carbon copy” renjun laughs

“yeah he’s got your big head” haechan says

“yeah chenle had the easy part in the making of him yet here he is, after being inside of me for nine months looking exactly like his daddy” you joke

“and you love it” chenle kisses you head

“yeah i do” you nod

“gosh he’s so cute” jisung says looking down at the boy

“of course he his he’s my kid” chenle jokes as jisung rolls his eyes

“sit down my love, rest for a little” chenle says to you, chenle joins you on the couch

“i’m so proud of our little family” he says as you rest your head on his shoulder

“i am too lele, thank you for being such a good dad ”

“i’m only half as good as you are babymama” you slap his arm playfully

“i hate when you call me that”

“i know” he chuckles

jisung

you and jisung were laying comfortably together on the couch until your daughter ha-yun started crying from her crib

standing up you walk over to her taking her out of her bed, sitting back onto the couch with jisung you take the binky out of her mouth as you pull your shirt down replacing it with your nipple

jisung smiles at the two of you as he places his arm around your shoulder

“i love my girls” he says pressing a kiss to your temple, once you finish feeding your daughter you pass her to jisung so that he can burp her

“i think the boys should be here anytime soon” he says getting up placing the baby over his shoulder as he pats her back

you get up and head to the bathroom making yourself look a little more presentable

“babe” you hear jisung yell across the house

“what” you yell back

“ha-yun threw up all over me and the boys are on their way up can you take her for a second” he says

you can’t help but to laugh a little bit

“yeah i got her go get cleaned up”

as the boys arrive you open the door for them telling them that your daughter is in her crib as

they all stand around her

“you can pick her up and hold her if you want” say sitting back on the couch

jeno picks her up rocking her back and forth

“holy shit it’s literally a girl version of jisung” haechan says looking at your daughter

“speaking of jisung where is he?” chenle asks

“ha-yun threw up on him right before you guys got here” you say chuckling

“good girl” chenle coos at your daughter slightly shaking her foot

“i heard that” jisung says walking back from the bedroom

“she’s so adorable” renjun says

“she’s jisungs twin” you respond

“i cant believe our little jisung is a dad now” mark says

“he’s all grown up” he adds

“i still remember the day jisung called me freaking out about him knocking y/n up” chenle laughs

“i wasn’t freaking out” jisung defends himself

“i’m pretty sure you were, i didn’t even get the chance to say hello before you were like ““ holy shit i got my girlfriend pregnant”” chenle uncontrollably laughs

“yeah well it doesn’t matter now i have my beautiful girls, my lovely little family” he kisses you

“you guys really did make a cute baby i cant lie” renjun says

“thank you” you smile

“i still refuse to believe my little innocent jisung helped make this baby” haechan jokes

“innocent is crazy, how do you think babies are made haechan” jisung laughs

“ew i really don’t want to think about you two doing it” chenle makes a face

“you corrupted him y/n” haechan laughs

“guilty as charged” you say kissing him once again

“i have a feeling that this is one of many babies to come into the park family” jaemin laughs

“we’re already talking about trying for another one next year” you say half joking half not

“geeze jisung, make sure to put a ring on it before the next one at least” renjun laughs

“y’all are gonna be real busy” haechan makes a grossed out face

mark hits his shoulder

“shut up dude you’re so annoying”

“i meant busy with two babies” haechan defended himself

“no you didn’t” chenle laughs

“enough about our sex life” jisung says

“you all will understand one day when you meet the one” you smile to jisung

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hope you enjoyed, this was so fun to write!!

#nct dream #nct fanfic #nct fluff #nct dream fanfic #nct dream imagines #nct scenarios #nct dream smut #nct #jaemin #jaemin x reader #chenle x reader #chenle #mark lee x reader #mark lee nct #renjun x reader #renjun #jeno x reader #jeno lee #haechan x reader #haechan #jisung nct #jisung x reader #nct dream x reader #nct dream reactions #nct dream scenarios

[wherenymphsroam]

Real dad! Leon coming over to help you with your car.

Something’s wrong with it, so why wouldn’t you call your dad to help you out? He gets there, pops the hood and finds the problem that he starts to fix.

You check on him every ten or so minutes, noticing how maybe he took his jacket off, how his hair is getting messier. He’s more out of breath and a little sweaty. It makes you forget he was even speaking to you, asking for you to go grab him a bottle of water so he can cool down.

And when you do come out with the water, his shirt is off this time. He grins and laughs at you. Maybe he’s a little mean and teases you about it, talking about how you haven’t seen a man like him before ugh omg

The tension would be sooo thick after that. Especially if he stays over for a while, maybe taking a shower in your bathroom. He comes out in a towel, making sure it hangs low to catch your attention since you just loved staring at him earlier

Please please please hear me out

oh I’m hearing you Mel. I’m hearing ya.

“Like mother like daughter”

cw: daddy/daughter incest, leon is your real dad in this, some mixed in religious themes, leon being a cocky douche even in his old age, kitchen counter fucking, slight breath play but it’s only bc Leon’s arm is around readers neck, barely proof read.

a/n: idc im not making this formatting all pretty, I literally blacked out and coughed up 2.5k at two in the morning. straight filth. here you go, eat you little shits.

And up until that point, it’s just that. It’s only that. Tension. Silent, deadly, heavy in the air of your small place.

That is, until he slices right through it, walking out of your bathroom in nothing but that towel.

When you were smaller, he’d never take showers when you were around, making sure to slip them in during the dark hours of the morning or long after you were asleep. And on the occasion that you were around, even into your teen years he’d all but beeline to his bedroom to get changed, only leaving you with a lingering glance at his broad back. That is, when you’d will yourself to look as he strode down the hall. You shouldn’t be looking at your dad in such immodest state, let alone like that.

And yet here you are, dry mouthed and stock still where you stand at your kitchen island. He had strode in, so confident, almost cocky, claiming he forgot his glass of water. As if he couldn’t have grabbed it after he was decent. Because he’s just so thirsty after all that work today, and the kitchen is on the way to your guest bedroom where he was going to change anyway. What would be the point in doubling back?

He’s about to grab his glass and slip back out of the kitchen, content enough to be swift in his appearance. That is, until he notices the look on your face.

“What?” He chuckles, his smile sly. He knew he didn’t look the same as he did when he was twenty something years old. The scars, the soft layers of fat that had cropped up over thick muscles in his pecs and abs, the healthy line of hair that trails underneath his towel — it’s all a reminder of what his body has been through, how it’s matured through the years. Yet, here you were standing there and gawking at him, as if you’d never seen a shirtless man before.

He’s met with silence. Wetting your lips, swallowing thickly, blinking a few times — it’s takes you a beat too long to be deemed appropriate to realize you were staring. Barely holding back the urge to curse under your breath, you cover your obvious gawking with a dry cough, a shake of your head. Waving a dismissive hand at him and rolling your eyes as if suddenly he’s a nuisance.

“Ew,” you snort, turning back to the dishes you had been in the middle of doing. “Go get changed, old man.”

“Ouch,” he hissed, snickering now. Directly defying your playful orders, he leans on the kitchen island now, leaving only the hand on his hip to keep his towel secure around his hips.

“I wasn’t always an old man. Your mom was attracted to me at one point in time, you know,” he hums, teasing, playful. Far more playful than appropriate.

“Obviously,” you mutter, willing yourself not to turn around. Your gaze bores down, practically drilling through the pan you’re scrubbing. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

He laughs then, throaty and low, his stomach shaking from the strength of it.

“That you are.”

Footsteps.

Coming towards you, the old tile squeaking softly in specific weak points as he crosses your small kitchen. You don’t notice how your scrubbing slows, subconsciously distracted by his warmth as it settles behind you, looming.

“I asked you a question, you know,” he murmurs, piercing eyes trained on you.

He’s done this in times past. Sometimes when he’s reprimanded you, sometimes in joking passing. Directing your attention back to a voiced inquiry that you decide to oh so conveniently side step, choosing to ignore in favor of your own comfort. And like always, he wasn’t going to let you slide.

“What’s with that look on your face?” he rephrases, tilting his head.

Don’t stop scrubbing.

You don’t. If anything, the movements of your arm grow faster, harder, practically burning your sponge into the surface of a pan that’s been clean for two minutes now.

“What look?” you hum, feigning ignorance, clearly so busy with your task at hand.

Rolling his eyes, he adjusts his towel around his hip, tugging it tighter. The action had the back of his palm brushing into your hip.

“Nope. You don’t get to play dumb with me,” he tuts, low and far too close to the back of your neck. A few inches more, and his breath would fan against the back of your neck.

“When was the last time you went out, anyways? Hell, the last time you told me about a boyfriend?” he snickers, moreso at the mental image of the last loser you brought home to him.

Sighing, your jaw sets, your heart skipping in your chest.

“Dad, we’re not talking about this right now,” you groan, adjusting your craned neck, shifting your weight over your feet as you turn the faucet on. Suds slide off the nonstick surface of the pan, pooling and circling to disappear a moment later down your drain.

“You’re right. We’re not.”

Pausing, your gut twists in a way you haven’t felt in a while. It’s that feeling you get, that tugging that tells you the guy you’re hanging out with wants more. That the guy you’re alone with has intentions driven by hunger, need. That he wants you.

But you’re not alone with just some guy. Not alone with even a guy your age. He’s not a classmate. Not a friend. Not some sleazy tinder date you brought home.

It’s your dad.

A deep breath in. An effort of swallowing and burying that feeling. Of shoving it deep enough in hopes that it wouldn’t crawl back up again.

An exhale through your nose, forcing your movements as you reach for the next dirty dish.

“Then what are we talking about?” you scoff, glad he can’t see your face, your eyes that waver. Taking a tone you typically do during your nitter nattering with him, a tone he would reprimand you for in your teen years.

“The fact that you were eye-fucking your father a minute ago,” he mutters, his tone indecipherable.

“That’s what we’re talking about.”

Was he angry?

Disappointed, maybe?

Uncomfortable?

You can’t tell. Out of all the times you’re able to read your father, quick to pin down his vocal habits, of course it’s right now that you fail to get a read on him. Because admittedly, you haven’t heard him like this before.

Why did you care? Did you want him to be angry? Uncomfortable?

Why aren’t you uncomfortable?

Finally, your pitiful stress scrubbing comes to a halt. It’s as if he just fed an IV of ice water through your veins, his voice resounding through the kitchen as it falls silent around you.

You’re hesitant, slow when you turn your head. Brows knitted, lips parted — something you got from him — you can’t even bring yourself to meet his damn eyes.

“W… What? Dad, I’m not eye-fucking you-“

“Be honest. When was the last time you got laid?” he scoffs, all amusement drained from his voice. Not quite lecturing, nor demanding. But firm.

Glancing up at him, you search his eyes, silently floundering under his hard gaze. It takes all your willpower not to let your own wander down the still damp skin of his neck, his collarbones.

This isn’t appropriate.

When you were younger, he’d physically cringe at the idea of you ever experiencing sex. Would clench his fist, draw his brows at the idea of some insolent little boy getting his hands on you, in you.

“Don’t forget to mention the .45 I keep in my bedside,” he’d not so jokingly quip whenever you’d head out for a date.

“Well, I’ll leave you two to it then. Gotta go polish my bat,” he’d make a point of specifying the one time you had a male friend over to study for a big exam.

It was from a place of protectiveness. Of love. Because you were his little girl. Didn’t want you getting hurt. Even if he knew that one day you’d probably end up entangled in the back of some college idiots Honda accord his parents got him, that you’d one day be introduced to the world of true heart break, he wanted, needed to keep you out of the worlds grips for just a little bit longer. For as long as he could control.

And here he is, asking so crudely when you last got laid.

“I asked you a question.”

A beat passes. Another one. Your neck is uncomfortable, half turned over your shoulder like this. But you dare not turn away.

“Never.”

Oh.

Oh.

There it is. All it took was some light prodding and you’re coughing up.

Because he told you to. Because he loves you. Because you’re a good girl. His good girl.

Not some sleazy tinder dates.

Not some broke college boy with a measly Honda accord.

No, no. He really should’ve known better. You have more refined taste than he often wants to give you credit for. Well, that is, until he’s taking credit for you, so quick to remind you it’s him you inherited such trait from.

His little girl was always needier than that. Better than that. Smarter than to so freely give herself to whatever scumbag picked her up some flowers from the grocery store on his way over to the house before a date, smarter than to let some asshole take advantage of any insecurity.

“You were saving it for me weren’t you?”

His voice comes out as a panted snicker into your neck, spoke into the numerous bites and blooming spots of color along your nape. It takes you a moment, lost in the hazy, sickly heated daze the two of your have made of the kitchen air around you. With pots long forgotten, one side of the sink full of cooled water, the sound of the faucet that had been running earlier is replaced with the wet claps of skin against skin.

Sharp, deep, all consuming when his pelvis collides into your ass, the fat of it rippling under each heavy collision. It threatens to steal your sense of coherency from you with each drive.

“H… Huh?”

Your voice is a mess, not too unlike the rest of you. The thick arm he has wrapped around your neck doesn’t really help, seeing as how it only constricts your already dry throat. Speaking proved to be far more difficult than it maybe should be right now.

“Your virginity, sunshine,” he murmurs into your ear, low and hot, brewed with an aftertaste of amusement. As if he didn’t just address you by the nickname he gave you when you were, what, three? As if he wasn’t speaking over the sounds of his body burying him within yours.

“Y’saved it just for me, huh? Knew only your Daddy could take care of you?” he snickers, looking at you oh so intently, adoringly almost. Far too tenderly, given how the thick muscles of his arm ripple with each jerk of your body in his hold.

You were always so pretty. Got it from your mother. Those sweet eyes, the pout of your lips. Even your tears, how they rolled down your cheeks in fat, hot trails of ecstasy matched how your mother would cry for him. How sweet.

And oh, even sweeter, the hitch of your constricted breaths. Your cries, your whimpers, those broken moans that fall so steadily are heavenly, even if what he was committing right now was far from.

Leon had never been a religious man, at least not into his adult life.

What the hell did he care about how wrong this was? God could twist and turn and kick and scream all he wanted, sat up on his high and mighty throne. He could whine and cry all about this was wrong, how he didn’t bless Leon with such a beautiful daughter for him to fuck her.

But right now? Leon doubts that. Hell. Somewhere, hidden deep into the darkest corners and recesses of his mind, Leon hopes that is the reason he was given a daughter. He snickers at the very idea of you being bestowed to him like the damn sacrificial lamb for the slaughter, his own personal sunshine and warm body.

Because why else would you cry like her?

Why else would you sigh and tremble and shudder just like her?

Why else would your voice crack and pitch along the same patterns hers did when he pushed her to her very limits?

Why else would God let his most beloved walk out of his life and leave him with her most beautiful creation, if not to fall in love with her all over again?

“Yes, yes, yes,” you whimper, like a damn broken record in his arms. With your shorts pooled around your ankles, your shirt shoved up just high enough for him to paw at your pretty tits, you were practically a spitting image.

A growl of satisfaction, of delight reverberates through him and you feel it. It all but shakes you to your core, how his chest rumbles against your back. It’s all consuming, so overwhelmingly delicious how warm, how strong he is. You really couldn’t be to blame for how quickly you deteriorate, stuttering through gasped warnings of impending end.

“Ask me properly,” he mutters into your neck, breaths heavy with exertion and hot with carnal lust as he speaks into the shell of your ear.

“Tell Dad you wanna come.”

“Please, please-“

Coughing, your choke briefly around your own spit, and it takes you a second to recover. But it’s only a moment later that you’re shaking your head to the best of its mobility trapped in the crux of his elbow, eyes hazy as you gaze up at him.

“Dad- Dad lemme come. Wan’ come so bad, please, please Dad-“

Eager. So fucking eager, just like your damn mother. All that spunk, all those sarcastic retorts and matter of fact quips that attempt to keep him at bay, stretched thin and see through around the girth of him. He can’t help but laugh at the irony, even moreso when you only spasm around the sound.

And when he finally utters his permission, he’s not gazing down at you to revel in how your orgasm tears through you. He’s tracking every facial expression; every tear, every wobble of your lip and roll of your eyes, all in search of her.

Because as much as he adored the parts of you that were him. As much as he loved teasing you for your similarities, poking fun at the parts of you that were her, he couldn’t help but come to a compromise then.

That yeah, you were a Daddy’s girl through and through.

But at the end of the day, the saying really should be ‘like mother like daughter’.

#fairies. 𐦍 #late night stroll.˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚. #leon kennedy smut #leon kennedy x reader #leon x reader #leon Kennedy x reader smut #leon kennedy x you #yeah. alright im locking myself back in my enclosure now #goodnight folks #tw incest

[serene-sun]

𝕻𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖑𝖊𝖙 𝖒𝖊 𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖊 𝖍𝖔𝖒𝖊 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖞𝖔𝖚!

Pairing: ghouls & a baby ghoul, lowkey sodia, Swiss is so dad

Summary: after a great show, the ghouls make a haunting discovery

A/N: I told my fiancé I was pregnant during Mary on a cross and he flipped, also was bawling tears when they left the stage!! So here is a comfort thing I wrote to distract me from the concert blues.

Swiss yawned and stretched his back, he walked down the ramp from the once shiny and lit up stage.

“I could use a nap.” He said groggy, his vocal cords holding and letting go of his voice.

“Im so hungry.” Cumulus whined, following the ghoul as she fumbled with the button that kept her uniform closed around her neck.

“Im damn thirsty.” Mountain said, slouched over as he grew more and more exhausted. He felt his arms limp, and his ankle hurt.

“That was a great show!” Sodo said, rolling into the ghoulish pack with a confident smile. “I think each time we play here, I wanna come back.” He added, his eyes lit a flame.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love Nashville, but sometimes all of the noise from broad street is too loud.” Aurora said, catching up with them as her and rain covered their sensitive ears.

Rain winced in agreement as he hung with Aurora, phantom and cirrus.

“Wait.” Swiss said, his lead off the line coming to a hult as they approached the dressing room hall. “Do you guys hear that?”

“What is it now? It’s probably them blasting Johnny cash or something down the street.” Aurora rolled her eyes, but she quickly turned to Swiss as she heard the noise too.

“No. No no, that’s not music. That’s a whimper.” Swiss said, investigating with his pointed ears and pin point eye sight.

“Hm? It’s probably the meet and greet.” Mountain replied, looking at Swiss.

“No, that was after their set.” Swiss walked towards a corner of the venue, he came to a tall black curtain and hesitantly pulled it back.

“Uh-“ Swiss was at a loss of words as he saw what muffled crying was behind the curtain.

The rest of the ghouls followed in curiosity, only to be the same as Swiss with their jaws low and eyes wide.

“Uhm…how.” Cumulus tried to reason, as she looked at the frail kit curled up into his knees with hot wet streaks running down their cheeks.

“I’ll….I’ll get papa.” Cirrus volunteered and ran off as the rest of the ghouls ushered the kit to the dressing room.

“Are you alright? How did you get here?” Swiss asked, setting them into the vanity and kneeling down to seem less threatening in size. His eyes soft and his hair damp in sweat, “can you understand me?”

“What do you last remember?” Rain joined in before the door slammed open to reveal a confused papa.

“What? What’s going on?? What’s this about?” Papa copia pushed through the crowd of ghoul frustratingly.

He came to a point of no return when he was met eye to eye with little ghoul.

He had only been in a baggy tour shirt, the one with papas face menacingly staring at the earth as lightning struck the cities they played at. It covered the ghoul like a dress, and he had dark fuzzy black hair and pointy ears. His claws were so sharp they dug into the metal vanity and left marks.

“Oh dear.” Copia sighed, his tense position lessened as he kneeled down with Swiss. “You aren’t supposed to be here, are you.”

The little ghoul stared at him, his eyes unable to close and reopen as he sat so still you would think he was a statue.

Copia brought a hand to his head, but he heard a loud hiss and a sharp sensation at his hand as he noticed the leather of his glove clean slit like a fine blade. Copia looked at his eyes, slit pupils, wide eyes, long eye lashes, and he felt blood drip from his hand.

“Oh this just won’t do now will it?” Copia muttered, looking at his hand, “seems to be he was summoned.”

Sodo rushed to papas bloody hand, he held it and looked at him with concern, “Cardi, your hand.” He worried.

“Don’t worry about me, what matters is how and who summoned this poor bambino.” Copia softly smiled at the fire ghoul.

“Do you think…mm no.” Aurora held her chin, as so did rain and Swiss.

“The perpetrator knew it happened, they left him and clothed.” Copia took his glove off and pressed on his growing wound as sodo held his arm carefully.

“Do you, do you have a home little one?” Copia asked, bravely kneeling to the child again.

The kiddo looked him in the eyes as his chest heaved, “papa.” The kit whispered.

“Eh, yes I am papa.” Copia pointed at his chest, “you?” He then pointed to the kit.

The child’s eyes watched copias carefully, “star.” He slithered his name past his fangs.

“Home?” Copia asked, planting his knees on the dressing room floor.

“Dark, red…hot.” The ghoul frowned, “cold.”

“You want to go home?” Copia asked, “go home?”

The kit nodded eagerly.

“Alright, we will need to send him back to the pit.” Copia stood up and sighed.

The ghouls groaned in unison, “no!”

Copia looked around confused, “well what do you suggest we do then Hm?”

The ghouls looked at each other and then at papa, “take him home?” They proposed.

Copia was speechless, “take home a kit??? Mo- sister would kill me!”

Swiss took the kit and held him in his arms as he giggled at being thrown up so high, “we can teach him our ways.” Swiss smiled.

“Wha-“ copia looked at the other ghouls for answers before taking a moment of silence, “no.”

Swiss’s eyebrows furrowed, “what do you mean, no?” He bit.

“His home is In the pit!” Copia exclaimed.

The kit frowned at the loud noises, “home.” He muttered as he held tight to Swiss’s vest.

“Home.” He muffled again against his shoulder, “Swiss.”

The rest of the ghouls looked at papa with a silent smirk.

Papa looked around the ghouls, huffed, and looked at Swiss as he smiled in victory.

“Home it is.”

#serene sun nocontext #the band ghost #ghost band #the band ghost x reader #serene sun writes #nameless ghouls x reader #nameless ghouls #ghost band fic #swiss ghoul x reader #rain ghoul x reader #cirrus x reader #cumulus x reader #mountain x reader #papa c x reader #papa emeritus iv x reader

[nareyacute101]

I Can Give You A Ride

this imagine is inspired by my fav movie from a24 “X” so I hope y’all enjoy!

Erik Killmonger x Black Farmers Daughter! Reader

You were just minding your business on a beautiful Saturday afternoon making some lemonade since you were very thirsty. As you were about to pour you a glass, you hear the the doorbell ring. “Daddy isn’t expecting anyone over” you said while walking to the door.

You open the door to see this fine chocolate man with some blue jeans on with a red and black plaided shirt and some timberland boots.

“Hello ma’am, my name is Erik and my car ran out of gas, so I was wondering if I could use your phone to call someone to help?” The stranger who goes by the name Erik said to you from outside the door. “Oh my goodness, well Mr. Erik I’m not sure if there’s any mechanic shops around her but my daddy is a mechanic and he could try to fix your car” You said while biting your lip innocently but sexy. “Okay, will he be able to fix it right now before dark?”

You thought for a second before smirking with an idea to keep him here “My daddy is out of town right now to do something supposedly “important” but…I could give you a ride.”

“Okay thank you so much, so where’s your car?” Erik asked your concerned. “Oh, I don’t mean that kind of ride sir.” You said pulling him in the door and touching his chest. “So, what kind of ride are you talkin-” he cut himself off know what she was talking about “Ohh, yeah I would definitely love that ride, ma” he mocked the same smirk you had on your face. “Well, let’s go to my room so I can help you out” you walked him up the stairs to your room, feeling his gaze on your ass.”

“FUCKKK!” You yelled while bouncing up and down on Erik’s dick. “Yeah, you like this dick huh Princess?” He asked while looking at you and your bouncing tits. You nodded to his question “No baby, I need words” he smacked your ass and you squealed “Yes, omg your dick is so big” you leaned your head back from the pleasure that you were getting from his long, curvy dick.

“Fuck, I can’t leave from this tight wet pussy” Erik said while getting ready to hold you and thrust up really fast. “FUCKFUCKFUCK” you screamed from the sudden thrusts up your pussy. “What’s my name babygirl?” “DADDYYYY! OMG IM GONNA CUM” “Me too baby, now who’s pussy is this?” Erik kept going to meet his and your climax “This your pussy daddy, please make me cum!” Erik thrusted three more time before you both grunted after reaching your climax.

“So, was that the best ride you’ve ever had Daddy?” You asked in a sweet voice “Hell yeah princess. Now, when is your dad coming home?”

You shrugged your shoulders “I don’t know but maybe in a few minutes, why?” You asked him. “Well one, I wanna try to get home before dark and two maybe we can do another round before he gets home” he licked his soft plump lips while looking at you up and down.

“Lets do it Daddy” you smiled while being rolled over by Erik and having a heated make out session.

I’m sorry y’all had to read thee worse sex scene ever but I tried okay 😭

#farmer!reader #farmers daughter #killmonger x reader #erik stevens imagine #erik x oc #erik killmonger imagine #michael b jordan x reader #michael b jordan #black fanfic writer #erik x reader #erik killmonger smut #michael b jordan smut #black panther imagine #x a24

[venuscnjunctpluto]

My first astrology observation

Credit: @venuscnjunctpluto

(Pls excuse the book at the end y’all I’m just sick of straight men)

*Black men w virgo rising either have dreads that they let hang in front of their eyes or they want dreads that they let hang in front of their eyes😭

*actors with mars-pluto aspects or Scorpio mars can play convincing psychopaths and villians (dacre Montgomery, drew starkey, ethan cutkosky)

*Saweetie and Mariah the scientist are Unconfirmed Taurus risings idgaf

*I have Pisces and Neptune in my 11th and when I tell you pisces can be so manipulative. I’ve been friends w all types of Pisces placements. Esp when Aries in is in mix they know exactly how to act like children and therefore literally be seen as children (zero accountability). For example chrisean rock whose a Pisces w an Aries mars.

* the biggest players are Scorpio/libra placement men by FARRR. They’ll flirt with anybody and they’ll befriend people who they know for a fact are interested in them romantically. You’ll know that they like when you they never “leave” you in any way, when they try to help you anyway they can, and when they change themselves for you (as terrible as that is that’s the truth). Lemme say after a break-up or any situation they feel wronged their hoe phase is terrible. They don’t gaf at ALL and my friend even got caught up (he spent the whole summer flirting w her after his gf dumped him and then ignored her once we got back to campus) she still doesn’t want to believe he was playing her.

*Im sorry but any prominent sag + Scorpio placements scare tf out of me. I had a stalker with a sag rising Scorpio Venus and mars and my cousin had an obsessive fwb w a sag rising Scorpio moon. Ted Bundy had hella sag and Scorpio on his chart. They have the humor and impulsiveness of a Sagittarius mixed with the intensity and passion of a Scorpio. I think it’s hard for people to realize how insane they are because they’re too busy cracking jokes😫

* 8h stellium natives we see the REAL in people like they come around us and act a mf fool

*women w Lilith inspecting ascendant🤝 Venus-Lilith aspects

*Me w an Aries rising 🤝 men w mars ruled venuses (Aries and Scorpio)

*Can we talk about why a lot of gemini Venuses have race fetishes😭 they’ll literally seek out certain races usually a group they’re not apart of

*8th house synastry is very strange to me. From my experience staring is very real, manipulative, and a lot of push-pull dynamics no thank you😮‍💨

*One really weird thing is I notice men who date younger women always have a cap mars like wtf. They seem to really like the power dynamics involved.

*Ok so me and my friend whose a female both have Venus conjunct pluto at like 2 degrees. I met a guy born a day after me and so did she (so they had Venus Pluto as well) We were intrigued because I’ve had my share of strange relationships but i noticed how light his energy was (the guys whose birthday was near mine). He didn’t really give off the same energy. i truly think it represents a guy’s relationship with women not necessarily him. I have seen women obsess over them but the women always had Scorpio energy in their natal chart already. also have a Madonna whore complex real mf bad so watch out. The WOMEN around them have Plutonian energy already and that’s why 8/10 they’re involved w Scorpio women. I’ve seen the same thing with women w mars-pluto (my mom has this conjunction and my step-dad is a Scorpio). Venus-Pluto men are not magnetic but with the way women (usually Scorpio influenced) act around them makes them think they are and they can become addicted to this attention. Yes other men can be jealous of how women act around them but sometimes they see the Venus-pluto man’s thirsty ways. I’ve seen men w this placement cross their friends for attention from girls. I met this guy w Venus square pluto and he seemed funny at first but he was so sleazy and childish when it came to talking to women I didn’t even wanna be around him. They also have a “type” usually. I’ve seen two men with this placements date girls who look like they could be sisters it’s very weird. I also believe Venus-Pluto men usually end up w women who have money *coughs* city boys or come from better financial situations than them while Venus-pluto women usually have the money they had before a relationship (even if through family). Ex: Beyoncé, Nicola Peltz, Ryan Destiny. You wanna see some real magnetism (and transformative chaos) find a woman w Venus Pluto and a man w mars Pluto🫦

#astro notes #astro observations #drew starkey #venus pluto #beyonce #nicola peltz #ryan destiny #dacre montgomery #saweetie #mariah the scientist

[commaclear]

Hi Thirsty I’m Dad reached 50k hits and now I must scream

(there’s something special at the end of the video)

#hi thirsty im dad #htid 50k

[simpshaaaa]

This is just Alcale and single parents Deruth and Zedd

In this world, Zedd is the kind of father who brings random women home and has a collection of side chicks while Deruth is the single dad who tried to spend time with his kid but is too busy

Both Zedd and Deruth are neighbours. They graduated from the same school and uni and became somewhat close. After the accident of the careless nanny, Deruth couldn't trust anyone taking care of his baby boy. Fortunately Zedd is a working from home kinda Ceo

Deruth: Hey remember that one favour you owned me?

Zedd: No, absolutely not. I will not. Please get off my property

Deruth: Please hyung

Zedd: No

Deruth: :3

Zedd:

10 years old Cale: I'm hungry

Zedd: Ok, she can take care of you

Zedd's mistress: Um..

15 years old Alver: Who is that

Cale on the couch watching cartoon snacking on grapes:

Zedd: Another burden

Anyway this is the same au with tiny Cale crushing on Alver and thus why he always comes over almost everyday

It's to the point where if Alver came back home late from an extra curriculum or extra classes, Cale would just fall asleep in his bed and make Alver bedroom his living space

Deruth calling at midnight: Hey so I just came back home and Cale isn't here. Is he with you?

Zedd with his side chick outside at a bar: Uh idk

Deruth: ???? You dk???

Meanwhile Cale is sleeping quietly in Alver bed while Alver is studying

Help Im laughing so hard Zedd is such a manwhore and the worse dad ever

Anyway Cale obvi makes himself at home in Zedd's place. From the very first day he steps in, he was shameless and acting like he's at his own home

Fortunately Cale doesn't make a lot of mess. Unfortunately however he's always snacking on Zedd's snacks

Zedd: The pantry is empty

Cale:

Zedd:

Cale:

Zedd: Do you have anything to say, kid?

Cale: My dog ate your snacks. Not me

Zedd: Wow. You're really Deruth's kid huh

One day when Zedd is sleeping, he wakes up suddenly in the middle of the night, feeling thirsty. When he walks into the kitchen, he finds himself with two kids baking silently in the dark

Zedd turning on the lights: What are you two doing???

Alver: Good morning, dad

Cale: We're baking, sir

Zedd: At one o'clock???? A.m????

Alver: Is there a problem

Zedd: If my house burn down, I'm selling you both

Cale: You can't do that !!

Idk lmao

#lcf #lout of the count’s family #백망되 #백작가의망나니가되었다 #alcale #cale henituse #alver crossman #deruth henituse #zedd crossman

[cowboyfromh3ll]

im thirsty for dutch headcanons, thats all i ask! :D

Dutch Van Der Linde HC

I'm sorry I lowkey dragged him. Also, I couldn't tell if you meant general headcannons or romantic ones so I mixed em

He does the dad hand. You can't eat shit around him without him doing the hand

I went to a precious gem exhibit once, and I remember seeing jewelry with massive gems on them, like obnoxiously large, and I believe if he had a means to, he'd wear that

If you're dating him then let's be real you're like 10+ years younger than him

Thinks Lana Del Rey songs are about him

That being said, Lana fan

I can imagine him going to operas or the ballet

Falls asleep during movies at the theatre and snores loud asf. You gotta shake him awake every few minutes

He's into the real feminine and cutesy type. I feel like he'd hate tattoos or piercings on women and makes passive-aggressive comments about them

Loves dancing with you. Sometimes, you'll come back home or to camp, and he'll greet you with wine and invite you to dance while he plays a record

His ass would read Nietzsche

He always tries to bargain with cashiers. And it works. Not that it's very effective but he uses so many big and confusing words that he baffles the poor cashiers and they just listen to him

Very embarrassing for you, especially if there's a line behind the two of you

Would wear Christian Dior Sauvage

Type of guy to put rose petals all over your bed

Also lights hella candles inside your tent when he's trying to be romantic, doesn't care it's a fire hazard

People probably get tired of hearing the two of you giggle behind the closed flaps of your shared tent

Scrunches up his nose when he's mad. Begins twitching when he's beginning to get irritated

#red dead redemption 2 #red dead fandom #red dead redemption 2 x reader #red dead redemption community #red dead fanfiction #van der linde gang x reader #writing #dutch van der linde x reader #dutch van der linde #dutch van der linde hc #dutch van der linde headcannons

[paxcallow]

Shoutout to your Raz for being a little cutie patootie anyway can you spare a headcanons about him for the poor *holding out my little orphan lad hat*

hehehe thank you also OH BABY YOU KNOW I CAN! i may have like 3 hours before i have to get a train to georgia but i always have time for RAZ and TALKING about RAZ!

PAX RAZ HEADCANONS GO! NO PARTICULAR ORDER OR THEME.

raz becomes pescetarian after the meat circus. i say pescetarian and not vegetarian because of his toxic relationship with Crab Sandwich. crab sandwich is raz's friend. but raz kind of wants to eat crab sandwich.

^ raz is kind of a freak.

like all things, raz picks up hydrokinesis pretty quickly, but for a while the Hand of Galochio Aquato will not grant him access to water deep enough to swim in. he beats himself up over this somewhat because neither queepie or frazie struggle with the hand like he does and while they're learning to swim, he's standing on the surface of the water like jesus.

actually, i feel like the Hand was always the most physically real to raz than any of the others because of his lack of denial about being a psychic. all the others felt the unnatural fear at a body of water and it grew much more violent and undertowed in the presence of the psychics, but a young razputin aquato heard the name "Hand of Galochio" and took that very literally.

sorry for the sadcanons. bonus augustus headcanon for your trouble. this barrier to water is something raz and dad can bond over, because while augustus can physically get in the water, he is utter ass at swimming and learns it the slowest of anyone in the family. he is so brave but after a lifetime of water curse, being in it feels the most unnatural. you know that clip from golden boy of kintaro(?) drowning all the way across the pool before turning around and very badassly going "So! How do you like my swimming. >:)" that's augustus while raz runs across the water beside him cheering him on.

he got his goggles from true psychic tales magazine, but he uses them now mostly to combat visual overstimulation. it takes him several years to realize that's what he's doing. projecting through a psi portal is very visually intense and that's why raz is convinced for the longest time that those things actually did anything psychic.

a combination of what donatella calls "sibling survival instinct" being surrounded by so many kids his age at camp, needing to blow off steam after just having run away from home, and wanting to make a good impression at his big new job is what explains the difference in raz's rudeness between psychonauts 1 and 2. in psychonauts 3, raz is going to repeatedly say some out of pocket shit to some fellow kids and then feel really guilty because he's a professional now.

i know i've said this before but it bears repeating that raz is a little menace about tickling. he just genuinely likes it and can't imagine that anyone might not. but he's soooooo shy so his primary way of getting tickles himself is being a little shit. that tends to do the trick. he's definitely not extremely obvious about it every single time. everyone totally doesn't know what he's doing.

raz proudly eats food off the floor. raz thinks wasting food is a crime!! he'll eat your leftovers. he'll drink the rest of your soda. he'll eat the other half of your sandwich. empty your unwanted snax into the grumpus that is razputin aquato.

this is sometimes the only way to get him to eat because often he forgets to until his stomach is screaming at him to spare its life. when he is very focused on something for a while, raz's neglect of himself hits him all at once. man im tired- ooh wait im hungry- oh im thirsty too- AH my eyes hurt have i not been blinking- whoa how is it after midnight already- OUCH i have a headache! my feet hurt! etc. he. needs people looking out for him.

raz is going to be a really good dad one day.

raz knows he is cute. intellectually. he uses this to his advantage to subtly manipulate adults into letting things slide or giving him floor bacon. but he has not internalized the fact that he is genuinely a little cutie pie not through his genetics and social engineering skills, but by being a little dorky smush face who is always earnest, borderline transparent, so so so brave, easily embarrassed, wanting to be friends with everyone, being a little baby bean,[i am slowly dragged off the stage with a cane]

#psychonauts #razputin aquato #not art #headcanons #i got carried away #uh oh i missed my train! #there are more. there are so many more. these are what i could think up right now

[youngestdaughtersyndrome]

Pre bed run down time. Combination spring and oncoming period is doing some fucked up shit to me i sat on the couch at 3am last night watching flowers in the attic and got so nostalgic for a specific memory of a boy (the boy was no good but the memory is consistently what i find myself thinking of while listening to nicole dollanganger-- beige carpeted room, couch from the 90s, whole place smelled like cigarette ash; he fell asleep with my head in his lap and through the wee hours a dvr of plague dogs on an old tv was the only light in the room) that i passed out on the couch and had multiple dreams about babies, either because my sim had a daughter on thursday or because i always dream of children this time of year. Dad came over for the weekend. Going home wednesday and then my mothers leaving for a while. I miss my bedroom and the smell of old wood. Borderline feverish right now im always overheated and terribly thirsty. The dog got scared out in the living room--the living room shes been sleeping in for weeks and weeks with no problem-- so she cried outside my door until i let her sleep on my bed. Also started watching house md chase looks a lot like jerma and i intrinsically understand house which isnt a good thing at all. And i didnt even have tome for a cigarette today it was dismal. Goodnight blog squad kisses ^w^

#if i was more motivated i wouldve become a gynecologist not in a helping people way but in a dead ringers way i was a pregnancy obsessed kid #hollyws

[chompersbrainrot]

procrastinating so u guys get my hatchetverse hcs!!! (these are going to be a lot of shit i picked up from random posts that i dont remeber the ops of so sorry if u made one of these hcs and i dont credit you i love you sorry) ethan green

probably like 23? 25?

hes actually bi he told me himself

afab he/they boyflux sue me

lex is his first and only gf. he's probably had like one bf before but he loves lex sm more (simp) (malewife to her girlboss basically)

orphan sorry i dont make the rules

his dad left like immedately and his mom passed of old age when he was like 17 idk

hannah is basically his little sister. he'd die 4 her actually.

ted spankoffski

like late 20s early 30s at the most ithink

so painfully thirsty for anyone he has to be pan

amab he/him but doesnt really give a fuck

has never had a partner thats so sad. he makes up for this by constantly acting like everybody wants him. they dont. (exepct for me i love him)

doesnt really have a CRUSH on anyone speific but mark chastity is his fav to tease (sorry im a baby for holy bastard)

him and petes parents love them but theyre kinda like.. oblivious and absent. like theyre always on trips and leaving pete to live w ted

max jagerman

im not gonna list all of the teens' age theyre all 16-18

im assimilating with this one he/she pronouns amab

hes omni he told me himself pref 2 women

everybody wants him he only wants the nerd (hes just like me fr)

he isnt dead shut up shut up sHUT UP HES FINE OKAY

his dad is not good his mom died in childbirth

stephanie lauter

genderqueer. they/she/he in order of pref. also uses xe/xir idc sue me

pan thats cannon she told me xirself

does tiktok dances but really badly on purpose

the biggest simp on earth to her one guy and nobody ese

will fluster the living hell out of pete in public for fun

hates being the mayors daughter, feels alienated bcs of it

pete spankoffski

he/they afab i dont make the rules

bi if you argue youre homophobic (/J)

actually loves his big bro but acts like he doesnt bcsaude is ted hears him looking up ted he'll never hear the end of it

nickname seymour from ruth (bcause lsoh)

ex-brony

richie whateverhislastnameis

afab he/xe/nya/zap he would have so many cool neos. one of those people whos neo list is longer than the bill of rights

gay mlm yes

undertale enjoyer

nge enjoyer

discord mod in an anime server

owns several body pillows

xem and ruth have been friends since pre-k so they know eachother like the back of their hand

ruth whateverherlastnameis

afab she/they

omni large large large pref to girls. likes a few boys sorta

biggest theatre kid ever but sucks at acting and singing (the curse)

got ensemble ONCE and cried at the cast list

fav show is heathers

heather m kin i dont make the rules

grace chastity

afab she/her

bi

liked a girl once and cried for a week str8 abt going 2 hell

i dont have alot of hcs for her but i think she would like fire a large amount

not even arson wise but like

a firebug

tinky

i already made my hcs for all the LiBs' true forms so go find those if you want

all the libs dont give a fuc about pronouns call them whatever

i do he/him tho

tinky is really just a 13 yr old girl freaking out abt one specific guy (ted) and making fucked up fanfics with him (time bastard nmt)

the "youngest" of the siblings

boy jerry

i beleive that every character jon plays is related. boy jerry is pauls fucked up brother. which means hes also richies uncle

#npmd #nerdy prudes must die #ethan green #ted spankoffski #max jagerman #stephanie lauter #peter spankoffski #richie lipschitz #ruth fleming #grace chastity #tinky #boy jerry