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pilfappreciator · 4 months

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Did another oopsie and accidentally deleted another ask (*bangs head on table*) BUT HOPEFULLY THE LOVELY ANON WHO SENT IT SEES THIS!!

DADZONE & Child! Reader: John Dory

Includes: GN! Reader, Child! Reader, Adopted! Reader, accidental DILF John Dory, slight angst

TW: mention of spiders and body horror near the end (nothing too graphic but just in case)

🥽 This man doesn't trust himself enough not to fuck up another meaningful relationship ://

🥽 Personally, how I see it, becoming a father is probably the last thing on JD's to-do list. I mean he's definitely got the skills (being the oldest of five and having to raise his brothers means he's picked up a few things), and I like to think that it's something he longs for deep down, but considering how BADLY he fumbled with his brothers the last time they were all in the same room...

🥽 So yeah. In theory would be SO down to start a family of his own, but in practice?? He is EXTREMELY hesitant

🥽 THAT BEING SAID!! Chances are he probably found you as an egg

🥽 He was out one day, hiking out in the forest or exploring coastal coves or rock climbing, when all of a sudden he just… stumbles across an egg. Just sitting there in a patch of moss or nestled into a log

🥽 Ends up taking the egg with him back to Ronda, but not before an actual HOUR of confused staring? Distressed pacing back and forth?? Panicked rambling all the while???

🥽 (the fact that Ronda tried to eat the egg upon his return doesn't help at all)

🥽 John Dory spends the next month or so visiting nearby troll villages and asking anyone who crosses his path "Hey man did you drop this? 😬"

🥽 In the end he decides to take you in himself. Partly because he's gotten tired of all the looks other trolls keep giving him for trying to force an egg into their hands, and also because he… may have grown attached to said egg in the past few weeks. I mean by the end of day 3 he'd already given you a name so you know he's screwed ahsjkakaa

🥽 He tells himself he's taking you in because it's what any good citizen would do (He is a lair. He is 100% doing it for himself)

🥽 The day you hatch is LITERALLY one of the best days of his life? Like he's just making himself some dinner and suddenly he hears crackling coming from his hair?? And then there's babbling???

🥽 This man is going about his day with you nestled in his hair (basically the troll equivalent to carrying a baby on your hip lol). He's choppin trees, foraging for food, and driving his armadillo van all while he's got an actual egg sitting on his head. Absolutely talks to you the whole time, too. He has no idea if you can actually hear him but like.. this man spent the last 20 years all alone in the woods, okay, his ass is lonely :((

🥽 Yknow that thing parents do where they hold up headphones to a woman's womb and play Mozart or whatever to make the baby "smarter" or some shit?? Yeah that's JD. He's doing the same thing to his egg

🥽 no Mozart tho ONLY BROZONE 😤😤 HIS BABY HAS GOTTA HAVE GOOD TASTE AND NOTHING LESS

🥽 If he's really feeling himself then he'll sing the songs himself. And then proceed to give unprompted lore behind the lyrics and the songs "true meaning" (songs include Brozone classics such as Baby Boy Got My Heart In A Headlock Boy and Baby Baby Love You Like A Pizza But Hate You Like There's Pineapple On It Babe)

🥽 "holy crap YOU'RE SO SMALL—"

🥽 UGLY CRYING HOLDING YOU IN THE CROOK OF HIS ARM CARESSING YOUR SOFT LITTLE FACE WITH HIS FINGER

🥽 Will die if you reach for him with your tiny baby hands or just smile up at him

🥽 He's still gonna carry you around in his hair while he goes about his day and stuff ngl. Like for him, it's a signature of your guys' bond and you bet your ass he's gonna be milking it for as long as he can (definitely dreads the day you become too big/old for it)

🥽 Most definitely tries to teach you survival skills as soon as possible. He's teaching you how to fish, he's demonstrating how to start a fire with the bare essentials, he's letting you DRIVE RONDA—

🥽 "It's an important skill to have, champ, trust me!"

"...but I'm only five."

"Never too early for a learner's permit!"

🥽 Defnitely tries to reel in that controlling/perfectionist mindset of his, at least for your sake. The last thing he wants is a repeat of what went down with his brothers. As a result he's probably more lenient when you get into trouble or do something wrong

🥽 Fr tho like... you'll accidentally(?) cause an explosion and his ass will be standing, hands on his hips like "I'm not mad, just disappointed 🤨"

🥽 You thought you were getting spoon fed Brozone content as an egg?? Well congrats on being born cuz now you're getting served Brozone content for BREAKFAST 👏 DINNER 👏 AND 👏 LUNCH

🥽 JDs most definitely the type of guy to break into song whenever he's doing the most mundane of tasks (laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc), and yes he fully expects you to join in and know all the lyrics helloooo?? You've basically been raised on Brozone songs at this point like cmon, don't leave him hanging!

🥽 FR THO!! If you grow up to be a Brozone stan, he's never gonna be more proud of himself <33

🥽 This man definitely has a physical collection of every song/album/cover his band has ever done (I'm mean this is the same guy who kept his brothers underwear in a frame for 20 years so ://). He treats every CD, record, cassette tape, etc. like the priceless artifacts they are and YES, HES GONNA PASS THEM ONTO YOU LIKE THEYR FAMILIY HEIRLOOMS DID YOU EXPECT ANY LESS

🥽 If you grow up to lean more towards a different genre of music or Brozone just doesn't end up being your cup of tea... JDs gonna be a lil devastating ngl

🥽 Pls assure him that he has not failed as a father

🥽 Jokes aside tho! I feel like despite his wounded ego, JD will at least TRY to see your point of view. I mean he's definitely gonna be a bit of a grandpa about it—

*while the two of you are listening to your favorite song*

"I mean, I GUESS it's okay... not nearly as lyrically genius as Brozone's hit single: Baby Girl Ur Sweet Like A Milkshake Girl But I'm Lactose Intolerant Baby 🙄"

"Dad. Please shut up."

—but rest assured that he WILL support you and your music taste <33

🥽 You want merch of your favorite band/artist? No worries he's (stealing it right off the shelf) got money to pay for it! Is there a new album about to drop? He's (breaking into a store in the middle of night like a rabid racoon) patiently waiting in line just to buy it for you! You wanna go to a concert? He's using Ronda to (break speed limits, run people over, disobey every known traffic rule) get good parking at the venue!!

🥽 SPEAKING OF CONCERTS!! I feel like he'd be able to offer solid advice on the do's and don'ts of attending a concert. Like... my guy was in a popular band back in the day and he knows first hand how outta hand concerts can get. He has SEEN some shit ajskskaka

🥽 JD definitely has a photo album full of pictures from back in the day. Some of them are snapshots of him and the rest of Brozone, but a majority of the pictures are just of him and his family— away from the stage and cameras. Just him and his brothers and grandma Rosiepuff too...

🥽 He remembers the exact moment every picture was taken, and he'll tell you every bit of context. Birthday, pranks gone wrong, holidays, first day of school— there's a snapshot for just about every milestone. All you have to do is ask and JD is more than happy to relay every childhood anecdote he can remember

🥽 It gets to the point where you eventually know just about everything about your uncles... WHO YOU HAVE NEVER EVEN MET YET AKSKSKAKAK

🥽 It's definitely something that freaks them out once you finally DO meet them

🥽 Like you'll have a conversation with Clay and they'll be like "yeah I'm not a big fan of spiders haha" and you just go "Oh that makes sense considering you used to have vivid nightmares about them crawling under your skin and tickling you to death" and Clay's just like "how the fuck did you know that????"

🥽 "Dude stop telling your kid everything about us"

"I haven't seen you guys in 20 years! I just wanted them to feel close to their uncles ;(("

"THEY DONT NEED TO KNOW ABOUT HOW I USED TO PICK MY NOSE WHEN I WAS SEVEN"

🥽 John Dory, Older Brother Who Overshares About His Younger Siblings my beloved <33

Ermmm yeahhhh this was originally gonna be one big post including ALL the brothers... but then I started writing for JD and got carries away... so yeah this ask is gonna have to be a multi-parter AJSJSJAKKA SORRY ANON I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF 🤥

NEXT PARTS ARE IN THE WORKS!!

Bruce | Clay | Floyd | Branch

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a-totally-creative-username · 4 years

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Are you kitten me?

Patton finds a tiny, black kitten in an alleyway during a rainstorm. He just can’t let that poor thing suffer and ends up taking it home. His roommates aren’t really happy about the new, temporary, addition towards the household, even if Patton’s allergies have yet to act up and they all start to fall in love with it.

Words: 2127

Ships: None

Patton is in the middle of walking home from work when he hears it. A small, sad noise that he manages to just about hear over the pouring rain. He immediately stops and listens for it to come again. He waits for a few seconds and is just about to give up and write it up to his imagination when he hears it again. He locates the noise quickly and starts running towards that direction without hesitation.

Once arrived, in a very small and dirty alley way, he looks around wildly. It doesn’t take him long to find the source of the sound. A small, adorable, very wet and sad looking kitten that is trying to hide from the rain under a nearly soaked through cardboard box.

Patton feels his heart melt while observing the tiny cat. It doesn’t seem to have noticed him yet as it is too pre occupied from trying to stay dry. It doesn’t succeed and soon the cardboard is soaked through and leaves the cat in a wet puddle.

Patton just can’t watch another second of those sounds and takes off his jacket, holds it over his head and starts nearing the cat. As soon as it notices him it starts trying to look intimidating and hissing at him.

It accomplishes nothing except make Patton fall even more in love with it. Mentally he is already going through an adoption and naming process for his new friend when he finally starts talking to it.

“Hey there kitty! Sorry to scare you like this but you seemed for me a little wet on your luck! Would you let me dry you up a little and help you get back onto your feet?”

The kitty stares at him for a few seconds as if trying to figure out how genuine he is before meowing loudly and slowly walking towards him and underneath the dry jacket.

Patton is just star stuck over the fact that he managed to get this cat to come with him and can’t even attempt to stop smiling as he takes the kitten, that he calls Anx according to it’s collar (well actually Anxiety but he refuses to call this baby a disorder), towards his home. The fact that Anx started cuddling and rubbing at him almost immediately doesn’t help his growing love towards it.

Now he can do nothing but hope that his roommates won’t mind a new addition!

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Alright, so they did mind the new addition a little bit. Or maybe more than a little bit. Patton doesn’t even get their issue! Anx is adorable and didn’t do anything but be the cutest cat he ever met anyway! He, Logan explained that it is a male cat, flipping fell asleep in the middle of the argument and started softly snoring into Roman’s coffee!

Even Logan had to take a second to regain himself from this beautiful sight before being able to argue against them again. Roman had issues with the situation but it was cute! He kept claiming that the cat had actually drunk from his mug until he noticed that he was caught and acted as if he fell asleep, but that’s just ridiculous!

There is no real reason to not allow his new friend to stay! Patton agreed to cover the costs, his allergies doesn’t seem to react towards Anx (and isn’t that just a sign from the universe to keep the little puffball?!) and they have more than enough space left in their apartment for the new roommate.

In the end it’s Patton’s and Anx’s combined puppy dog eyes and adorableness that gets them the win.

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It’s been three days. Three days off looking after Patton’s new companion that he brought surprisingly into their lives and that he, as the most mature person, had to look after for that same amount of time.

Logan, surprisingly, doesn’t dislike the cat. Anx is an interesting and thoughtful addiction to their lives. Yes, he meows loudly when ignored and in need of attention, a way out of the apartment or food, but otherwise he remains mostly quiet and generally just seems to hover in the general direction of whomever he feels in need of attention of.

He does get closer and sometimes tries to climb into a person’s lap, but leaves as soon as he gets a negative reaction as if he could understand them. At least, that is the normal reaction towards avoidance of his affections.

His momentary actions stand in direct contrast towards his past behavior and are nearly enough to get Logan to reevaluate his results. Because the cat is laying right on top of his laptop and his research papers.

Logan left for exactly twelve minutes and thirty-nine seconds to help Patton with a spider related issue before coming back into his room. Before he left, he made sure that everything was at its place on top of his desk. Now that he returned the objects still remain in place, but with the addition of a cat on top of it.

He and Anx stare at each other for several minutes before he breaks it off and moves towards the cat. He tries to get his laptop out from underneath Anx but only gets a hiss in response as well as a half-hearted swipe for his fingers. Curious. Anx had yet to show signs of aggression towards anyone until this moment.

They continue this game for a few more minutes before Logan starts to fell his exhaustion, that naturally comes after over sixty hours of being awake. He can’t seem to stifle a yawn that Anx seems to notice, if his narrowed eyes are anything to go by. He is just about to try working again when he finds himself in his bed and underneath Anx who is curling up on top of him.

His attempts to free himself only earn him a few hisses as well as slight claw marks in warning. Well, it seems like he will remain there for a while. He reaches over and manages to grab his astronomy book. Might as well read a little bit to pass the time. Might as well read aloud for Anx, he has responded positively in the past after all.

Ten minutes later, they are both fast asleep.

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“Nothing better to start the day than a nice coffee and a new play to memorize- what the?! You! Patton, come and get your hell beast!”

“What’s the problem Ro? Awww, Anx is sleeping on your script! How adorable! Let me get my camera, this is one for the scrapbook!”

“NO! This is absolutely NOT adorable! You might as well name him Cerberus because I’m as likely to get my script back before he finishes napping as the undead are to escape hades and walk the earth again!”

“Well now you are exaggerating. If you really wanted to you could just lift him up and grab your little script, kiddo. He weighs less than a sack of flour!”

“It doesn’t matter what he weighs as long as he has those daggers that you dare call claws! If he really wanted to he could kill all of us easily, but you would probably call even that cute and let him do as he pleases!”

“Well in that case you should really be clawful around him! At least he only wants that script and not you!”

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Roman looks carefully around the apartment. He searched through every room that wasn’t locked in search of his roommates. They of course said that they both would be occupied until well after noon and not back in the shared apartment until dark but one could never be too careful.

After finding no one but the little furball in the living room Roman relaxes and goes into the kitchen to make himself his special sandwich.

He knows of course that neither of his roommates would say anything against him eating his world-famous double meat loathe sandwich, except for Logans remarks that he was going against his died, but they really didn’t need to know about that. So what I he cheated with his died? It’s his body! He can do as he wants!

He sits in the living room and is just about to bite into the deliciousness that he created when the damn cat appears in front of him to stare into his soul and judge his every action like he always does! Or maybe he just wants to beg for meat...

They engage in a fierce staring contest for a few endless seconds before he gives in and sacrifices a few precious scraps.

“Fine, but only this once! It’s not like I like you or anything! This is only so you don’t rat me out to Patton you cat in the hat, understood?!” He stares him into the eyes until he feels judged enough that he feels the need to add something, “Alright, it is also a thank you for preventing me from reading that script in time for auditions. I would NOT have wanted to play that role! I do not know how you knew that the play was that homophobic but you did.”

They fall into a comfortable silence afterwards were they both enjoy their meal until there is nothing left and they can do nothing but lean back and rest. Anx comes to curl up on his lap and he is so satisfied that he completely forgets his dislike for his hairy roommate and starts to scratch him.

Soon he starts pouring his soul out to the little devil and feels the relief from unpacking all his problems onto a safe source.

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They are all in the apartment on a lazy Saturday when they hear the knock on the front door. Patton and Logan don’t move from their position with Anx, who is lying on Patton’s lap and getting scratches and attentions from them both, so Roman goes.

He opens the door to a tall, lean man that is dressed as if he just stepped out of a eighteenth century drama in black and yellow. He is just about to ask his intentions when the man begins talking.

“I am incredibly sorry for my intrusion upon your peaceful day off, but I fear you have something that belongs to me.” He doesn’t sound sorry at all and Roman is just about to ask what he means when the man nudges him aside with his shoulder to get inside of his apartment and continues talking, “Or rather, someone.”

He doesn’t stop until he is in front of a very confused Patton with a now hissing Anx underneath his hoodie. The stranger kneels down in front of them and begins talking to the cat of all people.

“I totally don’t know why you are angry with me” a hiss, he pauses and begins nodding knowingly, “You are right, lies have no place here at the moment. My apologies.” Roman and Logan start exchanging looks over the weirdo talking to their cat, Patton continues watching the conversation interested, while Anx comes out of his hiding place enough to stare at the man.

“I am sorry for what happened, I shouldn’t have yelled at you over something so insignificant and I really shouldn’t have sent you out into the pouring rain. You deserve better than that. I overreacted and shouldn’t have let my bad mood out on you.” An indignant meow is to hear from the cat that is now sitting on Patton’s knees. The man just nods as if contemplating the answer.

“Yes, that too. I promise to not do so again and treat you as more of an equal from now on. I already talked with the landlord and you will be written into the lease for the apartment.” The stranger and Anx stare at each other before the former deflates.

“Please come back, these past few weeks have been truly horrendous without you. I am not sure how long I could stand to keep this up. I miss you.” That, surprisingly, seems to do the trick as Anx looks up at Patton and upon receiving a nod, climbs into the stranger’s hat that had been laid out for him to be escorted out of the apartment without further notice.

What?

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It is two weeks later that Patton sees the stranger again, followed by a shorter, dark haired man with a familiar collar around his neck.

He catches his gazes and starts smiling and waving at him. The man seems surprised for a moment before starting a shy smile of his own and waving back.

Patton is just happy to know that Anx is happy and healthy. Maybe they will meet again someday in human form and become friends again.

#sanders sides #sanders side fic #my writing #ts virgil #ts patton #ts logan #ts roman #ts janus #fluff #virgil sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #Janus sanders

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