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janiedean · 3 years

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Wait they fucked the SPN ending for Walker? How? And now the show is more conservative than the original, which was headlined by known conservative dumbass Chuck Norris? Ugh

tldr (I can attest in the sense that I did watch the very last episode and with everything I've seen until now...... it holds up)

basically from what it seems like they pushed so that the finale ep was sam focused so it would make ppl idk stick with jared and they didn't give dean time to shine or a basic excuse of a storyline at all before the dumbest death he could have had and jensen's obviously pissed

like... can imagine why he would be

also like nothing happened in that ep is2g I watched it live while it was happening and it was all..... filler? like I swear even the fillerest filler episode for any show I've watched had more stuff happening in it than the spn series finale which... was... bad

and like I remember walker promos airing every ten seconds when the ep was airing sssoooo

anyway apparently the cw got heavy on walker promoting and shit and got both jensen & misha shafted which like... I mean misha was def in vancouver for the finale but he wasn't in the ep and jensen spends 15 years playing dean for that?

and like now idk if the background rumors re jared not opposing any of that and basically screwing them over because it was convenient for his new show are true or not but if he is like... ofc jensen is pissed off

anyway like as stated I'm catching up on the whole thing now and with that in mind the finale looked like 'okay we wanted to do a thing but you execs told us that we couldn't and we had to do this this and that so we're going to do it in a way that sucks ass on purpose but that delivers what you wanted' even moreso than it did in the beginning like... it's not bad in the way any other bad finale I watched is bc AT LEAST SOMETHING HAPPENED IN THE OTHERS LITERALLY NOTHING HAPPENED IN THIS ONE I'm still trying to wrap my head around it tbh

NOW with this in mind I'mma gonna say what I told @emilysnora when the first walker casting stuff came out but basically

the remake has jared being walker blah blah and honestly I'm not even pronouncing myself on the whole 'I got the idea when reading the interview with the ICE policeman who felt conflicted abt putting kids in cages' because it's not my place to but honestly as your resident white european person it's... really... I mean the nicest I can say it's that it's a very privileged way of looking at it and he probably didn't mean it to be a racist thing buuuuuttt thaaat kind of iiiiisssss so there's that and on top of that we have that it's him plus: - hispanic partner in the force - gay brother who's like AN ATTORNEY FOR THE STATE so like... right wing gay dude? okay - his wife was dead before the entire shebang began so hello fridging before the plot even starts - I gave a quick look at the main cast and like there's one biracial dude plus lindsey morgan and they're the only two nonwhite ppl in the entire main cast (idk about the recurring but I'm talking about the MAINS) add to that the... background premise it's really not as progressive as it looks like honestly

now not to be like your resident person who's like BUT THE REP but like if y'all gonna do a show in 2021 about ppl in texas doing that job having to deal with keeping children in cages or latin american immigrants having all white ppl in the main cast except two of them is like.... kind of... not exactly what I'd do in this time and age

now with the premise that as stated I hate chuck norris's politics and I don't thing great of him as a person or anything else so like pls don't take this as chuck norris endorsement or anything

my grandfather used to be obsessed with it same as like apparently 90% of italian grandfathers bc everyone I know had at least one who loved that show so like I've seen my fair share of it back in the day and to my best recollection - basically no one was presuming it was like.... there to make a political statement it was basically chuck norris roundhouse kicking bad dudes coming from whichever background and saving the day the end but - walker himself had native american ancestry bc he was raised after his parents' death by his uncle who was played by floyd westerman who was like a prominent NA actor so like technically you had the lead who had NA ancestry himself plus there was like actual NA actors having a relevant role which like... bros not to be that asshole but last time I saw that in pseudo mainstream tv in the last ten years it was on a netflix show that lasted one season so make of that what you will, also there were at least two other NA supportive chars from the reservation they all came from like one was the sheriff and the other was a spiritual leader or smth but anyway it had three NA chars played by NA actors - walker's police partner/bff was black - he had the ongoing willtheywon'tthey romance with the district attorney or smth but she didn't get fridged actually she lasted the entire show but anyway like... there was no 'ah he had a wife who DIED BEFORE THE SHOW EVEN STARTED' plotline - in the last two seasons they had rookie rangers showing up and like I went to check on wikipedia to be sure but the girl is half filipina which again not a category that gets exactly much rep on american tv - there was a recurring dude who helped them out in cases but was from another police branch who was def latino (don't remember the background sorry but he def was) also like walker was a vietnam vet which imvho would be an improvement over 'I was undercover for eleven months and my wife died :((((' when it comes to give your main like.... a srs background but anyway the point was that new walker in between the mains has like two nonwhite ppl and if I look at the recurrings it looks like there's four ppl who are latin* but three of them are undocumented immigrants so like... bro there's some typecasting going on I see, old walker had NA/black/hispanic/filipino people in the main/supporting cast and none of them was like... typecast in the sense that they were all cops except two of the NA ones so it's not like they went out of their way to typecast and like obv og walker wasn't making the whole thing a political statement but looking at it...... it's still way more progressive than whatever the new one wants to be

yes even if chuck norris was headlining it

and I mean... again when you manage to reboot a show starring chuck norris of all ppl and you manage to make it less progressive than the og while thinking you're being progressive while rebooting it I mean as we say here ask yourself a few questions and give yourself a few answers, also like the entire point of og walker was crack where he kicks ppl and says doing drugs is bad, I honestly don't get why the fuck they had to reboot it instead of like having the guts to say we wanna do an original thing, bc like in order to say hey I wanna do a show about a conflicted cop on the texas border you really can just make it an original thing and own it not go like I'M REBOOTING WALKER TEXAS RANGER ROUNDHOUSE KICK CENTRAL EXTRAORDINAIRE but that's my two cents make of that what you will

#anonymous #ask post #sorry for the infodump i just watched a LOT of wtr back in the day #i'm here to provide the info for everyone who wasn't fortunate enough to experience 90s television #truly something™#i mean idt this was a hill anyone should have died on #esp when then THEY FUCK UP A 15YO RUNNING SERIES FOR THAT

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petitprincess1 · 5 years

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Mad Love

Summary: A commercial for BH Org. ends up getting disrupted, or maybe even improved, by Clemencia, as she shares her tips on dealing with the most plaguing and revolting force on this planet: Love.

Words: 1,330

Warnings: You may bleed out your eyes from pure insanity and dark humor-ish. This was a lot of fun to make.

AO3 LINK

Narrator: Greetings, you boorish bottom feeders! Have any of you experienced the oh-so abominable and weak feeling known as “love”? Even worse, have you had this feeling for your enemy? Whether it be completely romantic or just a wayward crush, you’ve most likely felt your heart beat right out of your ribcage when facing your opponent, causing you to lose more than usual (*fast* unless-you-are-using-the-products-created-by-the-Black-Hat-Organization). Do you wish for this devilish and barbaric feeling to disappear or even how to use it for evil? Fear not, you disgusting disappointments, once again, the Black Hat Organization has the cure for you! Who better to turn your overbearing sappiness to an obsessive, dark romance in the most effective way possible than by the lascivious lizard herself! Everyone put your hands together for the savage saurian, the rocking reptile, the caustic chameleon, Demenci-AAH!

The screen shows Demencia’s bedroom and on top of her bed is a large, fluffy, lump of blue, a bit of white, and some hot pink that was slowly moving up and down.

Narrator: Eugh! What is that? Is it alive? Quick! Call the Hatbots and get that vile thing exterminated imm-

Before he could finish, the lump of blue moved as a face, limbs, and a body showed itself as it stretched out from underneath, revealing a girl who was wearing a unicorn hoodie. She yawned as her arms wrapped around one Demencia’s pillows and she pushed her face into it. Then came the sound of heavy breathing.

Narrator: Cl-Clemencia! What the hell are you doing here and in Demencia's room!?

Clemencia lifted her face from Demencia's pillows with a drunken look on her face and then giggled at the Narrator, "The window was wide open, of course! I think anyone can agree that if someone left their window, door, or secret entrance open, then that perfectly allows any stranger to come in, right!?"

She blinked cutely at him with wide eyes, but it was such slow blinks that it made him uncomfortable.

Narrator: ...W-Well, either way, I need to alert Lord Black H-

"Oh no. You can't do that~ That wouldn't be fair to the wife and kids, don't you think?"

Narrator: Oh, please, what an empty threat You don't know where my family lives! Hahahaha-

As the narrator laughed, Clem's head slowly tilted to the side at a weird, horrifying angle, even making bones snap in her neck, as her grin grew wider.

Narrator: Eh, heh...you d-don't...do you?

Clem just winked at him and smiled, "Read the script, please~"

Narrator: Eh...wh-what? S-Script? But I- Oh, what is this? A rewrite? Oh, uh, th-thank you, um...ahem! As I was saying so obviously before, who better to turn your overbearing sappiness to an obsessive, dark romance in the most effective way possible than by, eh, Demencia’s number one fan herself! Everyone put your hands together for the pastel punk, the cuddly killer, the cute cutthroat, oh boy, Clemencia!

Clemencia was now lying seductively on the bed with her hand slowly moving up her leg as she greeted, “Bienvenidos, ovejas sin espinas, Clemencia aquí para enseñarles a los idiotas cómo enamorarse de verdad~”

Narrator: No! No! English channel! English!

Clemencia blinked at him and then giggled, “Oh, right! Heehee~ Sorry!”

She then sat up, as she pulled out a Demencia plushie that was ripped to shreds and was missing a leg. She hugged it tightly and the repeated, “Welcome, you spineless sheep, Clemencia here to teach you idiots on how to truly fall in love! And what better format to teach you with thaaaaannnn,” she took out a bunch of crayons, glitter markers, papers, and a bucket that looked like it could be filled with red paint, “CLEMENCIA TI-”

Narrator: Clemencia, this isn’t a normal ten minute video! We are running out of time and you need to make your point very quickly or you’ll just get cu-

Clemencia made some random noise as he was talking, “hnnnnnnNNNNNNG CLEMENCIATIPS!!!!!”

A bunch of childishly made drawings somehow appeared, as well as a simply drawn Clemencia. The unicorn girl spoke, showing images of Dark Phantom’s heart being stepped on by Vanity, while he’s also getting punched, “So, you want to know how to capture the interest of your lover and make them fall to as your prey, huh? Well, the best way to do that iiiiisssss~ through getting to know them! And there’s no better way to figure out your darling enemy then through tracking their every move~”

She drew several images of her stalking Demencia by hiding in bushes, looking at her through windows, and tapping herself to Dem’s ceiling at night to watch her sleep. Clemencia then suggested, “That is, unless your opponent has amazing detection skills like my magnificent love, Demencia,” next image was of her pretending to be Demencia’s mirror by standing right in front of her, while Dem was wielding an axe, even though she looks nothing like her and doesn’t even bother changing her clothes. She went on, “If that comes to pass, then you can always leave a gift for them! Nothing says “I love you” more than a mysterious package showing up randomly with no label on it whatsoever.”

It was an image of the hero, Angel, looking down at a box with many question marks around her head. She then slowly opened the box and peeked inside, while Clem added, “You can fill the package with whatever you want, but make sure that it’s memorable. So, that way, they’ll be thinking of you no matter what,” the next image was quick cut to Angel sitting in a corner and rocking back-and-forth, tearing her hair out.

Clemencia then listed, “Other things that you can do are dates,” drawings of Bonnivet eating with a spaced-themed hero, who was tied up in a chair and gagged, “star gazing,” Flug sending a nature powered hero into space, “karaoke,” 505 and WH Hatbot singing karaoke like best buds, “or if things turn sour and the hero dumps you or, even worse, you dump the hero, you can always just give them a nice, big hug!”

An image of Clemencia hugging Metauro appeared, while everything around them bright and glowy and they were so happy. ...Then there was an image of a house burning in the background, while Clem held him tighter in the drawing, “TO HOLD THEM BACK WHILE YOU BURN DOWN EVERYTHING THAT THEY LOVED!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!”

The images slowly burnt away to maniacally laughing Clemencia as everything around her seemed to go up in flames, making her seem truly sadistic as the pink fire licked at her skin and didn't seem to do any damage. Then everything went back to normal as she calmly finished, “However, if you follow my steps, then you should be able to follow everything as simply as pulling someone’s intestines out from their noses!”

Narrator: Eeeeehhhh...is that even possible?

Clemencia grinned wickedly, “Yes, yes it is! Let me show you!”

Narrator: NO NO NO N-

Suddenly, his screaming got interrupted by something breaking down off-screen as Demencia’s voice popped, “What the hell are you doing in here, you walking diabetic shock!”

Clemencia’s eyes turned into hearts as she giggled deliriously, squeezing the doll so tightly that the head popped right off. Her eyes then turned back to normal as the sound heavy, mechanical footfalls came in and she went back to the camera, concluding, “If you follow these easy steps, then you’re sure to have your love slobbering at your dingy, dollar store shoes in no time! I better get going~ I know I’ll be seeing all you lovelies….very soon~” She then giggled crazily at her threat as she disappeared right as soon as an axe came flying towards her, getting embedded into the wall.

Narrator: Ugh...I hate my j-

Demencia: You...You let her in my room, you dumbfuck!

Narrator: N-NO!!! I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING!!!! PLEASE, DON- AAAAAAAA-

The only sound that was heard before the camera cut off was the sound of a chainsaw revving.

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