Hello, there is no hurry for you to write it but you could write about laurel VERY possessive and full of jealousy (under the facade of Marylin, of course) towards reader, student or teacher. and reader is given Account. And he does everything to provoke Laurel. And laurel can't tell him anything out of pride or anything and he acts indifferent while she agonizes inside. Y haci durante semanas. And I did for weeks. Until reader goes to a weathervane to de-stress and a girl invites him a coffee and Tyler realizes that and sends a message to laurel. And laurel gets mad and goes. And the reader is taken by force to the Gates mansion or never again. And she ends up in heavy smut.
Yesss, here it is!!! I hope you like it, and sorry about the language mistakes :))))
Don't play with me, sweetheart
Pairing: Marilyn Thornhill/ Laurel Gates x Fem, Teacher! Reader
Warnings: Smut, ropes, dark, jealousy, possessive Laurel
Word count: 4,547
Summary: You want to say her that you love her, but your are such a coward, you want to her to be the one that says it. Maybe to make her jealous it’s not the better way to do it….
N/A: Requests are open!!! Sorry about the delays, I’m working hard on your requests. I love you all!!!
“Hello,” you said, walking unannounced into the conservatory. Marilyn Thornhill, your co-worker, was startled by your unexpected presence, placing a hand on her chest.
“Please, (Y/N), don't give me those scares…” She told you, faking a smile, but unable to avoid breathing heavily.
You smirked and leaned against her desk, looking over her shoulder.
“What are you doing? You were so focused,” you said mockingly, trying to read the book that was opened on the table. She closed it immediately, looking at you with mock annoyance.
“I was trying to read, (Y/N). I was preparing tomorrow's class,” she answered you, taking that book to a shelf. You made a mocking gesture, but she didn't get angry at all, she was already used to your attitude.
You had been driving the redhead mad for two months. You liked her, you liked her a lot. The feeling could be considered reciprocated, but not cause she told you, she never did. The tension that built up around you when you were together was a good proof of that. You were very tired of that passive attitude. You knew that she only denied herself her feelings. You didn't know why.
You weren't the most direct girl in the world either. You had thrown several hints at her but you didn't feel brave enough to say things straight either. You were very proud. In your 25 years you had several disastrous relationships, and you started all of them. With a dinner, with a rose or with a sincere confession of love. None of them went well. They all ended with your dignity on the ground and your heart broken.
After the last failure, you made a decision. You would never declare yourself again. You wouldn't take the first step. If by chance that was the problem, you decided to lock your heart until someone came directly with the key.
And so you were, throwing hints towards the innocent Marilyn, while she dodged them with grace and even mastery.
“Do you want us to take a walk?” She asked you, taking her bag and intending to leave the building.
You pretended to think about it, but then you nodded, following her.
The two of you walked through the Nevermore grounds, exchanging the experiences you had had in your classes that day. They were boring conversations, devoid of any emotion, but somehow time passed faster when you were with her.
“If they paid me every time I have to heal a student who gets stung by a nettle, right now I would be a millionaire,” she told you amused, sitting down on a bench with a sigh.
You sat next and looked at her carefully. It was hard for you to admit how much you liked that woman.
“Hey, (Y/N),” another teacher said, approaching you. Marilyn stopped looking at you and fixed her eyes on her, her expression hardening a bit. “Hello, Marilyn, how are you?”
“Wonderfully,” the redhead answered, blinking rapidly. It seemed to you that she said it with a certain irony.
“Great,” the girl said, addressing you. “You left this last night in my room. I've been looking for you all day to give it to you. I figured you'd miss it.”
The teacher extended her hand towards you, in which there was a small notebook, in which you used to jot down some notes about your students.
“Oh, you had it. What a relief, I thought the werewolves had destroyed it again,” you said, taking it gratefully.
Then there was an awkward silence. None of the three said anything. You cleared your throat.
“Well…. Rachel… do you want to sit down? We're complaining about the ridiculous salary Weems pays us,” you offered her, earning you a strange look from the redhead.
“Oh, thanks, but I'm in a bit of a hurry, maybe another day. See you (Y/N),” she said, smiling at you. She didn't even bother to say goodbye to Marilyn, but the redhead’s gaze didn't send a friendly message either.
“She's a good girl. Last night we were in her room making notes, but we ended up chatting over a few glasses of wine from my secret reserve. My head still hurts,” you joked.
Marilyn smirked. It was quite evident that something had bothered her. You frowned and stared at her, trying to read her mind.
“Hey, is something wrong?” You asked, placing a hand on her knee.
She shook her head and removed your hand.
“Oh, no. I didn't know you were such a good friends,” she told you with an annoying, offended tone.
You arched an eyebrow and opened your mouth to speak, but didn't know what to say. That reaction was hard to believe. It was as if she was somehow jealous. But that couldn't be possible, could it? You had to prove that your suspicions were true.
“Well, not so much, we only see each other from time to time, you know, at night, when everyone is already in bed...” You said, implying things that did not correspond to reality at all.
“Oh, I didn't know that,” she said, putting on her glasses, not looking at you.
“Nothing serious, you know…” You continued joking, pretending to look at your nails with indifference.
“Of course,” she replied with a tone that evidently concealed daggers of rancor. “Things cannot be serious with you.”
You widened your eyes and leaned forward, smiling at what you had just heard.
“Excuse me?” You said, surprised. You were quite pleased with her reaction.
“Nothing, forget it. I'd better go mind my own business, apparently it's the only thing I can do in this school,” she said with a sigh, leaving without saying goodbye to you, just that malicious comment.
You had finally triggered the slightest reaction from Marilyn. You could swear that she was jealous, that somehow the idea that you could have something with Rachel annoyed her, made her angry. You had found the key that you had to touch, what you had to do so that she could finally admit that she had feelings for you, and you could say how madly in love with her you were then.
You spent days, weeks acting that way. Talking about women you found attractive in Nevermore, about possible hookups in Jericho. At first Marilyn kept that defensive attitude, even going so far as to ask you why you wanted to spend time with her if you had a lot of girls waiting for you. You didn't answer that question.
Gradually, the redhead's reaction to your lies and flirtations cooled to such an extent that she didn't even blink at your comments. All the conversations, all the meetings with Marilyn had the same change. Indifference, vague, concise answers. Few smiles, few glances.
You didn't understand anything. Your spirit was losing strength, and your visits to the conservatory were less and less frequent. She barely looked at you, as if she hated you, as if she didn't care. You realized that you had not done the right thing, that perhaps you had stopped to interest her. You had gone too far.
A trip to town seemed like a better option. You needed to get out of Nevermore, to get some fresh air. Looking at other environments dreaming that some mark on the ceiling of the cafeteria and a conversation that you heard from afar, will help you to interest the redhead again.
You went into the Weathervane. It was already late, the night made the place light up, creating a very cozy atmosphere. The guy behind the counter, Tyler, seemed startled to see you and immediately went to meet you.
“Hi Tyler,” you sighed, letting yourself fall into one chair.
“Good evening, (Y/N),” he told you kindly, taking out a small notebook from his pocket. "Iced black coffee?” he asked.
“Please…” You said reluctantly, playing with the sugar bowl that was in the center of that table.
“Excuse me, do you mind if I sit down?” a strange girl said, scaring you a little. “The place is crowed.”
You looked up, seeing how there were actually two occupied tables, including yours. You looked at Tyler and then at the stranger. She was pretty, you couldn't deny it, and she had a warm, kind smile. She seemed interesting.
“Sit down if you want,” you said with a pleasant smile. Tyler stared at her strangely and confused. The young woman looked at him and snapped her fingers for him to react.
“Hey, what have you missed? Two black coffees, please. I’ll pay,” she said in a way perhaps a little abrupt. The boy seemed nice, he always treated you well. You frowned, looking at that girl, who was offering a 5$ bill to the waiter.
If the situation wasn't weird enough yet, Tyler looked at you intensely, like he was judging you for something.
You shrugged and looked at that attractive young woman, who was smiling at you.
“My name is Hanna,” she told you, winking.
“(Y/N),” you said politely.
Little by little you had a conversation. A strange one, you did not know each other, but she seemed like a funny girl, with whom it was worth spending a pleasant time. The minutes passed and the coffees still hadn't arrived. You looked strangely at the counter.
Tyler was there, but not preparing the coffees, he seemed to be sending messages with his mobile phone.
“Hey! Boy!” Hanna yelled, getting her attention. He looked up and nodded, quickly putting the phone away from him.
The waiter brought you the coffees. He seemed scared, he constantly looked at the door, even after serving you he stood there, standing in front of it. You thought you saw him turn the open sign.
You two spent a while chatting meaninglessly. It was obvious that this girl, who was in Jericho on the way, wanted something with you. You weren't interested but she made you an offer you couldn't refuse. You needed to de-stress a bit.
“I have a room in the hotel across the street, you have to take a look it, I would like to know what do you think about the decoration.”
You ran a hand over the back of your neck, but you nodded, not really sure what you were doing.
You both got up from the table, but when you reached the door, something prevented you from moving forward.
“Tyler, what are you doing? We're leaving,” you said to the boy, who was standing in front of the door, blocking it. “Tyler?”
The boy didn't move, while he shook his head. His eyes weren't innocent, they were dark, filled with anger. You looked at him somehow scared. That boy's angelic and helpful look had completely disappeared.
“What's wrong with this hick?” Hanna asked, gesturing to Tyler. “Hey, let us go or I'll call the…”
She couldn't finish the sentence. Tyler picked up a mug from a table and without hesitation smashed it against the young woman's head. She collapsed unconscious on the floor.
“Have you gone crazy?!” You yelled, crouching down next to the young woman, who had a serious head injury. “Fuck, fuck, but what's wrong with you?!”
Before you could do anything else for her, someone else walked into the cafeteria, someone you didn't expect. Marilyn.
“What are you doing here? It doesn't matter,” you said, shaking your head and standing in front of the redhead, trying to protect her from the waiter, who remained calm, standing next to Hanna's unconscious body. “Call an ambulance, and the police. This disturbed boy has lost his mind.”
She listened to you with a strange smile. With subtle and almost mocking steps, she stepped over the girl and approached you, impassive by your words.
“Hey, Marilyn, I'm being serious, it's not a joke,” you said, also scared by her attitude, kicking Hanna with one foot, contemptuously, with a disgusted look. “Marilyn?”
“Shut up,” she told you abruptly, making you step back. “Were you having fun, (Y/N)?”
“What? What are you talking about?” You asked, blinking several times in case you were hallucinating.
“I asked if you were having fun,” she hissed, moving dangerously close to you.
You shook your head, noticing how your pulse increased. You were disoriented and confused. That wasn't happening, it couldn't be happening.
Before you knew it, you felt a pinprick on your neck. Marilyn was holding a syringe, which she emptied after sticking it into you. You were going to say something, you were going to scream, to run away, but you couldn't. A terrible dizziness washed over you, making you stagger.
“Tyler, don't let her fall.” You heard the redhead say. When you fell, you noticed that some arms grabbed you, preventing you from colliding hopelessly with the ground. You looked at Marilyn before your eyes closed.
You didn't recognize those eyes that drove you crazy. You only saw a strange, disturbed woman, looking at you with the syringe in her hand and a wicked smile on her face. Your body surrendered to the liquid that was injected into you, and you soon lost consciousness.
When you opened your eyes, the first thing you perceived was darkness, a strange darkness. You didn't know how long you'd been sleeping, or where you were.
You did not recognize the environment. It wasn't Nevermore. It wasn't any place you'd seen before. It looked like some kind of well-cared-for child's room, with a vase of white flowers on the little table. You recognized those flowers, you had seen them before, at the conservatory.
When your extremities tingled, you made to move your arms, but an unsettling revelation stopped you.
You were tied up. Your wrists were tied to the headboard. It was time to being scared, to scream.
“Help!” You yelled. Nothing happened, obviously.
You made a pathetic attempt to move, to undo your restraints. You couldn't do it. You were still weak and the knots were strong. Every time you pulled the strings, your wrists itched. You kicked furiously.
“Help…” You sighed, desperate.
The creak of the door opening alerted you.
Marilyn Thornhill, your co-worker, the woman you loved, that shy normie teacher from Nevermore, walked into that room, carrying a glass of water and a quiet smile.
“Hello, princess, did you sleep well?” She asked, sitting next to you on the bed. You moved scared and kicked again. “Don't even try, (Y/N), you won't be able to let go. Be a good girl, huh?”
“What? What have you...?” You said, with a hoarse, muffled voice. Marilyn smiled, caressing your forehead, and offered you the glass of water.
“Drink, you need water, honey. Listen to me,” she told you.
You frowned and, scared and furious, you nodded. She brought the glass to your lips and gave you a drink as if you were a helpless animal. You drank the whole glass, you were really very thirsty. Your throat felt relief from the coolness of the liquid.
“Very well, good girl…” The redhead whispered, leaving the glass on the table. “Don't worry, you'll soon be fine, it was a very mild dose.”
You shook your head with wide eyes.
“You're crazy... You're sick in the head! Let me go! Let me go!” You yelled angrily. It was a bad decision. A hard slap collided with your cheek, shutting you up instantly. You looked at Marilyn now with fear. She seemed to be trying to control herself.
“Shut your filthy outcast mouth or I'll gag you,” she said, grabbing your chin.
You clenched your teeth, but you didn't say anything. The redhead got up and she began to pace the room, nervous, totally out of herself.
“I thought that what we got was something special, (Y/N), that you cared about it.”
You raised your eyebrows and your blood began to boil.
“What are you talking about?” You asked cautiously. She laughed offended.
“Don't play dumb, you know what I'm talking about. You appear in my life to change my world, you make me have illusions, feel things that I stopped feeling for too long, why did you do it? Did you know how I felt about you? Was it fun to make me suffer?”
You didn't understand anything, but you knew that her words were totally wrong.
“I don't know what you're talking about, Marilyn,” you kept denying the evidence.
"Laurel!" she yelled, totally out of control. "My name is Laurel!"
You opened your eyes and suddenly you knew where you were.
“Laurel? Laurel Gates?” You asked suddenly.
You knew the history of that family, but you never imagined having a member in front of you. She took off her glasses, leaving them on the dresser, and looked at you, nodding with a smile.
“Fuck… Let me go!” You screamed nervous and terrified.
“Shut up!” She yelled, echoing off the walls. “You dare to make me hopeful, I was already ready to love you, to love you and you have spent the last week making me jealous, telling me the things you do, the girls you fuck. Look, I have a lot of patience, but that you were having coffee with that whore is already beyond me. I can't take it anymore, (Y/N),” she told you, relaxing her tone of voice a bit.
“You're the one who doesn't have the guts to admit your feelings!” You yelled. Soon what happened at the Weathervane ceased to matter, as her true identity did.
Laurel looked at you quizzically.
“Of course I admit them, (Y/N). I have fallen in love with an outcast. I have dishonored my lineage, my ancestors... But that doesn't matter to you. You only cared about your "girls' nights" with Rachel, right?”
“It was a lie!” You screamed, on the verge of tears. “It was just to make you jealous, to see if you'd react for a fucking time! But no, instead of being honest, you decide to kidnap me, tie me up and drug me. Very nice of you.”
She couldn't answer that, you were right. Laurel turned around, thinking of a response. She quickly moved closer to you, and leaning down, she grabbed your cheeks, squeezing them hard.
“You're lying. You're lying to me to let you go, aren't you?” She asked nervously, unhinged. You shook your head, knowing that one bad word could mean your end.
“I'm not lying,” you said the way you could.
Laurel released your cheeks and huffed, wandering around the room again.
“Dammit, (Y/N),” she told you, looking at you with her hands on her hips. She even seemed to hold back a laugh. “Why did not you tell me? We could not have all of this...”
“How was I supposed to know you were going to kidnap me? How do you want me to know that you're not Marilyn Thornhill?”
“Does that change your feelings?” She asked, sitting up on the bed.
“Well, no, I don't know,” you stammered, as she started to climb on top of you.
“You don't know?” She asked, sitting on your hips, moving very slowly on them. You closed your eyes, trying not to feel the pleasure that was beginning to rise up your cheeks due to that subtle touch.
“If you let me go maybe I'll see more clearly,” you said, with an innocent smile. She laughed outrageously and shook her head, moving faster. A moan almost escapes you.
“No, honey, don't think I'm so stupid. Besides, I think you're beautiful like this,” she said, taking her hands to the buttons of your shirt.
“But, but…” You murmured, feeling a current of cold on your now half-naked chest.
Her rocking was soft, sending you unique sensations, while her hands enjoyed your chest.
“Do you want me to untie you, sweetheart?” She asked, not having the slightest mercy with your bra. You nodded effusively.
Your first idea was to escape, but little by little that thought disappeared from your head. You had been imagining that moment for too long. Not exactly like that, but imagining it.
“I'm not going to do it. First, I want you to understand one thing…” She whispered, getting close to your ear. “You are mine, (Y/N). I don't want to see stupid bitches flying circles around you. If they do, they will suffer the same fate as the girl in the cafeteria. I hope that it has been clear.”
You widened your eyes, starting to feel guilty enjoying her body against yours. You didn't know what had happened to Hanna, but you already figured nothing good. There were a lot of things you didn't understand, and a lot that scared you, but at the time you didn't think about it. You preferred to think of the hand that went directly to the zipper of your jeans, unbuttoning them.
You nodded, completely relinquishing your conscience, the alert calls that your senses screamed. You had just given up your humanity, the ethics that you thought characterized you.
“I can't hear you, (Y/N)…” She whispered, running her nails across your belly, threatening, deep.
“What?” You asked confused. You immediately received another slap.
“This can be easy or hard, (Y/N). I want you to say it. I want you to say that you are mine, that you will only be with me, that no one will put a hand on you,” she told you, putting her hand inside your pants.
You moved unintentionally and she enjoyed watching you debate with your own head, caressing you gently.
“I… I…” You whispered, noticing the moisture that had formed between your legs and that the redhead seemed to be mocking.
“Say it,” she said, her voice dark and her eyes narrowed.
“I'm yours, damn it. Only yours. No one will lay a hand on me, I promise you… I... I...”
You couldn't keep talking. Her fingers played with your folds, moving around your point of greatest pleasure. You couldn't suppress a groan. You hadn't been loved for a long time.
“Very good, honey. That's the way I like it, that you behave well with mommy...” She said, lowering your pants while your body moved involuntarily due to the loss of contact. You didn't attach importance to that name, you just accepted it, with great expectation.
“Now I'm going to show you that you're mine... I want you to enjoy, (Y/N), I want you to look at me while I fuck you, I don't want you to blink, I want to see those beautiful eyes cry with pleasure...” She told you, hastily introducing two fingers inside you.
You shrieked at the sensation. It was very nice, perhaps too nice considering the circumstances. You obeyed and didn't close your eyes, you looked at her, biting your lip while her rhythm kept slow, intense.
“How beautiful you are, (Y/N)… You're so good…” She told you, juggling to get rid of her own underwear while touching you.
“Fuck…” You gasped as she leaned into you as her hand went directly under her skirt, and it started to move as Laurel started to moan exaggeratedly, torturing you for not being able to touch her.
You moved your bound hands in a desperate attempt to reach the redhead. You soon gave up, you only amused her even more.
“Calm down, (Y / N), mommy is already enjoying…” She told you, smiling, bringing her hand to your mouth.
You licked her fingers and sucked on them with too obvious frustration. You were savoring her arousal, but you were unable to really touch her, to enjoy her.
Laurel stroked herself again and increased the speed of her other hand, causing you to moan this time loudly and unquietly.
“Please, please…” You said, almost without thinking. You didn't even know what you were asking for, but you needed something, more and more. Your hips rose involuntarily as the ropes that bound your wrists tightened.
“Very well, (Y/N), I want to see how you enjoy, how you explode with pleasure. I want to see how mommy makes you happy…” She said, panting as well, while she touched herself even faster.
You couldn't help but close your eyes and scream as the wave of pleasure washed over you. Your whole body tensed and the vulnerability you felt from being tied up only made you come more intensely, wildly.
Laurel chuckled and pulled her fingers out of you, and her hand under her skirt, coming up to your mouth and kissing her hungrily, passionately.
It was your first kiss, but it wouldn't be the last. Her teeth bit your lips with desire and you did the same. It was hardly even a kiss, it was a fight in which your tongues fought to dominate you, to savor you.
She pulled away and for a moment seemed to relax, caressing your cheek.
“I had been dreaming of taking you for so many nights, (Y/N),” she told you in a strangely, romantic way.
You looked at her, but you didn't see the woman who kidnapped you, who hurt an innocent girl. You only saw the woman you fell in love with, that look that made you blush. You were lost
“Will you untie me now?” You asked amused, running your tongue over her lips. She laughed and shook her head again.
“You don't need your hands for this, honey. Don't move,” she told you, lifting her skirt while she sat on top of your face.
It was hard for you to breathe, but having her so close to you, being able to really taste her, being able to feel that you were filled with her, was something better than feeling like you might not will be able to breathe.
She didn't move.
“If you do something stupid, I promise you'll pay for it, dear," she hissed, resting her hands on the headboard.
You nodded as best you could and soon your tongue began to work, causing soft movements in the redhead's hips.
"That’s it, honey…” She whispered between desperate moans.
Your mouth played as long as it could, reaching everywhere, savoring everything in its path as Laurel played with you, pulling away from time to time to look at your eager, depraved face.
It didn't take you long to feel her muscles tense. The redhead threw her head back, screaming shamelessly as she released herself so close to you that it somehow made you feel like you were part of her.
After a few ragged breaths, she pulled away from your face and climbed off the bed, searching for something in one of the dresser drawers. She took out a small pocket knife and turned to you with a smile.
-Do you see, sweetie? How easy it has been to clarify things,” she said smiling
Your common sense told you that the knife was not good for you anyway, that you wouldn't make it through that night. At least you would have had a good send-off.
Laurel climbed back onto the bed and to your surprise, she cut the ropes that were blocking your movements. You lowered your hands and rubbed your wrists trying to ease the pain you felt in them.
“Now, you and me. Marilyn and (Y/N), we're going back to Nevermore and you're going to shut up about everything you've seen. I think we're going to be very happy together, don't you think?”
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The Ennui of Writing
Weirdly enough, have been writing quite a bit for being someone filled with something like ennui in regards writing.
I don’t feel like writing.
But I am in fact writing.
I dislike almost everything I’ve written.
Also, still grappling with wordcount envy.
On a good day I struggle to make a chapter hit 1000 words.
Have come up with a number of new ideas.
They all sound either too stupid or too exhausting to write.
Multi-chapter, multiple installments in a series... ugh.
Every idea I’ve had recently devolved into them banging when I started writing it out.
Even the ones I didn’t intend to go higher than a T-rating.
Don’t feel like posting anything saxy at the moment.
As in I feel more than reluctance.
Almost like I feel... disappointed in myself for writing the way I do.
I feel like there’s plenty of that content up as it is. I don’t feel I need to be contributing atm.
I have this weird suspicion that folks out there might be wishing I *wouldn’t* contribute so much smut.
I don’t even like how i write that stuff most of the time.
I get concerned that my smut writing is trite.
Reads as unrealistic.
Reads as unsexy
Reads like it has no understanding of human anatomy much less the anatomy involved with such activities.
Reads like maybe I’m failing to grasp either of the characters’ voices.
I seem to be in the minority when it comes to like 90% of my opinions regarding the characters I write about.
Based on all the fic I’ve read.
Am I really getting them *that* wrong?
My dialogue sounds different.
Do I just not know how people talk?
Do *I* not know how to talk?
jfc do I sound like some weird ass robot when I talk irl???
My motivations for the characters re: plot and sex sounds different.
Am I writing either or both characters as too soft?
Would Macy actually be that soft or caring towards Harry?
Is she even the comforting type?
Am I just projecting what I want her to be vs how she’s actually portrayed in canon?
(Macy at the end of 1.10 makes me wonder)
Too angry?
Too uptight?
Should Macy have a looser voice and use more modern-ish slang?
Not uptight enough?
Do I write Harry as not formal enough in the way that he speaks?
And back to the dialogue: How shitty am I at making Harry sound British?
Am I using slang wrong?
Is there any native UK English speaker out there that can help a shitty fanfic writer out?
Most of the time I just can’t find a properly british way to have Harry get angry at himself and call himself terrible names.
I’m not trying to be competitive but I feel like even If I did want to write smut I’d have to up my game big time given what’s already been posted.
And just don’t have it in me to even go looking for my A-game, much less bringing it anywhere...
god, just the idea of trying to come up with a satisfying/original way to write vanilla sex just fills me with dread and a need for a sad panda nap.
I had this whole saga planned that was almost all kink/fet/smut but now I’m just like...
I feel like people are tired of me writing this stuff.
That could be a projection.
Maybe I’m just tired of me writing this stuff...
There’s already way better and wilder stuff out there.
Me adding to the pile...
(yes, i’m aware of the Two Cakes argument)
I want to work on my WIPs
All the next chapters of all my WIPs have mature content.
I don’t feel like posting that kind of content right now.
Like there seems to be a lot.
And, yes, I’m aware I contributed quite a bit to that number
But for some reason, while I don’t care if the numbers continue to go up, I, just for right now, don’t want to be the reason they go up.
I don’t want smut to be my main thing.
And, again, I’m not even sure if I do it well or how I could improve.
I’m kind of scared to think about it.
Probably in the same vein as an actor that doesn’t want to be pigeonholed as a sci-fi baddie or girl who gets kidnapped or hot guy who is also an unlikable douchebag or lady cop/lawyer/doctor who is always wrong or mistaken despite heart being in the right place.
Even the unpublished WIPs I started last year are languishing in the shame folder due to my sudden smut writing related reluctance.
I’m being unreasonably picky with my pre-writing requirements
printouts of outlines
hand written outlines
snacks and beverages
just the right music
etc
I want to write fluff
Sadly no fluffy ideas come to mind.
Hacy week prompts are giving me ideas but again...
those ideas are mainly awful and/or y’know...
I’m just making myself sadder and more annoyed with myself.
Good gravy this was a long ass pity party.
I’m gonna go to bed.
I hope you all don’t find it too annoying if I start posting stupid little single or double drabbles in the next few days.
(gonna assume it’d be pretty hard to write people banging in less than two-hundred words or even a hundred.)
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