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dameronology · 2 years

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what sober couldn't say (s.h)

summary: a drunken confession might finally fix you & steve

warnings: alcohol, swearing, brief references to sex, fem! reader, she/her pronouns used

enjoy!! -jazz

p.s this has not been proofread

Steve Harrington was programmed by this point in his life to react negatively to weird fucking noises at 4AM.

A rustling in the bush outside; a tap on the window; one of the shutters flapping. Nine times out of ten it was just a cat or a branch or a bird but after spending the better part of three years fighting the supernatural, no one could blame him for being skittish. Being home alone wasn’t a novelty anymore. Not when there had been a weird rustling coming from his front porch for almost an hour. Steve had almost convinced himself it was a Demogorgon. Because they were definitely capable of obtaining a passport, boarding a plane from Russia and finding his house, right? After everything, that theory wasn’t even completely implausible. And if it wasn’t a Demogorgon, what the damn hell was it?

The answer was both better and worse that he had expected.

It was you.

Passed out on his porch, mini dress bunched up around your waist as you shivered beneath your jacket – wait, was that his…nevermind, not important – and stared out onto the road ahead. You’d been out at a party. Steve could tell that much. It was Chrissy Cunningham’s, he’d figured. Yeah, Steve was meant to go to that. It was just that the idea of bumping into you had been too much, and he couldn’t deal with all of Robin’s questions. So, he’d snatched up a last-minute late-night shift at the video store, all in pursuit of avoiding you. Now would have been a bad time to ask him how his plan was going.

“Why the hell are you on my porch at 4am like a hobo?”

You glanced up at Steve – dopey eyes, hazed over by the influence of your new lover, Jack Daniels.

“Was at a party,” you muttered. “I got drunk and I slept with Greg Romero. Y’know the tall guy from the basketball team? Ginger, kinda looks like a straight Luke Skywalker?”

“Greg Romero hasn’t been on the basketball team since we graduated two years ago,” he replied. “And Luke Skywalker is not gay-”

“- he looks at Han Solo the same way my mum does.”

“EVERYONE looks at Han Solo – why am I even having this discussion with you?”

Steve went to say something, maybe to tell you to leave, to tell you to get a taxi home, anything to allude to the fact you weren’t his problem, before he realised you probably were. If he’d been with you at that party, you would have at least been drunk with him. Hell, you might have not gone at all. That had left your system in high school. Now that you’d graduated, the last few months had been spent on the sofa with a shitty movie and popcorn. Just him and you, sometimes the cat, on his parents stupidly soft sofa in stupidly soft fucking bliss. Neither of you would have thought that him asking you out in tenth grade science class would have gotten you here.

Here being a fully-fledged adult relationship. Here being a fully-fledged adult break-up.

High school breaks up had been different. Less meaningful. All notes being passed in class and left in lockers; whispers being thrown around from desk to desk, lingering in the cafeteria but never going beyond the confines of Hawkins High. Things weren’t serious back then. Not serious in the way they were now. Your break-up had hit you both like a fucking train: spur of the moment, unexpected, an emotional pain to tense it felt like it could have broken your spine. Neither of you had wanted to break up. You were both just too stubborn to admit it.

So yeah, you were still Steve Harrington’s problem. You were always going to be Steve Harrington’s problem.

He let out a sigh and knelt in front of you, brown eyes creased with concern.

“Okay so,” he began. “You hooked up with Greg Romero. Now you’re on my doorstep. You gotta fill in the gaps.”

“He kicked me out his car,” you explained. “Well, he asked for an address first. And I didn’t know what to say because I can’t go back to my mums like this, so I just…I thought of you. I regret it now.”

“Nice to know chivalry isn’t completely dead,” Steve muttered, rolling his eyes. “C’mon, you drunk. I guess I’m babysitting you.”

Steve stuck his hands under your armpits and helped you up. Thank fuck his parents were out of town again; they wouldn’t have taken kindly to their son’s ex waking them up in the small hours of the morning.

He kept a hand on the small of your back as you wandered up the stairs and to his bathroom. You knew the way, naturally. There had been a point in your life where you had practically lived here. Despite the lacklustre family that resided here, it was a nice fucking house. All expensive and shiny, with heated floors and high ceilings. You had those floors in mind as you laid out on the bathroom floor, letting out a small smile at the feeling of the warmth on your bare skin.

“How much did you drink?” Steve gently asked. He got a flannel and wet it, softly wiping some smudged eyeliner from underneath your waterline.

Breaking up in a physical sense was different from breaking up in an emotional one. He knew that more than ever right now, automatically jumping into action the way he did when you were together. Get her makeup off, some warm clothes on, and leave her by the toilet for an hour to see if she throws up and then bed; he was listing it mentally in his head, brain hot-wiring the routine he’d developed from being with you for so long. Never mind that it involved you wearing his clothes or sleeping in his bed. The main thing was that you were safe. Also, that he was going to left-hook Greg Romero for a) going near you and b) leaving you on the side of the fucking road.

“Couple Jack and cokes,” you murmured. “There were some shots as well. Jagerbombs and those ones that taste like juice.”

“Sours,” Steve muttered with a smile. He took a seat beside you.

He didn’t say anything when you wordlessly shuffled closer to him, head dropping into his lap. A large hand instinctively came to cup your head, keeping it away from the boniness of his knee. God, he was so fucking caring, In everything he did, even after you’d broken up, he had you in mind. It made him ache a little inside because he would have sold his left arm to whatever god there was just for this to be your norm again. Steve Harrington was a caregiver by heart, but he could have sworn he was yours by purpose. Like looking out for you and having your back was a biblical task bestowed onto him by a deity who was about to have too many left arms.

“I miss you, Steve,” you said.

“You’re only saying that because you’re drunk.”

“No, I’m only admitting it because I’m drunk.”

He peered down at you, dark eyes a golden-brown under the harsh bathroom lights. “I miss you too.”

“You never called.”

“What?”

“When I left…” you trailed off, before pausing for a moment. “The day I left you in that diner – the same day we broke up – you said you would call me, and we could talk.”

Steve wanted to kick himself now. He didn’t remember much about that day except from dragging his newfound heartbreak home and collapsing into bed. He definitely didn’t remember promising to call. By the time the thought ever came around, he was already convinced you hated him. He definitely hated him.

“Shit,” he murmured. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry.”

“If you’d just fucking called, Steve,” your drunken babbling called continued, “maybe I would have put my pride aside and admitted I didn’t want to break up-“

“- and you think I did?” Steve asked. “I was just going along with it in the moment.”

“Me too!” you whacked his arm with a grin. “It’s nice to know we’re in sync, even when we’re breaking up.”

“Right,” he hummed.

“So if we miss each other, and we never wanted to break up, then why…”

“Why what?”

Steve glanced down at you, but you were already fast asleep.

Waking up in Steve's bed the next morning, in his clothes no less, felt like a fever dream. For a second, you were convinced the last few weeks had happened in your head; the break-up, the hurt, the party and your less-than-stellar fling with Greg Romero. You would have thought he would have been madder that you fucked someone else, to be honest. Steve wasn't jealous by nature but the idea of you with literally anyone else had always hurt him in a way he could never quite verbalise.

He was passed out beside you now, hair sticking up in a million different directions.

"Are you mad at me?"

Steve let out a little huh? and peeled one eye open. "Wha?"

"Are you mad at me?" you repeated.

"For what?"

"For fucking Greg Romero."

Steve blinked, sitting up. The blankets fell off his chest and your eyes followed, very briefly staring at his chest. You expected him to quickly cover it back up again, but he wasn't bothered. He was still half asleep, bleary eyed and with a raspy voice, but his brain had very jumped into analysing what you'd asked him.

"No, I don't think so," he said, but stopped to think for a minute. "Yeah, no, you're good. We're broken up, so you can sleep with who you want."

"Right, yeah," you nodded. Was bad that a part of you was a little sad that he hadn't gotten angry at you?

"That's not to say that the thought of you with someone else is a bit shit," Steve continued. "Doesn't mean it's your fault, though."

"You're allowed to be mad at me, Steve," you pushed. "I turned up at your door at four in the fucking morning, drunk off my ass."

He peered at you, smiling a little. "I'm surprised you remember all of that."

"That's the last thing I remember, to be honest," you grimaced.

"Oh?" he grinned. "So you don't remember what you said before you passed out?"

"No?"

"It was something to the affect of if we miss each other and don't want to be broken up, then why are we?" he said. "You come out with a lot of dumb shit when you're drunk but I think that, for once, was insightful."

You wanted to curse your drunk self. Not because it wasn't you, but because it was honest you. A few rounds of liquid courage and suddenly, you were asking all the fucking questions. If you were always that forward-thinking, you could have won a Nobel prize.

"Shit," you muttered. "I am so sorry-"

"- don't be sorry," Steve cut you off. "I think we both needed to hear it."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he said. Then, as if a switch in him had been flipped, he sat up. "Hey, do you wanna get some breakfast?"

"Uh, yeah, okay," you blinked in surprise.

"I mean...so we can talk," he explained.

"Yeah, that sounds good," you smiled.

"Can I kiss you?" he suddenly asked. "Would it be weird if I did? Wait, is it weird that I asked-"

-you cut Steve off by taking his face in your hands and planting a kiss on his lips. It wasn't anything massive, but it snapped him out of the rant he as about to enter. You'd missed the feeling of him; his lips were always soft and minty, and something he did this thing where he'd tug your lower lip on his bottom teeth. He drove you fucking insane in the best and worst ways.

"Right," he cleared his throat, clearly a bit flustered. "Okay. Cool."

"So, breakfast?"

"Yeah, breakfast."

tags: @m00nkn1ghts @mads-weasley @karasong @megmeg-chan @harghoes

#asks #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington oneshot #steve harrington reader insert #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington angst #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagines #stranger things imagine #stranger things reader insert

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posi-pan · 2 years

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hey how is everything? sorry to bother, I know your tumblr is focused on pansexuality, but…could you tell me the historical context of polysexuality, and what is the difference between it and omni, pan and bi? I've recently identified myself as a poly, and I'd like to know a little more…but unfortunately it's not a very well-known identity, so it's hard to open up to someone like that…mainly because a lot of people invalidate it. Anyway, I would be grateful if you could tell me!

Hi! Everything’s good, thanks for asking. I hope you’re well. This isn’t a bother at all! It’s occurred to me that aside from pansexual, I have sourced posts on the histories of omnisexual, multisexual, and mspec lesbians/gays, but I don’t have one for polysexual. So this is the perfect opportunity to make one! 🤓

Like omnisexual, polysexual has a similar history to pansexual. It has been a sexual identity label since at least the ‘60s, has been used to indicate things like universal appeal, and has been historically and is currently included in the bisexual community.

Polysexual used since at least the ‘60s:

— The Homosexuals: As Seen by Themselves and Thirty Authorities (1964) states, “people are not only bisexual but polysexual in the sense that they are biologically capable of being sexually roused by either sex.”

— Utopia U.S.A. (1972) states “we want the right to sexual self-determination. Young people must have the unhindered right to be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, polysexual, or non-sexual.”

— Greg Turner in an issue of The Gay Liberator (1976) discusses sexual identity, sharing the different labels they’ve used over the years, including polysexual.

— An article about Gay Comix in an issue of the Bay Area Reporter (1986) states, “We use the work of homosexuals, heterosexuals, asexuals, polysexuals, ambisexuals, multisexuals, omnisexuals, and forget-about-it-sexuals.”

Polysexual used to indicate things like universal appeal:

— An After Dark article (1974) on David Bowie describes him as having an “outrageous polysexual image”.

— Lou Reed is said to have a “polysexual image” in Circus (1974).

— August Darnell is described as having a “deliberately polysexual style” in New York Magazine (1982).

— Elvis is said to have an “ambiguous polysexual appeal” in E: Reflections on the Birth of the Elvis Faith (1995).

— In Seven Years of Plenty: A Handbook of Irrefutable Pop Greatness (1998) “My Insatiable One” by Suede is described as having “polysexual intrigue”.

Polysexual included in the bisexual community historically:

— In “Bisexual Liberation” (1994), Liz Highleyman describes pansexual, polysexual, and omnisexual as “newer labels with less baggage” than queer.

— In Bisexual Politics: Theories, Queries, and Visions edited by Naomi S. Tucker (1995), Sunfrog states the bi movement is “breaking down border once again” in the “promising existence” of “new terms and identities”, such as “omnisexual, pansexual, and polysexual”, indicating an “expanding consciousness” regarding sexuality, and “the limitations of language and the existing terms” do not encompass the full scope of our sexualities.

— An LGBT conference is discussed in Bi Women Quarterly (1999), where the term bisexual and alternatives such as polysexual are talked about a bi writer caucus.

— Anne Killpack’s editorial in Anything That Moves (1999) states, “whether you call yourself bisexual, polysexual, multisexual, pansexual, me-sexual or refuse to be labeled altogether, if you are like me and find people attractive regardless of their sex or gender, then we need you.”

Polysexual included in the bisexual community currently:

— BiNetUSA: “Getting Bi+ (Pan/Fluid/Omni/Poly/Queer/Unlabeled).”

— BiPhoria: “If you're attracted to people of more than one gender, if bisexual or other related words like omnisexual, polysexual or pansexual seem the best fit for how you feel about other people: welcome aboard.”

— Bisexual Research Project: “We are a group of researchers, educators, and activists working to better understand the bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, plurisexual, queer, fluid, and unlabeled experience.”

— Bisexual Resource Center: “When we use the word “bi+,” we include anyone who experiences or has experienced physical, emotional, sexual, and/or romantic attraction to people of more than one gender. We welcome our pansexual, queer, heteroflexible, polysexual, and label-free siblings under our umbrella!”

— GLAAD: “What does it mean to be bisexual? Some people who have the capacity to be attracted to people of any gender choose other words to describe their sexual orientation such as: bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, omnisexual, fluid, or queer. Some people prefer to avoid any label at all.”

Now the differences. Generally speaking (meaning these are basic definitions, not universal representations of every nuanced, personal experience), the easiest way to understand the difference is that bi can mean anything from two to all, ply means multiple but not all, and pan and omni only ever mean all. I discuss this more in my FAQ.

All of these sources (and more!) can be found on my omni/ply timeline page (which includes timelines, lists of inclusive groups/orgs, and representation). I hope this helps and can serve as a jumping off point for learning about polysexual history! 😊🧡

#asks #anonymous #polysexual #reference #long post

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damelucyjo · 1 year

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I’m thoroughly miserable from a trip to the dentist so let’s make it worse! 😂

Episode 9 - La Locker Room Aux Folles

Well this is a delightful opening!

Spot on with the music choice, as always

Ted & Beard at Roy: one of us! One of us! 😂

I need to know absolutely everything about Beard’s life. It’s not a want. It’s a need.

Oh no, why did they change the angle of Beard ‘fainting’? Was funnier head on, I think

Poor Colin 🥺 (why did I really want to call him Greg? Who the fuck is Greg?? 🫤)

Sniffing clothes must be such a man thing 😂

Come on Issac, I know you’re angry but he’s trying!!

How fucking dirty are your socks, Dani, if Colin can smell them as soon as you’re near?! 😂

Oops 😂😂

YYEEEAAAHHHH!!!

🚨GIRLIE LUNCH! I REPEAT GIRLIE LUNCH!!🚨 I’ve missed them

You’re not supposed to… yet we all do it 🫣 I’m looking at you, Ted

*dramatic gasp* ‘So much blue’ 😂

Their relationship is so gorgeous. They’re fully cheerleaders for one another, and Rebecca is so lovingly maternal towards Keeley in just the right way 🥰

And here comes dadTed 😂

Yes, babe, sniff those biscuits. It’s not like you get them every day or anything

I love how everyone not at all secretly love Ted’s stories as absolutely nobody ever stops him from telling them 👍🏼

And of course Rebecca would flip her lid at the idea of him giving biscuits to anyone else (like Sharon) but Keeley is 100% fine 🥰

We all know money makes everything better. Great job, Ted 🫡 😂

‘Of course, Ted. Family first’ 🥹 beautiful

(There’s 3 people in this scene, but why does it feel like Rebecca & Ted barely take their eyes off one another…🫠)

These fucking lyrics 😂😂😂 and the girls just bobbing along to it

And Miss Rebecca, you’re face is being very wife-life right now. Just saying

‘Fuck no’ Roy, that is your boss! 😂

‘I mean, why can’t Ted do it. 😳 I mean, I’d love to’ 😂 he’s scared of Rebecca 😂 and she didn’t even have to speak!

‘I heard that’ SHES SUCH A MUM!! 😂😂

Mr Shelby. The more I see Jade the more I love her

THEY’RE SO BLOODY CUTE!! 😍🥰😍🥰

What does it say about me that the creepier and more of an arsehole Rupert is, the more I fall in love with Tony?? 🤔 Hmm

‘It’s worthwhile to meet you’ gagged! Oh she clocked him right away. Good for you Jade!!

He’s spouting his usual shit and she’s not falling for any of it. That is the face of an incredibly uninterested woman. FUCK HIM UP, JADE!! 😂

I fully expected that shot it reveal him watching them from that window 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Oh what beautiful chaos! You just know this scene was a delight to film. Of course they’re having a passionate debate about guitarists, not football! 😂

Also you’re not fooling anyone by saying Joe is better purely because he’s from Kansas. Come on now, Coach.

It also perfectly highlights why we need more Beard 🫣

Hey now! Leave Stairway to Heaven out of this, man! I love that song!!

Beard at the door 😂😂

So true that the press care more about who is the best guitarist rather than football 🫡 journalism we actually care about! 😂

‘The guy from Cream’ 😂😂 they did that for Hannah! I have to agree with her though, Eric is a great guitarist!

Not gonna lie, I am surprised she even knew a rock band to name 😂

I, too, am sick of Roy being Roy. Brett has been wasted on the grump this season.

That’s what we want!! Give me all the Rebecca being Rebecca!!

So real of Leslie to cheer her walking down a hallway. He gets it

‘Get your hair arse into my office. Now!’ God, she’s got when she’s angry 🥵🥵🥵

‘Ooooo’ they’re all just a bunch of kids on a playground. I love it! 😂

Is his arse the only part of him that’s not hairy?? 🤔 That is a furry man 😂

Must be the pick on Richard episode 😂

‘That Ted’s son is failing science. Scandal’ Trent, you’re delightful and I’m sorry you’ve not been here the whole time! 😂

Going to Fairy Gay Godmother for advice. We love to see it 🥹

Henry’s poor teacher 😂

‘What the fuck is your problem’ ‘Wait, I know this one. You are!’ Rebecca, you sarcastic bitch. I love you! 🥰

This dynamic is absolutely gorgeous, too. I feel like Rebecca & Roy are maybe the only two who are fully real with one another without fear that they’re going to upset the other one. With Roy telling her she shouldn’t settle, and now Rebecca telling him he needs to figure out what it is he wants. I wish we had more of these two this season.

Hasn’t Nate got a team, too? Why does he always seem to be doing game play stuff alone?? 🤔 Or does he prefer it that way??

Rupert is disgusting. *insert clip of Hannah saying ‘I fucking love it’*

A guy’s night?? Don’t trust him, Nate! 🫤

Classic Chris & Arlo banter. I’m gonna miss it! 😂

Okay, so a spin off of Mae and the bar is actually what I want. Apple, you listening

Leslie, my boy, what is going on? Why you texting her when she’s right there? What did that text say?? I’m confused.

He was quick to jump in with that handshake stuff 😂 it’s been playing on his mind since they met, I’ll bet 😂

Issac, I know you’re angry, but you’re just being a dick now.

And moving your hand was such an arsehole move. Uncalled for, dude.

Uh oh, the girls are fighting 😳

Some more award winning ‘pretending to care about football’ acting from Hannah there. Nicely done 😂

This guy hand it coming though. Absolutely disgusting behaviour which, unfortunately, is very close to real life.

Okay, Leslie that really was the worst time for a joke, but I will say it did make me laugh 😂

I know it’s all for storytelling purposes, but the boys are right. It’s nothing new to them, So why have such a huge reaction now? These boys have such varied responses and reactions on things sometimes depending on plot point that it’s a little icky 🫣

Sam & Jamie have such a brotherly relationship now. I’m loving it!

Another callback to when Keeley entered the locker room and Roy didn’t want her there. Nice.

Them assuming Issac is gay because of his outburst is totally logical too. But it does kinda force Colin to say something, even if he feels he can’t yet, if he’s to step up for his friend 🫤

Them all looking at Jamie and him telling them he’s flatter is what? 📢GROWTH📢 Can you imagine season 1 Jamie in that situation?! 😳

Roy taking what Rebecca’s just told him and paying it forward to Issac 🥹 the boys are learning!

Fucking Will! 😂 you must just always assume he’s there someone because chances are he is 😂

I kind of love that they didn’t show Colin saying the actual words. It wasn’t needed.

‘You’re gay, big whoop’ exactly Dani. Big whoop indeed!

It wouldn’t be Ted Lasso without a folksy story that may not have anything to do with what they’re talking about 😂 Ted, all you had to say was ‘we do care. What we mean is it doesn’t change anything. You’re not alone’

Look at proud uncle Trent watching them all be amazing 🥹

HOW DO I FALL IN LOVE WITH THESE BOYS MORE AND MORE EVERY EPISODE?! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??

Okay Trent, he’s getting ideas for his book 👀 I’m excited! I’m loving your Dolly t-shirt too, btw 😍

He doesn’t have to hide anymore 🥹

Shut the fuck up, George. No one cares what you have to say

Go off, Mae! 😂 that is a woman you do not want to cross!! 😂

‘Not Claire’ these boys 🥰

Come on, Nate. You know exactly what Rupert is like. You’ve seen him with his assistant with your own eyes, for goodness sake. Like he was ever going to have a drink with you one on one. Be real, man.

Is this the end of his time at West Ham though? I hope so.

A ‘that’s what she said’ joke I’m not so many words? Okay then 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why would she give Ted talking points, Rebecca? You trust him now, remember

A Roy press conference is what’s I’ve always wanted 😍

And he’s using his time to tell a story, just like Ted. Brings a tear to my eye 🥹 GROWTH, PEOPLE!!

This episode really is just a PSA to football fans to keep their fucking mouths shut, and I love that.

‘Five o’clock shadow head’ ‘New Trent’ & ‘Goblin King’ are all why he needed to do more press 😂

He just wanted a hug 🥺

I knew this is what it all came down to, the fact that he was hurt his best friend didn’t feel like he could tell him. But he needed to hear Colin say that 1% chance scared the shit out of him. He’s rather they stay friends than live as his true self freely 🥺

‘The team knows. That’s enough for me’ ‘No one’s gonna say shit. I promise’ OMG I’m on my period and incredibly emotional right now. This scene made me cry just as much as it did the first time 😢

Him asking these question is so real 😂 I’m glad their friendship hasn’t been affected in the slightest.

And I agree, 1967’s Raquel Welch is *chefs kiss*

‘No. But you know I do, yeah?’ I MEANN!!!!🥹🥹

Another great song choice to end on, too!

Well that was another amazing episode!! We even got a little bit more Rebecca than we have since Amsterdam!! And angry Rebecca at that. What a win! 😂

Some absolutely great moments from everyone in this one, but I’m hoping Roy is going to start sorting himself out now and stop being such a grump. We’ve still got that scene of Roy, Keeley & Jamie from the promo to look forward to 🤞🏼

We’ve got Edwin Akufo back next episode which sounds like a delight, even with how he departed last time. My naive Tedbecca loving heart’ and knowing how much this show loves a callback, hopes that his visit involves inviting Ted to coach for his team. I’d love another scene of her telling someone, Ted in this instance, ‘I can’t make you stay, but I don’t want you to go’

#Ted Lasso #Ted Lasso Live Blogging

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starboygrove · 2 years

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Surviving Eddie Munson - Chapter 5

Bang. Bang. Bang!

Steve groans, his head pounding harder with each sound of a fist against his bedroom door. His tongue is heavy and fuzzy in his mouth, and he’s still wearing his clothes from yesterday, shoes and all. At least he made it on the bed this time. He cracks a sleep deprived eye open and looks at his alarm clock to find it’s barely eight in the morning.

“Steven! You get your ass downstairs right this second!”

Fuck. It’s his dad. He completely forgot that they were due home today, getting too caught up yesterday at the Wheeler’s house. His parents must be pissed; he didn’t get the chance to tidy up like they always expect him to.

He shuffles into his bathroom and washes his face, swishes some mouthwash around in his mouth, and changes his shirt before making his way down the stairs.

In a truly frightening sight, his parents are both waiting for him in the living room, arms crossed tight over their chests. His mothers face is more pinched than usual, and it looks like the vein in his father’s forehead is due to pop any second now.

“I hope you have an excellent explanation for this.” His father grinds out, face threatening to go purple.

“Look, dad, I got caught up with Robin last night. I’m sorry I didn’t remember you were coming home today; can I make it up to you? I can clean right now, you can go relax, I’m sure you want to relax after your trip.”

His mother shakes her head in disappointment, and wow he really was not expecting them to be this let down by a mildly dirty house. Steve is never anticipating the scope of their ability to be disappointed in him, though.

“Robin, huh?” His father asks cryptically.

“Uh, yeah, I was over at Nancy’s with her and Robin…” He says dumbly, feeling the familiar build up of anticipation that a blow-up is sure to follow.

“Then you need to explain to us right now why your mother’s friend Kathy saw you hugging that faggot Munson boy last night!”

It’s like a bucket of ice has been dumped on him. He’s see through, totally transparent, they’ve found him out. Are they mind readers? How could they possibly know, he thought he was doing such a good job at hiding it. Maybe it’s because they’re his parents? No, they have never been able to connect with him; it doesn’t make any sense.

“W-what?” Is all he is able to croak out, and his mother finally turns away, unable to bear the sight of him apparently.

“I know you heard me just fine. What were you doing touching that queer!? Answer me!”

“What are you even talking about? Eddie isn’t gay, he’s not like that.” Steve makes the mistake of scoffing, but he legitimately can’t help himself. That’s just not possible, they’ve made some sort of mistake.

“Steven,” his mother starts, tone desperate, but holds off when her husband motions for her to stop speaking.

“It’s clear as day, no real man would wear pants like that, have hair like his. But if that wasn’t enough evidence, Greg was caught with the little fag four years ago. He had to be let go and everything, everyone at the firm was so mortified when we found out. To have worked so closely with someone like that, how truly disgusting.” His father’s voice is laced with pure vitriol, and with each word Steve can feel his blood begin to boil faster and faster.

“You’re a liar, you don’t know what you’re talking about! If that really happened, it would have been all over the news, he would have been a minor!”

His mother shakes her head, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

“Why are you protecting him, Steve?” She chokes out, clearly upset.

“We had to cover it up, if the news got out we would have been ruined.” His father simply states, as if it were obvious.

Steve just shakes his head, mind whirling. He’s too hungover for this, too confused; they aren’t letting him have enough time to process. His hands are balled into fists, he notes absentmindedly, a sure sign he is really starting to get riled up. He should leave before he does something stupid.

“So, Steven,” his father spits out his name. “Tell your poor mother why you let him touch you. Why you let him put his diseased hands on your body. Is this the first time he did it? Or is there a reason why you’re trying to cover for him, hmm?” There is an animalistic look in his father’s eyes, and Steve realizes that he’s looking for a reason to destroy their relationship.

If his father ever loved him, Steve wouldn’t know, as he certainly hasn’t for years now. He’s made so many small remarks about how much of a let down Steve is, how much they wish he were different, how he’s a loser and a freeloader. Maybe his parents don’t even think he’s gay, after all. They’re just looking for a reason to burn the bridge, and they found a socially acceptable means to do it.

So he lets it happen.

“We touch all the time, actually. Last night was the first time we hugged, yeah, but we’re no stranger to a friendly fist bump every now and then.” He grinds out his words, looking his father square in the face, letting it be known he is refusing to be like him. Refusing to be a hateful bigot.

"Don't tell me you're a faggot too, son!" His father roars, spittle flying from his mouth. He can barely make out the sound of his mother letting out a sob over the rushing sound of blood in his ears.

"What if I was? You'd hate that, wouldn't you? I bet your coworkers would laugh at you, 'Harrington's got a fag for a son!' That's what they would say, isn't it!?" He screams at his father, the first time he’s ever raised his voice like this.

It happens so quickly, he doesn’t think it happened at all at first. But there he is, flat on his back, with a new pain in his head to accompany the pounding headache he gained from drinking too much last night.

“Robert, no!” His mother cries out, pushing his father aside to get a look at their son.

“Holy shit…you, you punched me! What the fuck dad?” He groans out, placing a shaky hand to his face. The flesh is already so tender that he hisses at the contact.

“Don’t touch him, Mary, you have no idea if he’s infected!”

Whoever said words could never hurt you the way physical pain does was a god damn liar. He watches his mother’s hands still in the air before she retracts them, fully believing that he could be contagious from a hug.

“Fuck. You.” He grinds out and spits at his father. Completely enraged by this, his mother has to use her full strength to hold her husband back from delivering any more blows to their son.

“I think you should go, Steven.” She says once she’s calmed his father down enough, glaring at him with tear stained cheeks.

He wordlessly gets up off the floor and takes one last look at his parent’s faces before shoving past them and storming out the front door. Peeling out of the driveway in his car, he squints in pain at the harsh morning light. His head is absolutely killing him, and he has no idea where to go from here. Steve slams his fists against the steering wheel a few times out of sheer frustration, swearing up a storm. The adrenaline coursing through his body refuses to settle down, and before he knows it, he’s found himself pulling into the Forest Hills Trailer Park entrance.

Whether or not this is a bad idea, he has no clue, but if what his father said about Eddie is true then maybe he can help him sort this out, somehow.

With a clearer head, Steve would have noticed Eddie’s van isn’t present at his trailer, and he would remember that his Uncle Wayne does overnight shifts and sleeps during the day.

Unfortunately for Steve, and Uncle Wayne, he does not have a clear head at the moment.

He pounds on the flimsy front door perhaps a tad too aggressively, shaking the entire trailer with each knock. His eye is starting to swell shut and he still hasn’t gotten the chance to get a drink of water.

Wayne Munson rips the trailer door open, ready to yell colorful obscenities at the rude intruder, but stops short when he takes in the sight in front of him.

"Mr. Munson! I'm so sorry to bother you, but is Eddie...home?" Steve croaks out, gritting his teeth and shielding his face from the sun.

"He isn't, he's at work. Why don't you come in, Steve." Uncle Wayne replies with a heavy sigh, stepping aside to let him in.

"I didn’t know you knew my name,” is all he can manage to say before stepping inside the trailer. It’s been a long time since he was here, but also not long enough. He pointedly avoids looking at the ceiling.

"Mind telling me who put that there?" Uncle Wayne gestures to his face before going to the kitchen and filling a pair water glasses for himself and Steve.

"I'm not...it's nothing, really. I should probably just go to the record store, I appreciate your hospitality Mr. Munson." Before he can move, an aged hand guides him to the couch, and he’s forcibly sat down with a glass of water shoved into his grasp. He wastes no time to drink it down greedily.

"Has Eddie ever told you why he lives with me, and not his folks?"

"No sir, he has not..." He’s starting to not like where this conversation is going. Not that he was enjoying it in the first place.

"It's not really my place to tell you, but let's just say he showed up on my doorstep four years ago, looking just like you do right now. 'Cept he was a lot younger, ‘course."

"I'm not sure if I'm following you, Mr. Munson." He lies, not wanting to continue the rest of the conversation whatsoever. He’s not ready for it, not with a stranger, not after he just got punched in the face by his own father.

"Let's just say his old man didn't take too kindly to a certain...aspect of Eddie's personality. Not a lot of folk do, 'specially 'round here." Uncle Wayne’s gaze penetrates Steve and he shudders under the intensity of it.

"It's not like that..." He replies, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Is or isn't, it makes no difference to me. All I'm saying is that sort of thing is welcome in my home. Welcome, not tolerated, not hated. In here you don't have to worry about that sorta thing. Not with me."

"I appreciate that, but I'm not. I'm not a--" Uncle Wayne cuts him off, eyes narrowing at the potential choice of words.

"A faggot? Go ahead and say it. I've heard it plenty, 'specially from people like you." He spits out before steeling his features, calming right back down.

"Look, I didn't--" He gets cut off again and shrinks back against the couch, feeling incredibly vulnerable.

"No, you look here son. I love Eddie, and I’ve raised him like he was my own, no questions asked. From what I’ve heard, I can tell he cares a lot about you, but right now I'm not really seeing why he does. You need to show me you're not like your old man. I need to hear you say that you aren't going to regurgitate that same bullshit rhetoric, that I won't find my boy with an eye that looks like yours again at your hands." His tone is measured, but it is incredibly clear how serious he is being at this very moment.

"I...yes sir." Steve manages to stutter out, finding the calm and collected manner in which Uncle Wayne is speaking to him far more terrifying than his father’s rage ever has been.

"Yes sir, what?"

"I would never hurt Eddie, sir. Never."

This seems to please Uncle Wayne; he hums in thought and pauses to take a gulp of his water.

"You ever call him that? Well not out loud ‘course, Eddie woulda dropped you by now if you did. You ever think it?" His eyes narrow, scrutinizing Steve with such a severity he thinks he might be sick.

"No! I didn’t even know until…I'm not like my father. I don't want to be like him!” He sighs deeply, and just goes for it. “But fuck this man, I don't want to be like this either! I'm...I'm scared, and I’m confused, and I just want life to be easy god dammit! After everything I’ve been through...why can't it just be easy!?" He’s aware that he’s started crying, but he also knows in the back of his mind that Uncle Wayne wouldn’t judge him for something as human as crying.

"Steve. Life's always gonna be hard. For some, it’s gonna be harder than others. That’s not fair, but you can’t get caught dwelling on that. You can't change how other people think about you, or how they act towards you. The only thing you can control is your own damn self. If you wanna go through life feeling sorry for yourself because you got dealt a shitty hand, that's your prerogative. Just don't go and make it anybody else's problem."

Steve sits there in abject silence, mouth hanging open inelegantly. Tears are still streaming down his face, and his skin is doing that prickly thing again that he hates so much. He’s never been talked to like this before. So raw, and real, no frills but all at the same time it’s somehow exactly what he’s needed to hear, for months now. Uncle Wayne just merely pats him on his shoulder like he didn’t just give Steve an epiphany and stands up off the couch, but not before finishing off his own glass of water.

"I need to get some sleep. You're welcome to stay here, for however much time you need, so long as you respect my schedule and pick up after yourself. And you promise me you'll treat my boy with the respect he deserves, you hear?"

"I...yes, of course Mr. Munson. I promise. Really, I mean it. Thank you." He sputters, not entirely sure how he’s managed to land himself a safe space to live for now.

"You're welcome, don't make me regret this. And please, just call me Uncle Wayne." He gives Steve a soft smile.

"Ok...Uncle Wayne. Sorry for raising my voice at you."

"Don't be sorry son. There’s some frozen vegetables in the freezer for your eye, help yourself." With that said, Uncle Wayne retreats to what is likely his bedroom and shuts the door with a soft click.

He feels like crying some more, so he lets it happen. It’s been so long since he’s cried like this, especially in front of another person, let alone such a masculine figure like Uncle Wayne. He nixes that thought immediately, remembering that he promised to not think like his father. There’s a lot of undoing of his upbringing he’s going to have to accomplish, but he already started that process years ago.

His eye is properly swollen shut now, all the crying he’s been doing just making his condition worse than it could have been. Retrieving a bag of peas and another glass of water, he lowers himself on the couch as gently and quietly as possible, letting out a soft hiss when he applies the freezing cold bag to his tender flesh. It’s not long at all before he falls asleep, although it’s more so like passing out from sheer exhaustion and less like drifting off.

#eddie munson #steve harrington #stranger things #steddie #eddie x steve #eddie munson x steve harrington #stranger things fanfiction #steddie fanfiction #steddie fic #steddie fanfic #cross posted on ao3 #uncle wayne #wayne munson #stranger things smut #steddie smut #steddie fluff

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cowboyhorsegirl · 11 months

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If the final season of Succession took place in June, it would have started normal, Logan would have died, then Kendall+Shiv would have made all the social media people make a Waystar Royce Pride logo, and then Roman would have tried to have it switch to the American flag before the election but forgot, but once Lulas took over he would have switched everything to the “straight pride” flag

(This means Shiv bullied Tom into changing the ATN Twitter logo to the pride flag (but not the Pride Progress Flag because even she couldn’t swing that) it it was that pride themed Twitter that called the election)

mark ravenhead does a 17 minute rant on his show about how even ATN and Waystar Royco have stooped to appeasing the mindless left's gender-bender woke anarchist mob and it bothers ken that ATN's talent is publicly undermining the C-suite's decisions so then Ken decides to go on mark's show to explain why actually gay rights are totally in line with waystar royco's company mission (ken asks shiv if she wants to go on the show instead since it was her suggestion in the first place and she's like 'well that wouldn't make sense, i'm not the co-CEO am I?🤨' and he's like 'haha... riiiiight..😶') and it's a disaster for ken's image because it was stupid of him to try and take mark on on his home turf (when someone points this out to him before the show he scoffs and refutes it by saying that since he's the (co-)CEO ATN is his home turf too even though everyone can see it clearly isn't) and mark just absolutely wipes the floor with him and during the interview hashtag GAYstar starts trending on twitter.

cut to tom watching the show from the ATN control room. greg enters, goes to stand by tom, leans in and says "Oh hey Tom, i saw the new ATN logo, good for you man" and tom's like "excuse me" and greg says "you know, the rainbow logo. congrats on coming out." and tom goes "greg you tiresome buffoon, i'm not gay, it's pride month." and greg's like "wait... are you sure you're not gay" and tom gets more frustrated and leans in and whisper-yells "no i am not gay greg." but as he does it a bit of his spittle lands on greg's lower lip and greg's just watching tom watching his spit shine on greg's lips and they're so, so close to each other in the back of the darkened control room.

and then right at that moment there's a commercial break and ken comes storming over to tom and yanks on his arm and says "hey man😡 can you tell your guy to tone it down in this interview?"

#what is shiv doing during all this? i think shiv is up in the c-suite watching the show and eating. a bagel #succession #anon #signed sealed delivered #waystar royco does pride

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grassbreads · 2 years

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Honestly there’s no version of Greg being into guys that isn’t entertaining as hell.

If Greg is bi and he knows it, then him staying so firmly closeted among the Roys adds an interesting dimension to his whole nepotism/parasite thing since, on top of everything else, he’s choosing to hide this big part of himself in order to keep climbing the ladder. It also makes his unawareness of Tom’s insane attraction to him even wilder, because he’d be a self aware queer man somehow going through the whole Nero/sporus and “fight me” scene without putting things together. Plus, if he’s any degree of out, then he definitely hooked up with that dead waiter lmao.

If Greg is bi and doesn’t know it (or at least won’t admit it), that’s also fascinating as hell. Remember the whole “you might even like that” part of his freakout about prison in the bathroom? Big repressed queer energy right there lol. And I know they probably wouldn’t do this, since Greg plots don’t tend to get into heavy emotional stuff, but it’d also be a cool setup for his very own “oh god I’m becoming my shitty dad” arc. Plus, the concept of Tom and Greg as Totally Heterosexual Besties™ that are both running from the gay thoughts as fast as they can is extremely funny to me (regardless of whether or not Greg’s gay thoughts are about the Wambsgans).

And if he’s fully gay? Then we get everything we’d get from repressed bi Greg, and a layer of insane comphet for his current dating attempts. Does he lose interest in Comfrey so quickly because they’re incompatible/she doesn’t actually care about him, or because he’s rapidly discovering that he does not enjoy receiving affection from a woman as much as he thought he would? At this point, I feel like it could go either way.

Also, regardless of which of these options you go with, and regardless of whether you like tomgreg romantically, you cannot tell me you don’t want to see Tom Wambsgans react to Greg liking dudes

#succession #Greg hirsch #the only boring version of this is straight Greg lol #like any of these options would be *so* interesting #and you’d have to change nothing else about his character to make any of this work #so why *not* make him queer?#hbo I am talking to you ❤️#tomgreg #also media treating canon mlm Greg as ~representation~ would be hysterical #yeah this dude is the most awkward unsexy human being in the world #and also a spineless worm of a man that has never made a real choice in his life #and has become incredibly successful through the powers of entitlement. nepotism. and his boss’s obsession with him #truly the rep that gay people deserve #and they’d be right

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raskolni-kin · 2 years

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i have a lot of thoughts while watching the nero-sporus scene but i didnt take note so here we go, some idea i can still remember lol

first, they’re wearing the exact same striped dress shirt

the way tom telling the story after talking to greg about *greg getting a magical castle*, it’s like he wanted to remind greg that he is still the emperor nero and greg is still his slave boi

also the fact that he (and the writers) chose the story that nero killed his wife instead of another version (his wife died from childbirth and nero used sporus to cope), i feel like they really wants to show that tom is this 👌 close to gone girl shiv right now. he looked so tired, so *i want a divorce* lol (i was even surprised to see him wearing wedding band this ep tbh)

“I’d castrate you and marry you in a heartbeat” ,,,do i even need to explain😭 it’s like tom saying he’d rather be with greg than anyone else in this situation (whether bc he thinks he can still control greg or whatever, *it’s complicated). it’s the closest thing we ever have to tom’s love confession and coming out.

then greg responded with a silly rabbit smile, thinking it was a flirtatious joke as always before he slowly realized that ‘no this is not a joke. tom is dead serious,,, shit’. he felt it. he felt something’s cooking and he was WAITING FOR IT. he even ASKED TOM FOR IT.

but then tom immediately turned to wrestling (very intricate ritual) imo it’s like his first instinct after saying something that is NOT STRAIGHT AT ALL is to conceal it with toxic masculinity, violence, anger. it reminds me of water bottle scene last season,,, internalized homophobia.

this made the next part even more heartbreaking

greg: i don’t wanna do it.

tom: *after mocking him* NEITHER DO I, GREG.

tom also doesn’t want to do it, but do what? bc there’s so many things he didn’t wanna do right now. i feel like this sentence was more of a general statement to everything he’d told before.

he doesn’t wanna go to jail.

he doesn’t wanna castrate and marry greg (= he doesn’t want his homosexuality, more equal power dynamic… not really but i hope u get the point lol)

BUT he also doesn’t wanna start this wrestling fight (= he doesn’t want to conceal his homosexuality, have power, dominance, anger)

and yet he still ended this exchange with more angry talk of business and executive blah blah blab. there’s A LOT to unpack here. tom is having a BIG big gay crisis.

im so normal and not losing my mind at all

#maybe im reading too much into it but #how can you blame me? im english major student lol #succession #tomgreg #tom wambsgans #greg hirsch #cousin greg #nero and sporus #nerosporus tomgreg

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icarusgreg · 2 years

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jesse armstrong come here psst psst here's my s4 pitch shhh i know you can make it work so listen at the beginning of the season greg thinks he is finally sure tom is in love with him for real. also greg is finally confirmed to be a gay guy to the audience in his private mental breakdown. but the thing is he actually doesn't like tom that way so he has a panic attack for 15 minutes screen time because he thinks tom is going to declare himself and greg doesn't know how to turn him down now that he made the deal with the devil and has no backup plan and nowhere to escape to if things go sideways like in the safe room. he might even be living in a new apartment tom got for him after kenny has to kick him out of the current one because of plot reasons or schemes or whatever and greg knows he can't afford to lose yet another place to live (except he is making money and could pay for an apartment himself but it wouldn't be nearly as nice as the other ones right?). he spends the entire season trying to find good subtle polite ways of letting tom know his feelings aren't reciprocated and also avoiding him every time he thinks tom's about to open up so he doesn't have to deal with it. and because he's panicking the entire time thinking he's going to lose everything he has built so far he realizes he needs to get ahead of tom and get one step closer to logan so in the frenzy he ends up fucking up tom's career and reputation in front of logan and the company and maybe even social media. meanwhile tom has been having the time of his life because now he truly feels like he's standing on an even field with shiv, the tension between them also becomes sexual tension because shiv seems to be more into him than before they even got married because she has severe issues. their whole thing is on obviously a rocky unpredictable path that causes him anxiety throughout the show but still tom speaks his mind and uncovers his sadness and resentment to her and after some arguing and crying they finally have a moment of genuine but soft honesty. in the meantime tom treats greg really nice because he is his property and he the only certainty tom has in life right now, but he also truly really likes him. he thinks he's a really good dog he taught well. he's such a good boy he even lets him out without his leash sometimes. of course it surprises him when greg bites back and most of all when after asking him why he did what he did greg says "sorry tom i just like um. im very awfully - uhhh but uh nonchalantly flattered, i just didn't know how to um, respectfully, turn down your feelings? for me. the you know feelings you have dare i say romantic? even? and it all escalated exceedingly quickly, tom, i swear it wasn't my fault i just i tried to tell you you know? i just felt like. cornered. a little i guess. no hard feelings though right? right tom???" and then tom just has an aneurysm

#succession #greg hirsch #tom wambsgans #tomgreg #I guess???

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sigurdjarlson · 2 years

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Hi hi. I love your long posts so I'm here to ask you how you think Tom would react to the first instance of Greg being openly bratty to him

Thank you so much <3

Hmm..we’ve gotten brief glimpses of bratty Greg with Tom

When Tom is making fun of him for his criminal mastermind skillz Greg gets genuinely pissed and says “shut up”

BUT he immediately backs down when Tom turns around and sternly says “Easy.” Which is Tom putting him back in his place and Greg proceeds to look at the ground and mumble “sorry”

(God he’s such a sub)

Greg has since gotten more confident though (cocky even at times) .

I think the “prove it” scene is actually the best example of bratty Greg

Tom is being a prick bc he’s jealous as usual. Greg however bites back here and doesn’t back down. “Well, how did you get Shiv, huh? She’s out of your league”

He’s being purposefully provocative here. He’s trying to one up Tom here for once. He even gets closer?

Which gets him the, “ohh, testy Greg? I’ll tell you why, it’s because I have a dick like a red sequoia and I fuck like a bullet train. Okay? Satisfied?”

Tom responds as he usually does, trying to put Greg in his place. He expects this to make Greg shut up as usual.

Which it’s not shown in this gif here but for a brief moment this does render Greg silent. He just goes :0

But then Greg, comes out with PROVE IT because the mere idea of Tom having a big dick and fucking like a bullet train has literally destroyed any other thought in his mind I guess

Like my dude has his everything SET on one thing now and it’s in Tom’s pants

He doesn’t stutter once. He even like prowls closer to him and Tom backs off with his “What?!”

He’s not used to Greg responding.

Full height, no leaning or stooping to make himself smaller, unflinching eye contact

He is trying to get a reaction out of Tom. He’s trying to provoke him into action. (And if not that then he at least has the satisfaction of rendering Tom at a loss for words for once)

He wants Tom to well..prove it. Which there’s really only one way to read that. He wants Tom to fuck him like a bullet train with his apparently huge tree trunk of a dick.

He’s being a brat ;)

It’s the same sort of brattiness as someone saying “well, make me.” or “you can’t make me.”

It’s an invitation and a challenge. Put me in my place, prove me wrong.

Unfortunately for us and Greg..Tom does not take the bait here (I don’t think he thinks Greg is being serious here honestly but…I think he might be. Like it came out impulsively but why on earth would he think to say they if he didn’t on some level went it?)

He wants Tom’s dick so bad here tho I’m like holy shit Nicholas Braun thank you for showing us Greg is an absolute size queen and a cockslut <3 (bottom Greg is real damn it)

Greg, you filthy little cock goblin <3

So, I guess what I’m getting to is this is probably how it would go except Tom would be less taken aback now that Greg has given him attitude a few times:

(also they’re in the middle of Kendall’s bday party in the prove it scene. Like people are everywhere and Greg is basically screaming FUCK ME, FUCK ME.

And Tom doesn’t take him seriously either here I think)

So, I think if the conditions were right Tom would probably push back and as usual try to reassert himself. Greg would keep testing him and hopefully that ends with Tom finding a very fun way to deal with Greg’s bratty behavior.

More likely is they get into another rousing round of gay chicken but don’t do anything about it because they’re so damn dumb lmao

#asks #succession asks #tomgreg

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hologramcowboy · 2 years

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It’s not the AAs and Hellers that Danneel needs to worry about, it’s her husband. Jensen will throw her under the bus the moment the prequel airs and the criticism rolls in. Look at what he did to Jared, he had several chances to get the story right in regards to prequel gate and every time he put the blame on Jared’s shoulders. Look at the way he talked about the finale when he didn’t get the ending he wanted. Look at the “cute” family stories he tells at cons, this most recent con in particular. He knows that Danneel is a… controversial figure in the fandom, and he still tells stories that paint her in a bad light and cast him as the long suffering husband. When it comes time to face the fans who want answers as to how could Jensen take SPN and turn it into Riverdale, he’s going to do his best to make it Danneel’s fault.

~A Con in the Not So Distant Future~

Jensen: I was so busy working on creating Superhero content with Greg Berlanti, I didn’t have time for the prequel. Danneel really stepped up and did most of the work, and every time I checked in she would assure me that she had everything under control. I trusted her of course, she had a vision and a story she really wanted to tell so I let her do her thing. Some things probably got lost in translation, but overall Danneel told a really great story working with what she had. It would probably be better if women and that community weren’t in it*, but that’s just want people want these days. I just lent my name, some money and my voice for the Dean voiceover. You guys liked that part right? No? Well, the voiceover wasn’t my idea. I’m such a shy little guy, Danneel practically had to strong arm me into doing it. Have I said her name enough that this is her problem yet?

*that little part is brought to you by Jensen’s weird way of referring to the LGBTQ+ community at con this weekend (you won’t turn gay if you say it Jensen), his hatred of Sera Gamble and SPN’s weird thing about killing off women on the show and claiming it was because they made the female audience jealous.

Sadly, Anon, I think you are right. He'll be the first to throw her under the bus. But again, I think this prequel is pre-approved and actually made by the network not by them specifically, they are just a marketing ploy. I just wonder WHY the studio wants to elevate their profiles of all people, they are two of the most unprepared actors in comparison to all others so it makes no sense.

#jensen critical #anti jenneel

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lifewithdavefarts · 3 years

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DaveFarts - Episode 4 “Post Gym Gas” [Episode List] The showers at Dave’s gym are once again out of order so he shows up at Tim’s house to take a shower. This time, however, he’s not in a rush, so he can spend a bit more quality time with his best friend… With some help from the gassy effects of his fiber bars…

Unlike the other stories, this one is told from Dave’s POV.

Post-Gym Gas

“Man… thanks again, Tim.” I said, showing up in his bedroom wearing only a pair of boxers.

Yes, only a pair of underwear. Tim’s gay? He finds this attractive?

Who cares. That’s how I act when I’m around our other straight friends and I’m not going to treat Tim “unnaturally”, or like he’s some kind of of sick person, just because he thinks he’s making me uncomfortable. Heck: he probably got a boner right now. Big. Fucking. Deal. I’ll just take that as a compliment.

“Those idiots at the gym again messed everything up. Maybe I should go to a different one.”

I grabbed the towel that Tim gave me earlier and pressed it on the rest of my body as I still felt a bit too wet. I then checked my phone, answering a couple of texts from my girlfriend Dana and put on my pair of black gym shorts (they’re not really ‘shorts’ actually as they almost go below my knees when I get up). I remain bare-chested as it’s not really a cold evening and I don’t want to sweat again: I just took a shower!

As usual, I felt my stomach rumble a bit. “Fucking fiber bars again!” I thought. I ripped like eight long farts under the shower, but I still feel bloated. Is the gym working? I’m eating tons of those bars and I just can’t see the point. Well, at least they sure make Tim happy.

Yeah… Tim, my great, disgusting best friend. Can’t believe he likes this stuff.

Look at him, trying to read his books, in silence. He’s already as red as a tomato. I wonder when he’ll understand that he doesn’t have to feel so embarrassed about this stuff, not around me at least.

Speaking of which, I think I got one ready…

I couldn’t hide my smirk as I slowly got up and walked towards my friend sitting behind his desk. I was literally towering him. Tiny, short Tim: must defend at all costs!

I don’t know how this stuff works, but I hope he’s enjoying it.

And, honestly, I think it’s hilarious, and I’m always glad to share a few good laughs with him.

“Dude. I think I got a big one for ya.” I simply said.

I turned around, chuckling a bit, pointing his butt at his face. I leaned a bit and I felt his defenseless head brushing against the fabric of my gym shorts. I already started to laugh. I’m a worthless immature, but I thought that was hilarious. I pushed a bit and the fart came out naturally, as big as my usual blasts. I made sure that my ass was still brushing against my friend’s face: I need to make clear that I’m perfectly comfortable with his fetish.

The fart vibrated violently through my shorts right in his face.

Eight seconds. Man! I’m so talented. Fucking fibers though.

I turned around to check whether my friend survived to that, and his hilarious smile confirmed that he was alive and well (and probably aroused too, but that’s a problem I can’t take care of). I bursted into a laugh, I couldn’t’ help it.

“Told ya it was big!”

He nodded at me and smiled.

As long he’s comfortable around me it’s great.

We still spend an incredible amount of time together and, to be honest, nothing really changed.

But sometimes Tim acts a bit too awkward, so I just make him understand (every. single. time.) that there’s no reason to act all weird around me. Dude, I’m like your brother, you can trust me! I trust you, that’s for sure!

Man, I’m pretty sure he wishes more face-farts right now.

I wonder if he will ever have the guts to ask me directly. He knows I’m a proud farter, I’ve always been.

Gotta admit that the funniest part about all of this is how much of a dork Tim is, seriously.

If he wasn’t gay, pretty sure some girl out there would have considered him adorable.

To me, however, it was a mixture of annoying and hilarious.

I felt my belly hurt a bit; fiber bars were still messing up with my stomach. I finally put on a black undershirt and sat again on my friend’s bed. I’ll leave in a couple of minutes though, gotta a lot of stuff to work on back at home.

“Dave…”

Apparently, Tim just grew a pair.

I saw him turning red, into a stuttering pile of awkwardness.

I pretended to have no idea of what he was going to tell me and I tried not to laugh at him.

“I’d hate to make you uncomfortable but…”

I checked my phone, not even looking at him, if that made him more comfortable.

“But since you seem so open-minded about it I was wondering… nah never mind!”

I chuckled a bit. “What?” I asked, knowing exactly what he was going to say.

“It’s just that I don’t want you to think that I want to be your friend because of…”

“…because of my farts?” I simply said, cutting him off.

He almost fell from his chair and quickly stood up, nervous as usual.

“Tim, I know you’re not an asshole. If you were, I wouldn’t be here.” I stated.

Let me tell you the truth: I knew that Tim loved my farts and most of all loved the fact that I didn’t care at all about his fetish. And that’s it. He was my friend before realizing his fetish, since middle school.

Tim always says “Oh Dave! He’s so great. Always looking out for me!”, but that’s because he’s an insecure little shit.

The truth is that Tim has always been the one looking out for me. He’s always been there, for reasons that I don’t really want to explain, but let’s just say that sometimes it was pretty serious family stuff.

He’s not an asshole: he’s the opposite of that.

I know he considers me “the” best of the friends.

Let me tell you that I consider myself lucky to have a friend like him.

It’s hard to believe, I know, since he’s so weak and awkward, while I’m stronger and all this bullshit, but trust me.

This “best friend” thing goes both ways. He’s my bro.

“Were you going to ask me for a fart?” I asked, with a smirk.

His reaction was priceless.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. It’s just too… gay I guess.” he tried to say, faking a chuckle, trying to *not* sound embarrassed, completely terrified.

It’s not like this came out of nowhere though.

I did “help” somehow, not only with my continuous face-farting.

I even send him random fart videos on WhatsApp. That must be painful for him.

“That’s not what friends are for. You’re already doing so much for me. You’re being so supportive, more than I could have ever hoped, and I’m not only talking about… well… this” he said, too embarrassed to pronounce the word 'fart’ apparently. “I’m not in the position to ask for this stuff. Sorry.”

That was too easy.

I nodded and then, with a deft movement, gently kicked his ankle, making him trip on his own bed. His head landed right next to my sagging (in shorts) butt and I didn’t even need to move.

“There. Now you’re in the position to ask.” I chuckled.

He was, quite literally, in the *right* position: I could sit on his face in a moment.

I laughed so much at him, but I wanted to laugh with him.

I simply stared at my gay friend and smiled, finding his teary, embarrassed eyes a bit too hilarious maybe. I finally lifted my butt, and put it above his defenseless face. I didn’t sit directly on him: my ass was hovering above him, only inches away from his nose. I then started to fart, as I usually do.

Fiber bars were an incredible fuel. The blast almost ripped my pants. Even I could feel the wind being fired right in my friend’s face. Disgusting. Disgustingly hilarious. I bursted again into a laugh and I sat directly on his head as the fart kept going. One of my best of that day, that’s for sure. I think it lasted around 9 seconds.

Pretty sure he loved it.

“Smells great, does it?” and I lost it, laughing again like an immature jerk, despite being in my 20s.

Tim was dazed, startled and sat next to me.

I patted his shoulder in a friendly manner and he turned to me, finally laughing too.

“Gotta go now, bro.” I said, it was getting too late. “See ya tomorrow. I’m expecting you to join us this weekend. We’re having a surprise party for Lucy.”

“Of course! I already texted Greg. He’s got a new car and can pick both of us, so we can drink as much as we want!” he replied, with a rare smirk.

You smooth little fucker.

You act all awkward around me, but you’re still a party-animal.

So proud of you, bro.

“Finally! That’s the Tim I want to hear!” I said, heading downstairs. “See ya tomorrow then…”

Outside of the house, in his front yard, I then ripped one last, long, rumbling fart.

Fucking fibers!

I guess this one is literally on the house, Tim.

End of Episode 4

#fart story #eproctophilia #fartkink #davefarts2 #gayfart #malefarts

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1dmonthlyficroundup · 3 years

Text

1D Monthly Fic Roundup

Hi, and welcome to the 1D Monthly Fic Roundup for August 2021! Below you’ll find 23 One Direction fics that were all published this month in the order they were submitted to the blog. We hope you’ll check out these new fics! If you would like to submit your own fic, please check this post on how to submit or visit our blog @1dmonthlyficroundup.

Happy reading!

He Carries The Key by @lululawrence

[Niall/Louis, OT5, 8k, Not Rated, tumblr post]

Niall was mostly home, ready for a shower and a chat with Louis, when suddenly Niall was flooded with emotions from the pack bond.Shock. Surprise. Confusion.But mostly fear.Something was wrong with Louis.

Plus One by mynameispiaivy / @missrefridgefreetorator

[Louis/Luke Malak, 3k, Mature, tumblr post]

Louis is invited to an event and he has to bring a "plus one".

Better Mistakes by lovelarry10 / @chloehl10

[Harry/Louis, 117k, Explicit, tumblr post]

“Look, this doesn’t have to be the end of the world-”

“Oh but it fucking is,” Louis said, shaking his head. “How the fuck am I going to tell Matt I’m pregnant with a baby when we’ve not had sex in months? He might be a bit thick sometimes, but he is gonna know there’s no chance this baby is his.”

“You don’t have to, uh, tell him it’s mine, right?”

Louis scoffed. “Why, are you scared he’s gonna come and kick the shit out of you?”

“He wishes,” Harry laughed, looking back down at the test. “Shit, I … I can’t believe this. Louis, I didn’t mean for this. Honestly. It was just sex for me. We have great sex, and I didn’t see why I should have to turn that down, not when you clearly wanted it as much as I did. I didn’t want this to end in a baby.”

Louis knows he shouldn’t be sleeping with his boyfriend’s enemy. He knows that. But there’s something that draws him back to Harry over and over again. Falling in love wasn’t part of the plan...

Thou, Sun, Art Half As Happy by @lululawrence

[Louis/Harry/Nick Grimshaw, 7k, Not Rated, tumblr post]

Hello, I’m sorry if this isn’t a post that is allowed on this channel, but I was hoping for the best since it is regarding a photography project I’m working on at the moment. I’m working on a set of sunrise kiss photos and therefore am needing a willing kissing partner. I’d hoped to be able to provide one for myself, but it hasn’t panned out, so here I am! I was hoping to find someone here, since I know most of you (at least peripherally) and can generally vouch for you not being creeps. Plus this way I know you will understand needing to continue to tweak the camera settings and reshoots etc that others might not.

Anyway, I’m looking for someone who identifies as male or male-ish (sorry, ladies) who is between the ages of 18 and 40. I’m a 29 year old male-ish myself, for those who would like to know before replying.

If you’re interested and are free the early morning of August 7th and would like to kiss in the sunrise with me for the sake of some (hopefully) interesting and fun photos, let me know via DM and I’ll give you the location.

OR the one where Louis needs a kissing partner, two show up, and it all might turn out for the best that way.

call my name and save me from the dark by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed / we_are_the_same

[Louis/Harry, 4k, Teen & Up, tumblr post]

“I don’t know if it was a nightmare,” he confesses to the ceiling, the darkness making it easier to speak up even when he still has to close his eyes to stop himself from tearing up. “It feels more like a memory. But it can’t be.”

Harry shifts, and Louis can feel his chin perched on his chest, doesn’t need to look at him to know that Harry’s studying him. “Why?” He prompts, when Louis doesn’t immediately continue, and Louis swallows, tries to shrug off the apprehension, the fear that Harry will think that he’s gone mad.

“Because I heard them pronounce me dead.”

Feels like home by @neondiamond

[Louis/Harry, 2k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Louis comes home from work with an exciting surprise. Daydreaming and celebrations ensue.

this is my jam by @disgruntledkittenface

[Harry/Louis, 4k, Mature, tumblr post]

The guy’s eyes are so blue that Harry can’t tear his gaze away, even as he moves to the beat. The searing light shade is magnetic; he finds himself leaning in and yelling, “This is my jam!” only to earn a laugh from thin pink lips that Harry’s definitely going to be dreaming about tonight.

“Your jam?”

When the guy yells back over the music, his blue eyes sparkling and his lips twisted in a smirk, Harry’s chest literally puffs out with pride at earning his attention. His obvious approval. Tongue-tied, Harry nods and closes his eyes as he lets go, the music reverberating around them. All of the usual inhibitions that keep him in the corner at parties fall away and he bounces around the center of the dance floor, waving his arms above his head. Somehow his towel stays on, even as he starts to think he wouldn’t mind if it fell off. Fuck it. He finally made it here, he’s damn well going to enjoy it.

Harry goes to a gay bathhouse for the first time. 90s AU.

I Know My Arithmedick (2 + 2 = 4sum) by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright

[Harry/Louis + Louis/multiple partners, 3k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Harry wants to watch Louis fuck someone else. Louis loves giving Harry what he wants. It’s simple math, really.

doG…and his friend by @uhoh-but-yeah-alright / yeah_alright

[Louis/Harry, 3k, Teen & Up, tumblr post]

When Joan has to move out of her small, nice home and in with a random roommate, she obviously brings her dog/boyfriend, Doug, with her.

Doug makes a friend. And maybe more.

I Heard You Talking by @lululawrence

[Louis/Harry, 10k, Not Rated, tumblr post]

It had been an hour of their noise that Louis had been dealing with, and for some reason the fact that these grown men were being this rowdy in the quiet carriage over a game of Uno was the breaking point for him. He stood up and turned around, making his way down to where the group of five were somehow gathered around a table.

Louis stopped at the table and cleared his throat, mouth open and ready to politely request they keep it down when the man who was sitting with his back to Louis turned.

He was stunningly gorgeous.

Blinking a ridiculous number of times in an attempt to pull himself together, Louis coughed and spit out, “This is the quiet carriage.”

God, he was nearly forty and that was the best he could do in front of a set of pretty, green eyes?

Or the one where Harry is famous and Louis doesn't have a clue. Good thing his son is able to help him out.

All That You Need by @haztobegood

[Louis/Harry, 2k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Pre-heat was always one of Harry’s favorite times to spend with Louis. It was a time to rest up and indulge in extra cuddles, like basking in a ray of sunshine before having to dive off the deep end. Louis lavishes him with tender touches and soft kisses. Harry wants to savor this time as long as possible. The unquenchable need will come later, but for now, his desires are simple. He just needed to be closer to his alpha. As close as possible.

sickly sweet fonding by amomentoflove / @daggerandrose

[Louis/Harry, 1k, General, tumblr post]

A few members of their crew start piling up the dirty dishes and taking them over to the sink. Harry walks around the cameras, and smiles brightly at Louis.

“What do you think, Lou? Do I have it in the bag?”

Louis eyes a bowl of bright pink lumpy batter being cleaned from Harry’s side. “Of course you do.” He wraps an arm around Harry’s waist and steers him away, all while ignoring the dramatic gagging Niall is doing. He doesn’t think it’s just the batter making Niall gag.

or the one where Louis fonds over Harry's horrible baking skills

Fractured Moonlight by amomentoflove / @daggerandrose

[Louis/Harry, 1k, Mature, tumblr post]

Louis huffs because he doesn’t want to deal with this. “Listen, I appreciate your concern.” He doesn’t. “But it’s not your duty to look after the sad man at the bar. Okay?”

'Ere comes the milk by stretchmybones / @onlyfor-thegays

[Harry/Louis, 1k, Explicit]

Louis is obsessed with Harry's mommy milkers.

everything comes back to you by stretchmybones / @onlyfor-thegays

[Louis/Harry, 8k, Explicit]

Harry and Louis are childhood best friends. What happens when Harry has to move towns just as they are starting their secondary gender presentations? What happens when fate brings them back together years later in the most unexpected of ways?

He Still Takes My Breath Away by @parmahamlarrie

[Harry/Louis, 32k, Teen & Up, tumblr post]

Camp Infinity is the perfect place for a lot of things; hiking, swimming, sports, eating, and falling in love. Harry Styles is a bit too familiar with the last one from his years of being a camper. This year things will be different. He’s 21, a grown man now, and ready to see Camp Infinity from a different point of view; working as a lifeguard. However, his whole summer turns upside down when a familiar British lad makes his return into Harry's life.Or the one where Harry is a lifeguard and Louis is the head of recreation. And, sometimes, you just need a little push to realize what was right in front of you the whole time.

Also known as – The Summer Camp Fic

tread lightly on my ground by fairytalelights / @lookslikefairytale

[Louis/Harry, 20k, Explicit, tumblr post]

No, that's the tragic part of this, the part that makes Harry feel like the universe is playing a cruel joke on him. The father of his baby is exactly right, exactly who he always imagined himself having kids with. He just imagined them married, bonded. Happy. He didn't imagine them barely talking, tip-toeing around each other because neither of them is brave enough to talk about what happened between them. He didn't imagine the father of his child not loving him back.

or, the one where Harry is having Louis' baby, but Louis doesn't know it's his.

Getting a Head for Heights by @ladyaj-13 / LadyAJ_13

[Louis/Greg James, 3k, Teen & Up, tumblr post]

The problem is, Louis thinks Greg would be quite good to date, so it would really help if everyone would stop reminding him of that fact so he could unthink it. He’d be a gentleman, at least until Louis talked him out of it, and he’s funny and nice and hot and they’re both into music and football and drama. He’s also a freakish giant of a human, and the problem with dating is that sooner or later you have to stand next to each other.

We Go Together (series) by @beelou / cherrylarry

[Louis/Harry, 3k, General, tumblr post]

A grease au

Hot Boy Summer (series) by @louisandtheaquarian / zita17

[Harry/Louis, 35k, Teen & Up, tumblr post]

Louis is an overworked bartender hoping to save up enough extra tips to buy a new air conditioner before he literally melts during a scorching NYC heat wave. Harry is the new neighbor that wakes him up by moving in his sole day off at 6am. An NYC enemies to neighbors to lovers AU featuring a rickety fire escape, the 2021 Euros, Lirry bickering like a divorced couple, and enough OT5 clichés to rot your teeth. (If Harry's pastries don't get them first.)

across the river is where my heart is by 4ureyesonly28 / @evilovesyou

[Louis/Harry, 8k, General, tumblr post]

The first time they see each other is when they are toddlers, playing out in the yard. Louis remembers sitting on the perfectly trimmed lawn and getting yelled at for picking at the soft blades of grass; she remembers looking over, across the narrow but deep and wild river, and watching another little girl, out in a different garden, picking flowers for her mother.

She remembers carefully raising her hand and waving—her little heart beating hard in her chest, as if she had done something dangerous, something forbidden, even though back then she could not understand the true divide the River made amongst them.

bright eyes, blue denim by 4ureyesonly28 / @evilovesyou

[Louis/Harry, 2k, General, tumblr post]

Louis' favourite jeans have suddenly disappeared from where he always got them. Harry is a store manager with an affinity for customer care, particularly when the customer has bright blue eyes and happens to be very flirty.

whatever you feel like doing in this moment by 4ureyesonly28 / @evilovesyou

[Harry/Louis, 2k, General, tumblr post]

Louis gets all that he's ever wanted during his favourite game at their group's weekly improv show.

#28th appreciation #tracksintheam #trackinghome #trackinghappily #1dsource #one direction fan fic

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 3 years

Note

The Laura snapes tweet made me had a range of reactions. The first was, why assume they’re straight and not think they’re queer and that’s why there’s queer subtext? Then I thought well I probably wouldn’t say that as a journalist with access to celebrities. Then I thought, but is it right to not acknowledge the existence of the closet? Then, but should this conversation not happen at all then, that feels wrong.

I was just watching the Longpond Sessions the other day, which brought me back to this ask.

Laura Snapes has deleted her twitter, so I can’t find the original tweet, but I’ve thought about it loads. It was something like: ‘With so many mainstream pop artists putting queer subtext in their work, does that reinforce the idea to young fans that queerness is something that should be hidden and obscured’.

The first reply was: ‘She’s gay your honour’ (The timing made the connection with Taylor obvious, although I can’t remember why). And in general the discussion was very good (Harry was also explicitly mentioned), but I found that my thoughts were kind of going off in completely different angles.

Because my first thought was - perhaps it’s the hiddenness of queerness that people are responding to.

More than anything else it made me think of a Happiest Season review that really bothered me. I haven’t seen Happiest Season (I’m now watching whole series of half hour shows, but I’m still not up to movies), but one of the reviews really stuck with me. It opened by covering the promo that Kristen Stewart and Clea Duvall had done in the lead up to the film. In particular, how they both talked about identifying with MacKenzie Davis’s character and having felt like that was role they’d had to play because of their careers. The writer then proceeded to absolutely trash the movie and particularly how terribly MacKenzie Davis’s character had navigaged the closet and treated Kristen Stewart’s character.

I’m not suggesting the reviewers assessment was wrong or unreasonable. But it seemed to me a pretty horrific thing to do to take quotes where the creative team making a movie talked about how much they identified with this particular way of navigating oppression, and then tear into the fictionalised version. I think if you’re going to write about what people have said about the way they navigate oppression in the context of art they’ve made, you don’t have to like the art, but you do need to treat their lives with compassion.

I think there’s something more going on. I think there is an experiential gulf, between queer people who write about culture, and queer people who make certain types of culture. The way homophobia operates in many places is changing, most notable the closet is not a necessity to navigate many workplaces now. While queer people writing about culture will have a whole range of experiences of homophobia - it’s not necessarily a common experience to be told that being open about your sexuality will do a huge amount of harm to your career. Whereas actors and singers (and directors and writers who were actors or singers), that is still an incredibly central part of their experience of their sexuality.

I thought about this more when I learned that Robbie Rogers, Greg Berlanti’s partner and one of the producers on My Policeman, had been an out football player. I’ve seen the idea that we’ve had ‘enough’ sad queer stories, mentioned over and over again. Robbie Rogers called My Policeman a passion project; Harry Styles seems to have put quite a lot on the line to play Tom. It seems like My Policeman is story that resonates with people who have experienced the idea that their ability to do what they loved would be destroyed by being open with their sexuality. And I think there’s something slightly obscene about people who are unlikely to have experienced that, to somehow call enough of sadness or depictions of oppression. (To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with not liking particular kind of stories, but lots of people go beyond that and suggest that therefore those stories should not exist - and I think that’s very loaded).

Clea DuVall and Kristen Stewart acted professionally before they were 20. All professional football players have to be serious in their teen years. Harry Styles, became a public figure when he was 16. Their experience of their sexuality is going to be very different from their peers. In some ways easier, money always helps. But that specific dynamic of being very successful at doing something you love, and being surrounded by people who tell you everything would be at risk if you came out - that’s a different set of threats than those a lot of other queer people experience.

In this context, I think there’s something quite grotesque at looking at artists who have been teen celebrities and saying ‘make happier queer art’.

For those of us who want more queer joy in popular culture - I think there are two choices. Make it ourselves, or fight for a better world where nobody feels like they have to make it. As long as there's queer pain in the world, there must be space for it in art.

#I am pretty much always against #the idea that certain stories shouldn't be told #or have been told enough #there are so many different things that can be done with a story #but it seems particularly cruel #to put young queer artists #through particular kinds of pain #and then demand they make happier art #Obviously this assumes that the subtext comes from queer people #but that's also my strategy #to assume that issues do affect people personally #(to do otherwise #always seems to me to be prioritising straight people over queer people #- or other oppressions as the case may be #I'm more interested in protecting possible queer people #than policing possible straight people)

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piratewithvigor · 3 years

Text

My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously.

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged.

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

#I made this instead of doing homework #Classic Rock #Meme

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