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darthslaydr · 3 years

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Teach me how to love you

Summary- Dean is possessive and jealous. A guy's hands-on y'n makes him lose his mind. He gets physical but doesn't know how to show his affection, he asks her to teach him how to love her.

Pairing- Dean Winchester x Reader

Characters- Dean, Sam, Y'N, Iris

Word count- 1.7k

Warning- SMUT, possessive, jealous, physical, low-key toxic Dean, training.

Suggestions are open loves!

MASTERLIST

The Winchester ritual consists of going to the bar to wash off any sorrow, it was almost like therapy. The bar was almost jammed pack, you always had a good time because you practically grew up in bars. You always wore the same jeans and flannel going to the hunts, but it is always so hot in the bars, everyone’s bodies just sticking together, it was really hard to be wearing something like jeans, so you always carried shorts and wore a tank top underneath the flannel.

Y/N’s POV

I was riding the backseat of the Impala, truth was I am bullied by the boys, so they do not let me ride shotgun. Sam was passed out in the front and Dean had his eyes on the road. We all stayed in silence till Dean played “Cherry Pie”. That damn song always did something to me. Gave me every inch of confidence and god complex

“ We are almost there,” Dean said, looking at you in the rearview mirror.

I just nodded and looked away. I could still feel his eyes on me. I slowly started unbuttoning my flannel, that damn song. I took of the flannel, showing my tank top, which had Harley Davidson on it. I started unbuttoning my pants and my eyes met Dean’s in the rearview mirror. He shied away and moved his eyes on the road. I changed into short shorts and during the whole changing process his eyes kept flickering off and on from me.

We entered in front of the pub. I knew I was good-looking, I shut down every insecurity, I hate being vulnerable. We walked into the club, Sam went to look for a table and Dean and I went to the bar, finally. You ordered the same as Dean, strong drinks as always. Dean went to some chick, as always, and this time Sam also got one, finally. I was left alone at the bar and a certain handsome guy seated himself beside me. He had ocean blue eyes and the sweetest way of talk. God, he is handsome. I started feeling incredibly hot when his hands touched my thigh, slowly caressing it. That moment was interrupted by Sam.

“Hey, Y/N, sorry for disturbing you but Iris and I are going back to the motel, and we are taking the car. If you want to come now, then you can but the motel is like 10 mins away from here.” He had a girl in his arm and he was visibly drunk. I chuckled and told him I can walk. He smiled and walked away.

The handsome sitting in front of you, Dave, had his hand fixed on the upper part of my thigh.

“Maybe we can get out of here too?” He whispered in my ear

I looked around to find Dean, he was too drunk to walk alone. I could not leave him.

“How about we take this behind the Pub?” I asked

Of course, he said yes.

I chugged the sixth drink and was pretty drunk. He grabbed my hand and helped me stand. He then put his hand on my lower back and soon grabbed my ass. I looked behind and saw Dean looking at me while a girl kissed his neck. I mouthed that I will be back and he did nothing. I ignored it and walked out with Dave, he pushed me against the wall and started kissing my neck, grabbed my hand above my head and started unzipped my shorts. People were still going in and out of the bar, and publically having sex was not exactly my cup of tea.

“No not yet,” I said

He just nodded and continued kissing. It soon just became a hot makeout sesh. With different turns, I was pinned against the wall and then he was. While hovering over him, a strong pair of arms pulled me back and held me against someone’s chest.

“Beat it.” A low growl said behind me

I turned around to find a similar face, Dean. He was pissed and I could smell the alcohol on him. Dave did not even ask twice and just ran away. I pushed Dean off and started walking away from him towards the motel.

“Y/N wait,” Dean said while running behind me.

“I am too drunk for this hold on.” He said behind me.

“Dean, I know you are. That is why” I took in a deep breath. “We will talk tomorrow.”

The walk back was quiet and I could feel he was sorry. We soon reached the motel and we could hear Sam in the room.

“You can wait in my room,” I asked Dean, but he started walking away before I could say anything else.

“I am just going to go to the convenient store, it is 2 mins away.” He said and moved away.

I went into my room and changed my clothes and made coffee, two cups of coffee because Dean did not know that the convenience store was closed. I knew he would be back.

I hear a faint knock on the door. I looked through the peephole and it was as expected, Dean.

As soon as I opened the door, he kissed me. It was wanting, passionate and almost like the world was coming to an end. He pushed me against the door and shut the door with the help of my body. He closed to my neck and I didn’t impose. He raised me and my legs crossed across his waist, he tore my tank top in half and started making his way down to my breasts, my hands getting tangled in his hair. I removed the shreds of the clothes hanging from my shoulders. He carried me and laid me on my bed. He took off his shirt and I removed my shorts. He got ahold of my panty and removed it in a second and tied my hands to the bed rest with my panty and he worked on removing my bra. He moved down tracing every inch of my body till he reached my thighs and started teasing all the sweet spots. His hands soon dug into my thigh and his mouth was exactly where it needed to be. I screamed out loud, he feels so different, feels so pure. God. My back ached and my arms screamed to be let free and roamed freely in his hair. He soon came in front of my face and without any indication, he put himself, the full length, in me. He grabbed my throat and I begged for him even more. He came next to my ear and said, “You are mine, and you better say it.” Those words could not be comprehended, but with every thrust, I got closer and with the last thrust remaining for me to come, he pulled away and looked at me, “You better say it.”

As he said it his hickey’s from that night glaring through. I raised my head up as far as I could and whispered, “ You say it first.” In that second he thrust so far deep, that I saw stars. I came, he came and maybe that was us agreeing to each other? He moved out of me and wore his pants and started moving out of the room.

“Hey, untie me,” I screamed at him.

He moved back towards me and said that “this is what you get for asking me to say that”, and kissed my forehead. Dick.

Thank god I am a hunter, I will not only be able to get my hands untied and kill that Winchester. I wore a shirt and a different pair of panties and fell asleep. I woke up about an hour later realizing the training I have with the elder Winchester. Well, that will be interesting.

------

“Good morning, Samuel.”

He kissed my head and said, “That is not my name.”

I entered the room and I met the handsome figure of Dean, my mind went into the last night sex and got butterflies instantly.

“I have some things to do, and by some things I mean a meet Iris on a date,” Sam said

This piqued the interest in the room.

“Don’t say anything.” He continued.

“You are working out with Dean alone.” Sam looked at me and said.

My heart sank and the butterflies doubled. This will be an interesting day.

------

We entered the barren land a little behind the motel. We didn’t say anything, we just started working with knife control. This was our daily routine. Dean was quieter than usual, his eyes were hungrier than ever. I take out my knife and charged at him, he grabbed my hand and flipped me around, showing the knife into my neck. While his other hand twisted mine behind my back.

“Dean you are hurting me.” I managed to choke up.

He threw the knife away but didn’t lose the grip on my wrists, I was on my tippy toes to almost meet his height. His hand grabbing my wrist near my throat loosened up and got ahold of my throat. He pushed my head back and met his eyes to mine. He got his lips close to my lips to mine and whispered, “tell me you are mine.” I was filled with anger and managed to push him away.

“What do you want Dean?” I moved towards him

“Huh? What do you want?” I continued as I pushed him away, with every word I said.

“ You try to make me call you mine, but you flirt and fuck every girl. Have you seen me do that? I have pined for you, liked you and you gave me nothing. You are always so jealous and possessive. I am tired, Dean.”

“I don’t know how to love. I never did.” He said

He cupped my face and looked me into my eyes, “teach me how to love you.” He said as he said softly.

#supernatural fanfiction #supernatural #dean winchester #dean smut #dean deserves better #dean boots #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester one shot #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester imagines #dean winchester angst #dean winchester x you #reader x dean winchester #dean winchester x female!reader #jensen akles imagines #jensen ackles

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flower-of-the-west · 5 years

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#FlatRichie in Zagreb Hello, dear #FlatRichie members/chainers! :* Finally I was able to put something on the paper, so let's not waste any more time (don't want Guylty to kill me XD). This is bigger report than the one in the log, obviously. And if there are typos, they are all mine due to fast typing. So I got a notice on Thursday that a package was waiting for me to pick it up at the post the next day. Great! Richie is here! But other than feeling excited, I got angry, too, because one of the policies of the post office is to not deliver packages to your door, in 98% of the time, if they are bigger than your mail box. It doesn't matter if you are at home or not. They just slip you a notice that they have been but were unable to make a delivery. Of course, they couldn't because the package is not with them in that moment. Ok, I could wait one more day. Plus, was debating with myself (XD) should I send Guylty pm to tell her #FR had arrived, and decided against. That was good decision for #FR was delivered at 08.15 am next day, which woke me up. Fortunately, my Dad was up already, because my nieces were coming in less than 20 mins. That meant we needed to put the package away from their sight XD. Still, it was WELCOME #FR! I have been waiting for you since Spring! I wasn't able to open the precioussss cargo untill Sunday afternoon around 3.30 pm (I already told G that it would be longer in my possession than it was written in the rule book). Boy, was I excited, it was like Olympic Opening Ceremony XD My parents were also there, my mother even started opening some before me! I told her she was a noisy lady, hihi, which she confirmed (They have now to put up with my another passion/obsession/love, whatever you wanna call it, apart from Viggo. But after a while, I was left alone). The first thing I saw was a bunch of empty papers, and then extra present from Paula. Thank you, dear – they are delicious! :* It took me an hour to open the lovely items and wrapped back those who were going onto the next adventure. Immediately I put aside 2 items that caught my eye, and spent next half an hour pondering what to take as a third one – I had two items that I like, and could not decide at that moment. Though I did finally. (But after 3 days I have change my mind about it and took tapes, since I do a lot of cards and I did not have something of that colour). Poor Guy and Thorin had to wait until Thursday to get out of the flat (get it? XD). It was 25 C, partly cloudy. Perfect for going down to city centre. Now you probably wonder why it took me so long to get them into the open. Well, apart from my nieces (being here every day since the beginning of August and oversleeping most of the times), the weather was awful – from Friday till Monday night we had daily temperatures of cca 35-6C (at night between 26-28) Bloody heatwave, 3rd or 4th this summer. I hate summer! Plus the box in which #FR arrived wasn't in a good shape and we (ok, my Dad) was looking to get a better one, which we did manage to find. But back to Thursday! As you can see int he pics, Guy and Thorin had a really nice time. They visited Zrinjevac Park (photo session XD), ban Josip Jelačić Square (main one), Cathedral (it was a church holiday that day, and lots of people were there, so our boys refused to have picture there, plus it was already hot and them being in fur and leather... I think they regretted the choice of their clothes XD). Then we had a drink stop at Veliki Tolk (The Big Tolk). From the pictures you can see they enjoyed tasty Grimbergen. It doesn't matter if it was only noon *cough* Then we had them photographed in front of the pub and another one at Tolkien's house, 20 m further, too. (Thank you, Dad, for holding the boys *kiss*). These two pubs are my favourite, obviously, and we only go there. If someone will visit Zagreb, please, don't forget to drop by in both. They have excellent beer offers, cocktails, and they serve hot chocolate, sodas and tea also. Inside is all Tolkien related *wink*.After the rest, we went back to Jelačić Square where we had pizza. So not did the boys get drink, they were offered a food! And we went home. Later in the afternoon, Guy and Thorin were take out for a walk int he neighbourhood. They enjoyed the green, they saw a bit of River Sava and they allowed me to take the last photo in our park, while the sun was setting down. It was a great day, and unfortunately the only one we had this fun before they were put in the new box. Oh, what a liar I am *facepalm* My memory is slipping… Because on Saturday, Guy saw Tauriel and had to try his charm on her. Thorin wasn't pleased, nor did Legolas nor Kili. Bilbo was grinning at the back, with Gandalf joining in. Arwen, Aragorn and all other boys weren't interested int he slightest XD. Balin and Dwalin came later, with Azog and Radagast, and another Gandalf was there, too. in protected box. Why? I don’t know. Anyway, Tauriel made quite an impression on Guy, but he had to go on another adventure. Impossible romance, but that's life. Thorin was having fun with Bilbo later. *wink* And soon came Monday, and I had to say goodbye to#FR. I wish I could have gotten you in better time, nonetheless i was proud to be part of this awesome thing. And then off they all went towards the West. P.S. As you can see, I have chosen Thorin's key, RH audio and tapes. P. P. S. Korinka , you are amazing. Thank you (I had them under 10, but now I can enjoy them all. Sending you a big kiss <3 :* )

#richardarmitage #Thorin GuyofGisborne FlatRichie fun Zagreb #VelikiTolk Tolkien's House

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melaninkpopimagines · 7 years

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Pusher Love

Part two :

You knew Min Yoongi would break your heart if you let him into it.

1 | 2

Author: Admin Jazzi

Warning: Smut, Drug use

Word count: 1.5k

You gathered yourself together and showered.

You put on fresh clothes. You were still so hung over and so confused. Your thigh throbbed. You couldn't believe you had done any of the stuff you did. You sat in the car trying to remember just what happened. You thought long and hard. It was a blur. But you remembered doing a few lines sitting on Namjoon’s lap, then suddenly he was gone. Through the blur you saw Yoongi. His lips were all over your body. You closed your eyes the picture was so clear. Yoongi grabbed your waist, pushing you on the bed. He left sloppy kisses down your neck and chest. You grabbed his hair, running your fingers through it, grinding yourself against him. He quickly stripped you of your clothes, leaving you naked underneath him. Before moving forward he gave you a bit more Coke to sniff. He did some himself. He kissed you roughly, licking your lips, pressing his clothed body against you. “Are you ready for this?” He pinned your arms above your head as he unzipped his pants. The grip on your arms was tight. His body was pressed close to yours. “I asked you a question.” He squeezed your arms. You Nodded quickly. In one swift motion he thrusted inside you. Slowly thrusting at first, his tongue tracing circles around your skin. He lightly bit down on your neck, sucking and nibbling. It was all a sweet pain. He thrusted faster, gripping your hips and biting down harder on your neck. You moaned his name over and over, throwing your head back. Yoongi sat up, lifting and spreading your legs. He thrusted deeper, gripping your thighs. Your eyes rolled back and you screamed his name. He smirked down at you. You arched your back grinding against him. You were getting closer. His thrusts were deep and hit your g spot with precision. You came undone. You gripped his arms, coming hard. Your body shook. Yoongi came after you. You'd fallen asleep. You realized thinking back made you tear up. You opened your eyes. Yoongi was staring at you. The car had stopped. “We’re here.” He said. He looked confused. You were confused on just what happened. You just knew you never wanted to lose your virginity to someone you just met. It was a bad enough choice to do the drugs. But at least you had fun. It was an experience you'd never thought you'd have. But your virginity was precious to you. You didn't even like Yoongi as a person. But you gave him your virginity. You quickly got out of the car and grabbed your bag from the backseat before he could ask you any questions. Meeting his parents was a blur. You were too distracted. You were to angry with yourself. Later that night you laid on your bed. You'd locked your door and cuddled in the warm blankets. Apparently they'd given you Yoongi’s room and moved him into another room. You took a nap and woke up late that night. You looked next to you. A tray was laying on the desk with a cover. You could see through the mesh it was pizza, chicken, and some juices. You decided to eat after you showered. You still felt like crap, and honestly you needed a way to relax. You gathered your clothes and slowly opened the door. Looking down both ends of the hall, the house was dark. You used your phone light and quietly walked to the bathroom. You put one hand on the door knob when it opened. Yoongi walked out. He was drying his hair, holding his towel in place with the other hand. You looked away waiting for him to pass. But he just moved closer to you.

“You let me fuck you; but you can't see me with a towel on?” He asked. You glared at him. “I never meant for you to touch me. Don't get full of yourself.” He leaned closer , whispering into your ear, “when you want to get full of me, my room is right next to yours. If you come tonight I'll have a little blow waiting.” He said. You pushed past him and went into the bathroom, closing the door quickly. You leaned against the door, listening to him walk away. You didn't if you were annoyed or if you wanted to hook up with him again; but your heart was racing. You wondered if he could tell. You didn't want him to. Min Yoongi would break your heart and you knew it. When you got out of the shower, you slipped on a pair of shorts and a tank top. You didn't bother with a bra. You pushed your hair up into a bun. You took your time putting cocoa butter on. It was so soothing. You nearly forgot he existed until you walked out and you saw him leaning against the wall. He was wearing plaid pants and a grey tee. He smiled at you, grabbing your waist and pulling you close. You tried pushing him away. “Yoongi let go of me!” You said. He raised his finger to your lips. “Shhh,” he whispered, “I have to make a run...will you come with me?” “Why would I do that?” You whispered back. “There's money involved.” He said. You lifted an eyebrow. You didn't need money, your mom gave you money for food and transportation; but you had to shop. “How do I know you won't try anything.” You asked. “What makes you think I would.” He asked. You pointed out his hands that were currently all over your body. “Grab a sweater and some shoes, meet me downstairs in 10 minutes.” He said. He walked off from you. You checked your phone. It was nearly 1 am. Where could he be taking you? You sighed and went to your room. Your grabbed a big red sweater and put it on. It covered your shorts, and barely covered your new “tattoo”. You walked downstairs with your shoes. Yoongi was waiting. He'd changed into a jeans.

“Where are we going?” You asked putting on your shoes. He picked up his bag and handed it to you. “I have to drop these off. You'll get half of what I'm getting if you just come along and pretend you don't understand. Okay?” He explained. You nodded and peeked into the bags. There were around 20 bricks of coke. Your eyes widened. “You're selling all of this?” You asked, maybe too loud; because he covered your mouth. “Shut up before you wake them up, I'll explain the rest in the car.” He finished putting his shoes and lead you out. He got into his car and started it up. You got into the passenger seat and buckled up. “Why do you do this?” You asked. “I have to support my mom and dad. We took you in because we still needed money for my Dad’s debts.” He explained. You listened carefully to him explain his mom got sick and so they borrowed money. “A friend introduced me to this gang and now I run packages for them.” He said. “What do your parents think you do?” You asked. He laughed, “They think I'm a delivery man.” You both laughed. His parents were pretty naive; but they loved him dearly. He could tell by the way his mother worried about him as soon as he walked through the door that afternoon. It was a short drive through the city. You found yourself looking out of the window at the bright lights. You felt Yoongi’s hand on your thigh, you didn't bother to tell him to move it. It was warm on your cold leg. His hand was rough against your smooth skin. You soon arrived at a club, Yoongi parked in the alley. He got out. You grabbed the bag and followed him. He ran over to your side and took the bag, grabbing your hand. “Remember to pretend you don't understand what we're saying.” He said. You agreed and followed him through the back door. There was a dimly lit hallway, Yoongi led you down it, keeping you pulled close.

He walked to a door and knocked three times. He held your hand tightly. When the door opened he lead you through. “Who is this?” One bald man asked. You tried not to react. “My girlfriend.” He said. He squeezed your hand tightly, warning you not to react. “Why the fuck would you bring her here?” He asked “We were out. Don't worry. She doesn't even speak Korean.” He lied. “Yoongi you're lucky we trust you.” He said. Yoongi laughed and handed him the bag. The man checked it. They laughed and talked for a bit. You were doing good, not reacting, zoning out; until you heard, “is she a good lay, you should let get a go with her. We’ll give you a bonus.” The man said. Yoongi laughed Your eyes widened and you looked at Yoongi. “What the fuck no! Yoongi!” “I thought you said she couldn't understand us!” The man yelled. Suddenly around 16 guns surrounded the two of you. “Shit.” Yoongi mumbled.

A/N: Admin Lucy made me stay up and write this. What possessed me to write a Yoongi fic smh.

-Admin jazzi🥔

#admin jazzi #bts #bts scenarios #bts reaction #bts yoongi #bts jhope #bts jimin #bts jungkook #bts v #bts rapmon #bts Taehyung #bts seokjin #bts moodboards #bts texts #bts smut #rapmon bts #bts pics #bts fanfic

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lokbobpop · 5 years

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My ocd

The ocd

I started pulling my eyebrows at 13/14 years old I thought it made me better looking because I didn’t really like myself up until this point, being dyslexic at school I found it hard in fact there was no such thing as dyslexia I just thought I was stupid compared to others and put myself down.

I would go to the mirror 4/5 times a day checking as a teenager and over the years it would be more than this and even less than this depending on what was going on in my life to the point about 10 years ago if I wasn’t doing it I was thinking about doing it or touching them to find one I could pull, the feeling of pulling was great, the pop and the squeak as it came out, touching to find one was like obsessive it had got to the point of total possession now this whole time I wasn’t even aware of what I was doing, it was like it was natural thing to do, until one day I thought hang on this is crazy I have a problem, but knowing this problem didn’t change me in fact it made it worse because I would put myself down with judgement of not being crazy.

Joe Kou part 1 90min chat

After seeing Joes video about his new path in life as a life coach, I wondered if he could help me, so I messaged him and within a couple of days we had a chat, he opened the point up within me and could see that I had totally entwined this habit through my whole being it was like a tree that had a vine that run the whole length and breath holding up the tree, and at that moment I could see what he meant practically every thought I had was accessed by the vine (can I cope with this) oh god what am I going to cook for dinner they everybody likes! Shit I left the washing out it’s raining, I’m late to meet somebody! Yes everything was accessed by the vine, I got it I saw what my problem was that it was a massive relief at the time I didn’t want to pull my eyebrows out I had no interest in doing it, I felt stable I lost weight, I was happy with myself.

But it didn’t last the not pulling lasted years, but the thinking of the experience of pulling and touching slowly creeped back after 6 months or so :(

Joe Kou. Part 2. 30 min chat

So I contacted Joe again 2 months ago and we went back to the beginning when it all started my friend pulling my eyebrows out and me looking at the mirror after and thinking wow that looks great I look so much better! He opened this point up and went deeper and deeper, I could see that this was a pivotal point for me as seeing myself as a better person it was what I’d been waiting for all these years, it took Joe minutes to get to this point within me, it was an moment I will won’t forget, the realization went deep in me :)

The work began

This chat was at 4 am so i had the whole day to think this over and it was like hitting a wall of how the hell im I going to do this it felt 10 times worse than usual and coming at me the whole time I felt overwhelmed so I got stuck in with my

‘I am better now’ which I did feel some ease with, I then followed it with self forgiveness which I would feel a lift from the situation so I stuck it out all day the action of wanting to touch or think about pulling was coming every 2/3mins it was overwhelming the intenseness the whole day by the end of the day I felt shattered and when it come up I would just push the though away I couldn’t handle it anymore the next day it starred up straight away I wanted to touch or think about pulling and straight away I started pushing them away until lunchtime when I though I can’t fight this I have to be at one with this so I aloud myself to think about pulling, It was like come on the let’s take this thinking as far as I can go, so I did and amazingly enough I couldn’t go any further because it wasn’t there it was never there it was just the fight I had created toward it lol so as soon as I saw this point I saw it was my fault in all this I then applied self forgiveness and I am great for the rest of the day I felt so much more relaxed happier the next day I woke up and the whole day only very slightly twice it pop up I again applied self forgiveness and I am better :) I Road the wave and came out the other side.

A few days after joes talk I noticed that I was far less anxious and so much more space in my mind where before it was constantly filed with thinking doing or touching so I even tried to think about it and it was empty there was no emotional charge at all, and yes this worried me who am I know without these thoughts, well I’m a hole new person I found out :)

The gift

A couple of weeks after I spoke to Joe and the thought are down to 20/30 times a day this is incredible compared to every moment of my day this is where It turns into a gift yes gift where I could see because every moment of slight thought that brought me to thinking about doing it was before intense before and where now I could slow it down and open up and see what it was that was fueling me, so the millions of signs I saw before I now would see each one which I could handle now and see it for what it really was as my very good friend Cerise always tells me the devil is in the detail :) so then I applied breathe, self forgiveness and self correction to each one in the finest points I could open it to.

2 months later

I’m now a handful of times if it will stop I don’t know and I don’t care anymore it can only assist me now. Not bad for 40 years of pulling eyebrows obsession with one 90 chat with Joe and 30 minutes one year later hey.

I wanted this! you’ve got to want to change and be the change, and I’d had enough of this ride and wanted to get off.

I have consequences of my action with bald patches and hair that grows in strange directions and now thinking of tattoo in the blank spaces but for now I’m just happy to be me.

This whole thing has made me realise I can do anything as long use the tools.

6 months later

It comes up when I’m not coping well with something and in the morning when I’m thinking about my day ahead, so it’s good to still show me and in the morning when contemplating my day what I’m not feeling ok about and I can adjust myself, at the moment it comes up when my husband is around mostly because I’m working on other things with him and stabling our relationship so it's good to see and be guided.

Plus when I do tidy up my eyebrows there’s usually a slight thought sometimes did I do it probably should I look for me, I like to tidy them up once a week and I’m now like to bring in awareness within when I do because I don’t want to fear doing them I want to live with no resistance there at all.

So I could be quiet lucky to have an ocd as I’ve now turned this energy into around and use it to show what’s wrong within and apply sf and move on, you can turn it round to support yourself

1 talk to Joe

2 self love, self awareness, self honesty, self belief

3. Use the tools 4 count breathe, self forgiveness self correction

TRAINING TO BE THE BEST VERSION ON MYSELF

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christymariaa · 6 years

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Day Two.

Jenelle & I woke up early to make it to Sprouts @ 7am to get the buy one, get one free on Kombucha. Cause we all know that shizzz is expensive AF. Also got the BOGO off of my plant base protein. and couldn’t be happier with my purchase.

Nothing is more annoying when your boss decides she is going to schedule people outside of their availability, leaving me to fix the schedule and find coverage for the store, even though it’s both our days off. 45 minutes later, I finally find someone to cover a 12-4pm shift. We literally just had a discussion around this during our meeting. Super annoying, this is an occurring thing.

Around 11am my little sister and I hit up the mall. And I was in Forever 21 because I had to exchange a shirt for a bigger size because for whatever reason a size small is now equivalent to a 12 year old small child size, and the body suit fit as if i had a small waist but a broad back and shoulder and or had big boobs like what the actual fuck?! But anyway, they had super cute retro looking shit and a of course it has me written all over it. UGH. I told myself I wouldn’t spend money... I didn’t... If you were wondering. So, I find my exchange and go to the counter and I tell the girl I'm returning one item but exchanging the black Mickey Mouse shirt for the bigger size. So the purchase was made with a debit & debit is cash. Therefore it normally gets refunded to you in cash. So when se asked to insert the card ending in blah blah blah I told her I didn’t have it. (My friend made the purchase.) She said without the card we can’t refund it just on a gift card. and I told her the run down of how I no longer had that card available and that card is not in my possession and that the debit should be refunded in cash. She told me we need the card or else it goes on a GC. And of course I pull my retail attitude because I work in retail and I know all the ways behind it. And of course because I was on a time crunch I just told her forget it and I would just repurchase the item I want and figure it out later. I feel like their people are sometimes don’t give a shit and this is why I never normally shop there.

I take my sister to work and then I dip out back to my parents to wait for my friend. We had made plans to go to the Getty Museum. I was stoked, I got to bust out my new Vincent Van Gogh, Sunflower shoes. (Going out on an adventure with new shoes, not a good idea.....) On our way there, there was a huge car accident on the other side of the freeway and we knew we couldn’t stay that long because I had class at 4pm. I was bummed out we had to leave early because I love museums, so we planned to come back and soak more in. We both work full time so it’s always so hard to make time.

Of course as usual I fell asleep in the car, on my way to school as my friend drives in traffic. I make it 10 mins before class started (even though class started late because she forgot she even had a 4pm class. LOL like what?!) So, I know a handful of people in that class. And these 3 people I hung out with a bunch of times last semester, I helped with their senior thesis and they’re really cool people. I’m just bummed Chris doesn’t talk to me anymore for whatever reason he’s been giving me the cold shoulder since the end of this Senior Film we’ve been working on Call El Viaje. So as the polite person that I am I said hi to them and sat down. This class I'm taking on Wednesdays is a producing class and I know it’s probably going to be boring but I want to learn it so bad. I just hope I don’t just randomly fall asleep, which has been a habit for a while... The professor ended up cutting the class early and I was so thankful because I was so so hungry. Idk, I just don’t understand why Chris and I stopped talking. We made a great team when we worked together. And its like just so sudden we stopped talking. I hate to assume the “people change” but idk, I guess I just thought he wouldn't be like that. Cinema gets the best of people I guess even myself. It’s going to be some what of a lonely semester. I feel like I kinda broke up with my bestie or something. He’s like one of my best school pals.

My mom made steak for dinner but I couldn’t enjoyy it because I’ve been having tummy problems and steak is not the best food to each because it’s hard to digest. So my mom brought me out chicken adobo instead. (My favs)

Right before I left my mom hooked it up with some yummy foods anddd a sickkk $50 dollar gift card to Costco!

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lionb1d-blog · 7 years

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Social Media Experiment

This week I performed a social media experiment which was very interesting to me on the findings that I discovered. In this analysis, I wanted to wake up and not use my phone for the whole day unless it was to receive phone calls. I decided to do this analysis this way because of the use of my phone that I noticed while doing the tracking exercise which data will be at the end of this reading. This experiment was set to begin at 9:00 am when I woke and was expected to go till 12:00 am when I went to sleep that night. Looking at this experiment, I knew this wouldn’t be a full 24 hours which I continued when I woke up the next day and had to go work at Soaring Eagle Casino and Resort. I worked that day from 9:00 am to 5 pm, which was a time that I planned to experiment also to fill my full 24 hours. I believe this was an exercise that I felt would test my discipline not to use my phone for social media.

November 1, 2017, was a day in which I woke up as usual with an urge to check my phone to see the latest on my twitter and other social media websites. I quickly remembered that this was going to be a long day since I will not be using any social media websites. As the day went on through the morning, I decided the best attempt would be to keep my phone on me and only have the ringer on just in case I had a phone call come in that I needed to take. I began to think that this wasn’t going bad since my phone was tucked away into my backpack and not in my pocket where I could efficiently use it for checking my various social media websites. The day I choose to do this exercise was a day that I had a full schedule of things to do with the school since it was my longest day at Central Michigan for the week. The day went by, and I kept myself busy by doing homework at the tutoring center at the library, and by beginning class at 3:30 that afternoon. On my way to class, I would say that the experiment was going well since I didn’t have the urges to check my social media as I thought I would have when waking up that morning. Walking into class, I knew we had an exam that day, which I knew would delay an attempt to use the social media device that I was in possession of being my phone. Walking into class, I still had my cellphone stored away in my book bag I as didn’t have any calls or anything to this point in the day. I turned my phone on silent and began to take my exam several moments later. I finished my exam and went home, which is a short drive from campus. Once I got home, I knew I had to stay busy which I did by doing chores around the house such as dishes, and other duties that needed to be done. I did this until 6:30 pm, which I then proceeded to go back to Central Michigan for my Financial Accounting class which going until 10 pm. As I went to school, I knew that I wouldn’t get any critical calls that I would have to take, which made it easy to leave my phone at home for those three hours while at school. I discovered by not having my cellphone it gave me the opportunity to focus during class and not be tempted to go to a social media website since I had no way to do so. Once I made it home from class at around 10 pm, since we got out early, I began to watch a movie and pass out for the night since I knew I worked at 9:00 am. Upon waking up the next day at around 7:30 am, I had the urge to check my phone and look at the social media sites that I have spent many mornings checking. The plan for the day was going to work, but leaving my phone at home. I found this to be the most comfortable method since phones are banned at Soaring Eagle anyways. I made it through my shift without many urges, as I found myself communicating with the guest more than trying to play on my phone getting on social media sites.

Once I got home from my shift that night I found myself looking on my social media sites to satisfy my urge that I had throughout this exercise. This exercise was one that I found to be beneficial as it tested my discipline to leave my phone alone and stay off sites. When it comes to social media, I try not to be like others as I will not post on twitter or even Facebook. I do enjoy looking at the news articles and other articles on these sites which generates my most use for these websites. I believe by not checking these social media outlets for articles was a problematic aspect for me. Social Media experiment was an exercise in which I can encourage for anyone to show the individual the amount of time that they depend on social media websites. Social media is becoming an issue when it comes to the younger generation and something that honestly will be difficult to get ahold of when it comes to controlling the use of social media.

Social Media Log

Social media is an issue for a lot of different individuals and allows people a getaway from the real world. This week we were assigned to monitor our social media use for a span of time. Deciding a chance to keep track of these events for myself wasn’t an issue as I decided that I would wake up on the morning of October 31 and keep a log on my phone of a variety of questions that had to be answered not only for the assignment but my piece of mind. In these discoveries, I take the information that was determined and include it in a way that is the most efficient way to read it.

When starting this quest to determine my social media use I wanted to take a look at the amount of time that I was wasting while on a site like Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat, which are my main three social media sites that I use. I discovered an alarming number when taking a look at the time spent on social media sites during the day which is 1 hour and 40 minutes. Once determining the time spent this is alarming to me as by spending that type of times on social media sites takes away from homework, gym, and even chores around the house. After visiting these different websites and paying attention to the time, I determined that I spend an average of 5 mins per screen give or take just scrolling through status updates and other articles or feeds that could pop up. Knowing that I was spending all this time on these various forms of social media sites is something that is concerning. I try to be the person that doesn’t rely on sites like those, as I do not post on them, but I still find myself spending a reasonable amount of time on these different websites. Trying to determine the use of social media is interesting as I decided to go and see the amount of time it took my roommate to get on a social media site while having a conversation with him. As I was speaking with my roommate it became interesting to me as in an hour of talking to him he was checking a social media site within ten minutes of beginning the conversation.

Determining the time that I would spend on these different social media sites were concerning to me and something that needed to address in life. I decided that I would take account the text messages that I would be sending through the day. Text messaging is an act that I do not agree with as I believe that it is easier to just call someone on the phone. When looking at the text that I sent during the experiment I sent/delivered a total of 20 messages through the day. When I look at the amount of time that it is to send a text for me while in conversation I determined that I was on average spending 42 minutes give or take just reading and responding to the different messages that I receive throughout a day. Social media sites can come in a lot of various forms of ways such as Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat, and were forms that I needed to determine the time I spent on them. When discovering the time, I spend on these sites it made sense to me to take multiply the time spent on these websites and the time visited, and I determined that I was spending 50 minutes on Twitter and Facebook. I took the time and wanted to see the time I was spending on other forms such as Snap chat and I determined that I was spending an average of 25 minutes a day give or take on Snapchat. These different sites offer updates on my phone which can bring temptation to check them and allow for someone to spend time looking at their phone to see the updates, which often happens to me. I felt that checking my phone for alerts and merely the time added a total of 15- 20 minutes of my use a day. Taking the time and looking at the time that I was spending on my phone to use these different applications of social media it was determined that I was spending an average of 3 hours and 7 minutes on these various sites.

The social media log assignment was one that I found to be very intriguing, as it opened my eyes to the fact that I needed to step back from my social media use to live life without the dependency that I have developed. Social media can take over, and life isn’t supposed to be communicated through different forms of social media in my belief. I find myself wanting to make a change after

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chefbstrikesagain · 7 years

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MY PARENTS IN MALAYSIA

I feel like a shell of the human I used to be after a marathon of a week with my parents. Desperate for some sort of routine and 2 years of sleep I'm slowly adjusting back to life without them. What I didn't realize was how exhausting entertaining for a week would be. Explaining and translating a new language, ordering food, figuring out suitable accommodations, talking about my future, and so so so much driving are just the beginning of the trip. However, that being said, it was such a fun time showing them around my home for the last 8 months in the country that i've grown to know and love despite its abundance of geckos and lack of western toilets. I'll give you an idea of what our days looked like but remember, this are only a small glimpse into what actually happened. Documenting cultural exchange, moments of appreciation for life back home, or a new developed sense of understanding are all things hard to explain in words so you'll have to ask my parents about it!

DAY 1: The date was August 31 and it was brutally sunny and humid, yet again, in good ole' Malaysia. I made my way to the airport feeling oddly nervous to see my parents after the last 8 months of being apart. Fortunately, the airport in the city is fairly small (with only 2 terminals) which makes it really easy to park and pick people up at their gates like you see in movies! I had a 50/50 shot of getting the right gate and was unfortunately waiting at the wrong one. After just 10 short minutes I bee bopped to the other gate and there they were! Luggage in tow and surprisingly looking great. I imagined them in a rough state after their 18 hours of travel but I think the adrenaline took over and they seemed ready to explore a new country on the other side of the world. We loaded up the bags in the car and my dad went to get in (but opened the wrong door) I think they forgot about driving on the opposite side of the road here- and they marvelled at the Nissan Almera. Just kidding, but they were surprised how much room the car had for having a sewing machine for an engine. We made our way out of the parking lot to the hotel which was just a short 15 min drive.

We listened to Malaysian radio on the way back from the airport and took the scenic route along the waterfront. Malaysian and Sabah flags flew proudly everywhere as the day they flew in was 'Merdeka Day' aka Freedom day which lasts for one month in Malaysia. I told them to keep their expectations low for this vacation, as on their last vacation, they were in 3 giant cities in Spain. This was definitely going to be a more rugged, change of pace than walking around Park Guell in Spain with a glass of wine. We changed in the hotel room into our bathing suits and made our way down to the pool. Mom and Dad were surprised at how nice the Hotel was... We stayed at the Hyatt in Kota Kinabalu and it was one of the only 5 star hotels in the area. At the pool we played catch up and Dan Moore started yelling about drinks. About an hour in, my parents realized how strong the equatorial sun really is as they were both burned. It's not like going to the beach in New England where you can stay all day no problem. We left the pool, showered, and got ready to grab an early dinner. We went to El Centro, one of my favorite places, for pizza and margaritas. Afterwards, we headed to a rooftop to watch the sunset sink down into the South China Sea. Dmoore was falling asleep in his chair watching the sunset and he ended up sleeping at 7:30pm.

Day 2: We woke up really early on day 2, mostly due to the fact that dmoore was up and impatiently bopping around the room. I wanted to take them to my favourite curry restaurant for traditional food- but realized everything in town was closed! It was second raya or Eid which meant that it was a public holiday and everyone was at home celebrating with family. We walked to the waterfront where dmoore leaped across a storm drain gap (approx. 3 feet) where his legs gave out from underneath him. He coined the nickname DJ reckless for the rest of the trip and certainly lived up to the name with the hospital trip...something I'll get to later. We walked back to the hotel for breakfast where we had an incredible buffet full of noodles and even some western food. Mom and dad both tried mee hoon soup with vegetables and dad also had nasi lemak- the national dish of Malaysia. We changed into our bathing suits and booked island tours off the coast of Kota Kinabalu. It was another great day for island hopping and we spent about 4 hours total on 2 separate islands. We stood in the water, which was pretty much empty, as all the Korean and Chinese tourists were staying to stay out of the sun to stay pale and beautiful. After a few hours of lounging we grabbed lunch and took the boat back to our hotel. We changed quickly and I took mom and Dad to the City Mosque.

The mosque is a giant floating structure that overlooks the ocean. It's coloured with cobalt blue tiles and is entirely white- definitely a sight for sore eyes. In order for my mom to enter, she had to cover completely, which meant renting a tundong (Malay word for Hijab). Check out the pictures- she certainly rocked the outfit! We didn't spend too much time at the mosque as prayer was happening soon so we left and headed towards the mall. We grabbed sushi for dinner which was incredible. I force-fed mom and made her try the smallest bite of sushi which she openly protested but in the end I think she liked it.... My dad was shocked at the cost of the whole dinner which came out to be 12USD or 4USD per person. In the US, that much sushi would have easily been $60. This was a theme for the rest of the trip. Every meal was converted and my parents faces would light up when they realized they spent 4USD to feed the three of us as well as 1 of my friends.

Later that night, my mom and I explored the hotel and found the hidden gym and then grabbed drinks while DJ reckless had a business call to make at 8:30. Joey joined us for drinks around 10:30 and we stayed up until midnight which was late for them.

Day 3: We checked out of the hotel around 9:30am and made the 3 hour drive up to The Tip of Borneo where we would stay for 2 nights. We listened to a bunch of podcasts and made easy conversation about things we passed along the way including cows, stray dogs, and why the gas stations were always so full. When we finally reached our destination, called 9 Huts on a Hill, we pulled in and were surrounded by geese, chickens, and bamboo huts. The cutest little woman greeted us at check-in and had us sit down while she offered us some water. Mom broke out into a laughing attack from trying to take in everything (chickens and bamboo huts) and had to put her sunglasses on to conceal her tears. It looked like she was having a nervous breakdown. I understand because it was definitely a downgrade from the 5 star hotel but the accommodations turned out way better than the first impression.

The huts were pretty much open air concept as the front wall could be broken down. There was a queen sized bed with a mosquito net over the top and an A/C unit and fan to keep you cool at night. Each hut had its own bathroom and shower which was a huge plus (not a squatty potty) so Cathy was happy. After settling in we ate dinner and explored the complex. We were on a big hill right above the ocean, complete with a giant yoga platform, a kitchen, and a 'chill zone' that had a bunch of hammocks to hangout in. We dragged a fan out from a room and drank beers and finished a bottle of wine while watching the sunset. Pretty great first night. We turned in around 10pm for some much needed rest in our comfortable beds.

Day 4: We woke early (around 7:30) no surprise there...and headed into town for our first Malay breakfast!!! I ordered mom and dad roti tulur (egg bread with curry) and tea tarik which is tea mixed with condensed milk. They loved it so much they each ordered 2 glasses of tea. They were also pleasantly surprised with the roti they had for breakfast. We paid (3 USD) for breakfast and made our way to my friend Robbie's beach at the secret place. We spent the whole day drinking at Robbies in the water and marvelling at the beauty and just how untouched the land was. I'll let them describe to you how amazing this place was because I talk about it all the time- but ask them!

We grabbed dinner again at the curry house after we showered and said goodbye to Robbie and his family. We finished the second bottle of wine that night under the yoga platform where it monsooned shortly after sunset for the rest of the night. Definitely a recipe for a great nights sleep which we needed to prepare for the marathon days we were going to have in Ranau and the rest of the trip.

Day 5: We checked out of 9 huts and made the dangerous drive from the Tip of Borneo to my small town in Ranau. It's dangerous because we were driving up and down mountains, some roads were non-existent, and landslides were everywhere. The signs said the hills were on average 16% grade either going up or down - if that means anything to you. Despite the dangerous drive it made for incredible views. You could see so far and just how mountainous the area I live in really is. We arrived to my house around 2pm where 40 of my students greeted my Mom and Dad! They were so excited to meet them and of course, take selfies. After about 5 hours of small talk and pictures, we left the open house with two of my students and grabbed some food in town at restaurant Muslim. We talked about ghost stories, possessions, and how the street I live on is haunted- just normal dinner conversation. We dropped off the students around 9:30pm and headed back to my street where we parted ways for 9 hours until the next morning when we had school.

Day 6: If you've made it this far into the blog post, congratulations! I'm exhausted and distracted just from writing this so if you're still reading one thing is sure- you definitely don't have ADD! Wahooo. Anyways, Tuesday morning, day 6, was probably the craziest day my parents had while in Malaysia and they were such troopers the entire time. We woke up around 7am to get to school by 8 which was my first class. My class is with form 1 and 2 girls (ages 12/13) and who all live at the school. They don't have good English at all so we usually do some sort of art as a medium to communicate with one another. My parents brought sidewalk chalk to school and we drew the city of Boston's skyline. This was a great medium and the art turned out beautiful. My mom even had some of the girls lay down on the ground holding hands and she traced them all. She told them that when I was little she would trace me and I would colour in my body with clothes and hair and a face. Dmoore wasn’t as approachable and some of the girls told me in Malay that he’s so serious. It’s tough to communicate with young children when you don’t know the language. Their shyness can be misinterpreted as disinterest, which is usually the farthest thing from what they actually want. After saying goodbye, we had class with 4 Bersih- which is one of my favourite classes. These students are older and already have a good foundation in English which means I can teach more intricate lessons that go deeper than colors or numbers. I split the class up into 4 groups and gave them all category titles. Seasons, Food, Sports, and Slang all having to do with Boston. The students then had to interview my parents to get the necessary information and do a short, creative presentation on what they learned. They all did a great job and some of the presentations were hilarious - especially the Boston Slang.

After school, we left and grabbed lunch before our paragliding session! I convinced them both to jump off a mountain which I never thought would happen....After paragliding we went to a fish farm where you stick your feet in a river and a bunch of fish swim over and supposedly suck the dead skin off of your feet. Mom was freaking out the whole time and barely put one toe in the water. Afterwards, we grabbed dinner at the Sabah Tea plantation where we overlooked vast green tea fields and Asian mountains. Mom and Dad ordered more Tea Tarik and achieved a new level of sugar high before we had to leave for our next event. After a dinner of butter chicken and vegetables we made our way back to our house to shower and get ready for drinks out on the town. We had about an hour to relax before I picked them up and made our way to the 'Kolam'. In the middle of the jungle there is a fish pond place where you can order lots of food and drinks. My parents were shocked that there was any sort of habitable life that far in the jungle and not one mosquito. They were able to try Lihing, which is the local traditional rice wine, and they seemed to really like it. Doreen got them a cake that said ‘Welcome to Ranau Mr. and Mrs. Moore’ which was really nice of her. After eating some quick we decided that we should leave as the drinking was really starting to go downhill.

Day 7: After waking up tired and hungover we made our way to school for the last day. My first class on Wednesday’s is arguably the best class of the week with the special needs students. They always get so excited to see me and just all around have great energy. My parents had a warm welcome by the Teachers and worked with a small group of students on practicing the letters ‘I’ and the letter ‘S’. While working with the students the teachers were setting up for a small breakfast in the kitchen. They had coffee and small finger food, known as quey, for my parents to try. It was so nice of them to organize this- I had no idea they were going to do that! After making small talk about our trip and what life was like in America we said our thank yous and goodbyes. We left class and then headed to my next class with form 4 amanah which we were a little late for. The students are all crazy, in the best way possible, and I talked with them before about teaching my parents a traditional dance that we do in Sabah called the Sumazau. The students moved the desks and led my parents to the center of the dance floor where they instructed them how to dance while I blasted the music. I got some great videos on my go-pro and will be sure to post some pictures. We left that class after giving out some chocolate coins, and headed to a form 6 class who are all pre-university and about 18 years old. This class was harder to plan for as they are less willing to be really outgoing, so we did a lesson on Malaysia where they taught my parents about the major Holidays observed. This class sort of dragged on and I could tell my parents were getting tired so we ended class early and with a giant selfie.

After school, we grabbed a quick lunch of martabak sayur and headed to the famous Poring Hot Springs. We enjoyed a butterfly garden, tree-top canopy walkways, and a short hike to a 50 foot waterfall! Poring was great but it was such a hot and humid day we were just ready to relax. We headed home and I got to nap for 2 hours before Doreen asked us to dinner. When we showed up to dinner I just expected Doreen and maybe her husband to be there. I was not prepared for 10 teachers including the principal to show up. There was a big buffet and mom couldn’t stop talking about the pumpkin soup. All in all, Doreen really pulled out all of the stops while they were here- I really appreciate everything she did. Shortly after dinner, when all of the muslims left, we drove to a bar down the street with Ravi, Rose, Zeddy, and the three of us started drinking Tiger. Ravi kept ordering set after set and him and my dad were really getting along. Two kindred spirits for sure. After making a deal with Ravi that we could leave when all the beers were done, and no more sets to be ordered, we escaped and said our goodbyes to everyone as that was the last time my parents would see them. We laughed on the drive home about how funny the night was and were all looking forward to sleeping in the next morning.

Day 8: Dan Moore woke up super early, no surprise there, and was itching for me to connect my phone to his so he could browse the internet. With tired eyes and an attitude, I quickly connected our phones and closed my eyes for another much needed hour of sleep. We woke up and headed to the sports complex where we got ready to rent ATV’s. The paths the guide was taking us on were super overgrown, bumpy, and on the side of a mountain. All of these factors made it really hard to control the ATV. Dmoore was driving like an absolute savage and the guide and I kept exchanging worried looks when he would slam the gas instead of the break and narrowly avoided hitting one of us. Inevitably, something went wrong and we found ourselves in the emergency room for DJ reckless. In hindsight, it’s all really funny now but at the time I was nervous how this was going to impact our plans - especially if his ankle was broken! The hospital did an x-ray and said they didn’t think it was broken… but they would need an MRI to be sure about any other injuries. We asked for crutches and they told us that they were ‘finished’ no more crutches left.

We left Ranau with DJ reckless in the backseat and headed towards Kota Belud for a Proboscis river monkey tour and to grab lunch with my friends Janna and Kelsey. We found crutches at a Pharmacy in their town which really saved the day and made dmoore much more mobile and less hoppy. We ate lunch on a lake about a 10 minute drive from the ocean where we talked about the future, my parents trip, and the elephant in the room - dmoore’s swollen ankle. After lunch we went to my friend Jessi’s house where she lives with a Malay family and had tea and quey while we waited to go on the river monkey tour. We boarded a small boat and set off down a muddy river surrounded by jungle on all sides. We saw a giant monitor lizard, mud crabs, and the monkeys! It was hard to see the monkeys because they were so far but it was great to see them in the wild and in their natural habitat vs. a Zoo. The tour was really cool but I was really looking forward to firefly tour which we had to cancel because it was getting late and would be hard to fit dinner in with Claire later on. After saying goodbye to Jessi we grabbed a quick dinner with Claire before continuing the trek on into the city. We arrived at our hotel and we got ice for DJ recklesses ankle and gave into our craving for Western food and ordered pizza hut. Mom and Dad were so happy to be back in a clean, air-conditioned hotel room, while I was trying to live up the last few days before going back to reality (dirty water and fried rice). Mom and I went souvenir shopping and then we all turned in early that night.

Day 9: The last dayyyyy. We were able to sleep in until 9! We gathered our tired and sore bodies and headed to the hotel breakfast. The buffet overlooked the ocean and you could see all the small ferry boats shuttling people from island island to island like scurrying ants. We took extra coffee and tea from the buffet and brought it to the rooftop where we sat in the shade and tried to digest everything we’ve done over the last week. This inevitably led to DJ reckless ordering a healthy drink (coconut and cucumber juice) with a twist - just add vodka. We spent pretty much the whole day at the rooftop pool in and out of the water and shade ordering food and drinks. Dan and Cathy needed to get as much sun as possible as this is ‘it’ until next summer. Live music began around 7pm and was this awesome band doing covers of really mellow music- Maroon 5, The Carpenters, etc to give you the vibe. With an ocean breeze ruffling our hair, drinks in hand, and soft music in the background I knew we did good and was so happy everyone made it through the week alive. We definitely had some close calls with DJ reckless but nonetheless, a great time. Mom had been craving frozen yogurt all day and used our drunkenness to get us down to the first floor of the hotel where the mall connected to the hotel. Dmoore and I ordered tea in the piano lounge where a performer was just wrapping up playing. I waited until he was well out of earshot and began to play- it had been over a year! We ended with a really choppy version of Billy Joel’s piano man while dmoore was on vocals singing into his frozen yogurt like a microphone.

Overall, the week long trip felt like an eternity but also I blinked and then it was over. I feel so grateful that Mom and Dad flew all the way across the world to see me. It really validates my whole experience here and I know when I go home I can talk about it and someone will understand what I mean, or be able to relate past ‘oh that sounds cool’. I have really made a home for myself here and integrated myself into the community and it will not be easy to leave- especially with my students. I am also so happy they were able to come with open minds and hearts and experience a Muslim country in a time where it is unsafe to practice Islam in America. I hope they can help be a voice for the misunderstood and an ally against discrimination where it has become so normalised in the media to highlight a minority for their issues. Malaysia has become apart of me over this past year and I’m so happy the people that are closest to me are able to understand how this country and culture has shaped me.

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