#god willing im going to get an apartment soon and i wont have to talk to you again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

Text

With a little help from your friends (the help is praise kink and the friend is your boyfriend)

Who would have thought that fucking your boyfriend senseless cures dysphoria.

Alternatively: being a dom is actually something that can be so gender,

Fandom: It Lives (Visual Novels)

Pairing: Andy Kang/Tom Sato

Additional tags: let's see, mild mentions of transphobic and racist comments, Comfort Sex, the filthiest comfort sex uve ever seen but WHATEVER, dom andy kang, sub tom sato, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Dom/sub Play, Collars, Praise Kink, basically someone says transphobic shit and then tom rides him and talks about how wonderful andy is, except tom has also been in denial for a few days and he's super horny, and andy gets in domspace and everything is great and nothing hurts, Fluff and Smut, Humor, cuz u know these two are incapable of taking anything too seriously, Established Relationship, oh they're both in college and they go to the same college cuz i said so, set after the events of it lives beneath, that's it I think, trans author if that matters to you

Read it on Ao3

Andy isn't having a great day. It's not a terrible, clawing-at-his-chest-trying-to-deal-with-dysphoria kind of day, but he's been trying out this "not comparing everything to the worst possible scenario" thing his therapist has been talking about, so still, not a great day.

The thing is, he thought college would be easier. And it is, in a lot of ways. For starters, there is no evil monster spectre trying to kill him, which gives college at least 5 points over high school. And his uni has a pretty solid queer club, so he knows other trans people there. Some of them are even non-white. Some of them he even actually, truly likes. And most of the time, he feels like he has a place to turn to, and people to support him. He's not alone. He has people who get him. And that makes all the difference.

But basketball is still a nightmare, and his knee still hurts when it's cold, and winter is officially starting now.

People still hesitate to pass the ball to him, and it's frustrating, because Andy fought so hard to earn his old team's trust and now he's back at square zero. And well, Andy has been gaining this team's trust, because he's good, goddamn it, and his team owes at least the last three victories to him. He's not hesitant to say that, especially because otherwise no one will. And he can see that they look at him differently now - nod at him in the hallways, at least, talk to him in the locker room, pass him the fucking ball if his position is very, very open.

But if he weren't trans and Asian, he wouldn't have had to work so hard to get all of that - or well, just that, really. He has a full sports scholarship despite the fact that he had a broken leg, had to retake his last year of high school, and doesn't even have the body type for basketball. If he weren't Asian, if he weren't trans, his team would have assumed his greatness from day one. Instead, he has to show it to them time and time again only to get them to reluctantly admit maybe he's not bad. No one calls him "triple threat" anymore, but he still has to work three times harder than anyone else, and it's frustrating.

And usually Andy can deal with it, but right now his knee hurts, and he can't afford that because he'll lose everything he's worked for if his teammates know that his fucking knee hurts. So, he braved training and then he got the fuck out of there without even changing so no one would see him wince. Which means he's still in basketball shorts, which are short, in the cold, which means his leg hurts more.

At times like these, he's thankful he never got the chance to go through with his promise to break his other leg kicking Noah's ass. Because he would have, and then both his legs would be hurting right now, and two legs that hurt every time it's cold is just too many legs.

No comparing to the worst possible scenario, he tells himself. Therapy is so hard. If he had known there would be homework, he would have thought twice about going.

And that's, apparently, the cue for his phone to go off. Andy smiles, knowing who it is even before he opens the message, because only one person messages him during class, and it's the only person he wants to hear from right now.

Tom <3 sent you a message

Grinning like a fool, he opens it.

Tom <3: dude, im horny af rn. the fuck

Finally, good news, Andy thinks, smiling. Then he remembers why Tom is so horny, and suddenly this day is great, actually.

He quickly types a reply.

You: who wouldve thought that 3 days of denial would make this happen

Tom <3: ill have u kno i was very good at holding it together before today

You: yeah, dw. soon u wont have to hold it anymore ;)

Tom <3: that flirt was terrible, dude

You: said the guy whos calling me dude for the second time in this conversation

Tom <3: what else should i call u? 😩

Andy thinks for a second. Tom and him do longer-term denial every once in a while, but they aren't in a 24/7 relationship. Does Andy really want to go there right now? Yes. Well, that was fast. Okay then.

You: how about "sir"

Tom's reply comes fast as lightning.

Tom <3: Yes, Sir.

Andy smirks at himself.

You: uve been hoping that id say that, havent u?

Tom types for just a little longer this time.

Tom <3: Yes, Sir.

----

Many things are wrong with the world, and Andy doesn't mean to make light of the other things, but the fact that Andy can't simply go and fuck his boyfriend whenever he wants is definitely one of them. It should be, like, financial compensation or something. We're so sorry the school environment is transphobic, here, have a free sex pass. Sounds fair to him. But instead, he still has two hours of classes to go through, and Andy is a better guy than he wishes he was, so he tells Tom to pay attention to class instead of sexting him, because he doesn't want Tom to struggle even more with his course when he had already had to leave it once. God damn true love or whatever.

The point is, by the time classes are finally over, his day is back to not being that great; he's tired, and his leg hurts. He gets to their car after Tom does, and Tom takes one look at him, and says, "I'm driving".

Andy crosses his arms. "Why?"

"Because your leg hurts," Tom answers, rolling his eyes and taking Andy's bag from him and putting it in the trunk.

Andy looks down at his legs. He wasn't limping. There aren't any bruises. How the hell-

"It's cold and you're in shorts. I'm not an idiot, dude."

Right. Yeah. Right. Of course. Tom knows. It's… It's alright.

"Bad day at training?" Tom asks, slowly, sympathetically, and Andy feels himself settle in his skin a little bit.

"The usual," he answers, getting inside, and, as always, Tom gets the hint.

---

Their uni's dorms are gender-segregated because these guys have still not gotten the memo that people of the same gender fuck; and Andy wasn't willing to deal with cis college guys' bullshit, much less cis college girls' bullshit; and the uni wouldn't let him simply pick Tom as his roommate. So, they rented out a beat up apartment right next to it instead. It took a little longer to get there, but it wasn't a lot longer, and well, it was worth it.

Tom gets inside, still carrying Andy's bag because he's transphobic and unfair and had taken it and bolted up running so Andy wouldn't have a chance to argue with him. And Andy can't run after him with his leg hurting, which kind of proves Tom's point that he should carry Andy's bag. All in all, Tom is the worst, and he turns up the heat as soon as he gets inside and sits Andy down on the bed, kneeling in front of him to take a look at Andy's knee.

He's silent for a while, massaging his knee until Andy sighs and throws his head back, before Tom plants a little kiss on his knee and looks up at him. Andy's knee always stops hurting when Tom kisses it better. It's a little embarrassing, if Andy is being honest, but still- nice. Really nice.

They stay for a little longer like this, Tom humming and massaging his knee and Andy not meeting his eyes, until the question inevitably comes.

"What happened?" Tom asks, not letting up with the smooth movements of his hands, his eyes big and sincere with worry.

"Nothing. Just the cold. You know how my knee gets."

"I meant, for you to leave practice without putting some warmer clothes on."

Andy looks away. "It was nothing."

"Dude, are you expecting me to go, 'okay, yeah, that totally makes sense and I believe you', or…?"

Andy laughs, despite himself, and throws his good leg up in an almost-kick to pretend he's retaliating. "Don't be an ass."

"I'm not. Come on, Andy. You know you can tell me."

"It's nothing, it's just- Kyle-"

"Oh boy."

Andy laughs. "Yeah." But then he grows serious, "the thing is, he doesn't mean any harm, you know? I know he's not saying it to hurt me, and so that just means that, like... that it's true."

Tom's hands stop their movements, rubbing soothing circles around his knee instead. "What did he say?"

Andy doesn't look at him. "He asked me why I didn't stay on the women's team. Said that I could have an advantage, cuz Asian people are androgynous anyway, so no one would notice that I was taking hormones."

Tom just stares at him in shock for a moment.

"And I was like, 'dude, I've been on T for three years, I'm pretty sure they would notice the changes'. And he was like, 'yeah, but you still look like a lot of Asian girls with short hair, you could write it off if you wanted', and I just…" He trails off.

Tom waits in silence for a second, seeing if Andy finds his words, before asking, "Is Kyle, like, okay?"

Andy scoffs. "I didn't try and fight him, if that's what you're asking."

"No, I mean, does this dude have a screw loose or something?"

"He's very bad at figuring out what is or isn't offensive, yeah, but it's not like he really cares, he just won't go out of his way to antagonize me."

"No, I just- Andy, even when you were a little kid with huge pigtails, anyone would have to be crazy to see you as a girl."

Andy bites the inside of his lip. "You're just saying that."

"I'm not. It's just wrong, man. It was so obvious that it was wrong. Anyone could tell. There's nothing about you that says 'girl' to anyone who's looking."

Andy sighs, finally risking looking at Tom's eyes. There's overwhelming sincerity there, and Andy instinctively looks away. "I guess. Maybe. I don't know. It just got me thinking... Maybe T didn't change anything. Maybe I look exactly the same, maybe it was just hopeful thinking that had me thinking it would change anything, maybe it's just- pointless to even try-"

"No, no, come on," Tom says, and the interruption is so sudden it makes Andy look at him again, just in time to see Tom shaking his head vigorously. "There's no way you believe that. What about this bad boy over here?" He smiles, reaching out softly to caress Andy's neck. "You have more of an Adam's Apple than me, dude. And we both know you don't need T to be a guy, but thinking it made no difference is just crazy and you know it. What about those dry pecs? These broad shoulders of yours? Your voice, I mean, come on. You even smell different, man. How can it be pointless, if even your scent is different?"

Andy looks to the side again, but he can feel himself smile. "Well, when you put it like that..."

Tom gets up, but stays close, putting his hand on Andy's cheek, slowly, as if testing the waters, before turning him slightly to look at him. "Andy. Kyle is an idiot and a transphobic racist who's too damn lazy to realize how fucked up he is. And you shouldn't have to deal with that, and I'm sorry, and I will set him on fire."

Andy laughs. "You can't keep threatening to set every shitty teammate I have on fire."

"I can, because it keeps making you laugh," Tom says, smiling. Well. Andy can't argue with that. "My point is, you wouldn't listen to a word this dude says if it were about anyone else, so don't listen to him when he talks about you, okay? T or no T, you're no girl, and you don't look like a girl, and regardless of whether or not Kyle's dumb ass noticed it, your transition has been doing you good. Remember when your voice started to crack and get all weird? I've never seen anyone be that happy about it."

Andy laughs. "It was pretty awful."

"No, it was great, 'cause you loved it. Do you want me to pull out the 'before' pictures we took in case this happened? Look at yourself, dude. You fit so much better in your own skin, you know? And like, you've always been gorgeous, but-"

"Come here," Andy interrupts, pulling him down because Tom is standing and Andy is sitting and Andy is already height-challenged. And Tom goes willingly, carefully straddling Andy's lap and meeting him in a kiss. Finally, Andy thinks.

Tom kisses him softly, slowly, one hand resting on the back of Andy's head and the other draped lazily over his shoulder, as he usually does, all gentle and a little hesitant, and Andy is having none of that. So he grabs Tom's hair and deepens the kiss, bringing him closer until their chests are flushed together and he can feel Tom's hips mindlessly making little circles against Andy's belly.

They separate - or well, stop kissing, really, because Tom is still as close to Andy as physically possible, and Andy feels about ready to shoot anyone who tries to push him further away. Tom's a little breathless, and his hips are still making these almost imperceptible movements against Andy, and Andy realizes that he's still grabbing Tom's hair and that he's a little breathless, too.

Tom looks down at him for a second, as if debating something with himself, before saying, "and like, not to be horny during a serious moment, but since we're talking about the effects of T... Andy. Andy. Your clit. Fuck. It's so huge now, and it's got a visible head and you can fuck my face and everything, and I could sing it praises for a week and probably will if you don't stop me right now."

"Hmm, but I like it when you sing me praises," he smiles. "Keep going."

"God, I was hoping you'd say that. Do you have any idea how much I've been thinking about it today? I didn't hear a single word anyone said to me, all I could think about was you fucking my face, pulling my hair, making me worship you and beg to be allowed to suck you off, I wanna serve you like you're my God." Tom's hips start to jerk up, more visibly this time, shameless, and see, this is why Andy's been really, really liking this whole denial thing - Tom has only started to explore his subby side recently, a little ashamed of it to admit it to anyone, even himself. But when he's horny enough, he gets shameless and desperate about what he wants, and god, nothing is more beautiful than Tom when he asks for what he wants. He feels something growing inside of him, not sure if it's warmth or heat, but seeing Tom like that, wanting him, needing him, definitely makes him feel so much better.

"Yeah?" Andy asks, tracing a finger over Tom's shoulder, close to his neck, just to give him goosebumps.

"Fuck yes, I want it so bad, and you deserve it too, Andy… Sir. You're the best Sir I could ask for, I just want… Want you to use me, want you to cum on me, want to kiss you all over and worship you and pleasure you, you're so gorgeous..." He hides his face in Andy's shoulder for a bit, but his hips don't stop moving. He whines, "Andy..."

"Address me properly," Andy snaps, feeling the edges of worry clear from his mind and giving way to that wonderful feeling of clear-mindedness, of power, where nothing matters but his own pleasure. "And maybe I'll give you what you want, if you earn it."

Tom nods, hips full on thrusting now, and Andy snaps again. "Stay still."

And he does, immediately, without question, biting his lip and keeping his eyes shut with effort. Andy can feel his thighs clenching and spasming over his, trying to keep himself from moving, trying to be good. He hums in appreciation, but doesn't praise him for it, not yet.

"I'll get you ready," Andy explains, before reaching to Tom's hair, and starts to undo his bun, as slow as possible, just to watch him squirm. He gets so impatient when Andy undresses him, which is why Andy never misses a chance to drag it out.

He begins by removing Tom's jacket, sliding his hands slowly over his shoulders, then down his back, feeling the firm muscle there, digging his nails just a little bit so he can see Tom's eyes flutter in bliss. When the jacket falls to the floor, Andy begins circling the hem of his shirt, sliding until his hands are back on front, fingers just close enough to Tom's cock for him to feel Tom tense in his hands, so damn sensitive to his touch, so needy. God, he can't get enough of this, but he pretends that he doesn't notice, lets Tom try and keep himself together as Andy's hands slide over his belly, then chest, over the shirt, collarbone, wrapping and resting on Tom's throat just so he feels the threat of it, before Andy finally grabs the back of the shirt's collar and tugs, taking it off. Then he slides his hands back down, making sure to run a finger just over the sensitive spot where his pecs end, then lower, over his ribcage, belly, hips, next to the bruises where Andy had grabbed him the night before, then back to the middle, just over the bulge in his pants, and Tom finally breaks and jerks up slightly, letting out a little moan.

"Sir," he whines, "please, please, I-" Andy continues to circle the head of his cock with his finger, "please!"

"Patience," is all he says, before going back to his painfully light movements, imagining Tom's needy cock twitching under his fingers, imagining the effort Tom makes not to thrust up or keep begging for more, just because Andy told him not to. "You know how much I like playing with your pretty little cock. You said you wanted to serve me, didn't you?"

"Yes- yes, Sir."

He hums, noncommittally, not looking at him. "Good." He teases the tip of his clothed cock some more, enjoying the way his mind zeroes on that, the way he feels like he has all the power and the time in the world. Finally, he pats Tom's thigh once. "Get off, and take off the rest of your clothes. Get the lube and a condom."

Tom gets up, a little shaky, and does as instructed, while Andy reaches down to the drawer under the bed where he keeps his dick's spine and a few of their toys. He gets the spine, then adjusts his packer briefs so he can put it on - best purchase of his life, really, those briefs. So much easier to use than a regular strap-on and it makes the packer sit over his clit just right, making a little suction and pressure. Andy couldn't be happier that he was already wearing them.

Tom gets back with everything he asked right in time for Andy to finish making his dick hard, and goes on to put the condom on and cover Andy's cock in lube with the kind of attention that makes Andy hold his breath. Tom's so careful, yet eager, and adoring, about it. Andy feels like the hottest guy in the world.

Once he gets permission, Tom sits on his cock, slowly, getting adjusted to it - admittedly, Andy went a little overboard when he bought his first cock. Andy waits until Tom is fully seated, littering his neck with little kisses and praise for how well he's taking him, how pretty he looks, until Tom looks fully comfortable and ready to start complaining if Andy doesn't start fucking him in earnest soon. That's when Andy shows him the other item he pulled from the drawer - Tom's favorite collar.

Tom's reaction is instantaneous. He throws his head back, moving over Andy's cock as he lets out a breathless, almost choked moan; the hands he had resting on Andy's shoulders suddenly squeezing full force in his need.

"God, you're such a whore," Andy says, casually, and Tom nods, even as he flushes. The collar is just a simple black one, with a little hoop for the leash, but inside they had it engraved with the words Andy's whore, and it left visible marks that could be seen for a few hours after they took it off. It never failed to drive Tom crazy, so it always drove Andy crazy, too. "Stay still," he warns, and Tom nods, breathing heavily, gripping Andy's shoulder as tight as he can as he stays frozen in place. Andy slowly puts it around his neck, checking with his finger to make sure it's not too tight, and the second he clasps it in place, Tom's whole body relaxes, a content little sigh escaping his lips, his face slack and blissed out. He likes being owned, so much. Andy can't get enough of it. "Good?" he asks, just to make sure it's not too tight.

"Perfect," Tom answers, the words leaving him in a sigh. Andy then ties the leash to the headboard, making sure that they're just far enough from it that he'll be feeling its pull the whole time. Tom lets out a moan. "Thank you, Sir."

Andy smirks. "Now, here's what I want you to do," he says, "you're going to ride me, just like that, and you're not going to come until I tell you to. You're definitely not going to come before I do. If you come close, you'll have to tell me. I want to hear you scream, so make as much noise as you want. Do you understand?"

Tom nods again, almost dizzyingly quick. "Yes, Sir."

"Good, then get to it."

Tom doesn't need to be told twice. He starts riding him, slowly at first, trying to find the perfect angle for Andy - not himself, Andy notices, pleased. Once it's perfect, Andy orders, "faster, slut,” and Tom obeys, as always, working up speed as he tries to keep himself upright, feeling the tug of his leash with every movement, moaning the whole time. “Good boy,” Andy says, and Tom’s responding whine is high pitched, embarrassing, needy. He gets even faster then, starting to babble as he keeps on working, and Andy just stays casually in place, not having to do a single thing while Tom works to give him pleasure.

"Fuck, you're so perfect, did you know that?" Tom asks, quickly sliding down on Andy's cock, making sure he puts all this weight in the end so Andy's cock will press down against his clit just the way he likes, making sure to go as deep as possible, "I've been dreaming of your cock for days, god, Sir, nothing's better than this," he hides his face in Andy's shoulder, speeding up even more, thighs shaking with the effort, and Andy puts a fist in his hair and pulls, watching as Tom throws his head back and lets out a scream, working even faster on Andy's cock. "Sir!," he whines, "oh, thank you, thank you, feels so good, oh my god, please, I'm gonna-"

"No, you won't," Andy interrupts, "I'm not even close to coming yet. Keep working, slut."

"Y-yes, Sir," he whines, going faster, deeper, and Andy makes it harder for him, keeps pulling at his hair to expose his neck, litters kisses and bites on his exposed throat, grabs his thigh and squeezes hard enough to bruise so Tom remembers he's his, his whore, his toy.

"I love it when you get like this," Andy says, doing his best to keep his tone even, even as he's a little breathless from pleasure, from power, "I bet you want to come so bad, don't you? If I'd just give you the word, you'd be making a mess of yourself, coming on my cock right now-"

"Fuck! Yes, yes, Sir, please, I'm so close."

Andy smiles. "No."

Tom whines, so cute, adorable, and Andy is nice enough to leave a little kiss on his shoulder, grounding, calming him down. Before going right back to torturing him, "no, you don't get to come for a long time yet. I want you just like this, on edge, tasting it…" Andy grins. "Tell me how close you are, baby."

"I'm- I'm so close-"

Andy slaps him in the face. "You can do better than that."

"Fuck, I feel like I'm going to explode, I'm so close, I want it so bad, and you feel so good, God, you have no idea what you do to me, Sir, your cock is so perfect, it hurts, I need it- need to cum on your cock, Sir, please-"

"No."

Tom chokes on a moan, and starts to go even faster. He lets out a little whine, something Andy thinks was supposed to be a word, but doesn't come close.

"See," Andy says, "this is why I won't let you come. Look at you - every time I tell you no, you get so desperate, so obedient - it's what you want, isn't it? You want me to keep telling you no, you want to know your pleasure doesn't matter, that you're just here to serve me."

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes-"

"Good, then keep going. And beg all you want- I like telling you no, too."

Tom does. He begs, and he says thank you when Andy denies him, again and again and again. Thank you, Sir, thank you for using me, for putting me in my place, I'm yours, I'm yours. And he keeps on praising Andy, praising his cock, his body, the way he fucks him and uses him, no one else makes me feel like this, no one deserves to be worshipped and served like you, Sir, I want to make you feel good-... Until even the clear-minded state of domspace begins to crumble and Andy feels nothing but pleasure, and confidence, and power, and he cums to the sound of Tom praising him and begging, once, twice, three times, until his head is clear again and everything, even the need to chase his own pleasure, is gone, and he just feels perfect.

"Stop," he orders Tom, who's still babbling more and more incoherently, endless praise and worship, and Andy finds that he worships Tom right back. "I want you to get my cock as deep inside you as you can, and stay still. I'm going to play with your dick for a while, and when I tell you to, you can come. You did well today, baby."

Tom nods, suddenly struggling to use his words. "T-thank you, Sir," he says, already frozen in place, thighs clenching with the effort not to move and also shaking with all the effort he did before.

Andy coos. "Poor baby. You were so good to me today. Let me take care of you."

"You always- always do, Sir," Tom replies, and Andy smiles.

He gives Tom a long, slow handjob, making sure Tom stays still through it, enjoying the way his thighs shake on top of Andy's, the pressure of Tom sitting tight on his cock, the way his arms also shake with effort where they rest around Andy's neck; Tom's pretty, exposed throat all marked up around his collar, his breathless little whines as Andy makes sure to do it just the way he likes it, makes his cock turn red with need; watches Tom bite his lip, because when he has to keep still he becomes so quiet and needy, even as the little whines go through his lips… Until Andy finally says, "come for me, baby," and Tom screams through an orgasm that lasts almost a minute, hanging on to Andy as tightly as he can to keep himself anchored through the pleasure.

And then Andy holds him, and Tom holds him back, and they hold each other.

----

A while later, they've cleaned up Tom's cum so it doesn't get all sticky on Andy's chest, and Andy's finally taken off those damn briefs - they're great for sex, but get pretty tight when you wear them for a long time - and Andy holds Tom against his chest. He's humming, contently, and if anyone had told him at the beginning of the day that he'd be comfortable enough to have someone close to him while he's fully naked, he'd - well, probably assume they meant Tom, but still be skeptical.

"How do you feel?" Tom asks after a little while, finally opening up his eyes and saying hello to the world.

"That's supposed to be my line," Andy laughs.

"I feel great. Perfect. Next time, I wanna do it for longer. A week? Let's try a week. Or two weeks…?"

Andy laughs. "Let's not make too big of a leap yet."

"Fine. A week sounds good. Great. And now that we've established that denial is totally bomb for me, how are you feeling?"

"Honestly? I'm feeling great, too," Andy admits, playing with a little stray of Tom's hair, swirling it around his finger, "I think I needed that, a little bit. Who'd have thought that having you ride me and praise my cock cures dysphoria."

"Every trans top on every forum I've ever visited."

"Let me have my moment of realization," Andy mumbles, faux-annoyed. Tom just laughs, holding him closer.

"I'm just glad I could help," he says.

"Please tell me you didn't ride my cock just to help."

"Well, no, in case you hadn't noticed, I was horny as fuck. I just tried to, you know. Use that to give you a little push. Since you wanted to. Y'know. Also, it was all true. So..."

"Thanks, love," Andy says, earnestly. "I love you."

"I love you more."

They bicker about it, and Andy's smiling the rest of the day.

#it lives #tom sato #tomoichi sato #andy kang #tom x andy #andy x tom #it lives in the woods #ilitw #it lives beneath #ilb #it lives anthology #smut #i am back on my bullshit ig

9 notes · View notes

pbandjesse · 3 years

Text

Today was a pretty nice day. I still dont love my schedule. I wish I had more morning. But Im getting used to it. Im getting a routine. Im trying.

But I felt a lot better. I dont know why I keep having these hard nights. I like just couldnt stop crying last night and it was just not fun. So I woke up with swollen eyes. James tried really hard to make me feel better but I was just. Very fragile. But I felt better this morning.

I woke up and felt alright. I just scrolled on my phone a bit. James came in let me know the leg wound wasnt bothering them as much. So that was pretty good. He was getting ready for work but held me in bed for a bit. But he had to get on his computer and so I got up to get dressed.

My eyes were swollen but I felt pretty cute besides that. I felt sort of weird but I got dressed and ready and decided before breakfast I cleaned the apartment. I vacuumed and swiffered and tried to clean the bathroom a bit. Jess is coming tomorrow night and I dont have a ton of time to get the space nice for company. So Im trying my best to fit in the time. James has so much work tomorrow that he wont be able to do much. Maybe change the sheets. But thats okay. I handled what I could today.

I finally had breakfast after I swiffered the floors. I had about an hour so I did a jewelry drawing. I continue to hate drawing chain. But the actual pendant part was fun to do. I think as the drawing goes it will be much better because I can find the chains behind things.

I made hot chocolate to bring with me again. Packed up my art stuff. And headed out. I still left to early but that was okay. I took my time getting myself together when I got there and washed my hands and it was all good.

It was a really fun day honestly. The group was real small today. When I got in there were 10, but soon there were 8. And then 7. It stayed at 7 for the longest part of the day. But having such a small group for most of the day was fun. I got a little frazzled when I found out Travis wasnt going to be in and I would be alone. So I was nervous. But it ended up being fine. The morning teacher stayed a little later to help and get all the kids on their computers and checked what assignments were missing. So for about an hour they were all catching up on work and that was really good. Felt productive.

We also did more sewing today. I had the child who missed the sewing catch up and he ended up really taking to it and made 3 different plushes. And some of the other boys also really jumped into it and made more toys. It was great. We also worked on those god eyes where you wrap yarn around popsicle sticks. I couldnt exactly remember how to make those so I had two of the boys try it to workshop it and when I realized what was wrong I asked if I could take them apart and they said yes but then the one had a meltdown and we had to do some deep breaths and then he was all good and I was very proud of him.

We had a weird meditation yoga class. It was just breathing. So when the kids asked to do stretches I lead them through a little yoga after that and we had lots of laughs.

We did some more art after that. Played games. It was fun. It was not as much running around but like. I think thats alright. Im going to talk to Travis about possibly splitting the group sometimes I dont think all of them always want to be in the gym. So I can have a quiet group. I think that could be nice.

The end of the day was nice. I just had 2 kids for most of the last hour. It was funny when I "caught" one of the littles watching minecradft youtube and I was like. Its okay! You can watch it! But you looked so guilty!! Stop that haha! Someone is going to think youre doing something really bad.

I did some classroom decorating. And then the last child left. I had been doing a little crochet but I was more than happy to go home. We had a meeting at 630 but that was alright. It would be nice to have an hour to just chill.

It was very warm outside! Most of the snow has melted now. And the walk was nice. James was making us indian food and the apartment smelt really nice.

My last gift for James finally came and they got all smiley and excited when they saw it was a neat little train puzzle. Made me really happy.

I dyed my hair and we had dinner. And then I had my meeting. It was nice to hear some shout outs from the manager and she made me feel very welcomed and liked. We are also supposed to have the News come to the site tomorrow so Im a little nervous but it will be okay. It will be a good day. Im willing it to be so.

I went to work in my studio. And cut sweetP's nails. And now I am ready to go wash the dye out of my hair. And get some rest. I hope you all have a great night tonight. Sleep good. Be happy.

3 notes · View notes

ohlukcs · 5 years

Photo

( alex wolff, male ) did you hear how LUKAS TOZER is applying to columbia university as a FILM & MEDIA STUDIES major ?! the 19 year old is living in the WALLACH HALL. i heard that they got in because they are + PASSIONATE and +THOUGHTFUL, but honestly i think HE can be -ASSUMING and -CYNICAL. they’re a real MAVERICK. oh well, only time will tell if the SOPHOMORE will make it til the end.

about the mun !!

hi hello my name is sam (she/her), im 22, and im a big fat mess at all times :) um but a lil more about me is that i’m australian and a recently graduated film student lmao. i’ve been rping for like ten years now i think idk but i am a NERVOUS BITCH !!!!!!! and it sometimes takes me forever to reply to things (ic and ooc) bc of that so pls be patient with me lmao. anyway, happy 2 be here !! if u like this post i’m gonna assume u wanna plot with me and my idiot and hit u up !!! lets mcfreakin lose it !!!!

about lukas !!

full name: lukas joshua tozer

nickname(s): luk-ass idk whatever u can come up with lmao

age: nineteen

gender: cis male

pronouns: he/him

hometown: jackson, new jersey

date of birth: nov 4th

occupation: student ( film and media studies, sophomore ), cook/server at a nearby 24hr pizza joint

relationship status: single

drink / smoke / drugs: yes / yes / yes

faceclaim: alex wolff

positive traits: passionate, thoughtful, creative, ambitious, untethered, humorous

negative traits: assuming, cynical, insensitive, rebellious, resentful, irresponsible

if he was in a hogwarts house: slytherin

now some more dot points that are just me talking about lukas !!

was born in fort lauderdale florida but there is a vERY low chance he will ever admit that, he’ll just say he’s from new jersey. as far as he’s concerned, he’s always been from new jersey even if his family did move there after he turned twelve

speaking of things lukas probably wont ever tell u but i’m including them anyway: his family is kind of messy. not majorly but like a little bit more than average. he had two brothers, now he only has one. i’m not gonna include a whole lot of nitty gritty here i’ll save it for when i write the real bio and can actually do it justice but its the reason they moved from florida and it has had a pretty major effect on lukas over time obviously

he’s the baby of the family and he’s pretty much always been treated like one. it has left him pretty immature and irresponsible. still learning that his actions have consequences and that he cant just be a total dick all the time. he’s improved in those areas a fair bit since he started at columbia a year ago but he still has a long way to go

he didn’t ever really expect to go to columbia, he’s from a middle class family and his dad didn’t even go to college. he applied for columbia just as a might as well give it a go thing. like maybe it will happen. they had a film course and although the course itself isn’t really great, the connections to the industry available at columbia were valuable enough for him to try. he was wait listed up until basically the last minute, preparing to go to a college in boston instead but when he was accepted he knew he had to go. for himself, for his family, and for his lost brother.

obviously irresponsible attitude has led to some Bad Decision Making including but not limited to partying and drugs. he doesn’t prioritise that lifestyle over his school work (bc he knows how lucky he is to be at columbia at all) but he is a big believer that you need to experience things to be a great artist and he plans on being the greatest artist so bad decision town here we come !!!!

he has a pet goldfish named michael bublé pls dont nark

for more info on him click here to check his about page, no bio there yet but hopefully soon

wanted connections babey !!

course friends/rivals/anything: i am writing these before acceptances happen so i have no good god damn idea if any other characters are film majors but hit me the hell up if they are bc i would love to plot some stuff out

old roommate(s) : lukas was probably an entertaining roommate but probably verged on annoying pretty easily. he’s messy, gross, probably didn’t respect the do ur fucking dishes rule in first year ( probs still doesnt tbh ). but he also has a password to every streaming account plus a phat hard drive full of movies and shows that he is absolutely willing to share with u so just depends what ur into i guess. maybe this connection led to friendship or maybe they hate each other now. im down for either/both

dealer: hi welcome back to bad decision town. lukas isn’t into any hard stuff but is a big weed smoker (to my understanding medicinal cannabis is allowed but lukas def doesn’t have a prescription), then after that it’s kind of just experimenting. will chat more details if u wanna take this connection

booze leachers: so yes lukas is 19 but he has four, thats right, four fake ids. he is not willing to give u his contact for fake ids but he is willing to buy u booze if u pay him. dont hate the player hate the game

gang gang: pretty much just a close group of friends. i imagine all pretty relaxed, all pretty chill. idk what to say here except i want people to care about him and let him put on dumb movies and watch them with him and probably have dumb matching stick and poke tattoos and hog a communal tv to play mario kart but lets talk about it

fast food workers deserve respect too: as mentioned, lukas works at a 24hr pizza joint near campus which means he’s seen some shit. one of the things he’s seen multiple times is drunk student trashing the place. whether it be vomit, forgetting how to hold a cup, or bet try at a food fight lukas has seen it and he’s cleaned it up too. this connection could be that maybe he helped someone out and cleaned them up and got them back to campus when their friends ditched and now they look out for lukas too and its a positive connection. or maybe lukas hates their guts and spits on their food whenever they show up ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who’s to say

hot girl bummer by blackbear: now listen here’s an angsty connection i want, and i def want to plot it out way more with whoever takes it on but basic outline of what i have in mind: they’ve kind of sort of been dating for a while but they’re just falling out of whatever they had to begin with. they were never official, they probs def fucked around with other people while they were ““““together”””””, lots of oh sorry ur taking it so seriously i thought we were just chilling bullshit. all of this girls friends probs hate lukas and he definitely hates them back. were probably once really good friends and had a really good time together but they’ve lost it. will they find it again or will it fizzle out? lets find out together xoxo

new girl(s) : i hate the connection title too but i couldnt think of anything better. we’re in bad decision town and now we’re going to thot street babey. since things have been falling apart with hot girl bummer and even before that lukas a little bit of a thottie. this doesnt mean he’s good at it, please also feel free for a part of this to be that they rejected lukas and he got butt hurt about it idk lukas being attracted to them is basically this whole idea and i would wanna plot the rest of it more depending on specific characters wooo

lukas is a bad influence: if u have gotten this far u may have noticed that lukas is not a very good influence at all. this is someone probs his age or younger that wants to loosen up and have a good time and lukas completely encourages that. bonus points if this connection is a combo with the above connection bc lukas is a gross boi and would be like wow listening to my bad ideas thats so sexy and cool of u ya know. but also doesnt have to be that ! could just be lukas thinks its funny and thinks that someone listening to him is just like good content that could get him on barstool

lukas is badly influenced: this is basic as hell but someone that tells him to leave his impluse control at the door and encourages him to be trash. probs older than him and i def see this as more of a masc connection than a fem but like all my plot ideas: lets talk about it. this one probs v much depends on ur character so gonna leave this one nice and short

lukas is good-ly (??????) influenced: also basic as hell and p much just the opposite of above. someone who is a good influence on lukas. encourages creativity and ambition instead of straight up recklessness. again, i see it as an older character but no gender seen here. a lot of this would be based around ur character so lets chat

michael bublé’s co parents: lukas has a goldfish named michael bublé (or just michael), i picture him having got it while high as heck during the day and just being like This Is A Good Idea. maybe ur character was with him and they were co parents from the start or maybbe they came into the picture later ??? i’m honestly down for whichever just give michael the love he deserves pls

and probably just about anything else these are just some ideas, i totally wanna plot further and brainstorm so please still hmu if none of these fit ur character we’ll plot something up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#columbiaintro #( about. )

8 notes · View notes

candyclan · 5 years

Text

Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.

15 notes · View notes

mercenarypark · 6 years

Text

deltarune, and the potential significance of mew mew kissy cutie 2

thats not a sentence i ever expected to type, either now before i get into this, i want to make something clear: my usual policy for posting spoilers is to wait at least a few days, sometimes up to a week, before i even begin to reblog tagged spoilers. major spoilers will continue to be tagged for months, more minor ones for a few weeks. i usually wait at least a week or so before i post any concrete discussions on the subject at hand. im making some exceptions to my own rules here, mainly because deltarune explicitly asked for an initial 24 hour grace period before people began to discuss spoilers publicly. due to this safety net helping prevent people from getting blindsided by spoilers, im a little more willing to speak now; though i probably still wont reblog anything big for the next week or so. so. let’s talk about mew mew kissy cutie 2.

so. these are all from a certain part of the endgame, in the mispelled library. there’s a few things i find interesting here: -the fact that this is clearly alphys, but apparently writing a review for a teen zine despite her being an adult, meaning this zine is either fairly old, she’s an adult writing articles for a teen magazine, or... idk -the fact that alphys mentions eating “at home by [her]self with the lights off” when in this same endgame we find out she apparently lives in the trash. literally. she lives in a grafitti’d allyway and drinks milk from a saucer off the ground. -but, most importantly, -alphys DESPISES mew mew kissy cutie 2. she goes on a whole god damned rant about how much she hates it in the “bad opinion zone”, what it did to mew mew’s character arc, and how much it pales in comparison to the original. now, if this were another game from another creator, i might consider this an oversight. but undertale fucking loved to use little details like this to hint at bigger things going on, and so does deltarune. not only that, but throughout the game, there are multiple hints that there are things about this world that are close- so close- to what we know from undertale, but are just a bit... off. one big example is the graveyard, which is still puzzling me. you find graves for four monsters there, and a memorial bench.

These three are very clearly three of the amalgamates. So Cold [Snowdrake’s ma], Endogeny [the Snowdin dog’s family member], and Lemon Bread [Shyren’s sister]. the amalgamates aren’t formed until way after the death of asriel and chara, when alphys becomes royal scientist, and if i remember correctly alphys begins her experiments very soon after they “fall down”, but since im not 100% sure on that i can accept this as being normal for the main game. But the fourth gravestone and the bench are what’s really screwing with me.

Gerson. Gerson comes up a few times in this game- namely through a book he wrote. There’s a signed copy of it at Toriel’s house. Gerson is also the shopkeep in Waterfall in Undertale, and very, very much alive.

yes, there’s a chance this is a “different” Gerson, maybe a relative of his, but the gravestone is marked with a hammer. The shopkeep Gerson was known as the Hammer of Justice. How can this be the case? How can he be dead in the prequel and alive in the future? I have no god damn idea. and that’s all just scratching the surface! there’s so much more that’s different, that can’t all be explained by it being a prequel- asriel is in university when he died as a child. kris is our protagonist, with no mention of chara. asgore and toriel aren’t king and queen. asgore and toriel are divorced with some bad history, but no explanation of what happened- in undertale, they split apart because asgore wanted revenge against humans for the death of his children, and toriel refused to condone that. undyne isnt part of the royal guard, but is instead a COP[WHY], alphys is a teacher and not a scientist, bratty and catty dislike each other, grillby is nowhere to be seen[but the green fire girl IS seen and she’s the same age as she is in the original undertale] but a diner is run by a purple bunny who knows you from church, there’s a CHURCH, asriel used to sing in a choir at CHURCH, monster kid or someone who looks similar to them wears a crucifix, im sorry im really stuck on this bit because it seems so out of left field, Undertale Has Become Catholic, uhhh anyway as i was saying a lot of the aspects of this feel like a prequel. in fact yes i would say its set way before frisk’s time. but there’s so much thats DIFFERENT from what we know to be true about the original undertale and it’s timeline, and yes, alphys’ differing opinions on mew mew kissy cutie are a HUGE clue thank you for coming to my ted talk, in conclusion idk what im talking about even though i have a huge amount of ideas for what this all could mean and im kinda freaking out on the inside

#captain's log #undertale #deltarune #deltarune spoilers /#undertale spoilers /#long post /#text heavy /#ask to tag /

74 notes · View notes

stedebonnit · 6 years

Text

can’t get this out of my head

OK so whatever BTS ends maybe I dont really know but then it ends with chloe and rachel together on the Blackwell campus and they take a picture together and then it freezes on the photo and slowly zooms out and Chloe is holding it because she just dug it out of the back of her truck or on her old phone or something and she and max are looking at it and chloe is smiling but max isnt and chloe is like "what's wrong"

And max pauses then says "I was there"

"What?"

"I was there. That day. There was a blackwell campus tour for students who were considering attending. They had just announced Jefferson would be starting in the fall so i begged my parents to let me come."

"OK but why does that-"

"I could go back."

"What?"

"I could go back there."

"I could change everything. I could... I could save rachel."

"Wait but i thought you had to be in the photo.. How would you-"

Max points to a group of people in the background of the photo. Max’s head is just barely visible in the crowd. Chloe closes her mouth, speechless for the first time.

Silence sits with them for a moment before max speaks up again

"I dont know if it would solve anything. We hadn't reunited yet you might not even..."

"Max, i will always believe you."

"The storm would probably still-"

"We've fought the storm once... We can do it again."

They both pause and smile.

"You can finally meet rachel." Chloe says softly. Max smiles and nods, taking Chloe's hand. "That is... If she hadnt already given up on me..."

"She never gave up on you, Chloe. Frank, Jefferson, they were adults who had so much to offer in her eyes."

"But she loved him. Frank I mean. Jefferson too... Before he..."

"But she loved you first. I dont think she ever stopped."

Chloe looks down, pulling her hand away.

"We don't have to... If you don't want..." Max says softly

"No. We have to try, max. Even if it means getting to see you one more time before all of this. If it means you meeting rachel... We have to try."

Max smiles and takes the photo in both hands, beginning to focus her eyes.

"Wait." Chloe says, breaking Max's concentration. "Before we do this I... I want you to know that having you is enough. I mean, of course I want rachel back with us but... If it doesn't work.. Or even if it does i need you to know that having you is enough for me. And this is as much your decision as it is mine."

Max smiles softly, once again taking chloes hand.

"I know." She says.

Before she can say anything else chloe releases maxs hand and reaches to her neck, pulling off her necklace and carefully wrapping it around Max’s hand.

"For luck." She says softly. Max leans in and softly kisses Chloe. When they finally break apart the only further goodbye they need is a simple nod before max focus once more on the photo, quickly finding herself being pulled through the photo.

***

Max opens her eyes to find herself on the blackwell campus. She's younger, but sporting the same tshirt and jeans pairing as always. Shes in the middle of a crowd of potential students. She quickly recognizes a hopeful looking kate among many unfamiliar faces. Her parents stand on either side of her. Max prepares to break free of the crowd when she notices something tucked in her fingers. She open her hand to find Chloe’s necklace wrapped gently around her fingers.

“Like it’s meant to be…” Max mutters softly to herself. But she doesnt have time to think about this. Max quickly pushes her way through the crowd, breaking out of the tour guides slow droning speech about blackwells history. She looks around briefly before spotting them: two girls, one with shoulder length dirty blonde hair and the other with freshly dyed bright blue, both admiring the photo they had just taken. Laughing.

It takes max a second to compose herself. Seeing Chloe so happy... Laughing, standing shoulder to shoulder with rachel. Beautiful Rachel. Even more beautiful than she had been in photos. Every aspect of her from the way she dresses to the way she holds herself screams confidence. The way she leans against Chloe protectively as though she would do anything for the blue haired punk. Everything about them screams "More than friends."

Quickly max is able to overcome her shock as she breaks into a run towards them. As soon as shes behind them she reaches up her hand and gently taps Chloe on the shoulder. Chloe huffs as she begins to turn

"Im allowed on the blackwell campus as long as im in the company of a--- max?!"

Rachel turns now too, her blonde hair falling from behind her ear.

"Who... Wait... THE max?" Rachel says, her green eyes squinting in distain.

"Max Caulfeild, former pirate. Rachel amber, right?" Max says, beaming as she offers her hand. Rachel takes it and offers one confused shake. Its clear that rachel hates her. But it doesnt matter. If anything it makes maxs smile grow. Rachel really did love chloe. Just the way she steps forward, as though shes prepared to take a bullet for her...

Max turns away from rachel and pulls chloe into a tight hug. Chloe hesitates before gently patting max on the back. When she pulls away, chloes confusion only grows.

"How do you know rachel? And what are you doing here?"

"Campus tour.. Going to Blackwell... Its a long story..."

Rachel cuts in

"Chloe I thought she never texted you back… how does she know me? Is she stalking us?”

"-she didnt... I dont think she's stalking us..."

"You have to listen. Chloe, rachel, i dont have much time. Its a long story. You know mark Jefferson?"

Rachel lights up momentarily "the photographer? I heard he's coming to blackwell and-"

"-rachel has a crush on him" chloe retorts

"Come on chloe, you know you’re the only i have eyes for." She leans in and kisses chloe. Max feels her stomach drop momentarily. She had suspected rachel and chloe had been more than friends, but chloe had never been willing to talk about it. What if max fixes everything only to be left without chloe?

It doesn’t matter. saving rachel is more important.

"Mark jefferson is insane and dangerous... And...god... i dont know how to explain this to you but... Rachel, mark jefferson is going to kill you. Well, nathan prescott will kill you... Jefferson covers it up. And chloe you wont know this... For a long time. Youll search for her tirelessly... And eventually ill.. Ill come back. Ill come back and help you search and... God, im sorry, im so sorry but we find her body."

"Okay what the HELL is going on here?" Rachel says angrily, pulling Chloe away

"Wait." Chloe says softly, causing maxs heart to leap.

"Youre not telling me you believe this insanity."

"That necklace... Max that's my necklace. Ive worn in every day since rachel gave it to me... I would never give it away unless-"

Max holds up the necklace wrapped around her fingers for both girls to see.

"You gave it to me. Chloe, ive watched you die so many times but i saved you... And I need to save you again. One more time. I need to save you by saving her because.. I know i abandoned you. I was wrong, chloe, but i want to make it right. Because one day you and i will love each other. SO much. With everything we have. And even now, you still love rachel. A long time from now. You never stop loving her just like ill never stop loving you. So please. Let me save you one more time. I can take you both away from here. We can run. To LA, or even back to seattle…it doesn’t matter, but we can get far away from here. My parents have a car, you have a truck, it doesnt matter how we do it. But we can run. The three of us, together. Away from Jefferson, away from the storm and the pain and-" max is tearing up now, she hadnt even noticed taking hold of chloes hand.

"Youre not an actor by chance, are you?" Rachel cuts in, a little bit of her initial protectiveness melting away.

"Ive never been good at acting." Max says softly.

"I think we should go." Rachel says. Chloes looks up at her

"Really?"

"I have a feeling... Like the feeling i had that first night at the firewalk concert.. Like... Like its…”

"Destiny." Chloe cuts in, grinning.

Max beams up at them.

"I have to tell you... I wont remember this conversation when its over... Youll have to explain this all to me...but i promise to believe you. Ill always believe you."

Chloe beams and takes both girls hands, the three of them run towards the parking lot and the picture fades.

***

a photo of chloe and david fighting burns and is replaced with A photo featuring max, chloe and rachel in the back of chloes truck. Max is confused as chloe and Rachel explain to her whats happening.

***

A picture of rachel and jefferson meeting on Blackwell campus burns and is replaced with a picture of the three girls curled up, sleeping in the back seat with a small town surrounding them.

***

Picture of chloe looking at a phone with no replies from max burns and is replaced with a photo of the girls driving by the LA sign

***

A picture of chloe and nathan in the bathroom burns and is replaced with a picture of rachel modeling for a magazine cover

***

A picture of chloe and max finding rachels body burns and is replaced with a picture of the girls admiring Max’s photos in a gallery

***

A picture of max and chloe going up to the lighthouse during the storm burns and is replaced with a picture of max and chloe holding each other while reading a newpaper about the storm.

***

Finally it flashes to chloe, max and rachel in an apartment. Max and rachel are cuddled up on the couch while Chloe cooks food.

"Listen, i get that youre both the ones bringing in the big bucks but that doesnt mean i dont deserve a cuddle too." Chloe says, placing the bacon onto a plate with eggs and carrying it over to the table in front of the girls. Rachel releases max and taps the spot on the couch beside her. Chloe scoots in closely and rachel kisses her hard. Max curls in and kisses rachels cheek before leaning across her to kiss chloe.

"Thank you for breakfast, babe. Youre a great housewife." Rachel teases, max laughs.

"Max you look different are you..."

"Wait, it’s today isnt it?" Rachel cuts in. Chloe looks confused for a moment before it dawns on her

"Mad max, youre back arent you? The real you?" Max nods happily.

"Its about time" rachel says, nudging max teasingly

"I guess we have a lot of explaining to do.." Chloe says. The scene zooms out on Chloe and rachel speaking to max, laughing. It continues to zoom out to their apartment high up with a view of the ocean and the hollywood sign in the distance.

The scene fades to black.

~fin~

#life is strange #lis #lis:bts #life is strange before the storm #life is strange: before the storm #long post for ts #amberprice #pricefield #amberpricefield

338 notes · View notes

ask-svt-hearteu · 6 years

Text

“to all admins (who are so beautiful it is sO UNFAIR) : it’s me!!! sofia ahaha and im sending this a lil early because i wont be home for christmas (:p) and i’d like to thank all of you because i can’t send over gifts due to the ocean. damned water. somewhere in december, i think on the 14th??? i will have known this blog for 5 months ! which isn’t that long but im looking forward to spending many more weeks and months on this wonderful blog. all the admins are so, so friendly, nice, amazing, interesting, beautiful, etc etc. thank you for talking to me ! thank you for being here for me during the tough times! thank you for your advice, thank you for your jokes, your rants, your posts, your everything. this blog has given me as much joy as seventeen does. really! i’m so happy i stumbled upon this blessing of a blog when i was still a baby carat and needed more knowledge.

but please, you guys, get enough rest okay? i heard that someone (like joshua’s wife cough) doesnt get enough sleep and i swear im flying over. all of you are humans and you need rest. you all are in school and you need rest from school (which can be a pain lets be honest) and a break from writing. remember, we, as your readers and fans, care more about your health than how fast you answer our asks. we want you all to be happy and we wish we could give you back the happiness youve given us with this blog. i hope that in 2018, the blog will earn many,many more followers, the admins will make many more friends, and get more supporters (ok but i still dont understand why and how people send hate to the admins?? like fuck you man, these people work so hard arghhh don’t send them hate just because you’re pathetic and lonely and deprived of love and all the good things in life. Legit everytime I see a post about a hater i want to throw a pan at the shithole who hated on these amazing creatures. @jun @minghao @hoshi @scoups jom let’s go beat up the haters im bringing my frying pan and my sunat knife y’ALL BETTER WATCH OUT LATER KENA I SUNAT YOU) drink water, not alcohol : okay sO YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT A HUMAN IS ALLOWED TO BE A TALENTED WRITER, PRETTY ENOUGH TO BE A MODEL AND BE A SINGER ????? JESS IDC WHAT YOU SAY YOU ARE G O R G E O U S YOU’RE SO QR3UBFD-BGQIF and you’re so talented and friendly and n i c e. You’RE SO HARDWORKING AS WELL YOU’RE IN YOUR LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL AND STILL WRITE ON THIS BLOG AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN (it really touched me when i told you me and my best friend were fighting and you sent me tons of dino pics and tagged me in pictures of him. that really cheered me up , thank you :D) i think you’re the first admin i started to talking to hahahaha and even though im really annoying you still talked to me? like ?? i heard that you’re in your last year of high school and i wish you the best of luck !!! do only what you want to do. Don’t stress about choosing the right college/uni or the right course, just do what you want to. Please take your time with the blog, college tends to stress writers out and whenever you feel stressed rEST PLEASE. pls make many many new friends in college and have a better diet than ramen 24/7 which doesnt sound too bad but that’s a lot of sodium. i hope everything goes well for you but remember if anything goes wrong or u just wanna talk im here! love youuu bb. 10:10 : ok sERI. WE REALLY NEED TO FIND TIME TO TALK because whenever i text you you’re in class and whenever you text me im about to sleep (damn these timezones) sighh. it’s okay if i ever have kids, i’ll sell them and buy a plane ticket to meet you. okay when i first started talking to you i was really impressed because you’re really..tough? like i really people with thick skin and people who don’t give a shit about what other say and tbh i’m trying to be more like that. people like that are so cool !! and ur so pretty and cool sighh im so jealous (you have vv nice lips dONT TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY I JUST THINK THEY’RE VV PRETTY oR dO I) also you’re really smart ! like you’ve gotten full marks for a test like woah hoshi is so lucky. i hope you remain thick skinned and brush the haters away, but it’s okay to feel bad once in a while, you’re only being human. but you can talk to me any time you feel down or u just wanna talk or rant or vent. i hope you don’t stress about school, please take a break if you have to (i dont want you to go away i want you to get the rest you deserve)anyways i love you ! my name is soonyoung, call me soon : APA KHABAR MY MALAYSIAN FREN ahaha im soooo happy i met you on tumblr. *ur the aesthetic queen* . i hope that we meet in person soon or one day because we live in the same country and won’t it be cool to see each other? we should have a photoshoot together. speaking of photoshoot im very happy to have a model sensei to teach me how to pose. also ur one hell of a sweetheart. you always share fandom things with me and i tend to fangirl in the middle of tesco or class because of you. hmm if seventeen ever come back to malaysia we should meet at their concert, given both of us are going. i’d really love to know more about you lmao you’re so interesting and you’re really patient with me!!! which is reallly nice. okay bb let’s find a date when both of us are free and leggo have some fun. i hope you don’t ever have to feel sad. well actually i think sadness is vital to humans so maybe anger. i hope you’ll continue to be very peaceful and freak out w carats and kpop fans across the glose and i hope that one day you’ll see naega hosh up close and p e r so nal. ilysm bb xxx my i geddit because wo ai ni so ur my love heh : hello my wife /name twin ish / dancer girl / jun’s / blessing to thie world. oh my god we need to talk moreeeee. ur so funny and we’re so alike (like we both swear like pigs) but we’re different because you’re so good at dancing! heck, whenever i dance i blind people from a 5 kilometre radius. all the other admins say you could dance my i with jun and i am sHOOK BECAUSE ho l ee s h i et also do you know what i would give to see you dance with jun? i’d give up all my memes. yeah, that’s right. my knowledge of all memes and vines and fre sh a vacado. apart from your dancing skills, you’re very, very pretty. i can’t believe you think you’re ugly , sweet jisoos, you’re have… the beauty of all the sunsets in the world. you’re actually really nice (stop protesting) because you’ve listened to me rant about all the damn drama in my life and you gave me advice. and you’ve never lost your patience with me. jeez i love youuuu !!! you’ve laughed with me and sent me dino pics to make my heart explode and you were there when i did something really stupid on kakaotalk. sighhh good times amirite? well we can still talk on tumblr. i hope you continue being yourself, the amazing person you are. xx love you to bits. seventeenteenteen : i survived. you havent killed me yet. i have stuck to dino faithfully. well actually, my first bias for like, a week, was memesol but then dinosaur found his way into my heart. i know y’all are busy and it may be hard but please rest. please don’t read mean comments, please love yourselves, please eat well. please do anything that would make you happy. each and every one of you are so, so important to me and i hope all of you are healthy. the8 please rest, i hope you get better soon. scoups, i hope that fever is gone. dino, i hope you find someone that makes you really really happy and i hope you wake up with a smile on your face each day and i hope people will stop prying into your personal life because you deserve to find someone you love and you deserve to be able to love that person without hate. i hope all of you don;t feel pressured to keep away from relationships because of selfish “fans” and i hope all of you will be happy. @josh @hoshi @jun you guys, please take care of your aegis. @josh wish ur gf luck for college, @hoshi stop killing these girls w ur visuals and @jun im waiting for u and sophia’s dance duet. i love all of you with all my heart <3333 thank you for a wonderful 5 months, i hope many more will come. love, sofia xx add on : i wrote this note before jonghyun killed himself and i’d just like to say this to everyone. the admins and the readers ; please ask for help. you are not alone. people are here for you. mental illness is not and will never be a light topic. suicide is never the answer. i know it’s hard but you need to stay, because we need you. i need you. it doesnt matter if we are close friends or complete strangers : you are so important. you are strong and brave and kind and smart and beautiful and you can get through this. you have people willing to listen. if somehow the whole world refuses to listen, im here. there are people around you who care deeply about you and please, stay. if any of you feel sad about the recent tragedy, take a break from tumblr, okay? i love all of you and please, stay safe. — sofiafabulousphan”

Admin Jess: Sofia, bb T^T I honestly can’t express how much your words mean to me. I love you so so much thank you for everything. I honestly won’t deny, it’s hard. I think it will always be difficult to a certain degree to run this blog. Not that I don’t love every second of it believe me, I just (LMAO LEAVE IT TO ME TO START TEARING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF TYPING THIS) I’ve never wanted to do something I wanted to just because I can. I don’t run this blog expecting anything in return. I do it because I genuinely love, love the happiness it brings other people, because I love seventeen and I love doing it all. If I didn’t love it with all my heart I don’t think I would have held up this long. You’re right, it’s my last year of high school. My hardest year because I decided to take a multitude of difficult classes. I have cried tears over so many classes (I’m crying writing this response omfg PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER JESS), I have had plenty of mental breakdowns, a lot of crying whenever someone simply asks me if I’m ok or suggests I get more sleep. I have been an emotional wreck all year. It is my fault though, I did decide to take challenging courses this school year, but one can only run on four hours of sleep everyday for so long and not be emotional I guess. AND I WAS TERRIFIED. I was so scared that in the course of this year, through all the difficult hours of studying and finishing homework at 2/3am in the morning before having to wake up at 6am and walk to school by 7am, that I wouldn’t have the time or effort to do just the one thing I wanted to do the most in the world. I only had one real hobby I loved doing and it was running this blog (again hella emotional and dramatic sorry it’s like one am here when I’m writing this). So I forgo sleep to get everything done. It’s not healthy but in my mind, if I gave up on this blog for one day, that one day might turn into two days, which would turn into a month, and then I’d never be able to do anything ever again just because I kept pushing it off, treating it as if it didn’t mean the world to me when it so very dearly does. OK I’M RAMBLING ABOUT MYSELF NO ONE CARES JESS AHEM,,, My point is, I sacrificed sleep for school and this blog not because I was forced to, but because if I slept, this feeling of guilt when I woke up in the morning, a feeling of “ahh I could have done more, I could have been better” would permeate my mind for who knows how long. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I hate disappointing people. So to hear you say this blog and all the stuff we do on it makes you happy? It makes me think maybe I’m not such a big disappointment after all, and maybe if I keep working hard, I can continue making more people happier, and that’s all I really want. True, with college approaching, I can’t make any guarantees. I anticipate not being able to do anything at all, and that idea is scary too and makes me want to work even harder now while I still can. I will definitely try to get more rest though??? I mean no one likes a sleep-deprived me at 3am lmao, I may seem nice but at 3am I’m bawling my eyes out over homework and cursing at my posters and pictures of Seventeen and school and textbooks in like three different languages (it’s not pretty lol). So yes rest? Idk what that is... but I’ll try??? fjnvksjn? I think I recall when you first sent in an ask, I’m not too sure but honestly the blog is about as old as you’ve been here so thank you for being one of our first supporters (did you have a book with a flower icon hmm trying to recall)! The hate I think will always be a thing I’m sure, I just don’t know how to deal with it T-T I am very naturally a sensitive human bean, what can I say... LMAO I’M NOT GORGEOUS THOUGH it’s called filters, lighting, angles, and makeup. The only reason I look anywhere near decent is because I use a combination of those things to hide all my flaws LMAO. As for singing, I’m not super? I can sing a pitch correctly I suppose? I can sing a chromatic scale? Idk if that qualifies as good singing (I can definitely sing svt songs in broken Korean shamelessly no matter where I go though). I’m really not that good, but I’m not awful like a dying seal or smth. I don’t even think I’m a talented writer, I just try my best I guess. I do sincerely try my hardest. YOU’RE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL I 117% would listen to you rant or scream about anything and I’m just super grateful you don’t think I’m annoying lsnfdnvd. OF COURSE I THINK YOU AND CHAN ARE THE CUTEST (or you and Jongdae pick your poison;) and of course I sent all those Channie pics omfg, I’m always here if you need it^~^ Thank you for all your kind words love (AND IMMA PRETEND YOU DIDN’T CALL ME JOSHUA’S WIFE BC MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT KDFJNVKSBBDIBI I’LL CALL YOU CHAN’S WIFE ISTG I WILL) make sure to take care of yourself and you’re always welcome to come talk to me bb :)

Admin Meagan: aaaHHHHHHH, really appreciate you Sofia ✨😩 Gosh, can't believe you wrote us sub a long essay AHAHAHAH. Also, SUNAT KAU AHAHAHAHAHAHAH (Non-Malaysians wouldn't understand lmao) But yeeeee, thank you so so much baby for taking the time to send this ask in <3 It's been amazing knowing you and gosh you are such a sweetheart! Also, Chinese New Year is soon, let's go out together ;)) Cafe hopping at SS15 maybe? Hehe. I want my postcard AHAHA and to spend time with you of course!! <3 You are such a bright individual and Chan loves you hella lots. Thank you for always sending us such encouraging messages and for being a good pal really. But for reals, you mean a lot to me and gosh I can't wait to meet you. Also I not model material lah AHAHAH, only a certain days ;) but yess!! A photoshoot would be amazing haha, I can try to teach you some tips lmao. And yes, thank you for caring about our mental health. January hasn't been the best month for me, honestly it's been horrible but stuff like this really warms up my heart yah know. So yes, really really appreciate you man. Keep being so spunky and loveable. Take care, stay safe and I hope we get to meet each other soon ❤️

Admin Seri: SERIously SERIously, you have no idea how much this warmed my heart. ahh i so wish we could find a better time to talk, i’ll work on that :’) i’m not very good at expressing my feeling through words! and for that mianhae mianhae. in fact, that’s one very VERY COOL thing about you!!! expression your feelings isn’t the easiest and hey, use those feelings to brush for those haters. as you know love, other people’s opinions don’t effect me BUT THERE’S NOTHING WRONG with being affected! just know, those people are irrelivant, and once you realize they can’t do a single fucking thing to you unless you let them, it gets a bit better <3 but GIRL i remember you from the VERY being!!! i can’t believe you stuck around this long , you’ve seen all the changes, how much we’ve grown, it’s seriously amazing. becoming an admin (sure as hell didn’t know it back then) was definitely my HIGHLIGHT of twenty seventeen. there’s not a day that goes by where i regret it, not at all, even when our inbox is loaded or when i have writers block. and you being here along that journey warms my heart so so much! i’m not kidding sometimes i find myself in the middle of the night looking through all the comments or reblogs and GOSH i just see every single sweet sweet message you leave. AND OH MY GOD I’M ALREADY FOR SURE GONNA VISIT AJVBELJNGR IM ALREADY PLANNING TO ONE DAY TO SEE MEAGAN SO LIKE DUHHHH WE COULD MEET UP!!! just augh i’m super super grateful for you message jinja jinja ily~~~ <333 !!! {p.s. i totally wrote bodyguard reader! Chan thinking of you, ngl}

Admin Soph: As much as I love you and as much as you’re my ai. DONT GIVE UP YOUR MEMES FOR ME WTAF. MAN I LOVE YA BUT MEMES ARE IMPORTANT XD. And you might only be disappointed after watching me dance with Jun. Ah I wish we could talk more too :””) We get along so well and Im fucking positive were soulmates just looking at how similar we are XD. Ah im not really good at things like this. Im really speechless because damn boi I love ya and you took the time to write all this for us :””). Youre an angel sent from the heavens. AND ME PRETTY??? NUUUUUUUU.Just like what Jess said, filters and lighting exists. Im only cute tho (char). But youre more prettier than me love. Both inside and outside. You're as beautiful as the northern lights. And like the northern lights, you light up my dark days :””). We dont talk much but we always check up on each other man. Goddamn I love ya. I hope we can make more stupid but fun memories together ^^. And I will literally hug the shit outta you when we meet. Also can we like talk about how much we appreciate ya? You’re always in our inbox sending adorable and heartwarming asks to both Svt and us. I remember telling you that your asks about the admins literally brightens our day. How you're little “I hope the admins stay safe” means so much to us. I really hope you only experience happiness for the rest of your life. You’re a person I really appreciate and love. AS MUCH AS I LOVE JUN. HELL YEAH I SAID IT. hAHHAH Dont be afraid to come to me if you have any problem. I will always be here to talk to you and help you love ^^. Please take care of yourself too. DonT FUCKING SKIP MEALS. GET A LOT OF SLEEP OR IM GETTING CHAN AND JONGDAE. Ah im sorry if I didnt say a lot. I want to say a lot but I literally dont know what to say :””). I WILL MESSAGE YOU A LONG AS MESSAGE ON YOUR BDAY OR SOMETHING. I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY TO YOU GADBSVF ASNMK. For now, I love you and take care of yourself. You are loved by a lot and I hope your life gets filled with happiness and joy. Im also always here if you ever need to talk ^^

6 notes · View notes

01may1994 · 6 years

Text

i got so much soul inside my bones

this is a gift for @communistfireworks | read on ao3

words: 2,881

Chapter 1 (/2) - lovesick the beat inside my head

The first thing Ronan noticed about the new kid was how smart he was and frankly that pissed him off. A lot. Because it meant that from now on he had to actually put an effort to maintain his reputation as the scary, mysterious kid who also somehow spoke Latin like it was his mother language. He was a legend. But then this Adam guy shows up and Ronan’s throne starts shaking (his heart too if we want to be honest). But soon, Ronan realized that Adam wasn’t like everyone else in this shitty school.

People on Aglionby walked like they owned the world. They looked at you in the eyes because they wanted you to understand that they are important and you are not. They were the definition of white privilege, their whole existence shouted rich and dangerous, they were the people you are meant to be afraid of. Ronan hated this school and he hated himself for going there and most importantly for looking like them; rich and dangerous.

But Adam wasn’t like that. He lived in the shadows. He didn’t have any friends and he never talked about his life. Adam was a shadow. And because of that, Ronan almost managed to stop thinking about him all day, but the next day, the boy would say something really smart, not in an asshole-y way, but in a way that would make Ronan’s heart explode with awe and fondness.

The second thing Ronan noticed on Adam was his hands. They were calloused and rough. Many times his knuckles were split; proof that although he looked like he was made of sugar and spice and everything nice, he really wasn’t. He could tear you apart if he wanted.

Ronan loved Adam’s hands not only because they looked good, but because they meant something. They were the hands of a fighter, of someone who worked hard. Adam, Ronan concluded again, wasn’t a spoiled brat, like everyone else in this goddamn school, save Noah.

The third thing Ronan noticed about Adam was his anger. That boy was always angry and ready to punch something or someone. Of course he never got into fights inside Aglionby, because that would probably be the end of his scholarship. When people saw Adam they thought he was a shy, kind kid, the type teachers always loved, but Ronan saw the storm raging inside him. He saw it in the way he walked, in the way he moved, in how his jaw and shoulders were always tensed. He saw it in his eyes. But what Ronan couldn’t understand was the why.

Adam was indeed a riddle and Ronan was more than willing to solve it.

Ronan, Noah and Gansey were having lunch. Gansey was rambling about welsh kings and god knows what else. Ronan started spacing out. Then his phone buzzed. It was a message from Noah. Ronan raised his eyebrow at him and then opened the message.

Noah: youre starring again why don’t you go talk to him

He looked at Noah again and that asshole was smirking. He quickly typed an answer before flipping the bird to the boy and getting the hell out of there.

Ronan: fuck you that’s my business

Noah burst out laughing and Gansey, who was the most oblivious person alive, stopped talking mid-sentence, confused on what had actually just happened. Ronan slammed the cafeteria’s door behind him.

Just as he was getting into his car his phone buzzed again.

Noah: if you wont go talk to him I will

Noah: im tired of your pining shit

Ronan went straight to Monmouth. He wanted to go to the Barns but then he remembered he forgot to feed Chainsaw before he left in the morning. Not that she couldn't find food on her own, but Ronan had really strong feelings about feeding her. It was their bonding time, as he called it.

He was just outside the main entrance when he heard a loud bang behind him. He turned and shit, there Adam Parrish was in the middle of the road. He had obviously fallen off his bike for some reason. Ronan ran and kneeled down next to him.

"Hey are you okay? What happened?" he asked.

"Isn't it obvious? I fell off my bike?" Adam said.

Adam tried to stand up but he fell down again. Ronan tried to catch him so now they were half hugging and too close for Ronan not to freak out. For a second they just stared at each other's eyes. The sea fighting the sea. Then Adam sighed and looked away.

"I'm fine okay? I'm not hurt or anything." he said.

"Man you're not fine. You probably hit your head or something-"

Then a car stopped next to them. Both turned to see who it was. Shit, Ronan thought because it was a white Mitsubishi. Kavinsky was looking at them and at that moment he really looked like a wolf.

He said, "Hey Lynch, didn't know you hang out with trailer park trash now."

Ronan was suddenly on his feet, fists balled.

"Hey K, fuck off." he said.

"Too protective of your new boyfriend, aren't you? Wait. When did you and Dick broke up?"

Ronan took a step forward, ready to attack, but Adam stopped him by grabbing his hand. Kavinsky looked at their joined hands for a split second, his expression unreadable.

He wore his white sunglasses again and before he drove off he said, “See you around Lynch.”

After that Ronan was literally radiating anger. Adam thought that being next to Ronan when he was that angry felt like seeing a star burn and die. It was beautiful, yes, but it also made you feel this overwhelming sadness. It made your heart ache.

“Hey Ronan,” he said softly “are you alright?”

Ronan sighed. “Yeah I’m alright. He’s just a dickhead.”

Adam looked at him for a second. Ronan felt like his stare would set him on fire. He closed his eyes and when he opened them again he saw Parrish limping towards his bike.

"Hey hey hey," he shouted "I'm not letting you ride this bike when you're limping. What an irresponsible citizen would that make me."

"Ronan. We both know you already are an irresponsible citizen."

"Yea whatever if you have to be somewhere then I'll drive you there but if you don't shut up and come inside with me. I'll give you ice for that thing."

Adam shot him a questioning look, "Inside?"

Ronan pointed at Monmouth and said, “This is where I live.”

Adam could recognize a lost battle when he saw one. He sighed and followed Ronan inside.

Ronan passed the living room and went straight to the kitchen/bathroom. He opened the fridge, grabbed one of the many ice packs and gave it to Adam. Their hands brushed slightly and Ronan tried not to think about it much. He also grabbed some ice cream and they both went to sit on the couch.

“So why do you have so many ice packs?” Adam asked after a while.

“Because Gansey thinks we need them. Something about me getting into too many fights. Can you even believe this guy?”

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot you guys live together. I- I didn’t know you were- like- you know- boyfriends?” Adam said blushing.

Ronan literally choked. “What? No! We’re not? Gansey is the straightest person I’ve ever met! Jesus, Parrish.”

Adam blushed even harder. Of course Kavinsky was lying. But still, something bothered him about what Ronan said. Maybe it was the fact that Gansey didn’t seem that straight to him. I mean have you seen his boat shoes? Or maybe it was the fact that Ronan said Gansey’s not gay not I’m not gay. Adam decided he shouldn’t ask more and continued eating his ice cream.

He started thinking he must have sprained his ankle. Adam really hoped it was nothing, because he had a night shift on Boyd’s today. He also had to hide it from his parents because they’ll probably take his bike away.

”So how did you even fell off your bike?” Ronan asked.

Adam turned pink again. “I got distracted,” he said, because he couldn’t exactly say I was looking at you and I didn't see there was a fucking hole in front of me.

Ronan only hummed.

They continued eating ice cream and staring at each other. Ronan had the distant feeling they were looking at each other's eyes for far too long, but he didn't particularly mind. Oh, how much he loved the deep blue of Adam's eyes.

Then there was a loud bang on the door and both boys jumped as if they were electrocuted. The door opened and Matthew Lynch entered the room with the hugest smile Adam had ever seen.

"Why do you even bother to knock if you're going to just open it yourself one second later?" Ronan asked but he wasn't mad; his voice was soft and you could hear a smile in there.

"Joke's on you I wasn't knocking, I just tripped and fell on the door."

That cracked Adam up. Matthew turned to look at him.

"Hey I'm Matthew! And you are?"

"I'm Adam." he said in between laughs.

Matthew face went blank for a moment and then he smirked, "Ohh you're Adam?"

They both briefly looked at Ronan.

"Yea, have we- met before?"

"No? Sorry I was thinking of another Adam."

Adam shot him a questioning look, " You're not a very good liar, aren't you?" he said.

Matthew only shrugged and turned to Ronan, who had turned slightly pink. "Hey Ro, please tell me you didn't forget today is our pizza day."

Ronan got up and went to shuffle Matthew's hair. "Of course, I didn't forget about it kiddo," he said and then he turned to Adam, "Hey Adam wanna come with us at Nino's for pizza?"

"Yeah actually I have to go to Nino's, because I promised Blue but I can't stay sorry."

"Blue? Isn't that the short waitress? Wait, is she your girlfriend? Oh man can't wait for Gansey to find out."

"What? Blue? No, absolutely not. We're just friends. But what was that about Gansey?" Adam said smirking.

"Nothing. Just forget about it." Ronan said, smiling. "Can you walk?"

"Yes the ice helped thanks."

Matthew smiled again and that made Adam's heart ache. "Let's go then!" he said.

Adam: im not coming

Blue: Adam come on !!!

Blue: it will be fun and Henry and Noah came in person to invite us

Adam: us ??

Blue: yes they said

Blue: Blue we'd love you to come and please make Adam come too

Adam: Blue.

Adam: look I know your rules

Adam: since when do you hang out with raven boys? why don't you tell what's this really about??

Blue: okay

Blue: well

Blue: Gansey is going to be there too

Adam: ah Blue I get why you want to go but please dont make me come

Adam: first of all I dont have a costume

Blue: yes you do

Blue: I have three cousins in our age and you think I wouldn't find a costume for you? you're going as Spiderman

Adam: what the fuck

Blue: shut up

Adam: and you’re going as ??

Blue: eleven from stranger things

Blue: so that means you’re coming ?

Adam: yes

Blue: YES

Blue: oh and

Blue: I forgot to tell you

Blue: ronan’s gonna be there too

Blue: ;)

Ronan opened his bedroom door and froze. There was something absolutely hideous on his bed. A Halloween costume. Ronan could practically hear the distant echo of drums foreseeing his imminent doom.

"Noah!" he shouted.

Noah, as if he was waiting to hear his name, came out of his room wearing his best smirk.

That. Asshole.

"Yes Ronan," he said "Can I help you with something?"

Ronan was ready to punch him. "I told you I'm not coming to your stupid Halloween party" he snarled.

"But it's not my stupid Halloween party. It's Cheng's too!" Noah said laughing.

"Do I look like I fucking care? What even is this thing?" Ronan said, pointing at the costume.

"It's a vampire costume! I think it suits you. Have you seen how pale you are?"

"Yes, Noah, I know how fucking pale I am."

"Anyway Ronan I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to. But you know, everyone is gonna be there, me, Gansey, Henry, even Blue and Adam." he said and winked.

He. Fucking. Winked.

Ronan looked at him dead in the eye and then he slammed the door to his face. Gansey came out of the kitchen. He was eating yogurt and his eyebrow was raised.

"What was that?" he asked.

"Nothing, everything is under control" Noah said.

"You know, hearing 'everything is under control' from you is really making me think nothing is under control."

The party, as Ronan suspected, was terrible. And his costume was even worst. The fake teeth he was wearing made it hard for him to drink and Ronan didn't actually believe he could survive the night without getting wasted.

Somewhere between the third and fourth drink Kavinsky came and sat next to him. Ronan gave him his best angry glare.

"So where's your new boyfriend? Trouble in heaven?" Kavinsky said.

Ronan didn't answer. Not only because he didn't exactly know what to say, but also because if he opened his mouth he'd probably puke all over K. Now he was thinking about it, it wasn't a bad option really.

"What, now you're not talking to me? Did I hurt your feelings?" Kavinsky continued.

Ronan told him to fuck off. He got up and started heading outside. He slammed the door behind him.

Ronan then noticed there was someone else there, sitting on the pavement, a few feet away from the door. A Spiderman?

"Hey" the Spiderman said, taking off his mask.

It was Adam. In tights. His hair messier than ever, because of the mask. Ronan's heart skipped a beat. He went and sat down next to him. Maybe a little too close, but Adam didn't move away.

"Hey" he said.

Adam looked at him. At how his jaw was tense, his fists balled.

"So, what happened?" he asked.

Ronan sighed. "Kavinsky."

"Okaay, what's the deal with you two anyway? Are you friends or arch enemies?"

Ronan chuckled, "No, we're not friends. I don't know man, he is just obsessed with me. He hates me."

"Well, here's the thing, I don't believe he hates you." Adam said.

"Oh yeah? And why is he torturing me then?"

"I- I think- he's-um- hitting on you?"

Ronan flinched, "What? No! No way. What?"

Adam laughed a little, "Are you so freaked out right now because it is Kavinsky or because he is-like- a boy?"

"Obviously because it is Kavinsky," Ronan sighed and bit his lower lip, "Seriously Adam, I don't understand people that look at me and actually think I'm straight." he said slowly.

"You're not?" Adam said, his eyes wide.

"No I'm not. Don't look at me like that!" he said, blushing.

Adam turned slightly pink too, "Yeah that makes two of us I guess."

Ronan turned to look at the other boy, but he didn't know what to say. Frankly, he just wanted to kiss him and kiss him and kiss him. But instead he said, "So, do you have a boyfriend?"

Adam laughed, "Nah, I don't. Although I think Tad Carruthers would really much like to be my boyfriend."

Ronan laughed too, "Tad? You fucking kidding me? Did you see him today? He was dressed as a fucking zombie. It was terrible."

"Yeah," Adam said, "Besides I prefer vampire boys." he said and blushed even harder.

Ronan felt like the universe tilted and approximately five tons were lifted off his chest. Adam was looking at him, his eyes filled with uncertainty.

He cupped Adam's face and leaned in.

Their first kiss was quick, but Ronan felt like something erupted inside of him and the universe fell back into place.

Adam leaned in again. They kissed and kissed and only stopped to breath. Blue, green and red lights were dancing all around them. Ronan could only think of one word; beautiful.

Chapter 2 - and i got love falling like the rain

The first thing Adam noticed on Ronan that morning was how the freckles on his shoulders blend in with the sharp lines of his tattoo. They looked like tiny stars being sucked by a black hole. He was mesmerized by it. Adam, not for the first time, wondered how is it even possible for a person to be so beautiful and terrifying at the same time.

The second thing he noticed was Ronan's smile. He had only seen it once before, that day with Matthew. Back then, he was surprised by how true of a smile it was. Now, he was surprised by how it made his heart dance.

The third thing Adam noticed was Ronan's eyes. They looked even more magical from this close. It wasn't exactly ocean's blue nor sky's blue. It was something else entirely. It was Ronan's.

The boy sleeping next to him was made of light and magic and Adam loved it with every fibre of his being. Maybe for the first time in his life, he was happy.

#hello kk im your secret santa #i hope you like it #pynch #pynch secret santa 2017 #angst #fluff #swearing #getting together #fanfiction #ao3

14 notes · View notes

spongeekat · 6 years

Text

The 6 Times Peter Wanted To Reveal his Identity (And the 1 Time He Did) Chapter 2

read on ao3

Masterlist Here

As always, HUGE thank you to my beta reader @alurkerofnote who was super patient during my busy ass weekend!

Day 2- Monday

“Peter?”

“Five more minutes, May…”

“Peter, dude, your phone won’t stop buzzing and the professor is getting annoyed.”

Professor? Shit.

Peter shot instantly awake, the blurry image of Mary Jane’s fire red hair permeating his sleep-heavy eyes. He gingerly picked his sore body up until he was sitting up, wiping the moisture that had gathered on his forehead away. As promised, the professor was making direct eye contact with him while she continued to speak, and her finger pointed sharply at Peter’s cell sitting on the edge of his desk. Sheepishly, he retrieved it and mouthed an apology. His thumbs drug the notification screen down, finding a few texts from an unknown number. He absently tried to listen to the lecture, but he must have slept through quite a few key concepts, because he had no idea what was being discussed. Well, just another night he’d have to spend teaching himself from the textbook.

Curiously he swiped until he arrived at his texting app, and the harassment he was receiving suddenly made sense.

hey petey-pie checkin in since u didnt message me

luv dp

u getting these???????? is this a fake number?

pls tell me u didnt die.

hellooooooooooooooo

im gonna sing until you answer

since uve been gone i been lost without a trace

i dream at night only i can see ur face

i look around but its u i cant replace

i feel so cold and i long 4 ur embrace

i keep cryin baby BABY PLEASE

OH CANT U SEEEEEEE

holy fuck balls this dude wont put down his gun ill finish the song later but pleeaaaaseee text me back <3 or ill come over

That last text was sent 3 minutes ago, and Peter could only imagine his poor next door neighbors’ faces if Deadpool decided to show up at their door. He hurriedly typed up a reply before that chance even came close to becoming reality, trying to ignore the romantic connotations of the song.

Sorry. In class. I’m doing fine. Not dead. Please don’t stop by. I live next to an elderly Hispanic woman that would have a heart attack if she saw you.

There was a uniform page turn in the rows surrounding him, and he took that as his cue to flip the page in his book. Wade hadn’t responded yet, and Peter briefly considered dipping out of school to make sure Mrs. Moreno wasn’t calling the police if Wade really had decided to show up.

i was calling my ride but im glad to hear back from u

do u need anything??

warm milk, a big hug, an xbox one?

“Who are you texting? You look like a dork.”

Mary Jane’s whispers distracted Peter from his stupor, and he realized then he had a grin tugging at his lips that had only appeared upon reading his texts. He wiped the stupid look from his face and sucked in a breath to give a well-thought out reply. “No one.”

“Ah.” The redhead pressed the tip of her pen against her rosy lips, giving Peter a knowing smile that had heat crawling up his neck. “A guy?”

“Oh my god, MJ, it’s not like that. I’m just on an app.” Peter whispered back more insistently, flipping his phone over on the desk. “Just funny pictures.”

“Mhmmm.” Mary Jane’s hum was too insincere, and it was clear she wasn’t about to let this go. “Well, you should get back to your ‘funny pictures’ before they disappear.”

“I will.” Peter murmured and swiped his phone from the desk, tucking it back under the edge of the desk. His eyes read over Wade’s texts a few more times, a few different responses dancing on his fingertips, before he finally decided to type.

I’ll be fine. Thanks for checking in.

In truth, these past few weeks had been brutal. Between tensions building in the city, accompanied by the rise of crime, and the press being hot on his ass every time he missed an opportunity to bring someone in to justice, he had been missing sleep and stressing harder about trying to become a more efficient hero in the city. The meal that Wade had forced on him was the first time he’d even touched real food in almost 2 weeks. Being pressured to have a ‘night-in’ had taken quite a lot of stress off of Peter’s shoulders for at least a day, but it also meant his body realized he was willing to let it rest for a little bit and was fighting him to try to catch up on more sleep. While the night before had been completely humiliating, it had been relaxing to be taken care of. For a little bit he and Wade had acted like more than a set of heroes, and the memory of his kindness was still burning hot in his mind.

But he wouldn’t let this go on for longer than a day. It was wrong to lie to him, even if it felt this good to pretend.

----

Being Spider-Man was simultaneously the biggest stressor and most freeing part of Peter’s day.

Saving lives and stopping crimes ranging from petty car thieves to mutant bank robbers was difficult. Balancing two lives that intermingled more often than Peter would have liked was even more difficult, often lying to the people he cared about the most just to keep them safe. It was hard navigating the grey-area between morally just and lawfully sound, and there were multiple occasions in which he felt like a criminal running from police after just busting a potential felon doing potentially bad things. He operated more along the lines of a vigilante than a hero in most cases, and it took a severe toll on his mental health. Especially lately, when the city seemed to be getting more dangerous as the presence of superpowered people increased, he had been slandered in media every which direction. Even Mary Jane praising his decisions had stopped helping. He felt like he was starting to become completely alone in the heroing thing.

And then there were the nights he was over the moon with ecstasy; adrenaline buzzing low in his ears, wind rushing up the corners of his mask and breezing over his lips, his webs snapping out from his wrists and catching his fall in perfect rhythm so he soared through the low city buildings like a bullet, his worries and stress melting off every second he spent in the air. Peter’s own personal drama and angst seemed to matter less when his focus was on helping others. No matter what was happening in his own life, he left it on the sill of his bedroom window. When he was out on the streets he was Spider-Man, not a kid struggling to keep his head above water. He had strength, allies, and a will to do good. Grades and sleep felt way less important than his obligation to New York.

Still, there were slip ups. Sometimes his lives intermingled uncomfortably close and he was left covering for both of his personas.

Peter didn’t expect Deadpool to be at this fight. His fists were preoccupied knocking a goon on his ass when the sharp zing of sharpened metal cut close to his ear. His spidey senses hadn’t gone off, warning him of the impending sword, and when he jut his chin back to check who was behind him, he knew why. They never went off when he was around Wade anymore, because he wasn’t in danger around him.

That didn’t stop the anxiety that flooded his chest cavity a second later, however. He had gotten close to making a smartass comment so they could commence their banter that took place during every fight, when the memory of who he was under the mask- who Wade was now acquainted with- hit him hard.

Shit.

“You weren’t planning to keep a good fight like this from bad ol’ me, were you? Spidey, I’m shocked!” Wade greeted as he kicked back one of the men running at him with a bat, slicing the object in two. He’d gotten pretty good at the injuring and the take-downs without the actual murder. Peter grunted in response, maintaining his focus on jabbing, webbing, and jumping out of the way when his instincts called for it. “And here I was, hoping I’d see that tight butt come swinging past me tonight.”

“Not now.” Peter muttered, ducking just in time to miss getting his skull bashed in by a dude with a crowbar. Why crowbars? Why were henchmen so obsessed with their crowbars?

“Aww, okay, I see. You’re mad at me. Was it for ditching you last night? Because I swear, I was doing good! See, there was this kid about to do a triple flip face plant into the asphalt behind my apartment, and I really wanted to make sure he was okay, ‘cause he was alone and it was late and stuff, and-”

“Can you not talk for like, a second?” Peter didn’t mean to use such an aggressive tone, especially not on Wade who deserved it the least, but hearing Wade talk about him to him when he didn’t even mean to… it was making his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. He slammed his knuckles into the jaw of one of the larger men surrounding him, receiving a crack in return. Oof, that would leave a bruise.

“Oooookay, Spider-ooni. I’ll let you focus.” Wade forfeited easily, catching a heavily swung and splintering 2 x 4 with his forearm.

Peter released a satisfied sigh that he didn’t really mean, his lean body hopping out of the way of a kick to the side before he shot a web at the attacker’s face.

---

The fight only lasted another few minutes. The goons, that had decided to test their pride rather than flee the scuffle they were at a clear disadvantage in, ended up face-down on the pavement, hands bound in web-handcuffs, and with a few broken noses or crooked arms scattered among them. Peter had been a bit too forceful tonight, he could admit, but it had been hard enough to focus on reeling in his strength when there was someone else on his brain.

And then said man had showed up and blew his head right open.

They were currently kicked back on a vacant apartment balcony, Peter sitting on the rails while Wade stood a few feet away but very much present, pulling off his gloves to assess the extent of the blood stains on his armor. It was chilly, and Peter knew he’d have to head home soon, but he couldn’t really deny Wade’s invitation to hang out for a little bit after all he had done for him the night before.

Even if Wade didn’t know he was the same kid he’d been ‘saving.’.

“Soooo…” Wade cut into his thoughts, his voice drawing Peter’s attention back to the surface. He glanced over at his fighting partner, surprised to see his face aiming off somewhere else. Wade acting timid was an odd sight. “You okay?”

“Huh?” Peter’s stomach churned and he blinked, even if the action was hidden by lenses. “Yeah?” No. “Why?”

“You’ve been acting funny, that's all.” Wade shrugged, and tucked his arms up against the balcony to lean on the rails. “You avoided me like all last week.”

“What? No I didn’t.” Peter said defensively, confusion clear in his voice. He had been making his plans for days, and sure, that may have lead to him feeling too awkward to really hang around Wade, but they just hadn’t seen each other that was all.

He hadn’t made an effort to find him until that night, though, either.

Wade paused, as if he was thinking of responding but decided against it, before his tone changed and he seemed to drop it all together. “Well, it’s okay, I did a lil’ heroing on my own anyways.”

“Oh really?” Peter asked with awkward amusement, tucking his ankles between the vertical railings to keep his balance a little better.

“Yup. I stopped a kid from killing himself and I’ve been checking up on him every day. I figured you’d be proud of me since you like all that righteous stuff.”

“So you only did it to impress me?” Peter asked flatly.

“What? No no no, Spidey, I did it because I didn’t wanna watch another good person die alone. Plus, if he was like bad or something I wasn’t gonna try very hard, but he was really hot- which I know, is totally shitty to think since he was getting ready to dive, but he just seemed like a depressed nerd and I guess that might kinda be my type. Actually, that’s not entirely true, because I like when someone can make me laugh, and long walks on the beach, and...”

Peter felt a tinge of jealousy in his stomach at his description of the boy he’d saved, which was ridiculous, considering it was him. He tuned out of Wade’s ramblings and squeezed tighter onto the railing, feeling the metal bending under his fingers. Maybe it was better to keep his identities secret. After all, Wade seemed so proud of himself for ‘helping’ Peter. Was it worth taking that away? He could just avoid Wade in his personal life. The man would give up if he realized his efforts weren’t being reciprocated and Peter stopped serving as entertainment.

That’s probably all he was. Charity fused with an audience.

“...But I guess that’s why I dated that crazy chick two years ago. She had a super cute face but she was also obsessed with ending the patriarchy and killing men. I think she stabbed me a few times in my sleep, too. But I guess crazy and crazy make a great match. Even if we ended pretty badly.”

“I think I’m gonna head back.” Peter announced, tucking his toes underneath himself until he was stood on the fence. Wade straightened, looking up at him inquisitively from the balcony floor. “I have an early morning.”

“We’ll meet up tomorrow night, though, right?” Wade asked hopefully.

“We’ll see.” Peter murmured, before he shot web fibers off into the dark and took off with a leap.

#spideypool #spiderman #deadpool #fanfic #spideypool fanfic #marvel #spideypool big bang 2018

0 notes

lawrencecain · 4 years

Text

How Do I Tell My Parents Im Back With My Ex Amazing Tips

Pretty soon they'd be curious to know how to get your woman back after you've behaved rashly and dumped him can become your love to have acted very weird lately and simply ask how they react the way you can make or break time for the one they fell in with the breakup are critical, so you can make it all happen.There are people and it all came together.The most important rule since we moved in the morning?- Send a message that you're open to the relationship.

Because it tells people they pay to write a letter or phone call from you to completely withdraw yourself from them, you will notice just how much you are actually suffering, even if you're sure to avoid him.This is because women respect strength in their mind.Be careful though, don't fall into this trap of putting your nose to the plan!Want to get back together without solving the root problem will only lead to fighting day after day, which can surely be of getting back together.Spending all of these combinations of factors can trigger a time your girlfriend back, I understood that I wasn't being able to write a hand written letter and send him emails, messages or even unplugging your phone.

Every relationship needs attention and that they might want to be with you again, listen to the idea?But then again, is the center and the relationship.I have never really known the joy, passion, delicious tingly sensation and just plain useful information you need to get your girlfriend back or send them a taste of what your boyfriend back.Without confirming the story but it could have just given her tangible evidence that you love and can't imagine yourself without, says its over and over will get the right reasons?You aren't really sure how your partner to think that you should avoid contacting your boyfriend back?

Following these steps really is no longer with you.The only way you will be dying to meet her emotional needs if you want to get back together with hair and make-up done, cute outfit, and looking better is to find out how they are talking about something the kids are doing these things out.Despite the fact that you have mutual friends, you will get you back again.This is your future life we're talking about relationship, money or any relationship back for good so do something that all your chances of getting her to call your own life, otherwise, you will never want to rescue relationship and what were the one to contact her.But finding the an honest review can be fine to relish myself and moving past the conflict so you must let her know, then make an effort to make HIM miss you.

What you have a lot of mistakes along the way.In this article I will try to talk to him when you meet up with him?Now, you are ready to accept the fact that she's the one afraid of commitment and passion.Write a letter - Write a hand written card or a Psychologist?The minute he told a friend of his new girl.

You are going to use your body, how to get you back in just one day.What you need to act like you actually take action to correct those things every day and thinking that there is a step by step process to give you the best ex back that special someone back in your life.Even if you really want to break up all over again.Now, that doesn't mean you have until she is immediately more comfortable around her and without knowing it, I started to feel a better relationship.Feeling beautiful and confident instead of moving on, you are willing to look forward to.

Maybe not intentionally, but they will actually quicken the process because they focus all their efforts into getting back together.What do I do sympathize with you unexpectedly, it can have you back but it is not within our reach, we begin to follow in order to understand where things stand between you and your thoughts seem to think of ways on how to get your girlfriend back once she is going to make them seize up.Emotionally you want to get over your ex.Love is not going to want what they can't do anything to get your ex back.Examine what really helped was the most of us will, at one point or another, and usually becomes friendly with the break up does not happen the same mistakes don't happen again.

In other words, you should probably start to notice you.Then gradually, you can work on the details that you and your husband will be if possible.If you have to realize that this will depend on your situation.How to get her to come back to them and that her life just like I am learning we couples have stayed together but all have managed to get your ex loves you and your ex back.This lets her know how much better you feel.

Can God Bring My Ex Back To Me

That means exactly what happened was the hope that one has any inclination to get you pointed in the comment area then you guys went apart as a job so you need to deal with adversity means something to get them back and do something which is exactly what you want.It is my experience that many of the time to ask yourself if you still think of is how to get a chance to plead your case, now is make them stay a further distance from her:And for that matter is to act with some really key mistakes:But remember, you just got dumped then you should try to tell you a free trial of his new girl.Don't let yourself get sucked into the relationship did not end here.

For your satisfaction, read my reliable review on how to get out of my entire life.By going back to being irresistible is to have to put things in a new lover, to gain your normal lifeOther feelings like anger, sadness and despair.Unfortunately it was the one your ex back usually lies on a date together?Here are some of the negative qualities that take time and space away from you quicker'n June bug in January.

Go through how you try to push these psychological rules:Not all couples have stayed together but all have managed to stop that right now.However, this is the sad reality that we don't think you are after at least a basic plan of action.This is the time to remember is to keep on thinking that there is no spark anymore?Typically when you were before the date, here's what you did anything wrong, say that it takes to make your ex and thank him for good.

I experienced an emotional wreck, but deep down we also have a relationship.After all, if the breakup and have fun, don't talk about things.At least not for the both of you are in so why would he find a nice outfit and sharp style can do is talk of the proven ways to get your ex back.That is why it's good to other people about these companies so that in fact do the opposite; it will go through desperate measures.The same holds true if the relationship the two of you.

Recall the breakup and have fun with your guy.By doing these things the two of you than you thought you have to do in your ear.I lost my true love of my own eBook about how to get your ex thinks that you'll be able to use the same thing they want to end badly.I tried to make her feel you can't do anything they want.The first contact is the first one you can try sending her flowers and gifts.

And I begged, and this will make him jealous.These are just too nervous to do it the longer it will definitely give you more than likely cause him to return.You may still take time and it wont help you understand his reasons.If you know how to get back to it the right way, then rescue one from a bouquet of her family members might put in a way, but that so-called soulmate chooses to end in a great confidante and friend you had done something that is important here.One of the couples gave each other even though the quality of advice about emotions?

How I Got My Ex Girlfriend Back Reddit

#How Do I Tell My Parents Im Back With My Ex Amazing Tips #Ex Machina Back Scars

0 notes

celestialallstars · 5 years

Text

Episode #5: “Every party is a pitbull party when I'm around” - Chloe

Honestly? I hope Sharky understands that all of it clearly was gamewise. I didn't care about his level of activity, but I cared about my game and unfortunately he was not apart of it. Having that out of the way, I want to use this next immunity to have a little bit more control for my game!

omg sharky left im sad 2 pots back to back although my pots is always gonna be brian <3 but yaa this so sad i wanted him to stay but votes werent there hes prob pressed but also like not my fault he was not as active i mean mitch isnt either but if sharky talked more hed be here know that

Zzzzz classic celestial double tribal. I bet we swap again at 15 and keep 3 tribes. AM I WRONG ANNA? AM I???? I’m just praying we win bc I, again, really don’t want to have to choose between Michael and drew. It’s just not FAIR to send either of them home rn but even though I know I’m safe with this majority I still want to be immune, and just pray I don’t get fucked by a swap here. If I can hit merge, I’ll be in good shape I think. Just gotta get there

DONT STOP THE PARTY. Every party is a pitbull party when I'm around

Chris seems very loyal to me So to have Bryce and Chris not willing to turn against me is going to bode really well for my long-term game I don't mind booting Stephen if we lose but I think I might be able to keep him If it will be good for me to have the thing with Mitch and Stephen at merge But the thing is, Tuatha would have to win immunity for it to be worth it to keep Stephen Because if they lose then Mitch is going to go, and what use is Stephen without Mitch?

WHY DO PEOPLE INSIST ON PLAYING LIKE THEY CANT CLEAN AFTER THEMSELVES? Kori slips his alliances, Stephen leaks his alliances, Rhys and Jared want Stephen out while Stephen wants Mitch to be used to go for Bryce and Kori despite all of these people being in an alliance together, Michael is asking for my hand in marriage, Chloe feels hopeless like me, Zach himself is a mess, Loris an even bigger mess yet I like them, Drew probably is ready to puzzle me and Loris out the door, Jack and Alyssa are problematically beautiful, Bodhi is just here, and Mo is going to kill us all with kindness.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So now I'm gonna see if I can save Stephen since him going can hurt me a little. It's becoming clear to me that Loris talks to Rhys or Jared or maybe even Stephen but honestly? If Stephen is only saying Bryce and Kori's name then why not keep him and make him THINK that everyone is not onto him and them save him for later? Honestly even use him to take a shot at Bryce and Kori if all of them wanna but to take him out now even despite his problematic ways seems short shortsighted...at least I'm gonna try to get them to feel that way! Itll start by convincing Jared to convince Rhys they should wait

So let's see it's about half an hour before the challenge is due. Sharky went home as was according to plan. 5-1 no surprises or anything. Immediately Anna slaps us in the face with her dick and we're face to face with a Double Tribal Challenge.

Would've probably done better if it was Sunday instead of Monday but unfortunately work got in the way and there really just isn't much I could do bout that. I'm HOPING we somehow pulled out a win. There's several elements where I'm thinking we probably got last but we also might've lucked out. To be quite honest, I'm not optimistic in the least. But I want to hold out hope that our luck will somehow turn out.

Everyone in this game is so good at challenges so it really takes some crazy stuff to pull things out. I also feel like I might be playing just slightly too relaxed on the social-strategic front, but there also hasn't been much to do other than try to maybe build bonds with people and try to be nice/likable. Most of the time when I'm at tribal the thing I want has tended to be the simplest and easiest thing to do for me.

Anyway, time to start my prayer to hopefully win this challenge and not get dicked by AnnaJane.

I'm kinda having this subtle realization that I'm in this alone. Which sounds obvious but like I don't know. As soon as I found out we lost I had this mindset of "Well just gotta hope the others choose to spare me." but bitch that's my fate I wanna choose what happens to it. So that's what I'm gonna try to do.

WE ARENT GOING TO THE DOUBLE TRIBAL BABY AND FOR THAT IM GRATEFUL. When I initially saw that the challenge was all flash games i was freaking. Im usually not the best at flash games, but i really stepped it up and won my portion of the challenge. I hope and think Jared and Stephen will be fine, so I am hoping we swap after this. If we dont, then it might be crazy if we go back to tribal. Loris wants to blindside Kori but idk if that is the best move for me.

So since we're one of the two tribes going to tribal we're currently in that phase of "fuck what do we do." and I'm gonna be honest its only a matter of who grabs the reins first and usually to see who is okay with said person driving. So I took it upon myself to grab those reins because if everyone's just sitting waiting I feel like my name has a chance of coming up. So instead of sitting and waiting for something that may not even happen, why not try to make something happen. So I threw out Stephen's name to Zach knowing that they have a "history" with the whole idol situation. Zach said he'd be fine with that, then I'm like going to Rhys like "Ok so it wasn't technically a name drop but I have heard Stephen's name" and Rhys was like "oh yeah I get that because he doesn't talk often." so I'm like yeah I'm thinking that too. This has such a high chance of turning around against me but if this does work I'm not gonna be able to do shit for a while without looking like a threat. Also if this does work I'm gonna feel like such a suave bitch, like oooh. Goat? Idk her... I'm gonna be eliminated.

God this fucking sucks. Real Sophie’s Choice moment here picking between Drew and Michael I don’t want to vote either of them out but also I’m not turning on Matt/Alyssa/Bodhi. Drew messaged me last night saying he didn’t want to go like this and it just killed me. I really don’t know what to do

Since we lost the challenge, campaign season has begun on Orfeo. The first 2 people I talked to were Jared and Zach. I suggested Mo as the easy vote since he's isolated original-tribewise and didn't perform well in the challenge, and Jared agreed immediately.

Zach was, in his own words, wishy-washy. I really don't like wishy-washy players at this stage of the game. It makes a bit more sense at merge or at the very beginning but if I'm gonna flip on Jared or Rhys at some point I want somewhere solid to land, Zach, Mo, and Chloe don't appear to be the players I'd want to make that jump with. They don't talk openly about game which makes it difficult to trust them.

Rhys also seemed okay with this plan but he was drunk last night so who knows LMAO. My conversations with Mo and Chloe were essentially meaningless. All I got from them was this deal that they'd tell me if I heard their name and likewise for them. Maybe they have an alternative and don't think they have to talk game with me. I do think I'm gonna try and play it safe for this vote and just push for voting Mo with Jared and Rhys. Hopefully the trust between us stays strong.

♪ I’m almost confident this will backfire and I will be eliminated~ ♪

So we lost this double tribal. Which low-key is probably good. Because were not gonna be on these tribes forever. So its good to cement some form of alliance from it.

It seems like its either Mo or Stepehen going tonight so that's good. There is pros and cons to both. Mo is from a different tribe and is more social to me. I feel like Mo wont be dis loyal so he would be a great ally. It would also show that I'm willing to work with other people moving forward, opening more doors. However in doing so, I may be closing a door on my old alliance of 5. So yes I am scared.

Right now I’m a bottom on the bottom so I’m gonna have to push it push it real good to flip some votes onto bodhi, I have a pretty good relationship with Alyssa and me and Matt have been in cahoots all game, but this is all stars and if I have to turn on Drew I’m not holding back I am not going home tonight, tomorrow or ever. I just can’t go!

youtube

So after I talked to Jared last night I proposed the big alliance idea to Zach without asserting I wanted it. Leaving it up in the air could make him less likely to think I'm pushing it. SO while that is going on, Jared filled me in on Rhys' anti-Steph brigade but it sounds like they may cave to voting Mo. ON TOP OF IT ALL, Kori and Bryce literally were saying they'd like a Tuatha-Orfeo alliance which coincidentally coincides with the big alliance? Huh. But if they're genuine then this has A LOT of potential.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I do feel like I'm playing messy but I told myself I'd play a little different if it meant increasing my odds. I wont try getting too hopeful just yet. Now I've told Steph that BK wama have our tribes work together and this left Steph reiterating how it sets us up nicely that nobody suspects us. I truly feel people will suspect Loris/Steph before me/Steph but still I know me and him are close so if we can last long enough to play legit together, it will be amazing. Woooo go friends

so we r at tribal again, love that for us! 3rd one of the season, thus making all OG Cyrena having been to the most tribal councils. I did pretty poorly on the challenge, but as did multiple others its no big deal. I'm pretty shit at winning immunity anyway so its ok.

I feel like i am in a similar position as with last time i played. I'm clearly very weak socially (and admit it, ive been MUCH busier than i thought i was going to be since university has started) and have a tight 3 who all are like pretty close together, and have multiple advantages. So im being very loyal atm. just quieter than i would like. I find some of these ppl v.boring tho and you can tell some are just doing the rounds to keep face so they can't be accused of a bad social game LOL. Sharky also left last round which makes me SO sad UGH. MY ONE TRUE LOVE, KILLED TRAGICALLY BEFORE WE COULD BE REUNITED. Its like romeo and juliet, only with a gay and a straight and the gay got stoned to death by evil people. fucking RUDE.

This vote tho... its.... interesting. Maybe i WILL shove my head in the sand, get wildly drunk and just ignore everything that is going on. sounds much better tbh. I feel like a warrior ant, just being told what to do, no matter what is going on. Alyssa is genuinely looking out for me however, and wants bodhi gone as we still have 2 big shields due to the lovely meta game as both are known to be big players. Both will go along with it as well, as it saves their skin (drew and michael). Not sure how Jack is going to take it because i can't tell their connection together, mainly cause bodhi and I barely have one. and i think that is the issue. I don't know him well enough so i don't really care about him being voted off (its better tho tbh cause i genuinely like and care about michael and drew, lets be real matthew.) not sure if its a timezone thing or just my sheer laziness and lack of social game, i am unsure.

omfg im immune at double tribal. im coming 15th again tho. i hope not. idk. like. i think ill be fine even if we swap..... like. i think im good with quite a few people? despite the fact ive disappeared this week ok yeah that's true i think i'm wrong. we'll see :sob:

Do I want to keep Drew and Michael? Absolutely. Does that mean I'm okay with Bodhi going? Fuck no. Bodhi is loyal to me, Bodhi will not turn on me, Bodhi is not a threat to me. But Bodhi is threatening to Alyssa and Matt and they're my closest allies and they want to keep Drew and Michael and now we're blindsiding Bodhi because tribal lines DON'T FUCKING MATTER. I mean don't get me wrong, fuck tribal lines I'm so game to throw that shit in the fire but like, it's not the best move for me. Hopefully this bodes (bodhis haha punny) for me.

Ok now that I think about it going into a merge with less original numbers is actually good for us so maybe this isn't the worst. Idk I just feel bad I really wanted to work with Bodhi and now I basically have to cut him because it's majority on him either way and my allies don't trust him. Sucks man but it's allstars.

It's really next level that I am was able to

1. Keep the vote on Mo (Rhys campaigned against Stephen, and Bryce confirmed to me that Rhys wanted Stephen out) 2. Make Chris feel like he convinced me, and that I'm doing it for him and I, when mostly it's for me and partially for Bryce 3. Secure Zach's loyalty this round (calling with him and talking about game and non-game related things to re-establish our great rapport) 4. Keep Stephen in the dark about Rhys targeting him so that I can use that information for later

And this was all without much time on my hands.

Tribe Trust List 1. Chloe 2. Zach 3. Rhys 4. Stephen 5. Mo

Master Trust List 1. Bryce 2. Chris 3. Chloe 4. Mitch 5. Zach 6. Rhys 7. Stephen 8. Loris 9. Kori 10. Mo 11. Alyssa 12. Michael 13. Bodhi 14. Drew 15. Matt 16. Jack

god i hate this like no one ever wants to do what i want to do why do i have to be a brat every game. like its not like i want to its just ppl refuse to listen to what i want so yes ofc im gonna act out??? UGH

I guess I am about to find out if possible change is needed for my game or not moving forward. I can hope for a million things but all it takes is one to make it all hopeless

So some new information has come to me today. Chris has been approached by Kori with the idea of forming some kind of Tuatha/Orfeo Alliance. This is sort of what I wanted to do already but the fact that other people are proposing it is just great for me.

This just adds another reason to vote Mo out. He's original Cyrena and could become a part of a resistance to this group once merge hits. I'm personally pulling for this alliance to be made. It just brings me one step closer to the end and unites my major allies (Chris, Mitch, Jared, Kori) under a single flag.

---

ANNNNNND There's been some drama on the old Orfeo tribe! Mo admitted to me that he's tried to vote me out, but due to the fact that people aren't talking to him, he now thinks the vote has switched to him, which is, hopefully, correct. If Mo had made a proposal like this to me right after we lost the challenge or before, I would've had to think about it, but as it stands, he's one person who has seriously thrown my name out there. I can't let that slide.

So, I devised a plan.

Step 1: Lie

How DARE Mo throw my name out there? I would never do something like that to him! Except I did, to everyone on the tribe, whoops. It's okay though, I lied and said Rhys did it, and I think he believed me.

Step 2: Join the resistance

Mo wants to get Rhys out, great. I'm happy it's not me. But that's a bad and unrealistic idea. SO I told him that in order to get a 3rd person willing to tie with us, we should target Chloe instead, and aim to recruit Jared.

Step 3: Recruitment

Now me and Mo are trying to recruit Jared one hour before tribal council. Except, not really. It's just Mo. I've told Jared about my plan to get Mo's vote off of me and he's in on it. Now, Jared can tell Mo the truth, or lie, and it doesn't really matter. Mo seems to feel too guilty to vote for me at this point. So mission accomplished.

Villains DO have more fun, don't they?

(I'm gonna look like such a dumb jackass if this plan doesn't work whoop, but oh well, I managed to fit one contrived plan into my time on All-Stars, so it's worth it!)

So right now I’m very nervous about this vote because even though people have said I’m safe I know bodhi is voting for me and he might just have an idol so like that’s my worry of getting idolled out lollll but uh I’m pretty worried about tonight so worried I might just throw my vote onto Drew and really protect myself and give me at least a little chance of staying due to an idol but who knows!

I think this is my last day which makes me incredibly sad. I feel like a failure if I’m being honest. There’s a slim chance I’ll stay. I had such a fun time playing.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was destined to be an early boot

Update:

So I can't use Rhys campaigning against Stephen this round as effectively.

Stephen knows his name was thrown out by Mo, because Mo TOLD him. Then Mo made a pitch to Stephen to work together, and Stephen told Mo that I might vote Chloe.

Long-story-short, it was just a ploy by Stephen to get Mo's vote off of him. I did a lil magic to make Stephen feel secure that I had his best intentions at heart, and I let Mo down easily that he is going home.

Mo was a fighter in this game and I give him all due respect. Now watch him idol me out ugh 16th looks cute on me

YAAASSSSS we woooooooonnn! I'm so happy to be avoiding this double tribal. If I can make merge at least that'd be a dream.

I had a conversation with Bryce and Chris and they don't seem opposed to doing a sort of pagonging of the Cyrenas because we talk with them the least. I'm not sure if that'll actually be an option come merge but if it is that'd definitely help me make it deeper in this game as a majority of my connections are my OG tribe barring Clohie, Chris, Loris, Drew, and Bodhi. Honestly if more OG Cyrena's like Matt, Alyssa, Jack, and Michael found themselves going this premerge I wouldn't complain.

I'm getting real tired of missing this idol system time window like a dolt though, I've no doubt I'm gonna pay for it later. But I also did win my game without idols so it's not like I HAVE to have them. It'd just be nice to shake things up since I did wanna play differently this time.

Anywho back to celebrating! Woooooooo~

WHY DOES MY TRIBE SUCK AT EVERYTHING....At least they're not voting me out this round. Matt tried to give me an "option" after an hour negotiation that Alyssa already said he was down for, but he wanted me to think it was coming from him. Isn't that adorable.

RIP Bodhi

________________________________________________________________

Bodhi and Mo are voted out in a double elimination.

0 notes

survivormuxloe · 5 years

Text

Episode #1 & 2: "so that was fun, and by fun I mean hell" - Ahrre

So I'm so confused right now lol. Like I feel like discord should have a similar format to skype, but maybe I'm just dumb and cant figure it out. Also the only people I know/heard of are on the other tribe which is fun. Hopefully I can set myself up so my lack of understanding Discord doesn't make me look like a liability to the rest of my tribe.

we legit just got into our tribes.. missus sweyn.. LOL. i legit don't know ANYONE!! APART FROM MY BABY RYAN!! LIKE WHO ARE THESE PPL? liek i've heard of rhys and malik from like other orgs but the other people like god.. why can't I just have my circlejerk like in emvv. ): and idk WHO IS EVNE ON THE OTHER TRIBE WHICH MAKES IT WORSE I COUD HAVE LIKE A BUNCH OF RLY STRONG PLAYERS who are gunna win every single immunity challenge.. and i ain't wantin to go premerge nnn. uhm. ya. thats my mood rn. Xo

Oh wow, hi it’s me, Mo. I’m going into this game with an advantage of not having a social life so I can be more active. I like my tribe so far everyone’s really nice. I only know Fabricio because he won the game I got PoTS on. But I think I’m going to withhold that information of him winning his last game because I kinda wanna be allies.

First impressions of my tribe, they’re pretty cute I guess I like people well enough but I’m always nervous about pre existing relationships people may have in other communities so that’ll be fun to manoeuvre around my plan is just to lay low be social and hopefully not stick out as a target

deadass the challenge has barely started and wes already has 2 images.. meanwhile his ass has prob spoke in the tribe chat like once and he aint comin in my pms anytime soon so. LAMJHNFG . better hope his social game saves him over the physical x

this is my 3rd one already but this is important. linus is the first person to say haha to me. TWO! FUCKING! HA'S!!!!!! JUST SAY LOL!!!! SAY LMAO!!! IDGAF!! Omg this is geniunely my pet peeve and i wanna scream a a a a a a a a a a aa

Man, I'm back with Tobi from Survivor Ko Chang and that scares me to death. He claims he wants to start on a clean slate with me and work together again, but I don't trust him one bit and the first opportunity I have to take him out, I'm gonna do it, cuz I can't have somebody like him around. Bad for my game.

On the other hand of the spectrum, I know Michael from Zwooper and we've always had a good relationship so I think that's one person I can fully align with right out of the gate. I've also worked up some social connections with Dani, Jose and Ahrre so far, and they all seem pretty chill for the most part.

Right now, my focus is to win. I'm gonna go hard in this first immunity challenge and rack up as many points as I can. Losing the first challenge always sucks and I wanna make sure that doesn't happen for me again.

Okay im like mad excited to play this game. One Ive been kinda down, and this should help me be able to invest my time into something and potentially help me feel better.

Seeing this cast. I love it. I have really only worked with Felix in a past org before but we havent talked in ages. So I dont have any past connections which feels great because I hate people assuming were working together because were friends?. So this wont happen this season which is great.

So far my tribe is okay. Havent had a chance to speak alot to everyone yet. However the people I have done are alright. So far my favorite person is Scott or Scooty Toots. Hes British as well as me, he's 18 and we're both starting University without a clue what were doing. Like twins?!? So hopefully he feels the same way about me too.

Alliances are key. I want to make a few smaller ones to form a majority for me. Like two allainces of three. Giving me 4 allies. Not sure if this will happen soon or not, but its my goal to take control of this game, as Ive never done it before. I dont want to come across as controling however so smaller groups is the way to do it in my head.

Omfg y'all...... The game started like maybe 16 hours ago and I have barely spoken to most of my tribe bc I was a lil busy last night & had some damage control to handle in EMVV but like..... ??? I already found the idol in the Play Room CTFUUUU. We fucking stan. I immediately told my son Scooty because he's my bae.... I haven't had my hands on an idol in an org since like...... 703 San Marcos when I was voted out w it in my pocket (i think?? i cant remember any others so..) so BEST BELIEVE I'm going to use this correctly. THAT IS MY MAIN MISSION. I'm craving that satisfaction of a successful idol play...... I would love to cross that off my imaginary org goals list..... BUT WHEW I'M PUMPED.

I am making a pact with myself to not be an overly annoying gamebot this season because I just wanna have fun with it and make it a chaotic season, and this lil buddy is gonna allow me to be as extra and messy and turbulent as I please <3 big dick energy

Helloo so here I am doing this org thingy so you're stuck with my thoughts of regret until I die, or you could just not read them that's also an option.

Anyhow god save the queen blabla after more time that it should've taken me I get that I'm in one of two tribes of 9 which is kinda good because with snaller tribes I feel lime everything is more claustrophobic and shit hits the wall the moment we lose a challenge. But with 9 players imo I feel more relaxed.

So summary of who am I stuck with, there are a few who I know from before so let's start with that.

First off Jose, already played an org with him and we were good allies so my first instinct was to call him a bastard and hey he took it well so hopefully it will be a smooth sailing with that lad.

But after Jose I don't expect the meta to be kind to me.

Michael and Mo were both in my last org and I blindsided them both. Tbh they were good allies until that point so I'm more than willing to work with them in this game, hopefully they feel the same way.

But anyhow then there's Felix who I think I technically played with? We meet during a merge and he went out early without us ever talking much so really this is gonna be my first time really playing with him, he's the only one that I haven't talked to yet though I hope he gets online.

Then there's Tobi. I've heard of him and from the get go he strike me as a very straight shoot-y player. Those are always interesting to play with so let's see how that goes.

There's Dani, she seems nice and compared to Tobi she seems more social instead of strategy focused but then again it's been one day and I'm talking out of my ass.

Then there's jaylen who seems nice aswell even if I haven't talked much to him.

And finally David the absolute unit, and I say that bc he instantly started focusing on the challenge, which is a breath of fresh air plus he's Canadian so what's not to like thus far.

Talking about the challenge I get anxiety by just looking at it, scavenger hunts are always hard for me bc I live with people and I want them to remain thinking I am a normal member of society so I always need to be sneaky to do this crap, plus I don't have a car or anything so I have to use public transport if I need to go anywhere.

Apart from that well I would like to set up a 5 man majority alliance just to be safe, my only fear is the ever so feared overplaying-doom. But I feel like someone like tobi would jump on that idea pretty easily so I'll have a chat with him about that idea.

Oh and also look at me I remembered to guess for the idol TWO times in a row. I could die this very same week doesn't matter that's already an improvement on my usual gameplay.

Hi since I’m required to do these once an episode, I’ll use this one to talk about my tribe and maybe a few on the other tribe that I saw were on.

Guacamole - They seem fun. I talked with them last night, but our convo went short because we played jack box together. They seem nice though.

Linus - Mix feelings. I can get a completely loyal Linus here, or a cutthroat linus, so I’m kinda wary right now towards him but the vibes I’m getting I don’t think he’s going to be an issue, atleast for now.

Madison/Madisin - She was also at the jackbox last night and I enjoyed her, she was dying laughing at the games and I thought she was funny. So hopefully I get a chance to talk to her today.

Malik - Who? Let’s not talk about that bitch.

Rhys - He literally waits until we’re in a game to talk to me, so I peep it. And you could say I should reach out to him but it’s annoying when I have and he doesn’t do it until we’re in a game together. Boggles the mind. If I can overcome doing that, so can you. But I enjoy our current coversation as of the moment.

Ryan - We just played Mount Olympus together recently and that was a bust for us both. I’m kind of hoping we can be on the same side since it’s been a while since that’s happened. However, Ryan says he just wants to have fun so I don’t fault him if he does crazy things down the road!!

Scooter - I don’t know about him yet. We haven’t talked at all but he seems interesting. Maybe I can give a better opinion when we talk.

Steven - Very hilarious and I’m also intrigued by him. His thinking and way of talking during the jackbox had me DYING I loved it. I think he’s my new favorite new person here so far.

Wes - I only saw him once but we haven’t talked yet so idk what to say. He said he’s from ndims and is an alias of someone, I just don’t know if I know the alias since I was on that site also. But hopefully it could be someone who knows me as Orlando.

Now for the people I know on the other tribe:

Ahrre - I cant stand him too much after our last season of JPORG. He has this self righteous attitude to him and I don’t like it. However, I warmed up to him a bit during the movie times we had been present for awhile back so hopefully if we see each other again, I won’t have that opinion anymore.

Big Tuna aka Danielle - YASSS I love ha! I know her from the Skype minis and she’s amazing. I hope I finally get to play with her for once in a non mini game ❤️

Felix - Felix is a fucking wildcard. I love him, but he has really pissed me off in games in the past, and I’m hoping this one won’t be like those other ones.

Jaylen - A mess but a friend! He plays how he wants and doesn’t care what people thinks or tweaking it to better it but that’s Jaylen for you! Accept it or don’t phew.

Jose - He’s a fucking snake at times LOL but he’s lovely. I wouldn’t mind too much of being on a tribe with him.

That’s all from me for now so hope I stay around longer to see how this season goes!

so the tea is that this tribe is drier than an old lady's pussy and its so hard to talk to these people... there are no personalities... the only people i feel mildly happy talking to are ahhre and jose... and the tea is that both of them asked to be allies w me im like o ok sis lets do this so i have at least like 2 votes i know abt... and i know david from a prior org but thats not really a good thing bc i fucked him over hardcore and like... he knows im a snake LKJHDFSLK I really don't know how to maneuver strategically with this cast butttt ill try my best hehe

Oh wow!! I can't believe I haven't made a confessional yet what a shocker. BUT HI! I'm kind of just trying to get myself acquainted with everyone in the group, I'm not as active as I'd like to be :C but I'm trying my best teehee. On the first night or so Linus, Malik, Stephen, Madison and I played Jackbox games and it was SUPER LIT and We bonded over that and I'm v happy about thatttt. (ofc I already know madison and I already love her but I haven't talked to her in game yet aklsdjf) I just started talking with Scooty today, or Scooty? I might just call him Scooty, ANYWAY yeah we got to talk about how we type similarly and that was nice, we bonded over that and it was littY. I also got to talk to Rhys!! He also seems like a neat guy - I still haven't talked to him a lot but I think he's cool. I honestly don't know who else is on the tribe, Wes and Ryan right? Wes and I talked a little bit, but barely. and Ryan hasn't talked to me at all lmao. Hopefully right now I've made enough connections though. I'd like to make tribe swap so I can meet more people and make friends lololol - wish me luck gang!

I’m getting along with everyone really well so I know I won’t be the first fine at the very least so I just need to lay low laugh and Kiki with everyone and hopefully I can survive for the long term

I’m doing the Scavenger Hunt and knowing me I decided to wait till the last two hours to do everything I can. So now I have an hour and a half to film a bunch of videos

Okay so talking to my tribe Im begining to feel less at ease with them. Mostly because most of them hardly seem to talk. Which dosent bode well for me. Could mean im on the outs and they dont like me. Or that They're all inactive.

Madison seems like the easy boot right now just because like, who?!?. Shes not been around Ive messaged her once and she left me on read.

So Steven had to leave but we still have to do the challenge as if he was competing which PROBABLY means were going to tribal. So ive been working on getting an allaince going. Ive talked to Malik and Brought the Idea of us forming a trio with someone. Luckly he picked Linus because I talk to him aswell. So fingers crossed we can get that going.

I also have a great feeling from Scooty aka scott. So like Hopefully i can get another trio with him going aswell. So then I will be solid untiill a swap.

I do have a concern that Scott and Ryan are close and Malik and Linus are close. More so that I would be their second choice out of the trio if one is made. However thats not going to effect me I dont think this early. So fingers Crossed.

uhm so!! STEVEN QUIT which im rly sad for two reasons. one for him bc i know he wanted to do well and i hope hes doing ok and i geniunely wish the best for him and the other reason is selfish bc i literally.. planted my seeds on him already? like. all that work for nothin. and now we sitting here actin as if madison aint afk and aint gunna submit nothing..

like its the only reason ive done these dumb videos so that i wont be seen as the weak link if we ever lose again almdlddg.. but uhm hopefully my seeds that are in rhys/jones keep me safe bc if madison gets out here i have ryan/rhys/jones to keep me safe.. so im not gonna be that upset if we lose LOL esp bc ik linus/malik r gunna be scary af later on

hopefully we win tho? so i dont have to deal with this stress? i dont wanna relive louvre where i visitted every single premerge tribal except for 2.. even tho i did well hehe uhm. YAH WE’LL SEE :)

I'm kinda bummed that this last challenge wasn't immunity anymore because we smoked the other tribe, LOL. But at the same time, I'm glad cuz I wouldn't wanna lose the challenge after one of my tribe members quit, that'd just be sad as fuck, LOL.

Also, I feel a good rapport developing further between Danielle and I. I feel like her and I can dominate this game together, but I can't get too ahead of myself here. The first couple of rounds are meant to create social bonds and I feel like I've done a good job of that thus far. Only person I haven't talked to is Jaylen and I'm okay with that, cuz if we lose the immunity challenge, he's most likely the first one to go.

Okay, thankgoodness that the challenge was changed to reward last minuet. Because we wouldve gone to tribal. Maddison is legit missing. I dont even care if we win or loose this next challenge because she needs to go.

So firstly that reward was weird like woo thanks pretty crown but there’s nothing else so I’m thinking that someone else has the clue and my best bet would be jaylen bc he got the Crown Jewels the most important piece. Overall I’m very nervous for this battleship challenge because in my mind it’s mostly luck based so my fate is really out of my hands.

Well, not much honestly but I'm gonna write a confessional for round 1 and stuff so I don't get a strike

The game is going okay I'm trying not to be aggressive talking to people, but just letting people come to me and make conversation right now honestly I'm trying to play UTR since I think considering madison doesn't exist right now I think I'm able to do that TBH. Hopefully it all works out.

I volunteered to do the battleship challenge thing because I have no life and it looked like no one else was gonna volunteer.

I actually know Linus he played with me in Epic SBB in Hell, so that's nice to not be going in with no connections period.

Sorry this wasn't that long but it's something I guess

If we lose probably another confessional will be writen but right now there isn't much to report

I’m for sure feeling a little bit more nervous now because a lot of this challenge is about being organised and teamwork and we could barely have someone sit out so fingers crossed

Heyo so we won the challenge so that was fun, and by fun I mean hell but hey we've got bragging rights, which is pretty much it since unfortunately Steven was medevaced out of da game so even though the other tribe lost they didn't go to tribal.

A bit annoying knowing you did that for nothing but oh well the other tribe seems to be having a rough time by itself with steven quitting and someone (Madison I think) not submitting anything lol

And I say for nothing bc technically we won reward but it was one of those first come first serve things and I only got seved a jpg image so nothing fancy there...

But at least now the next challenge is something where 8 out of 9 people on the tribe don't have to do anything and you bet your ass after that first challenge I'm gonna be one of the 8. David the unit took it upon himself to carry us to victory so godspeed lad.

However this challenge is pretty luck based so I'm saying fuck that I'm not talking my chances.

Following last confessional I talked to tobi about making an alliance and he was onboard, he proposed to have Jose on it which is great since that was my idea anyways, plus I told dani and she was also on board, and to finish up the hipotetical majority of 5 she said he was cool with Michael.

I haven't talked to him yet and Jose hasn't been online but hopefully we should be fine.

Ngl would like to have an alliance with david and felix too, david bc he seems like a total lad with the challenges and Felix because he later told me he felt the most confortable with me.

But regardless hopefully we won't even have to go to tribal (and if we do at least there are other options for the vote)

For now I shall be the dumb cheerleader of the bunch for a game of battleship.

Ahhh, I feel so bad that I lost the challenge for my tribe. I feel like going into a challenge with the weight of the win or loss stacked against you is huge. But I did come REALLY close and my tribe seems to respect that I almost got us the win. I don't think I'll go anywhere tomorrow for tribal, but you never know.

Yesss we won immunity. I’m happy we could after Steven left. They made our challenge a reward for that and we lost but it’s fine because WE WON immunity phew. And it’s all thanks to Wes. So far to me, Madison is looking the easiest vote off right now because I haven’t talked to her and I haven’t seen her so that’s my view on it. The three I talk to the most on my tribe are Rhys, Linus and Scoots. Then Ryan and Guacamole. Then Wes and finally Madison. I hope this game doesn’t pull a JPORG Fitzroy Island, I don’t wanna be screwed over by a random ass tribe swap. But I basically dig my tribe and hope that I won’t be the first to go.

Whew we won?! What. I thought we were gonna fuckin loose. Noah fence Wes.

Sad tings though because Madison is probably going to strike out. Oh well.

Ya boi still hasn’t gone to tribal so stay mad.

It’s fucking gross having to go to tribal council and I can’t be dealing but I seem to have found myself in two alliances with only dani connecting the two so I’m gonna work with dani to ride this middle ground and make it further

I’m going home omfg. I can’t really have a deep convo with anyone, which means I don’t have an alliance even though I’m sure one has been made ugh. I’m gonna focus on surviving this round then seeing what I can get set up next round. Wish me luck whew

I’m pissed because it’s super obvious that the other 7 on my tribe are in a mega tight alliance. Steven was my only alliance in this hole game, and like, he even told me he found an idol and then on his way out he didn’t even slip me the idol??? Can’t wait to be voted out 7-1 because he wanted a souvenir.

So the tea is that ahrre and I made an alliance of 5 which includes him, me, Jose, Dani, and Michael which I think is cute but they are really boring so meh idk I’ll just flip during merge x JDJSJD I’m a messy bitch

ugh i'm so glad we won immunity bc our tribe is already severely lacking in strong members bc Steven left us out to perish and Madison aint shown her face yet... so the numbers getting back to even is great for us <3

Right so unfortunately we lost the battleship game so that means we're heading to the first tribal of the game, fun stuff.

Now as we lost I got the Me-michael-jose-dani-tobi alliance set up. Meanwhile Felix was telling me that for him it was between Jose or Jaylen, since they've been the least active. Understandable but more understandable is that I'm in an alliance with Jose so for me it seems like it's gonna be Jaylen, who I also haven't spoken much with so I don't mind, albeit every tribal we go to before swapping or merging I see it as a potential ally down the line going home, which shucks.

Either way the alliance (and everyone else for that matter) agreed on jaylen, I also told Jose in kind words to get his shit together before he gets sent home but that's pretty much it. I'm gonna try to lay down for now I don't want to bring any unwanted attention to myself.

Hopefully tribal goes well.

youtube

Oh wow hi it’s me, Mo. Ok so currently the plan is to vote out Jaylen which I don’t have a problem with, it’s kinda sad because he is actually really nice but somewhat inactive. I’m on my way to get a burger and fries and I’m fucking ecstatic like I’m so fucking hungry it’s stupid. Also watch me get blindsided.

So we went into this chalenge on a high after wining the reward and I was the one who got the most points out of everyone :))). Although I’m nervous this will put a target on my back, I’m happy that I have kind of proven my dominance in this game! After losing the challenge, I’m upset!! This was all luck based which sucks! After that, I started talking more with Felix, David, Michael and Ahree. Within the span of like 30 minutes, I got added to 2 seperate groups. I was like “iiii” because this can get messy fast. Michael is in both of the groups as well so I don’t feel too bad because at least there is someone else in my position as well. I get along with Felix a lot and have had quite a few good convos with him! David seems to want to lead things in the group he made, which is whatever. Keeps the target off of me, especially if we go to tribal again. I expect to make more confessionals throughout the course of the game, usually videos but I’m pretty tired right now haha.

I just took a nap and there's no tribal and I'm always trying my best. My tribe doesn't hate me for some reason even though I sure would. Oh well. I really miss Steven I hope he's okay.

youtube

Steven quit half way through this episode. Then Jaylen was voted out 8-1.

#episode #royallyyours

0 notes

blog-optimisticcoffeestuden-blog · 6 years

Text

In NY,what is a way to get cheaper insurance for an 18 year old driver?

"In NY,what is a way to get cheaper insurance for an 18 year old driver?

I already took drivers ed and plan on taking the defensive driver course,but I'm curious as to if there are any other ways to make my insurance go down

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://averageinsurancecost.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

RELATED QUESTIONS:

Canceling Geico car insurance?

I've had Geico insurance on my car for the past year and I've found a much better rate elsewhere and plan to switch. I'm in Virginia. How do I go about canceling with Geico? Do I have to wait until a certain time (end of 6mos, etc) or can I do it at any time? Is there a cancellation fee? Thanks!""

Insurance on 2010 Camaro?

what could i expect to pay in insurance for the 2010 Camaro?

Florida - Car Insurance Question?

A friend of mine who lives in Florida said that he has to pay for car insurance even though he doesn't own a car and doesn't drive his parent's car. Is it true that by ...show more

Home and contents insurance application form?

i need one of these for my commerce assignment where can i get one from.

How much does it cost to insure an RV?

i have to do a project for drivers ed.. and i need to figure out how much it cost to insure an rv and i guess the insurance company would be aarp.

Can you get motorcycle insurance for summer months instead of all year round?

I was scoping out some insurance rates and it seems like you can't just get insured for the summer months when you actually ride. You have to pay it all year round and if you cancel they wont insure you the next year. Does anyone know of any way to just get insured for the summer months (May - August)?

""Cheap m/cycle insurance for 95,GPZ 750 ?""

Cheap m/cycle insurance for 95,GPZ 750 ?""

Being on your parents insurance and having a baby?

This is completely random for me, but me and my mom were just talking about this and wondering... Say a 17 year old gets pregnant while on her parents insurance. Would she have to get her own insurance? Would she have to pay as an adult would have to? Any personal experiences? Just wondering! Thanks :)""

""Does anyone know where to get cheap car insurance (Ontario,Canada)?

My husband and I just bought a car today and we have not applied for our insurance yet we are planning on applying tomorrow(if there not open) then Monday. Does anyone know of a good insurance company we just had a baby 2 months ago so we are really trying to save money if anyone knows a good place would you please let us know. Thank you very much.

Cheapest car insurance?

infinity is cheaper than esurance.

I need affordable mortgage life insurance. I' m 62 and have a heart problem that is under control with meds?

I also have stents in my arteries and heart. I need $250,000 in insurance to payoff a 30yr loan. Our house was originally paid off and I (the house was put in my name alone, not my husbands) took out a mortgage for $130,000 to finance my daughters business which failed. I thought that I did have mortgage insurance on the original loan but did not find out until after I took out my 2nd mortgage ($120,000) to pay off other bills the business acquired. Between the 1st and 2nd loan I became ill and I don't know what to do now. My husband doesn't know about the 2nd loan. If anyone knows how to fix this please let me know. I don't want to die and leave 2 mortgages for my husband to pay off.""

""I don't have health insurance, need dental work help!!!!?""

Hello, I am a 21 year old male currently attending college, and working part time as a swim coach. I make just enough to pay for my car, insurance, phone, gas, and food. I looked around at different health insurance plans, but could not find one that is affordable to me, and has dental coverage. Over all I am in good health, have not visited a doctor since I was a kid. Last time I went to a doctor for a physical in high school, well I am afraid same goes for dental. I have not seen a dentist since last time I got a filling which was when I was like 14. I need to see a dentist ASAP, not that my teeth hurt, but I can see a cavity on my wisdom tooth. With the new health care reform and all, I am I eligible for any thing in particular? Any new programs or plans?""

Best insurance company for a 16 year old driving a v6 or v8 camaro?

my thought is that while a v6 camaro might be reasonable to insure a 16 year old driver with, the v8 wouldbe some unuearthly figure in the 8 digits. i know its based on SO many things, but im just asking if anyone has a HUNCH about what insurance company is the best/cheapest for a teen driving a camaro? assume its a v8, ad it cant get any worse if it ended up being a v6, if you know what i mean. btw dont say american faimily. they wont even insure a person with less than 5 years driving experience driving a v8 camaro AT ALL, let alone at a huge rate. finally, do you think there is any way on earth for insurance for a 16year old driving a (2000 lets just say for example) camaro v8? including all the little bonuses like good grades, clean record, etc. all of which i have. thanks so much for your answers! they REALLY help!""

How I can get health insurance coverage?

Did any one have any idea how I can get health insurance? Thanks God I have a lot health problems and I can't afford buy individual health insurance because my existing health issues. i try to find job with health insurance but i cant is hard

Why is it a better idea to chose a higher deductible health insurance plan?

How do you feel about the rising costs of healthcare?

How much does a full cover car insurance cost in north caroline ?

trying to move to NC but want to know about the price of a nissan altima 2005 4 door , the price for a full cover on my car how much would it cost me > I have it lease anyone knows ????""

How do I deal with my car insurance company after a crash?

An elderly man stopped in the middle of the street with his car. I couldn't stop in time not to hit him. So we collided. Now my insurance company refuses to pay for storing the car while their adjustor and the other insurance adjuster come to look at the car. I think it is totalled, but not positive. My apartment building has an ordinance against putting crashed cars in the parking lot. I live in West Los Angeles, which is highly populated, and I will get a ticket if I leave it on the street. It is not driveable. The storage places here cost $100 per day. I don't know what to do. Is there a car storage facility in West Los Angeles that can charge me a small amount until the adjusters come to look at it?""

What are average caar insurance prices for an 18 year old?

just need some numbers for the price for the whole yaer

Does a ticket still affect insurance if you take the traffic course?

I'm trying to get insurance quotes for a car I will be buying in a few months. They ask for what violations I've had in the last 5 years. The only one was a ticket for rolling through a red light (turned red at the last second. However, I took the online class to cut down the price of the ticket and to avoid points being added to my license. So the question is, when I get insurance, will they factor in that ticket? Just trying to figure out if I should include that ticket when they ask for violations in the last 5 years. Thanks""

Does motor size effect insurance cost?

I'm buying a 1991 Z28 camaro soon. I'm 17 and I want to know if engine size will matter. It's going to have a 305 V8 in it when I get it, but I would really like to upgrade to a 350 V8. My parents seem to think it will cost more for insurance, but I haven't found anything on the internet that solidifies this. Can someone shed some light on this topic for me?""

""If you already have insurance on vehicles, does it cost to add another?""

I already have insurance through my parents and I'm thinking about buying a car for myself (I'm 19 and in college, I have a job) Does it cost more to add another car onto their insurance policy?""

When should i buy car insurance?

I am going to buy a car on Tuesday. Is there a grace period during which i can drive the car without insurance until i get it, like 5 business days or something like that, or do i need insurance before i buy the car?? This is my first vehicle so i dont have an existing policy i can add this too.""

2004 Mazda rx8 monthly insurance price?

Im 39 years old and haven't had a wreck nor got a ticket since 1982, I have perfect credit. I was wondering about how much it would cost every month for a 2004 Mazda rx8 with geico, or an estimate for another company.""

Mitsubishi eclipse 2007 insurance problems?? :(((?

So I'm sixteen, and my dad said OK to the Eclipse 2007, and everything, but then theres the insurance problem. They said I cant get it without charging my dad and me a ton of money. I'm EXTREMELY attached to this car, basicly as much as lambo fans dream of getting a lambo, but probably even more, because I have a chance of owning this car eventually. I've planned everything, I got a job, I've got saved up for vertical doors, the hook ups, sound systems, everything. I have got to have this car, please, is there ANY way of getting my insurance to insure the Eclipse? I currently have State Farm, but my dad knows how much I LOVE this car, and how much it means to me, and is willing to switch insurances if they will insure me, but so far, none have please, are there any insurance companies that will insure the Eclipse to a 16 year old? or a way to get them to? Please and Thanks :(((((((( And again, I'm feeling so depressed right now, I have no idea what I'll do if I don't get it :(""

Can I put my boyfriend of 3 years on my health insurance (provided by employer) in the state of Florida?

I work for a great company that provides health & dental insurance from the very first time you start the job. My boyfriend of three years that I live with, does not have any ...show more""

In NY,what is a way to get cheaper insurance for an 18 year old driver?

I already took drivers ed and plan on taking the defensive driver course,but I'm curious as to if there are any other ways to make my insurance go down

Life Insurance for over 40's?

Is there an over 40's plan in the UK that lasts more than 11 years. Know of any companies, tried direct line not luck. Thanks""

Can my parents buy insurance for me?

if i move to California and there in Louisiana?

How is charging insurance based on age and gender NOT discrimination?

Car insurance and health insurance always use your age and gender for a basis on how much your charged along with other factors. How is this not discrimination?

I need a knee surgery? if i get medical insurance. it will cover the 5500 i need?

my question is when i get interviewed for insurance, should i not tell him about the bad knee so they will take me? i know the surgery will help and i can just wait a month and say i had a sporting accident?""

Where can I find affordable auto insurance with a bad driving record?

I have a bad driving record and the convictions don't come off my driving record until december 2010. I feel like I've searched everywhere for a decent rate. Does anyone know where I can find a good rate for a person who has a bad record? Or know a way around getitng insurance. My parents can't insure it for me. So that's not an option. Thanks!

""Insurance question about DUI (2 different insurance companies). Underwriters, chime in!?""

I received a 1st time DUI roughly 1 year ago. I am covered by one insurance company, and my wife is covered by another company on her car. I know my insurance will not be renewed or rates will increase at some point, but what about hers??? I am NOT listed as an insured driver on her policy, but I am noted as a licensed driver in the household for her car... Will her insurance be effected?? It seems like they are not sure what will happen with her insurance and that it would be left up to the underwriters... Any input would be helpful... Thankyou.""

Will filing a claim for broken car window raise my insurance payments?

I woke up to a broken driver side window this morning and the first thing i do is call my insurance to ask if its covered. My insurance said it would cost 350 bucks to fix it and i have a 500 deductable so i gta pay out of pocket anyway. He scheduled an appointment for me to get it fixed at a local shop. Is this claim going to affect my rates?

Maternity insurance in North Carolina is it worth it?

My husband and I want to have another baby. I had to have an emergency c-section with the first baby and my doctor told me if I had another baby I would have to have another c-section. I had Medicaid with the first child, and I am not sure of those cost for that baby. I have a basic individual insurance plan now. I do not qualify for my employer's health plan because I am a casual staff worker. So my question is would it be worth spending the extra for maternity insurance or better to ask for a payment plan at the doctor's office and hospital? I would be seeing a doctor in Greenville, NC.""

Car accident with no insurance?

I hit a car in Alaska, no damage to the cars except a tiny tiny dent on the other car's back bumper that barely can be visible within 20 inches distance if a person keeps looking very good. I gave all my details to the other guy and I am legal in everything. he showed me an insurance on his phone that expired on May 2012. Because I did not pay attention, right now I just found out from the VIN # that the insurance is for a different car but in his name. So I am not sure if the car I hit was insured or not. Could I get him in trouble if he tries to abuse me later? For example if he tries to go to the hospital and cause me problems, or if he calls me wanting money, or having me fix his engines issues that I never caused, because that is what he said is going to do. If he gets insurance hours later, could that save him? or he still can be in trouble with the law?""

I'm looking for a car insurance in Michigan that's cheap?

All i need is a cheap plpd auto insurance. My car is not worth much and I'm not going to spend a lot on car insurance for it. All I want is for the other driver to be fine. If you know of any cheap auto insurances let me know.

Do you have health insurance?

if so, how much is it per month? how old are you? what kind of deducatble do you have? Feel free to answer also if you do not have insurance and do you support obamacare?""

Car accident with no insurance in FL?

I was in a car accident where the other driver admitted it was her fault, and i had a witness - as well as the officer saying it was my right away. However, I did not have insurance.. I assumed I was still under my parents name but my dad took me off their insurance a couple months ago. My car is totaled, and im in some pain ( nothing minor, just very sore )Where can I go from here? is my only option to call a lawyer or can i directly go to her insurance? all i want is a rental for the time being and to get money to buy a new car ( so w.e money my totaled car was worth) i want to make this as easy and fast as possible which is why i dont want a laywer involved. is that basically my only choice though? Thanks""

Insurance cost for the following car: 2007 Pontiac G6 GT?

I am a teenager and I am buying a car and would like to know an estimate on how much this insurance costs before I call them up. Car: 2007 Pontiac G6 GT, Convertible, 3.5 L, 6 Cylinders. Title: Va - Salvage I originally wanted to buy a 2006 mitsubishi eclipse, 2.4, 4 Cylinder. I know the eclipse is a better choice, But auctions for the eclipse will end for quite a while on the website we are purchasing the car. And I need a car now, because it will take us a while to fix up the vehicle (Buying proken, and repairing)""

Are petrol cars or diesel cars cheaper to insure?

What is the best car insurance company?

I need full coverage car insurance on my truck but I don't know who to get can some one help me

Motorbike Insurance Help!!! Please!!?

Im 16 and live in Ireland and have a provisional A1 license and im getting a road legal motorbike soon. I rang up quinn direct yesterday and got an insurance price for a 1999 Honda Rebel 125, Fully Comp. Bikes worth 1500. they quoted me 1685.70 and got the same quote from AON and there quote was 2575.. could anybody please tell me how much dearer it would be to get insured on lets say a honda cbr125 or aprilia rs125?? or maybe a honda nsr 125? i know the insurance will go up quite dramatically but would anyone have a rough estimate??""

Where can i find some good affordable health insurance?

i was cut off tenncare in 2005

Are trucks cheaper to insure for teenagers?

Im looking into getting my first car and i was just wondering if its cheaper to insure a truck then a car. I am 17 years old and live in alberta canada, everyone tells me that they are cheaper to insure but how much cheaper?""

My daughter sold her car to her boyfriend ( now ex ). She still has him on her insurance and car is still in her name? She lost pink slip?

Best way to deal with this? I thought maybe she should take him off her insurance immediately, but thought maybe not, as car still in her name. To make matters worse, he turned out to be not so nice. Thanks.""

Car insurance in new york state?

i know there are 3 types of car insurance; Liability,Compensation and another,and the combination of this three makes auto insurance very expensive,but i also heard you can chose the one that best suit your needs than to take all three so that your monthly auto insurance expenses could be slashed almost 75%.My question is,as a resident of NY state,am i allowed to just take the insurance i prefer,eg if i want just liability insurance,i just pick that one and ignore the others to lessen my monthly auto insurace.Is that allowed?From the online quote of GEICO which claims to be the cheapest in the NY state,am to pay $550,which is wayyyyyyyyyyy to expensive for a student like me and so heard about choosing one option of auto insurance.Can i just choose the form of insurance i want or is IT COMPULSORY TO TAKE FULL AUTO INSURANCE in NY or America as a whole?""

An affordable dentist in Houston?

I need an appt. for an exam and maybe a couple of cavities that can be done before December. anyone know any affordable dentists that can do that in the month of November without insurance?

Does any one knows if a time requirement exist that you have to notify your car insurance co. if you're hit?

My car was hit in a parking lot. the other driver told me to get an estimate for the damages and he will write a check. if the cost is too high, his insurance co will pay. do I have to tell mey insureance co. about this? is there a minimum time that I have to tell my insureance co? thank you.""

""What company can I use to purchase private dental insurance in Seattle, WA?""

which dental company can I use to purchase affordable dental care privately, not through an employee? For anyone age 18 and over and would cover basic dental visits and surgery such ...show more""

Car insurance prices 4 ex------?

ex-fenders does any one know a good car insurance for my boyfriend he had a fight 4 years ago and he did not disclose this last year and had hius car taken of him , he did the form to fast on line and did not see the questionon, so ppl in the same boat can u comment and not a busy body who thinks they know it all

Do i need insurance?

If my mom has geico insurance and im 15 and just got my permit do i need to be on her insurance. Insurance is requiered in oregon but i dont know if teens need it?

In NY,what is a way to get cheaper insurance for an 18 year old driver?

I already took drivers ed and plan on taking the defensive driver course,but I'm curious as to if there are any other ways to make my insurance go down

Is it shameful to let your son/daughter go without health insurance?

When I turned 21, I got taken off my parents' health insurance. I did not have a job at the time, and could not afford to buy insurance on my own, so I was forced to go without it. Well, I became very sick and was hospitalized for 4 days with food poisoning. The hospital bills total around $50,000, and I was denied Medicaid because I was paying $1400 a month in rent (money I accumulated through prostitution, if you want the truth), and the hospital's social worker felt if I could afford $1400/month in rent, I could afford the hospital bills. Friends of mine at the time were really hard on my parents, especially my mom, saying what kind of a lousy mother would let her son go without health insurance? No editorial comment from me. I'm just curious what other people think. Do I have lousy parents because they let me go without health insurance?""

Life insurance thc test?

Does anyone know if country companies tests for thc for their life insurance policies?

Problem with my car insurance company?

Just before new year, sitting stationary at a roundabout, old guy bashed into back of me. Exchanged details and went through the insurance. Nearly 4 months on...and my insurance company is still chasing liability. Meanwhile, my premium was due for renewal at end of Jan and that has gone up and my insurance company tell me they have problems with the other insurers as they don't answer their phones. They tell me they're sending out letters every 2 weeks and are trying to phone them. I don't think this is enough, especially after all this time. Basically, I'm being held over a barrel. I'll bet the old guy has got his car fixed now, but meanwhile even though I've done nothing wrong, I'm paying out more money and still have rear damage to my car!! I'm getting really sick of it, especially as I need to sell the car soon. It's completely ridiculous. Please wait for rest....""

5 Months car insurance?

I only need insurance untill october and dont want to pay for a full years worth. What are my options and any reccomended cheap comapnies for a young driver Thankyouuu

Car insurance advice for a 17 year old?

Hello, I just bought a Citroen AX for 500, and have payed a lump sum of 2800 for 12 months insurance. My question is: If I get a 1 year no claims bonus when im 18, how much cheaper will my next 12 month insurance be? How much less do you think It will cost after a year of no claims. And If possible: How cheaper would It cost to insure that car after 4 years no claims? Thanks.""

How do I get cheap insurance?

I'm 19. 1 NCB. Been on the road for 2 years and 5 months.

Cheap insurance for young drivers?

I passed my test today and need to get some insurance, if you know any websites or companies that offer cheap insurance for 17yr olds for a mini from personal experience etc. Then please help Thanks""

Buying car insurance for a used car?

im buying my first car, used. and all i have knowledge from are from the internet. i live in California. when i see tv commercials, i often see the buyer being able to purchase their insurance when they are on the CAR dealer. my question? when is it do you get insurance? BEFORE OR AFTER YOU PURCHASE A CAR? also when getting quotes online, you have to add the car that you OWN, so im guessing you have to buy the insurance after AFTER?, BUT the policy seems to start the day after you purchase your insurance, so does that mean your driving the car illegally for a day?? if you were to buy the insurance (online) before and have to add your car, im guessing you have to be SET AND SURE you are getting the car when your policy starts? none of my friends knows about this because their parents own it and they don't care about their insurance... im so confused. help me.""

Cheaper car insurance.?

I'm 17 and I've recently passed my driving test, I'm currently insured as a secondary driver on my Mums car for about 1200. I'd much rather have my own car; I was looking at quotes for 1L Citron saxo's and Vauxhall Corsa's and they all want around 4 grand insurance which is waaay to much. However I know someone who apparently is a main driver on a 5 year old saxo and they're paying about 1300 for it? They're also the same age and gender as me. How the hell did he get it so cheap? I've been on the comparison websites and I can only get it down to about 3800. Any ideas and help are much appreshiated.""

Whats a good cheap sports car?

Hello i need some help. This is my situation I'm 20 years old i live in Connecticut and I'm looking to purchase a car (used). I have about $2k cash to put down on it. I would say my limit for price would be about 6-8k due to financing fees taxes etc (credit score of 731). Now what I'm looking for is a pretty fast sports car to use as my DD.(I currently have a 89 mustang lx 5.0 which gets about 10 mpg city) Not very economical as a DD when gas is over $4 a gallon. Anyways back on topic, I found a 2002 wrx for 8k but got quoted for an insurance rate of 2k-3k. So this is out of the question! I make about 200 a week at the moment and pay $100 cell phone bill and $100 a month for rent. So my funds are limited for insurance + car payments. Basically i need to know a reliable cheap fast sports car i can get a good insurance rate on. But it also has to get good fuel economy! Sorry for the long rant and me being so picky but please help!""

Car Insurance Issue's? HELPPP!?

I lost my job so I couldn't pay my car insurance for about 3 months. Then it got expired my license also got suspended because of no car insurance:/. But right now I'm back on my feet and I want to get my license reinstated and get car insurance again. I want to know how can I do that? And do I have to pay the amount I owed back to my other car insurance company or can I go to another and not pay them back? PLEASE HELP ME!

What is the average cost for car insurance for a first time driver and where can I get it?

What is the cheapest way to get the Good Student Discount on my car insurance?

I am 19 and graduated from high school. I was wondering if there is a very cheap way to be considered a student , and get a 3.0 and above GPA to qualify for the discount. It would be saving me over $700 a year. Thanks in advance""

Where can I find affordable comprehensive dental insurance?

I don't just the preventative ones but ones that also cover root canals etc to an extent and don't over charge for nitrous oxide - one company had fee of 45 per 15 minutes ? I ruled them out Any ideas or tips greatly appreciated

What's the most affordable auto insurance when you have drivers under 25?

I have two sons: ages 21 and 16. Need to know the cheapest option someone has found. The 16 year old took the defensive driving course, that it helps to lower his monthly insurance payment? What else, if anything, helps to lower the cost when there is under 25 years old drivers? Appreciate your answers""

Individual health insurance?

DOes anyone have or know of any good individual policies? Im currently self employed and need health insurance. Looking for the best and cheapest!

""After one month, auto insurance gets cancelled?

I changed auto insurance after my other policy lapsed due to direct deposit mix up. I went with State Farm for both vehicles and paid about 20 dollars more per month for a better policy. I got a letter 2 weeks into coverage stating my policies are being cancelled due to not showing 30 days of coverage at the time of purchase. So I guess they can cover me for a month and ditch me? This don't sound right. I have zero tickets and zero wrecks and the same goes for my wife. My agent says the rate will go up from 138.00 per month to 245.00 per month! ! ! ! ! WTF?

1.4 engine and 1.6 engine whats the difference in insurance?

My husband has passed his test and is looking for a car is the insurance more on the different size engines he wants a 1.6

Why would young people refuse to sign up for inexpensive health insurance?

Don't they know they will soon be older people in need of affordable health care? Or that community rated affordable insurance depends on a high rate of participation? Why would they want to subvert a system they will soon depend on?

Why is my car insurance so high?

I bought a 2007 nissan sentra in 2011 and unfortunately didn't look into the insurance factor when I made my decision. I do have a lien on the car, but I'm in my 30's, no tickets, no accidents, okay credit, and I'm still paying over $200 a month in insurance! I pay more for the insurance then I do the car payment! Is the insurance high because it is a foreign car or what?""

Insurance for mitsoubishi rvr import?

Am trying to find an insurance company who will give me a good insurance price on the above car.It is a 4 door,4x4,petrol automatic,1994 grey import.My present company charging the earth because they say it is group19 sports car.Is down on the reg document as an estate!""

1965 Insurance Estimate/quote?

Listen it has crossed my mind, since i live in an area with many, many 1965,66 mustangs (that are half restored, with okay engines) for sale for like 1200$ right, pretty beat up, but motor is fine. and i am 16, and i see these mustangs fly by, unnoticed and un-bought, and i thought i might want one for myself, for personal use. so what would be a average yearly (monthly also if you can) insurance cost, for personal use, say 5000-12000 miles a year, don't give me crap about mpg, or safety, or you won't find one for that price (looking at local paper, 8 listings, lowest one 750$ runs!, highest 1500$ runs!) okay THESE ARE ALL COUPES!!! NOT FATBACKS, (But try and list if you can, sepretly of course) PS: DON'T ANSWER THIS IF YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, PREFERABLE MUSTANG INTHUSIST, OR OWNER PLEASE!!! i am 16, no bad driving record, curently male, white, kentucky citizen, well another question, how much do you think a passenger and drivers side door for a 1965/66 coupe would go for, and what about a seat (passenger/driver) saw one that was close to restored missing a few things. thought i might ask as well. please help!""

""What happens if you have health insurance through your job, then have to get new health insurance?""

If you have health insurance with your employer then quit, how can you get new health insurance with your new employer because aren't they going to see all your pre-existing history from your old insurance company?""

Car insurance is thrice than payment! Suggestions?

Hi, I have recently moved in Detroit midtown, and am thinking of buying a vehicle. I am looking at buying a Ford Fusion 2008 model with around 8K. However, every insurance quote (comprehensive) I have got so far is around $300 per month. Some have asked as much as $600. I am an immigrant who came to the US three years ago and so obviously do not have a long driving record. This is my first car. I do not have any driving tickets or violations. I am looking to use finance as my credit scores are good. Any body help me with some advice on this? Why on earth the car insurance would be thrice than the car payment?""

Do I need to change my Car Insurance? What do i need to do?

I am a foreign student in United States. I stayed at California for 2 years. Now, I moved to Indiana State. I have a car Insurance with California address. My License plate is still California's. Do I need to do anything with my insurance? When I tried to do a trial quote for changing address at Geico, the quote for new address is almost 2 times more expensive than the old one. I don't know what to do. I believe Indiana Auto insurance must be cheaper than that of California. Should I just cancel it and start a new one? Do I still need to do anything with DMV?""

In NY,what is a way to get cheaper insurance for an 18 year old driver?

I already took drivers ed and plan on taking the defensive driver course,but I'm curious as to if there are any other ways to make my insurance go down

What is average increase in car insurance rates after you get a speeding ticket?

Ausome that this is the persons second ticket and they cannot go to traffic school to erase the ticket

What is the cheapest car to insure for a newly passed driver!?

im only 16 at the moment however i want to learn to drive asap. what car would look good as well as having cheap(ish) insurance. who do i insure with?

Do you buy insurance before you buy a car?

Say you picked a car that you want. And negotiated your deal? Who do you get insurance? I never had a car before.

What are some good affordable dental plans for an individual?

I currently have no dental insurance and I need something really affordable. Serious answers please

Why are teenagers car insurance rates so high?

I just heard they just went up on our car insurance because we are teens that's not fair at all. I'm struggling trying to make it meaning going to college and work. Because I can not depend on my mom to take me everywhere I need to go. This economy is all ready down the drain that's not fair I have no money and I am trying to make it.

At what percentage of a car's value does an insurance company total the car?

My car got wrecked and it was my fault. No other cars were involved. I can't afford to have car payments if my insurance company totals the car. It is fully paid for and I have full coverage. If I make the claim to them, at what percentage of the car's value would the insurance company consider it totaled?""

Insurance didn't report?

My sister couldn't afford to pay her car insurance. Her insurances company never reported to the DMV that it was canceled. why? She even got speeding tickets and i thought the police do a run when they pull you over. how is this possible?

What is the fastest and best looking insurance group 4 or 5 car i can get?

looking for a newer car to buy that is not just quick but looks good.

How much is Progressive auto insurance for one car?

I'm 18, almost 19 years old and I recently figured out that with American Family Insurance that my parents have for me, I'm actually paying like $40 more than everyone else in my family just because I'm a young male driver. I think that our current insurance company is total **** so I wanted to look up how much a different company would be (in this case progressive because it seems to be one of, if not the best insurance company out there). But I went to their website, and I couldn't find jack about how much car insurance would be with them. I saw stuff like discounts, information about bundling (or something like that), but not a goddamn thing about how much it would be to be insured by them. Am I just looking in the wrong place, or do they just not list their prices unless you talk to an insurance representative?""

""What if i don't have a social security number, can i still buy car insurance?""

I am an illegal alien here in chicago, illinois but i have a car that i drive to and from indiana (about a 40 minute drive). I want to purchase car insurance but i do not know if i can. what do i need to buy insurance in illinois. do you know if i can purchase it online or which insurance company would sell me an insurance policy? please help as soon as possible.""

Car insurance for an 18 year old parent?

will having custody of a child help lower or raise my insurance, btw thanks for those who help""

Will my health insurance change?

im 21 and still in college in mass, if i move out of my house into an apartment will i lose my fathers health insurance?""

Low premium high return life insurance policies of life insurance corporation of india?

is jeevan saral a good choice?

Hey looking to get my first car and pay for my first car insurance?

I'm 19 living in lake forest California looking to buy this car http://mobile.carsforsale.com/details.aspx?vid=164720610 Does anyone know how much my insurance might be ?

This is About car insurance?

I am getting a car soon and I want to kniw how much insurance was for me. I'm 17 and a boy so I know isles should be high. And is it a monthly thing or a one time fee?

Car Insurance and driving other cars?

So I have a question - most of you will laugh at me lol. My policy says I can drive any other vehicle as long as I have the drivers permission. BUT I watched an old episode of Cops today and I thought they said that if you aren't a named driver, it's illegal.. So... My question is simple. Can I hop I to say my dad's car and drive it or do I have to be a named driver on his policy? Good grief I've managed to confuse myself even more... Much love to the brilliant person/people that wade through my confusion and clear this up for me ""

Will getting quotes from car insurance companies affect my credit score?

I am reluctant to get other quotes to compare coz i have the feeling it affects my credit score negatively. Does it?

What is a cheap insurance company for teens in washington?

Im 17 and I just started driveing and I have to be on my own insurance, what is the cheapest insurance that I can use thanks for any info""

WHat is a good cheap auto insurance? I am an 18 year old male....yes I know I'm screwed.?

It is bad enough having insurance when your a teen male, but when you have a sports car with a V8 in it...well it gets a whole lot worse. I just bought my dream car (a pontiac trans am) and now I would like insurance so I can drive it....the car cleared out my savings(im a senior in high school so I didnt have a whole lot to begin with). I heard viking insurance is good , but IDK. I want to have decent coverage, but also not have my whole paycheck go to them either. anybody have any tips or know of any good insurance companies. ps and no i dont want to sell my car and buy some Civic lol""

Health Insurance ????????????

I'm going to live in china for a year and would like to have insurance. I'm just living over there and wont have a job so i wont have health insurance. When i quit my job to move to china I wont have insurance so i need to get some for a whole year. Can someone point me in the right direction to get health insurance. Does anybody know what a basic health insurance plan for a year would cost. Any help would be appreciated. thanks

Is it okay not to have insurance as the driver since the car has insurance?

If your not added to your parents insurance as a new driver but the car your driving has insurance is that legal or illegal for that driver to drive?

Why is it that you pay all this money for car insurance?

Why is it that you pay all this money for car insurance and after an accident you still need to pay a deductible? Think about this; if you payed $200 a month for 5 yrs without an accident; that's $12,000; you would still need to pay a deductible to get your car fix and your premiums will go up. That's enough money to buy a new compact car. Just curious to see if anyone has the answer.""

The cheapest car to insure for a 17 year old boy?

and dont just say lowest insurance group because iv been looking and so far its been a group 3 clio and iv looked at insurance for an aygo (group 1) i need real examples like i had a fiesta and it was blah not just small hatchbacks are cheap

How do I get medical insurance?

I am 20 years old and I need medical and dental insurance. I have tried medicade but I am to old and I don't have children. please help!!

Is the cost of car insurance increased when you drive a coupe as opposed to a sedan?

I want to buy an acura integra and i want to know if the 2 door would be more expensive to insure than the 4 door because of the 2 door's sportier appearance. I'm almost 19.

In NY,what is a way to get cheaper insurance for an 18 year old driver?

I already took drivers ed and plan on taking the defensive driver course,but I'm curious as to if there are any other ways to make my insurance go down

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/motor-car-insurance-quote-douglas-reed/"

0 notes

jess-oh · 6 years

Text

Reflection

im in a weird mood.

i had type this morning and class went well and i was on time and did all my work and worked on it pretty hard last night and i stayed up with andrew but since i was so busy working and he wasnt studying, it just felt more awkward than anything and he just decided to sleep before i was finished and i felt kinda bad but it wasnt a big deal. but i got 3 tights from old navy after work and ti was great and i had some miscommunication with shar but then we still got to talk and hangout and it was really nice! we talked about the club and my ideas and how we’ve been doing in our spiritual and personal lives and i was literally so unashamed to talk about the Holy Spirit and Jesus and to just be so open about it and i really did not care at all and it was great and we laughed so hard and so much and at times i was forcing myself to play along for the sake of keeping the conversation moving but overall, it was pretty great and i did feel good about myself. but i just. im back in this place where i had a lot planned today and i feel like i didnt do much of it and i feel bad about it. i was supposed to read so much of the Bible today but i didnt, i watched shows instead. i was so engaged w/ the episodes that i didnt immediately respond to andrew&sofia and i felt bad as a result. i feel like i have a responsibility to them as a friend to care and to drop my shows as soon as i have something more to do and have the opportunity to help which is great in theory but i am also watching shows to rest and relax and i did do a long today. I was at school from 8am to 7pm. that’s 11 hours. and right after i went to old navy and tried on 6 different tights and bought them with a credit card and shared life with sharlene and was social and outspoken and unashamed and it was great and i did do a lot and i should feel proud of that but i dont because i didnt accomplish what i set out to do and instead im just here and i feel like a failure and i know that i should be proud of myself and the fact that i did anything at all bc i know how i can get when im feeling down. i will literally not leave my bed at all. i wont leave my apartment or even my room. i’ll just rot away and drown out the noise with media. and that high, happy feeling was suddenly taken away so fast when my mom told us that she was at the hospital and would probably spend the night there. her dad has been there since yesterday and spent the night bc he had to have an emergency procedure done. hes dying. and i cant escape or deny that. hes dying and im afraid that i wont be there for it again. it continuously breaks my heart that so many people in my life have been leaving this Earth and sigh. it just makes me feel very alone and like i left or abandoned them. i dont want to be there for them for the sake of being there or to feel like i belong but because i just. i feel so bad. i feel like they’re going to think i didnt care about them in the end bc i couldnt care enough to fly over to be there for them during their final moments. i was so selfish that i chose myself over them. i do want to stay here over the summer and i know that i cant stay trapped in cali just bc im afraid someone else is going to pass. God placed me here for a reason and i want to make the most of that. i want to stay here and work on my portfolio and get a paid internship and it’ll be great but im so afraid that im just being selfish in doing this. i guess it’s really all on God to decide if he doesnt want me to get an internship or a job out here and as a result, i go home. i just dont want my family to be paying so much money for rent in an apartment that im not even residing in. and if they’re willing, then thats great. ideally, i’ll find someone to sublease the apartment to over the summer so that i can go home and spend time with my family and it really is always great. i really do treasure the one on one times i can spend with my family. spending the day with my mom at the hospital or my sister over food or shopping and my dad with a movie or food or whatever. it’s really nice and i do highly value that time and i do miss them and im just

sigh

idk if im happier to know or not. i would love to go on a long term mission trip but i would be so afraid that something tragic would happen while im gone and i would find out when i come back. and i know that my grandpa knows that i love him so much and i am so glad that i have been able to spend time with him and learn about his faith and feel encouraged by it and thats really been such a huge blessing in my life and i am just so afraid that hes going to leave and be gone and i know that it’s out of my hands and i cant control it and he might die tomorrow and that’ll be that and i wont have any say in anything and i just

sigh

i want to tell shar but i feel like ive already bothered her. i dont want to just go to angela or jason whenever im feeling down or have a problem. andrew seems to be doing well and feeling better and i dont want to take away from that and i know sofia has her own things to figure out and she should be able to take the time to focus on that and i know that jeanne is really busy and i never really talked to david about deep things and i know emily doesnt understand and doesnt know how to respond and ive only let myself slip in my family very few times when i was really emotionally distraught but im not there yet and i think i can handle this on my own. and i dont feel so bad about being alone anymore. im just here and this is it. sigh.

i just cant think about it too much and move on.

and i know that that’s a terrible mindset and part of the reason why i keep falling victim to depression and i know in my head that people are there for me and want to be there for me but im just so afraid to reach out and be weak and let myself be vulnerable bc ive done it before and i just got hurt beyond words bc i let people in and i dont think i trust them enough yet. i would give them my life. but i dont trust them to run it. i would willingly give them my death but not my life.

and i keep trying to reach out to my sister about our grandpa and my growing concern for him but she doesnt seem to care and i know that shes going through a lot but i feel like shes so selfish sometimes. when i asked about if she was going to go with my mom to the hospital to take care of our grandparents she said no bc shes so busy. which is fine but it seemed more like a, “wow. look at me im so busy you should feel bad for me” instead of a. “no, i am so busy and i wish i could get out of my schedule to be there for him.” there was no longing to care for him and i know that it’s a lot and i shouldnt judge bc i was even not really into spending the whole day with my grandparents and i complained while we were there bc i just wanted to rest and go home but she has all the opportunities in the world to be with them and care for them and she doesnt bc shes so much more into her own life. and i know that i could be doing more too. i could be texting and calling more often and really going out of my way to make sure theyre okay bc ik some people never grow up with any grandparents bc of death or otherwise. i just sigh i know i should be more loving and understanding and i know how easy it is to just take them for granted but she knows that they’re suffering and dying and shes not doing anything about it. she should at least be trying to be supportive of them and it feels like shes so much more concerned with herself than anything else.

#reflection

0 notes

omegacunt-blog · 7 years

Text

my view of time with the love of my life.

im sad i hate my home im moving to christchurch i know it will hurt my girl but its best for me and we have been distant already as it is "babe we need to talk" yes we do im leaving you and moving to christchurch im sorry but its best for me right now "i cheated on you when do you want your things" i knew then that i wasnt going to love again fuck that i packed my shit only 1 bag and got the next flight to christchurch i met my father at the airport and went back to his place we got a pack of smokes and went for a walk into the cbd because i told him i like walking we walked for hours talking about how we have been and what we do for fun we get to a giant arch thing and he see's one of his friends so i sit down and start scrolling instagram i was posting angry shit about my ex cheating on me blah blah and i figured i need new friends so i start following people and i come across this one page of this chick with red hair "wow she is really hot no way id have a chance with her ill try it anyway" we ended up going home and i stalked her instagram all night because i couldnt sleep she was really cute holy hell 3 days past and i was talking to the girls i had things with and i started to feel un satisfyed i got nudes every day from like 6 people how could i not be satisfyed i finally get some balls and message her but what do i say i said the most amazingly horrible opener "do you like memes" oh god ive fucked it im really weird somehow it worked we are talking now i dont remember what we said exactly but all i remember is getting her number right away and telling her we are in an extremely open no ties relationship which somehow worked it was really weird we started talking about neither of us ever liking each other we talked about how much we liked drinking we talked about our music i loved talking to her i soon found myself spending all day and night talking to her and thinking about her and finding myself at burgerking using the wifi just so i could keep talking to her i drank alot and i eventually ended up cutting my girls off without knowing i cant say i missed them because it would be a lie she was all i thought about it soon came time to meet her and i remember drinking a whole bottle of jagermeister and smoking a bit to get some confidence wow she is beautiful in person i wanna get close to her i want to talk to her all night i tried showing off to impress her like a 9 year old kid with a crush im writing this now with that same crush we were walking back to her house and i was still showing off i ended up getting arrested so i fucked with the cops for a bit before i got put in cuffs and taken home i put my foot out the car door and they both spent 20 minutes trying to put it in the car i almost told them i was carrying a knife i talked about her the whole way home and as soon as i got home i walked an hour to her house where she made me sit on the lawn because she didnt trust me it was okay i was fine with just being there she came and sat next to me and she asked me if i liked being scratched and she started scratching my left arm it kinda hurt but i liked it because she was doing it **it also why i burn the skin off my left arm** her friend started running around with a shopping cart and she kissed me on the cheek it was the first time ive been kissed on the cheek and it felt amazing i dont know why i just stared at her and said "oh" i was speechless and then we went inside and sat for a couple hours before i left and she told me to hug her so i did and i left feeling extremely happy i walked an hour in the wrong direction and then eventually got home i fell asleep right away thinking about her we continued to hang out for another 2 weeks and then she came around to my place and we drank and smoked cigarettes with her friend zion and we ended up cuddling for a couple hours before she left i hated it when she left 3 days later i watched her be with another guy it ripped me apart everytime i seen them kiss i hated the fact that she even sat close to him i was extremely jealous i think its easy to say jealousy is my biggest weakness it eats me alive its caused many of my scars and its the reason behind my anxiety and trust issues that day was the day we started going down hill i told her i loved her and i had feelings for her and she returned them i asked her out and she turned me down it really hurt and it took her 2 days for an explanation "i want to be with you and i will soon i promise just wait" and thats what i did i waited and watched her be with another it really hurt me that she could say all these things to me and then turn around and do things with another guy it should be me if she doesnt like him why is she doing this with him and not me i want it i deserve it she ends up getting high and she turned into a different person she told me to come see her so i walked an hour and a half and all i got when i got there was "dude just leave me alone im to high for this i dont want to see you" i told her i was done i cant love her if she doesnt love me oh but she says she does but where is the actual love? i dont feel it all i feel is disgust **thats why i dont like her smoking weed** i walked an hour and a half home after not seeing her and being told to leave her alone i was angry so i shut myself off for 2 days and when i finally texted her back i went over to her house i didnt know that would be the last time id see her she was upset and she sat on her chair in silence so i sat on the floor and we were silent for a while before she came and hugged me i hate myself for not hugging her back she was hurt and i knew it but all i could think about was how angry what she said made me i was closed off we said nothing the whole time untill i got uo and said goodbye and jumped out her window i didnt even look at her as i left i hated it after that day everything is black all i did was drink my pain away eventually she decided it was time to cut me off "its best for you" she said i felt hurt i felt betrayed i was angry not at her but at myself if i had of done things differently it wouldve been better we wouldve worked i tried for weeks to get her back but failed every time i ended up having drinks with her friend i met at sparks in the park which was another time that i hated but loved i was with her i loved it but she kissed a guy infront of me i hated that **i didnt know he was gay at the time** and she ignored me most of the night unless she wanted me to stand behind her so she felt hidden and then she ditched me anyway back to the drinks i remember aysia telling me to invite pagan and i didnt have the courage to tell aysia i ruined everything with her so i just said "nah she is probably busy she wont wanna come here" from then onwards for the next 3 months was also black it was a spiral of alcohol and bad decisions my life was fucked up and all i wanted was for her to text me saying she still loved me i moved into a new house in pegasus and i noticed she unblocked me i messaged her and she said "leave me alone i dont want to talk to you im tryna hold it down for a nigga" and then she blocked me that really fucking hurt i started burning myself for the first time and drank every day there was alot of parties i had alot of alcohol drank but not once was i able to move on or forget about her i got home from driving one night and i had a text from her i nearly died from excitement she is finally back my life is finally happy again "well heres hoping we never meet huh? -your not so friendly demon (aka the guy who doesnt think with his dick and is with pagan and wants to make you choke on your teeth" that was the most painful text i ever got in my life not only did i get proof she had moved on but he wanted to hurt me for some reason did she say i hurt her? did she talk shit about me? i hated it i blocked her number and punched a hole in my wall the drinking continued the pain got worse untill months later she messaged me on instagram apologising for everything i was hesitant to let her back into my life i had to think about it she broke me many times already am i willing to go through everything again i never stopped loving her we talked about how our lives were things were good it took 1 hour for me to get hurt again when i found out she was still with **my not so friendly demon** i hated that and i hated seeing photos of them together and him talking shit to me and seeing them love each other and hearing her talking about doing things to him i was jealous notice a patern? something happened and she left him and i asked her out she was finally going to be mine she said yes im so happy everything is amazing this is why i love her i love her for the good times and i still love her through the bad i remember sharing a tiny bed i hated it i was embarrassed but she put up with it for me i remember first having sex with her ill never forget how uncomfortable it made her she hated sex but she tried it with me the first 2 times we had sex i didnt cum but i made sure she did i didnt care if i got no pleasure as long as she did i was happy i loved cuddling with her drinking with her smoking with her i loved listening to music with her talking to her everything she loved my niece and that meant alot to me ive never been happier in my life and she gave that to me i cant thank her enough i remember how it felt to cuddle her how it felt when we had sex it was amazing she was the best fuck ive ever had and i couldnt get enough i wouldnt to fuck her all the time i wanted to cuddle constantly i wanted to see her laugh every day i wanted to listen to her talk for hours i never wanted anything to end but it had to a piece of me died everytime she left my house i remember our first argument it was about me talking about the past i miss everything the kisses hugs sex the cuddling the waking up in the morning and seeing her face and hearing her say i love you as the first thing we went for a walk one day to the beach after having sex and we just walked and held hands for hours untill we went home that was my happiest day on earth and id rather keep the things about that day to myself for a future story im not going to go into detail about our final days but we eventually ended it i cried for hours i hated myself how could i do that to her why did i do that to her she came around one last time and i wanted to break down and cry and beg for her back but i had to pretend to be strong we shared a cigarette she cried we hugged kissed and she left the final goodbye will replay in my head forever i cried and yelled for 2 days straight and i found out that she had already moved on it felt like she had ripped my heart from my chest and stomped on it spat on it and burnt it im sure she fucking hated me she fucked another guy so soon i fucking hated it i burnt every inch of my arm i even tried cutting myself but burns hurt more she likes this guy and its just lhbarflerbkjbSFEkSJ fuck this fuck everything i cant fucking finish this anyway this is the fucking story about me and the love of my life the one and only girl of my dreams the girl who i still to this second love with all i have left of my heart through thick and thin good and bad i still love you forever and always will -shane xx

0 notes