#god i'm such a useless shit!!

[wiltingdecay]

i feel like shit

#realising that i've lost interest in the oc i've been putting so much thought into for the last two years is. heartbreaking #i wish i'd done more writing and art when i still had energy and motivation. now i have practically nothing to show for it. #god i'm such a useless shit!! #rowan isn't even real and he deserves better than me #maybe i'll just. make him into an adoptable. sell him to somebody who'll actually write and draw him.

[the-autumn-apple-artworks]

Doing the most irresponsible thing and using my scholarship to buy Kinito because if I don't I will explode <3

#I already have like 3 euros on my other credit card I missed the other three #So I yoinked them from my bank account where the scholarship is #I ended up yoinking 60 bucks as of now because 1) the bank steals a useless monthly tax and 2) goddamn groceries #god fuck groceries jesus Christ every time I have to buy groceries is always more than I can spend so I gotta yoink from the scholarship #but meh it's 60 bucks I can refound them in case I lose the scholarship #which I really hope I don't because jesus fuck I need this money goddamn #praying for my life rn actually cuz I have 5 exams and I can't bring myself to study and I'm shitting my pants <3 /neg #Kinito save me.. save me Kinito

[dysfunctionaldogdude]

I feel like actually shit like the entirety of last week getting to me. I wish I could have a moment of actual relaxation and not just me forgetting I have shit to do.

(Tag warning-> depressing talk, dark topics)

Might delete this idk..

#vent post #tag rambles #I have over 60 different things to fill out that I need to do by tomorrow and I forgot to do them. I feel so stupid #I actually hate having adhd #people try to make it out to be just a quirky thing that its not that big of a deal or anything #but it's not #it impairs on relationships #I struggle to remember important things that I need to do and even WANT to do. I struggle so bad #I even have fights with people about me being a “liar” even though I'm not #I just have a shit ass memory I feel useless 90% of the time and shit #gods and I doubt it's just me having adhd. Im pretty sure its my possibility of having bpd and autism #i show all symptoms of bpd and I relate far too much with autism videos #like this is stuff active in my daily life #people don't see it often due to have carefully Ive crafted.. this is going to sound a bit fannibal of me but literally a person suit #i swear a person suit #it's not even funny #gods i just wish I could function without getting all up and arms about how much of a pos I feel #if I don't get attention from.. basically.. my fp I get all sad and melancholy. i spiral #I'm pretty sure I have at least three fps #if I even have bpd #but gods #just so stupid how I can barely fucking function without all of these crutches #I'm not in a certian program anymore for a thing and now I can't fuction and work how I use to since it was a slower environment #I'm failing #like I won't be able to make it I feel like #not suicide or anything #just in things I wanted to do #feels like my future is doomed cause life keeps throwing curve balls at me #someone with at least two mental disabilities #i definitely have more

[crimeronan]

grown ass woman and you didn't even know Rhodesia? Please pray some Paradox Interactive games like eu4 or hoi4. look it up. Please this is depressing if even weird smart girls don't know basic history

hey guys. get a load of this fucking moron.

#mad i'm not your red scare coquette who knows about rhodesia huh. your weird smart girl manic pixie dream girl fantasy #i'm a high school dropout from rural fucking new hampshire in the US you useless fucking piece of shit. #like unfortunately you caught me in a worse mood than usual but get so fucking close right now. get so fucking close #girls who look up countries and terms they havent heard of before to understand posts >>>>> girls who know about rhodesia and send this ask #ooooh i wouldn't be this pissed off if you hadn't called me a weird smart girl like you're trying to pretend you respect me but waow #god fucking forbid i admit what i don't know and that i looked stuff up to learn. which i did on purpose. #because plenty of other people don't know stuff and are afraid to admit that they look stuff up to learn. #and i prefer to be someone that others are comfortable around. who makes other people feel more comfortable being imperfect #that's too much for you i guess. #shouldn't even respond to anons like this but i really want to get some strong hatred for you manifesting #everyone who reads this think really hard about anon dying in a fire #or just stepping on a lot of legos if you're a gentler soul #replies

[wild-at-mind]

Had a really stupid conversation via minor emotional breakdown with a queer friend about what makes an LGBTQ person 'assimilist'. From what she said I'm kind of forced to draw the conclusion 'if you say you're not assimilist, then you're not'.

#i love her but none of it makes any sense to me #i think i really just wanted her to see that this kind of rhetoric is no good if you're fundamentally unable to see yourself as having valu #to a community- which is where i'm still at sometimes unfortunately. #i would say that i may not be the only one since mental illness + self esteem issues + being lgbtq are not exactly unlinked #but i have basically never found anyone else who has my particular hangups...maybe online once ages ago #so in my own mind i'm the most assimilist lgbtq who ever existed- not even worthy to call myself queer #and it's nice that she thinks i am not like that and in fact am 'one of the good ones' #who is not assimilist- look i know that 'one of the good ones' usually means the opposite ok i know! it's just an impression i get #she's like telling me obviously i'm all good because i look like i do but all i can hear is #that if i didn't look like this then i'm an assimilist #i fucking hate my brain honestly no one asked me to have a mental breakdown at their house (thank god i didn't cry) #and then go home and that's when i cry because i saw a trans guy's 'this many years on t' post and i felt like shit because #i haven't done anything about transitioning in ages and i'm not even out at work :'( #like i know i'm an assimilist because my main reason for not coming out at work is not wanting to do the beaurocracy #of changing my name on my email and every fucking log in i have on everything- telling every single person i interact with #i just can't it's too much and my line manager is worse than useless #but i have 'my job is computer and doing emails all day' privilege so i don't like to talk to people about it

[lakemichigans]

you procrastinate making videos cause being judged is scary you're so close to being forgotten the hate's imaginary. kind of a raw ass line tbh

#<- me posting my story #i'm always like ''ahhh what if everyone hates this and blocks me and talks about me behind my back :(('' #literally no one cares anymore lmao #i can't even remember the last time i got a hate comment #i used to get them at leastttt once a week #then i got in my head about everyone hating me and now i re-read my work literally HUNDREDS of times before i post it #it's one of my worst compulsions but i can't make myself stop #its not even like i'm proofreading them?? my mind kinda blacks out after the second re-read #it's why i always announce that i'm going to post a story post a day in advance so i have some accountability hanging over my head #otherwise i literally will keep re-reading it for weeks and never post it #thank god i never pursued writing on a professional level because holy shit i would be useless #i'm posting this on this personal blog because it's embarrassing lmaooo #this account is my diary for the 5 amazing weirdos who i appreciate dearly

[crabussy]

I'm so close to deleting that rice poll post because somehow people can't even behave about rice. holy shit

if anyone can find the post can you send it to me? it's vanished from my blog for no reason

#had someone being rude as fuck about people who eat rice with their hands #so I asked them to do maybe 4 seconds of looking up things before they make assumptions #and they immediately got nasty with me and 'thanked' me for sharing that 'useless information' #like yeah holy fuck if BASIC INFORMATION about cultures other than your own is useless information to you I don't want to talk to you at al #god. its rice. how is this my most fraught with discourse post that I've ever made holy shit #I would delete it right now but I can't find it #it's just. gone from my blog which is so cool #listen to my gibberish boy #how much of an unpleasant person do you have to be to get that nasty over RICE #I was a little bit dry with my request but can you blame me. holyyyy shit I'm so tired of people saying the same thing on that post #discourse #rant #being on the internet is a fucking ride

[piplupod]

I've been wondering why MH workers have been treating me like I'm The Lying Liar when I talk about emotions and other people's reactions to things and I found out today (by glancing at a medical form that my counselor filled out for my intake at a program) that my psychiatrist actually did diagnose me with BPD and the psychologist who disagreed with that diagnosis and instead PROPERLY diagnosed me with ASD didn't get BPD taken off my file..... I'M SO PEEVED. and I doubt I'll be able to get BPD removed from my file because MH workers act like everyone diagnosed with a cluster B disorder is an attention-seeking liar. dragging my hands down my face. this is so stupid oh my god. any BPD symptoms that I do have are better explained by OTHER disorders I have 😭

#i just want to be clear that the way cluster B folk are treated is so bullshit and fucked up #but unfortunately it is the reality of the situation so I would really love to get that diagnosis removed #but now they think im the Lying Liar right off the bat so it's going to be impossible to get removed 😭 #and to make matters worse... any BPD symptoms are either just ASD symptoms or the DID symptoms oh my god #but good fucking luck trying to get DID or OSDD diagnosed lmfao i am not even going to attempt that at this point #it doesnt need to be diagnosed anyways right now bc it will just make shit worse for me to have that on my records #one day maybe if i have a better support system and medical team but rn it'd be goddamn stupid to try #I'M SO PISSED ABOUT THIS WHAT THE HELL #i hate this psychiatrist so much fhdjdl he's so useless and condescending #unfortunately he's my only available option rn -_- #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[thecluelessdoctor]

todays menu:

Identity crisis

#Vent #Ig? #Idk #I feel like my art is pointless. It and my interaction has been stagnant for forever. I get followers yet never interaction. #The works I put my heart and soul into barely ever surpass 20 notes. Meanwhile shitty shit sky rockets #I'm tired of feeling useless and pointless in my art #And don't tell me “oh you don't need interaction” or “be grateful” #I AM GOD DAMNIT. #But I just wish I had people genuinely interested in what I have to tell #I wish people would like and appreciate my characters #I wish I had more mutuals and friends and art buddies #I look at my friends and feel so envious for some reason. I look at my friends and see their posts get ALOT of notes. At least a lot for #For someone like me #I know I shouldn't be #It's selfish of me to feel this way

[oh-meow-swirls]

i think my favorite gate of whimsy bizarre room is probably the phantomart one solely because hailey can also get it which means that you can get some pretty good items as her since you can buy stuff normally. but also because jibanyan still rides in the cart. best oversight i think-

#puppy rambles #yo-kai watch #yw3 #this playthrough i've just gotten boring gates of whimsy. and also an expert room where i fought unkaind once #had all my yo-kai oneshot and then promptly left #10/10 would recommend- /j #i just wanna match the comedy of my last playthrough where during one of the parts in nate's story where buck follows you on the overworld #i went into a gate of whimsy. greatly amusing to me. normal bestie activities #i don't know why it's so funny to me but it is. but i have shit gate of whimsy luck honestly 😔 #i've found more as hailey than as nate. gate globes are literally useless as hailey and i'm not at chapter 6 yet- #tbh wouldn't be surprised if chapter 5 takes me all day. grumbler's grotto sucks #n hailey's chapter 5 is hard. it's fun but it's also hard #you have to fight meganyan and doctor maddiman in the same chapter. and there's a third key quest but i don't remember it rn- #oh god that's when you can start the pop star photo quest too isn't it. hell #in my first save files i only have two left i'm pretty sure and idk which ones i've found so guides aren't helpful 😔 #anyways. haven't even played 3 yet today i'm just hyperfixating <3

[butcheredtongue]

.

#Ed & suicide tw in further tags. #Going back to my parents tomorrow probably. Bc I literally cannot reliably keep myself alive otherwise. & it's just. How did I get here #How did I get so good last year! and then go back to this shit. Useless and immobile and half-starved. #I'm going to get through it. I know how not to kill myself. But I'd really hoped not to have to use that knowledge #& my therapist is lovely and understanding but some of what she said was stuff that. While important to know in general #I really really shouldn't have taken in just now. #God. Just the fact that it's better for me to be with my mother who's actively trying to make me as anorexic as she is. Than to be alone #Fucked beyond belief! #I'm sick & tired. Mostly sick.

[asiananeurysm]

.

#not me feeling near tears from frustration bc I'm getting nothing done #and everything keeps piling up and I'm forgetting about things and shit is falling through the cracks #and I'm trying i swear to god I'm trying but i feel so useless #personal

[wereh0gz]

Wow dropping almost all of my classes except for one really was the best thing I could've done right now huh

Wish I could've dropped all of them tho. Or better yet just not have started college at all

#ramblings #neg #i have never felt this unmotivated to do anything in my life. nor this emotionally unstable #have a stupid midterm coming up and if its anything like the quizzes i've had to take at least 60% is gonna be shit we never go over #bc this stupid class is online and the teacher doesn't assign work or notes for shit that will actually be in the tests #either that or it's all explained in the most dumbfuck overly complicated way #the class is supposed to be abt math stuff that should apply irl but i can assure you like 90% of it is useless to me #the only thing i've actually been learning from this stupid class is how to make pretty looking excell sheets #god i just want to be done with this shit already #with how much i'm struggling with this one class i know for fucking sure i would not have been able to handle being a full time student #the only reason i'm still taking this stupid class is bc i can't drop it without paying for it #paying for school is already fucking stupid as it is but paying to stop going is even worse #hope when this class is done i never have to hear anyone even suggest i go to college ever again #or else i swear to god i will actually just punch them in the face #fuck off

[kelin-is-writing]

Hi! I wanted to ask two thing If thats okay.

First is : I have a story about Dabi and reader but Im stuck. They were childhood friends, he had the 'I will marry you when we grow up' talks and promised to always keep an eye on reader. Then he dissapeared and then...Im stuck. Pls how could they meet again? (H would reveal that he is Touya much later) I know he would stalk reader but...The first and second time they would actually meet?

And the second is : Should it be like having a relationship (and smut) after the reveal? Or before that and he would tease about reader not loving her childhood crush Touya since she is with Dabi and THEN reveal that he is indeed Touya?

Thanks If you find any time for my ask ❤️

Oh my–! Help–! it's totally okay asking! You know, i feel so honored to see someone asking me for advice like– SDJKSJDKSJDKSDJSKJDKSDJKSJDKSJDSJNXSMJDKSJDSKJDSKDJK it's actually making me want to cry, because no one has ever asked me advices for such things. ANYWAYS!

Let’s start with one question that’s been on my mind since i started reading the first question: is your story settled into the Bnha universe or a Quirkless!au? I ask because I’ve seen lots of AUs playing with the Touya hiding his real identity through Dabi in quirkless!aus too! (like i'm doing with a long fic of mine) Which is why i'll try to give you an answer that can be used for both things.

I think that Dabi and Reader should meet up in a crucial moment of their lives where both of them never expects to meet again after one of the two disappears, i think that from a literature point of view this method can help carve/influence a character's course throught out the story to forge their development for me.

The setting is up to you, depending on what you have in mind for your story, the setting of their meeting can vary. They could be meeting on the streets like they could be meeting in a bar or another place, it's really up to the plot you've decided for when they meet again.

If there's the possibility I think yes, Dabi would keep watching over Reader if she's truly important to him even after all the year they haven't seen each others. So once again, depending on your settings this trope can be used in a story.

As for the second question, you know what? I think it can work both ways, because seeing you accept Dabi makes him think that Touya didn’t have importance in your life when maybe unbeknownst of him you’ve always loved him since he was Touya. This can work both before AND after he tells you about his real identity. Dabi’s character to me (others can have whatever headcanons they want about him) is someone who in his life needs many things, two of which are reassurance and stability, especially because as Touya he didn’t get none of these, his father’s selfish and toxic ambitions, needs, goals and attitude messed up with this kid’s mental health the most because I think Dabi is one of the characters who inside of him has the biggest amount of love in the serie and he’s someone that would’ve been as good of an influence to the Todoroki's as much as Shouto is doing, if only he had close to him someone who actually supported and encouraged him as what he wanted to be: an Hero (he doesn’t need near him someone like Midoriya though, nor like any of the other hypocrits around him or his father for that matter). But with the way the Hero society is right now, someone emotional like Dabi (yes, he is the emotional type) would’ve never followed it blindly either way. This man is where he is now because he had too much love inside of him that went unseen and ignored by the peoples who he wanted to give it to, a love that he repressed to the point he became numb to anything except the “hate” for the one person who messed him up that way after gaslighting him.

So whether is before or after he reveals his identity to the Reader, once you understand his character as both Touya and Dabi, you’ll be able to write it the right way.

But if you want a suggestion from me, I think I would go with that... be it SFW or NSFW, a sincere and genuine Reader is the best choice for a character like Dabi.

One thing is for sure, he would feel bitter and sad about the distance created with the Reader (based on how close they were before he became Dabi, you can assert how much hurt he is by it) and question her reasons for reaching out to him and what her goals are, he has trust issues so of course he wouldn’t let her close if she isn’t 100% sincere with him.

You gotta keep this in mind in the case your story is a long slow-burn with angst (like the one I’m writing because I like pain lmfao) and you don’t plan to have smut in it anytime soon, after building trust you gotta slowly put into the characters tension that steadly grows until one of the twos can’t go on anymore without breaking the friends barrier.

If it’s a One-Shot I think that reunion/angsty love making and talk after it would be a good way to settle the unresolved things Dabi and Reader got going on.

This got super long and I sound super annoying, as addition I also suck at giving advices so I’m sorry, you’re genuinely troubled but I’m actually someone hopeless unfortunately 😭

Hope this messy essay was of help though 💀💜

#kelin responds #answered #libertythedragoness #writing #ugh i feel like i just said a bunch of useless shit to you... #i apologize in advance if this didn't help you at all #you'll understand through this why no one asks me for advices 😂😭 #god i'm so fucking annoying istg no wonder some of my friends abandoned me lol

[mingot-studios]

i hate my myself so fucking much

give me attention give me something give me pity just PLEASE SEE ME

#im a horrible selfish greedy lazy ungrateful bitter apathetic piece of shit #go on i need pity from you that will feel insicere ad naive to me because I'm a fucing black hole that sucks up any kind of happiness #and spits it out #the oly way oi get by is pretending its not there because I'm a useless loser who cant do anything but sit around and feel sorry for myself #i have no future #id off myself im too much of a goddamn pussy #i just want to dissapre #god i cant even spell right #im failure

[gideonisms]

went on fb briefly to see if it was as horrible as I remembered. It was! Stay safe out there people.

#i've watched a ton of wedding dress and hair videos so fb thinks i'm getting married but overlooks the other conclusion which is that. #those girls were pretty. i'm sorry women #that wasn't even the evil part the evil part was someone posted saying the manager from my least fave job was like family to her #someone else posted some of that shit like 'never say this isn't my job step up! take responsibility!' #immediate visceral flashbacks to my various customer service jobs #immediate insecurity of the oh god i am fragile and useless i just can't make it in this world variety #sometimes i think maybe i am nt after all but then i think about faking my way through days at work and want to die. how did i do that #how am i going to go back when i run out of money. jesus #woe! sudden knowledge of the reason you've been a puddle of immobile goo for 6 months be upon ye!