#go check out the band au if you haven't its the best thing ever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oh-cramity-its-amity · 4 months

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13, 14, 15, 16, 17, and 20. (enchantedchocolatebars)

hi!! i know its taken me a bit to answer this but here we go!!

(Here is the original ask game for those who want to see it or reblog it themselves. It is super fun!)

I have also already answered these questions as follows: 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 11, 16, 19, 20

To those questions that are duplicates, I'll substitute with unanswered ones so I can still get through the questions I haven't yet!

13.) Which season do you like best?

That's a tough question!! In hindsight I really enjoy S1 for the nostalgia factor just because of how much it meant to me and helped traverse me into the rabbit hole of this entire fandom- I will admit that it's not as plot driven as S2. However while I do think S2 is better than S1 in that aspect... I'm going to have to say S3 for right now. I know it's short, and my favorite season changes a lot but I think just how everything ended... It's not bad, it's got lumity, and it's super plot driven.

I do admit though Kings Tide and Clouds on The Horizon though!! If they were in S3 it'd easily tip S3 over into being by far the best but also I just forget about the chokehold Enchanting Grom Fright had too!!! S3 for now.

14.) Do you like aus? Any aus by someone else that are a favorite of yours? Do you have any of your own?

I love aus!! They're so fun to both write and read. I always find them interesting to see how others portray the characters and in what roles they play. Of course I almost always lean toward reading Lumity-centered fics because I love seeing those two fall in love.

It's giving "I will love you in every timeline" energy, and as someone whos favorite trope is reincarnated soulmates/lovers it checks out.

In terms to some of my favorite aus? I have a few I'll link below, but I have a few of my own that I've came up with (more so specifically my vampire one that was created out of sort of spite for not seeing something I wanted to see- I'll give a brief thing but in 2020 it was uncommon to find vampire toh fics where Amity was the vampire and not Luz. Me being me wanted to see if I could turn that idea into something and well.. Here I am.

When I get more aus done, I'll come back with more for that but here are some of my favorites and I highly recommend and LOVE to hear or have talks about them (no one ever talks about them with me and grrr!!! I love talking abt lumity fanfiction)

1.) learning how to be (with you by my side)- uniqueusernamegenerator [A COLLEGE LUMITY AU THAT I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT BECAUSE I ABSOLUTELY WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT THIS FIC. READ THIS PLEASE ARGHHH!!!!! I AM BLASTING THIS AUTHOR WITH SO MUCH LOVE BECAUSE I LOVE THIS ONE SM.]

2.) I'll Catch You - Black_Cat_Autumn - [A soulmark band au where Luz and Amity have matching words but neither know apart from the fact that Luz wrote a song about hers in hopes to find her soulmate. Beautifully written!! I absolutely loved this when I read it, I cannot give it enough praise for having such a sweet ending. I literally devoured this fic in a day or so because I was so hooked. So invested. The ending!! I have the last little quote screenshotted in my phone somewhere because I love it sm!! This au was awesome.]

3.) all I've got is my heart (and pride) [Mechanic Luz, that also has an EXTREMELY amazing description of autisim and ADHD. I love the analogy that the author has about the bees. Everything about this fic was amazing and I guarentee that you will not be able to put it down once you start it. Everyone I show this fic to always tells me they literally stay up reading it. Everything about it, I love. INCLUDING the implication of NONBINARY LUZ!!!! My heart, this fic is awesome and not to be overlooked even if the summary isn't the best at capturing its contents <3]

15.) Favorite antagonist? Why?

AMITY!!! For many reasons but her character development shows a lot throughout the changes she goes through. Also Lilith for the same reason, but I wish we had more time to properly explore that growth because I love Lilith, but dear titan that arc was rushed.

Amity because while it MAY be an easy answer, her entire character changes, but not in the way that fits Luz but in a way that grows with her. Luz sees Amity for who she is and throughout her development we see her changing into finding her own voice and finding/being who she wants to be.

16.) Common theory that you disagree with?

I have already answered this question here.

I will substitute this question with 18 I won't answer them out of order lengthwise because it'll annoy me.

17.) Character you want to like, but don't? Why?

This is going to be such a hot take but Hunter. I get the love people have for him, but I just feel like the fandom glamorizes him in spaces that make it almost feel toxic in a way. I get the whole character arc of wanting to love and appreciate his development but some people in this fandom (NOT ON HERE!!) that I've came into contact within passing have just taken liking him way too far. I don't see people appreciating Gus enough or Vee. Instead, its Hunter- Which IS TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE, and everyone is allowed to have opinions, I just feel like some people take it too far. Thankfully everyone here is pretty chill and like Hunter isn't down my throat as hard. Plus his fanart is really cool too.

I'm indifferent to him more so now but hes just not my FAVORITE character but I do see his appeal. I'm just not diehard kin. Hunter kins scare me too, like are yall okay over there?? Get some sleep with those eyebags.

Like hes cool!! I just don't love him enough to be obsessed over him, but complete props to those who are, and I appreciate all the talent yall give for creating art about him. I know that even if hes not my favorite, he doesn't have to be because there are people who understand and relate and love him and that's a good thing. He deserves to be loved, I hope that makes sense??? I promise I'm not trying to bash him.

18.) Character you used to dislike, and now like? What changed your mind?

Lilith??? I just think her growth (even if small in comparison to Hunter's and Amitys) through the time we saw her helped to shift the story in a more interesting light (pun intended). I think while yeah, I did really REALLY hate her in the beginning because she was a complete bitch-- We really grew to see her in a different way and how she overall turned the tide of things. I really wonder things about the curse still though.

Also cannon aroace character?? HELLO??? SO SLAY. I love that representation.

20.) Which character do you relate to most?

I have already answered that question here.

Thank you for the ask again. I know it was a bit lengthy but yeah!!

#thank you for the ask!!#ask games #asked and answered #billys replying to asks

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eliemo · 3 years

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Math Problems

Summary: Logan gets frustrated when he doesn’t understand or get things right, and Patton always knows just what he needs.

Notes: This is a fic for the band au by @underdog-arts based on this post! I'm also gonna tag their other blog, @tsbandau

Thank you so much for letting me turn your idea into a fic, I really loved writing for your characters <3

TWs: panic attack/meltdown

Logan frowned down at his notebook, glancing once more at the screen of their laptop to the answer key for the problems before turning back to his own writing. Their answer didn’t match. It wasn’t even close, despite how he’d been certain he was doing the equation right.

That was fine- the homework assignment was to help him understand the material before the test next week- and he wasn’t in any rush to get it done. He’d try again, fix the mistake, and move on to the next one.

He took a breath to ease his frustration, the tension fading almost immediately when he glanced up at Patton seated right across the table, nails clicking against the keyboard as he focused on the paper Logan had encouraged them to work on while he did his math.

It was incredible how fast Patton could calm them down without even trying. Logan had never felt this safe with anyone else.

Logan erased his work, the equation taking up over half the page, brushing off the paper and flexing their hand before starting again.

He took it slow this time, checking and double checking each step as he progressed. It felt right, just like it had the first time he’d tried. He had this, they’d done countless problems like this in class, and he’d been fine in then, fine when taking notes, fine with the other problems, so obviously he’d just made a silly mistake the first time without noticing, and they’d get it right on their second attempt.

They had it this time. They just had to keep going, carry the numbers, check their math and then—

It was wrong. Again.

What? It wasn’t supposed to be wrong, he’d done everything right. It was the same as all the other ones and he knew how to do those, so why?

The logical part of Logan’s brain told them that they should just skip it and move on, it was one tricky problem and he wasn’t nearly done with the worksheet. He could come back to it when he was ready.

They immediately ignored their own logic, frustration rising all over again as they erased their work, the faded image of both failed attempts now staining the notebook paper staring back at him.

He did the problem again, leg bouncing incessantly against his will as they worked. His pencil scratched furiously against the paper as they glanced between their work and their notes.

He knew how to do this. He did. He’d done countless problems just like this one all week long. It was easy.

So why was he suddenly so stupid?

They finished the equation, hand shaking as he gripped his pencil, his leg bouncing fast enough to make the table tremble. He’d gotten a different answer this time, but it was still wrong and he didn’t understand why.

He tried again, but the hand holding the pencil was starting to tremble. The paper ripped slightly when they erased their work again, and Logan grit his teeth when his vision blurred with hot tears.

This was stupid.

His leg bouncing was definitely bothering Patton by now, the table shaking with each movement, Logan’s free hand tapping furiously against the wood as he studied the problem again.

They didn’t get it. He didn’t know what he was doing wrong.

He tried again, squinting at the screen and back at their paper, but it was like all the words and numbers were jumbled, blurring together into one indecipherable puddle of math homework.

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t-

“Logan?” Patton was staring at them now, their voice full of honest concern, but Logan couldn’t even look up, eyes still flying from his screen to his notes. “What’s wrong?”

Logan couldn’t even read the material now. He couldn’t understand what was wrong, he couldn’t fix it. He couldn’t...even remember where to start. It had been so simple in class and now he couldn’t even get one problem right.

“Logan,” Patton said again, and Logan tightened his hold on the pencil, nails digging into his palm. “Are you ok?”

Logan’s vision was swimming, and the hand that wasn’t gripping the pencil like his life depended on it reached up to shakily wipe at the stupid tears pooling in his eyes.

They tried to respond, tried to tell Patton that everything was fine, but all that came out was a choked, “I can’t do this.”

“Do you want to take a break?”

“I can’t do this,” they said again, the stream of words falling from his mouth without his permission. “I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t—”

The answer key was suddenly gone, Patton’s worried face replacing the screen, her hand on top of the now closed laptop.

“You’re ok,” they assured, and Logan could only watch as she reached over to close the notebook too. “We’re gonna take a break, ok?”

Logan’s breath hitched and he shook his head, hands tightening into fists. “I can’t, I—”

“You can take a break.” Patton smiled, gentle and warm, carefully taking Logan’s hands in theirs. “You’re ok. I promise, you’re ok. We can step away for a minute.”

Logan couldn’t breathe, and with Patton holding his hands he couldn’t even wipe away the tears steadily escaping, streaming down his cheeks. “I- I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

“That’s ok,” Patton said, squeezing Logan’s hands. “You can take a break and come back to it later. I’ll help you with whatever you’re stuck on.”

Logan didn’t even get a chance to argue, their brain too muddled and frantic to form anymore words right now, before Patton was guiding him out of the chair and across the room.

He settled them both down on the couch, shushing Logan gently as his breathing got quicker, their brain still stuck on that one stupid math problem—

“You’re ok,” Patton said, gently pulling Logan forward until his head was rested on his partner’s chest. “Focus on your breathing, baby. I’m right here.”

“I’m...I can’t—”

“Copy mine,” Patton said, arms wrapped around Logan’s middle, her heart beating in his ears. Logan’s breath hitched again, and he clutched desperately at the material of Patton’s shirt. “Nice and slow, Logan. It’s okay.”

Logan squeezed his eyes shut and buried their face in Patton’s chest, desperately trying to do what he was told- to do one thing right today.

He felt lightheaded and dizzy, his body out of his control, but after a few attempts he was able to take a slow- albeit shaky- breath. And then another, and another, gently encouraged by Patton to keep going.

“I’m sorry,” Logan said once they found their voice again. “I’m—”

“It’s okay,” Patton said, never loosening their hold. Fingers started carding through Logan’s hair, and they let out another shaky breath. “English was giving me a headache, anyway.”

Logan wanted to push himself up and let go of Patton, his brain screaming at him to hurry up and finish, to figure out what he did wrong before it drove him crazy.

But he couldn’t move, bones like lead and head heavy with a thick fog. They made a pathetic noise in the back of their throat, holding onto Patton tighter.

“I have to finish.”

“You can finish later,” Patton said, planting a kiss to Logan’s hair. “I’ll help you with whatever you’re stuck on, and you can look over my paper. Deal?”

Logan hesitated, still stuck on that problem, running the numbers through his head over and over again, desperately wanting to go back and try again.

But Patton’s hold was stronger, her steady heartbeat loud in Logan’s ear, warm and safe. It felt like home.

“Deal,” he muttered, barely audible with the way his face was still buried in Patton’s shirt. Another kiss was placed on his head, and Logan practically melted into their embrace. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Patton said, gently guiding them both back until they were laying down on the couch, Logan sprawled out comfortably on top. “Anytime, Logan. I’m here.”

Logan let out another breath, their desperate hold on Patton loosening just a little as they started absently playing with his hair.

His eyes slipped shut, finally letting himself relax as Patton’s quiet breathing lulled them to sleep.

#haha I do that #band au #i really saw under's post and went #stimming #panic attack #crying #patton is so sweet we love her #logan uses he/they in this au #patton uses all pronouns #go check out the band au if you haven't its the best thing ever #writing #fanfiction #logicality #sanders sides

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hyunnows · 3 years

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love, [Y/N] | jjk

► PAIRING: Jungkook x reader

► CONTENT/WARNINGS: angst, mentions of fluffy memories, mc death, lots of Jungkook tears, best friends!au, mentions of unrequited love

► WORD COUNT: 2k+

► RATING: pg13

► SUMMARY: "It’s not fair that he was holding the last of you in his hands, unable to focus on anything other than the last words he’ll ever receive from you."

↳ A/N: I got this idea at 2:36 am and I don't know where it came from but oh well. This was meant to be a 300-word blurb and we ended up at 2k lol. I haven't written anything for Jungkook compared to Tae, and honestly, this maknae has been climbing my bias list so here's a semi-self-indulgent fic filled with angst and crying! I hope you enjoy it, please feel free to leave feedback and reblog! Also, STREAM BUTTER!

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Shaking with fear, Jungkook gripped your hand tightly, tears pouring out his red eyes as your patient monitor fluctuated slightly. With a quivering lip, he croaks, “C'mon [Y/N], wake up. For me? Please…”

He feels your small fingers squeeze his own gently, weakly, and hope beams across his face. But just as soon as the hope had come, it vanished, your paling fingers going stiff in his palm. The once steady beeping now a quickly accelerating sequence, the sound ringing in the brunet boy's ears as his eyes go wide and breath cuts short.

He feels the nurses pull at him, trying to drag him out the room and he thrashes against them, his nails digging into your hospital bed with all their might until his knuckles turn white and his vision blurs. Loud sobs rack through his body as he slumps in the nurses’ arms, pressing the balls of his palms into his eyes, trying to stop the tears and the burning. His cries almost choke him, the occasional cough jerking his body harshly.

When he sees the familiar face of the doctor, he prays that the downcast gaze and frown don't mean what he thinks.

“[L/N] [Y/N],” Seokjin takes a breath, his own eyes beginning to water at the words he's about to utter, “time of death: 2 am… I'm sorry Jungkook. I did everything, I-I tried every voltage and pumped her with liquids a-and everything I could d-do—I couldn't save her. I'm so—so sorry.”

It's like his entire world has crumbled in a second. His arms and chest are suddenly heavy, his lips, throat, and face feel dry and dehydrated, and his eyes can't decide if they want to be open or closed because of the stinging sensation they feel when he tries either. Sitting on the floor in front of your room, he takes the hand Jin outstretched and wobbles inside, only to fall back down the moment he sees your dull figure.

He doesn't care that a small crowd can see him babbling incoherently as he tries to apologize to you through his sniffles and whimper, crawling to your hand and lacing his fingers through yours.

Eventually, Taehyung and Jimin pick him up and drag him out of the building you took your last breath in. Jungkook didn't try to resist, knowing he was in no shape to put up a fight or drive himself home. He needed to get out of there anyway, the smell of death only he could detect suffocating him slowly.

On his way upstairs, Taehyung holds him back, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a short stack of envelopes—maybe two or three—rubber-banded together and hands them to the younger. “Her first day in the ER, she m-made me promise to give you these if she—if she… You know…”

Hearing they were yours, he takes them gently and swiftly, immediately holding them close as if they were his lifeline. He gives Taehyung a silent, stiff nod before turning and dragging himself to his room.

He doesn't open them right away, taking his time to admire your adorable calligraphy and observing every smudge or erased pencil mark you'd left on their light material.

He's not surprised to find every letter addressed to him, because it wouldn't be the first time you two had given each other messages the old-fashioned way, and he smiled softly at the “before you read” attached to the first envelope.

If you're not Jeon Jungkook, please don't read these. If you are, know that I'm still with you, in these letters, in your heart, our memories and that I will always be here, even though I'm sorry I can't physically be here with you right now. These are letters I've written to you, but never sent. They're from the bottom of my heart and they say everything I've ever wanted to tell you.

—[Y/N]

His heart beats harder as he opens the first letter, doing his best not to tear the envelope and keep it perfectly intact for him to save.

There are two Polaroids safety-pinned to the letter, both with his face and yours smiling brightly at each other. He gently unclips them, tucking them safely into the [Y/N]-specially decorated sleeve. He breathes in deeply and unfolds the letter, immediately tearing up at your handwriting on the wilting paper.

Dear Jungkook,

I know you don't think it's cool or modern to send letters, so I won't send this.

Anyway, I want to thank you for always being there for me, my big, strong, human-shoulder-tissue. I couldn't be luckier than I am to have you as my best friend.

And I know this is going to sound cheesy, but I love you more than anyone or anything in this world. You're the diamond to my sky, the sun to my earth, and the person I would choose to spend the rest of my life with.

In other words, I'm in love with you, Jeon. I wish you were in love with me, but I'm already the happiest girl in the world being by your side every day.

Your Best Freind,

[Y/N]

His heart pounds against his ribs, because you had been in love with him. You had wanted him to be the last face you'd ever see. You were right in front of him, your heart on your sleeve for who knows how long, and he hadn't known until you were dead. His face contorted into one of pain at the reality, and he squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears, taking long, shaky breaths before opening the second letter.

This note is considerably newer than the first, its edges still white and crisp, but the deepness of the creases tells him it's at least a few months old.

Dear Jungkookie,

Lately, I've been sick—which you know because I've told you. I haven't told you about my feelings yet because I don't want to scare you or pressure you, but I'm probably going to die before I ever get to tell you these things.

Since I told you how I felt in the last letter, I'm going to try and describe why in this letter. Reason number one, your presence. You always manage to just enter a dark, tense room and make it so much brighter and more comfortable. I don't know if it’s your smile or your laugh or the way you don't care if you're embarrassed or not, but you just manage to make everyone feel comfortable in themselves.

Reason number two, your kindness. I had never seen someone run back inside, get an entire table's worth of food, and give it away before. You're always so willing to give, despite the cost. I hope you never change.

Reason number three, it's kind of odd but I fell in love with your voice. Not just the way it sounds pretty when you sing, but the way it has the power to comfort whoever you’re singing to. I’ve always been able to come to you for support and comfort.

Reason number four is you know how to turn a bad day into a good one. You can talk to anyone who’s down for five minutes and you’ll turn them into a giggling, grinning mess.

Reason number five, you’ve always made me feel loved. Even though our entire relationship has been platonic—at least on your side—you’ve always checked up on me, held me, and made sure I knew I was enough and I can’t thank you enough for that.

Number six is your passion. You always put your all into everything you do. Be it making breakfast for the boys or helping me with a project I put off until the last minute, you make sure it’s all or nothing.

Seven is that you taught me how to love unconditionally. I always believed in falling in love and finding the one, but I never knew how intense it felt to be able to give your all to someone and not expect a single thing in return—until I met you. From the way your nose scrunches when you smile, to how you tilt your head when you’re confused, I love it all. From the best thing about you to the worst, it’s all you, and I wouldn’t want you to ever change. Every scar and blemish, each pore and lash, I’ve fallen in love with all of them because they make you, you.

I know you don’t feel the same, and in complete honesty, I love you so much I don’t even care. As long as you’re happy and I’m able to spend as much of my time by your side I’m happy.

He chokes on a sob when he finishes the second letter, tears dampening the card stock as he shivers. His heart clenches harder as he folds it back up, giving both pictures a once over before pinning them back on the letter.

Opening up the last envelope, a cry racks through his body, and he’s ugly crying now. The necklace he’d given you perfectly washi-taped against the letter. He pulls it off, tucking it tightly into his palm, and holds his breath. This time, the letter is a small, short piece of paper folded in half once.

He almost can’t read your small, dainty handwriting through his bubbling tears, but manages.

Hi Jungkook. Did you see the necklace?

It’s the one you bought me for my fifteenth birthday, that I told you I had lost. For a while, I had, and I remember I was too scared to tell you, but you noticed before I could anyway. I was so relieved you weren’t mad at me because I didn’t know what I would do if you were. I still don’t.

Anyway, the point of this short, last letter is to tell you how I want you to remember me. I don’t want you guys to think of me as your sickly friend who died when you were in your twenties… but I want you to remember the good memories we made together. I want you to remember the day we met, when I accidentally broke your bike and when we were both grounded for four months for sneaking out of our houses for our first party. I want you to remember how we got sick together because you couldn’t let me walk home alone in the rain, but you couldn’t drive and we both forgot jackets and umbrellas. I want you to remember the day you forgave me for losing the most precious thing anyone has ever given me, because that’s the day I fell in love with you.

This paper’s running out of space so I’m going to wrap this up. I want you to remember everything good about our time together, and not what ended it. Don’t think about how I’m gone, because I’m still with you, after death. These letters, the photos, and this necklace are what I’m leaving behind for you to keep. Don’t cry when you think of me, don’t think of the fact that we’ve been making our last memories, just don’t forget me.

Jungkook clutches the necklace tighter, afraid to drop it. Not only had he lost you, but he’d also missed out on the opportunity to be with you because he’d been too scared to ask you out while you were alive. He’d been in love with you since you two were eleven, tried to confess to you when you were fifteen, and lost you at twenty-three.

It’s not fair, he decides, it’s not fair that your love never got a real chance and it never would. It’s not fair that all these years you thought your feelings were one-sided when he reciprocated them ten-fold. It’s not fair that he was holding the last of you in his hands, unable to focus on anything other than the last words he’ll ever receive from you.

He sucks in a deep breath, barely croaking out your sign-off, “Love, [Y/N].”

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bisexualnathanyoung · 3 years

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Old Endings & New Beginnings

This is the sequel/companion piece to @sean-falco 's Tattoos.

How Mel and Win ended things, how things changed between them, and how they added our special guy to their lives ☺️ (also showing how things are different between CB Mel & AU Mel like her having a different power, being on medication, etc)

Word Count: 5.6k (yeah...)

Warnings: angst af in the first part, some toxicity, non con mention, mental health stuff mentions, use of the word psycho, abuse mention implied, lots of sex/hook-up mentions, a couple lines of gaslighting just to protect the knowledge of nathan's power, infidelity mentions, dub con mention while Nathan tells a story about how he had sex with a woman in relationship and then almost got his ass beat, and then of course drugs, alcohol, and swearing

"I got accepted. Full scholarship. Books, housing. Everythin'."

"So that's it, then," Win said. She wasn't crying yet, but her voice shook, "you're just gonna move three hours away?"

"I have to… you know I have to. I've gotta get away from Wertham. Maybe not even forever. Just now. You know how bad shit's getting at home. I don't think this cut is ever going to heal. I can't do it anymore. I can't. They've got one of the best art programs in the country."

"Okay?," Win cried out, "they've got schools in London, Mel! It's the capital of the country; I'm sure you could find something!"

"I can't. You know I can't. I've got to get away from Judy and her husband. They're gonna kill each other, and I don't want to be caught in the middle of it," Mel hated that she was breaking Win's heart.

"So?! We'll get a place! You could stay in halls! It doesn't have to be like this!"

"Please don't make me choose," Mel said. She was on the verge of tears herself, "I love you, but I can't anymore… I just can't. Things haven't been right for a while, and I think you know it."

"If you loved me, you wouldn't leave. You, of all people, with your stupid abandonment issues, should know that," Win didn't want to be sour to her. It just came out.

"Win… please. Don't make this harder than it needs to be," tears were falling now.

"You're the one making everything complicated. I could do long distance! I'll take my dad's car. We could Skype, I'll do anything!"

Mel slid down the pole and hugged her legs close to her. They were under the flyover. In the spot they went to when they didn't feel like dealing with Judy. Or Karen. Or Delilah. Or even Win's dad. Rain or shine. Hot or cold. They'd even vandalized their favorite place to sit. One of the only poles that the rain didn't find its way to. They both had a feeling they wouldn't see the spot again for a while. Or forever.

"I can't, Win. It'd hurt too much. I'll still Skype you. I still want to be best friends."

"Why are you doing this to me?" Win cried. It reminded Mel too much of things her mum would say.

Mel stood up, "you know what, forget it."

"Please don't go."

Fists clenched, tears falling, now it was Mel's turn to sound like her mum: "Then what the fuck do you want from me, Win?! We haven't had sex in over a month; you're always with your band! Sometimes I think you love Max more than you love me! You know I love your music, but how am I supposed to know who you might be hanging out with at the shows I can't go to? Forgetting to call me when you get home. You want to be a rockstar. Last time I checked rockstars weren't great at commitment."

"That was because of your PTSD. I did that for you, and you're letting it blow up in my face?!"

"Yeah, and I appreciate that, but I wanted to every damn day last week, and whenever neither of us were working, you were with your stupid band. I was at home alone, texting you, feeling so fucking lonely."

"So you're going to cry over me telling you to choose me over school, and then tell me to choose you over my music? Real cool, Mel. And what the fuck, is all this about sex?! Last time I checked, you said sex was just a bonus and that you loved me for me. God fucking dammit, are you trying to tell me this whole time you just wanted a hot girl to fuck you so you could get over your shitty ex that thought you were too much of a psycho to have sex with?!" Mel was practically sobbing now. Win had never, ever, been this mean to her, and, yet Mel just took it. Like she'd done when she was little with the bullies, before she decided people didn't get to fuck with her. Like she still did with her mum. Mel felt powerless and like her heart was shattering into a million pieces. And Win continued, "And then fucking university?! You absolutely hate posh people. When'd you become Delilah?"

Mel sighed, "you're the one that told me to apply in the first place. I thought you supported me…" Mel ignored Win's comment about Mel's only other consensual sexual experiences before Win. It hurt too much to think about.

"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd actually get in!"

That shocked Mel too. Win had always been so supportive of her art…

Mel scoffed, tears still trailing down her face, "Cheers, mate. Guess you think my art's just as shit as everyone else does."

"Your art's great, but it ain't like you draw normal shit. You're always trying so hard to be edgy. Just be your fucking soft, kind self to everyone, then maybe I wouldn't be the only person who doesn't think you're a freak." Win knew she'd taken it too far, at least two insults ago.

Mel wiped her eyes with her hoodie sleeves, Win's old hoodie sleeves, "you know what? Fuck you, Win. Nearly three fucking years, and you're not even who I thought you were. We're over." Mel stormed off. Tears falling again.

"MEL! MEL! PLEASE, BABY, I'M SORRY" Mel didn't turn around.

You have 3 new messages.

"I'm a bitch. Like truly a bitch. I'm so fucking sorry. Please call me back. Or answer my texts or anything. It's the second of the month I know you didn't run out of minutes already."

"Can't believe I'm getting drunk without you. Maybe I should take some pages from your book and try hard drugs at least once."

"I was wrong. You deserve to go to Bristol. I love you. You're my best friend. Please let me be your best friend again."

_____

4 months later

"So that's it, then. You're really going. I'm proud of you, small fry. You're a big girl now, and I'm not just talking about your tits," Win smirked. They'd fixed things as much as they could with the circumstances they had.

Mel shoved her and smiled. Even though they weren't girlfriends anymore, Win was still the only person allowed to talk about Mel's body because Mel knew it came from a place of love.

"Yep, that's it. I'm gonna be a great art teacher."

"As long as you don't draw gore or nudity in front of the kiddies," Win joked.

Mel laughed. Laughing with Win always made her feel okay.

"I was exposed to it at a young age and look at me," Mel grinned.

"Oh yeah, show em all the exploding heads and tits, then." The girls giggled together as they'd done for years now.

"Mel… can I have a goodbye kiss?" Win asked. Mel wanted to kiss her. Mel wanted to kiss her and never stop, but she couldn't. Not today.

"No. I'm sorry, Win. How bout a drink?"

Win gave Mel a sad smile, "you know if we get drunk, we're gonna end up fucking."

Win was joking, but the connotations made both of them feel that stab of hurt in their chests. They'd had sex as "just friends" a little over a month ago. There were no bad words spoken between them that night (bad words as in mean ones; there was still plenty of swearing), but it almost hurt more than their chaotic break up. Knowing it was truly over. They already knew their talks of marriage, adoption, having their own farm in Wales like Mel's first step-dad had when Mel was young, they knew these talks were simply pillow talk. They were a same-sex couple in England in 2005-2008. Same sex marriage wouldn't even become legal for another five years, but by that point, they were already poly and realized no government had the right to tell them who they could or couldn't love or spend their lives with.

"Just one or two drinks."

"Fine," Win smiled.

"You know… just because we can't be together now doesn't mean it's going to be like this forever. I'll always love you as my best friend."

"I love you too," Win said. And the girls sat in silence, drinking their beers, holding hands. Just like they had done for years.

Even before they decided to become a couple.

Mel felt so grown up at 14 after everything she'd been through, and yet her outbursts were awful. She couldn't count the number of times her mother had told her to stop acting like a toddler. Her mum was too blind to see that she acted the same way despite being 16 years older.

But Mel didn't have outbursts anymore. Not for years. Win had told her she wasn't weak for having to take her medication. Where Win and Mel came from, people didn't take medication to control the outbursts or to be able to focus to do anything really. Nobody ever went to the doctor, and especially not for mental health. The fact that they'd met in a mental health setting at all was a miracle. The fact that it was a group for teens that had dealt with deceased parents made it a little less humiliating, but Win and Mel individually when they started the group didn't want anyone to find out. They weren't weak women; they didn't want to admit they needed help, but they did, and they went through the journey together.

So there they were holding hands. Each remembering different parts of their journey together, fondly with no malice at all. Win wondered if she'd ever have the privilege to hold Mel's hand like this again.

It wouldn't be for a while.

The girls called each other once a week, and as phones got easier to use and more affordable to message, they texted every single day.

But it was different when Mel came to town on school break. They didn't always have the little intimate moments they had shared as friends before they were together. The truth was Mel was scared to hold Win's hand again. She'd hug her the first time she saw her when they'd hang out but not again unless one of them was upset and really needed it. And even then, Win would usually initiate it. The longer they'd been split up, the easier it got for Win. She threw herself into her music. Wrote some songs about the hurt and moved on. She was able to fuck other people without thinking about Mel. Hell, she'd even come to fall in love with someone else. For the first six months after their break up, Win never thought she could love anyone as much as she loved Mel, but when she met Nathan everything changed. She finally had someone sweet and silly that wanted what she wanted that wasn't going to leave her. Nathan was perfect for her. Some might have disagreed, but in their minds, they were perfect for each other. Win did laugh to herself sometimes at how she'd managed to fall in love with two people with such high sex drives. She knew Nathan and Mel would find a way to get along.

Mel didn't have it as easy at University. Like Win had shouted at her months and then years earlier, Mel hated posh people.

But she found her tribe at uni, and, yet, it was so fucking different than the friend group she’d found with Win, but maybe that was okay. Maybe, it was okay for her to see the other side. Maybe, she didn’t always have to be surrounded by those who got by from stealing and manipulating. She’d tell herself that that’s just how you survive in the world; that’s what she learned, but it was different at uni. The edge was off. Shit was still stressful, but not in a way that would get you killed if you talked to the wrong person. Her art friends smoked weed with her like folks did back home, but they did it because they were young adults, and that it was fun. They didn’t do it because they bummed some off their dad at age eleven and couldn’t seem to stop. Of course, Mel thought, she could stop if she wanted to. She simply didn’t want to.

Yes, her uni friends were different, and sometimes she thought she was from a different planet than them, but she was happy at uni. She still had her best friend back home to laugh with when she'd gotten back to her room at the end of the night. Usually messaging online after Mel's roommates had enough of her talking and laughing late into the night.

But her romantic life wasn't as good. Yes, they were plenty of beautiful people her own age to swoon over, but none of them stuck. She even enjoyed hooking up with people. She was honestly shocked at how true the rumors about straight girls at college were. She'd topped way more than she ever did with Win. She didn't like it as much; too lazy for her own good, but it made her proud that one day when she found someone she loved she'd finally be good at it.

But she didn't love hooking up. She had every straight guy's dream of having these beautiful female roommates that would walk around topless, so secure with their bodies. But they weren't Win. Mel honestly hated how "perfect" their bodies looked. How boring their hair was. How stupid their hobbies were. She liked them. They were her friends, but they weren't Win. They'd never be Win. Win had even encouraged Mel to get over her fear of dating guys, but none of them made it past the first date.

Mel was happier in Bristol than she'd ever been living with Judy. She was free. But something was missing. Win was missing. It wasn't the same having her on the computer screen, and Mel knew that. Mel was frustrated with Win ignoring her to focus on music, but the real reason they broke up was because Mel knew long distance was going to be too different. Some people could do it. Maybe they could have tried, but Mel couldn't bear the thought of having the option of Win making love to her and having to settle for wanking off over a camera in the bathroom, hiding away from her roommates. So things were great, but Mel's romantic life. Awful. Non-existent. The outside looking in, her sex life was incredible. Inside looking out, she was incredibly unhappy with it.

Yeah, her itch was scratched, but not in the way she wanted it to be. Mel never liked hookups. She missed being told "I love you" as they did it. Being told she was beautiful and sexy instead of being told "oh my god I never thought being with a girl could feel so good so much less of a mess hahaha" by girls that spoke like the queen. Being in the west, she didn't expect people to speak like they did in the less rough parts of London (sometimes as a treat, Mel's mum would take her to the posh Tesco for groceries instead of the local one). Win's accent was never as rough as Mel's, but she missed hearing a "normal" person during sex.

So Mel was unhappy. But she still had Win. Just not in the way she wanted her. And then even Win started acting strange which was on top of the fact Mel was convinced her meds had stopped working when the voices she gave to the animals she talked to were… different.

The pigeons on campus usually flew away from she approached them, but after she got back from her mums' wedding to lucky number five, which had gotten rained out to Mel's amusement, they didn't. None of the animals did. It was like she was a modern day Snow White. It was bizarre, but she liked it. It reminded her of how much she loved the sheep back in Wales.

But she couldn't enjoy it as much when Win seemed so on edge, but then, she wasn't again. She'd gotten community service; Mel agreed it was bullshit. Still forever offended Win had even hinted that Mel was anything like Delilah. She'd made friends. Mel wasn't super jealous. She was happy for her. Win deserved to make cool new friends just like Mel was,even if Win's friends were criminals. Mel herself was. She just wasn't stupid enough to get caught, but neither was Win. Stupid Delilah Mel thought.

When Win told Mel her friend had died, It hurt Mel a lot that school was so stressful she couldn't go over to Wertham and hold Win while she cried. But then Win was happy again, "the hospital made a mistake," she had told Mel.

"But I thought you went to his funeral."

"It wasn't a real funeral," Win had said quickly and nervously.

"But you said they buried him." Win's laughs were strange.

"No, I said it felt like that. You've been taking your meds like you're supposed to?"

"Yeah," Mel said. They usually wore off by the time she talked to Win at night.

"So you've connected to the server yet?" Win quickly changed the subject to the game they were playing.

"Yeah, yeah, just loading in now."

It made Mel happy that Win was happy, but part of her was jealous. Win was always sending her cute pictures of her and Nathan. She was so damn proud of her adorable dumbass. And Mel thought he was stunning. She was fucking embarrassed when she'd had a sex dream about him. She'd never even met him. She didn't want to tell Win. She was too embarrassed, but Win got it out of her. Win wasn't jealous and didn't think it was weird. She thought it was fucking hilarious.

Soon after Win's community service had ended, Mel received an urgent call from her. Win had picked up a flyer at the community centre talking about offering a paying job to teach art to kids from the area. The job started only three weeks after Mel's last scheduled shift at the University bookstore. Maybe once upon a time, Mel would've thought the job was too good for her, but thinking about inspiring kids in the same situation she had been in. Using the same outlet that sometimes felt like the only thing she had. And at the same place she'd met Win. She wondered how many people had fallen in love at that stupid community centre or if that was just Win's thing.

She would be with Win again.

And Nathan. Who she'd only gotten a simple wave from over Skype when he and Win moved into her flat. Yet she knew so much about him. And she'd dreamed him fucking her.

So she'd be with Win. The girl she was still in love with.

And Win's boyfriend Nathan, who she may or may not have accidentally imagined when she was wanking.

It was even worse when her new flat wouldn’t be ready for another two weeks.

“It’s fine, Win, I’ll just stay with my mum,” Mel had said.

“No, you’re not. I’ve discussed it with Nathan, and he’s alright with you staying with us,” Win replied. Mel liked Nathan, she really did, but sometimes during those two weeks, she wondered if he really was alright with her staying with them. Their sense of humour bounced off of each other so easily, but sometimes Mel wondered if it was her fault when he seemed genuinely mean. She tried not to let it bother her. And eventually, he chilled out. It was like he accepted her as a member of the gang. One way or another, Nathan and Mel ended up being alone together a lot. Nothing happened between them besides the beautiful spark of friendship. They were unstoppable. It made Win so fucking happy to see the two most important people in her life get on so well. It was like a house on fire. Once one of them had started laughing, none of them could stop.

But also like a fire, Nathan and Mel together were kind of dangerous. They looked out for each other, but when they got drunk, it seemed like all thoughts were thrown to the window. They’d share secrets they’d never even dreamed of sharing while sober. But nothing sexual ever happened between them, despite the growing tension. Because they both loved Win. And that was the deciding factor: Win. And then everything changed for a bit. After the actual sex between the three of them. Mel decided her new flat was much more interesting than theirs. She couldn’t see Win and Nathan every day like she had. Because it was too much. She wanted both of them, and yet, she was sure she’d never have either of them. They were taken. By each other. She didn’t know what to do besides to go out dancing and try to forget it all.

"Mel?" Nathan was shocked to see his girlfriend's best friend back at their flat so late at night. Even more shocked to see how… different she looked. After the conversation he had with Win, he wasn't afraid to admit Mel was beautiful. He thought she was most beautiful in the mornings when she'd just woke up, too tired to put on her armor and act like she was mean, no makeup, no bra. She was always so cute in the mornings. This Mel looked like the complete opposite of that. Her outfit would've turned him on if he'd seen her in a club like that before Win. Hell, it would've turned him on now, but looking at her face, she was a mess. It was obvious she was wearing a full face of makeup, but had cried half of it off. Mel wore makeup all the time, but Nathan had never seen her like this.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, "I didn't know where to go. I can… I can leave you alone. I just need to ask Win what my new flat number is."

"She's asleep. Hey, come in. You look like you've had a rough night."

"That obvious?" she asked.

"Just come in. Your blankets are still on the couch. Crash here for the night," Nathan said, moving out of her way so she could come inside. Mel sat down on the couch and put her arms around herself. She was shivering, coming down from the MDMA she had taken earlier.

Nathan looked towards the laundry basket sitting near the hallway. He quickly grabbed some of Win's freshly cleaned pajama bottoms and one of his t-shirts.

"Here," he handed the clothes to Mel, "you can change in the bathroom if you want."

"Not like you never seen me naked before," she shrugged and took the clothes to change in the bathroom. Ah yes, the threesome. The #1 thing that had been on Nathan's mind for the past two weeks. He felt so guilty about it until Win told her she couldn't stop thinking about it either. He wondered if Mel felt the same way. He wondered if that was why she stopped coming 'round.

Mel walked back into the lounge looking like herself again. She had taken off the remnants of her makeup.

"You want a hug?" He didn't know why he felt awkward asking her. He'd hugged her before, but not since the threesome. He'd eaten her pussy. He'd fucked her, but he felt awkward to hug her. Shit, he knew Win had taken her virginity, but in the eyes of society, it was him.

She nodded. He took his arms around her, and she squeezed him tightly. He didn't feel awkward anymore. It felt like that's where they were supposed to be.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

"Hey, no problem. You know you can come over whenever. We've missed ye," he admitted.

"I've missed you guys too," she said. She let go of him and sat back down on their couch.

Nathan sat close to her, "I'm sorry if I was mean to ye when we first met. I was so jealous. Win told me all about ye. Didn't know how she'd still like me against a girl beautiful as you," he said. Mel felt her face get hot. Nathan thinks I'm beautiful?

"She's told me about you too," Mel said.

"Good things?" Nathan smiled.

"Mostly," Mel smirked.

Then it faded, "you had the right to be jealous… I really should just go."

Nathan held her hand, "please don't."

She was nervous. She wasn't sure what was going on. She was attracted to Nathan. She was attracted to Win. She was scared Nathan was making a move on her. As attracted as she was to Nathan, as good as he had made her feel, she couldn't do that to Win.

"What did you mean by I had the right to be jealous?"

"Win… I'm attracted to her. I never stopped loving her. I've tried to push it down, but I can't. I tried to forget about you- Win"

Nathan interrupted her,"What was that?" He felt hopeful, but maybe it was just a slip of the tongue.

Mel put her head in her hands, "nothing."

"I need to talk to you. Win should be here for this, but she needs her rest," he said. Mel was afraid.

"About what? I just told you I love your girlfriend, what could you possibly have to tell me besides "fuck off, get out of my flat"?" Mel felt like she was going to cry. Why did I tell him?

"Win told me when you were younger, some of your friends were in a poly relationship and got made of for it. You said you didn't have a problem with it… Win and I. We both have feelings for you," Nathan held both her hands and anticipated her response. When she didn't say anything he continued, "I get it if you're not attracted to me, but I'd still like to be friends. I know it might be weird. I know I'm not- oh," Nathan made a shocked noise as Mel kissed him. He smiled at her as she pulled away.

Mel smiled back before she looked back down at her feet, "I… I had a hook-up tonight. To try to get over you and Win."

He put his arm around her, "went badly?"

"Her boyfriend came home."

"Fuck. Been there, done that," Nathan rubbed her shoulder.

A tear formed in her eye, "he called me every name in the book."

"Eh, well sounds like a wanker. If he was any good in bed, his girl wouldn't be looking for pussy without him involved. Did you even know she had a boyfriend?" Nathan couldn't help but ask.

"No idea. I was dancing with her, snogging her, and she asked me to come back to her place. So I did."

He held her hand, "Yeah, nobody's mad at you, Mel. Guy was just pissed his girlfriend cheated on him. My story, on the other hand, woah boy."

Mel let out a little laugh, "what happened?"

"Alright, buckle up. It's a wild ride," he grinned at her. He hoped at least one of the ridiculous unfortunate moments in his life could cheer her up and make her laugh, "so I'm this sixteen year old scrawny fella. I'd already lost my virginity and everythin', but this woman. Fuck. I hadn't fucked a girl like that. Kinda built like you, actually," Nathan glanced at Mel, and she was smiling at him, "anyways, she's an older sister of one of the year thirteens I was hanging out with. And one day she just starts talking to me all the time, and I'm just nervous she's gonna notice the boners I get around her. And I've seen her snogging this other lad. Full beard, lots of muscles, definitely fitter than me… at the time anyway," Nathan winked at Mel.

"So we're all at this party, yeah? And she introduces him to me as her boyfriend. Weeks, Months even go by. And I know this lad. We were supposedly friends, but I didn't really like him, and then boom bam fuck, they're moving in together. He's at work. This bitch is having me move boxes for her, just me and her, and I'm like "oh yeah, I've seen this porno." But I wasn't really expecting much. She asks me to put sheets on her bed and I'm like "fuck no, I'm not doing that," but I told her okay because her tits were peaking out and I didn't know what I was agreein' t'. So I'm bent over on this king sized bed and you know what she does?"

The story has definitely taken Mel's mind off of her own life for a moment.

"What'd she do?"

"She smacks my arse! And I'm like "woah, okay!," A girl had never done that to me before. She's got this shit eating grin on her face. And I swear I thought I'd gone to heaven, I thought I was dreamin'. She says, "I want you to fuck me, Nathan." And my brain practically shuts down, I tell, "sorry?," She shuts the door, locks it, and says, "I'm gonna take your trousers off now." And my cock is like BAYOING," he imitates the action with his finger, "I mean I had a semi the whole time, but that's aside from the point. Alright so we're gettin' down to business and I swear I hear the downstairs door open but I'm trying too hard to not cum all up in there to even focus on anything. And then BANG BANG BANG on the door, "Shit," I'm thinking. We weren't necessarily bein' quiet. I try to hop up. Do anything to prevent my young death and she fucking grabs me. Practically puts me in a headlock and moans, "oh don't stop make me cum," and thank god I'm not like that anymore but I knew how to do that about as much as I know how to fly an aeroplane. And then he's shouting at her through the door. So I did what any sensible man would do and I kept fucking her,"

"You what?" Mel interrupted.

"She didn't want me to take it out, the hell was I supposed to do? Anyway I'm so scared at this point, I wasn't even thinking about her anymore, I'm thinking about my escape plan so the other half of me is just glad I lasted this long. And he's still hollaring and I'm biting down on my lip so hard to not make any sound, and then the death sentence," he raised his voice a few octaves, " 'oh nathan, just like that,' and y'know I should've been spunking her up, but I couldn't! She had just incriminated me against this giant guy that could probably kill me by pinching me," Mel started laughing, and Nathan smiled at her.

"So I swear to god. I'll never understand how I got out of there but this part is terrifying," he squeezed her hand, "he punched a hole into their brand new door and unlocked it, see that's when I finally escaped from the bitch's grasp and my dick fucking exploded all over me even though I didn't tell it to do that, so my thighs are covered in cum and I'm about to lose my life and I slid down this second story window with my clothes in my arms. Amazing how the goods didn't get damaged. My arse was cut and bruised up for a week. Swear the lads at school thought I was a gay, but then I told em the story. I was a legend after that."

Mel blinked at him, "woah."

"Oh, hi Mel," Win said with a smile from the hallway. Nathan and Mel were so focused on the story they hadn't heard her get up.

"Sorry for waking you. I just need my flat number… I forgot it. And I know you wrote it down," Mel's smile faded a little. She was happy with what Nathan had told her, but she still didn't want to be a waste of their time.

"No ye don't," Nathan said, putting his arms around her. Win lifted an eyebrow. Nathan directed his words to Win this time, "Mel had a bit of a bad hookup. Told her she won't have to worry about that no more. About what we talked about. She kissed me. She loves you," he smiled.

"Don't I get one?"

Mel hopped up. She hadn't kissed Win sober since before they broke up three years ago. She kissed her softly.

"C'mon, loves, let's get back to bed." They all settled in. Mel spooning Win, Nathan spooning Mel.

Win turned to face Mel, "glad to have you back, darlin'." Mel simply kissed her again.

"So we're all shaggin' in the morning, yeah?" Nathan said.

Win chuckled, "I've still got a job to get to."

"Okay? I'll set an alarm." It would be early, and none of them were early risers, but they needed a quick nap before they could celebrate their new relationship. And all of them enjoyed a lazy morning shag.

"Sounds good to me, Mel?" Win asked.

"Yeah," Mel said. Despite the disaster of the hook-up that happened hours earlier, Mel usually enjoyed them. Friends with benefits had definitely became her main outlet for sex at University. And she loved fucking. But deep down, Mel felt like there was a difference between "fucking" and "making love". She'd only ever made love with Win. And she hoped in the morning she'd get to make love with the two people in the world she knew she loved.

#nathan young #nathan young x oc #oc; melanie albright #ot3: how many bisexuals does it take to change a lightbulb #win x nathan x mel

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