#go check out her works bc i couldn't recommended them enough | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spacenintendogs · 2 months

Note

3 10 16or 17 for the httyd asks!!

3. Did you play School of Dragon? If so, what dragon(s) did you have?

i tried back in 2018 but my laptop couldn't handle it. i never got past the tutorial with toothless and immediately uninstalled it and then was still devastated when they shut it down :')

10. What are your favourite songs from the soundtracks?

the big 3: forbidden friendship, test drive, and romantic flight.

see you tomorrow is a BANGER

all of the jonsi songs!!

once there were dragons is also so good... listened to that on repeat after i saw the hidden world in 2019

16. What is your favourite plot arc?

edit: i realized this said plot arc and astrid's character arc doesn't rlly count but for plot arc: hiccup & snotlout's arc of learning to respect each other more in riders/defenders of berk. basically the screaming death arc!!

astrid's in the first movie... it's near perfect and her role in the story is so vital bc her mind being changed makes stoick's mind being changed so much more believable. astrid's arc is such an interesting throughline to see the movie through. astrid being the most viking like of the teens and taking everything so seriously only to decide to give hiccup a chance (yes she was hanging off a tree rlly high off the ground and then only apologized bc toothless was whipping her around as payback for her attitude lol) but once toothless calms down that's when astrid rlly sits back and gives toothless & hiccup a chance & you just. see her relaxed for the first time in the movie and smiling so wide and it's SOOOOOOO. i love her so much.

17. Do you read or write HTTYD fanfic? If so, give some recommendations!

i do both!!

for reading, i haven't done a lot & i am kinda particular abt what i read (i heed tags & stuff seriously!! they're there for a reason!!) but!! from recent memory & my bookmarks

promises, promises is by @artinandwritin and it's abt her httyd ocs and @beebooca's oc set post the hidden world (except the dragons are still there!!) and it's such a fun exploration of the effect things can have on oc characters based on what happens to the canon characters they're connected to!! it's very good (and i am honored to have helped beta read :'))

translations by @bignostalgias is a hijack fic where jack frost ends up on berk after following silver dream sand (and ends up becoming "alive" again) and there's the whole thing where he's confused abt how berk exists and seems to be behind modern day and dragons exist. everything is so thought out and carefully put together and i just can not wait for more!!

frowny kisses by @tysonrunningfox bc my snotstrid loving ass adores those losers so much and op has got them DOWN!! the original snotstrid person fr fr i am begging y'all to pls check out their stuff!!!!!!!!!

also fics by @eemoo1o-tfrmoo & @kolasharkattack are also rlly rlly good!!!!!!

and yea i write fics lol but i go through spurts of YEAH UPDATE LET'S GO WOO and then quickly losing steam & updates come rarely even tho they take up so much space in my brain bc writing hard :')

the summer snotlout jorgenson got laid is tied to my modern au & it's abt the brief period astrid & snotlout decided to try dating & obv they break up but hey. unrestrained summer fun :)

burn is a series following astrid & snotlout's friendship. there's only 2 fics rn but windburn is complete and heartburn is a work in progress. i have a few fics for series stewing around in my brain as well but!! yea!!

then there's the calm dragon nip provides which is basically my fishlout smokes weed fic and it's not even a year old yet & tbh i'm not happy with it at all but i don't regret it enough to delete it. u can read it if u wish but i'm not proud of it. c'est la vie.

and those are my most recent fics!! and then my docs are just. full of incomplete bullshit lol <3 ty!!

#httyd #httyd ask game #rose answers #stonequiet #httyd fanfiction #rose writes #<- if u wanna see my wips lol #mona tag #emma tag #em tag

7 notes · View notes

jooyeone · 2 years

Note

well the shipping is much lower. i have to pay 2 types of shipping: one for the item to get from korea to the GO manager and one from her to me. she couldn't tell me the exact number/price for shipping because it depends on the weight of the book but she told me estimates so i'm going to pick a middle number and 'calculate' the price that way. so i just put the book in checkout and my total is 84.60$ but with the GO it's only around 40-45$ (item + 2 shipping). again, this is just an estimate but i'm 99% sure it's going to stay between 40-45. also just a side note: my country's current rate (i think that's what it's called? when you convert your own currency into USD) is really really bad so this 40-45$ could actually be lower/higher, who knows what happens by november when they ship it. but that's just my country, it's different for everyone.

for the GO: i joined a facebook group where they sell bts merch in my country and a person posted that they would host a GO on instagram. i looked up the insta name on twitter and found a person who ordered from them. i asked them if the GO is reliable and they recommended the girl instead who i ordered the book with. she's both on instagram and twitter, but she only does GO occasionally.

i don't know where you live, she can ship the Jimin GO in the EU, but she said only if the buyer is willing to pay because shipping out of our country is kind of expensive. :(

hiii love! phew, finally in a good enough headspace to reply to your ask! once again, i'm very sorry for how long this took me 🥺

oh that is SUCH a good deal you landed, oh my god 😭 GOs truly are a lifesaver, huh 😭 i just checked and the shipping cost is literally double the amount of the photobook itself so in total i'd have to pay 97$ to order it on my own 🥲

ahhh i am from the EU! and maybe it's a good idea to look for country-specific GOs on groups on facebook bc i still haven't had much luck with the general tag on insta. haven't tried twitter yet but i don't even know if i would want to go there. but that's such a wonderful outcome, i'm so so happy this worked out for you!! and i hope you now have a good connection for the future if there's any other merch you're gonna want to order with a GO 🥺

#i wanted to avoid spoilers but i DID see some gorgeous shots from jimin's photobook and. love. you've made SUCH a good choice 🤍#answered #anon

0 notes

pepperedstarz · 2 years

Note

ZINNIA USES ALL PRONOUNS BUT NORMALLY SHE/HE TRUE GENDER !!!!! OKAY OKAY I'm getting tired so I'm gonna explain as best as I can!! Zin was a child of a professional ballet dancer and ?? I still don't know her dad's job bare with me. Zin hated school, dropped it, started a job performing at her mom's theater, okay dropped that because ballet was too dainty, let's go perform anywhere that hires us, Zin starts a circus.

I'm gonna gather your asks all in one nice big post so, it'll be easier for me to give you a good response and a more pleasant read through for anyone else interested too!

Context for anyone that needs it Zinnia is Circus AU's Henry!

"Circus travels through towns and shit whatever !!!! Important person, William. William and Zinnia meet at a bar where zin is like "hey lol, me and you are getting well together, wanna be my right hand man." William accepts and they work on the circus together. By this point it isn't small, it's well known and they have massive crowds"

"Zinnia performs a lot on aerial silks (HIGHLY RECOMMEND TO CHECK OUT SOME PEOPLE WHO PERFORM WITH SILKS ITS COOL) and so once after a show, zinnia is practicing a trick that's pretty dangerous. It's looping a silk around your neck and ankles, you do a split and pull your head bACK it's terrifying to watch!!! Zin fucks it up and DIES but her soul like floats and repossesses Zin"

"And so Zin gets down, trying to figure out why she died and then didn't. This is why her skin changed color BTW!!! But so she kinda like is just "hm I need t figure out how that works" BOOM soul research BOOM "will help me out with soul thing" BOOM science fair project on a human BOOM human is fucked up"

"Zinnia performs fucked experiments after she died, William is still alive after these, she can't figure out souls. A bit passes, William is like "can you try and get me to work the with the tech?" THE TECH HE'S TALKING ABT IS NAMED JACK AND EVERYONE CALLS HIM ORANGE BECAUSE OF HIS LIKE NEON orange hair lol!!! Zin is like "lol? Just talk to him? Why are you asking me?" AND WILL EXPLAIN HE LIKES JACK AND ZIN (WHOS REALLY AFRAID OF LOSING HER BEST FRIEND IS LIKE. HM. MURDERS AN OPTION) so like a smart person, she kills Jack's sibling (Dee), and his brother (Peter), and Doesn't get caught since she can just. Murder people bc she's cool (really they're under the floor of the circus but the body's decompose enough to where even if they were found, they couldn't be identified) ((also she has their souls in jars))

Jack is grieving because his family just went missing, William keeps his distance, and the circus is cleared from the police. Yipee. So, the circus travels again, in the all good, and Will CONFRONTS Zinnia when they're back in a small rented home kitchen because he's like 120% sure she did it and she's just like "wow that's rude, I'm cooking :) I'd never do that" it gets into a fight, Zinnia grabs the knife she had AND BOOM another death. Get the soul, figure out what to do with the body. She was so scared of getting found out when the adrenaline wore off and she saw will she just fucking lost it dude. Perks of being assistants with no family that care? No one went looking for Will! So that made it easier.

But still at this point Zin just pushes down the guilt and ignores everything after getting rid of evidence (she did take one thing of Dave's and that was a photo of them when they both first started) BUT YEA the circus goes successful even after the loss, Zin gets well known, has money, and then disappears off of the grid and continues to research souls (using her own #girlboyboss)"

I love this idea! A lot actually! There's so much detail in this, and it's really fun to see how you've fleshed out Zinnia herself. Her backstory is pretty interesting and fairly regular, which I appreciate, honestly. I like how the circus wasn't made out of spite or bloodlust but, was just his next movement along for his skill set, and then he turned into a sick bastard lol.

Performers on aerial silks! Holy shit, they are so majestic, but some of the moves they make are terrifying to look at. I've watched some stuff about these before but, looked into a couple more after your asks and yep! Both as gorgeous and terrifying as I remember x'3 I think the way Zinnia died is unique and makes a lot of sense! I like how also his death was the marker for her downfall into madness, like after that point her actions got worse and worse until she's just like the Henry we know and hate in the canon DSAF universe.

I think Jack being an obstacle for Zinnia is a pretty interesting take too, and picking out the support Jack has instead of Jack himself to alienate William is a horrible but powerful manipulation tactic really. Did Dave have a performance in the circus? If he did, what did he do? Also, what happened to Jack, since I'm assuming he's still alive?

I was gonna draw something for this AU today but, it kinda too late for me to start now 'n' I got a busy day tomorrow but, I didn't want to make you wait too long for a reply to your ideas! Thank you so much for sharing this with me, this was a pleasure to read through, and I look forward to see/hearing more about this AU :eyes:

Sorry it took me a bit to reply! I wanted to give you a nicely structured answer & have this understandable for people stumbling upon this post and me at a later date when I end up using this to refresh my memory x"3

#dsaf circus au #circus au #tw manipulation #tw death mention #starz talks #talks #asks #i haven't beta read this post #should be fine hopefully

2 notes · View notes

agustdiv1ne · 3 years

Text

thank you + milestone!!

damn, never thought we'd get here, did we?

in all honesty, it's been a pretty shit year. march 'til now has felt like the same month on repeat with tiny tweaks to make it all so much worse. but i'm not here to complain about the worst parts of this year, i'm here to celebrate the best ones.

this was the year that i finally started writing, that i was finally spurred to open a google doc and just type away until a tiny work of fiction stared back at me. my first one was 1k words, a rant to get all of my emotions off of my chest with an idol as my muse. it felt...great, though it also felt a bit odd writing after being an avid reader for years. i always did prefer essays to creative writing, but this year definitely changed that perspective.

i wrote that first blurb along with another fic in late july, and in early august, i asked my friends if i should post them. om august 3rd, i changed this blog from a fic rec to a fic writing blog just like that. i regret none of it.

it's been nearly five months since i revamped this blog and i couldn't be more grateful for the support i have gotten from all of you, whether it be a kind comment, a like, a reblog, all of it. i never thought anyone would like my content, but i've been proven severely wrong by this community. from my irls that are on here, to my lovely mutuals and followers, to those i've talked to a lil bit on this hellsite, to the writers whose fics i absolutely adore, to those who have left a like or a comment on one of my fics, i want to say thank you from the very bottom of my heart ♡

have a happy and healthy new year! i love and appreciate every single one of you!!

though i'm painfully bad at writing letters and getting all sappy, i wanted to write them anyways hahaha let's goooo

to @hwaddict:

my irl best friend!! my partner in crime!!!! i love you sm carly, and there are not enough words in this world for me to describe the extent of my love. you have been there for me during my lowest moments, you've seen me cry, and i don't cry in front of many ppl. i trust you with my life and i'm so glad that we became friends back in middle school bc you are one reasons that spur me to keep going. i can't wait to see where life takes us and know that while i might not always be able to be there physically (especially with college right around the corner), i will always be there for you in any way i can be. again i love you and i can't wait to conquer next year with you ♡♡

to @hopejanaee:

hope!! hobi!!! one of my irls! though we just became friends earlier this year, it feels like we've been friends for ages. it's crazy how close we grew so quickly but i am so grateful to have you in my life. you never fail to make me laugh whenever we're together and you're so chaotic but in such a good way hahaha. you were the one who got me into writing with your own wonderful fics so thank yoi for that. i'm so happy that we became friends because you're so kind and caring and ahhhhhh i love u sm ♡

to @oikawasmilkbread:

we talked for like 0.2 seconds but you are so kind and hella cool!! it was nice having random conversations with you and i'm so glad you randomly dmed me bc i am shy and i have 0 idea how to start conversations with anyone lmao. i always smile when i see you in my notifs! i hope you have a happy new year!!! ♡

to @luthenia:

i know you're on hiatus but seeing you in my notifs always excites me hahaha. we never talk but you are so supportive of everyone in this community and i just wanted to shout you out for that! your memes are top tier LMAO and i can't wait for when you come back, happy new year ♡

to @starsforten:

we also talked for approximately 1 second but it was so fun talking to you about astrology stuff (virgo sun libra rising gang hahahaha) and those teuta matoshi dresses! you are so nice and easy to talk to and i hope your new year is happy and fruitful! ♡

i recommend every single one of these blogs for their amazing content!! i added some of my favorite fics as i'm a whore for great writing hahaaaa

@kinktae

waterloo — a masterpiece! taehyung is so bitter at the beginning and it's adorable seeing how y/n breaks his tough shell. loved this from beginning to the end ♡

hot rod — the 50s slang, the dynamic between hoseok and y/n...*chef's kiss*

@untaemedqueen

welcome to seoul land — werewolf!namjoon really got me going, 100/10 would recommend

graceful gods — this is one of my all-time favorites, greek god!jungkook has my brain going brrrr

@shadowsremedy + @therealmintedmango

support system — adorable!! this is a hybrid!yoongi fic i really enjoy, and the series isn't over yet! check it out~

@bratkook

tear you apart — demon!taehyung...holy shit. i was speechless

@tatertotthethot

the doms next door — THIS SERIES OMG, i've read each part at least five times already. taekook got me acting UP

scream (posted to @yandere-society) — a really cool take on the movie scream with jungkook, yandere fics don't always appeal to me but this one absolutely did

@ateezmakemeweep

broken — the immense ache i felt in my chest while reading this, but i loved both parts with a burning passion. san is so sweet in this :')

@atinybrew

dirty free for all — the ULTIMATE demon!san fic. the writing is absolutely immaculate and this is the first fic that had me blushing down my mf ARMS

rice milk lattes and bryophytes roads — another san fic admittedly because i'm whipped for san lol. anyways, this was cute and hot at the same time and best friend!yunho made my double biasing ass that much happier

@seacottons

pan — an adorable peter pan!hongjoong fic, it had my heart going achhfhsjfjsjf

sir kiss me — circus au with san holy hell i loved every twist and turn of this

@actuallythatwaspromise

bad romance — one of my favorite yunho fics ever, punk rock!yunho x nerd!reader has my entire heart

aurora garden center and desire ink — florist!mingi had me uwuing for the entire fic, this was adorable and i loved it sm

@yeonjuncore

every single fic on this blog is an absolute masterpiece, i swear

the devil's little angel — THIS IS ONE OF MY ULTIMATE FAVORITES, demon!yeonjun had me screaming and it was just so fun to read and i loved every single second of it so much that i've read it nearly ten times now. so go read it, you won't regret it!

the boy with the horns — another of my ultimate favorites (i told you, their writing is just that amazing), woodland fey!soobin just had me going so soft :(( i literally sobbed at one point, that's how invested i was

bleeding heart — the tension between vampire!yeonjun and vampire slayer!reader had me screeching

curtain call — i have a sad crush vampire!soobin

i love you, always — this felt so..bittersweet? taehyun loves y/n so much, i lowkey cried while reading this

@angelfic

the art of (mis)communication — i am a whore for both reconciliation and yeonjun, 100000/10 pls read this i beg of you

@angelictaehyun

growing pains — ahhh once again a yeonjun fic, my chest hurt a lil bit at some points but it was so sweet!!

@neovisioned

bed of spiderwebs — spiderman!mark has my heart screeching, i loved every second of it ♡

eddie ate dynamite — johnny suh coming for my throat yet again

cupid victorious — cupid!jaehyun :'))) definitely one of my favorites!!

@domjaehyun

quarantine chronicles — ok if you haven't read this or the part two yet then you're missing out big time!! the tension, the buildup, every single part of this fic was just *chef's kiss* but multiply thay by a million

all these years — every single moment of this felt so nostalgic and the ending was so sweet :')

@caiuscassiuss

muse — i keep going back to this one constantly, the angst in this phenomenal and i love artist!taeyong sm here

@neoct-zen

loverboy — HOT, AMAZING, I SCREAMED. the blurbs that accompany this are also top-tier i recommend reading each and every one!!

@moondustis

pink + white — i'm so soft for mark i stg, this was the cutest thing ever

@loviejaehyun

can't avoid this feeling — hockey player!mark is the best thing ever

all tied up — i just- screamed as i read this bc professor!jaehyun is too hot goodbye

@hopejanaee

incapable — this is one of the best yoongi fics i've ever read ngl, it's not completed quite yet but the parts that have been posted are top tier!!

breathless — THIS. I LOVED THIS. yuta is just so hfjshhfhshfnsn and i love this sm

@hwaddict

melting point — big boy mingiiii, 100/10 would recommend

@okayau

house next to mine — frat boy!yeonjun rly got me going, cute and hot at the same time ahhhhbfnsnnf

youth — ADORABLE, yeonjun's confession is peak i love it here

run away — how many yeonjun fics can i fit in this post? (answer: a lot) definitely one of my favorite harry potter aus!! it was awesome seeing how their relationship changed throughout the years and perhaps i teared up a little at the end :'))

@starrychannies

baby steps — ONE OF ALL-TIME MY FAVORITE FICS ON THIS SITE, every single part is so well-written and ahhhhhfhdhhf chan makes me feel some type of way

my stupid — another yeonjun fic! angsty but v cute at the end :')

@baekhvuns

this youth of craziness — 40k words of pure gold, this fic is absolutely one of my favorite san fics ever!!

replacement — prince!ten makes my brain go brrrr, i love how the y/n just speaks her mind here

@masterninjacow

untitled project — i saw soulmate au with mark and i knew would already love it, and i did! pizza boy!mark at that, amazing and i adored it

more amazing blogs!!: @galaxteez, @poutybinz, @lustjoong, @bloominghigh

these are just a few of the fics and blogs i found this year, find more on my fic rec blog @agustdiv1ne-recs!! (my thumbs are starting to hurt i'm so sorry bfjshfhsh)

wrapping up each month since august since that's when i actually started posting LMAO

☆ august

03: good enough — chan

03: bloodsucker — seonghwa

04: cutie — san

09: veloxrotaphobia — mingi

19: want — changbin

21: numb — yunho

100 follower special — i reached 100 followers towards the end of august, my first ever milestone :') also my first ever time taking requests, 'twas very fun ♡

☆ september

03: on camera — jungkook

☆ october

27: oh, worm? — namjoon

31: demon days — san

☆ november

10: a letter to my love — xiaojun

23: bad for u — jaehyun

27: home sweet home — yeonjun

☆ december

christmas bash 2020 — my brain went hey what if you did this- and i listened so here's 17 holiday fics hahahaa (not all of them are out yet but i'm working on it!!)

things i plan to release in 2021!!

☆ sunflower — jimin

☆ cross — yeonjun

☆ landslide — seonghwa

☆ nice save — san

☆ red — hyunjin

☆ a secret series (that will be revealed once i plan everything) — ateez

☆ 4 unrelated secret fics oOoOoo — will i reveal them? you'll just have to wait and see ;)

there will definitely be more posted! these are the ones that are going to be my priority at first, but my imagination is always churning so expect a lot more :)) check out all of non-secret wips here!

i hit 500 followers a couple days ago! i nearly screamed when i saw that LMAO. thank you so much for liking my content because i work hella hard on it :') sometimes i feel like i don't deserve y'all really, but @hwaddict will yell at me if i say that so ig i take it back hfhshhdhg

a post for celebrating this milestone will come as soon as i finish up the rest of my christmas fics!! sorry that i'm so slow :( (hint: my requests will be open, so look out for it!)

so yeah!! that's it, sorry for the painfully long post (i'm sorry to my thumbs for typing this whole thing out </3). thank you to everyone who read this far!! i hope everyone has a happy and healthy new year, and in the words of txt's cover, fuck 2020. may 2021 be a much better year for all of us!!!

much love,

ashlee ♡

#i'm sorry if i missed anyone :((#j know i love and appreciate u a lot #it's j my thumbs are literally cramping up as i type this :(#2021 celebration!#happy new year y'all #lmk if any of links are wrong bc i will fix them asap

50 notes · View notes

one-abuse-survivor · 3 years

Note

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!

#Ask #milky way anon #Abuse #Abuse tw #Abusive parents #Toxic parents #Ableism tw #I'm not from the US either so I have no idea what a sophomore is hahaha #Emotional neglect tw #childhood emotional neglect #panic attacks tw #Suicidal tw

7 notes · View notes

sapphicscholar · 7 years

Note

hi so I didn't know who to ask but in my psych class we're learning about adolescent psychology, & there was this unit on developing interest in relationships. It went way into detail on how the brain changes during that time, which was interesting, but ofc my gay ass couldn't relate. at the end all it said was 'it's different for homosexuals.' I guess I'm wondering if you know of any way to learn about psychology relating to LGBT people? srsly im thirsty for anything in academia I can relate to

(same psych anon) that was a pretty specific question so I guess like do you have any info or know of any links/ websites/places to learn about lgbt history and lives and stuff like that in an academic way? bc I love school & learning but I’ve always wanted to learn more about myself and people like me, but they never teach that in schools.

Oh my gosh SO MANY THINGS! Okay, so, the psych stuff is pretty outside of my knowledge but I asked my gf (she does the science in this relationship while my gay ass just reads a whole lot of books), and she recommends Helen Fisher and looking at the researchers at the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality or the Kinsey Institute, as well as The Sage Encyclopedia of LGBTQ Studies (it’s an online resource a lot of universities subscribe to). But I’d also say that as far as thinking about developmental narratives, LGBTQ memoirs are a great place to start, especially since so many of them go through their own experiences of having to confront this heteronormative, cis-centric narrative that just doesn’t fit them and their lives.

So some good queer history authors are: John D’Emilio (comprehensive, if a bit male-centric), Lillian Faderman (writing all about lesbian history, including more recent history; very well-respected; she’s got some issues in her scholarship that by no means discount it as a whole, but I’m happy to talk more about if you want), Michael Bronski (his Queer History of the United States is really accessible), George Chauncey (it’s just of NYC, but still fun), Estelle B. Freedman, Foucault (though it’s not quite “history,” it’s a kind of history meets theory of regimes of power and how sexuality got tied up in that), Martha Vicinus (I adore her), Valerie Traub (goes all the way back to the early modern period), and so many others who really focus more on niche history, so I won’t list them here. There are some web resources, but I know a lot of them are databases that are subscription-based. I’ll see what I can’t dig up in the next couple of days as far as free websites. I know they exist; it’s just a matter of having the time to look…

Okay, you didn’t specifically say you were interested in literature but bc I taught literature and think it’s a great way to learn about the history of a group, I’m gonna list some anyway and you can feel free to disregard!

Patricia Highsmith, The Price of Salt (or Carol, depends on the year it was printed) – you can also check out the movie! I find the two to be complementary (the book gives you Therese’s POV almost exclusively, whereas the movie shows much more of Carol’s story)

Alison Bechdel, Fun Home is her graphic novel/memoir that’s really excellent, but the comic strip that sort of launched her as a public persona (at least within the lesbian community) was Dykes to Watch Out For, quite a bit of which is available for free online

Henry James, The Bostonians – one of the first recognizable depictions of a queer female character in literature (not really…I’d trouble that as a professor, but that’s how it gets taught in general, and it was one of the first books where even contemporary reviewers were quick to note that there was something “wrong” or “morbid,” which was 19th C. code for what would come to be understood as lesbian sexuality, about Olive Chancellor) – free online, though it’s James at his most….Jamesian, which means it’s not that accessible

The poetry of Emily Dickinson! It’s all free online. There’s a ton of it, though much of it isn’t obviously queer

James Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room – gets into bisexual identity in a way a lot of works don’t do; on the sadder side…fair warning

Virginia Woolf! Especially Orlando or Mrs. Dalloway – the former has been called “the longest and most charming love-letter in literature” (to Woolf’s longtime friend and lover, Vita Sackville-West) and deals with the fluidity of gender and time; the latter has quite a few flashbacks to the brief childhood romance of the protagonist and her friend. Both of them are great, but Woolf, as a modernist, can have a writing style that’s difficult to get into at first (for instance, time really isn’t stable or linear, which is something I adore about her, but definitely takes some getting used to). They’re both available free online through Project Gutenberg

Radclyffe Hall, The Well of Loneliness – it’s a classic, in the sense that it’s one of those books people sort of expect you to have read if you do lesbian literature. It’s certainly an interesting story and told well, but it’s not even close to a happy ending and is rather conciliatory to prevailing norms (though even still it was taken to the courts under the obscenity laws) - free online, though!

Sarah Waters – a contemporary novelist who writes almost all historical fiction about queer women! Some of her stories are better known (e.g. Tipping the Velvet), but they’re pretty much all great. Varying degrees of angst, but definitely an accessible read

Maggie Nelson, The Argonauts – sort of experimental in form (it’s fiction with footnotes!); it deals with a lesbian woman coming to terms with her partner’s transition and her own identity during the process

E.M. Forster, Maurice – even though it was first drafted in the 1910s, Forster edited it throughout his life, and, given the subject matter, which was also autobiographical, and the prevailing attitudes at the time, the book was only published posthumously in the 70s

Colette’s Claudine series – it’s long (multi-volume) but sort of a classic – they’re all old enough to be free online, though the English translation is harder to come by

Eileen Myles – lesbian poet and novelist – I’d recommend Inferno but some of her poetry is free online

Rita Mae Brown – Rubyfruit Jungle and Oranges Are not the Only Fruit are both quite good, though, especially the latter deals with religiously-motivated homophobia, so I know at least my girlfriend, who dealt with a lot of that from her family, opted not to read it for her own mental health.

Tony Kushner, Angels in America – this two-part play deals with the AIDS crisis in America – it’s been turned into a TV miniseries, a Broadway play, and a movie, some of which are available online

Really anything by David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs – both are gay authors who deal a lot with short stories (a ton of memoir/autobiographical stuff) – the former is a bit funnier, but they both have enough sarcasm and dry wit even in dark situations to make them fast reads

Alan Ginsburg’s poetry

Walt Whitman’s poetry (though it can be really fucking racist)

Binyavanga Wainaina, One Day I Will Write About This Place – does deal with issues of sexual abuse as a warning

Anything by Amber Hollibaugh (she writes a lot about class and butch/femme dynamics – quite a bit of her stuff has been scanned and uploaded online)

Michelle Tea – was a slam poet; recovering alcoholic; fantastically funny and talented author and delightful human being if you ever get the chance to meet her or go to one of her readings

Randy Shilts, And the Band Played On – more a work of investigative journalism than anything, the work is a stunning indictment of the indifference of the US government during some of the worst years of the AIDS crisis, but it also provides a good bit of gay history

Terry Galloway Mean Little Deaf Queer – deals with one woman’s experience of losing her hearing and navigating the world and the Deaf and deaf communities as a once-hearing person – she’s sort of acerbic and always funny;

Jeffrey Eugenides, Middlesex – grapples with intersex identity in a way that’s still far too rare in literature

Theodore Winthrop, Cecil Dreem – just rediscovered about two years ago, this is one of the few pretty happy gay novels from the nineteenth century! Free online!

Leslie Feinberg, Stone Butch Blues – pretty clear from the title, but deals with a butch character’s struggles with gender identity (takes T to pass for a while, but then gets alienated from the lesbian community; eventually stops taking T, but still struggles with what that means for her) – Feinberg’s wife made it free online for everyone after Feinberg’s death (the book had a limited print run, which made finding copies both hard and expensive)

Harvey Fierstein, Torch Song Trilogy – trilogy later adapted for film about an effeminate gay man (who also performs as a drag queen) and his life and family

Oscar Wilde – his novels aren’t explicitly gay, but they often dance around it thematically, at least; his heartbreaking letter, De Profundis, which he wrote to his lover while imprisoned for “gross indecency,” is available online

Anything by Dorothy Alison

Audre Lorde, Zami: A New Spelling of My Name - great as a memoir and a cultural history

There’s so many more but this is so my jam I suspect I’ve already rambled too long

If you’re interested in film, here are a few:

Paris Is Burning (a film about drag ball culture in NYC)

Fire – Deepa Mehta (it’s on YouTube in the US)

Boys Don’t Cry – there is a lot of homophobia and transphobia in the film, so it’s definitely one you’ll want to be in the right mindset to watch (I, for one, have only watched it once)

But I’m a Cheerleader – over-the-top mockumentary-esque film that satirizes conversion therapy and the Christian “documentaries” that claimed to showcase their successes (RuPaul is in it as well)

Desert Hearts – one of the earliest films to leave open the possibility of a happy ending for the lesbian couple

Hedwig and the Angry Itch – deals with gender identity and feelings of not belonging (also a fabulous musical)

Philadelphia – about one man’s experience of discrimination while dying of AIDS

There are plenty of lighter films, but I figure these tend to also talk more seriously about some issues as well

I don’t know if anyone but me made it to the end of this post, but there’s also so much fun queer theory out there that I won’t get into here, but I’m always up for giving more recommendations!

#ask me #anon #professor rambles #lgbtq history #lgbtq literature #book recommendations #film recommendations

75 notes · View notes