#glad i missed the worst of it

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

[nightswatchdisbandmentera]

ASOIAF discourse would be a lot more fun if we all realized that every single person who has been put in a position of leadership/rulership fails in one way or another. Jon and Dany failing is not an indictment on their abilities to lead or rule. They’re kids, they still have shit to figure out. Given “what was Aragorn’s tax policy”, I doubt GRRM will write a story that will feature the appearance of a most perfect ruler ever who will be a total success instead Jon and Dany who were tOtAl FlOpS. Especially if this person has no previous experience that has been detailed within the text itself. That’s not only antithetical to the series, but also not how you write a narrative.

#I don’t mean to be condescending but so many people missed the point of yg #he’s not here to be the perfect solution over jon and dany #he’s here to validate their arcs as heroes and leaders - sorry to say #they’re incredibly flawed individuals and they intimately failed in adwd but like literally so did everyone else #FAILURE IS A PROCESS OF LEARNING!!! #their stories aren’t over yet #grrm isn’t going to write yg being the most perfect king ever so we can be like ew jon and dany suck glad they died or whatever #he’s also not likely to be the third head of the dragon but I don’t want to get into that today #asoiaf #jon snow #daenerys targaryen #valyrianscrolls #anti reddit rant lmao #god I should stop visiting that subreddit it’s the worst snajbabsjan

[scrawnytreedemon]

While I intend this blog to remain a largely news-free space due to the constant hellstate of the world, let me be clear that I stand in full support of both the Palestinian and Jewish peoples who are currently experiencing relentless hate and suffering in these horrid times.

I am disgusted at the number of people, especially "progressives" on this website who have used this situation to spread both Islamophobia and Antisemitism. This goes double if you dared to reblog those "punch nazis/fascists <3" and "[x] are welcome here!" posts while in the next breath spreading dangerous fucking narratives that kill people.

So many people in online political spaces evidently see this as nothing more than a case of picking "sides", when ultimately what matters is supporting the oppressed against fascist governments and militias, wherever they are.

Common people will always have more alike with each other than their leaders. This is not a novel concept. Your activism should always be motivated by love and compassion first, and hatred second. If you use your beliefs as an excuse to find an acceptable target to vent your hatred towards regardless of the actual material outcome, you are no fucking activist.

You're a bigot.

#current events #antisemitism #islamophobia #scrawny rambles #scrawny speaks #again i have not been saying much both for the fact that this blog is meant to be a quiet place #and that i do not consider myself to be a reliable source of serious information and/or morals #but regardless i have been watching i have been taking note #i see you i hear you #and while i am currently in no position to materially help right now #the moment i can i will #i don't like signalling this kind of thing because i want it to be evident in how i *act* #but as this cannot be taken as a given i will say this: #you are welcome here. i am so sorry the world is hateful and vile and i wish i could wipe it all away. #you and your folk did nothing to deserve this and you are right to be scared. and i wish to give you my love. #fascism and genocide are not things to be taken lightly. bigoted 'jokes' are vile and dangerous. human life is what's at stake. #we are heading into a wave of hate that has the potential to repeat history in the worst way imaginable. get a fucking grip. #i'm unlikely to address this further as again. reasons stated above. but i wanted to make my stance clear. #it is late as fuck and i'm pissed. people who should know better miss the fucking memo completely. #i'm fucking glad i unfollowed a popular blogger when i did because look what they're posting now. antisemetic 'jokes'. #i really wonder how common this shit truly is. how many people get away with cloaking themselves as 'progressive.' #or perhaps they genuinely think they are. cognitive dissonance is one hell of a drug. fuck them regardless. scum. #you are no progressive. you are a bigot. a leftist bigot is a bigot regardless of how 'revolutionary' you posture to be. #anyhow apologies for any errors. again. it's late. hope you guys are doing well <3

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

#eric at it again with the cameos #i cant with him right now #hes driving me crazy #what a messy king am i right? #he said breakup and then he said love and then he's like grinning ear to ear about chenford #so like can it really be that bad even if its bad for a little bit? #eric winter i missed you bud #im so glad you are back #eric winter #he definitely knows more then he lets on #im okay with that #ill hope for the best and expect the worst at this point #the rookie #chenford #tim x lucy

[trashworldblog]

my dash being exclusively my mutuals talking about what a bad experience that was, is something that can be so healing

#ive missed this #there were so many random blogs spewing the worst takes #im glad i have my people back

[cosmicpines]

There are a lot of things I'm thinking after watching the Alex Hirsch interview but a lot of it really is how much I appreciate how much I have learned about storytelling and emotion and how much of that was through GF. I'm sure most of the people who were around back in the day aren't here anymore, but there was a theory called Grunk4Gramp that arose in the hiatus after NWHS and before ATOTS. It was essentially that, since we knew Stan had stolen Ford, (god, he was still Stanley at the time)'s identity, that Grunkle Stan was the twins' grandfather. And I don't remember my exact opinion at the time but then when the "Shermie's grandkids" line and the fandom exploded again. I don't remember exactly when I realized that, yeah, that is a bit of a sloppy solution, but emotionally, yeah. It can't be Stan or Ford because that would retroactively make one or both of them really, really bad. It would be heavy and super complicated to cover in half a season. And then hearing Alex literally say that, practically word for word, just makes me really happy.

It makes me think more about just the prevailing attitude of "oh they're geniuses they must have had a plan for everything!" level of deep scrutiny. Which like, honestly? Fair. Most of us were in high school or younger. GF was a show like no other. It encouraged this kind of behavior. In retrospect, the moment that started falling apart for me was when a lot of people were so deeply insistent on the slit pupil maybe-still-possessed-Bipper thing after NWHS that I just... It's like Grunk4Gramp. What kind of storytelling would it be if Dipper wasn't making any of his own decisions? What would we even gain from the story then?

Being a creator is very difficult. Even as creators, we often forget that people who make things are still human and make mistakes. We sometimes forget that things can't be perfect and shiny and are just going to be good enough. We fight for those emotional beats and sometimes it'll make something inconsistent. Or sometimes something will fall a little flat. Or sometimes something will fall really flat. And that it happens to everyone, even creators we really love and respect. The best we can do as people is fight for the story we want to tell, not filling every plot hole and demanding an answer for every little thing. It's fun to be the second -- god, don't I know it. It is SO MUCH FUN overanalyzing things, ask literally any of my friends -- but knowing that something being complicated and intricate doesn't mean its good and vice versa.

Anyway I just really respect the GF crew and how much they put into this show, even now, 12 fucking years later. I really respect and love the fandom and all the wild shit that came out of it. My main creative project right now wouldn't exist if it wasn't for an offshoot fandom of the GF fandom, which is really a weird thing to say out of context. I just miss it.

oh also I found this on my blog while trying to find grunk4gramp things and lmao

8 years ago...

#mary blabs #do i put this in the tag #eh why not #gravity falls #miss ya dreadfully glad we never got more #altho the way alex talked about the stan ford dynamic god i want that spin off he will keep in his back pocket #i am stoked for book of bill #i am an unrepentant bill fan hes the worst i adore him

[frecklystars]

spent over half an hour laying in bed and staring at the ceiling and thinking about ken squeezing the sadness out of me. he genuinely believes he can do it. he shouts "get outta there, sadness!!! no place for you in MY sweet girl!!!" and he keeps hugging me super hard until i laugh and then he squeezes even harder and lifts me off the floor. "sads, be gone, foul fiend!!!!!!" and he doesn't stop until i tell him it's gone. and then he sets me onto the floor and keeps his arms around me, smiling proudly. then he flexes. ain't NOTHIN' gonna bother HIS sweet girl when HE'S around 💪✨ !!!!!!!

#he's so silly #vent #love notes #💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́- #had one of the worst crying sessions this week holy shit #i see a fictional robot and my whole entire system just crashes #i take one look at stsc and its like my heart breaks all over again #fuck ptsd fr fr i should be able to feel safe around my f/os. i should feel safe. period. that should never have been stolen from me #im so glad i have ken but jesus it just. isnt the same. miss my starlight. miss my honeybee. miss everyone #ugh. ugh. UGH. UGHHHHHHH #ANYWAY. #squeeze the goddamn ptsd out of me Kenneth Carson i beg of you

[aq2003]

the diehard clara hater/lover quiz is fun because some of the lover descriptions feel like they're describing the most toxic evil person on planet earth and it's like guys i think we have all forgotten the fact that canonically she is twelve's one tie to earth and has to remind him of how to care about people. and like she dies in a doctor-esque sacrifice to save someone. she just reflects the worst qualities of the doctor she is not an evil possessive selfish girlboss woman. i do wish she was more awful though i think it would be funny to have a sole companion like that making the doctor worse

#i feel like the writing about her is not 100% solid. if there's this much range in interpretation going on #although it may be fandom reading comprehension or whatever #i wish she was in more episodes of s9 to flesh her out more and develop her relationship w twelve more gradually #i wish we got to see why she is so dissatisfied with just having one life. and stuff exploring her life on earth #before she met the doctor. and why she reflects the doctor's uglier qualities. as opposed to many other companions before her #that instead became the hero of the story in the doctor's place (rose + bad wolf. martha walking the earth. doctordonna) #her relationship w danny feels wrong like she is just going through the motions w him. girl what is it ur drawn to abt him #there is quite obviously something wrong with her. i just feel like we needed to see more of what that something was #and dont say its the impossible girl stuff. thats the worst shit ive seen in my whole fucking life #quite possibly the most heinous arc for a companion of all time and im glad deep breath continues on like its not real #if there are any clara enjoyers out there feel free to monologue in my inbox about her. i think theres smth about her i don't really get. #like im missing a piece of the puzzle or something. #dr who #12 era

[that-butch-archivist]

Discovered that two of the femme books I'd been wanting for a while (that JUST arrived) were written by femmes who actually live in my state. Is. Is there a secret femme lesbian society I'm not aware of??? And would you folks mind an eavesdropper???? I don't want to interrupt, I'd just love to take notes.

#archivist talk #also very glad i am putting a pause on book purchasing for fixing the subaru budget reasons #because since i posted those photos of my current collection for example #more than a dozen books have come in #and i'm still waiting on a couple more arrivals #a few of them are black lesbian anthologies i've had my eye on for quite a while so i'm really excited EEEEEEE #if i had $300-ish to spare i think i could probably clear out the niche on my book list that is black/southern usa/sapphic #i think wrapping up the rest of the femme collection might take $400-ish but god i am willing #the butch collection .... is gonna be a real doozy for a fat minute i need to find somewhere that even has copies of certain books to sell #which will also be hard because in my two years of looking i am still looking for books that i have never seen pop up #worst comes to worst i'm going to scout every bookstore in my area #maybe go through the whole state if i'm feeling plucky #and then definitely go to chicago because i love chicago and miss their bookstores #also i have found a few really good finds in chicago bookstores before so i hope my luck holds

[james-stark-the-writer]

sometimes the way you people talk about Riverdale really makes me feel like you guys are anti-art lmao

#the day society thought there was 'bad art' and that inherently meant it had no value and was better off not existing was the day we lost. #'oh we're so glad it's over' you don't even watch the show. #'how did they ruin such a good show?' i don't believe you have actually seen S01 bc it was actually garbage. easily the worst season. #like S01 legitimately is some of the most boring TV. #and if you like it that's fine but to say it was a good show in S01 is so wjfsjfnsbdhd #raise your standards please #anyway uh some of you just are assholes and very much anti-art with the way you talk about some stuff #art is like meant to communicate something and express a feeling and evoke an emotion. my god. #the way some of you conceptualize it as just mindless entertainment is so embarrassing and sad. #like truly i mean i'm sad for you. you're missing out on so many unparalleled art experiences if all you're looking for is 'good art' #won't get into it under here but that FriendlySpaceNinja Riverdale video is so dogshit specifically BECAUSE it embodies this exact idea #'good writing always wins' you don't get art. you flat out don't. #to conceptualize art as only being 'good' (having value) if it has 'good writing' is such a stupid and capitalist way of thinking about art #anyway that societal critique would eat away at my tag limit so i won't get into it. #james talks #riverdale #not exclusive to Riverdale by the way. also very much applies to something like twilight. #like we've already done such a cultural reevaluation of twilight but i still see so many takes on it that are like 'this shouldn't exist' #and it's very inherently anti-art. also fundamentally the idea of 'good art' is just such dogshit but like go watch the CJ the X video— #on subjectivity in art for a much more comprehensive take on that. they break it down a lot better than i can in tags. #disliking something and understanding it isn't for you isn't the same thing as saying it shouldn't exist btw. #'twilight was not my taste' and 'twilight ruined vampires' or 'twilight is toxic and should've never been written' aren't the same. #like disliking something as an artistic piece bc it doesn't do anything for you is fine! good even. that's like the whole point of art! #but the whole 'burn it down' and 'this is ruining culture and TV' takes are so insufferable and anti-art lol

[timetravellingkitty]

.

#last night an ex friend who ignored me for 6 fucking months just messaged me saying “oh im sorry i want to make things clear between us” #“i dont want any bad relations before the end of the year blah blah blah” #and she didn't even apologise properly #i told her i didnt accept her apology because i didnt trust her anymore and that i deserved friends who cared about stuff like that #and her response to that? “wow nice to see you're so cocky let me knock your ego down a few notches” #“you're a loud and obnoxious bitch you think you the world revolves around you just cause you read some feminist books” #which tells me that she really didnt mean her sorry #she just wants a clean slate and validation she's actually a good person #im sorry but you dont get to use as a stepping stone for YOUR character development #why apologise if you don't fucking mean it #and the worst part is my friend still thinks she's a good person and whatever blah blah blah FUCK OFF #i know no one really wants to listen what i have to say given that i'm always taken as a joke #but srsly fuck off it's amazing how her friend hurting me isnt a big deal cause she's “not as bad as i think she is” #god i miss my old friends we have such a strong bond but we don't meet that often i just want to hug them so bad #i'm glad i didnt listen to the part of me that wanted to forgive her one of my ex friends was also like her and i've learnt my lesson #vent #personal

[plushefemme]

got so many horny text posts locked and loaded for this weekend, guess im at the stage in my healing process where all my feedism feelings are flooding back in full force

#we're BACK babey #god ive missed this blog #when i was in the worst of it all i srsly considered deleting but im so glad i didnt #plushetxt

[ominous-horse-noises]

jay is my ultimate bias and seungeon + jongwoo are in my top 9..... but the Zoom stage outsold every other this episode, including Love Killa. that performance was INSANE

#haruto keita wumuti miss even once challenge (impossible) #ollie was so charming too with his dorky rap dhjk i love him #hyunbeen sure was. there #no hate to him whatsoever he's a good performer surrounded by great performers. his 'oh geez' was pretty fun though #boys planet #i went insane over jay's you're my home baby line its true. something shifted #the way they wanted me to think that ONE slightly cracked note was the worst thing the world has ever heard... stfu mnet i'll kill you #seungeon you did amazingly sweetie #and JONGWOO!!! #i've had my eye on him since backdoor but he was incredible in this episode #so talented and so accommodating of his teammates. he shines most in dance but he made the choreo simpler to help his struggling teammates #so glad he's getting a surge in popularity now i cant believe we almost lost him to elims

[rotationalsymmetry]

I don’t know if this is what you are looking for exactly, but I enjoy writing for Postcards to Voters because they focus on non-presidential races. I am currently writing postcards against an anti-choice constitutional amendment proposition in Ohio.

I wish more people would do things like that, instead of making posts that guilt trip people for not being excited enough about voting for the Blue sexual harasser instead of the Red one.

Thank you for your highly sensible response.

I guess there's a thing where "just because someone takes 15 seconds to shoot their mouth off online about something that's annoying them doesn't mean they have the time/energy to do anything actually constructive, even more so for the people who took .5 seconds to hit reblog now on someone else's shooting their mouth of post" but I think it would be strictly better for people to spend that .5 second exerting a smidgen of self control and going "either it's actual GOTV or it's not, and if it's not I'm going to not reblog it."

And as the election is over a year away...I don't think "vote blue no matter who" is actually a Get Out The Vote action at this point in time. It's annoying enough when people do it in person but at least then there's occasionally some chance of having a reasonable discussion about it, but on social media between people who don't really know each other? Ha snowball's chance in hell.

(I haven't done Postcards to Voters the last couple years, but I did around 2019-2020 or so and they are fairly low barrier to entry as long as you have stamp money, super introvert friendly, you can be as creative or non-creative as you want to be, and as you can do it from your home on your own schedule pretty darn spoonie friendly as well. As well as covid-safe. And yes, there's a big focus on local/state campaigns, which warms my participatory democracy loving little heart.) (ughh sounds like an important campaign maybe I should pick this thing up again.)

#I did big posts arguing about this in 2000 but I felt crummy afterwards so I'd really rather not rehash all that #it's theoretically and pragmatically wrong on multiple levels #this is the internet you don't get unity #you get two splinter groups arguing the two most extreme ends of the position possible each side convinced that they are 100% right #someone who's a little bit in favor of voting blue no matter who will get downright dogmatic about it #someone who's a little bit against will end up surrounded by anarchists who think voting is a waste of time #which wouldn't be the worst outcome ever #except that as far as I can tell most of the most vocal anarchists on tumblr don't do shit except tear down democratic politicians #like ok glad you think you're right I don't want to have anything to do with you though #there's like 2-3 anarchist posters on here who actually talk about direct action and organizing and stuff -- about things people can do #I guess with the abundance of time freed up by not spending a couple hours doing research and half an hour filling out a ballot #or much much less time than that if they're voting just for the president #yup congrats you sure saved a lot of time there now you have more time to convince other people to not vote either AWESOME GOOD JOB (sarcas #on an unrelated note I really need to work on a following the local news habit #and finding some way to learn more about oakland's history since I live here now #and I know how annoying it can be when someone's trying to be active in local politics but is missing highly important context

[lavenderjewels]

brings me joy to see fanart of hana. she is funny!!

#I’ll always be her defender #writing wise it’s a disappointing and bad choice for gege to write hana and by extension angel out #when there’s SO much there that was skimmed over the second they failed to kill sukuna #and for what? because Hana’s missing an arm?? even then there could be more dialogue between characters or angel flashbacks #but that aside fans also say the worst shit #that typical thing where a teenage girl is kinda cringey and silly. then suddenly there’s people ripping her apart for being annoying/whiny #same w the fan polls where i saw comments saying maki and nobara being low is bc jjk is bad with women #and yes it absolutely is bad in that department. but that is Not why inumaki or naoya place so high above 😭 #I’m glad there’s more love for Mai too. she falls into a similar place as hana where she doesn’t have a huge role #and there were missed writing opportunities (although I think Mai’s presence is pretty great tbh) #but fans overlook everything (and esp. their relationships and trauma) and just call her names #that’s enough of my monthly rant where i want to vent a little about characters deserving more from fans and the creator #look all I’m saying is if inumaki can have such a huge fan base just bc people like his design #then why not hana!! she has an interesting backstory - is funny - AND has amazing fashion

[sucktacular]

YALL THEY FINALLY HAD MY ACNE CREAM IN STOCK AGAIN LISTEN ITS BEEN LIKE A MONTH!!! MY FACE FEELS TERRIBLE!!!! LIKE, FUCK!!! BUT I HAVE IT IN MY HANDS!!! HAZAA!!!!!!! GO TO HELL ACNE AND OILS!!!!!!!!!!!! AND STAY THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#sucktacular sucks #hi so im also a lil high and tired as fuck lol #but man I'm so glad to have it again fuck man #my skin has been literally the worst its ever been. i think suddenly stopping the medication cream #really made my skin/pores go NUTS #shout out to all my persistent adult acne folks!!!! i see you i love you i understand and im sorry #also i started using an antibiotic face cream and not to be dramatic but it literally changed my life #like i feel more confident and i dont have to worry about touching my face and im not in pain! #and i think it also helped smooth my face skin texture out a bit?? idk the lack of pain alone is such a huge difference to me #its not like it was super painful 24/7 but trying to open my mouth to eat would hurt at peak cystic acne times. and woof #don't miss that at all #sorry im rambling my life story nfkdbjfjs thanks for coming to my ted talk im gonna go to bed BYEEEEEE 😤✌️