#geez what a month

[manonamora-if]

May Check-In

This is a bit late, because I've been debugging the past two days.

So I bought Tropico 6 during the last Steam sale. If you haven't seen me posting for a while, blame by wish to be a benevolent dictator of a fake Caribbean island.

Onto the usual index:

Recap of last month’s progress

IF Events in the Next Month (I won't do this anymore)

Plan for the next month

Still long post under the break. If you want a mini version, head on over to itch.io as usual!

April Progress

From last month, what did we do:

Play more games: ✅

I started so good, finishing reviewing the SeedComp! entries, as well as the Revival Jam and had started on the Spring Thing... then I got distracted by the TALJ and Tropico... I also need to update @manonamora-if-reviews at some point... It's at least 100 reviews behind.

Finish the Code of Ch5✅ of Harcourt and edit the Ending Chapter ✅

YES! IT IS DONE! I have finally fixed those godamn doors in the maze that were giving me so much trouble. Also MelS has gotten my edits on all the Chapters/files (and was given extra comments because I also fixed some code in previous chapters). He is hard at work dying editing the missing text.

The only thing left for me is to: - add the maze visuals (map, book/letter formatting) - settle on a design for the final maze puzzle (need to so some research) - include the missing chapter/text (waiting for MelS)

Finish fixing The Roads Not Taken. Or An Eggcellent Preparation. Maybe the other parser too (it just needs a smidge of polish).

LOL... This is the shameful failure that is following me around, ringing that darn bell.

Should i give up on it? Maybe one day...

Complete the TALJ entry. ✅

I have been battling this one the whole morning trying to fix so many bugs. But I'm pretty happy about it. For one: it was actually tested by someone (not like last year). For two: it's actually an easy parser (like you can't lose!).

And the idea had been ringing in my head for so long, I had the prompt submitted to last SeedComp!.

But yeah, this had been happening for a while already. And even though it doesn't have the level of polish I had hopped (future me problem with updates), it is probably one of the better one I've made.

Anyway, play Lysidice and the Minotaur (I'll have an official post tomorrow). (and you can vote for it if you want...)

What else happened this month????

Well, the SeedComp! ended, so I had to deal with all the admin, and making the cool stickers for the different entries. That took quite a bit of time... but worth it! Some really cool entries this year, yet again!

Well, this is more of it's been done last month but released this month: Les lettres du Docteur Jeangille has been translated into English, for the Spring Thing (in the Main Garden, if you feel like voting for games). You can find the post there!

I've been also drafting some post-mortems, one for Jeangille and one for Lysidice. They should come out during the month, at some point.

:/ I have to update my website again now...

I wanted to do an entry in the Dialogue Jam, but my idea didn't pan out on time (too buggy for release). Or eer... cough cough... I had enough will power not to do it? Anyway, also I made the Really Bad IF Jam, which starts today!

What’s happening in May?

As mentioned at the start, I'm dropping this section from my check-in. First, it's buried deep in a wall of text, so no visibility (it should have been a separate post, oh well). If people actually check the events out, I'm sure it would be a miracle.

But mainly... a zine has popped up recently, specifically about IF called What's New in IF? (@if-whats-new), releasing weekly. Since it includes events, like the jams/comps/conferences I used to mention here (and it looks more sleek than a Tumblr post), I'll just leave them do all that hard work instead 😅

So yea... as long as the zine is happening, I'm out 😅 Well, I'll drop them links to my jams and stuff I see, because they seem to be looking for help in finding stuff.

The PLANtm for May

I'm playing Tropico, so I'm getting and will probably going to get less stuff done. Which is not a bad think. Breaks are important. Will I go on a break this month?

Probably should...

But if I don't, where's what I hope to do:

Play more games: On my juicy list I have: the Spring Thing, the newly released Dialogue Jam and TALJ, the Locus Jam and Really BAD IF is happening this month too (so more gameses!), and a few non-comp releases I've had my eye on.

Code Chapter 6/Endings: I need to wait for MelS for this, since he's editing my comments. I'll prob look for visuals for the puzzle in the meantime.

Fixing an older games. Instead of new, do something old.

Write the next Chapter/Scene of a WIP, because it would be good to actually do that. And make some actual progress at seeing stuff being done. (I want to write some Razac snippets....)

Let's have a boring month!

~

The 2024 To-Do List:

LOL, I've only done the website! :D

The hopefully maybe easy to handle To-Do:

fix the bugs in EDOC + overall the French version to match (waiting for Adventuron to get the French language)

fix the bugs of TRNT + find a way to add the missing pieces (giving up on the translation)

fixing the interface of LPM and the popups + check animal interactions

figure out the One-Button JavaScrip/jQuery issue...

edit the loading screens of the completed tiny games to include the program/format logo at least.

The 'Need a Bunch of Content to update but it's planned!' To-Do:

Update my website (bunch new title - also I don't think the logo clicky thing work...) + redo my itch page

Finish TTATEH (MelS dependent)

Finish Exquisite Cadaver (half-way mark by this summer - manif)

Finish P-Rix - Space Trucker (main path at least)

Update CRWL (it's been almost two years... I'm ashamed)

The Unlikely But it Would be Dope To-Do

Finish The Dinner as it was planned (and translate)

Finish In the Blink of an Eye as it was planned (and retranslate)

Finish The Rye in the Dark City

Fixing TTTT (at least fixing, maybe try adding some storylets)

And finally The 'It's impossible, but one can wish' TO-DO:

Remaster SPS IH (if I managed to start this after completing the rest... I'm going to eat a whole sheet cake).

Start the IFComp project (2025? Might end up being a ST?)

#progress #update #interactive fiction #check in #monthly check in #manonamora #geez what a month #why do I keep doing this to myself

[rebouks]

Previous // Next

Matilda: You said you’d stop seeing her! Sam: I know, but… [Sam trails off mid-sentence, fidgeting] Matilda: [huffs] For fuck’s sake, Sam! Stop pissing around and tell me the truth. Sam: I didn’t sign up for monogamy, Tilly! You knew that, you were happy with that-.. you didn’t want it either. I just thought you were being like.. extra emotional ‘cause, y’know-… [Sam stumbles over his words, gesturing toward Matilda’s midriff vaguely] Matilda: So, you gave me your word without ever intending on keeping it? Sam: I just figured everything would go back to normal afterward… Matilda: [sighs] I don’t want to argue, it’s all I’ve done today. Sam: So, let’s not. Matilda: Sorry.. I know you didn’t ask for this. Sam: That’s not the problem though, is it? Matilda: I don’t want you to change for me. Sam: Ditto. Matilda: I thought I’d be okay with it, but I’m not. Sam: Open relationships aren’t for everyone. It’s okay to want different things. Matilda: I guess we should stop pretending then… Sam: Probably. [Sam slides to his feet and pulls Matilda close, resting his head against hers] Sam: You don’t need me; you never have. Matilda: Duh. Sam: And let’s face it.. I’m not the one you want, am I? Matilda: [scoffs] Shut up. [Sam chuckles briefly] Matilda: You can go now. Sam: Alright-.. no hard feelings? … [Matilda hadn’t answered Sam before he left. She didn’t like being dumped, even if it was mutual-.. even if it made sense] Matilda: I guess it’s just-… [Sighing, Matilda cut herself off mid-sentence. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t talk to it-.. but right now, she felt as though it was all she had] Matilda: What a shitty day.

#ts4 #sims 4 #simblr #ts4 story #sims story #forever in between #fib #matilda douglas #samson avalos #what a shitty day indeed.. #i mean.. sam lying wasn't great but he's not a terrible guy #it's not fair for either of em to adjust what they're comfortable with for the other #but geez.. could'a said it a few months ago when she wasn't abt to pop #okok maybe we should be a lil pissed at him #😅🙈 #booooooo

[2hoothoots]

i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:

Restore Ford Cruller's memory

Find Maligula

???

Profit

but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.

[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]

like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.

...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:

[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]

and that's kind of interesting, right?

to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:

"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"

my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.

so what is going on here?

in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:

"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."

other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.

the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.

[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]

i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!

we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.

like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.

i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #bored waiting at the airport so you get more psychonauts meta from me #the delugionists have been on my mind recently (because i Might Just have an upcoming au lorepost about them and also cults are fun) #so tossing my thoughts up here because people seemed to like the last few times i did this #and also it's my blog and i like to talk :) #related vent i HATE drafting posts in the tumblr editor because if you hit crtl+z to try and undo a formatting change #it deletes like half the post you just typed out #(yes i did it again while i was writing this. yes i'm still salty. why do i even bother) #what else... this is just becoming a disconnected thoughts dump #but if you've seen my posts you knew what you were signing up for when you hit the button to expand the post tags #there's new art coming hopefully this weekend if i can get it finished! it's more mermaid au designs #i'm two and a half weeks late for mermay but it turns out starting a new job and moving house doesn't leave you with a ton of free time #but that's okay it's never too late for mermaids #omg and artfight's coming up next month too! geez #i gotta make refsheets for the fsau trio because i would LOVE to get art of them #and this year i don't have a thesis to crunch on so i might actually have time to participate #oh and then in august i'm having top surgery! will make a proper announcement post for it at some point #i say 'announcement'. it's just a life update but it's nice to share #i'm super excited about it :) #i might end up blogging the process and recovery but obviously it won't be going here lol. i'd put it on my main #idk if anyone would find it useful but when i first started looking into surgery i had like very little idea about the whole process #and it's only through joining a bunch of online support/discussion groups that i managed to find more info and resources #so hey it might be useful to share? we'll see #our flight doesn't land for another fifty minutes so now i'm just writing in the tags because i'm bored #alright i'll proofread this and then post it when i land and have signal again. peace out yall hope your pride month is going well

[duckprintspress]

WE'RE FUNDEEEED.

I always love the confetti KS shoots out when we hit timestamp zero on a successful campaign. I've screen-capped it for every campaign we've run (this is our fifth successful KS campaign, plus a sixth I ran on my personal account, and four other campaigns I've run elsewhere).

Oh god I can finally breathe again. Don't mind me, gonna go sit in a corner and happy sob for a bit.

#duck prints press #what a month the last two days have been geeze

[storfulsten]

Draw more Whitty x bf (?)

yee ok

sussy space boyfriends counts right

#bombeep #whittyxbf #somehow I could bring myself to doodle today it's a miracle #it's been months since I last doodled them geez #I miss them ha #amongus au based bc idc vibes I guess #and very messy and lazy couldn't be arsed to do a lot of things properly #but whatever just glad to have doodled them at all tbh #so ye enjoy I guess idk #or don't #whatever floats your boat #fnf au #fnf among us au #fnf shipping #boyfriend #whitty #bf #I draw what I want #thanks for the suggestion #sorry for messing stuff up #stay groovy friendo #hopefully more bombeep soon fingers crossed and all that

[quesadilla-day]

sword dance ⚔️

#kunikuzushi #genshin impact #scaramouche #art #mine #the colors started out just as contrast blocking whatever it's called #like when i figure out where the colors are supposed to go #but i really dug the combo so it stayed!! #chief!!! there's a little dancing man on the roof! he broke into the sword cabinet again!!! #oh cripes oh geez oh man alive #this is the third time this month!!! #chief!!! the shogun's son is on the roof! (what's he doing there??) a sword dance!! #idk if this is acreage at all. #what is a sword dance #just had a lot of fun with the pose is all

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the thing they don't warn you about freshly pierced ears is the Sleep Anxiety

#im so worried about like... irritating them / ripping them out in my sleep #what if they get caught on one of my many blankets or pillows hm... #last night was the first night with 'em and i already had a stress dream #which unfortunately was one of those double deckers where The Demons™️ try to get me #but geez. #i arranged my bedding in such a way that im kinda sitting up and my head is stabilized enough so that i dont turn onto my side #or put pressure on my ~lobes~ #thus begins a long couple of months of Healing #cant wait to take these babeys out and switch things up #not that i dont like the ones i have for the healing process!! im very happy with them!!! #but Ough. monkey brain impatient.... #absolutely unprompted #i got a uhhh Saline Spray to clean em #and im so worried im gonna run out way prematurely #my depth perception and spatial awareness is a little... Off... #so it takes 2-3 attempts to actually Spray The Piercing #i end up wiping water off of my face and neck lmfao. my hair is Dripping every time #its just a general air of Paranoia #the last time i pierced my ears was years ago and i got a nasty ass infection that put me off of it until. like. a day ago #i was convinced this time bc it was done professionally with a needle and everything #INFINITELY better. lots of fun. i feel somewhat confident that it'll heal correctly #even if my bank account wont. But Its Worth It Tho Its Worth It- #and Yes im procrastinating sleep #my ability to scribble abruptly tanked so maybe ill write a bit instead #see if the artism Transferred

[britneyshakespeare]

did i tell you guys i got my dad to start reading jane eyre

#he's been reading it on and off for geez idek how long now probably at least a few months #im not normally a fast reader but i did read jane eyre in exactly one week #that overlapped w my spring break tho. i went feral #to think that was five years ago almost... crazy #tales from diana #i saw the lights on downstairs and i went down to check what that was for and i found him in his office reading #and he said 'im still working' (he did in fact have his work open on his computer) #hes been liking it #i think we all remember the first time we read jane eyre and we saw jane and rochester got engaged #and panicking bc there was still sooooo much book left. oh my god #the level of not ok that was #jane eyre really is the goddamn best. like it really is #it invented new emotions in me. brother #he's almost done though. i can tell he's enjoying it bc he's been reading it more lately

[astro-gnome]

lol day 3 of absolute misery at work. every time someone walked in the door i wanted to be like:

#i still dont know what im doing trying to close the store down & all that #but all my managers that i can report to know that #:):) #and like i know we were closed for a month but we dont need to be so fucking slammed. geez.

[captainofthetidesbreath]

some of you constantly swing baseball bats at hornet's nests, then complain about the angry bees

#ETA: Oh geez. I queued this literally like..... two months ago. I don't remember what this was about but it's not about anything recent.

[daydadahlias]

not to be a bitch but i literally do not want to hear about how much u hate certain songs from ur favorite band if ur a stan account. i think u could just talk abt the ones u like and let the rest of us have a good time w/out forcing unnecessary negativity onto people :/

#there are songs i dont like but im not?? talking abt them all the time? bc why would i #that's bad vibes dude #like that's someone's favorite song #so please. stop it #it's really bothering the shit out of me today #just talk abt ur favorite songs geez #i swear y'all take any opportunity you can to shit on 5sos' music??? #at least tag ur negative shit #some of us dont wanna see it #i said what i said im allowed a rant every month

[nightmareonpeachstreet]

Customer in the clothes department to her friend: you just gotta touch them, feel them

Her friend: *immediately sneezes into her palm twice*

#maam i dont care what ur friend said step away from the fucking clothes #what are we monkeys?! #use ur gosh darn elbow like someone who knows what diseases are!! #geez... #i've become so hyper aware of germ spreading behavior since covid started #and i hate that cause i notice stuff like this now #the good news is i hardly ever get sick anymore... #do live in terror of my very republican family members I live with #who fuck off to vegas every few months and most of the time bring illnesses back with them #thank god were in separate parts of the house #otherwise I think I'd just have to lock them in a box and throw away the key

[melodiaemfrp]

hello! in may 2023 you said that melodiae would be closing its doors to new members for about three-five months while the group was restructured somewhat. its now january 2024, making 8 months since that post, with zero further communication on whats going on. if the "construction period" is taking longer than intended, thats one thing, but the complete lack of communication is concerning, especially considering this is a long-standing issue with melodiae. can we know whats going on? (1/2)

the update tag only has app updates in it as well so its impossible to sift through countless standard processing posts in order to find anything at all about .. anything, really, if there is something there.. updates may have been sent in the server, but since the group is closed theres no way of seeing or even knowing this happened unless youre already in. i apologize if this sounds rude, its just that 8 months is a long time of radio silence (2/2)

Hello hello! Not rude at all, and you're right in all regards here.

Updates regarding server status have been contained in the main server, so our apologies for not sharing on the blog. Said updates have been roadmaps/updates to our progress, as well as the announcement of a delay due to mod IRL circumstances, so they definitely have a place here, just didn't make it over. I'm pleased to tell you that our reopening window is early-mid February, so coming up here soon!

Further, we'll be instituting a new tag for mod announcements to help with that issue in the future, the #melodiae operations tag. I'll be going through posts this weekend to try and gather them all so they can be easily found.

Thank you for the ask and fair criticism- we really appreciate it :) ~ MOD CANTILENA

#melodiae operations #// Geez its already been 8 months. What the hell happened? What's time? A scam that's what.

[stardustedknuckles]

I knew updating my information for next year's insurance rates would make me feel ill but boy it made me feel ill. Going from paying $1 a month for insurance I rarely need to paying $142 per month for insurance I will rarely need, when the amount of money I am getting paid only just allows me to break even on bills and such in the first place, is a huge blow. I hate this. I hate it so much. And it's still the better option because if I tried to get insurance through my work it would be $300.

I don't even really get the option of trying to go without insurance because I have a chronic illness and cannot afford to take that risk anymore than I can afford to pay. It's hellish in both directions.

#god I have to go lie down now #I hate it here so much #I always knew that one I was making any real amount of money this would happen #but part of me was starting to think I never would #and 35k a year still isn't really making anything #but it's 15k more than I have ever made #I guess it's still better than last time i lived here #when I was paying nothing for insurance but a combined 500 a month for car and car insurance #geez #if I were otherwise healthy I could just use the sliding scale clinics #and coupons for wellbutrin since it's all I'm taking atm #but I am still on the journey to figuring out what is wrong with me #and that means I have to have insurance #and I need a little time to be fucking angry about the whole raw deal #i bet my student loans are going to start making me pay too #that ain't happening

[redbootsindoriath]

I introduced the Messenger in my last post.  So here’s approximately how things went down for him when I first read the Silmarillion:

Beleg, afterwards, sarcastically: “Wow, good job, Túrin.”

Transcription:

Túrin: “Hey!!” Túrin: “What do you think you’re doing, giving my best friend a death button??  Get out of here!” The Messenger: “Oh actually, since I’m already here, I might as well give you yours as well.”

#beleg #the messenger #túrin #the man the myth the legends #three shinies #my trash #is this actually funny or am i just tired #i'm sorry professor tolkien #heck yeah bromance #forest pennies #/end classification tags #not shown: the dozen other characters i picked as my favorites #but i knew many of their spoilers #beleg and túrin though? #NOPE #but geez y'all this comic took me like twice as long to draw as it should have for its quality level #really the only part of it that i like is beleg's face in the second panel #i am sooooo out of practice with art and i don't know how to get back in practice without turning it into a drag #that's what happens when you take a month off i guess #at least drawgust should get me rolling again #(i hope)

[shivunin]

happy Sunday! 💖

Philautia 3 & Ludus 3 for Maria / Philia 5 for Arianwen / Eros 5 for Emmaera

Happy Sunday to you as well! 💗

(Some discussion of sex below the break and in the tags)

(7 Forms of Love Asks)

Philautia 3: Does your OC judge themselves by the same standards as they apply to others? Or are they sometimes hypocritical in condemning others for faults they also possess? Or perhaps they find it easier to forgive others for things that they cannot abide in themselves?

Maria is harder on herself than she is on anyone else. I think her standards for others vary based on the other person's situation---she has a very low opinion of the rich, for example, because they do so little to give back---but in general, she holds herself to a high standard. When she fails, she internalizes it and struggles to let it go. That isn't something she would show outwardly, though; she laughs a lot off and dwells on it in private. Only the people who know her best have any idea how personally she takes failure.

Ludus 3: How does your OC feel about one night stands? Have they ever enjoyed a night of passionate romance with a stranger? Is this something they are quite keen on recreationally? Or only something they might engage in under specific circumstances (such as the eve of a battle or after a difficult breakup)?

Ooof. Yeah.

Definitely not something she ever thought about before Fenris. Maria found people attractive before him, and flirted and dated (a little), but Fenris was the first person she actually wanted to have sex with. If she'd thought for a second that it would be a one-night thing, she would have told him to go home. After that night, she really, really struggled to find a balance between wanting him to stay around (and remain her friend) and trying to put her feelings for him aside.

(I think from his perspective...the only thing she could think to do was not touch or look at or be near him at all. Given how affectionate she is to all of her friends otherwise, the contrast was as stark as it was painful...but this question isn't about Fenris)

The most logical solution she could come up for to solve this problem was dilution. Maybe she couldn't forget that night because it was the first time. Therefore, she would just drown out the memories with a lot of other experiences and then, obviously, all of those confusing feelings would go away and she could have her friend back and everything would be just like it used to be.

So Maria spent a few weeks of focused experimentation at the Rose trying every sex act that sounded even remotely interesting. It was nice enough, interesting from an experiential perspective, but the sex never felt like what she'd had with Fenris. There was no emotional connection, and without that the whole experience remained somewhat academic.

She was working up to one-night stands when Leandra died, and after that it all seemed a bit pointless. Fenris was so present for her, especially after the fight with the Arishok, that she finally conceded that she was just going to have to live with being in unrequited love with him forever. At that point, I don't think she ever seriously considered casual sex again--though she did have suitors in the gap between acts 2 and 3.

Philia 5: What is their most fervent wish for their best friend(s)? How far would they go to make it happen?

Safety and happiness. Wen would even refrain from killing to make this happen c:

Joking aside, Alistair is her dearest friend. By the end of the Blight, he's family to her. I think her deepest wish for him is that he eventually can have a life that he chooses for herself. She is well aware that she's the reason this couldn't happen, but she didn't see any other choice at the time. She would gladly and easily assassinate the nobility to make his life earlier, but more importantly she would let them live for his peace of mind. She remains his closest confidante even at a distance even though it's really hard for her to act in that capacity. When he calls her to Denerim to act as an advisor for important meetings, she neither complains nor climbs out a window.

(Morrigan, who is her next closest friend...Wen is willing to let Morrigan go if it really makes her happy. At the end of Witch Hunt, it breaks her heart a little bit to say goodbye for good. I like to think they connected again later, after Morrigan came back to the material world with Kieran.)

Eros 5: How closely is their opinion of their own beauty (or lack thereof) linked to their confidence? Do they see themselves as more or less worthy of love or sex based on how attractive they feel?

I don't think Emma is especially preoccupied with her appearance in general. If she were to think about it, she would suppose she looks pretty enough, but then she'd move on to something more interesting. Her confidence is linked very strongly to her mind; her body is a secondary consideration most of the time. She does try to present a particular image, especially given her role as the Inquisitor, but I don't think her idea of self-worth is tied to her physical appearance at all.

But then, she is my absentminded professor OC and forgets she even has a body half the time when she's comfortable. The hardest times in her life are times where she is forced to feel herself intensely for long periods of time: after she is stabbed, when she loses her arm, the rough period in Kirkwall when she's going into Darktown several times a week and having to heal constantly.

#arianwen tabris #maria hawke #emmaera lavellan #ask response #oc ask response #i am genuinely so fascinated by the month or two directly after hawke and fenris's one-night stand #because god. what kind of fleetw.ood mac shit was that #how do you fight next to someone knowing what they sound like when they come *and* knowing you'll almost certainly never hear it again? #how awkward was it for everyone else? could they tell? how tense was it really? or were they taking bets? #and when she started turning up to cards smelling like cheap perfume with hickeys on her throat like. what was that like?? #i've poked at it in a few little fic things before but i haven't really handled it directly #because it's just so. so much. especially considering she tried to romance ander.s first and took his refusal at face value #idk if i've talked about that on here but like #geez #i love that game because it has such bonkers interpersonal relationships #like what are y'all doing