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gayerthanevertbh · 1 year

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infidelity | futile devices pt. 1

pairings: fuckboy!natasha romanoff x fem!reader

natasha romanoff masterlist | series masterlist | navigation

summary: you and wanda have been best friends ever since you were little babies, and you’ve went through a lot with her. in august 2019 when you met wanda’s girlfriend, natasha, you completely fell in love with her. what happens when the three of you create a love triangle that could possibly ruin everything?

warnings: intense staring, infidelity, and nothing much since it’s only the start of the story.

author’s note: enjoy the first part of the story! what do you want to happen in the next part? let me know!

Years ago, before I knew what futile devices were, I met Wanda at kindergarten in our small town in New England. She started out as a bully, but after we ate lunch together, I knew we would become more than just a bully and a victim. Since then, she has protected me, especially from those who didn't like me very much. I may have had a crush on her at first, but I was aware that if I said anything inappropriate, our friendship would end. I couldn't stop myself from having a crush on Wanda Maximoff at the time. She was a tall brunette with big green eyes who always tried to protect me. We've been through so much together as best friends, and we even shared our first kiss because no one would dare to kiss me. Wanda, on the other hand, always saved her first mind-blowing kiss for me, and it was surprisingly good when we did it. I recall her saying, "There you go, now you can kiss anyone in this room," but that never happened. I was too afraid to be in a relationship after witnessing Wanda's, which was not particularly good.

She told me the meaning of futile devices while we were in the park together. “Beyond words,” she says. “Futile means vain, pointless. In other words, if you want to say your love for them, you can’t. It’s just too much.”

“Is that supposed to be romantic?” I asked, she only lets out a controlled chuckle before drinking from her flask.

“Sure, if you want it to be.”

Since then, I knew that I could never describe my love for Wanda – because it was too much, too impotent, and vain. If I say it out loud, what would she do? Perhaps she would leave me in the air, possibly never speaking to me again. But knowing her so well, I knew she wouldn’t do that to me. It was still scary to say it out loud, and I’m sure that I could never say how much I love her – no matter how painful it could be.

We stayed friends until we graduated from high school together. Wanda had a boyfriend named Chucky, and I was with Brandon, my date because he was the only boy I could find. Brandon was with me the majority of the time because I didn't want to be alone this summer. I suppose you could say he was my first boyfriend with whom I never lost my virginity. We split up when our first semester began. When he left me, I didn't feel too much emotion; in fact, I was relieved that he did. Wanda asked why I was always smiling when she brought me chocolates after my breakup.

“Aren’t you sad that Brandon left you?” I shook my head, eating the last piece of chocolate bar in the wrapper. “You’re so weird, you know that?”

“Yeah, but I’m your weirdo.”

She only laughs, agreeing with a nod.

“Yes you are,” she said. “Let’s just watch a movie, yeah? We still have to study tomorrow.”

Months later, I was working at a bakery shop while Wanda was trying to learn to be a bartender since it’s always been her first dream job. I did like my life for a little while, working at a bakery shop was the best thing that ever happened to me. Wanda did like hers since she came home with a drunk look on her face. When August came along, we started to become distant from each other. I don’t know why. Maybe because I’ve gotten so busy with my job and my school work, and she was always out since she has a new girlfriend. I never expected that from her, dating a girl. I mean, I always knew that she was bisexual, but it was unexpected when she told me that she was truly in love with this college girl from a different university.

I was a little jealous because Wanda had been spending too much time with her instead of with me, and if I had to lie to myself, I'd say I was happy for her - but I wasn't. How could you choose someone you met two months ago and decide to leave me hanging? What happened to both of us? This isn't going to last, I tell myself. That was something I had to tell myself in order not to get hurt. But every time she comes home, I get the impression that I'm no longer number one in her heart.

In the third week of September, Wanda decided to bring her girlfriend over to our apartment, with our two friends from the university. While I was preparing for dinner, our friend Peter and Kate was at the door. I opened it slowly and gave them a big smile on my face since I don’t know what other emotions I should use.

“Did you only invite us because Wanda has this amazing hot girlfriend?” Kate giggled, which I nodded in response. She knew that I was joking, I never thought I have humor.

“Are you also excited to meet her?”

“Hey, maybe she’s nice!” Peter exclaimed happily, walking towards the dining area as he sits beside Kate. “It’s only the right time for Wanda, I mean she always has this boyfriend or girlfriend until she’ll break up with them two weeks later.”

“She seems like a green flag,” Kate said. “Aren’t you happy for her? You guys have been best friends ever since you came out from your mother’s vagina.”

I chuckled, “We met at kindergarten.”

“The point is, you should be happy for her. I know you’re still in love with her–”

“We don’t talk about that.”

“-But maybe you should start moving on,” she finishes herself, sighing deeply. “I have a dude for you, his name is Steve. He’s in my class.”

Will this guy help me move on from Wanda Maximoff?

“Oh yeah? What does he do?”

“He’s apparently taking medicine, which means he’s also not available. People who take medicine are always busy, like extremely busy.”

I turned around, shrugging my shoulders. “So what’s the point of me dating this guy then if he’s not available?”

She mimicked my shrug, playing with her fingers. “I don’t know, I was just suggesting–”

“Thanks for the suggestion but, I’m good being on my own.”

I’ve always been on my own, even though Wanda was always around.

30 minutes later, I heard murmuring from the other room, and I realized Wanda had brought her girlfriend, who had caught my eye. She was tall - but not too tall - and had her hair tied in the back of her head; she also had green eyes like Wanda, but hers were darker, so I couldn't see the details of her pupils. When the woman caught my eye, I turned away and hugged Wanda briefly, asking, "So this is her?"

“Yeah,” she replied. “This is Natasha, my girlfriend for a month.”

I cast a quick glance at Natasha and shook her hand; it was calloused but not too rough on my skin. She smiled warmly and said, "It's nice to meet you, Y/n. Wanda has told me lots of stories about you.”

“Like how I’m such a bad friend?” I said in a joking matter, watching as Wanda playfully rolls her eyes. “I’m glad you can make it, how about you sit down? The food is ready.”

I returned to my table and sat beside Wanda while Natasha was in the opposite direction, her eyes roaming all over the place. I assumed that she was enticed by our home since it was full of framed paintings and a telephone from the corner of the room – it wasn’t working, we just decided that it looked nice in our apartment.

“So where do you study, Romanoff?” Kate asked while drinking from the wine glass that I bought from a dollar store. Natasha sighed and placed her fork on the plate, slowly chewing the food.

“I study at Columbia,” she responded quietly. “I met Wanda at my university, and we hit it off right away.”

“But aren’t you from NYU, Wanda?”

“I just had a quick visit at the university, to see if I still had other options.”

“Were you ever going to tell me that you’ll be studying at Columbia?” I asked, trying my best not to show defectiveness about this conversation. “I thought we agreed to study together and graduate in the same school together.”

“That was the plan, and I want to study with you,” Wanda said, sighing through her nose. “I was just looking at my options. If I didn’t end up studying at NYU, then I’d study at Columbia.”

“But if you ever did study in Columbia, were you going to tell me?”

I was hurt by this information since Wanda knows that she was my only friend, and will always be my best friend. Before we even started college, we both agreed that attending the same school was the best option. I guess she changed her mind after meeting Natasha, who appears to be my nemesis. It’s not like I didn’t want the best for her, but her going to the same school as I made me feel like I was important to her. I would say I’m a little self-centered.

“Of course,” said Wanda with a small smile on her face, holding hands with Natasha. “We still live together, you know? What would be a harm studying in at another university?”

She was right, she has always been right.

I caught Natasha's gaze while we were eating and talking about physics, which I dislike talking about because I despise science. Her eyes appeared... hungry. But I couldn't assume she wanted me that way because she had Wanda, so I shifted my gaze to Kate's. But I could still feel her eyes on me as if they were glued to me only. When I returned my gaze to her, she was staring at Wanda. As strange as it may sound, I liked how she gave me those stares in her eyes because no one would ever stare at me like that.

“What do you study, Y/n?” Natasha asked, eating a forkful of meat that I had just baked in the oven.

“Literature,” I replied quietly, placing my foot on top of the other since I feel like I’m having anxiety talking to this woman who looks like a senior. “You? You seem like a person who doesn’t study.”

“And she speaks,” Wanda giggled, causing everyone to laugh too. “Who taught you how to talk back, missy?”

I shrugged, “Just myself.”

"Photography, in case you were wondering," the redhead replied, wiping her mouth with a tissue as she drank a bottle of beer that I had opened for her. "I photograph places, people, and a variety of other subjects. That’s why me and Wanda are a match, she likes photography.”

There was no way I'd ever match this obnoxious, self-centered, narcissistic individual. I wouldn't call her a narcissist, but she certainly has the appearance of one. Plus, why am I thinking that I could ever get with her? She clearly has those lovey-dovey eyes on Wanda; not me.

“What year are you in?” Kate chimes in, looking at Natasha with curiosity in her eyes.

“Fourth year,” she said. “This is my last year, actually. After that, I might move back to Ohio.”

“Why Ohio?” Peter suddenly asked. Natasha only sighs in response and takes another drink from her beer, smacking her lips together, as if she doesn’t know what to say next or do. Yet, she still replies in that husk tone.

“I have a family there,” she slowly responded, looking briefly at Wanda and then towards me. “Wanda says you’re from Ohio too, that’s where you two met.”

“That’s true,” I said. “But we moved to New York shortly after high school, I’m not technically from here.”

“It seems like it, you don’t have that New Yorker accent.”

"But Peter does," Wanda laughs as she pours herself another cheap red wine and swirls it in her glass. "How do you like living in New York?" It's as if we're in our thirties, but half of us are only in our twenties, and Natasha is almost in her late twenties because Wanda told me her age.

“It’s great,” he says in a positive tone and clasped his hands together on his lap. “The rent is expensive, but it’s all good. I still like the smell of the air here, it never gets old.”

“New York isn’t the most ideal city,” Kate chimed in again. “But you know, they have good schools here. My parents are billionaires, so like I don’t really have to worry about rent.”

“I wish I lived in your life,” I murmured, smirking at her playfully, which Wanda saw and felt uncomfortable in her seat. Was she jealous? “You have billionaire parents and live that rich life, I’m just a girl from Ohio who is incredibly in love with her job.”

“Didn’t you say you work at the bakery?” now, Natasha’s eyes were on me as she spoke. I slowly nodded my head before taking a sip from my wine glass, licking it between my lips. “Do you like working there?”

“It pays the rent, so yeah.”

After dinner, Peter and Kate said their goodbyes and returned home, leaving just me, Wanda, and Natasha on the couch. I was scrolling through Tinder on my phone when I noticed Natasha giving Wanda a head massage and kissing her on the forehead. When I see them do this, especially right in front of me, it makes my stomach churn. How did Wanda find someone so quickly and not me? Why isn't she head over heels in love with me? Why can't I be the one? But if I keep comparing myself to this woman, I know I'll end up feeling terrible.

“You guys should get a room, you’re making me want to vomit," I muttered under my breath, turning off my phone to get a better look at them - but that turned out to be the most sickening thing I've ever done because I was watching them kissing sweetly right in front of me, causing me to stand up and walk back to my room. I went to bed with my lights turned off after a quick warm shower and skincare routine. They were either going to kill me or that girlfriend Wanda had brought into this apartment. Throughout this eventful evening, her eyes were on me instead of Wanda’s – which is kind of suspicious.

I took a deep breath and rolled over on my back, clasping my hands together as my palms sweat. I'm not sure what was wrong with me; I just had this strange feeling about Natasha. Something thumped inside of me when I met her. I sighed and whispered, “Futile devices, how ridiculous that sounds.”

And it truly does if you think about your best friend’s girlfriend.

it gets real in the next part lol

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff fanfic #black widow x you #black widow x reader #futile devices series by anne

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annathesillyfriend · 2 years

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Did I want to make a big post to celebrate a full year of making rec lists? Yes. Did I completely forget about making this list til the last 2 hours of April? Maybe so 👀👀 Life's getting crazier and crazier and I'm not reading as many fics nowadays. I'd like to take this opportunity to let all the wonderful writers know that if i like and don't reblog your work, it means I haven't read it yet. I don't have a lot of free time right now and when I have the time, I don't have the energy to give proper feedback so I just mark fics to read later when I have both time and energy (unfortunately these moment are very rare 🤡).

Okay, back to business. Here are my favourite stories I've managed to read this month. Enjoy!

To all the writers - I love you and I appreciate you so much!

To all the readers - please, share the fics you read and love. The reblog really makes the change! It’s the least we can do to show our gratitude.

Also, please, mind the writers’ warnings!

🌷PETER PARKER🌷

predictive text by @rae-gar-targaryen

↳ one-shot, tasm!peter, i just want to make out with that man, is that too much to ask??

right person, wrong universe by @farfromharry

↳ one-shot, i am in pain 😬 (worht is tho)

the magic word by @ptergwen

↳ one-shot, this is a need not a want

words are futile devices by @full-time-make-believer

↳ one-shot, 18+, i'm 😫😫😫

wipe your blood off the concrete by @silkscream

↳ one-shot, 18+, best friends to lovers, let's give a round of applause for this beautiful piece of work

if i could die in your arms by @selfcarecap

↳ one-shot, 18+, peter x reader x peter, this is what i like to call good shit 😌

kiss me in th+e dark by @spidervee

↳ one-shot, 18+, when is best friend!peter gonna kiss me? 😭😭 if you're in need of a delicious tasm!peter story, V's blog is the place to go!

the spider and the sunflower by @/spidervee

↳ one-shot, 18+, tattoo artist!peter x florist@reader, see above ⬆

one last chance by @belovedholland

↳ one-shot, we love a good angsty story 👌

always waiting (for you to come home) by @peterbenjiparker

↳ one-shot, i love M in the 'i want to hold your hand' kind of way. she puts out banger after a banger!

🌷JOAQUIN TORRES🌷

assistant for the day by @ofstarsandvibranium

↳ one-shot, biker/flower shop au, joaquin and flowers just go so well together

take care of you like this. by @inklore

↳ one-shot, 18+, how to make people sweat in just 600 words

🌷MATT MURDOCK🌷

like a love letter by @bucky-murdock-moans

↳ one-shot, V really went straight for my heart here 😌

🌷BUCKY BARNES🌷

hands on by @angrythingstarlight

↳ one-shot, 18+, biker!bucky's hands. that's it, that's the fic

the list by @xbuchananbarnes

↳ one-shot, Dani's fics are a whole another level of good 🙌

bribe the super by @real-jane

↳ one-shot, just thinking about this story makes me smile like a mad woman, Kate I love you 💖💖

all this time by @jobean12-blog

↳ one-shot, 18+, neighbour!bucky, if you somehow don't know Jo yet, you need to know that she's the nicest person ever and such a talented writer and this story is a prove of that!

hat to hot by @jobean12-blog

↳ one-shot, 18+, here's another exaple if you don't believe me

the next step by @thecornerlot

↳ one-shot, my love for that man is out of control

🌷FRANK CASTLE🌷

complicated by @musingsinmoonlight

↳ one-shot, 18+, i don't often read frank fics but like 🥵

🌷STEVE ROGERS🌷

on va voir, ma chérie by @anika-ann

↳ one-shot, 18+, part of the attached series, my girl went wild in this one and i am so grateful 💖

love can only hurt like this by @maladaptivexxdaydreaming

↳ one-shot, 18+, read this 2 weeks ago and i'm still not okay :')

🌷TOM HOLLAND🌷

together at dawn by @osterfield-holland-andcompany

↳ series, tom x reader but also harrison x reader, i love this story with every single cell of my body

nothing more, nothing less by @farfromharry

↳ one shot, roommate@tom x platonic!reader, what a great story!

(un)expected by @luciwritesstuff

↳ series, this is so GOOD. i don't have the words, hurt me at times but i love this story so so much 💕

🌷ANTHONY BRIDGERTON🌷

a lack of convincing by @benedictscanvas

↳ one shot, great story 🥰

it's a bad idea, me and you by @anthonysharmaa

↳ one shot, it's named after a song from my favourite musical, of course it's a good fic!

🌷BENEDICT BRIDGERTON🌷

paint with me by @magpiencrow

↳ one shot, rivals to lovers, stunning story 💕

forgive me by @benedictscanvas

↳ one shot, friends to lovers, pining, longing, all the good stuff

🌷BRUCE WAYNE🌷

sure as hell not jesus (but your saving me) by @greenorangevioletgrass

↳ one shot, 18+, another month another guy to obsses over because if Ava 😂

#april 2022 fic recs #fic recs #marvel fic recs #peter parker x reader #peter parker fic recs

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sibyllatheplay · 3 years

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NOTES ON SIBYLLA: TRAGEDY AS THE FAILURE OF THE ONLY THING THAT DISTINGUISHES MAN FROM BEASTS

Sibylla is a four part audio podcast drama produced by dftc, available for streaming on Apple Music and Spotify. In the year 2030, the discovery of time travel yields a new form of research: the capability of going back in time to Ancient Rome and verifying previously unverifiable historical information. Sibylla follows the inner-lives and relationships within such a research department: Vic, the head of the department and her research assistant, Jess, John, a time travel agent and his trainee, Nate, Marianne and Chris, the operators and technicians of the time machine. However, when Nate accidentally causes a shepherd not to go to Pompeii when Vesuvius erupts, the characters’s present reality shifts, unbeknownst to everyone besides John and Nate. As John and Nate scramble to set their reality back to normal, they begin a new mission to recover a lost series of prophecies from the Cumaean Sibyl. But as they grow more desperate in their attempts to fix the present, bouncing between the past and the future, reality itself alters as the nature of time and fate begins to intersect tragically for each character. A mythological and ruinous rumination into loss, memories, and the implacably destructive nature of loneliness and grief, Sibylla examines the innate human desire to change and the aftermath when this fails.

SOURCES:

Sibylla, General Note On Language

“i wonder with your ruin: notes on the contingent collapse of sibylla” Percy Byron

Anne Carson, Plainwater: Essays and Poetry

“Futile Devices” Sufjan Stevens

Sibylla, LIBER IV: Descents And Ascents

“i wonder with your ruin: notes on the contingent collapse of sibylla” Percy Byron

Anne Carson, on writing from the margins of her mind — CBC Radio

Sibylla, LIBER II: Black As Death

“i wonder with your ruin: notes on the contingent collapse of sibylla” Percy Byron

#sibylla #anne carson #tagamemnon #word weaving #word webs #ancient greek #latin #language

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gayerthanevertbh · 1 year

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futile devices | n.romanoff

pairings: fuckboy!natasha romanoff x fem!reader

warnings: natasha has a penis, fluff, angst, natasha being toxic (slight), age gap (natasha is 23 while reader is 19), smut, cheating, and more - 18+ MINORS DNI.

author’s note: this story has been in my head for over a week now, and it’s kind of inspired by the movie called “the dreamers” and “enigma variations”. as expected, i will be inundated with this story but will likely do my best to update all the time. don’t worry, “i want you” series will be finished soon! :)

CHAPTER ONE: infidelity

CHAPTER TWO: the start of war

more coming soon!

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff angst #black widow x reader #black widow x you #futile devices series by anne

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gayerthanevertbh · 1 year

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the start of war | futile devices pt. 2

pairings: fuckboy!natasha romanoff x fem!reader

natasha romanoff masterlist | series masterlist | navigation

summary: you don’t know whether this was a good idea or not, but somehow it felt good. once you start feeling good, then you will feel that sickening betrayal all over your body.

warnings: sexual tension, slight kissing, slight angst, let me know if i’m missing something - 18+ MINORS DNI.

author’s note: this story is getting juicier wow

It was unusually sunny today as I sat by the window, looking out at the blue sky that I could practically see even with my eyes closed. Today wasn't such a productive day because I was late for school and missed a semester-long assignment. Peter was beside me, tapping the edge of his pen on the table as he was engrossed in our professor's speech, Ms. Louise. I tried to concentrate, but I couldn't. I couldn't even look at her for some reason. I remembered that night when Natasha was in our apartment. I could get lost in her hooded green eyes, which were bright. I wasn't sure if I was interested in her, but it could just be a silly crush. I used to have a crush on an older man who lived three blocks away and I would always see him walking back to his house every day. At that time, I was in a dirty fight with Wanda, so technically, I had no one else to gawk over.

“Y/n?”

I shifted my gaze away from the window, and my professor gave me a casual look. I couldn't tell if she was annoyed because I wasn't paying attention, so I sat up straight and sighed quietly to myself.

“You aren’t paying attention to my class again,” she said out loud. “And for that, I want you to write a five-paragraph essay about a certain book you like and why you enjoyed it.”

I only nodded in response and looked down at my notes while she continued to speak. I hear Peter whispering, “If you want, we can share notes. I wasn’t paying attention either.”

“I thought you were the smartest in this room.”

He chuckles quietly, “I don’t know about that,” he says. “I should’ve just chosen to be a chemist.”

I was walking to catch my train when I got a message from Wanda. She texted I'll be out late, and Natasha will stay at our place for a while. She got into a fight with her roommate. What made her agree to that? I only sighed, pushed my phone back into my pocket, and jumped on the train as soon as it arrived. The trip was relatively smooth and quiet. Usually, it wasn't. I got to my apartment in five minutes and felt like my lungs were pushing out of my chest. As I opened the door, I saw Natasha sitting on the couch, with a phone in her hand. She looked up and waved at me.

“You’re home,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry I have to stay here for a while. Dorming problems.”

“Not a problem at all,” I responded meekly as I shut the door and removed my bag from my shoulder, dropping it onto the ground. I wanted to sit down on the couch she was sitting on, but instead, I just stood there in an awkward manner. “Do you want some coffee?”

Natasha perked up a bit and smiled, something about that grin made me think how beautiful she was. She pushed the back of her head and shook her head, “I might be wasting your–”

“It’s fine,” I muttered with a chuckle, lowering my eyes to the ground. “Wanda will be home in a couple of hours, I guess it’s just me and you for now.”

“Yeah,” she replied, clasping her hands together. “Just me and you.”

If I had to admit that she was attractive, I’d say it out loud. She removes her leather jacket and places it neatly on the arm couch, taking out a stick of cigarettes from the pack. I gave her a furrowed look and asked, “Could you not do this here? I don’t want my apartment to smell like you.”

“Wanda lets me,” she says so easily that she thinks she’s smug, I rolled my eyes and poured coffee into both of our mugs. I can already smell the cigarettes from here. “I’d let you try if you wanted to.”

"I've had plenty of that," I replied calmly, turning around to hand her the second mug. She took it from my grasp and gave me a small smile in the shape of a smile on her stupid face. I sat on the floor and took the cigarette from her grasp, swigging it myself. I've missed the sensation of smoking, especially when life is stressful. It's as if I'm from another planet. "You can smoke here as long as you clean up after yourself."

“How long have you been smoking?”

“Five months ago.”

She lets out a breathy laugh and slowly tilts her head back. I swear she was making fun of me, but I decided not to let it get to me; I can't. “You’re still a baby, aren’t you?” I rolled my eyes once more at the obnoxious questions. “Tell me, did you lose your virginity five months ago too?”

“I haven’t gotten to the point yet.”

She frowns and says, “Why not? Everyone is having sex these days, I thought you were more active than Wanda.”

“It would be okay if you didn’t talk about your sex life with my best friend,” I murmured in a low tone. Natasha quickly gave me an apologetic look and flopped her back against the couch, taking another swig of her cigarette. I asked, “Are you in love with Wanda?”

She only shrugs, “Maybe, why did you ask?”

“Because she’s my best friend, and I don’t want her to get hurt.”

“We’re just having fun,” she claims. “That’s all, I don’t want to get too serious with her. I’ve been down that road, and it did not go well for me.”

“But Wanda is–” I hesitated for a moment, unsure whether I should tell her or not. But I couldn't help but slip it out as she looked down at me with those curious green eyes. Wanda wants you so much, she talks about you a lot and wants you to be her priority. Like… serious stuff.”

Natasha blinked at me, then fell silent for a moment before speaking quietly.

“Is that what she said to you?”

“Yeah,” I said. “She’s very much in love with you.”

“And what if I’m not in love with her?”

"Then you should be the one to break up with her," I sighed, turning away from her and staring at the blank wall. “I love Wanda, you know? I’ve always been so infatuated by her, and to see her dating you is so meaningless, I can’t help but hurt for her.”

“So you’re in love with your best friend?” she asked, a smile appearing on her face. “You’re in love with my girlfriend?”

At this point, I was confused. I don’t know whether I was in love with Wanda or infatuated with her, but I didn’t like to see her get hurt. What would be the benefit if they ended up leaving each other? Will I be upset at Natasha? Or to myself? I shook my head solemnly and whispered, “I don’t know if I am, but I don’t want to find out.”

“It’s okay,” she urges me to continue as she finishes her cigarette. “I won’t be mad if you’re in love with her. In fact, I might as well support you through it. But I don’t want to leave her,” she chuckles. “I don’t think I can. I’d be nothing without Wanda; I’d be hopeless. So at the end of the day, she’s still mine and will always be mine.”

Those words hit me as a big truck had run over my illusions. At the end of the day, Wanda will never choose me as her lover and will always choose Natasha because she has the complete package, whereas I do not. Regardless of how strong our bond is, their bond is far more distinct than ours. And I could feel myself slipping away if I imagined myself being with Wanda, like holding her hand and making love to her. I stood up from the floor and wiped my pants with my hand, turning around as I looked at her with my eyes.

She looked at me back, and I noticed that her eyes changed when she gazed at me.

“At the end of the day, you’ll win. And I’ll always be her best friend.”

Natasha nodded in agreement, standing up as she took a few steps toward me, her hand resting on my shoulder. She whispers close to my ear, “If I could fuck you both, I would.”

She left my apartment without saying anything, and I was stunned for an hour. Why would she say that out of nowhere? Was she interested in me? Was she looking for a threesome? I was never interested in those because I believe I can only share my body with one person. I made a disgusting sound as I scrunched my brows together, images of us fucking in our beds flooding my mind. I was clearly not having a good day.

“Come on,” Wanda laughs, giving me another shot of tequila. “Drink up! We don’t have any exams this week, so let’s just have fun!”

“Wanda, I don’t think it’s a good–”

“I’ll make us some recovery food once we get back home,” she says, her voice sounding promising; I fell for it. “Kate and everyone else are having fun, why can’t you have fun?”

Because your girlfriend was standing a few feet away from us, and her eyes won’t leave my body.

I sighed and drank the tequila shot, making a face as soon as the alcohol was all over my throat. I wasn't a drinker, but I did enjoy a good party now and then. Wanda was an outgoing person who would invite anyone from the streets to her parties in order to have the cheapest drinks. I blinked a few times and smiled at her, saying, “That was really smooth, where did you get this?”

“Don’t worry about it,” she screams through the loud music in the club. “It’s Kate’s treat! Let’s just have some fun, okay?”

Natasha's gaze was fixed on me as she walked to the dance floor. We made eye contact for a few seconds before Wanda pressed up against me, causing me to pull away at the slightest provocation. Natasha was going to beat me up tonight, and I didn't want that.

“What’s going on?” she asked loudly, pressing her face against my ear. “Do you not like that?”

“Natasha is here,” I proclaimed, moving my hips as the music took me away. “I don’t want–”

“She’ll be fine,” Wanda takes my hand and lowers herself to the ground, then rises to face me, a sheen of sweat on her brow. “I’m here, okay?”

We continued to dance on the dance floor like wild animals, and all I could think about was Natasha dancing with me. How did she like to dance? I saw her drinking with us, but was she as wild as I was? Perhaps she was more daring than I am, as I appear to be more of an introvert. When I turned my gaze away from Wanda, I noticed Natasha getting closer to us, and she was reaching for me as much as I was reaching for her. I knew I was inebriated and that this was not how I felt. I stepped back and drew Wanda away from the crowd, returning to our reserved table.

“What’s wrong? Do you need some water?”

“No, I think I’ll be fine. I just–”

Natasha appeared once more and gave Wanda a peck on the cheek, causing her to giggle softly. She asked, “If you want, I can take Y/n home since you want to spend your night with Kate.”

My eyes bulged out, and I vigorously waved my hands in the air. “Nat, that really won’t be necessary!”

“Y/n, you’re drunk,” she sighs. “I never thought you’d be a lightweight.”

“I-I’m not–”

“Fine,” Wanda agreed, crossing her arms on her chest. “Just take care of her, okay? When I come back here, I still want to have fun with you.”

Natasha winked at her and gave her one last kiss, pulling my wrist as I almost tripped onto the floor with a humorous laugh. I whispered, “Sorry, I think I’m done for tonight.”

“At least you know,” Natasha grumbled as she walked out with me, bringing me to her car. I asked if I could sit at the back, but she shook her head. “That’s not safe, I want you to sit with me so I know what you’re doing.”

“But there are rear mirrors for a reason,” I pointed out with a snort of laughter. “But if you insist, just don’t get mad if I vomit in your car.”

“I’ve had Wanda vomit in my car, I think I’ll be fine,” she replied, closing the door as I rested my head against the window. She got inside and turned on the engine, wiping her eyes. “You can’t ever drink alone, okay? You should always be with Wanda, I mean it.”

“Why do you sound so protective?” I asked, licking my lips. “You’re not my girlfriend–”

“I never claimed to be that person for you,” Natasha drives slowly as she fixes her rear mirror, occasionally looking at me. “I just want to take care of you, okay?”

I only hummed in response and gazed out the window at the city lights as she drove me back to my apartment, wondering why she would ever decide on this. I would occasionally turn to look at her, but she never returned my gaze. I imagined Wanda partying alone with Kate and the rest of our friends as she drove quietly to the suburbs.

"I was worried about you back there," she says as she turns her steering wheel to the right. "I thought you were going to pass out on that dance floor."

I chuckled, “Thank god I didn’t, I think I’m a lightweight.”

“You and Wanda are both,” she said as she stopped at my apartment building, turning to the sidewalk. “Here we are. Should I take you upstairs?”

Natasha ended up helping me by going to my unit, which I was hoping for because I thought I might pass out on the ground. Once we got there, I opened the door and asked for her to come in; she shook her head out of politeness. “I can get you some water,” I said while leaning my head against the doorframe. “Sorry, I’m really drunk.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Strange.

“Yeah, go for it.”

Natasha reached into her pocket and looked around, then back at me as she took a step closer. She let out a small sigh, unsure what to do in my presence. Then, unexpectedly, she leans in and kisses me on the cheek for what felt like an eternity since I felt her tongue grazing on my skin. This was a betrayal for Wanda, and I couldn't be in this situation. So I slowly backed away, muttering, "Why did you do that?"

"I'm not sure," she replied quietly as she kissed my cheek once more. "I couldn't stop myself."

"But Wanda is yours," I said, my headache pounding in my skull. I was either going to vomit or sleep it off tonight. “You can’t do that, Natasha.”

“She’s not here.”

“Still,” my stomach started to hurt terribly because I felt like a horrible friend who received a kiss from their partner. “You should go, forget about what I offered.”

Natasha smacked her lips together and nodded, but she still placed her hand on the wall and looked down at me, looking for my eyes. I couldn't look at her like that because everything would fall apart. Wanda will always be my priority, no matter how attractive she is. I tried to turn around, but her hands were on my waist, drawing me in closer. I couldn't get away from her grip because I could feel her breath against my chin.

"I'm sorry," she said with a mumble, pleading for my forgiveness. “I didn’t mean to do that, I’m drunk as you are.”

"There's no such thing as drunk people being unable to think aloud," I explained, looking down at those pink lips. “You want to kiss me, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she said, her throat bobbing with fear and excitement. “I want to kiss you.”

Pull her in, make a move. Do something.

We exchanged very sexual stares, and I prayed to God that it would go away soon - but it never did. Instead, I felt myself getting closer to her lips, but reality kicked in and I quickly backed away from her grip. I took a step back and shook my head as her eyes became disoriented.

“No, I’m not going to do this to her.”

“I’m sorry.”

I nodded, taking her hand off the wall as I shut the door. I turned around and sighed quietly to myself, resting my head against the wooden door. Natasha Romanoff, the woman I shouldn't be attracted to, was all I could think about.

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#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x yn #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff angst #futile devices series by anne

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