#feel like im gonna be fuckin sick

[super-psycho-lov3]

.

#i cant get my fucking head to shut up #i dont really want to fucking die #but fuck igdjgn #i wish i was dead i should be dead i deserve to be dead i dont #fuck fuck fuck i need this to shut up #really bad bpd episode just #fuck #suicide mention #suicide ment #suicide #vent #feel like im gonna be fuckin sick #dunno if ive ever been good for anything in my life #dunno if ill ever get go find out #i fucking hate being crazy #i hate being delusionali hate having intrusive thoughts i hate having mood swings i hate being fucking *INSANE!* #why am i fucking *like this?* whats wrong with me? *fuck!* #fix me fix me fix me fix me please #im so tired. im so tired

[peachypizzicato]

you gotta be fuckin kidding me /pos

#FULL CIRCLE FULL CIRCLE #its really starting to look to me like this might be the last in the series? at least mainline maybe?? #idk it feels like theres been too many hints at this being a finale of sorts to ignore #which im totally cool with this installment is gonna be fuckin SICK #its just weird to think about lmao #squid games my beloved #not ship related #moneposting #splatoon #splatoon 3 #deep cut splatoon 3 #peachymisc #splatposting

[kabukiaku]

guess who’s my fav for that new kung fu panda show

I love him, he writes emotional poetry 🥺💖🦌

#my art #kung fu panda dragon knight #kfp colin #colin the stag #dreamworks #anthro #furry #kfp dragon knight #kfp colin the stag #im actually liking the series. but it definitely feels different compared to the kfp movies #but then you have characters like veruca and COLIN omg colin i love him #i have two episodes left to watch---i hope he shows up for the finale. #he's so!! cool!!! #LIKE---- HIS ANTLERS ARE HIS SWORDS?!?!? fuckin SICK!!! #look as soon as i saw his design i fuckin knew he was gonna be right up my alley in fvavs. #I FUCKIN CALLED IT!!!!!!!1

[poems-of-a-lover]

im so jealous of cis guys. being able to grow up how they want and being confident in themselves and just. im so fuckin jealous. it is so hard. SO hard. to feel comfortable with someone else in a relationship when im not comfortable with myself. i hate it.

#i know this is stupid #im supposed to be proud of being trans and love myself no matter what and be proud of my identity but #fuck man sometimes id just give anything to be cis #like this shit sucks #i dont wanna fuckin do this anymore im tired of it #'nick ur only 18' YEAH I KNOW AND ITS STILL BAD #god im pissed off #i just. i hate that i cant be proud of who i am bc im not someone else. #im losing my mind i think #i wish i was cis so fuckin bad u guys. i wanna have the experiences of growing up as a boy that i missed out on. #i wish i couldve went to school dances in a suit and not had to worry about being stared at #i wish i could dress how i wanted and present myself how i feel comfortable without hearing those goddamn whispers behind my back #im sick and fuckin tired of it #anyway <3 im done <3 im gonna go watch youtube and pretend like i dont exist <3 #vent #dysphoria mention

[gregoftom]

gross

#tomgreg #THEYR E SO CUTE IM GONNA actually be sick. #i hate so much tom's fuckin. laugh here bc its so high pitched and heS NOT HOLDING BACK. AGAIN. #something something he's his true self around greg something something after years of repression he feels alive again something something #schoolboy tom makes another appearance. he's so playful!!! #AND TOUCHING GREG'S SUIT AGAIN. just like the tie before in fucking UHHH i cant remember the episode. but s2 i think. #he does it really quickly though. like he remembers they're in public and he's gotta stop treating greg like they really are spouses. #and abt the next part don't worry i'm gonna be. talking. about That. but this part gets its own bit bc!!!!!! man #OH AND DONT THINK I DIDNT NOTICE GREG TOUCHING TOM TOO. TOUCHING HIS ARM UNNECESSARILY. they're so touchy here. sigh. sigh. #yet not a hug. just light touches. a hug would be too friendly. if that makes sense? these touches are more. spousal. #like you'd hug your mate at a party right. and sure you might hug a partner or spouse. but idkkk idk it reads more. #just the touchings of the suits. oh you look nice tonight dear. don't wanna spoil your pretty outfit. that'll happen later at home. GODDDDDD #BECAAAAAUSE OF WHAT THEY SAY NEXT!!! THE WHOLE. PROVE IT THING! OH HH GODDHNWEW #my head cracks open. ok okok ig ot ta go i'm going i'm fucking. bye #im so fuckin pressed about the nero sporus thing IF TOM HADNT SAID THAT BULLSHIT I WOULDNT BE THINKING SHIT LIKE THIS #i mean maybe i would BUT I WOULDNT ACTUALLY PUT ANY STOCK IN IT BC HE WOULDNT HAVE SAID IT OUT RIGHT. god. i'm in pain #lord send the plagues. end my suffering

[oflgtfol]

im happy to announce that my back does not hurt like it used to anymore. dare i say it even doesnt hurt at all anymore

#i seem to be more flexible now too? like more flexible than i have been for like. the past few years #like i can actually twist around to crack my back #i normally can barely twist my back before im in pain #cracking my back is 1. possible again and 2. actually feels good instead of feeling like im ripping my body apart lol #which is so fucking wild bc i expected my big ass fuckin round trip road trip upstate was gonna fuck my body up even more #everyone at my job was concerned about my back and i was like naur i'll go to the doctor after the eclipse trip #i dont want them telling me to not sit in a car for hours on end bc then i'll feel guilty for doing this #i want plausible deniability.. i'll go to the doctor AFTER the trip #but then i noticed halfway through the trip that actually i wasnt even in pain anymore #and now today i noticed how flexible i am suddenly #like what ?!??!?! #where did this improvement come from and why did it happen AFTER the event i thought would make it worse #brot posts #anyway bye im sick of being on tumblr again i miss only posting like once a day. i need to stop posting again i hate posting

[jrueships]

if gup gets shopped out im gonna be so pissed yall

#some internet ppl telling me abt this like naw. im not happy im fuckin mad #and as moots said the way it's getting talked abt is uncomfy #literally like just say u don't respect 1. homosexuality as a sexuality and 2. Boundaries and #3. Being on camera does not equal being entertainment. They didn't film that shit themselves #they were just being stupid kids n now #the whole world's treating them like the adults they are now. That's not fair fr #maybe im just protective but like #thats a whole ass friendship thats not gonna get all fucked up cus of some stupid camera during a stupid moment #and stupid viewers now watching and capable of being stupid #UGH #IT'S JUST SO STUPID #derealisming reality is a PLAGUE rn #it's just UGHHH #i dont wanna say more bcs i feel like id get called soft or whatever #it's just so dumb #im not 'happy' abt it bro and i shouldnt be wtf is wrong with u #be aware of other shit outside ur own lil fantasies or opinions ugh #i rlly rlly hope gup n green are ok rn #and now all the people that make fun of green for his nails feel like they have some fuckin highground IM SO SICK OF THIS SHIT MAN #ugh

[ghostzzy]

googles how to not be jealous of the abled

#im at the beach and i was able to spend 15 minutes in the water before it felt like my ankles were gonna snap #and otherwise i’ve been sitting here shivering and achy on the sand #and i’m ready to be back in bed. #and it’s fine like it’s fine. i’m having fun watching van surf and periodically being on my phone. #but i am just. sick with jealousy abt every single person around me #who can run and swim and surf and feel fine lmao. #like. yeah that’d be fuckin cool. wish that was me. childhoodizzy is so fuckin miserable abt our limitations now rip. #izzy.txt

[thegreatbeyondmp3]

bro it sucks so much to have to go to work when you're sick

#i dont wanna go but literally if i miss another day they could fire me 😬 #i don't have covid at least according to the home tests but like. i still have a cold or something #and i can't call out because our time is so restricted #and its not even the worst attendance policy i know of but it still sucks to have to work around #esp coming from my last job where i could take off literally as much time as i needed to basically whenever i needed/wanted to #added on top of the fact that i just don't want to fuckin be there anyway #and that im scared im gonna pick up covid bc my immune system is currently weakened #ugh. i have to get through tomorrow and the next day #and then im off again #and then im on one more day before im back off again #so i will have a rest day again pretty soon at least #after being off the last three days #(the first was my legit day off but it was very busy and few days before that were the roughest of a tough couple of weeks - #the second i took off bc i had to babysit and. being completely honest. i watched all of fellow travelers thr night before. and esp after #how bad a time id been personally having lately. all the suffering and the loneliness and the romance just hit me so hard #tbh i just felt like i deserved a break and i could do some work at home to balance things out - #third day i woke up feeling sick and coughing pretty hard and just feeling generally miserable. which continued for most of the day. #but with less coughing until now bc im laying down) #i just wish i could take an extra day or two to actually kick this 😭 #sorry this is so long i can get locquacious when im tired

[the-yearning-astronaut]

.

#im fucked #its 2am #i have to be up in like #6hrs to see a friend off and get my own shit packed so i can be to the airport #but another friend accidentally hit my biggest trigger earlier and im having a hard time letting my mind go quiet #because as soon as i do i get a fuckton of intrusive thoughts that make me nauseated and deeply upset #& ive already had some Valium & i can take more but if i do im not likely to get up on time in the morning & I'll also feel hella groggy #but not getting sleep is also not an option sooooo yeah #fucked is what i am #uggghhhhhh #☉ #tbd #fox thoughts #I wish i could delete things from my memory #or at least remove my brain and pickle it for a while #Fuck intrusive thoughts and fuck trauma triggers #ive been fucked up by this one since i was FIVE and it never ever doesn't feel absolutely fuckin awful #i feel like I'm gonna be sick 😭

[merry-the-cookie]

havent wished on my little brothers demise in a while but lucky for me hes keen on reminding me why i couldnt stand him when he still lived at home <3 cant wait for him to crawl back to paris

#little bitch gets us all sick and fully denies responsibility and now makes comments about us being sick #since hes feeling better #im gonna strangle him i swear to god #and now hes being angry and nasty and overall a fucking headache and i just #i would like for him to stop making me str8 up hate him #‘keep insulting me and we re gonna have a problem 👉🏼´ he says; unaware of how fucking alarming his behavior is #im so fucking mad but most of all im exhausted and feverish lmfao #now that hes more or less healed i just have to hang on til he fuckin leaves #counting down the minutes #shoulda done like our sister said and hit him back when he was a kid </3 #teresa.txt #vent sorry lmfao #neg #god this is so nasty of me too ill delete it later i just need it out of my head

[n0ct0urn1quet]

god it feels like everyone i know has been sick in some way within like the past week or so. i got sick n threw up Twice on friday, my mom was queasy n nauseous n kinda ill after that, my mom's boyfriend's daughter had a fever, my girlfriend has a fever and is still fairly ill as far as im aware (i havent heard from her At All today and she was very very very very low energy yesterday and kinda jus spent the whole day in bed so i have no doubt that thats what she prolly did today as well . prolly hasnt said anything to me all day bc idk maybe her phone died n she doesnt have the energy to get up n charge it or something KJASJLKLJKG). everyone's been SICK and it SUCKS!!!!!!

#i have no doubt my mom's bf is gonna fuckin come down with covid or some shit #or like my sister's gonna be sick or somthgin. good god #i mean ok i wasnt really SICK sick i just had a weird throwing up thing that happened . it was just still so weird i dont even know what #caused it. because like #the night before i was feeling kinda queasy kinda ill kinda sickly but i jus thought it was cramps or jus tummy ache #i wake up the next morning n my stomach Hurts n it just feels Weird n im jus kinda laying there at 7am wondring if im gona puke n then im #like. well ill just get up go shower n come n lay back down. so i get up n i get into the shower n after a bit im like ok i feel . slightly #better so im gonna get out. and. i get out and i start getting dressed and i jus kinda stopped and im like. okay no im gonna throw up #so i get out n go into the livingroom to tell mom and i just. yeah. right onto the floor. eugh #i dont know what caused it. mom didnt know what cuased it. it just kinda came up n out i guess #it wasnt a lot n it was all liquid with like a chunk or two of whatever i ate the night before so like #i dont know what caused it. at all. bc we all had the same dinner last night n drank the same stuff #so i dont know why i threw up when no one else Did . very very strange #right before fuckin tahnksgiving too thanksgiving is the day after tomorow and im STILL struggling to eat a lot after it #my stomach had shriveled its about the size of a shriveled up golf ball rn and i havent thrown up but i can barely eat simply because like #ill make soup. ill eat like 4 spoonfulls of it and then im just Full bc thats all my stomach can FIT #and its almost thanksgiving!!!!! The Food Day!!!!!!!! and im juts like <:((((( #i want turkeyyyyy and mash potato :((((( green been and fruit slad :(((((( and pie :(((((( #and so now im all worried about if i eat too much if im gonna throw up again AKJJKSKLLJKKBG #I HOPE I DONT. ID BE SO SAD IF I DO ANd also it would suck becaus no one likes throwing up. BUT ANYWAYS #sorry ig november is just The Sick Month. everyone's got something going on rn. we are all Going Through It as some would say

[poems-of-a-lover]

waiting for the day i can consume cis gay media and not get insanely jealous, dysphoric, or both

#im losing my fuckin mind #its why i cant rewatch yr #i get so incredibly dysphoric and jealous and upset that i crash and it destroys me #the only way ive been coping with dysphoria is ignoring it. im not gonna be trans forever. one day ill wake up cis. #and i know that's insane and impossible but its also 3 am and its something that's keeping me going in a weird kinda way #its so fucking destroying seeing cis gay men proudly in love as a closeted guy #like it does something to my soul it fuckin ruins my seeing what i could have if i was just. born right. #god im tired of all of it #im sick and fuckin tired of it #im tired of feeling like this #im tired of being trans i want it to be over and done with #alright that's enough im so exhausted #vent

[itisi-asimplegay]

hmmm

#what if i just. fake being sixk tomorrow #i mean juat get a doctor's note which i can still do easily this quarter #and just. not go to uni for the midterm #i know if i go I'm probably gonna get a 20 #50 at fuckin best #im not like. feeling horrible about ill just have to work hard for the final but #ugh i was *actually* sick for the last midterm in this subject so it means ill only have 1 out of 3 midterms done #and i do Not Know #it feels weird but i know if i go to this one its gonna lower my overall grade #and i am..... considering #literally if someone read this? and has an opinion? feel free to share lmao

[moonlitsnail]

5 day work weeks should be illegal. 8 hr days should be illegal.

#personal #im so fucking tired of being here i swear to god this place is draining my soul #been saying i was gonna call out all week but i keep putting it off bc calling out is so fuckin stressful but im losin it #my knees are a mess my shoulder keeps periodically becoming a mess and mentally i am rattling the bars of my cage #the first hr or so is fine bc i have my set morning tasks to do but now that ive done them im like.....okay...... #and like theres things i could be doing but each one takes like 5-20 mins and even if i hunker down and ignore everyone and get shit done #ill be finished in like 2 hrs and im stuck here for 8!!!! #i need a job where they give me something to do and let me do my shit until its done and then go home #i dont even give a fuck that it reduces my hrs bc honestly that's what i want! i should probably bring it up to my boss that i need like #a 4 day work week or smthn. i have a feeling thats super not gonna fly tho bc i have LITERALLY NO BACKUP!!!! #if i call out theres no one to do my job except my boss (who is mostly out of town) or his son (who comes in for 3 hrs max a day) #HENCE WHY IVE BEEN PUTTING IT OFF!!!! #idk im just so fucking tired and not coming in tomorrow and honestly wanna go home now but probably will try to stick it out #im fucking sick of working

[arthur-r]

im super proud of myself for fixing my brown leather jacket though like i didn’t do a very good job but i literally have a hundred year old leather jacket that isn’t falling apart anymore. or i mean. it’s falling apart slightly. but i sewed seams into LEATHER and i survived and didn’t destroy everything badly and forever. and that’s pretty friggin cool.

#like. idk if you guys remember my hundred year old leather jacket #that i was still wearing even though the seams of the sleeves were literally gaping open #i took around a year and a half break from wearing it after deciding that actually no it is very noticeable and not in a good way #anyway for the last week of school all my fashion ii class was doing was working on mending and diy #and basically my teacher lent me a leather needle and a good thimble and i did everything else myself #and there’s parts of it that i can’t quite fix but the big super noticeable parts are good now #and im pretty friggin proud of that #anyway i have to get dressed and i feel gross so i want to shower #but i showered last night so that would be pretty dumb and stupid #so idk what im gonna do exactly. cause my sanctity/degradation foundation doesn’t like me right now #i’ve gotten so insufferable since i read that book shdhdfdf it’s just. cool knowing a couple of theoretical psychological roots of stuff #like from an evolutionary standpoint. it’s good to remember that i only feel like a disgusting person because of a warped moral filter that #was only supposed to exist to keep me from literally getting sick and dying by the omnivores dilemma. and like. im fine #not that i shouldn’t be keeping myself clean and such. but the compulsion about it feels like. it’s just so stupid because it’s like im #compelled to do bad behaviors. in response to my feeling of disgust at having done bad behaviors #and it just cycles and cycles and cycles. just because i did bad stuff yesterday doesn’t mean i should hurt myself about it. basically #and if freaking evolutionary psychology is going to be the thing that keeps me safe then so be it #im gonna stay out of the shower im gonna wash my hands a couple more times than necessary and im going to get dressed #actually fun morality fact: you’re less likely to do stuff that goes against your moral foundations if you washed your hands recently #so im gonna wash my fuckin hands and get my care harm foundation up to par and then figure out where im at #also sorry for derailing this post and talking about moral psychology. if you’ve been here any amount of time you know how it is #me. my post. mine. #delete later (probably)