#feel free to skip

[mitamicah]

You know the old saying about autistic people not liking change right?

I had been told that with this support program i am in rn I would have the same contact/support person ... but she just called to inform she stops bc she got a new job

Honestly I am happy for her. But I am also a bit thrown for a loop rn since this was a change i hadnt hoped would happen. Now I have to do this all over again with putting up my best behavior getting to know a new person that may or may not be more sympathetic to my situation, may be transphobic or not and who i have no idea if I am compatible with or not.

Another trial in my "can I still cry after t" experiment i guess- I didnt cry but wanted to which is huge since I almost always cry (I call them frustration tears) in moments like this

I can now look forward to (read: dread) being called my the new support human between now and wednesday.

Hopefully this will be only have as awlward as I fear

#just me having to share a bit #tumblr can be a good diary sometimes #feel free to skip #prob not too exciting #micahs thoughts

[a-cumberbatch-of-cookies]

I think it’s that I’m almost 40 and I’m so used to seeing LGBT+ representation but only for the young and teens but Ed and Stede are closer to my age and it makes me realize that I’m not too old to find love is just so comforting.

That’s why Our Flag Means Death is so special to me.

#our flag means death #ofmd #personal #feel free to skip

[therelentless]

ooc;; the book for this class is sending me... this chapter talks about why can't Mexico just "get over" the fact that the land that used to be ours now belongs to the U.S, and this dude gives this as one of the reasons, and i swear... i want to throw this book in the mud and drive over it 20 times and then set it on fire.

and it's only this, i have read little comments like this all throughout the book.

#{ house meeting! } ;; ooc #very ooc stuff #nothing rp related #feel free to skip

[coconutshygame]

...

Everyday I wake up from a nightmare. Every single day since 23 September since my dad passed away. I check twitter and Instagram first thing. I pray something changed through my sleep. I pray maybe a cease fire is in place. I pray people in Gaza are alive. I pray no hospital got bombed. I don't know how to feel anymore. I get one normal day and I feel guilty for not following anymore. I follow again and my heart breaks and I don't want to look away. I will never look away. Watching my brothers and sisters die everyday on a telephone screen is breaking me bit by bit and I'm so fuckin helpless. I'm just absolutely fucking helpless. Even with donating and spreading awareness and praying and crying for them.. and I'm losing hope day by day. I know that they're Martyrs. I know they're in a much better place right now alive and enjoying but the living are still here on earth in hell and there's absolutely nothing we can do and I'm just in despair.

#this is a Palestine rant #feel free to skip

[kadoore]

happy four year publiversary to the little stabby queer book that made me an author <3

THE PERFECT ASSASSIN came out March 19th 2019 and it's been a RIDE. I don't normally make a thing about bookversaries, but there have been so many downs on the publishing rollercoaster of late that I've had to stop and just appreciate:

I'm here.

And I have a book out! Three books out! And they're all good, IMNSHO, and they're all stabby and they're all queer and I really wish they'd gotten more of a chance to shine, but that's just publishing (and the pandemic 😬)

But I have to be honest with you, I have cried a lot this past week, I have despaired a lot this past year--that I'd ever publish again, that I'd ever finish a book again, that I'd survive in this industry. And I did finish a book only to immediately trunk it, and now I have nothing to show for those four years except empty hands and a heavy heart.

And the cockroach-like will to keep going.

Because I'm certainly not the only author in this boat, not the first, definitely not the last. We've all cried a lot these past years, so maybe if we take a moment to celebrate a book that's been out and already long forgotten (remainders, anyone?), we should. We deserve to.

Happy anniversary, Amastan. 🖤🤍💜

#books books books #on being an author #a little stream of consciousness as a treat #feel free to skip

[jamietarttsnorthernattitude]

List seven comfort films and tag seven people.

Tagged by the amazing @jamiesfootball

Fast Five (really any of them after Fast 5)

D2: The Mighty Ducks (Ducks Fly Together)

Elf (Could watch this all year round)

The Town (Being a Boston stereotype w this one)

Grandma’s Boy (still kill myself laughing)

Miracle (Still gives me chills and really wished Ted gave the Miracle speech to the team before the Man City match - “if we play them ten times, they might win nine” etc etc makes me want to run through a fucking wall)

Literally any cheesy Hallmark Christmas movie (or Netflix or lifetime whatever)

Tagging @antitheticaally @sophrosyneadrift @fanficfanattic @jamiepoptartt @nativestarwrites @rarelyrad @bulbahoe

#tag game #only if you want to #feel free to skip #comfort movies

[lovejosephquinn]

Hey me again, personal ramble here we come. Don’t read if you don’t want too.

Can someone please let me know when it gets better because I’m struggling rn.

I’ve got so much happening in my home life, through disorientated family causing chaos, to my mum in a lot of pain and not being able to do much for herself, my teenage niece in a state of depression, to a long friendship ending which meant the world to me for no fucking reason, to worrying about costs of living, works not been particularly easy and I just go through evenings where I feel like I’m slipping away from people on this app and I’m just annoying people so I don’t bother messaging them first.

My anxiety’s raging again and it’s fucking useless and rock bottoms looking pretty comfortable atm. Physically can’t produce anymore tears so I just sit here mentally drained and tired.

I’ve got professional help and am one step closer to getting better through medication and therapy but I’m not quite there yet, it’s a long ladder to climb and I know I’m not the only one in this state of mental health but it hurts to feel like you’re either caught in the middle of a situation to help others or just plainly feeling alone.

I’ll get over myself and will probably be happier tomorrow it’s just my 50 personalities causing chaos in my own head and giving me grief.

Thanks for listening if you got this far, byeee x

#personal ramblings #feel free to skip

[lepetiterik]

I'm not sorry. I found a new sad wet man

#well demon spider but you get it #feel free to skip

[david-talks-sw]

Random train of thought on mentors, protagonists, “Weapons Factory” and “Old Friends Not Forgotten”

I wrote this ‘bout half a year ago, and even then, the “Weapons Factory” episode has plenty of amazing meta written about it on Tumblr. Finally decided to update and post it when I noticed something while rewatching Season 7. For other takes on this subject, check out these: Lumi’s meta on “Weapon’s Factory”. JediMasterBailey’s meta on “Weapons Factory”.

Wrong protagonists & the mentor archetype

Stories gotta have conflict. “Character wants something and something is in their way so they need to overcome that obstacle in order to get what they want.”

Good way to have conflict in your story is giving your protagonist a flaw they need to overcome.

Sometimes, that flaw is glaring, and the protagonist is outright wrong. When they realize they were wrong, we see that realization as a pay-off usually in a later scene. Examples of this in Star Wars:

From the moment he puts on the mask, Vader acts as if Anakin Skywalker is dead and there’s no way back for him from the darkness. When his son lays his life out on the line to save him, he realizes he must do the same to protect him and overcomes his inner darkness.

In TLJ, Luke firmly believes the Jedi should die out for the good of the galaxy. He realizes that’s a load of crap, and gets back in the fight.

Most of the time we see a Jedi Master... they’re not the protagonist. Usually, the protagonist is someone who isn’t a Jedi quite yet, someone young, who hasn’t arced yet, a learner.

So the archetype the Jedi fill more frequently is that of the wise mentor, someone who has already become the best version of themselves, and is now helping the protagonist with their arc.

The Jedi are Gandalf, Dumbledore, Jiminy Cricket... the voice of reason.

So, most of the time, when we’re seeing the Jedi (who strive to overcome their flaws), we’re seeing them from the eyes of flawed characters.

Like Anakin.

Anakin, Luminara & the lesson of “letting go”

Seeing as Anakin is our protagonist, he’s our lead POV character in most of the scenes we see the Jedi. We’re seeing events through his eyes.

And it’s easy to do because he’s flawed, and guess what, he’s emotional too… but we - the viewers - are also flawed and emotional. So any scene with him and the Jedi in it, we’re instantly gonna relate more to him than to the Jedi because we make an emotional connection with him.

He’s angry at the Jedi? If the writers do their job right, we’ll empathize and be angry too.

He feels they’re dispassionate and dogmatic? We will feel that too.

But if you look at things objectively... most of the time he’s in the wrong. Or at least he’s not following the rules correctly. And if he does learn, it’s temporary. After all, this is the guy who ends up becoming Vader. As Dave Filoni puts it:

“The challenge for us, creatively, is that unfortunately we can never solve any of [Anakin’s] problems fully. We can present them, we can start him to a path of understanding and hope that the audience understands that which the character of Anakin Skywalker cannot. That he can never take the final full step to being this more enlightened person, because he keeps getting pulled back down.” - Dave Filoni, 
The Clone Wars: 
“The Slaves of Zyggeria” video commentary, 2012

In this case, let’s take the Jedi rule of “letting go” of attachments.

In Anakin’s mind, “letting go” (accepting that there are things beyond your control ) is synonymous with “giving up”. Which isn’t the case, for a Jedi. To them, it’s a sign of maturity, not weakness or carelessness.

This is perfectly illustrated in the TCW episode “Weapons Factory”.

In the episode, Ahsoka and Barris are trapped beneath rubble, and are slowly dying from the lack of oxygen.

Above the ground, Anakin and Luminara search for them, but it’s pointless because the area to cover is large and they have no idea where the two Padawans are.

Like, here’s the facts:

They can sense that their Padawans are slowly dying beneath the debris.

Locating them is impossible.

None of the ships, troops and equipments will be able to dig around enough to find them in time.

The two Padawans are as good as dead, and whether they do make it out alive is beyond Anakin and Luminara’s control, and entirely up to the Padawans’ own resourcefulness.

And Anakin is basically getting angry at Luminara for prematurely mourning her apprentice, saying that she’s already given up on her Padawan, but he won’t give up on Ahsoka, no sir!

The interesting thing is that we feel what Anakin is saying, and most of the audience watching agrees with Anakin. Like, anybody I talk to about this episode remembers it as “oh yeah, Luminara didn’t give a fuck and was willing to let her Padawan die”:

But if you look at the scene objectively?

You can see that Luminara is very saddened by this.

But as opposed to Anakin, who is just pacing around going “what-do-I-do what-do-I-do what-do-I-do what-do-I-do”... she is getting ready to accept Barris’ sacrifice.

And Anakin hears this as “oh I’m just giving up and you should too”. When that’s not really the case. Anakin is completely right to care and to not give up on Ahsoka. But she’s talking about a completely different thing, they’re not on the same wavelength.

He’s talking about saving them... whereas she’s emotionally readying herself for the eventuality that they can’t. She’s not saying “stop looking for them”, she’s saying “it might not be enough”.

Again, those Padawans are as good as dead. Fact.

And then Ahsoka changes that fact by letting out that signal and letting them know that “yo, we’re here!”

Anakin and Luminara immediately and simultaneously go “oh shit they’re there!” and free them.

We even see Luminara react to the emerging Padawans before Anakin.

And that’s what a Jedi does.

She doesn’t shut out her emotions, so much as she looks at the facts and accepts them. The second the facts changed, she reacted at the same time as Anakin. The only difference was that she wasn’t losing her shit.

She isn’t talking about “giving up” or “not caring”, it’s about duty and pragmatism over hotheadedness. It’s about being ready to let go when there’s nothing else to do.

And one thing that I’d like to point out is that, while the episode is about having faith in your students, its narrative allows Luminara to make a fair point and get the last word.

Anakin may not understand it or agree with it, in this episode, but he soon will in the next season.

So, right there... the over-arching narrative is that Anakin has trouble letting go and accepting his own limits... and eventually he makes a meaningful first step towards being able to do that.

At the end of this post, there’s a quote where Lucas basically goes into the fact that, as a mentor, at some point the only thing you can do is hope you’ve trained your student the best you can, hope they’ll use your knowledge well, and let them go on their own path.

Anakin’s teachings got Ahsoka out of the rubble, on Geonosis.

Anakin’s teachings helped Ahsoka survive the Trandoshan hunters.

So not only were the mentor figures correct... slowly the protagonist is arcing and becoming one of them.

As mentioned before, though... it’s temporary. Overcoming your flaw doesn’t mean doing so forever.

The difference between this and Season 7

Skip to season 7, and we have another situation where the mentor figure is questioned:

But this time... the narrative doesn’t allow Obi-Wan to really make a meaningful point beyond “that’s not fair”.

In the dialogue, they acknowledge that Ahsoka isn’t trying to be, but we don’t see her come around to thinking “yeah, maybe I was childishly oversimplifying an incredibly complex situation”.

Just like Anakin in “Weapons Factory”, she’s emotionally framed as being morally right... but in this case, it’s left at that. There is no payoff, there is no realization, there is no moment of self-reflection.

She’s right, and that’s it.

And, lucky for her, the galaxy’s geo-political situation becomes much more black and white, following Order 66, so she’s not about to be put in as difficult a scenario as Obi-Wan and Anakin were, the day Coruscant was being attacked.

So... what changed?

Obi-Wan’s argument isn’t any less rational than Luminara’s or Plo Koon’s... yet for some reason we’re supposed to emotionally side with the irrational one? It feels a bit forced.

Am I missing something here? Why is the mentor framed as right before, but in Season 7, for seemingly no reason... they’re not?

#long post #meta #as the title says this is literally just me going down a rabbit hole #feel free to skip

[beautifulhigh]

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow in which I am going to go in and basically say "I hope this is the menopause because otherwise there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with me" and I don't know which of the two I prefer.

And I know having some answers or ideas would be good but either I'm about to go through a period of my life which is just not fucking talked about enough and so there is still a lot of mystery around it, or I'm going through something else entirely.

Too many unknowns for my Anxiety Brain to handle

#personal shit #feel free to skip

[404-usersnotfound]

Up spiraling thinking about how I will never get to meet the version of myself who would exist if my parents did better. If they didn't sell the house and pull their kids out of elementary school so we could do missionary work for their weird christian cult. I cant even dream about them leaving the Jehovah's Witnesses, but I just wish they would have put their children's well being ahead of the needs of the church.

I would be a hell of a lot more socially competent if I interacted with any kids my age from ages 6-16. If I had been allowed to make and maintain friendships in those critical years I think I would have been much better prepared to leave the cult behind. Maybe I wouldn't have wasted my college years being a fucking hermit who didn't know how to make friends. Maybe now I would have a life that I feel is worth living. That version of me if things had been different, I hope that he's out there in some other universe, happy.

#just ranting to the internet bc theres no one else to tell #feel free to skip #ex jw #what i really need is a therapist that much is clear

[fonulyn]

so i’ve had this dumb little tradition of posting a fic on my own birthday, but now my bday is fast approaching and i don’t think i have anything i could get ready to post by then. and it’s making me sad. but at the same time maybe this tradition has to die, because it often results in a bunch of comments only going happy bday while 100% ignoring the fic in question which also makes me really sad so. idek. blessing in disguise or another hit from the winter of horrors? we shall see i guess.

#me and my life #me again putting negativity on everyone's dash #feel free to skip #i'm just #life is a struggle #i wish i had something #that gave me some joy rn

[therelentless]

ooc;; my sister getting engaged just made me realize (even harder) that “finding someone” is something i have close to 0 interest. like, i’m happy and i feel like another person at the moment is gonna mess with my vibes.

#{ house meeting! } ;; ooc #a very ooc post #unrelated to anything here #feel free to skip

[a-cumberbatch-of-cookies]

Btw I got a Sting tattoo recently.

#LotR #sting #glowing blue cause of all these motherfuckers #real life #feel free to skip

[vera-dauriac]

Absolutely miserable day, but Eugene Onegin will fix everything, right?

#personal #mariusz will make it better #right? #i've got a lot going on #super personal #and sad #feel free to skip #my FIL died yesterday #it was very expected #but still sad #and my MIL has covid #and my covid test this morning was negative #but i'm miserably sick #but i finally ate a little something #and sitting sort of upright #so i put on EO #surely it will help #thanks for letting me whine if you made it this far

[lungtied-tonguelied]

.

#vent post #feel free to skip #im worried within my relationship #im in a polyamarous relationship #my gf has another bf that im not involved with #she is pregnant and he's the dad but she's asked me to parent the baby too #i'm 100% for this i'm super happy and excited and can't wait to meet my first little baby #but the bio dad has never been super comfy with the idea of me dating my gf #he doesn't like us being romantic or anything in front of him and i've respected that as far as i can #but they hang out a lot more than me and my gf do and i wish i could spend more time with her #because in the end its his bio baby and at any point they could get rid of me #but i love this baby so much i would be genuinely devastated to not be apart of baby's life #i just worry that gf is gonna realise she doesn't want/need me anymore since she has bio dad bf #sorry that was a lot of tags