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megan-is-mia · 3 years

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can I request a delusional yandere #21 prompt with Vampire Vil and Rook? It can be nsfw if you want. Thank you

(You’re welcome and I hope you like this) 21. “All I want is you. All I’ve ever wanted was you.” (Yandere! Vil Schoenheit x Fem! S/o x Yandere! Rook Hunt) (WARNING NSFW AND NON-CON AHEAD!)

(Y/n) didn't have much alone time anymore, not since she’d been made the slave of the Lord of the Night Vil Schoenheit and his second in command the Midnight’s Executioner Rook Hunt. Both men were vampires, a fact the young woman had become quite acquainted with not long after she arrived at the two males’ mansion when they’d first feasted on her as the sun set both on the day and her freedom. Luckily for her, Rook and Vil seemed rather uninterested in (Y/n)’s daytime activities and permitted her to roam the castle as long as she made herself available for feeding time at dusk. However tonight was a rare treat, the vampires would be too busy with business affairs to demand her presence and therefore the young woman had decided to spoil herself with a long shower. Usually, she had to rush to make sure she could make herself presentable for her masters, but this night she would stay in the hot water until it ran out and she would enjoy every minute of it. (Y/n) turned the water on, letting it get nice and hot before stripping out of her clothes and stepping into the warm jets of water pouring down. She hadn’t locked the door, none of the other slaves would dare interrupt her if they valued their lives.

She had to admit there were some perks to being the blood bag of Vil and Rook. One of those perks being permission to eat when she wanted, and to sleep as much as she wanted to make sure her blood was as healthy as possible for the vampires to consume. (Y/n) let her eyes shut as her head lolled back enjoying the heat of the water on her skin. All the while being in too much bliss to realize that the bathroom door had opened and two figures had slipped silently into the room with her before locking the door with supernatural power behind them as they stripped down to nothing.

The young woman stretched her arms up and behind her trying to relax the muscles only for her hands to press against something smooth and cool to the touch. (Y/n)’s eyes flew open and locked with one of the vampires she’d been hoping she wouldn't see tonight: Rook. The green-eyed male grinned down at her, enjoying how her body had gone stiff in surprise and her hands remained planted against his chest. “My how bold of you Dame d’Aeon, i wouldn't have expected a gesture so forward of you so soon” Rook said reaching up to grab the girl’s wrists and rearrange their position to his liking. The blonde took a step forward so his chest was pressed against (Y/n)’s back as he forced her to rest her hands on her breasts as he held her in an uncomfortably intimate embrace. The young woman’s head snapped forward as she broke eye contact with her captor and tried to stare at the floor before her. Only for her gaze to be forced upward by a second intruder in the form of the other vampire: Vil. “Someone told us you’d been in here sulking but I didn't expect them to be telling the truth” Vil said, his voice strangely casual for the situation at hand, as if he wasn’t standing naked before what was essentially his food. “I-i-i thought you had court matters to d-duh-deal with my Lords. I didn’t think you’d be re-re-requiring my services ton-n-night” (Y/n) stuttered out, her eyes threatening to pop out of her skull with how wide they were. Her words made both vampires go still, even more than they naturally did as creatures of the night. The bathroom was deathly silent save for the sound of the water pouring down and the young woman’s own nervous breathing. Suddenly Room burst out into raucous laughter and hugged the girl even closer so she could feel the vibrations of his mirth on her skin. “My, my you really are just full of surprises, Dame d’Aeon. To think you believed that we'd allow ourselves to get so tied up in business affairs that we’d have no time for you… Really it's so naive of you to think that way” Rook said once he’d gotten control of himself, even though the tone of his voice made it clear he needed only a little nudging before he’d start laughing once more. “And instead of trying to take advantage of that opportunity, you stayed where you were supposed to like a good girl. Such behavior should earn you a reward don’t you agree Mon Cher?” he added as he looked at Vil with a smirk that made (Y/n) shiver. “Agreed, you’ve learned a lesson that all of our previous pets failed to grasp” Vil said before taking hold of (Y/n)’s chin and holding it gently as one would hold a baby bird. There was a look in the vampire’s eyes that the young woman had never seen before, it was so similar to the one he’d made the night he’d first fed on her, a hungry almost depraved expression. Yet somehow this one was even more intense than that. The girl had been so entranced by the look in the blonde’s gorgeous violet eyes that she hadn’t noticed that he was still speaking to her or that he was leaning closer until their lips touched. The sudden contact of Vil’s chilled but silky smooth lips against her own slightly cracked yet still soft lips brought (Y/n) crashing back to reality with a yelp. She threw her head back, making Rook let out a soft grunt as her head smacked against his shoulder. The young woman’s face flushed with blood making it turn red and heated as she mumbled a confused apology to the two men who only sighed. “It seems you weren’t listening as closely as I hoped” Vil said, his expression turning disapproving. “But I can forgive your carelessness in light of the situation” he added, going in for another kiss.

This time (Y/n) was not allowed to pull away and her lips were gently pried open by Vil’s tongue as his hands came to rest on her hips and he traced nonsensical shapes on her skin. Rook amused himself by nuzzling his face into the crook of the young woman’s neck and running his fangs playfully up and down the column of her neck but not quite breaking the skin. “Since you didn’t listen the first time, I suppose I'll repeat the message for Mon Cher” the blonde said into the girl’s ear. “As reward for your obedience Dame d’Aeon, you’ll be given an experience most mortals would die for the chance at” he added with a coo.

(Y/n) could feel herself going light-headed from lack of air when Vil mercifully broke their liplock and permitted her to catch her breath even as his fingers continued dancing over her upper thighs to make patterns that made sense only to him. “Lord Schoenheit?” the young woman began hesitantly and received a hum in answer that encouraged her to continue speaking. “I don’t understand what you desire from me at this moment. I don’t know what I did wrong. Please…” she trailed off not knowing how or even what she was supposed to say to get a real answer. “Are you that thick-headed? Are you so naive to this matter?” Vil spoke sounding both disappointed and bemused. “Nevermind, that was a foolish question. I forgot that humans can be so dense even to things happening right in front of their noses” he added after a moment shaking his head and making water fly everywhere. One of the hands that had been idly moving along (Y/n)’s hips suddenly slid down between them to poke at the young woman’s nethers. On instinct, the girl tried to squeeze her thighs together and force the vampire’s hand to be still. “What an abrupt reaction, it’s almost like you were trying to put up a fight (Y/n)” Rook said surprising the young woman with the sudden usage of her name and giving his partner the opportunity he needed to wedge a leg between the girl’s knees so she couldn’t try and resist his touch again. Vil’s index finger flicked at (Y/n)’s clit and the girl’s body lurch in response at the sudden spark of pleasure and pain. The vampire did it a second time, harder now, and received another reaction from the young woman this time the movement was accompanied by a strangled moan. “Tell me (Y/n) how did that feel? Good?” Vil said with a smirk watching as the girl tried to avert her eyes even as her face became even redder with embarrassment. ��There’s no point trying to lie, I’ll be able to tell if you do. So give me an answer my darling mortal~ Do you feel good?” he added with a third flick to the young woman’s sensitive clit which got a proper moan out of her that was paired with her frantically nodding to answer his question. “That’s better, I want to be able to reward you properly and I can't do that if you won’t answer my questions” the vampire crooned, trying to poke a finger into (Y/n)’s cunt. “Do you understand yet? Or do you need some more explanation before we get into the real fun of your reward Dame d’Aeon?” Rook said adjusting his grip so he could hold both of (Y/n)’s wrists in one hand and the other could be used for groping her breasts. “Or maybe you need it said aloud before you’ll get it. Ever since you arrived and became our new pet I’ve been hungry. Not only for your blood, oh no you made me ravenous for something more carnal than even that. It’s been a long time since I’ve desired the affections of someone besides Vil” he added in a low growl. “Do you have to make it sound so lewd” Vil said, his words suggesting disdain for his partner’s words but his tone had turned playful as his finger sunk into (Y/n)’s pussy and she let out a soft cry at the intrusion. “He’s telling the truth, there’s no point growing too close to one’s bloodbag. It only makes the eventual disposal that much harder to complete. Yet you, you pried your way into my mind and now it's impossible for me to be rid of you so easily” the blonde said sounding mildly annoyed as he added another finger to the one already inside the girl’s cunt and after a few moments more adding a third and fourth finger too. “You’re not making any sense, none of this makes any sense. Why are you doing this to me if you’re so attached to me? Please just stop!” (Y/n) said and then let out a squeak as Rook began laughing again. This time however she could feel something begin to grind against her backside as the vampire kept laughing at her childish naivete, and she squeezed her eyes shut trying not to think about it. The blonde did not take kindly to being ignored and he let out a low annoyed growl into the young woman’s ear before biting down on her neck and sucking her blood. The girl’s cry of pain was quickly cut off by one of pleasure as Vil’s fingers probed deeper into her cunt and pressed against a sensitive bunch of nerves that made (Y/n) see stars. The juxtaposition of Rook drinking her blood and Vil fingering her pussy was making all her senses go fuzzy as the opposing stimulations fought for dominance in her mind. Despite her best efforts to remain in control, there was nothing the young woman could do to stop her body from responding to the men’s advances and she found herself relaxing back into Rook’s grip as he continued to feed off her negating the need for Vil’s knee between hers. “Can you bend her forward for me?” Vil said, his words directed at Rook as he pulled his fingers free of (Y/n)’s cunt with a sloppy pop as her fluids clung to his digits even as he brought them to his mouth and licked them clean. The other vampire happily complied, retracting his fangs from the girl’s neck and removing his hands from her wrists and breast so he could force them behind her making it easier to hold them in place as she was bent overdo she looked like she was bowing in reverence. As the young woman was forced to bend, she soon came face to face with the purple-eyed man’s half-erect cock.

(Y/n) vaguely understood what she was being told to do even without the words being said. The problem was she didn’t know how to do it, having never been in a relationship long enough for this activity to come up as an option. A hand descended into her hair and entangling itself in her locks before lightly tugging to give her a warning of what might happen if she didn’t get to work. Hurriedly the young woman opened her lips and took the head of Vil’s cock into her mouth. Her technique was sloppy of course, owing in part to both inexperience and nerves. Fortunate for her then that neither of those things bothered the vampire very much. Vil let out a soft growl, using his other hand to cup (Y/n)’s cheek and stroke it lightly as she took more and more of his member into her mouth. All the while Rook continued to grind against her rear and grope at it as she obediently sucked the other blonde off. He gently pried open the girl’s thighs apart so he could nestle his cock between them and tease her overly sensitive clit some more while she focused on the task before her. (Y/n) tried to protest but her sounds were all muffled as she was forced to take more and more of Vil’s shaft. Vil tried to keep himself in control, this was supposed to be a pleasant experience for (Y/n) even if he was taking this chance to selfishly indulge a bit. He continued to stroke the girl’s cheek as his shaft disappeared further into her throat until her nose bumped against his pelvis. He used his grip on her hair to keep her there for a moment before pulling back a little and driving his cock back in, trying to encourage her to move her head a bit. The young woman quickly got the message and bobbed erratically on his shaft. Her movements were rewarded with stimulation from Rook who began thigh-fucking her to the same rhythm.

If it wasn’t for his years of sexual experience and his extreme self-control, the blonde might have blown his load down the girl’s throat and ruined the entire encounter. At the last moment, he released her hair and pulled himself free of her delightful throat and mouth with a grunt. The sudden loss of the purple-eyed male’s grip almost made (Y/n) fall headfirst against the shower tile. Luckily Rook had not loosened his grip on her arms and kept her quite steady as she gasped for breath. The green-eyed male helped her back into a standing position before throwing his partner an excited, hopeful look. “Is it time for the main event Mon Cher?” Rook said his tone just oozing anticipation that was reciprocated by the other vampire who nodded with a smirk. (Y/n) just looked from one man to the other still not quite understanding what was about to transpire. Rook wrapped an arm around the young woman’s waist hoisting her up so her butt was pressed against his lower abdomen. With the other, he took hold of his cock and lined it up against her dripping cunt. The light pressure of the head of the vampire’s cock forcing her pussy open was what finally made (Y/n) understand what was going on. “Nononono” (Y/n) babbled trying to wriggle free of the blonde’s grip. “I’m sorry! Please! Don’t do this to me!” she continued to beg frantically. Her purity was the last thing she could still call her own, no matter how the vampires demeaned her and treated her like a toy she could still take pride in her still being a virgin. But now they were going to take that away from her too and she was beside herself in panic even as water from the showerhead above dripped into her mouth, choking as she inhaled the water amidst her wails for mercy from the two men. “Stop resisting (Y/n), you’re acting like a child” Vil scolded, stepping forward to grip the girl’s thighs and force them still so Rook could thrust up into her without any further fuss. (Y/n) tried to keep fighting but it was no use as her insides were abruptly forced open by Rook’s cock and the vampire let out a pleased moan at how warm her cunt was. The green-eyed male’s hips bucked lazily a few times as he grew accustomed to how perfectly (Y/n)’s inner muscles squeezed his member. The young woman’s head lolled to the side as tears began to build up in them and she let out a sniffle. “Oh Ma Chérie, you should save those tears for later” Rook said sweetly, peppering (Y/n)’s neck in kisses as Vil pressed his cock against the opening of the girl’s already stuffed cunt and began sheathing himself as well. This time the young woman didn’t bother trying to fight, there was no point resisting anymore when they’d already tainted her beyond repair. Vil’s body went still as he bottomed out inside (Y/n)’s pussy, and he let out a contented sigh before pressing some kisses to the girl’s neck as well. However as he and Rook began fucking their prey in earnest, his fangs came out and he began feeding on (Y/n)’s blood. As for (Y/n) her brain had gone totally blank from the intense pleasure and pain she was experiencing at the hands of the vampires. Her eyes rolled back in her skull making it impossible for her to tell which male was pinching her nipples and groping her tits and which one was biting her and toying with her clit like a doorbell button. Her cunt was dripping non-stop turning the water going down the drain pink with the blood from her lost maiden-hood. During a moment of clarity mid-fuck she managed to ask for the reason for this punishing reward. Her mind went cloudy again before she could hear the answer and her body was forced through a series of rapid-fire orgasms, each leaving her more sensitive than ever. By the time the vampires had had their fill of her body, (Y/n) was only half-conscious as they pulled out. She was easily maneuvered by the pair who washed her properly before carrying her out of the bathroom back to their bedroom. Usually, the young woman was banned from being in this room unless she'd seriously misbehaved and needed to be disciplined for an extended period of time. Yet she was tucked into the bed as if it was the most natural thing in the world as the vampires curled themselves around her and settled in for slumber. Vil fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, however Rook remained conscious awhile longer muttering to himself. “All I want is you. All I’ve ever wanted was you” were the only words (Y/n) could piece together in her drowsy state. Was he talking about Vil? Was he talking about her? Perhaps both? The young woman didn’t have the energy to ponder this query, not when the next time she woke she’d no longer be of the living world... THE END

#Yandere Vil Schoenheit #Vil Schoenheit #Yandere Rook Hunt #Rook Hunt #Yandere Twisted Wonderland #Twisted Wonderland #Yandere TWST #TWST

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nadziejastar · 5 years

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If both Lea and Isa went through mind control programming how did Axel turn out so well adjusted?

Axel Is A Fucked Up Guy

Ansem the Wise: Xehanort. Foolish apprentice of a foolish man. You have surpassed nothing—only proved how little we both know. We may profess to know the heart, but its essence is beyond our reach.

If you’re asking how a person could be subjected to mind control and still be a good person, and not a total psychopath…well…that’s kind of the mystery of the human condition, no? Polish psychologist Kazimierz Dąbrowski was caught in World War II and endured harsh incarceration in German prison system and later, he and his wife were imprisoned again in Stalin-controlled Poland. He said he could find no theory of psychology that could adequately explain both the lowest and most depraved behavior he saw, as well as the most heroic and highest acts he had witnessed in the war. He dedicated his life to the study of personality development.

Axel: We are just Nobodies who have no one to be, yet we still “are.” But now you can be nothing instead of just being a Nobody. You’re off the hook.

Vexen: No… Please don’t! I don’t want to—

Axel: Goodbye.

But I would actually argue that Axel was NOT well-adjusted, even though a lot of people might have interpreted him to be that way. Not at all. To me, KH3 is the only game that tried to make him seem well-adjusted and “normal”. A cool ice cream bro who breaks the fourth wall. Which I hated. And even then, there’s still plenty of signs that he’s not really recovered from his past.

It seems like a lot of people took Roxas and Xion’s understanding of Axel—a happy-go-lucky big brother—at face value. But it was clear that they didn’t know him at all. He had a very tragic life. He used to be a normal, happy kid and became a lonely, cynical, bitter assassin. He absolutely despised the organization. You could tell that he took great pleasure when he eliminated Vexen. It had nothing to do with some phantom girl he wasn’t sure existed. He said he had “no one to be”.It was very personal.

Sora: None of that matters! Just put Riku back!

Vexen: Just put him back? The Riku you speak of…has but one fate, to sink into the darkness—and you will share that fate, Sora! If you continue to seek the girl, Naminé, the shackles will tighten, you’ll lose your heart…and end up becoming Marluxia’s pawn!

Personally, I think Axel especially enjoyed killing Vexen when Sora began pleading with him to change Riku back. That would hit really close to home, and must have been a HUGE trigger for him. Whether he was planning to already or not, that was when Vexen needed to die. I also think it’s why he took such a liking to Sora.

It was Sora’s devotion to Riku that stood out the most to Axel in Castle Oblivion. Even more than his connection to Roxas.Right after Sora and Riku had a fight, Axel has a scene with Naminé.

Axel: Heh heh… I know exactly how you feel. Don’t get your hopes up. Nobodies can’t be somebodies. But think, Naminé. I’m sure there’s SOMETHING you could do…

This is Axel’s quote from the original Chain of Memories.

Axel: Does it hurt, Naminé? Watching your two childhood friends fight all because of you? You have my sympathies. From the heart. But don’t waste your time. We Nobodies can never hope to be somebodies.

And this is his quote from Re:Chain of Memories. He’s a LOT colder to her. And I don’t think it was because he had no heart. I think he was so cold to her because he had begun to develop a heart. Naminé’s the wedge that’s driving two close childhood friends apart. It hit WAY too close to home for Axel. And he truly hated her for it. He was dead serious when he said he had absolutely NO sympathy for her.

Riku: Hmph. Too bad, Sora. You can fight me all you want, but I still won’t remember a thing.

Sora: C'mon, Riku… Let’s quit fighting—let’s go help Naminé.

Riku: Together—right. So like you… …Sora—you’re always trying to worm your way into my heart!

Sora: Hold on! When did I ever do that?

Riku: Hmph, you forgot that, too? You never cared. It never mattered to you!

Sora: You won’t push me away.

He knew how the Riku Replica felt, thinking his friend didn’t care about him. And he knows only too well how Sora felt, trying to “worm his way” into his friend’s heart, only to be coldly rejected. And everything about it disgusted him. Sora is a lot like Lea. It made him remember what it was like to have such a strong bond, and how traumatized he was when he lost it. But Sora refused to take no for an answer. Just like him. But of course, that wasn’t really Riku anyways. Axel knew that. Sora’s friendship will be okay. But Axel’s won’t.

Axel: Is that your shield? Won’t do you any good, I’m afraid.

Axel wanted to save Sora. But he couldn’t have cared less if he killed Naminé. He wouldn’t have batted an eyelash. If anything, he would have been more than happy to do it. He knew she was an innocent young girl who was just an unwilling pawn of the Organization. He didn’t care. It’s so messed up if you think about it. He’d murder a terrified little girl—and he’d do it with a smile on his face. That’s how much he hated anyone who would cause a rift between childhood friends. That’s how devastated he was after the loss of Isa. He has extreme, deep-seated hatred inside of him.

Axel didn’t waste a second grabbing his chakrams. But his body was reluctant somehow.

I don’t want to disappear… But still, it wouldn’t be so bad if I did. Not here.

Axel let out a deep breath and leaped into the air as flames erupted around them.

“…Pathetic!” The Claymore moved to block Axel’s strike, while Saïx himself didn’t even twitch.

This is a pretty overwhelming disadvantage, Axel thought. Well, I knew that before we started fighting. I can’t win against Saïx with my own strength.

Still, he refused to hesitate. He had to force this path open. He wanted…to find hope—the hope that Sora and Riku had.

Saïx gave him a cruel grin. “You will lose everything!” And then the Claymore pierced Axel’s chest.

In my opinion, Axel changed because of Sora and Riku. When he came back from Castle Oblivion, his relationship with Saïx became very strained. Those two reminded him of what he used to have, and it’s unbearable to him that he no longer has it. At the end of KH2, while fighting Saïx, he said that he wanted the hope that Sora and Riku had. He wished that Saïx was just a fake replica the whole time, and that none of the awful things he said were true. The real version had actually gone away to protect him, but he’d show up later, and they could go back to being friends. Hmmm.

Sora: What are you— What ARE you people?!

Axel: Hm… Don’t know. I wonder about that myself.

When Axel saw the way Sora reacted when he killed Vexen, it made him feel ashamed. He realized that “normal” people are horrified by his actions, even when he is acting on their behalf. Sora was furious with Vexen, but even he was appalled by what Axel did.

Sora: After I finish you, he’s next!

Axel: Hmph. Now, Sora. We’ve got more in common than you might think. I’d really rather not fight you… But I can’t dishonor the Organization, now, can I?

Axel: You’re better than I thought you’d be. It was worth saving you after all.

Axel identifies with Sora, but Sora sees him as a monster. Maybe he was relatively well-adjusted compared to some of his fellow Organization members, at least in the morality department. But his “happy-go-lucky big brother” persona was mostly just a facade to cover up a very dysfunctional and wounded person. That was the mask he was comfortable showing outwardly. But it was not his true self.

Day 74: Xion’s Face

Honestly, I never got why Roxas was so crazy about Xion. I know they both joined up around the same time, and they’re both rookies, but how do you get so close to somebody who hides their face all the time? Well, I saw it today. All of a sudden, No. XIV up and takes off…her hood. Xion is a girl, and she looks just like Naminé.

It’s why he acted so strangely when he saw Xion’s face for the first time. He’s looking into the face of the little girl he was willing to murder, who is now asking to be his friend. It freaked him the fuck out. And it made him feel like total shit.

Roxas: When I saw her lying there… I couldn’t stop thinking that she’ll never wake up.

Axel: She will.

Roxas: Saïx called her “broken.”

Axel: Hmm… Well, if it cheers you up, I’m probably a lot more broken than her.

Underneath the mask, was a really fucked up guy who had a LOT of issues. And he KNEW it.

Axel stretched his neck and munched on his ice cream. “You know, I don’t mind disappearing.”

Naminé’s breath caught.

Riku stared at him.

“Roxas is gone. When we bring Kairi here, Naminé will be gone, too. So, same for me,” he said, as if he were discussing the weather, and then punctuated his comment with another bite of sea-salt ice cream.

“We don’t disappear… We’re only reborn,” Naminé murmured, perhaps to herself.

“I’m not like you and Roxas,” Axel said flatly. His hand holding the ice pop stick paused in midair.

“But—but you…” She looked down, clenching her fists.

“It’s because I don’t have a heart,” Axel went on. “I don’t want to disappear, but I’m not upset or sad about it.”

Why was he so convinced that he’s not like Roxas and Naminé? Because he’s not innocent anymore. He’s not going to get a next life because he doesn’t think he deserves one. In his mind, he’s not a good person. He’s done bad things. And he’s poisoned by hatred. I think that’s exactly why he clung to Roxas and Xion so much in the first place, aside from sheer loneliness.

They made him remember who he was before he became so fucked up. But he’d never, EVER tell them some of the things he’s done, or what he’s truly capable of. They’d be horrified and he knows it. He’s always eating ice cream during stressful moments in the novel. Even when he’s literally dying. The shittier he feels, the more he eats. The ice cream is comforting to him because it’s something he used to do in the past with Isa. It reminds him of better days. It’s almost like an addiction. Sea-salt ice cream is viewed as this cute, happy thing. But the reason it is so significant to Axel is because he’s in unbearable pain.

Kairi: So, you gonna try yours on?

Lea: Uh…I dunno. Maybe later.

Kairi: But you always wear the same thing.

Lea: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. This is how you pick me out of a crowd. I make myself easy to remember.

Even in KH3, he won’t take off his old clothes and always stares off into the distance. In my opinion, this has nothing to do with Roxas or Xion. It’s because he’s got baggage. Serious unresolved baggage, connected to his time in the Organization XIII cult. I cannot describe how much I despise the way KH3 downplayed this, and made it seem like his only problem in life was not having Roxas around to hang out with. It felt SO out-of-character to me. Of course he’d want to see Roxas again (who is actually Ventus, IMO). But his entire life doesn’t and shouldn’t revolve around that. He had a life before Roxas and that deserved attention. Isa was the root cause of Lea’s pain.

Axel’s title in the series translates into English as “Flurry of Dancing Flames,” but this doesn’t quite capture the meaning of the original Japanese. The English title implies that Axel himself is fire, but the literal parsing of the Japanese phrase is more like “dancing fire’s wind.”

I think that Axel’s title is about Isa. “Tandava” or dance of destruction, is a divine dance performed by the Hindu god Shiva, where he is infamously depicted surrounded by a circle of flames. It symbolizes the cycles of creation and destruction. Sati grew up devoted to Shiva and spurned the advances of rich kings to the point where she left for a forest to escape the constant proposals. Eventually Shiva consented to make her his bride, and, elated, Sati went to share the news with her father.

Axel: Nothing lasts forever, man. Least of all for a bunch of Nobodies. But you know, we’ll still have each other…even if things change and we can’t do this anymore.

Roxas: Yeah?

Axel: As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?

Roxas: Ha ha, wow, Axel. That sounded ridiculous.

Axel: What? I thought it was pretty deep.

However, upon her father’s expression of his disapproval of her marriage, she immolated herself, praying to one day be reborn as a daughter to a father she could respect. Angered and grief-stricken after learning of Sati’s death, Shiva performed a terrible Tandava. The more Shiva danced, the more destruction arose. Out of grief and sorrow, Shiva carried Sati’s body and roamed around the universe with it, reminiscing of their moments as a couple. It sounds a lot like Axel to me. His relationship with Saïx is akin to carrying a corpse around. Isa’s even got the giant scar on his forehead which literally means “death”.

Eventually, Sati was reborn as Parvati. This time, she was born the daughter of a father whom she could respect; a father who appreciated Shiva ardently. Naturally, she grew up to be a beautiful woman and over time, she grew to love Shiva with her whole heart. Eventually, they married. The two are literally inseparable, as they have a form where they are fused together as one. Their fused form is another symbol of duality. It’s basically the Hindu version of the Red King and White Queen of alchemy.

Another reason I think Axel’s title was about Isa? Well, because that’s what his Mystery Gear weapon was about, too. The Jade Emperor wanted to test the virtue of the hare and his friends. They all gave him food. But the hare had no food except the grass growing in the forest. So he told the Jade Emperor to build a fire, and when the fire was burning, he said “I have nothing to give you to eat but myself!” Then, the hare threw himself into the fire.

Of course, the Jade Emperor caused the fire to go instantly cold so that the hare was not burned, and then revealed his true form. And then he painted the hare’s likeness on the face of the moon for all to see, so that his virtue would be remembered throughout the ages. The rabbit was unharmed and lived happily ever after. In some versions, he actually is taken to the moon and becomes immortal. But the rabbit hasn’t gotten to the moon yet. He doesn’t know that the Isa he remembers is still alive.

Xemnas: There hangs the heart of all hearts–Kingdom Hearts–shining down on us at last. See the countless hearts that have gathered? Hearts full of rage…hate…sadness…and bliss. There, in the sky, hangs the promise of a new world.

In addition to his own abuse, Axel is fucked up because of Isa. He’s angry at what they did to him, and he’s devastated over losing him. He was an emotional wreck, filled with rage, hate, and sadness. His entire arc was building up suspense for the “bliss” part…and then they did a bait-and-switch.

#kingdom hearts #kh axel #kh lea #kh meta #kh isa #kh isalea #khleaisa #kh akusai #anti-kh3

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tonystarktogo · 6 years

Text

Five Times The Avengers Didn’t Hunt Down Dean Winchester (And The One Time Thor Threw Him A Party)

As promised, here is Natasha’s part. It’s also my favourite, so I hope you enjoy it!

Five

HYDRA is built on humanities’ worst qualities. The Red Room is not.

Natalia doesn’t know the difference in the beginning. She only knows secrets that taste like blood, and ice, and sulfur, a darkness that can’t be purified, only pushed back, to be burdened on something, someone else.

As time passes and loyalties change, there are many secrets Natalia is forced to give up for one reason or another. Some she is relieved to share the burden of. Some she is glad to drag into the light. Some she despises having to reveal.

Some she never shares at all.

The truth, after all, holds its own condemnation. And the shadows of the Red Room grow ever longer.

Changing sides changes some things. Most, inevitably, stay the same. After all, Natalia hasn’t renounced her trade, has merely exchanged one master for another.

Perhaps this is an unnecessarily cynical assessment, for though SHIELD has many flaws, it has not reached the depravity of the Red Room by far. There is a humanity to SHIELD, an underlying ideal to guide its followers. A righteousness the Red Room, in its amoral practicality has lacked. The values SHIELD upholds may ring hollow in her ears, a long line of abstract concepts and constructs that excuse as much evil as they prevent, but Natalia hasn’t had anything to believe in in a long time.

A construct, no matter how loosely interpreted, casts constraints. Natalia finds she enjoys working within the restraints these ideals offer -- a protection, for herself, from herself. A challenge. A line not to be crossed.

Of course, the benefits SHIELD has offered her are hard to remember when she is stuck in a underground prison that is either illegal or so highly classified it amounts to the same thing should its existence ever be made public. It’s one of the most secure places SHIELD has to offer -- though the prison is not actually a part of their organisation, her briefing has been very clear on that, and she is inclined to believe that for the time being -- which is why Fury isn’t happy about the sudden tendency of its inmates to keel over dead. No good going all-out to capture them alive, only for them to die before you can get all you need out of them.

Natalia can respect that. SHIELD may not be the Red Room, but there is a long list of ugly sins hiding in the organisation’s underbelly. What Natalia respects less is that, out of all the agents available, she has been volunteered for an undercover stint in this hellhole.

She can’t help wondering if there is an underlying ‘If you ever betray us, this is where you’ll end up’ message in this mess. Not that she cares. If she ever strays, Barton will kill her. That’s what they’ve sworn each other, and unlike many others, it’s an oath Natalia knows they both intend to keep.

What really bothers Natalia isn’t a possible threat, it’s that this mission is below her abilities. There is nothing particularly challenging about observing the guards. Granted, she is better at reading than most, but her true calling is the art of the kill. One thoroughly wasted in a place like this.

But it takes more than two months in a cell to unsettle the Black Widow, so she doesn’t let any of it bother her. Simply accepts the mission with a raised eyebrow and a nod, and goes to work.

Natalia finds three corrupt guards within her first three weeks. If there are any more, she’s sure they are connected to those three, which should be enough for SHIELD. But Natalia has never been particularly good at ending a mission without actually ending a mission. The last remains of her training perhaps, or just another way in which the Red Room has shaped her that cannot be undone.

She doesn’t call for extraction. There is still work to be done here. And Natalia enjoys the challenge of working among those damned as much as she is.

New prisoners show up all the time. There is no schedule, no regularity. As is to be expected of a prison that officially doesn’t exist. Usually, it takes Natalia half a day to two days to notice the presence of a newbie, depending on the placement of their cell.

This time it takes her ten minutes. She would have heard of him even if she wasn’t who and what she is. In fact, Natalia is fairly sure that, by the end of the day, there isn’t anyone in this place who hasn’t heard of the new arrival. But Natalia doesn’t have to rely on gossip.

She sees him as he shuffles down the hallway, hands and feet encased in iron cuffs, six heavily armed guards surrounding him. He doesn’t smile, doesn’t joke, doesn’t look particularly unhinged or threatening. But it doesn’t escape Natalia’s notice that none of the guards look very happy to be where they are -- nor do they appear very confident.

When Natalia meets the man’s gaze for a moment as he passes her cell, she understands why.

It takes a lot to unsettle a Black Widow. But this man manages it with one quick, appraising look and unhurried, if somewhat awkward, small steps.

They call him Winchester and Natalia sees the Red Room’s darkest shadows in his eyes.

Time passes.

Winchester is a quiet prisoner. He makes no waves, starts no fights, keeps to himself, and he always, always watches. There are five occurrences Natalia is aware of, during which Winchester was involved in a confrontation. Never the aggressive party, but always the victorious one.

And still, he sits back and watches. Natalia sits back and watches Winchester watch them all. She is fairly sure he’s aware of her, but he has made no indication of it.

So she continues.

Winchester, she concludes after the first week, is oddly detached. He does not appear to worry about his situation, shows neither hope nor despair. He walks among his fellow damned with ease. Speaks the language of violence as fluent as Natalia herself. And yet.

He does not belong.

Natalia wonders what Winchester is doing in this place. Wonders how they caught him. He looks human enough, but Natalia has seen the scars. She has seen his eyes. Winchester may look human, may even be human enough, but he carries a darkness that can neither be stopped nor destroyed, only ever pushed back. A darkness the Red Room has been built on.

She wonders if throwing Winchester in this cage that isn’t supposed to exist is the world’s way of pushing him back. Wonders if the decision of throwing him into the middle of the worst predators humanity has to offer wasn’t born out of a failing hope that they would rip him apart. It is a plan doomed to failure from the very start. There are no fights -- none that leave witnesses at least -- nor does he suffer a mysterious death.

All Winchester does is sharpen his teeth.

Natalia continues to watch. Winchester continues to let her.

It is carelessness that almost brought Natalia’s end at the hands of Clint Barton once, all those years ago. And it is carelessness once more that almost brings about Natalia’s death now, this time by one of the dirty guards she has identified.

There are many who seek the death of a Black Widow. Many who will pay a price far greater than needed to tempt better men than the one she’s been saddled with. It would be a disgrace of a death, to fall to one such as this. But Natalia has long learned, that grace has nothing to do with death. And neither has justice.

Death is messy. Hers will be no exception.

Even unarmed and injured as she is now, Natalia’s body is enough of a weapon to tip the balance in her favour. But she is locked into her cell, with no easy measure to escape, and she can feel the drugs working their way through her system, encouraged by the quick pace of her heartbeat, and she knows she won’t be able to keep this up much longer. Won’t keep this up long enough.

If only Cole had been stupid enough to take her on alone.

She snaps the neck of one of the bastards, dislocates another’s shoulder. Gets thrown into a wall for her effort. Delivers a painful kick into a kidney. Wraps her legs around a neck. Squeezes. Has her head slammed against the metal frame of the bed. Hard.

Knows the next time she is down, she might not get up again.

Suddenly the heavy weight of the man on top of her is gone. Natalia blinks, multiple times, before her vision clears, reveals a familiar shape.

There, in the middle of her cell he isn’t supposed to be able to enter, stands Winchester. For the first time she sees him without the cuffs limiting his movements, sees him not hunched down but standing tall, and the difference is staggering.

Natalia hadn’t noticed it before, had nothing to compare this Winchester to. But now, as he is standing above her, fully at ease despite the two guns aimed at him, the hateful glares and clear threats the men are sprouting, straight back and broad shoulders, a confident smirk that fits far too well on his lips, she realises that all she has seen until this very moment was a shadow.

But right now, standing between Natalia and a long due death sentence, Winchester is alight. A freshly lit flame, a slowly flexing muscle only just now remembering its true strength. He is determination and purpose, and when he chances a glance over his shoulder to wink at her, she doesn’t find the shadows she’s become accustomed to in his gaze.

If they were ever truly there, they have long since been burned to ash by the hellfire lighting up his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” one of the guards barks, though there is no mistaking the fear on his face.

“Oh, don’t mind me,” Winchester says lightly. They are the first words Natalia has heard him speak. “Me? I’m just checking that there’s nothing untoward going on in this lovely lady’s home. A friendly, neighbourly call, if you will.”

One of the men scoffs -- or maybe that’s Natalia -- but then the room descends into a violent chaos, with Winchester at its centre, and it doesn’t matter anymore.

When it’s over, Winchester is bruised and bloodied and stands all the taller for it.

Natalia doesn’t thank him.

She doesn’t think there is anything to be grateful about to find herself indebted to the most dangerous man she has ever met.

It doesn’t end there. The fight.

Later, Natalia will wonder how long Winchester has been planning this. If maybe it was pure coincidence that he entered her cell at the precise moment Cole and his friends decided to act. It’s possible, she supposes, that he improvises in the aftermath of the attack on her. But the thought that he manages to break out of one of the most secure prisons she’s ever been in with no warning and minimal preparation, is a terrifying possibility to consider. Made all the more so because it is not impossible.

As it is, it doesn’t matter. All that matters, is that Winchester gets out. Gets her out. Gets them out.

Natalia only remembers the breakout in bits and pieces later.

A steady arm around her waist, guiding her. The smashing of glass. Screams. A choked-off breath. A long hallway. Flickering light. Sirens.

Silence.

She comes to in a standard hospital room, having been dropped off by a man every eyewitness will later describe differently, and that’s that.

Besides herself, Natalia learns, once she contacts her handler and finally gets around to a proper debriefing, fifteen prisoners disappeared during the breakout. Thirteen were found and successfully recaptured within twenty-four hours.

Number fourteen and fifteen have disappeared off the face of the earth.

Natalia is unsurprised to find out that Winchester is one of them. She is even less surprised to learn that the other missing prisoner is the one Winchester freed first. The others he probably only got out for convenience sake, to cause greater chaos. A smokescreen. When in truth Natalia is certain that it was only ever about that one other man.

She doesn’t share her suspicion with her handler. Nor does she share her impressions of Winchester.

“We only talked once,” is all Natalia is willing to say on the matter. “He seemed sane, confident. Flirty.”

That last one makes her handler choke on his own spit. Natalia doesn’t bother to hide her eyeroll.

A couple of weeks later, after the dust settles and new missions draw closer, Natalia will break into SHIELD’s headquarters and erase the admittedly bare-boned file on Winchester, Dean from existence.

It has nothing to do with the debt she owes him, and everything to do with the monsters the Red Room has awoken in its greed for more. Monsters that Natalia will never breathe a word of, to anyone. The shadows of the Red Room are too long as it is.

Winchester may not be a beast born of their terrible poison, but he carries the same darkness, is a part of the same world, and Natalia will not see him in SHIELDs hands nor anyone else’s. There is no absolution to be found in the truth of evil beyond human nature. Only power. And power will always, always corrupt.

Natalia has seen it in the Red Room. Still does, because such darkness, once awoken, can not be laid to rest again. The Red Room’s poison is far-reaching.

And Dean Winchester is not of their making -- is not her responsibility -- but he casts his own shadow.

#ReRe writes #Dean Winchester #Natasha Romanoff #5+1 verse #5+1 things #secret prison #attempted murder #fic #undercover mission #the Red Room is bad news what else is new

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padawanlost · 6 years

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I've never really been able to tell what Count Dooku's motivations were in the clone wars. Did he just want to rule the galaxy like Sidious? Or did he have another reason for doing what he did? And did he have any idea about Sidious' plans for turning Anakin?

Dooku is areally interesting character but he never got the development he deserved. Themovies barely scratched the surface but the EU give some interesting pieces of information. Here is what we know about him (and how it influenced him and his lateractions as a Sith):

He had apretty normal upbringing within the Jedi Order, he was considered talented andwas well liked. But he knew about his birth family and the power and fortunethey had. I don’t know how much that knowledge influenced his personality, butDooku is portrayed as more haughty than the average Jedi. valuing things likepower and birth over skill (that’s why he had such a problem with Anakin butmore on that later).

[Dooku] did not think of it as pride, anyway. It was assurance.Assurance of his abilities merely grew with each mission, as it should. Yoda had mistaken sureness for pride, whichis exactly what he had warned Dooku not to do. And if it was pride for Dooku tothink of himself as wiser than Yoda in this instance, Dooku wasn’t concerned.Yoda was not always right. [Jude Watson’s Legacy of the Jedi]

Dookubecome a Jedi and decided he would train a talented and powerful padawan calledQui-Gon Jinn.

Now he was a Master with an apprentice. Qui-Gon Jinn had been the most promising ofthe Padawans, and Dooku had maneuvered to get him the first time he saw him inlightsaber training, at ten years old. Dookuknew that a Master would be judged by the prowess of his Padawan, and he wantedthe best of the best. When Yoda had given his approval of the match, Dookuhad been satisfied. Another step had been taken toward his goal — to surpassYoda as the greatest Jedi ever. [Jude Watson’s Legacy of the Jedi]

“Your flaw is your need for connection tothe living Force. Qui-Gon, the galaxy is crowded with beings. The Jedi Order ishere to support you. Nevertheless you must carry the following knowledge inyour heart,” Dooku said. “Youare always alone, and betrayal is inevitable.” [Jude Watson’s Legacyof the Jedi]

During hisJedi years, as he witnessed the failings of the Jedi Order and the corruptionin the Senate he became more and more disillusioned with both. One of theturning points was the Battle of Galidraan (where a lot of Jedi died and killedon the orders of a corrupt politician working with the Death Watch).

It was a massacre; and the Jedi had carried itout, pawns of the corrupt Galidraangovernor, who had set up the Mandalorian army for his own agenda. Lookingback on it, Dooku saw it was the tippingpoint that had changed his life. It was the moment he had started to think. Ibelieved my Masters. I didn’t think for myself. They didn’t question, either;they took the governor at his word. They just believed. And we killed people.We killed them on the say-so of a criminal. [Karen Traviss’ the Clone Wars.]

He tried to change things, he told people abouthis fears but it all went ignored. When the Naboo Crisis started he wasdone with both the Order and Republic. Once he heard the news of Qui-Gon’sdeath he picked up his things and left.

His discontent hadcontinued to grow and fester; his frustration with the Republic Senate,with ineffectual Supreme Chancellor Valorum, with the shortsightedness ofthe Jedi Council members themselves. A Trade Federation blockade of Naboo,rumors of a Chosen One found on a desert world, the death of Qui-Gon Jinnat the hands of a Sith … How could the Council members not seewhat was happening? How could they continue to claim that the dark sideobscured all?

Dooku had said as much to anyone who would listen. He wore hisdiscontent on the sleeve of his robes. Though they hadn’t enjoyed the smoothest ofstudent–teacher relationships, he and Yoda had spoken openly of the portents. ButYoda was living proof of a conservatism that came with extended life. Dooku’strue confidant had been Master Sifo-Dyas, who, while also disturbed by what wasoccurring, was too weak to take action.

The Battle of Naboo hadrevealed that the Sith were back in the open, and that a Sith Lord was at worksomewhere. The Sith Lord: the one born with the power needed to take the finalstep. Dooku had given thought to seeking him out, perhaps killing him.But even what little faith he placed in the prophecy was enough to raise doubtthat the death of a Sith could halt the advance of the dark side. Another wouldcome, and another. [JamesLuceno’s Labyrinth of Evi]

Here is his final letter to the Jedi Council:

For many years, I have served the Jedi Order and done my best to honorthe traditions of the Jedi. Today I am compelled to announce that I am leavingthe Order. It is not unreasonable for anyone to wonder why I have decided toleave at this time. Yes, I am aware of various allegedly discreet queries fromthose searching for a reason. Therecent, tragic loss of my former pupil, Qui-Gon singly corrupt Senate? Some ofmy contemporaries have suggested that seeds of discontent were planted twelveyears ago, at the Battle of Galidraan. While I cannot deny that these eventshave left their mark on me, I will only allow that the time has come that I canno longer be a Jedi. As most of you are aware, financial resources are atmy disposal on my home-world, Serenno. While I would like to think my manyyears of devoted service to the Order disavows any notions that I am yieldingto economic circumstances, I will enlighten those who don’t know me so wellwith a certain piece of wisdom that I have always found true: money creates asmany problems as it does opportunities. It is my plan to return to Serenno andserve my people as a philanthropist. It is my last request as a Jedi Masterthat you respect my decision, as well as my privacy. Good-bye, old friends, andmay the Force be with you.

Dooku and Palpatine werefriends. He was the one who told Palpatine about Anakin’s chosen one status.Palpatine was aware of Dooku’s unhappiness and he knew he would be looking forhim so he approached Dooku with a proposition to “save the galaxy”:

As it happened, therehad been no need to hunt for Sidious, for it was Sidious who had approachedhim. Sidious’s boldness surprised him at first, but it hadn’t taken longfor Dooku to become fascinated by the Sith. Instead of a lightsaber duel to thedeath, there had been much discussion, and a gradual understanding that theirseparate visions for how the galaxy might be rescued from depravity werenot so different after all. [James Luceno’s Labyrinth of Evi]

“depravity” - keep that word in your mind!

Dooku’s goal was to “savethe galaxy” by removing the Senate and the Jedi. Once they were gone so wouldthe corruption and he and Palpatine would be free to build a better world. In away, Palpatine played with his hopes the same way he did with Anakin. hepretended he shared Dooku’s feelings, offered a solution and used him as his pawn.

Which brings us to Anakin andObi-wan. Dooku knew Palpatine wanted Anakin but he still believed Obi-wan was abetter choice:

“May I suggest, Master, that we give Kenobi one last chance? Thesupport of a Jedi of his integrity would be invaluable in establishing thepolitical legitimacy of our Empire.” “Ah, yes. Kenobi.” His Master’s voice wentsilken. “You have long been interestedin Kenobi, haven’t you?” “Of course. His Master was my Padawan; in a sense,he’s practically my grandson—” “Heis too old. Too indoctrinated. Irretrievably poisoned by Jedi fables. Weestablished that on Geonosis, did we not? In his mind, he serves the Forceitself; reality is nothing in the face of such conviction.” [Matthew Stover’s Revengeof the Sith]

“But I must ask, my Master: is Skywalker truly the man we want?”“He is powerful. Potentially more powerful than even myself.” “Which isprecisely,” Dooku said meditatively, “why it might be best if I were to killhim, instead.” “Are you so certain that you can?” “Please. Of what use is powerunstructured by discipline? The boy is as much a danger to himself as he is tohis enemies. And that mechanical arm—”Dooku’s lip curled with cultivateddistaste. “Revolting.” “Then perhaps you should have spared his real arm.”“Hmp. A gentleman would have learned tofight one-handed.” Dooku flicked a dismissive wave. “He’s no longer evenentirely human. With Grievous, the use of these bio-droid devices is almostforgivable; he was such a disgusting creature already that his mechanical partsare clearly an improvement. But a blendof droid and human? Appalling. The depths of bad taste. How are we to justifyassociating with him?” [Matthew Stover’s Revenge of the Sith]

Dooku is ableist. He doesn’tcare about Anakin’s power at all. He’s far more interested in the lesspowerful but “wholesome” Kenobi. And thataffects his view of a “better galaxy”:

A government clean, pure, direct: none of the messy scramble for the favor of ignorantrabble and subhuman creatures thatmade up the Republic he so despised. The government he would serve would beAuthority personified. Human authority.[Matthew Stover’s Revenge of the Sith]

Dooku’s ideology is disgustingand he hides it worse than Palpatine. He wants the save the galaxy from those heconsider subhuman creates so he can enjoy peace for those he deems worthy (theclean, pure ones). He wants to end the depravity! That’s why he is so interested in Obi-wan and why he loathesAnakin. Dooku is motivated by his prejudices and his own arrogance.That’s all he truly wants: a world where humans rules and everyone who doesn’t look or sound like him is considered inferior and treated as such.

#ask #aspie-jake #count dooku #sw meta #meta: dooku #palpatine #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #meta: palpatine #meta: anakin #meta: obi wan #txt

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paraclete0407 · 3 years

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Everywhere I go I see these ‘morning’ novels about ‘getting life right the first time through.’ All these Asian girls I dated year after year and they expect / demand me to be totally established and take all their abuse - I will not complain more than that - when what I’ve wanted for a long time is literally ‘to live like an immigrant in one’s own country.’ All the people I admire seemingly married young such as the current Korean president and former UN Secretary General.

I keep thinking, ‘That ultra-miraculous Hail Mary 80K-or-so YA novel that will get me out of here and also annihilate all the evil YA novels that I hate and want to expurgate from BN, the libraries etc.’ The wolf-child teenage-assassin good-to-be-gay ultra-sensualize-Asian-girls good-to-get-raped good-to-be-anorexic good-to-hate good-to-be-cynical etc.

I tried to support ‘Finding My Voice’ author Marie Ok Myung Lee on Twitter b/c I saw ‘Finding My Voice’ at BN and went, ‘OMG they took Kim Minju’s face and it’s right there.’ I lived in KR; I don’t mistake faces; YA is ripping K-pop left and right but Minju’s a real person with a life, had panic-attacks, needed exogenous O2 from trying to ‘honor’ her fans. I wrote Minju ‘greentext fics’ talking about chivalry on 4chan but instead of motivating NEET’s to get a life or at least value and honor women it had people talking about rape, and various techniques of what might be called slave-breaking or the ways in which slavers and human traffickers so damage their human chattel as to render them unlikely to escape. Jordan Peterson on Twitter is defending 4chan for its truthyness I guess (despite JBP’s having dreams of Christ and the kings of this Earth bowing down after trying to smash each other), and also pointlessly dueling / debating actual rape- and trafficking-victim Yeonmi Park, a North Korean escapee, due to the fact that JBP is ultra-rich and invested in his brand / identity and probably delaying Christianity as long as possible. Marie Lee also got embroiled in a pretty pointless debate with a smart but mercenary Tory Toffish British professor called Dave Tizzard over precisely how much incendiary was dropped on to North Korean people and they’re still battling each other over God-knows-what. My parents also recently tried to duel me to the death over my interest in supporting Liberty in North Korea; about which my Dad said, ‘If you try to enter North Korea I will cut you off.’ I’m a communist defector for being anti-communist because this is 2021 in Babylon and reality is unreality. I’m sorry if I sound like Ben Shapiro but honestly facts and those ho handle them are sometimes more important to the art / science caring than narratives, the ashes of experience, personality, etc. People such as Joe Biden also appear to oppose food-relief to North Korea on the grounds that it will prop up the regime and, say, if we feed North Koreans they might have excess energy and actually develop WMD’s and non-conventional capabilities that could threaten the US; an eventuality we prevented in the past by making sure NK starved in the 1990s and also by disarming NK’s WMD operation in Iraq in 2003.

All jokes aside NK policy strikes me as incredibly mentally ill and by that I mean spiritually depraved (I really think so), racist, genocidal / annhilationist, desiring to erase both souls / individuals and history, confused, scared. IDK if I am allowed to even say that but I have a ‘black swan’ theory of history / WW3 in which some of the formerly colonized nations, such as NK and SRV (Socialist Republic of Vietnam), basically take over the world using special forces because in a way they deserve it and also because they know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of both malevolent colonial power and pseudo-benevolent or well-meaning-but-stupid-and-cowardly-and-non-committed paternal colonialism / imperialism. It could appear outlandish but if you study certain battles in history you find there are critical factors in terms of information, will, ‘moral factor,’ technology, the Hand of God.

I ultimately believe many of us on the Earth will have new neighbors very soon and we must honor them with worthy offerings, both out of justice and out of love for their souls (a-ga-pe, caritas / Charity). During the pandemic I repeatedly read Chancellor / Dr. / Pastor John Piper’s ‘Coronavirus and Christ’ as well as Francis Chan’s ‘Forgotten God’ about the Holy Spirit and how to invite(?) His counsel, comfort, wisdom, orders.

To anyone and everyone who might be reading this someday I also recommend highly Catherine Cho’s ‘Inferno’ which is about post-partum psychosis, mental healthcare in the United States, motherhood, demons, all of which are factors currently of critical importance to a lot of us. I had written a poem for Literary Shanghai which I think was accepted but which I then rescinded about ‘Inferno’ describing my own experiences with mental healthcare and terror of Hell and the Spirit. I had also spoken of a ‘Requiem’ which is something the pre-eminent English-language professor of the Korean War once called for though the essence of what might have happened during that conflict as well as what could happen again today is quite frankly literally a ‘Dies Irae,’ not the peaceful or nice part of the traditional requiem. I had actually wanted to write Korean War novels before I realized how mercenary this is about an operation codenamed Ripper under Gen. Ridgway, the part of the war that involved bullets as much as heavy bombers or whatever, huge masses of Chinese troops, situations of semi-indiscriminate firing into masses of Asians including refugees, not to mention numerous hapless boy-soldiers from China. All this stuff appears to be clawing its way out of the ground now - the Korean government recently awarded an American colonel in his 90′s for a certain unspecified action - but it’s 3:50 AM, billions born and unborn are at stake in other places, lands of miracle and menace, such as particularly Somalia with a birthrate that resembles that of the Republic of Korea prior to contraception etc., and I have personal problems to target and numerous ownership-issues when it comes to what is truly meant for me to do in the remains of my day(s).

It also appears that a large coterie / clique / posse of persons around here are obsessed with me magically forcing them to respect, cherish, etc. me which puts me in mind of my favorite K-pop song - maybe the only one I ought to care about anymore - (Ms. / Leader) Kim Taeyeon’s ‘Make Me Love You,’ which however was also released on the same day as a super-massive democidal chemical attack in Syria.

A while back I reflected somewhat - maybe not enough - on the idea of ‘counter-imperialism,’ by which I don’t mean Jean Paul Sartre or Mao or the Black Panthers, but using power, influence, etc. to circumscribe or delimit the excess ambitions of people who think they have the right idea but have lost their right minds or don’t really understand or care. At one point I thought wishfully, ‘America is like a counter-empire,’ but IDK if I was really thinking of America b/c to be a counter-empire by my definition you need control and reason and wisdom and SME (subject matter expertise), not just wishes.

I’m not sure any liberal democracy today has all these though my optimistic side looks to the current ROK president, Twitter moonriver365, who appears to be playing an almost impossible hand with literally every other country, flesh and spirit. I bought this leader’s autobiography but my Korean cuts in and out of comprehension. IDK if I’m too open-minded or not open-minded enough; I have my affections and I guess limerences (liking) as well. I don’t despise the current ruler of Russia either for he has been trying to do good things for a nation that paid a nearly incomprehensible price in WW2 (Great Patriotic War), and which was mocked and despised for no good reason by a smug West, which perhaps sunk into unworthiness of itself, after the first Cold War.

I remember looking at a picture the Moscow GPW memorial obelisk and being awed to tears - bodies and souls ascending into Heaven or hurled into Hell. Straight up, straight down. St. George and the dragon. ‘They are attacking again; are they mortal?’

However, I came to view this memorial partly whilst researching a fanciful Millennial anti-establishment curse-the-system-and-die novel about the mass-drowning of some 300 South Korean high school students in 2014.

I also made an effort to cultivate concern for children in the Midwest but somehow became sidetracked again just thinking about world events, the fact that every race is out to get every other race, these golden-haired Caucasian girls are probably taken to be ‘Little Women’ knockoffs or Henry James throwbacks or some Reddit category that can be easily demonized by Maoist flaks, BLM, anyone looking to score points or reduce the other in order to magnify the self and/or its tribal / identity-politics interests.

Over recent months I considered a lot - maybe still not enough - the categories or qualities of purpose; purity; and also presence.

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