#everything is weird and my brain no work

[fumifooms]

Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.

His grey hairs are so earned

#Chilchuck tims #dungeon meshi #analysis #HAPPY CHILCHUCK DAY #You know what yeah understandable have a good day #Alcohol be a ticket straight to chilling out town I suppose #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #Thinking on if I should split my family masterpost into diff posts for max reach hmm #Anyways I’m def editing in the second page into that post that “I’ve got three people to think of here” sounds sooo much like that’s #How he’d think about it in a family setting as well. He works so hard for them 🥺 #I could have put 100 pics on this post to justify everything I mentioned but this is a speedrun for a reason. I’m planning so many #Compilations rn i need a break from rereading lol #He’s just here to do his work!! He just wanna do his work!!! #I’m always rotating him in my brain like rotisserie chicken :( Hopefully this doesn’t sound disjointed or insane to average readers #He’s always on his guard so he has a short fuse and his type of humor & liking for snarky remarks doesn’t help #Also bc he knows nothing lasts he has a very work hard play hard mentality where ‘dying doing something you love. Like drinking’ #Is nice in his opinion #This post makes it all sound so dry. Chilchuck is so messy thinking about him is thrilling I swear. This is concise but at what cost… #OH ALSO he has weird self-hate issues where he really values his skills but devalues himself on a personal level. #‘I am a coward. I only care about myself. I cheated on my wife (lying for no reason)’ etc etc #Can’t disappoint people and make them leave you if they already have no expectations and esteem of you 😏💡

[marsbotz]

maybe its already too late for me

#spamton #deltarune #spamton deltarune #spamton g spamton #big shot spamton #animation #fuck it all this took so long i can even tell if its good or not anymore #JUST TAKE IT!!!!! #lol i have.... so many thoughts abt his big shot era. that man is SPIRALLING!!! #ughghhg [starts losing touch with reality epically] #btw the stuff on the walls issss. swatch pic.. cungadero ad (w funny legs).. tasque pic and pipis #and a like 'salesman of the year' magazine cover tee hee #i imagine spamton to rlly like the tasques.. cat guy #and everything else is like his obsessions with his public personal etc etc ehatver. im tired #theres like issues wparts of this but ive been working nonstop on it for like 2 days im so done. im so done LOL #prommy ill do more low effort fun stuff now i jsut had this Vision in my brain. i had to do it like this #sorry if it looks bad on mobile btw. tumblr sizes r so weird #ok. done now #artsbotz

[feelo-fick]

PRANK GONE WRONG!!! ( real ) ( not clickbait )

weirdly defensive.

#in which scarab Cannot Catch A Break #woot woot!!! comic time!!! #the flow of this might seem really weird which is the result of me drawing all of this during class #LOOK IM TRYING OVER HERE i wanna do everything but also i Am Stupid #my brain is working on otap and homosexuality i cannot function #prohibitedwish #scarab the god auditor #prismo the wishmaster #dies i need to find a way to post this stuff in a way that makes me look as cool as everyone elses stuff NSNSNNDNSNCAK #still no name... SIGH

[leefyberrybread]

A bunch o' WIPs and progress pictures from some of the bigger things I’m currently working on :)

I’m already 12 hours into this over ambitious Pharma painting and I don’t even think I’m halfway done. I started this in late October and I’m taking a bit of a break from it to learn how to paint metal and just get back in the groove of painting things.

MS paint seeker thing I started in the time period where i lost access to photoshop and before i got clip studio (August lol). So far, this has been so FUN to work on and experiment with funky bright colors

And finally, Stormmyyyyy I started a few days ago but he is the saddest guy in the world rn

#transformers #art wips #corndogyyy art #my art #tf idw #pharma #idw pharma #tf pharma #brainstorm #starscream #thundercracker #skywarp #idw brainstorm #work in progress #THANK YOU MS PAINT FOR ADDING LAYERS #you still have to save as an image so you cant save the layers when you reopen whatever you work on but its still a bit better #also i think digitally painting and traditionally painting and mspaint and making simple doodles has rewired my brain to do everything on #like one layer cuz im using a bit more layers now and it feels weird ehfkjsfhkjdfhkdf #i feel like ive lost my braincells and a bit more marbles ever since i started working on that pharma painting. #he put the pain in painting #I HAD TO RESKETCH HIM SO MUCH AND THAT CHAINSAW........i. i dont know anymore......so much grief and pain #why did i decide to do this?? i dont know but i feel like my 5 years of art training has prepared me for this moment. to paint pharma #also i feel like im still definitely learning how to do digital art in a more efficient way or i just need to get used to using a digital #program to make art but maybe its like the 3 month art block and high school burn out talking and im trying to just draw more in general. #i feel like i forgot how to do a lot of things and im forcing myself to restudy stuff and get used to just doodling all the time again :) #also i have a little somethin somethin about whirl i'll post soon :} #man i just realized they are all jets. big jet posting hours at 2 am lets goooo

[ivyithink]

some kiddies

translation from ukr (last pic): "Rubik's Cube, seriously, Odasaku!? I'm not 3 y.o! Come up with something more interesting!"

#my art #my doodles #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd fanart #dazai osamu #oda sakunosuke #bsd dazai osamu #bsd oda sakunosuke #odazai #bsd odazai #“why not just write everything in one language op” you might ask “wouldn't that be more convenient for everyone???” #and yes #it would be #but #brain do be working weird sometimes and it's “write in the language you're thinking at the moment” for me usually sooooo #that's how we get five doodles with text in eng and then suddenly surprise ukr out of nowhere #playlist probably jumped from eng songs to a ukr one hhhmmmmm

[wigglecoin]

help im trying to concentrate on writing an essay but my brain wont stop thinking about an In Stars And Time AU where after everything the color red just... stuck around?? like, the world isn't ending anymore but its still there for some reason and all of a sudden some things are red, or what they would call 'the color'. like they wouldn't notice at first cause you don't find it in the sky but they pass by an unpainted brick house or something and its just.. red? and the person who owns it or has noticed first is just like 'yeah it happened a little bit after we all got unfrozen and it just stayed like that.'

imagining the introduction of a weird shade on a whole set of people and how it would influence things, vanguard add bits of red to everything cause its cool and new and i just have to wonder how the group would take it cause on one hand it could be a little triggering but on the other hand its cool when it doesn't mean the world is ending.

#isat #in stars and time #in stars and time spoilers #isat spoilers #i dont think its actually spoilers but just in case #hopefully writing this out will get it out of my brain #I JUST WANT TO INTRODUCE THIS WORLD TO COLOR GOSH DARN IT #i love rainbows so much its so sad no one can see them #and on one hand im thinking itd mostly be an aestetic au like #putting cool accents on characters clothing #but on the other hand it gives me a starting off point to think of the gang after everything #idk what to name it #isat red au #isat color au #? #i hope other people like this idea i think its just so cool #please if anyone likes this idea feel free to steal it i just want more isat out there #imaginging them waiting for the leafs to turn gray in the fall and they just turn a weird shade like wtf #aaah i gotta stop indulging myself i have to pay attention and work aaaahhhh

[gideonisms]

the Immediate switch from "this is bearable" to "I wanna kms" any time my boss switches up the schedule by an hour at random (happens weekly)

#i feel like i am using 100% of my energy surviving and it's been that way for years #i can't think of anything better to try for. my brain just doesn't do that most of the time #i just don't even know what it would feel like if things were better or what i want #i don't have that in me #friends and family are wondering why i can't move on or set goals or get better or seem happier. and i just. #everything has to come out of something else if i do the laundry it comes out of the energy i have to go out #if i go out i lose the energy i have to feel okay while i'm at work #if i watch a show or read it comes out of my do the dishes energy #if i try to message people on dating apps it comes out of my work social energy storage and i get weird #if i do job apps or my taxes it comes out of the emotional regulation energy and i get angry unexpectedly #i just can't find a way to have more energy i have tried everything and i'm still so tired

[synthetic-rust]

What they don’t tell you about autism is that it feels like you’re simultaneously one step outside of reality yet two steps too far into it at all times

#chatter #salt grain thoughts #autism #I truly don’t know what I’m explaining here #but this is what I feel like constantly when I’m inferacing with the world #too far away from it yet also too inmeshed in it at the same time #like I react to things with a weird sense of almost astonishment like I’m experiencing everything fresh for the first time every time #(I don’t literally go ‘woah’ or anything but the intensity of the thing never changes) #which can either be good or like most times overwhelming #it’s probably why I keep myself so zoned out a lot of time #… #might just be a me thing but this feels quite connected to how my brain works I guess #feels like my head is just never goddamn prepared to experience anything at all #which lends to the whole needing control over your environment thing with autism #gotta have some sort of expectation and consistency happening or else your nervous system might shit itself

[doodlebloo]

Ive seriously been thinking about Fred and the other Federation Workers so much like to me Fred has a whole ass friend group.

In my brain Fred tries to be Distant and Mysterious bc that's what the Federation tells them all to do but nobody takes the rules as seriously as Fred does. So they're all pals who rope a reluctant Fred into their shenanigans.

Despite his best efforts Fred is always Included and invited to things even when he tells everyone they're not supposed to be hanging out together and they have work to do. Basically he's The Strict One

#in my brain this lore is soo extensive... #Fred is different from the other workers like fundamentally like he came from a different place. they have a life outside the island #but he doesnt. and that influenced his worldview so much bc that means his job is the most important thing to him and he doesnt really Get #that work isnt everything and having close relationships is also important. #that being said he is so weird. imagine you sit wth a coworker at lunch and theyre like Why... Are you being ''nice'' to me... What is this #theyre just like Well you looked lonely man. And i like how strange you are #doodle.txt

[articskele]

Some screenshots of truffula fruits because I just think they're neat

#i've developed a fascination for truffula fruits man #i dunno what it is about the lorax specifically but it makes the gears in my brain spin with wanting to know how every little thing works #how does the thneed factory function? what do truffula fruits taste like / what's the texture? what's the deal with the onceler's name??? #how can truffula trees have branches to make nests with if they're just shown to be one trunk? do they use the fruit vines? #did the onceler ever harvest the fruits to make syrup and stuff out of them? #it's so fascinating! i need to know!! #also pardon the long post! i tried to smush everything together but then it gets weird with cropping and stuff #my nonsense #the lorax #lorax 2012 #lorax 1972

[muttsandmustelidae]

i feel like the way ‘dogtok’/‘dogstagram’ talks about reactivity makes reactive dog owners feel a lot more ashamed than they ought to

#idk i just.. don’t really see anything to be ashamed about? and i hate the ‘your dog is reactive because you FAILED’ mindset #sometimes you do absolutely everything right and the universe still throws some shit at you that leads to reactivity #and it’s just a thing that happens sometimes #dogs are animals with teeth and claws and fur and tails #they shit outside and roll in dead things and sniff each others butts #and sometimes have big feelings about things #and that’s just part of being a little critter #it’s not a moral failing on anyone’s part that your dog is a dog instead of a cardboard cutout of a dog #not everything goes smoothly 100% of the time and sometimes you end up with an extra Thing that needs to be worked on #and yeah of course Working On It can be stressful. no one wants to see their dog having a hard time. which is exactly why we don’t need to #-be pushing the added stress of GUILT #it’s not helpful to anyone. it doesn’t prevent reactivity in the future. it just makes someone who’s already having a hard time have a- #-worse one #this is not a situation that needs blame #idk if any of this makes sense #my meds are making me a lil weird lmao #@ everyone who has a reactive dog: you’re doing a great job and if anyone tries to make you feel guilty #eat them #keep Workin On It and remember that Dogs Is Dogs #kill the goblin in your brain that tells you you’re the worst guy to have ever done it #you’re normal your dog is normal. give both of you a cookie rn

[trhor]

Snapshots of the Passage of Time

#trhor edit #trhoredit #rutherford extras #trhor extras #death cw #tw mentions of death #merry chrysler #I've been gone for months and this is the first thing I post in a long time #I don't know either #my brain works in mysterious ways #i'm not back back #not offically #I'm very behind in well everything #so enjoy weird sporadic things like this #I shall try and post something more friendly #theo rutherford kerr

[asteralien]

not to be like “i miss college” even though i do but mostly i think i miss being smart. before depression and life events had chewed up and partially swallowed my brain. just getting to problem solve and think, being Very Into something as the norm. i know being an english major is basically the easiest thing you can be at the undergrad level but i do feel like that was the one and only time in my life where my natural state was actually a pro instead of a con. i graduated with the highest honors and absolutely no one cared but i cared

#aster chat #family life exploding exactly one (1) month from graduation is still just. it. god. it was almost seven years ago and it still hurts #SO much. i had worked so hard to graduate with the honors i did #i took a 400 level history class in my 2nd semester with one of the hardest humanities profs and i got a B #i basically lived in a break room for a whole semester because my misophonia was so bad with my roommate at night #i stashed pillows and blankets behind a couch and slept there to stay sane enough to write my papers #i got so close to Ending Things three times and DIDN'T #my professors LOVED ME #and then graduation came and it was just. over. #went right back home to sit between my parents as much as i could and get yelled at and watch everything go down the drain #like as soon as i walked out of college i stopped existing except as something for my parents and my job to use up #like. i know it's cringy to still be thinking about college but that was the last time i mattered as myself. you know #people liked me because of my brain! my thoughts! not for what i could do for them or for a paycheck #me qua me #okay lmao Antidepressant Time bye #no offense but my english classes wouldn't have made me feel weird about saying 'boon' instead of 'pro' up there #i changed it to not sound like an assclown but my profs would have thought it was funny.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its weird. ive been feeling mostly ok #which i mostly attribute to the medication working but everything still feels hollow #which i guess i would associate with a lack of enrichment and human connection #but i dunno what i would even b looking for there. i dont kno how to feel joy #so i guess the medication isnt working that well #i dunno. sometimes i think my brain just doesn't work right. things dont connect in the right places #im also grappling constantly with the knowledge that i need to put more effort into reading #i know i bitch about it constantly but i cant express how profoundly frustrating it is to not be at the same reading level and everyone else #at the age of 26. its just gutting every time i cant carry out a conversation on a paper #like genuinely i might have to rethink my whole future bc i dunno. i dunno it just doesn't seem reasonable with my lack of basic #reading skills. im already opperating far above my head. ill read a paper 3 times and not understand. its so frustrating #its stupid. but whatever. im supposed to cultivate gratitude. ill try again tomorrow #im just frustrated bc i kno it wont get easier. i just have to work harder #unrelated

[meownotgood]

spacing out during finals, and imagined a scenario where childhood s/o and aki are in elementary school- a kid trips little s/o in the mud and little aki gets them back by sticking gum in their hair (╥﹏╥) cause bro really be doing that fr 💀

anon... don't get me started... my heart has been yearning so much for childhood friends with aki these days.......

and he would totally do that too, young aki would pick a fight with anyone who bullies you or makes you cry. when he gets a little older, he's actually quite intimidating to the rest of the students, so just sticking with him is enough to ensure no-one tries to mess with you. he'll always make an effort to include you even when everyone else isn't; you're practically stuck together like glue, and even though any rumors about the two of you barely ever reach your ears, you're sure they've noticed how you and aki are rarely seen apart from one another.

#childhood friends with aki where you and aki are best friends since you were kids and simultaneously each other's only friends #I always imagined that people would often treat aki like an outcast #the gun devil attack is such a touchy subject #the other students just see him as weird and rude and unapproachable #so you end up as really the only person he trusts enough to confide in #it's also pretty obvious he's training to become a devil hunter #which kind of makes people scared of him lol #aaaauuuuuuuu I wanna write about this so bad #I think I'll start working on it when I'm done with my current long fic #I have a billion thoughts in my brain about this I could really go on and on forever about this au #just... being childhood friends with aki since the two of you were little kids #knowing everything he's been through and witnessing it all with your own eyes #the struggle between his desire to become a devil hunter #and you being the only thing he has left and the one person he cares about the most #and just.... when he leaves.... but then... when you finally meet again.... #and so many things are different.... he went through so much and threw his life away over and over again #but he still has that same old soft spot for you #I'm going to go insaaaaaneeee!!!! #ask mags

[jonny-b-meowborn]

As time goes by I'm becoming more and more sure that I just can't survive on my own. I can take basic care of myself, but the second I have to go to a doctor or do some formal stuff I get paralyzed. I just can't. Fuck, I can barely even talk to strangers in general. Or even not strangers, I can't fucking text someone back if I'm not close to them, it's just so scary and exhausting. I'm becoming emotionally tired more easily and sometimes even talking with my mom about anything is too much for me and I love my mom. And I really need her, I can't do basic stuff without her pretty much holding my hand all the time. I can't get a normal job. We went to this blueberry plantation a few times but I just couldn't go there without her, and now the job is over and we can't go there at all. If I wasn't such a fucking baby I'd go there a few more times alone and get some money. I can't make calls, there's literally like two people I feel comfortable talking on the phone with. People used to say I was mature for my age when I was younger but I never grew up and now I'm almost 21 and can't do anything with my life. I'm scared of everything, I'm constantly exhausted physically and mentally. I'm like a fucking child. I'm scared that I'm gonna have to live with my mom my whole life. I can't see a future for myself, I'm just not able to survive without help and at some point I won't be able to get help, I don't want to be a parasite living off of my mom's money but I don't see anything else I could do. I hate my brain so much. I hate the way it refuses to work. I hate myself for being such a child.

#you know theres this weird idk. impostor syndrome about me and my autism #like on one hand i know that autism is a disability. but on the other i cant think of myself as disabled #cause im not 'autistic enough'. because i can keep myself fed and clean and healthy and alive as long as im provided with everything i need #but then i have a full on breakdown because my new laptop doesnt work and i have to go to the store to have it checked/replaced #i wanna throw up just thinking about it #i cant do anything without my moms help #i wanna throw up and cry and die when theres too much happening around me. i cant survive in the real world. i just can't #i cant get a job or a partner or go to college or move out or even just fucking. go to a store and ask for help with my laptop. #i feel like im destined to live w my mom forever and not achieve anything and die alone #i keep talking about wanting to make a living with my art but thats bullshit. i do want that but i know it's not possible for me #i cant even fucking finish the commissions i already have. im scared to get new ones. im scared to do anything. #my brain refuses to let me work on anything #and yeah i am burnt out after my diploma and exams and all that but at some point i just have to admit im not built for that. for anything. #im built to live like a parasite baby and die #my mom is too good of a person to kick me out but i wouldnt blame her. im useless. i cant make money. i cant take care of myself #i dont know what to do #bee buzz