#emotionally exhausting smh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iinkheart · 2 years

Note

❝ You’re here because you want what you’ve been fantasizing about ever since you left the other night. ❞ ( gisnate and/or billiam)

“You’re here because you want what you’ve been fantasising about ever since you left the other night.”

Camille Park is no stranger to walking up to doors to close a chapter. Leaving – people, places, promises – is her greatest talent. Yet approaching this one feels more like admitting defeat than reaching a conclusion.

It takes Xander long enough to open that she’s already ready to stab him. Just a little. A light poison pinprick as payback for the pounding music leaking from under the door.

“Forget something, sweetheart?”

“Sophie’s homework,” slips out automatically, ignoring the lean he’s adopted against the doorframe. It’s not the sharp rejoinder she was aiming for, but it’s the best she can do at present. There are miles of skin on display, and Camille finally understands Ada’s whole approach to attraction. One glimpse of her infernal ex-husband looming over her in nothing but a pair of low-slung grey sweatpants, and her brain promptly melts out of her ear. Smug motherfucker. Clearly, the jibes she’s been making about the dad bod are precisely that, because he looks good. Sinfully so. Maybe enough to make up for the insolently pleased smirk that spreads across his face the longer she stays quiet.

He finally gives up on her elaborating. “Sophie doesn’t forget her homework. Also, it is August. No school.”

“Right. Ada’s babysitting her.”

He doesn’t ask anything else, just raises an eyebrow. Babysitting. Christ, even she heard how that one came out sounding. Why would a 12-year old need to be watched for the half hour it would take her to grab something from his apartment? Certainly not one as independent as their daughter.

No, she’s here for an agenda and he knows it.

Xander crosses his arms across his chest, momentarily dragging her glance to the curl of ink around his shoulder. “And you just wanted to come say hi or something?”

“Or something,” she agrees, shifting impatiently.

He doesn’t take the hint. “Say it.”

She cannot speak to him of desire, of the heat pooling in her core just to see him challenging her again. “Sophie’s homework? I already said.”

“Cam.”

“No.”

His smile spreads wider. “Cami.”

Her breath stutters to a halt. That’s not fair, is it? He has no right to go around using nicknames and sounding endeared when this is already nothing. He’s already gone.

“Stop.”

And see, the thing is that Camille promised. She promised Liam that this time she really would try, and she promised Ada her efforts weren’t going to waste. Not if they were going to stage goddamned interventions. What they don’t have to know won’t hurt them, though. She does plan on talking to him, but later. Before she loses her nerve, but after she has gotten rid of the goddamn itch under her skin that will probably lead to making all sorts of awful decisions. Decisions as awful as advancing on him with one pointed nail poking into the centre of his chest. “She could forget something. Pyjamas. The book she’s reading.”

“She’s in the middle of Lord of the Rings, she would never,” he informs her, letting her back him up as if they are discussing the weather. “Her mother, though. You forget a lot of things, don’t you? How much you want to be here, how good this feels.” He tips her head up with a gentle nudge, thumb stroking her chin.

Oh, she’s going to kill him. She should be used to this by now. After all, isn’t this the back and forth they’ve been trapped in for years now? This doorway is one she has darkened too many times to find foreign, a situation she’s been in too many times to blame anyone else. Once again, it is her own fault. Her, and her lonely goddamn heart that has no idea how to say goodbye.

Liam has just inconveniently pointed it out too, not that she’d ever admit as much to him.

Camille slams the door shut behind her and whirls to face him again. Her free hand joins the other on his chest. Mostly because, otherwise, she will simply strangle him.

At least that’s the story she’s telling herself after she has just systematically dropped her bag on the table by the door and kicked her shoes off.

Xander welcomes her back like she’s a game he doesn’t know if he wants to play but is confident he will win. “You have to say it if you want it.” His warning is not smug, per se, but it is still somehow infuriating. He knows what she wants.

He also has to know she won’t say it. That’s the whole, awful truth of it, isn’t it?

They know each other all the way through, down to where it hurts.

A deep breath and then she meets his glance head on. “You say it. You’re the one making assumptions.”

He actually laughs at that, which naturally makes her want to throttle him. “It’s not an assumption if it’s true, sweetheart. You’re here because you want what you’ve been fantasising about ever since you left the other night.”

Ah, yes, the other night. As in: the night of the tinder disaster.

Flashback. Camille on yet another uninspiring fuck appointment masquarading as a group outing at a club. A woman who had seemed fun over text but was now grating on her nerves with her high-pitched rambling. Drinks that had stopped being fun and a social situation that had drifted into pathetic instead. A silhouette catching her attention from the corner of her eye. Locking eyes with him on the edge of the dance floor, necking a stranger like it was still 2006. His hand disappearing between him and the other body. The urge to claim what was hers burning through her like wildfire.

Camille snaps. “It’s not about that.”

“Isn’t it?” Xander lifts his other hand to ghost knuckles feather-light against her cheek. The tenderness of it cracks something vile and vicious inside her.

“No. You can fuck as many people as you like, and you’ll still be mine. We both know that. You’re mine.”

Blazing ferocity. That’s how she declares it. That is how impossible it seems for anyone to claim a single string in the web between them.

It startles her when he doesn’t fight back as she expects.

No, the way he tilts his head and gazes at her feels something akin to pity, and that Camille just can’t abide by. Not with a lock of hair slipping out of its dishevelled coiffure to droop over his forehead rakishly (trust him to be pretty when she feels unhinged), like he gets to be silver-screen handsome while she is slowly spiralling right in front of him.

“Am I? After all this time?” There’s laughter in his tone, but why? Is he laughing with her or at her? It is almost enough to sow the seeds of doubt in her mind, had he not taken hold of both wrists just then.

Long fingers wrap firmly around her wrist, punctuated by a breathless gasp. It’s so, so stupid. She came here to fuck him. Old hat. Why, then, does this feel shiny and new? Pressed between his fingers and chest, her fingers are warmed by the pounding thrum of his heart under her grip as he begins to slowly lead her to the living room sofa.

Fuck, what a liar.

Of course he knows what she wants. When has he not seen her? “It’s just you and me, wanting each other. Who else is there?”

“Why does there need to be someone else? Maybe I’m enough for myself.” He sprawls back across the sofa as he says so — putting necessary space between them, she’s sure. Like that will work. She follows him down, straddling his lap as easily as she has been for most of her life.

“After all this time?” Camille echoes. “You could be, but that doesn’t work for people like you and I, doesn’t it? All these years of belonging nowhere, with nobody, everyone else better off without us. Where else can we go to feel wanted?”

Xander laughs again, this time terrible. “You said no, remember? You said we don’t belong together, so I should take our daughter and leave.”

Oh, so they’re going there now. Finally, after all these years of avoidance and all these months of bickering, it is time to lay the truth bare: “Well, maybe I needed you to stay anyway. I lied.”

“Yeah, that’s not how it works, princess. Besides, you were pretty damn sure back then. Are you sure this isn’t just Liam talking? I hear you’ve been taking advice from him.”

“Yes, because at least one Delgado sibling has the ability to listen more than he likes the sound of his own voice. Not sure why you’re blaming him though. He just wanted me to tell you how I bloody feel. It’s like he doesn’t know you at all.”

“Oh, he knows me, but he knows you too. All of them know by now too. You think I belong to you.”

“Okay,” she agrees, smoothing back his hair. “Tell me you don’t.”

For a moment, his eyes slip shut. His brow furrows and Camille is struck by the urge to kiss him there, to smooth out the lines of worry creasing his forehead. It is pathetic how deep the desire for closeness runs, really.

She’s right there when opens his eyes again, bare inches from his steely gaze. “And you? Who do you belong to?”

“Is that even a question?”

“Don’t be a coward, Camille. Tell me what you want.”

The declaration falls between them bathed in nothing but frustration. “What have I ever wanted? You.”

“To prove it to yourself, right? That I’m still yours – there at your beck and call?” As quiet as he is – and he is muted as a graveyard, deadly serious about holding her accountable for once in their lives – she knows that this is the tipping point. This answer will define them for years to come. Still, she spits it impulsively, because how else could she say the truth?

“No. You haven’t been. That’s the entire damn problem.”

“You don’t think it’s a problem, though. Not strong, independent Camille. Doesn’t need anything or anybody, except to be alone and not held accountable.”

And oh, that one hurts. More than anything, being shown the mirror about what a despicable caricature she’s become stings more than anything. “No, I don’t need anyone. But want? I want you. And Soph. You already know that, you don’t have to be bitchy.”

“Yeah, you sure do want Sophie around. At least when it’s convenient.”

“I thought you said it wasn’t over already. That she still loves me.”

“Sure, but should she?”

Abruptly, that is where it ends. To that, Camille has no idea what to say because she’s known the answer to that one question for years: no, she shouldn’t. For all of her denials and plans, Camille is an exact replica of the awful Adele Rousseau. Even as something she’s been thinking about for years, it’s a hard pill to swallow.

For maybe the first time since they met, she’s struck dumb in horror. Xander shifts her aside until they aren’t touching anymore, and she lets him manoeuvre them like a marionette cut loose. Him highlighting her faults like she would herself is a new one. Abruptly, she understands why Liam and Ada felt the need to sit down with them. This is what they do now, isn’t it? All they do is cross lines they never have before and find new ways to get the upper hand.

Camille doesn’t know how long she waits for him to say something more. She just stares at her hands, unfocussed, like the paint-stained phalanges are withholding some ancient wisdom from her.

From the corner of her eye, she watches Xander get up and walk away. Huh. Another metaphor for her life? It seems like it and, as she sits there for silent seconds summoning the strength to walk away from him again, she watches him return.

“Okay, that was uncalled for. No invoking the kid in our arguments, and anyway, it’s not true. She does love you and she knows you’re making an effort now. It counts.”

She can’t even summon the strength to look him in the eye anymore. “Does it? Because you’re right – it shouldn’t.”

He has her hands before she can finish that train of thought, both of hers engulfed in his large, solid grip. “Camille. Of course it does. Of course it fucking should. That was a stupid thing to say. She loves you.”

Camille scoffs, clear precisely how much she believes him. “And I love you. Doesn’t stop us from hurting, does it?”

“No, but hey—” Xander chides gently, cupping her face and turning it towards him again. “—it’s worth it, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know if it is anymore.”

“Of course it is. ‘Cause you’re right, I am. I’m yours. And you’re mine.”

“But, Xander, it’s not enough.”

The admission is whispered between them as she bows her head towards him, leaning her forehead against his. “We’re alone. We keep pushing each other away and it’s miserable, but we don’t cut loose either, so we’re just fucking alone whenever it matters. And anyway, what’s the alternative? After this, how can anything else be enough? How can anyone else be enough? Nobody will ever know us like this. Not that you still resent your mother a little for how quickly she replaced you with Liam. That you love your siblings and they make you feel alive but they can also make you feel so, so small. And not that I’ll never forgive Grandmere for making me exist either. That some nights I can’t sleep for how suffocating it is to be alone and untouched and unwanted but then one of your arms goes around me and all the screaming in my head goes quiet. That’s not something that we just talk about and tell people. We just know. So what’s the alternative, mediocre sex with Jon from Tinder because he has a decent stroke game? That’s pathetic. That’s puny compared to what we could have.”

“Yes. It is.” She barely has a moment to look up at him before Xander curls an arm around her back and pulls her tight against his chest. A fractured breath shudders out of them both. Like this, with her face tucked against the warm, solid expanse of his chest, caged in by firm arms and his head leaning atop hers, she feels anchored. Like a ship come home and tethered where it’s safe. Only the trembling grip around his back, fingers pressing against his skin, betray her.

“If you know all of this,” he finally continues, like they’re not clinging on for dear life, “then why do you insist on pushing me away? You can’t be this committed to being a pain in my ass.”

“Fuck off, I’m the most committed to your ass.”

“Yes, darling, I’m aware.” Xander’s tone drips sarcasm so thoroughly, she almost laughs. “But shut up — you can’t go back into hiding already.”

“It’s terrifying,” she finally admits quietly, and he sighs.

“I know, but being alone isn’t?”

“Well, what are you going to do about it?” She pulls away far enough to look at him again.

At last, he smirks again. “Come on, you know the answer to that.”

The terribly mischievous glint lingering in his eyes bonks her over the head like a particularly helpful club as he tilts her chin up again and carefully brushes his mouth against hers. God, how has she ended up here all over again? They’re somehow wound together on the sofa Xander has had since he moved to Vancouver, but every inch of her being feels like a victor returning home after a war to rest at last. A few thousand may lie dead in their wake and there is destruction to be dealt with, but for now, there is safety and rest.

Camille sighs, whisper-soft, and chases him as he tries to draw back, fingers already lacing in the back of his hair. A laugh breathed against her mouth, and then he gets back to work thoroughly kissing her mouth, her neck, her clavicle.

It should be so embarrassingly juvenile, the wild escapades of their teenage wet dreams, but who cares enough to ponder that? Xander is far more interested in sliding both hands up the back of her sweater and wrestling. She allows herself about two and a half seconds of contemplation before she throws a leg across his to straddle his lap again and gets her delightfully willing, easily pliant lovely ex-husband right between the apex of her thighs until they’re pressed together in the best way possible and she can tilt her head back for the better angle.

See, this? They’ve never had trouble speaking the same language in this respect before. When Camille presses her mouth to Xander’s again, tongue swiping teasingly against him, she is received with his broad hands cupping her whole entire face – holy shit? – and meeting her open-mouthed. It quickly turns dirty, all tongue and slick mouths and wandering hands. It’s desperate and sloppy, and she loves it, loves how Xander groans into her mouth and bites down on her lower lip with a bitten off curse.

It’s a herculean effort to lean back, to concentrate on saying a single word, especially since he has taken to cupping her breast instead, but. She has to. “Wait, are you trying to fuck me into agreeing with you?”

As expected, all three of Xander’s functioning brain cells are more focussed on pulling her sweater off. “Don’t need to.” He shrugs, giving up on buttons and pulling the offensive garment over her head instead. “I don’t know if you noticed, but you did admit you love me still. I should probably seal the deal, make sure you don’t change your mind. Besides, wasn’t this what you came over to do in the first place?”

3 notes · View notes

tiredrobin · 3 months

Text

coworker who lives at mad at me island threw a mini tantrum this morning (literally threw) (lol. lmao) but didnt give me a reason why until right before i was leaving (the reason was something i didnt know was a thing) n im sitting here like ohhhhh we're communicating like high schoolers now. i see. otay <3

#robin rambles #hashtag girl #at this point i just think its funny like what is going on with u #if ur not gonna communicate w me im not gonna entertain whatever this is #like she coulda seriously been like 'hey robin this is a thing now'#n i woulda been like 'oh otay i didnt know. got it boss'#like girl when i said i was gonna make an active effort not to take everything u say negatively like i was i meant it! ive been putting in #the effort!#to what end tho like now shes always just annoyed w me #bein like hey sorry i was misinterpreting ur behaviors n thats on me n ill work on not assuming ur being hostile #only for every other interaction to become like. subtly hostile in that shes annoyed w me or impatient w me or whatever #like bro. what da hell am i supposed to do. smh #unfortunately i cannot apologize for smth idk anything abt. u gotta use ur words!!!#i thot u were an adult!!!#straight up tho i am trying to b patient n whatever abt all this cuz like idk whats goin on w her idk whats up #mayb my og apology had felt disingenuous or was somehow triggering i #*or something. like it cld b anything #it just gets emotionally a lil exhausting when idk the problem and im trying so so hard to maintain my reactions n keep calm #this whole thing just makes me anxious all the time. i try to tell myself it isnt bothering me but not knowing why any of this is actually l #happening is like. stressful #n frankly at this point i think im allowed to react plainly or blankly or with mild annoyance cuz thats literally all im getting from her #we say good morning all cool and sometimes she makes a joke but its like overall my existence is just annoying to her or smth cuz she barely #even bothers trying to look me in the eye #like. man. what da hell goin on

0 notes

redr0sewrites · 9 months

Text

Blade x reader General Headcanons (sfw + nsfw)

*gently hands this to you and then scuttles away like a large cockroach* not proofread so yea <\\\3 u can tell i have a blade bias <3

🥀CW: a little angst, blade is Bad At Feelings ™️, reader is sorta assumed to be a stellaron hunter, dom/sub dynamics in the nsfw, switch!blade, knife kink/pain kink, just filth tbh

🥀 minors dni with the nsfw portion

sfw!

we all know bladie is RIDICULOUSLY emotionally constipated- if he likes you, he is in COMPLETE AND UTTER DENIAL

he will be staring into ur soul like he hates ur guts but the whole time his heart is pounding out of his chest

he has a very stoic face, it takes a while for u to learn to read him 😭

tbh ud prob think that he hates u for a while cuz he just stares at u

once u both get over the initial awkwardness of him constantly looming over u and hovering around u and staring at u, and once u realized that no, hes not creepy or insane he just wants to be around u, u guys would probably become close friends pretty quickly!

i dont think hes the type to jump into a relationship, his commitment issues get in the way

u would DEF have to be friends first, but he would still be enamoured with u

very observant, he notices all of the little things u do

one of the very first things that tips u off to the fact that he has romantic feelings towards u would probably simply be the fact that he literally cares SO MUCH about ur life and routine

hes memorized ur schedule, how u make ur coffee/tea, what ur favorite movies and shows are, he can tell when ur sad or stressed, he just finds comfort in learning details about u

he prefers to listen in conversation rather than speak, he can listen to u for hours

if u like something or are interested in something, suddenly he is too and he wants to learn all about it

at this point all the other stellaron hunters are rooting for u two to get together

kafka would try to set u both up like all the time

shes never seen blade so devoted to someone

whenever u walk in the room, he always seems to light up a little in excitement

i honestly feel like he would confess first but only for the sake of kafka not telling u before he does💀

it would probably be after an especially tiring or exhausting mission, after the maras been making him feel shitty

blade always feels so safe around u and he would just suddenly blurt out the fact that hes in love with u

after the initial shock, when u tell him the feelings are reciprocated hes ECSTATIC

but wont show it

he'll just let out a small (but cute): smile and nod

kafka, sam, and silverwolf are in the background recording the whole thing 💀

hes awkward at first

SUCKS AT PHYSICAL CONTACT TBH

blade's love language is def acts of service

he loves doing things for you and he loves helping u, it makes him proud to know that he can help make u feel safe

will fucking destroy anyone who hurts u

like actually destroy

nobody had ever seen blade so angry or ruthless as the day u were hurt on a mission

afterwords hes cradling u in his arms, clinging to u like ur gonna disappear😭

he knows how fleeting mortal lives are and hes genuinely so afraid of losing u

hes not good at talking things out or expressing his feelings

hes also not great at apologizing but he will try for u and only for u

arguments with him kinda suck cuz he can be stubborn and doesn't understand emotions

blade would feel terrible afterwards tho

would probably sit next to u and just take ur hands in a silent apology and gently run his thumb in a soft circle on ur palm

he likes it when u wear his clothes, he can be possessive and seeing u in his (probably much larger) clothes makes him a little feral

overall, u guys have ur ups and downs, but are ultimately a power couple and he loves u sm what can i do to find me a blade smh

nsfw!

SWITCH ENERGY‼️

when hes dom, hes MEAN

blade can talk so filthy sometimes, his voice is so deep and rough and when hes got you folded in half, ruthlessly pounding into u theres nothing u love to hear more than his scornful voice switching from degradation to praise <3

into marking on both ends, he loves seeing u covered in hickeys and scratches but also enjoys being littered in stinging marks for him to admire later

i feel like blade would like positions where he can be close to u when hes dominant, such as mating press or missionary

SIZE KINK! if ur smaller thank him, he love love LOVES to use his larger stature and weight to pin u down

seeing u squirm and writhe helplessly beneath him turns him on

will pin ur wrists above ur head, leaning down to whisper the filthiest words in ur ear, the entire time his cock is thrusting so fast in and out of ur leaking hole, ur mind is melting to mush at the stimulation. on top of that, his free hand is roughly playing with ur cock/clit, while he nips and bites roughly at ur neck. its all so much, too much...

rahh i went off there for a sec

anyways <3

blade wouldn't understand the hype to exhibitionism until the both of u got together

the two of u r fucking in a storage closet while people outside r just continuing their everyday lives, his hand clamped roughly over ur mouth to silence u, but that doesnt stop his own breathy moans and growls from slipping through

i also think blade would have a knife kink, hed find sick, twisted pleasure in running a knife over ur soft skin as u squirm

hed never actually hurt u, he could never do that

u both def have a safeword

but the idea is still arousing

he isnt as vocal when dom when hes sub, when hes dom its more low growls and groans and moans while when hes sub its more moaning and whimpers and whines

when hes sub, hes so into pain

if u pull his hair, this man will immediately submit

HE HAS AN ORAL FIXATION IF U HAVE A COCK HE WOULD ADORE TO SPEND EVERY WAKING HOUR SUCKING ON IT. if ur exhausted and want to keep blade occupied (cuz his stamjna is INSANE), give him two of ur fingers to suck on<3

he just looks so pretty with ur fingers in his mouth, a small trickle of drool leaking past his parted lips as he stares up at u in utter adoration with lust filled eyes

blade is SO LOUD when u fuck him from behind, he doesnt know why he just finds it so hot

he also has a reverse size kink, someone as small as u taking control of him and using him for ur own pleasure is such a turn on

he has such insane stamina, he could have u fucking him for literal hours and still want more

esp when hes sub, there needs to be a lot of foreplay leading up to the actual sex or else he will be needy for like ever

is actually so touch starved its funny, when the two of u had ur first time where he was sub he came in under a minute

he was super embarrassed, even tho u found it super hot

blade can be a tease if he wants to be, sending u photos of him naked with his hand wrapped around his aching cock, eyes blown wide with lust<3

he thinks punishments are hot, but prefers to be praised and pampered

call him a good boy, he will MELT

he wants to be good for u so much, he needs u to get himself off its almost pathetic :( he cant cum without u there helping him, whenever hes needy and ur not around he always ends up in a puddle of his own arousal, his release slipping away as soon as it begins to build. his cock is aching, he needs u, he cant even get off alone

after sex is when hes most vulnerable, blade is very kinky and mellow after sex esp when he was sub

big on aftercare, deep down he wants to be taken care of and held

he also loves taking care of u, loves washing u as u bathe together after a rough night of lovemaking

he loves it when u mark his chest cuz he can show it off the next day

blade wants everyone to know ur his, and vice versa

THIS GOT SO LONG WTF???

BARK BARK BARK can u tell i have such a big fat stupid fucking blade bias hes so silly i love this goofy man sm i need to pepper him with kisses and then fuck him senseless 😔

509 notes · View notes

brainrotcharacters · 1 year

Text

COD boys x Falcon!Reader

I was rewatching mcu stuff so guess what.

tags: situationship because I like my men emotionally inept, Redwing, gender neutral reader, Ghost x reader, Alejandro x reader, Soap x reader, Gaz x reader,

Ghost

the respect he has for your skills are unsaid, and more powerful for it

if the current mission requires aerial forces, he'll have less worry on his mind knowing you're up there too

although he does acknowledge the concerns of his men, he always says “Falcon is up there” as if that’s an answer (it is to him)

one time, you were making hardware changes on Redwing

Ghost arrived and sat down nearby, handing you tools and bits that you needed

you give him a critical, teasing glance, "How do you know which ones I need?"

"I learn." was all he said

"There's not exactly a lecture room at base to discuss my tech."

"I learn from watching you."

you stare at him for a second longer, toes curling inside your boots, and then accept the piece he handed you "Does that mean you are interested?"

at that, Ghost moved to leave "I came here for some peace and quiet, but if you insist..."

"Hey, come on Ghost. I'm just messing with you. Sit down."

he chuckled as he returned to his seat

you ignored the way your gut dropped thinking of your poor chances at something with him

you cleared your throat "Soap being annoying again?"

"What's new?" he sighed, exhausted and fond at the same time

Alejandro

he is responsible for your other title "Anghel de la Guardia"

at first, he wanted to have a turn at the wings

mainly to find new ways to put his life at risk smh Alejandro, meaning you tease him by constantly refusing

one time, your equipment was compromised and as Colonel, he had to make snap decisions to help you land as safely as possible

as soon as your harnesses from the flickering, sparking technology were removed, Alejandro practically ripped it away across the floor to check your safety

the nearly-childish awe he felt for it was reduced to nothing if it meant he would lose you

Rudy had the equipment moved, then urged everyone else to take inventory and leave the colonel to you

Alejandro joined you on the floor, one hand on the side of your neck, and another hand to your hip, demanding "are you okay?"

"I'm okay," you forced yourself to ignore how warm his touch felt through your suit. "Relax, Colonel. I survived."

"Barely!" he snarled through his teeth. He was trembling. "I thought we agreed not to be stupid without each other, ah?"

Alejandro didn't have you grounded, but also kept a closer eye when you returned to the air

"Careful. You're beginning to act like an overprotective lover."

"You need someone like that."

"Are you offering?"

"Are you going to say yes?"

any traction made on the unnamed thing between you and Alejandro was interrupted by the next mission, and it went to the back of your minds once again

Soap

everyone else, from Gaz to the medics to the other lads at base have mentioned how Soap doesn't shut up about the Falcon and their barrel rolls and close shaves and smooth banking...

he is in awe of your flight training and damn it he'll make everyone appreciate it

with you, he manages to keep things more or less professional, and never asks about your specialty unless it directly influenced the current objective of the team

he's always your first responder on comms and the last person to check on you after a successful mission

Johnny is so endearing to the point that you offered a test run with him, but he politely declines, teasing "you look prettier up there than I ever could"

during one mission, Soap talked his way into the bad end of several guns outdoors

he recognized you hovering behind their heads and began to boast "Your time is up. 141 is here."

naturally, his hostage takers looked left and right, deciding Soap was a delusional liar

"Look up."

You've gotten close enough to throw two good kicks, grabbing Soap by the arm as your wings reformed into a shield against the gunfire

"My hero." Soap grinned

"You're good at this damsel thing." you quip back. "Injuries? Guns?"

"No injuries. One handgun." the bullets began to grow less and less

"You'll survive." when they began to reload, your shield returned to its default form, and Soap rushed around you to start a counterattack

Gaz

considering Gaz's rather complicated relationship with helicopter crashes, things changed a bit when you were added to the team

You easily developed a habit of swooping in to save him that it reached a point where you coded a program specifically for Gaz's accidents he jokes that it's because he's your favorite

Gaz would say that he's become more careful with himself, but the rest of the team vehemently argue that he's gone more reckless than usual

The madman tossed himself over the tumbling, screeching body of the chopper and into the air before allowing you time to lock in on his location

tiny, reliable drones immobilized the propellers of the helicopter as you tackled Gaz

"You're an absolute jerk!" you laugh over the comms, your thrusters increasing in power to reach him faster. "Redwing, propellers!"

The usual, relieved "Falcon's got him" is heard over the comms

Gaz seems like the type to be genuinely interested in the details of a technology such as this, and has gone on for hours bouncing ideas back and forth with you

It was this interest and curiosity that positively influenced Gaz's perspective and affections for you

plus, he's the type to ask nicely to help in a test flight... and make those wings look good

366 notes · View notes

inficetegodwottery · 2 months

Text

I have so many people telling me to play Helldivers 2, and yet every time I tell them I just don't like the vibes of it and I played the first game and didn't like the satire, I get told I'm just not media literate enough, and that I obviously don't just get satirical treatments of overwhelmingly evil ideologies.

I've been a 40k fan since I was eight, and I've had tons of great friends and cool people into warhammer my whole life. I have dealt with countless fucking dipshits who were either outright fascists or /pol/-ass cryptofascists. I have also dealt with countless people who assume being a fan of any warhammer property is a mark of being a cryptofascist. Both of which are exhausting douchebags.

I'm also a fan of Starship Troopers, specifically the movie version that's a direct fuck you to the original author, and all the deconstruction and exploration of political propaganda that franchise has been able to put out over the years, especially its satire of the U.S.'s involvement in the Vietnam and Iraq wars.

In both of those communities, we have to constantly deal with the fact that parody (or really any portrayal) of an authoritarian ideology inevitably attracts real life fuckwit brainwashed members of that exact ideology who are all-in gung ho enthusiastic about the fictional authoritarian ideology of the setting. I'd like to think we do a good job. I'd like to think for every pasty teenage asshole screaming slurs at Eldar players, we've got ten more rational and emotionally mature folks who understand it's fiction.

So for a while I was inclined to re-examine my experience of the first game, and potentially give this new one a shot with the same caution and "media literacy" I apply to Warhammer and other games where you actively play as the villains.

...but then I actually looked up discussions of the game, and it was truly astonishing the number of times I saw supposedly levelheaded fans of the game shouting slurs (like libcuck K***), saying shit like (This is just another gamer gate/SMH why are there no straight pride flags), and typing stuff like "Kite Yams Street" at people who dared expressing their concerns at how the community actively glorifies some of the stuff in the game.

What really fucking disappointed me is how many upvotes and people agreeing with them there were, even on the main Helldivers communities.

As an example, from just a handful of Steam threads. (AND THEY ARE ALL FUCKING LIKE THIS)

These are some of the least gross examples I could find.

Virtually any topic on Reddit, Steam, Twitter, or Discord that even mentioned fascism indirectly becomes an absolute shitstorm, with Helldivers fans actively arguing with both people who think the game fails as a parody, AND with people openly, unironically, and EXPLICITLY self-identifying as fascists.

Because saying this game about authoritarian dystopia is attracting authoritarians is stupid and bad. There are no authoritarians in our community.

But also remember to tell the authoritarians in our community that they're stupid and bad.

I have to conclude that the Helldivers community is just instinctually hostile and dismissive to people who are in any way uncomfortable with the premise or delivery of the satire or the state of the community. "Stop putting politics in our political parody game!" I guess.

If your fandom is actively in a pitched civil war with openly avowed fascists within your community, you are not "just a parody," and it's extremely immature and hypocritical of the Helldivers 2 community not to openly admit to this issue and address it without screaming invectives at people who are scared off by it the same way Warhammer, Star Wars, and Starship Troopers have been able to in the past.

So let's just say now I don't feel bad in the slightest for being completely uninterested in Helldivers 2 anymore.

If I wanted to get slurs yelled at me over voicechat by a bunch of 20-something MAGA CHUDs I'd just reinstall Mordhau or Call of Duty. That I'm used to.

But it's one of the most depressing things in the world to get yelled at by self-identified leftists just cause I said a mean thing about their funny new Not-Starship-Troopers game and how it might, possibly, have attracted some of the exact sort of people they supposedly oppose.

#Helldivers #Helldivers 2 #40k #media literacy #satire #it's fucking exhausting #and I'm just sick of dealing with it #cw transphobia #cw racism #cw slurs #cw authoritarianism #cw fascism #cw basically everything utterly rancid

32 notes · View notes