the worst part about his books is that the tragedy feels necessary. like it's not just an element of the story, the characters need to be broken, beaten, damaged beyond repair to have any hope of winning
alex wouldn't have been strong enough if he hadn't been torn apart and stitched back together, been through a hundred fights and had his body warped beyond recognition. wouldn't have had the hope to fight without the image of donovan, not really there but always at his side
it's even more literal with the fury. they needed to embrace their emotions, the good and the bad, the love and the tragedy, to even stand a chance. and would they have succeeded without rilke? without her madness and her sacrifice? wothout killing lisa, and losing schiller? i'm not sure
and even then, these kids who gave everything would've been left with nothing if not for their sacrifices. without simon, finally free and willing to let go, without daisy, taking on the angels and saving the boys from the fury, none of them would ever have a life again. they could've given everything for a world that never thanked them
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Is it just me. Or like. Do the books have so many scenes were Alex is getting simped over by his friends.
Not complaining but I mean- ITS THERE
You see it too right-?
Slight spoiler warning!
Like that scene were Zee wouldn’t leave Alex alone in the shower, Simon literally pissing next to him, this one’s arguable but Donovan being really close to Alex, but this example can be interpreted as many things (sorry shippers I get it, I love it too but I can’t think of other examples-)
Like ITS THERE!!! Fuel for all my fanfic tbh
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Chapter 1: The beginning
Taylor's POV
My mom had always said a man looks best when he's wearing a suit and I don't think I had fully understood that phrase until that moment. Matty had been at some photoshoot earlier and was too lazy to go home and change. Although not too lazy to get some wine to Jack's studio all the way down Brooklyn. Same wine we were drinking straight from the bottle. Margaret and Jack shared one, and he and I shared another.
My eyes were fixated on his mouth while he was drinking, and I could feel his eyes at the time that he handed me the bottle when I mimicked his actions. Jack was mumbling something at the piano, hitting the Do as if he could get a song from it. Maybe he'd do it. A part of me wanted to join him but the other was being drawn to the guy with the messy hair, and surprisingly enough, I caught myself daydreaming about running my fingers through his hair drawing an imaginary line from his neck to the ink in his arms. I only came back to reality when I heard him coughing, and by the look in his eyes, I wondered if he had read my mind.
-I think I need to grab a bite so the wine doesn't get to my head-
His words seemed to be directed to me, or at least I was the only one paying attention to them, because Jack's mind had already created a world with his short melody and Margaret was dragged into it.
-Come here, if you are lucky enough, the cleaning lady might have already done the shopping, and if not, I think I can get you some toast...-
I headed into the kitchen without looking back as if I was to become a pile of salt. We entered the kitchen and I opened one of the cupboards. Just pop tarts to eat and a bag with two top slices of bread. I cracked a smile when I heard Matty's frustrated groans.
-Of course, I had to come to the flat of the worst Jewish in the city-
I took the pop-tarts and ripped them open, -I actually like the cinnamon-, I replied.
He was smirking. There was no need to look at him for me to know it. I put them in a toaster and I wondered if I should take another package for the lovebirds to have. Lost in that train of thought, I didn't realize the moment he got behind me sniffing the air.
-Surely the cinnamon doesn't smell half bad.-
I could swear his voice was lower than usual.
-Should we get them out before they get too crunchy?" His arm brushed my skin as he reached for the pastry.-
I tilted my head to see his eyes and soon I was trapped between both of his arms. I actually don't know if this thing is going to kill me.
-I'm not used to this level of processed sugar.
-Yeah, god forbid you to put anything synthetic into your organism.
-Oh, I've done that. -
His laugh made me wince. He broke the pop tart in two and took one half to my mouth. "Blow", he said. I obeyed and took a bite. I like the flavor of cinnamon but I knew the warm feeling inside of me wasn't related to it.
He took the other half of the pop tart to his mouth without letting me go and all I could do was turn my body to face him.
-How could you lie to me? Is this what you people wanted to do when you got free from the motherland?-
-Oh I'm sorry we don't have fish and chips for you.And what’s that synthetic thing you’ve put inside of you? Nevermind I don’t wanna hear it, you’re gross. -
-Nothing harder than drugs-
And there we had the laugh again. But this time I felt him and I swore something was going to happen until I heard the voices.
Phoebe danced into the room holding the guy with the funny accent whose name I can never remember because, for me, he will always be that character he played in that hulu series.
-Maggie told me you'd be here-. She said with a bright smile on her face, and Matty snorted. He was not holding me anymore, but he was really close to me, and I could see this guy's eyes taking notes in the distance.
- Don't let her hear you. She hates that nickname, or maybe she only hates it when someone other than Jack is saying it. Maybe it's their kink. Matty added
The expression of Phoebe's boyfriend slightly changed when he joked.
-Ok, but do you think it's a safe word for Jack to say if he feels that Margaret it's been too harsh on him?- Phoebe contributed
-I don't know. I wouldn't dismiss my boy so easily. Maybe Maggie is her pet name.- I was surprised by the words coming out of my mouth, but Matty always had that effect on me. Around him, I was always more careless. Freer.
-How come you came to my house uninvited to discuss my sex life? - Jack’s voice pretended to sound offended but in reality, he seemed unaffected by the comments.-but again the only one who gives me a little credit is Tay-Tay- we fist bumped.
-I also criticized your nation's taste in food.-Matty muttered, and that dude around Phoebe nodded. -Americans' taste buds have been really affected throughout the years.-
-Oh!, Paul is just sour because we have the best McDonald's - Phoebe said while hanging her arms around her boyfriend, but again Matty was the one who answered.
-I'll give you that. And some other good things too- And by the look on Jack's face and the heat on my cheeks I knew everyone in the room realized how I felt about Matty's statement.
It was evident that we were all feeling comfortable hanging around with each other, but I couldn’t help but feel a certain type of uneasiness around Phoebe’s boyfriend. And I don’t want to be misunderstood by saying this, it’s not that he wasn’t fun to be around, but I felt like he could expose this thing between Matty and I, whatever it was, I didn’t even know how to explain it myself. Jack and Margaret could pretend it wasn’t there, but how do you manage to hide it away from your boyfriend’s best friend? Did I need to worry about it at all? Was there really something to be exposed or judged between two old friends connecting again? We never truly became strangers, we barely lost touch, and it was somehow refreshing to be enjoying ourselves again. However,my relationship with Matty was everything except a random connection…
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