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hms-no-fun · 2 years

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if you could go back and change anything about what's already been released what would you change?

the short answer is that i wouldn’t change anything, except maybe typos.

the long answer is: of course there are things i’d LIKE to change. imo the quality of the writing in godfeels has sky-rocketed through chapter 8, in large part because i’ve got collaborators checking my drafts and making suggestions rather than just publishing what i’ve got as soon as it feels done enough. so when i go back and read bits of gf2, it does feel kind of amateurish sometimes.

but then i think about going back and actually making corrections, and i’m just like... man, i don’t want to become george lucas. i did one big change of gf1 exposition to better foreshadow some of the mythological elements that show up later on, and even that feels dishonest. especially in gf3 there’s a lot of deliberate obfuscation and absence, which i did in the hopes that the diligent reader would look closely and follow the meticulously arranged transmutation circle of breadcrumbs i’d laid out for them towards something approaching A Correct Answer. but this exercise only really works if said reader trusts that there is, in fact, a correct answer. going back to change things feels like a betrayal of that trust to me. if there ever comes a day when i figure out how to publish this in book form without getting sued, i probably will go through and make some pretty substantial edits... but i would only do that if the original text remained unchanged and easily accessible.

there’s also just the fact that once you open that door, it never really closes. i could, if i really wanted to, make godfeels SO much better across the board... and for what? i still get comments on godfeels 1 saying it’s a good, brisk read. and gf2, for all its manically messy forward momentum, is exactly what i wanted it to be at the time. could i do more to seed in some of the ideas that’d become prominent in gf3? yeah, sure. again though... why? i feel much the same way about chapter 8, honestly, in that i would love to go back and tighten the screws just the teensiest bit here and there, but i think doing so would paradoxically demolish what works about it. i like to think that at least some of the fun of reading godfeels is looking at whatever clownshoes nonsense i’ve introduced this week and wondering “how the FUCK is she gonna pull this together?” so it was like doing a magic trick live, in a way. and... i think i mostly pulled it off?

this is tangential, but i’ve really gained a lot of perspective on how homestuck must have been written. it always seemed so impossible that andrew could pull all these abstract threads together into a satisfying narrative loop on basically every conceivable metanarrative level. i used to think, god, this guy had to have had so much shit planned out for so long... and now i know that probably the opposite was true. i imagine he knew the broad strokes and had very specific beats and scenes he planned to hit, but largely he must have just felt it out as he went along. i don’t think you CAN have something like this planned out from start to finish. and the fun for me as a writer is throwing a bunch of clownshoes nonsense into the story and wondering “how the FUCK am i gonna pull this together?” the improv is part of it, you know? what gives homestuck its humanity is the sheer force of will it took to put the thing together, warts and all.

really, my regrets about what’s been released of godfeels so far has a whole lot more to do with what we don’t see than what we do. when this thing started, i felt like i didn’t understand homestuck or really any characters except June. going into gf2 i was fantastically intimidated by every new character i found myself having to write, so i tried to keep the relevant characters to a minimum and mostly focus the plot on June, Terezi, and Dirk (whose characterization in gf2 only really makes sense from a homestuck perspective if you’ve read the epilogues). if i’d known that this would eventually transform into essentially a full-cast production, i would have put SO MUCH MORE THOUGHT into the secondary cast. that’s not to say i was dismissive or incurious about any of them- Jake’s conversation with June in the woods in 2.3 is still among the scenes i’m most proud of in the series, because i looked at this notoriously difficult-to-write character whose perspective, i felt, WAS important, and decided to take it as a challenge to dig into the core of who he was. maybe that’s where the spirit of post gf2 godfeels really got started?

i’ve aired this grievance before, that there’s an element of non-diegetic retcon in the circus egotistica chapter in the form of these flashbacks that try to add new context to existing relationships. as a technique that feels pretty cheap to me so i really try to avoid it as much as possible, but i didn’t have a whole lot of choice because the plot has just always been so fucking full speed ahead that i’ve never really had time to put a pause on that action and go over to see like... what Jake or Roxy are up to. if i were to start writing godfeels from the top right now, i absolutely would have spent way more time with other characters- which, again, would make the story categorically worse in the short term and really ruin what works about gf1 & 2.

luckily, i’ve designed the future of this narrative in such a way that this shouldn’t be a problem anymore :)

#godfeels #homestuck #sarahposts

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bettsfic · 3 years

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I find it in comprehensible when people who give writing advice tell me to just write my first draft without thinking, to just let it flow without correcting typos or pausing to fix a certain sentence's structure. To make it messy, just get my ideas down, and edit later. But I do recognize that it's probably a more helpful way to get the story out initially. Do you have any tips on how to let myself just write without editing as I go?

i think as my own process evolves, i’m not becoming better at writing as much as growing more comfortable with bad writing, and patient enough to make it better. it’s frustrating sometimes that i used to be able to sit down and write something in one draft, read it over, and post it. but now i’ve just lost all ability to do that. even if i think i have a pretty solid idea of a story, i get to the end of a draft and realize i was all wrong. i rewrite it, and rewrite it again, and then maybe i’m happy with it. but i find that i’ll churn out an 80k first draft, and then keep maybe, if i’m lucky, 10% of it. for short stories, i’ll keep maybe a single sentence or two. those sentences tend to be what i call keystone sentences, in that they unveil some major work of the piece, and i needed to write a ton of words to get to them that i then throw away.

on one hand, it’s such an arduous process that i am now very careful with the ideas i entertain, because i know even the simplest things will take a lot of work. on the other hand, i’ve found my writing is generally a lot better for it. i manage to work in more complicated conflicts and create more nuanced characters.

but damn if it wouldn’t be nice to switch from one ideology to the other at will.

back when i was a Clean First Draft kind of writer, i remember being very self-conscious when other, more established writers would tell me that the Shitty First Draft was always superior, and that good stories took multiple rewrites. blood, sweat, and tears and all that. now, looking back, i really don’t think there’s anything wrong with the Clean First Draft, as long as it’s a process that makes you feel good and encourages you.

there are many occasions where writers only opt for the Clean First Draft because they don’t yet know their own revision process, or because they’re afraid of their first try being wrong or bad. but there are also plenty of writers who do the Clean First Draft because they’ve done a lot of front-end work, and they take their time and think through scenes. i went to the Q&A of one author (sorry, i forget her name) who said she only really does “one” draft because she “combs” that draft hundreds of times while she adds to it.

i think what changed my process from the Clean First Draft involved getting more comfortable with revision, until revision became a majority of the process. once you know what it feels like to see a major project through to its final form, to the literal presses, it’s a lot easier to write badly in the first draft, because you know what’s ahead, and you know how far off your finish line is. and that line will continue to get farther away as your self-standards raise with each project.

so, i don’t think i ever really wanted to learn to write the Shitty First Draft. i wanted to learn revision, and in doing so, learned that the quicker and dirtier i got down that initial draft, the sooner i would know what the story was even about, and the sooner i could write it knowing what the fuck i wanted to say.

the more time you sink into an early draft, the less inclined you are to throw out what’s not working, because you took the time to make it pretty. if you’re making a ceramic cup, and the cup gets a crack in it and can’t hold liquid, you don’t then take the time to glaze and paint it, when you know you’re just going to have to make a new cup.

so if you already have a comfort with revision and rewriting, and if a Clean First Draft isn’t written out of fear of imperfection, then that’s just your process. maybe the typo-fixing and sentence-structuring is just how you generate thoughts and make progress.

but if you find you struggle to finish things, and you’re not happy with the things that you do finish, and the thought of being anything but perfect keeps you from writing, i think it’s worth it to focus on improving your rewriting and revision skills, so that you have more patience with early drafts.

i hope this helps!!

my carrd | writing advice masterdoc

#writing advice #process #tsthrace

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glorious-blackout · 3 years

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Writing tag game

I was tagged by @elorianna @alexxturner-me-on and @lanatural-books - thank you! 🥰💖

How many works do you have on Ao3?

I have 54 works on AO3 and 73 on FFNet (though there’s a lot of crossover between the two). I’ve been at it for ten years now so the list of fandoms is broad to say the least...

What's your total Ao3 word count?

479558... I have a feeling my current WIP might push that over 500,000 🤯

What're your top 5 fics by kudos?

Watch Our Souls Fade Away (Infinity War/Guardians of the Galaxy)

Silence is Golden (Guardians of the Galaxy)

What Might Have Been (Coco)

A Father’s Pride (Guardians of the Galaxy)

Way Down We Go (Guardians of the Galaxy)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! I always aim to say a quick thank you at the very least, because it always takes me aback when someone says something nice about my work. If I’m particularly busy or if there’s an overwhelming number of comments, I’ll at the very least leave a massive thank-you in the notes to everyone who commented 💜

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

God, I was such an angst junkie in my teens that I could give you at least ten examples. I’ve abused the Major Character Death/Tragedy tags often enough in my time... Of the ones I can actually remember, We Are The Universe is possibly the bleakest overall.

You’ve Always Been Here should be an honourable mention, considering the implications of that ending were so grim, I had to write a 38,000 word fix-it to make myself feel better 😅

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Most of my The Martian fics had nice, light-hearted endings. I also had a series called ‘Brothers in Arms’ based on the friendship between Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes which ended with them as bickering old men, which is still an image I’m very fond of.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

I’ve only written one (technically two but they’re part of the same series) which is You’ve Always Been Here. I guess it counts as crazy considering it was wildly self-indulgent and is more a crossover between two albums as opposed to the two bands (Muse and Arctic Monkeys) involved!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not hate necessarily, but occasional comments that have rubbed me up the wrong way or left me feeling a bit deflated. One example I can think of is someone who read seven chapters of my story and the only comment they could offer was ‘I don’t like that (insert random event) happened, I would have preferred it another way’. Or you occasionally get people who only comment to nitpick on one typo in a 1000+ word story and offer no other feedback whatsoever.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope! I can handle reading it regardless of the genders involved, but I am far too much of a blushing lesbian to ever write it for most of my favourite ships 😂

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge - I've had a couple reposted to other sites but they usually credit me.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I’ve had a couple translated into Cantonese, and I stumbled upon a Thai translation of one of my stories once (they didn’t ask for permission but I was credited, so I just found it really cool).

What's your all time favourite ship?

Not sure I have an all-time favourite, but Milex currently own my heart.

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Thankfully the only unfinished WIP on my plate is one I definitely intend to finish! Still at the first draft/basic editing stage though so we’ll see 😉

What are your writing strengths?

I’m terrible at judging my own writing, but I think I’m pretty good at introspective character writing and I have a weird knack for emotional/intense scenes.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Too many to count. I’m absolutely terrible when it comes to wordy, run-on sentences. Especially with unedited first drafts - I could honestly put Charles Dickens to shame. I’m also pretty naff at dialogue, which is why I prefer writing moody introspective stuff.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I've incorporated occasional words in dialogue but never full lines, and only after ensuring I had the correct spelling/definitions. I probably wouldn’t be brave enough to do full lines of dialogue in another language.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

My first ever fic was a Muse one which has long since been deleted. Weirdly it took me nine years to write for them again, though they’ve been an inspiration more times than I can count.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

I’m torn between ‘You’ve Always Been Here’ and ‘Watch Our Souls Fade Away’ and in both cases it’s more because of the enormous fun I had during the writing process than the quality of the fics themselves. I think the former is the better written of the two, but I’ll always be proud of the latter. The response it got was incredibly overwhelming at the time and I still can’t believe that a story centered around Nebula got so much love and attention.

Also whenever I look back on it, I’m astounded that I managed to write a 60,000 word story within the space of about 3 weeks. I want that motivation back...

I think most of my writer friends have already been tagged (except @rock-n-roll-fantasy but I don’t think you have an AO3!), but feel free to join in if you’d like a go 🥰

#writing tag #this is so rambly I'm sorry

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thewritershelpers · 4 years

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Improving Your Writing when English Isn’t Your First Language (mega-ask)

As you can see above, we've gotten more than one question about writing, improving your writing, and even publishing in English when it's not your native language. First off: that's awesome. To anyone writing or even consuming in a language that's not your first, kudos to you.

You can google any variation of this question and get different articles with a ton of the same advice, and some with conflicting advice. Not only have I compiled the most commonly repeated information, but I've also reached out to people on our Discord server and others for their personal experiences.

I'll start off by listing concise versions of the advice and then expound on them further on in the article. Remember that we are not experts on your writing and that everyone learns in different ways and at different paces. These are in no particular order.

-be patient

-practice

-get feedback from native sources

-don't undermine yourself to your audience

-Grammarly

-research

-don't get discouraged

Be patient

That's first because, well, duh. Patience is so important for both yourself and your writing. Writing is hard enough of a passion without the added difficulty of doing it in a language that doesn't come naturally. In the world of literature, writing/publishing in your non-native language isn't just a matter of translating words. It requires translating of ideas, concepts, and even cultural norms, which is why just slapping it into Google translate won't work.

Part of the reason for the advice of having patience, too, is that writing in your native language needs to take time. It doesn't really matter how fast you can whip out 20 pages of a first draft--it'll still be a simple first draft. Writing is a craft that requires not just love and passion but time. So what if you need a little bit of extra time--or a lot of extra time--because you're accomplishing a feat most don't even think about attempting?

Next is to practice.

That goes hand in hand with what I said about being patient. Again, writing in and of itself is all about practice and doing it daily (not that I'm an expert on getting that done, but you know). But when it comes to practice another language, there are different ways you can do that. You can reach out to native speakers (for English, there are going to be so many people willing to help, even just in our community! you just need to ask) and practice having conversations or ask them to look over your work. Practice by turning on your favorite movie or TV show in English with subtitles in your native language. Watch videos on YouTube, find a Spotify playlist/podcast, in your target language. There's also plenty of people who have done what you're trying to do who have shared their experiences and what helped them on those same platforms.

Get feedback from native speakers

This is a bit of an expansion on what I mentioned in the previous paragraph. In my experience, and from what others have shared, writing in a non-native language can be pretty clinical. Writing with figurative language or in metaphors won't be as easy or come as naturally as it does in your own language. Things like idioms and even pop cultures reference aren't always going to translate even if you have the exact words. That's where native speakers come into play. If they're willing to look over your work, whether as a friend or in an editorial position, they can give you advice about whether the wording in one spot sounds clunky or if a phrase doesn't make sense or if there're synonyms for what you already used to help convey your message even stronger.

Don't undermine yourself

This is something that I personally am saying. It's not mentioned on any of the linked sites, and no one I talked to said it. But as someone who is a native English speaker (and even has a degree in it) I think this is super important. This point goes towards native English speakers/writers, too. Don't undersell yourself and undermine your work to the audience before they have even picked it up. Disclaimers are different, and it all comes down to the words you use and how you use them. Let your readers know, whether it's people on AO3 or a literary agent, that English isn't your first language. Let them know concisely that they may find some basic errors--but stop there. Don't grovel. You have nothing to apologize for, especially once you've given that warning (those is it really a warning? what's so dangerous or scary about a few mistakes?). You're writing is not going to be any less of an accomplishment for a few grammatical errors, or mistranslated phrases, or even typos. I've seen so many mistakes in published works that it's kind of ridiculous. But if you put something out there for someone to read and in the same breath say "I don't know that this is worth reading" I'm going to need extra convincing to pick it up. *kicks soapbox away*

Grammarly

*NOT sponsored*

Grammarly is a wonderful tool that you can use, for FREE. It not only (with the free version) helps correct spelling and grammar, but can also help point out the tone you're writing with. For example, right now, Grammarly is telling me that this writing sounds mostly informative--which it's meant to be--and a little appreciative and friendly. When sending emails I've had it tell me that it sounds formal (which I was going for), and I've also had it not say anything because the text was a different kind of writing (like when I'm proof-reading something being posting it on AO3...). I honestly don't know what else it helps with once you've paid because I've been happily using the free version for about 3 years now.

Research

Don't be afraid to pick up a book, or head to the library, or pull up Google. Research is paramount to writing anyway, let alone once you're doing it in another language. Your research options are limitless and can include your mutuals on social media as well as those dictionaries that translate from one language into another. Research can also include (in my humble opinion) binge-watching/reading your favorite things...in English. In four years of university, one of the most frequently said things was to improve your writing 1) write every day and 2) read every day. You're never going to learn from worrying or overthinking, and you're also never going to learn from just doing DuoLingo (that's more conversational than literary anyway).

Something a member of Discord specifically said in relation to research was to look at morphology, at the roots of words (and root words). Morphology is, in linguistics, looking at how words are formed. For example, let's look at "biology". There are parts to this word that each has a different meaning, that formed together created a new/elevated meaning. "ology" means the study of something, and bio means life. So biology is, simply, the study of life. Once you've got those basics of things like "ology" under your belt it'll become easier to not just translate words but the concepts (if this works with your learning style).

Last but not least, don't get discouraged.

Writers of all kinds get discouraged when writing in their native language. Even those of us who speak English as our first language make mistakes worth discouragement (you will never know how many typos were corrected by Grammarly as I wrote this all out the first time). English is not an easy language. It's not the hardest, but it's far from easy (learning another language isn't easy regardless of what languages are involved). This is a post from someone who is a non-native English speaker but you would never know unless they told us.

While researching for this, I found some articles/blog posts that said mostly the same thing, and are where I got some of the information

This one is from a native English speaker giving advice

This one is for writing for non-native English readers, but still has good advice

And finally this one is a blog post (I think) from someone who is a non-native English speaker!

In specific response to some of the asks:

English, like any other language, changes. It's a very dynamic language, actually, and from region to region, there will not only be different accents but different frames of reference. 1950 isn't so far back in time for the English to be drastically different from what is spoken today, but I'm in the USA and you're asking about Oxford. English in England has very different nuances, even more so than you would get between California and Texas and New York. This is a link to the Oxford English Dictionary list of words that became more common in the 50s. However, this is a generalized list, not specific to any English-speaking country let alone region or city. If you're wanting to look at how to convey the accent of people from/in Oxford, there are videos on YouTube of people speaking in different accents so that you can have an idea, a comparison, at least in your own mind. With the 50s it's going to be more just thinking really of what words and lifestyles and things weren't around yet; cell phones didn't exist yet. Here's another link to some stock images of Oxford in the 50s. Remember, this time was very close to WWII so there'll be lingering effects of that, especially in England.

About fight scenes and curses, there's a ton of resources on that. If you just search "fight" on our page, you'll get a ton of posts answering that question. Also, here's a link to a superb and excellent source on writing fight scenes. When it comes to curses...just watch Rage Quit on YouTube, or spend a while on TikTok. If you want to dive right in just Google "English curses" and there'll be YouTube videos, entries on Urban Dictionary, you name it.

When it comes to publishing, once you've gotten your manuscript is a perfect time to have a native-speaking friend look it over. Whether editing is their thing or not, they'll be able to help with the things that are really obvious. I don't have any experience publishing in a different language, though, so there might be other resources along the different stages to help you. Some general publishing advice I've gotten: when wanting to publish fiction, literature, start small. Start with short stories in literary journals, online and in print. You really can't make much headway with large publishing houses without a literary agent and it'll be easier to attract one if you have evidence that you can write, and write well enough people want to read it. When it comes to poetry, just start submitting. Get familiar with the process, and educate yourself on things like simultaneous submissions and a good rejection. Publishing is an ever-changing game that isn't cut and dry in any language or country. We can't tell you what's best, but my advice is to go with your gut and try your best. Don't be afraid to try again, too.

Everyone overthinks their writing. Or at least, everyone I know who writes does. Honestly, in my opinion, if you're not overthinking at least a little bit, you're not worried enough. You will never be able to fully know whether you've explained or described enough. A good chunk of the experience is up to the readers, so you have to leave them some wiggle room for imagination. But that doesn't mean you have to cheapen your story or short-change your characters. You mention specifically that you're POC, which I'm gonna guess also means that your characters will be POC. It's never too much to specify the race/ethnicity of your characters, even in a fantasy work. How you go about writing those descriptions might need to change but it's kind of like chocolate chips, in my mind: you decide those things with your soul.

So, there you have it. A ridiculously long way to say: you're awesome, you do you, practice, love yourself and your writing, and don't be afraid to put yourself out there (in any way).

(images read:

Anonymous said: Im writing a book based in Oxford in 1950s. how was the language different from now. I am not from an English speaking country at all. Never been outside my country either. And Im going to write a book based in England in English

Anonymous said: Hi there, I’m a writer for almost 3 years now but since English isn’t my first language I get discouraged easily if things I write come off strange to myself. Do you maybe have any advice for me, on how to motivate myself and not comparing myself with native English speakers? Thank you in advance!

Anonymous said: Hello! I starting to work on this shortfic but it’s been really hard. It’s like I’m trying to building a house alone and with my bare hands. Even though I’m already used to write in mother tongue. Any advice for non-english speaker trying to write their first story in English?

Yaelburstine said: Hi. Do you have any tips about how to write a good fight scene and curses that people speak English get cus’ it’s not my first language

gyger said: I am not a native english speaker, but most of the books I read are in english and I generally prefer writing in english as well. However, I am worried about making mistakes that I can’t recognize myself. I have no idea how good my english is to a native english speaker, plus some things are easier to write in my native tongue (such as dialogue). I’m also worried about publishing, since that definitely would be easier in my country than abroad. How do I decide what language to choose?

Anonymous said: As a POC writer and English as their second language, I overthink all the writing I do. I feel like I don’t describe my ideas thoroughly or my character descriptions are vague or not good enough. I’m currently working on a YA novel but I plan on writing a YA fantasy novel but I feel like my lack of vocabulary and grammar structure makes me give up on finishing my book. Is this normal for native English speaking authors or is this considered a language barrier thing? Thanks! Love your blog!

Thank you for your questions, and for your patience as we do our best to answer them.

-S

#TWH Respond #ESL #writing in a second language #mega ask #improving English #resources

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ktlsyrtis · 3 years

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fic asks! 8, 20, and optionally 21 (optional because it seems DEMENTEDLY hard, which is also why i am asking! would also be interested in the version where you discuss how you might hypothetically do it, or what difference it might make, etc)

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“A part of me still can’t believe I’m doing this,” she explains, fiddling a pen between her fingers. “Our mothers insisted that Marcus and I do the whole ‘white wedding’ and it was miserable. I kept trying to convince him that we should just run off to the registry and elope.”

“That’s what Edward and I did,” Serena says, “and believe me, you didn’t miss out on anything. Nothing says romance like having your marriage witnessed by complete strangers, and the groom vomiting in your bouquet.”

Bernie winces in sympathy. “I guess, after the divorce, I didn’t expect to ever get married again. It didn’t go especially well the first time.”

Serena hums in agreement, pushing the ache of Bernie’s words to the back of her mind. They’d never talked about it, really, when they were together, just made jokes about being free of their former spouses. Serena always assumed that Bernie wouldn’t be interested in marriage, and never brought it up with her, not even when she found herself browsing rings online late one night, planning a future with Bernie that would never happen.

The realization that she just wasn’t interested in marriage to her sits in her stomach like a stone.

“If this wasn’t Alex’s first, I doubt we’d be doing it all. I just don’t want to take that away from her, if it’s what she wants.” Bernie glances up cautiously. “Did you ever think about it? Getting married again, I mean?”

Serena’s heart drops sickeningly. She knows she should just lie, make this easier for both of them. But Bernie’s looking back at her with those dark, knowing eyes, and she can only pretend so much.

“I did,” she hears herself say, as if the words are coming from someone else. “Once.”

I’m proud of this bit for a couple reasons. One of them being that I think it sounds like them, at least in my own head. It’s a conversation I can actually picture them having. More importantly, this conversation is intended to be a complete angst sucker punch in the middle of an otherwise light-hearted scenes. Given the comments on that chapter, I’m pretty sure I landed that blow. What can I say? I’m a jerk sometimes 😅

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions. Anytime my brain allows me to just sit down and write tbh. I don’t have any special requirements about where/when/how I write that are must haves. What I have discovered over time is that a change in writing format (via text, handwriting), or a restricted time limit (writing sprints, sneaking in some writing during class), go a long way in helping me get out of my own head

21. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting? This is like a Schrödinger question, because the answer is simultaneously “a thousand times” and “once.”

I’m definitely a person who falls into the terrible trap of endlessly tweaking things while I’m working on them. As such I don’t really have definitive drafts, more living documents that are in a constant state of flux. The once comes in when I think I’m done and I send it to my beta for review, at which point I make corrections and post as fast as possible because I have absolutely no self control lol.

I do think that a more formalized drafting process might be helpful for me in terms of outcome and growth, but I worry that putting something like that in place would end up being just another barrier to actually getting anything done. So, here we are 🤷🏻

[40 questions: fic writer edition]

#replies #writer memes #little-brisk

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thecrownnet · 4 years

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Photo from left: Charles Dance, Erin Doherty, Helena Bonham Carter, Peter Morgan, Olivia Colman, Tobias Menzies and Josh O’Connor attend the premiere of The Crown and tribute to Peter Morgan at AFI Fest in Hollywood.BY ARAYA DIAZ/GETTY

'The Crown' Boss Reveals Why Meghan Markle and Prince Harry Are Off-Limits

The Hollywood Reporter Aug 18, 2020

Creator and showrunner Peter Morgan shares the unofficial feedback he gets from the royal family and why characters based on Prince Andrew and others won't be making an appearance in the Emmy-nominated series: "I'm much more comfortable writing about things that happened at least 20 years ago."

Peter Morgan was nearing the end of a lengthy shoot for the upcoming fourth season of Netflix's The Crown when the coronavirus took hold in the U.K., halting production. While he was ultimately able to wrap the season with what they had, he still lost a couple weeks of filming. "I can see where the gaps are, but I'm hoping that you won't," says the showrunner, who adds that he feels "lucky" that they were able to get as far as they did. In the wake of the show's nine Emmy nominations, including one for best drama series, the London-based Morgan shares what caused him to change his mind about the number of seasons the show will run, the unofficial feedback he gets from Buckingham Palace and why present-day royal scandals are off the table.

How did you celebrate your Emmy nominations?

I'm not sure I did celebrate, to be honest. I mean, I was relieved. I'm not sure that relief is a celebration. This just feels like such a strange time. Jumping around punching the air and lighting cigars feels like something I look forward to doing again, but at the moment, it just would feel weird to be doing that.

Having lost a couple weeks of filming on the upcoming season, is there any chance that you could reconvene everyone once it's considered safe to do so and get those final shots?

In order to hit the release schedule for season four, we needed to start editing and lock episodes, which we've been doing throughout this time. And everything takes much longer under these new social distancing regulations and rules, [even post-production.] So if we'd, for example, waited until next month, when a number of people are starting to film again in late August, beginning of September, to pick up these extra scenes, I think a) everyone would have been out of the rhythm of it and it would have felt very strange, and b) I think it would have compromised our post schedule. And we had to weigh up, "Is it worth it or not?" And, actually, that we're still able to hit our release schedule in November for seasonal four has been worth it.

It was announced recently that the fifth season, the one you're currently writing, won't be released until 2022. Was that a decision impacted by COVID or was that always the plan?

It's a normal schedule for us because what happens is, as you've noticed, we filmed The Crown in two season chunks, so we had Claire Foy for two seasons, we've now got Olivia Coleman for two seasons. And there was a gap year in there in which I frantically do a draft of all the scripts, and then I re-write the scripts and polish the scripts after that — but at least we have a roadmap of where we're going for the two seasons. And I said that there was no way that I could possibly do that and be showrunning the seasons if they were in production. You do need a gap year to get ahead with the writing.

This year, you said that the show was going to run five seasons instead of the expected six, but you recently reverted to the original plan. Why the change?

That's me being exhausted, and the truth is people have just been so supportive and so kind. They were so kind to go with me on the five-season version. That was an act of generosity because it was always pitched as being six seasons and always imagined to be that. And then I think they just looked at the state I was in, which is a classic showrunner look. You look slightly green and yellow and you have bags under your eyes, and you look at least 10 years older than you actually are. At that point, people say, "Just let the poor man out of his misery." But then in the course of meeting the actors, they were all furious they were only getting one season. (Laughs.) They were like, "Well, that's not fair. How come Claire Foy gets two and Olivia Colman gets two and I only get one?"

Are you writing that next season with COVID protocols in mind or are you hoping that the virus will be a thing of the past by the time you're in production again?

I think so. I'm writing it exactly as I wrote it before. I'm making no concessions whatsoever in terms of international locations, in terms of extras, in terms of size. If anything, the show's getting bigger. So I am absolutely banking on there being not just a vaccine but that the vaccine has had global dissemination by that point.

What was the most challenging scene for you to write last season?

If there isn't a challenging scene to get on paper in every episode, I'm not doing my job. If it doesn't feel to me like I'm climbing without a rope, then I don't see [the point]. I remember in season one when Claire Foy comes back to find her father dead, she cries when she sees his dead body. And I said to everybody then, "This is the first and the last time we're ever going to see the queen cry. She will never cry again. There'll be many times where we imagine she's crying, but no tears come." When you have the queen in scenes of extreme emotion, those scenes are very difficult to write because she's not a person of extreme emotionality. So you're constantly having to find ways to make the audience cry without, as it were, the queen crying. In other words, it's all about inability and restraint and being blocked, because she herself is blocked because it's wrapped up in this package of being the queen — and the queen is in itself an abstract concept rather than Elizabeth Windsor, who she is underneath. So any scenes that really push to that are always a real challenge.

You've meet with royal aides to brief them on what's to come in the show. How do they typically respond, and what do you hope to get out of those meetings?

I meet on an entirely informal and impersonal basis with a couple of people who used to work at the palace and who I imagine still have contacts with the palace. It ends up as one of those rather ridiculous conversations in which everybody is slightly tiptoeing and saying something other than what they mean, but you're still finding a way of getting some information out while at the same time everybody has the most important thing, which is deniability.

Do they ever come to you and say, "No, it didn't happen this way," or "That isn't accurate"?

Occasionally they might come back and say, "I enjoyed certain aspects of the season," and by that I know that he or she probably means other people enjoyed that. And then they'll say, "There were one or two things that I personally found disappointing," which probably means that somebody else found them disappointing.

Does that feedback influence how you write the show at all?

No, nor would they want it to. No one's trying to censor me. No one's ever tried to correct what I do or censor what I do. No one wants anything to do with each other. I don't want anything to do with the palace and the palace wants nothing to do with me — again, so that we all have the most important thing, which is that they can say, "I don't know what they think they're doing." And we can say, "We have no interest in making them happy." That's really important because different people have different attitudes. Some people could say, "Oh my god, it's outrageous what The Crown has got away with saying," and other people could say, "The Crown could have said it a lot worse." So depending on your perspective, if you are a rapid anti-monarchist then no matter how critical I am, it will never be critical enough. And if you are really staunch establishment monarchist, then just about everything I say is pure treason. You will never make those two extremes happy. And there's no point even trying to. I only write what I want to write.

You've said the show won't get into modern royal subjects like Meghan Markle or Prince Andrew. Why?

I just think you get so much more interesting [with time.] Meghan and Harry are in the middle of their journey and I don't know what their journey is or how it will end. One wishes some happiness, but I'm much more comfortable writing about things that happened at least 20 years ago. I sort of have in my head a 20 year rule. That is enough time and enough distance to really understand something, to understand its role, to understand its position, to understand its relevance. Often things that appear absolutely wildly important today are instantly forgotten, and other things have a habit of sticking around and proving to be historically very relevant and long lasting. I don't know where in the scheme of things Prince Andrew or indeed Meghan Markle or Harry will ever appear. We won't know, and you need time to stop something being journalistic. And so I don't want to write about them because to write about them would instantly make it journalistic. And there are plenty of journalists already writing about them. To be a dramatist, I think you need perspective and you need to also allow for the opportunity for metaphor. Once something has a metaphorical possibility, it can then become interesting. It's quite possible, for example, to tell the story of Harry and Meghan through analogy and metaphor, if that's what you want to do. Because there've been so many examples in the past, whether it's Wallis Simpson or Edward VII, or whether it's Diana and Prince Charles. There have been plenty of opportunities in the past where there have been marital complications. There've been wives that have been married into the Royal family that have felt unwelcome and that they don't fit in. So there are plenty of stories to tell without telling the story of Harry and Meghan.

Interview edited for length and clarity.

#olivia colman #helena bonham carter #gillian anderson #claire foy #the crown #peter morgan #tobias menzies #ben daniels #josh o'connor #emma corrin #erin doherty #imelda staunton #jonathan pryce #lesley manville #elizabeth debicki #the crown netflix

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jjaeong · 3 years

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Color-Correction Post (50 Followers Edition).

(Posting this through my laptop because my phone kept crashing when I change the colors or even link the source?)

DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional, this is post was created just to put into perspective how I always tweak the colors in each GIF I attach to my fics. I just wanted to share this because it’s honestly satisfying with the end result (and in celebration of 50 followers).

Before I got into this entire GIF in fics thing, I thought that it was cool how there’d always be a GIF attached into what I’d always read on this site—I’ve observed how it somehow made it easier to get into whatever it was you were reading when there was some visualization attached to it (no matter how lightly written the fic is). And I’ve done this “writing template” with the two borders and the gif in the middle—but I don’t consider the fic on my other account as influenced as this account because it was just literally one drabble (if you find it—hmu lmao).

Also, I think I mislead you guys about my last writing account being back in 2014 (but honestly, I don’t remember any other time than my last drabble in the Summer of 2020—I had a lot of things going on since I started attending University).

But that’s a story for another time.

I just like the idea of incorporating the right visuals in my fics because—other than I don’t seem to have anything else to do (lmao)—I just found it easier to write with what I can see with the imagery, and so I thought that it would be cool if my readers would get to experience the same thing and not just in my head, you know?

Honestly this sounds so taxing and it looks like I’m putting too much effort into it but.. It’s art? This blog is a passion project that had just been brought to life— something we can always come back to when we feel like doing so.

Anyways, here’s the step by step process of making the GIFS.

One. Finding The Right Visualization.

I’m not strict in finding a source, usually I’d be watching loonatv and I’d suddenly be hit by the scene like—oh, that looks like it’ll fit in this idea that I thought about earlier. But what I am strict about is if I can find a better angle (this goes with the fan site sources and etcetera), because it usually starts from “this looks nice” and should end with “okay, it’s time to write about it” but sometimes, sadly it would end with “I don’t feel that great about the plot idea though”.

But for the series stuff (such as The Heiress which is currently ongoing) it’s harder to find more cinematic shots that fit the mood. I try my best on finding a video that would set the foundation of the fic before going ahead and downloading the videos from a separate online video converter.

I also make sure to take note of the dates, the links and specially the channel name or basically the source because if I found the shot pretty and just took it without giving credit—I admire these non-profit(?) fan sites (I love vantablack’s fan cams of Hyunjin the most) so that’s why I started to include sources. Simply appreciating the craft.

Two. Color Correcting By The Fic’s Tone.

The thing that I honestly do not like the most is the fade(?) effect that loonatv adds to their videos, I’ve noticed how they always applied this because it makes the girls somewhat “brighter” but it takes away their more.. Natural colors. The lighting in this shot was bright enough to somewhat strengthen the fading effect that they put—but the thing I keep feeling upset for is that you lose a bit of the natural setting that the girls themselves make brighter.

So if it’s a light fic, a happy one shot like Rest Easy Love, I’ll Always Be Your Favorite Girl, I added a warmer tone to the GIF.

(I think I corrected it some more after recording this on my screen, but you guys get the point lmao sorry).

And when it’s a more darker type of fic, this is an example of how I envision the lighting would be like The Heiress effect (which I applied to this exact GIF just for comparison). That’s all to it when I CC—just keep in mind the vibe of the fic, adjust the lighting and etcetera, and finally add the effects if you have them.

Three. The Cinematic Border And Final Export.

I found it easier to just adjust the video itself under the border to fit it instead of cropping because it really takes so much space when you crop it. You’d barely get a full decent view so I just drag and adjust it.

After I’ve finished the video, I then export the file and send it to my online archives or via cable to my phone (when I’m in a hurry). The reason why I upload it on a cloud is that sometimes after I edit the video, I tend to burn myself out so I can’t be bothered to turn it instantly into a GIF.

I use my phone to convert the video into a GIF because whenever I use my video editing software it tends to not upload in this site, and after looking for the reason why—turns out you can only upload up to 15MB of your GIF here—I just convert it on my phone because it’s the quickest when it comes to compressing the file.

Then I open my drafts and attach it there along with my borders, and that’s about it.

At this point I think now you guys know why I take my time to post and follow through my chapters (because I like to wait for the inspiration to hit before I start writing, and that I look for clips that will help me visualize better)—but I just want to say that one day we’ll reach a bigger audience, there will be more people expecting quality from this blog and as much as I’d hate to admit it, I am aware that it will take a toll on me.

But that will never stop me from loving these girls because they’ve been nothing but a positive source of happiness from me—I’ve been through so much last year and they somehow made me feel like myself again, and that’s such a big impact in my current situation right now and this is how I want to express myself in loving them.

I want nothing other than to give these girls a positive light in this blog, and though times may be rough we’d still have these Y/N fics to come back to when we feel like we’re not living the Y/N life in reality.

And I know this is a lot of talk for a small following—but someone out there will always read your notes, no matter how silly it will be there will always be a reader that will like your work even if you don’t feel confident in your writing.

Because if your following is the reason you’re writing, then write for them.

If you’re writing for yourself just as I am—do it.

As long as there is passion inside of you, pursue it. Even if it’s just writing Y/N fics while you’re balancing too many things at once.

Stay passionate, that’s all I truly had to say.

You guys are cool.

Laters,

>ovc: loonatheworld (171212)

https://youtu.be/eUeFUBy40ow

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tinygumdrops · 3 years

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You keep showering us with long, uber detailed fics like its nothing but how do you even write five words without breaking down? I could spend hours on my word document without accomplishing anything and thats the best case scenario. Seriously,,, HOW? How do you write?

Hello there! Sorry if it took me a while to answer this ask ;-; I tried to make this as detailed as I can, but honestly my brain is just mush the past few days and I’ve ran out of English words to explain things. So sorry if this all sounds rudimentary and uninspired (quite frankly, my writing process is exactly that).

also, not @ me procrastinating writing my thesis and instead making a post about my fic writing process otl

I’ll be using my latest hq!! fic as an example for each step! If you’re planning to read it, there’s nothing spoiler-y in the screenshots.

1. Outline - I make one just so I have a general idea of how the story will go. First, I need to think of a major problem that I have to fix as the story progresses, then I’ll look for a setting that will work well with showcasing/highlighting the conflict and its resolution.

The specifics/bullet points change so frequently that the OG outline I made is v v different from how the actual story went. But I really need an outline before I do things so there’s something I can refer to if I get lost.

2. Research - I… can’t write without doing research ;-; I usually write about stuff I have little to no knowledge about, so this part is really important in my writing process. I learn so much from watching documentaries and scouring the internet for related articles so this is the most fun part for me! On my listography, I listed down the sites I frequently use for research. You can go check them out if you like!

3. Music - I make playlists for most of the long fics I write. I sometimes find listening to certain songs help me get in The Mood To Write.

4. More planning - I like to make schedules and checklists for academic work, so naturally it spilled over to writing long fics. I use Trello to create boards for a specific fic, which includes checklists that help me track my progress with writing and editing for each ~☆story arc ☆~.

5. Actual Writing - God, I really hate this part *sobs* Because of school, I wake up really early to write (like 4 or 5 am; 6 am if school starts later and I have time to prepare). I usually write for an hour, but the number of words I eke out varies. Sometimes I can finish one scene, other times I write nothing at all.

I write in Evernote because its interface looks clean, and it enables me to write and edit fics on my phone. 60% of daemons!AU and 70% of penpals!AU I wrote using Evernote Mobile. I wish I was kidding. I also write my fics with html because it makes uploading on AO3 easier for me (and also because I don’t love myself).

6. Editing - I edit two to three times before sending the fic to my betas just so I won’t permanently incapacitate them with my purple prose and dubious comma placements. As supplements, I use Grammarly (I know a lot of writers hate this app, but I’m broke and terrible at basic grammar so I need it) and Hemingway.

7. Beta Reading - I love my betas. I don’t deserve them. It goes without saying that I make a shit ton of mistakes while writing since I’m not a native speaker, I work on my phone a lot, and I write with my eyes half open and I’m jacked up on caffeine. My betas correct all my iffy preposition choices, they tell me why this scene is atrocious or this word is inappropriate, and they ask really helpful questions that give me ideas on how to navigate a certain plot point. I’m so thankful for all the work they do.

8. More Editing - Once I get the manuscript back, I’ll edit it three more times. I’ll upload a draft on AO3, download a pdf version and annotate it using my tablet. Then I’ll correct all the shitty parts I found in Evernote.

9. Posting - It’s done. Finally. I’ll upload the final version on AO3 and do an obligatory promo post on twitter and tumblr. Then I sleep for hours and avoid the internet until it’s safe for me to show my face again.

So... that’s how I usually go about writing long fics. I guess the tl;dr is... writing long fics takes time? And it involves a lot of energy and people. It’s a fuckton of work. But, as an elaborate form of escapism, I really like sharing stories about people that live vastly different lives from mine, and whenever I feel insecure and bogged down I keep going back to that “why”. Writing stresses me out and gives me a lot of pain and heartache, but for the most part I find creating stuff fun. I also remind myself that it’s not my day job, so even if I make egregious mistakes, it’s not going to be the end of me or my career.

Hope this helped! :D

#ask #anonymous #my writing #writing process

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hmslusitania · 3 years

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Hey, roseanne, again. you are really making me consider registering to tumblr. I hope I get to use the button. still a bit stuck on the first chapter. any tips for how to write Buck and Eddie as characters? btw, looking forward to more of your stories. I am sure they will be amazing. if you missed it, I am fan, and I really enjoyed your stories. read them few times. have a good one! :D

Hi Roseanne! I'm very flattered, thank you!

I've been trying to come up with a good answer for you re writing Buck and Eddie as characters and I'm afraid the best I have for you is my writing process for all characters, which is this:

Don't overthink it.

I know this entire concept is anathema to how fandom works (and overthinking things is honestly half the fun of fandom) but I've found that when you're trying to write characters, overthinking things and trying desperately to make sure you've got them correct in your first draft can have a paralysing effect that makes it impossible to actually write your draft. Your revision is really the best place for overthinking and analysing everything you've written down to try and make sure that it came across exactly the way you wanted it to.

As for how you get the characters down correctly, all I can offer you is my own process which may or may not work for other people:

Watch and observe the source media (in this case 9-1-1)

Internalise the details the characters have (speech patterns and body language are the most easily translated to fic)

Then stop thinking about it and trust that you've absorbed the canon well enough to translate it to writing.

And remember at the end of the day, the writers of canon will do contradictory and nonsensical things between writers and episodes and directors (I've transcribed a few scenes directly from the show for reference for various fics and, like, the syntax of the written out script is shockingly different from how it's delivered on screen despite it being the exact same words; so much of the consistent characterisation comes from the actors being good at their jobs) so like. Chances are you're not gonna do worse than that.

The most important thing when you're writing fanfic is just to write it. And once you've written it, you can edit it (or get a beta reader to edit it for you) but you also kinda don't have to which is part of the beauty of fanfic. You can publish rough drafts and never think about them again if you want. I do, all the time.

I have no idea how much any of this will help, especially since it's not specifically about Buck and Eddie, but the trouble is, I don't consciously know how to write characters. If I overthink things like that, it gets all...echo-chambery in my head and I can't write anymore. So, yeah, I guess my advice is just: write your first draft and go from there.

#the ghost ship answers questions #I am not qualified to give writing advice #the only writing class I've ever taken was in my senior year of high school #and I spent 90% of that class in the library working on my novel #rather than actually in class

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entamesubs · 4 years

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Episode 17 - Translation + Screenshots

Unfortunately, as there are no raws for me to sub, the best I can do for people who wish to understand what was happening this episode is to describe it the best I can with my translations.

There is really nothing else I can do about this situation; it’s completely out of my control.

-------

About Why No Full Script Release

I have changed my mind about releasing the full translated script because the document itself is very rough and not really meant to be read by anyone other than me and the proofreader. I also don’t feel comfortable releasing the whole thing without it having gone through the third “check” it usually does when I start timing and subbing.

For context, I usually translate as I watch, and everything is written down quickly as I get through it. This is the first draft, which I call the “rough” of my translation, and contains weird sentence structure + small mistranslations as I am mainly concerned about getting stuff down and less about the fine details.

At this point the document is sent to my proofreader who then combs over everything and fixes grammar, wording, and translation errors. The second draft after editing is what I call the “raw sub”, as this is the file I take into the subbing program.

The third and final check is during the timing process, as I move these lines from a text document onto the screen, and get to see how they work with the episode itself. Translations may be changed, words removed or redone, etc as I watch a second time and read over the work. This means that the “final” translation that you would normally see in a subbed episode goes through three different checks at different times to make sure it all comes together nicely.

Of course, stuff still slips through the cracks even with these checks, but it is a lot less with them.

For this reason, because the script hasn’t (and can’t) go through its third and final check, I do not want to release the full translation as it is still, in my mind, an incomplete work.

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Episode 17

My name is Neil, 11 years old, the person who controls providence. It began when I was 3 years old. My parents, [...], gave me something else to occupy my time with. And that was... duels.

[OP plays here]

Winning as many tournaments as I did came easy to me. Goha came to scout me, and gave me this garden.

A vast underground space that encompassed the entire city, the centre of it being my haven, along with the complete control and regulation of duels around the world That was the beginning of my "providence".

At this point Otis comes in to ruin Neil’s complete control of the duel network. They exchange a few words; Neil recognizes Otis and vice versa. Neil asks if his interruption was his handiwork, and Otis says yes.

Duels as you know will change. A new King of Duels will be born soon.

Otis does not mean “born” literally, as Neil and Yuuga are the same age.

Neil goes on about how the “deviation” from the norm were Rush Duels and tried his hardest to erase them, but couldn’t. Then he found Yuuga.

Leave everything to providence.

Neil introduces himself as part of Goha Corporation.

Neil shows the USB stick with Kaizo’s data on it and Yuuga notices the Kaizo-seat react, so he deduces that it is real. Neil says he will only give it back if they win against the duelists that lurk within the Garden of Providence. However, if they lose 6 times overall, then it will be a complete defeat in his eyes, and he will delete their accounts permanently.

Yuuga asks why he doesn’t just delete everyone who has ever played a Rush Duel’s accounts, and Neil says it’s “not his providence”.

Yuuga: Then you won't cheat? Neil: You're exactly how I imagined you. As expected of someone picked out by Otis. [...] Neil: Well then, have fun in the Garden.

At the end of this scene, Mimi is shocked that the rumored “genius programmer” within the company is just a child, and may be more important than her.

Yuuga and co. run into Nekoyama Schrödinger, who is the first duelist they must face. Luke volunteers to duel.

I'll pound some manners into that guy who wants to do something as ridiculous as permanent account deletion!

Duel proceeds. Nekoyama summons Blue Eyes White Cat and Red Eyes Black Cat, then sets 3 cards face down. Luke summons three monsters then tributes two of them for Rush Dragon Dragears.

He tries to attack but is stopped by Nekoyama’s trap card, which makes him have to guess what type of card is at the top of his deck.

If you're wrong, [your attack is] nyagated, and you take 300 damage, meow!

Romin says she’s worried, but Gakuto says it will be just alright.

At this point the word “worry” makes Luke finally remember his troubles from two episodes ago, at the start of 15.

That's right, I just remembered. The thing that I'm worried about. When Yuuga becomes the King of Duels, will he really give the throne over to me? Agh, I remembered! What am I doing?! Why am I dueling a cat?!

Luke becomes too pre-occupied with his thoughts and decides to guess “monster” for what’s at the top of his deck. He is wrong and takes 300 damage.

He tries to attack again, but runs into Nekoyama’s trap card again.

Nekoyama: It's said that there are many possibilities that can coexist within this world. Luke: What are you talking about? Nekoyama: You and I, at the same time, can both win and lose this duel. Yuuga: That's Schrödinger's Cat.

Once again Luke chooses poorly and takes 300 damage.

Nekoyama tribute summons Odd Eyes Twin-Tail Cat, then summons another set of BEWC and REBC. Then, activates a spell card that has Luke guess what the top card of his deck is (again). If Luke is wrong, Nekoyama’s monsters can direct attack.

Luke is still distracted by his thoughts of not becoming King, and chooses wrong. Nekoyama’s monsters direct attack.

Odd Eyes Twin-Tail Cat's effect, Nyanderful Trap, activates!

Nekoyama returns the trap he just used to his hand and sets two cards.

There are countless possibilities in this world. It seems one of them is about to be revealed, meow. That is, meowr utter defeat! Turn ennya~

Luke is still distracted and extremely depressed. Gakuto picks up on what’s going on, but Luke denies it.

Gakuto: Is the thing you're worrying about the King's Throne? [...] Gakuto: Then just listen to what Yuuga-kun has to say!

Luke asks Yuuga if he really will give him the King’s Throne when he becomes the King one day.

Yuuga: Luke is my friend. If a friend asks, then of course! Luke: Of course?! Yuuga: No way. Luke: What?! Yuuga: But, anyone can become King. Countless possibilities exist, you know. There is a possibility that Luke will become the King! Luke: I could... become King...?

Luke finally finds his resolves and says he can envision himself becoming King now. He says he’s found his “daor” (road backwards).

It won't be the same as last time! Because right now, I have decided to become King!

Duel proceeds. Luke tribute summons Thrust Dragon Bunker Strike, complete with a new summoning chant mentioning his new “daor”.

Bunker Strike lets him draw cards from his deck based on the amount of monsters his opponent has on his field. Since Nekoyama has 3, Luke draws 3. Then, he can put the same number of cards in his hand back on top of his deck in any order. This lets him choose the correct card for Nekoyama’s trap.

Foolish! I returned my cards to the top of my deck earlier, so the top card is— The card... uh, the card?

He forgets the order he put them in. The others express disbelief.

Yuuga: That's Luke for you!

He eventually manages to remember and defeats Nekoyama.

Nekoyama kowtows and begs for Neil-sama’s forgiveness, but instead gets shoved down a chute that then closes after him.

Luke is furious at seeing this.

Let the future King come up and beat you already! Duel me!

Neil says it’s too bad, but the duel has been enough for one day, and to come back another time. He transports them to the exit against their will.

Neil: It's already very late. Dueling is all well and good, but go home and do your homework.

The gang expresses some disbelief as to everything that’s happened, but Yuuga reassures them that they will win for sure. He’s happy that Luke found his own “daor”.

Luke points at a twinkling star in the sky and declares it his “daor”, saying that it is the star of the King of Duels.

It then proceeds to fall and Luke jumps out in disbelief.

Aaah, don't fall already!!

[ED plays here]

And previews for the next episode where Roa duels his drummer, Getta.

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Hope this helped a little in at least understanding everything that went on! In lieu of raws, this will just have to work for now.

If you wish to support me, go here: https://ko-fi.com/sakaki

#yugioh #yugioh sevens #yugioh sevens spoilers #sevens spoilers #ygo sevens #e017

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katdvs · 4 years

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When Riley Matthews was in high school her life changed, now as a professional dancer she’s got a new challenge when she’s paired with professional football player Lucas Friar on the latest season. Can they win the season, or will their past get in the way?

Cross Posted to FFN & AO3

Chapter One |

Author Note: Hi, how is everyone? I’m glad to be back. I’m writing this as I go, I know where I want it to go, but let’s hope that’s where we end up. Thanks for all the reviews on the first chapter. XOXO

Chapter Two:

“Eyes on me.” Riley reminded Lucas as she paused the music that they would dance to on live television tomorrow night. This season the network had decided to keep everything secret, except with Pros were returning They figured it would keep people guessing and have them tune in to see who made it.

Lucas nodded, “Okay.” He got into the hold he needed to be in for the dance, following her lead, the cues she had taught him over the last couple of weeks.

Riley felt Lucas lead her around the dance floor, feeling like they were as ready as they could be for the live show. Whatever happened out on the dance floor tomorrow night, live in front of all of America, was what was meant to be.

“We’ve got this Riley.” Lucas told her with a smile as he broke away to grab his water bottle.

“I certainly hope so.” She couldn’t recall the last time she was this nervous before the dress rehearsal. She was just thankful she hadn’t had to do most of the pre-show press that they normally had,

Lucas watched her, amazed he could notice something so subtle, “You’re nervous, aren’t you?”

“Yeah I am.” She confessed, feeling the cameras zooming in on her. Never in all her years on the show had she admitted it, no one had called her out on it.

He took a few steps towards her, “We’re going to be fine.” He saw the shadow of something cross her eyes, and he realized what she was more nervous about, once the world knew that he was on the show, that they’re partners, it would take them from the bubble of this studio.

“I’m glad you have confidence.” She went to grab her water bottle.

Lucas stopped her, “I do have confidence because you have confidence. Don’t let it fade. We’re gonna win this.”

Riley cocked an eyebrow at him, “You realize this is more then one night right, we hopefully have weeks of this.”

“I know, and I know that next week we’ll crush it and we will each week, because you’re my teacher, my partner, and I believe in you.”

Damn they made great TV, Riley knew right now the executives watching the feeds and later the dailies would love this stuff. “Grab your stuff, we’ve got to get to the studio for the final dress rehearsal.”

“Whatever you say, you’re the boss.” He smirked.

***

Riley hated the costumes that had been picked for them this week. The song choice had been bad enough, but she was literally here in a cheerleader shirt and top, with fringe. Lucas was in a sparkly varsity jacket, and to make it even worse it just happened to be their high school colors.

She was on the stage right now, the lights out as they crew set up during what would’ve been a commercial break. She could hear the banter between the hosts and then the start of the package. She glanced at the monitor, their was for the whole world to see, her falling into his arms. Then of course clips of them dancing over the last few weeks, teaching him the moves, and what had to be a last-minute edit, the two of them just a few hours ago.

She shook it off as the music swelled and she made her moves towards Lucas as everything started to fall into place on the stage. He kept his eyes on her during the entire dance, though he lost his footing on the final move, and stumbled a little bit.

“It’s only a rehearsal, you got it out of the way.” Riley told him afterwards, as they pretended to get scores from Judges that weren’t present.

As they moved off stage Lucas leaned in close, “Did you suggest these costumes in these colors?”

“Nope, I don’t know why they decided on these, but I’m just going along with it until the waltz next week.” She stood tall as she stopped at the monitor to watch Zay and his partner dance. “That’s what we need to be worried about.”

Lucas watched as Zay danced with Connie Patrick, a sitcom star that Lucas had run into occasionally at charity events. She also came with a major social media following.

“They’re good.” Lucas admitted.

“Yeah, Zay has won several times, he could win again.”

“Not this season, we’re going to win.” He told her and he moved towards the dressing trailers.

“Riley, Lucas!” Sheryl was rushing towards them, “Tomorrow night you’re going on last.”

Riley froze, “What?”

“Yeah, you’ll be our final dancers of the night.” She smiled, “America is going to fall in love with the two of you tomorrow night.”

“Is that good or bad?” Lucas wondered.

Riley looked at her first love, “Well, you won’t be able to go off the grid until after the show ends.”

***

Riley sat on her bed, replaying everything that happened today. She knew the storyline that the show was going for. They saw the chemistry between Riley and Lucas. They would be fools not to play into it.

She would just have to get through the next night, and then at least the first week would be behind them. They would move on to the next dance, the next song. Another week of grueling rehearsals during the day, at night she was plotting the choreography for the next network musical, she had one more number to do and in a few weeks, rehearsals would start for that. When they did, she would be beyond busy if Lucas didn’t get eliminated.

Picking up her phone she began scrolling through social media. A lot of guesses about who her dance partner would be this season, none of them correct. A few of the names were on the show this season, but no one she saw was mentioning Lucas. Probably a good thing.

As she moved through her feed on Instagram she stopped when she saw a picture of Maya, her former best friend. She was showing off a ring. She realized it was a picture that Farkle had posted, and tagged Lucas in.

She felt her stomach sink as she read the caption, “#SheSaidYes to my good buddy @LucasFriar. She’s so excited for their journey together, she insisted I buy her champagne.”

If Lucas were involved with Maya, when did he propose, he’d been here in LA for the last few weeks in the bedroom next to hers.

“My only comment is that I am not engaged to Maya Hart.” Lucas’ voice carried from his balcony, “I’m not dating her. I didn’t propose. What picture are you talking about?”

Riley opened her door and saw him pacing as he spoke on the phone.

“Jerry, you know I’m in LA. The show is tomorrow night. I don’t know what game Maya is playing this time, maybe her sales are slow again, I don’t know.”

Riley attempted to wave to get his attention when he turned around in his pacing, she waved her cell phone at him and he leaned as close as the edge of the balcony would allow.

“I’m calling Farkle and finding out why this is happening, okay. I have no idea where she got that ring, but I didn’t give it to her. I have never dated Maya Hart. I will never date Maya Hart, she can keep trying to make it happen, but it hasn’t worked since middle school, it’s time for a new game.” Lucas growled before ending the call.

“I take it you’re not actually engaged to Maya.” Riley enlarged the photo, something about the ring was familiar, but how different were gaudy giant diamonds from one another?

“I would rather get trampled by a bull.” He sighed as he scrolled through his phone, “She keeps doing this, anytime she can she uses my name to get hers out there. Farkle keeps going along with her on this, I don’t know why, I’m not sure I want to know why.”

Riley pretended to understand, she wasn’t sure she understood the dynamic of her former friends. “I was confused when I saw the post, it’s the kind of thing you probably would’ve mentioned.”

“Yeah, if it were true.” He sighed looking out to the ocean, the moonlight reflecting on the waves. “You two were best friends at one point, but once you and Zay went on tour, she changed. It was like whatever anchored her was gone. But at the same time, no one could ever expect you to spend your entire life being the good angel on her shoulder.”

Riley hadn’t realized just how much she needed to hear that; years of guilt washed away from her. “I’ve always felt like I abandoned her, but Zay and me, we had to do this.” She smiled, “Do I wish somethings had worked out a little differently, maybe, but I love my life, I love my job, I could never really be Riley if I spent my life keeping Maya out of trouble. I lost part of myself doing that once, I couldn’t imagine still doing that now.”

“I’m glad you found something that makes you happy.” Lucas confessed, catching the moonlight reflecting off her messy bun as he looked over to her.

“Are you happy, playing football? I always thought you would be a baseball star.”

Lucas sighed, “Football paid for college, and then I got drafted. I’ve made good money; I get to do stuff for the community. Is it the path I expected to take, not at all? Did I ever expect to be dancing with my first love on national TV, no.”

“Goes for me as well.” She chuckled, “You know once it’s revealed that we’re partners, how long do you think before our past is revealed?”

“Depends on who tweets during the show. If someone who remembers us as together from high school, maybe ten minutes. If not, maybe a day, if we’re lucky.”

“Well hopefully we’re lucky.” Riley breathed in the ocean air one last time, “You, bed.”

“Oh Riley, I thought you’d never ask.” He teased, watching her roll her eyes, “I get it, I need to sleep. I should call Farkle and get the picture taken down.”

“Let it stay up. Maya is probably selling a story about how you proposed right, the date, the restaurant, all of that, when you and I dance together tomorrow night, she’ll be scrambling, and you can get the truth out.”

“You think?”

“Yeah.” Riley told him as she clutched her cell phone in her hand. “Good night Lucas. We’ve got a big day tomorrow. America is either going to love us or hate us.”

“How could America not love you Riley?”

She shrugged as she went back into her room, “sweet dreams.” She called out before looking at the picture again. She pinched it open to enlarge the ring, exactly as she suspected. She looked back to make sure her door was closed before she dialed the number, she’d saved for years but hadn’t used since high school.

“The number you’re calling using a screening service, please say who you are and why you’re calling.”

“Riley Matthews for Farkle Minkus, I was just wondering why Maya was wearing his mothers ring in the photo announcing her engagement to Lucas.” She felt her stomach knot as she waited to see if the call connected, it didn’t.

She turned her ringer off, putting her phone on the charger before she went to take a shower.

***

Farkle Minkus often wondered why he went along with Maya’s schemes, her little teasers to the press. Lucas rarely spoke to him anymore because of them, and he had a feeling he wouldn’t speak to him anytime soon after the latest one.

How had Maya even figured out his Instagram login? Farkle hadn’t used it for anything more then charity promotions in ages. For a genius, he sure could be a dum-dum at times.

He was sitting on the balcony of his New York penthouse, the city alive below him while an odd sense of serenity surrounded him. No stars visible in the night sky, but he knew exactly where certain constellations were at any moment.

He was waiting for Lucas to call, asking for him to take the picture down. At least then he could explain he hadn’t willingly posted it. This was Maya looking for attention.

Lucas had stopped giving into these whims in college, perhaps being across the country had mad it easier. Maybe Farkle gave in because Maya was the only friend, he really had left. Riley and Zay had long gone so many years ago, Lucas became a big football star, Maya held on to him, while Smackle found her way to a new Biodome project in the south west.

When his phone rang from an unknown number, he tapped the screen call option. As the message came in, he couldn’t believe it. He sat in shock, holding his bourbon close to his lips but not drinking it, frozen and missing a chance to take the call.

His eyes scanned the transcription. Riley called him. She reached out because she knew Maya was lying.

Maybe it was possible these games would end. If Riley could tell from an Instagram picture, then the world had to know that Maya and Lucas weren’t a couple. Perhaps there was a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

He finally took a sip of his drink, starting to feel that perhaps a weight was being lifted off his shoulders he never intended to carry.

***

Lucas was oddly energized as he’d spent the last half an hour pacing in his trailer, waiting to be called to set to be ready to dance live on television. He’d ignored his phone all day after his morning call with his mother, it was the only way he could focus.

He stood backstage now, waiting for the cue, watching Zay dance on the monitor. His friend was amazing, he’d always known that. He had always had an idea that this might just be where Zay ended up, and he’d been right. Lucas had never anticipated Riley would be with him, not until the night he watched them dance at the talent show.

He shook away the memory as he watched Zay and Connie get their scores a six, seven, and another six. Not bad at all for the first night from what Zay had explained to him the other day. Lucas could only hope he and Riley did that well, but he believed they could.

The introduction package played as he and Riley took the stage, the lights down as the video showed their “first meeting” and the pep-talk he’d given her the day before.

“Lucas Friar and Riley!” The announcer declared before the music filled the soundstage, the lights went up and Lucas did every step Riley had taught him as best he could as they moved to the music. Each step she had drilled into him, his eyes on her as they danced to a song about love, while dressed in ridiculous high school themed costumes.

As the dance ended, he didn’t stumble this time, they twirled together before ending with a dip.

The audience applauded, at the very least they had impressed them. That was a good start. His heart was racing as they got feedback from the judges. Riley had told him to expect exactly what they were saying. She knew what his weakness was, and already zeroing in on it.

The scores came in, seven, seven, seven, the highest score of the night. Riley was hugging him as the hosts asked for viewers to cast their votes online.

“You did amazing Lucas, I’m proud of you. Tomorrow, we waltz!” She told him as they made their way off stage.

“Riley Matthews.” Sheryl was right behind them, her tone let Riley knew she had to stop.

“Yes, boss?”

“Why didn’t you tell me the two of you went to high school together?”

“We didn’t think it mattered to the show. We haven’t seen each other since Riley and Zay started touring.” Lucas answered.

“Besides, aren’t surprises more fun?” Riley chewed her lower lip.

Sheryl looked at the two of them, “And you didn’t want me to exploit that you were high school sweethearts, huh?”

“No comment.” Riley told her as they walked towards the dressing trailers, “Hey Sheryl, hope we’ve got good music next week.”

“I make no promises.” Sherly laughed as she watched them walk away, setting her eyes on Zay. If anyone knew the story, it would be him.

#Rucas Fanfic #Riley and Lucas #Riley Matthews #Lucas Friar #Girl Meets World #Girl Meets World Fanfic

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glitterytidalwavedragon · 4 years

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Where Has The Stories Been?

Hey all, just an story update. I know its been over a month since I posted anything to my Black Butler Story and I haven’t released a Kaiba one-shot in a while. SO, I am here to provide some updates on what’s going on.

The Devil’s Melody -

I completely hate the story. I know it sounds weird, when I was loving writing it not to long ago, but that was because I kept changing my mind over every little thing. I seriously could not keep my thoughts straight and I fucked up my own plot.

I rather admit this than have people go on reading it and wondering, when I have been mostly consistent, where I have been. Here are some issues I found myself having -

It was rushed. I wanted to have the story progress quickly to make way for the second part of my Kaiba story. I don’t really want to work on two stories at once, which had led to this one getting the worse of my skills.

The characters kept changing in the draft. I have 10 chapters of draft where I have lost track of what character is doing what as the story keeps changing.

Sebastian and reader interact is not the quality I want. I feel as if I rushed the reader into things.

It is not coming off natural. As a writer, I stick to a very close rule a published writer once told me. Write about what you know or things you are very passionate about that you know it well, I lost track of that and need to reel it back in.

The story won’t be much different, but will be much longer than intended as to keep the progress at a steady speed. I hope you all will stick with me on the story once it is changed for the better.

Seto Kaiba - Broke Piece Series

I have begun working on edits and rewrites of the chapters. I have the plot, I have the final 5 chapters and the first 3 written. This might seem weird but I need to know what the end goal is in all my writing.

To prepare for the squeal update, I have decided to go back and edit Guided Tour. This does mean the story is changing. I just want to correct any spelling errors and grammar.

With the release of the squeal coming soon I want any new readers and of course, the readers (you all) who wish to reread it to have a great experience. Expect Chapter 1 of the series to be posted soon along with the official release date.

One-shots and Headcannons -

Duel to the struggle with The Devil’s Melody, I had been feeling guilty about posting other work on tumblr besides art. I want to start uploading again, which is why we now have this post.

Thank you for your patience. I am now working on headcannons because I want to be happy when writing. (Although anything with Kaiba makes me perk up rather fast. With Sebastian... it makes me super thirsty.)

#fanfiction update #update #fanfiction #fanfic update #rewrite #working on it #seto kaiba #guided tour #sebastian michaelis #kuroshitsuji #black butler #life is hard #happy writer means happy readers #only want the best #here we go

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esepoimipullula · 3 years

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So, there’s this reply to that “do you ever read you friend’s writing and you wonder why they even put up with you” post, about how that’s an unhealthy attitude that will only hurt both you and your friend, even if you pass it off as a joke. About how you should try to better your writing because you love writing and it gives you joy and improving makes you feel proud, not because you keep comparing yourselves to others or because you’ve been told you can’t be too confident in your achievements and now think hating everything you create is the way to improve when it’s really just a way to both destroy your self-esteem and make creating unnecessarily difficult. And the thing is, I agree with it. The wording feels a bit harsh to me, but I’m kind of an oversensitive softie, and I suppose people do need a good kick in the pants once in a while. And I really do agree.

I think love is fundamental, and if you don’t love writing or what you write, you should either stop or take a good, long pause to figure out if you can love it, again or at all. I write because I love it. Or at least, I feel something close to love for it. I don’t really think about it. Sometimes a sentence, a description or a line of dialogue or a simile or anything else, pops into my mind out of the blue and I’m like either, “Oh, what is that? Who or what is it about? Where do is it lead me?” or “Yes, that’s it, hold that until a less ungodly hour/a moment when I’m free to try and do something with it or at the very least write it down.” Sometimes I’m watching or reading or doing something and my brain says, “Yeah, but you know what would be cool? If this thing happened to these characters!”, and the thing that should totally happen to the characters may or may not be related in any way to the thing I’m watching or reading or doing. And sometimes I have a sudden craving for a certain story or character or scene, or a want that has built up through years, but of course I know I won’t find any piece of fiction that fits my tastes exactly and precisely and because I don’t know any writers who happen to be mindreaders and I’m not about to become the kind of prompter who feeds the plot almost line by line to the unlucky writer their asking for a story, so in the end I go, “You know what? This is actually a very good idea and it’s a shame no one has written it yet so I’ll just do it myself!” And sometimes I feel frustrated or unsatisfied or irritated or even just a little too frantic and in too deep to actually feel any love or joy or anything else while I’m writing rather than when I take a step back to reread and edit what I’ve written, but I wouldn’t trade all those other “sometimes” I’ve just mentioned for anything in the world. And honestly, I wouldn’t do it even with these less pleasant “sometimes,” as much as I like to complain or joke or jokingly complain about them. Because they are all part of what makes me me and the idea of ever giving them up, even for some relative peace of mind, feels as absurd and unnecessary as the idea of consciously trying to change my tastes in food or music or fiction or jokes or pets --- I can only guess at where some things come from, so how would I even go about upturning or taking away things that feel almost more like instinct than anything else? And why would I ever wish to? And I don’t think I’ve never been in romantic love, I’m not even sure if I know how that’s really supposed to feel like or work out, but this is kind of love I know. The kind of love I feel for my family and my friends, who all have annoying, stupid habits because that’s what people do and I’m sure they find my habits annoying and stupid, too, and that’s fine, and the kind of love I feel for our cat, who yells at me when he’s hungry and scratches me when we play and bullies the neighbour’s overly friendly, peace-loving dog and does a lot other things that made me fear and wonder, “Oh, god, what if the novelty of having a cute little cat all for ourselves wears off after a while and we don’t want him anymore and we become one of those families that take in a pet and change its whole life only to immediately give it back and give it trust issues in the process because they’re not actually fit to have a pet” before we’d actually gotten him but now they’re just part of him and you’ll have to fistfight each and every one of us in a parking lot if you try and take him away from us. That’s the kind of love I have for writing, and even if it’s not always joy, and sometimes it’s annyoing or irritating or no more pleasant than merely, simply breathing, what does the unpleasantness or the lack of enthusiasm really matter? Nothing, or at least, very little. It’s my love, I can only guess where it really comes from, it’s always with me and I can’t imagine it ever going away, and you can fight me in the aforementioned parking lot.

And I think it’s this love that allows me to... not quite be carefree about my writing, but something a bit like that. What do comments and reviews and kudos matter, if my love expresses itself through fandoms most people don’t even think can be considered as fandoms or themes nobody but me thinks or cares about? Sure, validation and compliments and people genuinely enjoying what I create make me feel great and may even warm my heart, depending on how much thought and effort I put into a particular work or how long I’ve wished to be able to find other people interested in a certain fandom, but they’re not my reason for writing or even something I really need -- I’ll keep doing my thing whether I get a hundred kudos and fifty comments or only three views. I did use to compare myself unfavorably to other writers and despair over all the ways I found myself inferior and lacking, but then I realized... what good is wishing I could be as good as someone else, or even someone else altogether, if my writing is part of me, stems from who I am? What influence on me could another writer’s success and the methods and techniques used to reach that success even have? I should strive to satify myself while doing what I want, to become as good as I can be according to my standards and through the methods and techniques that work for me. I can take what I like and analyse it and try to make it mine and incorporate it in my style and my ideas, there’s nothing wrong with that and it’s a good way to broaden my horizons and challenge myself and improve my work and love writing even more, but in the end, I can’t be anyone but myself --- and I may have lots of flaws, but in the end, there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with that. Actually, there is some joy, and even pride, in that. And so, I reread my old works and see them with new, more charitable eyes, remembering the fun and the satisfaction and the need to write precisely that specific thing, pushing aside the old doubts that gave me nothing but endless nitpicking and rewriting and saying, “You know? Maybe my use of em dashes wasn’t actually as overbearing and cringy as I thought, maybe I should start using them a bit more freely again.” I reread my new works and tell myself, “Fuck it, of course I enjoy this and I am actually a bit proud of it, I wrote it for myself, according to my own tastes and following my own inspiration and putting as much effort and care into it as I thought it needed!”

I still have doubts and fears like everyone else, but they’re more along the lines of, “I know I can write better than this, so why am I not doing it right now? What is the problem here?!” or “I love and care and believe so much in this idea and I want to be good enough to do it justice and make sure it’ll make me feel perfectly satisifed and proud with the final result”, than “Everybody is doing the thing I feel is my thing better than me” or “I’ll never be this other writer I admire.” My writing blocks are usually more about getting stuck in the middle of a work while struggling to find the right words to put the exact feelings and actions I have in my mind on the page precisely as I’ve imagined them (”No, thats not it! There’s something missing and I can’t go on until I find out what it is! The words here don’t sound right!”), or struggling to find the Right Words to start a new project at all because I still have to work on internalizing that perfectionism is the enemy and a first draft is meant to be changed and corrected and maybe even kind of suck even if rationally I understand both concepts, or having Something Big in mind but knowing I usually just follow the flow of my ideas until it dries up and feeling my best works really come from truly getting lost into it and then worrying about how difficult Building An Actual Plot Like A Rational Person will be, or having scenes or even whole stories feels just so complete in my head that laboring to get them out of it feels like doing the same exact work twice for nothing (which isn’t true, but tell it to my brain), or just... not being able to start or go on or even end even if I have everything from ideas to motivation ro the right, relaxed but willing and driven state of mind, for some reason. Or, like, utterly dumb stuff like, “This paragraph will only make me feel good if I manage to get the lines to align in this specific way without changing the meaning or ruining the tone and atmosphere, so I will now modify it four or five times until I get it right even if I know this doesn’t make any sense.”

Except... there’s this friend. Her writing is the kind that uses a scant amount of sharp, essential words to tell whole worlds made of unsaid things, so soft they make you feel like you’re inside a dream or so harsh they're like a punch in the gut but always so clever and full that you always feel you’re always missing somthing, you just aren’t smart enough to figure it out. I have to make a conscious effort not to compare them to my works, because then mine feel overwrought and overdramatic, childish and naive.

And I know, believe me I know, that despite how much of yourself ends up in your writing, despite how much your writing can be a part of yourself, skill as a writer is not synonymous with worth as a person. You can be a good and/or succesful writer and be a complete shithead, and thinks like kindness and open-mindedness will always be fundamentally more important than the ability to string words together in a pleasing manner. But she’s kind (perhaps kinder than I deserve, because I know sometimes I can be a real dick), and open-minded, and sweet in her own way, and brave, and confident, and so smart and cultured, and sharp, and funny, and interesting, and she seems to understand people a lot better than I do. And even when we’re just chatting, I’m not always sure I understand every layer to everything she says, I’m not sure I can keep up with her wit and her mind. The confidence I feel while writing evaporates and I feel slow and shallow and boring and dumb and wonder why she puts up with me, how she hasn’t realised she could be talking to her people more like her yet.

The worst thing is, it’s not even her doing anything to make me feel like this and I know it too well. I don’t even think she knows, and I hope she never finds out. She’s not just kind to me, but affectionate and supportive, and in a honest and genuine way, and I know it’s irrational and stupid to think I might have tricked her into behaving like that with me, or that she’s not being sincere, or that she just doesn’t care enough to take a good look at me and find out what my brain thinks is the truth. I know it would be hurtful and ungrateful to tell her.

I also know she’s not perfect, because no one is. She has her flaws, too, and sometimes she says things that make me roll my eyes or sigh in frustration. There are some things I know more about than her, too. And we don’t even live near each other so I’ve never even met her in person, so I know if that happened at one point, I’d probably find out a bunch of annoying things about her.

But when she compliments my writing, sometimes my brain either shortcircuits for a moment or starts coming up with all kinds of bullshit like, “She’s just saying that because you’re friends and she’s a very supportive person. You’re pretty much the only one writing for this ship, so this is more like when you’re desperate enough to run fics in Russian and Chinese through Google Translate and you still leave kudos even though half of it came out as gibberish. It’s like when you read something you know is actually not well-written or well-plotted at all just for a certain specific character or trope in it, she’s just the type who doesn’t believe in guilty pleasures. She’s using a very happy and pleased tone but that doesn’t mean anything on the internet, almost everything here is hyperbole anyway so her actual reaction must have been a lot more lukewarm.” And when she writes to me or says she enjoys talking to me, sometimes my brain will go, “That’s great and I appreciate it! ... but seriously, why.”

*sigh* I guess that’s another thing I’ll have to try and work on this year. Being more open about what I feel -- at least on a sideblog read by only *checks* fourteen people, none of whom are the friend in question or any friends we have in common or any of my regular internet friends at all -- instead of keeping everything bottled up inside at all times is another one, apparently. Let’s see if it’ll really make me feel lighter.

#personal #rant #please don't reblog #might delete later

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