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leela-small · 1 year

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Crimson and Clover

Chapter 4

Two important notes for this chapter:

1. When there’s no indication of the grade the characters are in at the beginning of the chapter, that means it still takes place during the grade in which the previous chapter took place — case in point, this chapter

2. I’ve written the last two chapters from Kenny's perspective, and since I want divide the chapters’ perspectives evenly between Butters and Kenny, I’m going to split this chapter into two parts — this first one being in Kenny’s perspective and the next one in Butters’

With that out of the way, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, which I’ve lovingly entitled “Boys Will Be Boys” 😅

Continue reading on AO3 or under the cut

“Thank you all for coming.”

Kenny stood confidently in front of Stan, Kyle and Cartman, offering his childhood friends a smug grin. The three boys sat on the couch, a generous variety of assorted snacks and drinks having been presented to them on the coffee table which stood between them and the blond. They all displayed confused expressions on their faces; except for Kyle, who just looked mildly annoyed.

“This is my house.” the ginger stated, watching from the corner of his eye as Cartman unceremoniously reached for a bag of Doritos. “You invited yourself over, asked me to put out snacks and said we all needed to be here because it was a matter of life and death.”

“First off, thank you for the much needed exposition, Captain Obvious.” Kenny retorted sarcastically. “Secondly, it is a matter of life and death! I wouldn’t have asked you to be here if I wasn't.”

“This oughta be good.” Cartman scoffed as he ripped-open the plastic bag in his hands and proceeded to stuff his mouth with tortilla chips. “What, do you need us to help you bury a dead body or something?”

“Well…”

“Because if you do, I know a couple of places where nobody will look.” he leaned forward and used his now dust-covered fingers to count as he listed the possibilities. “There’s the far end of the playground, the empty shed behind the school that everyone says is haunted, that spot in the woods where that one chick died —”

“No, I’m not trying to hide a dead body!” Kenny exclaimed, choosing to question him on how he knew about such precise locations some other time. “I’m not a psycho like you, fat-ass!”

“Fuck you, gutter whore! At least I know how to get myself out of a bind.” Cartman huffed and refocused his attention on his Doritos. “If it’s not a dead body, it better be something just as good.”

“It is, I promise!” Kenny took a deep breath, suddenly feeling anxious about disclosing such a delicate subject to his friends. “I need your help to… ask someone out.”

An almost unbearable silence fell upon the Broflovski living room, the boys’ eyes wide as they seemingly tried to process what they had just heard. Even Cartman stopped eating, the half-chewed snacks now lying motionless inside his mouth.

Kenny was beyond nervous. He had known those three since kindergarten. They were like brothers to him, sometimes more than his actual brother. Yet he had never come to them with such a request, so as much as he trusted them, he also feared their reaction.

Nobody moved and not a sound was heard for what felt like an eternity. When the silence was finally broken, it was with the sound of Cartman’s corduroy pants sliding against the Broflovskis’ leather couch as he stood up.

“That’s it, I’m out!” he declared as he began walking towards the door, the half-empty bag of Doritos still firmly in his clutches.

“Oh no, you don’t! If I have to sit through this, then so do you!” said Kyle as he quickly grabbed Cartman’s arm and forced him to sit back down.

“The hell I do! I don’t want to hear his plans to get into someone’s pants!” Cartman protested, jerking a thumb in Kenny’s direction. “Don’t you think I get enough of that at home?”

“Trust me, I don’t need any help from you in that department.” Kenny declared in a sly manner. “The thing is, believe it or not, this isn’t about sex. I think I actually want a decent relationship this time.”

“Oh yeah, like we haven’t heard that one before.” Stan rolled his eyes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That’s the exact same thing you said about Bebe.” Cartman pointed out.

“And that Portuguese exchange student we had last year.” Kyle added.

“And Henrietta.” Stan chimed in.

As his friends erupted in a collective groan at the mere mention of that name, Kenny couldn’t keep his lips from curling into a smile at that memory. He could still recall the day a few months ago, when the goth girl approached him saying she wanted to ‘experience the pleasures of the flesh’ and requested his aid in doing so. What followed had been undoubtedly the best month of Kenny’s life, one he still reminisced about occasionally.

“Not gonna lie, that was the best sex I’ve ever had. You haven’t experienced true bliss until you’ve fallen asleep on a pair of plump double Ds.” he sighed fondly, eliciting another groan from his friends. “But that’s just it. Those relationships were just physical. They started with sex and when I thought I could work them into the real thing, it didn’t work out. But this time I want to start the other way around and give it a shot for real.”

“Wow, I’m impressed.” Kyle chuckled. “The notorious Kenny McCormick, biggest player in all of South Park, looking for something other than sex. You must be trying to impress someone really great.”

“Who is this mystery love interest of yours, anyway?” Stan inquired. “Do we know them?”

“Probably someone with massive knockers or a huge dick.” Cartman snorted before stuffing his face with more Doritos.

“Actually…” Kenny took another breath and scratched his arm, impressed at himself by how coy he was acting. “...it’s Butters.”

Another moment of deafening silence befell the four amigos. Kenny’s companions stared at him in bewilderment, with Cartman’s jaw actually falling open and some of the contents of his mouth spilling onto the carpeted floor.

This time, it was Kyle who broke the silence.

“HA! Suck it, fat-ass!” he exclaimed as he turned to Cartman with a wide grin. “You owe me twenty bucks!”

“Wait, what?” Kenny asked, feeling beyond confused at the redhead’s statement.

“A while ago, Cartman said Butters would never be in a relationship, claiming he was too unlovable. We argued about it and it escalated to the point that he said not even you would date him.” Kyle pointed a finger at the blond as he made his case. “So we decided to bet on it. And I won!”

“For fuck’s sake, Kenny… Butters ?!” Cartman spat, his expression a mixture of anger and disgust. “And here I thought you had at least a teeny-tiny bit of self-respect.”

“OK, you better shut your fucking mouth before I do it for you.” Kenny threatened the brunet, although he forced himself to keep smiling. “I’ll have you know that Butters is a great guy and that he should have hordes of suitors knocking at his door.”

“Sheesh, listen to Daenerys Targaryen, over here.” Cartman grumbled derisively.

“Hell, I’ll be lucky if he even says yes when I ask him out, but I want it to be perfect. That's why I need your help. I’ve never asked anyone out before, so I need some advice.”

“Yeah, right. Like I’d share my foolproof babe-luring tips with you.” Cartman sneered before shoving another handful of tortilla chips into his mouth.

“Cartman, I wouldn’t ask you for dating advice if my life depended on it.” Kenny deadpanned. “I only asked you to be here because I knew you’d be a pain in the ass if you happened to find out I included Stan and Kyle and didn’t invite you, and I really didn’t want to hear bitch and whine about that at school next week. To this day I don’t know how you brainwashed Heidi into becoming your girlfriend back in the fourth grade, but for the other girls’ sake I’m glad she was the first and last girl you’ve dated.”

The blond reveled in the look of sheer outrage Cartman expressed, his face reddening at an alarming rate while Stan and Kyle sniggered beside him, the latter having to cover his mouth with both hands to keep himself from exploding into full-on laughter. Kenny swallowed his own urge to laugh at his friend and kept talking before the brunet had the chance to start yelling at him.

“Anyway… Stan!” he called out as he turned his attention to the aforementioned boy. “You have some experience in this field. How did you ask Wendy out?”

“You mean seven years ago? Dude, that wasn’t even me. She was the one who asked me out. I was such a nervous wreck that I ralphed whenever I looked at her, remember?” the boy in the poofball hat winced at the memory as he reached forward and grabbed a bottle of Mountain Dew off the coffee table. “Plus, we were basically babies back then. She literally decided we would be boyfriend and girlfriend from then on, and that was it. I’m pretty sure you can’t do that now.”

“Fair enough. Remind me to congratulate Wendy for having bigger balls than you the next time I see her.” he teased before turning to his next target. “Kyle!”

“Dude, you’re barking up the wrong tree.” the ginger retorted. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been pretty much single since I was born.”

“I know, but that might change soon, so I need to ask…” Kenny paused briefly, grinning from ear to ear. “How are you planning to ask Stan out?”

“WHAT?!” Kyle shouted, his eyes wide in utter disbelief, while Stan coughed and desperately tried to catch his breath, having choked on his drink mid-gulp, and Cartman laughed at the top of his lungs.

“What?” the blond asked innocently, deep down very proud of the chaos he wreaked. “We’ve already established that Stan doesn’t have the balls to ask anyone out, so I figured you’d be the one to take your relationship to the next level.”

“We are not taking our relationship to the next level! We don’t even like each other that way!” Kyle exclaimed, his cheeks so flushed that they rivaled the color of his curly locks. “Why the fuck would you just assume that?!”

“Oh please, you two have been trying to get into each other’s pants for years.” Cartman sniggered. “You’d have to be blind not to see it.”

“No, that’s not true! We’re just friends!”

“Denial isn’t just another state in the union, Kyle.”

“‘A river in Egypt’, shit-for-brains.”

“Tomato, tomahto.”

“Guys, guys, as compelling as this exchange is, we’re getting off topic. Apparently Kyle doesn’t want to share his strategy for sweeping Stan off his feet, so we’re going to have to do some brainstorming.” Kenny intervened, failing to keep his shit-eating grin from growing as the frown on the redhead’s face deepened. “Any ideas? Seriously, I’ll take just about anything at this point.”

“Well, obviously you’ve had to do something to initiate your previous relationships, even if they ended up just being physical.” Stan spoke after finally managing to catch his breath, clearly desperate to change the topic. “Why don’t you just do that?”

“I am not sending Butters a dick pic.” Kenny huffed and crossed his arms. “That would just send the wrong message, and like I said, I want to do this right . Besides, even if I wanted to, I can’t. I don’t have a phone anymore. Karen lost hers, so I gave her mine.”

“I hope, for her sake, that you wiped that thing thoroughly.” Kyle grimaced.

“This conversation is making me nauseous.” Cartman protested, ironically still stuffing his mouth with Doritos. “I really don’t get what you see in Butters. He’s such a fucking loser. He’s a whinny lil’ wimp with daddy issues and zero game. You could literally throw a rock out the window and it would hit someone a thousand times better.”

“I don’t remember asking for your opinion, Eric .” Kenny growled, feeling his blood boil inside his veins and his patience nearing its limit. “And you couldn’t be more wrong. Butters is a wonderful person! I’d say he’s much better than you, but that would be a dull comparison. He’s kind and sweet and always puts other people’s needs before his own. Plus, he’s fucking gorgeous, and don’t you dare say otherwise! Butters is basically perfect in every shape and form, and I will not stand here and let you insult him!”

Kenny was virtually breathless when he finished his impromptu speech, panting lightly as he watched his friends silently stare at him with widened eyes. He wasn’t sure if they were surprised by his sincerity or the fact that that had been the most they had ever heard him speak.

“Gay.” said Cartman after a few seconds of silence.

“Joke’s on you, I consider that a compliment.” Kenny replied, crossing his arms and smirking at him. “So thank you.”

“Wow, Kenny. I honestly never thought I’d hear you speak that way about another person.” Kyle commented, his expression one of pride for his friend.

“And I mean every word of it. Butters is just that great.” he sighed. “He’s a constant ray of sunshine on my otherwise dreary life. He makes me want to be a better person just by being around him.”

“Gay, gay, homosexual, gay.” Cartman reiterated in a sing-song fashion.

“Besides, if this all goes according to plan, I wouldn’t be opposed to getting a taste of his ‘buttercream’.” the blond added, finishing with one of his signature grins.

The three boys before him groaned in unison once more. Kenny knew that was supposed to be a wholesome moment, but he just couldn’t resist. Teasing his friends with his overactive libido was one of his favorite pastimes.

“Sick, dude!” Kyle complained, his face contorted in disgust. “I didn’t need to hear that!”

“You’re just bummed because you haven’t had the chance to taste Stan’s ‘crème fraîche’.” Cartman chaffed, earning him a swift slap over the back of the head from the ginger. “‘Ey!”

“TMI aside, why don’t you just tell him exactly what you just told us? Pour your heart out to him.” Kyle suggested.

“I don’t know…” Kenny muttered in uncertainty. “Won’t I be coming off a bit too strong?”

“Yes.” said both Stan and Cartman.

“You tell him all that lovey-dovey shit and I guarantee he’ll make a run for it.” Cartman explained.

“No, he won’t.” Kyle rebutted. “You know Butters loves that kind of stuff.”

“Maybe so, but it’ll still spook him.”

“OK, this is dragging on way too long. Does anyone have any useful advice, at all?” Kenny asked before another heated argument between the brunet and the redhead could break out.

“Not really.” Stan shrugged.

“I’ve already said my peace, you do with it as you please.” stated Kyle.

“I don’t really give a shit.” Cartman grumbled as he resumed consuming his near-empty bag of Doritos.

“I feared this would happen.” Kenny sighed in defeat. “Looks like I have no other choice than to go to the professionals.”

“The professionals?” Kyle inquired, cocking a brow in intrigue.

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“I don’t know what to tell you, man.” said Craig in his usual nasal monotone. “I’m honestly still trying to figure out how I did it myself.”

Kenny buried his face in his hands, muffling a groan as his frustration got the best of him. He was absolutely certain that, if there was anyone who had some sure-fire, foolproof advice on asking people out, it had to be Craig. He and Tweek had been going strong for seven years, putting any other couple at school to shame. The two were virtually inseparable, always seen roaming the hallways hand in hand and hanging out outside of school whenever possible — case in point, that very afternoon.

When Kenny looked up, he was met with the stare of two very different pairs of irises, eyeing him in deep concern. Well, Tweek looked concerned; Craig just looked annoyed, although his unwavering neutral expression made his emotional state very hard to read. It really got on his nerves sometimes.

Still, he really couldn’t blame Craig for being displeased with his presence. He was, technically, crashing their date. When Kenny rang the doorbell of the Tucker residence, being greeted by the ever so lovely Mrs. Tucker and escorted into the living room, he had expected Craig to be alone. Instead, he was greeted by the admittedly adorable sight of him and Tweek curled up on the couch watching a movie. His first instinct, after overcoming the wave of awkwardness that washed over him, had been to leave, but his gut decided against it. He was on a mission, and quite frankly very desperate for any sort of guidance at that point, so he wasn’t going to be deterred so easily.

“How the hell can you not know?” Kenny asked, trying his best to hide his growing anxiety. “You guys have been together since the fourth grade. You had to have done something !”

“Dude, you were there, how can you not remember? Those Asian girls made us a couple on the spot and we just rolled with it.” Craig sighed, gently propping his chin on Tweek’s head. “After that, everything just fell into place. I don’t know how it happened, but I’m glad it did.”

Tweek smiled up at his boyfriend, obviously touched by his words. Kenny wanted to be grossed out by such a sickeningly sweet statement from the boy in the blue chullo, but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t found it endearing. He tore his gaze away from them as he immersed himself in his thoughts, choosing to stare at the TV. The paused scene from The Princess Bride — one of Tweek’s comfort movies, Craig had once mentioned — in which Princess Buttercup rolled down the hill after Westley almost seemed to be mocking him. Why couldn't life be as easy as a fairy tale?

“I really don’t think it matters what you say to him.” Craig spoke up after a moment, causing Kenny to whip his head back around to face him. “You could wink in his general direction and he would be putty in your hands. He basically worships the ground you walk on. You know he pays more attention to you during Calculus than to the teacher?”

“Wait, really?” Kenny’s eyes widened. “How do you know?”

“I have a reliable source.” he looked down at Tweek, who just so happened to attend the same AP Calculus class as Kenny and Butters. “He keeps glancing in your direction with the dopiest look on his face when he thinks no one’s watching. Clearly he should reevaluate his strategy.”

Kenny was in awe at this newfound information. He knew Butters had a crush on him, but if Craig’s word was to be trusted, his feelings towards him were a lot more profound. He couldn’t help but feel flattered at this knowledge, his heart rate picking up and his cheeks flushing ever so slightly.

“I mean, that’s great to know and all, but I still haven’t got a clue about how the fuck I should ask him out.” Kenny grumbled, sinking against the couch. “You really don’t have any decent ideas in that big ol’ noggin of yours, Tucker?”

“None worth a shot, no.” Craig replied, absentmindedly playing with the TV remote. “Just make sure you do it in private, though. I’m pretty sure Butters will get naked and throw himself at you as soon as you finish speaking, so you might want to avoid asking him out in the middle of the school hallway.”

“Alright, that’s enough from both of you!” Tweek suddenly spoke up, startling the other two boys. “Honestly Craig, I love you, but sometimes you can — ngh — you can be a real bonehead when it comes to romance.”

The disheveled blond sat up from his spot between Craig’s legs to look Kenny dead in the eyes, taking a deep breath before continuing.

“Kenny, let me give you some actual advice. It's not about what you say, it’s about how you say it. Craig was right when he said it will — hrk — it will hardly matter what you tell Butters when you ask him out, but it needs to come from the heart. You need to make him understand how you truly feel towards him. You don’t even have to make some — ugh — some grand speech listing all the things you love about him, it could very well just be a small and simple gesture, as long as it’s meaningful and there’s love behind it. Look deep within yourself and figure — ngh — figure out the best way to reach Butters’ heart. That’s all you need to do.”

Kenny and Craig were at a loss for words, Kenny especially because he had never heard such an eloquent and thought-out speech come from Tweek. Craig had confided in him a while ago that Tweek had been seeing a therapist who had been helping him overcome his anxiety and slowly wean him off caffeine. He had mentioned it had been a long and arduous procedure, during which he never left Tweek’s side and tended to his every need. It was extremely rare for someone as reserved as Craig Tucker to open up like he did that day, but Kenny could tell he really needed to talk to someone about it, and he just happened to be nearby. Kenny had noticed Tweek seemed a lot less twitchy, but he had never seen the results of his therapy first-hand until that very moment. And he had to admit, he was impressed.

“I wouldn’t have put it better myself, babe.” Craig commented, smiling at his boyfriend.

“Precisely my point.” Tweek huffed in mock annoyance, leaning back down against Craig’s chest and crossing his arms.

Truth be told, that was the best advice Kenny had gotten all afternoon. His brain was already swimming with ideas and potential scenarios in which he could put Tweek’s advice into action. All he needed now was to find a good opportunity to talk to Butters alone.

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud and very obnoxious ringtone. Craig reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell, giving it a weird look before sliding his finger across the screen.

“Hello?” he said as he brought the device up to his ear.

Kenny could hear someone speaking loudly on the other end, causing Craig to furrow his brow. After a few seconds of merely listening, Craig tore the phone away from his head and extended it in his direction.

“It’s for you.” he declared, his tone laced with a hint of disgust.

Kenny accepted the device, confused about who could possibly have called Craig just to talk to him.

“Go for McCormick.” he spoke into the phone in his most confident tone.

“Kenny, you good-for-nothing hoebag!” Cartman’s blaring voice pierced right through Kenny’s eardrum, making him flinch. “I don’t know why the fuck I’m helping you, but don’t you dare say I’ve never done anything for you! Butters called me and said he wants you to meet him at Stark’s Pond in half an hour, so you better get your ass down there. And get yourself a goddamn phone! I’m not your fucking secretary!”

The line went silent as Cartman abruptly hung up. Kenny’s ears were still ringing, but he couldn’t care less. His grin grew and a new sense of purpose filled him to the brim. Unbeknownst to him, Cartman had just given him the best news he could’ve gotten.

“If you’ll excuse me, gents.” he said as he tossed the phone back into Craig’s hands and stood up from the couch, placing his hands on his hips and flashing the couple his brightest, most confident smile. “I have a date with destiny.”

“You’re already trading Butters for a stripper? That’s disappointing.” Craig teased, earning a playful swat from his boyfriend.

“Good luck.” said Tweek, smiling encouragingly up at him. “Say hi to Butters for me.”

After a quick round of goodbyes to Craig, Tweek and Mrs. Tucker, who was busy in the kitchen but nonetheless insisted on walking him out after he popped in to announce he would be leaving, Kenny stepped out of the Tucker residence into the chilly South Park air, which suddenly seemed to smell a whole lot sweeter.

There was a pep in his step as he made his way down the street towards Stark’s Pond, his heartbeat rattling against his ribcage in a steadily increasing rhythm. Tweek’s advice replayed in his head as he walked. He still wasn’t one hundred percent certain about what he would say — or rather, how he would say it. Kenny wanted the moment to be perfect, something they could both remember for years to come. He needed to do something that would blow Butters away and show him just how serious he was about their future relationship. Tweek mentioned sometimes all it took was a small gesture, as long as it was meaningful and helped him understand how he felt towards him.

Suddenly, Kenny stopped dead in his tracks. He remembered something; something he hadn’t thought about in years. Something that, at the time, had meant the world to him. Something that… could just work…

Then, as quickly as he came to a halt, he turned around and bolted back up the street towards his house. He had figured out the perfect way to ask Butters out, but he needed to go get something first.

#Fanfiction #South Park #Kenny McCormick #Stan Marsh #Kyle Broflovski #Eric Cartman #Craig Tucker #Tweek Tweak #SP Bunny #SP Creek

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kenvais · 3 years

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names for the white ones 😋

@katsdni

𝐀

albino monkey

albedo

absence of color

arctic menace

alabaster geckos

albino skinwalker

ashewo

ash crickets

amebo

aje

ashiere

arindin

apoda

𝐁

baby powder

baking soda slugs

beach flamingos

birch trees

borax bites

bleached cheezits

bird caca

blanco bullies

bleached flip flops

baboons without fur

bland baboons

bleach demons

blizzard bliss

blancs

bone thugs

borax bats

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cauliflower conquerers

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chrome startup screen

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casper crickets

condensation calamities

chewed spearmint gum

coleslaw

columbus cadets

cave dwellers

chalk children

chalk chihuahuas

chalk chimps

ceiling fan

cloudy with a chance of colonization

children of the chalk

clear people

cultureless neanderthals

cum stain

cum skinned goblins

cigarette buds

cocaine monkey

coconut cocoos

coconut shavings

cornstarch crusaders

cotton ball flies

cotton swabs

cumstaint colonizers

colonizer

colombochauns

colourless cockroaches

corn starch

cousin lovers

cream cheese

cream confederate

crystal methamphetamine powdered iguanas

christopher columbus stans

casper the ghost

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cement walls

cloud chompers

cheese curds

clorox conquerors

cherry gatorade

crest extreme whitening toothpaste

culture vultures

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chlorine community

𝐃

dandruff clumps

discord light mode

death eaters

discharge doritos

discharge snow drop

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discharge stains

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dandruff flakes

dove soap

default paint

deodorant stain

dog daters

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dry chicken munchers

dry wall

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dutch dummies

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enemy of the sun

elmers glue

elbow ash

eggplant without the skin

eqinsu ocha

expired cheese

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feta cheese folks

flavourless oatmeal

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flashback mary

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greek yogurt

garlic goblin

ghost thugs

gora (horse in Hindu)

grandpa’s pubes

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hueless crayons

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high spf sun factor 50/50

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ice chimp

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infecting wipes

iphone chargers

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ivory individuals

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inkless markers

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jeff the killers

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jar of mayo

jackie crackies

jelly babies with too much powder

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keeho’s white wall

ku klux karen

ku klux kleenex

kleenex klumps

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la llorona

lice attractors

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light mayonnaise

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livestock

low fat milks

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marshmallow fellows

maggots

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milk crickets

milk man

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modge podge

minecraft ghast

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mayo packets

mayo monkeys

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melaninly challenged

mosquito larvae

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no seasoning seagulls

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oyinbo

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obun

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palm coloured ones

paperback

paper people

people of colonial complexion

people of no colour

pillsbury dough boys

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pigment challenged beast

pink africans

powdered donuts

popcorn ceiling

powder rangers

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porcelain possums

poorly powdered doughnuts

printer paper

plain toast

polar bears

privileged primates

pwc(people without color)

peeled chicken nuggets

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q-tips

quails without color

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rabies foam

ranch guzzlers

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ranch raccoons

ranch rats

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rice rats

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salt rocks

saltine cracka

salt shaker

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seasonably challenged people

sentient snowmen

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silentos silencers

snow apes

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snicker lickers

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silverfish mutations

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sun poisoned serpents

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table salt tammies

teabag trespassers

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tighty whitey

toilet paper travellers

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translucent powder

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useless crayon

uncoloured orangutan

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untitled document

undeveloped sperm

unedited google docs

unseasoned chicken

unused pad

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vanilla pudding cups

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walking recessive genes

wiggerely wiggers

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white board

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wet dogs

walking dandruff

white trash

wannabe pocs

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wonder bread

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xanax blocks

xenophobic xylophones

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y'allternatives / y'allts

yogurts yodellers

yeast yeti

yeast yodellers

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zebra lacking stripes

zit insides

#chats.#<3

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mollygetssherlockcoffee · 3 years

Text

For You

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: Y/N waits all night for Spencer to come home

Warnings: Angst... maybe swearing, but I honestly can’t remember

Words: 2,451

A/N: My LPC and Masters are kicking my ass... I hate it here :)))))))

PART TWO HERE PART THREE HERE

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Shoving the last Dorito in your mouth, you leaned off the couch to grabbing your phone from the coffee table. Your thumb swiped across the screen to accept the call. Muting the TV, you sat up and put the call on speaker, smiling as you heard his voice.

“Hey, Y/N/N” Your boyfriend of three years greeted you.

“Spencer” you smiled into the phone, more than happy to hear from him. “I didn’t speak to you yesterday, I missed you.”

“Yeah, sorry, we caught a break in the case” he apologises. “Did you know, only ten-point-seven percent of murders are committed by women, who tend to kill for reasons such as personal gain or jealousy. Our unsub actually went against the statistic.”

“So, you caught them then?” you asked, biting your lip to conceal your hope.

“Yeah, yeah, we did!” he confirmed, and you were sure that he was nodding. “We’re at the station at the moment but we should be leaving soon. I’ll be home around-” There’s a moment of pause while you assume he looks at his watch. “Around seven, seven-thirty. Definitely no later than eight.”

“Oh, Spencer, that’s great!” you grinned, standing up from the couch. “This week has dragged by without you.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon” he assures you. “I have to go though, there a bit of paperwork that needs to be finished before we can leave.” “Okay, no worries. I love you, bye” you say.

“See you soon, love you” he hangs up.

You turned of the TV and quickly got to work cleaning the apartment. It wasn’t dirty, not really, but your breakfast dishes were in the sink and you didn’t take the trash out last night. You had also neglected putting away the laundry and had thrown your coat and bag over the back of a chair, rather than hang them up.

Coming home to an empty apartment had demotivated you this week, making you not bother to keep up with the little things. Though you always missed Spencer when he was away on cases, this week had been especially trying.

You hung your coat up, moving your keys into the little bowl by the door. The laundry was seen to next, the tops separated and hung up while the pants were neatly folded and placed in the draws. Plates were quickly cleaned and dried, put into their place. You wiped down the sides, brushing the crumbs into the bin before quickly running the trash out.

Coming back into the apartment, you washed your hands before moving to the fridge. Having only went shopping a few days ago, it was still well stocked, and it had all the ingredients for Spencer’s favourite meal.

You had grown up with a dad who loved to cook, who had wanted to be a chef. Due to his severe eczema, which he used to tell he had to be ‘wrapped up like a mummy’ for, he was unable to pursue his passion. As such, he had cooked delicious meals at home for you and your mom, passing on recipes and filling you with a passion for food.

Cooking was something you found relaxing. You knew enough recipes by heart to not follow a recipe, but, instead, a pattern within your mind. You could cook your favourite dish without the need to measure herbs or spices, mind zoned out while you prepared the ingredients.

When you had began dating Spencer, he was basically living on coffee with the occasional take-out. Within two months of your relationship, his freezer was fully stocked with frozen home-cooked meals. While his slim physique remained, he did gain a healthy amount of weigh and appeared to look healthier.

It hadn’t taken you long to find out that his favourite was a slow roasted rack of lamb, with rosemary roasted potatoes, butter roasted carrots, broccoli, peas and mash potatoes. You had served the roast lamb at Easter, where Spencer proceeded to spend nearly thirty minutes telling you about the origin of eating lamb at Easter.

“It’s actually related to the Jewish Passover, from when the Egyptians painted lamb’s blood on doors during the plagues of Egypt. When some Jewish people converted, they caried on the tradition. In fact, in Christianity, Jesus…”

Coming from a diverse background (various religions were practiced in your family, some married and converted, others converted, an adopted cousin kept practicing his religion, thus you celebrated many different religions) you knew the some of what he was saying. However, you loved to hear Spencer talk.

Spencer could talk about anything and you would listen. You loved to hear his voice; the way his voice became higher when he got excited. You liked to lean back against the couch, your feet in his lap as he read to you. His voice lulled you into a calm and relaxed state, it put your mind at peace and made everything seem right in the world.

You cleaned the lamb, patting it dry with paper towels become setting it on the chopping board. You trimmed the fat, leaving only a small layer which would cook and add flavour to the meet. Pouring a tablespoon of oil into your hands, you gently rub it into the lamb before adding the spices, careful not to overwork the meat.

The meat was transferred into a dish before moved into the hot oven.

You then moved onto the vegetables. You coated par-boiled potatoes with oil, salt, pepper and rosemary become adding them to the oven. Carrots were peeled and cut, put into a tin-foil bowl with a teaspoon of butter and a sprinkle of sugar. Folding the tin-foil closed, you slid that into the oven too.

Potatoes were peeled, chopped and put on to boil. You cut the broccoli into smaller pieces and add them to a pot and put them onto boil too. Peas remained in a saucepan, covered in water, but you would turn them on in a little while.

You grabbed the latest Doctor Who DVD that Spencer had brought the week previous. You put the first disk into the DVD player and set the box beside the TV. Leaving the screen on the menu page, you left the room and went for a shower.

You looked at the clock again.

20:37

You sighed and looked down at your food which was damn near cold. Your stomach rumbled and you picked up your fork. You weren’t going to wait any longer. While the food is delicious, you don’t enjoy it. You don’t focus on the flavours as you chew and swallow, your mind focused on your thoughts.

Where was Spencer?

You had called his phone multiple times, but it had just rung out. You had called JJ, but she had left work before him. When you had phoned his work and spoken to his boss, Hotch had told you that Spencer had already left for the evening, and suggested you call Derek as they left together. Just like Spencer’s phone, Derek phone had rung out too.

Finishing your food, you took your plate to the sink. Rising the plate, along with the pots and pans, you then filled the sink with bubbly water. Grabbing the sponge, you began to clean.

Your mind was torn on whether to be worried or not. One the one hand, Spencer had said he’d be home – you checked the clock – over an hour ago but he still wasn’t here. He wasn’t at work and he wasn’t answering his phone. You bit your lip. Anything could have happened to him. There could be a problem with the subway, maybe he got injured on the way home, or something else could have happened.

Spencer’s an FBI agent though and is licenced to carry a gun. Not to mention, he’s a literal genius. If he got into trouble, you had no doubt that he would either be able to get himself out or be able to contact someone to raise an alarm.

Your mind told you that he was with Derek, that they were together and gotten distracted one way for another. They were like brothers, and easily got carried away and forgot about the time.

Spencer had to be fine. He had to be.

Hanging his bag on its hanger, Spencer closed the door. He toed off his shoes, pulling his arms from his cardigan. It had been a long night, a long week, in fact, and all he wanted to do was crawl into bed. He smiled at the thought of crawling into bed and curling around you, of cuddling into you and breathing in your scent as he fell asleep.

Spencer used to love going on cases but after he met you, that changed. Now, he wanted to get them over and get home as soon as possible. He missed you every moment he was gone. He missed waking up with you, with your toes pressed into his leg as you sought out his warmth. He missed reading to you in evenings, gazing at your peaceful face as he spoke the words from memory. He missed the kisses before bed, the giggles you’d make when he would tickle your side as you both laid beneath the duvet.

He walked down the small hallway and into the open-plan living room and kitchen. The first thing his eyes land on is the small dining table. His mouth parts a little as he looks at the single plate of food, a knife and fork beside it. it was his favourite meal but he knew it was stone cold, yet he remembered the taste and his mouth watered at the sight.

You had cooked for him.

His stomach began to twist as he turned towards the front room. The TV was on, displaying the menu for a DVD from his new Doctor Who collection, whose box sat beside the TV. Then he saw you, sitting on the couch and watching him.

His stomach dropped. You had been waiting for him. You had cooked him his favourite dinner, put on his favourite show and were waiting for him. He had told you he would be home by eight, and it was nearing one-thirty in the morning. The guilt in his stomach twisted like a knife as you stood up.

He knew you were mad; he could see it in the hard set of your jaw. He could also see the sadness swimming in your eyes as you looked at him. He had let you down, and he knew it wasn’t something you were easily going to forgive him for.

“You said you’d be home at eight” your voice was low, soft, but he could hear the sadness in your words.

“Yeah…” he agreed, he had said that. He had promised that.

“Where were you?” you asked. “I was worried, you didn’t call or anything.”

“Erm… Derek, he…erm… wanted to go to a bar” Spencer replied, looking down at his mix matched socks.

“So you went? You went, knowing that I was here, waiting for you” you shook your head, looking away from him in an attempt to hold back your anger. “You went to a bar with Derek, after telling me you would be home by eight? You didn’t even let me know! I’ve been waiting for you, Spencer, I cooked you dinner and everything.” “Y/N… I’m sorry” he reached out to you but you held up your hand, taking a step back.

He had gone to a pub. A pub. He didn’t even have the decency to call you, or even text, to say that he wasn’t going to be coming home when he said. He had left you to wait for him, to worry for him. And though you’ve hurt, you’re angry. Angry that this is the way he is treating you. He doesn’t even like pubs, so why would he leave you to go to one?

This isn’t the first time he’s done this either. He had done the same thing a month ago, just went out with his team after telling you that he’d be home for dinner in an hour. You had fell asleep on the couch waiting for him that night.

“You always do this to me” You shook your head, looking at him in disappointment. And, looking at your face, Spencer thought that was worse that seeing you angry.

“What?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Abandoning me, you do it all the time!” You say. “You get called on a case and you don’t tell me, you leave me waiting at a restaurant. Stood up. You don’t tell me when your cases get extended, you tell me you’ll be gone two days but its six.”

“Y/N-” he begins, but you quickly cut him off.

“I don’t mind you going to clubs with Derek. I’m fine with cancelling plans because of work, I don’t mind that you’re called away” you tell him. “However, you don’t communicate with me. You stand me up, all the time. You don’t even call, and I’m tired of it. I did this for you Spencer.” You spread your arms out to gesture at the food and TV. “I try to do stuff for you and it goes to waste. Dinner reservations, movie nights, personal museum tours. They could have been rescheduled or the deposits refunded, if you had spoken to me. I… I’m tired of this Spencer. A relationship can’t work without communication.”

Spencer’s mouth is dry at your words, his own eyes stinging as he gazes sadly at your face. He can see how much it has affected you, how hurt you are but his actions. You were right though, he never called or texted you to let you know he wouldn’t be there for any of those things. His mind played over your words and his stomach twisted as the final sentence registered in his brain.

“What are you saying?” his voice is scratchy as he forces the words out, his fists clenched as he struggles not to cry.

“Maybe… Maybe we should take a break… for you to consider whether you can be committed, in all aspects, to this relationship” your voice is quiet as you answer him, your own eyes swimming with tears. “I’ll sleep in the spare room tonight, and then tomorrow… Well, Natasha said that I Could spend a few nights at hers.”

Spencer watched as you turned away from him, walking towards the spare room. You didn’t look back as you closed the door, and, finally, the tears fell from his eyes. This was it, he had lost you because he failed to do the most simple thing in a relationship. You were leaving him.

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finally-hkz · 4 years

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I'm not a doctor and have never dieted before in my life, somehow after having a desk job and a kid I looked in the mirror one day and realized I was fat. Not just fat but fucking FAT. I made a choice to not be fat any more. Obviously I didn't wake up the next morning ready to call up Victoria's Secret to let them know they've found their next Angel. But I took the first step. I've tracked every single thing I've put in my mouth for two months. I've drank water like my life depended on it. I've packed my lunch every single day. I've come to the conclusion that carrots can sound just like a Dorito if you chew with your mouth open. I've ate like a clinically insane person once a week, mountain dew, redbull, anything that ends in edo, butter noodles, hash browns, mc Donald's chicken nuggets, candy bars and donuts... I haven't done any excersize or taken any diet pills. And I've lost over 20 pounds in the last two months. We make excuses for ourselves over and over again for why we can't do things, or why it won't work, so we don't even try, what's the use right? Wrong. You just have to start. (at Gaines, Michigan) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9MkkBAnV3-/?igshid=glg9yf4qj9oz

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flawlesspeasant · 5 years

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You were the author who wrote about jo and alex’s Kids Lyla and little Alex right? Do you remember writing a prompt about little Alex choking on like a chip and going to the hospital. Could you please please please repost it? Thanks a bunch!!!

Hi! Yes, that was me! I do remember writing this prompt, and sorry it took me super long to get back to it, but I had to do some SERIOUS digging on my computer to find all four parts. Here you go! :)

Part two | Part three | Part four.

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“Really? And what happened after that?” Jo tried to sound enthusiastic as she talked to her daughter but in reality, she was exhausted. Alex was working until 4:30, which meant that she was totally in charge of childcare for the day.

For the last two months since the baby was born, she and Alex had been working together to ensure that everything got done efficiently. The two of them had worked so well together that Jo had actually begun to think that having two kids was easy, but now that she had to do it herself, she was beginning to understand exactly how hard it is to do it alone without Alex’s help. “Did you end up winning?” She huffed, out of breath from climbing the steps while holding both her daughter’s hand and her son’s car seat. “Uh-huh. We winned and everyone say…they said I was a good um…kicker.” The five year old continued to gush to her mother, telling her all about the great day she had in gym class despite the bright pink and black striped cast she sported on her left arm.

Although Jo was tired, she genuinely did want to hear about the kind of day her daughter had. After having a stint with bullies that resulted in Lyla’s broken arm, she demanded that the school switch Lyla’s classroom. Today was the first day the new classroom was in effect and already, she could tell that her daughter was doing better at school. She never had exciting stories to tell upon coming home from school and suddenly, she was gushing to her mother about everything that went on in her new classroom now that she was finally separated from the bullies. “I made a fwend, mommy.”

“You did?! That’s awesome!” Jo leaned down and placed the baby’s car seat on the ground so she could mess around with her keys and find the right one to open their front door. In the car seat, the bright-eyed baby boy lay happily cooing and grabbing up at the multicolored animal figurines hanging from the handle of his car seat. “What are their names? Are they nice to you?” She shoved the key into the lock and twisted it, opening up the door to their loft. She picked the baby back up and shuffled into the house right behind her five year old daughter. “Were they nice to you?”

“Their names are…Cassie and Megan and Gage.” Lyla plopped down on the floor right in front of the door and began untying her shoes. As much as Jo didn’t want to admit it, she was actually glad that Alex talked her out of switching Lyla’s schools. She reluctantly agreed to keep Lyla in the school district that she was in, but she demanded a classroom change and it seemed to have been working. It was just the first day and already Lyla was making friends. “I sit by Megan. Her shared her cwayons wiff me.” The little girl tossed her sneakers to the side and sprung up. “They colored on my arm mama, see?” She held her cast out for her mother to see.

Jo knelt down on the floor to unstrap the baby from his car seat but she looked up momentarily to appease her daughter. It took her a while to get used to having two children to pay attention to and although she wasn’t proud, she admitted that she didn’t know how to equally divide her attention between the two. She was beginning to get the hang of it though. “Woooow…that’s so cool.”

She pretended to be very interested in the two chicken-scratch handwritten names on the elbow of Lyla’s cast. “You said Gage though…” Since the little girl’s arm was still in her face, Jo jutted her head forward and kissed the parts of her hand that were left out of her cast. “You said Gage?” She gently nestled her hand underneath her baby boy’s head and carefully lifted him up out of the car seat, planting a kiss on his downy soft brown hair. “Is Gage a boy?” Embarrassed, Lyla looked down at the floor and wiggled her feet to avoid her mother’s question. “Oooh! I’m telling daddy!” While laying on Jo’s shoulder, Alex grabbed a chunk of his mother’s hair and smacked his lips together while trying to put it in his mouth. “You know better than to have boyfriends, don’t you?! I’m telling daddy!” Noting that her son’s actions meant hunger, she switched the baby to her other shoulder and winced when he didn’t let his grip on her hair go. “Lyla’s got a boyfriend…mhm, I’m tellin’ daddy.”

“He not my boyfwend!” With reddened, rosy cheeks, Lyla looked up and gave her mom a cheeky smile. She thought about how her mommy never went a day without telling her how pretty she was. Usually in the mornings while Jo was brushing her hair for school, she would make it a point to tell her daughter that she was either “gorgeous”, “so pretty” or “beautiful”. Lyla never really thought her mommy meant it. Even though she was only five, she was still pretty smart for a five year old and she knew that it was her mommy’s job to tell her how pretty she was. “All him did was gimme a stwawberry at lunch.” She did think that Gage was cute though…and she liked the way his hair was spiky and his shoes lit up when he walked. And Gage told her that she was pretty today too…but she wasn’t going to tell her mommy that.

“Look at you! You’re all blushin’ and smilin’!” Jo teased, cradling the baby with one arm and making a bottle with her one single free hand. “I’m tellin’ your daddy. Lyla’s got a boyfriend…he gave you a strawberry at lunch? Uh-huh. You got a boyfriend. What do you think daddy’s gonna say?” Once the bottle was made, Jo began to shake it up. Although she really wished Alex was home to help her out—especially with the fact that she was about to cook dinner—Jo liked spending alone time with just her and her babies. “I can’t believe you got your first boyfriend, bubbles…you’re growing up on me.”

“Mommy…mommy.” Lyla happily skipped over to her mother and patted her on her lower stomach. “Don’t tell daddy…but Gage tell me…him say…him say I pwetty. Shh!”

“OH MY!” Naturally, Jo took the baby off her shoulder again and situated him in her arms. She held the bottle in his mouth and gazed down at his big, round, deep green eyes while he sucked hungrily on the bottle. “I’m so telling your dad! I can’t wait for him to get home!” She braced the bottle against her chest and reached down to her daughter. Lyla closed her eyes and Jo pressed her finger to the corner of her eyelid, getting off a pesky green eye-booger. “I’m telling your dad. Just wait.” Lyla giggled and shook her head at her mom. “You hear that, fat man? Your sister’s got a boyfriend. And yep…I’m telling daddy.”

Baby Alex just gazed up at his mother with nothing but adoration in his eyes. Jo was his most favorite person in the world and sometimes he would wake up and cry in the middle of the night just because he missed her. Jo and the baby had a very strong bond, like she had with both her babies. She leaned down and kissed the top of his forehead. “Hey flirty mirty…” Jo called her daughter, catching her creeping to the snack drawer. Lyla looked at her mom innocently. “Will you hold your brother’s bubba for me so I can cook?”

“Can I have chips?” Lyla put her hand on the snack drawer and challenged. “Not too many…you’ll spoil your dinner.” Jo carried the baby to the living room and slowly placed him in his favorite swing right in front of the TV. Lyla snatched a bag of nacho cheese flavored Doritos from the snack drawer and happily skipped to the living room to help feed her brother.

Today was the best day she had at school in a very long time. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t feel threatened at school. She loved her new classroom and she loved the fact that she made friends. She plopped down on the floor with her bag of chips and replaced her mother’s hand with her own.

The five year old girl had become pretty efficient at multitasking with her cast on. She held her brother’s bottle with her casted arm and chomped on her chips with the free one. Jo turned on the TV for her to watch and stroked her hair.

“Let me know when he’s all done with it, bubbles. Daddy should be home soon.” Lyla nodded her head and tuned into the latest episode of Austin and Ally. In his swing, baby Alex continued to suck hard on his bottle. In the recent weeks, Lyla had really grown to like her baby brother. She thought of him as a real, live baby doll and when she thought of him that way, she thought he was a lot of fun.

She also liked it when her mommy and daddy would praise her for being such a big girl when she helped feed him or brought her mommy a diaper. She also felt important because she was the only person that could get him to stop crying when his belly was hurting; even if it was only for a little while. With her mouth full of chips, she glanced at her brother’s bottle. When she saw that it was almost empty, she tilted it higher like her daddy taught her how to do.

“Mommyyyyy….him done!” She called back to the kitchen with her mouth still full of chewed up chips.

“Just take it off of him then. Give him his nini.” Jo called back from the kitchen. Her hands were too dirtied up with the ground beef she was pressing into hamburger patties to rush to the living room and help. She was only slightly surprised to know that her son had finished the bottle so quickly. She had only given him four ounces and she knew that he was going to dust it off pretty quickly. Baby Alex was all too much like big Alex…he loved to eat.

“His nini is in his playpen…grab it and give it to him.” The fact that Lyla wasn’t trying to hurt the baby anymore took a weight off of Jo. The little girl really had been being the picture-perfect big sister lately.

Lyla scooted on her butt over to her brother’s playpen and plucked the pacifier out of the side pocket. In a very motherly kind of way, Lyla sucked on the baby’s pacifier first like she had seen her mother do sometimes. She looked at it to make sure there was nothing on it and stuck it in her brother’s mouth. “There Ally.”

Alex sucked on his pacifier and stared at his sister intently. “Why you lookin’ at me for?”

She rubbed his hair forward and stood in front of him. She covered her eyes with her hands. “Peek-a-boo!”

She took her hands away and shouted. Alex’s lips curled up into a smile and his pacifier fell out.

Lyla covered her eyes again. “Peek-a-boo!” Alex giggled, looking at his sister with such fascination. He was amazed that she could just disappear and appear like that! Jo watched her daughter play with her son with a half-smile on her face. The fact that Lyla had finally warmed up to her brother really made her happy.

Just then, the door to the loft slid open again and through it walked Alex. “…Hey.” She wiped her hands free of ground beef on the dishtowel and walked over to greet…whatever he was to her. He was still her ex-husband but she didn’t feel right referring to him as that. “How was your day?” She raised up on her tiptoes and pecked Alex on his cheek.

The two of them still had never shared a kiss since the day their son was born but Jo thought that would change soon. She just didn’t want to be the first one to kiss him and likewise, Alex didn’t want to be the first one to kiss her. “Busy…glad to be home.” Alex shrugged out of his jacket and hung it up. He was slightly confused about why Jo was suddenly kissing him on his cheek when most of the time, she wouldn’t even look at him.

Things between him and Jo had been looking up lately but he didn’t want to jinx anything. He finally felt like he was getting the family that he lost back and he didn’t want to mess that up for himself. “What’s going on there?” He motioned with his head to the living room, referring to how Lyla was still playing with her brother and how the baby was shrieking with laughter.

“Don’t question it.” Jo mumbled and walked back to the stove so she could start placing the hamburger patties into the frying pan. Just as she started to put one in there, something crossed her mind and she turned back to Alex. “Oh yeah, guess what…Lyla has a boyfriend.”

“…No the hell she doesn’t.” Alex shook his head and opened the fridge in search of something to quench his thirst. “She’s five. She doesn’t have a boyfriend.” He dismissed. “What else happened today?”

“She really does have a boyfriend though. He gave her a strawberry at lunch and told her that she was pretty. His name is Gage. I say we meet him.” She knew how much it bothered Alex to think about Lyla being involved with boys so she decided to tease him a little longer.

“Lyla doesn’t have a boyfriend. End of discussion.” He mumbled. Back in the living room, Lyla kneeled in front of her brother and stuck her tongue out. She liked to make him laugh but Austin and Ally came back from a commercial, so she plopped down on her butt again and paid attention to the TV.

She grabbed a handful of chips and shoveled them into her mouth just as her brother began to whine. Without his sister to entertain him, Alex had begun to think about the fact that he was still hungry. Lyla glanced at her brother again but when she saw that he wasn’t fully crying, she just continued watching TV. Alex poked his lip out and his eyes welled up with tears as another crying whimper came out of his mouth.

“You want some?” Lyla plucked one chip out of the bag, noticing that her brother was staring at her the entire time she was eating. He was staring at the chips so surely he wanted one, right?

“Here you go.” Nicely, Lyla placed the clip on her brother’s lip. Instinctively, Alex opened his mouth just like he did when ANYTHING touched his lips. Lyla pushed the chip in his mouth and smiled when she saw him smacking his lips together.

Alex’s natural sucking reflex kicked in and he pushed the chip back with his tongue and swallowed like he did whenever he drank his milk. The chip wasn’t soft and liquidy like every other thing Alex had ever eaten was. The chip was hard and jagged and it hurt him on the way down and he wanted his mommy…mommy always made things better.

He poked his lip out again and contorted his face up to cry but as soon as he look a breath to let out a wail, the chip lodged in his throat and he gasped. Lyla had never heard her brother make that noise before so she looked away from the TV again and when she looked at her brother, she suddenly got scared. Baby Alex’s lips were turning light blue and his usually creamy white skin was turning blue too.

“MOMMY!”

“Alex, she’s going to date someday. You might as well get used to the idea.” Back in the kitchen, Jo smiled, still teasing Alex.

“She’s not dating until she’s 40, Jo.” Alex remained stern.

“MOMMY!!!!” Lyla ran to the kitchen and frantically tapped her mom’s belly. “MOMMY!”

“What, pumpkin?” Jo looked down and immediately, she sensed that something was very wrong. The look on her daughter’s face was something crossed between terror and sadness. “What?”

“Ally, mommy!!!! Ally!” Lyla continued to tap her.

“What about him?” Jo’s eyes roamed into the living room and she instantly saw that something was horribly wrong. The baby laid in his swing completely limp, all color drained from his face and his lips an unnatural shade of indigo.

“ALEX!!!!!” Jo screamed so loud that everyone’s ears rang and she bolted straight to the living room. “ALEX GET IN HERE, NOW!!!!!” She dropped to her knees and picked her baby up out of the swing. “No, no, no, no…” Alex dashed to the living room seconds after Jo and kneeled down to see what he could do.

“Jo, move…move, I need to see.” He tried to remain calm. He had handled asphyxiation cases more times than he cared to count….he knew how to give an infant CPR. “Jo, move.”

“He’s not breathing! ALEX, HE’S NOT FUCKING BREATHING!” Jo put her ear to her son’s chest to listen for a heartbeat but she was too worked up to properly listen. “…WHAT HAPPENED?!” She turned to her five year old, since she was the last person with him.

Lyla stood by the couch, shocked and horrified at the sight of her brother’s limp, lifeless body on the floor. She saw this on an episode of Monster High. Cleo almost drowned in the Nile River and her lips were blue…she knew that this wasn’t good. “WHAT HAPPENED, LYLA?!!!! I NEED YOU TO TELL MOMMY WHAT HAPPENED!!!!” Lyla wanted to tell her.

But how could she tell her mommy that she’s the reason her brother’s like this? She didn’t want a brother anymore. Just when she thought she was doing good with being a big sister, she hurts her brother.

She didn’t want to be a big sister anymore.

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flippyspoon · 6 years

Text

Your Guy

Note: Plotless fluff to rot your teeth. Eat your goddamn sugar.

The thing is Billy’s never known any other dudes who bone dudes. Which is not to say he didn’t fool around with a couple of guys before Steve but he can’t say he really knew them, it wasn’t like they had long intimate talks in between furious handjobs and anyway, those guys were pretty insistent about how they weren’t homos, so it’s not like they were going to say anything useful even if Billy had given them the chance. The point being, Billy doesn’t know what a relationship--like a real relationship between two dudes--looks like. He honestly never gave it much thought as there were too many other things to think about, like hiding shit from his dad and general fucked up dad related stuff and also what boning Harrington would be like and also some school shit, and eventually the idea of boning Harrington took up about 70% of his headspace give or take so relationship mechanics were really not his priority, not with the stupid feelings about everything that sometimes threatened to choke him if he didn’t find them an outlet.

Then suddenly he’s boning Steve Harrington and it isn’t long before Steve admits he, like...likes Billy? Billy has an urge to tell him he’s an idiot but mainly he just stares at Steve as he zips up his jeans and watches Steve chewing on his lips as he sits still naked on that big luxurious bed. The sex is really enough (a revelation in itself) and sure like internally Billy has cartoon puppies with cartoon hearts crying fat heart-shaped tears for Steve Harrington but like...that’s never been an option he’s seriously considered.

“Forget it,” Steve mumbles , because Billy leaves him hanging way too long. “I’m being stupid.”

“I like you too,” Billy blurts, flushing, and then: “I mean, ya know, you’re alright. I don’t not like you. Whatever. You’re fine. I like you fine. Not like...more than you like me. But not like less, I’m not an asshole but ya know, we can date if you want, if it’s a big deal or something then it’s...whatever sure-”

Steve interrupts him, shoving his tongue down Billy’s throat, having correctly read the fumbling red-faced speech as a passionate confession of love with all its attendant heart-eyed cartoon puppies. If he hadn’t, Billy thinks he might have kept talking, possibly into the 90’s.

So then they’re like...dating.

Parts of dating Steve are not surprising. They fuck with each other all the time, sometimes it’s foreplay or maybe it’s that Billy doesn’t know how to say stupid ridiculous things like “you make me feel special” so instead he gives Steve’s nipple a twist through his gym shirt and that night he’ll remember he did that and give that nipple particular appreciation with his tongue. Steve does that stuff too.

And other times Steve will actually says things like, “You make me feel special.” And the first couple times Billy spits something mean in response because it’s a reflex, because Steve has willingly made himself vulnerable, the dummy. But then he sees how hurt Steve is by it yet somehow it doesn’t even shut Steve up. Just a few days later, Steve says, “Laugh if you want, you do make me feel special. I want you to feel special too. So. Ya know. Fuck you, dude.”

Billy has a crack right on the tip of his tongue except that he knows it would sting Steve and it just won’t come out, it’s like he’s choking on the insult and he must look dumb because Steve grins at his expression and kissed him.

A lot of times Steve is just like a guy like as in kind of a ridiculous dickhead.

Sometimes Billy is surprised by it but maybe he shouldn’t be since Steve did reign as “King Steve” for a time. Like Steve can be crass as hell like it’s nothing, even seems to really enjoy not having to play Good Boy.

One time at lunch when Steve sees that nobody else is nearby he casually says to Billy, “I wonder what you’d look like with three dicks in your mouth.”

It’s weird because it’s the kind of thing that if any other guy at school said it, Billy would immediately sock them in the face but because it’s Steve it’s genuine flirting.

Billy snorts Mr. Pibb through his nose because he really wasn’t expecting that, he was talking about his asshole physics teacher for fuck’s sake.

Billy composes himself, wipes his nose. “Three regular dicks?” He says to Steve. “Or three of your monsters? I can’t unhinge my jaw, asshole.”

“Oooh!” Steve says. “What if I did have three dicks?”

“Guess I’d need another hole,” Billy mutters, and starts laughing so hard, he chokes on a Dorito before coughing it back up.

“Nah uh!” Steves whispers across the table. “I could fuck your mouth and your ears at the same time!”

Billy kicks him under the table. “You’re a fuckin’ dumbass.”

“Suck my jizz through a straw,” Steve cracks.

“Eat my ass,” Billy says.

“Sure yeah!” Steve nods, enthusiastic, as if rimming on school grounds is totally an option. “I could eat. I mean it is lunch time-”

“Dickhead!” But Billy is laughing, he’s laughing so hard. He has tears in his eyes. Joy, they call it. He’s pretty sure. He’s never felt like this before.

That stuff he sort of would have expected dating a dude. That and how half their shit is just crusted with jizz because they can’t keep their hands off each other and they’re not very precious about cleanliness. Steve complains about it yet never actually does the laundry. One afternoon Billy takes the time to do a wash of their stuff at Steve’s house because all their gym clothes can stand up by themselves.

But then there’s other stuff, stuff like that wide-eyed “you make me feel special” shit that Steve does that Billy would not have expected from a dude at all.

Which he supposes means maybe Steve is different. Or, ya know...special.

And, gun to his head? He doesn’t hate it…

Like when he comes over Steve puts on this little show at the door of being casual as if a buddy is coming over as Billy takes off his jacket and hangs it on the coat rack but then the second the door is closed he’s throwing his arms around Billy and swinging him around, the momentum taking Billy off his feet as Steve laughs into his neck. It’s possibly that when Steve does that, Billy physically cannot stop smiling.

Like okay Steve said he liked him, but Billy can’t even get his head around how happy Steve is to see him whenever he’s around.

Like nobody has ever been particularly happy to see him at all. Maybe his mom when he was little?

And the little love notes Steve leaves in his locker. Some of them are filthy and some of them are sweet and he pretends they annoy him but he saves them in a box that he keeps at Steve’s place.

And there’s that time they park at the quarry when “I Want to Know What Love Is” comes on Billy’s car radio and Steve insists they slow dance and Billy makes a face.

“You’ll take my dick in your ass,” Steve says, “but what? Dancing is too gay?”

So somehow he ends up all wrapped up in Steve, slowly swaying to Foreigner.

It’s not the worst thing in the world.

Once, for a whole three days, Billy thinks Steve is about to break up with him.

It’s because when Steve kisses him, suddenly he’s frowning, almost wincing as he breaks away.

What the hell?

It sends an icy chill up Billy’s spine. But Steve doesn’t say anything, doesn't hint that anything is wrong. It’s only when he kisses Billy. Billy wonders if Steve has abruptly lost his taste for dick or something. Or for Billy’s kisses. He doesn’t ask about it, of course. He chain-smokes. For three night he can’t sleep.

Then on a Friday evening, they’re driving around in the Camaro, and Steve asks to stop at the pharmacy by Melvalds.

“Be right back,” Steve says.

Billy waits, smoking as he leans against the car, parked around the corner. Steve only takes about two minutes. He reappears without a bag, but he’s holding something in his hand as he walks up to Billy who’s standing there on the deserted sidewalk, kicking the ground because what if Steve doesn’t want him anymore? He wants to scream.

“You know what the worst part of dating a guy is?” Steve says.

Billy braces himself. So it’s the gay thing in general, he thinks. It’s too hard having to keep things quiet, having to be a little careful-

“It’s like you’ve never heard of chapstick,” Steve says, holding up a little white plastic tub of Blistex.

Billy says, “Huh?”

Steve steps up close to him, chuckling. “All the little things girls do, that guys don’t bother with, ya know? Like when you do your own laundry you always forget the fabric softener so your jeans are always kinda stiff-”

“I didn’t know you knew what fabric softener was,” Billy says. “Fabric softener is crucial,” Steve says, narrowing his eyes. “As is chapstick.”

Steve approaches him with a finger dolloped with Blistex. Billy’s head is still spinning. He jerks back. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Chill,” Steve says. “Your lips are fucked up. I’m fixing them.”

Billy, bemused, allows Steve to go over his lips with the Blistex. He looks like he’s concentrating pretty hard as he slathers Billy’s parted mouth with the stuff. It does...feel nice. Hawkins has had a chilly dry spell lately and Billy has a habit of licking his lips a lot. He noticed they were kinda chapped, he supposes, but it didn’t occur to him to buy goddamn chapstick.

“Jesus,” Billy murmurs. “You kept making faces when you kissed me. Thought you were sick a’ me or somethin’.”

“Oh no!” Steve looks distraught at that. He shoves the Blistex in Billy’s front pocket and claps his hands to Billy’s cheeks. “God no. You’re my guy!”

Billy smirks a little at that. Steve’s hands are always so soft and his thumbs are stroking Billy’s skin. “I’m your guy, huh?”

“Yeah, you’re my guy,” Steve whispers, and his sentence trails off when he kisses Billy softly. “Mmm. Much better. Lil greasy but still better.”

Billy brings his hands up to cover Steve’s wrists but he holds them there as he purses his newly moisturized lips. “Okay, I’m gonna say something. I’m gonna hate myself for saying this.”

“Ooh what?” Steve says.

“You…” Billy rolls his eyes. “Fuck. You make me feel special. Okay? Ugh. Christ.”

Steve’s plush mouth splits into a grin, the big toothy one he wears when Billy’s done something particularly good. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Billy shrugs. “Whatever.”

Steve kisses the tip of Billy’s nose and his chin. “Glad you told me that, baby. That makes me happy.”

“Well…you are my guy,” Billy says, and Steve laughs and kisses him again.

#harringrove #harringrove ficlet

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lukegrim · 2 years

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AI generated WIZARD COUNCIL 2022 BANNED SPELL LIST

1: Lobotomy Aura 2: Lick up for Sleet 3: Horny Toad Boy 4: Scat Mouth 5: Hypnotized Piledriver 6: Angry Ghost 7: Face Grabber 8: Leg Hickey 9: Jug Slapper 10: Body Weight Grope 11: Dangerous Grabber 12: Parasitic Emptiness 13: Lose the Fight 14: Ostrich Boots 15: Lethal Rot 16: Skullbite 17: Tight Tooth 18: Bath Salts 19: Phantom Powder 20: Full Body Grub 21: Superficial Facial Swallow 22: Measuring Device 23: Slime Digger 24: King of Balls 25: Mega Tiny 26: Nine in the Afternoon 27: I Feel U, Man 28: Mr. Canvas 29: Hammered Cake 30: Butterscotch Gobbler 31: Rapid Decay 32: Smurfette 33: Radioactive 34: Mondo Mole 35: Battling Ogre 36: Floating Fish 37: Braindead 38: Demon for Spite 39: Rampaging Mudcrab 40: Slime Dweller 41: Blood Bead Fuse 42: The Metal Skull 43: Hagfish 44: Cod Spawn 45: Bloody Necroflesh 46: Dildo of Doom 47: Wither 48: Shaped Mouth 49: Greasy Orifice 50: Corn Dog Salad 51: Industrial Knife 52: Jack-O-Horn 53: Forearm Block 54: Half-Perch 55: Redeye Bait 56: Satanic Maul 57: Ceramic Bowl 58: Duck Soup 59: Skewer of Doom 60: Porky Testicle 61: Time Feed 62: Dorito Gobbler 63: Pan-Grilled Fat Ass 64: Nibbler 65: Chicken Turd Culver 66: Tight Wing 67: Rick Astley 68: Planter 69: Liquid Dildo 70: Tool Chop 71: Bucket of Emotion 72: Puppy Dentist 73: Horse Cookie 74: Tan Man 75: Rambutan Fruit 76: Mount Rushmore 77: Bat-Horn 78: Pinchy Stick 79: Vexation Quills 80: Chewy Lips 81: Magical Popsicle 82: Steel Water Pipe 83: Suspended Life Support 84: Electro Amp to Body Horror 85: Skull Candy 86: Coffin 87: Cretaceous Carcass 88: Stone Age Hand Grenade 89: Shrimping Spatula 90: Brand New Ring 91: Ouroboros 92: Bones to Spoon 93: Electric Toy 94: Polaroid Lens 95: Poison Cocktail 96: Fibrous Structure 97: Spongelike Stems 98: Diving Arm 99: Clit-Popping Shooter 100: Blood-Curdling Slime 101: Bait and Switch 102: Maggot Blaster 103: Parting Glass 104: Illiterate Bard 105: The Busty Scorpion 106: Blood and Powder 107: Coffin for the Dead 108: The Forgotten Victim 109: Booby Trap 110: Really, Why? 111: Ham Sandwich 112: Beat Me If You Can 113: Lachrymose Vapors 114: Idiot Horn 115: Crocodile Pants 116: Vicious Pelican 117: Cannonball 118: Pit of Darkness 119: Pedophile Snatcher 120: Toxin Trigger 121: Brittle Bile 122: Gorecruncher 123: Familiar Cookie 124: Perky Fly 125: In-ground Vibrator 126: Porky Bra 127: Throbbing Tums 128: Spit on a Knife 129: Ventriloquist Snare 130: Homicidal Tornado 131: Spaghetti with Mushrooms 132: Acid Drainage 133: Cat Box 134: Dying Earth Fruit Basket 135: Fecal Sensory Device 136: The Dearly Departed 137: Snapping Minarets 138: Piggy Little Stink 139: Cow in the Middle 140: No One To Fuck 141: You Bastard 142: Filthy Mind 143: Pee-Pee-Pee 144: Narwhal Cunt 145: Cannibal Dinosaurs 146: Lab Test 147: Squanchy Gills 148: Maggot in My Pocket 149: Come On, Don’t Do That 150: Sulfurous Afterbirth 151: Hacksaw Dispenser 152: Potato Angel 153: Meaty Bandage 154: Gross-Out Bellybutton 155: Jack-O-Lantern 156: Lame Balloon 157: Plastic Booty 158: Meat Packet 159: Lean on Me 160: Jolly Roger 161: Animal Testicle Basket 162: Hammy the Pirate 163: Little Dust Collector 164: Bruised Shell 165: Cleaver 166: Will a Yardstick Do? 167: A Stiff 168: Tic Tac Toe 169: George Harrison Recliner 170: Anxiously Exploding Pusher 171: Gang Tattoos 172: Middle Finger 173: Chewed Cookie 174: Meat Hook 175: Soapy Stick 176: God-bless-you 177: Baking Sink 178: Grin and Bear It 179: Tiny Rubber Penis 180: Skull Out 181: Big Fat Dirt Burster 182: Raunchy Bag 183: Plain Soup 184: Chain-Saw Lifter 185: Blood-Ribbed No-See-Um 186: Girly-Man Vacuum 187: Aristocratic Slicer 188: Granite Stomach 189: Rock Monster Fucking Knife 190: Guy Slippers 191: Playdough Rorschach Test 192: O-zone Punch 193: Micro-Tongs 194: Bald Brushed Axe 195: Blackout Breath 196: Handgun Tongue 197: Butterfly Brain 198: Roast Sweeting 199: Merciful Bomb 200: Butterfly Sting 201: Cockroach Smash 202: Shotgun Twirling Bow 203: Jam-Ass Joint 204: For the Love of Tits 205: Telephone Pole

Shooter 206: Jello Shoot-Out 207: Gumball Mosaic 208: Carton of Eggs 209: Boomerang Bomb 210: Auto-erotic Rooster 211: Big Bucket O’ Bombs 212: The Idea 213: Deflating Balloon 214: Spoonful of Cancer 215: Carpet Bomb 216: Hexing the Pigs 217: Temporary Tattoo 218: Parable of the Grasshopper 219: Smart Guy 220: Minty-Licious 221: Urgent Bread Company 222: Shaver Ram 223: Methuselah Skin 224: Hairbrush Launcher 225: Cold-Blooded Rhino 226: Blackened Catalepsy 227: Wolf’s Delight 228: Flesh Blaster 229: St. Matthew’s Bread 230: Makin’ Friends 231: Crummy Wipe 232: Book-End Hair 233: Tired Whip 234: Nanny Goat 235: Barrage 236: Flipper Fingers 237: Cryptonite Crying Needles 238: 3x Pinstripe Succubus 239: Instant Insanity 240: Fan Fist 241: Child’s Play 242: Military Campfire Scent 243: Lousy Compressor 244: The Trip 245: The Slo-mo Lift 246: Grinding Hand (Big Bastard) 247: Friggin’ Dragnet 248: Chicken Tenderizer 249: Helicopter Business 250: Buttfumble 251: Crossbow Insanity 252: Drummer Lesson 253: Male Bantam Haircut 254: Tequila Shot From Hippie’s Giant Friggin’ Twat 255: Big Misunderstanding 256: Abandoned Sperm 257: Drunk Shoving 258: !!! 259: Triple Scrunchie 260: Collie 261: Twat Pisser 262: Fluteo 263: Red Hot Blooded 264: Outrageous Freeze 265: Pee Switch 266: Spaghetti Incident 267: Atomic Fry Fry 268: Holy Shit! 269: Good Vibration 270: Brain Diver 271: Locker Room Meltdown 272: Floppy Animal Lab Rat 273: Road Kill Rave 274: Love Rollercoaster 275: Crummy Wedding Gift 276: Belly Smasher 277: Spider Job 278: Spill-Boiler Nipple Blaster 279: Fist Bumping 280: Splasher Attack 281: Dead Legged Lobster 282: Weeping Guppie 283: Bloody Gourd 284: (Sorry, n.o.s.) 285: Seal Kisser 286: Saltine Thunder 287: Copper Kettle 288: Tangent 289: Get My Stylist 290: Cannibalism 291: Twitchety Runt 292: Repeated Heartbeat 293: Somber Stitches 294: Cap Rocker 295: File Maker 296: Singing Rorschach Test 297: Space Balls 298: Sock Duster 299: Bean 300: I’m Fine 301: “RUN IT BACK!” 302: Poster Boy 303: The Lurker 304: Rejects to Eat 305: Reject to Feel 306: Rupture Throat 307: Trap Motherfucker 308: Punishment Causality 309: Pedal Tunnel 310: Candy Cutie 311: Skuzzy Yunk 312: Lacrimation 313: Auto-erotic Reenactment of Suicide 314: Reactions to Facial Hair 315: Inside Boobies 316: Doctor Nipple 317: Hangar Ball 318: Bubble Dancer 319: Squeak 320: Elbow Throat 321: Draw String Gun 322: Post-Election Reflection 323: Destructive Earth Warrior 324: Time Bomb 325: Flight Attendant Cockroach 326: Hairy Collar 327: Pterodactyl 328: Dirtbag 329: Scuttle 330: Quivering Erect 331: Johnny Dangle 332: Pilot’s Most Important Function 333: Crank It 334: Bad Romantic Scent 335: Honey Broccoli 336: Noshing on Sausage 337: Top Ramen 338: Fire Bythe Throat 339: Inflatable Poo 340: Armpit Bastard 341: Fill Your Lungs 342: Oopsie 343: Crack Shot 344: Thong Shrug 345: I Guess We Were Shocked 346: Sequel 347: Cardboard Freezer 348: Eat Shit and Die 349: The Other End 350: Small Dumb Dog 351: Immune 352: Vertical Spur 353: Piece of Shit 354: Tranquility 355: Twat Bro 356: Twat Fingers 357: Upside Down Planets 358: Insanity 359: Piggy Back 360: Squirting Farts 361: Texican Waterfight 362: Chicken Biter 363: Tight Hipped Scrunchies 364: Spiky Testicle 365: Bubbles For Swimmers 366: Chainsaw Garden Gnome 367: Hairy Bugs 368: Mullet 369: Shaved 370: Flute 371: Carnival Illness 372: Naked Step Stool 373: Pond Hopper 374: Plastic Mermaid 375: Pandas For Parents 376: Yawning Vampire 377: Rake the Grass 378: Mass Balloon Rub 379: Butt 380: Finger Sign 381: Pizza 382: Balloons 383: Water Gun 384: Bleating Rat 385: Pizza Log 386: Sissy 387: Blood Water 388: Gaping For Terror 389: Aquarium Stereo 390: Googly Eyes 391: Packing Pussy 392: Snake Pervert 393: Sharper Image Personality Test 394: Frog on a Stick 395: Bullet Hole 396: Sweet Tooth 397: Shaggy vs. Velcro Donkey 398: Slippery Hairdo 399: Belching Firetruck 400: Mouth Bath 401: Snake Fart 402: Beer Can Vomit 403: Slicer of Shrimp 404: Game of Pan 405: Noetron 406: Spasm Drill 407: Water Gun 408: Bare Ass

Sponge 409: Roughly The Point of Chopsticks 410: Swallowing a Coffee P

#long post

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obese-overwatch · 6 years

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With a grin, the anon pulled up as much food as they could, resting it all on Hana’s many chin rolls. “I bet keeping you fed requires practice, though! You obviously eat a lot, so I want to be the best feeder to keep up with you on stream!” The anon said, then picking up a bag of Doritos and pouring it into her mouth slowly for her to chew and swallow.

"I do have a feeding machine though if you get tired or just want to focus on my fat, whatever is easier for you anon." Hana smiled at the anon and ate the food as they carefully fed it to her.

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floralreddie · 7 years

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reddie tumblr au (part 2)

this is a part 2 to my tumblr reddie au. enjoy!

tag list: @im-not-psychotic, @sincerelyhansen, @richietoaster, @homohayls, @aopositn, @arielgirly, @trashmouth-smashmouth, @mzcescapie, @somenates27, @reddiesballoons, @cawcawhawkeye

When Eddie wakes up the next he’s pretty fucking tired, and he entirely blames it on that Trashmouth Tozier. He rubs his eyes tiredly, shuts off his iPhone alarm that’s playing a rather loud rendition of Funkytown, and crawls quickly out of bed and stumbles into the bathroom.

His mom is already downstairs cooking breakfast, from the smell of it.

He gets ready quickly that morning, half-distracted as he thinks of his weird fucking conversation with Richie Tozier on fucking Tumblr the night before, of all the damn places and of all damn people. He had practically fallen out of his chair when the idiot sent that entirely not funny meme Eddie’s way (because he knew the guys blog and had always kind of appreciate how cool Richie was), and then somehow they had started talking.

I mean, Eddie didn’t entirely mind (though Tozier was a fucking idiot, and Eddie already knew this, but now that he had shared more than a few words with the boy he could clarify this fact).The conversation had gone from Eddie revealing his identity (and, fuck, the lanky, curly haired and kind of good looking boy now knew that Eddie ran a fucking 80′s music blog), to Eddie somehow agreeing to have lunch with Tozier and his friends, to them talking until 2 in the morning about Derry, College and the gossip from school.

And Eddie had actually enjoyed the conversation. It had ended, Eddie remembers, with him saying goodnight and Richie telling him to have sweet dreams with about a billion kisses added on the end.

As he stumbles out of the house that morning (with his mom petting his cheeks and straightening his already neat hair) he blushes as he jogs over to Mike’s puck-up truck and thinks of the poorly spelt and grammatically incorrect sentence Richie Tozier had typed to him last night.

i always knew u were cute but wtf since when were u this funny dude.

He swallows and clambers into Mike’s truck, greeting him and Ben with tired smile.

Some Top 40 song is playing lowly in the background as Mike starts to engine and says, ‘You look uncharacteristically ruffled today, Eddie. You okay?’

Eddie huffs and throws Mike an offended look over Ben’s chest. ‘I had a shitty nights sleep, Mike. Thanks, though. Dick’. Ben snorts and reaches forward to turn the music up a little more, just as Eddie blurts out. ‘I, er, how do you guys feel about sitting with Richie Tozier, Bev Marsh, Bill Denbrough and Stanley Uris at lunch?’

Ben whips his head round to face Eddie, round cheeks (although, Eddie has to admit, Ben’s lost some weight) turning pink, just as Mike turns a corner, raises a brow and says, ‘I’m fine with that. Bev’s a pretty cool girl, we’ve been hanging out a bit lately. She thinks I’m photogenic’. At that, he turns away from the road to face Eddie and gives a shit-eating grin. ‘Girl’s got a good eye’.

Eddie scoffs. ‘Douche’.

‘Beverly Marsh?’ Ben finally chokes out, still staring at Eddie. Eddie blinks back and leans away from Ben’s suddenly wild look, just as Mike says,

‘She stopped to talk to me in the hallway yesterday and Ben was with me. I’m pretty sure it took him all but three seconds to fall in love with her’. Eddie catches his eye over Ben’s head, and Mike rolls his eyes. It was no secret that Ben was a hopeless romantic.

‘Why the hell do you want to eat lunch with them anyway?’ Ben says after elbowing Mike in the side and rolling his eyes when Mike insists he could have crashed the truck and killed them all. ‘I didn’t know you spoke to, er....well, anyone’.

Eddie might have glared if the statement weren’t entirely true. Instead, he sniffs and adjusts the collar of his yellow jumper. ‘I got talking to Richie Tozier. He, er...don’t fucking laugh, but he found my damn Tumblr’.

Ben shokes on a laugh, just as Mike turns with his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. ‘Oh, Eddie...’

Eddie shrugs and blushes. ‘Yeah. Whatever. He wants us all to each lunch together. He’s a fucking idiot, but we’ll see how it goes’.

He doesn’t, of course, see the subtle look Mike and Ben exchange, their grins hidden and then brow cocked. He’s too busy thinking about Richie and his friends. There’s Bev, who smokes and is pretty and friendly and had a girlfriend last year from out of town. Then he thinks of Stuttering Bill and the Jewish boy, Stan, who were boyfriend and boyfriend. He remembers when the Synagogue plastered the one, small, pride flag outside of its premises.

He remembered being jealous. His mom knew he was gay, but that didn’t mean she was entirely happy about it. Eddie had, though, threatened to leave make her life a misery and never love her again if she didn’t accept him.

He thought of Richie Tozier, who liked guy and girls and walked around with baggy band shirts and ripped jeans and bright red chucks and turned up, sometimes, with glitter on his glasses and was loud and reckless.

Eddie wondered what it would be like to be like that.

Richie was fucking pumped for lunch.

He hadn’t seen Eddie Kaspbrak all day, and he knew it would be weird as fuck when he did. He felt like he got the guy a whole lot more because, shit, they had ended up speaking for hours last night.

And Richie was pretty okay with saying he had been wrong about the dude.

Eddie Kaspbrak was funny. He was, aside from Bev, the first person to be able to shoot down Richie with a snappy comeback in seconds flat. He spoke to Richie about school, and his opinions on each of the people in their grade as Richie snorted into his Doritos packet until the early hours of the morning.

He told Bev this in their second period of the day, and she had peered at him and cracked a smile and said, ‘Holy shit. You fucking have a crush on him. On Eddie Kaspbrak. Pastel wearing,cutey Eddie Kaspbrak who had a fucking fanny-pack until he was fifteen’.

Richie remembered that. Honestly, that only showed what balls the smaller guy had. Plus, he ran a fucking 80′s music blog. How lit was that?

He tells Stan and Bill, who both share a look, hands intertwined, and shrug before nodding that, yes, they will eat lunch with Eddie Kaspbak and his friends. Bev shrugs and agrees also, because, hey, Mike would be there and Mike was pretty fucking swell, in her opinion.

‘His buddy Ben was practically drooling over me yesterday, though,’ she pipes up as the four of them wander through the crowded corridors toward the cafeteria. ‘It was actually kind of cute. Like, he wasn’t doing it in the way Bowers and his posse does, y’know?’

‘I get you,’ Richie clarifies. Because he knows what innocent drooling and creepy as fuck drooling looks like when it comes to males attention to Bev. He’s had to give enough creeps his Tozier glare enough times.

And then he sees him.

He and his friends, not-so-fat-anymore Ben and smiley Mike, are sitting on a round table near one of the large cafeteria windows. He’s wearing a bright yellow jumper and black shorts, and Richie can just about see a pair of white chucks under the table. He has a brown lunch bag in front of him, and he’s eating a white bread sandwich the crusts on.

And, what the fuck, why does Richie feel so weird and breathless?

‘There they are,’ Bev points out, swiping a loose red curl from her cheek as her bracelets jangle. She nudges Bill ad Stan to look in the right direction, and the two turn away from their quiet conversation with each other to look. Mike sees her, waves, and Bev waves back and starts for the table.

Then Eddie looks up and he sees Richie, and Richie grins his Tozier grin.

He’s rather delighted to see that Kaspbrak blushes.

They all sit down, and suddenly there’s seven of them at the table. Richie practically pushes Bill out of the way so that he can grab the seat next to Eddie, who gives him the side eye and chews his sandwich slowly, and Richie grins and nods and says, as the others greet each other and Bev and Mike talk across the table, ‘Hey, can I ask you something?’

Eddie looks stumped for a moment, but his brown eyes soon narrow and he swallows, and replies, ‘What?’

Richie grins, plonks his lunch on the table (Bill had brought in a spare sandwich for him) and says, ‘Do you want to talk about the 80′s?’

The glare that falls across Kaspbrak’s face his truly a sight, but only made better because of the pink flush that travels up his neck and to his cheeks. ‘You’re a fucking dickweed,’ Eddie grits out. ‘And you’re definitely a Trashmouth’.

Richie, in return, laughs.

It isn’t as awkward as Richie thought it might be, and he’s pretty fucking happy about that. Eddie’s friend Mike talks briefly to him, telling Richie he likes his Ghostbusters t-shirt, Bill doesn’t seem as shy about his stutter as he usually is around new people, Bev smiles to Ben, who sits next to her, and joins in a quiet conversation with him. Richie, as per-usual, has the whole table laughing with his one-liners and inappropriate jokes.

‘We should do something this weekend,’ Bev pipes up, as Stan has just finished reprimanding Richie when the latter threw his crust at the Jewish boy. ‘All seven of us’.

‘We normally hang out at the Q-Quary,’ Bill says, absentmindedly handing Stan a napkin. His boyfriend takes his and places it on the table and begins wiping away any mess. Richie notices, to his right, that Eddie watches the motion closely. ‘On Friday n-n-nights. You guys should come, tomorrow’.

‘Sounds fun!’ Ben nods, popping the lid of his lunch-box back on. Richie notices, with a sly smile, how he shoots a sideways glance to Bev, who’s chugging down her Diet Coke and watching something at the other end of the food hall.

Normal conversation ensues, and Richie turns to Eddie. He’s finished his lunch, and is instead flicking through his phone, dark lashes fluttering against his cheeks. ‘Whatcha doing there, Ed’s?’

Eddie doesn’t turn away form his phone. ‘I wish you wouldn’t call me that, Trashmouth’.

‘But it suits you so well!’ Richie points out, as Bev starts up a conversation about Mister Delly, the horrible Maths teachers. Richie knows what she’s doing. She’s giving him a moment to talk to Kaspbrak. ‘Because you’re just too cute, cute, cute!’

Eddie does look away from his phone then, gaze deadpan, and there’s a split second when he raises it slightly and Richie’s glasses practically slide off his face in shock. ‘Holy shit,’ he laughs, snatching Eddie’s phone was his grasp as the smaller boy yelps. ‘You have a fucking RuPaul phone case? And you say you’re not entirely out, yet?’

Eddie snatches his phone back and glares, a hot blush creeping across his cheeks. Richie’s pretty sure he’s fallen in love with this guys blush, which is a more than okay with him. ‘Shut up, Richie. Half the people in this town don’t even fucking know what it is, anyway’.

Richie peers at him and Eddie glares back. Suddenly, Richie grins and nudges the other boy in the side. ‘I’m only fucking with you. So, what, Sasha Velour your favourite?’

Eddie blinks before nodding slowly. He wets his lip and brushes a loose curl back into place.

Richie slopes back in his chair and nods, whilst chewing the side of his mouth. ‘Arty farty kinda guy then, are ya? See, mine is Adore Delano-’

Eddie blinks, and Richie can practically see him squash the smile edging onto his face.

‘Why does that literally not surprise me at all?’ Eddie shoots back, rolling his eyes. ‘Her catchphrases are fucking party and I’m a messy slut-’

‘Eddie!’ Richie gasps, drawing a hand to his chest. ‘Did you just call me a messy slut?’

‘What the fuck are you two talking about?’ Stan interrupts, and Richie turns with a grin to see the others are looking at him and Eddie curiously. ‘Richie, don’t ruin anymore innocent souls. You’ve already got to Bill, Bev and I’.

Bev laughs. ‘Honestly’. She looks at Mike, Ben and Eddie in turns. ‘Save yourselves whilst you can’.

‘You,’ Richie points out, raising a finger and slouching his chair. ‘Fucking suck, Marsh’.

It takes only fifteen seconds for the others to draw away form Eddie and Richie again, because there seems to be some kind of unsaid agreement amongst their friends to let the two talk, alone. ‘Hey, Ed’s’.

Eddie shoves his phone in his pocket and sighs. ‘For the last time, don’t call me-’

‘Are you going to go to the Quarry tomorrow then?’ Eddie clamps his mouth shut and looks at Richie Tozier, with his big mouth, messy hair and large eyes magnified by his glasses. ‘Because it would be pretty sick if you would’. Eddie blushes and nods and Richie grins. ‘Fuckin’-ey! Now, gimme you number, will ya?’

With that, he pulls out a battered iPhone 5C (in a bright pink with stickers on the back), as Eddie lowly reads out his number with a curious look on his face as he stares at the older boy.

‘Ah,’ Richie sighs, saving the number and shooting Eddie a quick text to let him know his own digits. ‘I should have got you to write it on my arm like they do in those old movies, shouldn’t I?’

‘No,’ Eddie says simply. ‘Because you might have got ink poisoning’. At that moment, the bell rings and they all sigh because, oddly, they had all been enjoying themselves far more than they thought they would. Each of the people at the table had come to lunch for Richie and Eddie’s benefit, but, somehow, they ended up feeling like seven of them together made perfect sense.

‘Righto, lads and lady!’ Richie practically shouts, clambering to his feet. Each person looks to him. ‘We all agreed on tomorrow night?’ Slowly, they all nod. Bev stares at him with a sly smile and gaze that twitches to the yellow jumper wearing Eddie Kaspbrak, who climbs slowly to his feet. ‘Splendid!’

They disperse, all of them half-knowing that their groups might have just gotten a little bit bigger.

That night, Eddie Kaspbrak crawls into bed at 9:07 PM after kissing his mother goodnight and taking his vitamins, when a beeping sounds from his phone. Decked out in his stripes pyjama bottoms and Mike’s oversized shirt he had left at Eddie’s weeks ago, he lays on his back in bed and reaches for his phone.

With a grin that he can’t help but allow to spread across his face, he rolls his eyes when he reads the text message, knowing full well what the butterflies in his stomach meant.

Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier: that yellow jumper made you look like the sun today, you know

Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier: you also better appreciate the fact that i just used a god damn comma in a text message, Eds

Across town, Richie Tozier sits on it window ledge with a cigarette hanging loosely from his mouth as he blinks down at his cracked phone screen. He grins wide when a message bubble slides onto the conversation.

Eds: One day with me and you’ve already grasped the concept of grammar. Within a week, you might actually be a fully functioning human being.

Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier: aw eds you wanna spend another week with me? jesus stop flirting with me and go to bed will ya?

Eddie Kaspbrak all but blushes right down to his toes. He’s pretty sure he’s going to have murdered Richie Tozier by the end of next week.

#areyoureddiekids #tumblr au #reddie #richie x eddie #it (2017)#richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #part 2

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loyalfoodmachine · 3 years

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Which Doritos Flavor Sells The Most?

1.Doritos corn flakes of doritos chips making machine Doritos comes from the United States and is a flavored Mexican nachos. Compared with potato chips, corn flakes have lower calories, but the taste is crisper and more fragrant. Unlike some potato chips that are frying, they are making by baking and are healthier. There are three flavors to choose from: super cheese flavor, American spicy chicken wings flavor and smoked barbecue flavor. Then the most popular among foodies and the best reputation is the super thick cheese flavor The overall feeling of Doritos corn flakes is "heavy taste". Then it is too salty (the cheese flavor is already very strong, and the barbecue flavor and chicken wings flavor will be stronger. 2. Doritos history of doritos chips making machine All varieties of Fritoli Doritos eliminated trans fats in 2002. Starting in the same year. The Doritos brand complied with the labeling regulations of the US Food and Drug Administration for four years before becoming mandatory.

The company was founding in 2003 by Charles Grady. Who claimed that his throat was damaged and was prosecuted because of stress. According to him, the shape and rigidity of the chips make them inherently dangerous. Grady tried to prove that the chemistry professor of the previous study had calculated. Then how to best swallow potato chips safely. The Pennsylvania Supreme Court later ruled that the research did not meet scientific standards and could not be submitted as evidence. Doritos sales in the United States fell 1.7% to 595 million US dollars in 2005. In order to increase sales in 2006, the company introduced some new flavors, new labels, and more bilingual advertisements. Qiao Yannian, vice president of Fitzroy. Described it as "the most significant rebranding and restarting of Doritos in a 38-year history." On February 21, 2013, the Doritos logo changed again, and now a new advertising slogan says "Bold". This time, it pays tribute to the original design, and to some extent combines it with the previous design elements. The change of the logo is an unannounced visit, appearing out of thin air, and now you can see all kinds of Doritos, the taste of Nacho cheese, although some bags still live in the past 2005 logo. It was officially renamed on the Fritoli website on the same day. 3. Introduction to Doritos Dipping Sauce There are two types of dipping sauces. Both do not add artificial colors and artificial flavors. They are produced in the European Union. After opening, they must be placed in the refrigerator for storage for one month. Type one, vegetable sauce. A. Green bottle. Doritos Mild Salsa (300g): Mexican-style salsa (original) The main ingredients are tomatoes, onions and bell peppers. B. Ingredients: Tomato Purée (49%), Tomatoes (19%), Onion, Peppers (10%), Jalapeño Peppers (2%), Spirit Vinegar, Salt, Modified Maize Starch, Sugar, Garlic Purée, Coriander, Capsicum Extract. C. Taste. Although the main raw materials are all kinds of tomatoes, the taste is very different. There are more natural ingredients in the sauce, and you can clearly see the large particles of tomatoes, onions and green bell peppers. Different from the sticky tomato sauce, Salsa is The liquid-rich sauce is thinner, which is similar to tomato sauce. In addition to the sweet and sour tomato taste. The slightly spicy flavor of the bell pepper itself is very prominent. It makes the sauce itself comprehensive The taste has rich layering, and is very refreshing and appetizing. Although vinegar is added to the sauce, the vinegar taste is slightly lighter. It will not have a strong sour taste from beginning to end like some tomato sauces. And it also covers the taste of other ingredients. D. Red bottle. Doritos Hot Salsa (300g): Mexican-style salsa (spicy) E. The main ingredients are tomatoes, onions and bell peppers. F. Ingredients. Tomato Puree (49%), Chopped Tomatoes (20%), Onion, Peppers (11%), Jalapeno Peppers (3%), Spirit Vinegar, Salt, Modified Maize Starch, Sugar, Garlic Puree, Capsicum Extract, Coriander. G. Taste. It is not much different from the green bottle sauce, except that the bell pepper in the ingredients is a little bit more spicy, but in terms of the heavy taste of the Chinese (especially the people of Sichuan and Chongqing), it may even be slightly spicy. Then the degree is not even considering. . . The stamina of the spiciness is quite sufficient. The short summary is to clear the sour and then slightly spicy.

Type two, cream cheese sauce. A. White bottle. Doritos Cool Sour Cream & Chives Dip (300g): Sour Sour Cream Sauce B. The main ingredients are sour cream. Then whey protein and whole milk powder. C. Ingredients: Water, Rapeseed Oil, Sour Cream (from Milk) (7%), Whey Protein Concentrate (Whey Protein (from Milk), Full Cream Milk Powder, Cream Powder (from Milk)) (5%), Double Cream (from Milk) Milk) (3.5%), White Wine Vinegar, Modified Maize Starch, Onion, Sugar, Dried Egg Yolk, Salt, Chives, Garlic Purée, Acidity Regulator (Lactic Acid), Stabiliser (Xanthan Gum), Preservative (Potassium Sorbate), Yeast and Yeast Extract, Maltodextrin, Flavourings. D. Taste. Solid and full of milky flavor. When chewing with teeth, it feels a bit like eating the cream in a butter cake. The overall taste is strong, but there is almost no sweetness. Then the acidity is light. The sweetness is moderate, and the sauce The finely chopped green onions hidden in the ingredients are very colorful. So they not only cover the acetic acid taste. But also dilute and whiten the little sweet and greasy taste, further reducing the greasy taste of the overall sauce. E. Orange bottle. Doritos Nacho Cheese Dip (300g): Mexican cheese sauce F. The main ingredients are sour cream. Then white cheddar cheese, corn starch and skimmed milk. G. Ingredients. Water, Rapeseed Oil, Sour Cream (from Milk) (8%), Mature White Cheddar Cheese (from Milk) (5%), White Wine Vinegar, Modified Maize Starch, Dried Skimmed Milk, Sugar, Whey Protein Concentrate (Whey Protein (Milk), Full Cream Milk Powder, Cream Powder (Milk)), Salt, Dried Egg Yolk, Spices, Acidity Regulator (Lactic Acid), Garlic Purée, Stabiliser (Xanthan Gum), Garlic Powder, Colour (Paprika Extract), Dried Red Pepper, Onion Powder, Preservative (Potassium Sorbate), Oregano, Dried Chillies. H. Taste. To be solid, similar to white bottle sauce. Also not greasy, but due to the addition of cornstarch and cheddar cheese. Then a strong cornstarch taste (to be precise, more like Doritos corn The taste of slices) is bashing. So the acidity and sweetness are moderate, and the finely sliced dried red pepper is adding. But the taste is still suppressing by the taste of corn cheese.

#Food Extruder Machine

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easyfoodnetwork · 4 years

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The Enduring Appeal of the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Processed Snack

Courtesy of Planters

The ingredients and production of Cheez Balls and Dunkaroos are murky, but these snacks retain a nostalgic pull for anyone who ate junk food in the ’90s

“It’s one part nostalgia, one part pure love for cheddar-dusted corn snacks,” says Lindsay DiMarcello, a 29-year-old freelance editor and proofreader, of Planters Cheez Balls, the gumball-sized puffed corn snack in a blue canister. “I remember being very small and sitting under a coffee table in my living room that was right next to a heater vent, and eating a whole can.”

In 2006, Planters discontinued the snack, and in 2014, DiMarcello published a petition on Change.org called “Bring back Planters Cheez Balls and P.B. Crisps!” It received 818 signatures, a reasonably small response. One day, during the summer of 2018, she opened the front door of her home in Oaks, Pennsylvania, to a camera crew recording her.

She had nearly forgotten about the petition by then, but when she saw a peanut-shaped trailer parked in her driveway and someone in a full-body Mr. Peanut costume, she figured it out: Planters, the nut brand owned by the Kraft Heinz food conglomerate, was bringing back the snack. The Planters marketing team had gotten in touch with her boyfriend, who helped plan the surprise visit to coincide with the relaunch.

“I still desperately miss P.B. Crisps. It sucks that didn’t happen,” says DiMarcello.

“There is a bit of a nostalgic halo to the brand,” says Samantha Hess, brand manager at Kraft Heinz; compared to other bright orange cheese powder-dusted corn puffs on the market, she believes Cheez Balls excels. Around since the late 1970s, the product was most popular in the ’80s and ’90s, she explains, and that’s why Kraft Heinz marketed the relaunch as a throwback to the ’90s. It was shelved in the mid-2000s as part of an effort by the company to refocus on its core products: nuts. The look and taste of the snack have been carefully preserved to assure customers that it’s the same product they remember. The only noticeable difference is a burst on the canister that reads: “It’s Back.”

“You’re seeing products that pretend to be healthy and others that have no pretense at all — it’s just pure junk food.”

Cheez Balls are not the only ’90s snack food to reappear. The Coca-Cola Company reintroduced its discontinued soda Surge in 2014, also employing a ’90s nostalgia marketing strategy. General Mills recently announced Dunkaroos will return this year, writing on its blog, “’90s kids now have a new reason to rejoice.” The kangaroo-shaped cookies in a plastic tray with a pool of frosting for dipping, which were available in the U.S. from 1990 to 2012, had received shout-outs from Kim Kardashian West, Chrissy Teigen, and Lilly Singh.

With today’s ’90s kids in their late 20s and 30s, big food makers are tapping into deep reserves of childhood brand recognition for their “new” items. “It costs a lot of money to introduce and market new products, so you see a lot of repackaging and re-introductions of old stuff that was successful,” says Michael Moss, author of Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us, which explores the ways that big food companies have engineered snack foods to be addictive.

But, like Bill and Ted thrust into another era, many totally, righteously ’90s snacks are an odd fit for a consumer base that increasingly demands more healthful and wholesome foods. Moss describes a divergence in thinking among the biggest food companies that took place around 2017. Confronted with declining sales, as more people became concerned with what they were eating, some packaged food companies resolved to sell more good-for-you products, or at least the illusion of that.

“But then you saw another part of the industry that was like, screw that, there’s always going to be a few million people who are just in it for the craving and the fix,” says Moss. These companies chose to double down on junk food. “That’s why you’re seeing products that pretend to be healthy and others that have no pretense at all — it’s just pure junk food.”

Today, though, these cheap-calorie snacks sit beside plenty of alternatives that tout their healthful virtues. Could nostalgia give them an edge? Troubled since almost the day the two food giants merged in 2015, Kraft Heinz appears to be gambling on that approach with its Cheez Balls comeback campaign. And General Mills, a conglomerate whose biggest business, breakfast cereals, is in the midst of a long and well-publicized sales decline, might be testing a parachute with its Dunkaroos revival. Forget the healthful hyperbole. Forget the barnyard imagery and “Harvest Cheddar” flavor names, even. This time, going back in time to a simpler place means forgetting everything you ever learned about high-fructose corn syrup.

“One of the addictive properties of a cheese puff is when you put it in your mouth and press your tongue onto the roof of your mouth, the puff dissolves because it gets half of its calories from fat,” says Moss.

In food manufacturing, this phenomenon is called “vanishing caloric density”: the notion that when a food is so light that it requires little chewing, the brain doesn’t signal that you are overeating.

Then there’s “dynamic contrast” — essentially, exciting variations in textures and colors, as with Oreo cookies or Dunkaroos. This, says Moss, is just how humans are wired: “The brain loves information for information’s sake, so the more ways you can excite the brain, the better.” According to some studies, Moss says, people — like animals — are attracted to bright colors when shopping for food; this is something that the food industry discovered way back in the 1950s and ’60s. “Which is why the grocery store, when you walk in, you’re just faced with neon colors,” he says.

“If you look at the space these products take up in a supermarket, it’s evident they’ve got a hold on our brains,” says Mark Schatzker, author of The Dorito Effect.

Much of the appeal of junk food items comes from the natural and artificial flavorings added to them. In the flavor labs Schatzker has visited, scientists work to reproduce the chemical compounds in certain real foods to add to food products. The problem with engineering brilliant flavors, he says, is creating an addictive snack out of a morsel that you wouldn’t otherwise want or need to eat much of. Like extruded cornmeal.

“They all kind of run on the same formula, which is a processed carb with flavor powder on it,” says Schatzker of cheese-coated corn-based snacks. “It’s hard to stop eating them because they’re engineered to be continued to be eaten.”

Despite the scientific precision of the nutritional information printed on food packaging, it can be almost impossible to understand what, exactly, many food products are. Or to visualize how they’re made. And few foods are less transparent than Cheez Balls and Dunkaroos; unlike potato chips, a cheese ball represents nothing organic, and with their uniform, molded shapes and plentiful packaging, Dunkaroos are emphatically not just-like-homemade. They’re a throwback to a time before artisanal, small-batch, and all-natural messaging would dominate labels, and meet-the-maker videos flourished.

Kraft Heinz declined to describe how Cheez Balls are made, and few people seem to wonder about their production. But it turns out that cheese curls, puffs, balls, and doodles were invented around 1939 by an animal feed manufacturer in Wisconsin, as Ernie Smith explored for Atlas Obscura. When a grinder jammed, an employee ran some wet corn through the machinery and discovered that it puffed up while exiting the grinder. He seasoned the corn, and the resulting snack was eventually called Korn Kurls. According to the University of Wisconsin, employees of the animal feed company continued to experiment with frying techniques and flavorings, like cheese powder.

“It’s hard to stop eating them because they’re engineered to be continued to be eaten.”

Extruded cornmeal-based snacks are everywhere now. And they’re not just snacks; biodegradable packing peanuts, made from cornstarch or other edible, food-based starches, are created using the same kind of process with high-heat extruders. A representative for Puffy Stuff, a biodegradable packing peanut company, told me on the phone that they’re entirely edible. “We joke around and we eat them,” she said. I’ll admit to letting one or two of these things dissolve in my mouth, too. And if you break apart a cornstarch-based packing peanut and smell the inside, it will remind you of a cheese curl.

“In the ’80s and ’90s there was an explosion of processed food,” says Kristin Lawless, a nutritionist and author of Formerly Known as Food: How the Industrial Food System Is Changing Our Minds, Bodies, and Culture. Behind the shift in supermarket shelves was a significant change in industrial farming. Around this time, Monsanto, founded as a chemical company, began stepping up its efforts in biotechnology, producing corn and soy along with pesticides to control them. Corn and soy, Lawless explains, “are the backbone ingredients of all processed foods.”

Just as this year’s relaunch of Planters Cheez Balls required elaborate marketing efforts, these products were heavily advertised to their target audience. As processed corn- and soy-based products proliferated in the ’90s, Saturday morning cartoons were bookended by commercials for a wacky range of foods marketed to children — like bouncing cartoon kangaroo-shaped cookies. And the boom in processed food followed an increase in advertising focused on African-American consumers during the ’70s.

“With the rise of more ethnic market research firms and advertising agencies, the big companies, like Quaker Oats and General Mills, really concentrated on promoting the use of convenience foods for traditional, black cuisine and encouraging the consumption of packaged foods,” says Marcia Chatelain, author of Franchise: The Golden Arches in Black America. Because African Americans tend to have less access to health care and fewer choices in the marketplace for quality groceries, on top of the stresses caused by racism, says Chatelain, they’ve been particularly impacted by this kind of eating.

Before the 2000s, most people had never heard of GMOs. Americans had no way of knowing whether they were eating trans fats, let alone that they were bad for you and would eventually be banned. Eric Schlosser hadn’t written Fast Food Nation and Michael Pollan hadn’t imbued omnivores with a best-selling dilemma. Millennials are definitely not the first generation with highly processed comfort foods — boomers have that unique honor. But during the ’90s, the processed food industry was on a serious modified food starch high.

“I’m tasting the Dunkaroo in my mind and it is so sweet and texturally very satisfying, and it just brings me back to the playground,” says Eve Turow Paul, a consultant and author of the upcoming book Hungry: Avocado Toast, Instagram Influencers, and Our Search for Connection and Meaning.

She sees the reboots of Dunkaroos and Cheez Balls as a way of tapping into a shared memory or identity, and finding community around that. Given the performative aspect of tweeting about Dunkaroos or “liking” a Facebook group calling for the return of a discontinued snack, a nostalgic food can take on an almost meme-like quality. It’s less about making informed food choices than indulging in an escapist pleasure. “You are essentially excusing yourself from your general adult worries in life,” she says. But memes aren’t necessarily appetizing.

“To be honest, if I saw those in a store, I would probably point them out to my husband and be like, ‘Oh my god, remember Dunkaroos?’” Turow Paul says. “But I probably wouldn’t buy them.”

Nostalgia is a formidable, and some might say toxic, force that defines a large chunk of the U.S. restaurant industry, so it’s no surprise that packaged goods manufacturers are using this theme to sell their products, too. Perhaps the most famous food associated with nostalgia is the madeleine recalled in Marcel Proust’s Remembrance of Things Past. This singular, shell-shaped tea biscuit spurs a flurry of memories for the narrator. If, as the novel implies, everyone has their own madeleine memories — locked deep in the subconscious and accessible only with a certain key — perhaps we all have one food that succeeds above all others in triggering our memories. And maybe we should indulge in it from time to time, Red 40 and all.

Lindsay DiMarcello, who started the Cheez Balls petition, still loves dipping them in chocolate milkshakes, a habit she picked up as a kid. A dynamic contrast if there ever was, she says, the salty cheddar dust paired with sweet, cold chocolate ice cream is deliciously balanced.

But, she adds, “This also works great with Herr’s Cheese Curls.”

Cathy Erway is the author of The Food of Taiwan: Recipes From the Beautiful Island and The Art of Eating In: How I Learned to Stop Spending and Love the Stove.

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/3cZGiP0 https://ift.tt/3cUa5bF

Courtesy of Planters

The ingredients and production of Cheez Balls and Dunkaroos are murky, but these snacks retain a nostalgic pull for anyone who ate junk food in the ’90s

“I still desperately miss P.B. Crisps. It sucks that didn’t happen,” says DiMarcello.

“You’re seeing products that pretend to be healthy and others that have no pretense at all — it’s just pure junk food.”

“If you look at the space these products take up in a supermarket, it’s evident they’ve got a hold on our brains,” says Mark Schatzker, author of The Dorito Effect.

“It’s hard to stop eating them because they’re engineered to be continued to be eaten.”

But, she adds, “This also works great with Herr’s Cheese Curls.”

Cathy Erway is the author of The Food of Taiwan: Recipes From the Beautiful Island and The Art of Eating In: How I Learned to Stop Spending and Love the Stove.

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/3cZGiP0 via Blogger https://ift.tt/2KEzgmz

#Blogger #cooking #Eater #food #recipes

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dietsauthority · 4 years

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Why Are We So Emotionally Connected to Food?

We are SO passionate regarding our food options! Why is that? Absolutely nothing, other than maybe religion and national politics, evokes as much heated feeling as disputes over whether or not we need to be consuming meat or GMOs or if high fructose corn syrup and junk food are actually all that poor for us. And afterwards there's the concern of directly preferences-- the gross variable of foods that make us feel like gagging just when we believe concerning them (please, nobody say "asparagus").

Stepping approximately the McDonald's counter, my Father would certainly convert my toothless mumble-mouth order to the cashier, 'She'll have a burger with pickles as well as mustard only. No ketchup, no onions.' Naturally, my sis liked the other, as well as attempt a roaming onion make its means between my two sesame seed buns or a pickle in hers, and our Daddy was back up at the counter for a replacement. My various other sister hates garlic. I as soon as met an individual who vowed they disliked delicious chocolate! Head of state Obama despises beets.

According to The Yale Overview of Children's Nutrition, 'Fussy eaters may be birthed that means: the ability to taste sweet taste and also resentment could be genetically associated to the number of palate on a person's tongue. The supposed hereditary supertaster, for instance, may have as many as 1,100 taste per square centimeter of tongue, while a much more approving eater may have as few as 11 taste in the same-size area.' As well as while this may clarify our hostilities to the method particular foods taste, it only asks even more inquiries about why it is we end up being so enthusiastic concerning our repulsion. The majority of us do not like certain music, or locate the color hot pink undesirable, yet we do not usually respond with as much feeling as we do when spewing a half-chewed bite of Brussels grow from our mouth. Research carried out by neuroscientists at Columbia University Medical Facility in New York discovered some mind patterns that might discuss the root causes of our emotional consuming. The researchers noticed extreme blood circulation to locations in the mind that regulate the psychological control of food intake. When the hormone leptin was injected right into volunteers, the mind task concerning food transformed from a psychological link to a much more mindful, sensible one, determining exactly what seems a primal psychological trigger that was necessary to our forefathers when food was extra limited and we needed to be able to consume as much of it as we can when we stumbled upon it. Author Michael Pollan (Omnivore's Problem, In Protection of Food, Food Rules) aims out this sensation, mentioning that we're so enthusiastic regarding salt, fat as well as sugar as a result of their relative scarcity in nature. It would definitely discuss our predisposition to eat way too much these foods and also the rise in conditions gotten in touch with them. Extra recent study places convenience food in the same category as drug or alcohol, at the very least where dependency is worried, as well as anybody that's ever before dived right into the salty, savory remnants of an essentially empty bag of Doritos is rather knowledgeable about this feeling of wanting more-- as well as an apple or a celery stalk simply will not do. And what concerning the principles of eating? Program someone facts about the harmful cholesterol degrees in meat or the traces of chemicals, hormonal agents and virus found in a glass of milk, as well as prepare to take a few strikes. Definitely the vegan argument goes well beyond what we eat, yet why does the conversation-- specifically when backed by facts-- result in such hostility and defensiveness? Vegans hear all of it the time--' I don't know how you do it! I can never give up bacon/cheese/ice cream'-- sentences typically said by a person repelled by the torment withstood by the factory-farmed animals that are become their important bacon, cheese and also gelato sundae. Researchers at the College of Leuven in Belgium exploring our tendency to eat high fat foods when requiring a mood boost, located that volunteers revealed to induced sad settings after eating fatty foods like bacon, cheese or ice lotion were less likely to exhibit depressing actions compared to those that just received a saline solution, further worsening the intrinsic psychological links we need to our food. I gave up visits to McDonald's long ago, however mustard as well as pickles, well, they still make me grin. Or even though you'll always find me on the non-GMO-healthy-junk-free-vegan side of the food dispute, comprehending that our connections to food choices are dictated by irrational psychological triggers hard-wired right into our wiring long before the arrival of food as a sector, makes it all that a lot easier to recognize that human development takes an extremely long period of time. If we're recently able to translate what links us to our food selections, picture where we'll be a hundred years from currently. Will we still be protecting our love or our disdain for sure foods? Or will we finally have progressed to sensible consuming for ideal nutritional advantages that are low-impact on the earth and also qualified of feeding everyone?

#diet #lemonade diet #nutrition

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