#does that last part even make sense

[orbdotexe]

I refuse to ever leave your inbox. I am making a nest and demand shiny things in return.

Anyway, you’ve mentioned a few times how Shin feels about Crow later, but how does he feel about him in the start

LATE. I NEVER SAW THIS ONE.

You are more than welcome in here, as your namesake <3 im getting blurry pictures of you as we speak

OKAY so. At first, I don't think Shin pays Crow too much mind. There is the attention and weight from having come from Uldren, but Shin isn't aware of Uldren's whole role in it. The beginning of his stuff in Exile does revolve around refusing to see things as they appeared, and trying to find out what had happened to trying to stop Wolf from falling any further in the process.

So, Crow was notable as something to keep an eye on as Wolf's mantle was passed to him, but Shin's focus was largely on Wolf for the time.

It's when Shin figures out the connection between the two of them and however he finds out about what really happened in the Prison (no clue how honestly. maybe Wolf left a message, but they won't even defend themself from the Vanguard on that front. Drifter pieces it together?) that Shin takes a real interest in Crow.

So, Shin's view of Crow goes largely from a less invested version of how I imagine Shin developed the fixation on Wolf -- Curiosity for something powerful and wary of it falling -- and then into a similar view of Wolf -- Powerful, trying to do right, lost in intent and that spark.

#the forsaken exile #orb rambles #does that last part even make sense #it does in my brain but feel free to ask for clarification-- #god i love drawing parallels between Crow and Wolf. can you tell

[ever-go-on]

seeing traces of what might be another child part

#my posts #actually did #actually dissociative #i chalked them up to being an existing child having a unique trauma response but... hm. might not be #just like the last kid i identified this month ive known about their trauma responses and symptoms for a while just didnt think it might be+ #+a separate part. even though actually that does make sense #welcome to my brain we have many developed children and even more child fragments

[quietwingsinthesky]

the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?

to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.

#regret here meaning less feeling the emotion of actual regret obviously because time lords do not actually funxtion on unicorn rules. they #already get sad just fine on their own. no humanity needed for that. #but i dont know. i just dont think he brushed it off so easily. i think he did a hell of a job convincing himself he did. #and what better way then to twist his own great works and destroy the species he was working so hard to save at the end of the universe. #but what about the knowledge that he *could* be that person. that somewhere in him exists a version that wanted to save people. #a version that is painfully too much like the doctor. even. now is that part worse or better than the human part? #but if past regenerations are ghosts i think yana deserves a haunt. #anyway maybe ignore this one im rambling about nothing here #theres just. i dont know. what if you were the last of your kind and in surviving you made yourself Not Like Them in a way you’ll never #escape. #i mean doctor who is just so concerned with all these plots about hybrids and children of the tardis and clones and What Makes A Time Lord. #but they’re so obsessed with it in just. a very Lore way. is what it feels like. we get brushes of more like with jenny and how she’s #physically a time lord and the doctor denies her that inheritance. a shared suffering… #but me myself im just fascinated with the doctor and the master as the time lords who survived. but they survived Wrong #its. its. children of gallifrey that don’t belong to her anymore. you know? #i dont care if river’s got time lord dna!!! or the metacrisis is physically human!!! i dont care!!! talk to me about what it means beyond #their blood and bones!!! what’s it like to have your sense of self stripped from you like that!!! #what’s it like when so much of you is the shed skin of time lords past. but one of you was human. one of you was painfully *humiliatingly* #human!!! #enough about how much dna you need to count as a time lord. i want to know how much they can mutate until they can’t be recognized as one. #does that make sense?

[oozeandgoo-art]

had an odd dream that i was reading a comic book. sketched a couple of the pages i could remember.

#i might adapt this into an actual story because i am SO SO SO mad that it isn't a thing i can go back to reading #oc #im definitely keeping the concept of save-bot i fucking love save-bot he's just doing his best. i love a robot who wants to help people #im not equipped to be writing about underground rebellions with any sense of real tact though #besides its in a superhero universe/story so you know it would just be so sucks lol #sketch #god the colors were so interesting. the teal parts were all very precisely crosshatched and the fire was this gorgeous brush pen looking #colored inks that just seemed like they were MOVING #and i mean some of that was because i was dreaming but god even in my halfhearted copy you can see some of the movement #it was a bad scene but a really really REALLY fun dream. i love when a book can *get* to me so i was really enjoying it #put it aside so i could take a break and woke up. instant fury at the universe for not having it be a real book instead #ill reblog with details if anyone's curious. i can explain this scene but i dont feel like it #the green people are in a secret basement though. hiding from the government. blue jacket guy is a speedster robot named save-bot who does #rescue stuff with every fire department so fire suppression technology is not very good because save-bot "can just save you'' #however they're badly over their legal occupancy and the secret basement has One (1) exit so everyone is like really fucked here. #includinig save-bot who is going to do his job until he dies because he is an ai without any sense of self preservation and he cares #which i didn't even CATCH until i woke up and started tryin to frantically note everything down #and then i was like wait. the glitter on that last page before i realized i needed a glass of water to keep reading... what WAS that... #(it was tears suspended in midair because save-bot goes so fast and also knows he's so fucked LOL) #seriously i'm so mad someone else didn't make this.

[lambjock]

i have too many thoughts on the deleted jackienat scene for a girl who's supposed to be enjoying her birthday lol. i think at the root of it all, it's highly likely that when the actresses breathed life into the characters, and scenes got improvised, some things just stopped making sense for characters to do. including good things, like with jackie's 'i love you' to shauna! and i think this is the case for natalie looking at jackie with hatred before leaving her out in the cold. maybe at one point in her early stages of characterization it made sense, but clearly the people on the show didn't think that way anymore at some point, hence the cut. also ngl people taking this deleted scene, which for all we know didn't even make it into the final script, as some sort of 'gotchu' for jackienat enjoyers ( romantic or otherwise ) is weird as hell to me. like, it was removed for a reason.

#my posts. #yellowjackets #im tired and its my birthday so maybe this doesnt make much sense but #i have lots of thoughts i cant stop thinking abt this scene #a mix of good and bad tbh #but mostly watching people act as if this completely destroys jackienat is hilarious to some degree #since a huge part of their appeal has always been how similiar they are. that's what jackienat is founded on #and with that similarity comes a hatred especially since both girls have a self loathing streak #so regardless whether people view this as a huge characterization moment for nat or not doesn't change this #people seem to forget how much natalie genuinely hated lottie and was jealous of her as well! it doesn't mean she loved her any less #natalie at her core is a teenage girl like the rest of them. she has flaws and pettiness and does things she regrets. a *lot* #but on the other hand she'd do anything for travis. that's who she lives for. and the only one who helped her save him was jackie #jackie might've stolen him away for the night but the others were gonna take him away forever #which is something natalie would hate more than jackie fucking him. hell in the show she even says she could care less about the sex #she just wanted travis to be *alright.* #had natalie been in the cabin when jackie was calling the girls out for what they did last night you KNOW she would've sided with her #would she have cared about the highschool drama between shauna and jackie? who knows. #but no matter her personal feelings on jackie they had a mutual hatred and disgust for what happened during doomcoming #and i think that would've mattered more to nat at the time. in a swarm of angry feral teenagers the only one she could trust then was jacki #of course these are just my personal opinions which im purposefully keeping brief lol #but like. i just have too many thoughts on this it would take an essay to iron them out so here's this i guess!

[sysig]

One better (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Blood #I knew going into this and it was still so distressing :'0 #Who needs plot twists when you can create such an intense sense of Dread #Probably doesn't help that I read this At Night In the Dark lol - actual shivers #Gods this was a hard scene to read - there have been several instances of my face hurting from furrowing my brow so hard haha #The way that ''Doctor'' is written is So skillful - I'm so impressed by everyone's prose and quirks and syntax! #Not to mention when he breaks character in a later scene to apologize for taking a bit to move the scene along haha <3 Play!! #It really does speak to just how much skill and effort is put into everything <3 It's so well done all the way around!! #Anyway to the actual scene at hand lol ow :') Drawing blood is always fun but I wish it wasn't his ;u; #Ugh the way he takes the surgeries is so well written - fear of course but a kind of stoic suffering as much as he's able to - #Until it comes to his eye #Ugh the /break/ of it all he goes from so eloquent - almost snarky and silly! Still trying to find an out make peace do /something/ #It all goes completely out the window he's so /reduced/ and nothing hurts worse than that ughughugh #For all his intelligence and wit and prior successes and charm and just - everything that makes him /him/ to be dissolved into abject fear #It's so sad ;; And so well done <3 #And he still holds enough of himself to know what he'd be losing wegh it's so sad!! He's so defined by his vision as most VUX are it's fjdsl #Zelnick is already gone by this point but I wanted to throw him in for extra sad flavour :') #Plus - I've mentioned his post-Op was one of the ones from the gallery that Actively kills me every time I look at it #Can you imagine my heartbreak to find out that he didn't have his Captain to comfort him after this in actuality? That he was fully alone? #''Are we home? Is it over?'' ''N...not yet'' - The Absolute Devastation of realizing that Never Was not really #Just tear my heart out why don't you ugh I'm fully bleeding out 💔 #That last one is actually meant to be Max but it's open to interpretation :) #I think it's such a waste that his eye was just disposed of! Someone else could've used that (lol) #I do think there's something to the idea of seeing what used to be a part of your body elsewhere - like the Leftovers! #Even just keeping as a memento tho - a trophy - insult to injury but literally #Just points to no one being special and nothing being sacred I suppose

[dolokhoded]

i'm supposed to be studying but i have a hot take which is that could we start again please should have been an ensemble number mostly led by mary and peter's verse should've been divided to him, john and james if not more of them

#🧅 #like think. sort offf but not exactly stay i pray you from anastasia. #it only makes sense being a duet between mary and peter in 2012 arena where it actually build a dynamic between them #otherwise like. where did peter even come from. that guy is Not an equal part to mary #i actually do like it as it is i just haven't seen many productions that have worked out how it clicks in my brain #i understand the show can't be 2000 hours long and im just biased and want them to talk abt mary constantly but ideally i think peter's #character should've been used to kind of ground mary. cause yeah she does love jesus but also realistically that guy does Not give a shit #about her. mary is forgotten about the moment she's out of his sight. somebody needs to tell her to girl get up #which is sort of what happens in 2012 arena! there's this part after the last supper where mary kind of hesitantly goes to approach jesus to #comfort him and peter just takes her adm and he's like girl. get up let's get out of here. and she leaves #and tbh we love to see it

[eggwishing]

little peek at somethjing i am cooking up ...

#this is rlly rough but rn im just blocking everything out #i have like 6.5 pages sketched so far this is already going faster than last time i think..^_^ #im having a blast also #im tryna rewire my brain . every time i think Blehhh i hate drawing i just want to see it done i gotta stop n correct myself #like Hey wait you actually love drawing why are you telling yourself this The process is frustrating sometimes but that comes with art #i had to redraw this one page like 4 separate times and i still didn't feel like giving up #like yeah i was feeling pressed but at the same time i was being patient with myself #like this is part of improving Stop laying on the floor and wondering why you're even doin this you've always loved it #only drawing when u know it's gonna turn out good defeats the whole purpose of learning #also i added cal last minute to this comic and im gladi did he's so creeepy #im very excited to get this done Not impatient like i was before #im impatient for people to see it yeah lol but not w myself #and im not gonna be all like “yeah we'll see how long this lasts lol” bc i think that's already setting myself up for burning out #i have hope that i can keep enjoying art like this I just need to change the way i think #and accept the messy n ugly. the perfect is the enemy of the good #aaron blaise really inspires me. he sincerely loves what he does and i want to be like that #this is also gonna be more comic-like Panelwise i think #scott pilgrim n my bro inspired me #also the way cal's face cuts off on the right makes sense in context he's peekin from behind a chair

[crybaby-bkg]

#I’m gonna do this every time I can’t decide on what to do next lol #yes some of these are from the last poll!!!! #also I feel like they’re all kinda self explanatory #but the aizawa one is a part of my mall series on ao3 #and it’s gonna be about him catching you after letting shiggy hump you (creep) #and he basically tells you to let him fugg or else he’s gonna arrest you #yk like that p*rn series about being in the back rooms but instead it’s him in the security office lmfao #does that even make sense #idk whatever #and the dilf one is gonna be more sweet and very self indulgent since I wanna be a librarian soooo bad lol #I don’t even know when I’ll write these but I’m hoping it’s soon :) #—pick your poison 🍩

[magentagalaxies]

i really want to start making a table collecting statistics on the audience demographics i'll perform my aubrey material for (like what generation most of the audience is, whether i'm performing in a predominantly queer space, etc.) and how well the jokes land bc like. i need to collect more data points before i can properly present my findings but the results so far have been fascinating

#again i do not have enough performance experiences to make any definitive claims about who ''aubery's audience'' is #but i find it funny that any time i show my aubrey material one-on-one to a queer gen z person #they're always like ''i love it but straight people will definitely hate it or not get it'' #and i get the inclination to be like. ''i like this thing so people like me will like this thing'' #and cishet society seems so polarized w/r/t queer topics it's like. the assumption makes sense #however. whenever i've done an aubrey performance in front of an audience that's predominantly queer and gen z #i've actually received a primarily negative response!! and somehow straight people have never given me shit for my aubrey material #(''well straight allys don't count'' i told some of my aubrey jokes to a joe rogan dudebro and he enjoyed them) #(which yeah maybe could be a mark against my comedy but i like to think i opened his mind a bit at the very least) #i really want to test my aubrey monologues in front of a primarily gen x/boomer audience #bc so far i only have actual performance experience in front of gen z or millennials #and the older people i've told jokes to individually or shown videos of my stuff have really liked it #luckily paul has said a goal for when i'm in town this summer is to get me to perform my aubrey stuff in as many different places as possib #for both queer audiences and non-queer audiences so i can gauge reactions since i don't want to be confined to one demographic #so i'll get a lot of data points this summer #@ paul get me a performing slot at senior citizen pride lmao these are my people #(shoutout to paul going ''jess stop collecting the old homos!'' last time i was in town) #(and when i imitated him and was like ''old gay men are not your pokemon!'' bellini was like ''ok but they may be your audience'') #also one data point i really want to see the variation on is how my one specific joke plays in these different demographics #bc i have a joke that like. it's literally not even about AIDS and doesn't punch down at all #i literally say ''if you're gay and over the age of 50 you could violate the geneva convention and i'd still be like support our troops'' #like obviously being like ''you have been through hell so i will let you get away with literal war crimes you deserve ultimate immunity'' #BUT. in the line right before the quote i use the phrase ''AIDS generation'' not as a derogatory term but being like. #this horrible thing impacted the entire generation y'know? and bellini and scott and their friends call themselves that it's just the term #but when i said the phrase ''AIDS generation'' in front of my gen z audience i heard gasps and felt like they all hated me #and when i did the same line in front of millennials it wasn't quite as striking but their eyes did widen #like i was suddenly an ''edgy comedian''. but like this is a part of our history and it does inform the story i'm telling #the story i'm telling is comedic but it's grounded in this real world context #and i'm like. @ the audience who was offended: when was the last time any of y'all spoke to a gay man over the age of 50 #bc bellini loves that section of the monologue and was offended that people would even take offense to that phrase

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm pretty sure at this point the person that has appeared the most in my dreams/nightmares (apart from people I actually know/used to know in real life) is Jarvis Johnson. it happens a lot, he'll just randomly show up all the time. like last night he was in a (particularly gruesome and unpleasant) nightmare that I had. didn't make any sense but it was nice to get a break for a second :)

#I like when my brain does this #just. oh yeah this is pretty awful. here have A Guy You Like #it does help a little #and it does kinda make sense that he would show up a lot. I find him very calming #there's also been lots of dreams where I was friends with him. and many where I hug him. it's very weird because besides him this really #doesn't happen a lot with anyone else lol #like I've had maybe three dreams that (characters played by) John Larroquette showed up in. and I spend a stupid amount of time thinking #about him lol #anyway I like Jarvis he's great and I'm glad my brain seems to like him too haha #also. that nightmare last night was one of the more brutal ones (like. dozens of young people/teenagers getting killed by a teacher that I #haven't seen in 15 years and who wasn't even that bad. it was just really rough. so yeah getting like a tiny moment of aww hey what's he #doing here that makes no sense! is always nice :') and it's good because then I tend you remember that part a bit more than the rest.) #*to #unfortunately this makes watching his videos (especially sad boyz) a little weird sometimes. like. hey that's my friend. wait no he's not. #I've just dreamed that over a dozen times it's not actually real (unfortunately) #personal

[lisbonsteresa]

knees weak, arms are heavy

#listen it's too late for me to be very articulate about it (and i'm only on s3 now; the rest of the show is kind of hazily blending) but #one of the things i find most interesting about the red john plot...or jane's pursuit of red john maybe #is how ...individualized? it is #obviously the characters have different opinions on it - is his mission right; is it justified; would it help him; would it condemn him #and you as a viewer can side with one opinion more than others (and the opinions change as the show goes on -it's dynamic #which is another interesting but separate train of thought) #but imo/iirc the show itself - the narrative i guess - never makes any outright statement/judgement/comes to any definitive conclusion #on the matter #idk it's just even this - obviously everything's part of the larger narrative but at the same time #his asking does illustrate at least some level of doubt that he didn't seem to have in the last two seasons #is it because of lisbon; and the team; because of kristina; because of the strain it's putting on himself #(probably not the last one; he is demonstrably cavalier when it comes to his own wellbeing) #and he just happens to have the perfect man to express those doubts to right in front of him #(and that man just happens to be noah bennet alskdfja) #had winter said no what would his reaction have been? would his doubts have gotten worse - led to him taking a step towards giving it up? #would he have doubled down? we have no way of knowing because for this man; for this character it was worth it #and that helps shore up jane's belief that it would still be worth it to him too #idk i'm not making sense but it just feels like there's a level of grey area/audience interpretation to this story #rather than a hard line being drawn (by the story itself) on whether the actions taken in it are good or bad and i appreciate that #character-focused vs a morality tale maybe but that's more of an extreme phrasing #anyway ignore me i'm - #tm

[kosmicfeelings]

It saddens me that we may never adventure the universe. It’ll forever be hidden for our own eyes to see and to see the beautiful mystery that lingers out there. I know that we get to see pictures that are taken but it’s not the same. It only makes me yearn to explore it more than before. I want to know what’s out there, what’s hidden from our eyes, what do these planets hold, what exists out there, what’s there we don’t know of yet, but all in general what does this universe hold?

#the last part. I mean of what does it hold all together. like ALLLLLLLL #does that even make sense? #alex talks

[itspileofgoodthings]

I mean, if there’s one thing the album is going to do it’s come through.

#winner of every long game #but a certain kind of abruptness/shock/even anger is always a part of every first reaction. At least for me. #if i’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times: #she wears extremely well and extremely gently #she gets better with use and familiarity in that the bitterness dissolves #like everyone can hmmmm all they want the album will come through and will have the people in a chokehold #and I even understand the frustration with that sometimes. with the inevitability of her dominance that makes people mad #I feel it too!!! but that’s just a surface level thing. it’s the stuff around her that ISN’t real #she and her music always is. no matter the mistakes she makes or how much she participates in the not-realness of it. etc. (and she does) #she’s going to have the last word in the sense of that word being a thing very worth hearing #Anyway this is why she’s so almost jarring as a famous person and also why she’s simply never going to go away #and anyway anyway it’s been a deeply upsetting two days! I’m drained and about to cry

[catsaysmlem]

living like this is EXTREMELY sexy of him ngl. this set design deserves an award for completely understanding the character and for not being afraid to go All OUT. and i need to point out no other action movie guy could ever or will ever be able to carry this living space off without it looking like he's trying and failing at doing too much. but not maverick as played by tom cruise. with him and him alone does it look simply like getting a peek into the natural habitat of someone known for having jetfuel in their blood.

#jetfuel in his blood #jetfuel is his blood #top gun the movie and maverick the character were both part of pop culture in a huge way for 35 years before this sequel came out #and one thing they symbolise in popular memory is apparatus of locomotion by land air and sometimes sea that go very fast #and so does tom cruise #with any other action movie star this set would simply not mean anything to us the audience except that they were trying too hard #its only with tom cruise and this character in this sequel to this movie that a seet design like this actually holds #almost an emotional instinctual understanding for the audience #you look at the bigger pieces of this living space he's made for himself and you think of course he lives like this its maverick #you look at the smaller pieces and discover new depths new journeys hes been on for the 35 years since we last met him #this set is a perfect combination of tribute to the space this character has occupied in pop culture for 35 years #and an insight on the journey he's on in this movie #you're not even thinking they designed his home like this because he's a cool action hero in a cool action movie #even though both are true #but mostly it just makes sense like getting the reveal of the natural habitat of a legendary pokemon would #also masterful choices were made to portray the character in the way cruise did in this sequel #the wry tired genuine earnestness and compassion that transform the actiony trappings of the genre the character is in #from just shallow fun to a very warm emotionally resonant cultural phenomenon of a movie #with him as its steel spine #but that's a whole other post

[aeoris4lovers]

seeing the beginning of campaign one again, it's so wild to me that vax became known as the Broody Emo One.

i know he gets more broody as the campaign goes on and shit goes down, but his main personality trait at least at the beginning really is just like...charm?

like the dude's A People Person, he's buying drinks for a whole inn's worth of people and lightheartedly sympathizing with npcs about how his friends are all idiots and giving vex surprise hair ruffles while stealthed and generally just so far from the way he's portrayed by a lot of people.

he's such a likable person (very intentionally so) when things are more relaxed and i feel like that makes it hit way harder what he does withdraw bc that's not just what he's always like.

#not to mention even when he does get darker he's not an 'i don't need anyone' type by any means #like sure he takes time to himself a lot but he'd 100% be lost if he were actually alone #which is also true of caleb and i think that's why they work as part of a party even when they're more Broody (TM) #because as much as they might withdraw they also Desperately need their friends so they never fully bail #and that's such an important part of both their characters especially when you consider their attachments to vex and veth respectively #liam's characters always have Very Important Friends they're never really that Loner Type even though people tend to paint them that way #if anything it makes more sense for caleb to be talked about as the loner type because of how close he gets to bailing on everyone but nott #but i feel like vax gets much more of that treatment?? like okay the dude likes to Walk Away #he also Desperately Needs To Be Liked And Will Make You Like Him If It's The Last Thing He Does a lot of the time #it's not a one-dimensional thing by any means if you ask me and it's so weird to me that it's what defines him to a lot of people #c1 rewatch #c1 liveblog #cr liveblogging #vax’ildan