#do they know it goes deeper than that!!

[gothedrals]

on my soapbox once again but I really think something would be different if queen had been mentioned as one of mcr’s influences in lotms

#i know they’ve been citing queen’s influence in interviews since bullets #and maybe I’m wrong here but I think a lot of fans take lotms as one of The definitive sources on mcr info #even tho it’s not an all-encompassing documentation of their entire career it was one of the first places I went when I was wanted to know #more about the band beyond just listening to their music #and I’ve met plenty of mcr fans who are also queen fans I know it’s not just me! #i just wonder if there would be a shift of queen had been placed next to the misfits and iron maiden #if* #their influence on mcr has always seemed like an afterthought to other people unless they’re comparing wttbp to bohemian rhapsody #do they know it goes deeper than that!! #g

[starry-bi-sky]

ive been hesitating to ask this bc youve been on a roll with the clone^2au (which i am frothing over) but could i poke you for some childhood friend au? bc GOD i wanna see how danny reacts to reuniting w jason or how the rest of the batfam react to learning jason never told danny of his resurrection or wondering if dannys gonna put jokers dead body on a display/offering to jasons grave. i havent been normal about this since i first read it and was wondering. thank you for your writing.

RAAAAHHHH DON'T BE HESITANT I AM JUST AS FERAL OVER MY CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AU AS I AM WITH CLONE^2 I AM DELIGHTED BY THIS. Like.,,,, i literally love them,,, so much. I can't listen to The Crane Wives without thinking of them.

(which is my fault - the ao3 fic of them has literally only crane wives lyrics for each chapter title and summary (posted AND the ones not written) so of course im gonna associate with them.)

(if you wanna listen to some of their songs while thinking of cfau here are my recommendations: "Once & for All", "Here I Am", "Hollow Moon" is a Danny AND Jason song to me, this would be my go-to song for an animatic of CFAU if i had the skills for it. "Tongues and Teeth", "Curses" and "take me to war" is a heavy cfau danny song to me, and of course, "the moon will sing")

Like they're BEST friends dude, they're two sides of the same coin and when they were kids they would do this thing where their 'fingers crossed'/'double-crossed' was them hooking their index fingers in the fingers crossed gesture.

and i'm actually currently rewriting my original post into a more fic-like format, and when I'm done I'll post it on here under the cfau tag - with the original post still in tact. But its,,, gonna be so long dude,,,, the original behemoth was just over 9000 words,,, and I've written 3k words already of the new one and we haven't even reached Jason and Danny reuniting at the gala yet,,, i need to get back to that,,,

and then to answer your questions!! god im almost hesitant to answer because i dont wanna spoil the little fic i had planned for it but also like,, its not like im gonna spoil everything, right? and answering the questions isnt the same as writing the scene down so!!

i love danny and jason's reuniting, like i've thought about it SO much and I've thought about it happening after Danny kills the Joker. I know the reveal could have been before that, and it could have been equally just as dramatic but like??? Thematically, doing it after danny kills the joker is SO good. To me at least.

Because like?? Jason's been in somewhat denial about danny's plan to kill the joker for months. ever since danny told him that he wanted to at the gala. And from Jason's pov its not even technically a plan. He sees his best friend for the first time after five years and his best friend still isn't over his death. He hasn't stepped foot in Gotham since his funeral and now suddenly he's here.

And he's still so full of grief over his death that he tells a masked vigilante that he's going to kill the guy that did it, who lives in said masked vigilante's city. And danny's got that look in his eyes that Jason knows so well that means he's being serious. And yet he still doesn't know if he should believe him or not.

And then he does. Danny kills him. And Jason can't fucking believe it. And when he goes and sees Danny, Danny's hands are still covered in blood. And that reunion? God like a fucking firework show. Danny's so fucking angry, and pissed, and hurt, and so goddamn overjoyed that he's alive and here that he sends them both to the ground, and if he doesn't calm down he's gonna take out the power in a five block radius.

there's just so, so much yelling on Danny's end. And then so much crying, first from Danny and then them both. because god, you're alive. you're here. i've missed you so much. i'm never letting you out of my sights again.

and Joker's death! God I don't want to actually say too much about that, but the way I have it set up thematically makes me actually not want danny to take any part of the joker with him as an offering. and he may actually forego that particular ghost etiquette and offer something else as an offering to Jason in substitute to not bringing him the Joker's heart/head/ritualistic body part.

Because you know what the last thing a man whose been spending the last two decades of his life building himself up to be larger than life would want? A death that's unremarkable. :) and that's all i'll put on the matter for now.

and the batfam!! they technically already know that jason hasn't told danny he was resurrected, and plenty of them have mixed feelings on them. largely bruce and dick i think, considering they saw firsthand how close jason and danny were when they were kids.

Dick was honestly surprised at first when he found out that Jason hadn't told Danny he was alive - and on one hand he understands the reasoning for it, and on the other hand he isn't sure if it was such a good idea. Especially after he sees Danny again after he arrives back in Gotham and sees just how badly Jason's death was still affecting him. But it's not like he's going to try and convince Jason to tell him - he can make his own choices, even if Dick has questions about them.

Bruce has much the same thoughts as Dick, so there's not really much to add here other than he might bring it up once or twice to Jason like, vaguely. And then immediately drops it when Jason shuts him down. He might actually somewhat...?? prefer that Jason hasn't told Danny because that raises a lot of questions and could jeopardize their identities. However, again, Jason can make his own choices and there's not much Bruce can do about it other than disapprove from afar.

Tim who knew of Danny from stalking the Wayne family shares similars sentiments of being surprised that Jason didn't tell Danny, but again, yeah, understands the thought process to some extent. Doesn't bring it up ever.

Everyone else who hadn't seen firsthand how close Danny and Jason are don't really have much opinion on it -- Jason didn't tell his best friend he was alive, great, he also didn't tell them either so it's not like its that much of a surprise. It would've been more of a surprise to them if Jason had told Danny before he told Bruce and co. Damian may make a comment or two about Jason not telling Danny, but its not about how he can't believe he didn't tell him or anything like it.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #danny fenton is not the ghost king #cfau #childhood friends au #danny and jason are such best friends i love them so much #BUT YEAH ASK ME MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT CFAU I'LL SCREAM #AND THEN TRY AND ANSWER THEM TO MY BEST ABILITY #like i could go on RANTS almost SPECIFICALLY about rath (dan) and then about jason and danny #and their friendship like i've thought about this au with a combined soulmate au and immediately hated the idea because no! #no! i can't call them soulmates. i can't it doesnt fit. their bond goes DEEPER than that. its *better* than that #this wasn't written in the stars it was forged in the back alley streets of gotham with all the broken glass under their feet #and the smell of nicotine weaving itself into the fabrics of their shirts. their souls aren't intertwined because the universe said so #they're two balls of yarn tangled together because they batted it at each other and decided to play cats cradle. and then never bothered #to untangle the string from one another. you'll never know where one ends and the other begins #i actually have a cfau miscellaneous facts post in my drafts that i need to finish too and i might do that today because of this ask <33 #the fastest way to starry's heart is through her ask box #asking me questions about my aus is the fastest way to make me make more content about them ajshld #see: clone^2 (i've been coasting off the fanart i got from them for the last two days) and now this #i need to stop more before i start waxing more poetic about jason and danny's bond with one another. #also also jason is equally as feral about danny as danny is about him (see: him plotting joker's demise since he was 14) its just not #showing as much since a lot of this is from danny's pov. like dw this isn't one-sided obsession its mutual. #see: jason seeing danny's scars and immediately wanting to find out who caused it and getting murderously angry about it #its not a starry post unless its long #idk maybe im just obsessed with the idea that relationships are chosen and forged with time and that the bonds we have arent because they #were predetermined but because we made them to be. Like how clone^2 said 'i choose to be brothers' and how danny and jason said #'i choose you. i will always choose you. you're my other half. the one who watches my back. i choose you.'

[supercalime]

I’ve been lurking in the 911 tags for only a week and I’m already exhausted of most b*ddie shippers holy shit

#the annoying ones know who they are #this isn’t a personal attack #I truly don’t want them to become canon out of spite #why even tag your hate in the goddam tag dedicated to another ship #Tommy’s tag has a lot of hate and people talking about eddie how there’s clues etc etc #I haven’t been deeply involved in fandoms in the last few years for this exact reason #when it becomes too meta it kinda ruins it for me #people digging through interviews and trying to find evidence in situations that weren’t intended that way in the writing drains you #sorry to break it to you #but Bucky is into tommy and was since the beginning of meeting him #yall going #well actually #he’s in love with eddie but doesn’t know and misplaces it with Tommy #is tiring #I don’t know if b*ddie will be canon but not everything has to be about romance with them #they seem to have a connection that goes even deeper than romance #having them be a couple just kinda irks me #they don’t need to be two bros sitting in a bathtub five feet apart but they seem like soulmates in a way that I don’t see as romantic #I say as an aromantic person too #deep connections can be just as intense and interesting if even more than coupling up #obviously not tagging the ship name cause I’d be lynched if I do #and again this isn’t about the actual ship it’s more about the fandom and how they feel entitled to claim theories as facts #lety rambles #tommy kinard #tevan #tuck #911 #911 abc #911 show #bucktommy

[ct-multifandom]

I don’t usually make posts like this, but I’ve been seeing a lot of anti-intellectual junk lately, and I really think we need to put the word “pretentious” up on a shelf until people learn what it actually means.

It doesn’t describe someone who likes artsy-fartsy deep meaning media. People who are pretentious are fake. They’re posers trying to be sophisticated and unique, not like other girls. They pretend to only like stuff they think will make them sound cool when they talk about it. They want to act like they know something you don’t, and they want attention for it.

By definition, if you genuinely enjoy something, you can’t be pretentious. If it resonates with you, and you analyze it, and you don’t care what people think, that’s the polar opposite, actually. If you love obscure experimental prog music, if you watch underground high concept indie films through English teacher eyes, if you spend hours in a modern art museum reading each piece as a vessel for storytelling, if your backpack’s full of poetry books that inspire you, if you play underrated games that were someone’s passion project, if you have an interest in studying the classics or the masters, you are not pretentious.

Of course, some people just don’t like some stuff, and that’s fine, but that’s not what this is about. Don’t let anti-intellectuals shame you for enjoying things just because your interests are inaccessible to them, because they refuse to be brave and put effort into critical thinking. You’re not stuck up for refusing to overlook the craft of artists.

#anti intellectualism #media #movies #books #music #critical thinking #my friend who primarily listens to one very popular band once said that people who listen to obscure music are annoying and pretentious #which rubbed me the wrong way because 1 she knows that I listen to obscure music and 2 it’s such a cowardly consumerist take. anyone can #make music and hey a lot of the people who do make GOOD music. and this goes for all *obscure* media #this post was mostly inspired by people talking about Barbie and those anti pick me girls like the pick nobody girls who insist thinking is #for boys and having fun with an empty brain is for girls. Greta gerwig is an artist. I haven’t seen the movie yet but I know it has a deeper #message than haha cute pink! I’ve seen the summaries about the true meaning. the pinkness and popularity doesn’t negate the narritive. #though in the notes I saw a lot of tumblristas comunistas shitting on the film for being one big ad that people *fell for* which tbh is #tbh almost as anti-intellectual. don’t get me wrong they milked this film to sell hella shit but I don’t believe kids who play with dolls #are the target audience as these people claim. Barbie is a culturally iconic symbol almost archetypical of societal expectations for women #you say barbie people think unblinking perfect plastic pink girly. reminds me of the poem The Last Mojave Indian Barbie. yeah yeah you all #hate brands but this one carries undeniable significance and makes for a powerful literary device. it’s been used many times before #sorry for writing a tag essay about a film I haven’t even seen but I’m tired of internet people focusing so much on proving others wrong #that they end up oversimplifying everything just as much as the other person. god I saw people doing this to Nimona saying transphobes were #looking too deep into her character and they’re reactionary clowns for making that jump. like for once the transphobes are right. she is #trans. it’s a queer story. and irl the first people who notice queerness are the bigots who can tell you’re different. sick owns telling #them the story’s not that deep is harmful and it’s like they’re ignoring the real message on purpose. okay enough rambling hehe! thanks #barbie #nimona

[tearlessrain]

I think of all the approximate categories of animal, fish are unbeatable in terms of how much it would suck ass to be one. you’re basically the most edible creature on god’s earth and literally everything else wants in on that. like yeah everything eats everything but at least if you’re a bird that lives in the sky you mainly just have to worry about being eaten by other things that are in the sky, but fish? other fish are only the beginning of your problems. not only does everything in the ocean that’s bigger than you want to eat you, so do most things on land given half a chance. there are things in the sky that evolved specifically to come all the way down just to eat you. and you don’t even have arms to punch any of them with you just kinda have to sit there going :o as you’re carried away into the beyond. you have no limbs at all, in fact, so if you ever leave the water you can’t even get back to it like, if something that’s not supposed to be in the water gets in the water it can at least try to swim to shore and get out, but fish are just like “guess I’ll die.” pour one out for fish. they did not ask for this.

#I live on this little inlet that at low tide pretty much becomes a mud flat with a small stream going through the middle #and every day at low tide at this time of year a bunch of salmon get stranded in that stream #and I have to watch them desperately try and thrash their way to deeper water while halfway out of the stream as the sun beats down on them #and seagulls crowd around waiting for them to get tired enough to eat them without too much resistance #and every day I root for them even though unlike them I can see how far the inlet goes and I know they'll never make it #it's existentially horrifying but I too tried to get out there to eat one before I realized I couldn't traverse the mud #and also had no place/means to effectively clean a huge fish #to be clear I wasn't gonna just wade out there and bite into one like smeagol I was gonna bring it back and cook it #I mean I love me some raw salmon but parasites and all that #but as bad as I feel for the slow and agonizing deaths happening every day out there #I am also pained by the fact that the most delicious animal on earth throws itself on my doorstep to die every day #and I can't quite get to it #I feel no guilt over this because I would frankly give any salmon I caught a much more merciful death than the seagulls and sun do

[dcviline]

every time I see people insist that the stark sisters will automatically hate each other and say that sansa "bullied" or "traumatized" arya (or vise versa) my eyes threaten to roll out of my skull. some of y'all truly have no idea how real sibling dynamics work.

#᯽ ooc. ⊱ ── ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞ #the irony is I'm saying this as an only child #the closest thing I had to siblings were a bunch of cousins I was raised with #and if I had to live with those bitches every day of my life for my entire childhood? yeah we would fight all the time too #why are we sanitizing EVERYTHING?? why do we put everything into a black&white box when these dynamics are more complicated than #being mean to someone = you hate them?? #you are not gonna have a perfect conflict free relationship with anyone who is THAT close to you in your life #if you do??? if you never clash even over something stupid or petty or irrelevant??? consider. you are not actually close to them. #your relationship is not evolving. you don't truly *know* each other. #because anything that goes deeper than surface level projection of self image requires going mask-off to varying degrees #and having someone close enough to see the worse parts of you. because they DO exist. every one has flaws and bad behaviors #carefully hidden beneath the layers of the image we project #closeness requires letting another person see that #and sibling dynamics (non-withstanding traumas / abnormal childhoods / other factors) are most exemplary of that #because sometimes your biggest rival that you swear you would be better off without is also the person you would die for

[articskele]

Thought too hard about Jonah Marshall again *covered in blood*

#AAAAAAAAAAAUGH #yknow that video of snow leopards getting zoomies and they kinda jump in place before running? i literally had to do that just now #i dunno if i have the wrods but. fuckkkkkk. #something something everyman knowing this goes deeper than both of them could ever imagine and being reasonable and still dying #something something one sided friendship #something something screams attract alternates #puts my head in my hands. jonah marshall i miss you everyday #“it's my fault. jonah. im paying the price” COLLAPSES TO THE GROUND SOBBING #mandela catalogue #jonah marshall #my nonsense

[housefreak]

they had a chinese edition of the dark knight? also straight up thought I was buying the same transporter film again for fun but its not love wins. and I keep buying lotr tapes and have still yet to see one

#also that copy of fargo has literally never been opened it has seals on every side #dont know why i keep buying copies of unbreakable knowing full well what the sequels to it are. but i do ! <- guy who does also own split.. #i try not to buy paper cases bc theyre deeper than reg but . when else am i going to find the hudsuckers proxy . #n sadly the dark knight belonged to a smoker so it smells so bad :( but it goes with french the lives of others. maybe one day ill get #the french canadian inception from the other goodwill

[donnatroyyyy]

Batman has/had some kind of miscommunication going on with every single one of his kids. The bat family is just one big miscommunication trope after the other.

#him and Dick have miscommunication about how they see each other. Bruce sees Dick as a son and Dick sees Bruce as a father #but they didn’t think the other saw them that way so they never told each other. that’s what led to their fights in Dick’s later teenage #years and dick quitting and becoming nightwing. he thought Bruce only saw him as a ward/robin so he thought that as long as he couldn’t be #robin Bruce wouldn’t want him #and if didn’t help when Bruce stopped talking to him when he left. though to Bruce it was because he thought Dick didn’t want to talk to him #and also Dick really needs to tell Bruce like ‘hey you put me on a higher pedestal then you put even yourself which is saying something and #and I don’t like that cuz that’s too much pressure for me. and also since you did it everyone else does it and has done it since I was Robin #and it’s literally just a matter of time before I break from the pressure cuz I’m not fucking Superman and I can’t take it’ #and Jason with the whole UTRH thing. you know all Bruce had to say was that he had tried killing the joker over Jason multiple times and #maybe just explain to Jason WHY he doesn’t kill. a simple ‘you’re better than me because if I killed one person I’d kill everyone’ #or it could even just be a simple ‘I do love you Jason youre the kid that I felt most comfortable loving’ #and also maybe a ‘I don’t think anything changed after my death and that makes my death meaningless which I think goes against your no kill #rule because I hat is the rule of not a reminder taht death means something. and by that logic my death already went against the rule so why #can’t you do it again for the man that murdered me.’ and Bruce needs to make a presentation: ‘all the ways Jason’s death meant something’ #and Tim just needs a simple ‘I don’t see you as work I see you as family.’ maybe even a ‘you don’t have to be the grown up in this relati #anymore I’m sorry you were one to begin with. you should’ve always been the child’ #now his miscommunication with Damian goes much deeper but I’m one hundred percent sure if they sit down and air out all of their feelings it #would help a lot but I have a feeling that won’t happen #a ‘I have trouble understanding you because both your trauma and compassion run deeper than mine and I also never had to grow up to be a #weapon’ from Bruce and a ‘I don’t understand your optimism and moral stubbornness and easness why is it so easy to be good for u?’ #his miscommunication with Cass stems from two things a simple ‘why are you so afraid to show how deeply you love?’ from Cass maybe a #‘I’m jealous of you because you’re better than me not only in fighting but morally and emotionally’ from Bruce should fix it #and Steph— look I’m not even going to TRY to get into that that goes SO much deeer and wider than any one else’s miscommunication #but maybe a ‘you reminded me of Jason at a time where that wasn’t a good thing’ from Bruce should start things up #for Duke a ‘I can never truly understand what you’re going/have gone through and for that I’m sorry’ from Bruce should suffice #maybe also Bruce telling him that just because he sees Duke as a son doesn’t mean he’s trying any less to get Duke his parents back #oh and babs just needs to go up to him and say ‘I don’t like that what happened to me happened for your story and not mine and I don’t like #that you don’t let me make it into my story’ and then Bruce can follow up and say ‘I see so much of myself in you and it makes me worry and #also I can never look at you without feeling guilty cuz you’re right what happened to you happened for MY story so I’m at fault’ #then the two can go back to being too much like each other and sitting at their respective computers

[sad-endings-suck]

Idk how else to say it but jessica from true blood and sansa stark have such similar and unmatched vibes.

#like yes they are both beautiful young tall redheaded girls that mean well but it goes even deeper than that #and yes they are both traumatized and trying to find their place in the world while hurting people and also not wanting to be hurtful— #and they are just ✨soft✨ physically and emotionally you know?? and pink coded?? u get it #asoiaf #sansa stark #true blood #jessica hamby #sophie turner #deborah ann woll #hbo #got #asoiaf meta #asoiaf thoughts #hbo show #do any other characters fit this niche??

[bluemqckerel]

the biggest reason people think soukoku are toxic is because they’re misunderstanding their dynamic and exaggerating anything dazai’s said/done to chuuya while ignoring that chuuya reciprocates the same energy.

#ik we joke about ppl calling chuuya physically abusive & there’s defs a group of ppl who seriously do #but for the most part it’s this portrayal of chuuya as heartbroken & crying about it while dazai skips around heartlessly bc he cares less #than chuuya or w/e that’s so prevalent. that is the root of all evil #before we even get to explaining that skk are actually so good bc they’re both messy but still good for e/o. ppl have already built a #dynamic in their heads based on all of the ‘dazai hurts chuuya & he’s the second choice but chuuya always goes back to him :’(‘ #no actually edit: it’s that chuuya’s actions towards dazai can only be recognized on the superficial level of ‘oh he hurt him physically’ #but not as anything deeper despite chuuya knowing him so well. they both hurt each other and build each other up at the same time #nakahara chuuya #dazai osamu #soukoku

[mercyluvsyouuu]

Why can't I be a normal autistic. Why do I have to be the one that gets dysphoric over not having machinery instead of organs and metal plating instead of skin. Am I alone on this or are there other ones like me ??? Aueueueue (<- crying)

#mercy talks #ultrakill did this to me #actually autistic #hashtag autism momemt #autism 👍 #it goes so much deeper than this but. i do not have the energy to explain #so sad to know that ill never be able to cure this strange dysphoria 😓 #UNFORTUNATE !

[plushclownparty]

The Video Ever oh my god

#Melonteee is like… assigned watching if you want to look deeper into one piece #or even just want to get into one piece #this and the Queer retrospective do really well at just going into the characters and what Oda gets right and wrong #and tbh i like the middle ground stance she takes #it doesn’t spoil too much either so even if you just want to know how it actually goes other than body types #you can check it out without ruining a potential future watching experience #midnight ramble guys sorry :o3 #one piece #one piece spoilers #melonteee #Youtube

[kimbapisnotsushi]

i for real think bnha should be academically studied honestly

#bnha #ESSAY IN THE TAGS YOU GUYS SCROLL DOWN FOR TLDR #the way it went from being like . . . normal mainstream popular to like. ig still mainstream popular enough #but being bashed upon and jeered at and called cringe #among other things via fandom culture #i really do like it!! #it's fun and feel-good and makes me want to cheer for people #and it's SO creative #like my head would hurt if i had to come up with that many individual powers AND give them all distinct names #AND come up with that many superhero/villain names #AND design them based on aforementioned powers #i think this is one of the few rare cases where it being gimmicky and cheesy works bc that's part of the charm of a superhero story #superheroes ARE gimmicky and cheesy #you know they're about doing the right thing!! you know they're about being the good guys!! #yeah yeah i know it goes a lot deeper than that but. you get what i'm saying? #and like how could i possibly hate bakugo becoming better #how could i possibly hate hawks being a kickass mentor and being a hero who strives for something different #how could i hate aizawa defending his students so dearly and monoma and shinsou being underdogs who rise up to the challenge #how could i hate a group of kids who are so kind and good and are so keen on helping each other??? who are trying to protect each other??? #i simply can't!! #tldr i have a soft spot for bnha and this is my love letter for a series that quite frankly doesn't deserve half the vitriol it gets #sou says stuff

[goldentigerfestival]

boy does Fluri make me feel things. a lot of things. i love. them.

#GTF Things #sometimes I wanna just write like. this gigantic post abt them. and why their relationship is perfected in context #but with the context of all the side material too? like drama CDs and the movie and the novel #bc plot/story inconsistencies aside it all really adds up in a straight line and creates an amazing story of their relationship #and for the life of me I cannot stop thinking about how all of it adds up into this super deeply realistic relationship #like it's not idealized. it's not perfect. it's not a shiny happy little ship where everything goes perfectly #it has all the bad moments where they still love each other through it but they DO hurt each other without truly meaning to #it's just that sometimes i wanna talk abt the depth of their relationship and how it goes so much deeper than #just what we got in the game but how all of it cumulates into what we have in the game from beginning to end #and how everything in the game (JP bc the dub removed a LOT of important tone between them vocally) #does also have a full progression of their relationship that ends in their favor and probably wouldn't EVER be rocky again after that #like I think by the end of the game they've come out on top of any possibility of ever letting that happen again #the unfortunate part is really just. idk who cares abt reading ship essays or who cares abt Fluri #except like idk five people LMAO. I know I'm kinda new here and don't know many ppl but #I legitimately don't know many ppl who care abt the ship at least particularly deeply as an OTP #but narratively speaking they are literally one of my favorite ships ever bc of how deep the content for them goes

[positivelyapunovexponent-good]

it would be really cool if I could have a day this month where I wasn’t so chronically afraid it felt like my intestines were twisted into a möbius strip. Because ya’know- I really like my digestive tract being an orientable manifold. If that’s all the same to the universe.

#it’s the grad school applications I think. It’s really really getting to me #I just. I dunno. It’s hard to eat. Sleep. Talk to people. I try my best but yeah. This is most of what I think about all the time. #Is it normal to feel this bad because of them? Like is this typical levels of graduate school application stress? #The stakes feel so high even though I know they’re not. If I don’t get in I just apply for a job and then reapply to grad school later #But I think it goes deeper than that. The idea of grad school applications has got me really closely examining myself and… #I genuinely worry I’m just- a kinda mediocre mathematician at best #I’ve been starting to feel really insecure about how slow my processing speed is. Would anyone want to invest in someone like me?? #Who does legitimately have disabilities that make efficiently solving problems harder for me than most? #My dad once told me I’m not capable of thinking like a mathematician. Because I’m so slow. He encouraged me not to major in it. #I’m really happy I disregarded him. I can’t imagine doing anything else. I love math and I love research. But I wonder if he was right #I guess it doesn’t matter. I don’t care. I’m going to do math whether I’m cut out for it or not. And if that has to be recreational #Because no graduate school wants me. Then so be it. #But I do really want to go to graduate school. I really love the grad level classes I’ve done. #I really hope I make it #vent #graduate school jeremiad #research jeremiad