#do these count. as headcanons. i'll put them up anyway and then someone can complain if not

[aballadforbarbatos]

a gift for satan, the master tutor

btw this one is like. 80 points long so gl with that. i had fun with it though! hopefully you do too ^.^

“listen. satan. let’s go out.”

his brain totally stops at that. nobody else seems to notice- did you whisper it? he can’t quite remember! he needs to reboot his brain, hold on a second MC

“hellooo? satan? i asked if you wanted to go out with me to town? on a shopping trip?”

so not a date then. WELL NO WONDER NOBODY LOOKED OVER AT THEM BECAUSE YOU WEREN’T ASKING IN THE FIRST PLACE

there also wasn’t a single question there, so he can’t help but suspect you were trying to tease him with the possibility of reciprocated love…

you smile at him. he thinks about saying no in retaliation. but then… what if asmo goes with you instead… or mammon… can he really risk that? no.

great day in town too btw. nice and warm and peaceful. you say something about how lucifer would give you his credit card if you got 100% on all your exams, and you did! satan thinks about how lucifer is such a goddamn sap when it comes to you. grow a backbone, loser

“so where are we going?”

“clothes shopping!”

ugh. he hates clothes shopping. it’s so boring, and he has enough in his wardrobe. so do you actually, why are you choosing to go CLOTHES shopping with lucifer’s credit card?? you already have enough?!

he voices this. but nicely. you shake your head and laugh.

“no, silly! we are going clothes shopping for YOU.”

we what now

“no offence, and i mean this with my whole heart, but your clothes are so incredibly ugly. it always looks like you got dressed in the dark. this belt looks like the one i had when i was 11.”

ok, rude

“it’s a good thing you’re a demon bc your closet is a sin in itself”

:( he thinks it looks nice!

“tbh i am embarrassed to be out with you looking like that, but for today it's fine because it’s for the greater good”

apparently it does not look as nice as he originally thought. ok

well, it’s lucifer’s credit card, and he gets to spend the day with you, so it COULD be worse

majolish is up first

he does a lot of standing around while you play around with clothes

“it’s kinda hard to see how this would look on you because your jacket is so goddamn ugly. can you take off your shirt for a second”

TOTALLY misses the flirtatious tone in that sentence and is just offended instead

then it clicks what you asked him. but he still doesn’t get what you were talking about and just gets nervous

“mc we are in public?????????”

you give him a Look.

he doesn’t understand why (he will hours later) (he will burst into your room while there’s another brother in there and say “i’ll take my shirt off for you mc!” and pull it off and the brother will punch him in the stomach. i’m thinking of mammon when i write this)

you find a sales attendant

“hey so i’m gonna burn all his current clothes because they’re awful”

you gesture at his outfit

YOU’RE GOING TO BURN ALL HIS CLOTHES??

WHY IS THE ATTENDANT NODDING LIKE SHE UNDERSTANDS??

“the jacket is distracting me because it’s ugly. can you help me out here?”

“have you tried taking it off?”

“i asked but he whined”

YOU DIDN’T ASK DON’T LIE AND DON’T LIE ABOUT HIM?

the attendant purses her lips but keeps her mouth shut. probably because he’s the avatar of wrath

“it’s so terrible because when you look at his face he’s hot, but then you look at the rest of his outfit and realise you value your dignity more. imagine how much of a heartthrob he could be if he didn’t permanently look like he was getting dressed in the dark!”

mc. what the fuck? HE’S NEVER HEARD SUCH A BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT

“i see. this could cost a lot of money…”

“it’s okay. we have his dad’s credit card.”

he’s going to strangle you. he starts thinking about how to kill you. au revoir mc. it is the end of your life. you will not get a gravestone.

then he remembers how much he’ll miss you. FUCK.

satan settles for a very strong glare. scowl and everything

“um. what size is he?”

“great question. satan take off your shirt so we can find out”

he does not. he still doesn’t get it. he does know his size though so he lets the demon know and then she does her thing.

then it’s trying on clothes. DAMN he hates this. this is terrible and SO BORING. how tf does asmo do it

it takes forever too :(

the demon whispers in your ear.

“hey satan have you tried wearing pants that fit you so we don’t have to suffer through the ugly belts you choose”

at least asmo isn’t here with you???

he finishes shopping with you at SEVEN O’CLOCK. HE SPENT NINE HOURS SUFFERING THROUGH THIS

you even asked if he could wear one of his new outfits out of the store and fold up the other one, and that’s how he ended up wearing something more “stylish”

you pay for them to deliver his new clothes to the house of lamentation via truck because you decide you can’t be bothered carrying the boxes.

not that it would be possible there’s like 20 there and they’re NOT small

“i feel like we’ve hit the spending limit on lucifer’s card even though it doesn’t have a limit”

honestly he feels like that too. but he’s a lot less remorseful about it than you apparently are

you grab his hand and squeeze it and look at him with such a lovely warm smile that it makes this whole day worth it.

you really wipe away all his suffering with a smile. this is really bad for him, satan is in for a whole world of trouble with you

you squeeze his hand

augh he’s so in love with you this is terrible. but so GOOD at the same time it’s a complicated thing don’t ask him to explain it

“now we get to go home and have fun!”

have fun…?

OH RIGHT YOU’RE GOING TO BURN ALL HIS CLOTHES HE TOTALLY FORGOT

“we don’t have to go that far”

“no we do. we can get belphie and asmo in on it too!”

so that’s how he’s spending his saturday night. burning all his clothes.

asmo says this is a celebration and brings music

belphie brings gasoline

asmo says that it’s fabric so there’s no need for gasoline

belphie pours more on the clothes like he’s making a point. satan has no idea what the point is

you bring out the rest of his clothes and tell him to kiss them goodbye

“can i at least keep the jacket?”

loud sigh from you! whY??

“ok sure whatever. now lets light these things on fire!”

asmo and you are having a great time. belphie is watching them all go up in flames from his spot on the ground

lucifer comes out and yells at you both but you’re too busy dancing in front of the fire to pay attention

“dance with me?”

satan feels a smile tug at his lips as he takes your hand.

he’s in love with you.

he’s so in love with you.

his heart will beat for you forever, taken in by your evil doings and gentle ways.

and tonight he’ll dance with you until the flames subside and you tell him to stop.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me satan #obey me mc #obey me satan x reader #kind of #obey me crack #do these count. as headcanons. i'll put them up anyway and then someone can complain if not #obey me headcanons #majolish #fashion disaster catboy kid #the son. satan #bullying #satan headcanons

[poorly-drawn-puppet-history]

you won't post 1 headcanon for every puppet. you wont

i WILL. AND i'll do it in chronological order from appearance (more or less). but it will be under a readmore after the first season so i dont interrupt anyones scrollin

The Professor: i think in addition to growing a bit from Dino DNA(tm) he also has feathers now. just some feathers in there with his fur. maybe even molts and is miserable about it

Death: he plays guitar And piano, but just as a hobby. he's like a salaryman who had a garage band as a teenager and never fully gave up on the dream

Propeller: propeller SADSTUCK: i think he legitimately had to go to therapy for the britannica shit that happened. PH feels like it would be that realistic about mental health tbh

Big Pile of Diamonds: his mustache is fake. his greatest secret. his greatest shame.

God: he actually really likes to dance! unfortunately next 2 no one will do it since... The Incident

Train: does he not have a better name... maybe put a mr. in front of there... anyway he feels betrayed by the U.S. since they gave up the train model for highways/interstates and the motorcar industry. gets REALLY heated about it

Mt. Vesuvius: has a bunch of speeches given by famous latin authors and orators memorized, but sometimes he mashes them up without realizing/misattributes which one was written by whom. old man moments

Hatshepsut's Goose: can't remember what their gender was in life. that's fine, they love being a nonbinary icon. AMAB (Assigned Mummy at (em)Balming)

Clipped Coin: dodges the spool's wrath by being unflappable and so down to earth despite his apparent success. truly the king of staying in his own lane

Olympic Torch: hes a cranky piece of shit and only really enjoys sporting competition. he was complaining about being in the group puzzle photo so god just picked him up and he went ffffffffffine. okay. ill smile for 2 seconds

Gay Oars: i think they Also went to therapy, mostly relationship counseling, and now they are back and better than Ever. unbreakable bond. im abt to pen a whole ass comic series about them getting married in purgatory

Policarpa's Spool: still thinks of himself as a spy type, but there's only so much spying he can do in... purgatory. of course, his primary nemesis is the treasure chest.

Lake Donner Snowman: idk if this counts as a headcanon per se but in my very short list where i recast the puppets as famous singers, he is ABSOLUTELY voiced by Weird Al Yankovic.

St. Nick's Wet Bones: sort of taking the whole purgatory thing in stride. he kinda feels like he's in retirement! now he's a minor agent of chaos who's looked after by his darling Pickle Boys

Beast of Gevaudan: i was so sad when the infinitiger wasn't real, i wanted them to have a cooking show together so badly and destroy the horse's self-esteem. i love him. hes so abominably french

Stool of Gold: well-traveled, well-read, literally just as sensible as the Book or the Oars, but finds the chaos entertaining to spectate.

Ziryab's Oud: I think that the puppets have divvied up the whole Wondrium Arena and all have designated Living Areas, and he has a whole dressing room filled with shitty costumes he can't even wear. every time someone knocks he answers like hes on MTV's Cribs.

Bye Bye Brothers: they live in the orchestral pit and treat it like a secret lair. only other Murderer Puppets are allowed in. EXCLUSIVE club

Flower Boat: GNC Icon. this is a flower boat stan account. jenuinely a wholesome, emotional vessel doing their best to pitch in.

Molasses Horse: you can wash him as much as you want, that shit always just comes back somehow. the book theorizes it's psychosomatic at this point, since they're technically only souls at this point.

Tiny Piece of Wheat: bro i bet they went through SUCH phases after finding out about the professor's death. like all five stages of grief and then four more that have not yet been discovered by humans. dw kiddo, u got Grandparents incoming

Emu: the type of guy to fistfight you and then help you up. laid back but ready to throw down at a MOMENT'S notice. has no beef with the Wheat, but generally avoids them to keep from any Upsets.

Treasure Chest: has a little list of get-rick-quick schemes he wants to test, but has no way to in purgatory. he has one braincell bouncing around in his head like the DVD logo

Scabs & Pus: they get to hang out with the Bye Bye Brothers in their little club :) they're gross dudes to look at and be around. but they are ultimately harmless and friendly and just happy to be included.

Book: i love da book. I think he lives in the music library backstage and finds librettos for stageplays/musicals to pitch to the group to put on, as well as produces their little TV shows.

Birch Trees: since they share a root system, they have a telepathic link and communicate without even speaking, which is fucking creepy as hell when one or both of them just start laughing out of nowhere. they probably enjoy acting sinister

Asmodeus: he worked HARD on his song for the show!!!!! i think he's a bit of a ham sometimes when he gets the chance. also his goat head bites literally anything that comes close on reflex.

The Devil: while everything he does is to get souls, it also feels like he wants for positive and is less an Enemy of God and more an Irritating Coworker. in my brain they have a whole Tom and Jerry thing going on.

I don't have anything for the Fake Puppets the Substitute impersonated, but im planning on drawing some infinitiger soon bc he was my fave for sure

The Substitute: this is PURELY crack but i think it would be hilarious if he had voice commands like some tech does. i want him to climb back in the window and ryan just yells XBOX TURN OFF and he vanishes.

Dino Dad/Dinosir: i think even after he gets to the present and learns about all kinds of rocks and gems and crystals he Still just loves a big old rock he can lay on and sun himself with. like a dad and his armchair. doesnt gotta be fancy, just has to be comfy.

Dino Mom/Dinosara: i think she would be REALLY into the fake tv shows the puppets in the Wondrium Arena make. and they'd probably Love to have her as a fan. i think both the professor's parents are Hella popular.

#THIS FELT LIKE RUNNING A MARATHON. I FEEL LIKE IM BEING TESTED BY THE FANDOM. I dont expect anyone 2 read all this but if u do u get a kis #puppet history #the professor ph #the substitute ph #gay oars #watcher entertainment #headcanons #ask answered #peer review? peer support? p #EDIT: if u saw me forget someone no u didnt<3