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hellomynameisbisexual · 3 years

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Bisexual men aren't fully bisexual, a controversial study suggests.

In the study, bisexual men reported being sexually aroused by erotic videos of both men and women. But a device attached to their genitals told another story.

Gerulf Rieger, a PhD candidate at Northwestern University, conducted the study with psychology professor J. Michael Bailey, PhD.

"We used measures of sexual arousal to explain true sexual feeling," Rieger tells WebMD. "In men, there is no good evidence that something like a true bisexual attraction is out there."

That conclusion doesn't fit with the experience of San Francisco psychologist Geri Weitzman, PhD, who runs a Web site listing bisexual-friendly professional services.

"I have seen in my practice very, very, very many men who are bisexual," Weitzman tells WebMD. "Really, there are so many bisexual men out there. There are so many men who say — and demonstrate — that they love men and love women and are happy with it."

Rieger and Bailey are looking in the wrong place for men's sexual identities, says Sheeri Kritzer, a Bisexual Resource Center board member. Identity, she says, comes from above the ears, not below the belt.

"The whole point of sexual identity is it is a validation of who you are," Kritzer tells WebMD. "This study perpetuates the idea that men are studs, that they go with whatever turns them on. It goes on the old stereotype that men think with their [penises]."

Sexologist Paula Rodriguez Rust, PhD, is the editor of the 1999 book "Bisexuality in the United States." She says a person's sexual orientation is not determined merely by genital arousal.

"Sexual response is not everything we think of when we think of sexual orientation," Rodriguez Rust tells WebMD. "Bisexuality clearly exists."

Women From Venus And Mars, Men From Venus Or Mars

Bailey's sexuality research tends to draw fire. His 2003 book on transsexual men, "The Man Who Would Be Queen," is still under attack from some in the transgendered community.

Last year, Bailey, Rieger, and others published a study in which they measured female sexual arousal. They concluded that women — whether they identify themselves as homosexual or heterosexual — have bisexual arousal patterns. That's because the genitals of women participating in the study became aroused when they watched porn, regardless of whether it featured men or women.

Men, they say, are different. The current study, reported in the current issue of Psychological Science, enrolled 30 heterosexual men, 33 bisexual men, and 38 homosexual men. Nine of the heterosexual men, 11 of the bisexual men, and 13 of the homosexual men did not become genitally aroused by the videos and were dropped from the final analysis.

The men viewed an 11-minute nonsexual film, followed by several two-minute sexual films and another neutral film. The sex films depicted either men having sex with men or women having sex with women.

The men indicated how aroused they felt by moving a lever up or back. Their genital arousal was measured by an elastic device attached to their penises.

Homosexual men said they were aroused by the male/male porn but not the female/female porn. So did their genital measurements. Heterosexual men said they were aroused by the female/female porn — and their genital measurements agreed.

Bisexual men said they were turned on by both sets of videos — but their genitals responded to one or the other, not to both.

"The majority of bisexual men got aroused to men and only to men," Rieger says. "All those who didn't look like gay men looked like heterosexual men: They got aroused to women. This study fits the picture that ... men are very target-specific. They have an object of their sexual desire and go for that. ... The pattern is that they have this object specificity — it does not change."

Critics Question Results

Weitzman questions both the study methods and Rieger's interpretation of the data.

"The study methods are poor," she says. "It is such a small sample size. To make these conclusions on so few people, that is not good science. Unfortunately, this has gotten much more media play than it deserves. If you torture the data, they will confess to anything. It does not mean there are no bisexual men."

Kritzer, too, questions the study design. She points to the large number of men who were not genitally aroused during the study.

"About a third of the people had no response to any of the porn, whether they identified as gay, straight, or bisexual," she says. "The researchers said this means they had no response, so throw this data out. Yet they said that when bisexual men did not respond to all of the videos, it meant they were gay or straight."

None of the study's flaws is fatal, says Rodriguez Rust. The problem is with Kritzer and Bailey's interpretation.

"The problem with the article is that the findings have been misinterpreted," Rodriguez Rust says. "If you look at the study data, they actually do not show an absence of bisexual sexual response in men. A number of study subjects clearly did respond to both males and females. The study's conclusion — that it remains to be demonstrated that men have a bisexual response — is curious, because it is not supported by the findings."

Who We Are, What We Do, What Turns Us On

"We make a distinction between identity, behavior, and attraction," Rieger says. "Identity is how you perceive yourself. Behavior is what you do. And attraction is what I consider your true sexual feelings for your own sex or for a member of the opposite sex."

Rieger says that for most homosexual and heterosexual men, these three aspects of sexuality are the same. That's not the case for men who say they are bisexual — even if they have sex with both men and women.

"Bailey and I have this approach that sexual attraction is what really defines your sexual orientation: what feelings, actual feelings, do you have?" Rieger says. "In men, there is no good evidence that something like a true bisexual attraction is out there."

That's not true for women, he says.

"Women seem to have a bisexual physiological arousal pattern. Whether homosexual or straight, they show bisexual arousal. It does not seem to be related to what they really are interested in. This is very different from what we find in guys."

Weitzman says Bailey and Rieger oversimplify the many elements that determine a person's sexual orientation. She points to the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, a tool that some psychologists use to determine a person's sexual orientation. Many factors go into this determination: attraction, behavior, fantasies, emotional preference, social preference, lifestyle, and self-identification.

Kritzer says bisexuals often encounter hostility both from the gay/lesbian community and from heterosexuals.

"The Bailey article speaks to a growing trend where bisexuality is seen as a negative thing," she says. "They think we are like unicorns, that we're fabled but don't really exist. This is creating an environment where it isn't even safe to come out in the gay community. But I say when a person who is gay or straight, and finds another person and has a loving relationship, we should be glad, whatever sex that other person may be."

Since it's clear that both men and women have sex with both men and women, Rodriguez Rust wonders why so many people find it hard to believe in bisexuality.

"Bisexuality is very interesting because it challenges the way people think," she says. "It makes people comfortable to think that this study shows bisexuality doesn't exist. But this is completely a misinterpretation."

Sources: Rieger, G. Psychological Science, 2005; vol 16: pp 579-584. Chivers, M.L. Psychological Science, 2004, vol 15: pp 736-744. Gerulf Rieger, doctoral candidate, Northwestern University, Chicago. Geri Weitzman, PhD, private practice psychologist, San Francisco. Sheeri Kritzer, board member, Bisexual Resource Center. Paula Rodriguez Rust, PhD, sexologist; editor, Bisexuality in the United States: A Social Science Reader.

By Daniel J. DeNoon

Reviewed by Brunilda Nazario, MD

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stina-is-a-punk-rocker · 3 years

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donna tartt’s ‘the goldfinch’: an attempt at a comprehensive review

Includes spoilers, because I still haven’t mastered the art of reviewing something without spoiling anything, because I am a dumbass.

It is with great trepidation that I step on my soapbox for this book, partly because I don’t want to be Sandra the Soccer Mom at a modern art exhibition who eyes the work with a disdainful sniff and, “My Bobby could do better than that with Crayola and construction paper!”, partly because too many people like this book for me to be comfortable with dragging it through the mud. Not that I particularly hated it; I view The Goldfinch with the same detachment I reserve for vanilla ice cream and jazz music: it exists, and some of it is good, but it’s not something that has me frothing at the mouth.

Having read (and loved) The Secret History, I was expecting beautiful writing, excessively dramatic and melancholic characters that I will hate with every fiber of my being, and a plot that will keep me hooked till the end. Having read The Goldfinch, my sentiments can be summed up in nine words: when you order a Coke but get a Pepsi.

Theodore is insufferable, pretentious and just an overall boring protagonist. I’ve read books with main characters I hate (*cough* Gone Girl *cough*), and I can tolerate arseholery, as long as it’s interesting arseholery. Theodore Decker couldn’t do me the courtesy of doing even that. That last monologue of his? Skimmed over the entirety; I couldn’t be fucked to go through pages’ worth of introspection and Analyses of Life. RIP to Theo and his sad boi hours, but I guess I’m just different. Almost everyone else in his life is far more interesting than him- Hagrid Hobie, Boris, Mrs. Barbour, Kitsey- hell, even Andy the Weeaboo.

Pippa’s essentially a watered-down version of Camila. I don’t have much to say about her except: :/.

And then we have Boris. A caricature if there ever was one- the over-glorified alcoholic, the drug-addicted genius. Utterly cartoonish. Draco in sparkly leather pants, but not too sparkly, because our man’s Heterosexual.

I’m assuming Hobie was supposed to be the big, loveable gentle giant- the one character we all loved no matter what, the only saving grace- but he falls short. Again, Hobie’s painfully boring and I couldn’t bring myself to care for him.

The beginning is one whiplash after the other- we go from adult Theodore to young Theodore after he has a dream about his mum (who I became fond of, for some reason), to his first encounter with Fabritius’ painting that sets off this series of very improbable events, to his mum being blasted to smithereens (RIP Mrs. Decker, I liked you), to Welty giving him the painting- which, now that I think about it: how did Welty take the painting in the first place? He obviously obtained the painting before the bomb went off, but given that the story takes place in the twenty-first century and they’re in the Museum of Modern Art in New York, you’d think there’d be tighter security. And where was Pippa in all of this (the book might’ve mentioned why she wasn’t with Welty at the time of the explosion but I’m not about to leaf through eight-hundred pages to find out)?

The part where Theo waits for his mum to come home is genuinely painful. My heart hurt for him and his mum; in other words, it made me Feel Sad Things, and I respect a book which can make me do that.

But the fact remains that most of Theo’s problems could’ve been avoided if he did away with the fucking painting. At first, I assumed that Welty’s instructions to find Hobie meant that they were both part of some art smuggling gig. Why did Welty give Theo the painting in the first place? What was he supposed to do with it?

Theo had plenty of opportunity to hand over the fucking thing- he’s thirteen, just barely a teenager, and admittedly I didn’t make the best of decisions at that age (that’s an understatement), but allow me to say this: Theodore, you fucking dumbass.

What’s even worse is that at the end, that’s all that happens. They hand over the painting, get half a million dollars, and that’s it. And I get that if Theo had done that in the first place, that would mean no story, but if your character has to make the dumbest decisions to move the plot forward, maybe you should reconsider.

There’s of course the argument that Theo’s attachment to the painting has to do with his mother’s love for it, and him holding onto that last memory of her, but it’s not like he’s holding onto her favorite necklace or her diary, or something she owned. I dunno, it just doesn’t make sense to me. I just can’t get over the fact that he just hands it over and walks away unscathed at the end- it makes zero sense to my reptilian brain. To describe what I felt after that anticlimactic conclusion: much like I did at the end of Guy de Maupassant’s The Diamond Necklace, only far less entertained.

The plot drags on for far too long, not to mention there’s large chunks of it that could be lopped off. The large section of the story that takes place in Vegas- easily disposable. Boris is the only catalyst to the plot that comes out of it- Xandra and Theo’s dad are pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

And then, near the end, much of the actual story is crammed into a relatively small number of pages. And this is going to be nitpicky, but by the time that rolled around (reuniting with Boris and the sequence of events afterwards), I was… pretty fucking bored. So instead of turning the last page with the euphoria that ending should’ve warranted (minus Theo’s #deep life analysis), it was more of a ‘thank god THAT’S over!’

The final few pages- oh, fuck, no. It’s the sort of angst-riddled pretentious bullshit people write in English Lit. It reads like the musings of that one weepy drunk uncle who stays way past he’s invited at family reunions and goes off on tangents about Life and His Experiences and the World and the Futility of Human Existence and Nature and Death. In other words: it’s fucking boring. No one cares, Theo.

Going through this might make it seem that I strongly dislike The Goldfinch. I assure you that’s far from the truth; it’s wonderfully written, and a decent read if you’ve got time to spare. I just tend to rate a book based on whether or not I would reread it, and I doubt I’ll ever reread The Goldfinch. It made me Feel, and there were parts of it that I want to frame and hang on my wall, or make a throw pillow out of. The book just wasn’t to my taste, overall

#the goldfinch #carel fabritius #donna tartt #the secret history #tsh #books #book review #modern art #art #dark academia #dark aesthetic #goldfinch #thriller #suspense #bildungsroman #literary #literature

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ironforgedrp · 4 years

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♛ BRYNDEN II TULLY

↳ details; male, twenty-nine. ↳ date of birth; 12th day, third month, 477AC. ↳ status; heterosexual, unmarried, no children. ↳ faceclaim; garrett hedlund. ↳ hails from; riverrun, riverlands. ↳ loyalty; house tully and the riverlands.

↳ position/title; the first tully king, king of the riverlands, the river king. ↳ religion; faith of the seven. ↳ spoken languages; common tongue. ↳ reason for being in sunspear; attending the summit as king of the riverlands, looking to solidify alliances to avoid invasion.

♛ PERSONALITY

↳ type; ISFJ-A (defender) ↳ alignment; chaotic good. ↳ star sign; pisces. ↳ positives; just, honorable, truehearted, strong, virtuous, persevering. ↳ negatives; taciturn, restrained, shortsighted, apprehensive, obtuse, soulful.

♛ BIOGRAPHY

↳ family lineage.

ever since brynden was born his father, lord robin tully, thought him a disgrace. as you see, he always had more meat on his bones than the average infant or child. how could that be? he never did eat all that much and his parents both were petite. he blamed his wife, a bastard child brynden was, not his own. “another one! you must give me another!” he vociferated, but she would not. not for months, not for years, and even then pregnancy would unveil another repugnance.

so much time stood between him and his younger sister, lord robin grew wary he would have to fall back on his firstborn son, unknowing he would not even end up with another if conceiving served successful. ugh, he would groan as he spent his time thinking about how to fix this boy, this problem. times only seemed to get worse however, no matter what he did. he tried stripping pastries from brynden’s reach, eating them in front of him so that he would learn self-control and telling him that a single bite does not make a normal man resemble a boar more than it does a human being, as it did for him. brynden would pout and cry, being so little he did not know any better. surely he would learn as his response did not serve lord robin’s favor, a whiny imbecile it represented and lord robin would not have that.

a scolding here, a scolding there, he went mute, not making a sound, not learning how to talk at the expected rate. another fault lord robin would claim he had, he did not care if his child did not long to talk or simply was afraid to, all he knew was that his child was slow. he would think him as slow as his metabolism, as it would not be until he was six that he would mutter his first words “yes, my lord.” to his father, and until he was eight, he would write a single letter. “a fool, a fat fool. what have you given me?” he heard lord robin scream in the late hours of the night at his mother who never seemed to retaliate. soon lord robin would begin to strip him of privileges until he could prove himself worthy. he would be asked questions before meals and if his answer was not correct, he would not get a meal. he was scared of his father and so he grew anxious, getting questions wrong even if he knew the answer. there was one point in time that he went a whole week not eating a single crumb, his uncle would take pity on him and sneak him a bite, stay up with him and help him learn to get the question right for next time. the trouble was his uncle was hardly ever around, positioned as a recruiter at the night’s watch, only visiting his family when scouting. he fled for the wall at a young age, not being able to stand his brother or what he passed for O.K. the tully’s putting family before duty and honor ended with his reign. it was most upsetting how the boys were only born not a day more than ten months apart. he could have been the ruling lord, and everyone knew he was deserving; he had the heart, cherished their blood, and held high morals. he would be compared to the blackfish, brynden tully, ironic the name was not passed along to him.

brynden’s uncle had love for his nephew, not because he was family, but because his nephew was good. all brynden wanted to do was feel and give love, he was the kindest soul you ever met; he fed the does and the stray dogs, he sat with children of farmers and lesser fortunate and told them stories, knowing well they did not have access to books or maesters, and no matter the scoldings that would occur after lord robin’s discovering, and the screaming and shouting, “you will get a disease, boy” and “you? teaching? these children do not need to get any more stupid.”

when his uncle left, lord robin began to beat him, not believing simple scoldings or starving him was teaching him enough. after beating him, he would begin to kick him out of the castle, making him sleep in the stables. growing more and more afraid and waking up next to horse shit each and every morning became his reality for a few years. all that was getting him through the torture was the idea of his uncle returning. he could go with him to the wall! he thought. his mother recently gave birth to a girl, she could be the ruling lady of the house! though he knew he had a duty, he could not return so soon.

eventually, enough was enough, he would head north on his own. he watched as the lights went out in the windows to his parent’s chambers and he snuck back into the castle, stealing a loaf of bread, a few coins, a knife, no, not a sword, and some of his mother’s jewels. he kissed his newborn sister on the forehead and prayed to the seven gods, “let her be strong, let her be smart, let her be everything and more.” one day, he would meet her again.

he ran far, not taking a horse because he felt bad enough stealing what he had already. by the time of his venture, he was a stick, no muscles, no fighting experience, no brains. his red hair did not help him blend in, and when he passed a tavern in the later hours of the night, when traveling through the westerlands after mistakingly following the river road west instead of north, a man stood outside, pestering him about coin. he would only apologize, stating he did not have any to spare. the man saw the glimmer from the jewels hidden in his coat pocket, and began to corner him, questioning him again. when brynden answered with his condolences once more, the man said that was not good enough, he called out his friends and as one held brynden down, the other knocked him out with a kick to the head, taking all that he stole from his parents and even his shoes. brynden would awaken, bruised, and with a pounding headache, frantically checking himself for his coin and the bread, but all he would find in a hidden tunic pocket was his mother’s necklace. he wanted to sob, to turn back, but it was too late. he would be killed on the road or he would be killed at home.

he decided to visit the markets in lannisport where he was not far from, looking for short term work or to find a ride up north in trade for the last bit of his house he had left. they all spit in his face, mocking him for not having enough meat on his bones, and for feeling as if he were mocking them for having clearer sentences than they did. that was a first, he would think to himself. it was not until he reached the bakery, unknowingly one of the finest in the land, belonging to a man who had lost his son days before from red spots, and was in dire need of help, that his luck started to turn around. the baker offered him a job only if he could assure he would not be foolish with his days there, as he did not want to get a poor reputation and scare away good customers. brynden made a promise and he would keep it until his time there came to an end.

during the beginning of working at the bakery, when the baker would throw out the unsold, not utilized, or stale bread, he would head down to the poorest of slums and hand them out to people in need whether they were men sleeping on the street or the entirety of an orphanage. the baker saw the goodness in him and gifted him with a new pair of boots only two weeks in. he would start bringing brynden home with him, giving him his son’s old bed no matter how short or hard.

in return for the boy teaching him how to read, even if he was not the best or the brightest, still getting some words wrong here and there, the baker would also teach him how to fight, not with a sword but with his fists and daggers, a skillset learned in his days growing up in flea bottom and leaving to fight in small wars. brynden became quite skilled and strong. for the first time in his life, there were lines on his stomach and not from rolls or ribs. his build was slim and yet beastlike, and he grew tall, much taller than most.

in lannisport, he met a fair maiden called adelayne hill, a child belonging to one of the orphanages he delivered to. she was much younger than him, but a beauty no doubt. he would be keen on her good nature and welcoming of a boy unknown to the lands, with a learning disability, bruises and scars adorning his flesh, and no one, but himself and a baker to rely on or trust in. she would show him the points her peers and her jumped at sunset, laugh at his jokes that were not in the least bit comical, help him form a stronger faith in their seven gods, and provide for him a true friend. she became the apple of his eye for some time. some time eventually becoming years and the years would have him sticking to the land a lot longer than expected, and coming up with as many excuses as the boy could to withhold his travels to the point nearest to the skies, because with her he felt already surrounded by clouds.

to his dismay, their connection would not remain strong. towards the end of this chapter of their lives they began to bicker endlessly, one upset over the other’s goals not being suitable for the two of them, and the other, the same. neither of them had dreams fitting for boy and girl, man and woman, as one longed to be a commander of the night’s watch and the other, a septa. at last, brynden would decide it was time to leave, but it seemed adelayne came to the conclusion first, or was forced to. when he arrived at the orphanage one night to bid farewell, she was gone, missing. he thought to himself how she would never leave, it was not what she had planned, and so instead of heading north he would follow the gold road east after questioning onlookers if they had seen a girl suited to her appearance and size pass by and they directed him toward. some spoke of her being alone, others dragged, he did not know who was fiddling with his mind, he only knew he needed to find her.

it was during the celebration of prince aemos that he arrived. he was passing by a bakery when he noticed it set on fire. everyone rushed to extinguish it, but he was left severely injured after running in to the save those caught within, a deed performed reflecting on the bakery that saved him. he managed to carry many out and to a safe place, free of the smoke, before going back to help clear the streets. on one of his trips back, he saw a young boy struggling to breathe, lying on the corner of the street holding his throat, he knew it was too late so he sat at his side, walking him through his death, thinking about how his younger sister would have been about the age and how he would have wanted someone to do the same for her.

he was angry, mortified even, staring down at the lifeless body and the frantic citizens. his vision went slow, and his hearing went shot, taking everything in at the same rate as his heartbeat. he wanted revenge, and he was not known to be vengeful. as the night went on and the smoke cleared, his mind cleared. eventually, he decided to kneel before the king and ask for his support in helping rebuild the bakery and those who were affected. the king was not holding hearings though, he had far too much on his mind to answer the plea, his son had been kidnapped, after all.

his anger only grew. all the nobles cared about was themselves, never the people. it was that thought and the thought of his lost friend, that would carry him home after buying a ride back with a good portion of the money he was able to save so far. when he made his presence known in the castle at the confluence of the red fork of the trident, he could hear his father yelling before entering the main hall of his former home, but when his father saw him, his eyes grew wide and his mouth went shut. his son was a man, bigger and better than he could have ever envisioned for him. his father gave him a look of adoration for the first time ever, but not in a way of familial love or joy, rather in a way of advantage. his father welcomed him home, keeping him close, and not listening to any of his requests to help those he originally longed to, brushing them off for later. his father told him of how he came right in time to hear his announcement, that they were separating from the iron throne. his father spoke of having ideas, big ideas. he would step down from the throne and his son would take his place, that way he would not be everyone’s target, but rather his son would be, his son that he could so easily control through his stupidity.

cold blood still ran throughout his veins and through his head, he was as cruel to the people, as he was to his son throughout his reign. he treated the women like animals and the men like slaves. he cared little for who had enough to eat, or any at all, and if the people working for him day in, day out were living in good conditions. for all he cared the people were bathing in the rivers once red, sleeping in the dirt once fertilized with the blood of man. when brynden was a young boy, he was more pleasant, but not much. he still did not attend court meetings, instead he sent his castellan in his place unless he wanted to raise the taxes some more and send his troops to raid towns to intimidate the people. he spent most of his days yelling at the master-at-arms and treasurer demanding they needed to spend more time training men and collecting more coin. he wanted house tully to thrive somewhere other than marriage and providing the best lands to battle upon.

brynden did not know if taking his father’s place was what he wanted. he always envisioned the day his father would love him, but it seemed too good to be true. he knew there was a hidden agenda behind his father’s motives, after all, why would he not want to be king and inflict his own rules? he accepted his father’s petition, driven by the means of helping those who could not help themselves and served meaningless to those who could, but he was not prepared for what would come with the power of being a king.

having been gone for so long he was not aware of the type of ruler his father really was. when he was young he was too distracted by his own suffering to think deep into politics, so it came as a big surprise now. his father began his son’s reign by encouraging, and encouraging in his case is moreso demanding, brynden to close off their borders and inhibit a similar system the freys once proved successful by requiring paid fees for anyone that longed to cross bridges, rivers, and continue along routes. now a man from every household in the riverlands was to be taken from their homes and forced to train in the barracks, for their cooperation each family would receive an initial chicken, and pay every other week for their husbands, but for some, it was less than they made when they were at work as butchers, stonemasons, and roofers. the little they received in return for their services were by the insistence of brynden, not even planned for by his father.

brynden’s father insists on starting war, destroying the surrounding independent kingdoms once the men have been prepped and prodded. he is aware that the negative responses to what he hopes to enact will put a target on his son’s back, but that was the plan all along, was it not? he set the rules, the laws, made changes, and his son would only sign them off with his name. if his son were to die, the kingdom would be given back to him with ease, if the people rallied, they would not be against him. it was his son who made them independent, it was his son who reigned. brynden allowed it all because his father would twist the truth; by taking men, they were supplying jobs, by putting up borders, they were warding off invaders, and all the money they collected from taxes would be to pay off debts they had before, so that taxes would become little to none when all were cleared.

if brynden was not manipulated by his father then he would rather have lowered taxes, he never would have forced the men into their forces, and he would have insisted on aligning with the other independent kingdoms opposed from making them targets as well. only time will tell if brynden’s vision will come clear and he will finally see that his father is persuading him to guide the people in the opposite direction of which he had originally intended.

his father originally prevented him from attending the dorne summit, insisting they need no trade, they need no alliances. brynden insisted that their absence could prove fear or intimidation and that not cooperating could put an even bigger target on their back. he also insisted that perhaps it was better to form alliances, as their land rested in the middle of westeros, between one and another, his father accepted, but claimed if anything went wrong it would be because of brynden’s foolish decision. he would only attend to make sure his son did not make any claims or accept any offers he did not approve of. they left over a month before the midsummer ball and would arrive near the end of the very night.

↳ personality.

family, duty, honor, just as a true tully should, brynden abides to all three in the exact order. there is no one that comes before his family, no matter all they had put him through and his once fleeing. he loves his family, all that he has ever longed for is to feel that love reciprocated from his father and mother. family comes first, always, no matter the consequences, as he has proven with returning home, forgiving his father, and following in his direction. he would do anything for his family. for his family, he has taken up the title of king, no matter if truly saw fit for or even prepared. he finds honor in abiding by his family and not refusing their wishes. all are clear as day within any interaction with the tully heir and there is no changing his mind.

to most, it may seem as if he is not easily deceived or manipulated, that he is headstrong, but on the contrary, he lives his days guided by another. his father controls him, leads him to believe what they are doing is right. he does not act at his own free will, but that of the ruling lord before him, a cruel, cruel man with only his own benefits in mind, not that of his family, and so it may be made evident that brynden’s longings and decisions may contradict one another at times, some may speculate he is not his true self and is a king under a lesser subject’s rule, which goes against being a king overall.

ever since youth brynden has put the people before him, he holds them in his heart, having only their best interest in mind. those that know him well may say that he only performs his father’s deeds for the benefit of those who do not have voices. if he does what his father says, he can do as he longs when all is done. unfortunately for his giving nature, he has always been a quiet boy, not one to defend himself, and at times lacking in intellect.

↳ the splitting of the kingdoms.

brynden agrees with the decision of the several kingdoms split from the iron throne months ago. he thought king arryk to be too easily distracted and burdened. a true king would not have allowed such mishappenings, or so his father has said. he does not believe the summit for treaties/trade routes will work, and if it does it has the potential of promoting or demoting his rule, as the riverlands stand in between the vale, reach, westerlands, crownlands, north, all would have to venture through or around. there the most blood could be shed, the most fatalities could be accounted, and his kingdom served the most potential to be overrun. however, if he plays his cards right, he could use the riverlands placement to his advantage unlike previous rulers of the land.

♛ STATUS: TAKEN.

#taylor.#garrett hedlund fc #riverlands.#the riverlands.#male #taken male #House Tully.

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liesyousoldme · 5 years

Text

something we don’t talk about that happens in the book that is pretty solid evidence for eddie’s sexuality:

his walking tour!! it’s him going to the makeshift baseball field where he used to just stand and watch the other boys play baseball (not the losers, but belch huggins and peter gordon and others). in order to get there, he walks past greta bowie’s house. it’s the only “handsome” block in derry, the only nice houses. it’s the rich people street, and eddie recalls having a crush on greta as a little kid.

he remembers a specific time when he walked by as she was playing croquet, and he thought she saw him so he timidly waved, but she didn’t see him and it didn’t bother him at all that she didn’t wave back. he thinks about how IT could appear as her. “he didn’t want to see greta bowie with grey in her hair, her hips and legs thickened with much sitting and much eating and much drinking; it was better - safer - to just stay away.”

i believe the very next house he describes is one with a well manicured lawn that belongs to two bachelors, one of whom is named tony. he specifically recalls his mother saying "any two men who bother keeping a house so nice must be queers” in a “disgruntled” way, and “Eddie hadn’t dared ask for clarification.”

he gets to the baseball field and recalls how tony used to be there when the boys played baseball, how he’d cheer them on, and how one time belch hit the ball so hard the cover of the baseball came off, and tony had yelled that he woulda knocked it out of yankee stadium. eddie considers tony a “fixture” of his summers.

IT appears to eddie as what he describes as “belch but also the leper” first, throwing the ruined ball to him and telling him to catch. belch starts saying how that one would have been out of yankee stadium, and “by the way, eddie, do you want a blowjob? i’ll do it for a dime. hell, i’ll do it for free.” then it turns into the leper from neibolt and says “bobby blows me for a dime. he will do it anytime. fifteen cents for overtime.”

and then it disappears and something starts coming out of the ground at home plate.”the thing was tony tracker.” tony makes a reference to something he used to say, “don’t matter how much you choke up on that ash-handle. don’t matter, wheezy. we’ll get you. you and your friends.”

as he’s running away he sees greta with half her face missing and she tells him she died at 18 in a car crash.

“and now, beyond her, the ultimate horror: patrick hockstetter was shambling toward him”.

he runs and gets away and that’s the end of his walking tour. now there’s a LOT i want to unpack in this scene alone, so buckle in folks, it’s gonna get gay.

first: his crush on greta bowie. “he fell in love with her a little that day - her shining blonde hair falling to the shoulders of her culotte dress, which was a cool blue”. “even her sunburned shoulders seemed wonderfully pretty to eddie kaspbrak, who had at that time been nine.” this tends to be used as the strongest evidence against eddie being gay, but i strongly disagree. this is compulsory heterosexuality rearing its ugly head. he literally doesn’t care that she doesn’t see him, doesn’t invite him to her parties, didn’t wave at him. that’s the point. you choose people you know will never actually be interested in you because it’s SAFE. (it’s why compulsory heterosexuality tends to be the explanation for celebrity crushes! the safest crushes of all!) and it’s not a conscious decision at all, you genuinely believe you’re having real feelings for someone. and that’s not to say the feelings aren’t real, they just end up not being what you thought they were.

eddie is so repressed. he marries a woman. of course he had a crush on a girl as a kid - especially at age 9, when most kids are starting to really notice the opposite sex.

so that makes the only two females eddie has ever had any type of feelings for greta, a girl who will never ever like him back, and myra, a woman who treats him like his mother did and makes him feel safe and comfortable.

in addition, the way eddie pictures what IT!greta would look like is a little odd. he remembers her as beautiful but thinks that her “hips and legs” would be “thickened” from eating and drinking and sitting too much, and that’s something he doesn’t want to see. it sounds like he’s imagining her to be a bit like myra, at least physically. i don’t have a specific conclusion for it but it’s just odd that he’d think that.

second: his mother calling tony and the other man “queer”. she clearly sees it as a bad thing, and it effects eddie to the point that he didn’t dare ask for clarification. could that be because he doesn’t want to hear his mother talk badly about gay people? could it be because the very thought of gay people freaks him out for reasons he doesn’t understand but boils down to internalized homophobia? i personally think it’s the second i also think this is just an important moment to note, because it absolutely wasn’t necessary for tony, this character that only eddie ever sees, to be called gay. IT uses tony to scare eddie, and i don’t think that’s a coincidence.

third: the blowjob thing again! this time it’s belch and the leper and if eddie’s fear is germs/disease/rotting humans (?? he sure does describe it in detail) then why does IT keep mentioning the blowjob? what does that have to do with being a leper? why is that something that would scare eddie so much? like, IT is using the losers’ biggest fears against them: a man giving another man a blowjob (eddie getting a blowjob from another man) is one of his biggest fears.

that’s it! thoughts? this is a scene that i feel like rarely gets talked about but it really struck me as important on my reread

#this is a really good reread i'm catching so much more than i did the first time #although the first time i wasn't reading into it and it wasn't until close to the end that i thought hmmmmm about eddie #but that was 3 years ago and there's lots i'd forgotten!

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centerofstupidity · 5 years

Text

Petra Pan Chapter 1 Part 1 Snark

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Chapter Summary: Our story begins with Eirwen Darling participating in a fencing tournament.

Of course, we are constantly reminded every five seconds that he is a saintly guy with awesome sword fightin' skillz. Which means Eirwen must be the Chosen One.

Nota Bene: Even though the story only has nine chapters, each chapter is very long. So I have decided to take each chapter and break them up into several parts.

“En garde…ready…fight!” the judge called out to the two fencers that were standing in the field of play in the middle of a large hall.

The first sentence in and I’m already cringing.

The line “that were standing in the field of play on the middle of a large hall” is awkwardly worded.

The sentence can either be “En garde…ready…fight!” the judge called out to the two fencers that were standing in the field of play

OR "En garde…ready…fight!” the judge called out to the two fencers that were standing in the middle of a large hall.

Eirwen Darling’s opponent - Thomas Paisley -

He is also known as Character Who Disappears After Chapter One

So Thomas moves forward and lungs his foil at a guy named Eirwen.

Eirwen deftly parried the attack,

I'd expect a fencer to be competent.

and was about to riposte when loud, overzealous female cheering coming from the stands distracted him.

This isn’t Eirwen’s first competition.

And he is an athlete.

Which means that he should be able to tune out the screaming fans and focus on the game.

Also, every fencing match is timed. So…

“Darling! Darling! Darling! My Darling! My darling!” the girls all chanted in lovesick voices.

The tips of Eirwen’s ears turned red out of embarrassment

and he groaned.

"Attractive girls fawning over me is such a drag!"

“Ugh. What do they think they’re doing? This isn’t a basketball game!”

Eirwen, fans usually cheer at sporting events.

Why are you acting as if this is Abby Normal?

Just because this is a fencing match, doesn't mean nobody applauds or cheers.

Look at this video:

youtube

This is the 2010 Junior Fencing World Championships in Azerbaijan.

Every time that someone scores a point, you can hear applause or cheering.

His fan girls were there again.

A lot of heterosexual guys would feel flattered with receiving female attention.

But this sends Eirwen running for the hills.

Is he Edward Cullen in disguise?

He glanced at them out of the corner of his eyes and immediately wished he hadn’t.

Eirwen saw someone cosplaying as Anita Blake.

His flush started to spread to his cheeks.

Blushing appears on a person's face.

It turns out the Eirwen's fangirls are holding banners and posters that say things like: ‘Do your best, my Darling!’ and ‘I (heart) Eirwen Darling’.

Eirwen hated that his last name was ‘Darling’.

You mean bitching and moaning isn't a sign of contentment?

Thanks for letting me know, KuroKoneko Kamen!

When the girls called out to him it sounded like they were using a silly pet name.

I'll let this speak for itself:

And with the way they were looking at him lustily he had the feeling he was right on the money.

Congratulations, Eirwen.

You have five more brain cells than Bella Swan.

The reason that Eirwen Darling had fan girls in the first place

No, no, no!

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

was because his great grandfather Eirwen Darling was famous for being the inspiration behind the popular children’s book: Petra Pan.

...

........

.......................

................................................

That's right, gentlepersons. Girls are lusting after a guy because one of his relatives was the inspiration behind a famous children's book.

And it gets even more creepy. It is revealed that Eirwen has a strong resemblance to his great grandfather.

So when people pictured the boy who’d been spirited away to Neverland by Petra Pan for a series of grand adventures -

Yeah, it's simply whimsical that a child was kidnapped by a sociopath.

And in case anyone thinks I'm joking...

Here is an interesting article that cited quotes from J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan.

they usually pictured the boy with Eirwen’s face.

Eirwen looks like his famous great grandfather.

Eirwen’s great grandfather was dead now, but people never seemed to forget the connection.

At the risk of sounding redundant, I'll say it again:

Eirwen’s current opponent

Thank you, Captain Redundant.

and close friend, Thomas,

This character is a friggin' McGuffin.

Without him:

Eirwen would have never fought a psychopath.

Petra Pan wouldn't have witnessed a duel and decided that Eirwen must be the Chosen One.

And while Eirwen was hospitalized, Eirwen wouldn't have taken him to Neverland.

So yeah, I don't give a damn about Thomas.

We are told that Tom is "a good sport" because he waited for the cheers to die down.

“As always, you’re popular with the ladies, Eirwen. I’m jealous.”

"Even though these ladies should not live within two thousand feet of any daycare centers and schools."

Like himself, Thomas was dressed in an all-white fencing uniform with a chest protector made of plastic and a lamé - a layer of electrically conductive material worn over the fencing jacket in foil that was used for detecting hits.

People who are professional fencers actually wear a uniform???

A mesh metal mask was covering his face protectively,

so Eirwen was unable to see what was undoubtedly Thomas’s amused expression.

Let's break this down, shall we?

We know that Eirwen and Thomas are wearing the same uniform...

They also wear a mask.

And this same mask supposedly makes it unable to see someone's face.

So if you can't see someone's face, then you can't see someone's body.

Which means that Eirwen and Thomas are just swinging their swords blindly.

“Do shut up,” Eirwen groused irritably,

Ah, bad dialogue tags.

How I loath thee.

And isn't Eirwen such a good friend?

Tom parries Eirwen's blow and then does a counterattack.

Eirwen gracefully parried.

We get it, K. Kamen.

Eirwen is the best swordsman ever.

Stop reminding us every five seconds.

This was the London Open - a fencing competition for national and international fencers.

Remember this, gentlepersons.

Because later on, I will explain its significance.

Eirwen had made it to the final,

It could be just me...

But this sentence seems off.

Perhaps it would be better if it read: Eirwen had made it to the final round.

and this last match would determine the gold medal winner and champion of the competition.

If a person wins a competition, they are crowned the winner and get a medal or a trophy.

He wanted to make the club he belonged to - the Academy Cadets Club - proud.

People who participate in a sport or belong in a club want to do their best.

But at least...

We are told that Eirwen needs one more point to win.

Eirwen’s muscles were beginning to ache and a pounding headache was beginning to form behind his eyes. His vision was blurring slightly. He blinked rapidly to clear his vision and looked up towards the stands.

These sentences just gave me a migraine.

A good action scene doesn't read like a laundry list.

Instead it should have descriptions sprinkled throughout.

What the…?

It is an apt description for this book.

There perched at the very top of the stands was the oddest girl Eirwen had ever seen.

And he had seen a chick cosplay as Cthulhu.

Her wild, long, golden blonde hair with scattered braids was adorned with spring flowers and ivy vines. She was dressed in a green tube dress that was decorated with ivy, and a pair of green ankle boots made out of soft leather.

Even more laundry list descriptions.

And wouldn't someone dressed like that be noticed by a lot of people?

Her grass-green eyes were sparkling mischievously and an impish smile quirked her pink, pouty lips.

She looked very ‘fairy-like’ or ‘pixie-like’,

but she had no wings and was the size of a normal human girl around his age. (Eirwen had just turned eighteen).

Last time I checked, humans don't have wings.

So no shit, Sherlock.

And "size of a normal human girl"?

Merriam Webster defined size as "physical magnitude, extent, or bulk : relative or proportionate dimensions."

While height is the "distance from the bottom to the top of someone or something standing upright".

An example would be: "a woman of average height"

Which means that the right word would be height and not size.

In conclusion:

Maybe it was just how the sunlight coming in from the windows framed her body with a golden aura that made her look so…otherworldly.

Fairy cosplay?

Because it is totally normal for someone to have a golden aura.

Eirwen wondered in bemusement, arching an eyebrow at her.

When Eirwen blinks his eyes, the girl disappears.

What the?

So a girl dressed in a fairy outfit with a golden aura isn't Abby Normal.

But her suddenly disappearing is considered unusual.

Gotta love Eirwen's logic.

Thanks to Eirwen’s well-honed battle reflexes he just barely managed to dodge a lunge from Tom

I know that I'm supposed to be impressed with Eirwen aka Mr. I haz awesome swordfightin' skillz.

But it is really obnoxious when Eirwen's alleged badassery is constantly shoved in my face every five seconds.

- the fencing blade passing his face.

I know that I'm supposed to clutching my pearls...

But I simply don't give a damn.

Bloody hell.

My exact words every time a character thinks or does something stupid.

Eirwen needed to concentrate on his match.

After taking a deep breath, Eirwen charges forward. And because the plot demands it, he scores the winning point.

Of course the cheers are "deafening" as everybody stands up and chants "Darling! Darling! Darling!"

Eirwen had to resist the urge to plug up his ears with his index fingers.

Look at this fencing mask:

Does it look like someone can stick their fingers in their ears?

Eirwen removed his helmet while Tom did the same.

Wait a tick.

Originally, they were wearing a mask.

And now it is a helmet?

As Mark Twain wisely said:

So Eirwen is smirking.

He’d won the match.

His final match.

Because it will handle the topic of contemplating suicide in a half-assed and almost flippant manner.

Eirwen ran his hand through his "sweaty, short, dark brown hair".

Tom was grinning at Eirwen cheerily even though he’d lost.

It means that Tom isn't a sore loser, you dumbass.

“Brilliant match.”

Don't give Eirwen a verbal handjob.

So Eirwen shakes Tom's hand and says “Hell yeah.”

Suddenly, Tom asks if Eirwen if he is really quitting fencing.

Eirwen shrugged carelessly.

There is no such thing as accidentally or "carelessly" shrugging your shoulders.

It is a gesture that a person can make.

Eirwen replies “I’m afraid so."

So Tom glares at him and demands “Why?”

“Fencing…just doesn’t interest me anymore,” Eirwen lied.

I'll let this speak for itself:

“Bollocks!” Tom swore in a frustrated manner.

Two things:

Show don't tell

And...

Tom goes on to say that he knows that Eirwen will return to fencing someday and that he is waiting for "our next rematch."

He then adds "But next time it will be at the Olympics.”

And I just threw up in my mouth. Want to know why?

Eirwen Darling is so handsome and famous that all the girls want to bang him.

He is also the Chosen One.

And because of Eirwen's awesome swordfighting' skillz, he could compete at the Olympics...

*deep sigh*

Anywho, Eirwen "half-heartedly agreed" and then looks at his two younger sisters. Their names are Joan and Michelle.

And like everyone else, they are "waving and screaming his name." Eirwen grins at them.

His sisters were utterly adorable, and the apples of his eyes.

It could be just me...

But it comes across as incredibly creepy that a brother is describing his younger sisters as being "utterly adorable."

Especially in a book where girls are lusting after the main character because his great grandfather was the inspiration behind a famous children's book.

And said main character has a raging why boner for a genderbent version of Peter Pan who is now a teenage girl with huge bazongas...

So in conclusion:

Joan was eight-years-old, and had the same boring dark brown hair he did.

...

I didn't know that having brown hair was "boring."

She’d pulled her hair back into a serious ponytail,

"Serious ponytail"???

I didn't know that ponytails could emote.

"Serious ponytail" is as asinine as the term female-presenting nipples.

Joan also wears glasses.

Michelle, on the other hand, didn’t look related to them.

Because all siblings must look identical!

She had blonde hair, which she wore in two pigtails, bright blue eyes, a round cherubic face, and a smattering of freckles along the bridge of her nose.

'Ello Laundry List O' Doom.

In real life, a child can look exactly like their mother, their father, or both parents.

And sometimes, they can strongly resemble a grandparent.

I don't know why K. Kamen thinks it is unusual...

Because people would generally assume that one of the Darling parents was a brunet[te] while the other was a blond[e].

Michelle was holding a stuffed pink unicorn.

Eirwen met their gazes and held up his sword in a triumphant pose.

So in other words...

He is posing like this:

So Eirwen is heading towards his siblings with "purposeful steps".

Out of the corner of Eirwen’s eye, he noticed that a man in a hoodie was approaching his sisters. He didn’t really think anything of it

Considering the fact that the Darling children are orphans and Eirwen is taking care of them...

You'd think he'd be concerned that a stranger is approaching his sister.

Especially since said stranger is concealing their face...

until the man suddenly grabbed Michelle, who let out a surprised squeak.

Swiper no swiping!

The man kept one arm wrapped around Michelle’s waist while he turned to face Eirwen and used his right hand to lower his hood to reveal-

It was Woody Allen.

It was Jim Graveson - an ex-fencer.

Um... What?

Prior to this scene, Jim was never mentioned or appeared in this chapter.

But it's painfully obvious that this is supposed to be important because of the dramatic reveal.

So...

We then get an info dump about Jim.

It turns out that Jim attended the same school as Eirwen. He also belonged to the Academy Cadets Club.

But Eirwen was forced to quit the club after being expelled from school for getting into fights.

We are also supposed to believe the following:

If he hadn’t been expelled, Jim would have participated in the London Open and probably would have ended up in the finals against Eirwen since he was a better fencer than Tom.

That requires a lot of assuming.

Not only Jim would have to be better than Tom...

But he would have to be better than everyone else in the fencing club minus Eirwen.

Also, Tom would have better than all the other contestants in the London Open in order to fight Eirwen.

It was no secret that Jim had liked to consider himself Eirwen’s rival.

You'd think that a "rival" would be a prominent antagonist and not some random guy who came out of left field.

Jim was tall and had a lanky physique. His skin was overly pale and he had short curly black hair. He was wearing a Black Sabbath T-shirt, a pair of faded jeans and some muddy sneakers.

Eirwen’s fan girls probably would have considered Jim to be attractive if it wasn’t for the glazed, slightly psychotic look in his eyes.

Puh-lease!

If that was the case, then you wouldn't have women lusting after Ted Bundy, Edward Cullen, and Christian Grey.

Eirwen gave the young man a confused look.

A person who has a "psychotic look" has snatched his sister.

But this makes Eirwen bewildered.

“Jim.”

“Eirwen,” Jim drawled with a dark edge.

Normally, I would remark on the unnecessary dialogue tag...

But I'm still dumbfounded by Eirwen's idiocy.

“Why are you doing this, Jim?” Eirwen demanded, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. “Let Michelle go.”

Thank God Eirwen dropped the idiot ball.

Even though he shouldn't have held it in the first place.

And show don't tell.

“Why don’t you make me, Champion,” Jim sneered, his lip curling in disdain.

When a person sneers, they are expressing contempt or disdain towards something.

So...

“W-What?” Eirwen stammered in surprise.

First of all, redundant dialogue tag.

And secondly...

“You heard me,” Jim drawled, a glint in his gray eyes. “Make me. Fight me with that sword you’re still holding in your hand. I should have been the one to fight you today - not Tom. I would have beaten you and become champion. I’m the real champion of this competition!”

I'm sorry...

But I can't take a villain seriously who gives a long monologue.

Eirwen shakes his head "in a helpless fashion." He then said “No way, mate.”

Jim reached behind him and pulled out a rapier - a real one with a long, thin, sharp steel blade.

Well...

It would be an awkward situation if Jim was brandishing a toy sword.

Jim put the edge of the blade against Michelle’s throat.

Where are the security guards?

Is anyone calling the police?

How is everyone reacting to the situation? Especially Joan and Tom?

Why is upcoming fight scene so fucking stupid?

And

“I said…fight me. Or else little Michelle gets it.”

"Take me seriously, even though I'm spewing cliched dialogue."

Eirwen’s amber eyes flashed with anger, and he raised his sword threateningly even though he knew a foil couldn’t really do much damage.

First of all...

Show don't tell.

And it begs the question why Eirwen isn't asking Tom to get security or to call the cops.

So Eirwen asks Jim to let his sister go.

And Jim is happier than a pig in shit because Eirwen is going to fight him.

When Eirwen saw a thin cut form on his sister’s neck he flew into action, lunging his sword forward.

Because when a hostage-taker has a blade pressed against the hostage's throat...

The best thing to do is to charge the hostage-taker head on and unarmed.

There is a reason why there are hostage negotiation courses and people trained in said courses.

As for Eirwen? He has zero training.

And what's stopping Jim from slitting Michelle's throat?

He already gave Michelle a small cut...

Which means that Jim doesn't have any qualms about hurting someone.

Jim moved his sword away from Michelle’s throat to parry the attack, and their blades clashed.

Because for plot reasons, Michelle can't be hurt or killed by Jim.

If that happened...

Petra Pan won't be thinking that Eirwen is the most heroic and selfless knight eva.

Because he is the Chosen One... *sigh*

Anywho, Michelle bites Jim's forearm.

Jim cried out in pain.

“Ah! Why, you insolent little brat!”

...

"Insolent little brat"?

Anywho, Jim lets go of Michelle and she lands on her butt. Then Joan picks up her sister and runs away.

"Get back here, you little brats! You'll pay for that!"

And I thought such fantastic dialogue could only be found in The Scorpion King 3.

Jim heads towards the girls but Eirwen blocks him. But Eirwen doesn't just stop Jim, gentlepersons.

He "smoothly stepped into his path" and "with his fencing sword raised."

This is supposed to be an oh so subtle indication that Eirwen is awesome badass.

“I thought you wanted to fight me, Jim.”

Silly, Eirwen.

Character consistency is for squares.

A twisted smile spread across Jim’s face.

The two young men both got into fencing stances, and sized each other up for a moment.

After the measuring contest, Jim goads Eirwen. He then let out a shout and attacks Eirwen.

Eirwen easily blocked the reckless attack with his fencing sword. Jim attacked swiftly again and again, but Eirwen continued to deftly block all of Jim’s attacks.

We get it.

Eirwen is allegedly a badass swordsman. Stop reminding us every five seconds.

Jim was beginning to get pissed and frustrated.

Letting out a roar,

Because he is doing a lion impersonation.

he swung his rapier in a fierce sideways slash.

Forgive me for not quivering with fear.

So their swords clashed... And thank God, we don't hear about sparks flying.

Anway, Eirwen's sword breaks.

Eirwen leapt backwards instinctively, narrowly avoiding the tip of Jim’s sword from grazing against his chest.

I know that this book is hellbent on painting Eirwen as an epic badass...

But I'm not impressed.

Anyone with more brain cells than Bella Swan would dodge an attack.

No point had been earned yet though.

Because when a person is in a life or death situation...

It is important for that individual to be crowned the champion.

But then Eirwen realized with a sinking feeling in his chest that he should have just let Jim’s sword graze him and lose this impromptu match.

Besides being dead as a doornail...

Eirwen wouldn't be an epic badass who is destined to become The Chosen One.

Bloody hell. Why am I even playing along with this lunatic? Who the hell cares who wins or loses at this point?

Because buddy boy, once rigor mortis sets in...

Jim can track down your sisters and brutally murder them.

Now Eirwen only had the pathetic stump of a fencing sword left to defend himself with while Jim had a real sword that was deadly sharp and dangerous

Well, trying to fight a psychopath instead of calling the police is fifty shades of stupid.

So...

There was this sinister leer on Jim’s face

*sigh*

If Jim was anymore cartoonishly evil, he would be kicking a puppy.

as he pointed the sword at Eirwen.

Eirwen didn’t fear death.

And I thought Rooster Teeth was the only one who had such an aversion towards show don't tell.

In fact, he would welcome it, but…

If he did that, he can't pork a buxom Peter Pan.

And sweet Jesus here comes even more stupidity...

“Jim, stop this now. You’re already going to be in so much trouble for this.”

That's putting it mildly.

I don't think the police consider kidnapping and attempted murder to bothersome.

Eirwen gave the young man a beseeching look.

It's bad enough that Eirwen is the Chosen One AND an alleged badass swordsman...

But he is now Sir Galahad.

“Do you really want to throw your life away for this? For one silly match? It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it. As far as I’m concerned you’ve already won this match!”

...

...........

...........................................................

Unfortunately for Eirwen, Jim is not moved by the speech.

Jim replies that he hasn't won the match yet and “Not until I make you bleed!”

Shit.

An apt description for this book.

Eirwen realized he had no choice but to fight Jim seriously.

And Eirwen's inner God stopped doing the safety dance.

So, the two guys charge each other and Eirwen's cheek is sliced.

And because Eirwen is wearing Mithril plot armor, he disarms Jim. But he doesn't just disarm someone.

No, no, no! Only a filthy peasant would do something so mundane as that.

Eirwen sends Jim's sword flying up in the air. But wait! There is much, much more!

Eirwen spun and caught the sword by the hilt, and pointed the tip of the rapier to Jim’s throat.

Anywho...

Eirwen tells Jim to yield but Jim refused.

Jim reached into his hoodie and pulled out a handgun.

Remember when I promised to explain the significance of the London Open?

If so... *offers a platter of cupcakes *

Anywho... This whole situation is fifty shades of stupid.

The London Open is for national and international fencers.

Which means that there should be security guards.

And newfangled technology called metal detectors.

Because with lax security, you are asking for trouble.

But silly me, things like logic and common sense doesn't exist in this book.

People immediately screamed at the sight of it and began to run for the exits in the hall.

Nobody was alarmed when a kid was held hostage by a psychopath.

Or when said psychopath demanded a duel with Eirwen.

They only freaked out when the psychopath brandished a gun.

Eirwen looks at the gun and sighs.

“You have got to be kidding me. Bad form, mate.”

I know this is supposed to another subtle sign that Eirwen is honorable and a knight in shining armor...

But this makes Eirwen look like a moron.

“Eirwen!” his sisters cried out simultaneously in their worry.

So Jim points the gun at Eirwen's sisters.

Eirwen’s eyes flared in alarm.

Having a burst of fire shooting out of your eyes must hurt like a son of a bitch.

No!

Anyway, Eirwen jumps in front of Jim. He then tries to take the gun. But Jim pulls the trigger.

Eirwen looked down and noticed the bright red spot spreading on his shoulder, blooming like a red flower on his white fencing uniform.

Wow...

Just like Cassandra Clare, K. Kamen writes weird similes.

And like a honey badger, Eirwen doesn't give a shit. Instead, he thinks: Heh, I’ve been shot.

Eiwen wondered dazedly why it didn’t hurt.

Maybe it is because Eirwen took some morphine.

Or...

It is because the author doesn't realize that if someone was shot, they would be in pain.

Suddenly, Eirwen grins as he starts to lose consciousness.

Hopefully this has killed me. That’d be great.

You know what?

This is the first time that I agree with Eirwen.

Out of the corner of his eye, Eirwen caught sight of a flash of gold and green.

I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count.

A green mist enveloped the handgun

and it was wrenched out of Jim’s hand and sent flying,

It could be just me but...

I think the word "wrenched" should be replaced with yanked.

skidding across the gymnasium floor.

The gun flew out of Jim's hand.

Unless Jim was on the floor, the gun would have flown through the air and hit a wall.

Jim loosed a cry of alarm and he too went flying,

First of all, show don't tell.

Also, the word "loosed" made my head hurt.

It would be better if the sentence read: Jim screamed and he went flying.

but Eirwen hadn’t touched him.

Huh…? What’s going on?

Something supernatural, you twit.

“Eirwen! Eirwen!” His sisters were shouting his name, but they sounded so far away.

Um...

Why are his sisters the only ones concerned about Eirwen?

Wouldn't Tom be upset?

And where is he?

This was the last thing Eirwen remembered before he lost consciousness.

And unfortunately for the reader, the story continues.

#kurokoneko kamen #bad fiction #snark #chapter snark #petra pan #book snark

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