#did she ask him?? did she even listen???

[myplushheart]

remembering how snatcher still thinks vanessa is his soulmate and tearing him apart like a chew toy that was branded to be the strongest type but is being destroyed in seconds by my teeth

#fox·borks #I ALWAYS FORGET ABOUT THIS AND HONESTLY ITD PROBABLY FUCK WITH HIM HORRIBLY WHEN HES FALLING FOR PHEONIX #after so many years. that have turned you into the person you’re original self would’ve hated and feared. #you still hold onto the person who made you like this #i’m trying to understand why #do you think life is just that unfair? #has everything always been out of your control so you accept that your soulmate is too? #that’s not even covering the fact he definitely spent forever wondering what HE did wrong #because i know damn well it was always what SHE wanted if she STILL wants her prince and doesn’t realize how shit she was #also the fact she didn’t even want to talk to him about it and made an assumption off of just seeing him holding hands with someone?? #did she ask him?? did she even listen??? #not even mentioning the hair thing #where vanessa cut his hair and dyed it to be like hers #and how she was jealous of him being near ANYBODY and speaking highly of ANY PERSON WHO HAPPENS TO BE A WOMAN #the way he was probably so scared of talking to pheonix about him liking moonjumper when she started dating both of them #he has this whole enemies to friends to lovers thing with both of them #because despite the fact she’s dating him he probably has this mindsight she can do that but he can’t #like i know vanessa probably wasn’t a cheater #but you understand. #AUGHGHH HE DRIVES ME NUTS I NEED TO SMOTHER HIM WITH AFFECTION AND TELL HIM ITS OK #that he’s safe now and it’s unfortunate that he had to die by a misunderstanding to feel free again #but that i wanna make sure it’s the best second life he’s got #👻the contract of a lifetime👻

[leavingautumn13]

y'all are lucky it's an emerald kick i'm on right now and not an oras one because i get weird and feral about how characters in oras are aware of the narrative they're in and react differently to it depending on which game you're playing

#pepe silvia meme dot png #listen. listen. if you're playing alpha sapphire then you're the antagonist in archie's story. #if you're playing omega ruby maxie's the antagonist in your story and he leans into the role with glee. #(also he's much friendlier than people give him credit for. he has a whole monologue in seafloor cavern about how #happy he is to see you even though he knows you're about to fuck up his plans #and archie does NOT have equivalent dialogue in alpha sapphire he just gets right into kicking your ass) #(i'm so normal about maxie you guys) #when zinnia asks if you've ever had to hold back your grief... if you answer ''no'' she LAUGHS #and says ''don't you know you're supposed to agree? and then we can share a touching moment of pain?'' #i'm also totally normal about zinnia #god #''don't you know you're supposed to agree'' fucked me up so bad and all i did was read about it on bulbapedia #there's no place like hoenn #<- resurrecting this old tag #edited to add: ALSO ''s/he's the hero. right?'' #GOD I LOVE ZINNIA #broke: zinnia did nothing wrong. woke: zinnia did everything wrong while speedrunning the five stages of grief

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

Me, when Sebastian joins my party for the first time: Okay, this time I'm not going to forget about you, Sebastian. I'm going to make an effort to use you a lot this playthrough so I can better understand you.

Also me, immediately forgetting about Sebastian while finishing Act 2 and making it halfway through Act 3 before I finally notice his Faith quest: ......................Oh. Right. My bad.

#da2 #dragon age 2 #sebastian vael #listen in my defense..........i don't like bringing sebastian anywhere sksksks #okay look i seriously tried but every time i bring him somewhere i always think man i wish i had brought someone else #and also i do just forget about him! i finally added him to my party at one point and he had 24 points to spend... #that's how long i neglected him after i promised myself i was gonna use him more and then i didn't #it's not that i don't like sebastian as a character though i do tend to side eye him A LOT... it's just that i like everyone else more #even aveline like i'd take aveline over sebastian any day and that's saying something... or is it? i have a lot of feelings about aveline #whereas my feelings about sebastian could maybe fill a thimble...it doesn't help that in my canon run as a mage hawke #i romance anders and well... sebastian wants me to kill anders and my hawke is like 'do i approve of blowing up the chantry? complicated.' #'am i breaking up with anders for this? absolutely. do i still love him? mmhmmm. am i going to kill him sebby? i'd sooner set varric aflame #then sebastian threatens to bring an army to kirkwall and leaves so i can't say i have the greatest opinion on him #even the time where i did kill anders and he stayed in my party he was just... there #and then he glitched out and started t posing while asking if ed ever found out what anders wanted to do in the chantry so..... yeah #but even this playthrough where i'm playing as a lady warrior with a different personality and everything... i'd just rather use anyone els #also keep him away from bethany i do not approve sksksks she's too good for him #i want to understand and see the different angles of him like with the other companions but i've yet to convince myself to do it #also sebastian romancers out there can you like... explain? genuinely can you explain the appeal? i'm curious #because of all the love interests in da2 i look at sebastian and you'd think i'd maybe be more interested? but it's like... #i know about the chaste marriage and everything like that's fine i don't need sex to be a thing in the relationship but it feels less like #an asexual romance and more like... y'know... being with a priest and i guess that's just not one of my kinks? sksksks #i guess there's also the prince angle but i romanced alistair in dao and kept him a grey warden i don't really care about royalty power #and i don't have issues with him being a part of the chantry [well i do but yknow what i mean] since i romanced cullen in dai #and his whole deal with the chantry and magic and shit makes his romance interesting to me but sebastian is just.... a bit too much i think #i don't know i'd like to understand because i really don't but i also keep forgetting about him

[softshuji]

Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.

#my mom gave me a really really lonf lecture and upset me because her and my dad want me to start thinking about settling down ans getting #married. again. cos this comes up all the time. ans I reiterated that i do wanna marry and have kids. i know im 26 years old why do they' #think im also not aware of this??? like i suddenly forgot my own age and have my head in the clouds all the time. and i got so heated cos i #said they only believe in that in theory. in reality neither of them have accepted the idea od my leaving home or the idea of mw being with #a man. and they start freaking out if they even find out i talk to them so to say they want me to get married is so fucking naive #ans when i mentioned this and that they're more than ok w mt brothers talking tp women she said that if i wanted to settle down she could #talk to dad and they could “go about finding someone for me” and I've never been so pissed #i got so upset. why does everyone keep saying this to me. as if anyone my dad knows could ever be a half decent man #and the truth is they don't care if im in a happy marriage they've accepted that i won't be they only care that im gone and saving face in #front of family. that's all. it's always reputation it's always “what will people say?” #not once did love come up. not once did shw even imply that i should marryfor love #or that they hope i love someone and marry them. because they're more happy with the idea of me marrying for the sake of it than #they are at the idea of me finding genuine lovw #im not a fucking broodmare im not here to push out babies for the sake od reputation. #and then i said nor being married isn't the end of the world and she said “it's important that you settle down” #and i said im unwavering in my principles. she can call mw high maintenance like she loves doing but I'm not wavering on the #kind of man i want to be with and when i do marry him i want it to bw genuine. because be loves me and vice versa not because im ticking off #somethin from a damn checklist to appease them. and if being unwavering on my principles means staying unmarried then so be it. #my obligations are to god and myself and that's it #and y'know what??? i am in love with a boy already #and yet they don't care that i wanna be in love at all. no im just a puppet to follow a certain narrative in life live according to evergone #else has and that's it. #im done. #and then she tried to apologise by getting me a slice of cake and that somehow made me feel worse. #i dont want an apology. i want to be heard and actually listened to for once. i want someone to ask what i want. to actually give a shit #and love me cos it's me. not cos im some thing to further an agenda. or some toy or puppet that does your bidding. #is it so much??? to just want to be loved in return? to marry and live according to how i want to?? ans not want anyone to make these #decision's for me? #ruined my whole day.

[hella1975]

sometimes i think about the fact my grandparents literally overnight just cut us off and im like. how did u even do that. does it torment you

#eeaao's 'how did you let me go so easily' moment. like i dont let myself even THINK about this too often #bc i immediately beat myself back with the 'if it's hard for you then imagine how hard it is for mum. her PARENTS cut her off' #but like. idk. my nan i couldn't give less of a shit about which is something i always find so interesting #bc even as a child with NO basis for it or any understanding of her behaviour both past and present i still wasn't Comfortable around her #like children are smart actually. i just Knew her vibes were off and i Knew my mum was weird when she was around #like i truly dont think i ever loved my nan even when she was a very frequent part of my life #but my grandad? i ADORED him. id see him multiple times a week and he's the kindest man ive ever met #and hannah what i told you about my mum saying certain people have magnetic auras THAT WAS ABOUT HIM #like i cant actually put into words what it was about him but people just wanted to know him and spend time with him #but he was weak and let my nan walk all over him and when push came to shove he chose her and now ive not spoken to him in 3 years #& i KNOW he loved me. he thought the world of me like it's a bitter unspoken thing between me & my sister that we KNOW i was his favourite #he used to buy me egg butties at agricultural shows when my mum said no and specifically ask for two eggs #he used to sit and eat his soup with me when he came over to do work at the house #he used to play with me. he used to smile all the time. i can so clearly hear the way he'd go ''iya [my name]' with his proper rural accent #or how he'd tell anyone who would listen 'she's tough as old boots that one' #and i could make him laugh like NO ONE else could and he'd light up and go 'give over' and he genuinely enjoyed my company #i KNOW HE DID. and i havent spoken to him in 3 years. he'll be dead soon #and i cant talk to my mum about it bc it's her DAD it is so much worse for her and i cant talk to my sister about it #bc she wasn't close with him like i was and she just shuts the conversation down and those are the only two people #who know my grandad and know what he meant to me so im just here like. he literally stopped speaking to me overnight #i stopped hearing from him i stopped meeting up with him im so so angry with him the love is still there i dont know where to put it now #why couldnt he stay. why did he pick her when she's a loveless void of inhumanity. why werent we enough #hella goes home #my grandparents on my dad's side are also not in the picture funnily enough but idgaf about them. she got that grandparentless swag

[lisbonsteresa]

i'm going to SCREAM

#tm #you don't get how UNHINGED this makes me it's SO #like he's been out all day trying to track down this missing kid (as part of her case too; to give her another avenue against volker) #and they have their little catch up and at first he's concerned (she's been at this all day and now into the night too #and he GETS it - in a way maybe other people wouldn't - but he doesn't want her to burn herself out; he wants her to be careful #maybe he's about to tell her a version of 'get some sleep') #but then she talks about amanda and it makes me NUTS because she does NOT ask for his help #she doesn't ask him to stay; to read the files with her; to 'burn the midnight oil' with her #she's just...stating her case; explaining why this means so much to her; and he listens; he takes it in; and he makes the choice to help #to sit in this with her and to help her work through it #and i just -- neither of them will ask the other for help (yes i know she did at the end of the last episode the context is different ok) #but they're both so quietly (and sometimes not so quietly) desperate to help each other it makes me sick #it's so interesting to see how they deal with this as the show goes on....idk how to explain it but like #when jane needs help he closes himself off; he keeps secrets and he schemes and he lies ('let me help you' 'you're sweet') #because he's trying to keep the people he cares about - the people he never planned on caring about as much as he does - safe #even as he shares more with lisbon (and sometimes the rest of the team) he still doesn't share everything #because that puts them at risk #and that's what lisbon used to do to - in the earlier seasons she put up walls when she felt vulnerable; and she still does in some cases #but with this case especially she's much more accepting of help - she relies on her team (not that she doesn't usually) #and she's practically an open book to jane - in this scene most of all - she lets herself be more vulnerable #(and open to suggestions/ideas she might otherwise scoff at or reject) #idk idk it's very interesting but this scene makes me so wacky there's something so soft and tender and understanding about it #the way there's no spoken acknowledgement - no 'i'll help' or 'thank you' - just the silent understanding that they're in this together #because they're partners #(also the way he picks at the rest of her food - the 'done with this?' the only thing they say - and the framing through the window #is still somehow very domestic it's like my perfect scene) #spinning my wheels hard i'm not thinking clearly i just love everything about it

[lloydfrontera]

the webtoon may have left out a lot of things but they did yassify the orcs which is the funniest thing to me right now

*sigh* they did yassify the orcs <3

now i want to see what they'll do with the sirens and whether i should be excited or worried lmao

#hey i got an ask #Anonymous #the greatest estate developer #tged #also. can we talk about the elephant on the room. #listen i may be totally be wrong about this and i would love to hear you guys' thoughts about this but. #doesn't it feel a little. weird. this thing the webtoon has about making muscular women look overly scary or rough? #like i feel it's gone under the radar because most of us just went 'oh hell yeah muscular women that shit rules let's go!' #but..... i think that wasn't... actually what the artists had in mind when they did. that. #like for example mellica. she's great i love her top tier character design. but look at her. and tell me the way they presented her #doesn't look like a set up for the audience to go 'oh super muscular woman is scary ha ha'. be honest. #now to be fair! all the elves look buff! like they actually look like people who train and fight and do archery constantly! they look great #so i can pass it off as a maybe a little clumsy attempt to give us more buff female characters it's fine whatever #but then we get to the lady ella bit. and uh. well. #how do say this.. it feels. mean-spirited? sorta?? a little mean?? #not even because i was really looking forward to this arc i'm a big girl i can swallow my disappointments like an adult and all that #but it feels like the joke there was 'ha ha man in a dress looks weird isn't that funny? ha ha men are attracted to him that's hilarious' #especially because they went out of their way to make javier look overly burly and buff while wearing the dress #i joked about it but doesn't it feel weird?? we know javier is a pretty guy he's muscular but he's also lean and almost... delicate looking #when wearing his normal clothes #he's a pretty guy! in the novel he could easily pass as girl with no issues! #and instead the webtoon decided to make him look so big and buff he was almost ripping the dress because of how burly he is? #like clearly the joke was 'this guy can't pass for a woman and it's funny that no one seems realize it and even think he's beautiful' #and they even went with the 'i respect your fetishes' joke which. oh boi. #so i'm worried about what kind of jokes they'll make when we get to the mermaids which are described as really big and muscular #even in the novel. in which there are some illustrations that i still haven't decided how much i like tbh #and maybe i'm exaggerating! maybe i'm being paranoid! maybe i'm making a big deal out of nothing and seeing mean jokes #out of a simple gag with no ill intentions behind it! #but i just. think it's weird. and not really all that funny. and i wanted to acknowledge it cause i felt uncomfortable not saying anything #so i'd like to know what you guys think. i think i need more perspectives on this before i say something dumb(er) lol

[gregoftom]

“do you have all the support that you need [for sweden]?”

#tomgreg #''i'm not okay'' wig tom :)))) #man what can i even say about this part like literally what can i say #it feels less like he leans to greg when something is wrong with shiv and more like he leans to greg when he's fucking terrified #why would someone like greg EVER make you feel safe in a business world. unless you were enamoured with him. #unless you felt like you were on top of the world with him. invincible. unstoppable. unless you TRUSTED him with your life. #unless it wasn't about business at all. or at least not completely. #idk idk. you could say he couldn't exactly call shiv bc of the state she was in and yeah you could say he needed to cover his ass. #true. that's all true. but i think that regardless of that. it's important to remember greg asked if tom wanted him there earlier #and tom denied it but in actuality he really fucking did need him. #he could never predict he'd lose his big connection; that logan would die. of course not. he could never predict he'd suddenly #become unsafe and the rug pulled out from under him. but if he could you KNOW who the fuck he'd take with him. #it's also important to remember that it's only to shiv and greg that he ever admits that he's not okay/hurt. that he ever lets down the wall #greg is not amazing with his words but i think to hear his voice was enough to comfort tom a bit. and when he made the joke #greg calmed him down. he didn't even chide tom for making a joke about greg looking like a suspect. he was too focused on #listening to tom and making sure he got it all. #they're sOOooo. ughh #sigh. sigh. sigh. sigh. SIgh #sorry for the long ass cap posts but like. sometimes you Gotta cap it and not do a video like this Deserves caps

[boygirlctommy]

was explaining genloss to my mom and she stopped me halfway through bcus she thought ranboo was just a dream smp character and not a real guy

#my post #ToT #like listen i know it all gets confusing esp when all the characters and the irl person use the same name #but she DOES know what an actor is. she also keeps asking if genloss is real #like no mother ranboo did not in fact actually rip into charlie slimecicle #no it was sk funny when i got to the end and i was telling her how i think showfall brough ranboo back from the dead and hes still suffering #despite the chat voting for him to die. and she just went ‘no hes not! because its just a show ^_^’ #IM AWARE ITS FICTIONAL I CAN STILL BE UPSET THAT THE CHARACTERS ARE SUFFERING ETERNALLY #she also thought this was like. a crossover event with dsmp #had to keep explaining that this is seperate and unrelated and not even in the block game #lol #its my own fault ive infodumped so much lore to her

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

skipping class for the first time in my life bc my professor has covid and he sent out an email saying we’re having class and he’s asymptomatic and will wear a mask per cdc guidelines even tho he’s past the 5 day required isolation period. like. great whatevs but have you actually tested negative

update: the answer was no he had not

#stressed as FUCK #it’s fine we have a textbook and he doesn’t take roll #hoping he doesn’t do an extra credit activity but if i miss it for the sake of my health so be it #i have to go home afterwards anyway bc i have an appointment the next day with my thyroid dr #stressed abt that too bc my mum has dropped all precautions as if she isn’t in her 60s and didn’t lose her husband to covid #and idk what my sibling is doing but i know they’ve stopped masking at their practices and i wouldn’t be surprised if they stopped masking #all together. they also only wear cloth masks but at least it was something #idk i just feel like im the only one not ignoring it. like. when my dad got sick i asked him early on if he could smell and he was like #‘I’m just congested’ and my mum was like ‘no he’s just sick it’s not covid’ and then we waited until it was too late #like. i tell my mum that there’s nothing we could have done bc i don’t want her to feel guilty but like #idk. part of me thinks that if people had just listened to me and gotten him tested earlier and not lived in denial that maybe he’d still be #here. and my mum is pretty healthy but again she’s in her 60s. i don’t want to lose another parent to covid. or if she gets it and has it #bad or ends up with long covid then im gonna have to come home to take care of her or. idek. like i don’t live at home anymore so i can’t #pick up the slack if something happens to her. and my sibling definitely can’t #it’s so stressful. did we not watch the same process of my dad rapidly deteriorating. by the time we took him to the hospital he looked like #a corpse. he was completely grey and his eyes were glazed and he couldn’t even sit up or wave goodbye. has she just forgotten that happened #am i the only one who remembers watching my dad deteriorate in front of us #vent tw #covid tw

[emdotcom]

I changed my mind. Hater behavior is undeserved, when it comes to works, & idgaf about holding creators accountable when their games are mid, anymore.

#em.txt #now i only care about how you treat your workers tbh #so there are still series i hate. but now I don't want to be mean to people who put time & effort into making shit #this is about post shift 2. people were too fuckin mean to Rjac for a game he made for free #& as a bitch who loves that game a lot i see your criticisms i understand. but you're not gonna be mean to him abt this #that fucking teen that held that interview & told him he needed to be held accountable for his mistakes. god #he made this shit for free across four years. what can happen in four years? what did he work through? #to deliver you a free game. even if you don't fucking like the game if you invite a creator on to talk about their works #you don't fucking talk to them the way uyeah did. shit was cruel & uncalled for. #this game is fucking good but it's forever going to be burried as a game that's complicated with weird tutorials #ps2 is fun. you should try it. if you don't get it -- ask. I'll answer any question at any time #i will vc you i will write a text doc -- whatever you want. more people need to experience this fucking game #it's compelling in a way few games are to me. #i can homestly only compare it to rain world but not for a reason that's overt & easy to explain. more in how it feels to play #rather than what you do. #man. idk. i gotta learn how to talk about shit i love without being mean now #this started because i was talking mad shit to my friends & it asked me to stop because i was downtalking something she loved a lot #& i realized this isn't fun for people. i thought we were having fun but tbh? I'm just a mean negative bitch #& that's not fun. that's mean. #i have to redo this character arc from when i was 13 because i guess I didn't learn it the first time around #cynicism doesn't make you funny or cool. it makes you mean & unfun to be around. finding kind things to say is tougher. #if you can present your criticism nicely then maybe you can criticize too #but that alone does not a good critique make & it definitely don't make you fun at parties #listen. i am still gonna be a bitch. but i am going to be less of one.

[micamicster]

I find the sibling dynamics in the untamed genuinely fascinating because like jiang cheng has all the flaws of a youngest sibling but he ALSO has to fulfill the roles and responsibilities of an oldest sibling (his family’s heir and leader of his clan) which results in a man who sucks so bad and fails so much 🥰 i love him

#he’s SUCH a good dude and he’s trying SO hard and he’s just set up to fail on every level #like youngest siblings have no conflict resolution skills because it’s their older siblings role to be the bigger person and fix things #but his literal societal role is suddenly conflict resolver #(my little sister has great conflict resolution skills because i raised her right! but she did not use them until college lol) #they have no gravitas or authority his whole demeanor is perpetually 5 years old yelling ‘wait for meeee!’ #as he runs after people #but now he has to get all these adults to listen to him and respect him #it’s his job to provide for and protect everyone in his family and clan #but his closest family members still think he’s 13 and stupid and it would never even occur to them to ask him for help #how are you supposed to be taken seriously when the guy standing next to you is 2 seconds from giving you a noogie at all times! #also like… it sounds insane but there’s no way he thought that trying to kill wwx would mean wwx would be dead. not at all #youngest kids grow up kinda thinking their older siblings can take anything they can dish out? #like I know that jiang cheng could stab wwx through the heart and still expect him to stand up and make fun of him for being bad at stabbing #it’s dumb but it’s true! #sorry i haven’t even finished the drama but i see him. i see the truth #the untamed #thank u

[earl-grey-crow]

✨pond theories✨

#I don't have pond theories I have commentary on the latest episode which I got around to watching today #because I was watching gran turismo on sunday (amazing movie) (maybe an even better soundtrack I'm listening to it for the third time today #I just really love kat and thomas's dynamic I'm not saying I ship them I'm just saying they're just really fun to watch together #I know it was unrealistic to expect kat to smash a bottle of rum on thomas what with jacob dying in the background but can you #can you just imagine. if she did. can you imagine how great that would be. #and can you imagine how great it would've been to see him unceremoniously drop her into the ocean like. get drenched idiot. #the way home hallmark #also NOAH we finally got a NAME my word #it's so strange they waited this long to mention it like did I miss it before?? #right now he's barely interesting but idk after that scene where they're singing in alice's room #I feel like he might have the potential to be a friend #I just don't want them to make it a ship because good grief do we need it (no) #and not everything has to be a ship #and also girl. alice. you barely know him. why?? #alice asking why guys can't just say what they mean is the most relatable thing I've ever heard lol #I think it'd be interesting if nick put the pieces together that his alice and this alice are the same alice #it'd add to the chaos which would be fun #that look elliot gave nick at the fire on the beach was soooo so tired. he's just so tired. #and please WHAT happened at the estate WHAT went down at the party and WHAT happened in the past that elliot's so worried about #the way they're drawing this out is sublime #also how painful this is for kat?? and for del?? but especially kat in this episode?? wild #what a good episode #earl crow ramblings

[altruistic-meme]

highlight of tonight: explaining queer shit to my oldest brother and having him ask the question "what are your thoughts on transgenders in sports?" and me going " First Of All," and holding up 1 finger while everyone else at the table went dead silent. "Transgender people. It is an adjective." and him apologizing and proceeding to say it correctly the rest of the night.

sometimes it's exhausting dealing with people who don't know what they are talking about and think youre even worse than they are. but sometimes you get people who just genuinely don't know and are asking questions as best they can. I'm glad my brother was the second one.

#for an idea: he is 10 years older than me #the conversation began branching off of what my sexuality is from somewhere else #i am actually incredibly proud of him and very very glad he was asking me these questions #he actually seemed to be actively listening and trying to understand things he didnt know much about #and he was asking ME. someone who is queer and who he knows and trusts. #and he also knows i dont do shit in halves since i have absolutely schooled his ass on fb and he wouldnt respond to it lmao #he also was the first person ive ever talked to about the transgender people in sports topic who actually PAID ATTENTION #and LISTENED to what i was saying. and believed me when i told him smth about smth i have much more knowledge and experience with #it was a delightful conversation all in all #im glad to have been given the chance to actually explain shit to him even if i had had to start off by forcibly #making my mom and sister shut up cus they were talking over me about explaining my.... my sexuality. #and they were talking over me gnzjdjajmx #anyway they backed off afterwards so i had lead #tho my mom was playing backup for me lmao #she caught him saying things and pulled shit faster than i did sometimes #or tried to help explain things so hed see his own fallacy #a dynamic duo truly #shh ac

[hua-fei-hua]

*flopped down on a couch w/a glass bottle of apple juice to make it look like i'm drinking beer*

yeah... yeah i'm fine.... just coming to terms w/the fact that i must use javascript in order to achieve my vision w/the neocities...

#the main reason i haven't just abandoned this particular aspect of the Vision(tm) is bc it would be useful for like. #more than one thing. so it's like. le sigh. #(reading the documentation for tippy tooltips tonight so that i can sleep on it n try to implement it tmrw or something) #why is it always js.... please god spare me at least a Little bit of suffering here i'll never sin again etc etc #speaking of sin i've started speaking more candidly abt my queerness w/the kids at work this week #it's nice to talk to the older kids (as in fifth grade or older) bc even tho like. nine years old is when they start to be tolerable #they lack awareness n life experience. today i told the older kids that i like men but in a gay way #n one of them was like 'i don't get it' n then i reminded her of Gender:tm: n she was like 'ohhhh i get it' #n the two guys also listening were like 'what. i still don't get it.' ONE OF THEM ASKED ME IF I WAS AMAB ACTUALLY LOL #n i was like 'what? that's not important.' but that was really surprising! kids usually read me as female #so it was kind of flattering in a way to be asked 'were you born a boy?' like idk how he's trying to process my gender #but i'm going to flatter myself into thinking the question comes from him like. idk clocking some kind of innate masculinity or w/e idk #花話 #anyway it's Crazy that it took me almost a year to not feel like i'd get instantly fired for telling kids i'm queer #Not going to lie it really felt like i'd never get to this point but it really is kinda just once you start it gets easier #(though to be fair i also wouldn't have told Any of the kids Anything had one of them not started acting like 'gays' was a dirty word) #(n i just Looked at him n said 'you know i'm a queer right?' n he was like 'O_O') #when i worked at homophobic summer camp i do remember daydreaming abt telling my boss i was a 'flaming queer' #i'd have put my feet up on her desk n everything as i made direct eye contact w/her but ofc i never did anything like that. #anyway! i will slep now so that i can get back to work on my projects tmrw morning

[thebadtimewolf]

oh god. they grieved wilf's death together. i cant.

#tv: doctor who #{i. :( made my self sad} #{note: they just told you love interests was never a heal all solution for their psyche. fixing themselves to a 🤎 interest isnt healing} #{why didnt they fix themself to yaz rose sarah jane martha river: they were in the drs eyes friends but remember} #{they only consider them as friends. love interests are friends. donna isnt considered a friend. shes propped up to be his best friend} #{full stop. hell the companion reunion is set up as a group therapy in the show. shes in group therapy for the good and horrors of it all} #{yes this does mean that tentoo is separated from the doctor completely. hes just jackson lake.} #{he actually has a family: what about susan? from susan and down saw him more of a pedestal. it just stayed that way. donna didnt} #{they reiterated this over and over and over and over and OVER again. the dr doesnt need love from someone that sees them like that} #{they need love from someone that is actually willing to make him live day by day to heal to recooperate} #{after power of the doctor and then comics AND TV going back to back IM QUICK SUCCESSION OF NO REST? 14 is at full exhaustion} #{if rose told him to stop he wouldnt if martha clara sarah jane river yaz if any of them told him to stop they wouldnt listen} #{because he uses romantic love as an excuse to burn himself out AND HE DID LITERALLY 9 DOES THIS} #{it was never healthy. and then they kept going. and going and going} #{bill questioned but she couldnt stop him} #{she was the strongest cause of guilt because he retook the role of a professor role a role familiar to ace} #{only it got bill killed because he didnt slow down he didnt talk and decompress. ever. he used trenzalore as an excuse to never confide} #{in anyone and only telling stories so no would ask if HE was alright. yeah they lived but is he actually alright} #{no one talks. except. donna. 15 even states that they do rehab backwards AND THATS NOT HOW REHAB WORKS. YOU DONT GET TO SKIP TO HEALED} #{WITHOUT DOING THE ACTUAL PROCESS OF HEALING} #{he regenerate until he turn into a grain of sand but thats not healing. its just another way of avoid talking thru their grief} #{but they grieved! no they didnt. EVEN IN DW LOCKDOWN THEY DIDNT GRIEVE.} #{penelope garcia's clinical social worker said it best} #{all the things I've survived I have been absorbing trauma since I was really young and thinking I was some sort of hero for doing it.} #{newsflash she wasnt and for garcias 15 yrs vs the dr's billions on billions yrs worth of it: even when u do the right thing even when u} #{stop serial killers (or intergalactic threats) ur body is still absorbing that trauma.} #{they are not a hero for holding on to it because trauma has to be off-loaded. It has to be transformed or ur body will destroy u.} #{end quote.} #{like THATS WHAT DR HAS BEEN DOING THE WHOLE TIME AND 15 SAID: NO MORE! CONSIDER THIS 14S RETIREMENT.} #{i dont like the ending: well i do. 15 and rtd said grief n trauma therapy with donna or bust bitches}