#did it make me feel ill? absolutely

[oatm3al-c00kies]

everyone shut up i need to tell suzanne collins directly that the only part of 'the ballad of songbirds and snakes' that got an actual extended period of laughter in my theatre was the "tuberculosis on legs" joke, a joke made at the expense of a young, suffering, dying, sick tribute as she's about to accidentally ingest poison and kill herself because she's so thirsty and sees water and thinks it will make her feel better. this girl who's so sick because of the living conditions in her district, who was doomed as soon as her name was called, who was probably just so relieved to see an un-smashed bottle of water she didn't think anything of it, too exhausted and dehydrated to think anything of it.

a joke made by the capitol host of the hunger games to try and make capitol citizens laugh and make the horrific things happening in the arena better tv because they already don't see the tributes as people who have lives and who matter and maybe we're so close to her dystopia that we can actually fucking taste it

#am i overreacting?? maybe!! #did it make me feel ill? absolutely #like i got chills in the bad way WHY WERE THEY LAUGHING AT HER SUFFERING #that was someone's child! who a man just made fun of on national tv AS SHE WAS ABOUT TO DIE. and you're LAUGHING WITH HIM??????? #SHE WAS ABOUT TO DIE AND THEY WERE LAUGHING MORE THAN THEY HAD THE ENTIRE REST OF THE MOVIE #MORE THAN WHEN SEJANUS ROASTED HIS ASSHOLE CLASSMATES #anyways i clearly have so many thoughts about people laughing at lucky's jokes #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #the ballad of songbirds and snakes movie #tbosas movie #tbosas #tbosas spoilers #the ballad of songbirds and snakes spoilers #the hunger games

[melatien]

tiny yoichi (unwillingly) lures out soldiers by being his helplessness little self so his brother can strike

#bases are the most reliable way to find food afo found! #yoichi is crying bcuz he pitys them <3 #not because hes nervous #im gonna be honest i made this idea up on the spot when drawing this #pewdiepies new art video awakened something in me I NEEDED TO REMIND MYSELF I CAN STIL DRAW BANGERS TOO #i didnt disappoint myself!!!! competitiveness is my enemy and my bestie literally #anyways his right eye was an absolute horrendous nightmare to draw it was going so well until i did the hair then it ruined the eye #i actually thought yoichi was wearing shoes at this age but then i looked back at those chapters and realised yoichi was shoeless #WITH ONLY A BANDAGE ON HIS FOOT??!?!!?!? agony #can yoichi not make me wish he had something good in life for ONE SECOND #think of this as like how he responded to afo killing those people that (presumably) beat yoichi up beforehand #we dont know if hes crying because his brother is killing or if he was crying before being 'saved' #ill try do some fluff art soon ive been really interested in body horror related art lately so i wanted to play around!!! #i have a BUNCH of ideas written down ive yet to do #i just keep doing whatever i feel like #i am the master of ignoring the instructions and winging it #mha #my art #yoichi shigaraki #one for all #my hero academia #first ofa user #shigaraki yoichi #mha yoichi #tiny yoichi #tiny yoichi in his shabby little clothes #ive actually been dying to draw tiny yoichi again but KIDS ARE SO HARD TO DRAW!!!!! #i had an art moment though #HALLEJUHAH #art gods had my back fr

[gaybearwedding]

so clark and bryce were definitely flirting with each other at every single cornhole competition they went to right

#and bryce was SUPER normal about it #i feel like they both absolutely knew their feelings were requited it’s just that they’re a fucking mess #anyway first pibe drawing :] #i am Not particularly good at art but i did my best and i think it’s cute #yes the proportions are weird we don’t need to talk about it #i’m not 100% satisfied with it but i’m tired of looking at it so it’s fine #also it physically pains me to use their canon names instead of cole (clark) and graham (bryce) #which are the names i gave them due to already being extremely mentally ill about zach and jess characters named clark and brian #but obviously that would not make any sense to anyone but me and my girlfriend #anyway. i luv them #play it by ear #pibe #cornhole in one #zach reino #ross bryant #dropout #mine #art #my art

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

sometimes ya just gotta scribble your favorite character giving you words of encouragement. even if that favorite is a guy from your own brain

#shoutout to my Specialest Boy he always has my back #hes not a real person but he's got me!!! he always does! #he's been Getting Me Through It since eighth fucking grade! #whether its nice words or a mental slap and a Do It Scared #setting him as my home screen for extra Courage on this scary day #(have to apply for a job in person somewhere ive never been) #if i feel too nervous i can open my phone and look at his smiling face! #there is a gay ace gender-nonconforming man on my phone and he's 50% of my emotional support #IF HE DID ALL OF THOSE TERRIBLE THINGS SCARED THEN! THEN I CAN APPLY FOR A JOB! #said through gritted teeth and with panicked breathing #i really gotta work on that Do It For Him board... #absolutely unprompted #if i get this done he'd be proud of me and that's all i need #gazing at him lovingly. someday ill pay him back #i have years to puzzle out how i want to put him out into the world #since i highly doubt ill ever manage to get into tv business and make my own animated show #childish dreams! but they soothe me at night #man i just want him to be loved... OKAY IM GETTING EMOTIONAL time to cut myself off tags over

[the-trans-dragon]

It's hilariously therapeutic to watch Cutthroat Kitchen because a lot of the time, when a man loses, he has the funniest little reaction.

Like even if the judge was very clear and explicit about why he got voted off, he'll be like "I thought my dish was great. I shouldn't have been voted off. I deserved to win, because I'm a good chef no matter what the judge said." (When they've done things like serve uncooked meat or used a plain century egg as garnish)

Like goddamn, people are surviving just fine, without constantly being upset with themselves for small mistakes? They can even ignore huge mistakes and chose to believe they are perfect, and apparently this has been a successful survival technique for them because they're still alive.

So maybe I can forgive myself for small things. Maybe I can be nice to myself about it. Apparently I could even lie to myself about it and pretend it wasnt a big deal or wasnt my fault I'd probably be fine--so it's probably okay if I let some cereal expire, and if I can't fend off the guilt and self-loathing about it, then its a valid option to just say "well its the cereal's fault for expiring" or something silly to escape the pointless unbearable guilt.

Like I don't plan to do that for meaningful mistakes, but why not resort to Overconfident Man Confidence to dodge debilitating shame over throwing away a single paper bag that I've been reusing for months and it's finally beyond use but I feel like I'm wasting resources and should fix it? My guilt and shame aren't playing fair or logical so I am allowed to use sneaky tricks like "borrowing confidence from a man raised to believe he is never wrong" to fight back lol.

#sorenhoots #i know its just a silly show but it makes me happy when i see people lose gracefully. when theyre like “dang i did mess up on that. ill #remember that in the future as i continue to be the great chef i know i am“ like yay growth and happiness and kindness. but when theyre lik #“i guess the judge doesnt appreciate FLAVOR” when they have concocted a flavor generally unliked--yknow its good to push limits with art bu #when you are making something to be palatable you...have to....make it palatable lol. and if you want to be proud of your weird dish then #thats super cool and i love that but when you blame your loss on “it isnt my fault they didnt like my absolutely bizarrely seasoned food” #mmm it is kinda ur fault at that point. and in a competition to impress judges you might not always win when you gamble and take risks. #idk. maybe it doesnt even matter! who cares about humbleness? why do i care that they recognize their own limited control and power #over their circumstances? probably im just mad because i cant relate to their uninjured ego. perhaps i should try to have a stubborn ego #just once and see how it goes. maybe next time i die in a video game i will say “uwaa well its the DEVELOPERS fault for making the game too #hard“ and see how it feels :p probably feels silly but maybe it will widen my perspective and allow me to see a third option besides #self loathing or refusal to admit fault. :3

[bellincurl]

Maybe I'm just desensitized from dealing with like cptsd probably ocd neurotic soup unchecked for my whole life and finding ways to just phase out the chatter of it but seeing ppl here talk abt moral ocd and stuff in a way where they refuse to be reminded of racism or anything is baffling to me. Like I don't get how that's helpful for you, instead of separating thoughts and morals from yourself and your actions you're just going oh no my religious ocd is triggered when ppl talk about me having privilege or benefitting from systemic oppression so therefore I'm never going to interact with marginalized people who talk about it ect ect ect. Or proship ppl being like it's too hard to take a stance against incest and age gap ships so they're just no holds bars for it now. Like again maybe I'm being mean, being online is hard I do think the way ppl talk is especially triggering for ocd and the whole born good born bad self flaggelation for forgiveness stuff never be wrong takes especially eat at me but they are symptoms ultimately and letting it box you out from ways you can actually genuienly improve as a person feels wildly unhelpful to me. Sitting with guilt and understanding what is real harm thats been done by you and actual bad things you believed and what is the brain chatter is crucial.

#ig it's just that unpacking that and ingrained beliefs and the urge to be centered and coddled is #something you have to be doing regardless and i kind of jsut cant respect not doing that #like i care abt ballroom there is a ballroom scene here and my ruminations can play up on anything like #i absolutely cannot engage with the ballroom scene here its not a space for pakeha reslly and i dont want to come off as a white drag race #fan who isnt aware of privilege and wants to be inserted everywhere egotist ect maybe even being into drag at all is problematic ill never #understand ballroom bc i didnt go thru enough and bc im white and z and x and x #and like THAT is disordered thinking that is feedjng off scraps of white fragility and online discourse #but there is truth that the scene here is intimate and new and primarily for maori and pacific and takatapui and that is how it needs to be #like i hope im not wildly off base. idw be one of those ppl who are like just found out abt opression im going to make myself the singular #voice and educator on it coughing at breadtube phenomena kinda thing right right right #like just white ppl bouncing obvious things they just learned back and forth to feel more progressive #i just think ocd isnt a good reason to feed into the left cannibalizes itself cant say anything these days isms of it all and the like #ohhh ur a puritan bc u think cp is bad parts of the net #my self analyzing and ruminations are a thin line but it has genuienly improved me to understand that #your shame and guilt whether it's rational or disordered or not isn't the center of the world and does not need to be coddled #anyway LMAO it did spend 5 hours writing this bc it is disordered and got stuck on it #long post

[britneyshakespeare]

i was hanging out today w a friend i hadn't seen in awhile and kaily and i were catching up on all the drama involving him (my controlling manipulative and abusive ex-friend) and how he keeps going out of his way to ask ppl about where we are and find us and how the only reason i think i get out of it is bc i don't go to the same college as him anymore, i hardly ever leave the house socially and the few ppl i do see all have no connection w him anymore, and i don't work at some place where he can just show up. i work in pre-k-to-12 public schools. my schedule in terms of days/location is irregular anyway, but if some strange adult man shows up for no particular reason and seeks out a female employee, you do not just get let in. that is how you have the cops called on you. but he does know where i live and i have been paranoid about him finding some excuse to show up at my house. i've had legitimate nightmares about that. i never stopped having nightmares about him i'd say at least once every other week and i haven't talked to him in almost six months.

i don't like at all how i don't feel safe in a way that means i have faith that the issue is over; the person is out of my life; our communication will not be renewed against my will once again. bc all of those things have been attempted. i feel safe in a way that means he happens, by circumstance, not to be able to access me in any convenient way to him. any way he could find me (the only way to feasibly do that would be work/home) would be a justification for calling the police. but i don't have any faith that he wouldn't try, because he has shown himself as being capable of being that low. and if i switch jobs or transfer schools finally and he finds out about it, he can just make it an issue there if he so feels like it, and i'm sure he will. he's a monster. he gets some sort of thrill out of making other ppl feel unsafe and having all the control in the situation

#tales from diana #it was very validating to talk to her bc she never really liked him #in fact i used to be so humiliated when i'd bring him to hang out w my older friends #bc he'd go oooon and on and on about how nobody listens to him nobody understands him nobody cares about or appreciates him #and then i'd be like 'oh my friends are good ppl! ill introduce u' and i did. i made the effort to bring him to them a LOT #(and he would make me feel like he envied me for my oh-so-superior life which i most definitely do not have) #but then he would not listen to her not understand her not care about her and not appreciate her #nor any of my friends for that matter. but he was SO disinterested in her in particular in a way that was just sooo disrespectful #he wouldnt let me hold a conversation w her. or let me bring her into a conversation w him. he'd DOMINATE #in general he didn't like me talking to anybody else or anyone talking to anyone else or anyone else talking #ive never seen a man who cared so little about somebody else getting to finish a sentence. #and like there's a lot of adhd in our friend group. we all (myself especially) have our spirited interjections #and occasionally interrupt but we realize when we're doing it and then pull back & let the other person finish #we try to keep other ppl on track w what they were saying when they go on a tangent #you know. we try and communicate effectively #even tho we r not naturally perfect at it lol. #we're adults who respect each other it's almost like! #but yeah. he was only interested in impressing the couple of men in my friend group essentially #he'd talk abt how my two guy friends r cool & how he wants to be closer to them #and i'd stick up for this woman i hung out w today & he had just absolutely no interest in her #she never liked him anyway which was so baller of her. good on her. she detected his rudeness #and that rudeness used to vex me so much. i suppose bc i couldnt bear to see him treat other ppl how he treated me #altho to a much lesser extent w the overt lovebombing he did to me and the traumadumping and intense reliance upon me #he seriously needed my attention 24/7 it didn't matter if i was studying or working or in bed sick for two weeks #literally he and his vapid fucking needs came before everything in my life according to him. always. crazy #the entitlement of that man is ridiculous. so of course he thinks there's nothing wrong w seeking me out #of course. #i wouldnt care if he died

[odetolovers]

i’m losing it

#Guys. Guys. #i refuse to uhaul this relationship bc i Rly want it to work #but she is just. genuinely incredible #i am going to fall so hard my feelings for her are already so strong and so are hers :( #she’s genuinely everything i cdve ever wished for in a person & soon to be partner if all goes well and makes me feel so safe #i feel lucky as hell & every time we text or call or hang out together i feel so at peace #thank u universe bc how the hell did i stumble across this #also she went to my college so we wouldve crossed paths probably hundreds of times and never knew #now here we are nearly 5 years later and the timing of absolutely everything cd not be more perfect #it’s just wild. theres so many insane coincidences #and ill never get over her matching my energy shes just like me fr <- both mildly insane and obsessed w each other #we keep hallucinating each others perfume man 😭 im so done for #valentina talks #Sorry guys once we get over the honeymoon period ill probs talk less abt her (lying) #ive never been so sure abt anything like i am abt her and it’s so effortless and easy to be honest and we’re both whores for communication #like when i say the energy is matched it’s Matched. it feels so healing 😭 #im obsessed but i also know its early days so im not saying it’s gonna remain this good but like. i feel weirdly confident in it. idk im #trusting my gut tbh. things only fuck up when i Dont trust my gut sdgsjfhs #my lover

[soup-or-who-lock]

finally finished Youngbloods by Scott Westerfeld tonight and having emotions about it :| Frey delivering Evil straight to the one place they don't want it via a necklace, exactly like Tally did all those years ago. Tally nuking everything in sight to prove a point and stop some of the damage she takes credit for, nuking her own reputation in the process (and maybe that means she's free now, maybe she can just go and live her life and be a person, because she hasn't been allowed to be a person since she became the face of Revolution. maybe now she can just sit in the woods and enjoy the breeze)

#need me some Paz feels to process this book #i'm probably too tired for thinking about this but am thinking about it anyway and feeling quite ill #Tally really did that shit huh #i believe it and it makes sense but. fuck. almost wish i could unread it. not exactly the happy ending i was dreaming of #but i think these books do unhappy endings pretty well and like. yeah if i had to change/fix the world at 16 and if i had #brain damage surgery multiple times i would probably also go off the deep end a little bit and yes perhaps a nuke would be involved #it is deeply unsurprising and Tally has always been morally grey and that's the point of the books (there is no absolute good choice) but. #fuck. #Youngbloods reeks of real life and no take-backsies and permanence and. the weight of reality? it's fucking heavy #youngbloods spoilers #uglies spoilers #uglies series #uglies series spoilers #scott westerfeld #imposters series #imposters series spoilers

[bunnyb34r]

Really wish this brain fog would pass bc I have a shitload of posts in my drafts i saved bc i wanted to read them but my brain said no. And it's tax season so I'm getting important papers in the mail and I cant fucking read them. Well I can read them but it's just words. Nothing is connecting up there. Thank god mom is here to help read that shit and translate but fuck do I hate this shit

Why can't my brain fucking WORK

#it feels like when i kept getting concussions in 9th grade (had 4) and i couldnt fucking focus and my reaction time dropped significantly #like we were doing a basic reaction time experiment in science and i said oh lets not use mine when we submit it (group of 3 pick best #result) and my friends were like pfft whatever go. and i did and they got real quiet and were like oh... #bc they didnt realize i was concussed concussed like bitch my ability to vaguely see in the dark is GONE i cannot see my rt is SLOWED #my brain cannot WORK RIGHT #it's recovered since then (yay neuroplasticity) but i still have bad brain fog from fibro and it's like god at least when I was concussed i #could easily be like listen i had 4 concussions i need help. no problem. but with brain fog it feels like give me a min im stupid today #i hate it!! i hate feeling broken i hate feeling like my brain is half working! it sucks!! #i got insurance shit the other day and had to ask my mom to make sure it was just a basic 'yeah youre covered heres more access' and not #something i needed to act on and it was so frustrating #marquilla #and whats worse is sometimes ill be talking or typing and think im making sense and then ill look back at it later or someone will ask me ab #it and its like oh... im sorry my brain is not working atm and i cannot get out what im trying to and what is getting out is jumbled #the absolute worst is when it hits when im driving and it's like hey you're 2 hours away from home snd now LOST get home bitch :) #luckily it only happened when i was 40 min from home and in a familiar enough area but my brain couldnt find the right 'path' #sucked but i actually knew i was actually on the right path when i saw this house with a lesbian flag sgsgdgdgdgdgdgd like oh! here!!

[ozlices]

i sensed there was new oz art coming in my SOUL AND MOCHIJUN DELIVERED BC IM HER FAVORITE AND SHE WOULD NEVER LET ME DOUBT OR FORGET THAT FOR A SECOND LOOK AT MY BABNANA SCRUMPTIOUS WUMPTIOUS SCRUNGLE WUNGLE I LOVE MY SOOONNNNN

#mine #im revived im rejuvinated everything will be okay no doubt in my mind now #i genuinely mean i SENSED it i was literally telling everyone yesterday & earlier today in the headspace that new oz art would drop #& they obviously believed me bc. thats my son ik when he will be coming home i can feel it in my soul #AND LO AND BEHOLD THERE HE WAS IN MY TWITTER NOTIFICATIONS THATS MY FUCKING SON!!!!! #she did this just for me bc this week has been absolute dogshit and she knew that drawing him would make everything okay automatically #and ensure me that shit will work out very soon. she is so real for that. #what a mentally ill ally truly. #pandora hearts #oz vessalius #the angle has me losing my mind ngl like he looks. HE LOOKS!!! HE IS LOOKING AND I AM CRYING WHILE I HOLD HIM #he is so handsome in his wittle modern day outfit i love that she draws him in it every time now pretty much #god i adore him with my whole entire being every single piece of it including the entire system we all cry whenever new art of him drops #thats my son he saved my life and i adore him like the whole universe and he is still saving me even now what a little SUNSHINE #STOPPING BY JUST TO LET ME KNOW HES OK AND IM GONNA BE OK OH MY BABY BOY OH HOW I ADORE YOOUUU

[nomaishuttle]

just did a spirally alphabet This ones for 1st grade me

#it was actually a whole thing. i made a cutesy cursive alphabet that i always wrote in when i was little #and then my teacher took points off my work bc i wasnt writing properly #and my dad got like. Absolutely pissed like furious. and he's still mad abt it bc he feels like the school wasnt letting me be creative #i do get both sides bc well. i was a 1st grader ... i had pretty good handwriting for a kid but i cant imagine my spiral letters were very #legible. also idt they were very pretty LOL from what i remember they were kinda silly looking #the alphabet i just did is also kind of silly looking But i like it....and i think its abit more readable lol #i was just thinking maybe for my dads birthday next year ill make him a card and ill use my spiral letters #bc he was like..rly rly rly sad that i stopped using them #so i think itd be nice :]

[kindasleepycryptid]

I.... have mixed feelings about the movie

Were the romance scenes great and the added content good? Yes. Is it absolutely groundbreaking to have this type of romcom movie be about a gay couple? Absolutely!

But erasing basically every storyline that explored abuse of power, drug addiction, grief, polyamory... idk man

I'll also add that everything about queer women and their identity was cut

#i get that on one hand we absolutely need to hype this movie for a multitude of reasons #but i feel like those storyline are also completely integral to how the book was received #and while its two different pieces of work... reducing the complex story to *only* a romcom that is (imo) lacking depth still #idk man #like did i enjoy the movie #yeah #but is it memorable enough for it to actually encourage more lgbt stories in media? i dont know #some of the scenes in the book are screenshoted into my mind for life but ill probably forget the movie in like a month #anyways im rambling at this point but it just makes me uncomfortable i guess #rwrb

[1o1percentmilk]

kamuro is probably the only character i have really strong feelings about yknow a lot of people write better analyses than me for suzuki ritsu mob and the other guys so i dont really like chiming in to those but i GET kamuro ive lived kamuro. kind of.

#its about feeling so deficient that you lash out at other people #i feel like sometimes we forget that mentally ill people are not always harmless #sometimes they really are unpleasant bullies who hurt people in their loneliness and are annoying to talk to #im not saying that what kamuro did was excusable absolutely not #but i feel like sometimes he gets too much hate for that when he was just a kid with an unsupportive family and high expectations #and his arc proves that with social support (mob and tokugawa and possible his family? if mob talked to them?) people who have hurt #people in the past can change and move forward which is a Theme in mob psycho #idk man i just relate to kamuro it makes me excited to see people like him and give him friends like tokugawa and ritsu #it makes me happy to see him physically get better and take responsibility for his actions #yeah #milk (delusional)

[inkedlove]

Why does every amazing experience make me so sad?

Everything is truly once in a lifetime

We can never do the same thing twice

And it scares me so much

How am I not still 17?

It's like I'm constantly scared that everything beautiful thing is going to be the last beautiful thing

But my whole life has been full of amazing moments and people and trips and sights and the world always has more wonderful things for me to see and feel

I'm just terrified that this Beautiful Thing will be the last one

Or that I'm going to suddenly get too old to dance in a bar that I love

#just staring at the stars with tears streaming down my face #i dont wanna leave here but i also really want to go home #and i feel guilty and sad and conflicted #i need to take the bins out and clean the fridge #going home from holiday always makes me sad but this was a Trip and I did it by myself #it's the first and i dont want it to be the last #and i keep telling myself that that is fully in my control #but i kind of dont believe it and it just feels like ill never do anything like this again #pronably also have the fear because im moving in with my boyfriend tomorrow and while it is absolutely what i want to do... #it is also scary as fuck

[cruelsister-moved2]

I clearly had covid at some point recently because yesterday I tried to eat a packet of salt and vinegar crisps and they tasted like there had been some kind of toxic chemical spill at the factory, today I ordered more to make up for it and they were the same, at which point I made lewis try one and confirm they taste normal so it's something with my taste and then I sniffed a bottle of rice vinegar and it smelled the same way. literally like burnt rubber and nail polish remover to me.

at least it's just vinegar and not anything I'd eat more often but it's literally making me question reality when my brain is just making up this smell/taste out of nowhere?? did anyone have anything similar and did it get better. because idt I can live without salt and vinegar crisps or balsamic vinegar or sushi!!

#I've never tested positive so possibly the first time I had it #I've been feeling so run down and easily out of breath lately but the thing is #I have cfs so I ALWAYS feel like that & any time I've been ill I'll always have a flare up #for like another two weeks or something #I've been ill like. twice in the last month #and like regardless of what I have I do my best not to be around ppl when I'm sick #so I feel like i did my best to avoid spreading it luckily even though i didn't realise what I had was likely covid 😭 #because my symptoms were like. an ear infection+tonsillitis #no cough and my taste and smell were fine at the time of having it #and I get ear infections and tonsillitis fairly often and they always make me feel absolutely terrible #so I have like no real way of knowing eueiwosjdhdh #and I used to always test whenever I was ill w anything #but like. idek where id get a covid test from at this point : #:/