#did I say how much I like this car

[sysig]

Can you please draw Edgar and Johnny stargazing or something like that

Day 8 - Stargazing

#My art #Requestober #Vargas #Nny #Edgar #I actually went and looked up what constellations are most visible around this time of year lol #I've never gone looking for Pegasus :0 I wonder how much we can see from here #Gotta be a clear night for it! Chilly #So cold that their noses have gone red haha - they're all bundled up but that car hood has to be freezing #I super didn't want to draw a car so I mostly cheated lol ♪ It's close enough! #I could've drawn them on a late-night picnic I guess but them laying on the hood of the car is just the Most Correct y'know? #They're gonna be frozen solid once they're done lol #Oh no however will they warm up lol #That said they're not even touching while sitting out here haha ♪ Nny doesn't like it! His arm is fully over his waist! #Did Nny have the beanie or did he borrow it? Who's to say #Edgar would have a matching scarf to go with his favourite shirt tho he's a dork like that <3 #Same reason he'd know which constellation Nny's pointing at like that - bookish nerd ♥ #Gosh this one was close to being posted outside of the usual 2:30 time! Hopefully that won't be a theme #Wish me luck ♫

[thejasontoddarchives]

52/WW III Part One: A Call to Arms #1 (2007)

You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you’re standing naked in front of a monument meant to honor a dead version of yourself while you’re alive, holding the Nightwing suit in one hand and the pill helmet in the other

#peak male form actually #jason todd #dc #I love how nobody but Martian Manhunter really knew the brothers in blood arc had started and even then it was just a side note #because too much shit was happening in this story for that to have any bearing whatsoever at that moment #but also because Jason playing dress up isn't a big league issue it just happened to cross manhunter's radar lol #so Jason makes the decision to dress up as Nightwing and go to ny as black adam is destroying the world and the trinity is gone #he finds a group of criminals about to run off with a suitcase of cash #he gives them a mini lecture about how irresponsible it is for decorated self-important heroes like Bruce to disappear at a time like this #and how it’d also be irresponsible of him if he’d let them get away knowing they’re going to fuck shit up while the world is ending #it’s implied he killed them #then it cuts to a panel of him with the suitcase #saying that’s the easiest money he made and ‘this vigilante thing is a breeze’ #as if he didn’t pretty much do the same thing to the biggest drug lords of Gotham like five minutes ago #giving them a big scare and leaving with 40% of their millions #granted he did have to guillotine a bunch of their lieutenants but he said it himself it was only 2 hrs and he got 40% #also that second part is even funnier because he says it as if vigilantism isn’t *the only thing* he’s done pretty much his whole life #like. you boosted car parts and sold them for money to dodge the foster system. then you were robin. ROBIN. #edit: phrasing

[bugsbenefit]

all i'll say about Noah's video is that i think it's weird people are calling it a "bad apology", because it's not even an apology video. the only thing he says is that his opinions have been misconstrued and that he doesn't want people to die, which, yeah, he already said before. there's no sorry, from the video alone you wouldn't even know if he's aware of what he did that made people turn on him so fast in the first place

i know the norm nowadays is to call any response to an issue/a situation an "apology" but sometimes it's just a statement, which is what this is. if he was genuinely "apologizing" he'd have to address the actual things he did, like keep misinformation up, even after it's been disproven and worst of all the "zionism is sexy" thing. what he's doing is just cautious backpeddling by saying everyone got him wrong. just a pretty obvious pr nothing-statement sadly

#seen some people say to watch his 'apology' and just... why are you calling it that #he only doubles down on not wanting anyone to die which is something he's already said before #i didn't expect him to actually reflect and do a 180 in a few months so i'm not surprised #if he ever does change his mind i'd expect it to take a few years at least #but well... just seems like a damage control press statement he's making because of ST production starting up again #my opinion on it in case you're curious #but also obligatory holy shit it's tiring to see people immediately jump to wishing death and disgusting things on him and his family #unproductive as hell #posting online about how much you want a celebrity with a shit moral complex to get hit by a car or something is Still not activism #shockingly #so nothing's changed essentially #that 1 minute video really did nothing who would have thought

[sleepinglionhearts]

It's all fun and games til you hit something you didn't expect in a construction zone and you pop both passenger side tires in what can only be described as the absolute worst occurence of fuckery you've encountered today

#personal #guess who's stuck in a parking lot for a while!!!! #and is also guilty bc this is their mom's car they're borrowing!!!!!!! #there's been so much road work on this part of the route tho #i know i hit a curb but i could swear that curb was like. 3 inches further to the right last time....... #not sure how i managed to fuck up the back tire too but you know what they say #don't half ass it full ass it #hm. wait. would full-assing be popping ALL the tires??? #who knows! #ah... thankfully no one has stopped to bother me about it #i did get very pitying looks from a couple walking their dogs #and the homeless guy who looked like he was gonna approach but then looked at the fucking wheels and like. turned away #well! time to wait for family to come and lend a hand and if that doesnt work we call the roadside assistance 🙃

[hyacinthsdiamonds]

Another L for the Max hating Seb girlies, we love to see it! <3

#f1 #formula 1 #formula one #max verstappen #sebastian vettel #seb texting him congratulations for winning and telling him that he's got to do it #ie break Seb's record #my heart!! #but like if you remember or liked red bull era seb i don't get how you can vehemently hate max so much #because they're two sides of the same coin #and the things people hate max for seb did it first and was 10000 x worse about it lmao #the golden boots? Seb was wearing them at toro rosso i think even before his first race win #no.1? seb after the rule change was the first driver eligible to use it and did #like seb was the og kid derogatory the same way max was when he started #Seb got nicknamed the crash kid and max got called crashstappen when they were literally rookies and learning!!! #let's not forget multi 21 and the psychological torture he put Webber through lmfao #and like even at Ferrari let's not forget that time Seb on the radio told the race director to fuck off #even fucking marko went “too far” and it's helmet Marko ffs lmao #the grid dad propaganda was too successful and Ferrari+ Aston not providing good strategy & competitive cars defo didn't help #but like people who hate max but say they would've supported seb at red bull... #you wouldn't have #do not cite the deep magic to me witch i was there when it was written #seb red bull we were HATED and booed #hey history is a circle #and if you don't remember it you're doomed to repeat it

[serenfire]

finished the bg3 ironhand gnome plotline today and was wondering about the pulse of the fandom so i checked and

turns out almost everyone who played this game is a coward!! doesn’t see that bg3’s commentary on violence can be about resistance by any means necessary to the point that you turn the knife on every single one of the people you once called friend

#[slaps car] this baby can fit so much dialectics about direct action in it! #really makes you think how much of wulbren’s motivation is the ironhand vs gondian religious affiliations & history of violence or #an absolute last tactic to stop gortash whatever the cost. which only tracks if #wulbren was gearing up to kill himself in moonrise towers so the absolute wouldn’t get his runepowder design. #like that’s the line between viewing his pov as an underdog tyrant or going scorched earth as a result of a lifetime of desperation. #which way did he get radicalized? in trying to kill the gondians is he aligning with the absolute and bhaal on purpose or despite it all? #and (i say this only knowing about bg1 and not the details of the bg3 durge playthrough) the bhaalspawn is bg’s commentary on #violence as inheritance. fate vs freedom. the ways in which we take our parents with us. & wulbren/barcus could extend this politically #think about it. think about it! #barcus wroot #wulbren bongle #bg3

[needylittlegirl]

maybe im like old fashioned or something but i dont think i’ll ever be over that all of my firsts were taken from me by somebody that didnt even love me, somebody that did such horrible things to me!

#i think he really set the tone for my entire sex life #just. the first time i was ever With somebody happened because i was too scared to say no #my first kiss and my first time and my first date and just. so much of my youth #i wish i could take it all back #cause it makes me feel so Gross #it makes me feel disgusting just know how much i wasnt ready for any of it but he wanted to so i had to #and then how much he hurt me physically and emotionally?? why did i ever have to deal with all of that #what did 17 year old me do to deserve getting shoved against walls and kicked like i was nothing #i dont know #i dont know i just want to go back and stop it all #where would i be? i was such a brave girl before him i was unstoppable #tbd #sorry im actually fine my car ride has just gotten quiet so im lost in thought

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its so weird. i feel like march 5th went on for more than a day somehow. i guess that's just bc we were awake for just abt all of it #my dad wanted to start doing things immediately so he was calling and scheduling all day. we went to the funeral home we went to the store #and it was weird bc as we were moving around it was like wow we r a 4 person family now. this is it. and theres so much to do after a person #dies. or at least there is when they were loved so much and jesus christ my mom was one of the best ppl a LOT of ppl knew. she did so much #for so so many ppl. and with her childhood she had every reason to b a fuck up but no she was kind and selfless and amazing. her mother is #trying to bask in the attention of her death when its like: truely go fuck urself. her being such a good person has nothing to do with u. u #treated her appallingly. fuck off. and fucking everyone knows it. god. she is a product of her grandparents kindness. and it sounds like her #dad was amazing like her. but he tragically died in a car wreck when she was 3. she was in the car. no one in my mums family believes in a #god now. too many bad things happened to the shining gems in a collection of wild alcoholics. but its not all bad. my family's staying close #my dad is taking it hard bc this means hes alone now and my mum took care of so many things bc she was so smart and he feels so dumb. he #feels he didnt deserve her. hes working on giving more hugs now. and hes using us to anxiously talk things out the way he did with mom #which is good. i cant imagine if this happened when we werent 3 adults and he was windowed with 3 kids to raise himself. and its funny. were #saying things we never would have told her. we looked thru pictures of her and she was so so beautiful. a total smoke show. my parents were #a cute couple who produced cute kids. and my mom had trouble communicating and being affectionate tho we knew she loved us there was #distance. theres a pic of my dad pulling her close and shes being tippef towarf her while standing away and thats indicitive of their #relationship. they were 2 partners who lived together independently and that worked but its sad bc my mum couldnt b vulnerable in her #expression. ppl r being so kind tho. ill be in ohio now for like 2.5 more weeks as the funeral stuff shakes out. we have to have 2 bc she #grew up away from her and so many ppl loved her in both locations. she was a popular lady. its so weird to b here on pause. but i feel clear #in my head. i think this will change a lot of my outlook on life. its nice to focus on the person she was and not the horrible 12hrs where i #saw her half dead. i cant imagine how awful it was for my sisters and dad to see her downslide into death. she didnt expect this to b The #Fever that killed her but it did and now she'll never finish a million things. and the house is full of pill bottles and all her junk and #unopened amazon packages and a truck with the fuel left on empty. bc she was an absent minded goofball. ay. well miss her so much #unrelated

[frecklystars]

ken is the type of boyfriend to want to surprise me with my favorite pastry (donuts) to cheer me up but doesn't know which one i'd want the most so he just gets all of them. comes home with 15 dozen boxes. we end up having to share them with the entirety of barbieland or else they'll go bad (hey, if plastic milk can expire, so can plastic donuts)!

driver brings home apple pie bc he assumes it's my favorite. it's not. well, apple is my favorite pie flavor, but pie itself is not my favorite pastry.

...but i would never tell him that, bc i love our routine of eating apple pie together at our favorite diner at two in the morning and i'd be sad if that ever stopped. sure, we could get donuts at 2am, but it wouldn't be the same. the fact that he'd go out of his way to drive us to a diner and sit us down and drape his jacket over my shoulders while sharing a slice of pie with me -- i dunno. it's nice.

#if the ice cream at the beach is free im assuming the donuts would be too #you think Tall Ken paid for his own ice cream when he bought himself and Beach Ken ice creams? please. #Kens have no money they have no car they have no job they have no house they have no crotch they have NOTHING #except my unconditional love and support 24/7 #if ken ever has to buy anything he's on his knees begging barbie 'PLEASE BARBIE WILL YOU BUY DONUTS FOR OUR SWEET GIRL???' #but he'll say her name like Ryan did when he was running toward her at the bus stop -- #BARBAY!!! BARBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!! ...y'know like that. #god i need to watch the movie again #i watched it last night but i need it AGAIN #love notes #💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́- #💕♬♪ ♡ I do nothing but think of you - ̗̀💙🔨 ̖́- #every time driver says 'i got you pie... it's your favorite :)' im like uh huh :) #looking him right into those ocean blues and lying. yes it's my favorite. how'd u know babe?? #if i ever told him i'd prefer donuts or cake he would change the routine surely #but where's the fun in that when i look at apple pie with so much fondness now #just like i used to not care for skittles but now i like to eat them every now and then #because Six eats skittles and Ryan talked about how Six would eat skittles in the field #i love associating food with F/Os i love them urging me to eat and to eat well #i'll be laying in bed feeling awful and then i'll think... 'barbie would want me to eat' so it makes me get up #hey whatever works right!! #woof

[zilabee]

In the summer of 1976 he  completely shaved his head and his eyebrows, and also shaved  off the beard and moustache he’d worn for years. What was this?  A cry for attention? Just something to do? The first signs of a  nervous breakdown? No one knew for sure. [...]

In a revealing interview in People magazine, he later admitted  to more disturbing reasons for the head-shaving  incident - attributing his bizarre behaviour to “feeling vaguely  insane and drinking some new drink. . . . It was a time when you  either cut your wrists or your hair, and I’m a coward.” 

Ringo With a Little Help, by Michael Seth Starr

#ringo #ringo starr #with a little help #michael seth starr #(I don't really know how to tag this) #tw: suicide ideation #there's an interview where harry nilsson #sort of laughs about this #like it was a wild crazy thing ringo did #in an effort to stop people recognising him #and then says something about how he started setting fire to cars #and the cops recognised him at once #so it hadn't worked #it's just all really really sad #when you look too much at the seventies #and I'm so happy he came through it

[bluezeri]

seeing how Leo is so obviously splinters favorite in almost EVERY generation is making me so sad

#tmnt #no this isnt about leo angst #and if yall rb this w leo centric shit i will hunt u down #this is about the other three #specifically mikey #rottmnt mikey #splinter mentions mikey name ONCE in the entire series #and that was when he was trying to prove he was a better dad than dracum #now im not saying splinter is a bad dad #im just saying the favorites are very obvious #like no wonder mikey like draxum so much #he gives him the attention that splinter doesnt lmfao #like in that one episode about the. car fight or smth. idk it had donnie in it. it was about donnie and splinter mostly #but he says he keeps falling for it when splinter wants to #like homie #even in the rest of that episode he was there but just kinda ignored #thats how it throughout most of the show honestly #im sorry yall im insane over mikey i really dont care about anyone else #gonna shut up now just had to get my thoughts out #when splinter wants to spend time with him sorry idk why the tag did that

[kn11ves]

emotional support group for autistics who got called condescending and rude as kids just for responding to things directly and still not knowing how they were being mean

#what did i do #i got constantly told by my mother and step father (and his family) that i always talked like i knew better than they did or that i was #just as mature. i was just fuckjng talking what the hell did you want me to do #why do you feel attacked when a 10 year old speaks to you as an adult????? literally what #i dont know on that note sometimes its just like i dont even feel like ive aged at all #sure i have a giant explosion of time in my head just Gone from my memory because i was getting abused but like i dont feel like ive aged #or really matured ive felt like ive alwats felt #i cant relate when epople are like me when i feel all my ages or i wish i could go back to being x age or being x age everything felt so #different..like no it didnt. or im missing something? #i have never in my life felt like anything has changed. ive always been this old. there is no ''inner child'' and ive never had childhood #innocence or a nostalgia or childhood to go back to. i have no idea what any of you are talking about ever👍 #ugh jst rmemebred skmething that happened with my white step dad's mother #we visited her house and she literally fucking didnt let me go (not physically) until i replied to her with Correct Granmar. what was i #doing? i was reaponding to her by saying ''yeah'' and she kept repeating ''yes'' like telling me to say yes instead of yeah and i didnt #Fucking Get It because guess what you old white cracker i barely fucking speak english and you are just saying things in an aggressive tone #like thats gonna make me get it. and i Didnt i just kept replying yrah to her yes's and then she got tired of it and we left out the door #and theeeeen i got yelled at in the car by being called disrespectful and rude by my parents. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO????????? #those crackers never liked me LOL i literally know they didnt #ugh i rmemeber this one time my step dads father was like trying to show me some dumb boxing or karate or something punching move and he #told my mother that i was good at it because he felt i had a lot of aggression and then NY MOTHER YELLED AT ME IN THE CAR FOR IT?????? #oh fucking wonder why te kid being abused mighthave aggression but she didnt Know (apart from what She was doing to me) like why would it #be my fucking fault if he thought i had aggression in me HOW IS THAT MY FAULT WHAT DIDBI DO I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO THE MOVE BECAUSE WELL #I WAS TRYING TO GET ALONG BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY WANTED ME TO DO #she was like do you know how much that embarassed me and WHAT THE HELL HE SAID IT I DIDNT I WAS LIKE #8??? OR SOMETHING???? I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!! I DIDNT KNOW WOMAN WHAT DID YOU WANT FROM ME #mothers when they mother👍

[verycoolsnails]

YAYYY MISHA THEME!!!

MISHA 💖💓🩷❤️💕💖💓🩷💖❤️💖💓💓💖🩷💓

#i loevev them so much did you know that #currently saving up for him and it is HELL after spending it all on sparkel .so many quests and not enough timw ......... #and . ouhhh havent had the chance to talk abt . shit what is it called . lemme go see real quick . #A CHILDS DREAM . yknow that one map with the text on the walls and the melted clocks and stuff . #that was done . SO incredibly well it makes me INSANE........... #so like . im 100.1% sure the speaker (who talks abt mikhail a lot) in that room is misha. #like that IS her voice right . im not going insane #its just . auuh... the dreams (or at least golden hour) in peacony are so childlike .... like . some of the puzzles are jigsaw puzzle ; #turn into a small cartoon character ; and help the cartoon character find his cartoon gears . #and then you get to clockie . who can only be seen by someone w a childs innoence (or smth around those lines) #and that misha can see clockie . which like . cool right ? yeab. UNTIL YOU GET TO A CHILDS DREAM .. #where theres something just ... sososo off . #and its ... its just gotta be misha . its gotta be . idk if theres anything outside of main story im missing (there probably is) #BUT . augh . auf even . #childs dream still has these childlike qualities to it (the paper birds; walking on walls) but just ... more warped #(the general atmosphere of the place; the monsters even .) #the music having a music box to make the tone of the song more distressing ... how its so much more smaller than golden hour .. #aughhhhhh ... its just such a good parallel..... i could talk abt it all day really . #anyways . i WAS going to tell u abt my misha theory (which may or may not be confirmed) bu t i got DISTRACTED. #uhh anyways . my theory is that misha is somehow trapped in peacony . #when misha goes onto the parlor car they mention that theyve never been outside of peacony before and that she can t stay for long . #which i imagine is very normal! BUT its this combined w her lock motif (pupils; most of the doors in childs dream) thag make me suspicious #i mentioned before that golden hour has a very childish quality to it. and that misha has that childish quality. #okay well . what if mishas being kept there so that golden hour can keep on being a dream for other people? #and so that would make golden hour mishas dream. (or part of his dream? could be more people the familys keeping) #and that would imply that childs dream is . well . mishas nightmare . #uhm . i think thats it ..? if i come up w anything else ill . ramble abt it somewhere . definitely not the most eloquent but #i hope i got the point across <33 #i think its an understatement to say i love misha . i LOVE MISHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[rmu-vincent]

Dear Mr. Edgeworth,

I recall from one of your previous postings that you are particularly fond of cats, and am interested in your opinions on other animals commonly kept for human companionship. What are your thoughts on dogs? Horses? Rodents? Birds and reptiles?

I would assume that last one would have interesting twofold connotations given your status as a law student, due to these creatures' association with the legal profession - the epithet of "legal eagle" on the positive side, and all the jokes about snakes and crocodilians' show of professional courtesy on the negative. As an enthusiast of all things reptile related, I feel it is a reputation undeserved by these misunderstood, scaly creatures... as well as those aspiring to take on careers in law, very important for society...

But I digress. Lastly, I would also take it that, for rather obvious reasons, you don't really like fish, the way they remind you of a certain someone...

Regards, Seraphine. Again, may you excel in your studies, and no slanderous jokes come your way.

Dear Ms Seraphine,

Thank you for the kind words and inspiring thoughts.

Despite, as you noted correctly, being fascinated by cats, I am not that fond of most domestic animals, and my liking for cats is simply an amusing exception. However, there are still some species that I could call charming and interesting in ways different from keeping them as pets.

The first animal that came to mind was a graceful black panther. Ever since I was a kid, I thought of panthers as majestic, powerful guardians, trustworthy leaders, and dangerous vigilantes. They might not represent justice in the traditional sense of court cases and hour-long debates, but if one crosses their road, they should be wary of seeing their eyes shine in the dark when the night falls.

On the other hand, I could never resist swift, elegant antelopes' beauty. As someone who has always strived for success and improvement, their efortless endurance and resilience resonated with me; antelopes are in a constant state of action, awareness, and searching for new paths, opportunities. For me, they are a symbol of motivation and energy.

As my final point, I would like to mention swans. Even though they are often depicted as an embodiment of love, from swan figurines being placed on wedding cakes to towel swans on hotel beds, these birds have always struck me as an exquisite representation of change. On another note, the concept of a swan song has captivated me ever since I learned what the expression meant. It is impossible to deny that I spent hours considering what my swan song could possibly be, and to tell the truth, I still think about it from time to time.

Unfortunately, I do not have a strong stance on reptiles. They are the most beautiful when admired from afar, and their quiet deadliness amazes me; snakes in particular have been painted as villains since the beginning of time, so despite me condemning the demonization of reptiles, I understand why people have those... preconcieved notions about them.

Keeping rodents and other smaller animals as pets does not make much sense to me. For me, it would be impossible to love something that is barely capable of communicating its needs. These fluff balls always seemed closer to decor than to actual companions.

As for fish, I would not say that a certain someone you mentioned has enough influence over me to make me actively dislike fish. Marine species look magnificent in acquariums when the interior is done right, and personally, I do not mind fish... served with a tasteful side dish, that is.

Best regards,

Vincent Edgeworth

#My father used to have a Great Dane. #It's menacing presence was ominous at times and even though the dog loved me I had the same thought at the back of my mind: #what if one day it decided to drop the act and ripped my throat out? #This is to say that I do not like dogs. Not because of the Dane but in general. #I cannot trust them because of how trusting and loyal they are sometimes. #ooc: thanks to my beloved partner the fandom was blessed with deer-vincent and i want people to Think about him #i doubt that canon vincent would like deers much however i still felt the need to mention them in some way #vincent is a deer a strong graceful scared hit by a car deer #please it makes so much sense to me i-- #also i guess all the animals in this post were also characters in books you usually read to kids #he probably read everything himself. poor boy Did Not need any help and missed out on bedtime strories with his parents #sorry i am sleepy and have too much stuff in my head hope this makes sense!! #vtsom #vincent the secret of myers #vincent edgeworth #rp #ask blog

[plexippusangel]

I either need to accept that I am just a way stronger person than this friend and can handle way more while still being able to engage with the world as a person, or recognize excuses as excuses, accept that I am not valued and be done or. Maybe both. Idk. It might be somewhere between the two. I am just sick of regular life stuff rendering him unable to spend any time with me, and of him being unable to bear any of the details of my life, when I would move mountains to rekindle our friendship. Though I'm starting to wonder if I still would.

#faer personal files #i just. really didn't want officiating his wedding to be our last hurrah of friendship even though i did kind of feel it coming #also i'm really sick of being infantilized for my chronic fatigue i am a grown adult and i know what i'm capable of #ugh. maybe i'm just being awful and not understanding in which case i'm too much of a rancid person to be his friend i guess #but i don't think that's the case #idk i'll never forget when i couldn't see this dude for a year even masked up outside for covid but when another of our old friends came up #from her job doing COVID RELATED CROWD CONTROL FOR THE FUCKING ARMY he went on a hike with her mask off #and i think that says a lot about what our friendship's been for years honestly. if he can't bear my company idk why i try #if i'm just an interesting prop for conversations and occasions but not a friend. i can't accept that #i am an interesting prop for conversations. the disabled genderfluid bisexual genius who lost everything bc of said disability #but i didn't lose everything i just have to fucking rebuild on new ground. and i am doing that. i whine on occasion but i am so strong #and i do know how to interact with people without traumadumping i haven't on him in YEARS but his concept of me crystalized at age 21 #or something like that i guess. idk it just breaks my heart #bc for a long time he was my person. he was the only person who knew the authentic me. more even than my sisters at times. #and yeah that was a little unhealthy but at the time he craved that!!! #and then i grew up and stopped needing him like that around the same time he stopped wanting that and it should have been fucking fine #but like. even senior year of college when i was sick it was already starting to fall apart #like i remember being on a small hike once being exhausted and jokingly being like you gotta carry me back and then being like #no really i might actually need an arm to lean on by the end of this walk if i'm gonna make it back to the car i really don't know if i can #and he said no bc he didn't want to look straight. who the fuck CARES??? i could barely walk i was stumbling my way back annoying him going #too slow. fuck. and that really has been what our friendship has been for years. the minute my house wasn't the most convenient place it wa #more or less dead idk why i keep dragging this horse around #idk why i keep letting him break my heart like this it's so stupid he's never gonna care about me like he did when i was quick and brillian #but never quite as smart as him in his view. fuck him. i'm smarter. just bc i was a little gullible or paranoid at times bc of the #FUCKING CPTSD doesn't mean i was dumber than him. the fuck??? there's something wrong with me i swear idk why i hang on #anyway i'm irritated. but i'm also reluctant to throw away somebody who's seen me through key points in my life. so.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#bleh. dont burn yourself out kids #everything ive been a part of for the last 4 years in this lab has to b published eventually #and i just had my 1st paper published. probably the most interesting thing i worked on and how do i feel abt this? i dont feel anything #but bitterness. every congratulations i hear i just wanna say fuck off. dont encourage this. do u kno what i did to make that data exist #as u see it? i mangled something within myself beyond repair. enjoy the information if u want but i wont #all i see is a symptom of an illness im doing nothing to treat #everything i did in this lab will be seeped in anger and pain #it has to change. i wont let it be the same in my next lab. no more fucking timed experiments #i cannot b trusted to b normal abt them #ugh. i just feel bad bc i finished my measurements for the week and i have a 2 day lul until i leave on vacation #and i kno i have to get 3 heavy instruments to fedex tomorrow bc i didnt do it today #sigh. i csnt focus. i spent so much time today tryint to remember what im supposed to b doing. then i made myself mad writing out the #hypnoses for an experiment i didnt fuckinf design and i dont care abt. like y did we do this? idk i just fucking do what u tell me #maybe ill go run again. i dont wanna do anything #my dad yesterday: ready for vacation? me: yea 😭😭😭😭😭 #just gotta not crash my car on the drive to the airport bc i have to drive myself there 🙃 #unrelated #i hope the instrument manufacturers appreciate the unicorn tape i got specificly for shipping those things #bc how could i not when given the option?