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wildernessuntothemselves · 2 years

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You Are My Queen Now | Part 9

Word Count: 24k (fuuuuuck)

Genre: Smut, angst, fluff

Summary: Growing up as a child of a minor lord, you had it instilled in you since a young age that you needed to find yourself a rich and affluent husband that would not only provide a comfortable life for you, but would also help further your family’s position in the court. So it was of the utmost importance that you remain a virgin in order to land such a coveted husband.

The problem lies when the man you secretly love, Prince Beomgyu, suddenly and unabashedly propositions you.

Warnings: extremely unhealthy relationship dynamics, really fucked up characters and their fucked up families, cunnilingus, fingering, dry humping, breeding kink, switch!oc, switch!gyu, cheating, drugging, brief thoughts of suicide, oc will be having romatic/sexual scenes with gyu and she and him will make justifications for that rape in the process. This is not me condoning what they’re saying or doing. I, as the writer, am of the opinion that rape is unforgivable under any circumstances. However, these are very fucked up characters and their love for each other is selfish and obviously not sane so don’t take their clearly fucked up logic to mean that rape is justifiable.

A/N: Check out the playlist for the fic as well as the wonderful pinterest boards my lovely ♡ anon made for the fic. They’ll really help put you in the mood and contain hints for next chapters and even the ending.

The dagger and the ring lay on the bedside table in front of you, two gifts from two very different men–the two items signifying them so well and yet not at all. The ring is a gorgeous thing, delicate yet extravagant, offering so much promise it can’t possibly fulfill, while the dagger is sharp, dangerous yet protective, and so strangely beautiful.

They both make such differing promises–Taehyun’s a fight for your life, for the chance to own it, a beauty forged in the fires of adversary, Beomgyu’s a deceptively easy, glamorous life that requires you to give up so much, to make the ultimate sacrifice.

It’s an incredibly hard decision to make, but you’ve made it. And as you hear Taehyun coming out of the adjoining bathroom, you quickly put the ring away before he can see it.

“What are you doing, angel?” He asks, and you look up at him to reply but suddenly jump back at the sight of him. In place of the piece of cloth he used to have covering his lost eye, now is a black enamel false eye that looks like it was ripped from the devil himself.

“You don’t like it?” He hesitates when he sees your reaction.

“No, it’s just…” You try to lie but can’t come up with anything, and he sighs. “I’m going to cover it up.”

He moves quickly to retrieve his eyepatch but, in his haste, ends up bumping into the desk it's laying on. That happens a lot nowadays, him slipping or bumping into things as he still hasn’t adjusted to the loss of his eye. It frustrates him a great deal and you hear him curse and pound his hand against the desk.

Taehyun may have brushed the injury off at first so as not to alarm you, but now he’s feeling the effects of it accumulate and weigh on him heavily. Without his right eye, his depth perception has been greatly impaired and it impacts all aspects of his life–from navigating day to day activities, all the way to his combat and archery skills that have taken a huge hit. He's been suddenly thrust back years and he may never get back to his level before the injury again, and that makes him feel extremely vulnerable. He is a military man through and through. His whole personality revolved around how capable he is to protect himself and his people and now he might not be able to. His people are under great threat and he’s struggling to perform the most basic tasks, let alone have the skill to fight alongside them in a battle.

You want to reassure him–tell him that if he practices enough, he can eventually learn to largely compensate for his lost eye, but you keep quiet because you know it will take tremendous time and effort to relearn things he used to excel at, and he wouldn’t need to if it weren’t for you. A core aspect of his personality has been compromised, and you’re the reason behind it, and now you have the audacity to tell him it will be alright? No, you can’t so you just keep your mouth shut and let him handle it at his own pace.

What you can do is attempt to ease his tensions a bit. How disgraceful would it be for you to show repulsion to the physical manifestation of his affection and efforts to please you?

Quickly, you get up and walk towards him. “Come here.”

You grab his hand and pull him towards you, murmuring to him, “Close your eyes.”

He gives you a confused look, hesitating for a bit before doing it. He already lost vision in one eye so it's tough for him to willingly close the other one. You rise up on your tiptoes and kiss both his eyelids softly then lean back to see his small smile in response.

Even though you are so used to Beomgyu’s extremely expressive style of love that you can’t really appreciate Taehyun’s silent affection, the one thing that you’ve come to appreciate about it is that you don’t always have to find the perfect words to say what you mean. You can just express it physically and hope he understands.

When he opens his eyes again, you force yourself to look directly into the mismatched orbs. It’s hard–not just because of how unsettling it looks, but because it’s hard to face him knowing what you’re about to do.

He leans down to kiss you and you kiss him back, trying to calm him down even more, hoping that you can somehow take some of his anxiety away and hold it for a bit. But you become hesitant when the kiss grows more urgent and needy, and his intentions become clear as he starts tugging on your sleeping down.

"Taehyun…" You protest, not wanting to do this now knowing what’s about to happen. But Taehyun holds onto you, gaze boring into yours.

"Please." He utters, the vulnerability seeming to be magnified in his one good eye.

You haven’t given him an answer yet and that too is taking a huge toll on him.

In his eyes, he has opened himself up to you, revealed his deepest weaknesses and worst fears, the things he tried so hard to keep hidden and protected behind a hard exterior, and yet you didn't accept him right away, didn’t lay your arms around him and shield the hurt he feels inside. For the first time ever, he allowed someone to gaze upon the worst parts of him and they hesitated, leaving him to feel exposed and weak.

You know he must be struggling a lot right now, but he doesn’t say it. How could he when the one time he reached out he was left with no answer?

So here he is seeking reassurance in the only way he safely knows how–using the only method that he is still sure of himself in, and you can’t really deny him that. It’s selfish and altruistic all at once, letting him feel that security for a few moments before you have to rip it away from him.

You kiss him again, silently giving him the permission to move forward, and he pushes the nightgown off your body before hoisting you up on the desk.

He pulls back from the kiss to spit in his hand before propping your legs apart with his body and guiding his wet hand between them.

"Taehyun…" You moan as he sinks his fingers into you, and your own hands go to free his cock from his pants, stroking him into hardness. It’s a frenzy of heated touches and unspoken pleas–him pleading you to choose him, you pleading him to forgive you.

Before long, you’re both ready, and he wraps your legs around his waist and pushes into you, his mismatched eyes staring deep into your own as he takes you.

You give him what he wants, that reassurance he's searching for as you meet his stare and moan out his name, letting him feel desired, enveloped, and he loses himself in you, his heavy breathing joining your moans as his high builds up. For a while, he feels in control again. He feels capable. He feels loved.

But it all comes collapsing like a sandcastle hit by a wave when he reaches his orgasm and you push him away like you always do, forcing him to spend his seed on your thighs and showing him once again that he’s not welcome.

He moves away from you like he’s been hit by the wave too, quickly tucking himself back in his pants and handing you back your nightgown. You slip it on, not bothering to clean his cum in favor of hopping off the desk and going to pour the both of you some wine to calm yourselves down and to finally put your plans into motion. You can’t stand this anymore

It may have looked suspicious, how you randomly decided to have a drink right now, but it wasn’t random at all. In fact, Taehyun is used to you using alcohol to self-soothe by now.

He dislikes that about you. He prefers to stay sober, wanting to always be sharp and focused, even when it’s painful to do so, and so he dislikes how you resort to alcohol to calm your nerves and dull your senses. He thinks of it as cowardly and weak, that you can’t face your own life and decisions and so you try to run away from them at the bottom of liquor bottles.

Maybe he’s right about that. Maybe you’re not as strong as you thought you were.

But he hasn’t said much about it recently, probably because he’s afraid that if he is tough on you now while you’re making your decision, that might push you back into Beomgyu’s arms. Which in of itself is something you have to reckon with. The old Taehyun wouldn’t have cared. He would’ve chastised you even if it pushed you away because that’s just how he is. He’s unapologetic and crude more often than not. Even his brand of love is tough love. But now he’s careful, scared. Is that better? Is an insecure Taehyun who is wavering on his morals, his very character, better than a harsh Taehyun who stands true to himself?

You definitely need that drink.

Your heart picks up speed with every passing second as you pour a drink for the both of you, discreetly pulling out the vial of powder you had stashed away near the wine. This is it. You’re doing this.

You try to make up some small talk so you can distract yourself from your erratic heart as you slip the powder into his drink.

“How does it feel?” You ask awkwardly, then add on when you realize that your vague question can mean many things. “The eye, I mean.”

“Weird.” He replies absently, lost in his own thoughts. “It’s sort of like an itch but not. I am aware of it in a way I was never aware of my eye before.”

“I’m sorry.” You grimace, turning around and walking towards him with the drinks.

“I don't need your sorrys. I just need an answer." He says, cutting through the bullshit, and you swing your head back and a big gulp of your drink before handing him his own.

He doesn't even protest, the tension reaching an all time high in him that even he needs the drink now.

He snatches it from your hand, downing a big gulp of it too. It makes your heart ache for him. You’re going to ruin him beyond recognition if you stay. You’re not good for him. Yes, you helped him some. You showed him how to make more allies and solidify the ones he has. You made him see things from a point of view that he didn’t want to before. But at what cost? Half his court? His people? Himself?

This unsure and insecure Taehyun is painful to see, and even if you stay and soothe his worries, he would always compare himself to Beomgyu even if he wins, even if he kills him.

You sit next to him on the bed, and reach your free hand out to hold his, but he just stares down at it, not clasping it back. And after a while, he says, “I know you’re scared he would kill me. I mean… I hope that's the reason you're hesitating anyway." He mutters, taking another drink to chase the nagging doubt away. "But we have a real chance of winning. My people at the palace tell me that the nobles there aren’t very content with some of his recent actions.”

You take your hand back, suddenly scared. Is Beomgyu encountering problems already?

Seeing your confused expression, Taehyun elaborates, “Apparently he’s allowing peasants to train for positions that have only been exclusive to the nobles so far, professions like physicians, engineers, scientists… It’s not sitting right with the nobles.”

“Why would he do that?” You ask, perplexed. You know that Beomgyu has always helped the common folk, but this just seems so random.

Taehyun shrugs. “He claims that he’s met many brilliant peasants who would be very accomplished if their skills are honed, and he wants to provide them with that opportunity.”

Taehyun’s tone sounds derisive, as if he thinks the idea is stupid, and that confuses you even more. “Well, isn’t that good?”

He snorts, confirming your suspicion. “In an ideal world, yes. But these esteemed professions are restricted to the nobles for a reason. They’ve had the best education and training since they were children, while these new recruits haven’t. You can’t just pluck a random person from the street and train them in one of the most important professions out there and think they’re going to measure up to those who have been training their entire lives for it.”

“Then he can open schools for them. He already provided lessons to some of the common people before.” You argue, remembering the family you met when Beomgyu took you to the city streets.

“And provide entrance based on what? You think if everyone can be an engineer, that anyone would want to work the fields?” His reply annoys you. Surely Beomgyu has a system in mind to pick out the potential trainee. Besides, that’s not the point. “So we shouldn’t provide them the opportunity to better themselves so we can keep them at our feet?”

“That’s not what I am saying.” Taehyun protests the meaning you’ve gleaned from his words. “You know I am not the type of man who hoards power and money from my people, but everyone is born into the role they have to play. If you start messing up with the order of things, everyone will start coveting the things that belong to others and society will descend into chaos. If you give the common people these positions now, they’re going to demand bigger and more important roles. They’re going to want positions in court, the temple, maybe the king’s council even, and the regular person just can’t be trusted to make such important decisions when they don’t have the proper background and understanding for it.”

“Maybe but I think the regular people should be represented in those positions, that way they can be the voice advocating for their peers instead of them getting trampled over by the rich and powerful.”

“You think that when these people taste power they wouldn’t turn right around and act the same? The only difference is that they will not be controlled. I am not a fan of the upper echelon of society either, you know that, but there is a system to things around here–a trail of accountability that men and women of our standing are held to all their lives that the regular people aren’t. If you start allowing rouge elements to take charge, how are you going to maintain order?”

“So everyone should just stay where they are and not strive to move up? The peasants stay peasants and the nobles rule over them just by virtue of birthright?” You exclaim, and Taehyun shakes his head impatiently. “Not just birthright. I told you, we lead different lives. They toil in the fields while we get educated on how to rule. They hone the skills they require to lead their roles in society as do we. Just like I wouldn’t be able to forge my own sword like a blacksmith could, he can’t govern a city like I can.”

“If that’s what you think, then surely you think I am below being your wife and ruling beside you.” You say in disbelief, and realization finally dawns on him. He understands why you’re really upset.

“Oh, angel. You’ve always underestimated yourself.” He chastises, grabbing your hand and giving the back of it a kiss. “You’re a highly educated lady. You grew up taking one of the most prestigious roles a woman can in society. Even if the other ladies looked down on you, you still received as good an education as a woman can get in this kingdom. You just needed to learn a few more skills to be able to rule by my side.”

You take your hand away and stand up, pacing. “I was only allowed to reach that far because of Beomgyu. I wouldn’t have been fit for you if it wasn’t for him. Now he’s giving the less fortunate that same opportunity. I thought you of all people would support that. Don’t you stand for justice and equality?”

Despite how it seemed to you initially, Beomgyu is the one who actually saw you for who you were rather than your rank. If you hadn’t been a lady in waiting, Taehyun may not have chosen you at all.

“I do, but not all people are created equal. If I let my people govern themselves, everything is going to go to shit. You’ve seen my court. You’ve seen how emotional and paranoid and suggestable the common person can be. That’s exactly why I was against letting that old man be pardoned for killing his daughter’s killer. You can’t just let people do whatever they want. It sounds good and fair and lovely on paper but in reality, everything would come crumbling down soon enough. It’s my duty to do best by my people. It’s my duty to protect them, even from themselves. Sometimes it may not seem like it, but I am. My father trained me brutally for this job and I have trained Kai in return. You think you can just get someone off the street and have them do my job?”

You guess you shouldn’t be surprised that this is Taehyun’s reaction after all. He was always so harsh and strict on Kai, preparing him for a possible future where he might not be there to guide and protect him and he has to rule by himself. He has a very structured and narrow viewpoint of the world. He also has extremely high standards and won’t accept anything that would deviate even a little bit from them.

You thought that since he made an allowance for you, that he thinks differently. But you suppose you weren’t much of an exception yourself. After all, he did train you intensely too–going above and beyond to make sure you’re up to the job of just being his wife.

“I care about my people.” He starts again at your silence. “I care for them by not letting the other lords get away with any crimes they commit, and punishing them when they do, just like how I punish the poor. That is what real justice is, not that false king’s flowery sham that will inevitably come crashing down on him.” Taehyun says that last part spitefully, “You think when the nobles turn on him, his peasants will stand by him? No."

The thought of everyone turning on Beomgyu makes your heart clench painfully. You don’t know why he’s doing this, but you know he’s doing it for good. He has always cared about the well-being of his people. Educating them isn’t something new for him, this is just a bigger scale of what he was already doing. He may have done some messed up shit, but he doesn’t deserve for people to turn on him for this.

You’ve quit pacing at the dreadful thought and Taehyun gets up to wrap his arms around you. “It will bite him in the ass, angel. I can assure you. He will be undone by his own actions, and I am not going to protect you if you’re standing right next to him when it all comes crashing down.”

You can’t listen to this anymore. You can’t hear him talk so happily about Beomgyu’s fall.

Now is as good a time as any to enact the second part of your plan. “Then I guess I will have to be buried down in the rubble with him."

Taehyun’s eyes widen in shock while the rest of his face crumbles. "Is this because I'm not agreeing with you?” He asks angrily, but quickly tries to compose himself, his jaw clenching as he breathes through his nose. “I'm sorry."

"Are you? What for?" You call him out on the absurd lie. He’s just saying anything to get you to stay at this point, just like he previously claimed that he loves you. He thinks it’s what you want but all you can hear is mockery.

He can’t answer your question. He doesn’t have an answer because he’s just pretending. "I don't want you to lie to me, Taehyun. Your words are nothing if you don't actually mean them." You shout, frustrated.

"I am trying. I try to be nice. I try to buy you nice things. I lost my fucking eye for you. What more do you want me to do? Do you want me to be him?” He growls, starting to come undone under the pressure. “I am not him. I will never be him."

"I know. That's why I choose him.” You declare, putting as much conviction in your statement as possible so he’d believe it. “I want to go back to him. I love him."

He’s at a loss for words for a while. You can see so many thoughts racing through his mind, trying to make sense of your sudden decision. "Are you doing this to protect me?" He asks at last, hope–a scared little spot gleaming wetly in his eye. He’s pleading with you to tell him that you’re not choosing Beomgyu over him, that you’re only saying this because you want to protect him from the war.

It’s partly true. You want to protect him. You want to protect Beomgyu. You want to protect everyone, and if you stay, thousands will die. But you can’t tell him that because if you do, he will not let you go. It’s not in him to leave the drowning sailor behind.

So you shake your head firmly. "I'm doing this to protect him. You want to kill him. I won’t let you."

You have to be cruel. That's what you agreed on with them. You have to make him hate you.

"Am I a fucking joke to you?" And it seems to be working, the hope in his eye getting consumed by rage and betrayal. "You're choosing him over me? He’s deranged. He murdered his own family for fuck’s sake."

“They deserved it!” You shout back, meaning it. “They treated him and the rest of the family like shit. They planned to sell Wonyoung off. They were horrible human beings.”

“He still shouldn’t have killed them. They were his family. He should have–”

“What? He should’ve sat by like you did with your own father?” Maybe it was too low a blow, but you hated Beomgyu’s father for the way he treated you during your final months in the palace. He always made sure to remind you that you’re a whore despite Beomgyu’s constant reassurance–because of Beomgyu’s reassurances. He never wanted you to mistake it. You’d never be good enough for his son–the son he doesn’t even think is good enough for him, just that he was a valuable bargaining chip and he wasn’t going to lose it over a whore like you.

“You think the little inconveniences he had with his father could even be compared to what my father did to me?”

Little inconveniences? You and Beomgyu’s entire sense of self-worth is a little inconvenience to Taehyun?

“And yet he was brave enough to take matters into his own hands and try to make the world better for his family and for everyone else.”

“By killing some of them and threatening our family? By raping you?” He denounces disgustedly, “You have to be sick in the head to go back to him after what he did.”

You look away at the reminder that you didn’t need, that you’re always actively trying to forget.

Our family. Taehyun is your family and you’re abandoning him because of what he thinks is you choosing Beomgyu over him. It’s a horrid thought, especially after all that happened because of you, and you can’t blame him for losing it. It still shakes you to the core though, maybe because you know it’s true. You are sick because after everything, after what Beomgyu did to you, after Taehyun opened up to you… you still want Beomgyu.

You stay quiet. You have nothing to say to that.

It doesn’t matter. Taehyun has made up his own mind too. “I won’t let you leave.” He declares steadfastly, “You’re my wife. Take that however you want, but I can’t let you go now. I can’t and I won’t.”

“I can’t give you the love you want, Taehyun. I can’t heal you when I’m sick myself.” You tell him in a small voice. “I want to be loved too and you will never be able to give me that.”

“I am trying.” He says slowly, painfully.

“Maybe that’s not good enough.” You mumble and he shakes his head in denial. "Good enough? If good enough is what he gave you then no, I never will be because it is sick. It's sick and selfish and obsessive."

"Maybe but it's all I know." You confess sadly, "It's all I want."

"If selfish is what you want then I can be that." He proclaims, “I won't let you leave. I gave you the chance to go and you chose to stay.”

“I didn’t know what I was choosing.” You tell him honestly. You really didn’t. You’re such a stupid, stupid girl.

“You’re my wife now. If you leave and go to him… you’d be committing adultery.” He informs you somberly, and in that moment he is the fearful lord Taehyun again.

You let out a laugh. “So what? You’ll imprison me? Kill me?”

But he doesn’t find it funny. Neither do you. "I don't want to but I won't let you make a fool out of me."

"I thought you didn't care what people thought."

"I'm still a man and you're my wife. What kind of impotent leader would I be if I let another man take my woman and bed her as he likes?"

Your cheeks flame at that, and he notices, his one black eye seeing right through you.

“You’d let him, wouldn’t you? Even though you’re my wife.” He denounces, pain and disgust apparent in his voice. "Did he even take you against your will at all?"

"You know he did." You grit, tensing at the accusation.

"Then maybe you liked it." He accuses coldly and you gasp.

Maybe you haven’t been completely transparent with him about the nature of your relationship with Beomgyu prior to his wedding night, but for him to imply that you liked what happened to you just breaks you. You never thought Taehyun of all people would accuse you of that. He’s the only one who stood by you regarding this all this time. He never once doubted you about this before. So to have the only person who believed you now express his doubt is crushing.

But Taehyun is seeing black at the moment, and he’s not backing down. You’ve finally done it. You’ve broken him and he will take you down with him.

He advances on you and you walk backwards, scared of the dark look he regards you with. "Why else would you be running back to him? I'm offering you power and dignity and yet you'd rather turn me away and run to his bed. Maybe you do like being his slut."

Your hand goes up to slap him and he raises his own hand to stop you, but because of his lack of coordination, he miscalculates and you’re able to strike him across the face. Enraged, he grabs you and slams you against the wall, snuffing the breath out of your lungs.

You look at him with fear in your eyes. You’ve accidentally hit him where it hurts. Still, you try to remain steady. "Taehyun, I know you're hurt but you can’t say these things to me."

"Don't patronize me. It was my fucking mistake for giving you too much leeway that you now think you can do this, but I won't keep making exceptions for you." He says darkly, eyes alight with fury. "You either choose to be my wife or be prosecuted for being his slut."

You shake in his hands. You don’t want to go on with the plan anymore. You can't stand seeing the hate in his eyes. You can't bear to see him treat you like a slut too.

“I c–can’t stay, Taehyun. I have to… I can’t–” You blubber weakly, pathetically, and it takes Taehyun a moment to register your words.

“Fuck, are you doing this to stop the war? I told you I can take him down. Just fucking tell me the truth. Do you want to leave because you want him or because you want to protect everyone?” He interrogates you, wild eyes searching for the truth.

You try to respond but your tears blur your vision and you don’t know if you should confess the truth and risk him not letting you go or remain silent and have him think the worst of you.

"Fuck, angel. Stop playing with me.” He curses, shaking you weakly. “Tell me which is the truth? Are you only saying this now because you’re scared of me… or were you lying this whole time, damn it! Tell… me what is–”

The break in his voice is subtle at first, just a note of hesitation, but then the words turn unsure and slow, as if he is struggling to bring them to mind, to mouth them, and then he stops completely, abruptly, leaning heavily on you as his body weakens, and giving you a confused look. But there is also a glistening of fear in his eyes. He doesn’t understand what’s happening, and it scares him.

“What’s happening to me?” He groggily seeks the answer from you and you try to get yourself together for him. You have to be strong now.

“It’s okay, Taehyun.” You murmur to him, trying to support his weight. “Let’s get you to bed.”

But that just scares him more, and he fights you. “Why are you–” Realization hits him in the middle of his sentence and he grabs onto you harder, eyes fighting to not let the sleep overtake them.

"What have you done?"

"It’s okay, Taehyun." You repeat, trying to calm him down but the guilt is ripping you apart. “Everything is going to be okay.”

"You can't do this!" He tries to shout, feeling angry and betrayed, but his voice is quiet and slurred now. You can feel him fighting to stay awake in the way he’s clutching onto you.

"Just relax." You whisper, trying not to cry again, but Taehyun refuses to give in. He opens his mouth to call for the guards, but he only manages to call out once before you clamp a hand over his mouth. Normally, he would’ve easily fought you off but with how quickly the sleeping potion is kicking in, you manage to keep your hand covering his mouth.

"I'm sorry." You whisper, wincing at the way his eyes are glaring at you. “I’ve made my choice. I love you, but please don’t come after me.”

He tries to shake his head but his movements are groggy and his eyes are fluttering shut.

“I’m sorry.” You say one last time before his eyes completely close and his body loses tone, slumping to the floor and taking you down with him.

Once he’s out, you let your sobs explode as you look at the way his face is still twisted despite the sedative you’ve given him. His brows are a little furrowed and there is a small grimace on his face as if he’s dreaming up something unpleasant. You wonder if he’s still fighting you in his dreams.

So in an effort to make him more comfortable, you try to pull him up to the bed. It takes a great deal of effort on your part but you eventually manage to get him on top of it, pulling the covers over him and resting his head comfortably on the pillow.

Yet his body still jerks and his lips move as if he’s arguing with someone in his sleep.

“I’m sorry, darling.” You sob, not knowing what to do, yet feeling like you should be doing something to make this a little easier on him. “Just let me go.”

You run your thumb over the furrowed skin between his eyebrows, smoothening it, and your touch seems to calm him a bit. So you pull up the covers and scoot under them, molding your body to his and laying there with him to soothe him, and to savor your last moments together.

To the outside world, this might look like any other night, with you pressed up against the warm, solid body of your husband, his arms encompassing you as his breathing flows in and out, comforting. But it’s not any other night. It’s the last night. You won’t be allowed to see him again, to touch him, to love him. You don’t know what Beomgyu has in store for you, but you’re sure you’ll never be allowed to lay eyes on Taehyun again. With that harrowing thought in mind, you press yourself even closer to him, nuzzling your face into his chest and crying your grief out.

“I love you.” You sob straight against his heart, your lips feeling the beat of it through his chest. You wonder if he could’ve learned to love you had he been allowed to or if he never would have. If you would’ve been doomed to love a man who kept trying but could never give you what you really want–the both of you living an incomplete life, struggling to fit a mold of what the other needs and never achieving it.

This is a mercy, for the both of you.

_______________________________________

When Kai comes around later as planned, he finds you still wrapped around Taehyun’s unconscious form.

You catch a glimpse of pity in his eyes when he sees how miserable you are, but it quickly disappears when you inform him that you may have botched the plan.

“Can you just tell him that I didn’t mean it?” You try to appeal to the infuriated Kai. “That I just don’t want anyone to get hurt?”

“No one to get hurt?” Kai repeats haughtily, “Yeah, no one besides my brother and the army of men he will lead to their death to try and get you back. We fucking agreed on the plan for a reason. He has to think that you left him because you chose Beomgyu. He has to hate you so he won't come after you.”

“I know but it might not work. He got very angry and threatened to punish me for adultery. I think he will come after me anyway. He’s not backing down. He really wants to kill Beomgyu.” You stare at Kai unblinkingly so you wouldn’t see the betrayal on Taehyun’s face that was now imprinted on the back of your eyelids.

"He was just shocked. Once you get back to Beomgyu, the other lords will push for him to let you go and he will have to listen to them. He can’t fucking fight Beomgyu all on his own.”

“But–” You try again.

“You just can’t stop being selfish, can you?” Kai spits angrily. “You can’t handle him knowing the truth, that the only reason you’re going back is so you can save your lover. All this time, you were hesitant to go back even though thousands of people’s lives were on the line. It’s only when Taehyun told you that he plans to kill Beomgyu that you suddenly changed your mind. Taehyun deserves to know this. He deserves to be protected from you.”

You flinch at the accusation, and you try not to think about it for long. You’re afraid it might be true.

"I never meant to hurt him." You cry despondently.

"But you did, and he lets you. That’s why I have to be the one to step in and protect him again."

"Again?" You ask, confused. When has Kai ever protected Taehyun? It was always the other way around.

Kai can clearly see the question in your eyes and he huffs out a laugh. "Everyone thinks that only Taehyun has been protecting me all this time, but I have secretly been doing the same… our father didn't just drop dead. Someone had to nudge him along."

“You… killed him?” You ask, incredulous, and he nods proudly. “But how? If he was killed, then how come no one suspected it?”

"They did, but poison isn't always detectable if you don't know what you're looking for." He explains with a conspiratorial tone. "My father may have been feared but he wasn't well liked. He was cruel to everyone, not just us, and so no one cared much to investigate his death. Good riddance, they must’ve thought, and they brushed it aside and focused on the new lord, trying to get on Taehyun's good side. At least for a while. I suppose that's where the rumors about Taehyun killing father came from. They just got the wrong son."

"Does Taehyun know?" You breathe out in shock.

"I don't know.” Kai shrugs, “Maybe on some level. But for all his morals, he can be blind when he wants to be. He doesn’t want to see the signs that I'm the one who poisoned father, just like he refuses to see that you weren't exactly the unwilling participant in Beomgyu’s deal like you want us to believe."

You flinch at his words that parroted his older brother’s. Was Kai whispering in Taehyun’s ears? Is that why he said what he said to you earlier? Did Kai find out about you and Beomgyu’s agreement and then told Taehyun about it?

“Beomgyu isolated me from everyone outside the palace. He stopped other men from approaching me. I never would have–” You try to defend yourself but Kai wasn’t interested in hearing it.

“But none of that meant that you had to give your body to him.” He says and your mouth slams shut in shame. “You can do what you want with your body. It doesn’t matter to me, but do you think it wouldn’t matter to Taehyun? To know that you sold your body to Beomgyu so he would give you those dresses and jewels you like so much?”

You look away, tears stinging your eyes. He’s right. You didn’t have to do it, but you were so lonely and Beomgyu was the man you loved. You wanted to be with him and you didn’t think anyone else would want you after all these years. And yeah, maybe it was nice having pretty things to own when you were so miserable. But you don’t say that to Kai. It wouldn’t make a difference anyway.

He lets out a sigh, and you think you can hear an undertone of regret in it. “Look, I don’t dislike you, believe it or not. In fact, I used to like you a lot. I never faked that, and we would’ve been amazing friends if none of this happened, but I have to protect my family and you’re not exactly guiltless in all of this. So I need you to leave here and never come back.”

Your shoulders slump heavily as the final door closes in your face. You have to accept your fate now. "Understood."

_________________________

Kai helps maneuver you around the castle without Taehyun’s guards noticing, with the help of his own men. You covertly reach a nondescript wagon in one of the stables that would smuggle you and Wonyoung outside of the castle walls, abandoning Wonyoung’s own royal carriage in favor of discreteness, and so that it would be so much harder for Taehyun to track you down once he awakens.

As you approach the wagon, you see a dressed down Wonyoung. She’s wearing peasant clothes that appear to be dirty. Her hair and most of her face is covered by a coif but you can see that she’s not wearing any makeup or jewelry. This is the most unkempt you’ve ever seen her but you can still see that she’s stunning when you get up close. Luckily though, from far away, she looks like a normal peasant girl.

“Did you burn the letters?” She asks you as soon as you’re within hearing range, referring to the letters Beomgyu had sent you before your marriage. The letters could be incriminating if they fall into the wrong hands and so she advised you to burn them so they wouldn’t pose an issue for Beomgyu later on.

You nod at her, and she smiles in relief, then gestures towards the stable. “Your clothes are inside. There is a servant there too who will help disguise you. I’ll be waiting out here for you.”

You nod again, not trusting yourself to speak, and walk towards the stables, leaving Wonyoung and Kai behind.

Inside is the servant girl, just like Wonyoung said she would be, and she helps you take off your robe and nightgown. You’re suddenly acutely away of Taehyun’s dried cum still on your thighs. You know she probably can’t see it but it’s an uncomfortable reminder of your betrayal to him.

So when she pulls out the dress you’re supposed to wear, you quickly grab it from her and slip it on, hiding your shame. She pauses for a moment, confused at your strange action, but she quickly snaps out of it and ties up the bodice of the shabby dress. When she’s done, she puts your hair up in a messy updo and puts your shoes on before sending you on your way.

Walking back to Wonyoung, you see her and Kai engaged in a deep discussion, and as you approach she glances at you, prompting Kai to turn around too before he looks back to Wonyoung and, to your surprise, puts his hands on her shoulders.

“Be safe.” You can hear him say, and Wonyoung grabs his hands and squeezes them, giving him a small smile before she takes them off of her shoulders. “You too.”

They both pause for a second, a strange silence between them, before Wonyoung steps away and points you to the wagon. “Let’s go.”

She gets on it and you follow suit. Kai’s gaze lingers on her for a few seconds longer before he gives the signal for the rider to start moving, and just like that you’re on your way back to Beomgyu, no battle, no blood, no warships, just a simple wagon under the cover of the night.

You don’t dare speak a word or make a sound until you’ve made it outside the castle. Only then, only when you see the castle you fought so hard to run to, to earn the right to live alongside its lord–the lord who is currently knocked out following a betrayal by his wife and brother–growing smaller and smaller by the minute, do you finally speak up.

“What was that back there?” You ask Wonyoung, and she feigns innocence. "What was what?"

You roll your eyes. "You and Kai."

You can see her blush even behind her coif. "Nothing."

"You know this can't lead to any–"

"It's nothing.” She repeats firmly. “He and I just found common ground in our desire to prevent our dumb older brothers from going to war with each other."

It didn’t look like just that. You want to say but you keep your mouth shut. It's not your place to comment about someone else's doomed romance. You're currently living the cataclysmic downfall of yours.

It’s going to be a long, rough road back to the capital, and you’re not about to alienate your only companion.

_________________

It's been a year since you last saw him and you missed him dreadfully. You’ve never been separated from him before, let alone for this long, and as he stands a few feet in front of you, your breathing gets ragged at just the sight of him.

He looks lifeless–his body buffer strangely, but a grim look haunts his face. There are dark circles murking his usually pure beauty and the lines of his frown seem to have been carved there by time itself. He even chopped off his long locks that you’ve always loved and that made him look so princely.

In contrast to how gloomy he looked, his clothes were intricately made, a bright white and baby blue. The stark difference is unsettling but he still looks like an angel, albeit a corrupted one.

You, on the other hand, must look horrible, the long journey evident on you, making your already shabby attire look more haggard and filthy. It’s not what you imagined or hoped you’d look like when you met again. It absolutely shames you to stand looking like this in front of the ethereal prince. You wish he would’ve waited a bit, let you wash off and dress in something presentable before he came to see you– the irrational fear of him being disgusted by how you look and turning away from you makes your stomach churn.

But you momentarily forget it when your eyes meet his for a second, your heart collapsing in on itself by the weight of all the emotions you've been repressing. Seeing him in front of you brings everything back and you can’t believe you even made it this long without him. He's like a drug you've been off for so long but now that you've gotten a whiff of it, you're shaking with the craving to overdose on him.

But you can’t. You need to hold back. He did a very bad thing and you can’t let him think that he's getting away with it.

He'll come to you. He’s done all of this for you. In a second, he’ll be running towards you to take you into his arms and unite your souls once more. Finally, you’ll feel complete again.

But he stays in place, not making a single move towards you, not even looking you in the eyes once. In fact, it’s Wonyoung who runs up to him to embrace him. He embraces her back–giving her a hug that should’ve been for you.

They exchange words of greeting and queries about the other’s well being, voices bathed in relief at being reunited again–a moment that should’ve been yours. Why are you not in his arms yet? Why isn’t he fawning over you? You’ve been apart from him for a year! He’s sent you letters of despair and heartbreak. You had worried he’d hurt himself over missing you. And yet there he stands, engrossed in talking to his sister as if it’s any other day of the year. Were you the only one missing him? Was getting you back all just a power play on his part? Or did you really look so disgusting that he couldn’t bear to look at you?

Suddenly, you want to run into the bathroom and not come out until you resemble your previous self again, and the longer you have to stand here looking like this, the closer you come to crying.

But finally, he says something that takes you out of your stormy thoughts. "Wonnie, leave us."

And here he is. He's walking towards you and you can’t help the cloying look in your eyes despite your insecurity at how you currently look. You pretend to not be itching to melt into his embrace. You pretend like you feel any sort of shame at this moment.

But he doesn’t embrace you. No, he grabs you and starts silently undoing the laces on your bodice, making your heart sink. Is he going to forcefully take you again? He won’t even attempt to sweet talk you before he does this?

You stand there frozen with dread, but there is nothing you can do but let him take what he wants. You can’t afford to upset him now that you’re in his clutches. He has already won and there is nothing left to do but try to get him to not hurt Taehyun. You’re not going to fight him off anymore, no matter how his actions hack at your heart and force bile up your throat.

As he pushes the dress off your shoulders, his fingers graze your skin. It's the most contact you've had with him so far and just that is enough to make you shiver. You hope he wouldn't notice but it's hard to miss the goosebumps erupting on your skin.

When the dress falls to the floor, it makes a clanging sound that gives Beomgyu pause. With dismay, you realize you had forgotten the dagger in your pocket, and you start silently freaking out as you watch him bend down to pick up the dress and search it for the source of the sound.

When he finds the dagger, he holds it up, analyzing it. "What the fuck is this?"

You know he’s really asking why you have this. You don’t want to tell him that it’s a gift from Taehyun but you’re sure he can already tell by the engravings on it. So you just try to deflect.

"It's mine." You try to take it from him but he quickly pulls it behind him.

“Why do you have this?” He asks directly, and you chew on your lip. "It's a gift."

"From him." He asserts. It's a statement, not a question. "Were you planning to stab me with it?"

"No!" You gasp, horrified that he’d actually think you could hurt him. "How could you even think that? This is just for my own protection."

"From what? You think I can’t protect you?" He asks indignantly. What comes out of your mouth next is a reflex, borne out of defensiveness, but it’s probably the worst thing you could’ve said at this moment.

"You didn't before." You mutter, referring to the beach incident, and his face immediately hardens.

“Well, not anymore. No one will ever put a hand on you again.” He vows solemnly as he puts the dagger on his belt. You don’t know if that is a promise or a threat, but it doesn’t matter. You’re not planning to leave again anyway. There is no point. He has won.

You just want your dagger back. It’s the only piece of Taehyun you’re ever going to have. More than that, it represents a part of you that was only allowed to exist for a brief period of time–a you that could maybe be more than just Beomgyu’s whore, and even that he wants to take from you.

"Please, Beomgyu.” You plead, exposed in a way that was more than just your nakedness. “I'll be good. Just let me keep it."

He shakes his head harshly. "You could hurt yourself with it. You could hurt someone."

"I'm not a child.” You can’t help but bristle at the condescending comment. It’s just like Beomgyu to treat you like you’re incompetent. “I know how to use it."

“I said no. You have no right to demand things from me anymore. You lost that right when you left me.” The sharpness of his voice reminds you of your precarious situation. You’re in no position to oppose him, and so you do the only thing you can at this point, shut down.

You draw into yourself, and he seems to hesitate at that. You’re not looking at him but you know him–you can feel the uncertainty radiating off him. It’s the same uncertainty he treated you with after he took your virginity from you.

“I’ll give you another one. I’ll make you one from pure gold and stud it with diamonds if you want.” He bargains. You know he hates taking things from you. He thrives on providing you with everything you could ever ask for, and taking something from you, something that you value, unsettles him. That’s why he always follows it up with an alternative. He tries to drown you in replacements, but just like your virginity, this isn’t something he can just replace.

You put your arms around yourself. With the dagger in his possession, you feel completely helpless.

You sense that he wants to say more but instead he just presses his lips together tightly and grabs your arms, removing them from your body.

Is he still going to do this? Even after he took the dagger from you?

Did he even take you against your will at all?

You did this to yourself. You deserve this. You’re nothing but a whore.

"What happened? What’s wrong?" Beomgyu calls out to you, and you realize you’re trembling.

“Just do it.” You can’t look at him. You just shake your head and sniffle. “Just take me.”

"No. No, fuck.” His voice comes alive with shock, followed by regret. “I just want to make sure you’re not hurt."

You look up at him in confusion. "Why would I be hurt?"

He scoffs. "You spent a year away from me, with a monster like him."

“Taehyun would never hurt me.” You answer readily, despite his recent threats, not realizing what you’d said until Beomgyu’s eyes flash up to yours with a dangerous glint.

“Do not speak his name in my presence.” He warns, “No, do not even think his name to yourself.”

“Okay.” You give in right away, trying to placate him. “Just don’t hurt him.”

But that angers him even more.

"Do you love him?" He accuses, finally maintaining eye contact with you for the first time since you came back, and this time you’re the one who looks away. But he doesn’t let you escape. He grabs your face roughly and turns it towards him. "Do you love him?"

You keep quiet, a strong sense of deja vu hitting you at this moment, but unlike Taehyun’s attempt to contain his reaction, Beomgyu is as forthcoming as ever, the hurt and anger clear as day on his face.

When you stay silent, he asks again, “Then how can you expect me to not hurt him?”

"You have me now. I'm yours. You can do whatever you want to me.” You implore, hands moving up his body as you attempt to convince him that there is no reason for him to hurt Taehyun anymore. “I won't reject you anymore. Just don’t hurt him."

You try to kiss him, hoping to take the edge off, knowing that he must be aching for it and would therefore get distracted from his current fury, but to your shock, he grabs your upper arms and keeps you at bay.

“No.” He shoots you down.

Silently, he goes about inspecting your body closely, scrutinizing every part of you, looking for the smallest sign of injury. It takes him some time, and he doesn’t leave any part of you unexamined, but eventually he steps back and lets out a sigh, satisfied that you’re unharmed.

You try to wrap your arms around him then, your body aching to get close to him. He hasn’t made one attempt to hold you or embrace or kiss you ever since you got here, and that just makes you feel more anxious by the minute. There is something wrong. This isn’t the Beomgyu you remember. You know he’s angry at you, but no matter how angry he got before, he was never able to keep away from you so you don’t understand what is happening right now. Isn’t this what he wanted? To have you be his? You’re throwing yourself at him so why won’t he take you? Does he not crave you anymore? Does he not love you?

Impossible. You would have felt it, right? He can’t just rip himself free from you without you noticing, right? You would have felt it in your soul.

Yet here he is again, pushing you off him, the icy rejection stabbing you right in the heart.

“Let's take you to bathe." He announces coolly.

You don't know what's worse, the idea of him forcing himself on you again or him not wanting you anymore. You know they shouldn't be comparable. A normal person would look at you in disgust for even asking that question but you can’t help yourself. You've been starved for the love and affection that only he can give you for too long, the year you spent with Taehyun only serving to highlight to you how inextricable you are from Beomgyu. You’re addicted to him, addicted to him needing you.

Before, you could afford acting all haughty, pulling back and punishing him for how much he hurt you, when he was all over you, beside himself with guilt and fear and the need to prove himself to you, but now that he's acting like he doesn't care anymore, your heart is gripped with icy panic. You want to throw yourself at him, shout and cry and ask him to explain what the hell is going on, demand that he snaps out of it, demand that he take you in his arms and kiss you and apologize until this horrible, unthinkable fear goes away–the fear that he no longer loves you.

You need to calm down. You can’t start catastrophizing things already. Maybe he just wants to wash Taehyun off of you, to bathe you and dress you up until he feels like you’re his princess again. Fine, you’ll let him do it. Then you’ll kiss him and he’ll melt and you’ll get him to stop hurting Taehyun.

But another shock soon greets you when he doesn't try to bathe you himself like he did before. Instead, he sits on a stool in the bathroom and watches as the maids wash you off–scrubbing your skin harshly as if to get rid of the entire layer of your skin that houses the smells and stains of Taehyun and his castle. Only once your whole body is red and sore, do they pat you dry and lather your tender skin in perfumed oils, taking you back to the adjoining bedroom to dress you and do your hair and make up.

All the while Beomgyu watches you. You feel your skin blister under his gaze that focuses on the invisible marks from Taehyun on your skin. But he doesn’t say anything.

Once you’re all made up and looking pretty again, looking like you more or less never left, you stand up to face him, anticipating him finally rushing to embrace you, to give you the affection you’ve been deprived of for so long.

But he keeps away, the distance between you threatening to rip your universe apart. What is happening? Why is he doing this?

____________________________

Like a ghostly presence of a dead lover, you accompany Beomgyu on his activities throughout the rest of the day upon his order. He acts vaguely aware of you but rarely addresses directly or looks your way, and as the day progresses, you feel less and less concrete, like you might just cease to exist from the world as your lover forgets you.

You're not right back where you started. You're less than a whore to him now.

Your first stop is the dining hall where you find the queen mother, Wonyoung and her ladies in waiting, and some of the lords from the royal council.

“My condolences, my queen.” You bow deeply as you address Beomgyu’s mother, and she gives you a gracious smile. “Thank you, my dear. Things have been rather difficult on the children and I lately, what with the terrible tragedy and the subsequent whirlwind of grief and change we’ve been thrust into suddenly, so it’s nice to have a familiar face and an old friend of the family back. I hope you being here makes things a bit easier on Gyu and Wonnie.”

She speaks to you like you’re actually welcomed and missed, like you matter to the well-being of the royal family. It’s such a strange thing. She’s never been unkind to you, but the way she’s treating you–it’s as if you were her son’s wife.

Speaking of which, notably absent from the dining table is Ryujin, Beomgyu’s actual wife, but you know better than to ask about her in front of the servants and the other nobles in attendance. So you just quietly take your seat beside Wonyoung when prompted, and enjoy the food–the rich and sublime flavor of it hitting your taste buds with the euphoria of a man who had sworn off sweets getting his first bite of a cake in a long time.

You eat until you’re full, and then you eat some more. You should probably feel ashamed about it–it’s not refined to eat so much and you can tell from the amused looks of Wonyoung, and the judgemental looks of the other ladies in waiting that other people have noticed it too. But you can’t find it in you to care when the food tastes so divine, and you’re gone without it for so long.

After finishing breakfast, you join Beomgyu and his family in court where he now resides as the king. You stand on the sidelines while he, Wonyoung and their mother take their seats at the head of the room. But you’re not standing alone; you’re surrounded by the other ladies and flanked by guards that follow your every move now, presumably to prevent you from leaving the palace again either voluntarily or involuntarily.

Unlike Taehyun, Beomgyu doesn’t deal much with the serious criminal cases such as murder, deferring them instead to the appropriate judges–a fact that spares him the backlash from the common people for dispensing the sentences himself, and puts him in the good graces of the lawmen for stepping aside and not infringing on their jobs. He mainly handles disputes and petitions that have reached a stalemate and his approach to them is very political. Instead of signaling out someone to be right or wrong, he tries to use his resources to figure out a solution that would leave both sides happy. Of course, he has to serve the occasional punishment or two, but he tries to sow the peace as much as possible, especially that these cases don’t usually involve an actual crime.

It’s good political sense and needless to say, he is a lot more popular with the people and the nobles than Taehyun is.

He is also very charming in his mannerisms and speech, making the common people swoon over him who then, in turn, would return to their houses and their communities and sing praises of the kind king Beomgyu who helped them so.

He seems to be doing better than you thought he would. Looking up at him on the throne, flanked by his mother and sister–you can’t help but feel both pride and inadequacy. They look perfect, complete. He doesn’t need you anymore.

You want to cry. You ruined it. You forced the only man who loved you to get over you. You want to leave. You want him to plunge the sword that lay at his hip into your heart and end you, for that is more merciful than what he’s doing. He’s slowly killing you right now. He moved on and left you behind. The only reason he has you here is so he can take revenge on you and Taehyun, punish you for abandoning him and punish Taehyun for taking what belonged to him.

But maybe If you had paid a little more attention to him, if you weren’t so caught up in your own catastrophizing, you would’ve noticed how his smiles weren’t genuine–they weren’t your smiles–how distracted he was, how his eyes that were slightly swollen and red kept flickering towards you throughout the whole session.

________________________

When the last case is wrapped up, you and Wonyoung follow Beomgyu to the ranges to watch him train.

He practices archery first. He was always good at it, but he seems to have gotten even better in your absence. And the way he throws a glance at you every time before he lines up his arrow before launching it seems meaningful to you. You have no doubt that he’s imagining it’s Taehyun he’s shooting at instead of the straw doll in the distance. The determination and rage you see in his eyes make you shiver every time.

But as the archery practice draws to a close, you’re taken off guard when he walks towards you and hands you his bow.

You look at him in confusion, not reaching out to take it from him, and so he explains irritably, “I heard you’ve become quite the archer, my lady.”

My lady? He might’ve as well have stood you downrange and shot his arrows at you. Since when did he call you that? What happened to your name? What happened to baby? What happened to princess? You hated hearing him call you that because it always felt satirical, even if he didn't mean it that way, but right now you'd give anything to hear him call you the affectionate pet name again.

But you’re stubborn and petty, and you cover up your pain with a frown. “I don’t use a longbow. It’s too big and hard for me to yield as a woman, a fact someone like you should’ve known.” You sneer, “Taehyun trained me to use a crossbow.”

The insinuation and the mention of Taehyun’s name make his face twist in resentment and he quickly turns around and barks at one of the nearby staff to bring out a crossbow. The person jumps into action right away and scurries to get the king what he wants, probably freaked out by the unwarranted aggression in his voice.

When the man comes back with the crossbow, Beomgyu tears it out of his hands and thrusts it towards you. “Show me what he taught you.”

You take the crossbow and walk to your spot with your head held high. You won’t let him intimidate you. You’re confident in the skills that Taehyun has taught you and that you worked so hard on. You’ll show him for all the time he made you feel inept.

Cocking your weapon, you take aim, concentrating on your target before launching the arrow that hits it straight on. You launch several more arrows after, all hitting the target, to the surprise of the royal siblings.

“How wonderful!” Wonyoung gasps and claps excitedly for you. “Did you see that, Beomgyu? She’s so good, isn’t she?”

He gives her a noncommittal grunt but she continues on, seemingly unaware of his annoyance. “I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you two take turns shooting and we’ll see who is better. I bet she can beat you.”

Nevermind. By the smirk on her face, it seems like she’s perfectly aware of her brother’s distaste and she’s consciously teasing him.

“There is no time for that. I need to head to my sparring lessons.” Beomgyu replies gruffly, turning around without another word and walking off.

You scoff at his small tantrum. Is he really so stubborn that he can’t even be happy for you for accomplishing something he didn’t think you could? You’ve always been interested in archery and he has always discouraged you from it, saying that it’s not suitable for a lady. But now you’ve learned it and are actually good at it and he won’t acknowledge it, why? Because you proved him wrong? Or because Taehyun was the one who taught you?

“He’ll come around.” Wonyoung rolls her eyes, sensing your discontent.

You want to appear nonchalant–like you don’t care, just like him, but you do. His callous treatment of you is unprecedented and it’s not something you can bear. “Why is he acting this way, Wonnie? Isn’t he happy that I’m back?”

Doesn’t he love me anymore?

“Oh, sweetling. He’s just—”

“Wonyoung!” You hear Beomgyu shouting and you look in his direction to see him impatiently waving the both of you to follow him already.

She sighs and gets up. “Come on, let’s not make him wait.”

____________________________

Beomgyu has never taken to sparring. He didn’t like the bruising and wounds that come with it, which is part of the reason his father always deemed him to be too soft. So seeing him now, throwing himself into it and viciously attacking his opponent, you almost don’t recognize him. Is this really the same Beomgyu who would pout at you when he got a cut and whine until you patched him up and kissed it better?

His opponent is just as fierce, and he gives Beomgyu back as much as he takes, which leads to many painful hits being landed on your prince.

No, he’s not the prince anymore. And he’s not yours.

Your sweaty fists clench at your dress as you watch the grueling fight, trying to stop yourself from launching out of your seat and rushing to protect Beomgyu every time he gets hit, and by the time the training session is over, you’re left feeling quite faint.

Luckily, lunch is next on the schedule, and you regain a bit of your strength from the food. But you can’t taste the deliciousness of it much nor can you eat as much of it as before because your stomach still feels queasy from watching Beomgyu get pummeled as an exercise.

After lunch, you separate from Beomgyu for the first time today–other than him leaving you to take a bath earlier while you and Wonyoung sipped on some tea in the garden before the meal–as Beomgyu heads to his private council meeting that you’re not allowed to attend, and so you have to accompany Wonyoung on her own schedule.

You both want and detest this. You can’t wait to get away from Beomgyu because it hurts your soul to watch its other half sever itself off in the brutal way he’s doing, but you also don’t want to be away from him, the growing chasm between you compelling you to fall at his feet and beg him to make you whole again and displace the anguish that now resides in the empty space in your chest.

But it’s not up to you anyway, and Beomgyu entrusts your care and watch to his sister, who takes you to her medical training. Apparently, following her father’s death and Beomgyu taking on the leadership, not only were some peasants allowed to train to become physicians, but some noble women were allowed to as well.

As you walk to class, she chats to you about how she had decided to study medicine after her brother got attacked and she came to observe his treatment. She goes on to describe her training to you but you don’t listen after that. You just imagine Beomgyu in bed injured, with you none the wiser. Even if his wounds were due to his own schemes, you should’ve been there by his side. Instead, you were off, married to another man, leaving Beomgyu behind until he learned to heal from you.

You were so distracted with your thoughts that you didn’t really watch where you’re going and you end up bumping into an unfamiliar man who is wearing the apprentice physician attire, just like Wonyoung.

“I’m sorry, my lord. I was a bit distracted, forgive me.” You bow apologetically, but the man waves his hand in front of you, floundering, and bows himself. "Oh, I'm no lord, my lady. Please, don’t.”

You stand up straight and give him a confused look, eyeing his clothes again, which he notices, and goes on to explain, “King Beomgyu has so graciously allowed common folk such as I am to be trained in the science of healing."

You don’t know why you didn’t connect the dots earlier, but it’s probably because of how surreal all of this is. Taehyun had already told you about the changes Beomgyu has made, but to actually come across it in real life is shocking.

“It’s unheard of, I know, but that’s just our kind king.” The man says effortlessly, like he believes every word of it and you look at Wonyoung in amazement. She smiles at you and nods, taking you with her as she gathers her materials, and talks to you quietly, “Beomgyu has changed a lot of things around here. He is really ushering on a new age for our beloved kingdom.” She leans in to whisper the last part to you, “And a lot of it is for you.”

“Me?”

“Beomgyu wants to make it so people aren’t restricted by what they’re born into. He is introducing a new education system that accepts women and individuals of lower birth and teaches them the skills that would allow them to rise up in the ranks and take on elite posts.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard about that but why is he doing this?” What does he actually stand to gain from it?

“He hopes that in the future there would be no rigid restrictions between men and women, first borns and second borns, nobles and lower classes, so that everyone could receive the same opportunities to prove themselves and potentially work their way up to the top. It’s a grand dream and it's on a very small scale right now. You can’t expect to introduce a radical hierarchy shift all at once or there will be chaos, and his vision probably won’t be fully realized during our lifetime.” She explains with a smile, but you still don’t get it.

“That’s a wonderful dream, but what does that have to do with me?”

“If people aren’t forced to abide by the constraints of the roles they are born into, they could be free to do whatever they want, pursue what they want, and be with whoever they want…”

Oh.

Beomgyu doesn’t want others to suffer the same fate you and him have suffered. That’s… generous of him. He always manages to amaze you with his kindness. You had seen his charitable nature in action back when he took you out into the city streets before but you thought that was the extent of it. You never imagined that he’d take it this far if given the opportunity. He really is wonderful… and terrible and mad. How could all these qualities exist in the same man? Are only the incredibly kind capable of being incredibly cruel?

For the rest of the session, you silently observe Wonyoung and the other apprentices as they go through their class, being taught by a wild-haired looking man that seems to be the new chief of medicine.

It takes you a bit of time to figure out why you recognize him, but eventually you do. He was a very prominent physician back in the day, very well respected and revered as something of a prodigy in the field. But he got onto the bad side of the king and some of the court officials. It was rumored that he was caught slipping some of the palace’s medicine reserves out. The official report stated that he was stealing them to sell them to the common folk later, but Wonyoung had confessed to you in confidence that she thinks he was only taking them to heal those too poor to afford the medication themselves and that’s why he was really stripped of his title and cast out.

It looks like Beomgyu has restored him and even made him the new chief of medicine. That brings a smile to your face. The man–though he may seem a little off with his intense, piercing gaze and his frequently unkempt clothes, is obviously very passionate about helping people still.

Wonyoung seems to be happy too. She listens to him attentively, as do the others, just how a student should listen to their mentor–with reverence and respect.

From what you’re gathering, Beomgyu seems to be collaborating with this chief in order to educate a much larger batch of physicians–most of them nobles but some from quite humble backgrounds– and station them all throughout the city, and in the future the rest of the kingdom, to provide much needed medical care for those who never benefited from it before.

You can hardly believe that such a thing is actually happening, and it makes you all the more hopeful that Beomgyu doesn’t receive any backlash from this. He is trying to help those who need it the most and he doesn’t deserve to be punished for it.

Yes, you know Beomgyu’s dealings haven’t been blood free and he most likely doesn’t follow Taehyun’s strict definitions of right and wrong, but which lord or king can claim a clean slate? Even Taehyun’s hands aren’t free of blood. His morals are so black and white that it alienates a lot of people and frequently ends in pain and tragedy. Beomgyu may resort to shady political dealings but he seems to be accomplishing actual change. If in the end Beomgyu’s ways benefit the kingdom as a whole while Taehyun’s sow resentment and discord, then which of them is really in the right?

You don’t know but the people around you seem to be happy, and the city seems to be thriving. You can’t help but feel proud of Beomgyu. Now, if only you could’ve been a part of it…

_________________

When all the apprentices are dismissed, only you and Wonyoung stay behind as she’s busy gathering some supplies for a special project she’s working on. She unlocks a medicine cabinet guarded by a heavy lock, and browses its contents.

“You seem to be much happier now princess.” You comment as you watch her handle some vials, inspecting them before putting them back inside.

“Of course, I am. I’m free to do whatever I want and to pursue what I am actually interested in instead of just being a valuable piece of property that can be shipped off to the highest bidder.” She expresses freely, her tone in the last part sounding bitter, and you don’t miss her implication.

“But they were your family–”

“And I mourn them.” She cuts you off, not turning to face you. “But we have to move forward and make the best of our situation. And we are.”

“Your mother is too?” You can’t help but ask despite her standoffish response. You just can’t imagine how her mother would be okay with all that has happened.

She lets out a short laugh. “What about my mother? You think her marriage was any more successful that Beomgyu’s?” She asks sharply and you wince, looking down as you feel called out. “After she fulfilled her purpose of completing her own political marriage and giving my father his heirs, her role was over. The best she could’ve hoped for was to stand on the sidelines and not make any trouble for my father. But now under Beomgyu’s reign, she has more say than ever. He actually listens to her and considers her opinion as a queen in her own right.”

“And Yeonjun?”

She sighs, slipping the vial she’s holding into her pocket before closing the cabinet and locking it up again. “He was no different than my father. He was practically raised by him anyway. Do you remember seeing him much as a kid?” She asks you and you shake your head. No. In fact, you rarely saw him, and when you did, he was always by his father’s side. “That’s because father forbade him from spending too much time with us or mother. He said it would be a bad influence on him to listen to our womanly wiles. And he practically considered Beomgyu a woman too since he was raised by mother.”

“I see.”

“This is for the best, for everyone. For us, for you, for the kingdom.”

“And where do I fit into all of this?” You ask her, hoping you still have a place here even though Beomgyu’s actions seem to indicate otherwise.

“Sweetling, you’re the trigger behind it all.” She walks towards you and holds your arms gently, “This may not have happened if not for you. Use it. Claim your own power. Isn’t that what you ran to that wretched murderer for?”

Use what? What power? Beomgyu won’t even look at you.

But once again, before you can talk further, Beomgyu’s voice cuts in.

“Wonnie.” You hear him from behind you and Wonyoung lets you go and turns to him. So do you. “Gyu! How was the meeting?”

“Boring as usual." He answers nonchalantly, but this time you can see the anxious glances he’s throwing at you. Could he be distressed because you were separated for a few hours? Is he experiencing the same pain you’re experiencing?

Then why doesn't he talk to you? Why doesn't he embrace you? This isn’t Taehyun, it's Beomgyu. He’s not one to hide his feelings from you so his behavior could only mean that there are no feelings to hide.

"How was your lesson?”

“Amazing!” She gushes, “We learned how to tell the gender of the baby a woman is carrying through her urine! Well, kind of…”

You don’t listen to the rest of what she says. After all, you were present for the actual lesson. You just take the chance to stare at Beomgyu, seeing him smile and make little comments here and there as his sister excitedly recounts her lesson to him.

You’re so focused on him that you notice it first… the little drop of blood falling from his nose. You immediately jump into action, rushing towards him and cupping his face. "You're bleeding!" You fuss over him. "I thought those stopped."

Beomgyu used to get nose bleeds a lot when you first knew him as a kid but they gradually got better until they virtually stopped in his teens. So this resurgence was particularly concerning for you. Is this the first time this happened or has this been a regular occurrence while you weren’t here?

You try to figure out where the bleeding is coming from but for what must be the tenth time today, Beomgyu casts you away from him. He grabs your wrist and pushes you at a distance from his face. "It's fine. Wonyoung knows what to do."

You stand there appalled, stricken, ruined as Wonyoung grabs a medicine soaked piece of cotton and plugs his nostril, staunching the bleeding.

This should've been you. It's your spot beside him. You’re the one who should be taking care of him, but he replaced you just like that.

"He's been getting them a lot since…" Wonyoung trails off.

Since you left. Is that why he won’t let you help him? You always used to help him. He always ran to you when he got them.

You have no role in his life anymore. He doesn't look to you like he used to. He has erased your influence from his life. You’re stupid to think that a prince–now the king, would have any remaining use for you.

So you try to leave–you’re not needed anymore–turning around and walking towards the door to escape, when you're grabbed by arm and flung back around to face the man who used to be your other half.

"Where are you going?"

"I want to go back to my room." You don't know how you're not crying yet.

"No. You still have to attend dinner."

"I don't want to eat." You say simply, soullessly. You don’t have the desire to exist anymore. And just to stomp on your heart more, Beomgyu replies, "I don't care. You’re a lady and you have obligations. You're not going to get away with doing whatever the hell you want anymore."

__________________________

You have no appetite, the sick feeling you’ve had ever since he first rejected you has been gradually filling up your stomach until you can taste the bitterness of it in the back of your throat, and you know if you take even one bite, you’re going to throw up.

Wonyoung notices that you haven’t touched your food and she tries to get you to eat something, but Beomgyu shuts her down harshly.

“She’ll eat when she’s hungry.”

His response prompts a few whispers between the other ladies. This must be a shock to them too. Beomgyu used to be crazy about you. He used to do everything for you, so for him to be so aloof like this… is startling.

They seem to be happy about it though. Most of them never liked you as they thought of you as beneath them and that the only reason they had to tolerate you was because of Beomgyu. But now that even he treats you like this, they don’t have to pretend to like you anymore.

You can see them whispering amongst themselves, not saying anything out loud, but you can tell they’re gossiping about you. You can also see Wonyoung’s concerned and pointed looks aimed at her brother, but he doesn’t seem to care. He doesn’t care about you anymore.

‘You’ve ruined everything.’ You think to yourself as you stare at the knife in front of you. ‘You should end your pathetic existence. No one wants you. Beomgyu doesn’t love you anymore. Taehyun thinks you’re a slut. Kai thinks you’d be the cause of his brother’s death. You should just kill yourself and spare everyone the trouble of your existence.’

You wonder if you can slip the knife that sits in front of you without anyone noticing. You stare at it through the duration of dinner, just waiting for an opportunity to grab it without anyone noticing, but you don’t manage to do so. It’s the first thing that is taken from the table when the servants start to clear it up, and you wonder if the others had guessed your intentions.

____________________________

After dinner, Wonyoung asks if you'd like to go for an evening stroll in the gardens with her. She’s clearly concerned by your abject look, but you tell her that you're too tired and you just want to go to sleep. Maybe back at your room, you’ll figure something out to end your suffering.

She reluctantly accepts your obvious excuse and Beomgyu escorts you back to your room. You think he's just making sure you're not slipping off anywhere else, but when you reach your room, he enters with you and locks it behind him.

You watch in surprise as he walks to the wardrobe and picks out some nightwear and starts changing into it.

Is he going to sleep here?

Actually, from the neat pile of clothes that you glimpsed in the closet, it seems like he's been sleeping here for a while.

You can't help but watch him as he undresses. He looks like he’s bulked up considerably, no longer the delicate boy he once used to be, especially not with the short hair and the bruises speckling his skin. It’s a physical testament to how much he has changed, how he’s no longer your Beomgyu. Still, he's as beautiful as ever and you long to go up to him and run your hands over his tanned skin, kissing every bruise and cut until they fade away and he returns to being yours. But you can’t. You’re not allowed to.

"You look different." You tell him, not knowing what you expect him to say in response. To reassure you that he hasn’t changed? To tell you that even though he might look different, his heart still belongs to you?

"So do you." He replies noncommittally, brushing you off. "Get dressed for bed."

But you’re feeling stubborn and hurt. "I don’t want to sleep next to you."

"You're delusional if you think I'll let you sleep out of my sight after what you've done.” Beomgyu barks at you, seeming done with your shit already. “Now get changed."

“No.” You refuse insolently. If he’s going to ignore you and then proceed to also not leave you alone then you’re going to make life as difficult for him as possible.

‘Maybe that will get you some attention.’ A voice in your mind supplies and you do your best to ignore it.

Beomgyu grunts in annoyance and goes to grab you a sleeping gown from the closet and pushes it towards you. "Get dressed."

But you refuse to take it. "You want me to change? You do it." It's both a challenge and a wish. You want his hands on you again, even if just in passing.

And Beomgyu doesn’t hesitate.

He undresses you, once again faced with your nude body and you latch onto the little hints of need in his eyes and the way his hands shake as if he's finding it hard to hold back. When he gets to your stockings–your body completely nude otherwise–he has to get on his knees to take them off one by one. Once they’re off, he pauses, his hands holding the backs of your thighs tentatively. You feel his fingers twitch against your skin but he refuses to look up at you. You hold your breath, waiting for him to make a move, to kiss your body, caress your skin…

But he eventually gets up again, leaving you unkissed, uncaressed…

He quickly dresses you. But unfortunately for him, the gown he puts on you turns out to be see-through, and he could still clearly see your nude body that seems to be even more alluringly highlighted by the soft candlelight.

He gulps and looks away. "There. Let's go to bed."

But you just stand there with your arms crossed, your barely covered breasts getting emphasized by the movement. You’ve gotten him to react–even if it’s only with your body–and you won’t let this opportunity pass. You can pull him in again.

"Such a spoiled brat." He curses and you gasp at the familiar name. It shouldn’t arouse something in you but it does. You just miss any sign of your Beomgyu.

He grabs you and carries you in his arms like a groom carries his bride. You yelp at the sudden action, and wrap your arms around his neck, the two of you exchanging a heated glance at the sudden closeness.

But then he puts you down on the bed and goes to the other side to slip next to you but keeping his distance from you, not taking you in his arms like you yearned for and leaving you lonely and unembraced. You have to wrap your own arms around your chest to keep the contents of it from spilling all over, and you just lay there and stare at him.

Why is he doing this? You’re all alone. No one can see you. He can stop pretending now if that's what he's doing. Because if he's not pretending then why the fuck is he sleeping in the same bed as you? Why wouldn't he just post guards in and out of your room to make sure you won't escape and go sleep in his own room?

It doesn’t make sense for him to be here unless he wants to be with you so why is he still keeping a distance? Is he mocking you? Playing with you? Does he realize just how close you are to breaking apart and he wants to be there to see it?

Well, you’ll give it to him. He earned it.

As soon as you start crying, he immediately opens his eyes and dares to ask the condescending question, "Why are you crying?"

"Why are you acting this way?” You whimper pitifully, “I’m back after a year of being apart from you and you’re acting like you don’t even care. You're supposed to be all over me."

You know sound incredibly bratty and entitled. You can tell by the anger on his face, but you don’t care. He forced you to come back. He begged and threatened until you did, and for what? So he could ignore you?

"I used to be all over you but you didn't like it. You’re the one who pushed me away.” He grits out resentfully, “So now you need to feel what you made me feel."

What you made him feel? Is he doing this just to spite you? To get back at you? And if so, how long is he planning to keep this up? Because you already can't take it anymore. Maybe that makes you a hypocrite but having Beomgyu be within arm's reach after spending so much time apart and yet not having him make up for it by latching onto you and stubbornly refusing to let you go again is too dreadful for you to bear. You feel like your body might just crumble and disintegrate if he doesn’t hold you at this very moment.

As if hearing your thoughts, or maybe feelings exactly how you feel, he scurries quickly to you and takes you in his arms, rocking you back and forth to try to get you to stop crying.

"Fuck, you know I can't handle seeing you cry." He laments, leaning down to press apologetic kisses all over your face as you whimper and sniffle. “You’re such a spoiled brat.”

You whine. "Don't you love me anymore?"

"Don't do that–" He groans weakly, "I'm supposed to be angry. I am angry. You’re being punished–"

You cut him off with a kiss, and for the first time since you got here, he lets you, immediately losing all the fight in him. As your lips and tongues meet, desperately seeking reassurance from the other, you sense your feelings mirrored in him and you wonder how you did not see it before? Of course he’s just as pitiful as you. Of course he missed you as much. Of course it killed him to hold back.

“You’re so spoiled. I hate that I could never say no to you.” He whines helplessly against your lips, and you pull back to look into his pretty puppy eyes.

"Do you still love me?" You ask like your entire life depends on it.

"Of course I love you. I will always love you, even when I'm old and gray, even when they put my body in the ground, even when I stand in front of the gods and have to answer for the crimes I committed for love." He confesses confidently. "I was supposed to keep my distance. I was supposed to teach you a lesson. But I couldn’t even last a day. That's how much I love you."

His words reassure you immensely. It’s everything you’ve been hoping to hear. But suddenly he starts crying too and you panic.

“What is it, baby?”

Through big, heavy tears, he moans, “I couldn’t hold off a day and you left me for a year. How could you do that to me? You must not love me as much as I love you.”

“No, baby, no!” You coo softly, despicable euphoria bubbling in your chest at the sight of him crying in need for you again. He still needs you. He still loves you. You can exist again. “I love you so much. I thought about you every day but I forced myself to be strong, to stay away. But seeing you today and thinking you were over me, god I wanted to kill myself.”

"No. You can’t. You can’t leave me. If you die, I die." He tells you frantically, lips wobbling as he tries to hold in his tears, his big watery eyes looking up at you for reassurance, for you to deny that you would ever leave him again.

"I won't, baby. I'm here to stay." And you are. For better or for worse, you are his and he is yours.

You kiss him repeatedly, whispering 'I love you' again and again until you’re sure the words are now tattooed on both your lips.

Unlike Taehyun, Beomgyu doesn’t hold back in showing his need for you. You can tell how much he wants you by his moans and pants against your lips, they way his hands touch all over your body feverishly. And you want him to. You want to give yourself to him completely. You’re tired of fighting against it. You just want him to take you and take care of you.

But a nagging voice in your head won’t let you enjoy this–

You have to be sick in the head to go back to him after what he’s done.

Taehyun’s voice rings in your ear.

You liked it didn’t you?

No, you didn’t like it. It killed you. You never thought Beomgyu would be capable of hurting you like that. But you love him. May the gods have mercy on your soul, but you love him. It's always been him.

But you’re also scared of him. Would he do it again? He told you last time that he only did it because he was angry and scared of losing you. Would he do it now because he’s angry and needy after you left him? If you tell him no, would he stop or would he force you?

Your body goes stiff at the thought, and once again he registers the change in you and pulls back, noticing the fear in your eyes and immediately realizing what's wrong.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to… force you." He reassures you, wincing. “I won’t hurt you ever again. I promise. I will prove it to you, princess.”

He goes to pull back then, but you grab onto him. He won’t hurt you. He won’t hurt you.

"Do it. I want you."

You want to replace your horrible memories with good ones.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Make me forget what you did to me."

He stares at you with his big, pretty eyes, seeking out any hint of hesitation in you, but there is none. You want to forget. You want him to consume you.

With a curse on his lips, he hurriedly takes off your flimsy gown, hardly believing that he's really getting you. But once you're naked in front of him, he pauses to stare at your body, the way he couldn’t earlier.

You stay quiet, observing the lust and awe in his eyes before he slowly reaches out and runs his fingers along your breasts, only circling them. The circles get smaller and smaller each time, slowly but surely driving you insane, and by the time his fingers finally brush over your nipples, you jerk at the touch.

“Beomgyu, I need more. What are you doing?” You question him impatiently, but he shushes you with a kiss. “Just want to savor this moment, princess. I’ve been waiting for so long.”

You know what he means. Despite all the sexual encounters you’ve had together, this is one of a kind. He never had the opportunity to take you in like this, to have you offer yourself to him so completely.

Capitalizing on the sensitivity he has created, Beomgyu cups your breasts and flicks his index fingers ever so lightly back and forth across your nipples, making you jerk up again and rub your thighs together, looking for any kind of stimulation more than the maddening one Beomgyu is giving you. But when he sees that, he grabs your thighs and pulls them apart, revealing the wetness gathered between them already.

“Fuck, princess… are you that sensitive?” He asks as if you can’t see his own need straining against his pants.

“I missed you, Beomgyu.” You explain yourself, whining needily. “Please do something, puppy.”

“I will, but keep your legs open, princess.” He orders, bending down to wrap his lips around one of your nipples, the heat and wetness of his mouth immediately lighting your body on fire. He sucks on it before pulling back and letting it pop out of his mouth. He hums appreciatively before leaning in and repeating the same motion a few times while his hand goes up to the other breast and he starts flicking his finger over the nipple again.

When you mewl and arch into his touch, you inadvertently push your leg between his thighs and press it against his hard member. And as he moans out, the vibrations heightening your pleasure even more, you get an idea. You start moving your thigh, rubbing it against his cock.

For a few moments he lets you, his moans coming out even more as he licks and sucks at your breast needily, bringing you so much pleasure that you honestly think you could cum like this.

But then he abruptly stops, pulling away from your chest and pushing your leg down against the bed again.

“No, princess. No touching me.” He pants, his pupils dilated and his face flushed with such need that you honestly don’t understand why he would ask that of you.

“Why?”

“Remember when I would beg to touch you and you’d always refuse?” He asks, reminding you how when you had your deal going on, you were the only one allowed to touch him while he had to keep his hands to himself.

“You can’t be serious.” You huff indignantly. What, so he’s not going to let you touch him at all?

“Oh, I am, princess. I told you I want to make you feel exactly how you made me feel. I already gave in too quickly on one thing, but I won’t back down on this.”

You scoff, “So you’re just not going to let me touch you at all? Is that a punishment for me or for you?”

“We’ll find out.”

“Fine. Let’s see how long you keep this up, puppy.” You challenge insolently, not appreciating the idea of Beomgyu holding back from you, and hoping he’d fail in this too just as quickly.

But your attitude doesn’t last long when he goes back to playing with your tits. Once again, you try to rub your legs together, but his body is in the way, so you have to resort to begging him for more.

“Beomgyu, please.”

“What is it, princess?” He asks, but he obviously knows what you want because he lets one hand go between your legs to caress your inner thighs, but doesn’t touch where you really need him.

“Need to cum.”

“Hmm, you do?” He acts oblivious again, running his middle finger between your wet, puffy lips. "Whose are you?"

"Yours." You reply right away. "I'm yours, Beomgyu. Please."

You hope he’s convinced. You hope he’ll give you what you want. You hope he’ll spare Taehyun. Fuck, if Taehyun saw you like this–

“Good princess.” Beomgyu purrs, cutting off your train of thought as he does down your body to your pussy.

"Fuck, this pussy.” He groans, his fingers moving up and down your slit. “I've spent many nights fantasizing about it, princess. You don’t even know. Had nothing but my hands and thoughts of this pussy.”

You know that Beomgyu used to touch himself while thinking of you. He confessed it to you at the very start of your deal but the thought of it still makes your body buzz in excitement. To think that you had the prince completely infatuated with you that he would lie in his bed, his only company being his own lewd thoughts about you, as he touched himself just makes you feel so powerful. He is so crazy for you, your darling king, and his next words confirm it.

“So many would’ve died for this pussy." He murmurs, spreading your lips apart and pushing his face in to lick several long stripes along your pussy. He would do insane things for you. It’s sick how much that turns you on, but you can be sick around him. He won’t judge you.

He won’t hurt you again. He won’t hurt you. He promised.

He flicks your clit with his tongue in short practiced motions that make you whimper. He looks up at you, grinning and goes back to the slow drags of his tongue over your slit, messing with you.

“Beomgyu.” You whine, arching your back and pushing your pussy closer to his mouth.

“Need it, princess?” He teases, wrapping his lips around your clit and giving it a teasing suck.

“Ah-hh–yes–” You squirm under him, begging him to stop torturing you.

But Beomgyu is enjoying it too much. He keeps eye contact with you as he alternates between rapid and slow strokes of his tongue. Every time you start building some sort of high, he slows down again until your whimpers of need are filling the room.

Begging him obviously won’t work so you have to resort to teasing him back.

“Make me cum, please, baby.” You purr breathlessly, one hand grabbing your breast while the other goes to your mouth where you place one of the fingers seductively. “Your princess wants to cum on your pretty face.”

“Such a dirty princess.” He mutters but you know you got to him. You know he’s been dreaming about this for years, and it’s so easy to play into his fantasy.

His actions turn focused and serious. He dives in again, swiping his tongue over your twitching hole a couple of times before burying it inside. It’s a new feeling, the sensation of his hot tongue pushing in and out of your pussy. It can’t go far in but the entrance of your pussy is sensitive and each time his tongue drags across it as he pushes it in, makes you clench around it.

And when he starts flicking your clit with his thumb, you wrap your legs around his head, pushing your hips up against his face as your orgasm floods your veins.

Beomgyu doesn’t complain one bit. Instead, he pulls his tongue out of you and licks up the slick dripping from your quivering pussy, sending little spikes of pleasure that peak through your already intense orgasm.

You keep repeating his name, first loud and keening and gradually tapering off along with your orgasm until you slump back on the bed and his name becomes merely a breath on your lips.

Only then does Beomgyu pull back slightly from your pussy, one of his hands still holding your lips apart as if he doesn’t want to let go yet, and asks you, “Did that feel good, princess?”

You snort at the ridiculous question. “Are you fucking kidding me, Beomgyu? I was spasming on the bed and screaming your name. I’m sure even the guards outside can answer that question for you.”

You’re sure even Taehyun can answer that question from how loud you were moaning…

As if hearing your thoughts, Beomgyu asks, “Was I better than him?”

There is a clear sour note in his voice but you can also detect the insecurity behind it. Beomgyu never had to compete with another man for your attention and this new development obviously perturbs him. It’s even worse because you were far away from his watchful eyes and he doesn’t know what he’s competing against. Even though he had his own spies in Taehyun’s castle, it’s not like they were in the bedroom with you.

“He didn’t… we didn’t do that.”

"He didn’t eat you out?” Beomgyu scoffs in derision. “So my intel about him not satisfying you in bed was true then.”

You flush. Beomgyu had intel about your bedroom activities? How? Was your desperation that obvious that even his spies caught on?

“It’s not that. I’m sure he would have done it if I had asked.” You try to defend Taehyun and save face. You’re sure Taehyun just didn’t feel comfortable asking something like that of you. He’s a very reserved man and it wasn’t like him to ask anything sexual of you. Most of the time you had to be the one initiating things…

Beomgyu scoffs again. “What, he needs a request from his wife to please her?” He sneers, spitting the word ‘wife’ out venomously. “If he wasn’t going to appreciate what he had, he should’ve brought you back to the person who actually would.”

You open your mouth to protest but you forget what you were going to say when Beomgyu puts his mouth back on you. He licks your slit from your entrance to your clit–where he wraps his lips around the little bud and sucks. Then going back and repeating that motions a few times until the tension leaves your body again and gets replaced by the building pleasure.

Beomgyu seems even more determined now, as if wanting to prove to you that he’s so much better than your husband.

Your husband… how heartbroken he’d be if he could see you now, spread out for Beomgyu to do with as he pleases.

But Beomgyu doesn’t give you space to let your thoughts wander to anyone but him. He pulls back to hover over your pussy and lets a trail of his spit drop down to wet your already soaked pussy. He swirls it with his fingers, teasing you, before gathering it and uses it to push two fingers a knuckle deep into you.

“Oh, Beomgyu.” You gasp, hand flashing out to grab his hair and pushing it back to your pussy. He happily obliges, letting you guide his mouth back to your clit, his fingers moving to work that one knuckle maddeningly in and out of your pussy, the combined stimulation along with the sight of Beomgyu–your king–with his face buried in your pussy already getting you close to the edge again.

"Fuck, how have you gotten so good at this?" You lament, your free hand clutching at the bedsheets.

"I had practice." He pulls back for a second to inform you and your stomach sinks. He tries to go back to eating you out but you quickly use the hand you have tangled in his hair to pull him away from your pussy. You also attempt to push him back with your feet but he manages to grab them and pin them down to the bed before climbing up your body.

When he’s face to face with you, you snarl at him. “So you were fucking Ryujin all this time I was gone?”

You press your hands to his chest, trying to push him away but he doesn’t budge. When the hell did he get so strong?

“Not all the time, but your scent was fading from your clothes and your bed didn’t smell like you anymore either. I needed to find relief elsewhere and she was willing.”

You grit your teeth and try to look away but he grabs your face and makes you look at him. “Are you jealous, princess? How can you be jealous when you've done the same with him? I know you were begging him to fuck you."

Once again, you burn up in embarrassment.

"You know I would have never done that to you, princess. If you were my wife, I would make sure that you’re fucked and happy every day."

You shiver. You want that. You need it. You don’t want a man who you have to humiliate yourself by begging him to fuck you. You want a man who yearns for you, lusts after you…

I'm offering you power and dignity and yet you'd rather turn me away and run to his bed. Maybe you do like being his slut.

Maybe you liked it.

No. No. It’s not that. You just want to be wanted. Taehyun never wanted you. Not like you wanted him to. Maybe if he did, things would’ve been different.

You only have Beomgyu, and he promised not to hurt you anymore.

"But you left me." Beomgyu’s voice cuts through your internal battle. "You hurt me so bad, princess, but I knew I would get you back eventually. And I knew that I needed to make sure that when that happened, I would be able to keep you satisfied this time, emotionally, materially, physically…” His eyes fall to your chest, and one of his hands goes to your breast, brushing his fingers over the hardened nipple and making you let out a shaky breath. “So you’d never think of leaving me again. You see, I would fall at your feet at just the beck of a finger, but you've always made me work for it."

An uncomfortable feeling akin to guilt sprouts in you at his words. Were you the Taehyun in this relationship?

"But it's okay. I know how precious my princess is and I will pay the full price." He bends down then, kissing you. You kiss him back, losing yourself in his mouth and almost forgetting why you were mad in the first place. But when he moans against your lips, you remember.

“Fuck me.” You demand, and you know he can tell why. He’s yours. He did so much shit just to get you. He belongs to you. You want to erase the memory of her from his mind, the feel of her walls from his cock. Mine. Mine. Mine.

“Shit, do you know how long I waited to hear that from you?” He groans needily. And yet somehow he has the audacity to refuse. “But I can’t. If I give you what you want like always, you’ll never learn.”

“Learn what?” You grit. “Didn’t you say if I was yours, you’d make sure that I was fucked and happy everyday?”

He shakes his head. “I said if you were my wife, but you're not. Because you left and married someone else.”

“You were married before me!”

“And I would’ve figured something out but you couldn’t wait. You know I was looking into ways to dissolve my marriage to Ryujin?” He asks, stunning you. “But you got married before I could. You used me and threw me away when I was no longer useful to you.”

“That’s not true. I left because you hurt me! I got married because you were threatening me.” You deny vehemently.

“You were going to leave even before I hurt you. I told you that I loved you. I offered to give up my position in order to be with you but you refused because then I would’ve been useless to you. I wouldn’t have been able to provide you with the level of wealth and power you wanted.”

“No. That's not the reason. It’s not!” Your denial is weaker this time. With no actual reason given, you make up for it with your whines, hoping he’d drop it. “I had to, puppy. I love you.”

“It’s not? Then what is? Why did you turn me down?” He challenges you, not taking the bait, and you sputter for a few seconds, racking your brain for a reason that wouldn’t make you seem so utterly selfish but finding none. If he had stepped down, he would’ve been able to marry you like you wanted, but you couldn’t let him do it. You couldn’t give up the comfort and luxury you were used to because of him.

“Ok, so what?” You huff indignantly. “I like living a comfortable life. Who doesn’t?”

“And did he give you a comfortable life?”

You pout. “Now you’re just being petty.”

He snorts. “And you’re being a child. You ran to him thinking he’s going to give you the power and status that you want but when he didn’t, you came back and now you expect me to just fall at your feet and give you everything you want, isn’t that right, princess?”

“I came back because you threatened war.” You argue with him.

“Oh, so you’d be okay with me not treating you like a princess anymore? You’d be okay with me putting you in a modest house and not providing you with any servants or nice things? You’d be okay if I pulled away from you and focused on my wife?”

You grimace severely. You hate being caught on your hypocrisy and if you could cross your arms and stomp your feet, that’s what you would be doing right now. “You can’t do that. You promised you’d give me everything I asked for if I came back.”

“Fuck, baby, you’re so spoiled.” Beomgyu lets out a laugh in disbelief at your entitlement. “But yes I did, and I will, but you have to be punished first. You don’t get to betray me and abandon me and then come back and take what you want from me. You don’t get to make me pine after you all my life and have you use that to take what you want from me then throw me to the side for another man. I won’t go easy on you this time. I’ve coddled you too long and now you think you’re entitled to me. I have pride too, you know? I’m not just your lovesick puppy. What did I get from giving you what you want? You left me and went to him. You need to realize how much you’ve hurt me, how you’ve always hurt me.”

“So what, is that your grand plan? Not letting me touch you? Not fucking me? Need I remind you how much you were begging to fuck me before? You think you can actually pull this off?” You wrap your legs around his waist and pull him towards your body, pressing his hard cock against your pussy and the both of you let out a gasp. "You're mine, Beomgyu. You’re crazy about me. You did such fucked up shit to get me back into your bed and now you want to act like you can hold back? I know you're dying to bury your cock in my pussy, puppy. So just do it." You grind up against him, and kiss his neck, smiling when you feel him buck his hips against you.

“You always treated me like I was disgusting for wanting your body but now you want me to take you because you're jealous and possessive? Isn't that what you hated me for?" He grunts, yet his hips roll against yours as if independent from his control. "You don't get to demand it, baby. You're going to have to beg for it."

God, you’re sick of his bullshit already. If what he wants is for you to beg so he’d give you what you want then so be it. You know you only need to have him inside you and then he’d be drunk on your pussy in no time and become putty in your hand again.

"Please, baby. I need you.” You moan lewdly, “Don't you want to fuck your princess until I forget all about him?"

"You always play dirty, you fucking brat." He curses, driving his hips against you harder. "But you’re not getting what you want. I can’t fuck you yet even if I want to."

"And why not?"

"Because I need to wait to make sure you’re not carrying his baby so when I do fuck you… if you get pregnant, everyone will know it's mine." At that, Beomgyu’s hips falter for a second. He clearly likes the idea of you carrying his child.

You do too. Just the thought of it drives you wild–to carry his child, to have a family with the man you’ve always loved… but you know you can never have that. And you tell him as much.

"You know, I can’t have a baby with you, Beomgyu. You’re married to Ryujin and I’m married to Taehyun.” You speak his name intentionally, wanting to rile Beomgyu up just like he did to you. Two can play at this game. “It’s one thing to have rumors about you fucking a married woman. It’s another thing entirely to confirm it by knocking me up.”

Once again, his hips drive into yours just a bit erratically. “Maybe, but wouldn’t it be so wonderful?”

“Beomgyu…”

“Just imagine it, baby. Your belly all swollen up with our child… your tits getting bigger and bigger with milk…” He grabs your breasts at that, making you moan and arch into his touch. “You’d look so pretty, and everyone will know who you really belong to, who my real lover is.”

You bite your lips, feeling his cock slide against your clit through his now wet pants, sticky with your arousal and molding to his length. “Why haven’t you had a child with her yet?”

“Don’t want to.” He grunts, annoyed at you for bringing her up.

"You need an heir."

“So give me an heir.” He tells you as if it’s that simple, and you can tell that he’s not thinking clearly by the hazy look in his eyes. You have to be the voice of reason, even if it’s so hard to do that right now. "Beomgyu, no…"

But he makes it so hard, "I can take care of any child you'd bear for me. You were afraid before that they'd live in secrecy, not recognized by their own father, but I can legitimize them now if I want."

"Legitimize them?" You gasp, pulling him against you harder.

"Yeah, my wife hasn't borne me any children. As a king, no one would begrudge me getting an heir from someone else." He purrs, rubbing his thumb over your nipples, noticing how you seem to whine louder at the idea. "You wanna give me an heir, princess?"

You know he can’t actually do that. He maybe could if you weren’t married to Taehyun. Even if Beomgyu is married himself, it’s not uncommon for a noble, especially a king, to have mistresses and even bear children from them. But to have a child with a mistress who is already married to another lord–that’s something that even a king might not be able to get away with.

Still, you’re needy and in love, and the thought of bearing an heir for Beomgyu makes your brain swirl with lust. You can pretend for a moment. What harm would it do?

“Yes. You’re mine.”

“Fuck, that’s right. I’m yours, princess.” He sucks in a sharp breath. "You're so good to me. God, you would look so pretty carrying my babies. I want to cum in your sweet cunt until you’re all filled up with me."

“You’re insane.” You breathe, but despite your words, you feel yourself creeping ever closer to the edge, and you need him to fall with you. "Why don't you show me how you'd fuck me full?"

He pulls his hips back and snaps them against yours, fucking you through his clothes, the drag of his hard dick against your pussy so maddening. If he could just pull his pants down and slip his cock inside you…

"Yeah, that's it. That's a good boy." You praise him and he chuckles, but his movements grow sloppy. "And you're a bad girl. Making me hump you like a dog again."

"You can fuck me if you want." You tell him breathlessly and he bites his lip in need. "You know I can't."

"You can fuck my ass." You offer, just needing him inside you at this point. He liked that before, didn’t he?

But Beomgyu holds fast, groaning in frustration at having to hold back. “Stop it, princess. S–stop trying to get out of your punishment.”

You notice how he’s struggling to speak now. “Are you close, puppy?”

“Yeah–yeah… so close. Princess, I'm burning up. You have me ready to cum in my pants again after everything.” He whines, disappointed at his own weakness. “I’m the fucking king and you still have me wrapped around your fingers. It’s so unfair how much I need you. Do you like playing with me?”

"Yeah, like seeing you go crazy." You wrap your legs tightly around his waist so he’s forced to just grind against you, his cock hitting your clit every time and getting you so, so close. “You want cum for me, baby? Does your cock hurt? Are you balls all full for me? Wanna breed your princess?”

“Y-You’re the devil.” He moans and you laugh. “Then cum for me, my king. Fill me up.” You mewl, alight inside with glee. He can resist and talk big all he wants but he’ll always crumble for you. It makes you feel like a god. You feel in control. It’s not so scary doing this when he’s so willing to be vulnerable and pathetic for you.

“Oh god, fuck—ahh–fuck–I love you. I love you so much.” He cries out, shuddering violently above you, his eyes rolling back for a moment. The warmth of his seed seeping through his clothes is a reminder of what he’s willing to give you and it sends you over the edge too.

You both clutch onto each other as your orgasms crash through you, moving between your bodies as you moan in ecstasy. It shouldn’t feel this good. He’s not even fucking you, but just the chance to finally be allowed to share pleasure with each other is enough to send you reeling.

Beomgyu is giggling lightly as he pulls back from you. “Fuck, I really failed in my mission, huh?”

“Yeah, look how much you came all over my pussy.” You tease, noting the way his cum had seeped out of his pants and onto your pussy. “You might as well have fucked me.”

“Don’t act like this is all me.” He shoots back with a grin, pulling at the sticky mess over his crotch that is made up of both your fluids, and you blush. “Whatever.”

He leans down to give you a small kiss, his grin still plastered to his face. “But yes, we both know how weak I am for you, especially you, princess… Don’t get used to it though. You’re still being punished, you know? I just missed you.”

“I did too.” You sigh, a soft, fuzzy feeling filling you up at the fondness in his eyes. This feels so right. Should it feel this right?

Reluctantly, you add, “Beomgyu… you know I really can’t have a child with you, right?”

His smile falters a bit at that. “You don’t have to worry about that right now, princess. Trust in me for once, okay?”

You hesitate, staring at him. In front of you is the most beautiful man you've ever met–his big doe eyes that poets would never tire from writing about framed by his long thick lashes, his perfect nose that screams royalty, his lips that were only made to smile and be kissed.

And that’s speaking nothing of his kindness, his passion, his wit, the way he would move heaven and earth to be with you. He has always looked out for you in his own twisted way. Even though he always held a deep sadness inside of him, he never burdened you with it much, preferring to take care of you, to listen to your own worries. Even now he’s not asking for much, just for you to let him take care of everything.

He may be sick. He may be obsessive, but what man wouldn't be when he's faced with the loss of his one and only? And how could you resist him? If the gods made him to be your downfall then you've already fallen.

Maybe the gods won't be merciful to him in the afterlife, but as long as he lives on this earth, he will get your mercy. For you and him are two halves of the same soul..

“Okay.”

He smiles brightly in response, giving you another kiss then sits up, getting off you. “Wait here.”

He goes into the bathroom for a while, before coming out with a piece of wet cloth that he uses to wipe you clean before he gets you another gown to replace the one you were wearing. Then he changes his own clothes, chuckling at how the both of you ruined them.

“Now, I’m going to go tell the servants to get you some food. You must be starving.”

“Oh, you don’t have to. I can eat in the morning.” You try to deny, but as if in protest, your stomach chooses this moment to grumble in hunger, and you blush.

He laughs. “I’ll be right back, princess.”

___________________________

In classic Beomgyu fashion, he brings you an entire feast consisting of all kinds of meat–beef, mutton, pork, chicken and even more exotic meats like ostriches and peacocks were all there–it’s as if he had prepared them for your arrival, just waiting for you to give in, and he probably had. The meat was done in a variety of ways–fried, roasted, boiled…There were also all kinds of fruits, nuts, cheese, wafers and liquor.

It is a banquet befitting a queen, and Beomgyu happily feeds it all to you by hand.

“You’re acting like I can't feed myself.” You feign annoyance at his unnecessary actions, but you actually love it. Especially how every time he gives you a bite, he steals a peck.

It becomes a game between the two of you, you trying to eat without paying him his due kiss and him trying his best to collect it. You have to admit, you wouldn’t have eaten so much if there wasn’t the promise of a kiss from him on the line.

He shrugs. “I like taking care of you. You barely ate anything at lunch and nothing at dinner. I was worried about you for hours and I’m just so glad you gave in. I’m not sure I could’ve slept knowing you’d gone to bed hungry.” He pouts, his old playful self shining through.

"Why? Do you think I can’t take care of myself?"

"I know you can but I still want to do it for you. It gives me pleasure to know I'm making you comfortable in life, to know you enjoy it a little more with my help, are a little more at peace, have less to worry about… in the past, that was all I was good for. Taking care of you gave me purpose when I had none." He looked at you through his lashes. "But you take care of me too, in your own way. You are so sweet and kind and lovely. You make life worth living just so I can share it with you."

You stare at him, the breath halted in your lungs. Whatever did you do to deserve him? Deserve his love, deserve his wrath? The gods must really hate you, they must really love you, to have gifted you this wonderful, terrible man.

Beomgyu gives you a sheepish smile and looks down, taking a piece of meat off a plate. “Try the hare. I hunted it myself.” He pushes the food into your mouth before you can protest, and sits back, looking at you with big, curious eyes, not giving you a kiss this time in favor of gauging your reaction. “Do you like it?”

You chew it thoroughly, tasting the fine meat and delicious sauce that was the signature of the royal cook. You hum happily and nod, giving him your approval and making him smile. But his smile doesn’t reach its full potential before he asks again, anxiously, “Would you like to go on a hunt with me?”

You give him a confused look. Beomgyu never took you on hunts before. He never liked to involve you in “unlady-like” behavior. You used to think it was because he was being a usual domineering male, but you now know it’s because he just likes to take care of you.

"But I thought you said it wasn’t proper for a lady to go on hunts."

He shakes his head, smiling sheepishly once again. "I was an idiot. I only said it because I was afraid if you learned to depend on yourself, you would outgrow me."

As if you ever could. "And what changed your mind?"

"Because it didn’t work. Your escape showed me that if I don’t give you what you want, you’ll go look for it someplace else.” He explains tensely, fidgeting with his fingers. “He took you on hunts, didn’t he?”

"So you're just competing with him? Is that why you're suddenly learning to spar too?” You narrow your eyes at him, “Is that why you cut your hair?"

He shrugs. “I just want to make you happy.”

"I was happy with my best friend who was a lanky, long-haired weakling who couldn’t defend himself for shit. You don’t need to be like him to make me happy. But it's sweet that you’re finally not being as much of an idiot." You roll your eyes at him. “I like archery and want to keep practicing it but no. I don’t want to go hunting. I didn’t really like it.”

He smiles in relief. “Okay.”

He’s clearly happy with your response. He may have offered this to try to appease you so you wouldn’t go back to Taehyun, but it clearly made him uncomfortable. Maybe it’s wrong of you to enable his behavior, but you realize that you like being taken care of as much as he likes taking care of you.

Beomgyu tries to feed you more of the hare but you pull your head away. “No more. I am absolutely stuffed. Man, if I ate like this every day, I would be as big as a cow.”

“I want you to get bigger.” He shrugs and pokes at your shoulder. “You’ve really gotten so thin there. Did he not feed you?”

“He fed me.” You glare at the cheap shot. “But the food there didn’t taste that good, and you know I hate fish.”

“I know, baby.” He smiles, taking you in his arms and kissing you. “My spoiled baby can’t eat anything less than the absolute best food the kingdom has to offer.”

You want to protest and tell him it’s not true, that you were perfectly fine eating the castle’s bland, improperly cooked food but you know he’d see right through you. So you just huff and let him kiss you. It’s no use pretending like you don’t crave his coddling anymore.

Beomgyu calls for the servants to clear out the plates, and when they’re done and you’re alone again, he leads you to bed.

Once under the covers, you fall into his arms, preparing for a blissful night of sleep in the arms of your love, but as you lay your head on the pillow, you feel something under it. Pulling it out, you see that it’s your fairytale book.

“What’s this doing here?” You ask, confused.

“Oh, I used to read it every night when you were gone.” He admits in a small voice, burying his face in your shoulder. “It made me feel closer to you.”

“Oh, you silly puppy.” You coo, a smile tugging on your lips as you flip through your beloved book.

Inside, you come across another surprise. Nestled between two of the pages is a dried up sunflower.

“A sunflower.” You say, your smile growing bigger, and you feel him nod. “Your favorite.”

“You know why they are my favorite?” You ask, humming contently as you touch it gently so as not to break the fragile thing.

“No, why?”

“It’s the first flower you ever gave to me.” You close the book and put it aside before turning to face him, recalling fondly, bashfully. “We were teens and I had just learned about how sunflowers follow the path of the sun in the sky. I had thought they were just called that because of their color and shape. So I excitedly went to check out the crop of them in the garden. I watched them all day. They followed the sun and I followed them, sketching them out in my little book. But I couldn’t get the middle part quite right. I needed a closer look so I tried to cut one down, but the damn thing was taller than I was.” You laughed, remembering how you kept jumping up and down trying to grab at one. “So you–”

“Climbed up the pillar nearby and got the biggest one for you.” He finished, and you blush, looking away, “Yeah… it was a ginormous thing. I had to cup it in both my hands in order to hold it, but I pretended in my head that it was a rose the handsome young prince I was in love with was giving me in order to woo me.”

You feel his warm hand gently guiding your face back towards him. “I was.”

Your heart skips a beat at the revelation. The both of you have been in love with each other for so long and yet neither of you knew about the other’s feelings. “Why didn’t you tell me how you felt before?”

“I was afraid you’d pull away from me.”

You want to refute his words but you know he’s right. You would’ve probably figured things out sooner if he had confessed to you and your life together would’ve collapsed even sooner.

“You were the only one who saw me for more than the annoying second in line, and I loved you for it. Even after the others started to come around as I grew up, I couldn’t forget how you were the only one who saw me for a long time. You saved me, princess. I couldn’t lose you.”

You think back on how Beomgyu was like as a kid. He was always adorable to you, but he definitely came across as a menace to others. You were aware of that much, but you didn’t think it bothered him.

“I thought you liked annoying others.” You say dumbly and he laughs and lowers his head, hiding in your shoulder again. “Believe it or not, I didn’t just play pranks and overall act as a menace just to annoy people, though it was a bit of fun. I wanted them to notice me. No one paid attention to me other than my mother and sister, and my mother only did so because her other son wasn’t giving her the time of day.” He nuzzles into your neck, seeking comfort, and you run your hand up and down his back soothingly.

“I so wanted people to take me seriously like my brother. I wanted my father to love me too. I wanted to make him as proud as my brother did, but no matter how hard I tried, I could never compare. So I resorted to acting out because it would get me attention from him and others, even if it was negative, at least he was looking at me. But then he wouldn’t even do that.” Beomgyu laughs painfully. “He made it a point not to look at his own son, and then so did my brother and then so did everyone else. I was the other prince but no one cared. I even overheard some of my fathers men saying that it’s lucky that Yeonjun was born first because if I had been born first then the kingdom would’ve been doomed.”

You knew he had always looked at you for reassurance that he didn’t get anywhere else, but you didn’t realize how deep it went. He was so alone. God, it makes you ache just hearing about it. You want to go back to that little insecure boy and hug him until he feels like he matters.

But you can’t so you do the next best thing. You hug him now, and he holds onto you tightly.

“So that’s how I lived my life… until you came along.” Finally he pulls back from hiding and looks up at you with a smile. “You didn’t care that I was annoying. You loved me for it. It made you laugh and so I kept doing it more and more. You didn’t think I was such a waste of space. You listened to what I had to say and you looked like you actually cared. It was… nice.”

So that’s why he latched onto you so hard.

“It was the same for me. I’m the youngest daughter of an inconsequential lord. No one gave me a second glance before I met you, except old men who would leer at me and ask my father how much they need to pay to have me.” You shudder at the thought of what your fate almost became, and Beomgyu’s hands tighten around you protectively, a frown twisting his handsome features. “Only you noticed me. Only you cared. You saved me, made my father believe I had value, and made me think so too. I know it sounds superficial after everything you just said, but having you–the prince–pay attention to me and want to be in my company after I’ve been put down by other nobles all my life made me feel like I wasn’t inherently less valuable, that I had worth too and that someone could look at me and see past my lacking family background, that I could be loved and cared for like I never was before. And for that someone to be you–so handsome, so generous, so funny, so sweet…” You punctuate every adjective with a kiss over a different part of his face, making him giggle. “How could I have not fallen for you?”

You were made to save each other, made to make each other feel like you mattered in this big world that treated you so coldly.

“How long have you loved me?” He asks, and you think about it deeply, but can’t quite place it. “So long. It was so gradual, so natural, that I didn’t notice it until I was in too deep… maybe I’ve always loved you. Maybe our souls knew each other before we came to this earth. What I feel for you is so strong I’m scared it will annihilate me.”

“I will never let that happen.” He promises solemnly and a strange sadness sprouts in your chest. “What if you’re the cause of it?”

“You think too much, princess.” He brushes your gloomy ruminations away, running his fingers delicately through your hair. “I’m just so glad you gave in. It was so horrible not having you in my arms when you were right there. I was going to go crazy.”

“It was only a day. Don’t be dramatic.” You grin but he doesn’t mirror you like he usually does.

“A day and a year.” He corrects and you falter. “I can’t believe you left me for that long.”

“I’m here now, baby.” You reassure him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “And I’ll stay with you forever…just… please leave him be. Don’t attack his city. You have me now. I’ll stay.

"I want to believe you, but you lied to me before. How can I trust that you’ll stay this time?"

"Do whatever you see fit.” You surrender yourself to him completely, prepared to take anything just to end this war before it starts. “Just don’t hurt him anymore."

“So you won’t leave me again?”

“I won’t.”

"Are you willing to prove it?" Beomgyu asks ominously, and you gulp.

"Yes."

__________________________________

A/N: this took a long time, didn't it? I'm still not satisfied with it but i hope you guys are. it was definitely tricky to write this chapter so let me know what you guys think especially with how she left taehyun and got back to gyu

the next chapter will probably take a long time too as i just got my job back so savor this as always lol

oh and i don't know how many chapters are left. i have everything planned out but the chapters keep getting too big that i have to cut them in half, therefore increasing the number of remaining chapters. this is just half of the chapter that was supposed to be chapter 9 lmao

#txt smut #switch!reader #yandere!beomgyu

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dododan · 11 months

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"The words we are afraid to say"

A short story related to Rottmnt recently popped into my head. As you can see it is a short scene between Splinter and Big Mama.

"There are a lot of questions swirling around in Splinter's head, and most of them involve Big Mama. The questions arose after he found out that she was the one who helped his boys find him. He didn't understand why she did it. He hoped that after all these years the woman would answer at least that one question for him."

The voices from the television resonated. They echoed through the abandoned metro station, which had been taken over a few days ago by four turtles and a certain rat. The faint light of the television illuminated the room. Splinter looked at his sleeping sons. His boys were buried between the pillows and blankets they had taken from their old home. Tired, but safe. This scene filled him with relief. There were times when he thought they would not make it through the fight. But they made it through. Together.

Splinter found it hard to get used to the new place as much as his sons. Few things from their old home had survived. Only it wasn't that important. They may have lost their hiding place, but it was just a place. He couldn't deny that they had spent a lot of nice times there, and he felt regret despite everything. His boys, at such a young age, had to face a terrifying monster that almost took their lives - the Shredder. Only because when he was young, Yoshi was too arrogant and filled with regret to at least listen to what his grandfather had to say. Maybe if only he had been smarter....

He just couldn't change the past. He did what he did. He sighed while still looking at his sons, who were cuddling into each other. He smiled slightly at the sight. His children were safe and nothing else should matter to him. They had made it.

Splinter disappeared into the depths of the corridor, walking silently. His boys slept undisturbed by the sound of the TV, so there was no way they could have heard their father slipping out into the night. Still, Yoshi preferred that none of his sons knew where he was going, especially Leonardo. There were some things that couldn't wait any longer and Splinter needed to find answers to his questions. Even if the hope of getting them was slim, he had to at least try.

There was simply something inside him that told him to go and see for himself. He glanced once more at the old photograph he held in his hand. He took them from Big Mama's flats a few months ago. He suspected that she had probably already guessed that he had stolen it, because who else could silently sneak into her flat?

He slipped the photo back into his pocket, exiting the underground tunnel.

...

Her usually brightly lit office, tonight was bathed in semi-darkness. It was her first day on the job when the medico allowed her to get out of bed. She couldn't afford another day of delay. She had a lot of work to do, and the world was waiting for no one.

Anyone who ever tells her that the world won't collapse if she allows herself a few days of convalescence is an idiot and doesn't have a clue how business works. It took less than a week for so many issues to accumulate that Big Mama wasn't sure she could handle everything.

Compensating the hotel's customers who had been affected by her champion being "out of control".

Meeting with the Hidden City Council to explain her "little freak out" in the form of Battle Nexus New York. She will likely be forced to make a sizable donation to the city budget.

Hotel refurbishment.

Compensation for the affected employees....

She didn't even want to think about what else was on her to-do list.

She put her pen aside, straightening up in her chair. She began to massage her temples with a healthy hand. The severe headache had been lingering for days, but the potions she had seemed to alleviate it at least a little. Still, the faint light of the lamp irritated her, but she could not work in the dark. Her broken arm and damaged ribs were also a nuisance. Every more violent movement caused her unpleasant discomfort. It flashed through her mind that maybe she should rest a few more days, as the medic advised, but she quickly dismissed it.

She could not show that she was weak. She was Big Mama. A few fractures or bruises shouldn't prevent her from running the empire. She had rested enough anyway.

She closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind before going back to reviewing the documents. She can't read the same page for 15 minutes. A barely audible creak sounded across the room. Big Mama pulled her eyebrows together, but continued not to open her eyes. Probably someone from the staff was strolling down the corridor. She took a deep breath, returning to her work. She tried to focus on the document, talking about the damage on floors twenty-two and twenty-three.

A hole in the ceiling in the corridor, three rooms flooded. The wall between room 234 and 233 had collapsed. Maybe she'll make it into one bigger flat? Cheaper than renovating two rooms.

Once again, a rustling sound echoed through her office. A small moment, as if something had brushed the floor. Was her mind playing tricks on her? No one but her was in the study. She corrected her glasses without taking her eyes off the document. Perhaps fatigue was setting in?

She ignored the rustling, trying to gather the rest of her strength to focus on the paperwork. She needed to review a few more documents today before heading off to bed. The rustling noise reappeared. She didn't know why, but the hard-to-describe sound seemed familiar to her. It was as if she had heard it many times.

She played with her pen, wondering how such a rustling sound could be familiar to her. Suddenly, she experienced a daze. She chastised herself in her mind for her absentmindedness. She had let him lurk around her office for too long. She put down her pen, straightening up in her chair. The rustling sounded again, but now she knew who it belonged to.

“Are you going to continue hiding in the shadows, Yoshi?" asked Big Mama in a confident voice, gazing into the dark corner of her office. "Or should I say Splinter?"Although she couldn't see him in the darkness, her gut told her she was looking directly at him. "Or did you fancy this life as a rat?”

Her loud voice spread through the office. It radiated confidence, perhaps even superiority. Big Mama knew she had hit a sensitive spot as soon as a quiet creak sounded. She knew how much Yoshi had valued his appearance in the past. He had always tried to present himself well, even when fighting in her arena. She knew what she was doing to lure him out of the shadows. She couldn't let him continue to wander around her office.

“Polite as ever," , said Splinter, and a note of cynicism could be heard in his voice.

Even though she knew what he looked like these days, it was hard for her to get used to it. Grey fur. The moustache. He looked so foreign, and yet she could see the old Lou in him. Those dark brown eyes that watched her closely. The slightly upturned nose and the pulled down eyebrows.

Yoshi knew there was no point in hiding anymore. He turned towards the faint light of her desk lamp. The first thing that caught his eye was the cast on her left hand. He furrowed his brow. He had expected her to be injured after what his sons had told him, but hearing and seeing were two different things. Even in the semi-darkness, he could see a slight grimace on her face, although she tries to maintain her typical smile. The dark shadows under her eyes and the empty potion bottle had not escaped his attention. He knew exactly what could have been in there, as he himself had used this potion many times after his battles in the Arena.

“How do you feel?” asked Splinter directly.

He was not going to hide the concern that resounded in his voice. If the last few days or months had taught him anything, it was that he needed to be honest. Not to others, but first and foremost to himself. There was no point in hiding the reason he had come here. Maybe it was silly, looking at the fact that he was talking to Big Mama, but he hoped that if he was honest with her she would return the favour.

“I've been better," Big Mama replied, turning her head away from her guest. She didn't want him to notice the surprise on her face. She hadn't expected him to ask so directly. But she couldn't allow herself a moment's hesitation. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Yoshi's sigh of relief. She saw the frown on his forehead disappear and his shoulders slump gently. She wondered how much truth there was in his behaviour, and how much he was playing to get something out of her. Usually she could read people or yokai. Only Yoshi was a mystery to her. She used to think he was always honest with her.... But everyone in this world has an ulterior motive. Everyone wants something. There is nothing for free. If you figured out quickly what exactly they were you had an advantage. Big Mama couldn't afford to be behind. "But it's not something I can't handle.”

Nevertheless, she allowed herself to take a close look at the man. Seeing no visible injuries in him, she felt a strange relief in her heart. Yoshi could feel Big Mama watched him, even if she tried to hide it. Maybe someone who wasn't as close to her as he was wouldn't have noticed how closely she was watching him. But neither of them could say out loud what they wanted.

“Full of energy as always” Yoshi commented, smiling slightly. Still, he chickened out and didn't tell her he was glad nothing serious had happened to her. Big Mama had always intimidated him. She had something about her that made Yoshi run out of words. Today was no different. Despite her visible fatigue, she continued to radiate the same strength he had seen during their first meeting.

“It can't be any other way my dear”, she replied frivolously, correcting a strand of hair that had slipped during their conversation. She turned back to the man, looking into his eyes. She was overwhelmed with fatigue. This day really had been a hard one, and she would gladly drop all games if it would allow her to cut this conversation short. Unfortunately, she couldn't. A woman like her had to keep her guard up, especially against the man whose love she had betrayed. She couldn't be sure what he would want to do. "But you didn't come here just for that, did you?”

Splinter stared at the woman, trying to put his thoughts into words. He knew why he had come here, but when it came down to it doubts got to him. He lowered his gaze, wondering if this was the right choice. Big Mama stared at him unceasingly. Any other person she would have rushed to not waste her time, but not Yoshi. I guess he still meant something to her if she gave him time to think. Or she herself was curious about what he had to say to her. She wasn't sure about that.

She saw his shoulders tighten gently. He ran his claws through his grey hair. She remembered that mannerism of his. He did that every time he had a conundrum of some kind. She'd never forget those evenings when they'd talked through entire nights together. She had many opportunities to remember how he behaved. It ran through her mind that, despite all these years, some things had not changed about him.

“Why...” began Yoshi, and then raised his head. "Why did you do that?" His voice trembled.

“Isn't it obvious?"She asked squinting slightly, and the sly grin never left her face. Splinter saw her tilt her head. She always did that when she wanted to tease. To throw the interlocutor off balance, to show all their cards. It might have worked on others, but not on him.

They stared at each other. They measured each other with their eyes. Both waited for the other to crack. In the old days, they both cared about winning an argument or a clash. Then they were unable to let go. Yoshi was usually the first to explode, driven by anger. They would shout at each other. Yoshi blamed her for the woman's inability to open up to him. Even towards him she used these tricks and hid from him. She, on the other hand, would catch him at his words and stick a pin in him, hiding behind a wall.

Only many years had passed since then, and Splinter was no longer that man.

Big Mama had seen his stature change. It seemed to her that he was more upright. As if more confidently. A seriousness dawned on his face that she had never seen in him before. Involuntarily, the smile descended from her face. She stared at him for another moment, as if unable to believe how he had acted. It was so different from what she remembered.

“I just found it more worthwhile,” she said, glancing at the papers on her desk. Splinter knew she was trying to show him how indifferent she was to the whole thing. She wanted to show how little impression it had made on her. He slipped his hand into his pocket, touching the photo. He just continued to stand there and wait. Big Mama felt as if this answer was not enough for him, so she went on. She marked something in the document. "Shredder was a good champion. Not as great as you”, she said, suspending her gaze on Yoshi for a moment. It did not escape her notice how the man twitched slightly. "But when he stopped fulfilling his purpose, he had to be dealt with. Just when Shredder started causing problems, your sons appeared" This time she noticed how his ear twitched. She wasn't sure how to interpret that in Yoshi's performance, but he responded. “It would be a shame not to use them to get rid of this problem.”

She was so calm throughout her argument. Her every word was carefully chosen. Splinter felt again that she was trying to get him off balance. A memory of his past. Big Mama's memory of how he was against further fighting in the Arena. The memory of his sons, knowing how important they are to him. Speaking so brazenly in his presence about using his sons as tools to clean up the problem she had in part created.

He couldn't say it didn't upset him, but Splinter was no longer as short-sighted as he once was. Nor was he going to ignore that gut feeling that told him the truth was different. In the past, he hadn't trusted that hunch and had paid a heavy price for it. This time, he was not going to let her hide the truth.

Initially, he didn't intend to do so, but she gave him no choice. This time, he's not going to let her get away with the answers. Even if he loses this photo, he might finally hear the truth. He probably deserved it after all this time.

He approached her with a slow but sure step. He could see Big Mama playing with a pen, playing relaxed. But he knew that she could easily hit the security button, which was camouflaged next to the pen cup, at any time. In less than a minute her best staff would have arrived. Nevertheless, she did not call them. She couldn't tell why. She didn't see Yoshi as a threat. Not that kind. Yoshi was a man of principle. Of that one thing she was sure.

She saw him reach into his pocket, and then she froze. He had the picture. He placed it in front of her. The woman grabbed it, looking at it carefully. It was her photo. Tucked away in her flat. In her locker. He was here, and she didn't know it. She felt anger rising in her. She didn't wonder if she was angry at the fact that he had broken into her room and stolen the photo, or maybe at herself for not realising. She thought she had lost them somewhere.

In her anger, she did not notice how sadness and a certain longing crept onto Splintra's face. He really didn't want to lose that picture.

"You!” she was going to yell at the man, but a sudden pain in her ribs prevented her. For a moment she ran out of breath, propping herself up against the desk top with her healthy hand. She scowled, trying to take a breath.

Splinter found himself at her side. He wanted to help somehow. He didn't intend to upset her that much. He didn't want her to suffer because of him. Despite everything, deep down he still cared about her. In some strange, twisted way, he wanted to find out if the woman he loved reciprocated his feelings.

“Don't touch me,” growled Big Mama at him before he could do anything.

She looked down at him. If only she were well, she would have given him a shove. The man stood still. Surprised by her vehemence, he didn't dare move. Big Mama concentrated on her breathing, sitting down in a chair. She leaned back, closing her eyes in pain. She didn't care if Splinter saw it. That wasn't what was important at the moment. Big Mama calmed her breathing, contemplating her next move.

She was angry. Annoyed. She would have loved to throw him out of here. But she also felt a strange sense of relief. Happiness, perhaps? There was so much emotion in her that she felt like crying. It had been a long time since she had felt so out of balance. She looked at Yoshi, who continued to stand sideways to her. She could see that he wanted to hear the truth. Just what kind of truth Big Mama herself wasn't sure what it was. Instead, she knew one thing. She was Big Mama. The owner of the Nexus Hotel and the Battle Nexus Arena. She had her empire and the long road she had to travel to achieve it all. In this world, a woman like her could not allow herself a moment of weakness. Otherwise she would be devoured by others, as she had done thousands of times before.

“It was a purely business decision. Then as now”, she said slowly and trying to maintain her composure. "I chose you to be my champion and I did everything to make you one. You did not protest. At least not at first.”

Splinter clenched his hands into fists. The fur at the nape of his neck gently grew thicker. He felt it wasn't the whole truth. It couldn't be.

“What about us? With what we had?”

“Yoshi” Big Mama interrupted him, looking into his eyes. She could see him starting to shake, but it wasn't important. She had to make him realise. "Love is a weakness. And you were just an investment that paid off. You did a good job as a champion. I don't need you anymore.” She spoke slowly and clearly, emphasising the last sentence. These words tore at Splinter's heart. “I only helped your sons because it was more profitable than letting that maniac run wild.”

A heavy silence fell between them. They both looked into each other's eyes. Splinter knew it wasn't true, or at least not entirely. Still, her words hurt. They hit where they hurt the most. They opened old wounds that Splinter had found so hard to come to terms with.

“Now, if you'll allow me, some people have work they have to do. And you've got sons who I think need your attention," Big Mama turned towards the papers, ignoring the rat.

She thought he was going to walk away and she wasn't wrong. She heard Splinter moving away towards the window. The man stood at the open window, looking at Big Mama's reflection. She sat bent over her desk as if nothing had ever happened. Splinter sighed heavily.

“I don't know what I was hoping for”, Splinter said with such regret in his voice that Big Mama sat paralysed. "I guess for you to be honest with me for once.”

The woman wasn't sure why those words hurt her more than anything she had ever experienced in her life. Somehow his words and how he said them hurt her more than when she thought he had run away from her. She turned towards the window, opening her mouth.

Only Splinter was no longer there.

She herself doesn't know what she should have expected from the way she had treated him. Big Mama herself found it hard to believe, but she wanted him to call her his Sassy Sugar Badger again.

“Unfortunately, in this cruel world only the strongest survive, Hyggypoo”, she said in a whisper, reaching for their old photo.

She stared at it and felt her heart ache. It squeezed in her chest and ached more than bruised ribs. Yoshi was the past, and she couldn't lose herself in it. She couldn't show weakness, because that was the world she lived in. Still, a thought ran through her mind as to whether she was doing the right thing. Had she not lost something precious along the way, climbing to the top? Had she not missed the chance for something better, if only she had allowed herself a little honesty?

She sighed heavily, hiding the photo in a drawer. She had more important things on her mind than a would-be affair. She needed to concentrate on her business. She knew that the path she had taken would not be easy. But she could handle any challenge. She has to, because at this point there is no turning back.

Meanwhile, Splinter was returning home. To his beloved sons. Maybe he had suffered through what had happened. Maybe he was foolish for believing that Big Mama could change. He has to move forward. It will hurt, but he has a new light towards which he can move. His sons.

#dododanart #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #save rottmnt #rottmnt #unpause rottmnt #rottmnt fanart #old love #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt splinter #rottmnt big mama #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt leonardo #rottmnt michelangelo #rottmnt mikey #tmnt 2018

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gossipsnake · 5 months

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Bugging Each Other || Anita & Parker

TIMING: August 8, 2023 LOCATION: Lyssa’s Peak PARTIES: Anita (@gossipsnake) and Paker (@wonder-in-wings) SUMMARY: Anita invited Parker out to hike and search for insects in the woods. Unbeknownst to her, Parker is under the effects of an abnormality crystal. Anita is her usual self. Things go exactly how you would expect they would, featuring an unexpected guest star.

Anita wasn’t entirely sure why she invited this man to one of her favorite bug spotting locations. None of their online interactions had been remotely positive. They were neutral, at best, and frequently tapered off from neutral to negative at an exponential pace. Yet there she was, the early sunlight of the dawn creating golden shadows that danced across her features as she stood on the edge of a forest trail awaiting this irksome and questionably qualified curator.

Maybe that was it - she wanted to see Parker in action and figure out just how well he knew his shit. After all, a novice curator without any professional training couldn’t possibly be more knowledgeable about insects than Anita was. And that wasn’t to say that intellect and formal education were corollaries, but Anita had dedicated every aspect of her life to this niche topic - she needed to be better at it than he was.

Having done as much online stalking as she could, Anita recognized the tall blonde man immediately. He was also the only other person around, which given the time of day was a fairly dead give away as to who he was. “You’re late,” the idea of starting off on the right foot had crossed her mind, but she ignored it.

—

Day 8.

The Warden thought the conversations online were shaky but ultimately, Anita could’ve called herself either the garbage queen or even a fae at this point and Parker would’ve taken her up on an offer to go searching for bugs. Granted, this was before the incident with Felix and when he had the idea for how this would go in his mind, he wasn’t anticipating having to compensate for the plunge into abyssal, emotional depth he’d taken. No… that wasn’t correct, even now. It wasn’t a plunge, as though he got to choose to jump into the murky black tar that clung to his every thought, his every waking moment, every feeling on his skin, even some of the looks he gave. It was an edge. Or a pendulum. Fortunately, she had opted out of a graveyard. Unfortunately, Parker wasn’t as well-versed in Lyssa’s Peak. Even more unfortunately was as he arrived at the approximate coordinates she had left for him, trudging to the path from the car he parked a safe distance away on the off-chance something would happen, she decided to make a comment about how he was late. No wonder her roommate had left her, if she was like this all the time, the way she stood there with her arms crossed, her expression naturally glaring and vindictive and with a bite to her tone. He approached her, slowing to a stop and standing a foot taller than her and yet she carried herself with the authority of a woman demanding she speak to his manager. Not a great start and Parker’s dominant hand subconsciously began flexing and extending, opening, closing in a rhythmic gesture as he settled the immediate wave of frustration that washed over him. He didn’t want to turn around and wordlessly go back the way he came. “Apologies.” He muttered through gritted teeth, a false apology. He normally wasn’t late; he normally wasn’t many things he was that early morning. And he wasn’t about to explain why he was late, as the reason was both exasperating and embarrassing. Maybe if she was observant she’d be able to see the uncharacteristic dark circles that had rapidly accumulated under Parker’s steely blue stare and apply logic. Or maybe she could see his thick leather belt with its many pouches, daggers and the spiked iron knuckles that hung from a chain and wouldn’t press any harder. …The latter of which was definitely going to happen, if first impressions and conversations online were anything to use as references. “What specimens frequent this area?” He decided to ask, pushing through the formalities though he kept his eyes on her keenly.

—

Not that she would ever think to admit it, but Anita was a bit impressed by the fact that he didn't even bother to justify or explain why he was late. It fit with what she knew about the man - not one for niceties for the sake of niceness. He wasn't exactly what she had expected. He seemed unnecessarily angry and on edge. Having never met him before, however, Anita had no way to know if that was his usual posture or if was something reserved for this specific interaction.

After taking note of his affect, the next thing she noticed were the weapons affixed to his belt. Were Anita not confident that she could hold her own against him they would have caused her concern - he came out to meet a strange woman in the woods and he came fairly heavily armed. It made her wonder what he knew about these woods. ”No specimens that warrant all that,“ she replied, gesturing towards the belt.

In an effort to show that the daggers had no effect on her, Anita turned her back towards him and began to walk down the path towards the clearing she intended to bring him to. ”There's a fair amount of beetle species out this way. I like this area in particular because as you head further towards the peak you come across a variety of different micro-ecosystems which provides a fair amount of biodiversity.“

That was going to be part of her personal test of him, checking on how quickly he was able to identify the different insects they came across. Anita wasn't so snobbish to think that his lack of formal education constituted a lack of knowledge, but she was petty enough to hope that she would catch him off his game and prove that she was the true expert between them. ”Hopefully you got your beauty rest, we've got a bit of a hike ahead of us.“

—

He understood that he might’ve been a little bit over-prepared for something as seemingly innocuous as hunting for bugs that early morning but given everything that was in that town, let alone how unnecessarily on edge he constantly felt over the past week, Parker didn’t really consider any of it to be superfluous. She certainly didn’t seem to be intimidated by anything on his person as she willingly turned her back to him to lead him to wherever they were supposedly going, which… he didn’t really think that she would’ve been. Everything about her exuded confidence, a sense of intellectual superiority from how they’d talked online. So, he followed her, feeling the soft morning air on his bare arms as the sleeves of his blue Henley were gathered around his elbows, glancing around the unfamiliar environment. She mentioned beetle species and he wondered if she was being purposefully vague due to the assumption that she didn’t think he knew what she would’ve been talking about by mentioning specific suborders. Parker wouldn’t have put that past her, either and the thought sent another pulse in his hands, which gripped the thick leather of his belt tightly but briefly before loosening again. “Rest is rest; its appearance has no merit on anything. I’ll keep up, you needn’t concern yourself with that.” He remarked rather absently, though he didn’t want to think about how he hadn’t received much of any sleep the night before, beautiful or otherwise. Instead of lingering on that aspect, he continued on after her with the knowledge already cemented in his brain that he would most likely be sore after this venture, but ideally with a new specimen or two to add to his collection. “Are we talking about polyphaga?” He asked in an attempt to make small talk as they walked.

—

There was something about the cool August morning air that made Anita slightly homesick. Even the dead of summer in Maine never got quite as hot as her desert home but the feeling of the warm sun on her skin always pulled her back there mentally. But now wasn't the time to dwell on that, especially not with the present company. Instead she just continued leading them down the forest path keeping a diligent eye out for certain flora that she knew would be a prime host for unique insects.

The mention of polyphaga was amusing, and thankfully with her back still towards him Parker wouldn't have seen Anita's slight smirk at the mention of the scientific name. “Given that 90% of beetles fall into that suborder... yes, I expect we will see many polyphaga. Around this time of year there are a lot of curculionoidea and tenebrionoidea.”

It was interesting. Had their online interactions gone differently this meet-up may have been more of a meeting of the minds opposed to a competition. But that wasn't the case. Anita looked up at the tree cover above them, watching some of the birds dance around in the spotted beams of sunlight. ”You're not a local either, if I remember correctly.” Ameture bug enthusiasts usually had limited information on the insects of foreign ecosystems. “So, why insects?” It was a question she got asked all the time and while, in her younger years it had bothered her, Anita had grown to appreciate it. After all, it was nothing more than an opportunity to talk about one of her biggest passions.

—

She was being smug and he, in turn, was thankful that she had her back to him otherwise she would’ve caught his lip curling slightly in disdain; if she hadn’t been vague in the first place, he wouldn’t have felt the need to specify, if only a little bit. “I wouldn’t mind getting my hands on a specimen from pyrochroidae; it’s been a while.” Parker remarked rather quietly, one of his hands continuing to rest on his belt in its familiar place of safety and comfort while the other subconsciously flexed and extended his fingers in their rhythmic motion, giving him something to do silently as he dealt with any threatening swing of the pendulum in his mind. Tired, but ever-sharp blue eyes were narrowed, almost like a hawk scanning the environment for prey which wasn’t entirely inaccurate - Parker, raised in the bayous of Louisiana, wasn’t accustomed to these temperatures but the crisp morning air wasn’t unwelcome, seeming to do the trick to forcibly wake him up where he might’ve been lagging in certain mental aspects. “Why not insects.” He replied at first, perhaps a little too casually and it took him about a minute before he realized that she was either trying to engage in small talk or test him to see if he really was interested in the subject as she was. “Insects were my learning tools when I was a child.” He explained after the moment of silence. “I was… motivated by little else.” He opted to leave off the parts where his family, even his mother, chalked him up as a failure because of the limited scope with which he viewed the world. ‘You’re broken. But I don’t hate you for it anymore’, his father had said, late into their relationship and shortly before he died. “...” He breathed in, as though about to say something else but nothing came out except for a soft exhale and his mouth closed once more. “...You?”

—

His response was vague. Anita couldn’t tell if it was because he didn’t care to talk about it or if it was because he didn’t care to talk to her about it. At least in their online interactions even when he was being a dick he was still talkative. It wasn’t as much fun without the tet-a-tet back and forth. “My grandfather had an extermination business. My father took me with him from time to time on jobs and before I even had words for them, I was captivated by insects. The curiosity grew until it consumed me entirely. Like most of the natural world, they speak to an inherent truth that people often try to resist: everyone has a place in their ecosystem and their value has nothing to do with their size but, rather, their contributions to that ecosystem.”

Turning her head just enough to make brief eye contact, Anita continued, “Ecosystems are delicate. When creatures fail to fulfill their purpose within them, they fall apart.” It was one of the few absolute truths that Anita knew and she wondered if he knew it too. Sometimes it felt like that is what Anita had done to her own ecosystem - to her own family. She failed to fulfill her purpose, she left, and as a result things fell apart.

As they turned a corner and approached a small clearing, Anita spotted a cluster of trees with decaying bark at their bases that should be home to a plethora of pyrochroidae and other similar beetles. Without pointing it out or saying anything, she changed course and headed towards them, dropping into a squat once she got close to them. “You spend much time out in the woods?” Maybe that was why he had an arsenal of weapons hanging off his hips. Maybe he knew what else was out here.

—

Her answer was much more robust than his and Parker wondered, just briefly, if he was supposed to supply a heartier answer than the one he had given. The thought was brief because he was already under such a strong impression that he was being silently tested by Anita, scrutinized from every angle in an attempt to seem like she was better than him that he assumed her judgment extended to something as personal as why he had gotten into entomology. As he thought about it, then thought about thinking about it, he could feel himself threatening to fall into a spiral so instead, he pushed the thoughts aside and caught eye contact, keeping his eyes on her far longer than she had as they walked. They turned, he followed her without prompting and he continued to look around as he chewed on what she had said, about how fragile nature had a tendency to be sometimes and how one weak link could disrupt the chain. Part of Parker wondered if she was simply waxing poetic or if there was a hidden meaning in her words but the thought was discarded as they drew close to a selection of trees with their peeling bark. Wordlessly, as she crouched, he tread more lightly and took a few steps to a different trunk, blue eyes scanning the surface for movement, a place to gently pry the bark away. “I do.” He replied, again almost leaving it at that. ‘Man, she gives you one impression that she doesn’t care and suddenly you clam up. That’s not becoming, bro.’ “Being outside of town provides clarity. I don’t… get along well with humans.” Parker added, his delivery still blunt and objective.

—

There was something familiar, and therefore unsettling, in Parker’s prolonged eye contact. Anita was not naive enough to believe that the only dangerous creatures out in the woods were like her. She knew there was a perverse breed of humans that were objectively an evolutionary marvel, who had evolved to track and kill those like her. She’d known some in her time. Eaten most of them.

Based on how their conversation had been going, Anita expected that Parker was going to end his response with those two words. Instead he continued, his response being the first real thing that he has said that piqued her interest. “I get along with humans but I don’t care much for them.” It was possibly too telling of a response but she could explain it away if necessary. “I feel that nature, these creatures,” gesturing to a cluster of bark beetles she had uncovered, “this is where I’m most understood.”

“Can I ask a question without you immediately becoming offended by it?” Anita was going to ask it anyway, but she decided to preface it with that inquiry. In her mind it softened the question. In her mind it was a way to signify that she was asking without judgment. That’s how it came across in her mind, anyway. “Your temperament suggests you would make a fine scientist. Your ego suggests you would make a good one, possibly. Why no formal schooling?”

—

Her response to his comment about people was unusual, to say the least. She wasn’t a fae, that much was obvious. Perhaps Parker should’ve said that he didn’t get along with ‘people’. Every once in a while, it slipped his mind that there were shifters, vampires (which he also assumed she wasn’t one because the sun was creeping into the sky and from his limited understanding, they couldn’t be in direct sunlight) and other associated beings in town. It was easier for him to separate fae from humans, from people who lived normal lives and weren’t interested in disrupting humanity for petty reasons. But he didn’t say ‘people’. Parker said ‘humans’, which was his mistake and now with the thought that maybe she wasn’t a human herself created a new wariness inside of him. He wasn’t afraid of her and likely wouldn’t ever be, but he could hear his father telling him that it was good to be prepared for anything, regardless of whether or not he was equipped to. And the Warden couldn’t say that he could relate - insects were just that, and he wasn’t an insect. They were beautiful, serving their purposes, whatever that was, feeling part of their environment. Parker was a machine, an automaton who didn’t fit in anywhere. He wasn’t created to fit into a grand scheme, a plan, a tapestry. He was genetically engineered to perform one function and he had long since accepted that about himself. It was this explanation that answered her question before he could formulate the words. “It… wasn’t considered important.” He replied rather quietly, once he clenched and unclenched his hands as he felt the initial wave of frustration wanting him to become incendiary towards her for prefacing her question with ‘don’t get offended’ pass over him. “To my parents, it was a teaching method. To the rest of my family, it’s a shortcoming.” He explained, his gaze softening as he approached her trunk to see what she had found; they may not have gotten along, but it was easy for him to set aside his pride when it came to observing insects, appreciating them. “I wasn’t designed for this. My father considered me a failure.” Everything Parker said was said in the same tone, flat and blunt though he could feel his insides wanting to burn up with irritation that his father thought of him like that so late into his life. ‘And I still do sometimes, boy.’ “So it’s a passion, but that’s it.” He acknowledged, looking sideways at Anita. “I probably don’t know as much as you. But I know enough to be considered an outlier to my family and the purpose of my existence.”

—

Finally, Anita thought as Parker provided more than a one-sentence response. It was proving difficult to keep pestering him about the like, two things she knew about it. Strained familial relationships, that was something. Unfortunately for her, it was something she related to all too well. Shit, maybe this was backfiring. It was easy enough to not empathize with him, but this was venturing towards sympathy. “Formal education wasn’t considered important in my family, either.” Anita decided to opt for the truth, content with acknowledging the distinctions in their paths. “My family does not give a shit about my degrees, my accomplishments. They think it all a waste.” She didn’t add the humanity context. They only felt that way because they could not wrap their heads around her choosing to live among humans. “My father is the only one who supports me, despite not understanding.”

Maybe that last bit was unnecessary to add, but Anita wasn’t going to acknowledge that. Instead, she decided to move on. It was never in question but it was extremely satisfying to hear him admit she knew more than he did. At least he had some common sense. “And what is the purpose of your existence?” She worked hard to make sure that her tone sounded genuine, like a deadly robber fly presenting itself to the world as a harmless bumble bee. It seemed unlikely that he would continue to open up… but she wanted to see how far she could push this.

—

As they examined the insects that skittered along on the bark, minding their own business, Parker didn’t think he was expecting… ‘Is it empathy or sympathy?’ His brother asked. ‘Like he can tell the difference.’ His father replied as the Warden remembered this conversation vividly as it happened decades ago now. Whichever one it was, he had little to say in terms of emotional value when Anita explained her own reasoning in an attempt to do either of those things. Usually, that was the part of the story where the two sides of the same coin would engage in some wholesome conversation about how they weren’t so different, how they could find things to bond over. Anita’s family apparently didn’t understand her, either. That was where it ended, though. They didn’t understand, but she still sought higher education. Her father was the only one who supported her; Parker couldn’t say the same about his own father. She got to do whatever she wanted to do. She didn’t speak like a hunter and she wasn’t a fae. She might not have been human, but then again, neither was he when he recalled what other people called him. Then came the main question, the one Parker never really had a sufficient answer for for some reason or another. He kept his half-lidded blue eyes on the insects astutely as he let the question linger in the air - he figured she didn’t like the pauses between conversation, but she wasn’t the only one vying for control in this scenario. There was also the likely possibility that she didn’t care; from their interactions so far, nothing about her indicated that she actually wanted to know. This was all small talk. They might not have been so different but they were different enough. And Parker didn’t benefit from having someone similar to him in the same vicinity. “It doesn’t matter.” He replied, standing back up and glancing over at the other trunk he had been examining before she found what they were looking for. He wanted to say ‘you don’t care anyway’ but then he would’ve gotten a ‘you’re right’. And he didn’t care that she didn’t care, it wasn’t something that elicited sympathy or empathy. ‘See, I told you he couldn’t tell the difference.’ It simply was. “Can you answer that?” He offered, turning to look down at her. It was a nebulous question, not one that most had the answer to, in his experience.

—

His response was expected and therefore incredibly boring. Anita had invited him out here to prove that she knew the most about the insects they had a shared interest in, but now she was eager to show that she knew about the humans they both had a disinterest in. She didn’t know whether or not he parroted her question back to her because he didn’t have any original questions of his own to ask or if it was a challenge. She took it as the ladder - a push to imply she maybe didn’t have one.

Sure, it was a strange question to ask another person. But Anita wouldn’t have asked it if he hadn’t implied that he, or his family, believed that he had some specific purpose for existing. “I don’t believe I have one singular purpose for existing,” she replied with a shrug as she stood up and looked around the patch of forest they were in. “Just like those beetles that you’re watching, I think we all play important roles within our own ecosystems. Some of us are much further up the food chain than others. Our purpose is just existence. What we do with what we are dealt, well, that’s not purpose - that’s choices. The paradox of free will.”

And as part of her own free will, Anita was starting to think of ways to end their interaction early. Maybe if she provoked him further he would be the one to crack first and leave? “After all, if we have free will, can we also have a pre-designated purpose for existing? Conversely, if we have a pre-designated purpose for existing… can we be said to have free will?” That was, admittedly, all Anita knew about the paradox of free will as she never did much philosophy beyond an intro class she took because some girl she wanted to hook up with was taking the class. But it was enough to sound good. “I’m team free will.”

She had moved around a bit as she was talking, and right after topping off her brief rant a tree branch fell right near where she had just been standing. It startled her very slightly but she tried to maintain an unfazed effect in front of him. Had he not been around Anita likely would have looked up into the tree to see where it had fallen from, but she felt that not even acknowledging it was maybe the cooler way to play it off. “So, yeah, I clearly can answer that question.”

—

The Warden hadn’t anticipated that by him passing the question off to her, placing the ball in her court, it was going to kick-start a lecture. Already quiet, Parker narrowed his gaze as she stood and looked around. Philosophy wasn’t something he held inherent interest for, and hypotheticals weren’t a currency he traded in. He believe in the butterfly effect, to be sure, but with the way his being taught about the fae from such a young age weaved itself around his ideologies, he had long since learned that whether people liked it or not, Fate was predetermined and while one could pull at the threads, the final tapestry would remain the same. So, in essence, it was as Anita had described it. “Why use five words when fifty will do.” He replied dryly instead of saying something conducive such as ‘we might agree’ or ‘I understand your point’. Those thoughts were alien to him on the best of days, and on his worst they inflamed something in his mind. Parker couldn’t stand mirrors, though he never understood why, even now. She spoke too much and then said that she could clearly answer the question but that wasn’t it, was it? Or was that it and she was trying to sound better than him, more superior to him again, as had been the case every time they’d started to engage in conversation? His hands clenched and unclenched as he felt tension start to ripple through his muscles; the pendulum was starting to swing again. And he was getting mad, which was why he wasn’t expecting it to mix with surprise as she moved and almost immediately after, a branch had crashed down where she’d been standing. Instinctively, he glanced up, his brow still furrowed but with a sharp eye darting around like a hawk trying to find its prey. “Stop talking.” Parker ordered, just as dull in his delivery as before.

—

By this point, Anita was beyond done with the conversation. It wasn’t even just because he was so annoying and generally frustrating -- it was because he was boring. Parker hardly even engaged with her and was evidently back to incredibly short responses. It wasn’t fun bothering him when he didn’t react to her. “Here’s five words for ya: stop being a little bitch.” Not her best comeback by any stretch, but it felt satisfying to say.

Had she not been so focused on making a grand exit she may have noticed how his attention turned towards where the branch had fallen with a furrowed intensity. Instead, she turned to go back up the path from where they had come from and hopefully never have to interact with him again. Just as she started leaving, however, another branch fell and the end of it scraped against the back of her arm as she moved. “Ok! Seriously, what the fuck!?” Finally turning her attention upward, Anita tried to figure out what was going on but she didn’t spot anything particularly out of the ordinary and turned her attention back towards Parker, kinda hoping to see if he would get hit with a branch next.

—

The flagrant insult, the choice of words, the fact that Anita justified the Warden’s behavior as him just being difficult for the sake of being difficult (which is exactly what Parker thought she was doing), flared the Warden’s temper and he resisted the strong, white-hot urge to give her a sharp backhand in immediate retaliation. His breath caught in his throat as one of his hands clenched so hard one could almost hear a bone cracking in the tension that wavered dangerously between the two and the inflammation of anger spiking into him was strong enough that he had to physically pull himself away from being so close to her. He didn’t realize that if he just waited a little longer, she would’ve gone through the liberty of removing herself first but as it was, he took the step back, his movements solid as though his iron-toed boots were glued to the ground. Whatever was in the tree had temporarily been completely forgotten as Parker struggled not to react viscerally to what was really such a shallow combination of words, so far beneath him, that he shouldn’t have felt the need to react at all. His nostrils flared with evident irritation and he tore his icy glare off of her back as Anita turned to skulk off, probably thinking that she had ‘won’ this invisible tug-of-war though Parker wasn’t ever competing with her over anything. He hadn’t been, he was content not to. He didn’t care. He just did his job and engaged in his hobbies and someone always had to– Anita’s voice punctured his thoughts and, brow still furrowed, he snapped his head to look in her direction once more where she herself was looking up at the trees again. He glared at her until she looked back at him, where his gaze drifted up towards the trees, much more slowly than before. Right, that’s what he was doing before she decided to turn this into a whole thing. Parker looked into the leaves once more, going from tree to tree, his expression shifting into one that much more closely resembled his default as he felt the pendulum in his mind settling once more. As he was turning more in the direction of where the first branch had come from - he assumed she reacted because she got hit by another one - his sharp eyes caught movement and one of his arms shot out, acting almost autonomously as his hand caught a branch that was aiming right for his shoulder. “It’s an agropelter.” Parker explained, dropping the branch casually and reaching for one of the small crossbow bolts that sat in a quiver on his overly-ambitious utility belt. “You must’ve been making too much noise.” He said pointedly.

—

Anita didn’t know the man in front of her well enough to understand his actions or predict his next steps. She hadn’t had the opportunity to really observe him to get a sense of his temperament. Maybe that was why it was more than a bit surprising at how fast his reflexes were when he caught the tree limb in mid-air. It was impressive and if it had been anyone else who had done that, Anita may have acknowledged that fact. Instead, her expression remained sour as she processed the word he used to describe the creature. It wasn’t one she knew - or had ever heard of before. Another thing that may have been impressive in anyone else. Not that she could really confirm that was the real name of the creature. He could have just been full of shit like she presumed.

Before she could voice her objection to him, essentially, calling her loud; Anita’s eyes caught his hand move towards one of the weapons affixed to his belt. His attention seemed to remain on her as he spoke, creating serious doubt in her mind as to what he intended to do next. Without transformation, Anita had no weapons at her disposal. And based on his recent show of dexterity… she had a feeling he wasn’t going to miss whatever his target was.

This was why she truly hated her human form. Anita hated that, as she stood there, all of her fleshy bits were so exposed and she had no natural defenses. It felt like time was passing so slowly as she waited for him to show his hand and she had two competing survival instincts swirling around her head. Turning to the Mojave would offer obvious physical protection, however, it would simultaneously put the life she had built in this town at risk. She didn’t know this man, or why he could catch that branch with such ease, or why he knew the name of the strange occupants of the trees above. She didn’t know what he would do if he knew her true form. So, against some of her better instincts, Anita remained planted there in all of her humanity with her focus dialed in on his weapon.

What had happened, whether it was him catching the branch, stating what it was that was assaulting them or how he carefully reached for and retrieved one of the bolts from his compact quiver, it had finally sufficiently gotten Anita to stop throwing her weight around. Parker’s icy glare focused on her for a moment, gathering the bolt between three fingers before they darted up to the branches once more and he sent the bolt hurling through the air quicker than the human eye could perceive. The bolt disappeared into the foliage where a loud squeak of surprise and pain met his half-deaf ears. A pause, then something small with dark fur fell solidly out of one of the trees and landed on the ground, the bolt protruding from its chest. Parker didn’t need to approach the twitching, quivering mass of fur and flesh to know what it was, nor did he feel the need to put the creature out of its misery as it gasped for breath through a puncture wound in one of its lungs. “It’s a shame you’re insufferable; I would’ve enjoyed discussing insects with you further.” He said bluntly, clenching and unclenching the hand that threw the bolt in a rhythmic motion as he felt an unpleasant combination of anger and what might’ve been… ‘Pride? Do you feel pride?’ Walker asked. Whatever it was, it made the Warden’s body ripple with tension, the coiled spring that was his musculature still on edge from the agropelter and perhaps even what Anita could’ve done to him; Parker had no reason not to think that she was a normal human but nowadays, he knew better than to assume anything about anyone aside from spotting potential weaknesses in movement, deficiencies in behavior. He figured she was something of a fighter, at least if she could match her mouth in terms of meaningless insults. He didn’t want to turn his back to her, and yet… Parker said nothing further to her; as far as he was concerned, this interaction was over. It was over and he felt as though he’d wasted his time. He could’ve just left her to the agropelter; it might’ve taken one or two of her fingers if not just content with throwing things at her, but even when his mind was as annoyingly unstable as it was, pumped with all of those emotions and extreme reactions to things that shouldn’t have been reacted to, he was still a Warden. The agropelter was still a fae that could hurt someone. She didn’t need to know that. Crossing his arms with an irritable sigh, Parker turned and silently walked off.

He was going home. This was a waste; all he got out of it was agitation and being needlessly insulted again.

—

Even with her eyes fixed on his apparent weapon of choice, Anita was sure that her reaction to him deploying the weapon, however small and slight that her muscles flinched, was noted by the man. It felt like a display of weakness though she was unsure why it felt that way. There was no question that he had hit his intended target, the small lifeless body of whatever woodland creature had been in the trees was indisputable evidence of that. Once again, something that she would have expressed openly how impressed she was had the act done by nearly anyone else.

For a split second, no longer, Anita did wonder if she was being too stubborn. Through all of her interactions with the blonde curator, it was apparent that they had substantial commonalities yet she felt so intensely disfavorable towards him. His final comment reminded her why, however, and replaced any lingering positive impressions with a growing rage.

As was her reaction to most circumstances of conflict, Anita immediately considered how easy it would be to simply swallow the arrogant man whole. Surely her mouth could open wide enough to accommodate his ego. Fortunately for Parker her curiosity, morbid or otherwise, told her that it would be more satisfying to get to know him better first. To draw out her inevitable victory and in doing so make the day she did finally vanquish him that much more satisfying.

“I’ll be seeing you,” she finally responded as he began to walk away from her. “Small town after all.” She had no idea if he would take the statements as the threat she intended them to be, but as he faded from her view he similarly faded from her mind for the time being. Anita collected the deceased creature Parker had slain, intending to examine it further back at her lab, before walking off in the opposite direction. Sure, her car was back towards where he was headed but taking the long way back was worth it to not risk any additional interaction.

#bugging each other #parker #writing #para #chatzy #c:parker

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