#definitely never hit Eurovision
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When Finland’s Käärijä took the stage at this year’s Eurovision, a star was instantly, explosively born. With an outrageous energy, infectious presence and that oh-so-catchy hook, the Vantaa-based rapper may not have won the contest but he certainly snatched the hearts of those in his home country and beyond. We ask Käärijä the million dollar question: what next?
[full article under the cut]
Last May, a peculiar frenzy engulfed Finland. Virtually all green foods – cucumbers, especially – were sold out from stores. Buildings across the land were bathed in vivid green lights. Social media brimmed with green-themed parties, while data obtained by Swedish fintech company Klarna showed a 570 per cent increase in the online sales of neon green shirts.
This phenomenon was all thanks to Käärijä, the rapper who represented Finland in the 2023 Eurovision Song Contest. His now-infamous, blazing green puff sleeve bolero – dreamt up by Finnish broadcasting company Yle’s costume design team and which he dons when performing the smash hit track ‘Cha Cha Cha’ – had taken on a life of its own, the lush hue uniting the entire nation amid the competition. “It was incredible to see it happen and so cool being part of it,” Käärijä says. “It wasn’t planned at all – it was the people who created the commotion. I’ll definitely never forget it.”
When we speak over Zoom, Käärijä, whose real name is Jere Pöyhönen, is lounging in his minimal apartment in Vantaa, a city just outside Helsinki. He appears on my screen shirtless, a chunky gold chain dangling on his neck. On his head sits a pastel turquoise cap adorned with little cat ears. As he gestures with his hands, I spot flashes of poison green nail varnish. Pöyhönen’s chosen attire, or lack thereof, is extremely fitting – he typically performs bare-chested (“It gets so hot during my gigs”) and his Instagram handle is @paidatonriehuja, or ‘shirtless rascal’.
Hot off a performance in western Finland, the 29-year-old is enjoying his first days off in a while. It’s been a sweltering summer of non-stop touring, with fans flocking to festivals and concerts nationwide to see his explosive live show. Things are not winding down either, with Käärijä heading off on his first-ever European tour this month. Some of these shows sold out in mere minutes, an indication of his immense international following. “It’s so exciting; I’m definitely jumping into a new territory with that tour,” Pöyhönen says. “But I don’t have any expectations – I’m just going to let everything happen organically rather than stressing about it.”
Although he created one of this year’s buzziest songs, the guy on my screen is humble and, save for his look, almost un assuming. I remark on the stark contrast to his fiery and flamboyant stage presence. “Through Käärijä, I get to channel all the craziness, quirkiness and hyperactivity I’ve had since I was a child,” Pöyhönen says, describing himself offstage as “just this ordinary dude”. Without delving into further details, he tells me that the name Käärijä (translating roughly to moneymaker) stems from a history with gambling. Despite the darkness of its origin, he notes that the moniker is to be taken with a grain of salt.
While it might seem like Käärijä exploded into the public consciousness from obscurity, Pöyhönen has a long journey in music behind him. Born in Helsinki but having spent most of his youth in Vantaa, he started dabbling in the medium at just three years old. Coming from a musical family (“My dad and big brother both play the guitar”), jamming sessions were commonplace in the Pöyhönen household, his instrument of choice being the drums. “I was playing with pots and spoons before I got a set of those plastic kids’ drums,” he says. “When we moved to a bigger house, we built a band room downstairs where me and my brother spent a lot of time practising.”
At that time, rap music hadn’t yet entered Pöyhönen’s life; he was strictly a self-described “metal guy”. His older brother had instilled in him a love for the genre, particularly metal icons Rammstein. Upon starting high school, his musical taste broadened and he began listening to Eminem and popular Finnish rap groups Fintelligens and JVG. “Me and my friends were filming our own music videos to old rap songs, learning the words by heart,” Pöyhönen says. “It [making rap music] pretty much started as this humour thing I did with my mates.”
Encouraged by his loved ones, Pöyhönen began writing his own songs, still playing it for laughs. Turned out he had a knack for it. “Since I was little, I’ve been an avid storyteller – my imagination ran a little wilder than the rest of the kids’ at my school,” he says. “So when I started making music, I didn’t even need inspiration; I was able to whip up the lyrics from my head.”
But then, at 15, an unexpected turning point came by way of a severe sudden illness. Rushed to the hospital with ulcerative colitis, a chronic inflammatory bowel disease, Pöyhönen underwent emergency surgery to remove his colon. Had he not been treated immediately, the complications could have been fatal. “I was writing songs in the hospital – music became a source of strength for me,” he says. “I decided that if I make it through this, I’m going to give my all to music and be serious about it.”
After over a decade of hard work and countless hours in the studio, Käärijä released his first album, Fantastista (Fantastic), in 2020, but it would take three years for him to become a household name in Finland. After snapping up the top prize in Uuden Musiikin Kilpailu (the Finnish contest for new music) with his party anthem ‘Cha Cha Cha’, a song dedicated to a hedonistic night out fusing rap, electronic music and metal, he secured the coveted spot as his country’s entrant for the 2023 Eurovision, held in Liverpool. One of Pöyhönen’s craziest dreams had come true.
For Pöyhönen, Eurovision was “an amazing but immensely tough experience”. The event’s intense schedule and the little time carved out for practising surprised the artist. There was no room for errors or retakes once it was time for rehearsals. “They didn’t give much mercy,” he says. On the bright side, the long days filled with “lots of press conferences and waiting around” gave Pöyhönen a chance to get to know the other artists. “The group we had there was wonderful – there wasn’t a competitive atmosphere at all,” he says. One of the contestants he became especially close with was Sweden’s Loreen, with whom he exchanged numbers and promised to “meet up and talk about everything else but music”.
By the time the grand finale came, Käärijä’s explosive performance and infectious song had made him one of the favourites to win. Ultimately he came second, while Loreen nabbed first place. How did Pöyhönen handle the letdown? “It was a huge disappointment, but in the end, the feeling didn’t last long,” he says. “When I thought about how far I’d gotten, the incredible journey it was and all the new friends I made, I realised that these things are far more meaningful than winning.” Plus, he still achieved something major: ‘Cha Cha Cha’ made history as the first ever Finnish song to reach Spotify’s global most-listened charts. The track’s reach proved to Pöyhönen that language doesn’t matter; it’s all about creating a singular, infectious sound: “The mouth is just as much of an instrument as the piano or the guitar is,” he says.
Having made history, I ask Pöyhönen if he felt any pressure after the Eurovision bubble had burst. “Of course there are the thoughts of ‘what now?’ and ‘is this going to be it, will anyone be interested anymore next year?’ – I’m aware that the hype won’t last forever,” he says. “But I’m onto creating the next thing, trying not to feel any pressure for future releases. I haven’t done that before, so why would I do that now?”
Pöyhönen hints at a new album dropping sometime next year, but in the meantime, he’s enjoying the attention – including his Vogue Scandinavia debut. Shot at the extraordinary home of the late interior architect Antti Nurmesniemi and his wife, textile artist Vuokko Nurmesniemi, we find the space where Pöyhönen and Käärijä meet, the quiet confidence mingling with that more-is-more persona.
And while Käärijä might develop as a character (“I want to show that he’s more than just a bolero chap”), he’s adamant that he will stay true to his music and keep singing in Finnish, despite the sudden international attention. “In the end, I’m doing this for myself,” he says. “Also, why change something that works?”
Photographer: Karoliina Bärlund
Stylist: Sanna Silander
Talent: Käärijä
Hair Stylist and Makeup Artist: Neea Kuurne
Photographer Assistant: Milja Laakso
Stylist Assistant: Nelli Korhonen
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Bucci gang headcanons
Bruno Bucciarati
-Wes Andersson fan (his comfort movie is Grandhotel Budapest)
-fave era is roaring 20s (aesthetic & music wise)
-listens to electro swing, swing, jazz and blues
-has a very strong sweet tooth. His cravings are so extreme he is able to eat whole giant chocolate on one go and not gain a single kilogram. His favorite ice cream is stracciatella and his go to dessert is tiramisu. If you wanna bribe him, use sweets
-loves Golden Girls (Sofia is his favorite character)
-hardcore Eurovision fan, always prepares for the Eurovision weeks in advance, it's like a holiday for him
-brings small camera with him everywhere he goes, gets very emotional and sentimental when taking pictures, loves to keep all the memories
-shares an old record player with Abbacchio, they collects vinyl records together
-in charge of shared Netflix and Disney+ account
-has an ornamental lower back tattoo which matches the one he has on his chest. Has a lot of tattoos all over his body in general
-is very good at sailing and has a captain's licence. As a kid he used to be obsessed with pirates, he still lowkey fantasizes about life at sea
-surprisingly a very good dancer and hella skilled belly dancer. He is also very flexible
-Caterina Caselli number 1 fan
-drinks a lot of coffee, never starts a day without a cup of cappuccino
-obsessed with candles
-as a kid he used to build wooden ship models with his dad. Now as an adult he still does it sometimes, when he is not too busy
-bought himself a sewing machine because he is really into fashion and wanted to start making his own clothes. Isn't very good at it tho, his sewing skills are poor, so he always ends up zipping everything up with his stand and then acts like that's how the "sewn" piece is supposed to look like
-has a sweet melodic laugh
-extremely flirty, he is a snarky little shit who loves to tease others
-"Oh my god look at the sky! The colors are so beautifl!" *takes a picture* "And the clouds? Wow!" *takes another picture* "Guys, come look at the sunset!" *takes 20 more pictures*
-has a very low alcohol tolerance (3 glasses in and he is under the table)
-although he seems like a very well put together person, he is very messy and tends to misplace things, especially when he creates extra storage with zippers he can't find anything. He calls it "organized chaos"
-can easily sneak up on others, he just silently spawns out of nowhere. Is it his natural ability or is Sticky Fingers involved? No one knows
-is able to talk his way out of anything, uses his charm to his advantage a lot. Also the master of puppy eyes
-suffers from PTSD because of the attack on his father, that's why he always sleeps with a knife under his pillow. Everytime he hears noises in the middle on the night he gets paranoid that someone is hiding in or sneaking into his home with the intention of harming him and his love ones. When the panic attacks hit him really hard, he irrationally makes extra safety precautions, such as blocking doors with furniture or leaving the lights on. Also has trouble sleeping in unknown places because he feels vulnerable and exposed to potential dangers, he is always in a state of high alert.
-his favorite season is winter, he enjoys Christmas the most because he loves giving presents and being with his family. He definitely plays an old Ella Fitgerald vinyl records during Christmas time
Leone Abbacchio
-tea lover, his favorite is earl grey
-doesn't like sweets, however he enjoys dried fruit (especially figs)
-Narancia is his favorite kid
-movies enthusiast, has seen sooo many movies and is the biggest critic. He has a Letterboxd account where he writes reviews. Loves watching old horror movies the most because of the gothic aesthetic, but DC movies have a very special place in his heart
-hardcore Depeche Mode, Calabrese and London After Midnight fan
-goes jogging every morning
-after getting sober he tries to look after his diet more, thanks to Bruno
-knows a lot about occult stuff
-secretly watches RuPaul's drag race with Trish
-owns a motorcycle
-named his stand after Bruno's favorite music genre to honor everything Bruno has done for him
-takes very cold and brisk showers
-taught all the boys how to drive
-thanks to Mista he became a huge Gorillaz fan
-since Moody Blues doesn't have lips, she communicates with him via symbols on her digital forehead screen
-never puts down his headphones
-has a playlist for literally any occasion. Tends to gatekeep music, you have to be very special if he shows you his playlists. Has made a playlist for each member of the Bucci gang, the only one who knows is Bruno (Leone created him multiple playlists, they even have a shared one, which they play when they are alone)
-his skin is very prone to bruising
-Moody Blues also allows him to see fragments of the past when he touches various items, he is able to sense the overall vibe and emotions of their owner and the situation they were in while using the item.
-his clothes may be dark, but I know for a fact his socks and underwear are colorful af, wild patterns all over
-his favorite season is autumn, he loves rainy and foggy weather
-the biggest prankster of the group. Everyone thinks either Narancia or Mista are always responsible for the pranks, but it is actually Leone. No one ever suspects him, because he doesn't look like the type of guy who would enjoy such childish things. And thanks to his stoic appearance he always gets away with it.
-true crime podcast listener. Him and Fugo share this passion and often discuss their favorite podcast shows. Sometimes they watch detective movies together and bet on who will solve the mystery first
Pannacotta Fugo
-reads a lot of crime novels in his free time, always comes up with his own theories and tries to solve the case before the detective (got mistaken only once and couldn't get over it for a long time). His favorite author is Sebastian Fitzek
-loves watching cartoons and animated movies, because he didn't get to enjoy them as a child
-hates horror movies because of loud jumpscares, but doesn't mind gore
-drinking green tea helps him to calm down
-gets sunburnt easily
-either never gets ill, or is sick for several weeks straight
-developed not only respiratory, but also digestive problems because of Purpe Haze and feels nauseous a lot (also throws up very often)
-uses make up to cover his facial scars
-his skin is extremely dry
-has a very light sleep, he finds it extremely difficult to share room with others during missions (he is only able to fall asleep with either Bruno or Giorno because they are not noisy sleepers like the others)
-Sheila, Murolo and him have regular sleepovers and movie marathons. They also cook dinner together
-his favorite bands are System of a Down, Slipknot, Bad Omens and Motionless in White
-can't go on rides in amusement parks because he gets sick
-him and Abbacchio visit rage rooms regularly
-always carries a book with him
-chews a lot of bubblegum to release his anger
-everytime the gang travels abroad he is the one who has to translate everything since he knows many foreign languages. He speaks english, french, russian, spanish and norwegian fluently, his pronunciation is so spot on you could barely tell he is not a native speaker. Doesn't have an accent at all. Also knows basics of sign language and cyrillic alphabet. He uses these skills often in Italy too, when he gets approached by strangers on the streets he pretends he is a confused tourist who doesn't undertand italian
-gets overstimulated easily, he is especially sensitive to noises (suffers from misophonia)
-bites ice cream and ice
-"the book was better than the movie" type of person
-picky eater, very cautious with unfamiliar food
-takes extremely hot showers. Whenever he is in the bathroom it ends up looking like a sauna in there. Also the gang has an unwritten rule that if they share a room during a mission, Fugo can use the bathroom first because he hates feeling dirty and has to use the shower immediately, otherwise he will be grumpy and won't shut up about it
-has a nasty skin picking habit, which results in him picking patches of dry skin and scabbed-over cuts and scratches (many of his injuries never fully heal because of this)
-never leaves the house without a hand sanitizer
-fidgets with his hands a lot when he is anxious
-goes to bed first and also wakes up the first
Narancia Ghirga
-vegetarian
-convinced Abbacchio to watch Brooklyn 99 with him (although Leone didn't like it at first, they now binge watch it together). They also watched Breaking Bad and What We Do In The Shadows
-has heterochromia
-thinks Orange Capri Sun is the supreme flavor and refuses to drink any other flavor
-created a shared playlist for the squad, he blasts it everytime the gang travels somewhere (it mostly consist of EDM, trap, phonk and rap)
-always beats everyone in Just Dance game sessions
-wears mismatched socks
-somewhat good at drawing, has a very unique cartoon caricature-like style
-hardcore Marvel fan (loves Guardians of the Galaxy the most), argues with Abbacchio a lot because he likes DC
-Mista, Trish and him had a podcast at some point
-his favorite candy is Kinder Surprise
-makes paper airplanes when bored
-bites people he love
-cries when animal dies in a movie
-suffers from seasonal allergy
-sleeps with tiny Creeper and Enderman Minecraft plushies, he takes them everywhere and even made them an instagram account, where he shares random pictures of them. When someone from the gang goes on a separate mission, he gives one plushie to the group or the individual, so they wouldn't feel lonely. And they also take pictures of the plusie and send them to Narancia.
-speaking of Minecraft, he manages a server where the gang plays together. He even created custom skins for everyone which look like their stands. Since he is the only one without humanoid stand, his skin is Mr. Smith, the pilot or Aerosmith. He wears a jacket with a picture of his stand in the back
-he is afraid of doctors and doesn't like hospitals. Everytime he gets sick or injured, he gets very anxious about his health. He hates dentists the most.
-loves when Fugo reads to him because he has a very smooth audio-book-like voice when he is calm
-experimented with different hair dyes couple of times, Trish and Abbacchio helped him
-die hard South Park fan, quotes the show on daily basis
-steals everyone's clothes. Can't find a shirt? Narancia is wearing it. Your hoodie is missing? It's in Narancia's closet
-has sticky notes all over his room, because if he doesn't have something written down, he will most likely forget it
-surprisingly very strong, the only person from the gang he is not able to lift up is Leone
Giorno Giovanna
-his emotions effect his powers (different flowers grow around him or from his hair when he gets excited, angry or scared), however he manages to control and hide it well
-master builder in The Sims game; doesn't care about the gameplay as such, he just enjoys building the houses and spends hours decorating them. Fugo loves to join his gaming sessions, but he on the other hand doesn't care about the houses or decorations, his goal is to always kill as many sims as possible (he loves to play around with various gruesome mods, which Giorno secretly enjoys watching)
-walking cottage core moodboard aesthetic
-goes on a picnic at least 2 times a week. In general preferst to eat ouside, terrace or garden are his favorite places
-has a very complex skincare routine
-heist movies enthusiast
-Trish got him into astrology and tarot cards
-loves theatre and poetry, even tried to write some poems himself
-writes official Passione documents on typewriter
-installed beehives in the Passione mansion gardens and makes his own honey
-collects dried flowers
-is the best liar in the group
-a bug magnet, there is always some type of insect crawling on his clothes
-him and Fugo have library & bookshop dates, they also visit museums together and exchange random facts about nature. Nerds in love, what can I say
-caramel is his favorite ice cream and dessert toping
-has a small floral tattoo on his wrist
-autistic
-loves taking bubble baths
-takes part in any bet without hesitation, no matter how absurd it is
-very bad dancer, has no rythm, but he is the best singer from the group, his voice is angelic
-very rough driver; hits the breaks hard, pumps up the gas fast and does very sharp turns. Also drives hella fast
-learned how to differentiate the steps of other people (especially the fellow teammates, since they live together). This is an old habit from his childhood.
-he walks very quietly, others barely notice when he walks into a room or when he leaves
-hates the smell of cigarettes
-others think he has a very odd music taste, because he will be singing a song from a Disney movie and within a couple of minutes you can catch him vibing to Banshee. He is forbidden to play his music in the car because it consist of all kinds of genres it makes it almost uncomfortable to listen to. His fellow gang members say his playlists are inconsistent, but they just make sense to Giorno.
-speaking of music, he is a huge fan of Hozier, Die Antwoord, Ghostemane and Little Big
-very creative, his hobbies include all kinds of crafty ativities, such as sewing, embroidering, pottery making, felting, knitting, soap making, candle making…. you name it, if he can create something, he will. And he is very good at it
-extremely fascinated by venomous animals and poisonous plants. The deadlier the better. His obsession with killer plants led to him nicknaming Fugo "his aconito", because he associates the aconite flower with his stand (it disables nerves, lowers blood pressure, and can stop the heart, plus it's purple). His other favorite flowers associated with Fugo and Purple Haze are Nightshade, Love in a mist, Spider lily and Morning glory
-zones out a lot
-sleeps with dozens of pillows, when he sleeps he is literally burried under them
-when he gets overwhelmed he lights up an incense stick and it calms him down. He is very fond of nice smells.
Guido Mista
-enjoys shitty movies, especially buddy commedies and low budget rom coms. Abbacchio hates when Mista picks films for the movie nights. Bruno on the other hand loves it
-Adam Sandler number 1 fan
-signed up for an archery course, also tried to use crossbow at some point
-can fall asleep anywhere, snores very loud
-likes the weirdest food combinations (like ice cream and pickles and stuff), the type of person who eats fries with McFlurry
-kills bugs with Nerf guns, Giorno hates it
-plays airsoft and paintball in free time
-enjoys camping, rockclimbing and rafting. Outdoor activities are his thing
-hella superstitious, made up various rituals he repeats in order to avoid bad luck
-very religious, always says a prayer before every mission
-reggaeton is his favorite type of music
-idk why but him having diabetes makes so much sence, since Pistols have to eat regularly to keep his energy and sugar lvl. stable
-mayo is his go to dressing with everything (fries, hot dog, nachos...)
-him and Narancia have 1am fast food trips
-makes silly bets with others and always challenges them to do something stupid for money, Giorno is always the first one to participate
-the best hugger
-big brother energy, everytime the other teammates screw something up and are afraid to tell Bucciarati or Abbacchio, they go to Mista for advice. He is extremely responsible and can always keep his head clear in stressful situations
-claims to hate drama but is always down to listen to some fresh tea
-loves watching cooking competitions. He is always judging the contestants harder than Gordon Ramsay ever could, Abbacchio occasionally joins him because he finds it amusing
-whenever someone tells him "I love you" he replies "Ditto", referencing one of his favorite movies (Ghost, 1990)
#jjba#jojo's bizarre adventure#vento aureo#golden wind#jjba part 5#bruno bucciaratti#leone abbacchio#pannacotta fugo#narancia ghirga#giorno giovanna#guido mista#bucci gang#bucci gang headcanons#jjba headcanons#bruabba#fugio
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An interview with Bojan Cvjetićanin and Nace Jordan in Jana magazine, published 10.10.2023. Featuring a very special shoutout! 😁
On the couch with Joker Out: about the big changes in their lives
Still good, sober boys
We’ll play this and then we’re off – to switch off
The time we have with them is tightly limited, but that’s appropriate for stars of their kind. They are the most popular musical group right now, and they’ve thoroughly conquered many hearts far beyond both Slovenian and Balkan borders. At sold-out concerts, Finns are swooning because of them, Poles, Serbians, Croatians and Spaniards are fainting, not to mention the girls back home. No one prepared them for this kind of craze, but they’re holding up pretty well – they’re still humble guys with good manners, which can (also) be seen in their polite greeting and relaxed chatting in front of their rehearsal space, a comfortable hideaway somewhere between Ljubljana’s warehouses with an unappealing blue door.
Floating into their sanctuary, you almost hit your head on a collection of hanging bras with various affectionate messages written on them. A few more steps, and we plop down on the couch with Bojan Cvjetićanin and Nace Jordan. Jan Peteh and Kris Guštin (damn, he’s tall!) are busy with another camera, and Jure Maček is nowhere to be seen.
How’s your health doing with your (as it seems if you look at the crazy number of concerts all around Europe) pretty exhausting life? How do you take care of your physical fitness?
Bojan: By working out.
Nace: Well, you and I work out, the others only do it a little.
Bojan: Well yeah, she asked us.
Nace: So: we work out a lot, we play badminton, I run, we go to the gym and hike, Bojan also does mixed martial arts.
You’ve found yourselves at a turbulent stage in your career, and like you’ve said before, you cannot be fully prepared for that. What about mental preparation? Do you have to pay extra attention to that or do anything you've never done before?
Bojan: Yes, we have to rest. We haven't had any rest ever since everything became much more intense. My mind and body are now really begging to switch off.
Nace: I agree. Just the other day, we were talking about how we haven’t truly rested since the pre-Eurovision performances. Two- and three-day trips don’t count.
So you’ll only be able to turn off for a bit, after your big concert in Stožice?
Bojan: That’s right. Well, we maybe planned our break a little poorly, because we’re going on a holiday together. (both start laughing loudly)
Nace: Everyone has the same stunned reaction that you did.
You really have to love each other and have a good time together, that’s all I thought. Can you reveal where you’re going?
Bojan: Far away, somewhere warm. As to whether us going together is smart, we’ll tell you when we come back. If we end up needing another holiday after this holiday, then we didn’t make a very wise decision.
Since you really hang out with each other so much, do you perhaps understand any better why some bands get into fatal quarrels or even break up?
Bojan: We definitely understand it a lot more. In a short time, I’ve realised that this rock and roll lifestyle presented to us by rock legends (myths, stories, Hollywood) is truly something that is untenable in the long term. If we look at all the most famous bands, they actually existed for a very short time.
Nace: And, as an interesting fact, most of them broke up while on tour.
Bojan: You can’t do rock and roll and be devoted to your music, concerts, travels, if you’re constantly under the influence of any substances (drugs, alcohol). You really can’t do that, because neither the human body nor the mind are made to withstand this kind of strain, sleeplessness, pleasure, dopamine. All those legends either died young or the bands broke up. Sure, they did a lot, left a permanent mark, but at what cost? We’ve realised that if we want to enjoy what we’re doing, we have to be sober, and you truly enjoy yourself a lot more if you’re sober and feel physically and mentally ready and cultivate friendships. I think that this way, we’ll remember a lot more after a few tours than many rock legends do in their longer careers. How much can you even remember if your brain isn’t even with you on the same stage?
I see that you’re drinking plenty of water, and we remember you, Bojan, from Eurovision, when you were walking around with a bottle of water and blowing into a straw. What was that for?
Bojan: It’s a technique to warm up your vocal chords, based on the principle of blowing into a slightly wider silicone straw in a water bottle. You blow into it, in the correct way and because of the water in the bottle, a negative pressure is created that puts your vocal chords into the most natural position and it works like a massage for them.
Did you discover this for yourself or was it recommended to you?
Bojan: I had never paid special attention to my voice before that, I’m not a trained vocalist, but luckily I naturally developed the correct technique. Otherwise I would’ve lost my voice long ago. So, on the stage, this mechanism luckily developed in a very positive direction for me, which was also confirmed by singing coaches and the doctor I went to for my vocal chords check-up. A phoniatrics specialist, a wonderful guy, helped me during Eurovision. Before the Eurovision performance, my voice gave in a little due to nerves, so I was constantly in contact with a doctor – and we didn’t even really know each other – who gave me advice over the phone. Then, at the first sound check, everything opened up and sounded like it should. It’s really interesting what happens with your voice, it gets incredibly affected by your mental state. Your vocal chords can be perfectly fine, but if your mind is not in the right place, your voice won’t work either.
I also went to get advice from singing coach Nataša Nahtigal, who really helped me a lot. I especially needed that preparation from a psychological point of view.
Did the other band members also need coaches for anything?
Nace: Me and Kris also visited Nataša, because at the beginning we thought that we’d be singing the backing vocals live on the Eurovision stage. So we also practised with her a few times. We also had rehearsals with a choreographer for the optimum stage performance.
We’re having this conversation five days before your biggest concert yet, in Stožice. Does that require any special preparation?
Bojan: It’s a special concert, because it’s the first time we’re encountering the organisation of something this big; it is, after all, the only arena in the country. It’s a lot for us, Magnifico also told us that he was kind of in the dark the first time, but now they’re acclimatised to it. It’s a different type of preparation: we have to prepare the show, the lights, the stage appearance …
Have you even internalised what you’ve managed to do, all the places and the number of people you’ve played to in the past few months (from Ireland to Great Britain, Finland, Norway, Belgrade, Zagreb, Vienna, and now in December, you've got Amsterdam, Madrid, Barcelona …)?
Bojan: I think that will be a task for the upcoming holiday. When things just keep happening, you’re in this cycle and don’t even really differentiate between one peak and another, so we need to come down a bit to start retroactively comprehending what really happened. Because it’s really wonderful. We were in cities and countries we’d never been to, and then we were there – to play our own sold-out concerts. We absolutely never thought anything like that would ever happen to us.
Nace: Often it’s only when I come home from this kind of tour that I think to myself: wow, look at where we were! We’re playing on a stage where world legends had played before us! Now, in the club in Helsinki, Foo Fighters and AC/DC had played there, among others. Any musician would wish to play there, let alone sell out that concert.
When you walk around these European cities where you have sold out your concerts, do people already recognise you on the street?
Bojan: It’s pretty bizarre, but now they’ve really started to. I think that on this Nordic tour there truly wasn’t any place we went to without at least someone recognising us – either on a train, on the street, in a restaurant, at the airport. Foreign fan culture is a little different, as they get prepared to meet us, in a way – for example, they know when we’ll be at the airport, and they wait for us with gifts, they don’t just come to take photos with us. They bring along our merch shirts, various things for us to sign, they give us gifts. Fans make a lot of things on their own – bracelets, dolls, there are a lot of drawings, crafts; I have two knitted Joker Out scarves at home.
Nace: In Finland we got a lot of knitted socks, hats …
Hand-knitted socks?
Bojan: Yes, with a Slovenian and Finnish flag, for example.
The Scandinavian youth are clearly well-versed in that.
Bojan: Let’s go, Slovenian youth, start knitting Joker Out stuff too! (laughter)
And what is it like to walk down the streets of Slovenia? Can you go to the store in peace?
Bojan: It’s nice to walk down the streets of Slovenia, but we truly always get recognised, that’s a fact, it’s not as inconvenient in stores as it can be when you’re out for drinks, when you constantly feel like someone is eavesdropping next to you.
How difficult is the rockstar life?
Bojan: It’s really nice – every time we’re on the stage, the audience rewards us with a really nice energy, you can’t compare that to anything else, but like any profession, ours has negative sides as well, with the biggest difference being that you’re constantly in the public eye. Very few things are truly personal – you also have a hard time judging for yourself what’s private and what’s not. It’s more of a mental game with yourself – that’s the hardest part of it all. As well as not sleeping, because you travel a lot.
Are there any big disappointments or unexpected things – perhaps that some fans get “carried away” or that not everyone is as well-intentioned as you thought?
Bojan: Absolutely! You suddenly find yourself not only belonging to a home crowd, but also becoming an internet hashtag. The internet has no limits, people have no reservations there, they hide behind a nickname. Each of us has definitely had a few of these moments that shocked us, that’s why we’ve started to pull back from social media.
That’s probably pretty tricky: for the sake of advertising and contact with fans, you have to be present on social media, but meanwhile you’re aware that you need to take a step back for the sake of your health. How do you stay on the safe side? What’s your strategy?
Nace: Primarily, we’ve all stopped reading Twitter, the comments … We have to maintain a certain distance.
Bojan: To be completely honest, I’d like to find someone who could handle my personal profile on social media. It also bothers me that you really waste a lot of time on social media and subconsciously create a lot of unrealistic expectations, because you’re constantly swiping through people’s perfect lives, faces and situations, it’s all quite absurd.
Do you want to influence teenagers in this area, to pass any important messages on to them?
Bojan: Yes, find some wonderful analogue way to follow us and delete your social media.
So, knit a Joker Out scarf or socks instead and listen to their music – that’s pretty analogue. Then, you can also do a charity auction of your fans’ knitwear.
Bojan: Exactly!
One small revolutionary move would also be if concerts or gigs at various parties started earlier. Us slightly more mature citizens also like to go to concerts, but we also like to go to bed a little earlier.
Bojan: I can say that after our Stožice concert, people will be able to be asleep by midnight. But actually, when we were abroad, we got used to gigs starting very soon – sometime between seven and nine in the evening – and the party is definitely not any worse because of that.
You say that you’re full of creative energy. Does your creative process continue under the covers too, do you have notebooks on your nightstand?
Bojan: All the ideas come to me just before I go to sleep. The most recent song Sunny Side of London also happened on the last day before we went to the studio – I couldn’t sleep and I came up with those base lyrics while in bed.
Even though your latest song is in English, due to most of your songs being in Slovenian, you’ve unintentionally become ambassadors of the Slovenian language as well.
Bojan: It was never our goal to become ambassadors of the Slovenian language, but we consciously decided to sing in Slovenian at Eurovision. It means a lot to us, and we hope that our fans will accept that we want to widen our listener base and that there will be some more songs in English because of that. I think that people all around Europe or even further singing twenty of our songs in Slovenian is already a lot, and shows that we’ve done our job. In the future, we’ll create in foreign languages a lot, but we’ll also stay loyal to Slovenian.
A lot of your TV appearances can be found translated to English on the internet. Is that your doing?
Bojan: No, the credit for that goes to a group of fans from all around the world called “Joker Out Subs”, who follow our videos and concerts and translate into quite a few global languages (recently even into Hebrew). They’ve already translated a huge amount of our content, and they do it voluntarily. They’ve also connected with each other in that way, and they’ve told us that 20 of our fans, who met online because of us, booked a house together for our concert in Amsterdam (in December). They’re all coming to the concert and they will stay there together.
Nace: A lot of people have connected like that because of us, which is very nice.
What’s it like at home? Is everything the same at home despite your stardom?
Bojan: Yes, it’s all the same – go mow the lawn!
Nace: I, for example, still drive my grandmother around to run her errands.
And your grandmother listens to your songs?
Nace: She’s definitely listened to some, but I doubt that she’s playing our entire discography. (laughter)
Bojan: Oooh, mine plays it every day, she goes through everything 150 times!
Have you made any changes to your menus?
Bojan: I’ve started eating vegetables – bowls (various healthy ingredients, served in one bowl), Nace got me into that.
Nace: Isn’t it nice to savour something together that’s healthy and that we all like? (Kris pipes up from the background, saying that Nace has gotten them all into Asian food.)
Translation of the captions on the photos:
1) The special friendship with Finnish Eurovision representative Käärijä continues. Together on Finnish stages in September.
2) Bojan loves Swedish girls, says the writing on his shirt.
Translation cr: Joker Out Subs
EDIT: to celebrate the JokerOutSubs shout-out, we prepared a giveaway for Tumblr! You can read more aboout it here!
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Eurovision 2023: more about the true winner because I said so
Hey, guess who is not over Eurovision 2023 yet.
It’s me, I am who.
I have never been so invested and still so obsessed over this year’s Eurovision. I mean, I am always hit by the post-depressive phase of Eurovision, but that lasts a couple days - during which I usually go through all the beautiful moments and listen to all the songs on repeat - then I’m back to my regular schedule of stupidly long analyses and fanfictions.
(By the way, sorry for all the Americans who follow me and have no idea of what I’m talking about or what happened in this year’s Eurovision. Just bear with me, I will come back to posting Sanders Sides stuff. Just not today)
This year... well, this year was truly something. And if the last year and the one before I was like “aww, what beautiful moments, I miss seeing these people having fun”, now it’s all mushed into one ball of feelings. I look at those artists having fun with the eyes of someone who saw how things went down. I look at them celebrating the true winner after the finale and I have this strange mix of nostalgia and heaviness.
I am not mad anymore for the result. Or better: I am and I will always be because 200 people stepped over the will of millions. But what this loss caused is just so fascinating and so unique, I want to keep exploring it - and maybe talking a little bit more about the true winner of Eurovision 2023 will help me process my feelings too.
Or I just will satisfy my need to ramble more about this incredible Finnish man, either way.
______________________
The sheer power of charisma
When you watch the entirety of Käärijä’s journey on this Youtube channel (and I suggest you do it, because it gives you a lot of food for thought), you notice a lot of interesting details.
From the moment he won the national competition and knew he had to go to Eurovision, Käärijä knew his only rival would’ve been Loreen. He said right from the start that it would’ve ended up with a confrontation between Sweden and Finland. He liked other songs and thought they could’ve been good opponents - but it’s pretty clear he knew the only one who could’ve opposed him was Sweden.
And he knew that Loreen was good. Even though I do not like her songs, even I have to admit she has good vocals. Sure, the vocals are the only thing I understand because she mumbles the rest of the song, but the vocals aren’t bad.
Käärijä knew she was the favorite to win. He praised her performance and called her “queen”, so he has been the first one to recognize her as a worthy opponent. He wasn’t so naive to think “I can easily beat her”.
However, he had some tricks up his sleeves. He knew his song was perfect for Eurovision, he basically designed it for that. He knew his performance would’ve got people’s attention. And he knew he had a lot of charisma.
You can say anything you want about him, but you cannot deny this man is charismatic. And this is a lot interesting, because charisma doesn’t have an exact definition and it’s not the same for everyone. And yet, we can all recognize and identify it as “charisma” when we see it.
The definition Wikipedia offers is that charisma is “a personal quality of presence or charm that compels its subjects”. And it’s undeniable that Käärijä has it. He has that genuine, simple honesty we see in childrens only and this activates our protective instincts, because we feel the need to protect him too. He is funny and makes us smile and everyone loves to smile and have fun. He is simple and humble and that makes him look more approachable and friendly than a superstar.
And his presence on stage is very, very good. He’s eye-catching and he knew it very well. He was the flashiest and the most interesting to look at - both because of his clothes and his appearance. Just compare him to the Cyprus guy: I don’t even remember the Cyprus guy’s face, but I doubt I will ever forget that iconic neon green bolero.
And I am sure he knew that very well. He knew the public would’ve loved him. He knew he would’ve gotten a lot of points because of the public. He knew he would’ve connected with them and not with the jury.
And so it was. The numbers are clear: he was and still is the public’s favorite. His result is the second highest in history right after Kalush Orchestra’s. The entire arena sang with him. During the voting portion, they kept calling his name. Everyone called him “winner”. As the Estonian singer Alika told him: “you had the public when they announced Loreen won”.
And by knowing that, I can understand why he was so bummed. He literally had everything: the perfect song, the charisma, public’s support. And I am pretty sure that, if the public gave more points to Loreen, he would’ve accepted his defeat easier.
But it wasn’t like that: he got more points than her in both the semifinal and the final. He has always been the public’s winner, right from the start. And even if he would've gotten the theoretical maximum of public votes from Europe (432), he still would've ended up behind Sweden.
Losing because 222 people gave your opponent an unbeatable lead isn’t something easy to digest. I mean, it’s been days and I haven’t digested it yet! And I am definitely not a singer, nor I did take part in the competition. However, I voted for him and, well, I am quite pissed that my money got wasted because of a stupid unfair system. The EBU should really refund everyone who tried to vote, considering there was no way to defeat the sheer power of the jury.
So, well, the competition ended with the public’s favorite losing the piece of glass. I will get over it, everyone will get over it. Käärijä himself will get over it - now he’s still rightfully sad about it, but as he said, life goes on.
And he will soon realize that losing the competition turned him into something more than a simple winner.
______________________
The birth of a legend
If Käärijä won, he would’ve been just the winner of Eurovision 2023. People would’ve loved him like they love Kalush Orchestra or Maneskin. Everyone would’ve been happy, a little bit of post-Eurovision depression as always and we would’ve forgotten it.
But losing had an even bigger impact, because Käärijä didn’t step down to second place, but over the first place. Being so spectacularly wronged in front of the world made him ascend to the status of legend and the public went crazy for him. Cha Cha Cha reached the top of Spotify's top 50 global, people from all European countries called him “the true winner” and I’ve seen more than one American, who knew nothing about Eurovision, watch his performance and protest for the result as well.
Even Tumblr was affected by this: the tag Eurovision trended for 3 days after its ending and, after it stopped trending, Käärijä kept doing it for days. And he’s still doing it, so good job people, let’s keep the party going on for a little longer: we all deserve it, after all. You know, as a little FUCK YOU to the jury.
What about Youtube? His grand final performance reached ca. 9 mln views in three days and if you check the comment section, is full of people calling him the true winner as well.
Heck, the Eurovision channel made a video specifically about his journey, like the usually do for winners only (in fact, they did one for Loreen. And Käärijä’s video got more views than Loreen’s in one single day).
And all over Europe people are still protesting and asking for the voting system to change. The Norway delegation asked it first and I fully support them, because they are constantly robbed by the jury. I liked Duncan Lawrence’s Arcade in 2019, but KEiiNO was a completely different level. (And if you loved KEiiNO too, please check their Youtube channel because they have made a lot of other songs and OH MY GOSH THEY ARE ALL GREAT)
Käärijä united Europe with his music and his energy and I understand why Finnish people are so proud of him: there are very few artists who are able to connect people so well. And he did it by using his mother tongue, not English! That’s an even bigger win imho, because it proves that if you have a great song, a strong performance and incredible charisma, people will appreciate you and go past the language barrier without any problem.
That’s why humankind loves music, after all: because it doesn’t need to be understood word by word, to reach people’s hearts.
______________________
The hero’s journey
There are many reasons why people fell in love with this funky green man and they all differ: someone loves his bubbly personality, others were touched by his genuinity, others just fell on the ground laughing and who doesn’t love someone that makes you laugh? And yes, there are some who are just horny for him and you are valid too, because he’s a good-looking man.
However, I think that the main reason why so many people got so invested, it’s because he had the perfect hero’s journey.
He already had a story perfect for a movie, even before starting Eurovision: when he was younger, he was diagnosed with colitis ulcerosa and the disease almost took his life (this post has an interview with all details). But because of that experience, he realized life is short and he should’ve pursued what he truly wanted - i.e. singing. I mean, this alone is perfect material for a movie already.
But now he got another story, and it’s even more like a movie: the story of the young man no one knew, who left his city in his small country, to reach the big European stage. A man with a funny spirit, who connected with everyone despite his broken English - and he wonderfully improved it along the way. Just look at how much more confident he became! Truly a masterful example of how we should just talk and make mistakes, in order to get better in another language.
So we followed the adventures of this funny man and of the friends he made along the way. We had fun and cried for the beauty of his friendship with Bojan (he literally called Käärijä “my new brother” and a small part of my heart that was broken got immediately healed). We got involved in his climbing to the top, we saw him face the behemoth that was opposing him and hoped for him to overcome it.
And he got the tragic conclusion of a hero’s journey: a hero who won and yet still lost.
People love this shit. We have always loved the story of the little one against the unbeatable enemy, the nobody who got the recognition he deserves, the kind heart defeated by the corrupt system. Those are all things that touch people and all aspects of the hero’s journey. And people naturally hope for a happy ending, so if we get a sad, bad or unfair one instead, we tend to feel even more empathetic towards the protagonist. And if your protagonist is as lovable as he is, the feeling is 100x stronger.
I really don’t know if the national juries expected this to happen, when they knew who the public’s favourite was and yet decided to award a different artist. But by doing that, they became the perfect enemy to close Käärijä’s journey and build a legend.
So, well, thanks for sucking so much. You built the legend you didn’t want to.
And yes, Käärijä’s enemy IS NOT Loreen. Loreen did her thing, she didn’t bribe the judges to give her votes. The problem is the jury’s power. So, for all the people who are still harrassing her: please stop hating this woman, she just did what other artists did too.
And since we’re talking about her, please stop saying shit like “She shouldn’t have participated!” too, because this is both very stupid (everyone is allowed to participate in Eurovision) and very disrespectful towards Käärijä himself. It’s a bit like saying that sure, he was good, but, like, you know, not enough good.
And this is totally wrong because this man has been able to defeat Loreen twice, both during the semifinal and the final (at least according to the votes that matter). So stop undermining his ability: he is a good artist. Actually, an artist so good only Loreen was able to compete against him.
And if you still think it’s right to hate Loreen for whatever reason, then I would like to bring this to your attention:
The king literally proposed to Loreen. And, considering how accurate was his foresight about the whole competition, I think it’s time we start to think about when it will happen and how many children they will have.
So if you are still harassing her: stop protesting for the piece of glass and ask her when will they get married, instead. We need to know.
Also, wouldn’t that be an even more perfect ending for Käärijä’s hero’s journey? Not only the great evil (aka the jury) will be defeated, but he will marry the only woman strong enough to oppose him. 100/10 I want a movie now.
And yes, I know Käärijä also proposed to Bojan and they are fathers of a baby sea lion. But what’s the problem? Doesn’t Käärijä have two hands? With one hand can hold Bojan, with the other Loreen, duh.
(Then he will probably need another hand for Selena from Austria, because I think she developed a little crush on him but hey, that’s the life of a hero I guess.)
______________________
Have you listened to his other songs yet?
I just want to confirm they are bops and you should listen to them immediately. Also, do not forget his concert on Saturday that will be available worldwide. Let’s show love to the king.
And yes, that means another post will come out. I mean, there are still so many things we need to know! I want to see the photos of that mural people are doing for him in Vantaa, I want to see the music collaboration between him and Bojan, I want to see them visiting little Edgar at the zoo. And I can’t wait to hear about his future European tour, because he has to do one. And maybe that will fully convey him how big his impact has been indeed.
As people told him in the after party, he conquered the world. Now he just needs to see it for himself.
#eurovision#eurovision 2023#esc#esc 2023#finland#jere from vantaa will go very far#good job finland#everyone loves you#and you don't even have to spend money to host the show#also you will be forever linked to the legend#just like ukraine#and that's another huge privilege#käärijä
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🍋🍇 :)
Is there a particular scene/episode/book you'd like to write for over and over?
Ig this doesn't really apply to RPF lmao but I never get bored of reading different takes on ESC era Bojere in particular. I haven't written that much about them myself but them during Eurovision hits different ngl Also as for other fandoms, definitely Pokémon. I don't rlly publish my Pokémon fics but the possibilities are endless <3
What's your favorite spicier trope to write?
Definitely jealousy/possessiveness 👀 Especially in Bojere. I'm actually planning on doing a chapter centered around jealous Bojan in my deaf! Jere fic sometime soon🤭 There's just a lot of fun with that concept. Crossdressing is also an enjoyable trope to me ^_^!
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Behind Closed Doors
Bojan Cvjetićanin x fem!reader
masterlist
Chapter Two:
Warnings: mention of sex, drinking game, drunk texts
All of last night, your mind was all over the place. Your thoughts raced around like you were drunk. Ironic.
"You look well," Jere sarcastically said, pointing out your dark circles and the tired look in your eyes. You were getting ready backstage for rehearsals, now dressed in the same neon pink dress and orange tan along with Jere who was in his bright green bolero, both lighting up the dressing room.
"Thanks, I hadn't realised." You deadpanned while playfully smacking him, expecting to hurt him back, but instead of hitting his actual arm, you were met with his stupid inflated bolero muscle which did nothing on impact except flop a bit, earning an annoyed grunt out of you.
You were already irritated with your mind, thoughts, memories of the party or lack thereof, and not to mention the unspoken flirty tension - everything. Everything left you so confused and in need of answers.
Jere laughed at your smack but he saw the uncomfortable look in your eyes, "Hey, what's wrong? Something I said?" He raised an eyebrow and giggled momentarily but seeing the look still on your face paired with your grunt, he didn't tease you any further. He cares about you, not only because you are good friends, but because you are also his dancer and he needs everyone well enough to rehearse and perform.
He gently pressed a hand to your shoulder, hoping to lessen your uneasiness. "Y/n, is something wrong?"
You were not going crave in and spit out everything on your mind like this, not in some sort of fit of rage or anxiety, no, not that easy...so you lied...for now. "I just didn't sleep that well." (it's fine, you technically weren't lying...)
"Nervous for the first rehearsal?" Jere asked softly as his caring eyes looked at you, "I know how you feel, I am too, but we are in this together." he smiled. (Yeah, too together it seems...)
He assumed you were nervous for this reason so you decided to go with it. Again, it's not technically a lie. "Yeah," you smiled weakly at him, not wanting to worry him more or latch further onto the fact that there was more troubling you. It was time to focus on the rehearsals for the competition in less than a week. You know, for Eurovision, the whole reason you're all here! It seems you have forgotten...been too distracted.
Of course, he knew you well and definitely could tell there was something you weren't telling him but he didn't want to make you uncomfortable and push you any further, so he let it go. He knew that when you were ready you would talk to him. After all, he is your friend...
During rehearsals, you tried so hard to concentrate, truly, yet no matter how many times you practised your performance with the other dancers and Käärijä, your thoughts continued to race, only feeding into your anxiety more.
Not even your dance moves dashing you across the stage could stop your racing thoughts.
You even almost stumbled over your own feet, nearly causing to ruin the dance for everyone. Skilfully, you regained composure like the true professional you were. Now, if only you could do that when Bojan talks to you...
Speaking of Bojan, he was currently secretly watching you from afar - admiring your every move - even the few you had done wrong, which he didn't think were wrong since he knew nothing about dancing. He just thought they all looked so elegant coming from you. The way your hips swayed in the tight pink dress, the manner you strode across the stage, your glossy hair that swung with every move.
All of it.
He had told himself he was admiring you, not creepily spying. Although, if anyone caught him looking at you, they'd probably think the latter. Even worse, if it was one of the other Joker Out guys. He'd never hear the end of it so he decided to go back to the guys, remembering to be back later which is ironically when he has rehearsals, after taking a final peek at you.
****
Following a tiring morning of rehearsals, even though it was now only the afternoon, all you wanted to do was go to your hotel room, shower, get comfy, (scream into your pillow) and go to sleep. But no, oh no, the universe was still not on your side. Outside, Bojan caught up with you and Käärijä, standing before your out-of-breath selves.
Inside your body screamed because you weren't looking your best again, just like yesterday when Bojan saw you in the same orange tan and fake teeth, only this time it was worse since you were sweating and out of breath from performing. Nonetheless, on the outside, you attempted to put on a brave face. "Hey! You're still going to that bar later, right?" he asked cheerfully and explained how everyone else invited was still up for it, so you could tell he was really hoping you'd both be there.
"Yes, yes, it will be fun!" Käärijä replied happily, as to him nothing was wrong.
On the other hand, you made an effort to avoid looking Bojan in the eye because you were afraid that if you did so, he may decide to bring up another incident that may or may not have occurred at the party, like before.
Your way of having false confidence did nothing as he still gave you attention by smiling, thankfully not another reference to something at the party, although, you could still see a glint of smugness in his eyes. Luckily, you all parted ways so you could begin getting ready, but you were worried about seeing him later. You really liked him, so what happened in that sauna? All you could remember was everyone being tipsy and...a kiss, you guessed, with your blurry memory. Was this tension you've been sensing all been a joke or did you actually do...something? You needed answers and ultimately thought it was time to talk to Jere. You did finally have some time to spare anyway...
Then, you both slugged your way back from the venue, tired from the rehearsal. But you both knew it was worthwhile for the competition. The finals were any day now.
When the two of you were at the hotel and in your respective rooms your first thought was to look for your phone, considering you hadn't seen it since last night...when you watched that interview. At that very moment, your memory jogged, and you remembered you were using your phone at the party. Phone...party... That's it! The answers may very well lie in your phone! Now you just have to actually find it...
****
A bomb dropped in your room.
At least that's what it looked like because you had ripped your entire room apart trying to look for your damn phone. The stupid block of technology probably holds some very important details, including but not excluded from; highly embarrassingly drunk additions to your camera roll and messaging apps, or worse, social media. So you desperately needed it now otherwise you might start believing you've made all this tension up as well as that sauna dream - That it was really a dream after all. Truly questioning your sanity right now.
"You don't remember a single thing do you?"
As if to make things worse, Bojan's words from yesterday rang through your head, taunting you as you continued wading through the mess of clothes and items scattered across your floor to search for your phone.
Although it was harder now that the bomb (you) ruined it and your unanswered questions lingered tirelessly at the front of your mind.
Much to your sanity, his words were not true as when you finally found your phone you found something on it. Your dream was correct, and so were your suspicions;
Someone had crept in as you stood letting out a frustrated groan as you faced your messy room.
"Looking for this?" Jere asked innocently while holding your phone up in front of you.
Spinning around you almost tripped on the clutter on the floor, startled by his presence. In the action, however, you noticed the phone and instantly snatched it out of his hand while giving him a suspicious look. Funnily enough, you were very clumsy for a dancer.
You still hadn't answered back to him as you proceeded to go through your phone, determined to find evidence - there it was, you saw it with your own eyes: drunken photos, most were very blurry though you could tell what it was of - the three of you drinking and partying in the sauna - hot and sweaty. Your fingers frantically swiped through more photos, it got worse: You were stripping, thankfully keeping some decency, since you had kept your underwear on.
You gasped as you swiped through even more photos as memories came flooding back.
Especially at one photo that almost made you drop your phone: Bojan kissing you, on the lips. Or you kissing Bojan. You didn't know who initiated it but at this current moment, you could feel his warm lips lingering on yours, making them tingle. Your fingers brushed your lips as your wide eyes stared intensely at the photo, needing proof he hadn't followed Jere into the room and wasn't actually kissing you right now.
Overwhelmed, you threw the phone on your bed. It landed beside you as you crashed face-first into your pillow, letting out a scream. Jere stood quizzically for a beat before glancing down at your unlocked phone still displaying your photo gallery... He blinked a few times in disbelief, thinking his mind was playing tricks on him, then began laughing hysterically. "I forgot you did that!" He clutched his stomach as he continued to laugh while moving closer to you who groaned at his reaction to all of this.
"Tuhma!" He teased as he playfully poked the side of your cheek instantly making you snap your head to the side and try to bite his finger. "Tuhma," he repeated under his breath as he acted faux offended, rubbing his finger on his hoodie as if it hurt while you glared at him.
"It's not funny!" You whined.
"It is..."
Glaring still, you playfully kicked him in the shin and sat upright.
"Okay, okay!" Jere put his hands up in defence.
"Careful, next time I will kick you where it hurts." You glared and glanced up at him causing him to keep his hands up in defence and take a step back in precaution.
"I doubt Bojan remembers it," He tried to reassure you but you had already sensed the tension and also the fact Bojan told you 'You don't remember anything at all, do you?'...
In a huff you ripped the phone from his hand again and shoved it in your pocket, not even wanting to look at it. At the virtually indecent photos with your best friend and his friend... You sighed and looked up at Jere in the eyes sceptically. "Did you see the last picture?..." You quietly asked, prompting his eyebrow to raise and his head to tilt in confusion.
Without a word you whipped out your phone again, showing him the kissing picture. "Oh," was all that came out of his still semi-confused self. "I thought the stripping was worse to be hon-" He started but interjected when he saw you frown again. Whichever you hated more would be what he'd try to focus on and help you with, regardless of what he thought was worse or not. In this case, it wasn't the stripping, or at least for now it wasn't, it was the fact that you and Bojan had kissed. And there was photographic evidence of this.
"Do you and Bojan remember it?" You caught him off guard with your question. "Because I barely did until now."
"I mean, kind of. Now that I see the pictures too," He shrugged and sat next to you.
"So it wasn't weird?"
"No, it is a sauna and we were drunk!" He attempted to comfort you once more, yet his next words were risky. "You do that all the time with me-"
"Jere!" you whacked him on the arm. "I- It was a sauna..." you tried to validate your actions as he did. "That's what you do..."
"What? Kiss people?" He giggled and nudged his elbow on your arm and his eyebrows wiggled teasingly.
"Remember what I said about that kick? It's still on the table. And I meant stripping!" you groaned out but your face went red as you realised what you said. "No! I mean, like, wearing little to nothing!" you covered your blushing cheeks and moaned out of embarrassment and annoyance.
"He hardly experienced the Finnish way. It's not like you were fully naked." He laughed and shrugged again, knowing that other cultures would probably be weirded out by that.
"I know that's normal but not to him, he probably thinks I'm some slut!" With another groan, you got up and hastily poured yourself a drink.
"What?" He shook his head, "No, he doesn't, you're overthinking. That kiss says otherwise-"
"I WILL KICK YOU-"
"You wouldn't," he grinned at you and laid down on the bed to watch you pour a drink, although in his vision you were now upside down, with a nice view of your a-
You turned back round.
With your drink in your hand (a cocktail of your choice with an added pink mini umbrella floating in there) you strut over to Jere and with your free hand, you playfully punch him where it hurts.
His knees raised slightly while he grunted in pain, rolling on his side, and laughed, "That was a punch, not a kick."
"I'll show you a kick!" You pulled him up off the bed and kicked him making him fall to the knees. "You asked for it," you laughed at him.
"True," he rasped.
When he recovered he grabbed a drink for himself - Glögi - which he bought tons of to drink throughout the year.
"You just found out you basically have nudes with us and now you're having a cocktail. Don't you think you need something stronger?" He giggled.
"I'll show you something stronger," and before he knew it he was being playfully tackled to the ground, spilling his drink in the process. "NOT MY GLÖGI!"
All that anyone walking past the hotel room could hear was him screaming and you laughing.
Quality time.
****
"Are you going to get drunk?"
"Are you?!"
Chatter circulated amongst the bar and most of all back and forth in the group.
Staring at the glistening ceiling lights, your mind zoned out. Catching the warm comforting glow was much easier to face - compared to Bojan - since discovering the pictures. Did Bojan remember the kiss? Is he wanting more? Does he think you're being easy to get? Does--
"Y/n, are you okay?" Sat next to you, Kris kindly asked as the others continued joking about something you weren't paying attention to.
Immediately, you snapped back to reality and stared widely at him, as you did not expect him to ask you that. Quickly composing yourself, you cleared your throat and sat straight.
"Yeah, just daydreaming for a sec," An awkward laugh slipped from your mouth.
"Daydreaming?" Jan teased with his brow arched and a sly smirk, as he seemingly overheard you, pushing everyone's attention on you. "Who's the lucky guy?" He looked at you then Kris.
A tinge of red crept its way across your cheeks, only further egging onto his claim that you were daydreaming of someone. Of course, they didn't know that your daydream was not one of a favourable kind - you just wanted answers, instead of asking yourself the same questions over and over.
Speaking of questions, "How about we play a game of Never Have I Ever?!" Bojan asked and you mentally thanked him as if he saved you from whatever awkward questions would arise, although now you were regretting that too because Never Have I Ever is notorious for doing exactly that.
Nevertheless, he caused the group to erupt in excitement, agreeing. "Okay, we'll start easy," Bojan smiled and pulled his phone out to look up questions.
You decided to play along with it, maybe this could be your way to get some answers. If you were going to play you might as well play the best to your advantage.
The game began.
"Never have I ever..." - Bojan began to laugh - "fucked in a public place?"
Was he doing this on purpose?
"You said you would start easy!" Jure exclaimed, followed by laughter and agreement on the unfairness from the rest, and you simply rolled your eyes at his antics.
"It was the first one I saw! I'm sorry!" He continued to laugh as he held his free hand up defensively. "But you're wrong anyway, it would be easy if you have not done it...so, own up." He leaned on his elbows and rested his chin in his hands, smirking up at his friends.
They glanced at each other expectantly, waiting for someone to own up, but alas, no one did. "Disappointing. Anyway," Bojan took his shot glass and downed it - which meant a yes.
Collectively, the group was just as shocked as each other, before everyone started cheering him on, patting him on the back.
"Oh, man, you just chose that to show off!" One of the guys said.
"As long as you used protection I guess..." You said nonchalantly, shrugging, as you still laughed a little. Play it cool, you thought.
"Of course," - Bojan held his pointer finger up as if to tell you to wait and pulled out the band's blue condom they sell on their website from his back pocket - "the only acceptable STD should be seize the day!"
"Oh my god" you muttered under your breath as your face palmed making the group laugh again.
However, one by one you all began to notice Jere's shot has been downed too followed by question upon questions from everyone.
"DAMN JERE I DID NOT KNOW YOU WERE LIKE THAT-"
"So tell us!?"
"WHEN? WHERE?!"
"UH- how did I not know of this?!" You questioned amongst the others, equally as eager to find out more, even if you were all being nosy. That's what Never Have I Ever is all about anyway.
Jere cheeks reddened quicker than he could hide them as he prepared to tell you more.
"Eh, it's the forest-"
"THE FOREST OF ALL PLACES--"
"What about in the sauna?"
"Meh, Sauna is not always private."
****
It was your turn again. And you couldn't stop admiring Bojan.
By now, you were all tipsy. You clicked the 'randomize question' button on the phone, read the selected question in your head, and instantly smirked as you knew precisely who would perk up again at this question.
"Never have I ever...lost a bet?" Immediately, Jere's face lit up in either embarrassment or recognition (you couldn't tell) as you laughed.
If anyone knew one thing about Jere it was that he had definitely lost more than a few bets while gambling - thus earning him the nickname Käärijä.
So, he took another shot and everyone cracked up.
"Yes yes, I am Käärijä, you know!"
"Are you?!" you and Bojan spoke at the same time, making you both look at each other and giggle like little kids.
Seeing this round was getting slightly boring and you weren't finding out more about Bojan, you had a trick up your sleeve.
"Never have I ever...kissed two different guys in one night?"
Oh, he must have been doing this on purpose.
"I mean this could mean guys or girls,"
Ha. Nice save. Yet it was too late, because your leg slowly raised, your heel slightly grazing his trouser leg. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it wasn't.
He locked eyes with you. Almost a glare. Almost a smirk. Almost letting it on to the others that something happened between you two.
Seemingly not getting the juicy answers they wanted, or they already knew them, they had moved on to a different question. Something about weird dreams Jan riding a turtle. Neither of you was paying attention. Why would you when your heel was grazing his leg so tenderly yet so teasingly?
His hands rolled into fists as he tried not to act on whatever thoughts he was having. You couldn't. So you smirked, pleased that you were at least embarrassing him a little like he was with the questions.
However, that question earlier about fucking in a public place was beginning to sound like a joke.
****
A hell of a lot more drinks later and all of you were most certainly drunk...
It happened to be Jere's turn at asking again. He started at the phone momentarily before speaking. "Eh, are you?!" his words slurred slightly as he started giggling. Bojan wheeze out a laugh, jolting his body against the seat as he laughed, leaning into Jere.
You were all in that drunk state where you didn't even know what you were saying and anything and everything became funny.
A waiter came over and said the bar would be closing soon, earning a bunch of boos from the group. 'Good thing restlessness was common amongst the group now.
"Time to go back to the hotel then," Kris began but Bojan interrupted.
"Guys, we're Joker Out, we love to party, hm?!" He quirked an eyebrow, shakily raising up his glass. Everyone glanced at each other momentarily, trying to see if you all agreed.
"It's crazy, it's party!" Jere excitedly approved and as if on cue everyone became equally as excited, cheering and clinking their drinks together one final time and getting up from their seats, making their way to a nearby nightclub Jan suggested.
You trotted along behind but ultimately decided not to go.
"I'm sorry I'm just really tired!" You slurred your words, much to their disapproval.
"It's not like you to decline a party," Jere urged, drunkenly slinging his arm around your shoulder, knowing you wouldn't take it seriously but take it as a result of him caring about you. Bojan locked eyes with you again, for the first time since the heel teasing earlier. But you ignored him.
Instead, you opt not to have a sauna sequel. You smile and decline again, explaining that the hotel is just down the road, and saying your goodbyes.
"She's been acting weird lately..." You heard one of them say but you kept on walking to the hotel.
****
The second you plopped down onto your bed, having not even bothered to change clothes, you fell fast asleep. The alcohol in your system clearly wore you out.
An hour later, you jolt awake.
You carefully lie back down, wondering what woke you up. You keep your phone on silent so it can't be that. A knock on your door catches your attention. Maybe it was that. Though, you really would have preferred not seeing anyone right now. Maybe a mass murderer is going around knocking on innocent women's doors. And maybe Bojan would save you.
Wait. Did you just say Bojan?
You decide to check your phone. Something compels you to check it. Groggily rubbing your tired eyes the phone light flashes, burning them slightly.
Through your dazed vision, you see a dozen texts from none other than Bojan. Huh.
1:05 am: Käärijä is kalsarikännit rn, but not at home. what do u even call that?
1:17 am: *4 missed Facetime calls*
TISSIT
1:20 am: send nudes
1:26 am: HELP. THAT WAS JERE.
1:32 am: HE THREW UP
1:45 am: HE FAINTED LMFAO
1:58 am: hE'S SO HEAVY
But two, in particular, caught your eye...
2:35 am: WE'RE LOCKED OUT OF THE ROOM
2:40 am: SOS
Oh, great.
****
A/N: Definitions:
Tuhma = naughty
Kalsarikännit = getting drunk in your underwear at home
Tissit = tits
I heard that Glögi was his fave drink so I had to mention it :)
Please reblog if you enjoyed reading :)
#behind closed doors snazzynacho#fanfiction#bojan cvjetićanin#fanfic#bojan x reader#joker out#joker out fan fiction
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repost from my old account lawl, gn reader mention. stoner reader mention. I luv toasty <33 kis kis
toast is slavic. half croatian, ¼ russian, ¼ polish
late breakfast consists of coffee & eggs + toast
can't cook :( he can make toast and a basic soup. has always wanted to cook, but never learned. once you moved in w him, he really wanted to learn and eventually did ! cooks a lotta foreign meals.
although he learns to cook he's frankly really good at baking
always wakes up past noon
coffee. he can have up to 3+ a day and loves using a moka pot
late night laundromat + diner date <3
was raised catholic, now he's an athiest
stoner, prefers edibles but will take a few hits if you roll a joint.while he's easy to get flustered, while high he has no defense. it's so easy
(stoner!reader) he will get u a pipe or bong for ur b-day if u like em
nightowl dared him to dye his hair. started liking it and it stuck. has regular appointments for touch ups + sensitive skin, he only uses nivea
made a funky rave sound effect for a random moment in his adventure game
loves nutella on toast. (traveled back home 2 europe once and got it on crepes) also thinks italian nutella tastes different then the other nutellas of the world
makes comments abt how pretty u r
kisses ur eyelids before you sleep and mumbles something aboutt 'thankful for bein able to see u another day + always asks for kisses (has never forgotten)
loves ur kisses . relishes in ur lips gracing his skin whether it's his cheek, forehead, lips, shoulder, wrist, etc.
sleeps w background noise when he sleeps. (cars, recorded eurovision or yt video essay) loves sleeping with the window open for fresh air ! also gets sleepy when u play with his hair n scratch his scalp
loves when you try to recreate his accents, he teaches u a few words <3 likes listening to you read and will read to u in his mother tongue
terms of endearment in his mother tongue <33333
drapes himself over you when his social battery is drained
if he had a dog, he'd have a poodle or golden doodle
back pain, from horrible posture and other experiences buut lemme explain: if he went in to the office and lets say someone has to show him papers. he definitely has to bend down a bit and I can say with my while heart he can forget he's standing while he's doing something and will 'adjust' his posture and its horrible. sleeps with a heating pad and keeps ibuprofen on him
the type to follow through w something, even if he has to stay a tad longer at work to finish a few papers so be it.
likes taking the train or metro, or bus. he enjoys seeing the scenery while traveling
also love visiting France and eu countries that border the mediterranean
only anime/cartoom he's watched is cowboy bebop
sends xyx toys n catnip for cat <3 also a cat person !! and tends to look over strays near his apartment complex
loves when you take care of his hair; whether it's simply undoing his braid and combing it out or washing it and following up with a deep conditioner
hates slippers but likes wearing socks inside the house
★ all works belong to @urfavslav , do not repost on anywhere else with or without credit, do not plagiarise. thank you !
#blooming panic#blooming panic toasty#blooming panic nakedtoaster#bp toasty#bp nakedtoaster#nakedtoaster#nakedtoaster x reader#toasty x reader#urfavslav stories !
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Patterns I Notice In (Male) Reviewers of Childrens Media
You know, I've started to notice something.
I've been watching a lot of movie reviews lately, not limited to children's movies but still a lot of children's movies as obviously children's literature is my main focus as a writer.
Remember how in my post where I talked about how Ruby Gillman showed some of the wrongs in children's media today and I had a back and forth in the comment section with someone who pretty much slammed Ruby as bad but as we talked more and more they ended up being like, "It's just not my cup of tea," as I pointed out his/her core issues with the movie was just personal opinions?
These past months, I became a bit more familiar with reviewers who will just claim a movie is bad if it doesn't comes with profound philosophy and/or not their cup of tea and I actually noticed a pattern.
In regards to the people who use their real voices in YouTube videos or the authors listed in review articles, its mostly men who will downright claim a piece of fiction is terrible based on their opinion instead of wether the story is approaching subject matters in a harmful manner, etc. I barely see any women acting like 'I hated this movie, so should everyone else'.
An obvious example that comes to mind, is Monsters vs Aliens.
To me, it's not a masterpiece either and there were definitely a writing decision or two that was made poorly. However, I don't think it has earnt the label of bad or terrible whilst I've heard/seen multiple men call this movie as such.
On an entertainment level of value, does it entertain kids? Yes. As a kid I thought it was okay at its worst, good at its best moments.
Does it have a harmful message or premise? No.
Are the minor storybeats problematic or unrealistic? No. In fact, Derek breaking of their engagement not only mirrors insecure men threatened by more powerful women but it also mirrors some of the douchebags people who developped a terminal illness or disability have dated. Because of the many ship edits, I know not a lot of people actually know the story behind Arcade, the Eurovision hit by Duncan Laurence.
In ship edits, this song often gets used for tragic ships or doomed star crossed lovers, but it's actually about having wasted everything for a relationships that is not worth it and that is the key part of the song people always miss. You see, the story behind the song is this;
Duncan Laurance had a friend who was diagnosed with cancer and she had no chance for recovery. Her boyfriend, rather then being there for her in her final moments, broke up with her and she spent her final days, lovesick on her deathbed waiting for him to come back but he never did. Duncan wrote the song in her memory but also to be a cautionary tale for himself, to never become the idiot wasting their final moments on a asshole who left you to die with a broken heart!
Susan and Derek reminds me of that story, because men like Derek would have also left Susan if he found out she was terminally ill or got into an accident that left her disabled.
So the movie's storytelling isn't downright terrible by any means and the animation is also decent. But again, I've heard multiple men take a dump on this movie for being trash.
I'll admit my brain is too foggy to remember how well the other monsters were written but considering the main story rested on Susan's shoulders and that was told acceptable enough and they gave her the self-acceptance she needed, how well they are fleshed out isn't too much of a deciding factor wether its good, okay or bad when it comes to stories aimed at younger children.
How well characters outside of the protagonist are developped and how important that is to the overall story really depends on the age demographic as well as the kind of story at hand. The more characters a child is meant to empathize for and follow their direction during the story, the more difficult it is to grasp for the really young ones. Small kids prefer having one fleshed out protagonist with a weaker cast over every character having a deeply developped backstory. Flat side characters are a thing in children's media for a reason.
Shows have a somewhat unique position for their ability to flesh out the characters because they have way more time to tell the story so they can easily create a filler episode where a background character shines even if its meant for a way younger audience and it also has the option to have the characters grow and become semi-fleshed out alongside the viewer if the show gets popular enough for a long-run.
In the case of a slightly older kid demographic, this can lead to fully fleshed out masterpieces like ATLA, though not every kid show should be on their level for us not to bash the property. Brain dumb entertainment can still be a masterpiece in a kid's eyes and could lead to them becoming a long-time fan for nostalgic reasons.
What we should bash, are harmful kids shows like Cocomelon who's animation was literally proven to be too fast for a young kid's brain to follow hence the infamous Cocomelon zombie-kid and the Cocomelon tantrums became a thing, because their brain speed has adjusted to a speed faster then real life speed. Anyone who listened often to Nightcore and then went on to listen to the original version, likely encountered this effect with the original song suddenly sounding slower then you remember it- thats your brain speed having adjusted to the Nightcore version.
I couldn't believe my eyes when the far right recently turnt on Cocomelon because of there being some LGBT episode, when Cocomelon was already proven to mess up a kid's brain speed and in kids with brains that are still that lacking of development we don't know how much fucking with their brain speed will lead to in their development. I saw parents turning away from that show during the Pandemic for this very reason so I was flabbergasted so many parents on the far right still let their kids watch Cocomelon in the first place!
It's cheaply made harmful material and I was quite literally fuming with all the stupid parents saying 'God, I really have to keep in mind what type of content my kids consumne', like yeah no shit Sherlock! The fact your kids were still watching all of it after the many controversies, proved you never cared about the quality of media your kids consumne in the first place, don't pull that stupid Pikachu face! The fact LGBT content is the straw and not the actual harm this show does to children's brain development makes me want to punch someone in the face.
Can male reviewers please start targeting the actual bad children's movies and shows and not shit on movies who simply didn't managed to strike the gold of a masterpiece in storytelling and possibly animation? If someone were to force me between watching Dreamworks' Trolls franchise the entire day over and over again and just one hour of Cocomelon, I'd still pick Trolls in a heartbeat.
Because watching an okay is always more better then watching a movie/show that actually deserves the label terrible.
#tetsutalk#writing#critics#reviewers#a trend I noticed#monsters vs aliens#trolls#dreamworks trolls#cocomelon#that a story isn't a universaly regarded masterpiece doesn't make it bad#harmful content is actually bad#brain speed#actually look into the shows your kids watch#don't blame it on the LGBT#Cocomelon has always been a cancer#arcade#the origin of the song and how everyone misuses it
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Jesus Christ I’m cutting it close. Happy Eurovision Week! Ranking time!
Every year, I use a ranking tool - this year it’s https://songfestival.be/eurovision-song-contest-2024-sorter/ because the one I usually use doesn’t include Azerbaijan or Israel for some reason. Then I talk about how the ranking turned out! Expect ballads/”serious” songs to end up clumped at the bottom because I’m a basic-ass bitch! This is more apparent than ever this year, because the lineup is absolutely insane. I love all the energy, and it just makes the ballads fall even flatter for me, because why would I listen to this when I could be telling a cat to meow back? Don’t expect any well-studied analysis here. What’s been my refrain every year?
(“Irk still listens to Scooch!”)
There ya go, you got it. Categories are:
Dislike: I genuinely hate listening to this. I think this is the first time I’ve put more than one song in this category - I can forgive a lot - but this year has extenuating circumstances and a genuinely annoying song. Goodie!
Indifferent: I have literally nothing to say about this. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it’s so distant from anything I would listen to on purpose. AKA the “Irk has shit taste” tier.
Okay: It’s fine? Maybe there’s one part I enjoy, or maybe it’s a song I respect more than I like - either way, I feel like it deserves better than “indifferent”, but a better tier than this seems dishonest.
Like: Now we’re getting into the stuff I genuinely enjoy! These are the songs I’d love to see qualify! Always bound to be at least one in here that doesn’t have a chance in hell, but let me dream!
Love: My top 5 for the year! This year’s top 5 is full of nonsense and I am gleeful
Ranking and comments under the cut!
—
Hate:
37. Israel - “Hurricane” by Eden Golan
Ugh… look. When it became clear that Israel weren’t getting the boot this year, I tried, I really tried, to embrace the “music and not politics” angle. The broadcaster and the artist have nothing to do with the government’s sickening choices and shouldn’t be punished just because their higher-ups fucking suck. (I’m an American, I’m not exactly in the best position to blame citizens for their countries’ leaders!) But then all that bullshit with the submission period happened. Three rejected entries on political grounds?! After a certain point the broadcaster had to be playing stupid, and really should have been slapped down after Bullshit #2. I was actually on board with the theory that they were trying to get disqualified on purpose so they could play the victim and not have to withdraw themselves.
But then, somehow, they got accepted, and with what? A sludgy ballad that isn’t even about anything. This wouldn’t be dead last this year if not for the background behind it, but it’d definitely score low, and the background behind its presence just sours any remaining taste I could possibly have for it. I don’t even have much to say about the song compared to all the bullshit behind the scenes. Let this die in the semi where it belongs.
Well, it could be worse. I usually love the Israeli entry. That would have been awkward…
36. Greece - “Zari” by Marina Satti
TA! TA! TA! TA! TA! This song is the audio equivalent of being hit in the head with a sledgehammer and I hate it. The high-pitched singing doesn’t do it for me either. Maybe there’s some impressive technical skill here that I’m too stupid to understand, like Spain last year, but that can’t change the fact that this song is a three-minute headache. Pass.
Indifferent:
35. Portugal - “Grito” by Iolanda
There’s always at least one song that I cannot get to stick in my head no matter how many times I listen to it, and this is one of them. Hard to rank a song when I can never remember what it sounds like. Just not my thing. Portugal and I are so rarely friends in this contest, and I’ve come to make peace with this.
34. France - “Mon Amour” by Slimane
I feel like this is an opinion that will get me slammed with tomatoes. This is another entry that every contest has - the beautiful, heartfelt ballad with impressive vocals… that bores me to death. At least I can usually remember how it goes, I guess? Still not for me. It’ll rank well anyway and my opinion means nothing. Moving on!
33. Azerbaijan - “Özünlə apar” by FAHREE feat. Ilkin Dovlatov
Take what I said about France and paste it here; heartfelt ballad, impressive vocals, bores me. Whatever. I actually don’t know the chances of this one qualifying, but personally, I’m not cheering it on.
32. Serbia - “Ramonda” by Teya Dora
Oh, Serbia, what happened? I loved how experimental the past two years were, and now we have “Ramonda”, which I just can’t find any enjoyment in. I’ve seen people call this one experimental as well, but I don’t really get it? The lyrics are certainly artsy, but musically it’s just another sparse ballad. I might be a bit daft.
31. Albania - “TiTAN” by Besa
Get all your decade-old anime jokes out of the way now. Good? Good. As for the song… well, I do like it slightly better than the earlier entries, but it’s also just kind of… here? There’s nothing wrong with it, but nothing all that right with it, either. It’s bound to get drowned out by much more interesting entries.
30. Denmark - “Sand” by Saba
When Sean Fay Wolfe does his 100-song countdowns, he always has long stretches where he doesn’t have much to say beyond “this sure is a song all right”, and I think we’re in that stretch for me. Nothing wrong with it, just not something I ever go out of my way to listen to. I think this is why the ranking took so long this year - there’s so many songs I just don’t have anything to say about!
29. Germany - “Always On The Run” by Isaak
“I am nothing but the average, though I’m special to some” is a good line! Other than that, though, this one took a bit to stick for me. I don’t hate it, I just don’t have anything particularly interesting to say. God, what a boring post. I’ll get more interesting soon, promise.
28. Poland - “The Tower” by Luna
Yeah, I guess it’s cute! There’s just so many other songs I like more. This is a bad year for basic pop songs, they’re getting drowned out by the insanity later on
Okay:
27. Belgium - “Before The Party’s Over” by Mustii
This is a big “I don’t love it as much as a lot of people, but I certainly respect it and want it to do well” song for me this year. It’s just such a grand-sounding song! I wish it luck, even if I don’t have much to say about it!
26. Georgia - “Firefighter” by Nutsa Buzaladze
Oh, I won’t lie, the firefighter imagery is cheesy as fuck - but it’s kind of endearing in a way! I’ve gotta like it at least a little, even if it’s a bit basic!
25. Sweden - “Unforgettable” Marcus & Martinus
Another year, another slickly produced dance-pop song from Sweden. Well, gotta do what you’re known for, I guess! I wouldn’t describe this song as “unforgettable”, there’s no way this is getting them two wins in a row, but it’s fun enough as radio filler.. (Is it just me or does part of this sound like it was ripped right out of a Daft Punk song? To the point where I was sure it was a direct sample, but couldn’t track it down for the life of me. It still drives me nuts every time I listen to it.)
24. Slovenia - “Veronika” by Raiven
I just can’t put my finger on why this song entrances me so much, which keeps it from getting a high ranking - I like understanding what I see in a song - but it’s a nice one. I’m expecting an interesting stage performance! The music video sure is a thing, at any rate!
23. Luxembourg - “Fighter” by Tali
Welcome back, Luxembourg! This is the first time I’ve been here to see you perform - American babies weren’t exactly keeping up with the Contest back in 1993! It’s not the grandest entry to return with, to be sure, but Eurovision always needs its empowerment anthems, and this is a pleasant one.
22. Australia - “One Mikali (One Blood)” by Electric Fields
I love the use of the Yankunytjatjara language here - it’s always so good when countries send something rare in the contest that only they authentically could. The imagery is nice, too! Even if it’s not a favorite by pure subjective standards, this one deserves a good placement.
21. Cyprus - “Liar” by Silia Kapsis
Gotta like a good, catty pop song. It’s not the best catty pop song of the year, but it’s fun!
20. Malta - “Loop” by Sarah Bonnici
Yes, this is just “SloMo” again, but hey, I liked “SloMo”. Looking forward to the staging, which will inevitably be completely horny. (No lines about covering your lover’s face in mango juice, though. The honeypot line isn’t nearly as hilariously brazen. Points deducted.)
19. Norway - “Ulveham” by Gåte
I actually lost my results for my first attempt at the ranking and had to do them again, and in that attempt this ranked even lower. Oops. I really, truly wish I could connect better with this song! I wish I wasn’t the sort of idiot that liked “My AI” and “Damdiggida” better! But here we are! I respect it a lot, fully expect it to rank well, wouldn’t be surprised if it wins. But to say I like it subjectively…? That might be overselling it a little. Well, my opinion doesn’t matter, it’ll win no matter what a silly little Internet blog has to say about it. I’m gonna go listen to “My AI” again, give me a minute
Like:
18. Italy - “La Noia” by Angelina Mango
Ooh, this one’s fun! It’s a nice, unique sounding entry that I’m having fun with! Wish I had more to say! Whoops!
17. Moldova - “In The Middle” by Natalia Barbu
Sometimes, a ballad will strike me just right, and Moldova’s managed to pull it off this year. “I want you to be happy all of my life, my beautiful angel, a work of art…” Twice in a row, the Moldovan entry is so sweetly in love, and even my crunchy shriveled heart can’t resist it.
(...also I might have recently developed a weakness for love songs that make references to flying and wings. Shhhh.)
16. Armenia - “Jako” by Ladaniva
I adore this song’s fun, traditional vibe. I just want to get up and dance to it! This performance is going to be a lot of fun, I can feel it!
15. “Doomsday Blue” by Bambie Thug
They’re coming to take me away, haha-
Come on, I’m not the only one who hears it, right?
This song is… weird. So, so weird. So, so opposed to anything I’d ever expect from Eurovision. And I kind of love it for that. It’s all over the place, but in a way that fits its mood. I know I’ve made “Ow The Edge” jokes about it, but come on, I’ve never been immune to a bit of edge myself. I like it!
Not sure about its chances of qualifying, though. I feel like the jury is going to tear this one to shreds. Ireland hasn’t had much luck recently, this won’t be the song to turn that around…
(So anyway, if you like this song, go listen to Neuroticfish’s cover of “They’re Coming To Take Me Away”. Hell, just go listen to Neuroticfish, period)
14. Latvia - “Hollow” by Dons
Not afraid to tell you all my sins I can’t escape
I won’t change, it’s like a bad disease I cannot shake
Not afraid… to admit that this ranked so damn high because of Husk. Yes, I like the singer’s voice, but it usually takes a lot to get me on-board with ballads - and in this case, bitter lyrics about being a sinner who would rather be authentic than cover up his faults is what clicked here. Thank you, cartoons! This is the third year in a row that you’ve made a ranking decision for me - different show this year, but still!
13. Ukraine - “Teresa & Maria” by alyona alyona & Jerry Heil
I’m not religious in the slightest, but that doesn’t stop me from adoring the grand, gospel vibe of this one. Ukraine’s skill at blending traditional-sounding music with rapping strikes again, and I’m looking for a good result here!
12. San Marino - “11:11” by Megara
For better or for worse, San Marino almost never sends something boring, and they’re knocking it out of the park with this one! I always love a good, high-energy, female-led rock number!
11. Iceland - “Scared Of Heights” by Hera Björk
Remember what I said earlier about a recently-developing soft spot for flying metaphors in love songs? This is where I first noticed it. This isn’t like “Hollow” where cartoons made it rank much higher than it would authentically - I genuinely find this to be an adorable, hopeful little love song - but I’m sure that aspect didn’t hurt it!
10. Lithuania - “Luktelk” by Silvester Belt
God, I wish I could more properly explain why I like this one. There’s just a certain vibe from it that I’m really into, and it’s a perfect way to start off my top ten.
9. Spain - “Zorra” by Nebulossa
Mmm, a disco number about how some people are going to think you’re a slutty bitch no matter what you do so you may as well do your own thing. Delicious. I was already having fun with it on the first listen, and then I looked up the translation and fell even more in love with it.
8. United Kingdom - “Dizzy” by Olly Alexander
I already knew Olly Alexander before this year, due to a couple of songs he did with Kylie Minogue, the queen of my life. (Oh, yeah, there’s also “Valentino”, that’s an important one of his.) So I went into this with high hopes, and I was not disappointed! What a fun pop song about the joys of being in love! Maybe certain recent events have made me more weak to that topic than usual this year? Whatever the case, I love this, and really need to listen to more from this guy!
7. Estonia - “(Nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi” by 5Miinust & Puuluup
“The only cool thing here is saying no to drugs!”
This song is. A lot. A song about how lower-class people are unfairly targeted for drug possession even though they’re the least likely to be able to afford it, with some ambiguity about whether the singers actually do have drugs… with goofy vocals, music, and dancing. Fucking love everything about it. I love stuff that’s a joke song on the surface but has so much more to it when you dig deeper, like “Who The Hell Is Edgar?” last year. God, this is going to be a blast. And we’re just at the start of the part of the list where I adore me some goofy bullshit!
6. Czechia - “Pedestal” by Aiko
The pure inspired anger behind this one delights me, I love it so much. And yes, I’ve heard the Eurovision version, I totally understand why some lyrics had to be changed, but “I love me more than your bullshit!” lives forever in my heart. Angel Dust song? Angel Dust song. I’d adore it even without that, though.
Love:
5. Switzerland - “The Code” by Nemo
Another song that’s. A lot. A genre blending circus opera rap type… thing. I love how unique this one is. Eurovision helps me discover so much cool new stuff, it’s my favorite time of the year. I could see this as a winner!
4. Netherlands - “Europapa” by Joost Klein
After several years of sending ballads I don’t give a shit about, The Netherlands finally learn how to win my heart - giant shoulder pads! God, this song’s catchy. I love how it basically turns into a 2 Unlimited song at the end there. A lot of this contest feels like a love letter to the 90’s/early 2000’s, and the dance music is my favorite part of that! Europapa!
3. Austria - “We Will Rave” by Kaleen
Oh, Austria, please never stop winning my heart, you’ve done so good these past few years. When I saw the title “We Will Rave”, I knew I was going to love this, and a minute in I was hooked. A classic sounding dance song about letting go of everything and giving into the music… fuck, this is exactly my style. And it says a lot about the next two entries that this is only third!
2. Croatia - “Rim Tim Tagi Dim” by Baby Lasagna
Can I just have two number 1 placements this year? Putting either of them in second place feels like I’m lying. This is yet another A Lot song, and it’s why I love this year so much. A hard rock song about leaving your country town and going to the big city, full of silly lyrics and dancing. Meow, cat, please meow back! What an utter fever dream of a song. God fucking bless.
Finland - “No Rules!” by Windows95man
Oh, what a perfect whirlwind of insanity. Finland, please never send anything normal again. A catchy song about living how you want! By a guy with the Windows 95 logo on his shirt! (That will probably be blurred on stage! Which is very funny!) This song is so goofy that it should not work, but good news, goofy works on me all too well. I’m still laughing that this got last place from the jury in the national final, but the public vote was enough to help it win anyway. Just seems fitting for a piece of nonsense like this. I cannot wait to see what sort of batshit staging this has. I don’t know if it has any chance of winning, but Windows95man is the winner of my heart this year.
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Okay, a few thoughts on the Semi Final 1 acts
1. Norway 🇳🇴 - Alessandra was kind of a let down. Maybe it's because she was opening the entire Contest and the show got to her but her performance at her national final remains superior. More energy, more passion and you could tell she was actually enjoying it. The crowd went crazy when they still hadn't announced her as a qualifier though so, obviously, she's still gonna do okay. But I saw a tweet that next year's Contest would definitely be held in one of the three Nordics of Semi 1. Not in Norway, I don't think.
2. Malta 🇲🇹 - Such a shame honestly. I can't see why this song never got the hype it deserved. It's peak Eurovision, it's fun and The Busker gave their everything on that stage. It's made even more frustrating because y'all know this would have qualified in the second Semi 🙂
3. Serbia 🇷🇸 - Wow. The crowd went absolutely crazy during Luke's performance. They even chanted the "secret" 'bitch' part 🤣 He really was great. I expect perhaps a bit more in the final now that's he's secured his place in it.
4. Latvia 🇱🇻 - I said it last night too, the last few seconds were they all sing / mouth the Latvian part were haunting. I almost teared up. But, yeah, ultimately I can also see why they didn't make it. Maybe a jury would have saved them but I don't think they would have gotten an overwhelming amount of points from them either because Remo would have syphoned them up, and as we saw he was still able to qualify on televoting alone so yeah.
5. Portugal 🇵🇹 - WOW. Miss girl. Miss mother. She brought her A+ game alright! Everyone has been hyping up her performance style since Festival da Canção and the pre parties. Because the song is only ok but her performance really elevates it to new heights. I only started feeling really good about this after her rehearsal footage but wow. It was even better! Mimicat really ate that stage up. I don't wanna say she was a pleasant surprise because we knew she would qualify, but she did even better than expected is all in saying.
6. Ireland 🇮🇪 - I liked the song but yeah the performance was not on par with everyone else's. I felt he may have been kinda nervous? Idk.
7. Croatia 🇭🇷 - I have been watching them perform this song ever since their national final and I was still not ready for... that. I can't imagine people's reactions seeing them for the first time 😂 Amazing. This is how you do a political song. Zoran's vocals were also better live this time.
8. Switzerland 🇨🇭 - Remo's vocals were really good. We were pretty much guaranteed to have that but even I was pleasantly surprised. Out of all the sad slow songs his was definitely the best and the juries are gonna eat him up. I gotta say his message is a tiny bit tone deaf though like, he keeps saying that he's in an age that usually Swiss guys get drafted in the army and that he couldn't imagine being in an actual war like... Sweetie, what are you saying 🤣 I doubt comically neutral Switzerland is gonna send you to war anytime soon, and if the Swiss army is anything like the Greek one, you're just gonna do lots of chores, maybe some desk work and a couple of patrols. You're gonna be okay trust me! But then again, Europe is pretty tone deaf on most issues so this is ultimately a good fit.
9. Israel 🇮🇱 - The second disappointment of the night 😬 Like, you don't understand, every day at the gym, her and Alessandra usually come back to back on the playlist and they literally give me so much energy boost 😂 I didn't get that last night. The song is still messy, it's like BLACKPINK and she, apparently has the questionable vocals to match. Yay 😬 She killed the dance break of course so at least she's got that on BLACKPINK but she's no Eleni Foureira, no Chanel. They both danced throughout their performances as well but were still able to give good vocals, Chanel even hit a high note after her dance break. If she doesn't fix her vocals by the final the juries are gonna vote her down. Hard.
10. Moldova 🇲🇩 - Like Mimicat, Pasha also did better than expected. I honestly don't remember his 2012 entry, other than it's title, but this will stay for years! Yes it's this year's Shum, just like Fulenn was last year's, but Europe clearly enjoys pagan rituals in the forest so I hope someone continues to perform them each year. Maybe it's a secret EBU rule; someone has to do the ritual to appease Martin Osterhdal otherwise he'll invite America or sth.
11. Sweden 🇸🇪 - Miss Queen killed it ok. When I saw her Melodifestivalen performance I wasn't sure about the weird LED sandwich thing and I honestly couldn't understand what the fuck she was saying, and when I saw rehearsal footage of the smaller Liverpool LED I felt her staging got fucked a bit but they actually found the proper camera angles to make it work. Loreen sounded amazing, probably the best female vocals of last night, so yeah I can honestly see this winning again.
12. Azerbaijan 🇦🇿 - They were cute. Wholesome. But that's about it. This was such an inoffensive performance but I feel like it was ultimately not memorable at all too.
13. Czechia 🇨🇿 - Oh my god, the Vesna ladies KILLEDT itt!! So happy and proud of them. They became my favourites during rehearsals not only because Austria didn't bring it as much as I wanted but also because their act itself is amazing. Nothing more to add. Very happy.
14. Netherlands 🇳🇱 - Wow. I feel so sad for them, because they got a lot of shit in the last few months about their vocals and I guess it was kind of justified based on this performance, Dion's at least because Mia kind of kept it consistent but... Yeah 😬 I hope they still had fun though because they look like genuinely nice people, all of them this year. I honestly don't think there's any annoying contestants this year so losing any of them genuinely feels crushing this year, but I feel extra sad for Mia and Dion because, after Blanka, I feel like they might have been trashed the most this year.
15. Finland 🇫🇮 - He's bringing it alright. The performance is really nice and it's basically what I expected of him. The dances are also very much into this. They're giving a lot of drama and I love that. At times I was actually focusing on them instead of Kääri. The crowd went absolutely crazy too. Probably the loudest response. However... The vocals during the end 😬 Oof. If he doesn't fix that by the final the juries are gonna go after him hard.
#Eurovision#Eurovision 2023#Käärijä#Loreen#Noa Kirel#Alessandra#Vesna#Pasha Parfeni#Mimicat#Remo Forrer#Luke Black#Let 3#Mia Nicolai#Dion Cooper#The Busker#Sudden Lights#TuralTuranX#Wild Youth#Finland#Sweden#Israel#Norway#Czechia#Moldova#Portugal#Switzerland#Serbia#Croatia#Netherlands#Malta
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1998 Birmingham - Number 22 - Dana International - "Diva"
youtube
Dana International taking to the stage in Birmingham to huge cheers with arms wide to receive them is one of the definitive images of Eurovision. A woman who had been staying in the only hotel in Birmingham with bullet-proof windows owing to death threats from reactionary, possessively patriarchal purists with no ability to manage their own disgust and a perverse desire to demonstrate their impotence in public.
She is the figurehead of representation in Eurovision. In 1998. All the way back then, a trans-woman can sashay to the front of the stage, with a huge grin, and tell the world that she's a diva. The diva. In 1998. Last year, 1997, was the first year an out, gay man performed at Eurovision and already Dana International is winning the whole shebang.
You have to admit this was a brave move by the IBA. There was no national selection competition in 1998, no Kdam. Dana International was internally selected, chosen by the organisation to represent them and the nation of Israel. Yes, she'd already had two hit, platinum albums in Israel, several hit singles and been named Best Female Artist of the year in 1994. She'd finished second at Kdam 1995 scoring points from every regional jury. Within Israel she was a star, so choosing Dana International was not a risk in that sense of picking someone without pedigree or talent. They were picking a star. But to have Dana International representing the country? They knew what the reaction was likely to be and it was them who would catch the flak.
Did I say this was all happening in 1998 yet?
Outside of the death threats and internal complaints within Israel, it's astounding just how instantly accepted she was by absolutely everyone else. She was definitely on the pages of the more traditional, red-topped and acid-texted papers. Yes, there was a subtext of disgust, but at this point, Dana International was to them a creature of fascination. An oddity they didn't understand and maybe one who would end up ridiculing Eurovision, something they absolutely loved to mock. To them Dana International was someone who fitted right in to Eurovision and it was Eurovision that was their target not her. She was perfect to flabber Terry Wogan's gast. A weapon for them to use rather than to abuse, for now at least.
Their mistake was not to realise that Eurovision didn't give a shit. Eurovision loves Dana International. He absolute Diva attitude, keeping Terry, Ulrika and Katrina waiting on stage for minutes after she'd won a hugely exciting three-way battle for Macedonia's final points to claim the win. Wearing the feathered frock by Jean-Paul Gaultier that she'd decided not to wear for the performance at the last minute, but felt she just had to put on to collect the trophy - which she never picked up - Dana International returned to the stage and instead of heading for Katrina to acknowledge the win, strode to the centre of the stage to acknowledge her audience.
Eurovision was proud of her. Glowingly ecstatic. It didn't matter if anyone tried to use her against the competition and all that it was increasingly openly representing. Eurovision owned every last morsel of the veiled criticisms and the feigned shock that followed. This was us and always would be.
Dana International's win has always been about who she is and what she means rather than the actual song she's singing. It's a club track, an easy floor-filler and an easy and joyous sing-along to celebrate women and their power. It doesn't matter a jot how musically complex or rich the song is, it does what it needs to do and it's been doing it ever since.
There is a woman who is larger than life
There are senses that only she possesses
There is magic and there are hard days
And a stage that is all hers
Viva the Fucking Diva.
#Youtube#esc#esc 1998#eurovision#eurovision song contest#birmingham#birmingham 1998#Israel#Dana International#IBA#Viva the Fucking Diva
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my ranking and review of all eurovision 2023 songs
(don't expect any intellectual deep dives, i just tried articulating my feelings the best i could but it was hard bc i'm so lukewarm on so many songs. if the reviews don't make sense it's because i wrote them before i used the esc gerbear to sort the places hhh)
37. iceland: diljá - power
it definitely is a song that is competing in eurovision this year and i've listened to it. it doesn't make me feel anything so i don't know what to say. it's a fast pop song but i'm not even vibing to it :( i just don't like it
36. switzerland: remo forrer - watergun
oh switzerland, just because sad boy gjon worked in 2021 doesn't mean you need to keep sending sad boys now... a really boring attempt at an anti-war song
35. cyprus: andrew lambrou - break a broken heart
i don't think i'm really into men singing some heartbreak songs tbh i don't like those howls in the song and the rest sorta sounds imagine dragons-ish to me, the verses at least
34. greece: victor vernicos - what they say
it's cool that he's playing bass in the music video but the song isn't making me feel much. ain't gonna really talk shit about it bc the dude's just 16, i hope he has fun at eurovision
33. italy: marco mengoni - due vite
i like to think italy is my fave eurovision country and then they send a ballad….. i actually watched sanremo (tho i haven't seen any of the nights till the end bc i'm not that strong Yet) and marco wasn't my favourite at all, i was actually surprised how crazy the audience kept going whenever he was performing. of course i can see it getting some good result because it's a classic italian ballad. just not for me
32. ireland: wild youth - we are one
we've got u2 at home/the u2 at home:…. this song has the most generic love love peace peace lyrics ever and whatever unity they are singing about i don't want to be a part of it
31. poland: jann - gladiator blanka - solo
baybeh….it's kinda crazeh… allegedly it was a big radio hit before "winning" the preselections but imma be real with you, i'd never heard it before. it's a harmless pop song without any substance and if it was selected internally i'd be like meh but all the bullshit that went down at our national final makes me mad. i hope we flop hard
30. portugal: mimicat - ai coração
something about it to me feels like early 00s eurovision and i must admit, i don't really like it. though the performance in liverpool might be quite fun
29. romania: theodor andrei - d.g.t. (off and on)
the national final performance of this song is a state of mind. to be frank i feel like the esc fandom is overhating this song, it's not That bad. am i a fan of this song? no. would i like it to see it in the final with the same staging just for laughs? yes
28. israel: noa kirel - unicorn
israel i'm so sorry 0 points……. this song is a disjointed mess to my ears, i think it would've been better if they stuck to just one of the styles they used in this song. all the mentions of unicorns in this song make me cringe. not to mention the "you wanna see me dance?" bit which um, also makes me cringe. no problem with a dance break but why did she have to announce it like that out of nowhere. my favourite part of the song is probably the "u-ni-corn" chant at the very end but other than that eh. this song was written to make the staging crazy and exciting but as a song it doesn't work for me
27. azerbaijan: turalturanx - tell me more
brave of azerbaijan to send two dudes with their song that sound like it teleported itself from an early 00s shitty british movie. that rap part sounds like it's from a corporate song targeted at a young audience to idk make them stop smoking asdfadsf there's something endearing about this song tho
26. uk: mae muller - i wrote a song
i recognize that it's a step in the right direction for the uk and it's a rather fun song but tbh i just don't connect with it. i really liked sam last year and sadly in comparison mae's song seems quite weak to me. though i hope that the (de facto) host country curse doesn't work on the uk this year tho and they don't end up on the very end of the board
25. the netherlands: mia nicolai & dion cooper - burning daylight
ngl i forgot about this song after the first listen. i don't even know what to say about it really, it's just really underwhelming to me. i think i don't actively hate it but i also don't really like it
24. georgia: iru - echo
english grammar rules have left the chat. i'm baffled by the lyrics. but the song overall (along with the video) feels like something from outer space or the future. not in a crazy way tho. i think it has some potential
23. denmark: reiley - breaking my heart
bts are on hiatus so it's his time to shine. no but seriously, there's something so kpopy about this song? i defo like it more than the other "breaking heart" song this year but still. the dude gives me some uncanny valley feeling, especially considering he allegedly pretends to be 5 years younger than he actually is? i love eurovision drama
22. estonia: alika - bridges
we have very few true ballads this year but i think this one's ok!! not a ballad girl myself but i don't mind this one, i like her voice. gives me adele bond theme vibes. i've seen people say alika isn't really selling this song but i saw her national final performance and it seemed fine to me? not much you can really do when you're singing a ballad tbh
21. armenia: brunette - future lover
imma be real with you, i laughed out loud when i first listened to this song because of the lyrics. but i think the song is kinda nice anyway? not a fave but it's nice enough
20. malta: the busker - dance (our own party)
they got sax and in theory i should like it. but i'm not a fan. the whole "ooh i wanna stay at home in my sweater" shtick doesn't work for me. i can see why some people are vibing to this song but it's not doing it for me
19. sweden: loreen - tattoo
i'm a noted hater of sweden at eurovision so don't expect me to say anything nice hhhh the song is rather fine and loreen is fantastic but at the same time i feel like the entire song is just one idea repeated over and over without any sort of variation. her staging at melfest seems quite interesting but overall i don't think this has a potential to win? especially if the people watching in may remember euphoria. tattoo pales in comparison
18. san marino: piqued jacks - like an animal
hear me out………i don't hate this song. yes maybe it's cringe but somehow it keeps getting stuck in my head because it's catchy asdfasdfadsf i'm waiting for the studio version bc it's hard to properly judge it based on the shit sound mix at san marino nf
17. ukraine: tvorchi - heart of steel
was kinda surprised watching vidbir when this won! but then again ukraine keeps giving us different things constantly. i quite like this song but it's also too lowkey for me, nothing to go crazy about. still, it's a vibe
16. norway: alessandra - queen of the kings
ngl when i first heard the song i couldn't understand why people like it so much. now i enjoy it more but i wouldn't say it's a fave of mine? i can see it getting a good result though, there's something very eurovision about it
15. serbia: luke black - samo mi se spava
i feel like technically i should like this song but i….don't. i think the music itself is quite fun but…..the performance makes it seem like it was written for the netflix eurovision movie. something about this guy's voice bothers me. the nail to the coffin for me is the fact that the title of this song sounds close to "samo mi się spawa" in polish which means "it welds on its own for me" instead of "i just wanna sleep" which is what the title actually means 💀 i can't shake this association off and it doesn't help me like this song more
14. slovenia: joker out - carpe diem
at first i wasn't impressed but overall i think it's quite a fun indie/pop rock song!! and it's always nice to hear a native language instead of english
13. lithuania: monika lynkytė - stay
it's a pleasant song and the lithuanian bit is my fave part of the song. overall i don't mind it, but also i'm not crazy about it. sort of disappointed because i really loved sentimentai last year :(
12. belgium: gustaph - because of you
i haven't watched the belgian nf so i don't know what the other options were (that people are so mad about not winning) but i quite like this one!!! it's a bop, makes me wanna dance. i hope gustaph brings some voguing to liverpool
11. moldova: pasha parfeni - soarele şi luna
the only true folk influenced song we have this year, i like it!! it's a banger, it has some sort of flute going on, from what i've seen the lyrics refer to a folk legend? we love it
10. australia: voyager - promise
banger!! pleasantly surprised because i don't think i've ever really really liked any of australia's entries in the past. thought the random high note in the second verse is quite funny to me tbh asdasdfds
9. croatia: let 3 - mama ŠČ!
i think it's more of a whole package where the song doesn't really make full sense without the performance but in some strange way i enjoy the song anyway. the lyrics also are quite understandable in polish which probably also makes it easier for me (and i imagine other slavic people as well) to understand the message without feeling confused about what's going on
8. albania: albina & familja kelmendi - duje
the drama?? i love it. i saw somebody say it feels like a turkish telenovela and they've got a point. it makes me feel something (unlike some other entries) and i appreciate it. plus the instrumental absolutely fucks
7. spain: blanca paloma - eaea
when i first heard the song i didn't understand it at all. i feel like i still don't fully Get it but there's something so fascinating about it to me that i can't stop thinking about it. i'm so confused? but i think it means i enjoy it. definitely something i like more than slomo last year
6. germany: lord of the lost - blood & glitter
yell heah!! germany finally sending something worthwhile. i keep listening to this song on loop, i wanna twerk to it. love the combo of metal AND glitter <3
5. france: la zarra - évidemment
i already liked it at first listen and it keeps growing on me! not a big fan of chanson type of songs but this one is a banger + her look in the music video is gorgeous, i hope she keeps it for liverpool
4. czechia: vesna - my sister's crown
liked it before it was chosen at czechia's national final and was happy when they won but i kinda got bored of it after a month or so? i still think it's a good song (even tho i know people have some issues with it) and i love the mix of three different slavic languages. i think with the right staging they can win me back
3. latvia: sudden lights - aijā
OK OK… when i first heard it i was like ok. but then one evening i randomly found myself watching the moldovan nf and they were guests there and when they played their song in this shitty studio i was like omg it's actually really good?? obsessed with the lullaby bit at the end. i hope to god they qualify, they need to bring justice to latvia after citi zeni's nq last year
2. austria: teya & salena - who the hell is edgar?
what a surprise?? adored it at first listen. it both manages to be a bop while also trying to say something. i loved in corpore sano last year, i love who the hell is edgar this year
1. finland: käärijä - cha cha cha
what can i say......i usually don't really listen to any of the national final songs and just wait for the winner of each one but the thumbnail for cha cha cha music video on yt intrigued me so i watched it. and immediately i wanted käärijä to win eurovision weeks before he even won the finnish nf. the song is sooo addictive and his entire look/performance is hypnotizing. i know he's a favourite to win rn but if he somehow flops in may i'm gonna be really really sad. come on, it's crazy it's party. i think this finnish win would be a really fitting addition to lordi's win in 2006
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UMK 2023 Song Review - Käärijä
The hype is very real around Uuden Musiikin Kilpailu (UMK), the Finnish national selection for Eurovision and the race to Liverpool continues with ..... I don’t know what this is actually!
Käärijä - Cha Cha Cha
youtube
Most of Finns had never heard of Käärijä before the artist release of UMK23 a month back. Including me. So zero expectations. I didn’t know the language he was gonna perform, I maybe expected some dancy sounding tune based on the title. However, he described his song that “this track combines all three big Finnish loves together: party, pop and heavy music”. Should have known something crazy will be coming up ever since I read he’s a ESC Verka Serduschka fan (Ukraine 2007).
Cha Cha Cha gets your attention from the first second untill the last one. You know right away that you have something in here. The song kind of starts with rap, there’s techno sounds also, the darkness reminds me of Hatari (Iceland 2019) the chorus is aggressive almost violent but catchy and memorable as hell. The music video is a perfect fit to this! Be prepared to be knocked out by some Cha Cha Cha!
There’s no one like this in UMK or in Eurovision. Then when you think you’re figured out the song everything turns upside down and the song becomes this pop-folk banger. I can hear Verka here actually! A definite late night dancefloor hit in a Finnish bar! The ending is explosive, just pure fireworks and you’re like WTF did I just hear.
There’s a wide selection of genres here, just take your pick while trying to put this guy into one box.
Käärijä likes to confuse people and traditional sounds aren’t his thing. This is definitely clear! Cha Cha Cha will surely test boundaries, push some people away as it will cheer up and encourage others. This will surely cause a reaction and sometimes that’s all it’s needed from a decent hit and Eurovision song. In the end lovers count more than the haters. This is by far the most played and watched UMK entry this year in all the platforms. Foreigner ESC bloggers have been mostly excited about this and highlighting how Finnish language fits these hard sounds perfectly.
I can definitely see this advancing to ESC (I don’t think even a bad UMK staging might stop people from voting for this!) and put my money on it that Europeans will this time around understand a piece of Finnish crazyness!
What do you think of the fifth UMK23 track and would you vote for Käärijä’s Cha Cha Cha to go all the way to Liverpool? UMK final takes place on February 25th!
#UMK2023#uudenmusiikinkilpailu#uuden musiikin kilpailu#eurovision#Eurovison Song Contest#eurovisionsongcontest#euroviisut#eurovision 2023#songreview#song review#yle#Finnish Music#finnish#finland#Suomi
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Song Review: Albania
Time for Albania - represented by Albina. Could you think of a more fitting name?
Albina & Familja Kelmendi - Duje
Personal opinion: My immediate impression of this song was: this is totally Eurovision material. And it, indeed, has so many ESC-worthy ingredients - a strong, powerful start, great vocals, an ethnic instrumental section, and a catchy, memorable chorus. Definitely hits the “Love Love Peace Peace” checklist! (Well, not sure about the lyrics, as I don’t understand Albanian and haven’t checked the translation yet.) I definitely enjoyed it. It was one of the most outstanding packages in the national final, conveying a nice amount of energy and party vibes. That being said, I do feel there is something missing from the song - perhaps it still needs some oomph to turn a great song into an excellent one. Seeing that Albanian contestants tend to revamp their entries, I have hope this will be improved even further.
Also, the song kind of reminds me of Nova Deca (Serbia 2018). But as a less dark, more celebratory version.
Prediction: At this point, I can see it faring better than Sekret - that is, getting into the final. I can imagine the song being liked especially by televoters, and that’s a good sign considering the semifinals are televote-only. With some revamping, it could also have a good jury appeal. The overall result should be around 15-18, if I’m being realistic. I don’t see as much success potential in it than in the Ukrainian entry.
Thoughts on national selection: I’m a firm believer on quality over quantity, and in large selections like this, you often end up getting lots of filler songs and maybe a handful of great entries. Yes, I get that it’s the FiK format and that the contest serves a bigger purpose than simply a Eurovision selection, but still! (And don’t even mention Sanremo, there’s a reason I never watch it.) While the overall quality didn’t impress me, there were a few gems (although none of them in the level of queen Jonida Maliqi); beside the Eurovision representative, my favourites were the overall winner - Elsa Lila’s haunting ballad - and Manjola Nallbani’s nostalgic banger. I also enjoyed Arsi Bako’s beautiful ballad that unfortunately got eliminated in the semifinal.
As for the format changes, I like that the songs were only heard for the first time in the actual show - you get to know the whole package immediately without building expectations based on studio versions. I also liked that the public got to choose the ESC entrant - after all, a country’s entry should represent the taste of the citizens, not of a handful of music professionals. Sure, if I’m being realistic, Elsa Lila might have had better chances at succeeding, but the people clearly wanted Albina and got what they wanted.
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ESC 2022 semi finale 1 - my ramblings
Genuinely shocked by Ronela’s vocal performance. At the national final and the Eurovision preparties she had stuck out to me as one of the better vocalists but this was painful. Also wasn’t a fan of her staging and costuming. It didn’t match the song at all. Not surprising that she didn’t qualify. Big shame though, I was rooting for her.
Citi Zeni on the other hand in my opinion did an amazing performance. Beyond the meme of everyone in Europe collectively screeching “pussy” as loudly as they can, I found that Citi Zeni brought an infectious energy to their performance and delivered an amazing spectacle. Was really expecting them to qualify and am shocked and a bit heartbroken that they nq’d. Not to be all conspiracy theorist, but I’m pretty sure the jury did them dirty.
Monica Liu was amazing, she always is and she will be in the finals. 10/10, not much else to say. My queen.
Marius Bear’s song was the only one I actively disliked going in to the semi finale and hearing him not hit those higher notes and seeing the underwhelming staging, I was really shocked when he was the first announced to qualify. And I don’t want to be too harsh to the guy, but in my opinion there were several artists that had a better song and a better performance. Absolutely baffling to me how we got here.
LPS really stepped up their staging and I personally enjoyed their performance, though it was clear from the start that it wouldn’t be enough to qualify for the grand finale. I hope these kids keep Eurovision as a fond memory and continue doing music, they deserve it.
Kalush Orchestra were my favorites going in to the semi finale and they definitely delivered. I am just about sick of hearing tone-deaf westerners complain about supposed “pity-votes”, which first of all is a huge assumption and second of all ignores the fact that they were favorites in the rankings even before the war started. Regardless of all of that, if Kalush Orchestra win, it’ll be because of their captivating performance and beautiful song.
Intelligent Music Project were a little bit of a pleasant surprise. I didn’t terribly like them or their song all that much going into the semi finale, but their performance turned out to be quite solid. With a better song they might even have qualified. But as is, their nq is not a surprise at all.
S10’s performance was beautiful and emotional and unlike with Marius Bear, here the stripped down staging really worked in her favour. I ended up enjoying her performance the most. Can’t wait to see what happens in the grand finale.
I’m gonna be honest, I really like Trenulețul, it’s a fun dumb song that’s just campy enough for Eurovision. I’ve enjoyed every Eurovision entry of Zdob şi Zdub and this one is no exception. But I wouldn’t in a million years have expected them to qualify and I’m really stoked that they did.
MARO was another positive surprise. A captivating performance and great stage presence. I was completely won over after it and now I’m happy to see them perform in the finale.
I had zero feelings about Guilty Pleasure, it never particular stood out to me in a positive or negative way, and it was the same in the semi finale. No surprise that Mia Dimšić didn’t qualify.
I thought REDDI’s performance has definitely improved since the national final, but that said I still don’t enjoy their song at all. Similar to Intelligent Music Project, as someone who’s preferred music genres are under the rock and metal umbrella, it’s harder to accept a bland rock song in Eurovision than a good pop song/showtune ballad.
Pia Maria was not treated fairly by the press. She has the same age as LPS and they were never questioned about their inexperience or bullied for having shaky vocals. And many many people who went out of their way to bully this 18-year-old need to take a long hard look in the mirror and reconsider why they have the urge to make a kid miserable. And it wasn’t just her vocals that made Austria nq, the staging was awful, sticking the two of them into a giant LED ring, while having them dressed in black with a darkened stage. What were they thinking?
Systur have really grown on me. Their song was delightful and beautiful and the three of them seem really nice. I wasn’t expecting them to qualify, but I’m happy that they did.
Die Together was never one of my favorite songs before the semi finale but I think the staging worked wonders to improve my feelings on it. Amanda has an amazing stage presence and she really nailed the vocals. Definitely someone to look out for in the finale.
Subwoolfer was one of my favorites of the night, everything played together amazingly and I’m just really happy to see them perform on Saturday again.
Rosa Linn in my opinion had the best staging of the evening and despite the song not really being my thing, the performance was shockingly good and Rosa Linn definitely deserved to qualify
TLDR, lots of surprises for me last night, some of my favourites didn’t make it and others I have overlooked before have really grown on me after their performances. Also the only song I dislike has made it into the grande finale, but hey, at least someone needs to continue the tradition of zero points in the televotes *shrugs*
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Mijn populairste berichten in 2022:
#5
“all the way from Haarlem, where my friend Vanderpool raise herb in his glass-houses all the year.”
On the one hand I admire the accuracy of knowing about Haarlem as a city close to Amsterdam and the prominence of glass-houses in the Netherlands to grow non-native plants, but on the other hand Vanderpool definitely reads as an American descended from Dutch immigrants
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#4
Can’t believe I will never learn any new information about the best woman ever Mina Harker and her husband my good friend Jonathan Harker
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#3
Okay no but my favourite part of today’s Dracula was that Seward has never stopped to think about how he would ever find something back in his phonograph diary
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#2
Not Mina saying she will try to come by tomorrow juxtaposed with Seward saying he thinks Lucy will die tomorrow
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Mijn #1-bericht van 2022
Pet peeve but in today’s Dracula Abraham Van Helsing is wrongly spelled because the van should be lower case if you write the whole name. You should only capitalise the van if you only use the last name, so it’s professor Van Helsing and Abraham van Helsing
638 notities - Geplaatst 2 september 2022
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#tumblr2022#tumblr year in review#I removed the tags to the blogs though because I can imagine that might be annoying for popular blogs#also the longest tag is again not my single longest tag#because I hit character limit in the tags every week#love all my most popular posts being Dracula daily posts#fun fact I wrote my most popular post in the time it took my train to ride into the station and open the doors#anyway tagged all of my posts! good work me
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