#days without losing it over that fucking wizard: 0

[armsofhadar]

gale wanting power to prove he has worth astarion wanting power to be safe wyll wanting power to protect the ones he loves

#gale #astarion #wyll ravengard #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #i'm just so gughghgh about them #also gale and astarion's parallels about hunger OAGHH #i remember tim saying something about gale like 'he has a cat and a library. all this man desperately wants is to be loved' and i just ALSG #paraphrased but u kno #days without losing it over that fucking wizard: 0 #relapsed relapsed relapsed

[black-rose-writings]

Fate rant part 3 - the side antagonists

Continuation of part 2

I’ll try to order them by seasons, but a lot of them appear in more than one, so let’s go.

Seasons 1-5 (ish) - Mitzi

Mitzi is your basic rich bully. Very generic, 0 depth.

Stalks Brandon for a part of season 4 because he saves her life and that’s probably her biggest role in the entire show.

All seasons - Diaspro

She deserved better. There, I said it.

Diaspro was arranged to be married to Sky at a very young age and was raised with this in mind. She was raised believing she would one day be the queen of Eraklyon. Arranged or not, she fell in love with Sky, kinda. It was probably more of an entitlement, but to be fair to her, that’s how it was presented to her.

And then, he breaks the engagement off for (as far as she knew) some peasant girl who also makes you look like an idiot in front of a whole bunch of people.

Sky cheated on her, plain and simple and she’s rightfully angry about it.

Because her purpose is basically just to be “the crazy clingy ex” to Sky, her quality as an antagonist varries wildly, from being an actually competent enemy who can get carried away by her love(ish) for Sky and/or hatred of Bloom in seasons 3 and 6, to being ridiculous, goofy and stupid like in season 8.

Season 3 - Countess Cassandra and her daughter

Stella’s almost wicked step-mom and step-sister.

There’s not much to say for the daughter, she’s a basic rich kid bully.

Cassandra is a moderately interesting character. She’s shown to be manipulative and a status seeker, who is willing to make a deal with the devil and endanger her planet just for power and status.

Season 4 - The Earth Fairies

When the Earth fairies are freed, they go on a vengeance crusade, basically.

And can you blame them?

While we don’t know why the Wizards started hunting them or the full history between fairies and humans, we the Wiazrds were hunting them, forced them into hiding for centuries, mutilated them and locked them in their own realm - again, for centuries in some cases. And the humans didn’t do jack shit and, as we later see in season 7, at least some humans were actively trying to hunt and kill magic users/fairies on their own. Assuming witch trials happened in the Winx universe, it’s likely some fairies got torched, too. And since fairies of Earth are heavily tied to nature, they also weren’t exactly thrilled with what humans have done to the planet, either.

They end up giving humans a second chance at the end, after witnessing for themselves that there are some humans who are not complete garbage, kinda begining the environmental themes of the following seasons.

They’re fun and interesting as antagonists, partly because most people can see where they’re coming from.

But seriously, I’d like some backstory.

Season 6 - Selina

I don’t know what to think of Selina because, well, she’s sort of all over the place.

The best way I can understand it is that she was brainwashed/corrupted by the Legendarium/Acheron and eventually breaks through that brainwashing when he double-crosses her.

Her being Bloom’s old friend didn’t really do much, except break the established lore, especially season 4′s.

Season 8 - Obscurio

He’s a funny punching bag henchman with a unibrow. What else can I say?

Like, there’s some point around him about feeling left-out or overshadowed by his sister ala Loki, but because the target audince is toddlers, everything is solved with a hug.

Fate - Beatrix

One could argue she’s the main villain, but honestly, she is really just a hench-girl to the real bad guys.

She’s edgy, she drops a few passable one-liners and she kills people without hesistation. Whoopty-fucking-doo.

I will dive into how she compares to the OG Trix, but let’s just say she’s fucking boring compared to them.

Also, smoking is fucking disgusting, whether it’s weed, tobacco or whatever else. It’s disgusting and makes me lose all respect for someone as a person or character.

Fate - Riven

Again, he’s an insult to the OG Riven, but let’s sum up his role:

He’s edgy, he’s an asshole, he drops a handful of passable one liners and is down for murder as long as there’s a hot girl in it for him. Also, really terrible bisexual representation.

OG Riven has a crappy life and he’s acts like an asshole as a result. Fate!Riven is just a dick for no discernable reason.

Basically, both of these two are like pizza-cutters (as is the whole show, honestly) - all edge and no point.

Fate - The Teachers

I’m putting them all in a single point.

They’re not really antagonists, but they’re shady as hell and the confusing writing doesn’t do them any favors.

And that’s about it.

#Winx #winx club #winx fate salt #fate winx saga

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

So, I always wanted to know a bit more about Wands in the harry potter universe. Given that they are so central to life, it would be nice to have a bit more info.

The wood - we know there's like 4/5 different types of wood they choose, and they're all things they can get in region. Does that imply then that aussie wizards could have wattle, eucalyptus, or other local trees?

What about trees native to the region, JK? TELL ME

How do they choose the tree. Do they have to come from a specific place, or do wandmakers need to wander through magically inclined forests until a branch falls off into their hands, or what?

Is there like commercial plantations of these trees, to feed the constant need for all the children constantly coming into their power?

What does that look like? What are the hazards? Can the place get infested by bad magic or what? Pesticides or no?

So they find the tree, next step? Is it just like 'yes, dibs that branch' and that's it, or do they take the whole tree? What are their conservation policies?

Or do they need to do a spell, or use a ritual or something before/during/after harvesting?

Crafting... how do they know what length and shape to make for each piece of wood? Like, is it like when artists make statues and they can already see what is inside the marble/wood, etc.? Or do they just make as many randomly shaped wands as they can for each one... is there a magial equivalent of a lathe? Or is this all by hand?

How do they choose designs, assuming the wand isn't calling out to them? Like, some are delicately patterned, and the elder wand was straight up a**l beads???

Are there variations based on the shop, the wandmaker and the region?

The core - apart from the main question of how they get the core in there (drill a hole and slip it in? make it into a potion and soak the wand? lay it on the crafted wand and it disappears in a show of magic?), and if this is done before or after the wand is shaped... You have to think it's a little fucked up the way they go about it, right?

Standards are like, Unicorn hair, Phoenix Feathers (Rare) and Dragon Heartstring, right?

Well how the fuck do they get these things without unethical commerical farming? Unicorn hair is easy enough, you have a herd of them on a ranch protected from bad guys or whatever (and centaurs are lobbying against it bc what the fuck magical people) and most of the strands can be picked up from where they catch / fall out by fences, in the paddock, in the barn at night, etc

But what if they just pluck them. I mean, there are places that live-pluck birds for the feathers, which is fucked up, and we know magical people see any magical creature or half-human as lesser...

Assuming things are totally ethical, best case is that the unicorns lose a bit of mane or tail hair every so often and it is sourced from the field. Worst case, they are trapped in stalls all day every day and shaved beyond acceptable (look up horse tails, it's not all hair) to the detriment of the animals...

Ideally, but more impracticably, the wandmakers could wander through the forest and meet at a certain place with wild herds. They bring the carrots, the unicorns hand over a few strands once a year...

\I know unicorn cores are meant to be harder to turn to the dark arts but like... what if the unicorns are upset, stressed and angry? You'd think that would turn on them, right?

Phoenix Feathers... well they're rare. I think they probs have to get it willingly, or it doesn't work. Wasn't that in the books somewhere? But it wouldn't have to be. I mean, they're an immortal resource... even if you mistreat a phoenix, it cant escape in death.

You just have to wait a bit for it to regrow, and there's probs spells to help speed that up. I mean, look how the world treats chickens (caged), would it be that hard for magical society (with fewer animal oversight committiees and laws) to pull some nonsense...

The dragon cores are the ones that always used to stress me out, as a concept, as a child. Like, there's a LOT of dragon heartstring wands, its common... that implies a lot of dead dragons.

How many hearstrings does the average dragon have, in this universe? Assuming at least four... that's only four wands, maybe eight if they cut them in half and it still works.

So, are they commercially farmed? Is Charlie Weasley complicit in dragon farming with the goal of harvesting the animals for parts? What happened to the dragons from the Triwizard Tournament? Is there a first year with a Special Dragon Heartstring wand?

Also, would they need to prep them specially?

What variations are there, as well? Like these are the main 3, but other countries and places have to have others, or have tried other magical things?

Do you think there are houself ears, or Centaur tendons, or mermaid fins, or kraken tentacles, or niffler claws, or goblin teeth, or redcap blood, in their wands? And it only phased out of common production recently as new protections came in for magical races?

Is there a blackmarket trade for illegal cores and if you have enough it can be 'verified' as a legal core...? There are implications here.

So you have the core, you have the wood, you have the wandmaker who slapped it together and imbued it with magic... you have a wand. Does it do a little sparkle or something when it works?

Are there wands that get to the end of the process and just... fail to work? How do they dispose of them?

Do they put resin or a protective potion/agent on it? They have to last for years, right?

Longevity - So you have a wand your entire life, unless it breaks or it is taken for being a Bad Naughty Little WizardTM... for one, how does the wand choose the person? Even if we slap a 'magic' bandaid on it, there are still more questions about it.

Do you lose your wand if you become impaired? Like, would a magical doctor remove your wand if you got dementia and 'lost capacity'? But then, how would it control your innate magic? The stuff you can do wandless? Off topic.

So you pass away, is your wand typically buried with you? Is it given to a family member? If so, then how does that work because the info the author gave was it was one wand = one person, pick each other etc. Assuming it does bond to that other family member, who is probably young enough to not have their own wand yet... does that mean their perfect wand will never be bought?

If not, what normally occurs? Does the wand get taken by the council Dept of Births, Deaths, Marriages and Magical Incineration to be checked over and reset to 0? Does it get returned to the Wandsmith shoppe who made it, so they can check it is fine to be reused? Does your wand choose another person, who will never know how well it once fit into your hand? The atrocities you committed with it?

How does this system work? Is there magic recycling, or is it all waste...?

Are cores from animals who did not consent at greater risk of turning the bearer evil?

What if your wand breaks... like Ron's did? Like... he had an older relative's wand, so he got a proper wand that matched him. But what if your Perfect Match of a wand is damaged? Why is there no option to have the wand repaired properly...

If humans today would rather die than get a replacement roomba, you have to assume people would be pretty damn attached to their wands... maybe more than usual. Is it about profit? Or can they just not fix it? What are the limitations on fixing a wand, or is it just not considered at all?

Is there... wand insurance?

Like, it feels like there was a lot to talk about...

#things i have wondered during hours coughing and drivin #g #harry potter #the author is dead #so i turn to the fandom and people who probs thought of this first #lets make some LORE

[aqvarius]

I been wondering how many untranslated sub stories hlitf left? And which one, that u want to be translate asap

at first i was just going to answer this as “a lot”, but i was curious and really decided to count the actual number. and the answer is A LOT. 129 untranslated substories to be exact!! (128 when ayumu’s episode 0 comes out). i also didn’t count “discontinued stories” or reward stories (the ones you can only get if you met campaign requirements) or repackaged stories (there’s a substory which is just the text version of goto/kaga/shinonome’s voiced stories, and another 5 which are just goto/kaga/shinonome’s voiced stories split by chapter rather than character. i also didn’t check koi cafe. 

there are so many that i want to be translated!! but let me list a few of the ones i want the most:

all of the 勘違い ♡ BABY stories, also bc the SP (bodyguards) appear in these stories~

in kaga’s one, you go on a diet cause he squished your stomach and said it was soft while he was sleeping lol and also bc ayumu is compiling photos for something like a yearbook (graduation album) and saw you about to eat a doughnut and told you that the camera adds 10lbs. because you go on a soy-heavy diet, your period isn’t arriving and you go see an obgyn as recommended by riko. in the hospital, you bump into katsuragi!! anyway you left your phone in the obgyn department and get called to retrieve it on the loudspeaker so katsuragi and shinonome hear it and assume you’re pregnant. you tell shinonome to keep it a secret and then he blackmails you into helping him with the grad album and kaga gets annoyed since you’re listening to someone other than your master. when he finds out that you went to the hospital to see an obgyn he’s just... SO SOFT AND CARING???????? he makes you lie down and sleep and he makes you so much food and is relieved that your complexion is back to normal and when you tell him the reason you started dieting he APOLOGISES ALSKDJFLAS. one of the options to respond to his apology is asking him if he has a fever lol. another option is telling him to stop (apologising) and be mean like he usually is and then he’s like are you a masochist lmao. 

anyway he tells you that if you really are pregnant, don’t hide it next time since “it’s OUR problem” and not just yours. he also says that not speaking up might harm you and that he doesn’t intend for your relationship to be loose/casual (meaning he’s serious about being with you). HELP I LOVE KAGA.

afterwards, katsuragi is in the instructor’s room to do something and then he thinks you’re pregnant so he gives you a congratulatory bouquet from your team and ayumu literally loses it. 

I LOVE THIS STORY SO MUCH i can’t WAIT until it’s translated!! you all know i love soft/caring kaga the most and getting that + pregnancy misunderstanding + katsuragi + ayumu being a brat all in one story? *chefs kiss* incredible. i read this story on sato’s room, my favourite jp blog for hlitf content.

in goto’s one, where you go to a drinking party with naruko but it turns out to be a group date (goukon). sora and kurosawa make an appearance (naturally!!)

kaiji makes an appearance in ishigami’s route in which you go to his place to retrieve some documents for him and find lipstick and a lingering scent at his place after he cancels a date because he’s busy with work...

shinonome’s one is the one i’ve briefly mentioned before where his mc ends up with a porn dvd by accident. ayumu also gets jealous of mizuki in it (since his mc in particular just loves mizuki and is starstruck every time she sees him lol, the same thing happens in one of his vip room chapters too )

soma’s route is the one i also posted about recently where you have a matchmaking meeting with subaru. i’ve mentioned this like 5 times before but i literally am dying to see subaru/soma dynamics since subaru is usually so alpha male but soma was his mentor and senpai and trained him in criminal affairs and he really respects him, so i’m desperate to see them interact particularly in a competitive(?) setting. 

there’s another substory i want which is just for kaga and soma called ふれない夜を過ごすとき (when you spend a night without touching). the common factor in both stories is that mc turns down kaga and soma’s advances in bed (because of different story-related reasons) and it results in a ‘cold’ night where they just go to sleep. it’s so appropriate for these two considering they’re the most sexual/physical in the whole title. 

in this substory, voltage alternates between your pov and his pov for each chapter which i think is so interesting. i also love seeing both instructors being so ANXIOUS? about being turned down, since it never happens. and they’re so accepting of your rejection but so worried and hurt asdlkfs i love it. seeing soma being rattled for once is an incredible feeling lmao. and also seeing the third chapter from his perspective is so cool because you really get to see him put his detective skills to use when it comes to gathering information.

a fun detail in kaga’s route is that at the beginning you watch a film together called “ 私の名は” (obviously meant to be playing on “your name” kimi no na wa) haha. by the way, this is also the substory where we meet akane (who you may have seen in kaga vip room stories and ss3). i’m not going to spoil who akane actually is but let’s just say it was totally unexpected... 

aside from these two i want:

入捜査は蜜の味 which is a substory about going on undercover mission with your man. by the way, in this substory, kosugi from my sweet bodyguard is already a famous actress whose shows sell out in under a minute. 

離れるの禁止！－手錠で１日独り占め♡ー a substory just for kaga, goto and shinonome where you end up handcuffed to your instructor for a day

私を見つけて☆王子様 an AU substory with kaga, shinonome and namba routes since they won places in the 2015 election. the concept is like a cinderella x tanabata situation and it’s honestly HYSTERICAL. 

in the kaga ver, shinonome and soma are your evil stepbrother and stepfather respectively and you can only see kaga once a year. you met him in town last year and you spent a day (and night ;)) together and now you want to go to the ball this year. goto and kurosawa are your wizards (fairy godmothers) and their sprites wear giant witch hats with their regular suits. it’s literally so funny. ishigami is kaga’s butler and honestly, he is such a claude lmao. kurosawa reappears disguised as a prince and tries to get you to dance with him and prince hyogo literally tosses him out of the way and calls him nouveau riche ;alskfdjls. anyway he does the whole “i don’t care about your status” thing and wants to be with you. turns out it was a dream the whole time and you tell kaga about it and he’s like i don’t want that fucking megane to be my butler lmaooo (amongst other cute things that he says)

in the namba ver., kaga and shinonome are your stepbrothers A and B. they’re bullying you as usual and then prince namba shows up. i love how kaga is prince hyogo but namba is just prince namba. he whisks you away to a bar somewhere after joking that you don’t have sex appeal because you’re <30 year old and then butler ishigami comes to get him lol. prince namba tells you to grow a little next time you meet and then ishigami is like stop it with the harrassment, you are already being complained about by princesses from neighbouring countries lmaoooo. anyway you get grounded by stepbrothers kaga and shinonome and your evil stepfather soma and made to stay indoors and do chores for the rest of your life while they go to the tanabata ball. wizard goto appears and he’s SHY LOL and he uses his magic to dress you up and whisk you to the ball, where you see prince namba again. you’re about to kiss and then the bell rings and you flee before the date changes (since wizard goto’s magic only works on july 7 lol). literally an entire year passes and you wish to see prince namba at the ball again and wizard goto shows up to grant your wish. however, your evil stepfamily burst in and tie you and wizard goto up because they knew you used magic to go to the ball last year hahahahahhaa. you somehow escape and ride goto’s horse to the ball and namba sees you cause your horse is like screaming/making some really weird noise. he brings you inside and has a whole bunch of gowns and accessories laid out and is like “this old man doesn’t know what kids like so just pick whatever”. you get all dolled up and he tells you he’s impressed by how mature you look and that he was waiting for you and long story short he takes you on a garden stroll and gets on his knees and asks you to be with him forever. naturally, it’s a dream and you wake up in the reference room where you chat a bit with namba and then you end up going for ramen but this is before namba ms2 probably so you aren’t together yet and you lament that he just sees you as a trainee. 

i can’t find a copy of shinonome’s ver online and i spent all my money on intl voltage so sadly i can’t summarise it but i bet it’s equally ridiculous and funny. 

カクテルグラスに愛をのせて a really cute set of substories featuring ishigami, namba and soma which are all about “cocktail language” (as in cocktails having different meanings). i want soma’s one to be translated so badly so i can see dumbass mc being fooled over and over and over again by everyone’s lies and then soma ultimately being SO cute~ 

彼が野生動物だった件 this one is basically about you and your man not being able to touch each other because you need to hide your relationship from tsugaru’s surveillance - but when it’s over, you get devoured by your frustrated boyfriend... 

カレが妬くと大変なことになりまs aka all of those rival jealousy stories. naturally i’m most desperate for soma v shinonome. also, the first of these stories to come out (a while before any of the other ones) was kaga vs tsugaru, so i thought haha they replaced the “す” with “s” for sadist. they kept the titling like this for every single rival pair (namba v kurosawa, ishigami v goto, soma v shinonome) and i was like oh that does undermine it... but then i realised that as tsugaru once said, their entire department is full of sadists and public safety division should be renamed to SM division so~

aside from all of those, i want all the anniversary stories as well with their accompanying CGs and/or manga!! 

ahh... there’s also the 2/365 birthday story (which is where ishigami gifts you the matching watch btw) which is literally just everyone spoiling you and it’s so cute. anyway if i don’t stop this now i will keep going on and on and on but basically every single hlitf substory is AMAZING? i hope they release the untranslated summer ones soon too as summer is coming up!

ETA: I FORGOT TO MENTION I ALSO WANT THIS WHOLE SET: 逆転バレンタイン- 恋人は専属補佐官 which is a valentine special where basically the roles are reversed and you are the instructor and he is your exclusive aide~ 

and i want the entire kare kiss set as well because you know how much i love a jealousy plot ;) 

EDIT 2: I ALSO FORGOT TO MENTION 加賀兵吾の再調教 if only just for this one image 

and this formalwear sprite

and also just the drama of you being locked in a cage barely conscious for days while kaga has to pretend to sell you to a perverted millionaire 

by the way, the heart necklace you’re wearing in the cg is something that kaga gave in one of his main routes iirc and he literally tramples on it in this special... the DRAMA

#Anonymous #snow answers #her love in the force #hlitf #seiji goto #hyogo kaga #hideki ishigami #shusuke soma #ayumu shinonome #jin namba #toru kurosawa #takaomi tsugaru #voltage inc #voltage otome #otome game #otome romance #love 365 #love 365 find your story

[kimyoonmiauthor]

Gender

Lower engagement, but higher personal satisfaction... let’s go for that.

How I define my gender.

I’ve never really been 100% committed to being a woman.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-know-I-am-cisgender-Ive-heard-some-cis-people-do-question-their-gender-and-Im-trying-to-tell-whether-Im-trans-or-one-of-these-cases Taking the questions from here... it would split this way: Gender dysphoria- when I was younger, a little. Gender Euphoria- never. Gender Politics (beyond basic empathy for others)- Oh fuck no. I don’t get why so many, particularly cis men are hung up on men must wear pants and not pink. I *do* look for women in history, but it’s more like a solidarity and hating erasure of marginalized groups and celebrating those marginalized groups. So political one way, but not particularly on the philosophical performance part. I also tend to spend a lot of time on things I don’t understand.

“Do you feel equally comfortable in men and women’s fashion, only noticing the practical differences?” Pretty much. If you give me a man’s suit I’d wear it. I had no issues with playing as a man for a skit.

 Are you basically ambivalent about makeup? 50/50. Sometimes I do care and do it for “funsies” but most of the time I don’t care because I don’t like “woman as object and consumerism.”

“Do you ‘play along’ when someone tells you what your assignment should be doing, but also don’t really care?”

Pretty much true. Like I was told girls aren’t supposed to like dirt. Screw that. girls aren’t supposed to like sports. I was like screw that. Girls aren’t supposed to like bugs. So what?

I did tend to read more women-led fiction over men’s fiction, but that’s mostly because men’s fiction has “gems” that sexualize women in ways that made me squirm. Cis het men’s writing about women usually piss me off, so I usually don’t try. And I’m all about the fairness. (But also note I’m gray-aro and read a crapton of romance, so who knows how that all works. I’m also gray-a and read a crapton of romance, though not sex repulsed (more like somewhere between sex neutral and receptive? I rated myself a 6-7... on a 0-9 scale.)) Gender tests I’ve taken: 50/50. Usually get something like demi-boy or demi girl. Though I don’t really have that much dysphoria. I do occasionally feel pissed off about my sex presentation, but that’s not really dysphoria as in I hate my body parts actively. It’s more like, why do I have to bother with it? It’s so much work to have to worry in the first place.

When you look in the mirror, do you feel like there’s nothing that really needs to be changed?

This one is more like why do I have to care so much? I feel gender fucked. Like why do I have to go through the steps?

Are you happy with your hair, your chest, the shape of your face?

50/50 on this one.

Aside from maybe wanting to bulk up, wash your hair, or lose a few pounds, are you generally pleased with your appearance?

I give no shits?

Do you appreciate your genitals?

75%/25% appreciation/hate. Sometimes I hate they exist.

Do you like the idea of using them in sex or to make a baby?

This is more like my ace side, I think, but meh? Take it or leave it.

Do they make you feel connected to other people with the same genitals socially, such as complaining about periods, or talking about dick length?

Not really. I’m more like why do you care so fucking much? But I’m not sure how much this is an ace thing.

Do you feel like even if you don’t use them, it’s comfortable just having them around?

Sometimes, not always. Might also be an ace thing.

If you were in a social group of only your assigned gender, would you be happy with it?

Not always. I don’t evaluate that way. Trans people are cool. I pick usually by belief systems and who the person is, morally.

Would it be fairly easy to communicate and find things in common?

I feel ambivalent sometimes towards other women, especially when they go off on tangents about mall shopping, clothes, etc. I feel the same about men talking about watching sports and warfare.

Would you feel harmonious and homogeneous with the group, if the individuals had personalities you liked?

Meh? I also listen to people I don’t like.

If you took away all the physical features that made up your assignment, what gender are you now? Where does that feeling come from?

I’m still me. I don’t care.

If you got to choose your gender upon reincarnation, what would you pick?

Flip a coin. Roll a dice. I don’t give a fuck.

If a wizard changed your sex permanently, would you be pissed or excited?

Meh. Don’t care.

What gender characters do you generally play in RPGs, and what options do you wish were more frequently available?

I’ve generally played women, given no other options besides binary, but also moonlighted as men, but then felt sick because male privilege.

“Do I FEEL like my assigned gender?”*

Shrugs. Not that committed. If you got an all-expenses paid trip to womanhood spa central, and became a socially idealized version of yourself, THEN would you feel like a woman? 

No. I oscillate between liking make up for the pure knowledge of it, and not giving a fuck. I’ve never understood the hours of make up, hair performance, etc.

As a child, I was the type that wanted to be good at *everything* and was upset that my Dad wouldn’t give me the time of day for “masculine” things. I was *also* good at figuring things out. I *also* wanted to be good at sports. I *also* like girly things occasionally. I wanted it all and didn’t see why my brother or me got compliments for different things and felt deep insult when I couldn’t do that too and also get compliments for it. (If you’re imagining an annoying precocious child--that’s about right) I don’t see the point of the gender construct when it re-enforces ideas of genders can do only certain things, when it’s never been proven true. So why are people so effing committed to performing it? I wear hanbok. I’ll wear a male one. I’ll make an androgynous one. I wear those without issue. I’ll cross dress if I like, because I don’t really see the point and European and European-derived defined genders as fucked in the first place. What is this men==violence and horses thing? What is this women==weakness and capitalism thing? I don’t get it. And why do I have to wear European-derived clothes in the first place? Plus from my academic study of gender and gender history, that just cemented for me how fucked up the White European and White European diaspora is about gender in the first place and I feel even less committed to it. I do perform usually more like a woman than a man, but it’s more like whatever is convenient, rather than an absolute commitment to the role. ‘cause you know, my gender is my least concern here, (probably along with ace aro) while not quite hating on it. I wear my hair long, because money and I don’t feel like cutting it very often and I like to be able to keep it out of my food, as well.

I don’t mind masculine pronouns in theory, because whatever floats your boat. But I do care if you think foreign name==men, because that’s giving into masculine hegemony and that is rude to other people unlike me who might be more committed to their genders, and that I definitely care about.

#gender #gender identity

[yfere]

Shipping Calculus! Live Updates from C2E67

A Battle heavy episode, but not one without its Shipping Moments! Thank you to @alarnia, @softazelma, and @drinkingdeadpeopletea for helping with data entry. Masterpost here.

+23 to Caleb/Jester/The Silver Thread of Fate They get equal credit as Caleb did this with Jester’s suggestions and guidance, even choosing the ankle—then the pinky to tie everyone together with! They knew what they were doing. This is polynein at work, my friends.

+15 to Caleb/Channeling His Inner Druid as he polymorphs into a spider, and a giant eagle, and in general has seemed to decide that he much prefers being an animal to a human wizard being.

+16 to Caleb/Caduceus …An inclination which happens to be very compatible with a Caduceus romance, as dear Cads is the only one Not Quite A Druid!Caleb can understand when he’s being his dumbo polymorphed self. These two did pretty well on the Battle Points—despite a few missed opportunities Caduceus did Bless the Spider, and Caduceus is very, very appreciative of Caleb’s searching the Spider Lair. Caduceus in general trying to stick by Caleb, though point loss for Caleb rebuffing him by insisting that the blind folks Should Not Be Beside Each Other. Both of them sharing an attitude of respect for the dead…

+6 to Jester/Caduceus…and Jester makes an effort to respect the dead as well, when asking for Caduceus’ advice on the optics of stealing an angel skull to interrogate. Some Battle Points with Jester also smashing up attacking spiders and so on, Caduceus confusedly letting Eagle!Jester carry him to safety and staying by the door until she herself was safe.

+8 to Caleb/Jester which would be more, what with Caleb tossing all Keys and Goods in her direction, them both turning into Eagles together, Caleb hanging on every suggestion of Jester’s and staying behind even while on death’s door himself to make sure she made it back safely and Fireball her foes…however, there is no better way to drain all the points out of a ship then to reject hand holding when it’s offered to you. Shame on you, Jester!

-1 to The Mighty Nein/No Jester Left Behind Act as Eagle!Jester rescues literally everyone—Nott, Caduceus, Yasha—to be, once again, the last to get to safety, the closest to being left behind. Points gained for Caduceus and Caleb hanging out by the door for her

+5 to Nott/Never Letting Shit Go as she pokes at Caleb by asking if they’re going to do the thing where they take scrolls without telling anyone else. The day Nott fails to bring up old drama is the day she has been murdered and replaced with a doppelganger.

+0 to Fjord/Jester/Caleb as Fjord says he “always loves doing two at a time” (!!!!!!) and working together with Caleb to craft the perfect message for Oban. Unfortunately, point loss as Fjord is also Horrified And Not At All Pleased with Jester and Caleb’s Eagle! antics, since all animals Especially Those Resembling Rocs in Fjord’s book are to Be Hated And Feared. As such this episode births the first Anti Ship Mascot.

+13 to Nott/Yasha Surprisingly, these two actually have an excellent week. Despite Nott continuing to interrogate Yasha over her flask, Yasha is sweetly protective of Nott and draws her sword to the sound of Nott’s distress. She is the most effusive in complimenting Nott’s Murdering Skill, and adorably offers her own title of the Orphanmaker up for Nott to use—and then they talk about making a band of it! Iconic.

+6 to Beau/Yasha/Jester as they all blow and use their cloaks to beat back the fog while looking for traps, though they didn’t exactly succeed in their stated purpose

-25 to the Mighty Nein/Traps Of course, at this point it’s more surprising for them to not set off a trap than the other way around, but between Nott getting characteristically caught in webbing, Fjord setting off an electronic trap that nearly killed everyone, and Beau and Nott both making noise to disturb an awful psychic nightmare of a cliffside trap, twas a particularly awful week for this group.

+11 to Fjord/Jester as they have a great, if understated week, with Jester doing relatively well on the Battle Points those times when she prioritizes smashing up/fooling spiders and zombies attacking Fjord, and Fjord thinking her zombie murdering skills are amazing. Fjord is also very sweet about not wanting Jester to feel like she’s wasting her spells knowing that she always worries about just that, Jester worries (justifiably) over Fjord pressing forward alone, and with Fjord attempting to join Jester and co’s band with his sightreading skills. Point loss for apparently not actually being able to sightread, Fjord your powerful pokerface is why no one trusts you, you know that right? Also point loss for Jester once more taking joy in Fjord’s squeamishness over spider egg sacs.

-20 to Caleb/Penetration as he Shields that suggestively-placed stinging protrusion from the demon-spider! Take him out to dinner first, you animal (somewhere he isn’t on the menu)! Admittedly Caleb turning into a charming spider in response may have sent a couple of mixed messages, but the Queen Spider was murdered before anyone had the chance to find out whether it would have gone anywhere

+10 to Beau/Jester as through pure Sapphic Intuition they identify a hole in the ground before anyone else. Them goofing off and spelling their names in the fog, Beau missing Jester’s unicorns, and them discussing body farms, that most romantic of detectively topics.

+7 to Jester/Nott and -10 to Jester/Anatomy as Jester is now imitating Nott’s thunking breasts pantomime when talking about “big racks.” Jester discussing Buttons, rescuing Nott in eagle form, and alongside Yasha being Incredibly Though Ineffectively Supportive of Sober!Nott, similar Battle Couple Shenanigans of Jester popping zombies like balloons while Nott uses her mage hand to scoop up the hearts for the Creepy Puzzle Door.

+18 to Beau/Yasha as it is Shipping Law that tearing out monster hearts together is Peak Date Material, not to mention them coordinating killing/heart-snatching moves with Peak Battle Couple Efficiency, and Yasha being Very Impressed with Beau’s ability to quickly finish the lightning trap with the power of her fists. Those are some talented hands Beau has there

+3 to Beau/Unnecessary Apologies as she apparently thinks she needs to say “sorry” for not having stolen Nott’s flask. Sorry. She didn’t. Steal Nott’s flask. And then gifts her the last drops of her family’s wine. Beau!

-4 the Mighty Nein/Spoilers This week Oban is looking out for them and preserving their sense of surprise, with only a vague “be careful” as a warning of what is to come

+2 to Fjord/Caduceus as Caduceus defends Fjord’s caution to the rest of the group, and them intently seeking Bindings of One Kind Or Another together. Sadly, their potential to gain more points was cut off by Fjord deciding not to take first watch with Caduceus after all.

-2 to Nott/One-liners as she feels the need to downgrade the coolness factor of her terrifying one-shot finishing blows by stumbling over jokes with no punchline, demonstrating maybe one thing suffering with her newfound sobriety +2 to the Mighty Nein/Totally Not Anachronisms for Nott inventing the internet, though.

+16 to Jester/Yasha as these two continue to be embarrassingly adorable at all times, with Yasha complimenting the blue feathers of Jester’s Eagle form while being rescued, and alongside Nott discussing the Orphanmakers band together. Jester defending Yasha first in battle with the spiders, and Yasha adorably thanking her for the lollipop assistance afterwards.

+8 to Caleb/Fjord as the Full Spectrum of Fireball Shipping Power was used, ranging from using it to save Fjord and the rest from Baby Spider Hell and earning a “that’s hot” from Fjord which, can be interpreted in many interesting ways, to Caleb’s fireball destroying a bunch of zombies but nonetheless ruining the moment and losing points for getting Fjord slapped around by torn-up limbs. Fjord pulling a Classic Fjord Ship Maneuver in yelling at people not letting Caleb do His Thing. Caleb, for his part, pulling a Classic Romance Novel Maneuver by crashing into Fjord on the stairs and saying hello in a supremely awkward manner. Sadly not many classic Battle Points, with *sighs* pragmatism in target choice getting in the way.

+1 to Fjord/Spiders We all know Fjord has a tendency to fuck things he’s frightened of, but unfortunately this week he was not willing to take a full action to do so in battle. Too many eyes on him, apparently.

-500000 to Sam Riegel/His Presidential Campaign At this point, Sam’s official flag should be his white burial shroud tied to a stick and waved around in surrender #VoteWithYourJohnson #LiamForPresident

#critical role #cr spoilers #shipping calculus

[rogers-sweatbands]

what hogwarts houses the members of queen are in

A/N: oops this contains some hot takes (in my opinion) but this is what i wholeheartedly believe. enjoy !!!!!!!!!

Freddie: Gryffindor

okay this mans is 100% a gryffindor

like this should not be a surprise to anyone

first off, we all know that harry potter is 100% problematic and loses house points for them all the time

now imagine freddie

he would totally make gryffindor lose points on a daily basis just because he was being himself

gryffindors are also judgemental

and freddie is the king of the judgmental face

we all know this

it takes approximately three (3) minutes hanging out with a gryffindor before you get into some ~*trouble*~

freddie’s parties were def the same way, y’all

3 min in ?????? things got fucking insane

it’s hard to admit this, but without gryffindor, there wouldn’t be much of a story for hogwarts

because not much shit would go down

and hogwarts would be a whole lot safer

and the same is true for queen

like, without freddie, queen wouldn’t have much of a story either !!

moving into gryffindor qualities:

brave-

this honestly doesn’t need much of an explanation

an lgbtq+ icon

went through AIDS during the 80s (such a scary time)

did not give a single fuck about what anyone thought of him

is the actual definition of bravery

loyal-

not to be dramatic, but freddie would have died for any of the other boys

he loved them so fucking much

i hope they know that oof

although he had his moments, freddie was so loyal to all the guys and was/is so fucking amazing ugh

wise-

because of his life experience and different outlook on life, i feel like that made freddie so wise

he had all of these different perspectives compared to a lot of other people

and he would showcase these perspectives in his music

freddie was just so fucking amazing, my heart

i think freddie is muggle born

and he owns it !!!!

he is so proud of his heritage but is also so into the fact that he’s a wizard

freddie is the cutest gryffindor ever awwww

plus he’d look amazing in scarlet and gold

Brian: Ravenclaw

this choice should come as no surprise as brian harold may is a true and true ravenclaw

we’re going to start off with how ravenclaws are all so goddamn cool and intelligent ????? like wow, no one can top that shit

brian may is literally a rockstar and astrophysicist and that’s some hardcore ravenclaw energy right there

ravenclaws are also so hardcore interested in the universe

they nut for philosophical conversations and that sort of shit

look at luna lovegood for example

this girl always had the coolest and most interesting shit to say

she is also so fucking smart and no one really believed it for a hot minute and that makes me so angry

ravenclaws also have the ability to see past the surface of what’s in front of them

brian totally has the ability to see past the front that someone has so carefully put up and would get to know you for who you are

also, he looked up at the stars one day and saw them for so much more than glittery things in the sky

it sparked such a passion in him

ravenclaws also take friendship so fucking seriously

friendships are cherished so much within ravenclaw, sometimes even more than their cleverness

bringing up my girl luna again

we find out in deathly hallows that luna literally had decorated her room with portraits of her best friends in the entire world

and all of these paintings have a thin golden chain weaving around them to connect them that literally reads the words “friends” over and over

that’s some cute ass (and kind ass) shit right there

moving into ravenclaw qualities:

intelligence-

we all already know that this man is smart as shit

he has a fucking phd

(i’m repeating this for emphasis) a phd

in space dust !!!!!!!!!!

like this mans started his phd, went and became a member of one of the biggest bands of all time, and then literally went back and finished his phd

he is so smart it makes me want to cry

creativity-

what’s so amazing about bri’s creativity is that it all derives from how fucking smart he is

look at the songs he’s written... like, he’s a musical genius

and even on the songs he didn’t write, he was still super helpful with coming up with the guitar lines which is fucking sick as hell

they’re all so fucking good too

we stan a creative king

acceptance-

from a young age i think brian realized that his interests were probably a lot different than his peers

not only was he constantly thinking about the stars and what was going on in the universe, he also had such a passion for music

this prob led to him standing out from everyone else in a good way

and he had to come to terms with it 

but boy did he bc look at him now, that rockin’ space man

tbh i see brian being a half-blood

because he’d have understanding of both the wizard and muggle worlds

something that would benefit his intelligence even further

the tea is that brian may is such a perfect ravenclaw it makes my heart hurt

Roger: Gryffindor

ok so we are starting this out with the fact that roger meddows taylor is in no way a slytherin

he is a gryffindor in the same way the weasley twins are gryffindors

they’re all so fucking cheeky (sorry for using british slang as an american, we just don’t have a term to perfectly embody what they all are)

rog is chaotic in a gryffindor way and not in a slytherin way

gryffindors literally die if the attention isn’t on them and that’s just the tea

they are always constantly throwing themselves into shit they have no reason to be involved in

this boy would literally throw hissy fits all the damn time and that is true gryffindor energy

HE LOCKED HIMSELF IN A CUPBOARD BECAUSE HE DID NOT GET HIS WAY FOR FUCKS SAKE

in summary, roger meddows taylor invented being the boy in the cupboard before harry potter

gryffindors are also a bit arrogant about the fact that they’re gryffindors

sorry, it’s the truth

and roger literally lives up his own asshole

which is really hot but besides the point

they also think their opinion is best

always

we’re bringing up i'm in love with my car again because this boy would not fucking let it go

tbh he prob thought that song deserved song of the year... lbr

gryffindors break the rules all the god damn fucking time and always get away with it

literally rog with anything

that boy probably could have killed a man and everyone would’ve been like ????? did u see something ?????? he’s got all my uwus, that sweet lil murder baby

also gryffindors are hella hot headed

“he would fly off the handle all the time” -brian may

he would throw televisions out the window

the literal definition of hot headed

moving into gryffindor qualities:

brave-

this boy gave literally zero (0) fucks about what anyone thought of him

his friends used to call him rainbow and he WENT WITH IT

toxic masculinity in reference to his wardrobe ????? not here !!!!!!!!!!!!

loyal-

despite all the fights he’d get into with the boys, he loved them so fucking much and could never imagine himself without them right there

like yeah, they disagreed a lot

a lot, a lot

but they’d always come back together in the end

cunning-

FIRST OF ALL, ROGER TAYLOR IS SO FUCKING SMART AND FUCK ALL OF Y’ALL WHO MAKE HIM SEEM LIKE THE DUMB MEMBER OF THE BAND

because he isn’t

ok tea, to be cunning, you gotta be smart

also, he could be quite cunning with the ladies & we all know this

like damn, that man could say “butterbeer” into my ear and i would probably cum

also rog is def skillful and used his cunningness to get what he wanted in the end

i'm in love with my car being the b-side of bo rhap ???? yeah, he played the band like a fucking harp

i think rog would be a pure-blood

prob because he can be so cocky (and most pure-bloods are seriously so cocky about the fact that they’re pure-bloods)

even harry could get cocky about it sorry but it’s the truth

also rog looks like a lion and gryffindors literally nut about lions

John: Slytherin

i’m going to start this by saying i know this is a hot take but john being a slytherin is seriously one thing i hold so close to my fucking heart. don’t @ me

we’re going to start off with the fact that even when he had his soft™ moments, he still exudes chaotic energy 100000% of the time

john is the most chaotic member of the band and he knows it too

as a slytherin, i can honestly say that we are literally the most chaotic people in the world

slytherins also exude big dick energy 10000% of the time

john is the perfect representation of this

his bde is seriously off the charts, holy fuck

slytherins will push you to succeed

this is because we have so much confidence

sometimes our confidence is confused for cockiness though, not all confidence is cocky !!!!!

guess what ??? that confidence we possess goes toward other people too !!

john ????? yeah we all know how supportive he was towards the other boys

seriously wants nothing more than for them to succeed

he still is that way

moving into slytherin qualities:

resourcefulness- 

THIS MAN MADE HIS OWN FUCKING AMP?!?! LIKE, HE LITERALLY BUILT THAT SHIT ON HIS OWNNNN

he also loved to discuss how much he loves diy projects in written interviews (as a fun pastime of his)

lemme tell you, diy-ers are the most resourceful bitches ever

seriously, go speak to your local diy-er

they could probably make a refrigerator out of a toothpick, three thumbtacks, and a litter box

cunning- 

this mans was known as the “shy” and “more reserved” member of queen (which we have all learned isn’t the fucking case)

he literally let himself slip under the public radar despite having such chaotic energy

he ran with that shy boy™ title and played us for so long

not that i'm mad but like, damn boi

ambition- 

this bitch literally got an honors degree in electronics while queen was recording a fucking album

he literally sat his FINAL EXAMINATIONS WHILE RECORDING A DAMN FUCKING ALBUM

sorry but if that ain’t ambition idk what is

it’s also hella sexy he did that oops

fraternity- 

john richard deacon, born the 19th of august 1951, embodies the definition of the word fraternity 

he loved each of the other members of queen with his whole fucking heart

the definition of fraternity is “the state or feeling of friendship and mutual support within a group” and john literally did that

the tea is that i think john would be a pure-blood

but he wouldn’t be a dick about it

but like, he’s definitely a pure-blood

and slytherins are most commonly pure-bloods

which sucks because muggle borns and half-bloods are dope af

also, john could be such a sneaky snake, don’t test me

plus, you can’t be that fucking kinky (ya know, freaky deaky if you will) and not be a slytherin

sorry, i don’t make the rules.

in summary, john is a slytherin. thank u for coming to my ted talk.

#queen #queen imagine #queen blurb #queen headcanon #queen drabble #queen!harry potter #bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rhapsody blurb #bohemian rhapsody imagine #bohemian rhapsody drabble #bohemian rhapsody headcanon #brian may #brian may imagine #brian may blurb #freddie mercury #freddie mercury imagine #freddie mercury blurb #roger taylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor blurb #john deacon #John deacon imagine #john deacon blurb #my writing #harry potter #gryffindor #slytherin #hufflepuff #ravenclaw

[xanthicantag]

do all the asks scrub

you have truly mastered all i have to teach and reached the rank scrub lord

We got D for Darren, IT for inktree, TE for scary terry, G for garramoosh, F for fellos and UN for unfaceable

1. How many dead parents do they have?

D: 2!IT: 0!!TE: 5!G: a whole deadass clanF: A whole mess of dead family poor kidUN: she technically killed her own father so like

2. How good are they at tongue twisters?Except for Darren, BAD

3. Biggest regret?D:Losing friendship powerIT: the lose of boyfriends 1-6TE: not killing more peopleG: Letting all his friends and family die and having to live with the regret he couldn’t avenge them and then took up the mantle of those who slew themF: Letting the clan of @purplewombat14481​ ‘s character die, he thought no one else would vote for the kidUN: listening to her friends and not ripping that Darrus guy in half

4. Are they formally trained or have they gone through a more organic learning experience for their skillset?

D: No training just a lot of the street lifeIT: All the fucking goddamn trainingTE: he’s a damn good murder sorcerer is what he isG: as much training as a paladin bugbear could get?F: Not as trained as Inky but he was trained real goodUN: ex military baby, and also a naruto like training period

5. If they could hang out with one famous person in 18th century American History, who would they want to hang out with?

None of them would last 5 minutes without killing them, except maybe Inktree, she’s a smart girl

6. What’s their theme song?

D: It’s a hard knock lifeIT: The Killing Type -Amanda PalmerTE: Young and a Menace - FOBG: Believer - Imagine Dragons or Every Kesha songF: Praying - KeshaUN: The Wolves - JJ & the pillars

7. What fictional character are they most like? Was this an intentional or accidental influence?

fukc dude, Garamoosh is kinda like the man of lamancha?

8. Paper or plastic?

all paper all the way

9. What’s their dump stat?

D: StrengthIT: Charisma (she’s not a good talker)TE: I don’t remember I think he might have busted stats tbhG: It was INT before he got a 19 in thatF: His cunning was bad? (this was for dragon age dnd)UN: Int and Dex, she was the strongest ranger

10. What’s their best stat?

D, IT, TE, G: DEX (also INT for IT and CHA for D and TE)F & UN: They are ripped as fucking hell.

11. What is their favorite anime?D & UN: NarutoF: Neon GenesisTE: High death animeG: he loves that slice of life anime about the big guy who finds love, it really gets to him as a big guy who’s just looking to have a family

12. What’s their favorite beverage?All but G: AlchoholG: He drinks water since it’s holy

13. If they can use magic, what’s their favorite spell?D: Burning handsIT: Booming blade or Magic MissileTE: Hellish Rebuke (I love tieflings btws)G: Divine smite (and shield, and find steed, he loves that horse, and magic, he’s a giver really)F: He likes his big hand grabby spellUN: Goodberry or passwithout trace, Hunters mark had it’s day in the light one time

14. Most heroic thing they have ever done?D: Tried to help someone in their time of need, that guy was a piece of shitIT: Saves the rest of the party, every time, always, she is tired of it, she wants restTE: Murder is bad and he is only good at thatG: he is techincally stopping a bunch of evil cults from ending the world, and murdered a slaver, it was dopeF: Saved a party memebers child, but also let a whole clan die so it kinda wasn’t so greatUN: Stopped a genocide and and punched a god

15. Most despicable thing they have ever done?D:He got over zealous and ripped a guys head off for style points after he surrendered, scared the rest of the partyIT: Techincally breaking out of jail is illegal but she doesn’t follow lawsTE: he is a murderer, like, really, he killed the other orphans, who does thatG: He techincally may have broken his oath once or twice, but it’s for good and he’s smater than religion now so no one can stop himF: see all times i mention those dead elvesUN: She kind of worked for a totalitarian order of assholes for a while

16. Are they a hero or a supporting protagonist?D: He wants to shine as a true hero with a heart of gold, but he’s really evil and is bad at being goodIT: she just wants some fuck and some sleep, she would gladly not be any whereTE: noG: That party is full of ridiculous hero backstoriesF: same as GUN: she was really stubborn but also didn’t really want to be front and center

17. What’s their favorite food?All non IT: any foodTE: The spider meat (the underdark is making her crazy)

18. Would they rather fight a hundred duck-sized horses, or one horse-sized duck?100 small horses, they are all good at aoe

19. They have to go live on a deserted island. They can take one thing and one person. What do they take?Alchohol for all non-GG: his family

20. Are they religious? If so, what god or gods do they serve?G: The golden Hog who saved him from death at the hands of a paladinF: The maker kindaNone for the rest

21. How did they become an adventurer?D: by accidentIT: she was arrested and said no i’m not staying hereTE: he’s really notG: the people needed himF: he wanted to save his brotherUN: she woke up in a basement and found a new family, a better one

22. Most amazing monster they have ever killed or helped kill?D: a battalionIT: shadow demon wizard fusionTE: i don’t even remember he needed to relaxG: a lot of high-powered high-ranking cultists, and a dragonF: Some hot guy UN: a fake god and then technically a real god 

23. Thoughts on death?BAD

24. Do they have any interesting skills?D: can pickpocket stuff with a whip (says he can pick a lock with it but everyone knows he just breaks the door down)G: has skin with AC 20UN: can pull rank sometimes

25. Favorite animal?IT: She really loves owlsD and TE: their pets ratG: HogsUN: her sweet dogF: Mabaris

26. Expansion of civilization or the preservation of nature?All of them except Fellos are for nature

27. They’re at a tavern. They bump into a big burly angry drunk with a combative attitude. What happens?That fucker get’s his ass beat is what happens (or eviscerated by D or TE) 

28. What do they do between quests?G: tries to raise his boy (another player)D: hunts a bastard manTE: his never not doing murderF: finding his brother (plot twist he found him it was awkward) or learning more about his friendsUN: systematically killing every member of the order she used to work for, or having a nice day with her doh

29. Biggest positive and negative influences on their life and development?D: himself and his murdery tendencies are bad, his friends were goodTE: HIMSELF, not goodIT: the other gnome and druid is the only not negative influence, everyone else is a negativeG: He loves everyone, until their evilF: His mother was his only big role model/ parent, and he is trying to do good to be that kind of figure for his brother, but the demon who lives in his brain (IS THE BEST INFLUENCE SHOUT OUT TO MY BOY)

30. Would they smooch a ghost?

100% YES

[leaveharmony]

@nimmenstjer Ah...not really?  My father whom I prefer not to call that at all, is not a good man. 

Cut for...I mean it's not as bad as it could be or even as bad as it may still get, but, some of it might be familiar for people who've had (emotionally/mentally) abusive parents and thus upsetting.  Also, laments about his vicious bigot streak.

To begin with, he's a bigot.  This was less clear and blatant before their grand high wizard took the white house, because he's also that special variety of Trump supporter that has him swallowing lies hook line & sinker; this idiot honestly hand-on-heart believes the mayor of San Juan is “trying to make the administration look bad” by begging assistance for her dying people. He used to operate under a more lowkey bumbling fool level of bigotry which would see him make awful “jokes,” spurt gibberish at me and laugh about it whenever I brought home Japanese food, occasionally go on a profanity-laced tirade when he was having trouble hooking up a minifridge made in China...etc.  it was always unacceptable but easy to...not dismiss, but....it's tricky to articulate.  I always hated it but I thought he was merely fucking stupid, at the time - and you might actually make more progress arguing with a rock, which might have some capacity for intelligent thought.  And don't get me wrong, he IS fucking stupid, holy shit is he ever fucking stupid.   But since Trump announced his candidacy and everybody laughed about it (I never, ever laughed about it) he's been 100x worse because now he sincerely believes that the vile shit spewing out of that walking asshole is what ~everybody secretly believes~ and that anybody who gets upset about it is just performing outrage...pretending to be mad when they're really just as foul, but want to look better than other people. The extent of this didn't become apparent until it really came clear that Trump had a chance.  I was asleep, as is my custom wearing earplugs, but a noise woke me.  With my earplugs in I couldn't figure out what it was at first, so I got up and listened close to my door with the earplugs still in and the first thing I heard was “YOU TELL ME WHAT OBAMA DID!” He'd been pontificating about how Trump had just as much experience as Obama had when it came to ‘being president’ before he took the job, and mum, god love her, this time she tried to very gently explain that the moron had no political experience at all, and he just blew up at her.   Like, my earplugs shave about 30 decibels off and he was yelling so loud that he woke me out of REM sleep on the other side of the house, behind a door and a wall.  Mum, she later confessed, was terrified.  Hell, I was terrified - I was just paralyzed there, frozen at the door and wondering if he was gonna hit her this time and what should I do, would going out there antagonize him further or shake him out of it?

He's always been abusive.  And I've always been afraid of him in a vague way, probably since the one time he did actually hit me as a child (I don't remember what for, only that it taught me that resistance would lead to violence disguised as discipline).  But this was the first time he really made me afraid of what he was capable of if he lost his temper hard enough.

It's usually little things, though, over years. I remember when my brother and I were kids and we all had the big family dinner at grandma's, we had to act totally calm and reserved when opening presents.  This was because dad's brother's kids, my cousins Shawn and Kristina, would tear around like...well, children on christmas...being boisterous and loud and tearing the paper and goofing off.  We had to go slowly and have muted reactions and most importantly, be quiet about it, so that he could prove to his brother that even if we were poorer and he didn't have as good a job or as big a house, that his kids were 'better' and so he was still winning. He shut my wrist in the car door in the parking lot at Zellers, once.   Total accident,  but I couldn't get it out and the door had locked (this was when you actually had to unlock the door manually with a key) and so I panicked and screamed, and so while my wrist was caught in the car door and I was screaming in terror, he was simultaneously yelling at me to be quiet because I was making a scene. Another time when we were camping, I woke up with the most intense pain I'd ever experienced, in my ear.  I thought I was dying, that was how bad it was, and I was crying and begging him to take me to a doctor and he was yelling at me to shut the fuck up and go back to sleep because the other campers might hear me. When he dragged us to this house and my brother got a hampster, he put its cage on the dresser right up against the wall my bed is against...this is why I wear earplugs to this day, because the hampster would be up all night running on its wheel directly next to my head and rather than asking my brother to move the cage, I was shouted down and had to resort to sleeping with earplugs in. To this day I find it very difficult to make noise, or verbally display enthusiasm, or feel like I'm genuinely displaying proportionate gratitude, because I've internalized my training to such a degree that I'm always policing my own reactions (the literal only exception to this was when I was In the Presence Of Nakamura at Takeover and the racists behind me pissed me off so bad that I actually joined in on the chants for him and Asuka just to try to drown them out).  It’s the ultimate shame to let anybody catch me crying, I can’t...I’m not allowed to, I’m not allowed.  I’m not allowed to be angry and I’m not allowed to be sad or upset.

And I can’t...I don’t get mad at them or anything but I have to carry earplugs with me whenever I go out because children crying or screaming or making noise just sets me right off, like 0-60 in no time at all, it’s like a trigger and I have to shut the noise out, I have to plug my ears and get as far away as I can, it upsets me on levels I can’t even begin to articulate.  That one’s...gonna take some unpacking if I ever get out of here alive.

I've developed hoarding tendencies because of all the times he's thrown away, sold or destroyed my property the second I let it out of my signt.  He tossed my wooden clogs in the trash on pickup day when I was in elementary school, presumably because he didn't like the noise they made...I loved those things, but no longer remember what they looked like.  He sold my doll cradle to a lady at a garage sale for $5 while I literally sobbed and begged him not to.  He moved my Jericho standee out to the garage even as I fiercely protested (as much as I dared) because I thought he'd end up throwing it away; not only did he throw it away, but he cut it into pieces and hauled it to the dump, didn't even tell me about it until I went out to get it (he was clearing out the garage and it suddenly occurred to me to move it).  Of course he yelled, when I started to cry.  Laughed about it the next day like it was the funniest thing he'd ever done.  He wouldn't turn around to go look for my Stormer doll when I left her at a campsite...we hadn't even left the park yet, but he wouldn't turn around...I don't remember what she looked like, either, her loss completely eclipsed all memories that preceded it.  ...it was so upsetting that I still catch myself thinking of it as “When Stormer died” rather than “when I lost my doll.”  And then I feel stupid because it was just a doll, they were just things.  I care too much about my things, that have never hurt me, always listen, don’t yell.  It’s one of those unhealthy coping things, I guess.  Stupid.  I built lil-Shin a shoebox house.

So I'm hyper paranoid about anybody being in my space or leaving anything laying around, anybody touching my things.  Cos the second I let my guard down he might go on another raid and I'll lose something I can never replace, so everything, everything is in here.

I remember one time we went to a ballgame and my mother took ill...she literally threw up in a trash can outside Skydome, I can still remember exactly how she looked because her face was just grey, and I thought she was gonna die, and he was just shouting at her like she was faking it to spite him. When we went go Halifax I felt faint on the boardwalk and asked to sit down and have some water and he blew up, calling me Your Highness and and ingrate  and a whiner...again, like I was overstating it or putting it on just to antagonize him or try to trick him.

He comments on everything we eat.  I can't put food in my mouth in his presence without him saying 'eating again' or 'stuffing your face' or making glutton noises....at the same time, he'll finish his own food and then take some of ours.  Anything mum buys for herself, he'll take it. He literally steals from her, he's gone in her purse and taken money.

He polices me right down to the expression on my face..if I don't maintain a mask on the positive side of neutral I've got an 'attitude' and I've got to 'learn some gratitude'

He tells us to 'settle down' if we laugh too loud at something and we're 'stick in the mud' if we don't display enough amusement at something he finds funny.

And that MOTHERFUCKING WOMAN he's been ferrying around....jfc.  About four or maybe even five years ago he started driving this fucking woman he worked with, Joanna, back and forth to work.  I don't mean she lives a block away and they carpooled, I mean, she lives a half hour away in another city and he started driving to Barrie to pick her up, then back here to work, and then the whole thing in reverse again after they were done at work.  He's brought this woman's broken appliances here to try and fix them.  He's helped her move, he's been at her beck and call, he's literally chosen to drive a half hour away to take her to fucking Wal-Mart rather than drive his own wife to the doctor's office.  The real kicker is she's a polish immigrant - and we “don't know how hard she has it.”  Because he can sympathize with them as long as they're white blonde ladies, of course.  I'd think they were fucking if he wasn't repulsive, more likely she knew a sucker when she saw him coming.  He's currently storing her completely inoperable SUV in our fucking garage (the same one that didn't have room for my Jericho standee, hanging on the goddamn wall) because her landlord told her to get rid of it.  He said, one or two weeks, two months ago.  His own not-even-paid-for car is sitting out in the driveway, reeking of cigarettes because he lets her smoke when he drives her.  The urge to pay some kid to heave a rock through his windshield is almost overwhelming...I kick the side of that fucking SUV every time I go in the garage.

I hate him more than I've ever hated anyone in my entire life, and I'm utterly broken from decades of walking on eggshells, enduring the abuse, surviving.  We're trapped here with him because we simply can't survive financially otherwise.  It's like living at the corner of a spiderweb and trying not to move suddenly enough to trigger a reaction from the spider. I'm tense....all the time.  All the time.  My Daryl tattoo will featuring him floating gently in the ether, carrying a banner that says ‘Tranquilo’ not out of any great love of Naito, but as a reminder that constantly tensing my shoulders is prolonging my injury rehab and I need to try and relax.

It's not as bad as it could be.  I should be grateful it isn't. Mostly I just quietly wish he'd die, and then feel guilty about it.

#abuse cw #a messy lil cross section of my personal hell sorry

[coffeecupandteatime]

Jagerbomb’s Mini Review #3!

Welcome to the glory of watching Jagerbomb lose his shit!

ʕಠᴥಠʔ Sorry for the wait everyone, I’ve been pretty busy. Also, if you guys know of any bad short fanfics, let me know! I’ll try to review those as well!

-rubs temples- This is going to sooooo enjoyable!

Note: I’ll do the first chapters for these types of reviews, mainly to save time and my sanity. Also, because finding the stories again is a pain in the ass.

 Harriet Potter leaves the Wizarding world behind, starting a new life in the Elemental Nations. Seeing how neglected little Naruto is, she takes him in and helps him out. UzumakiHarry! FemHarry! Slight Weasley/Hermione bashing! Possible parings with Itachi, Iruka, Genma, & Kakashi.

Female Harry?… Ooooooookay then!  ʕ.ᴥ.ʔ I can already tell I’m going to enjoy this.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not Harry Potter, not Naruto, not anything else I might mention.

ʕಠᴥಠʔ Well, we can kinda tell you don’t own either, or else they would be shitfests.

Note: I have no Beta and edit everything myself, so if I made a mistake somewhere kindly point it out. I usually write on my phone and edit at 2am so I tend to miss things.

Hmm, well since you told us this beforehand, I can be a littler nicer.  ʕ0ᴥ0ʔ But mark my words, that doesn’t mean much with me.

Leaving the Wizarding World

And diving straight into the trashcan.

Harriet screamed and woke up a sweaty mess, the dreams were getting worse.

Like my need to drink right now.

Eerie morning light filtered through the ratty curtains and she flopped back onto the mattress in irritation. It was much earlier than she had intended to wake up but she was unable to fall asleep again, nightmares would do that to a person.

Wanna get some sleep, kid? Try chugging a bottle of Smirnoff, you’ll go right the fuck to sleep, trust the bear. ʕಠᴥ~ʔ

She sluggishly walked to the bathroom, shuddering at the coldness of the house, before turning on the tap and splashing her face with water.

Is the water hot? Warm? Cold? Why the hell is she splashing water on her face in a cold house?? ANSWER ME!  ʕಠ益ಠʔ

Checking herself out in the mirror, she felt a surge of triumph that she had finally taken corrective measures for her eyes. She no longer had to wear those hideous ill-fitting glasses that she grew up with, without them her emerald eyes shone brightly.

ʕ°ᴥ°ʔ Even though those round ass glasses are pretty important to Harry as a character. You suuuuure this is just a genderbend and NOT an OC?

Her aunt had always taken vindictive pleasure in making her look ugly. Harriet supposed she was taking on all the animosity her Aunt felt toward Lily. Harriet was starved for years, making sure she never measured up to her voluptuous perfect ten of a mother.

I don’t know there, Lily wasn’t exactly a ten… Or voluptuous...

Aunt Petunia also forced Harriet to keep her red tresses cropped short. The more it stuck up like an untidy boy's hair, the happier that vile woman had been. Due to her

Okay, why is her hair red instead of black? I get it’s female Harry, but with red hair it sounds more like his made up sister then Harry himself...

horrendous nest of hair and those vile glasses, her looks were often compared to James' instead of Lily's, even if she had her mother's coloring. Before leaving Hogwarts for the summer, Harriet would chop off her hair till it was as short as the beginning of the year. She had no choice, if the Dursley's had known she let her hair grow during the school year they would have beaten her savagely.

Whoa whoa whoa! Whoa! When the hell did the Dursley’s even fucking beat Harry? What the hell with people making the Dursley’s beat Harry and the village attack Naruto?! What the fuck people! ʕ╯ಠ益ಠʔ╯︵ ┻━┻

She learned to choose her battles carefully once she realized no one would be coming to save her.

-Deep breath slow exhale-.....I’m going to assume this author hates Ron and Hermione.

Harriet raised herself, she could live just fine on her own. She knew how to ration food and mange hunger, how to find a quick hiding place, how to keep secrets, and when to run away.

.,. You spelt manage wrong there buddy.

She learned early on to fear adults

Something no child should learn. Fuck oooooooff.

and had come to expect it, but it wasn't until she met Albus Dumbledore that she was exposed to ruthless manipulations.

Okay, been awhile since I read or watched HP, but why the hell is Albus always a manipulative CUCKOLD in these stories!? WHAT THE HELL!?!

Harriet shook off the feelings that came with letting herself dwell on the dead wizard, and shivered as she got dressed for the day. Today was important. Today she was finally going to do something about the gradual feelings she had been having. Ever since she had destroyed the horcrux in her scar, she no longer felt like she belonged in this world and it was an extremely troubling feeling.

This author has successfully said “Fuck canon!” \ʕ◕0◕ʔ/ WOO!

For the last five years, following the end of the wizarding war, Harriet Potter had been having dreams about the Veil of Death in the Department of Mysteries.

Didn’t you call them nightmares before? Also she’s been like this for FIVE YEARS and is just NOW doing something about it? Alright, pouring a drink.

Make Jager drink +1!

She could still remember the whispers that had called out to her the day Sirius had fallen through, they haunted her dreams. She would often wake up in the middle of the night in tears, her soul filled with a desperate longing to see the other side.

The other side of the Veil or of the bottle when it’s empty?

She knew it was some sort of gateway, the dreams told her that much.

Listen to your dreams kid! Even if they lead to certain death! \ʕ◕0◕ʔ/

The whispers in her dreams became clearer recently and talked about other worlds, new life, and a fresh start. Five years of the same dream and she'd finally given in, the voices had lured her in, and she was going through the veil to find peace.

I hope peace is where poorly genderbent *coughs*OCS*coughs* characters go when their unwanted.

She bitterly recalled the night she finally decided to finally act, it had been a couple months ago on her twenty-second birthday. Hermione, Ron, and Ginny had been visiting her for her birthday. Hermione, as usual, had been lecturing her about her lack of public appearances and was subtly trying to steer her towards going on a date with Percy Weasely, who was still a pompous ponce, when Ron apparently had enough.

Yep! Harry’s already genderbent, let’s throw in some OOCness for the others!

OOC Syndrome is wherever I go. ʕ;-;ʔ

"Look mate, it's not like you've much of a choice anyway. Dumbledore signed a marriage contract-

What in the ever living fuck in the bowels of hel-

Make Jager drink +1!

That’s 2! TWO!

-between you two while he was your magical guardian, so I reckon it's still binding. Percy's been waiting patiently for you, giving you time while he concentrated on his career. He'd hoped that by now you'd grow up a little and at least let him take you out." said Ron coldly.

Why do people INSIST on making Ron the biggest asshole alive?

Absolutely shocked over what she just heard-

You’re not the only one, hun. ʕಠᴥಠʔ

, it took Harriet a moment to compose herself while turning toward Ginny. "Is he serious? Your parents and Dumbledore secretly signed this marriage contract?"

Something's telling me it wasn’t a secret. Also what’s the reason for said marriage…?

"Not secretly," Ginny rolled her eyes. "Everyone knew about it. I thought you did too, why else did you never date anybody? Why do you think Order members always look at Percy and ask his opinion on matters concerning you? We never thought Dumbledore wouldn't tell you."

How the hell did she not hear about this? AUTHOR EXPLAIN!

"Right. Not a secret, but somehow I never got wind of it. It never came up...in the past twelve years?" Harriet said evenly, but the books on the shelves were beginning to shake.

TWELVE YEARS!? Was ‘Harriet’ living under a goddamn ROCK!?

They all looked slightly alarmed at that, and Hermione made the mistake of meeting her eyes. Harriet had become a fairly accomplished legilimens.

ʕ◕0◕ʔ The fuck is that? 

After her crap occlumency skills had gotten Sirius killed, she tried to hone the skill but was only mediocre at it.

For once the main character isn’t good at something that killed a relative.

Legilimency was where she shone, she was a natural at it and it was easy to become even greater than Snape. So when Hermione looked at her in alarm, Harriet saw everything.

Sooooo Legilimency is basically “LOOK INTO MY EYES CHILD AND TELL ME EVERYTHING!”? The hell is this, an anime?

She saw conniving whispers and conspiracy in the depths of her eyes. She had enough, Merlin's sake, Hermione knew, and she wasn't even a Weasley. They hadn't bothered to warn her, they were no friends of hers.

I get it’s magic, but how can you see all that with a simple glance in the eyes? ʕ-,-ʔ I’m calling laziness of Rowling's part.

Her green eyes hardened. "I'll speak to a Goblin about this situation, but you should know that a marriage is not happening. I'll see Percy dead before I risk my magic, and if I find anyone tampering with my future, I will end them. Now get out."

Again, this ‘Harriet’ shouts more ‘OC’ than ‘Genderbend”.

The lying trio eyed each other anxiously, they had seen glimpses of Harriet's ruthlessness during the war, but it was frightening to have it focused on them. Her usual friendly attitude had been replaced by an icy focus. Ginny warily nodded at Harriet and headed for the front door, Ron trailing after her, but Hermione hesitated. She reached toward the green eyed girl, but Harriet flinched away. Hermione sighed and said, "Harriet, don't make a mistake. You're practically a Weasley already, this would only make it legal. Besides, Percy is very responsible. You could use somebody like that, I can't always be there to-"

Annnnnnnd here’s the OOCness for Hermione.

Harriet wanted to rant at her when all at once, her anger left her, leaving her nothing but cold amusement.

So is this Harry or ‘Harriet’ or just  pure OOCness?

Hermione didn't know it but she had just give Harriet the sign she had been waiting for. She had been iffy on acting upon her dreams, but this was the final straw.

If you need more straws, I got some left over from a wicked party last-Oh, wrong kinda straw.  ʕ.,.ʔ Whoops.

"Always be there?" she answered mockingly. "You and Ron ditched me often enough. Luna was the one who was always there, till the very end. You and Ron abandoned me when I was hunting for horcruxes. I was alone, injured, wandless and-"

Yes, my child, let it all out.

Hermione puffed up like a toad,

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! THAT LEGITIMATELY MADE ME LAUGH!

reminding her of Umbridge for one hilarious moment, before letting out an aggravated huff. "I thought you were over that!"

.,. How the hell is ANYONE gonna forget shit like that?

Make Jager drink +2

THAT’S FOUR! FOUR!!

In a soft, cold voice she whispered, "I will never 'get over that'. You were never there when it counted. You and Ron would take the first couple of steps with me, but always gave up when things got complicated. Hell, the only reason you two and Ginny stuck around for the Department of Mysteries fiasco was because you didn't want to get shown up by Luna and Neville."

I love Luna and Neville, <3

Hermione scowled, but didn't disagree. "You know," she said haughtily, "I don't know what's happened to you. If you don't get your act together and stop being so moody, you won't have any friends left."

Letting out a bitter laugh, the dark-haired

But earlier you said her hair was red….CONSISTANCY AUTHOR! LEARN IT!

girl stared at Hermione with grim finality and a touch of sadness. "My true friends died during the Final Battle, fighting for what they believed in. You're just a cheap replacement."

All my friends are deeead! All my friends a dead! 

Was that too soon? ʕ° ͟ل͜ ͡°ʔ

Finally done reminiscing, Harriet pulled her hair up in a high bun. Today she was leaving. She felt a tingle of excitement as she quickly dressed herself in inconspicuous clothes. She had planned and prepared for this, but knew that chance played a role in all her adventures. The odds were against her, but she had won against them before.

She was a independent black woman now.

Harriet had prepared nearly everything well in advance. She gazed speculatively at the vial of Felix Felicis that had been 'bought' from Draco Malfoy.

Don’t be a sex thing, don’t be stealing, don’t be some cheap friendship crap.

He had earned his potions mastery after the war and became a friend.

FUCK!  ʕಠ益ಠʔ

Draco had given her the liquid luck in exchange for Grimmauld Place, who he was going to gift to his mother. Draco and Daphne were about to become the richest family in Britain, she was leaving all her wealth to them as a surprise for being the only people she had left.

…..What. In. The. FUCK!?

 Make Jager drink +10!

FOURTEEN MOTHERFUCKER! FOURTEEN!

With a sense of awe, she opened the vial and drained the golden potion to the last drop, smiling triumphantly as she felt the magic flow through her.

So liquid luck. Is that like a drug or some kinda Irish brew? Cos I’ll take some!

The witch entered the atrium of the Ministry, making herself invisible with her handy dandy cloak.

“I got my handy dandy notebook!” Harriet said as a blue dog appears.

Harriet thought she would at least feel nostalgic as she looked about this world for the last time, but she felt nothing but desperation to get away. She detested her place in the wizarding community, where she was alternately hated and glorified on the whims of the sheeple.

Hated? Glorified I could understand, but hated? What did Harry/Whoever the fuck this is, do to deserve that.

When she approached the Veil that had swallowed up her godfather, she didn't feel the same heartbreak she had experienced in its presence before.

FEELINGS ARE FOR THE WEAK!

Instead she eyed the archway speculatively. What world was she going to go to?

The reader’s already know that answer, they had to rifle through fanfictions to find this thing. ʕಠᴥಠʔ

Did Sirius go to the same one? Did time run differently there, was she going to be able to see him? The possibilities were limitless. Or maybe she would die like everyone else thought happened? However, Harriet had always trusted her instincts, so she took a deep breath, and stepped through the Veil.

Lesson of the story kids: ALWAYS trust your instincts when they tell you to jump into a weird ass portal! FOR ADVENTURE!

Up next: Harry meets Death and an old friend!

Welp we’ll never know since I ain’t revisiting.

Question: What should Harry's name in Naruto be? When you review, drop a name and tell me why! I'm partial to Hikari (light) and Misaki (beautiful blossom)

ʕ.,.ʔ Wot.

Conclusion!

3.5/10 for trying.

Anyways! That was… Fuck, can’t remember the title, I made this file a long time ago, Uh. I should really start writing down the stories I review… Anyways, it wasn’t bad nor good, it was okay. I don’t see the reasoning for making Harry female and OOC, or the rest of the characters OOC, other than to have a reason for ‘her’ to go to the Naruto World.

#harry potter #Naruto #Jagerbomb fun time #mini review #sporking #I need a drink

[yfere]

Shipping Calculus! Live updates from C2E64

They say that fire exposes a person’s priorities, but we here at the lab believe that a gaggle of overly friendly moaning demons can also do the trick. Thank you to @softazelma, @fyeahthominho, and @alarnia for helping with data entry! Masterpost here.

+500 to The Mighty Nein/Totally Not Anachronisms. Beau invented the phrase “Don’t shoot the messenger,” and also ravioli, with her hidden chef talent. Caleb, having wheeled and dealed with the rich assholes of the Empire, naturally invented the game of golf during his year at the Academy. And Moro watched only half of the first season of Stranger Things. Don’t spoil her, okay?

+150 to Caleb/Astrid/Eodwulf “FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, JESTER, I’ll have you know that Eodwulf who I have never mentioned to you and who was not mentioned in the letter was buff and muscular and strong and so talented whoops that’s not even a physical description anymore but did I mention he was impressive? So if Marion Lavorre meets a black haired blue eyed incredibly eligible and attractive and gifted heartthrob of a man that’s the one you’re looking for BEWARE.” Okay, Caleb. Gone are the days of being content with all the love being directed at Astrid, I see. All right.

+0 to Jester/Beau Well, if an indirect kiss involves drinking from the same water glass, is it an indirect flirt if you both flirt with the same person? Moro became the unlikely receptacle of both these gal’s affections this episode, between Beau’s loud and enthusiastic appreciation of Moro’s criminal hustle, and Jester making sure Moro knows that Jester thinks she’s cute (and that she’ll kill her for lying to them). Beau as usual hyping up Jester’s awesomeness to everyone (in this case Caduceus) who will listen. Shockingly, this episode Beau seems to have acquired the ability to actually fool Jester into thinking she’s fine, which resulted in point loss and meant Caleb instead had to pick up the slack to gracefully get some help for the poor beat up monk. (For him, that’s +6 to Caleb/Faking Injury for Friendship)

-30 to Fjord/Shortcuts Just as when Captain of the Ball-Eater, Fjord is ALL ABOUT running into clear danger if it means shaving one or two days off of a trip. Into the eye of the storm! Into Ground Zero of the Calamity! We care for speed here, not safety!

+18 to Caleb/Jester and speaking of Caleb having a Thing for strong people, how he continues to single out Jester as the Strongest Woman, who even is Yasha, which creates a perfect combination of #ItPaysToBeADamselInDistress and #LovesToBeAKnightInShiningArmor between the two of them, as Caleb begs for assistance getting a horse on his moorbounder of COURSE Jester can do this alone, Jester squashing Caleb adorably and staying there for….a length of time while at Moro’s (I guess Caleb is the type to have people sit on his face huh), and Caleb very effectively pulling his “Oh no, I am so weak and delicate I must have a fainting couch to rest upon for a spell” to Jester’s delighted crowing over how weak he is. Caleb as usual thinking Jester’s out-of-the-box thinking with an aerial view is The Best Thing Ever. Jester wanting to get in on the Healing Caleb Action Caduceus has been hogging with a Cure Wounds, what do you mean Fjord is injured too? (#ItReallyDoesPayToBeADamselInDistress). Caleb’s Worrywarting directed at full strength at Marion Lavorre. +4 to Yasha/Cockblocking for Jester bringing Yasha in on the horse moving action. Point loss for Caleb’s Worrywarting creating Jester Worrying and making her lose sleep. Nein! Not okay!

+17 to Beau/Yasha because as we all know mutilating corpses with Beau is a sure way to her big gooey heart. Also, Beau adopting a Striking Pose after striking the enemy dead, and the Gay Power of that alone probably making Yasha’s rage drop, as she struggles to pick her jaw up off the floor and reorient towards combat.

-10 to The Mighty Nein/The Neighbors as they apparently carry a couplea severed heads in plain view all across town on their way to the Xhorhaus before storing them. According to the local Mighty Nein Neighborhood Watch, this is only the third or fourth weirdest thing they’ve done.

+24 to Caleb/Caduceus as Caduceus continues as always to think Caleb is the solution to all problems always with his cool magic and his alarms, though +5 to Cockblocking for both Jester and Beau who tragically remind him that there are other people out there who can also do things. The slip into nearly calling Caleb “Mr. Clay” instead of “Mr. Caleb” is of note, and someone needs to investigate what he’s been writing in those hearts in his journal pronto. Caduceus making Caleb his #1 priority in battle, #ItPaysToBeADamselInDistress, with his ray of enfeeblement, healing, attacks, and physically standing over the wizard in a defensive stance to protect him! Batting away attacking bats (while Caleb crawls around collecting guano!). Points taken away because poor Caduceus forgets for a moment that the next brightest thing after his own pink hair is Caleb’s. It’s still romantic if you’re saving people from trouble you sent their way, right? Right? Points gained for asking if Caleb is okay after the fight, and for them both being very dark, between advocating for decapitation and threatening Moro and her employee with decapitation, simmer down a second Caleb.

+10 to Caleb/Vulture Culture. Between Frumpkin’s new shape and getting Those Good Spell Components, our dear Caleb, covered once more in gore and shit and Death, is his happiest self. Hopefully he didn’t ruin his new fancy threads.

+2 to Beau/Hosting as Beau practices Manners and Decorum with a “no, sir” to the attacking demons (#CustomerService). Some mixed messages by following this up with pummeling them to death, but An Effort Was Made.

+4 to Caduceus/Nature as he found a new mushroom! Which will definitely not be a bad mushroom in any way.

+90 to Caleb/Cat-Shaped Creatures. There’s the usual spying Frumpkin rigmarole, but it says something about your love for cats when you’re willing to forgive, nay, even love, suspiciously dog-like behavior of gross licking for affection—so long as it’s coming from a cat. Caleb cleverly disposing of troublesome corpses and feeding his favorite members of the M9 at the same time. Caleb also adorably taking Jannick out for a little run on the Fields of Death, and all the Moorbounders coming in clutch as fighting machines (with some wonderful light-based assistance from Caleb, Support Catster Extraordinare), and somehow remaining unscathed during battle.

+45 to Fjord/Jester. Lips. Made. Contact. With. A. Cheek. That is very cheeky of you Fjord, if I do say so myself. Jessie is said, not once but twice, and Jester gets to be her true #LovesToBeAKnightInShiningArmor self as she saves Fjord repeatedly by murdering the demons attacking him, only getting slightly annoyed that he gets in trouble immediately after she saves him the first time. Seriously though, the amount of Goopy Feelings Jester has for saving this poor man….well, #ItPaysToBeADamselInDistress. Point loss for poor Jester failing to look as cool as the knights in the novels as she falls flat on her face with the handaxe strike, but she makes up for it by pounding the creature to death with her spiritual weapon instead, that was totally intentional. Point gains for Fjord being very Pleased with anything and everything Jester got up to, Jester pumping up Fjord’s accent and impersonation skills, contributing to Corpse Interrogation with her own Disguise Self, and the Excellence that was the fake Insta-Death spell the two of them threatened Moro with.

-8 to Nott/Yeza “Tell Veth I love her” does not make up for fucking ditching your husband without a word, Nott, you absolute asshole. Please talk to your spouse.

+13 to Caleb/Fjord/Jester In another great week for this triad, they all prove to be Excellent at Delivering Deceptive Threats, though Caleb is as per usual a little too serious about his contributions (though the other two are uh a bit more on the serious side as well this is a Bloodthirsty Throuple) The Epic Triangle Of Saving Each Other, as Jester rescues Fjord and Fjord hustles to rescue Caleb, followed by Jester’s healing action. Fjord taking joy in Jester falling on top of Caleb, and the both of them being very good about letting the Totally Actually Injured And Not At All Faking dramatic wizard take a short rest for Beau.

+1 to Fjord/Caleb. Most of their points this week were more applicable to Caleb/Fjord./Jester, but the instant “Moro, you got to die” when Caleb Can’t-Switch-Tasks Assassin Wizard suggests it is still very fun. Fjord sort of leaps to Caleb’s suggestions this episode, the ultimate yes-and-man.

+6 to Fjord/Detective Work as he steers the party clear of the Bad Tar Pits, they might have landed in quite a sticky situation otherwise

+20 to Critters/Detective Work, as the cast very loudly run through the Totally Natural Conclusion to the clues provided in the last ep, they Definitely Solved This Themselves, they had No Help From The Internet.

+14 to Fjord/Caduceus. Fjord offers to “loom” over Caduceus’ shoulder and points out that he looks “fleek” like damn, Caduceus, the boy is making an effort for you! As usual they are On The Same Wavelength and good cop/bad cop Moro and co. like pros, no discussion or even a conspiratorial glance required, they know what the jig is before anyone else. Fjord advocating for sending Moro money because that was Caduceus’ plan, no one is allowed to argue. Also being excellent interrogators of corpses together. Fjord is a huge fan of Caduceus’ magical food powers, #MagicalCrush, would “not turn down” Caduceus’ healing, and he kills some bats Cads was slapping around. Unfortunately without the bats Caduceus proceeds to slap a bunch of points out of the ship by saying he “doesn’t care.” That is cold.

+7 to Jester/Caduceus as they do a little awkward dance on the steps to make it around each other, and spending hours annoying everyone else in the party by talking about Cleric Things. Caduceus being impressed over Jester totally lying about being able to talk to dead horses, and Jester going wild over HOW COOL the Corpse Interrogation was. The Clerics Cuddling for comfort when the enemies first attack, since that was definitely what Jester and Caduceus were doing no questions here. Points taken away because Jester’s enthusiasm for Corpse Interrogation sort of glosses over how Caduceus “feels dirty” over the whole affair, they are apparently not too compatible in this area.

-5 to Nott/Yasha as Nott makes a sincere and successful effort to apologize to Yasha for sticking her like a pincushion and trying to be Nice and Supportive with memory games to help Yasha remember the “drow.” But points are drained away into the negatives as Nott goes a little too hard with the interrogation over Yasha having potentially killed people to make orphans (“that’s a cool name” and “Orphie” is terrible and does not make up for this nonsense), and Yasha’s well-received but still terrible allowance of Nott’s alcoholic predilections. They are a wonderful trainwreck to watch.

-20 to The Mighty Nein/Names. As of right now, there appears to be one (1) member of the Mighty Nein in Caduceus Clay who did not at some point either change their name or have some type of Name Angst over what someone else has named them. Though making faces at ‘Ducey might come to count for something, in time.

+11 to Nott/Jester Speaking of Disguise Self Shenanigans, how Nott is the Moro to Jester’s invisible bugbear, making them the logical pairing of the Corpse Interrogation Caper. Jester’s adorable confusion over her nickname being “Little Sapphire” which leads to Nott instantly screeching about how beautiful and perfect Jester is, that lovable dumbass. Nott using the word “shiny” to describe Jester, which seems technically a little odd but says loads about Nott’s affection for the gal, as this is the #1 lover of Shiny Valuable Things in the party speaking.

+8 to Jester/Yasha as Yasha in her sweet soft way also points out how Jester is very pretty and brings up Fluffernutter as a potential badass name that some of the people in her tribe might have been named for. Jester, for her part, directing Worrywarting in Yasha’s direction over how she was recognized and trying to give Yasha control over what they do next and what Yasha wants, though dear Yasha who cannot assert herself to save her life only manages to tentatively say she wants to know what’s going on before saying she’ll do whatever the group wants. (They! Want! What! You! Want! Yasha!)

-6 to Jester/Curtains, which surprisingly don’t taste as good to tieflings as they do to moths. Further experimentation required to determine how delicious they are to goblins, firbolgs, half orcs, aasimar and humans.

-101,019.01 to Critters/Child Poverty. TAKE THAT, CHILD POVERTY! This is how much was raised at the end of the stream, and a deserved kick in the face to all Child Poverty ships everywhere #AntiChildPoverty

#critical role #cr spoilers #widofjorester #blumenkids #widofjord #widojest #fjorester #clayleb #nott the best detective agency #clayvorre #nottasha #jestasha #beaujester #lavorregard #beauyasha #fjorclay #shipping calculus