#crying on the goddamn floor

[seventh-district]

OCD will literally remove your brain's ability to register when a task is Complete and then create 10,000 incredibly ridiculous and extremely specific rules for you to follow in every single aspect of your life (to keep you safe, of course, it tells you.) and then tells you that if you don’t do them Correctly and Completely every single time it tells you to (it tells you countless times per day) then the Entire Fucking World Will End and then it’ll do this fucked up thing where it makes you believe that nonsense.

and then people that don’t have it will make silly little jokes about being soooooo OCD and make t-shirts with fun little acronyms on them like Obsessive Coffee Disorder and tell you how much they like it when things are organized and clean, too!!

and then you’re supposed to just. laugh. like you haven’t been robbed of your entire being and potential and been taken over by a mind and life altering disability

#PSA: don’t fucking tell me to Seek Therapy or Try Medication. i am Aware. i have Tried. it isn’t that fucking simple #and this is my blog. i’ll complain about my illnesses all i want to. if you don’t like it i strongly encourage you to unfollow me #ocd #actually ocd #cw ocd #cw mental illness #mental health stuff #Seven.txt #Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is actually SO goddamn insidious. and only ppl that have lived with it will understand that #it’s a terrible terrible thing. to have something ruin your entire life under the guise of keeping you safe #it’s like being abused by your own mind and i don’t say that lightly #okay. stopped crying long enough to get this post out of my brain and onto my blog #gonna put Walking Disaster on loop and return to my Mental Illness Floor Time now #if no one hears from me for a little while it’s not personal i just. need to not be a Person right now. i’m so tired

[hannibalismos-jaaneman]

sometimes i think about what would have happened if richard had died instead of henry and the rest of the book had been narrated the song of achilles style and it hurts

#raj shitposting #imagine had the fight led to the gun being thrown out the window. had henry seen that richard was shot. had the ambulance been too late.. #that is the saddest thought i've ever had #henry would quit college. buy the estate he had seen with richard. live there with all his stuff and sob into his clothes like a baby... #he'd go to california every christmas and spend the time alone in some stupid hotel and become absolutely fucking unhinged. #he'd tend to richard's mother because ofc his father would run away from home that was the kind of man he was. #and he'd call no one but his own mother for her funeral because no one else would be bothered. #he'd send some money to richard's father along with the news and go about living his life like a goddamn widow. #that's the perfect word. widow. henry would be nothing but a widow. #the bmw would be the worst thing in his possession. he'd think about selling it but he wouldn't. #he'd think that anytime he had a semblance of thought that maybe richard was with him.. it would be in that fucking car. #he wouldn't sell it out of superstition that the car was the only place where he could safely feel richard and fall apart in his memory. #he'd cry like a madman every damn day in that car.while getting groceries.visiting francis at the country house.going for dinner with them. #he'd probably get a portrait done of richard. maybe of a photo of richard in some fancy clothes francis took at the country house. #yk those times rich people ugly cry by a full size painting in a burgundy robe with wine spilled on the floor by them clutching their chest #as if in physical pain and agony? that would be my man henry. #he'd be too out of his mind to even remember that maybe that day he killed charles too because nothing seems to matter anymore. #henry winter #richard papen #winterpapen #tsh #donna tartt #the secret history #literati

[rosemary-bells]

erha book 4 cover was revealed!!! (inhales)

((incoherent) thoughts in tags)

#I CANT LOOK AT IT #I CANT LOOK AT IT ITS TOO BRIGHT #also the yellow book joke lmao #ID LINK IT BUT IDK HOW TWT LINKS WORK ANYMORE #I CANT LOOK AT IT I CANT I CANT I CANT #buzz #erha #2ha #the husky and his white cat shizun #ranwan #FEEDING US SO GODDAMN WELL ST I SWEAR TO GOD #THEIR HANDS THE NECKLACES MAKING A LITTLE HEART #THE DOG AND THE CAT ON OPPOSITE SIDES #THEYRE WALKINF DOWN THE STWPS TOGETHED #THEYRE TOGWTHED THEYRE TOGETHER THEYRE TOGWTHRR #IM HYPERVENTILATING CRYINF EXPLODING EVEN DUING ON THE FLOOR DEAD AND PERISHED OH MY GOD #MO RANS QHITE OUTFIT CALL ME LUO BINGHE THE WAY IM GOING TO BE FRYING ABT THIS FOE THE NEXT MONTH #IM DEAD AND PERISHED AND CRYING AND CRYING AND CRYING MORE #MY FAVORITE ARCS IN THE SERIES SOME OF TJEM ANYWAY OM GOING TO DIE IM GOING TO DIE IM G #THE NEXT BOOK IS PROBABLY GONNA HAV WTHW CONFESSION SCENE AGAIN IM HOING TO DIE PERISH DIE AND DIE AGAIN #I CANT SLEEP OM CRYING TOO HARD IM GONNA PERISH #coughs :) so normal abt this btw #kind of spoilers but not Really!!! #jus tin case #erha spoilers #2ha spoilers #in the TAGS. #also the cover. so. waves hand #s.SO NORMAL ABT THIS #HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

[turnipoddity]

Okay but have you considered Francesca by Hozier for your chainshipping playlist? It is giving me emotional damage.

GOODBYE IM LEGIT CRYING. yall trully give me angsty bangers to listen to i love u guys

#the playlist is getting LOOOONGER YALL #you guys have excellent music taste i LOVE THEM #also goddamn hozier’s new album got me crying on the floor fr he only produce straight bangers and bops never flops #asks #chainshipping #saw

[very-uncorrect]

Future chapter genocide/snowgrave route idea: Kris struggling desperately to get the soul out of their chest, hyperventilating and shoving their hand in as hard as they can, scratching around in their ribcage because it wasn't this hard the last times, and the sounds of distress and pain they make cause Noelle to walk in, and they freeze

She notices the glowing red peaking out of their chest, string-like tendrils wrapping around their fingers, how petrified they look, and puts the pieces together in a moment of oh, Kris, I knew it wasn't you

She quietly kneels down in front of them, puts her hands over theirs, and helps them slowly, gently, pull the soul all the way out

Noelle locks it away into a container, turns to Kris, and pulls them into a hug, hushing them as they sob out unneeded apologies

#i wanna see noelle have the revelation that kris is possessed #i adore how she's the only one who notices how differently they're acting #they may be distant now #and noelle may worry they aren't even friends #they still know each other like no one else does #i want noelle to help kris toby please pleaseee #deltarune #kris deltarune #kris dreemurr #noelle holiday #noelle deltarune #kriselle #god i hope their relationship gets mended #i will cry if it doesn't #angst #hurt/comfort #tw physical pain #tw physical harm #like that animation of kris pulling the soul out looks so goddamn painful #and how they have to drag themselves across the floor without it #they should've left in the animation of kris mucking up their landing on the bathroom lol #tw italics #tw bold text #tw hyperventilating #tw panic attack #tw self harm #tw crying

[milkweedman]

ah, the ever-more-frequent Urge To Explode My Brain from unending migraines. a migraine that just lasts the day already sucks so bad. whole day is gone in a blur of pain and misery, right ? a migraine that lasts multiple days is sort of like if hell was real and you were in it. time has no meaning, only pain, etc.

months of migraines... with no break or end or effective treatment and also you still have to work and behave like a normal person because you cannot lie in bed for months not paying rent. well id describe it you but ive fucking lost the plot. its gone on so long and its so bad that when the migraine ISN'T at its peaking on the pain scale and making me feel like if i was hit by a truck that would be an improvement, i start to feel like my head is a vestigial organ that has been removed. cant access sensation in my head and it feels literally disconnected from my body. meanwhile the pain is still there (along with the brain fog, vertigo, nausea, etc) but it feels like its happening to somebody else.

#im kind of impressed that i can at this point carry a normal conversation (as good as i ever can. which is bad but irrelevant) #while being in agony and having been in agony for as long as i can remember #usually also with something dislocated just for some extra fun #because what i actually feel like doing 100% of the time is lighting myself on fire and/or screaming forever until i die #however thats the kind of shit that puts you in the psych ward again #so i am. smiling and making small talk while migraine auras wash out my vision and i try not to visibly dry heave #its really really really fucking bad. all the time so fucking bad. #i need to message my neurologist but likelihood of me doing that is low #because 1) the stuff she's put me on has so far done nothing but add intolerable side effects to the hell that i am already existing in #and 2) its fucking hard to do anything. even the bare minimum im not doing. so extra shit is just. not happening #i want to scream. #i am gonna. go for a walk and smoke a cigarette instead and then get really high because at least then i dont really care #the auras are making it really hard to see though. theyre like bleach all over my vision. just this wash of white #hhh. #chronic illness #chronic migraine #and its like. when my knee also gives out and it feels like theres metal in there slicing everything up with each tiny movement #or any of the other one million goddamn things broken in my body #i end up so overwhelmed by pain that i just want to lay on the floor and cry #at which point everyone around me gets mad that im not being productive and im costing them money and im not good enough #like ok kill me then. cheaper for you happier for me. just get a heavy object and go to town i would thank you for it #but i cant even say that because openly expressing suicidality just makes people angrier #im rapidly running out of fucks to give but also i will do anything to avoid returning to the psych ward #literally anything. morals out the window. i dont give a shit. #so its a catch-22. #vent

[wanderingchocolateeclair]

Manga spoilers (I guess-)

-

Sobbing.

I-

IM FUCKING SOBBING /pos(????????)

LOOK AT THEM- LOOK AT THEAAUGHHHHHHHHH THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO MEEEEEEE FU C K I WANT TO CRY

They’re so cute…….I- Shinya :((( you damn cute bean istg I can’t handle this ;-;

We all KNEW that the Textiles club couldn’t have been. jUST. a textiles club.

They HAD TO HAVE gotten up to some Shit™️

(But also…..…..hehehehehehe Tsunagu darling where’s your nose………where is your nose I’m giggling like a lunatic-)

#tw caps #bnha manga spoilers #bnha #best jeanist #edgeshot #hakamada tsunagu #kamihara shinya #edgejeanist #AAAAAHSHAJDJSJDJE #SCREAMING #CRYING LAUGHING AGGRESSSIVELY HITTING THE GROUND WITH MY HEAD #mY BOYYYYSSSSSS MY GODDAMN PRECIOUS GAYS AUGHHHHHH #*dramatically falls to floor and sobs* #/lh #I’m not gonna shut up about this lmao #fuckin #holy shit #oh god #I’m not exaggerating when I say my life revolves around these two #it has for the past THREE YEARS WE AINT STOPPING NOW LMFAOO #AAUYGGHHHHHHHHH #AAGAJQKAKAKASHWHEJDOSHND

[ghostboyjules]

made the mistake of listening to boygenius' new album while I was at work earlier and it literally hurt my feelings so bad I mentally blocked it out until like. 30 seconds ago. like fr they didn't have to say all that.

#and by mistake I mean that I should NOT have made the first time I listened to it be AT WORK. IN PUBLIC. #where I literally couldn't cry or I would have had to forcefully eject myself from the building. #via. window. 3 floors up. #I'm talking. lower lip trembling type shit I was holding those goddamn tears back so hard. #like they did. NOT. have to do all of that. #fam I haven't even gone to actually IN DEPTH look at the lyrics yet I'm *SCARED*. #those three just. really know how fuck me up. #WHO WROTE THIS. WHO DID. IT. PHOEBE??? I'M LOOKIN AT YOU. #like. for all my fellow mitski girlies (gender neutral) this album legitimately hurt me worse than like. #puberty 2. #it's still so incredibly funny to me how I legit BLOCKED IT OUT ENTIRELY. until fuckin 3 minutes ago. GOD. #okay im done. for now. jfc. #jules.intothevoid✨ #jules.songrec✨ #I GUESS. TECHNICALLY. go ahead like it's so fuckin good but the EMOTIONAL DAMAGE. #the opening track? like what the fuck. that felt personal. like. the typa shit I been on recently?? & they open with that??? hello?? #boygenius

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

i feel like i'm not weird enough about anything anymore i think i need to take that baroque art history class next fall so i can get silly again

#we have like 2 art history professors and the one i always get stuck with does baroque and goddamn do her classes #suck the life out of me but they make me feel something real and whatever it is is just shy of a religious experience #yes every time i do art history i sob and cry in the floor because i hate reading 20 page chapters and writing 50 essays but #i think i actually miss the essays and also nothing gets me shaking in barely restrained excitement like art history #i’ll see if i can fit it into the fall i think i can(?) i’m p sure i’m actually below 12 credit hours for the fall but i’ll have to check #if so then that’s great i hope my other classes don’t tag team with it to Kill Me like they all did last semester #but then again if they do who gives a shit that should be my last semester as long as i don’t fail any classes i’m outta here

[feymarche]

i didnt even consider that there would be people out there who didnt get the references like . borat family guy austin powers napoleon dynamite and pickle rick bled so deeply into the culture of my high school that i didnt even think it was a possibility for those references to be missed

#talking tag #THAT BEING SAID IM SO SORRY. THIS EPISODE WAS UNBEATABLE FOR ME SPECIFICALLY #THIS IS NOT SAID WITH ANY LOVE FOR THOSE PROPERTIES THIS IS SAID WITHSOMBER ACKNOWLEDGEMENT THAT I KNOW THEM AND UNDERSTAND THEM #it was so fucking funny i was on the floor goddamn rolling around crying it was crazy

[indigostars]

hans zimmer didn’t need to go that hard for the lion king

#i mean i’m glad he did because the music is stunning. but it is also why i’m crying on the floor at 2am. goddamn

[doodlboy]

I am screaming and jumping up and down and doing a little dance inside of my head rn!

#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #that was so fucking pretty and for what!!!!!! #as a spiderman enjoyer i am very happy we get such a rad movie to watch #pavitr was so cute!!!! w his bangles and shit that was such a cool way to interpret his web slinging omh #and miles!!!! he's gotten so big and he's so fuckin strong emotionally. hes so goddamn smart too!! #miguel was there [distain but i found him handsome] #he's i like his pointy teeth but he's such a dick!!!! #AND THE SPOT????? #WHY THE FUCK ARE PPL SLEEPING ON THIS GUY HE'S SO GOOD #rattling the bars of my fucking cage he's so endearing and a terrifyingly cool villain #HOBIEEEEEEEE man i love that guy #his anarchy is a lil silly sometimes and i appreciate that #ALSO ALSO!!!! the disabled spider ppl?????? holy shit thats so fucking cool??? the bit where they make the comedy is a crutch joke was so <3 #and gwen????? her world is so beautiful like holy shit just looking at some of the scenes there made me want 2 cry its so good #jumping up and down rolling on the floor running in circles AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #atsv #atsv spoilers #across the spider verse spoilers #elliot rambles

[crossbackpoke-check]

do u ever speak too soon & immediately regret it.

#yes this is about the trade that just happened three minutes ago #clown shoes of prophecy in the tumblr tags #no i am not Doing Well #I THOUGHT I WAS GODDAMN SAFE FROM THE BRUINS #to be deleted but i am literally resisting the urge to screech like a feral animal in the gym right now i am being soooooo normal #WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME PERSONALLY SPECIFICALLY I’M GOING TO CRY INTO A HOLE I CAN’T DO THIS NARRATIVE IT’S ONLY DYLAN LEFT YOU TOOK HIM #i have to pretend to be normal :) i have to take an exam :) and function as a human being :) instead of crouching like a bug on the floor #and then i will come home and open up the notes app i made two (?) years ago that says ‘if tyler bertuzzi ever gets traded it’s-’ #& everyone will be suffering with me. sorry not sorry for the influx of sad bertuzzi posts that are coming like i have Such a relationship #with him as a player &i know he’s the worst but also it really sucks to watch every guy you thought was the core of ur team get traded away #purely narratively speaking in all bemoaning etc etc etc except for the part where we don’t have a gritty net front presence now & #who’s gonna be larks & lucas’ winger & i just cried about tyler in a fight the other day because mickey said ‘i’m sure he wants to protect #those hands but sometimes you can’t you gotta do it for the boys’ & i think mickey said ‘they’ as in the team wants him to not hurt his hand #again but he has to fight & if that isn’t also v much a part of the old gods detroit it was always tyler champion of blood & guts & giving #& regardless of hockey (EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT IT WAS FOR DRAFT PICKS I HATE DRAFT PICKS WHAT ARE U GONNA DO WITH THOSE like at least if #it’s for a guy i could maybe learn to love him but you never remember who you traded to get those draft picks unless it’s narratively r #relevant later but right now it feels like it’s for nothing & i don’t want to learn to love some new guy in five years i miss tyler already) #anyway. ik full well this won’t cause me to actually finish tyler borzoituzzi bc i haven’t even properly started it but i can dream of spite

[snappysprinkledog]

I think the complete and utter abject loneliness I experienced in my late teens/early 20s is going to stick with me forever

#and like i cant wven confide in the friends i now have because its so embarrassing #like hey lads yknow that interview where mitski sings abouf crying on the floor chanting nobody #Ye #literally relate #and its weirdly embarrassing to admit youre fucking lonely or were lonely?? #like this highschool mindset of 'i had no friends im a loser' #and yeah i see like theres this cst thing on tiktok #where the really talented artist just keeps drawing this sad cat in situations of lonliness #arts beautiful btw #but i csnt even i guess appreciate it in a 'give them good things for once!!' comic jokes way #because that cat is me 2 years ago #that cat is still my fuckif mindset #it just makes me so goddamn sad

[apricusapollo]

Regulus wishes that the ground would open and swallow him whole so he could burn in the darkest pits of hell and never face James Potter again because this is honestly the worst thing he has ever fucking experienced.

#crys writes #regulus is so fucking dramatic #calm down dude #it's not even that serious goddamn #(he slipped and fell on floor and dragged james down with him and now james is laying on top of him) #fic: paper rings

[noxtivagus]

yk i still haven't done ffxiv 6.3 n the curiosity n anticipation is still driving me. crazy. a bit. yes.

#🌙.rambles #dedicated to moonlight.. words cannot express just how much i look forward to finally listening to it #N THEN THE RAIDS. MENPHINA'S MY DEITY MY GODDESS MY BELOVED. #halone bb too hlfkdajlfksd women....... n then. SORRY I LOVE THE OTHERS TOO BUT LET ME BE BIASED FOR A MO #n then zero. my wife. she's. she's. AAAAAA SHE'S SO !!!!?/1/! >< sorry zero is like. My Type. she's so. she's so Yeah #bbg that hat n the purple color scheme n then the n then the n then the UHHH YK YK EVERYTHING #hflkasjfkd.. i miss ffxiv honestly. i haven't been able too play properly in so long #goddamn my mind rlly ain't it rn i'm sorry for a lot of things n then i'm still.. stressed bcs #arghh my memory returns at the worst time i have to write so much. i want to i need to i #time's going by so fast 😭 now that i've actually started writing here it's a bit dangerous bcs #i have smth due in 2 hours n i'm nearly done but. yeah. n i have a few more due tomorrow too n then #today was.. a lot. i'm sorry. i wish i cld say more rn but. fuck #n then the future too bcs prom's like the day before our family vacation somewhere n yh T_T #excited i miss my aunt from the usa a lot she was my inspo as a kid n now i. still do rlly look up to her. that diligence n dedication is #ahh no i'll cry wait #my aunts from my dad's side rlly influenced me a lot. n then. i'm prolly yeah rlly similar to ^^ #hfdaskfjsdfhasld i'd say she was the person who like. idk along w my other aunt (my dad has just 2 sisters n that's it for his siblings) n #my love for astronomy. my love for science n earth n the universe as a whole #oh dear i still remember i still remember.. looking at those books. such a curious young child. my imagination n curiosity was rlly so. yh #thinking of those times reminds me of kh too n i'm really trying not to cry rn bcs i still remember sitting on the floor n #i can't rmb which ps model it was anymore n i'm too emotional to search it up rn #but i rmb the start so well.. n. i don't remember it very well in fact i barely remember it at best but #i must've heard dearly beloved right? kh1. n it. brings back a lot of memories #was never rlly exposed to kh2 sadly. but kh1 was.. yeah. i barely remember i was so young but. yeah. yeah. #kh3 i finished n it's still very special to me despite its faults yk? like ffxv too. i rlly.. rlly want to play the other kh one day #especially 1. it's just. too special to me. n then aha i rmb.. i rmb earlier first time listening to it properly bcs on spotify n all n #i was gna cry fr :^) it brings back so many memories. not just of kh1 n my childhood but.. other memories too n my youth in general #how i want to hold on so badly. sorry ik i keep on saying 1/2 but yh 1.5/2.5 #AGHHH MY BRAIN IS NOT FUNCTIONING RN sorry if i like make any mistakes i'm not. thinking a lot rn but you get what i mean #'AT DUSK I WILL THINK OF YOU' IM NOT OKAY IM GNA CRY FUCK BYE