#clueless like well that is just hypocritical of you to take issue w/it Or take advantage of it when it suits you....w/o realizing that

[cherryrogers]

Falling For You.

— Chapter 4

Pairing: Bucky x Fem!Reader

(Modern High School AU)

Warnings: Swearing, mild angst.

Synopsis: Unlike most teenagers, you had your life completely mapped out. You’d graduate high school, go off to the university of your dreams, and live the life that your parents always wanted you to. That was the plan.

Falling for Bucky Barnes, however, was never part of that plan.

Being ‘just friends’ isn’t enough. Becoming anything more is too much. But suppressed feelings can’t stay ignored forever, and you were about to learn that a lot sooner than you thought.

Inspired by the song ‘Fallingforyou’ - The 1975

A/N: thought that i should mention,,, this is a slow burn. if you don’t like slow burns, i totally understand, and this probably isn’t the fic for you. but if you’re painfully obsessed w them like i am, then please enjoy :))

Series Masterlist

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“You’re delusional, you know that, right?” Wanda grinned smugly, popping a strawberry into her mouth.

You sighed and leaned back in your seat. “I’m not delusional; I’m being realistic.”

It was Wednesday lunchtime, and after a long, confusing couple of days, you decided to tell Wanda about what happened between you and Bucky. You kept the details about Natasha to yourself, knowing that was personal to Bucky, but you told her about how he walked you home with your hand clasped in his and how you had a pretty meaningful conversation, hoping that she’d be able to help you with your feelings - aka, she’d tell you that it totally didn’t mean anything, you and Bucky were still just friends, and you could go back to your normal life. However, the girl definitely didn’t share that opinion on the situation.

“(Y/N), sweetie...” Wanda looked you in the eye. Oh no. Whenever the name ‘sweetie’ slipped from her lips, you knew she was about to say something that you didn’t want to hear. “You don’t spill out your heart to someone and proceed to hold their hand if you don’t... feel something for them.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

Chewing on your lip anxiously, you took a minute to process what your friend was saying to you. Was it possible that Bucky actually still had feelings for you? That he wanted to be with you? Telling you about Natasha was a big thing for him, and considering he’d never found the courage to tell you until recently, that must have meant something had changed in the way he felt about you, right? Bucky was a fairly confident guy, he certainly had no trouble flirting with you like it was second nature to him - which it probably was, at this point. But what he shared with you after leaving the diner, it showed another side to him. The side that had insecurities, that didn’t feel good enough, and for someone to show that part of themselves? That’s difficult, and it’s not something you just show anyone.

Fingers snapping in front of your face caused you to jump slightly, before shaking your head and bringing yourself back to the present. Wanda was giving you a look. A look that indicated she was expecting you to say something first.

“What?” You eyed her cautiously.

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

The girl rolled her eyes for the second time at you. “Well, do you feel something for him?”

“Wanda, you know I can’t-”

“I know, you can’t date anyone at the moment.” She interrupted you. “But wasn’t my question. Forget the whole dating thing - do you have feelings for Bucky?”

The question caused your heart to stop momentarily. Every time you happened to ask yourself that question, your brain immediately stopped working and forced you to think about something else. But here you were, sat in front of your best friend, whose eyes were pleading for you to be honest with yourself and tell the truth.

Bucky Barnes... he wasn’t just your friend. There, that was a start. Wanda was your friend - the one you asked for advice on anything and everything, the one who did your makeup for junior prom because you were clueless when it came to eyeshadow. Wanda was the one who you knew would be with you for the long haul.

As for Bucky? He... was different. He was the one who only had to crack a smile for your heart to flutter, the one who could make you laugh until your stomach ached, the one who had made you feel more comfortable in your year and a half of knowing each other than your parents had ever made you feel in your life. Bucky, however, was the one you were scared would slip through your fingertips if you weren’t careful.

You didn’t want to lose him, you couldn’t. Hypothetically, let’s say he liked you. If you showed no interest in him, he’d be hurt, and because you were the one who hurt his feelings, you’d be pretty upset too. But if you ended up crossing the line between friends and more than friends, it’d be too much for you, and it just wouldn’t be able to work. Again, that’d hurt him, and you maybe even more. To you, there wasn’t a winning situation for either of you, never mind the both of you at the same time.

Your feelings surround Bucky were clouded. They were there, that’s for sure. But what were you supposed to do with them?

Deciding to be honest, you nodded hesitantly to simply answer her question. You heard the girl exhale in relief, as if she was holding her breath the whole time you were wondering how to answer her. Wanda leaned her elbows on the table after feeding herself another strawberry, knitting her brows together with an empathetic look in her eyes.

“Look, if you don’t want to date anyone at the moment, that’s perfectly fine - nobody is forcing you to. But, you’re suppressing these feelings for Bucky because you think it’s good for you, when it’s actually anything but.”

“I-I know. But I can’t admit anything to him, Wanda. If the feeling isn’t mutual, it’s not gonna be the same between us. If he actually does... have feelings for me, then that’s gonna be even more of an issue.” You let out a frustrated breath, resting your chin in the palm of your hand. “I can’t tell him that I like him and then tell him that we can’t date. That just makes me an asshole.”

You couldn’t believe you were discussing the idea of telling Bucky you had feelings for him, after so damn long of scolding yourself internally every time he popped into your mind.

Wanda lowered her gaze for second, before biting her lip and flicking her eyes back up to you. “Okay, I’m gonna propose a solution. And before you get annoyed with me, let me explain myself.”

After nodding unsurely, your friend began speaking again. “I think you need to tell Bucky how you feel-”

“No way. Did you listen to a word I just-”

“I told you to let me explain!” Wanda groaned, causing you to reluctantly stop talking as you gestured a hand for her to carry on. “Bucky cares about you a lot - anyone with eyes can see that. Do you really think he’d want you to hide his feelings for him if it was hurting you? Even if he didn’t feel the same?”

She was right. Bucky wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself just for his benefit. But that’s only if he didn’t like you back. Wanda seemed pretty convinced that he reciprocated the feelings, but how could you be sure?

You were about to only sigh as a response, but the buzzing of your phone on your pocket distracted you. After pulling it out, you were surprised to see a text from the Maximoff twin that wasn’t sitting across from you.

Pietro: Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to do something after school today? Maybe grab dinner?

“Who’s that?” Wanda asked curiously.

The corner of your lips upturned as you read the message. “Your brother - he wants to know if I’ll grab dinner with him after school.”

Wanda remained quiet as you quickly typed out a reply.

You: Sure, I’d like that.

Pietro: Great, I’ll meet you outside the school gates.

Placing your phone back into your pocket, you narrowed your eyes at your friend, who was drinking her cherry soda with an innocent expression.

“What is it?” You questioned her, causing her to smirk slightly.

She put down her drink. “What about Pietro?”

“What about Pietro?”

“Could you ever see yourself with him?”

If you were drinking something at that moment, you would’ve done a spit take.

“See myself with Pietro? Wanda, what the-”

The girl raised her hands in defence. “I’m just asking! I honestly think he’s interested in you.”

“We’re friends.”

“You and Bucky are friends too.”

“That’s different.” You argued, wondering where the hell she got the idea of you and Pietro from. He wasn’t interested in you, why would he be? He was like Bucky, in a way. The boy could probably have any girl he wanted, because he was one of the sweetest guys you knew. You were pretty sure he wasn’t pining after you. “You know what? I can deal with how things are with me and Bucky, and I don’t want to date Pietro. I’m sure he’s not interested, and the same can be said for Bucky.”

“(Y/N)-”

“Can we just... talk about something else? Please?” You pleaded, fearing that your brain might shut down if you talked about your feelings for much longer.

Wanda acknowledged that you were genuinely done with the conversation, and managed to switch the subject to something that didn’t involve your dating life. However, her words were still stuck in your mind. Would it be better for you and Bucky if you just told him how you felt?

That was something to think about later. You had two classes left after lunch, the last one being chemistry with Bucky. You’d go out with Pietro, have a good time, and then you could go home and study the night away, just like you always did. You were so used to your daily routine, and dating wasn’t a part of that.

Bucky thought breaking up with Natasha made him a coward, but it actually made him pretty brave. He confronted his feelings directly - something that you couldn’t seem to do. You couldn’t ruin your routine, because you feared that doing so would ruin every other aspect of your life, including what you had with Bucky.

It was hypocritical, really. Telling Bucky that he could tell you anything, yet hiding the one thing you’d never told him at that exact moment. It wasn’t just him you were attempting to hide it from, but you were also desperately trying to prove to yourself that your feelings for him were non-existent. It was pointless, frankly. Because your feelings for him were so existent, that you could already imagine the damage it would do to tell him before even doing so.

Maybe you just wouldn’t tell him.

* * *

“Well, would you look at that.” Val grinned proudly down at the C on her chemistry paper, before turning to you and practically shoving the paper in your face. “I’m coming for your spot at the top of the class, (Y/N).”

Rolling your eyes playfully, you pushed the paper away from you. “See? Look what you can achieve when you don’t spend your whole weekend drinking.”

Val was one of those friends that you’d never hang out with in you free time, but you treasured the time that you spent with them in class. Even with Bucky sitting on the table behind you, you didn’t think chemistry would be the same without Val adding her commentary throughout the hour you were in the classroom.

“Crazy, right? I think I’ll treat myself to a drink this weekend to celebrate.” She leaned over to the other side of the bench to eye Bruce’s paper. “How about you, Banner? What did you get?”

“I got an A.” The boy replied quietly. Bruce Banner was the third person on your row of three, and he was smart smart. You wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up getting, like, seven PhD’s in the future. He kept to himself mostly, but was partial to conversing with Val if she ever had a science question she needed answering. While Bruce was probably smarter than you in general, you studied the exam questions like it was your job, meaning you usually ended up scoring a couple more marks than him.

Val sighed. “Of course, I don’t know why I asked.” She spun around on her stool to face the table behind you, consisting of her friend Thor, Steve and Bucky. Her eyes narrowed at Thor as he looked up at her. “I dare you to tell me you got an A, Thor...”

The blond beamed back at her. “What can I say? It’s my god-like abilities, I’m telling you.”

Thor was that one kid that despite never touching a textbook in their life, continued to receive A’s and B’s throughout the whole year, much to every other student’s annoyance.

The girl scoffed, swinging back around. “God-like? You wish. You’re just a nerd in disguise.”

Eventually, the teacher approached your table again and handed you your paper, face-down.

Oh no.

Flipping the paper over hesitantly, you took your bottom lip between your teeth, scanning your eyes across the red pen at the top of the page.

B - good work, (Y/N).

“Let me guess,” Val said sarcastically, not noticing your worried expression. “Little miss ‘always gets an A’ also got-”

“I got a B.” You muttered quickly, causing Val to leave her sentence unfinished.

The last time you got a B was in freshman year. Ever since the you first achieved an A on a test in high school, your parents expected nothing less, and you never let them down. Oh, lord. On top of the detention you weren’t sure if they knew about, they were about to find out that for the first time in three years, their daughter didn’t receive an A on a test - that wasn’t going to go down too well.

Since you hadn’t done any studying over the weekend, you hadn’t had time to go over everything you needed to for the test. You didn’t think it would result in you dropping to a B. Not that a B was bad, but it certainly wouldn’t be good enough for your parents.

Val had an apologetic look in her eyes. “Oh, well that’s still good! There’s nothing wrong with a B. In fact, I think a B is better than an A. This just proves that you’re too smart for these stupid tests-”

“Thanks, Val.” You let out a laugh, despite your evident anxiety. “I-I appreciate that. There’s nothing... nothing wrong with a B.”

After everyone received their tests back, the bell soon sounded and the class began to pack their stuff away. You felt a presence beside your table, but didn’t look up as you shoved your textbook back into your bag.

“(Y/N)?”

Sparing a glance to the side, you noticed Bucky eyeing you with a glint of concern. He knew that the lower grade was eating you alive. “Yes, Buck?”

The boy rocked back and forward on his heels. “It’s okay, you know. That you didn’t get an A.”

God, hearing it in his voice just made you feel worse. “My parents would beg to differ.”

“Your parents are in another city, far away from here. They can’t get mad at you when they aren’t even here, that’s not fair.”

You smiled sadly at Bucky, zipping up your bag. “It’s not fair, you’re right. But they don’t care about being fair, they only care about the fact that I haven’t been studying as much, and I’m sure they can’t wait to complain at me about it.”

The boy leaned his elbows on the table, leaning in closer to talk to you. The action made your body stiffen a little, but Bucky didn’t notice as his eyes searched yours for a hint of anything that wasn’t worry.

“How about I drive you home? You can ride on the back of my bike.” He offered, making you chuckle.

“If you think I’m getting on the back of that death-trap, you’ve got another thing coming, James.” Your sad smile turned into a small smirk as you spoke, allowing Bucky to feel slightly better that you weren’t as stressed about the grade. “Plus, I’m not heading home.”

Bucky’s brows raised curiously at your last statement. “Don’t tell me you’re heading to that damn library-”

“I’m not going to the library.” You smacked his bicep lightly, earning a laugh from him. “I’m going out with-”

“Buck?” Both of your heads snapped to the side at Steve saying his name. “Sorry, I didn’t wanna interrupt, but Sam and Nat are waiting for us in the parking lot; we should get going.”

Nat.

To take a wild guess, you assumed that he was referring to Natasha, aka, Bucky’s ex-girlfriend. Now, why the hell was she waiting outside of school for him and Steve? Why on Earth would Bucky want to- wait.

Your gaze landed back on Bucky, who seemed to be sending a glare towards his friend. Hm, maybe you weren’t supposed to know that Bucky was still buddy-buddy with his ex.

Awesome.

“Right, well I don’t wanna keep you from Nat.” You threw your bag over your shoulder, awkwardly taking a step back from Bucky, almost backing into Val who was chatting loudly to Thor next to you.

The boy stood up straight, tilting his head to the side guiltily. “Sweets, it’s not-”

“Bucky,” You clasped your fingers around the straps of your bag tightly, trying to contain whatever the emotion was that was running through you. “It’s fine. Honestly, it’s none of my business who you choose to hang out with.”

“Let me explain-”

“You don’t need to explain anything.”

“I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea-”

“Well, here’s an idea.” You raised your voice, internally thankful that half the class had already hurried out of the room before they could see you snap. “How about you start telling me the whole truth about things, rather than only the parts that are convenient for you?”

Bucky had nothing else to say to that, his mouth barely opening and closing as if he was attempting to come up with a response. Maybe you shouldn’t have raised your voice, but something had been off with Bucky recently. First, he didn’t even tell you about the year-long relationship he had with Natasha, and it was now being revealed to you that he was still somewhat friends with her. Like you said, it was none of your business. However, Bucky seemed to really want to explain things as soon as you found out something that he didn’t want you to know about.

“Uh oh, it looks like there’s trouble in paradise.” Val chimed in, before patting Thor on the shoulder and ushering him to leave the classroom with her. “Let’s leave the happy couple to it.”

Paradise. If only.

“I’ve gotta go.” You mumbled, following shortly behind Val and Thor, desperate to just find Pietro and forget about what just happened in the past five minutes.

Your steps soon came to a halt when you exited out of the building, feeling a hand wrap around your wrist gently. Whipping your head around, you were met with paranoid, blue eyes, and you almost felt guilty for not wanting to hear him out.

“Buck-”

“Sweets, please let me explain.”

Looking over at the school gates briefly, your eyes skimmed past a boy with platinum hair. He leaned casually against the brick wall, and after looking away from him, you let out a tired sigh.

“Call me later, okay? I can’t talk right now, I’ve gotta go and meet Pietro. And... and don’t call me that.”

Well shit - that was a clear indicator that Bucky was in trouble.

And Pietro. Bucky couldn’t help but clench his jaw slightly. He needed to make things right with you as soon as possible, but he couldn’t, because you were going out with Pietro. Not that he didn’t like the guy, but couldn’t he have chosen literally any other day to take you out?

Couldn’t you have chosen another day not to ruin things? The boy thought to himself. God, he’d really messed things up.

He wasn’t deliberately lying to you. It was like he said, Bucky didn’t want you to get the wrong idea about him and Natasha. Telling you that when they broke up wasn’t actually that last time that they talked would have you thinking that there were still feelings there... which there wasn’t.

And if you thought that he was still caught up with Natasha? It would only push you away, and that was the complete opposite of what he wanted.

“Bucky, I thought she knew...” The boy turned to look at Steve, who had followed him out of the school. “I wouldn’t have said anything if-”

“She would’ve found out eventually.” Bucky sighed, rubbing his jaw nervously. “I just... why am I hiding things from her, Steve? There’s nothing going on with me and Nat anymore, so why didn’t I just tell her that we’re still friends?”

He knew exactly why he didn’t tell you; the questions were more aimed at himself than Steve. The only person who he needed to hear the answers, however, was you. Bucky couldn’t keep doing this. Making you get mad at him because of his inability to be honest with you. While his intentions were never to hurt you, that seemed to be the reoccurring end result.

All he wanted was to keep you close, but apparently, his actions were doing anything but.

“Steve, Bucky?” The two boys hadn’t even noticed the red-head leaving Sam’s car, who was now standing in front of them with a confused expression. “As much as I understand how fun standing around aimlessly is, it would be awesome if you two could get your asses in the car.”

The blond snapped his head towards Bucky, who barely even glanced at Natasha before shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket, beginning to pace away from their spot next to the parking lot.

“I’m just gonna head home - I don’t feel like going out to eat.” He mumbled, allowing his friends to only just hear what he’d said.

Steve reached forward to try and grab his arm, but the boy pulled away quickly. He didn’t bother attempting to convince him not to go home. Bucky was evidently pissed. With you mad at him, Steve knew that Bucky wasn’t going to be able to enjoy himself if he went out. “Buck, at least let Sam drive you back.”

“I’ll walk.”

The simple statement caused Natasha to furrow her brows, pulling her eyes away from Bucky and landing them on Steve. “What’s wrong with him?”

With concerned eyes still trained on his friend, Steve exhaled deeply. After tearing his gaze away, he nodded in the direction of Sam’s car, indicating for them to get moving.

“I’ll tell you in the car.”

* * *

Series Taglist:

@itz-kira @americas-ass-assins

#bucky #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes reader insert #bucky barnes x fem!reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you