#chronic it's not my fucking business disease

[frogspawned]

hellwalk... 2!!  begins auspiciously enough. i bear spray myself in the car. this is the second time this has happened, and the third shall happen very shortly. i roll down the windows, standing like a sad idiot in the pouring rain with my dogs, waiting for it to dissipate enough to be bearable. my hands are burning and my nose runs continuously. i take out the cans to stall for time with the dogs, who are trembling with excitement to Go Somewhere. freya (derogatory), who has recently discovered she can run to the neighbor’s yard, sprints to the edge of the road just to make me shout. this is a new fun game! i wish i had never stopped gaslighting her that the road is a lava.

we arrive at destination one, wherein i find a pile of discarded, filthy clothes, an awl, and a tackle box of some sort suspiciously discarded behind the brush.

there is a foul smell, a distinctly dead smell, so i search the area a bit. i don’t find anything, and decide to leave, because it’s none of my fucking business. as park time has been cut short, i decide we will go on a trail for a bit.

so there’s this trail that i took the worst walk of my life on, and, because i do not learn from experience, i decide that this is as good as any. it was optimal conditions; soaking rain for the last few days, muddy, fallen trees and branches from the last storm, no one knowing where i was going. mud and clay and more mud. there are many warning signs i will not have a good time, which i ignore.

freya races down the steep cliffs down to the river flats, having the time of her life. her only goal in life is to be a filth monster. this is her element.

(on a different, happier walk)

chewy (honorable)

chewy stood next to me, waiting for the beast to return so they could resume frolicking and gamboling. chewy does not do sheer cliffs anymore, as she is an old and distinguished lady. except, actually, she does! she goes down the hill, a quarter falling, mostly sliding. the mud reaches all the way to her elbows. this is very pleasing to her, until she tries to move around, after which she says ‘fuck this actually’ and tries to come back up.

the thing is, chewy cannot climb up. it requires a 3 foot vertical leap at the end where the dirt has fallen away from the tree roots. she has the hips of a calcium starved geriatric and thus the jumping power of a slug. she struggles to get on my bed. to be fair, my bed is very tall. to be more fair, i dragged an ottoman into my room -- which she has used before! sometimes she napped on it! -- to help her, and she decided she is terrified of it. she does not understand alternate routes. she is a being of many mysteries.

freya makes the run/jump easily, and demonstrates several times. this is the best thing that has ever happened! and so she must run, to celebrate.  chewy stares up at me, realizing she is trapped. (fun fact! it’s a 12 foot drop into deep mud; i know because many years ago, my OTHER dog walked off the edge and i had to climb down to retrieve her, as she refused to move. until i got to her. then she learned to struggle.) calling in the squeakiest baby voice i can muster, i lead chewy back down along the trail, which thankfully runs alongside the drop. chewy is deeply confused, but follows. the mud is a struggle for her. freya cannot decide what is more fun, lapping chewy or flying up the hill to run around me. after a few minutes, we reach an area with a shallow enough hill that chewy can manage. freya makes 3 trips up and down the hill before chewy arrives; on the fourth, she takes a flying leap over chewy from behind going uphill. i wish fervently i could steal her lifeforce. i would drain her like a caprisun. that dog would be a withered husk.

when she makes it to the trail, chewy is exhausted, cold, and soaked through. unutterably miserable. the biggest wettest eyes you’ve ever seen. she wants to go home. admittedly, she always wants to go home. her greatest wish is to go in the car somewhere, sniff, pee, and then get back in the car and go home. perhaps stopping along the way for a Treat.

we start to head back; however, return trips are when freya becomes Evil. there is nothing new! it’s all old stuff! this is the time to investigate the Mysteries she has passed before. she goes racing ahead, which is fine, normally, both my dogs wait at bends until they are in sight again. they are generally very good about staying near. freya makes a hard left turn into the brush; fine, whatever. they are both obsessed with grass, and i know there’s a patch down there. graze to your heart’s content! this is either my third or fourth mistake. the dog cannot be trusted. foolishly, i am grateful. at least she will be distracted from chewy while we go down the slickest clay hill in the world.

i carefully go off the trail onto the moss, guiding chewy down. it’s still steep but doable. i look up from the bottom. freya has what at first i think might be a piece of chicken, a fleshy pale beigeness. we stare at each other. she begins to chew, testing. i tell her no! drop it! she does, still watching, assessing. ‘drop it’ is a highly conditional command. i scramble up the hill, only to slip and crash onto my side. the bear spray hits the ground. the air is now spicy. the safety needs to be fixed. i have known this for several months. i slide down to the bottom. there is mud all up one side of my body. the puddle is so cold. i look up from the wet earth, and see the dawning realization in her eyes: i won’t get up there in time. freya begins her swallowing process, snakelike.  she doesn’t even move away; she enjoys watching the struggles and hardships, and most of all, people falling down.

i clamber on all fours up the hill, reaching her right as she gulps the last traces down. she is triumphant! her throat is making the weirdest, grossest sounds you’ve ever heard. she drops her head to collect more, and i see what it is. congealed dog vomit. it has the consistency of cold melted butter, with dog food chunks in it. i shoot out my hands to blockade her. it is no matter, because there is More along the trail. i can see it in her face. it is the gum incident all over again. she runs ahead. you’ll never catch me, mother. i am swift and sure footed, a beast of the undergrowth, and you are wearing your worst shoes.

i powerwalk down the trail after her, stopping her from going off to seek her treasures. she listens, because this is also a new game. questions plague me. what dog has been vomiting. why is there so much. i note at least five small piles, all just off trail. something terrible happened here. this is the second time i’ve had a horrible vomit experience on this very trail. which is funny, because it was the first thing i thought of when we arrived. ‘twas hubris that felled the beast; hubris and a short memory.

we are in the home stretch. so far i am winning, and she has not eaten any more puke. it does not matter to her; only that i am forced to keep up, and must shout. we round the last bend, i call her a wretched animal. i hear a voice a few feet behind me. a cold wave of deja vu passes through me. an Old Man has appeared from the woods. time is a flat circle. last time it was two old people. dread takes root in my belly. i am sisyphus. i am cassandra. i am soaked. history does not repeat, but it rhymes.

he is frightened of the dogs. freya is frightened of his umbrella. the disaster unfolds.

she is a slippery eel of a dog, and i didn’t put on her harness because i am a fool most of all, life is one long joke without a punchline, and didn’t expect to be here in the first place. my decision making lately has been poor. that was also a warning sign, ignored.  i herd her back to the car with big arm gestures and pleas (with only one road chicken scare, which gives me palpitations. what a fun game!! oh ho!). she is so muddy. she is so so muddy. the dog blanket on the back has fallen off due to chewy’s awkward scramble into the car. everything is muddy. i apologize to the old man. he is mud as well. the dogs are in high spirits. i give them their cookies, defeated. upon our return home, they gather first in the kitchen, for another cookie, and then on my clean sheets, for a nap. i am so very tired.

#i swore last time i would never take another walk there again but im a fucking clown so #the old people. the cliff. the vomit. it happened AGAIN. #long post #frog croaks #and the road is so so so bad like people die regularly on it #because it is winding and crumbling #in places #and people love to drive fast and/or drunk on it #it's cold enough that there's still snow on the ground #another fun fact #someone discarded corpses on these trails before! #people disappear and the town's like #¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #chronic it's not my fucking business disease #freya #chewy

[number-1-crush]

having anxiety and a crush at the same time is so much to deal with

#i felt like i was getting signals. so i invite them out to get sushi with a few other ppl #admittedly short notice i will not lie #i got an ‘i’m sorry i’m busy :( have fun though!’ #pretty standard message. polite even #i am currently trying to stop treating this as a sign that they want to avoid me #girlie u asked them the day before. they were busy on a saturday. u are looking so #fucking far into this #chronic fucking overthinker. dear god #this is supposed to be fun!!! crushes are meant to be fun!! #they say hi to me when they don’t have to they laugh when i make a shitty joke i keep catching their eye from across the room!!! #so one ‘i’m busy sorry :(‘ and a lack of offers to hang out and not texting often aren’t indicative of anything!!! christ #i mean it’s obvious they aren’t indicative of anything! because i am also guilty #i had never invited them somewhere before and i almost never text them #and CLEARLY i’m interested. #god #anyways i keep envisioning this confession-gone-sour thing in my head and i keep shaking myself like #Do You Hear Yourself???? they Aren’t Like That they’re nice they’re kind #even if i get rejected they’d probably still be down to be friends! i mean fuck dude #i need to just. Chill Tf Out #but it’s hard when i have chronic Can’t Chill Out Disease otherwise known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder

[mysterycitrus]

Hey what do you think about Dick and his relationship with his queer identity, bc similar to your recent post abt Dick having zero desire to be perceived, whenever I see content about Dick Grayson being out publicly as bi or some other flavor of queer, I personally would consider that ooc, he values his privacy way too much to ever come out to the media

i can only speak for myself as a lesbian but personally id think he has chronic ‘it’s none of your fucking business’ disease wrt all his relationships. like yeah it would depend a lot on who he’s dating but he’d be more….. passively out? he looked at joey as a teenager and was like hmmm…… ill figure that out at some point and then just never did. like the people he actually cares about would know. it’d be a conversation he’d have with his partners — tho since he only seems to date other bi people it’d be a pretty short talk — but he wouldn’t want it to be a public talking point. people conflate being very open about it to be the only way to be comfortable with ur sexuality but honestly i disagree. i think ive formally ‘come out’ to maybe five or six people in my life. for me im just not interested in anyone else’s opinion.

he’ll go to the pflag meeting or go with tim and cass to pride but dicks not gonna announce he’s dating a man imo. i will say however there’s probably a drag queen named dyke grayson in universe that he follows on twitter

#dick grayson #nightwing #dc comics #the ask and the answer #dyke grayson goes on drag race and gets cancelled for wearing a replica of the flying graysons performance gear

[rajbow4ever]

my rajbow hcs, copy and pasted straight from my tt cz what else do i post...

(some of these are in full grammar for some reason?? idk all of these were from various middle-of-the-night decisions)

raj: did figure skating for a while when he was younger but stopped because people called him un-manly

bowie: tries to persuade him to try it again

raj: goes to stroke every stray animal he finds on the street

bowie: 'babe that probably has 20 diseases...' lets him do it anyway because he wants to see raj smile

raj: can talk about his interests for hours at a time

bowie: thinks its the cutest thing ever and loves to listen

bowie: owns one of those small business jewelry shops online

raj: learnt how to make little beaded bracelets for it

bowie: naturally very good with instruments

raj: doesnt even know how to hold a guitar

raj: got banned from his local arcade for raging at a claw machine

bowie: claw machine pro (gives 80% of the prizes he gets to raj)

bowie: loves pointless internet debates like how many holes are in a straw

raj: doesn't understand a single one of them

raj: didnt think narwhals were real because they're like 'unicorns of the sea'

bowie: had to search them up to prove they existed

raj: chronic weezer fan (same raj same)

bowie: listens to whatever's popular most of the time, but he listens to a lot of upbeat stuff

raj: is able to notice if bowie gets stuck in his thoughts

bowie: is able to notice if raj is stressed about something

raj: Gives Bowie cool rocks he finds.

bowie: Keeps. Every. Single. One.

raj: Was shocked to find out most people can't down five burgers after a simple hockey game.

bowie: Is just ever-so-slightly terrified.

raj: Sleeps at 9pm, wakes up at 5am - but them goes back to sleep and waked again randomly.

bowie: Sleeps at 4am, wakes up at 10am.

bowie: Took Raj to watch one of his basketball games.

raj: Was just staring, absolutely ENAMOURED, IN AWE at him the whole time.

raj: Scared of birds (cassowary incident).

bowie: Scared of spiders.

raj: Attacks every spider he sees.

bowie: Scares away every bird he sees.

raj: Surprisingly a very good cook, but is banned from the microwave.

bowie: Also a very good cook (is not banned from the microwave).

bowie: Bought Raj star-shapes sunglasses to match with his heart-shaped ones.

raj: They became his most prized possessions ever.

raj: uses stupid words like "coolio" and "awesomesauce"

bowie: "what the FUCK are you saying"

raj: incredibly tactile, loves physical affection

bowie: always initiates it because he knows how much raj love it

bowie: worries sometimes because he thinks he's 'ruining raj'

raj: took after some of bowie's snark

bowie: is good at skating, but falls over a lot so he continues to do it just for fun

raj: genuine pro at skating, if you name it as long as it's on ice he can probably do it

bowie: monopoly demon. takes the money from everyone, wins everything

raj: fairest monopoly player ever but is incredibly competitive

raj: struggles with panic attacks every now and then, wayne usually helps but he's started letting bowie see him vulnerable too

bowie: taught him fancy breathing techniques (that i don't trust myself to name)

they play 2 player princess tycoon on roblox together

bowie: kills everyone

raj: actually does the tycoon

bowie: is a big fan of horror movies but screams every time something even slightly scary happens

raj: is terrified of horror movies but watches them with bowie (he hopes that bowie will get scared and latch onto him)

raj: hates talking to the waiters when ordering food

bowie: does it for him

bowie: had an emo phase when he was way younger

raj: found his old emo clothes "HOLY SHIT??"

raj: believes in ghosts n that stuff

bowie: thinks its the most stupid thing ever (secretly believes in them)

thank you for listening to my ted talk. next post scheduled for 2025 i think

#td raj #td bowie #td bowraj #td rajbow #rajbow #bowraj #is it bowraj or rajbow... #me personally im a rajbow liker #because it sounds like rainbow #raj total drama #bowie total drama #total drama #total drama reboot #td23 #td reboot #how different is tdtiktok to tdtumblr? only time will tell.

[lansplaining]

You know, in modern aus I feel like JGY gets done dirty a lot.

Like, this man is hardworking. Say whatever you’d like about anything else; not even the worst of takes try to claim that he’s anything less than dedicated and talented. In canon, this comes to nothing because the system is. The system is VERY not good, like, even more not good than usual.

But JGY is hard-working and very good at PR (look at those children! playing as the Noble War Hero Lianfang-zun! everyone saying ‘god i hope we don’t lose this guy for that brat teenager’ which is not the highest bar I admit but still works for my point!) it’s just that no matter how good he is at PR, his image is stained and destroyed by the default. He has to work against that shit.

He’d probably still have to work against it in a modern AU but also, like, his father isn’t the only possible source of an actual powerbase. His father isn’t his only way to power (and more importantly: safety), here! That alone does a fuck-ton, even if I’m halfway sure he would still end up trying for fatherly approval. But even just that lack of being permanently and irrevocably stuck on a ride that fucking hates you would do wonders for him.

He’d probably still end up as a scandal but there’s a difference between Modern AU magazines constantly airing out your personal life and people refusing to touch you because they believe you’re inherently tainted. Like, people will be assholes, but there is a real possibility of power all on his own merits, and I don’t think I can buy any version of Jiggy who would not desperately wish to have that. He wants to be RESPECTED! He wants to be SAFE! He wants to RUN A BUSINESS and by god, he is good at doing it.

Just. If NMJ can be less rage-poisoned, can JGY not get to be…you know. Valued a little more. You could scrap up replacement for magic murder via the switching of meds for a chronically ill man, after having erased all the original reasons why Jiggy did that murder in the first place, but you could also just simply NOT do that. If NMJ is not actively deteriorating due to rage disease then why is JGY the exact same way or pure cackling evil??? You do not think (comparatively) more equitable set-ups would…have an effect on him as a human being. You do not think that a society in which bureaucracy is a more valued skill than the ability to swing a sword around would have an effect on him?? YOU THINK A WORLD WHERE STARTING A BUSINESS IS A THING PEOPLE FREQUENTLY AND SUCCESSFULLY DO, WOULD HAVE ZERO EFFECT????

TL;DR — JGY should not be JGS’s cronie in Modern AUs, not if NMJ is out here with no degenerative evil disease, personally cuddling the souls of sick baby bunny rabbits back to life. He should be a middle manager struggling his way up at worst. Ideally, he should be a rival business to his father’s, about to crush him beneath his heel, and carry LXC off into the sunset.

YEAH MAN THIS DRIVES ME NUTS

why does modern AU NMJ always apparently get access to therapy to become a well-adjusted nice guy, but JGY's out here scheming and sometimes still literally murdering people

whatever crimes JGY actively commits need to not be that far outside the scope of what everyone else in his society is doing. literally everyone in the jianghu kills people-- that's the point. if JGY's doing actual murders, then everyone else had better be members of the mafia or FIFA executives or something

#ask answered

[mellonyheart]

This is the most self projecting thing I've ever written because guess what my body gave me for Christmas? Yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy. Fuck my life. I still had to cook Christmas dinner too.

Mammon x Reader, first person pov, sfw, swearing because fuck is my favorite word today, slight angst, probably poorly edited. Edit: forgot to add 'reader is fem bodied. Whoops. Edit2: Actually gender is meaningless here and Reader could just as easily be suffering from menstrual cramps or a chronic disease/condition. So gn? The point is Reader has cramps. It's not specified what kind. Only that they hurt bad enough to not be able to enjoy going out.

Fuck.

This wasn't how I wanted to spend my Christmas.

I was supposed to greet the boys at breakfast. We'd eat and hold back our excitement (some better than others) about the coming festivities. I was going to help with Christmas dinner. I was going to bake a truckload of Christmas cookies! We were going to decorate them together. It was going to be a chaotic blast! It wasn't supposed to end up like this....

Owww....

My body seemed to have other ideas as I was now confined to my room by cramps. It's not fair! As if it wasn't bad enough I can't be in my (real) room but the boys were out spreading Christmas cheer for the rest of Devildom without me. And I was really looking forward to it!

It was hard to fight the tears as I remembered how Solomon left early to help out in my stead. I hope they can keep him away from the kitchen. That would be a disaster. Were the brothers missing me? They were right?

I missed them. I missed the present. I missed being a part of their wild world. I miss Mammon.

And now I really am crying. In no small part from the pain in my belly as much as my heart. My phone was suspiciously quiet too. Were they busy? Did something happen? Crap... you never know in the Devildom. Something is always coming up. I wanted to be a part of it. Why was fate so cruel?

I rolled over, still dwelling on my miserable thoughts. The pain killer was barely working. If I ever find this Nightbringer person (demon? Angel? Whatever...) I'm going to give them an earful. Not that my current situation was their fault but it makes me feel (infinitesimally) better to blame the entity that put me here.

Knock knock

Nope. Don't even think about it Solo. I'm asleep and I'm not eating your "soup".

Knock knock

I'm sleeping. Go away.

I could have sworn I heard a curse on the other side of my door but it was too quiet to make out. Weird. Solomon didn't usually curse.

Bzzt

?

I got a text message.

Hey.

You awake?

It's cool if you're not.

The Great Mammon just thought it'd be a good idea to check in on ya. You should be grateful I'm such a nice guy.

Fuck!

Anyway...

Just thought I'd say Merry Christmas.

"Wait!" I shouted as I threw open my door and there was Mammon halfway down the hall looking back at me with a startled expression.

...Just in time for another cramp. Ow.

"So ya were awake! Hang on... are ya okay?!" Mammon rushed to back to me, likely noticing my distress. He helped me back to bed and as he tried to take a step back I held his sleeve. Such soft fabric... if I wasn't miserable right now I would complement his santa outfit. It was perfectly... him.

"Thanks Mammon. But uh... what are you doing here?" I had to know. Why couldn't I let myself just be happy that he was here?

"Is that any way to greet someone who came all the way here to see ya?! And look at ya... fallin' over and stuff. Wait. Does that make me a hero?"

"Sure. My Christmas hero. Doesn't answer my question though." How is it that he can make me smile so easily? That has to be a super power. Maybe he is a hero.

"Do I really need a reason to see ya?! Gimme a break would ya?!" He huffed. I could guess what he was really doing here. His golden heart was always clear to me.

"I'm glad you came. Thank you. I was actually getting pretty lonely." Honesty was easy with Mammon. Even if he couldn't be honest himself. He was blushing and looking away from me. Damn he was cute.

"Y-yeah... well I figured you'd be lonely without me. I mean... well it just sucks ya got sick on Christmas. It ain't right." And by all things holy and unholy he looked at me like he meant it. He did mean it. Mammon really could be ridiculously sweet. Maybe too sweet because I can feel the tears coming back.

"H-hey! I didn't mean to... I wasn't tryin' to..." Poor Mammon. He was panicking. I really did try to explain that it wasn't that he said something wrong. It was just hormones going a bit overboard. But talking is hard when you're trying not to sob because the demon you love is too sweet for his own good. So I just hugged him. Hard. If he wasn't a demon, probably too hard but how else can I express that I love him so much I want us to meld into one person? I'm emotional. Don't hold it against me.

Mammon tried to calm me down. He hugged me back and kept saying anything he thought would be soothing in his own Mammon way.

"Hey. Ya good?" He asked as I finally calmed. My eyes hurt.

"Yeah. I'm sorry Mammon. This probably wasn't what you had in mind when you came over." My face felt puffy and I could really use a snack and some hydration.

"Don't worry about it. Are ya sure you're okay?" Anyone who says Mammon only cares about himself is an idiot.

"Yes. You're the best Mammon. I really need you to know that." I wiped my face and attempted a normal, definitely not wet, smile.

"Come on... don't get all sweet on me. Oh! I almost forgot!" Mammon suddenly dashed back into the hallway. After a moment he came back with a small festively colored bag and a thermos. "Here. I got this for ya. I uh... wanted to give it to ya before the others got here."

"Hold on... the others?" I asked, bewildered.

"Aw crap... that was supposed to be a surprise! Ya gotta pretend to be surprised when the others call ya down. I was supposed to check how ya were feeling so we can throw ya a party downstairs. Ya know, because you probably don't feel like walkin' to the House of Lamentation or the castle. And then Solomon said you didn't want to teleport so..."

I should have known. I love them. All of them. And they love me. Of course they would try to plan a surprise party so that I didn't feel left out. I feel like the luckiest human of all time. Dumb hormones can't stop me from having a good Christmas.

"Mammon?" I interrupted him from his rambling.

"Huh? What is it?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"H-huh?! H-hold on! You haven't even opened your present yet!" Fuck he's cute when he blushes.

"Can I kiss you after I open my present?"

"S-sure, whatever you want! Just open it already!" Mammon pressed the bag in my direction as to put as much distance between it and himself. He looked at me expectantly.

Inside the bag was... cookies. Clearly handmade. They certainly weren't made or decorated by Luke or Barbatos. One was a touch burned.

"You made me cookies?" I asked.

"Tis' the season right? Look! That one is you and that one is me. I threw in a couple Christmasy shapes too. Ya gotta try 'em though!" He looked nervous despite sounding so excited. I bet he brought these privately because his brothers made fun of his amateur baking skills. And he made mini us!

I took a bite of a Christmas tree.

"It's good."

"Yeah?! I mean I tried extra hard to get the shapes right and Luke had to help me with the decoratin' but they look good right?!" He smiled like the first sunrise in Devildom. So I kissed him.

Then as he got flustered and admonished me for the surprise attack I made cookie us kiss too.

Marry Christmas.

#Bonus: the cookies were too sweet and swimming in dried frosting but the taste didn't matter #Kissing Mammon is sweeter anyway #Also the others got impatient and crashed their private party #obey me #obey me nightbringer #mammon supremacy #mammon obey me #obey me mammon #mammon x reader #obey me mammon x reader

[moonlightandmarble]

Alright so, our story so far

About five weeks ago I start having symptoms of a UTI. Given a test and antibiotics like usual and go about my business. Pain is at an uncomfortable level but not out of the ordinary. However, the antibiotics don't seem to be working.

Okay another pee test and a different antibiotic. I'm allergic to so many of them so let's go with the ol standby Cipro.

Doesn't ease symptoms, actually they're getting worse. Pee tests keep coming back as contaminated. Fucks sakes. Take one more pee test.

Pee test that FINALLY gets cultured shows a rare random form of staph.

Okay! Time for a different antibiotic. Pain is increasing. Really not having a good time. I can barely get out of bed. Symptoms not getting better.

Return to doctor. What do? Pee test negative now. We don't know what's wrong with you make an appointment with a urologist otherwise uhhhh go fuck yourself I guess.

Okay maybe I can make it till Thursday.

Pain gets out of fucking control to the point I want to scream. Go to the ER

Shit we don't know but maybe it's chronic cystitis. But we need to keep you for a few days because the dip test says you've got an infection.

What the fuck, do I have an infection or not???

Stay in the hospital get injectable antibiotics and pain medication. Also get poked and prodded by multiple doctors. Experience IV infiltration. 0/10 do not recommend.

Infectious disease specialist believes that I don't have an infection and that the staph was just hanging out on my skin and ended up in the sample somehow. Okay now what.

MORE PEE TESTS. Nitrites present so they keep up with the antibiotics. I spend three days in the hospital.

I finally get to go home. I HAVE BEEN IN CONSTANT PAIN SINCE AUGUST 13TH.

See urologist. Yep congrats you actually have interstitial cystitis

So I've got a prescription for oxybutiyin and now I don't know what to do with myself

Anyone have any suggestions? I still hurt...

#interstitial cystitis

[paging-possum]

some questions for you :D

What comics have you made? Cuz I really like your artstyle and i’d love to see them :] (i also have an obsession with comics/graphic novels so there’s that)

Also!! Cape Kids!! I have tried to find all the content i can find on it and was wondering which character you play? (if thats how it works)

okok gonna go suffer through the cold sunny day again :D

OMG HIII THANK YOU SO MUCH okay okay so. the first comic I have is Nematomorpha which is a body horror based on my chronic wrist injury + brain parasites! You can read it all here for free :D I also have Villaintines which is $10USD on itch.io! There should be some preview pages on the itch page. I'm currently working on a couple though, the main one being Milwaukee Protocol which is about a girl who starts turning into a beast because of fictional rabies and a nonfiction one about celiac disease! Also one about gay little werewolves but I'm working on revamping that one because I realized halfway through that I just. do not care enough about writing normal romance to have fun with it but I'd like to do it at some point.

and CAPE >:] I can already see you've found the cape kids tag which is where all of the cape related things are on my blog! I play Leo Luo (pronounced 'imagine saying or in a Boston accent and then put an L at the front of it') aka this fucking guy

Leo is gods worst lesbian (both at being a lesbian and being a good person)- she's part of the CAPE probation team because she accidentally committed arson! She's a STEM kid! She is not very good at thinking ahead because she thinks she's the smartest person in the world and it very often gets her in a lot of trouble! did I mention she likes women and has only just started figuring it out but not really because she's too busy having a hit put out on her to think about that right now! She works for the evilest biotech company ever and fully acknowledges that they do shit like steal organs from teens AND SHE STILL HASNT QUIT ‼️‼️‼️ She might SELL HER SOUL TO HER EVIL MENTOR ‼️‼️‼️ I adore her she is is so stupid god bless. additional Leo fact is that her earrings ARE made of her own bones from when she lost her arm during a cape mission

I am wishing you the best of luck on this cold sunny day o7 from a warm and sunny part of the world

#my art #cape kids #I will once again direct you to scoutisnthome and bodbred to see the characters and also because their art RULES #but overall if you scroll the cape kids tag you will see many a post

[oldcoyote]

(Apologies if that's none if my business, I'm asking for myself here) Do you work? Like, have a job/regular occupation? And if not, is it because of your chronic illness and how do you handle life financially?

no, i don't work. i'm a disabled pensioner and have been since i was about 28 years old when my chronic illnesses reached the point where work was impossible. i did push through for a few years (symptoms began at 25) but the chronic pain especially grew to be too much too handle even part time work

i have mixed connective tissue disease (with symptoms of lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, sjogrens syndrome and scleroderma) and secondary fibromyalgia. i haven't had a day without pain in over a decade. i'm on low dose chemotherapy and have been for a very long time to treat it. it's pretty fucking awful

it's quite rare to be approved for a disability pension in your twenties in Australia, but the stack of medical support documents i sent in was over an inch thick and had enough proof for them to approve me in the end

i'm extremely lucky to be on the DSP for all these years. it doesn't pay a lot, it's not an easy life, i don't get to have holidays or buy myself nice new things when things fall apart. i repair. i buy second or third hand. i survive. my family supports me, and helped me with an affordable place to live. the nice things i do get are usually gifts from them or from my friends. my biggest indulgence is my two dogs, whose care and feeding sometimes costs me more than i spend on myself. but i couldn't live without them, not alone here

life is hard, but they make it easier 💛

#replies #work post #plutopups #chronic illness #disability #that line in la vie boheme b

[sunny-satellites]

I'm gonna be honest, professionalism is a disease. Sometimes you just need the words to bring reality to someone who won't listen and they can't start with per my last e-mail.

There's a specific site at my job that drives me nuts because they just don't listen to instructions carefully and this problem is endemic across their entire management pool. They'll also constantly cross lines and do shit like call me on teams without warning because they *know* I'm good at my job and I'll fix the damn problem if I can, but sometimes I'm in the middle of doing other shit and I can't be pissed to fuck around for fifteen minutes to reset johnny dipshit's RSA because he chronically can't remember a 4 digit number.

So this week was a gigantic headache because small minded upper management made an absolutely awful decision and has set a 90 day ticking time bomb on our password policy due to a delayed overreaction from a security breach that happened in October, they forcibly reset every call centers password and unfortunately because of more dumb shortsightedness they specifically decided to flag it for VMware logins. VMware is not directly attached to our primary IDP so it caused a ton of IDP flowback issues usually locking people out of random applications on other subdomains and often locking people out of active directory login entirely.

I've had to basically route a large portion of this intake for this specific issue and it's been mostly resolved as everyone who got flagged in these domains has reset their shit and had a temporary password issued and their accounts synced for proper primary IDP flow down.

I got a guy today however who managed to dodge this issue and I told him I'd have to route his issue to another team because someone already picked up this ticket, but genius middle management refuses to let people be unproductive for a bit and he's in my dms telling me to reset chuckledick's password again.

I can't tell him he's a technological hazard and that his mother should pound sand on the beach that makes you old and block him because that's ~unprofessional~ so instead I tell him this is a bad idea because the department under me already reset his shit and synced it from the jump server and this will reset it back to square one and probably break any other access that was working along the way. I know what the issue is and that it's elsewhere but I'm a network engineer so I *shouldn't* modify this person's OUs if it's already someone else's ticket. However he's not taking my polite "No" for an answer so I reset the person's acct and issue a temporary password, he tells me he'll be back in 5 minutes. It takes him 25, meanwhile I'm regularly refreshing the domain that has NT logins registered on it and see that the password update flag doesnt reset, meaning chuckledick cant log in.

I fuckin set myself to busy so these people will stop bothering me and leave him a message before he can even return: "I see user was unable to log in meaning this issue is IDP domain flow down related like I had initially diagnosed, in the future please refrain from wasting (network dept name)'s time and arguing with us over tickets already assigned to the correct department. I hope you take this lesson to heart." Which is about the politest way I can tell this person he is a fucking fool and I hate working with him.

#sysadmin bitching

[avengersassemble-fics]

hello there

wow.

so.. its been awhile, hasn't it? like a long.. long time. sure, a couple posts but my last actual post was december 21, 2021.. crazy!

have I written anything since then? no, not really. re-read some of my work, thought "man this shit is so fuckin good" ..but I just honestly wasn't well enough to sit here and write. as much as I missed it.

what's new?.. a mess and depressed! but working through it. if you read my person posts in the pass, I worked at an optical store for a big big brand (not naming names) that felt like my soul was getting sucked out of me.. retail, amiright?

but seriously. I was there for 4 years by July of this year. in October, the manager I had been with since getting hired was moved to a store closer to her (congrats bestie) which opened up the management role for the one I was in.

I interviewed!! ...I didn't get it!!

devastated. like everything I had ever done was for fucking nothing. all the times I covered, where I took charge when the manager was out, the shitty position of just being under the threshold of FT so I never got the FT benefits (pto.. I was a feign for wanting time off). I interviewed, never got a definitive answer from the dm, until the news was laid on us that someone was hired.

someone who had less than a years experience, from a sister brand that sold non-rx sunglasses. A MAN. nothing wrong with me, I love men, but it was a gut punch. I had to continue being in charge for 2-3 months while this guy got trained for the position I felt I was deserving of.

and when he started it was absolute shit. I have never met someone so fuckin lazy. he refused to close, refused to work most weekends, never helped clean or help keep things organized, left me to handle signage changes and other things, stating stupid shit like "I didn't sign up for that" when like.. yes you did? that's literally the whole point of being a manager? the last week of the year is extremely busy in the optical space, because people want to use their benefits before the end of the year (use it or lose it). december 31, 2022.. what did he do? he left me and my coworker alone so he could go home early. we did ten thousand dollars in sales that day. that is what the store would average a week. we did it in a day.

my depression got worse.. but I did get my associates in psychology (cute). it wasn't until February of this year that I finally got a break. ya girl got a new job, in an office, not having to sell anything! perfection.

I moved out of my parents (it's def a struggle but.. my cat and I are happy), I officially was diagnosed with a chronic disease this year, working on my mental health everyday, did my first semester of uni..

and I miss this. writing, posting, daydreaming. I want to come back but I'm not sure if it is possible on this blog or if I'll have to start fresh elsewhere. but this place is my writing home (and AO3).

if you read all the way through, thank you. I hope to be back soon with new content (branching out of my comfort zone! finish old stories!)

until next time not two years from now..

xoxo caitlyn

#personal #hello there

[webslingingslasher]

https://www.tumblr.com/webslingingslasher/738364327062536192/so-im-a-chronic-illness-girlie-and-i-have-a-fuck

adoringdanvers ME TOO! I have Crohn’s disease and ever since I was diagnosed I’ve had people getting my business for no reason. In high school, kids would ask why I was sitting out during PE or why I missed school (doctors appointments galore) and I just got so sick of answering I’d just ignore them. The fact that people won’t hire us because of our uncontrollable ✨chronic✨ disease is absolutely unacceptable. I’ll keep that in mind when applying for a job - which I haven’t had beyond babysitting here and there. But I feel for you. I hope they fuck off and leave you alone.

-🛍️

you don't have to disclose anything, anon. it sucks, but in america that kind of stuff will keep you from getting hired. it's why a lot of women won't say they have small kids at home or are pregnant. it's super fucked.

people need to mind their own business??? like??? fuck them kids.

#🛍️ anon

[napsaps-archive]

I didn't watch this MCC cause I have chronic inniter disease and tommy wasn't playing, but honestly ya. Maybe it's cause we've been watching for so long and it's gotten stale, but the energy is so different

Now to be clear, I watch tommy, so my expectations are incredibly low cause tommy is usually too busy causing mayhem to care about winning so his wins are few and far between and Tommy's tommy so winning really isn't his goal in MCC, but the community as a whole feels so different

Idk if that made sense but ya lmao

no you're so right. like between all the fucked up changes and the changes they refuse to implement it's just like what the fuck lol. and not to be parasocial but ifl sapnap's energy is different too like he's not as excited it's like it's more of a chore for him like he still likes it and wants to play but it's different yk like i can't explain it BUT THE VIBES ARE OFF like half the time he's miserable and it sucks 😭😭

#ask #anonymous

[jinkicake]

FHDHFH NO BC REALLY SCARAMOUCHE GOT ME AND I HATE IT!!! Bc all the fanart is top tier like it belongs in a museum and he the same vibe as imposter albedo like they can destroy a nation as a treat bc they’re lashing out🥺 chronic dabi disease. Like someone made this Tiktok about scaramouche walking in like “ daddy’s home” AMD IVE BEEN CRYING BC ITS TRUE HE STOLE ALL MY ATTENTION like wow I LOVE a mean ass man he can be all yandere in public but I’m taller than him like I’ll throw you over my shoulder and take you home💀like good luck choking me I’m into that,but unfortunately the dick is the punishment bc he will get and more unhinged the more you push him, like yeah you can ignore him yelling at you when he’s pissed but in retaliation he will fuck you in the harbinger meeting table like 6 mins before they’re supposed to start he has absolutely no shame bc who’s gon beat his ass?? Lmao can’t decide weather he gags you and they continue on w the meeting like normal like your NOT bouncing on his dick about to pass out or he makes them watch as he humiliates you “don’t try to hide your face now, should I let them use you too? You’re already making a mess” like yeah you can roast him unites red in the face but is it worth him electrocuting you when you cum?? And doing it over and over?? Him🫱🏽‍🫲🏾Lisa Using their electro powers to shock their partners when they cum to make them loose it😔😔 like I would be scared FR if I even made him roll his eyes bc I will be blacked out for four business days he system updates your brain so you just gotta chill for a while like the dick is phenomenal but at what cost😫 and speaking of he definitely has customizable ones like he definitely has one that lights up in that big ass robot like I saw art of the “ fight” of him fucking the traveler In that robot and the wires holding them in place, and now that he’s got his redemption arc started I want him to travel around!! Ion even like going into sumuru w them annoying ass mushrooms 😭 I want to see him go to Liyue and hear about childe reputation “ you know that harbinger that almost drowned the harbor? I hear he’s sneaking around w that hot funeral consultant” “ excuse me what did you say🙂” I need him to restart his hoe era bc I KNOW that he was trying as much shit as he could as a freshly free “human” like idk how he knows kazuha but wouldn’t be surprised if they fucked like he’s a traveler and he’s seen shit, like kazuha could probably tell you about some crazy ass threesome he had in sumuru while on sex pollen😭 like they are for the streets!! Scaramouche would just have to give up bc I like him like oh you hate me? Hate me harder that’s hot🥰🥰 like very jealous of the fatui grunts bc he degrades them 😒 like okay your right maybe a “god” does beet to put a lowly human in their place🥴

EXACTLYYYYY like why is scara's fanart so good it sets me up to fail.... he's a fucking short puppet i should NOT like his ass T T but then again,,, he's fucking crazy and i love psycho characters..... he's unhinged and i enjoy it!!!

((the mention of dabi.... my heart hurts,,, my number one psycho like hes forever in my heart!!))

naur literally scara is so scary because he doesnt care like the dude has nothing to lose so he's so reckless T T it's not like you can ever leave him or anything so he can do whatever he wants w you!!! hence his obsession w fucking you in front of others and just treating you like shit sighhh

honestly, im torn between obsessive yandere!scara and timid gentle!scara like there is no in between... he's either k!lling everyone that you talk to or holding your hand to make sure that you never leave him.... i guess clingy scara is another form or yandere!scara huh-

wahhhhh no literally ughhhh he and lisa are bitches when it comes to teasing their s/o w electricity like their fingers are literal vibrators.... ADD MISS MIKO TO THAT LIST TOO BC SHE'D ALSO DO THAT- they're all evil!!!!

oh my gawdddd did you read that one post about fucking his robot? my jaw DROPPED when i saw it.... it's like fucking eren's titan

i've seen the scara kazuha ship connections already!!!! and honestly,,, i see it.... i truly do!

also, i have to ask.... how do you feel about his supposed redemption arc? bc me, personally, i don't know how i feel like i want closure for him and everything but i also like him as a little shit >:-) i dont want him to get softttttt but idk!!!

#sarahandoikawatalkshit #xiaos spicy almond tofu #sorta?

[paulichu]

I've reached that part of adulthood where no one makes an effort to see me but they get mad when I'm too busy to make the effort to see them.

My dude. I work full time, I'm an artist trying to get back into doing shows, and I volunteer, AND I'm polyamorous trying to date, AND I have chronic pain and an incurable autoimmune disease.

I'm tired of being the effort person. You fucking effort. My SIL pulled the "if you were over more we'd tell you THE THING" and you know what? Fuck that. I'm helping plan and make decor for your wedding. I'm the only one who gave you honest fucking answers about your wedding dress and that you should get what YOU want.

But I'm not around enough.

Nevermind that we're so broke I can barely afford gas to work. Nevermind that I stayed home from work yesterday because I'm in so much body pain I could barely move yesterday, and today I just internally screamed my way through 8 hours.

#the only time they've come to my place is when they need something

[bigtfoe]

hewwo

my friend and I decided to go to some sort of art night at a museum 2 days ago and though the organization could’ve been better, we were able to do what we wanted to do. We had some alcohol and then we went to- I wouldn’t say a workshop, but a room where we could write a letter to our future selves. They’re basically gonna mail it to us in 6 months, which should be around march. According to my plans, by then there are some things I would’ve wanted to accomplish or do, so I wrote about that. It was therapeutic and I hope I’ll welcome it positively next year.

After that we stood in line for over an hour to get a card reading. Since the wait was so long, we were like one of the last people who could still get a reading before the whole event was over (bad management yes). There were people in line behind us who had been standing there just as long just to be send away. But somehow it felt like it was meant to be for us to get that reading. Both my friend and I are in some kind of transitional period. The full scope of it is something I wouldn’t be able to explain in a few sentences, but basically, both our lives were shit. We’ve always been dealt a shitty hand since the beginning and we’ve worked so hard to now get to a place where we can leave all that baggage behind and start fucking living. We’re 27 and 25. Both of us went through or now have serious therapy and we were both at home without a job or education for years. We’re finally at the beginning of an actual fruitful and fulfilling life. She’s a little bit ahead of me, because I came down with my chronic disease, but since that’s finally ‘getting fixed’, I’ll be right behind her. We both have plans with what we wanna do the coming 3 years. And with the card reading we basically wanted to have confirmation about whether this is it.

My friend’s question was “am I on the right path”

And her cards, representing past present and future in that order were:

- be spontaneous

- strengthen your positive emotions

- might

The whole reason we went to the art gallery is BECAUSE she’s in her spontaneous era. Since we’ve both been shut ins for a while. I tag along for now mostly to support her, because I’m personally not ready to put myself out there. But I’m working on it. She is though. Going to random events, having dates, etc etc

For me:

- clear up the old

- keep your childlike spirit

- enlightenment

And it was perfect.. PERFECT.

It’s exactly why my friend is in her spontaneous era and why I’m not. I’m still busy clearing up the old shit. And it was nice to have the confirmation that I’m not wasting my time doing that. And that I NEED to do it. Because a lot of people tell me “why don’t you just do this and that now, why wait?” Because, honey, that would only make me feel miserable. Doing something while not actually feeling comfortable doing it.

The second card was scary accurate too. My 3 year plan revolves around me going back to my core, inner child and childhood dreams. I’ve always wanted to be a singer/performer. But because of all the trauma that was in the way, I sat on my potential for years and years. And that potential and ambition grew too big for my body. I’m ACHING to make something of myself. The card gave me confirmation that yes, this is the path for you. The lady who did the reading also mentioned childhood trauma that I have been and will be be dealing with and yea, I’m starting therapy for my personality disorder soon.

And the last card, enlightenment, as the future card, now c’mon now.

The question I had asked was; am I able to live more up to my potential next year (2024) and by the looks of these cards. Yes. Let’s fucking go.

Byeeee