#christ and. fucking. 'oh there's needles i dont like this'

[chimaerra]

something excruciating about having so many things that are so mine and only mine and my best friend keeps well meaningly taking them

#they are watching elementary. my favorite show in the whole world that literally built me. #and i have to hear all their fucking bad opinions about it #fucking. dr who is a sherlock holmes narrative? NO?? #i am literally writing a thesis on holmes narratives not every goddamn episodic mystery is a holmes get away if u dont understand #the importance of a holmes and of a watson. #fucking. joan dresses so much like clara oswald! she dresses like a damn woman in the mid 2010s who is a grown adult #please dear god not everything needs to be a fucking dr who reference please leave elementary free of it #christ and. fucking. 'oh there's needles i dont like this' #it is a show about addiction if you do not shut the fuck up #and of course. the most important one. how i keep having to hear that they r 'the bestest of friends' #he named a bee after her. they are two people who love each other. that is the thesis of the relationship they are more important than #fucking friends can you please shut the fuck up. nothing fictional means more to me than them stop fucking reading them wrong #also like. now they're getting into coffee but like. the super sugary frappes and trying to propose drinking coffee every morning #and i have to be like. no dipshit dont develop a caffeine addiction for shits and giggles this is fucking serious #and they go. well i get headaches already #shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up #like with literally zero respect (which is all due) i drink my coffee every morning as a coping mechanism. #one that is a primary reason i am capable of talking to people every day #you say you are mentally healthy and get upset when the mentally ill ppl joke u r mentally ill bcos the music u listen to is a little funny #stop #also just like. general stupid people shit! is my shit! and they are on my ass and i cannot take it #two of my friends recently got butterfly knives and i know a few tricks and we've been playing w them and talking abt stupid shit like that #generally having. the time of our lives w sharp objects. and i obviously mention that i have axe throwing and they need to come over #some time for it and we'll have to figure it out whatever. he comes up to me the other day and says hey how about on saturday #everyone comes over to axe throw! and before i can say anything they go '[redacted] u cant just invite urself over to host something' #even if we hadnt literally discussed it. i would not care. this is something we both clearly r very interested in and want to fuck around w #just. jesus christ i want to exist in the context of myself againnnnnn #ntxt #gonna go dye my hair and cope #actually just remembered another thing. it was my bit to bully my friend as a joke. and i got that right by being in close quarters w him

[wormswurld]

shoutout @femcelfuneral for reminding me abt felix absolutely coming apart the second ollie starts to play with his nipples 🤤 like jesus christ the sounds that would come out of that man would be Heavenly...

like thinking abt felix n ollie playfully arguing and ollie (being the fucking weird freak he is) decides to pull on felix's nipples to ????? shut him up??? get a reaction out of him??? assert dominance?? who knows! but felix's brain just immediately shuts down like !!!! "ollie, mate, i seriously dont- nghhhhh...." and his pretty face just twists up due to the short lived pain, his mouth going all slack, eyes quickly rolling back,, and ollie just looks at him like Oh Shit I Just Discovered Something About The Both Of Us lmao

after this new found Reaction ollie likes to play with them whenever he gets the chance absolutely reveling in the power he holds over felix,, this probs leads to felix wanting to get his nips pierced 😊 yet it's too embarrassing to get them done at a tattoo shop so ollie does them instead..."you ready felix?" ollie questions, eyes quickly raking over felix's shirtless body, taking in the vastness of his his chest and the way it rises and falls. hes so cute when hes nervous. "u-uh yeah, im ready ollie" felix responded anxiously, hands fidgeting with the sheets beneath him. slowly leaning over as not to scare felix more (not that it mattered anyway) ollie positioned himself eye level with felix's nipple. with small needle in hand, ollie looked back up at felix as for confirmation before piercing his rosy colored bud.

without missing a beat, felix let out a high pitched gasp, his hands struggling to ball into a fist as he felt the the pain permeate through his warmed flesh. "fuckfuckfuck..." felix muttered, throwing his head back in pleasure as ollie swiftly slid the small metal bar into his now puffy nipple. and oh, why don't you look at that. felix is bleeding. god, piercing him was one thing, but seeing him bleed was a whole other level of arousal ollie never knew he could feel. throwing all semblance of normalcy out the window, ollie leisurely licked at the small trail of blood left from the piercing. "nghh-no ollie please..." felix begged, this causing ollie to quicken the pace of his tongue gliding over the now gone crimson colored liquid that once marked felix's skin. and that's what did it. the most guttural moan made its way out of felix's mouth, as a wet spot began to spread its way across the front of his blue boxers. with that ollie decided to stop his actions, finally getting what he truly wanted out of felix. complete power and control. in that very moment felix was his and the light sheen on blood over his lips and chin proved that.

i have no clue what the fuck came over me with this. i just started writing shit...OOPS! thank u for coming to my ted talk that turned into an unexpected oneshot lmao love yall (u can tell i had to stop myself from continuing lol its late and i need to calm tf down...) 🤗

#felix catton loves getting his nips played w and thats final. #saltburn #lgbtqia #oliver quick #saltburn posting #felix catton #cattonquick #felix x oliver #saltburn 2023 #cw blood #wormswurld brainrot 🌟 #wormswurld posts 🌟

[voidwritesstuff]

Savior of lost hope AU.

->chapter 5. End.

Cw: mentions of stabbing, needles,violence and guns.

Summary: after hearing the warning of his shadow form, Lucas realizes he has little time to save his best friend and those he loves.

--Hey Rose! Im getting groceries-- Said Jerico, grabbing her Wallet.

--Kay! Be carefull kid-- said rosemary, checking to see if the solution she was working on was actually being processed by the machine.-- the serum should be done when you come back

She doesnt see jeri enter the room where the rest were,unconcious-- are you sure that Will work?

-- 99.99% sure!-- she replied.

The 00.01% that it didnt work wasnt much per se but it didnt calm jeri. When Rose turns to take a break, she sees Jerico wearing Lucas' lucky flannel. Its deep green and it smells like him.-- look I know this looks weird- I miss him okay? Its been like three days now

Rosemary smiles and shakes her head-- I dont care, im sure he would want you to have it. You look good

--Thanks-- she says meekly, shoving her hands on the pocket of the flannel, that hung Open, showing off a yellow tube top-- im gonna go now

--Go, then-- Rose leaned back and closed her eyes.

--Will do! Bye rose!-- she walks out of the cabin,leaving the scientist alone.

The chill in the air bites at her skin, leaves fall on the ground Gently with the breeze. She underestimated just how cold it was. She holds on to the flannel and sighs.

"How long Will they take to get back?" She thinks,her feet dragging across the beaten path towards the actual town. "I hope hes okay"

Once at the supermaket, she goes through the list Rose gave her. She puts the things in the shopping Cart, humming along to a l

Mindless tune. Distracted and in her own little world, its nice.

As she continues her little sidequest, her hands dig into the pocket to pull out the list again, and she notices that theres another piece of paper on one of the pockets.

Its crumpled, and it looks like a scrap piece of paper but she unfolds it just in case. Theres a short letter written there, and she recognizes the handwriting, its Lucas'.

Jerico hesitates for a moment,should she read it?was this intruding?

Curiosity picked at the back of her mind. So,with a sigh she goes somewhere quiet in the supermaket before Reading it.

"The doc always said its good to Keep a Journal of sorts,write down whats bothering you to help you Express it or 'get it out'.

Well, this is my attempt.

I met a girl the other day, she was- just so pretty, she was also very funny and sweet.

She had these big green eyes (my favorite color) and such a bright smile.

It slipped past me to ask her for a number or an email, damn my brain.

I,of course, was so awkward. Like Jesus fucking christ,Lucas cole. When was the last time I spoke to a woman?

Thank GOD she found it endearing, I dont know what I wouldve done if she looked at me weird.

But I dont think shes into me, I mean I have my looks yes but c'mon, would she really go out with me?

Christ, that sounds so cheesy. What am I, a highschooler?

Fuck this note. Im throwing it away".

Jeri giggled,her cheeks dusted pink. She folds the note carefully and puts it back in the pocket. -- dont worry Lucas, im so into you-- she murmurs before resuming what she was doing.

After dropping off the groceries, she goes by the lighthouse to check in on zoe, Allens adoptive sister. She knocks on the door as the Sky starts to cloud, the greyish light makes the world seem a little dull.

--Oh, jer. Hi-- Said Zoe,opening the door of Allen's house.

--Hey Z, how are you?

--Im uh...okay-- she replied-- just a lil paranoid.

-- did something happen?

Zoe looks around, a little afraid-- I think im seeing men in suits around- like the ones Allen saw. I think they are looking for him.

--Oh crap-- she murmurs-- wanna come over to the cabin im babysitting?

--Allen told me about the cabin yeah. He actually knows the owner I think. Lucas is it?

Jeri smiles-- yeup. Lucas

Zoe nodds-- ill - ill go get some stuff

She waits for a few minutes until her friend is done. The shore Ebbs and flows, seagulls fly past the lighthouse and out of view in the greying Sky, the wind picks up a little.

Jerico cant help but get her eyes lost on the sea, coming and going from the shore, its peacefull. Honestly,things have been a little boring, shes been doing university assigments while she waits with rosemary, on some days she sits by Lucas and just draws him, maybe its a little creepy but she meant well.

--There,all set-- Says zoe, gripping her fluffy dark blue jacket.

--Is that Allens?--Jeri asked as both walked-- I mean you have pretty similar styles but I think it looks like it fits Allen more

The other woman shrugs--We share it. But It smells like him-- both walk back to the cabin in quiet, comfortable chatter.

Meanwhile, rosemary finishes with the solution. She puts the four vials on a stand, away from the sun, she sips from her coffee and looks at the radio equipment. -- How Much of this shit do you have, cole?-- she asks to herself.

Then she hears steps, but she pays them no mind-- hey kid! Did you bring zoe along?

Crash! Comes down the wooden door, before rosemary can do anything theres at least four guys with guns come over. She barely has any time to throw one of the spare hand held radios out a nearby Window,she hoping to god it doesnt break.

--Doctor Rosemary James-- Say one of the men, tall and muscly, Brown hair and eyes hid behind thick framed sunglasses.

--Seargeant Mark White. -- she growls out, rsching for the main radio, and trying her best turn it off by flipping the on/off button without being noticed. Thankfully, she isnt noticed.

-- Thought we Killed you

--Yeah well, I got better-- she raises her hands.

--It was that hippie wasnt it? He saved your ass and helped Max escape from where we had him

--Guilty-- she replied with a smirk-- youre going to kill me now?

Mark chuckled-- im going to do something worse, im going to wait until your little troop wakes up and take 'em to a lab. You mightve found a way to explore people's subconcious.

--Using my research without credit? Typical of you mayer cunts-- she bit back.

--If it aint broke...-- Mark snarked-- now stay very still -- he takes her cup of coffee and drinks it-- hm,not bad

Rosemary wished that coffee had cyanide in it. She sits back with her hands up and growls a sigh, now they were in big fucking trouble.

--You know...-- she grinned-- for working on a pharmaceutical company you sure dont like needless

The seargeant tenses-- Rosemary...-- he warns.

--What is it? The pain or the sight of the needle in your arm?-- she leaned with malice.

--Stop that right now!-- he yelled,body stiff and hands Clammy.

--fucking idiot-- she whispers-- ill kill you with a needle one of these days.

Jerico and zoe come across some suspicious looking vehicles. -- Military vehicles -- jeri says.

--Howd you know?

-- Well..I always loved military stuff. After my date with Lucas I took an even bigger interest in it. But what the hell are they doing here? -- she asks-- I think its better if we go behind the cabin. I dont trust it

--A-Alright--zoe replied,following her friend alone as both sneak around the cabin, squatting down past any and all Windows.

They come across the radio on the floor, jeri sighs and slowly picks it up, walking back to the forest and out of sight with Z.

-- Do you see anything?-- jerico asked at Zoe, who had binoculars, originally she was supposed to use them for bird watching, not looking for goverment agents.

--Uh..yeah-- zoe replied,not too enthusiastically-- I see four guys, one of them is talking to a woman with glasses

--Rosemary -- the other woman whispered-- oh god of course,thats why the radio was where it was...

Jer turns on the radio, fiddling with the turning until she finds the frequency they were using to communicate with the Group in desmonds head.

--Radioman! Radioman do you read?!-- Came the voice from Lucas' radio, he sighs in relief.

--Ten-four Sunflower. Whats your stat?!-- he asked.

--Safe, outside the cabin. Four men are in though, they have rosemary

"Oh shit oh crap oh shit" he thinks-- Sunflower is this frequency compromised?

--Negative. Z tells me the main radio equipment is Turned off.

--Oh thank god-- Lucas exclaimed,before becoming extremely serious-- jerico, you need to hear me. Stay out of the cabin and out of sight. Do not engage.

--But Rose-- she protested.

--Rose- Angel has this covered im sure, you two need to stay safe,Mayer does not fuck around with things like this. We barely survived retriving Max from where he was locked up. Do not engage, you heard me?--She hesistates, she doesnt reply-- Sierra-Foxtrot, you hear me?

She sighs-- ten-four. Over and out

The line cuts and Lucas has to trie his best not to blow his lid off. --Goddamn motherfuckers! They have rosemary! Those mayer cunts! -- he kicks the round table at the centre of the room.

--Woah easy!-- says Allen, holding back Lucas-- we gotta concentrate on this okay? We get desmond out of here and we can help the others

The ex soldier breathes in deep, trying to calm himself before he breaks something. -- yer right, lets get this damn thing over with

The four of them walk back to the Office, bracing for the worst. That ink demon Agent Rainbow wont like this at all, too bad.

Once at the Office, Lucas steps infront of the Group and calls out-- Desmond! Where are ya buddy?

Wings flap heavily, desmond comes from behind one of the bookshelves-- oh Lucas,hello everyone. Did you make yourselves at home?-- he lands on the floor silently, he clasps his arms behind his back.

--Something like that-- the ex soldier replied-- we uh...found something, virge?

Virginia nodds and approaches desmond,showing Him the magenta key. They see a long magenta chain come from his right wrist up to the ceiling where it gets lost in the mild darkness.

--I think we can set you free with this! -- she squealed.

They see their therapist hesistate, but Tonia nuzzles his hand where the chain comes from and purrs.

--Will it hurt?-- is all he asks while approaching her.

--Ill try for it not to-- she replied as he offered his hand. The shackle starts at his wrist, it looks heavy-- alright...here it goes-- she slides the key into the keyhole and turns.

The shackle opens with a soft click and falls to the ground,shattering like glass-- I dont feel any dif-- desmond says before the eyes in his mask go wide, he stumbles and barely catches himself.

"Virginia Ruhl, 25. My patient...but- she died didnt she?" Memories come flowing to him,his sessions with her, her diagnosis.

--You were supposed to be dead-- he starts, grabbing her hands-- but how- why?

Virginia smiles-- I got rushed into the hospital and survived by the skin of my teeth. Im better now,see?-- she lowers her turtleneck where a big scar spanned across her neck.-- did it hurt?

Desmond shakes his head and takes a Seat on his desk, his wings fold and rest on the surface of the desk.-- Do you want to Keep going?-- asked Allen, key in hand.

--Alright-- says the other Man, seeing the Next shackle on the same arm the previous was on. But this New one, a deep blue, grips his bicep.

Allen Is carefull through the whole process, humming softly to try and calm his friend. The shackle falls and melts like wax under the sun.

Desmond braces himself for the memories that come flooding like a feral tide. "Allen shore- 33. He was comatose-- burnt"

--The Fire-- he says-- are you okay?

Allen shrugs with a smile-- Im fine doc, just some scars. I made a full recovery-- he shakes off his jacket and shows his scarred arm.-- kinda knargly but kinda cool.

The therapist chuckles-- Hmm, I agree.

Max feels unconfortable as it was his turn, he walks awkwardly towards the Man and takes his wrist-- uh hi doc

-- Hello Max-- he sounds very warm and happy to see him.

The shackle is an angry red, warm to the touch. Hes not very gentle but efficent, he unlocks the shackle that burns off and hits the desk but it doesnt hurt anybody.

Once again,the memories come "Max nygaard. 40s. He dissapeared- didnt he?"

--You didnt come to our last appointment-- desmond recalls.

Max sighs,scratching the back of his neck-- mayer locked me up, the hippie- Lucas broke me out with rosemary

--No scar to show for it?-- des Joked which defuses the tension a little.

--sadly, no-- he admits with a chuckle.

Then,comes Lucas who looks very on edge and anxious, desmond looks at him-- dont worry doc -- he lies-- just anxious thats all

The other Man doesnt Belive him but makes no complaints as the last shackle,a forest green, is unlocked. Its gone in a flash of light.

"Lucas Cole, 55. Ex soldier"

--What has you so nervous, Lucas?--Asked desmond.

--We gotta get you out of here, Rosemary is in danger and--He looks away.

--You can tell me anything,lucas-- Des reminded him Gently.

The ex soldier sighs audibly-- Jerico might be in danger... please try and make an effort doc. I couldndt forgive myself if anything happened to her...or Rose

Desmond looks confused-- did I miss something?

Lucas goes beet red --I took her out on a date- I have a crush on her

--Thats wonderfull. Lucas-- says the other Man.-- ill try my best for you two

--Well..I think its time for your key,doc--Says Allen-- where can it be?

They hear a crash as tonia knocks down the record player and a white key comes falling from it. The cat carries it to her owner and drops it on his lap.

--Can you do it?-- Asks Lucas.

--I-I think so

Desmond grips the key tight, around his neck is a Pristine white shackle, and with shaky hands he unlocks it. The shackle seems to break by bits, each peice falling like a feather Being shed by a bird,when the "feathers" lake contact with anything they burn and turn black,to then become dust that blows away without any breeze.

And so,the memories flod in, he remembers who he is,how he got here,the struggles and battles he had, the grief of what happened to tonia, how his wife had left him.

For a moment it overwhelms him, tears fall down his masked face. The eyes on the mask turn grey.

Virginia goes to hug desmond, but notices theres a clasp on the mask. She Gently unclasps it and sets it on the desk.

His face is just as they all remember, but stained with rainbow colored oil. Virginia hugs him as his tears wash away the stains which seem to fade out of existence.

Allen comes Next and hugs him tight, cooing and trying to calm him down. He also watches as tonia takes the white key from her owner,she opens a cabinet on the desk and she pulls it back with her snout.

--Here,doc-- said Lucas, as he grabs his iconic round glasses and hands it over.

The embrace gets broken as with a shaky sigh, desmond graba them and puts it on.

--Looking good!-- Complimented Virginia with a smile,patting her back.

Lucas nodds in agreement-- not to be insensible,doc. But do you remember how you got here? Is there anyway to get out?

--Well...-- Des starts,trying to regain his composture-- I was battling with my shadow, then-- I thought I won but my Real body was so weak I had enough strength to Keep me alive, not even fully awake. I guess at some point he-- he got a hold on me and I was so weak I couldnt fight back

Its obvious its a struggle for him to talk, his voice breaks, he stumbles over his words and his body shakes. Virginia tries to sooth him by stroking his back and encouraging him to talk.

--As to how to get out...--A gravelly voice comes from behind desmond. The great library behind the desk goes pitch black, two red eyes appear in the darkness-- theres no way out...I doubt Desmond has any strength to battle me...too bad.

Allen grips his fists and for the first time everyone sees just how angry he could get. He grabs the mask and chucks it at one of the eyes-- You GODDAMN asshole! Leave that Man alone! Hes the greatest Man ive met! Hes kind and good hearted! You have nothing on him!

The mask hits one of the eyes and the voice growls a painfull screech. Then out of the darkness two goopy hands Grab the side of a materializing face of agent rainbow. The hands hold him back as he tries to attack Allen.

--What the hell-- said agent rainbow-- How did you- youre his shadow ,dimwit! You shouldnt help him!  kill him!

Allen sees for a sliver of a moment as his shadow form simply smiles at his counterpart. Virginia seems to catch on and she steps in-- Yeah! Allen is right! Desmond has always tried his best to help us all! He didnt fail! Hes tried to help everyone! Its about time somebody helps him.

Another set of hands come from the other side of the face, purple and glimmering like broken glass, lines span across the clawy fingers and arms. Forcing Open one of Agent Rainbow's eyes.

Then,comes Max,who steps infront of his two companions and his therapist-- If theres something I know from the doc here is that he was able to help even with the toughest of cases! You May think of yourself all high n mighty! But youre not! Youre just another goverment Spook!

Fiery hands Open the other eye, they hear the rumbling of an engine. Max feels very proud of himself.

And then,theres Lucas.

With rage in his eyes, losing his calm and collected cover, he stands by Max with anger in his eyes, grief is in his heart as he remembers all the things hes lost, his best friend, himself. And then comes the happiness, New Friends, a New home and someone to love.

--desmond Will never be alone,hes one of us-- he makes a pause-- I  think its time you see what shadow you cast!-- he yells.

His own shadow grows and grows to be at eye level with Agent Rainbow. And from the centre of the head theres a Giant light that burns right into the red eyes, desmond's shadow form screams in agony,shattering the Windows.

In a flash of bright white light their enemy is gone, now Turned into feathers that are blown away with the wind.

Desmond hisses as his own wings burn off, he was back to normal.

And where Agent Rainbow was, the bookshelves turn into a Giant door with warm sunlight coming from it.

Tonia purrs as she returns to a normal sized cat. She jumps on desmonds lap and he pets her--Ill miss you,old friend.

But noticing how nervous Lucas was, he sets the cat down and they all walk to the door, led by tonia,of course.

--They do say cats were protectors-- Virginia Recalled with a smile. The cat seems to agree as it nodds and purrs.

They let desmond go into the door first, and then,they follow suit.

Meanwhile....

Jerico gasps as Mark slaps rosemary across the face, she hears him yell something about what the serum was for.

--Shit! The serum!.-- she gasps,trying to turn on the radio-- Radioman! This is sunflower. Whats your situation.--Theres a brief silence, and then garbled words--Lucas! I cant hear you!

--Savior acquired. I repeat Delta Whiskey acquired-- require- eVac--

--oh shit oh shit--She murmurs.-- we gotta wake em up

Zoe looks at the binoculars-- one of the guys is coming this way...

Jeri looks up and sees it-- he has no helmet...if I can hit him with a rock we can take him out.-- her eyes look around for any big rock. It takes her a few seconds to find one-- alright then... please please PLEASE I hope Lucas aim rubbed off on me.

She takes a deep shaky breath and chucks it at the suit before zoe can say anything. The rock flies like a missile and hits the soldier square in the forehead. He falls with a quiet thud that was probably drowned by marks screaming at rosemary.

--jesus!--zoe exclaims-- a heads up???

--Sorry...-- she says meekly-- lets see what he has-- she offers-- we cant leave rosemary there

--But Lucas said-- she starts.

--I know. Hes not gonna like it-- her eyes turn to see rosemary grabbing the serum and being forced to wake up the others. Mark screams something about how rosemary Turned off the main radio-- shit- I think they heard Lucas' evac request-- she turns to her friend-- you can stay but im going

Zoe looks at her friend and shakes her head, mustering all the courage she had-- Allens in there! If Allen went to save those in SS thanatos then I can help him!

--Atta girl--jerico says, And both sneak to the unconcious soldier. She grabs his combat Knife, its heavy and sharp.

--What about the gun?-- zoe asked.

-- you know how to Fire em?

--No clue,you?

She shakes his head-- throw it away, just in case he wakes up.

Z looks at the purple bruise in the guys forehead-- right between the eyes, I dont think hes waking up for a while-- still, she carefully grabs the gun and throws it away

Both sneak near the cabin, anotjer of the guys comes out,probably to check on his buddy. Once hes lut of the cabin, he looks around.

As quiet as she can be, jeri slashes across the back of his knee,making Him fall. Zoe muffled him with her big jacket And holds it until hes passed out.-- sorry!--both mumble.

Then, into the cabin they go. They go down the Hall to where Rose's lab was, the livingroom.

--Looks like the commander dude is outside?--jeri whispers in zoes ear.

--Maybe he doesnt like needles?

--Hurry up rosemary!--Mark yelled, looking at the radio.

--if the needle breaks they die!--Rosemary shouted.

Jerico takes a deep breath, slowly sneaking behind Mark, shes about to stab his back when the Man hears a thud from the room rosemary and the rest of the guys where.

Rosemary first injected the serum to Lucas,who "happened" to be the one closes to her. Then once she had given the serum to almost all of them, she says.

--Hey, can you illuminate here? Youre blocking the light-- she asked

The soldier noticed he was blocking the light, so he pulls out his flashlight and once Rose is done,she stabs the guy with the empty needle,right in the neck. The guy holds his neck and falls back.

The thud makes mark turn and see jerico. He grabs her with ease,disarms her and pulls her to the room with rosemary, she raises her hands with fear in her eyes. Hes about to strike when--

--if ya touch one hair on 'er purdy hair-- Lucas yells, gun in hand. Mark notices its the service weapon of the soldier that rosemary took out. He steps infront of Jerico, hes still a little woozy but his aim was impecable.

Mark steps back as the other Man stares at him with solid,unfiltered rage. -- well played-- he grumbles.

Lucas noticed zoe standing there,frozen-- Kiddo, cuff this fucker

Zoe steps to Mark and grabs his cuffs, doing her best as Rose steps in and unarms the seargeant. Only once Rose knocks Mark out does the ex soldier Lower the gun.

--Did it work?-- Rose asked before hearing desmond grumble and Allen and Max helping Him stand up-- ill go check on him-- she makes eye contact with her radioman friend. She looks serious as if she was urging him to do something.

Lucas only nodds as rosemary runs past him to help desmond. He leaves the gun on a table nearby and before jerico can say anything, he grabs her by the neck of his- her flannel and kisses her with all the strength his body allowed.

She kisses back,tugging at his tanktop and smiling. His arms go around her waist and hers around his neck.

--i told you nothing would hurt you while I was around. Awake or otherwise

Jeri smiles and presses her forehead against his, closing her eyes-- that you did. Welcome back-- he hugs her tight, stroking the shaven back of her neck.

--'m here honey. 'M here-- he whispers as she melts against him. His breath is shaky-- desmonds here too

They turn to the room and see their Friends smiling, then they cheer and Holler at them.

--Thats it hippie!--Max yelled,smugly.

--Thats It!the ship has reached shore!--Allen yelled clapping.

--Love wins! Long live the happy couple-- Virginia hollers.

Rosemary meets the ex soldiers eyes and chuckles-- guess youre right, cole. You never miss a shot

Jerico hid her face on Lucas' chest while he chuckles-- leave the young thing alone, lets make sure the docs alright

For the Next few hours they dispose of the soldiers (meaning they tie them up and throw them on the back of their vehicles for the police to find). Mark would wake up with one note on his chest"try anything and youll see what a war veteran can do. I never miss a shot".

Rosemary and Allen tend to Desmond,Max has left to see maddie and Virginia is talking with zoe,calming her down and telling her what happened.

Lucas takes jerico to the makeshift balcony on his roof. He holds her to his chest in silence, she hugs him like her life depends on it-- stay the night tonight -- he says.

--sounds good-- she agrees.

--I didnt forget about our date-- he reminds her with a smile-- im gonna getcha all the plushies ya want -- he pulls back a little and strokes her cheek.

--I look forward to it-- she admitted. Then she goes quiet and after a bit she adds-- you know theyll come for us,especially since they know Rose made an antidote

Lucas squeezed her-- I know. But were a team now, and we'll take mayer down. No harm Will come to you as Long as im around

She nodds and both enjoy the falling leaves and the breeze. Finally calm settles within them all, and that night they sit and have dinner under the stars.

Zoe and maddie make bracelets with Allen, desmond plays the guitar as Lucas accompanies him with his drums. Max simply looks at his daughter with joy and pride.

Rose has jerico laying her head on her lap-- you did great today -- the scientist said.

--Thanks. I hated it

Both laugh and rosemary adds-- you make Lucas happy, and he makes you happy. You both Will go a long way

-- I hope so. Im afraid of mayer though

Rosemary shrugs-- I think their pride is wounded. I dont think theyll make a move so fast. 'Sides we'll worry about it later -- he sees Lucas waves at her and she adds-- Lucas wants you on the vocals

Jerico nodds and stands up, walking towards Lucas and desmond, grabbing the mic the ex soldier had set up. The music starts and the others look at the source of it.

And so, she starts singing-- Don't look to me, I ain't right

And I don't know enough, but how much do I want to know?

It's perfectly clear, I'm where I should be, yeah

Off the wall and back to reality, dare I say

Oh, my thoughts are burning

And I like how warm the fire can be

Oh, oh is my body turning?

And my legs seem to move without me

Oh, here comes the savior

Who can break these thoughts away from me?

Oh, no more bad behavior

Screw my head on right for a moderate fee

#in sound mind #ism lucas #ism #ism allen #ism desmond #ism virginia #lucas cole #ism max #allen shore #virginia ruhl #max nyaagard #lucas #ism lucas cole #oc: the blaze/the ember ism #ism rosemary #rosemary james

[tiredandsleepyx]

milo september 20th spoilers and thoughts

What a man of his word mr GREER is

His mom wouldn't even let him play with an ouija board growing up asfdsghj

"I'm tryna put it back— oh there we go— you stupid little—"

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck all of you what the fuck is that"

"What why are you already given me shit? This is my desk, am I not allowed to look at my own fuckin desk?"

"I believe it said I CAN use that here 🤨💅"

"Why do I have to walk backwards?? Nothing good comes from walking backwards"

"Please stop looking at me like thatttttt"

"Can I sprint with the body? That's a little morbid"

"I don't even like that a little bit. WHO MAKES A GAME ABOUT DEAD BODIES"

"Wire the jaw shut. what. WHAT."

"Oh I dont like anything about that sentence— hammering setting needles in the b—"

"Moisturize the skin of the deceased… is that before or after I go in with the needle?"

He doesn't like teeth shit LMAOOOO

"Stop making me do this shit I don't wanna do this shit"

"Oh yeah all better now" 😑

"What? What? Oh look the gangs all here"

"I dont wanna continue I dont"

"Checmical haha"

"Make an incision in the carotid artery and jugular vein with scalpel— do I have to 😭"

"That is a very ominous picture of your grandmother"

"Is this your apartment? Where do you sleep? On the couch? This is a very sad sad apartment"

"I think that means pick up. Dont you dare fall— dont you dare fucking fall"

"You know what rebecca I dont think that's the case— rebecca no"

"Alright the game really said you wanna play bitch let's fucking play"

"You need to fucking go rebecca"

"Stop calling me you stupid bitch, you didnt even pick up that thing you said you would"

"Rebecca 😐" count: 16537272

"Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh… yeah real fuckin simple "

"No not whatever. Dont you tell me whatever rebecca. I'm the one in charge here right now." My little sigma male 🤗😍

"I'll sprint through this nasty ass hallway"

Dont make me do this count: 9546367

"Dont you fuckin look at me cordell:

"I dont wanna check him out you seem like a nice guy it's a damn shame you died so young but I dont wanna fuckin do this"

"I never thought the fuckin day would come when I would be missin prey. I miss prey so much right about now"

CHRIST ON A FUCKIN CRACKER LMAOOO

"Dont fuckin cheerfully beep at meeee"

"Goddamnit I wish I could right about now:

"Okay—okay— that shit just told me to s— okay"

"Please dont— please dont do that maybe we could not do that"

Not his voice wavering stop hes gonna cry

"Cool great now were getting possessed love to see it love to fucking see it"

"I dont understand what the hell is wrong with people who like this shit. what is this. And if you dont stop fucking laughing at me this is NOT funny. You are a literal fuckin BEAST from hell. No— no you do NOT get kisses. You're never getting kisses again I cant stand you. I cant fuckin stand you right now" the way he laughs when he says all that 💞

Him ignoring the phone until it gets annoying lmao

"Oh look we've already got an incision how delightful"

"Yup nice and moisturized buddy (ireallydontlikethishesgonnawakeuphesgonnagrabme)"

HE MISSED AN ENTIRE FUCKING DEMON IN THE DOORWAY SCARED THE LITERAL DOGSHIT OUTTA ME

it's the way Milo scared me more than the fucking demon in the background asdfhsgaff

"Is this how I can end this early though? Can I just go down there and fuckin die? Is that a choice? Is that an option?"

Rebecca- that's not it

Milo- are you sure its not

Rebecca- I cant use that here

Milo- but maybe you can try

Not him bringing up desolation of smaug lmaooo 

The way Erik's scream made me jump while I was doin my art hw

"Gimme the sigil gimme the sigil gimme the sigil"

Guys I'm sensing Milo doesn't like tooth stuff

"Yeah there we go you heard the lady"

Hallucination/vision time YAYYYY

"If you think I'm gonna answer that phone you've got another thing comin. You're outta your damn mind"

I swear that scary water demon lady gets me every time I watch a playthrough like ong I fucking jump

The sigh and the pop followed by the "I dont like thisss" was cute

"Yep thunder and lightning, boo"

Not him begging not to have to moisturize helpppp

"Oh my god dont talk to me through the dead body"

The game made him go mad hes raving like damnnnn

"I'm gonna stop you right there raymond" lmaooo the sass

"Prey would be a fuckin gift" and his rant about not liking sweetheart was hilarious AND THE KISS AT THE END HES SUCH A CUTIE I LOVE MILO SM AND I CANT HES LITERALLY SUCH A DELIGHT 

#redacted asmr #redactedasmr #redacted audio #redacted milo greer #redacted milo x sweetheart #redacted sweetheart #redacted milo #redacted gamebois

[rosewinelonging]

theres always been something about rose that kanaya couldnt quite put her finger on. it wasnt bad per se, it was just. odd. she couldnt figure out what it was, not even after all the hours shes spent watching her. they had complete access to the kids throughout their lives watching as they went from tiny humans to slightly bigger tiny humans and yet all time spent staring at the screen did nothing to solve this feeling.

even now with rose being face to face it hasnt gone away. if anything getting worse as time went on. like a puzzle with a single piece missing, you can still make out the image but its still wrong. kanaya couldnt lie and say it wasnt bothering her. it was something about her presence, the way she moved, even moreso the way she didnt. her ability to sit and just, be still was almost frightening. she was deathly quiet usually settling into some corner where she reads or watches others in the room. the feeling of her sharp, knowing gaze always leaves her stumbling.

its during one of these so-called “quiet times” (as dave has so loving named) that the missing piece is finally found.

she was sitting on the coach trying to focus on not stabbing herself with the sowing needle again. rose was sitting with a book a little ways away. supposadly reading but the feeling of being watched never stopped for a moment.

dave walks in through the door and comes straight towards kanaya. “yo. have you seen lalonde?”

she looks up. “oh! well..” her eyes move to look past him, at rose seated just out of view of the enterance. he follows her gaze and turns around, startling at the sight of her.

“fucking christ!” rose smirked. “can you stop doing that? lookin’ like a creepy fucking doll-”

the rest of his words are cut off as her head begins to pound. oh. oh. she understands it now, that nagging feeling of something about rose that she just wasnt seeing. a doll. of course, she looked like a doll. graceful, elegant perhaps, a pretty little thing to be dressed up and admired. if kanaya was still alive shes sure her blood pusher would be pounding in her chest. 

“ah!” she blinks back to reality when her fingers slipped and poked herself with the needle. the others stop their heated discussion to look at her. heat rushes to her face. “no need to worry, just uh poked myself with the needle! haha..”

she needed to think about this. with that she excused herself and hurried out the room.

-------------------------------------------

it had taken a week to gather her thoughts. the whole she skirted around rose, making excuses to escape the scrutiny of the girl. it was painfully suspicious and a confrontation was inevitable.

“are you avoiding me kanaya?” rose had backed her into a corner, quite literally. she was pressed into the wall, opposite of the door.

“well. i would never avoid you. i am simply..” the girl raised an eyebrow. “i am of the opinion that you would be a good doll.”

“doll?”

kanaya nods sharply. “yes. i have been preparing clothes that would be fitting. that would make me expentionally happy if you were to wear.”

and to her utter suprise (and delight) she agreed.

they were in kanayas room. rose was perched on the edge of the bed that was never used but she never bothered to take out. now shes glad she hadnt. beside her were the clothes she made, laid out. a simple black skirt and a white button up skirt, the collar was embroidered with flowers. on top were the undergarments which took much longer than they should have. dark green matching set of lingerie. rose was inspecting the fabric with a small smile. “its pretty.”

kanaya was positively vibrating at this point. the anticipation of seeing rose wear her clothes was nearly too much to bear.

rose looked up. “seeing as im acting as a ‘doll’ in this scenario, and you my master, one must assume to be given commands..?”

she rubbed her hands together, clearing her throat. “that would be correct. all you need to do is act like a doll. which is to say, dont do anything.” that seemed to be acceptable to her as she nodded.

with just a moments hesitation kanaya finally reached out, grabbing roses arm and gently leading her to stand in the middle of the room. she grabbed the sides her godtier robe and began to lift up, rose putting her arms up letting her slide it off easily. kanaya dropped it to the floor unceremoniusly, leaving her in a simple bra and orange leggings. her hand hovers over the waistband. once this was off she would be in undergarments which shes seen many times on the monitor [though only when in private] but it was much different in person. sensing her hesitation rose pulled them down herself, bending down to pull them off her legs then dropping it next to her robe.

kanaya sucked in a breath. almost done. she circled around rose, the girl had returned to her doll-like status keeping her eyes directly forward, not acknowledgin her at all. it made her stomach jump and she rushed behind her so she wouldnt see her flushed face. she unlatched the clasp of the plain black bra. it was honestly disappointing, she had expected something fancier, a little more delicate from rose. but that was okay because thats why she was here. from now on she’d make sure rose wore only the prettiest clothing, it was what she deserves. moving the straps off her shoulder to let it drop to the floor.

finally, the last item of clothing. a pair of solid lavender panties. she wondered if there was decoration, like a bow or design at the front but wouldnt dare turn her around to check. the thought of rose watching her, all sharp and calculated like she could see directly into her mind revealing all of her deepest desires. it was too much. so she laid a trembling hand between her shoulder blades and began to trail her fingers down her spine. rose stiffened under her fingertips so she leaned in and said, “relax.”

she did. the tension fell away as her muscles drooped. then kanaya was centimeters away from her underwear. with a steadying breath she hooked two fingers beneath the waistband and tugged it down. there was no resistence or climactic happenings as it fell to the floor. just like that rose was completely naked. placing one hand lightly on her shoulder she walked back around to the front, admiring the sight. rose was shorter than her by a good bit, barely coming up to her chest. but what she lacked in height she made up generously in weight. she was heavy, with large wide hips and strong arms. her chest, though under-developed, was not lacking in any means. and despite this she looked more delicate than a feather on the water.

kanaya brushed her knucles against her cheek. there was no shame or embarrassment in features, only a quiet satisfaction. what she would give to have stay like this, a true goddess of her own right. she wanted to lay her down and map out every part of her body, get familiar with the holy. but she had a job to do. rose, her doll, was waiting to be dressed and displayed. [though if she really though about it, dolls dont care how their owners play with them, no opinions or voice of their own…] she turned and marched to the bed to grab the underwear, a dark green lace that would constrast wonderfully against her skin.

moving back, she grabbed roses hands and placed them on her shoulders for balance. it would be easier to make her dress herself but that would be a cruel request of a doll. she held the underwear down, letting her move to slip into it. kanaya took care to pull it up, the fabric fitting snuggly against her hips and ass. next she grabbed the matching bra, this time holding each arm as she slipped the straps to her shoulders. instead of turning her around she reached behind rose, finding the clasp and clipping it together with nimble, practiced fingers. she pulled the wire lining down checking to make to sure it was comfortable and low enough to give a nice view of her boobs.

next were the clothes. kanaya picked up the blouse from the bed. she had gotten rose to send measurements long before she started making these so she only hoped it fit. if not she could always spare some time so adjustments could always be be made.

she helped her through the short sleeves, tugging it the fabric up to her shoulders and flattening out the collar. starting from the bottom she began buttoning. it was natural muscle memory from years of practice yet she still fumbled. face flushing as her hands shook too much from excitement and anxiety to get them through the holes. eventually she managed to reach the top putting the last button throw the hole. she tugged at the collar, pulling the edges and flattening them out so they sat even against her jugular.

kanaya ran her fingers down her shirt, pinching and pulling at any odd sections until satisfied. the skirt was next, a simple black, pleated and it came to her knees. there was no hassle with getting her to step into it, pulling it up so it waistline settled just over her bellybutton. she spent a few minutes focused on pulling her shirt down, straigtening it out and fixing the skirt.

when satisfied she glances up and rose met her eye. they stared at eachother, her face tinged a bit red, eyes are a hazier than usual. softer around the edges like shes lost her constant sharp observance. kanaya brushed a piece of hair from her face. she ran her fingers through her soft hair, brushing out any kinks and moving it until her face was framed perfectly. holding her hand she led the doll back to her bed, helping her to sit down. once again fussing with her appearance before pulling back.

#<333 #kan #rose #this is an older fic i havent got around to finishing yet lol but have this portion. ill probably finish the rest another time ! #so sorry for the abrupt ending

[mr-m-murdock]

forever asking for it 

| natasha x reader | 

summary: it started out as an affair. and yeah, that sounds bad, but it gets worse.

warnings: sugar mommy!nat, toxic relationship dynamics, possessiveness etc, reference to sex : rating [M]

a/n: read at ur own peril bc I know yall get mighty horny on here. dont look at me like that - also is this 18+??? idk but to be safe im gonna weed out of the taglist yall who don’t have your age in your bio

Natasha likes to spend. Specifically, on you. Maybe it's a little freedom, maybe it's spite, maybe it's the face that the money's there and for fuck's sake it won't go anywhere if she doesn't spend it. And you're in the perfect proximity to be spoilt. That doesn't make you feel any easier about it all. Not that you're complaining.

It wasn't like this at first. No, it started with a party and an introduction and four tequila shots. This is how it started:

Wanda dragged you here. She put you in borrowed clothes and silver rings and she pulled you with her into the goddamn limo she'd been sent by the host. You couldn't exactly have said no.

But now you're here, sipping champagne from a flute made of real crystal, alone with an elbow on the bar trying your best to look like you belong.

The venue is a hall, so long and wide you can barely see the ceiling, and a chandelier drips through the air like a frozen waterfall. Everything is marble-white and so expensive you're probably marking down the value just by standing on the floor.

"Hey," someone says. You startle like a nervous horse, and they laugh at you as you look over. There's a woman leaning at the bar behind you, back to the wood, elbows up on the surface. Her hair is twisted gracefully up, eyes jewel-dark and observing you studiously from their corners. You turn to face her, plastering an unsure smile onto your mouth.

She's breathtakingly beautiful, especially once she's fully in your sights. She's the very picture of elegance, one ankle crossed over the other. Perfectly at ease, but her gaze is sharp as a needle. She's holding a glass by the top, dangling it from her fingers. The champagne inside fizzes sadly.

"I'm Natasha," she says. Her voice is low and quiet and commands your ears like she's speaking right next to you.

You introduce yourself without stumbling over any words, and she gives you the barest of nods.

"You get ditched?" she asks, eyes flicking to the dance floor, then back to you.

"Um," you say. "Sort of. My friend Wanda brought me."

"I see," she says. She raises one eyebrow, a perfect, practised motion. It kind of makes you want to get on your knees and beg. "Friend?"

"Friend," you say firmly. As if she needs any confirmation. She seems like she could see right through you if she tried. Anyway, she's probably got a husband here somewhere, fetching her champagne. She looks like the kind of woman to have a man following her like a puppy. "What about you?" you ask. The words sound thick and stupid coming from your mouth.

Natasha raises her glass to her lips, still observing you carefully. She sips, then lowers it with a sigh. "One good thing I can say about Stark is he knows which champagne to serve," she says, almost conversationally. Her eyes flick down to your collar, then up to your face again. A smile materialises on her face. "And no, I'm here alone."

"Oh," you say. "Did you get a limo too?"

"I don't need one. My chauffeur insisted on the Tesla."

"Um," you say again, trying your hardest not to let your surprise show on your face. Of course she's filthy rich, what were you expecting? It's a Stark party. The bar is made of mahogany, for Christ's sake. Natasha's smile widens into a grin.

"Oh, you are cute," she says. You blink at her, embarrassment turning to flame under your skin. "You wanna do shots?" she asks. She beckons to the bartender without taking her eyes off you and you stare at her, wide-eyed.

"Here?" you exclaim. "Now?" It's not that you're a lightweight. (It's not.) It's just that shots tend to make you a little stupid. Specifically around beautiful women with eyes like hers and the most expensive, flattering dress you think you've ever seen on a person and the most incredible legs you think you've ever seen on a person and-

"Why not?" she asks. She leans in conspiratorially close. "You look bored," she says playfully. "Pretty people shouldn't be bored." She winks.

"Are you bored?" you manage, even as the words stick like tar to your tongue. Natasha sets her glass down delicately on the bar.

"Always. What'll it be?" she asks. The bartender is listening intently, and you can't think with Natasha's eyes on you.

"Tequila," you say. Natasha's grin turns wicked.

The rest of the night isn't so much a memory as it is a blur of alcohol and bare skin and the sound of Natasha's voice.

It's not a one time thing. She orders you to drop call her the morning after, as she does her hair at the vanity and you lie boneless beneath the cool sheets, sunlight from wide windows glowing in strips over your face. Your hair is a mess and your arms are thrown above your head but when she looks over at you, her eyes gleam and her mouth curves gently up.

After that, she takes to calling you whenever she likes. You’ll see her name flash up on your phone at eleven in the morning, your phone buzzing through the wood of your desk. Or midnight, just as you’re about to pass out in front of the TV with takeout. You always answer. And if she asks you (orders you) to come round, you always do.

You find out about her husband five weeks later. 

Natasha hasn’t called you in three days and you thumb through your phone at work, feeling hopelessly strung along. She’s got her hooks in you, the low hum of her voice, the way she strokes your face before she kisses you, the thrill she’s planted in your chest that you can’t dig out. 

You open your text conversation with her. The last message is yours: I’ll be there in five Read 23:42

Your fingers descend hesitantly on the keyboard. You get two words in before you hit the delete button. Natasha calls the shots here, not you: if she’s not in the mood, she’s not in the mood.

But she must see you typing, because after a second those three little dots come up on her side of the screen. You watch, your stupid heart in your mouth.

I'm a little busy 13:44

My husband's come home 13:45

You stare at the screen. The seconds on your desk clock snap by.

Husband.

You feel massively, monumentally stupid.

You drop the phone in your desk drawer and slam it closed, heart thumping with- what? Anger? Humiliation? You bury your hot face in your hands and blow out a long, long breath. You might even start crying if you were pathetic enough to do that. How did you not see this coming?

Well, it was nice while it lasted. You should ignore her texts, block her number, scrub her address and her voice and the memory of her touch from your mind.

As if. As if you were ever able to resist her. Maybe you should give her a chance to apologise. Slowly, you pull your desk drawer open again. There’s two more texts from her lighting up your lock screen, and you unlock it and take a deep breath.

come round tonight 13:46

I’ve missed you 13:46

Well, she missed her chance. Fingers shaking, you type out a short reply.

your husband wants to join the fun, does he? Read 13:47

There’s a long, breathless wait. She begins to type, and you have the feeling she’s doing so deliberately slowly, to keep you on edge. She likes to play with you like that. Right now, it’s just infuriating you more.

you’re angry 13:49

You clench your phone in one hand, jaw tight. 

is this some moral dilemma you’ve got? 13:49

you know I’m not obligated to tell you anything I don’t want to 13:50

You can imagine her saying that, in her taut, commanding voice that has you obedient faster than anything else. You begin to type out another message, a finality that will cut the conversation short, but then another text appears and you pause.

come over tonight. not a request 13:51

And just like that, she’s gone again. The title at the top of the screen reads Inactive. In a rage, you throw your phone back into your drawer and thump your head against your desk. All you really want to do is scream aloud.

But you know you’ll go back.

And you do. You even dress up a little for her, sickening yourself as you pull on your clothes and check yourself in the mirror.

You let yourself in like you always do. She’s waiting for you in her vast, cavernous kitchen, leaning against the counter with a glass of wine in her hand. It’s so deep and vibrant a red that it almost looks like blood. She looks incredible, even in just jeans and a blouse, her hair still set in perfect loose curls, her rings gleaming in the warm yellow light. You pause and hover in the doorway, your face hot, your hands clenched in the fabric of your top. Natasha takes a long sip of her wine and turns her full attention on you, looking you up and down and missing nothing with those brilliant, glass-sharp eyes.

“Someone dressed up,” she says. She sets her glass down with a delicate clink. You can hear your heartbeat going like a rabbit in your throat. She tilts her head: inviting you to speak.

“Hi,” you say. The slightest of smiles appears on her lips, and you feel your mouth go a little dry. You’ve never been scared of her before, not really, just in awe. But now she looks downright dangerous. You get the feeling you’re going to pay for your angry text.

“Come here,” she says, beckoning you forward. You obey, stiff at the knees, and you walk up to her. She reaches for you when you’ve come to a stop a foot away, and tugs you in by the hips until your flush to her front. You make a shocked, involuntary sound, and reach out to brace yourself on the counter behind her. “I’m glad you listened,” she says. She traces the line of your jaw with her fingers. “You’ll be glad you listened, too. Soo enough.” You want to kiss her. You’re not sure if it’s the look in her eyes or simply the proximity, but suddenly you’re longing for her lips again. It’s been days.

She must catch the look in your eyes because she laughs, a cruel little sound. She fists a hand in your hair and pulls your head gently to the side, exposing your neck. You swallow nervously as she dips her head forwards. “You’re going to pay for that comment, though,” she says, her voice low, and she kisses your neck slowly. Your hands shake on the counter. You mustn’t touch her unless she tells you to.

Natasha drags her tongue across your skin, just below your ear, hot over your pulse. You feel the bite of her teeth over the soft skin of your throat and you let loose a tiny, panicked sound by accident.

“It’s okay, baby,” she says. She kisses your jaw. “You’re safe.” You don’t think you’ve ever felt less safe. You’re still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for her to snap and shove you up against a wall, or throw you over her knee. All these thoughts excite you, the spark of fear turning to arousal. 

“I’m sorry,” you say, barely even knowing what you’re apologising for. Her hand travels up the inside of your thigh and you take in a shuddering breath. Your arms are shaking now. You want so badly to touch her.

“I know,” she murmurs, into your ear. “And you’re gonna show me just how sorry you are, aren’t you?” 

You do. She makes sure you do, and she makes sure you feel it the next day. She’s not kind about it: she kicks you out at half three in the morning and makes you walk home on shaking legs, your ass raw and stinging, your neck covered in bruises.

After that, she’s more gentle with you. She allows you to stay overnight sometimes, if you fall asleep straight away. This way, you never really sleep in the same bed as her, because she talks you to sleep while cleaning you up, kneeling at your feet, and she’s always up before you wake. You like to watch her get ready under the pretense of being asleep, eyes half-closed. You know she sees right through your little act.

You watch her slip into work clothes, curl her hair, slide on her jewellery. It’s such a safe, intimate moment that for a little while you can pretend that you’re the only one she loves. That all the things she does for you, the things she buys for you, the way she kisses you, are all because she loves you and not because she’s subtly persuading you to stay, addicting you to her.

As time progresses, it intensifies. Your reliance on her becomes stronger, like the bond between you is shortening. She begins to spend more on you, even when you protest, when she’ll smile gently and tell you things like “You’ll look so pretty in it, baby,” or “Take it. For me.” Then you really can’t deny her. She knows you’re broke, and she knows that this is how she’s tying you to her.

She starts to call you round in the daytime, too. You take time off work to go see her, to sit on her lap while she works, like some kind of pet, or to eat lunch with her, or to go shopping. She loves to dress you up.

You don’t know how you let it get this far. But you know you’re never going to want it any other way.

requests | masterlist

18+ taglist: @when-wolves-howl @fayhar @orangelife @romanoffscottage @blackxwidowsxwife @maddess @mellxa @haeva @diaryoflife @natashasilverfox @strangegardentaco

notes: uhmhmmsndjeo yeh. might make a properly nsf-w part 2. might fuck around w r's gender watch the fuck out alright

#fanfiction #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov x reader #fic! #natfic! #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanov x gn reader #sugar mommy!nat

[losers-yurio]

Tommy Lee x reader fluff

 "Do you come here often?" "Well I work here so I'm required to say 'yes" with Tommy

Summery: you're trying to work in peace but tommy has other ideas

i was thinking like the early days of the crue for this, me posting twice in a day?? ik unthinkible also just the usual spelling stuff 😅 in terms of warnings 

as you were clearing a table off to the side you heard the bell at the door ring and then a small “oh fuck” from one of the other night staff

with a quick glance at the door it was immediately evident who had walked in and caused the reaction 

“lee you cant just walk in whenever you want just to talk to y/n” “no no this time we’re here to be paying customers” “uh huh his way then” clearly your coworker wasnt amused

if didnt take long for you to finish clearing the table so you walked back to the front 

“what’s next guys?” “well i hat to break it to ya but your boy just walked in and no one else wants to take to the order” “on it”

it really was’nt that uncomen for tommy to drop by on your shift in hopes of being able to just hang around  

him showing up with the rest of the band and acctually ordering shit? that was compleatly un heard of 

needles to say you were shocked and damn near had to mentily prepare yourself before you walked over 

“Hey guys, what can i do you for?” “just four cokes please” mick stepped in to order the drinks before tommy got a chanch to open his mouth, you made a mentle reminder to thank him later “alright, i have that right out for you”

just as you turned to leave tommy tapped your wait so that you would trun around

“actualy one more thing, do you guys have any extra hearts? Because mine was just stolen” christ how you wanted to wipe that stupid smirk off of his face “unfortunitly we dont sorry sir” sucess

not to long later you walked over withe the dinks in tow

“anything else?” “nope i think we’re good, thanks y/n!” “of course vin” honesly you should have known it was comeing from the look on his face 

“Do you have a name? or can i call you mine?” “actualy my name tags right her” he wasnt quite happy with that response either 

with it being a pretty slow day the next hour went about the same

he’d crack a shity pick up line and you’d come up with a smartass relply all up until they finaly desided to leave but of cource not with out one more jab 

“okay guys heres your cards back have a lovley day!” they all started to sit up out of their chairs and tommy walked over so he was infront of you   "Do you come here often?" "Well I work here so I'm required to say 'yes"

as shity as it was, it was kind of cute

and so all of his eferts were’nt for nothing you leaned up to give him a quick peck 

besides he made it a pretty eventfull day 

taglist: @makemeyourwife-loveofmylife​

#Motley Crue #motley crue x reader #tommy lee #tommy lee x reader #my writing

[notcanoncompliant]

I Never Doubted (pt. 1)

(first Starkercest woo)(it’s not going to be as long as I was thinking, but here’s the first 2,320 words)

I totes wrote this for @silkystark (I hope you like it! <3) and I know I always say I’ll have something done in like a day and then it takes me a week or longer...but I actually do have a part 2 already partially written and I promise (like, full pinky-promise, heart-crossing, needles-in-eyes promise) it will be up by tomorrow evening at the LATEST.

ANYWAY I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS FIRST BIT *hides under a blanket*

@plsstopgivingpetertrauma​ @tightaroundthewebslinger​ @readysetstarker​ @the-amazing-spidertwink​ @stxrker-fan-xx

******************************************************

When his mom had said "Your father wants to meet you", Peter hadn't really thought much of it.

He used to wonder where his biological father was, what the man might be like, whether this mystery person had ever actually wanted to meet him; but the resentment's mostly buried, now. The guy left before Peter was born, and Peter's mom remarried when he was six. Richard's a good man, a good stepfather (if a little distant); so, it wasn't with the hope of filling some kind of hole that Peter had agreed to the meeting. Now he seriously regrets not pushing his mom for at least a name (while simultaneously being very glad she's left the room). Tony Stark is standing in his living room. Billionaire, tech genius, philanthropist, Tony Stark. The man featured on the cover of every one of the considerable stack of magazines under Peter's bed. "Hi, Peter," Tony says, smiling a little, thought it's nervous and fades quickly. "I'm--" "Tony Stark," Peter interrupts faintly, "Wow, um--you're my--" "Yeah," Tony says. Oh, no. "It's--it's nice to meet you," Peter says, walking up and extending a hand that Tony takes. "You too, kid."

***

An hour later, Peter's back up in his room, flat on his back in bed. His jeans are on the floor, where they ended up when he'd hastily shed them after shutting himself in. He rests a shaking hand just above the line of his boxers, easing his fingers under the elastic waistband and staring up into the dark.

He's going on vacation with Tony Stark in a week. A father-son getaway. Christ. As he slowly, lightly drags his finger tips along the underside of his erection, base to tip and back, Peter lets himself think about the thrill of seeing Tony Stark perched in his favorite worn chair, asking questions and cracking jokes, everything about him confident and relaxed save for his long, thick fingers tapping random, ever-changing beats against the armrest.

Tony'd looked scandalized to hear that Peter'd never been on a real vacation. Whipped out his phone, done some digging, and asked if Peter'd ever been on a cruise. When Peter'd said 'no', he'd arched a brow and asked if he'd like to go on one, smiled when Peter had blushed and stammered out a 'yes, yeah, sure'.

Peter's never been on a cruise. He's never really been out on the ocean.

There are a lot of things Peter's never done.

He stops teasing himself long enough to push his boxers down, licks a moist stripe up his palm before returning his grip to his cock. Thinks about the warmth of Tony's hand, the roughness of the callouses. Would Tony offer to remedy his lack of experience the way he offered the cruise? Smirk the way he did when Peter had accepted, an unmistakable flash across his features, excited to be able to give this to Peter, to do this for him? To give him something he's never had? That's what fathers are supposed to do, right? Provide? Teach? "I’m sure you'll love it." The memory of those words, the warmth, the hint of something Peter could swear he saw in those too familiar dark eyes-- When he cums, he bites down on his other hand to keep Tony's name from spilling out of his mouth.

***

He doesn't tell Ned or MJ. There's no part of that conversation he wants to have, isn't really sure how to say it. It's...too big. They can tell something's happened (because they're his best friends, of course they can), but Peter can be stubborn when he needs to, and he spends every day at school resolutely deflecting every attempt either of them make to get him to talk. His time after school, though, he spends a lot more honestly. Jerking himself off to pictures and fantasies of the tech genius is a habit, an addiction, and not something he's trying all that hard to give up. The shame and the secrecy weave through the heat, give him something fresh to think about...and he does. Tony helps, if unknowingly. The billionaire texts him sporadically in the days leading up to the trip (regular things--questions he hadn't asked when they'd met, photos of things in his lab or the view of the city out the penthouse windows) but he keeps eccentric-genius hours, so sometimes Peter wakes up to messages timestamped at two, three in the morning. He gets himself off, not to the messages themselves, but to the idea that Tony Stark is paying attention to him, going out of his way to know Peter in some way, sending him little pieces of his life so Peter can be a part of it, even if they aren't physically near each other.    By the night before the cruise, Peter's given up trying to justify it (there’s really only one flimsy justification, how Tony's never been and never will be his dad beyond the biological sense) and admitted to himself the knowledge isn't (maybe never has been) a deterrent. Just a new scenario, the latest in the endless procession of fantasies Peter's had since he was fourteen years old. He still feels the shame, the heaviness of it, but it thickens the heat instead of detracting from it as he settles back on his bed, naked and teased to full hardness.  

When his phone buzzes, his cock jumps in his grip. No one else texts him this late, not on a school night.

>Hey, kid.

Peter bites his lip, stroking himself slowly as he types out a response with one hand.

>hey >why're you still up

>I could ask you the same thing. >I'm probably supposed to. >That's a dad thing, right? "Fuck," Peter gasps, pulling a little faster. >sounds like a dad thing >I'm sensing a 'but'. "How’d you know," Peter mutters into the dark, blushing and biting back a self-deprecating laugh. He turns, stretching to pull open his nightstand drawer, the near-empty bottle of lube calling his name. When he types out the next response, it takes him a little longer; his texting-hand is a little uncoordinated, most of his focus on running the slick fingers of his other over the tight furl between his cheeks. >BUT youre the one texting me at 2 am >You're right. Not a dad thing, is it.

Peter gasps, broken but nearly soundless, as he breaches himself with a finger, pumping a couple times before adding another--almost too quickly, but he wants to feel it right now; needs to. >i dont think youre supposed to ask my opinion on the subject >Your sass is a positive DNA test. >All Stark. A warm of curl of pleasure winds through him. >did you doubt it Peter's honestly not sure what he's asking for, but he needs the answer like he needed the too-soon stretch of that second finger. Wants a manifestation of his fantasy, to hear (see, read, whatever) that Tony hadn't immediately thought of him as his son, that he wants the same things Peter wants-- The response he gets is simple, and so, so loaded.  >I never doubted you were mine. It knocks the wind out of him. He drops his phone to grab his cock, cumming in a few quick tugs, biting his lip to stifle a groan that's shaped like Tony's name.

****

Reality's an ugly thing, Peter decides when his mom drops him off at the port. He stands there during the awkward interaction between Tony and his mom, listens to them exchange casual (if slightly stilted) conversation. Tries not to flinch when his mom hugs him and tells him to behave himself... ...and then she's gone, and it's just him and Tony. His father. Fuck. "Alright, kid, let's do this," Tony says with a slightly tight smile. They drop off their bags, go through security and the first class line, making cursory small talk (how Peter's week went at school, and a couple of the questions Tony hadn't asked when they'd met the week before), Peter's anxiety building with each step, each word. (When Tony apologizes for texting him so late, Peter nearly chokes on his own spit. He manages to get out a "Yeah, no, it's fine, I was up, anyway", and isn’t sure if he does or doesn’t want Tony to know what he means.) In a masochistic twist, his brain decides to bring every fantasy-driven orgasm from the last few days to the forefront of his mind. By the time they've reached the door to the suite, he's screaming internally, guilty and hard as a rock in his jeans and praying Tony doesn't notice. He follows Tony through the door, to the inner soundtrack of his own panic. Tony'd be disgusted if he knew--Peter is disgusting, thinking about his father like this, sick for getting off on it-- A quiet curse pulls him out of his head. His frantic apology is on the tip of his tongue--I'm so sorry, Tony, Mr. Stark--and then he sees why Tony cursed. There's one bed. It's huge, but it's still just one.     "I'll take the couch," Peter says quickly, because even sort of freaking out, he’s not going to completely throw away the potential opportunity to end up in bed with his number one fantasy. "Yeah, no," Tony says, wandering over to check the dresser drawers, "This is a new experience, kid. Your first time's not going to be on a couch. It's big enough to share." Peter's face heats, gut swooping. "It's--it's fine, really--"

Tony turns to give him a pointed, slightly amused look, and Peter's in hell.    "Okay, yeah, that's. Yeah." "Good," Tony says, shooting him a smirk, "Now. I don't know about you, but I've been on a diet of protein bars, Gatorade, and scotch for the last couple days, and I'm ready for some actual food. Buffet or room service?"

****

"Aren't you darling!"  They should've gotten room service.

MJ's said, before, that Peter's 'pretty', and Ned...well, Ned usually gives a helpless shrug in agreement. He doesn't hold it against either of them; he's aware of his baby face, knows he looks a little younger than his seventeen years. It usually doesn't cause him any problems or draw much attention, except for some of the 'negative' variety from his shittier classmates.

Everyone in the first-class dining hall, though, seem to think it's the best thing. At least six different people have made some kind of blatant comment over the last two hours, but many more of them are looking. A small, still-amorphous part of him is enjoying the attention, and...he maybe (definitely) likes the idea a little too much, that he's whatever they think he is to Tony, whether they believe they’re related or they’re sure Tony’s paying for his time. It doesn't help that Tony keeps touching him. Nothing explicit; the brush of a hand on his elbow or his shoulder, a palm at the middle of his spine, guiding and reassuring. He's leading Peter around, standing or sitting down, talking with these high-society strangers who keep shooting these looks at Peter, and after a while, all of Peter's energy is devoted to not reacting. Not flinching at every fleeting instance of contact. Not gasping whenever the now-familiar weight of Tony's palm presses at the middle of his back. Not giving any sign of all of it's wearing him down to the quick.     "Um, thank you, ma'am," Peter smiles weakly at the white-haired lady, praying she's not about to actually try pinching his burning cheeks. "And so polite, too!" she croons. Peter steels himself, has to fight not to let his eyelids flutter closed when Tony squeezes him where his neck and shoulder meet. A reassuring, paternally-affectionate gesture that shoots straight to Peter's aching cock.

"Careful, I think he might implode. He's not used to the attention," Tony says, and Peter nearly whimpers at the warm, teasing tone. "Well, he better get used to it, an angel-face like that!" They keep talking, but Peter couldn’t say what about. Tony's hand is pleasantly heavy at the juncture of his shoulder, a thumb drawing slow, warm circles against the back of his neck. Peter has one hand under the table, gripping his own thigh for some semblance of control. He's losing it, though, imagining what it would be like cup himself through his pants, to touch himself while Tony touches him like this, easy and familiar. It would be nice, that comfort, that approval, that care-- "--eter, sweetheart." Oh. Peter’s eyes flip open (he hadn't even realized he'd closed them, oh, god) to Tony, gazing at him. He knows. Oh, fuck, he knows. "You're looking a little warm," Tony says, sounding appropriately concerned. "Why don't you say goodbye to Ms. Lancaster and we'll go back so you can lay down?" The woman is clearly eating this up, has noticed none of the tension, none of the heat, as far as Peter can tell when he looks up at her. "Sorry, um--bye, Ms. Lancaster, it was nice to meet you," he manages, and he didn’t know his face could get any warmer. "Nice to meet you, too, dear, both of you," she says, all charmed sympathy, "You just get some rest and try to enjoy the rest of your weekend!" After a last farewell exchange with Tony, she turns to leave. Tony rises from his seat, and Peter freezes. He can't stand up. Tony knows, but he hasn't seen-- That hand returns to his nape, flexing gently, and then Tony's bending down, breath warm at Peter's ear. "Take off your coat, fold it over your arm," Tony murmurs. Peter wordlessly complies, grateful and mortified all at once. He stands, shield in place in front of himself, and studiously avoids looking up at Tony.    A hand settles low on his spine as they walk out of the hall, and Peter is so, so wonderfully, terribly fucked.

#starkercest #starker #tony stark x peter parker #nff #starker fanfic #starker fic #you guys i don't know

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: [a phone number]

Ronnie: found you your own special plug

Joe: Can’t wait to get gang-raped by whoever this is

Joe: or maybe it’s a phishing scam, what route have you gone down 🤔

Ronnie: route of she can be your number 8 cos youre such a bike

Joe: it’s that kind of hook-up

Ronnie: pay for the gear if you cant get it up soft lad she looks fuck all like your ma

Ronnie: couldnt track down no more of her bastards for you soz

Joe: taking your role that seriously?

Joe: alright

Ronnie: getting out of it

Ronnie: she can babysit you

Joe: she probably lost custody of her own so

Joe: nice of you on all fronts

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: what, your dealer don’t like me or something

Ronnie: how the fuck would i know like

Ronnie: and how would he you legged it out of there soon as he showed

Joe: no shit I did

Ronnie: ordeals over now baby go cry to your new mammy about it

Joe: unlikely

Joe: but it ain’t my ordeal so

Ronnie: they ll swab & treat him he ll be sound

Joe: give a shit about him

Ronnie: if youve got something to say

Joe: I just said it

Joe: I don’t care about him

Ronnie: you dont care about me fuck off with your heroics

Joe: you didn’t want swooping up and saving, don’t mean I don’t give a fuck

Ronnie: your student loan aint gonna cover both our habits youd have me dopesick cause youre fucking jealous that means you dont

Joe: you’re jealous

Joe: and I said, didn’t stop you, didn’t say you had to

Joe: what’s fun about something oozing and itching in your pants, that’s all

Ronnie: of what

Joe: of every boring ex I have or will ever have

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: get em in a room together and they aint even jealous of each other

Joe: I know

Joe: x2

Ronnie: you dont know shit mckenna

Joe: so today I’m green

Joe: not the know-it-all smug college kid

Joe: nice to know how to play it

Ronnie: smug is right whenever i aint gonna suck your dick cause you can read music

Joe: that’s all that’s stopping you?

Ronnie: nah remember its the death wish attention whoring & mommy issues

Ronnie: cant both be functioning junkies youd have fuck all else to get a boner about

Joe: how long have you been doing heroin

Ronnie: youve got loads of catching up to do

Joe: yeah, so I don’t know why you’re acting like I’m being high and mighty

Joe: it’s literally been days

Ronnie: cause you are

Joe: no I’m not, just ‘cos I’d rather not suck dick when I have the funds

Joe: would you do it if you had the cash, that’s just stupid

Ronnie: youve been comparing me to any & every cunt since we met

Joe: like you don’t shit on me any and every chance you get

Joe: you were acting like them, the whole none of my shit is real because yours is SO real, that’s her whole bit

Ronnie: you cant stop fucking doing it even now fucks sake

Ronnie: i shit on you for you its not like i have any cunt to compare you to

Joe: alright, if you’re that sensitive about it

Joe: I’ll really stop

Joe: there 🤐

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: nah, that was a dick move, alright

Joe: let me make it up to you

Ronnie: youre crying shes a patronising cunt guess what youre right there too

Joe: alright, I deserve that

Ronnie: drop dead

Ronnie: yeah its been days days of me giving you whatever the fuck you ask for

Joe: I know

Joe: so what do you want, seriously

Joe: I’ll do it, make it happen, whatever

Ronnie: like fuck can you make anything happen

Ronnie: youre like every other doss cunt i know theres your comparison

Joe: Probably am

Joe: but you’re the only person I’ve met who feels close to whatever the fuck I am

Joe: there’s the truth

Ronnie: whichever of your exes that worked on is more west than either of us

Joe: Oh I can easily be that dickhead and tell you how crazy they all were

Ronnie: go ed

Joe: the second to last one was the worst

Joe: full-on stalked and harassed the last one like, for no reason

Joe: she also messed with all my shit in a way she thought would send me into an OCD spiral because she didn’t get it

Joe: and when she started hooking up with some other kid she’d send me pics like I’d be 💔

Joe: that’s just after, that was all kind of amusing in a boring way, she was less amusing to be with but more mental

Ronnie: shouldve had some tips off her for the stalking bullshit its probably not too late to send her a dm

Ronnie: ones ive got from this is i dont have to bother learning the alphabet cos id be better off fucking with your record collection by smashing it up & child porn does fuck all for you

Joe: that is my thing, turning up uninvited to fuck everything up

Joe: she might go for it

Joe: exactly, both good to know, yeah 😏

Joe: all pretty basic and vanilla but still, annoying as shit

Ronnie: unless you can get me to do it for you yeah

Ronnie: dinners at what like 7

Joe: you’re gonna ruin my happy uni home?

Joe: oh no

Joe: be there be 7, eating at 8, apparently

Joe: time to ‘mingle’ as she put it which sounds suspicious af

Ronnie: fucking hell

Ronnie: thank christ i already hate you

Joe: saves times, energy less so

Joe: your mate is up for it, unless he’s a convincing liar, which I could see

Ronnie: what energy do you want name it theres gear thatll give us it

Ronnie: he is but i cant see the con shes got fuck all any cunt wants other than pasta shapes & mariahs likely on a diet

Joe: 🤤 and not over her appetizers, like

Joe: there’ll only be the 6 of us so we’ll need entertainment

Ronnie: lad flatmates bringing a bitch

Ronnie: shes gonna need something to get her through it or something she can use to end it

Joe: yeah he has a missus

Joe: even though him and Sophie belong together as the most average whitebread couple ever

Ronnie: make it happen then

Joe: where’s my bow and arrow

Joe: their 💘 ain’t my problem

Ronnie: you said you could do whatever and we needed entertainment

Ronnie: put all that money where your mouth is

Joe: you’re well sweet

Joe: you want her to be living her best life

Joe: dunno if I can hack being his shoulder to cry on in the interim

Ronnie: your teeth wont have time to rot before you choke on em talking to me like that

Joe: go on then

Ronnie: you owe me i dont owe you

Joe: I thought you’d ask for something better

Joe: but your loss

Ronnie: yours youre thinking about it

Joe: I get it, you want it to be hell living here

Ronnie: i dont wanna have to ask

Joe: for what

Ronnie: anything

Joe: why not

Ronnie: you think you can read my mind or some shit

Joe: I’d like to

Joe: and I think you get me, and yeah, I think I get you more than the bullshit mommy issues attention whore comment that was to get a reaction

Joe: I don’t think we’re twin flames just because we share some DNA, I’m not that kind of delusional, believe it or not

Ronnie: cause weve shared a needle though yeah

Joe: I get it, another kid with a habit, you’ve met hundreds

Joe: it is different though

Joe: tell me it isn’t

Ronnie: different cos its a habit you didnt have days ago

Joe: it’s not your fault

Joe: for good or bad

Joe: you didn’t spike me without asking

Ronnie: i didnt say that

Ronnie: i said thats why its different

Joe: yeah

Ronnie: nobody did any of this shit for me i dont know why im doing it for you

Joe: do you want to, or do you think you need to

Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter

Joe: you either fuck with me, you like fucking with me or you think you’ve got to protect me or some bollocks

Ronnie: protect you from the needle i stuck in your arm yeah that makes loads of sense

Joe: from getting a bad dose, being beat up by one of your dealers

Ronnie: i just wanted a front row seat

Ronnie: im not gonna get one when your family finds out

Joe: that’s fine by me

Joe: you reckon they’ll fly me home for an intervention then?

Joe: shouldn’t be surprising how oblivious they are

Ronnie: i dont care what they do to try & fix it youll be at rock bottom by then

Joe: they won’t try, they don’t

Joe: just because I weren’t shooting up doesn’t mean I haven’t been doing plenty other fucked shit for ages without it ever being a conversation

Joe: one of the kids that they took in, is a walking skeleton

Joe: can’t get her to eat, some reason don’t do anything but try to reason with her like she’s reasonable, never mind the rest

Ronnie: no shit they dont i was proof of it before you or her

Ronnie: in the same town with the same name she fucking gave me and still out of sight out of mind

Joe: precisely

Joe: so if you’re hoping fucking me up will get her to come about then you shouldn’t bother, honestly

Joe: save yourself that disappointment

Ronnie: it aint about her paying attention

Joe: good

Ronnie: you wanna know me i only want you to know what it feels like

Joe: then let’s do it

Ronnie: nah i was rem to reckon it was worth shit

Ronnie: it aint

Ronnie: you aint

Ronnie: youre never gonna have your head wrecked how mine is and i cant be arsed to put the time in fucking you up in the selfish special way i need when you keep pure loving it like

Joe: is that not indicative of how I’m already quite fucked enough

Joe: just because it’s not abandonment based

Joe: what normal cunt would love any of this, even contact you again after the first

Ronnie: fuck no

Ronnie: youre living your best life and it makes me wanna hang myself

Joe: Christ, you’re up yourself, aren’t you

Ronnie: &

Joe: you want me to roll my sleeves up again and show you the recent damage?

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: [pics]

Ronnie: [obvs gotta send him some back]

Joe: [a straight up new one like just did it]

Ronnie: [ofc she has to also like this is a competition]

Joe: [hope you started small so you have somewhere to go ‘cos the vibe]

Ronnie: [knowing y’all you didn’t but it won’t stop you and I will be forever on edge]

Joe: [so grim, don’t pass out]

Ronnie: [or end up needing stitches]

Joe: [probably do them yourselves, ick]

Joe: do you fucking get it yet

Ronnie: why do you care

Joe: why do you think

Ronnie: i keep telling you i dont

Joe: braindead sounds ideal

Ronnie: horse girl not about to suffocate you

Joe: she would if I let her, like

Joe: 🍈🍈

Ronnie: wait til theres a chance ill choke on my vomit next time christ

Joe: so lay back and I’ll tell you some more

Ronnie: ok go

Joe: [go on about Sophie in a way I shall not even bother but let us assume it is crude and rude af]

Ronnie: [we’re not into poor Soph but they clearly are]

Joe: [just fuck and get it out the way lads, so rude to everyone else rn]

Ronnie: [honestly, but hopefully at this dinner party because Jamie jealousy will be off the charts]

Joe: [Charlie gon have to keep quiet ‘til you home lmao]

Joe: Any luck?

Ronnie: got no pasta shapes in my system have i

Ronnie: but why the fuck are you not lurking to save me

Joe: you want me to swallow the bile for you then, okay

Joe: the last one looked deep

Ronnie: deep enough if you wanna pussy out and spit instead

Joe: I don’t

Joe: where are you

Ronnie: dorothys

Joe: he in?

Joe: if I have to show him it’s brotherly concern you’ll only die quicker

Ronnie: nosey cunt wouldve stopped me

Joe: Yeah

Joe: I can say sorry if you want or I can just come patch you up and not lie first

Ronnie: i dont need your help

Joe: I know

Joe: purely wanna save you for my own complex and to be loving life even harder

Ronnie: wank off about the sos from the other day thats it i cant top you carrying me out til the bleeding stops

Joe: I’m coming over

Joe: you’ve got time to lock the door if you really don’t want me to come in

Joe: can get my own shattered glass without breaking his windows

Ronnie: he must like you to have given you his address

Ronnie: but not enough to overshare the door dont lock cos i broke it 💔

Joe: or am I better stalker than you give credit

Joe: thanks for the tip, baby

Ronnie: youd have been waiting for me to get here not the other way round

Joe: You do want me to read your mind

Joe: maybe a lobotomy will help

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: reading your mind you want me to pass out before you fuck me but its not that deep

Joe: the wound or the vIbEzzZ

Ronnie: this your coming out cos you sound like charlie

Joe: just trying to turn you off, don’t want blood to gush out

Ronnie: liar youd be made up to see that

Joe: not hiding in the bushes yet

Joe: slow down

Ronnie: youre used to being the big brother i get it

Joe: Something like that

Ronnie: i know how to ride a bike without stabilisers or whatever the fuck

Joe: and tie your shoes

Joe: it’s alright, we’ve established I’m not a paedo

Joe: what can’t you do then

Ronnie: err what a nonce would say

Ronnie: read music we also fucking established

Joe: you teach me how to shoot myself up, I’ll teach you how to

Ronnie: not a fair swap i dont need to learn how

Joe: You don’t wanna be a babysitter either, so you’ve said

Ronnie: you dont like me any more or what

Joe: Of course I do

Joe: You got me my own dealer first

Ronnie: you asked me to 1st

Joe: How did I?

Ronnie: what else is ? for a plug without giving a fuck if ive rattled myself into a ditch

Joe: If I talked to you as much as I felt like

Joe: You’d tell me to fuck off more than you already do

Joe: I’ve got no clue where the line is, how much you want me to care

Ronnie: what line

Ronnie: i dont want you to care

Joe: Tough shit

Joe: I didn’t ask you to get me a dealer

Ronnie: you fucking did

Joe: I just didn’t wanna see you suck dick on my behalf, alright, that’s all

Joe: what you do for yourself is your business

Ronnie: calm down nothing i do is for you

Joe: 👌

Ronnie: dont call her then

Joe: you on commission?

Ronnie: 🖕

Joe: If I do, you’ll still have to see me

Ronnie: youll see me bleed out on the kitchen floor 1st

Joe: You’re a pro, I know you’re being overly-dramatic

Ronnie: at opening as many veins as itll take to not have to see you again yeah

Joe: to make me hurry*

Joe: I’m on the tube

Joe: you have to live in the middle of nowhere

Ronnie: no fixed address i told you

Joe: ❗️

Joe: if there’s a break-up or a thruple, you can have the extra room

Joe: makes sense now

Ronnie: it dont make sense you reckon we can afford any extras however far out

Joe: like you said, she’ll get homesick and chuck it in even if Marc won’t dump his girlfriend

Ronnie: if she does youll be homeless too like unless his missus is gonna cover the costs of the en suite for you

Joe: you can have my room, it’s the smallest

Joe: they can have the en-suite palace and I’ll take theirs, which is not next to the others 👌

Ronnie: not that youve thought loads about it

Joe: if you heard her disney playlist everyday, you’d think about it as well

Ronnie: id think about killing her or myself not a cosy little bed swap

Ronnie: shed never hack living with me nor would you

Joe: well that thought is never far from the front of my mind

Joe: if you need the bed, you know it’s yours

Ronnie: get it through your head i need fuck all from you

Joe: yeah, yeah

Ronnie: theres this way of living when youre not inside your ma in every possible sense course you aint heard about it

Joe: you need to prove you’re self-sufficient ‘cos no one’s ever given a shit about you but Charlie and the other one

Joe: I’m aware you’ve made it to your old age without me, you’re alright

Ronnie: i need to be it the only proofs im not dead yet baby

Ronnie: you need me to be old cos im not in a fucking coma & you cant get it up else

Joe: I’d rather be in the coma myself but you can be too

Joe: not calling dibs

Ronnie: oldest gets 1st dibs

Joe: *until the youngest cries about it so much you get told to give in to shut ‘em up

Ronnie: try me

Joe: you know you can’t hack my crying

Joe: does your head in SO much

Ronnie: save it for when you need lube or horse girl is gonna be coming after you with the leftover glue so you can never fucking leave her

Joe: come at you with the needle and sew us together, babe

Joe: unlucky

Ronnie: more than unlucky if i cant bust a stitch open to be the dead girl you want

Joe: you’re the dead girl I want already come on

Ronnie: til i teach you how to 💉 yourself

Joe: nah

Ronnie: 💘

Joe: looking well deformed these days, my one

Ronnie: could cut it out know youd be made up for the matching needlework

Joe: you play mad professor I’ll play corpse

Ronnie: long as i dont have to play nice

Joe: know what you take me for, actually, but no

Joe: obviously not

Ronnie: cant take you anywhere even if i did wanna

Joe: god imagine the dent in your street cred, sis

Ronnie: if i could cry i obviously would

Joe: repression or fucked tear ducts from all the 😭 you been doing

Ronnie: what im that baby faced youre taking me for a newborn now

Joe: nah, mr i don’t fuck kids here, remember

Joe: plus kids are always calling 999 by mistake and they’d get there before me

Joe: maybe, depends how many people have stabbed other people today

Ronnie: id have got the numbers up but ive been busy like

Joe: gotta make time for you, babes

Joe: it’s called self-care

Ronnie: ask me what with

Ronnie: shittest stalker ever you are

Joe: go on

Joe: school us

Ronnie: cant cry cos when i was linking you with a plug you dont want i was getting myself linked with your meds

Ronnie: best guess as a better stalker than you & less basic white girl than your crazy ex

Joe: 💡 fairplay

Joe: won’t tell you any other side-affects, see if you can guess ‘em right

Ronnie: i wasnt gonna take em but you want me to get you so bad

Joe: yeah misunderstood white boy is selling less these days

Joe: help a brother out

Ronnie: fuck all has happened so i probably cant

Joe: 💔 oh well

Joe: they’re nothing exciting, even though I managed to get the highest dosage they’ll do

Ronnie: maybe mines off for not giving you the benefit of the doubt when i could continue reckoning youre such a pussy

Joe: you’ll forget by tomorrow, no problem

Ronnie: neither brother is gonna let me if they walk in on me microdosing theyll reckon its a getting well party and get the deccies out

Joe: only so many times you can just kidding that ‘fore it gets old

Joe: we’ll go out, when I get there

Ronnie: where you kidnapping me to baby

Joe: I know enough to know it’s all wrong turns and blindfolds, not giving you a map

Ronnie: if its a&e no cunts finding your body even with a map

Joe: piss off

Ronnie: give us a clue

Joe: I’ll mark it with an X if you do me

Ronnie: if you ever fucking get here

Joe: if we were sewn together this wouldn’t be a problem

Ronnie: wanting to look like twins so nobodyll give a shit that you wanna fuck me would be something youd think about on the tube mckenna

Joe: they run in my old man’s DNA so have to look for those bastards instead

Joe: all I know about hers is addiction

Ronnie: course he does fuck alls your own idea

Ronnie: if hes got a sister even a meff nancy drew like youll be able to find bastards they had together

Joe: loads, Catholic, remember

Joe: twins kid is black though so process of elimination

Ronnie: cute how that runs in your family too like

Joe: guess so

Joe: not like it’s that crazy a concept

Ronnie: not like youve ever met an irish catholic who werent a saint yeah

Joe: it’s a fucked place to live

Joe: really third world in that respect

Ronnie: your real da is who you wanna look for if hes got no bastards going about its cos he cant knock anyone up

Joe: that your all men are pigs stance

Joe: alright courtney calm down

Joe: I’m out now anyway, don’t need a real mum or dad to come rescue us from the priests and that

Ronnie: nah its a fact unless his twin kept going up the backstreet or he was only sticking it in her other 2 holes

Joe: they didn’t really grow up together

Joe: he left when he was 15

Joe: maybe she was a late bloomer, happy days

Ronnie: 💔 your ma wasn’t then i wouldnt be here

Joe: no dig about how you’re dying now anyway ‘cos I’m taking so long?

Joe: you must be fading fast and not just being a dramatic bitch

Joe: good thing I’m in [wherever we ended up locating y’all] now

Ronnie: shut up i said its not that deep

Ronnie: youre the dramatic bitch legging it here for a fucking scratch

Joe: you wanted me to

Ronnie: you want to i dont give a shit

Joe: right, that’s what I meant

Ronnie: you can stop with the gay shit i told you hes not here

Joe: gays don’t own sarcasm

Ronnie: they own getting attached to cunts fast who dont care

Joe: awh, you being replaced rn?

Ronnie: horse girl wishes

Joe: Can’t catch a break or a man that one

Ronnie: after a pity fuck with you who knows what shed catch

Joe: you wanna infect her by-proxy, you’re so blatant

Ronnie: i shouldve got you to bring her my bloods everywhere

Joe: adding her puke to the mix would make it interesting, sure

Joe: bet she knows first aid

Ronnie: if youre too pussy to break my ribs yourself get back on the tube

Joe: threaten me with a good time

Ronnie: i just did

Joe: without meaning it, yeah

Ronnie: try and hurt me i mean it

Joe: [why do y’all always set the tension so high lads lmao, we know but]

Ronnie: [me and my boo here like calm down you can’t hook up yet but they are both like !!!!]

Joe: [shouldn’t have let you get on that train sir but you would so]

Ronnie: [I shouldn’t let her open her mouth ever but here we are]

Joe: [forreal lmao]

Ronnie: [gotta draw an x on him in her blood when he shows up before we can do a more permanent one however we are either as a scar or tattoo so soz for increasing the tension even more lol]

Joe: [just got to stare at her for ages and then shove her away very dramatically ‘cos you can’t, head through to whichever room she was bleeding in to assess/gawp at]

Ronnie: [she’s gotta lol like well if that’s the best you can do at trying to hurt me I’m not worried]

Joe: [‘whaddya use?’ and just going through this flat as if you’ve been here before/were invited by anyone but Ronnie vaguely because manners can’t matter when we’ve gone this far already]

Ronnie: ['what, you didn't

touch yourself enough on the tube?' but we are obvs showing him whatever we did use because it's just another way to flirt and we can use it to make that x happen so]

Joe: [shakes head ‘spill too much and they emergency stop’ and a look like do I look like I wanna be on a psychward but in a 😏 don’t answer that way, doing our own tallies with it, of course]

Ronnie: ['we're walking then' like where are you taking me don't get comfy bitch]

Joe: [little disbelieving lol like excuse me princess ‘your carriage was unavailable’

Ronnie: ['no shit the horse is dead busy']

Joe: [‘I ain’t taking you to a stable’]

Ronnie: ['that's where we ain't going, now tell me where the fuck we are' because we're like an excited kid about this]

Joe: [it’s cute and we clearly think so even if we’re distracting ourselves with this self-harm so we don’t go too far, unrelated but I haven’t thought where yous are going lmao but I’m vibing something London but something she wouldn’t have done, something music related, also if it has like, kid vibes, bonus, I’ll have to look so just keeping tight-lipped to be annoying and surveying the bloody carnage he’s now added to ‘you want to clean up?’]

Ronnie: [it'd be cute if there was something like thinktank but for music instead of science but idk if that exists anyways in answer to that question she's just gonna remove her top or whatever like yeah it do have blood on even though we know that's not what he means because we're still in a flirty mood despite how annoying his non reply is]

Joe: [that’s what I’m vibing but likewise have no idea, I’m sure there is shit though and you could find it Joseph, anyway, truly the this is fine meme about that ‘cos you can’t turn away 😳 but also boy don’t, moving like you’re gonna come close to her though]

Ronnie: [soz Charlie cos she shamelessly threw her top on the floor and isn't gonna clean up any of this blood even on herself like I literally should say she goes to the sink and then to get clean clothes but instead we all know she's just gonna take Joe's jacket or whatever and put that on, thank god he's all about the layers]

Joe: [god bless the grunge

aesthetic, ‘do you do it in front of him?’ and touching the cuts that are still showing ‘cos you know there’s some still, and it is like when and where do you do this when you do not have a room lmao]

Ronnie: ['yeah' leaving it up to him whether he wants to think it's in an attention whore way cos we're still annoyed at that call out lol but realistically it's just because of how long they've known each other and how they be living, she's not actively trying to upset Charlie that much most of the time]

Joe: [‘does he do it?’ ‘cos we can’t imagine it from the little we know but also can’t imagine him just chilling if he isn’t as fucked as them]

Ronnie: [the facial expression equivalent of his amused lol earlier because no]

Joe: [dropping it even though you find this odd like don’t worry boy, the tea is he is getting over it and wanting her to stop, pulling the jacket sleeve to take her out the door like come on]

Ronnie: ['he knows what'll happen if he tries to stop me' cos you can't tell me that when they were younger he didn't do exactly that and she went ballistic but more importantly HOW DARE YOU BOO because that is 1000% a Fraze move and I'm dead]

Joe: [yes I thought it was legit for a parallel, enjoy the long trip back to central guys]

Ronnie: [idk how we are gonna stop you hooking up to fill the time other than the other people in close proximity lol]

Joe: [maybe a uni/work obligation can come in and he has to go like legit ‘cos that’d kill this off]

Ronnie: [personally devastated that means an iou for this cute date but I love how fuming she would be at never finding out where they were going]

Ronnie: [not to mention the not at all casual and public domestic they’d have would be such a fat mood and show she cares when she’s literally like umm what the fuck do you mean you’re leaving]

Joe: [love how blatant we both are individually]

Ronnie: [hard same]

Joe: They sprung that rehearsal on us last minute

Joe: I already said, I’d give you the funds and you could go do whatever

Ronnie: and i told you to go fuck yourself

Ronnie: or your cello

Joe: I wouldn’t have wasted my time let alone yours if I knew that was gonna happen

Joe: how would you go about fucking a cello, exactly

Ronnie: waste more of your own time figuring it out its your raging hard on for it

Joe: I can’t not go

Joe: they make you sign a bloodoath when you get in basically

Joe: no excuses

Ronnie: youd have found an excuse fast enough if id stuck a needle in your arm

Joe: no, I wouldn’t, ‘cos it wasn’t an option

Joe: there was already enough damage to hide

Ronnie: i dont give a shit what options youve got

Joe: right, tell it to the crowd that amassed, they might believe you a tiny bit more than I do

Joe: I’ll make it up to you, okay

Ronnie: thats what soft cunts wanna hear when you cant hide no more & since you reckon you wont be getting forced into treatment you get to keep your gob shut for all that being sorry bullshit

Joe: make it into something it ain’t ‘cos you can’t hack hearing it

Ronnie: i dont wanna hear from you end of

Joe: alright

Joe: see you around then

Ronnie: 🖕

[adam-is-suffering]

Homestuck Day 11 ------ part 3

WOAAAAH CALM UR HORSES THERE MATE

He literally hasn’t stopped rapping since John zoned out this is another man of dedication

I think Dave has a lot of inner feelings he hasn’t yet talked about with anyone, goddamn. He’s like the kid who deals with some issues through jokes or rap. Huh, well this is hitting too close to home. Minus the rap part.

Anyways, back to me feeling bad for Dave:

God he’s so fucking whipped.

Dave is trying to keep his cool that John is finally explaining his current situation to him. I bet you behind that “ok” he’s jumping up and down with joy

LMFAO

Oh I am so curious. SO fucking curious.

This is why you explain to people that the extra copy is not in fact yours, Dave

I told you Dave would do it if you asked, John, it wasn’t that hard

Oh Jesus fucking christ, I’m not going to like this, am I?

Dave I get you. I fucking get you. Its too much for me to read especially since its not even a story, but rather just the mechanics and god. I already have to read stuff like that at work and I can learn the lingo from the story itself, so why do I gotta read the walkthrough guys smh

Anyways.

Here’s a thing I didn’t expect from a goth chick:

And heres a thing I DID expect from a goth chick:

Fun, right? Rose is breaking out of her trope.

I did realize that recently tho

The kids are all basic stereotypes.

Goth --> Rose

Prep --> Jade

Nerd --> John

Jock --> Dave

May be stereotypes, but once again, my characterisation slutsona will point it out.

Thats cute. Needle, hammer... cute stuff. I bet you Jade’s gonna have a rocket launcher.

What... what does the sword fish have to do with anything?

Wow... She has.. good reflexes and strong arms. Imagine simultaneously catching a heavy book and a laptop with only one of your arms for each...

She stronk

Bet she already has made one.

Oh BULLSHIT.

Wow. He’s kinda hot ngl

Ok.. huh. Why does the word gurgle exist kinda funky

I love how theyre giving us a comparison size compared to Fluffu and Fluffu compared to buildings just in case we should know how big these sexy beasts are

I like these descriptions. This is what I need. Fear. Not fluff.

SEXY

Oh I love slightly terrifying facts within a comic that showed us no prior horror :)

Also

Iconic

What the fuck am I looking at a window diagram for?

Oh.. Interesting. Hmm. I’m guessing you just.... plug it in? and it summons shit? Through some portal out of the windows? Not sure, thats literally the only way this could.. maybe work?? 

S’s good. Very good. I like sound. I have ears. Im different. Dont have time tho rip but means we’re starting off with a good one for next time winkwinkwink

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #day 11 #(last post)

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[swampgallows]

outrageously awful and gory and uncomfortable nightmare. jesus fucking christ. 

being pursued throughout an 80s looking office building, light only coming through windows, like we get him but he becomes utterly fucking maimed afterward. in the nightmare he was clearly some kind of pedophile and the dude who helped me (me, a nonverbal and possibly autistic adult man, in my nightmare) tortured the shit out of him and utterly maimed his dick. in ways i odnt want to describe. he was howling and crying in a specific way, really high pitched, thats still playing in my head as im writing this. it was ‘me’ earlier in the dream i think but i was trying to scream, trying to call out, trying to yell at the man pursuing me in order to intimidate him (i could see the whites of his wild eyes through slats and keyholes and, at one point, some kind of mail delivery slot on the floor, darting around in a sweat, frantically and hungrily chasing me) but i couldnt call out, i couldnt make noise, and by a point in the dream i realized as an observer that ‘i’ was now a nonverbal adult man, had a calendar full of printed images and could only say a few words when i mmanaged to. 

the calendar was full of ‘my’ writing but it was all disjointed and elementary-looking, as if written by a young child. flipping through the calendar i saw my own ‘allowed to die’ painting printed in there in a bunch of different sizes and panels, and there were other parts of it in the same color scheme like a comic. an older gentleman was ridiculing me at first, calling me the r slur, mocking how i couldnt speak, but he saw the man trying to get at me and helped me arrest him. i, still as the disabled adult man, was trying to help the man with me arrest the pedo and put handcuffs on him, so my big doughy hands tried pinning back the pedos and instead he grabbed my hand and held it, squeezed it, squeezed it so fucking violently tight like “im going to fucking get you” even though he was being handcuffed. and then thats when the older man with me (he had a mustache, looked like a typical “movie neighbor dad” from 80s/90s kinda sitcoms like SPECIFICALLY DENNIS THE MENACE is coming to me, like the neighbor from dennis the menace jesus

OH CHRIST AND EARLIER IN THE NIGHTMARE IT WAS ME AND COOKIES AND DIEGO BUT I WAS LIKE ...TRYING TO SHOOT UP HEROIN??? god im only remembering blips of it, i remmeber in the dream i had done it ‘just once’ and i remember feeling rubbery but overall kind of good, like the dull pain from when youve been working out and your muscles are sore but it feels ‘productive’. and i was thinking like ‘oh man thye cant find out that i did it, but i only did it once’. we were in some house where the ground was uneven, i used the restroom in the dream totally pissed at my friends because i said “i dont want to talk about this with [so and so] here (there was another guy there in the dream, i didnt know him)” but they talked to him about it anyway. so i like stormed off to use the restroom and there was water ALL over the floor because the ground was uneven, like there was a leak in the sink or something but it filled up the bathroom and the next room. 

i heard the new guy from the other room be like ‘trying not to spark a wire and kill us’ or something, then he called out that there was a ‘shiny dragon’ from th enext room, like he was playing pokego and trying to entice me to get out of the bathroom and so they could intervene on me having shot up. and i remember only blips about injecting, that it was to a specifc song (and i was thinking in the dream ‘oh no ive ruined this song for myself every time i hear it im only going to think about shooting up), and that i actually got the needle from someone else, like grabbed it off of someone on the street. i dont know when it shifted but i think me trying to hide from/avoid the stranger dude among my friends then shifted into being in some oldschool office building being chased by the pedo. in the times where i could lock myself in those offices and the one filing room and could only see the guy’s eyes searching for me i think the transformation happened. 

when the older man helped me catch him he fucking like pulled on his dick so hard he like stretched the skin til it was red and thin like a rubber band and tied it on itself which sounds like a cartoon but in the dream looked extremely visceral and red, like i could see all his spider veins and it was really flushed and irritated and the man was fucking screaming the whole time. it was like he had ‘tucked’ it to the point of mutilation. it sounds like a great revenge but it was terrible to watch and not a cathartic nightmare at all. i just feel violated and chased and unsafe. 

awful fucking nightmare

#blathering #body horror tw / #gore tw / #csa tw / #drugs tw /

[aalinastarkova]

This was my one long live tweet of the GoT episode.

Please don’t @ me if you don’t agree. I typed this for fun to send to my mom as a reaction to the episode. But hey if you want to compare reactions and are interested in chatting about the ep, let me know!! <3 

Oh boy it’s here. That’s all I’ve got within the first few seconds. “He needs to know the truth” yeah he does. This incest is gross. Oh boy here comes the theme song imma die. Yeah I’m dead. Oh! There’s a hole in the wall that’s cute. Oh! We’re in winterfell!! That’s so cool!

IF WE DONT GET THR ARYA JON REUNION IN THE NEXT TEN SECONDS ILL CRY. But nice call back to the first season. Like damn. It’s even the same instrumentals just more ominous and sad.

NO HE RODE RIGHT BY HER. N O. THIS IS BULLSHIT

Dany looks great though. Queen.

Aw Jon and Bran!!! Cute but not what I wanted. Where’s Arya. (in retrospect i was rude here i love them they’re so good it’s what we deserved)

Hate that Sansa signs over Winterfell to Dany soon as Dany arrives. This is bullshit too.

WHERE IS ARYA.

Hey. Leanna. Sweetie. I love you. But. This is bullshit. We don’t have time for this shit. When did you get so petty. Tyrion stepping up. Love him. What a man.

“Whatever they want” that’s not helpful. What is this tension between Dany and Sansa.

When did the Lannister army decide to come north when did that happen. When did Cersei do that? This sounds like bullshit!

Where’s Arya. That’s all I care about. THERE SHE ISSSSSS. OH LOOK AT THEMMM LOOK AT MY KIDS. NEEDLE. they’re comparing swords. That’s cute. I’m a little underwhelmed but this is cute. I love them.

Oh we’re seeing Cersei now. I guess. Hey there’s one good thing about Cersei going to the north. The hound and the mountain!!

Oh shit. Yara I forgot about Yara. Euron please. No one likes you. WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO ELEPHANTS. THIS I S DISAPPOINTING. GOD DAMMIT. This is bullshit! That’s my word for the night.

I love Bronn, but why are we doing this right now. Thank you Qyburn. For saving me from this bullshit. Uhm. Don’t you dare ask Bronn to kill either of the boys. This is BULLSHIT. Don’t do it Bronn. Don’t you fuckin do it.

ME TOO CERSEI. I ALSO WANTED THE ELEPHANTS. Euron can choke.

THEONNNN. MY BABY BOY. I LOVE HIMM. I would die for Theon. Look at his hair. It’s so scruffy. Oh Theon, my son, please don’t go to Winterfell and die. Please stay safe. That was a good scene for them. I liked that.

I like that Varys said “nothing lasts” right after the scene of Jon and Dany. That’s good.

WHAT IS THIS TENSION BETWEEN DANY AND SANSA. JESUS CHRIST. WH Y ARE WE DOING THIS.

IS JON GOING TO- OMG!? HOLY SHIT. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is really funny I’m losing my shit.

Did he take her to the same cave that he took Ygritte. This is bullshit. I hate this. Fuck this. THE DRAGONS KNOW. THEYRE JUST LKE “Hey this is gross”

Are we getting Arya and Gendry reuniting soon. YESSSS. ARYA GENDRY AND THE HOUND. HELL YEAH. Why is this awkward. Can they hug it out. I love them. that little twirl though. arya u queeeeeeeen

SAM. I love him. Oh oh no.... Oh no.... Dany.... what have you done. Oh no... why would you do this to sweet Sam. Oh baby boy Sam.

TELL JON TELL JON TELL JON TELL JON. DO IT. DO IT. FUCK. God I’m so excited. Did Sam fall down the stairs. AWWWW BOYS. That was cute. That was good. Sam you’re supposed to be telling Jon the OTHER THING. OH. OH IT’S OUT. IT’S OUT IN THE OPEN. I still hate that his name is Aegon. That’s bullshit. 

“I’ve always ad blue eyes!” Iconic.

Oh that’s gross. Night King has a gross message. OH THAT SCREAM. OH BOY IMMA HAVE NIGHTMARESS. JESUS CHRIST.

IS THIS JAIME. YES!!! Oh the symbolism of him seeing Bran first. Shit. That’s good. Wait is that the end. what!!!!!! I still have tEN MINUTES LEFT IN THE VIDEO. 😩

#si speaks #si spews bullshit #bullshit is the word of the night #game of thrones #live tweet after hours #got spoilers

[futchloser-moved]

hewwo i turned the inaugural death of mister seven into one big block of text!!! why??? I DONT FUCKING KNOW but i did!!!

below VV

Your name is CROWBAR. You remember the first time you ever got offed like it was yesterday. But then, you tend to remember damn near everything like it was yesterday. And when a fella whets his bill on time travel as much as you, yesterday's when damn near everything literally took place. But that's beside the point. The POINT is, a guy like you's gotta remember things. No room for error when you're in charge of a bunch of maroons like these. Maroon's your favorite color, in case it wasn't obvious by the rugged hue of your jaunty tricorned HAT. But like you say all the time, lugs this dumb give the color a bad name. Yeah, that line never did get a laugh. Not even ONCE. Never did claim comedy was your bag, though. Your bag's a whole 'nother can of worms entirely. And those worms swear on their ugly mothers' graves that you're a hard-nosed, square-shouldered, spare-the-lip and shoot-from-the-hip gang boss. Or third in command, to be precise. But who's counting? The answer, of course is, you are. YOU'RE counting. It's your JOB to count. As number three of the the outfit (i.e. number seven, lest we get confused) it's ALSO your job to do what Number Two says. (He don't got a number in actuality. Cueball-head wouldn't wear a hat in the damn presence of royalty, the cocky bastard.) Number Two naturally gets his orders from Number One, who's a man of few words in your experience. The top dog used to give you lip all the time, which is really saying something for a man whose head is a gruesome, lipless skull. Those were the old days, though. Now Number Two serves as his mouth. And what a mouth it is. The man's got a hell of a trap for a guy sportin' a spherical head with no features whatsoever. Hey, look. You just follow orders, no matter what kind of freak show comprises the particular cabal of superiors barkin' em at ya. They call Number Two the Doc. And the Doc made it clear he wants you to round up the boys for a meeting in his study. In your humble opinion, the hatless wonder's a true man of mystery. And guessin' his designs is about as fruitless as a  plundered gift basket. But if you had to bet, you'd bet dollars to crullers* there's a heist afoot. *Crullers instead of donuts 'cause when it comes to the Doc's schemes, there's ALWAYS a twist. First step along the way is Number Two. No, not by rank, ya clueless boob. By HAT, of course. This guy's infinitely less clever than the Doc. In fact, it ain't out of line to characterize him as a little slow upstairs. AND downstairs. "Infinitely" in this case ain't hyperbolic. [#2 - DOZE. Doze has the ability to slow down time within radius localized to himself, and himself alone.] You don't DO hyperbole. It's on a list of stuff you don't do. The list is literally kept in your breast pocket to show at clowns who don't take you serious now and then. You tell him to come with you, gotta meet Doc in the study. Oh great. He predictably replies with the arduous low-pitched beginning of some long-ass drawn-out remark. You don't have time for this. You leave the room to round up more men. The end of this sentence ain't seein' the light of day anytime soon. Who's next? Ah, excellent. Someone else is approaching. Saves you the trouble of rootin' them out. Aaand yeah, it's you. Just what you needed. TIME SHENANIGANS. Looks like past-you or future-you or whoever is leading Sawbuck somewhere. You know what? Whatever, man. [#7 - CROWBAR. In charge, mostly. Wields a crowbar.] [#10 - SAWBUCK. Don't worry about it. You'll get to him later.] You're not even going to ask. It NEVER pays to indulge in time shenanigans. That's what you say. No one listens, though. Other-you's got a question, though. You say shoot. He's wondering if Doze in there has finished his sentence yet. You say not even close, my friend. He's only just begun lettin' words spill out of his dumb, sluggish maw. He says God fucking dammit. You say you feel his pain, brother. You and he soldier on in your respective directions. You give the the door a firm rap or two with your trusty crowbar and let yourself into the OH GOOD GOD. You avert your eyes and clear your throat. You try to visualize something else. A suit you need to remember to bring by for tailoring. The lukewarm cup of joe you didn't finish this morning, sitting on your desk. And... nope. The damage is done. You can't unsee it. Listen, you ain't no Puritan Pete! [#4 - CLOVER. Is extremely lucky.] What two consenting adult men get up to behind closed doors is their own damn business. You just wish Clover wouldn't do his frisky little dance numbers behind SO MANY of the closed doors in this mansion. Part of you wonders what charm the little guy was soliciting Itchy with. Horseshoes? Balloons? No wait. You don't care. Train of thought cancelled. (They're all wrong for balloons, anyway. Trust you. It wouldn't work out.) You tell the men to quit the ahem, fancy footwork. There's business with the Doc. Sure boss, after you! squeaks the lucky runt. Luck's always on his side, you should mention. Little bastard's as lucky as one gets, and sure seem he's one to get lucky a lot, if you catch your drift. Itchy, as usual, makes it his business to be a rash on your backside. The attitude on this guy. Says he's in no particular hurry. Will be along as soon as he's done with this... What is that? 10,000 pieces? Come on, guy. You say with the giddyup he's got, that puzzle should take him just shy of no time flat, and he KNOWS it. [#1 - ITCHY. Is extremely fast.] He's real fast, see? Itchy says he ain't in a hurryin' mood. Wants to relax, take his sweeeeeet time with it. Is he kidding you? This jabroni's barely even trying. No. It doesn't go there. NO. You say the horse butt goes BEHIND the animal, not like, hovering in front of its face, you stupid piece of shit. The guy keeps at it anyway. You know what. Let the baby have his bottle. You're out of here.You enter the boutique of the gang's in-house tailor. Any mug in the biz you're in knows a good tailor's a must. The name's Stitch, and the man's a miracle worker with a needle and thread. Looks to be patching up a head wound on some dope's recent injury. You say what happened here? No unauthorized shenanigans, you hope. [#9 - STITCH. A damn good tailor.] He asks, are any shenanigans authorized? You say hell no. He gives you a curt nod. Always refreshing to be in the company of men who don't cotton to nonsense. He says don't worry about it, he'll be along once he finishes up here. Good enough for you. You leave without a word. Here's where Die holes up. Seems he ain't into company at the moment. For half a second, you contemplate respecting the guy's privacy. You spend the other half of the second kicking down his door. Just what in the fresh gobsmacking fuck is going on in here, is the out-loud thing you wonder. What's he doing cooped up with all the live poultry? Die doesn't say a word. Deer in headlights with this guy, when you catch him in the act. There's ALWAYS an act to catch him in, and he never don't get caught. Man's like a deer stuck in the high-beams of a parked ass car. You say nevermind, forget you asked. He starts up with his mumblin' suddenly. Oh, now he's got somethin' to say? What's that pal? Can't hear a word you're sayin'. You said speak up. Look, put the chicken down. You said put it down. That's it, you've had it. You're sick of this shit. How 'bout a taste of the mean end of your crowbar. Both ends are the mean end. He pulls his little doll on you. You gasp. You're not much for sarcasm, but yeah, the gasp was sarcastic. Couldn't help it. It's a mighty potent juju he's got there for sure, but functionally it won't mean squat to you if he sticks your pin in there. He'll jump to a different timeline where you're dead. You'll still be here, though. With one less idiot to corral. [#6 - DIE. Plays with dolls.] Still, won't do you to watch him disappear. Doc wants a word with ALL the idiots. You gesture at Clover. Tell him to make Die listen to reason. Atta boy, Clov-HEY! Cut it out. Both feet on the floor, you mean it. Christ almighty. Smutty little munchkin doesn't know when to quit. You hear a ruckus from the game room. Sounds like the moron motherlode's in there. Yep. It's pinhead playdirt. You tip your cap to Fin and Trace. Couple of peas in a pod, those two. Just a pair of blokes sharing in a bout of what is surely the Game of Lords, a rousing and gentlemanly match of TABLE STICKBALL. And back there, another couple playing a game of... Oh now what the fuck. Is that Itchy!? You could have sworn he was deliberately being a punk and takin' forever with the horse puzzle. Itchy says oh, that old thing? Finished with it AGES ago and sauntered over here for a friendly game of cards with his good friend... ...wait, what was your name again? This guy, he says. The huge asshole with the 14 on his dumb-looking hat. [#14 - QUARTERS. Flips a coin. Looks badass while doing it.] Quarters lets out a deep sigh. Itchy keeps running his trap. Try to keep with the times, OLD MAN. Old man, you say? Technically you're younger than he is. They all are, in fact. He says come again? He didn't follow that. He was busy plucking another hapless pigeon. Itchy slides all the chips to his side of the table. Booyeah, motherfuckers. Booyeah. Die mumbles did he say chicken? You say huh? Die mumbles nothin'. He just thought he heard him say somethin' about chickens is all. All you's listen up. There's a meeting in the study. You say everyone come this way or you'll give 'em what for. (Will you quit clickin' those little buckled shoes together for a Midnight City minute? You say you're flattered but this ain't the time or place!) (Besides, you aren't down with moons. That's not how you roll.) Yeah, yeah. Look, you know it's bad form to leave a game of table stickball before the empty sockets have swallowed all the roundcircles, but this here's a red-letter meeting with doctor white-words. They need to follow you, see? That's what you two are best at, following, ain'tcha? [#3 - TRACE. Can follow peoples' past trails.] [#5 - FIN. Can follow peoples' future trails.] Fin, you can see where anyone's headed in the near future, yeah? You're just askin', because you'll eat your stylish three point hat if every lug in this room isn't headed right out the door in the VERY near future. Isn't that right, Fin? In your haste, your freight train of chartreuse goons almost railroads one of the bigger stiffs rounding the corner. The stiff says hey chief. Where's the fire? You tell him you didn't think you were walking that fast, to be honest. He says no, he was literally asking where the fire was. So he can put it out. See? [#11 - MATCHSTICKS. Concerned with fire safety. It's everyone's business.]  Back of the line, you say. We all got an appointment with the Doc. Yeah, you know the guy was aimin' for a chuckle outta you. Like you said. Comedy's not your bag. It's no one's bag, really. When you belong to the Felt, you're either as serious as a heart attack, or as dumb as a brain hemorrhage. Or the medically spectacular situation where those two problems coincide. Son of a!!! You tell Sawbuck he can stay in the front of the line with you. No chance in hell this butterball can squeeze by all these green bozos. [#10 - SAWBUCK. Again, don't worry about it. You'll hit him up later.] Last thing you need is another mansion clog. You take a detour to hit the lounge. If your instincts are right, this is where you'll find you know who. For some reason, you can never bring yourself to say her name. Two simple syllables. You're told the word means a child's plaything in the winter, like some kinda frost puppet. Fitting that the sound of it sends a chill down your spine. The boys hesitate to speak of her, just like they hold their fire whenever she fades from black. She's here, just like you thought. Creatures of habit, dames. Not that you have much experience with dames, mind you. You only ever met the one. [#8 - SNOWMAN. If Snowman is killed, the universe is destroyed.]  So uh, hey. Yeah, uh. You tell the dame there's this meeting you see. You know. With the Doc? And... yeah. You mumble a few other things, but you don't know why you're even troubling yourself. That spooky broad doesn't give a flying god damn about what you got to say. You lead your posse into the clock room. Well, A clock room. There are a lot of clocks in the mansion. A few too many if you ask you. There's a tarp over there in the corner, covering something up. Something BIG. Some of the boys don't remember ever seein' no tarp there before. Strikes you as a funny observation coming from them, seeing as you can't even figure how they remember to dress themselves half the time. You say never your damn mind, a mouth like that could only conceivably serve as a gateway to the utterly worthless. Look at this mess. Do you really even need to tell these mooks why whatever it is they're doing in here is dumb as all getout? Oh well, at least there are only two of them this time. [#13 - BISCUITS. Thinks his oven allows him to time travel.]  Biscuits says the rest of us are in the oven. You say did you ASK what's in the fucking oven? You say the next time you ask for a peek in his damn oven it'll be on the account of your prior instruction to bake a god damn cake. Sawbuck says ooh. Cake. No, you gluttonous fool! [#10 - SAWBUCK. Jumps to a random point in time when injured.] You said don't open that oven! Never gonna see the Doc at this rate. And by this rate, you mean going back in time due to perfectly avoidable reasons. You keep pressing on like the true professional you are. This way, lunkhead. Yes sir, he waddles. Ah, rats. Someone else is approaching. You got a feeling you know who it is. Aaand yeah. It's you again. Just what you needed, and were inexorably bound to receive due to the laws of causality. Looks like past-you or future-you or whoever is rounding up the troops. You know what? Whatever, man. He's not even going to ask. And neither are you, 'cause you didn't before, and ain't really feelin' any chattier this time around. This buffoon is still in the middle of his endless friggin' sentence. Unbelievable, the kind of horseshit this line of work entails. You consider how you might speed up his bird brained response. Not that it matters, since this guy never made a remark in his life which didn't function as a powerful sedative. You think about walloping Sawbuck again, to skip to another time. Maybe one good drub'll do ya. No, too risky. Might shoot back a million years in the past. Need to take matters into your own hands, or better yet, hands belonging to some grunt you get paid to boss around. [#15 - CANS. Has the ability to clock a guy into next week.] Oh yeah. As in, you forgot what a racket this two ton galoot made when he makes an entrance. That's what you meant when you said oh yeah. As in, oh yeah, you just remembered that. Anyway, you tell Cans to give the slowpoke a lift and break a leg this-a-way. He says huh? You say grab Doze and follow me. Muscle. You swear to god. If it isn't tweedle-dipshit and tweedle-dumbass again. Why are you not surprised? The reason you aren't surprised is because you knew they would be here, and you sought them out deliberately. You don't say that out loud though, for the same reason you don't ask them to do your taxes. Eggs and Biscuits ask what you're doing here, boss. Just completing the circle of stupidity, you say. You hide under the tarp and swear these two walking jokes to absolute secrecy while this whole mess plays itself out again. Not a peep outta them, or you'll be making breakfast, see? And you don't mean pouring yourself a bowl of Froot Loops, get your drift? They don't get your drift, but time's up. Other-you and the peanut gallery's gonna waltz in any minute. Any minute later... About damned time. Like pulling teeth, herding these fuckups. How long did that even take? Not counting negative time, you mean. "Nineteen pages, it would seem." What? That many? "Yes." Seems like a lot. "Well, there are nearly that many members to gather." "I'd characterize the final tally as predictable, in hindsight." The Doc sure can be a smartass. You keep that thought to yourself. "Not that the omniscient has much use for hindsight. Not even those of us deemed smartasses by our subordinates." You don't got a clue how he does that. And if you're honest with yourself, and him too, you don't much care. "Please see me in my study at once." You heard the man. Let's mosey. They didn't hear a thing, but they follow you anyway. Welcome, minions. Ages ago, beyond a span of time that is impossible to measure in any empirical sense, our master set in motion a critical chain of events. He summoned you all one by one. And in return, you have vowed to serve him for the rest of his interminable life, just as I have sworn to do for the remainder of mine. Yes, you may resemble a flock of unremarkable, unintelligent cretins. But as the servants of a very important man, you, by extension, are also very important. If all thoughts but one escape the cottony substance wadded up inside your heads, let this one be the one you keep. Your mission, which I am about to describe, is but another link in this critical chain. It is far from the last, and even further from the first. There have been many crucial links over the epochs to which I myself have been privy and complicit. I will describe to you in a plurality of detail. Listen carefully. Cripes. Baldy McSoftBody here sure enjoys the sound of his own voice. You wonder if he'll get to the point soon. "I am a patient man, Mr. Seven. It is a quality that has served me well in preparing for the arrival of our master." You wonder how he DOES that. You ain't even talkin' out loud here. This is just a bit of hard boiled, no-nonsense narrative introspection. You're pretty sure it ain't even real in any meaningful respect. "No-nonsense? You flatter yourself. May I continue?" Yeah, yeah. The Doc dives cueball-first through some mad ramble on a fairytale about some giant space frog. You're on pins and needles as you check your watch. You know it ain't lost on a smart cookie like him that checkin' your watch in a room full of clocks is extra passive-aggressive. Yada yada, then he says there's some planet that grew in its belly called Alternicon or what have you. Run by a race of savages it would seem. Long story short, the Doc here fucked with 'em for about a billion damn years and they all died off as a result. Heh. Classic Scratch. Ah, got it. The town they built is Midnight City. It's just a bomb's lob away from the gang's mansion. GREAT place for crimes. Almost like it was put there just so's a load of goons like you could have your run of the place. In fact, you're pretty sure that's why the boss set up shop on this one-town rock, just outside city limits. You know what they say about location. Well, they don't say nothin' special about it. They just say the word two more times, and that pretty much gets the point across. "Cool story." After a few more minutes and a few more barbs exchanged through a conversational medium you still can't quite wrap your head around, Doc wraps up the history lesson. Cripes. Not to second guess the head honcho, but delegating his orders to this bloviating creep is a helluva test to a faithful third officer's loyalty. He's got a folder and says let's get down to business. Let's get down to business. As you can see, I've got a folder. It contains your mission. You will review it carefully. By which I mean, one of you, this organization's faithful third officer. He will lead a team on this mission. No kidding. You take the folder and check it out. Says you're supposed to... Huh. You're supposed to- You're supposed to retrieve a package from an anonymous recipient. I cannot divulge the identity of this man. If you are able to bring the package to me, I will give you further instructions. You are to pick up the package from a courier in the city. He is to rendezvous with you at the supplied address, at a precise time. You are not to be late, and never open the package. Do you all understand what I have said? You scope the crowd. They're bored out of their melons. And, nope. Nobody understands. Except for you. It's your job to understand. CHOOSE YOUR TEAM, CROWBAR. He tells you to pick a team for the job and be on your way. Seems like this pack of lugs has worn out its welcome in his office. Which is an ironic attitude to have for a guy who makes his bones holding men hostage to hours-long anecdotes, but whatever. The team's an easy call. You'll go with the solid colors today. A pickup is light work. You don't see the need to pack any muscle on this trip. Hard to imagine securing a box from a chess guy could ever get too hot to handle. And in any case, the Doc being omniscient surely would let you know in advance if it was gonna go down like that, right? "Any man with my foresight, who had your best interests in mind, would do exactly as you say. Absolutely." Yeah, see? Gotta love the Doc. But then again, it's like you've always said. For a filthy liar, the Doc sure is good at stickin' to the truth. You remember his genteel assurance like a knife stuck in your mind. Hell, maybe that's roughly akin to the way the guy speaks, since he ain't got a mouth to make sound with. You remember piling into this hot car with your six solids and cruising through the desert like it happened last week. Hell, when you wet your whistle on time travel as much as you, maybe it even did. And the first time you got offed? You remember that like it was yesterday. Less than yesterday, even, because that's what you do. Remember things. You remember the first time you laid eyes on the Midnight City skyline. You remember your first kiss. And you remember that fateful night plain as day. The night you met a man named Spades Slick.

#took me around 4 hours #the felt #homestuck #intermission #the intermission #the inaugural death of mister seven #Tired Text Posts

[drowninginfelines]

oh! i forgot to make another post on what happened!!

so yeah i went and the scary tooth doctor stole my mouthbones,and he really did steal them cause i couldnt keep them or even get to see what they looked like cause they were too decayed to have much of anything left

so my upper wisdom teeth on the back, on both sides, those two are gone now, and for anyone thats ever had those pulled, i gotta ask, can i expect to see any like, shifting of the rest of my teeth? like i had a huge gap in between my two front teeth when i was younger that only closed up when my wisdom teeth came in and i really do not want that to come back, and i forgot to ask the dentist when i was there

it also turns out that i am one of the lucky fuckers thats immune to the laughing gas, so fuck me i guess. i was on that shit all morning but it hadnt kicked in at all so they just had to numb my arm with some cold shit and just needle me. and holy shit that cold stuff was like, unbelievably cold, to the point where it hurt more than the actual needle going in(but i still absolutely felt it and it still absolutely hurt.

the iv sedation was a really weird experience, because i remember fucking everything that happened right up until losing consciousness and it was just...really weird. the dentist was talking to me, trying to calm me down, and the conversation went like:

him: so, do you like to read books?

me: in the beginning throes of hysteria: yeahiguessidontreadthatoftenthough

him: so whats your favorite book?

me: *pauses bc i cant just say homestuck fanfiction and is legit trying to think of an acceptable answer*

and i SWEAR that while i was thinking of an answer, he reaches down and squeezes my shoulder and was like “now that wasnt so bad was it? :D” and suddenly theres like gauze in my mouth and shit and i was like WAT internally because i swear to god that it was just like...a fucking jump cut. i was thinking of any book title and then apparently i was not conscious for forty minutes or so and then i was awake and that entire fraction of my life was just like, gone

now, im a really bad insomniac. i dont sleep, period. i can and do get sleepy/tired/unbelievably exhausted, and when i go to bed i lay down and close my eyes and rest for however many hours but like.....im still awake/aware during all that. so if real actual sleep is what that feels like then jesus fucking christ dude thats scary

so far i havent bled much, or at all really, and honestly? even when it was hurting at its worst earlier, it still only hurt as bad as at has been for the past couple weeks, so i guess i was already at my maximum suffering. my arm hurts like HELL though, got a big ol bruise and i swear just looking at where the needle was hurts. the holes in my gum feel super weird though and i know im probably not supposed to keep sticking my tongue in there but its just so WEIRD feeling

so yeah that was my adventure at the dentist. im very afraid of a lot of things and im paranoid of like everything and i was hyping myself up for fear but, and i  hate to say this....it wasnt that bad

tl;dr im down two bones cause a professional made off with them. he stole my bones

#difpost #long post #i think i cried a little bit at the needle but not like full blown hysterics like i usually do #that was the first needle ive gotten in six years

[krykir-blog]

My Experience With Transitioning

fuck me im just copying and pasting what I’ve done up until now

Info already so right now i think im nonbinary but i think i might be completely trans idk (edit later in time: i can say for sure I am completely trans, not just nonbinary.), ive felt this way for a while and my bud sen helped me figure it all out bc i was hella confused and i felt very masculine. A year and a few months ago I cut my hair super short and realized that this was how I've always wanted it because oh my god if i ever grew long hair again id want to die, i hate it and i hated how I looked. So that was that and i was like that for a while and I think sometime during the summer of 2015 i figured out what I wanted to be called (ryan). I started out w/ having people on the internet call me that and it was awesome, but kinda weird having people in real life call me by my birth name and it was really odd. Then October came and my stepcousin was getting married- during that wedding was when i told my dad and stepmum i wanted to be called ryan so I consider that to be the time when I actually started transitioning. It took a painfully long time to get my mother on board to be honest, her boyfriend (who is now her ex) was actually down with it right away but of course he didn't call me or my brother that because it would've been awkward, but we had some late night talks about it frequently. When they broke up it was kinda iffy but I think it was soon after that happened that she started calling me and my brother by our preferred names. At a party my parents went to one night they told all their friends about me and my brother and we've been enrolled in a study, which is 6 MRI's total. I've already had 3 MRI's and let me tell you, they suck, but I think later next year I'm gonna have to get my next round- just basically contribution to help trans people or anyone taking hormones to transition. This year I got into high school and I'm going to a place that's pretty far away from where my last school was, so no one there knows me or that I'm female- I'm completely authentic and I think that's pretty cool, it's what I wanted. So far I think that's all you need to know lmao if I have more info to put down i probably will. Thank you guys for the support, i love you <3 8/29/16 First injection of testosterone. No changes yet ofc, but I found that I was hardly hurt by the needle so now I'm a lot more excited lmao. (Dose amount is currently 0.1 ML) 9/5/16 Second injection. Of course, no changes yet, so there's not much to say except this was my first time doing it at home. stepmum did it tbh, it still surprises me at how much it doesnt hurt lmao 9/12/16 Third injection bois. No really noticeable changes yet however i think i have a bit more hair growth from where the bellybutton is down to the nether areas which is still something and I'll take it xD I'm starting to think I prefer shots in the arm tho. Surprisingly they don't hurt as much as far as I can tell?? it's pretty neat lmao 9/19/16 Still no noticeable changes. I can now say for sure that shots hurt less in the arm than the leg, surprisingly enough at least for me lmao one month b o i s 9/26/16 (sorry for being super late with updating this one) still no noticeable changes yet, dosage is still small as all hell >> 10/3/16 No noticeable changes that I can identify, but I have a friend who told me that my voice is deeper. regardless of that, it's not at all by much at least to me and there's still nothing super noticeable and it's rather irritating. 10/7/16 Not a shot, but my first MRI after getting the three baseline scans before I got testosterone. I got my blood drawn more than I ever have and it got to the point where my vision became brightly dotted and my ears started ringing like mad, it was awful, i thought i was gonna pass out. But the MRI itself was actually a lot better than my last three scans, theyve made so many improvements to make it less anxiety inducing. 4/6 MRIs done, 1/3 blood draws done. 10/10/16 SEVENTH SHOT OF T I'VE BEEN OVER THE MOON TODAY THO 'CAUSE I'M GETTING MY DANK ASS FRIEND A BINDER AS fOR the actual T, I haven't noticed any super big changes but my friends are like "yeah jesus christ ur voice is deeper" so I GUESS THATS THAT I also started recording my voice after the sixth shot so ill keep up w/ that too as much as I can 10/17/16 Still no noticeable changes to me, however we got new needles and the measurements are different and it's weird but ye nothing super exciting to say I guess hhh sorry for being so slow at updating this rip 10/24/16 This time the needle really hurt and idk why but oh well. Still no noticeable changes besides more hair growth on my legs and the happy trail area. I compared my voice now to my 6th shot and there's no distinct difference >> i really wish my dosage was higherrrr Also for some reason I keep having dreams of me with longer hair?? it's really not okay :'D I don't recognize pictures of myself with long hair anymore tho so I guess that's something. 10/31/16 -ok so i dont remember getting a shot this day but w/e, im late to updating it- still no noticeable changes 11/7/16 SO I GAVE MYSELF A SHOT FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IT WAS AWFUL 1- I PRICKED MY FINGER AND IT STARTED BLEEDING A LOT AND IT STILL HURTS 2- WHEN I ACTUALLY PUT IT IN MY ARM I DIDNT PUT IT IN DEEP ENOUGH SO IT ALL STARTED COMING OUT AND I WAS BLEEDING A LOT IM SICK FROM SCHOOL TODAY AND I HAD DETERMINATION TO DO IT BUT I DIDNT DO WELL 11/14/16 soRRY FOR BEING AWFUL AT UPDATING i had a really shitty monday this most recent monday but its ok my friend brought their trans bf over and watched me and my borther put in our shots and it was chill no noticeable changes to report i dont think 11/21/16 Nothing special to report, the needle kinda stung tho oddly 11/28/16 AAAND MY DOSAGE IS NOW 0.2 BOIS I GO BACK IN 3 MONTHS AND ITLL PROBS BE UPPED TO 0.3 BUT IM EXCITED I loved the nurse who drew my blood lmao she was really cool, i love the people who work in that office so much. They're all so nice ;v; I have a bit more acne and my doctor said my voice sounded a bit deeper, so I guess I'll take it. Things should hopefully speed up at 0.2. 12/5/16 Second shot on 0.2! It didn't hurt as bad as the last one which is good~ I've been noticing more acne on my face nd shoulders which is also hella //well in progress terms it is 12/12/16 YOU GUYS MY VOICE IS GETTING MORE RASPY AND I CAN CRACK IT ALL OVER THE PLACE EASIER THAN I COULD BEFORE ITS NOT SUPER NOTICEABLE YET BUT IM GETTING THERE IM EXCITE SORRY FOR BEING SHITTY AT UPDATING THIS ITS OK 12/19/16 BREATHES NOTHING SUPER NOTEWORTHY BUt my voice iS noticeably going down- not a ton buT AGAIN ITS GETTING THERE ;V; My arm really hurts tho for the first time after and idk why 'cause the shot iddnt hurt at all 12/25/16 Not a shot but just a lil random update ;;v; MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ERRYONE BY THE WAY, I HOPE YOU ALL HAd a great day! sO onto the stuff Today I got an assload of money and I'm deciding to spend a lot of it on a packer and a packing harness. I already bought the harness but I'm gonna have my dad order the packer since there's no good ones on amazon hhhh buT YE IM PUMPED ILL HAVE A BULGE 12/30/16 HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS MY VOICE IS GETTING REALLY NOTICEABLY DEEP IM LITERALLY SCREAMING [link] 1/5/17 I GOT MY PACKER MOTHERFUCKERS ITS HUGE AND ITS GREAT AND IVE GOT A DICK NOW 1/9/17 This is the day I officially became male. This is the day I officially became Ryan. I never have to write my birth name ever again. I am so fucking happy. The judge was super super nice and I was anxious as fuck but it ended up super well. Voice is still getting deeper and im getting hairier in some places, it's great~

#transgender #transitioning #ftm #femaletomale #testosterone #updates #lgbt