#you say you are mentally healthy and get upset when the mentally ill ppl joke u r mentally ill bcos the music u listen to is a little funny

[chimaerra]

something excruciating about having so many things that are so mine and only mine and my best friend keeps well meaningly taking them

#they are watching elementary. my favorite show in the whole world that literally built me. #and i have to hear all their fucking bad opinions about it #fucking. dr who is a sherlock holmes narrative? NO?? #i am literally writing a thesis on holmes narratives not every goddamn episodic mystery is a holmes get away if u dont understand #the importance of a holmes and of a watson. #fucking. joan dresses so much like clara oswald! she dresses like a damn woman in the mid 2010s who is a grown adult #please dear god not everything needs to be a fucking dr who reference please leave elementary free of it #christ and. fucking. 'oh there's needles i dont like this' #it is a show about addiction if you do not shut the fuck up #and of course. the most important one. how i keep having to hear that they r 'the bestest of friends' #he named a bee after her. they are two people who love each other. that is the thesis of the relationship they are more important than #fucking friends can you please shut the fuck up. nothing fictional means more to me than them stop fucking reading them wrong #also like. now they're getting into coffee but like. the super sugary frappes and trying to propose drinking coffee every morning #and i have to be like. no dipshit dont develop a caffeine addiction for shits and giggles this is fucking serious #and they go. well i get headaches already #shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up #like with literally zero respect (which is all due) i drink my coffee every morning as a coping mechanism. #one that is a primary reason i am capable of talking to people every day #you say you are mentally healthy and get upset when the mentally ill ppl joke u r mentally ill bcos the music u listen to is a little funny #stop #also just like. general stupid people shit! is my shit! and they are on my ass and i cannot take it #two of my friends recently got butterfly knives and i know a few tricks and we've been playing w them and talking abt stupid shit like that #generally having. the time of our lives w sharp objects. and i obviously mention that i have axe throwing and they need to come over #some time for it and we'll have to figure it out whatever. he comes up to me the other day and says hey how about on saturday #everyone comes over to axe throw! and before i can say anything they go '[redacted] u cant just invite urself over to host something' #even if we hadnt literally discussed it. i would not care. this is something we both clearly r very interested in and want to fuck around w #just. jesus christ i want to exist in the context of myself againnnnnn #ntxt #gonna go dye my hair and cope #actually just remembered another thing. it was my bit to bully my friend as a joke. and i got that right by being in close quarters w him

[ablednt]

Red Flags: Friendship edition

Getting sucked into unhealthy friendships is a common problem for ND and mentally ill people and while my current friends are amazing I have been in a lot of toxic and/or abusive friendships before so I'm going to list all the red flags I noticed in hindsight to hopefully save some of y'all that trauma

Some of these things might not be bad on their own but tbh most of them are I think

How do they treat bad people? People who they hate who arguably deserve that hatred? If they express that hatred by attacking people needlessly, targeting a marginalized aspect of that person, or lash out at them as a way to release their emotions that is a bad sign. (Note: by lashing out/attacking I do not mean criticizing. It is healthy and fine not to coddle bad ppl)

Are they an exclusionist for any marginalized group? Most of the time people who self ID as exclusionists or devote their time and energy to lashing out at a marginalized group treat their friends badly too.

Tokenism is a common issue in toxic friend groups. Are you a marginalized person in a friend group of ppl who have privilege over you in that one aspect (examples I've experienced being ace in an exclus friend group, being the only autistic person in the group)? If you are often discussing discourse and having to explain your marginalization to your friends, they cite you as a reason they can't be bad to people in your marginalized group, demand you educate them constantly, or you feel at like you're the exception that's Tokenism and emotional abuse.

Do you feel really tired/disappointed/upset after spending time with them? If they make you feel worse consistently then don't ignore that it's not just you

What is their banter like? Do you often find yourself uncomfortable with jokes or comments they make about you? If they tease you is it clearly communicated they're only teasing or is there room for doubt?

Do they often make violent threat-like jokes at others expense, mock others for things that are sensitive to them (appearance, mental illness or disability, etc.)? Have you ever thought something like "they're mean but its ok bc they're cool/it's ok bc they aren't mean to me"?

How are boundaries in your friendship? Do you feel safe and listened to in the event that you mention something they did or said upset you? Are they clear about the boundaries they have and what they're comfortable with or do they get angry for you not knowing already what they want. (Example: one ex friend DMed me frequently to tell me they were angry with me but said they didn't think it was worth it to tell me ahead of time what they didn't want me to do/say)

Does the friendship feel one sided? Do you have to do most of the groundwork and they just react to things you do? When was the last time they asked How you were doing or showed interest in what you had to say? The level for which this is necessary depends on the level of friendship and how often you interact but if you distinctly feel like you are way more invested in your relationship than they are that could be a sign

Do they talk badly about people behind their backs? If they're mocking or being harsh towards people they claim to be friends with to you that means they're doing the same to you to other people, big red flag.

Have you noticed any personality changes for the worse around them? (Example normally being assertive but the longer you spend with them you become demure/more submissive etc)

If you have any triggers or need accommodations from them due to disability or mental illness do they respect that? If they don't make an effort to help you feel safe or comfortable hanging out with them they aren't being a good friend.

Feel free to add on if y'all have anything from experience I might add to this later also

#actuallyautistic #actuallyadhd #bpd safe #borderline safe #cluster b #long post #ask to tag