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popculturebuffet · 3 months

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Thomas the Tank Engine Retrospective: Shining Time Station 4-Pack: All Hail Schemer (Commission for Lachey V)

Hello all you happy schemer's and welcome back to my seemingly bottomless Thomas the Tank Engine Retrospective. This month my mounting workload means we're doubling up as we approach the season finale of sorts for this retrospective, Thomas's first and so far only theatrical film, Thomas and the Magic Railroad.

Before we can do that though, I needed a crash course on a bit of Thomas lore I hadn't touched. So it's my utmost pleasure to introduce, reintroduce or just plane fling at you Shining Time Station. Shining Time Station was the Britt Alcroft companie's way of putting Thomas The Tank Engine in the US at first. While the show was a great kids show and merchandise machine, it had one problem: each ep was 5 minutes at most and while this wasn't a remote problem for the booming home video market, putting it on tv was tricky. While UK tv stations were more than happy to either make 15 minute block of a few episodes or air it between shows, US stations at the time really didn't like carving up their air time like that. Simplier times.

Hence shining time station, a whole ass live action show featuring puppets, live action music videos, and wraparounds. Shining Time follows a bunch of interchangable kids: White BLonde Kid, future Sapphire Erica Luttrel, and other one as they mill around a train station learning life lesssons. Around the station are Stacey(Didi Cohn) , the station's manager, Billy Two-Feathers (Tom Jackson) , who runs the workshop, and Mr. Conductor, the tiny man who lives inside the station. If that sounds jarring it absolutely is as I assumed when I heard about the character he was a regular conductor who simply had magical powers. Still a little weird but like... not as jarring as when you see a Tiny George Carlin. For the record, and I missed this on first watch, the other two adults are aware of him to the point it feels like Mr. C is watching the kids half the time so the other adults can do their jobs. And i'm okay with this as there are so many kids shows where they hide the magic and I assumed this is one. I prefer it that the adults just know, smile along with it and let the tiny magic man help pick up the slack. Mr Conductor was played by Ringo Starr in the first season but since we were only doing a small selction of episodes, Lachey decided

For constancy since a chunk of the cast changes between seasons 1 and 2, and because Season 1 apparently has an ongoing story. So instead George Carlin is our tiny magic man for this special.

Of course there's one other regular in the station who deserved his own section, a man above men. A god above god. A schemer above schemers. The Robbie Rotten of the 90's I present to you HORACE MOTHERFUCKING SCHEMER.

Scheme is a schyster who runs a small Penny arcade over in the corner. WHy he's running an old timey style arcade in the 1980s I don't know but his real passion is various scams of the week, sometimes recurting the kids and eating every inch of scenery while making every minute he's on screen a joy. He's played by Brian O Conner, is somehow not in the movie, and is the best thing that's ever existed. All hail our new god.

Anyways since Shining Time Station is important to the film, we're taking a look at 4 episodes of Lachey's Choice from seasons 2 and 3: Win Loose or Draw, Sweet and Sour, Do I hear and Billy's Party. So join me for train station antics, drawing contests, talking pianos, child explotation, elvis, crooked auctions, and thanksgiving under the cut.

Win Lose or Draw

My first episode.. and going in pretty much blind aside from "this show is a vehicle for Thomas the tank engine". So the werid shit in this series.. caught me off guard as the episode starts with a pretty simple kids show teaching a lesson predicament: the local wise old man from the general store, who I assumed would be more important but is only in one of these 4 episodes, drops off art suplies for a contest and other girl is bummed that Erica Luttrel is better than her at art. We also meet Schemer whose mad the kids are getting paper everywhere and not spending money on his old timey arcade. Is.. is Schemer a time lord? Is he our time lord and savior? This series apparently takes place in the present, but has a penny arcade. Maybe shining times' just really old. Maybe i'm just really old and this series is old even for me, it's only.. four years older than me.

Okay moving past the exestial dread, point is Schemer is great and even off to the side for this one he's a lot of fun.

So Other Girl gets a visit from the Conductor.. who as a refresher is super tiny. Yeah I meant what I said about it being jarring: I had NO idea the Conductor was tiny sized in our world. Once you get used to it it's not that weird: he can travel to other dimensions his size and thus is the size of one of the people in thomas' world, hence how he can tell their stories. Makes sense. But suddenly being ambushed with a tiny george left me asking

Now I get he's just a tiny magic man who lives in the station and watches over these kids alongside the other two main adults and who said adults know exists and are cool with it. And honestly i'd be cool with having George Carlin hang around and despense advice to children too. Who wouldn't. It's like Thomas, it's weird at first but then you just embrace how weird this is and move on.

I do like HOW mr conductor is used. Carlin is clearly having a ball and is a shockingly fantastic children's entertainer, not just good at narrating the thomas segments but at interacting with the child actors and feeling truly like some otherworldly pixie train conductor man. He's really good at this and it's fun to watch.

As for the Thomas segments .. I won't be covering MOST of them again. I didn't skip them as Lachey made the valid point that while I had seen these eps, I hadn't seen them with the george carlin narration. George is really good at the job, easily equiling Michael over in the UK.

It's just.. i've covered these stories. WIth the exception of the one for our final episode today, there's no big diffrence story wise and performance wise Carlin also does the "everyone but Gordon gets about the same voice" thing the other narrators pre baldwin did. Harold also gets an upper class rich person voice

It is nice to get confrmation that Carlin was really good at both jobs, and it was a neat treat.. but there's just nothing really new to add here. The shorts featured are good. There's only one exception, a really weird one, and we're saving that for last. So good shorts as they were before, simply don't have anything new to add for the Carlin Cuts.

So Other Girl asks George Carlin to use his magical powers to help her win the art contest.

What I like though is that the lesson isn't the usual "Oh you shouldn't cheat in competition" aseop. it's a valid one but most kids shows across demographics have done it. Fairly Odd Parents even has it as one of Da Rules.

The real lesson is "it's more fufilling to work hard at something and get better yourself instead of comparing yourself to other people and how good they are". It's a lesson kids really need.. a lesson I honestly needed and maybe I would've kept drawing. You may never be as good as some but doing it is still fun. Just do your art and improvment for you and don't take easy shortcuts. The latter.. is super relevant given the rise of AI and people using it as a shortcut instead of a tool to help them create better work. It becomes about replacing other artists instead of helping artists grow.

Other girl isn't the only one to learn this lesson as one of the jukebox performers learned it. Oh did I mention there' sa jukebox full of magical puppets straight out of pee wee's playhouse who play a song once an episode? Because Lachey sure didn't

So yeah another jarring bit but one I like. I fucking love pee wee's playhouse, so seeing this old style of puppetry again warms my heart. The story is clever too: As a boy the puppet's band leader practiced piano but didn't feel good at it. Turned out the piano didn't and was also alive and thus played the songs for him. Eventually though the boy missed trying himself and the piano concided he was getting better. It's a heartwarming story about not letting sentient insturments play for you that's once again an accidental metaphor for AI somehow.

So she submits her picture instead and unsuprisingly this is what George Carlin hoped would happen. Erica Luttrel wins but they liked something about other girls so she wins a prize.

But enough about children what's SCHEMER been up to: Well he wanted to win, and Billy said his new ink was like magic so he just casually stole it.. only to accidently send a blank picture. We also get a great bit of schemer using a mirror to take a self portrait since no one wanted to draw his face less they summon another schemer into the world. such is the price of such one of a king beauty. Billy chases him and presumibly pummels him, episode over.

Sweet and Sour

So stop me if you've heard this one: a corrupt older man approaches a kid (or kids) with a lemonade stand, offers to be their partner, then finds ways to ruin the place while screwing their new partner over.

Yeah my thoughts exactly.. to my shock the Boondocks episdoe "The Block is Hot"... is a clear remake of the Shining Time Station Episode "Sweet and Sour". Or at least conceptually. After the partnership part both take diffrent paths: Ed Wuncler overworks poor jasmine and cons her parents, while Schemer brings in his nephew Schemee, whose just as hammy at half the size , such a great child actor I swear the two have perfect chemistry and he gets Brian O'Connor's manerisims down perfectly, who cuts production costs, lowers quality and generally ruins the place.

Yet weirdly despite the gaps in when they were made, medium and one being aimed at adults and the other at the childrenest of children, they BOTH have valid advice abotu the economy. For the Block Is Hot, it's how Corporations take advantage of people or buisnesses and will work people to death no matter the age to get as much profit as possible while convincing you their not. It's an episode I don't go back to often for a reason as , while incredibly good at this lesson it's VERY hard to watch, especailly since, resliastically, ed gets away with all of it.

In contrast, the kids learn the equally valuable lesson of not putting profits over quality: how people WILL suck up with bad quality stuff in a pinch once.. but will eventually choose something better.. if it's the same price but hey i'm not expecting a show amed at younger kids to be fully honest about how fucked economics are. I'm just impressed an episode from the early 90's packed that in.

BOth have the lesson of "don't quickly make a deal with someone for the wrong reasons'. For Jasmne she simply trusted the wrong person, something hard not to do and that the episode dosen't blame her for. For the kids.. they KNOW Schemer is bad and when he offers a partnership after seeing them sell cookies to a high class lady, their first reaction is

But they take the deal because he offers a lot of money.. and for once Schemer isn't lying: Schemee's methods do improve things. I also love these two together; Schemer is super supportive of his nephew, is proud when Schemee sells cookie sso bad hteir returned so they can sell them again (Sadly a tactic i'm sure has actually been used), and shows the kid genuine pride and affection I wasn't sure he was capable of showing anyone or anything that wasn't acitvely making him money. I mean he's happy to see him BEFORE he starts cutting corners like a shady man in a gloriously tacky suit.

They then learn the hard way they screwed up as not only ar ebilly and didi not impressed with their new lemonade and cookies, but when they try to complain Schmeer outright steals the buisness. Granted most buisnesses can't be stolen with a "no butts" clause, but Scheemer is dealing with small children not the ftc... this time.

My only beef with this episode is that while the lesson is good.. the adults blame the kids fo rbeing conned by schemer. They did screw up a bit as they knew he was trouble when he walked in, but did the deal anyway.. but loosing their buisness.. was him outright conning them. I get them learning a lesson but you still have to remember these are children IN your care you let be around scheemer unsupervised. And all George Carlin did was vaugely advise them the deal was bad and let them vent later. I get George Carlin can't talk to Scheemer as he dosen't know he exists, Lachey clarified that for me, and if he did he'd of course be constantly harassing the poor miniture george carlin or try to capture him to get his pot of gold. And look I know he's not a leprechaun, you know that, but it's fair to assume Schemer dosen't know his ass from his elbow let alone that george carlin isn't a leprechaun.. mostly because WE don't know that George Carlin, in this series, isn't a leprechaun. I checked the series wiki it just says he's 18 inches tall. He could be a leprechaun, a beyonder, a bit sized timelord, we really DON'T know.

Point is they fucked up too, but they do make up for it as they point out the kids still have a fuckton of lemons they got in the buisness divorce and the kids have a creative solution: ther'es so many things they can make with lemons with Stacy's help they make everything but lemonade.. and quickly gain buisness when Schemer is ineveitbly bit in the ass by karma, i.e the ladies lunchone he was catering boycotting him till he closes up and gladly taking the kids buisness. Happy end for all. A really fun episode with a shockingly timeless moral. Good stuff.

Do I hear

Do I Hear is a decent episode, with a far less clear lesson. it doe shave a random ass music video about some kids little brother destroying anything

I did find out from this shining time ocasionally does music videos with stock footage but like everything else int his series it's a lot to take out of context.

Anyways this one has Elvis show up as a jukebox repair man.

Yeah so backing up the Station is closed for the day but the kids decide to stay behind while Mr Conductor apparently can't do more than just.. tell the kids Billy and Stacy probably had a reason to shut it down.

Naturally Schemer is still here and finds a fake nickle in one of his machines and is pissed.. till he realizes he can use it to get his revenge. So it turns out Schemer has a rivarly with the magical jukebox, which is the least suprising thign in these four episodes. Wha'ts hilarous is that in any other series this would just be a fun rivarly with an inanimate object, like Luke Cage and his coffe machine, or Mr. Parker and his boiler.

Here? The puppets in the jukebox hate schemer.. and given what we've seen of him and how he talks shit about their home and them by comparison regularly, you side with the magic jukebox. So when he tries to use the nickel on them.. they fake being broken.

What intrests me is I thought i knew where the episode was going... after Schemer dicks around on top of a jukebox because Brian O Conner is the best. HE calls a repair man , and I assumed the puppets were either going to be outed, the kids or conductor would have to protect them something. But no the kids don't know and the jukebox repairman.. is elvis.

Yeah they got an actor who honestly looks a lot like the king in his younger days, acts like him and is implied to be him. Either Elivs regenerated into a younger body, cloned himself or simply is reborn every time he dies kenny mcormick styles and rapidly ages. All possible possibly all at once. The lore of his series is rife for fan theory. Send me your own Schemer, Mr Conductor and Reborn Elvis fan theories people!

So turns out Elvis knows the magical puppets exist and tells them to play cool. He then gives Schemer a bill for 11 dollars, who naturally reacts like a mature responsible adult paying for something be broke

So he goes with plan B: have an auction. Naturally this being schemer he auctions anything and everything in the place, and the kids realize "shit we acccidently encouraged him" and try to stop this. Thankfully, while they can't reach Billy, Elvis comes back to save the day. At this point i'm at a loss for jokes.

Schemer even accidently blocks Mr Conductors way into his house.. because he lives here now I guess. Like I said you can write your own lore, mine is that it's the exact layout of snoopy's dog house pre fire. Anyways Billy and Stacy put a stop to this nonsense and instead of arresting schemer just.. scare him off. Though hilarously, and predictably his method of hiding is just.. crouching in front of the banister, which has a railing so they can see him and hoping they forget it. THey also lay into the kids.. again.. even though this time all they did was stay behind. The Schemer shit was ENTIRELY him they just accidently gave him an idea.

The puppets play elvis a song, Mr conductor talks to billy and this episode.. was fine. Not great, but it had some godo schemer acting here and there, the moral is just all kinds of confused.. but it's also hard to hate an episode that has a magical elvis and schemer hanging onto a jukebox for dear life so still good stuff.

Billy's Party

Our final episode for this batch, Billy's Party is a thanksgiving episode, as you can tell by PIlgrim Schemer showing his penis size up there. It's not a terrible idea for the setting either: A train station is giong to be super busy and the episode focuses on railroad tradition in thanksgiving instead of The Pilgrims and the various native tribes

Don't get me wrong, i'd ENTIRELY be up for an episode about Billy's heritage, and the fact the show had a native american main character but did nothign steroptical with him is magical. But I did not remotely trust a 90's tv show to do the story of thanksgiving in a way that wasn't either whitewashing it like I got as a kid, or just plain insulting.

So instead they sidestep it, going into what modern thanksgiving means. And who better to tell us about thanksgiving than thomas the tank engine? Now if you read through my sometimes breif sometimes downright insane thomas reviews, you'll know seasons 1-5.. didn't HAVE a thanksgiving episode. That's not really a thing in the UK, so it's not a thing that exists in a british show about trains.

So rather than just.. find an episode that fit the themes of togetherness.. theyt urned one of the christmas episodes into a thanksgiving episode. Which itself isn't a TERRIBLE idea; both are holidays with lots of travel, and the only real crack is there's tons of mail as that's more a christmas thing.. but then the ending has a fucking christmas tree and i'm just like.. guys. I know you couldn't edit it out but why did you pick one specifically with a christmas tree. Christmas isn't after thanksgiving. Don't start that shit with me Thomas the Tnak Engine.

While the thomas part is sloppy.. the rest... is incredibly well handled: the puppets have thanksgiving and invite a turkey over and in a nice subversion of the "oh you brought a turkey don't kill it" type of stories we get a lot, even Brooklyn 99 good as it was wasn't immune to doing one of these and also lampshading how stupid Charles was for bringing a bird to live kill on thanksgiving day to someone elses house so it worked, their just serving veggies. The turkey is a guest and a rad dude.

As for hte main part the kids wonder why they should give a shit, and Billy is trying to get to his party with , and i'm just quoting it "the yardees and the hobos". I will refer to them as the train workers and homless persons, this was 1993 after all, but it is fun to see them use the terrible h word so casually.

Turns out Billy has nowhere to go unlike the rest of the cast, but was picked to join the rest of the train people. The origin of said meal is also neat: a long time ago they were nemies, the train people not liking hitching passnegers and the homless persons not liking being kicked off their only transportation and sometimes home. But one day a signal didn't get put up in time to switch tracks so the homless persons in the area all rallied to make sure the train didn't crash, and the two sides made peace, having thanksgiving together every year as their the only two groups whose schedules synch up.

Billy ends up not being able to come as disasters keep popping up: they need a train fixed to meet demand, one of the various guests can't reach her apointment so Billy drives her, and Schemer ends up stuck on a train as part of his scam to make the holiday about giving him stuff. If that sounds underwhleming it is. I expect better and stupider from you scheemer. What a disapointing end.

bIlly is left alone.. only for the natural conculsion of everyone coming back to celebrate, including Schemer whose greatful. It's a genuinely heartwarming ending. Why the kidsa re here I don't know, I assume their parents don't exist. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

This episode wasn't as fun without schedmer at full blast but it's still a REALLY good thanksgiving episode with some intresting ideas, and a fantastic finale.

overally I REALLY loved Shining Time Station, continuting the tradition of any thomas spinoff being better than the source thus far. It's fun, has great performances and I will be coming back here somedya on my own or if lachey wants. or if any of you want feel free to comission it .

Next Time: THE MOVIE THAT ENDED AN EMPIRE.

#thomas the tank engine #thomas and friends #schemer #shining time station #didi cohn #cartoons #children's television #90s #80s #george carlin

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