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im-an-anxious-wreck · 2 years

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Serial Killers Can Have Some Manslaughter... As A Treat

AO3 link

Summary: Remus was getting rid of a dead cop body that he'd run over three times (you know, as one does), when something or someone starts rustling the bushes behind him.

Will he get caught, or will a series of rather funny coincidences take place instead?

Read to find out!

Or:

Murder, mayhem, manslaughter, and manwhore, four of Remus' favourite M words. Janny, Roman, Virgil, and Family, four of Remus' favourite not M words. In this fic read about seven of eight of them! (Sorry, no manwhores in this fic XD)

Warnings: serial killer au, murder, vehicular manslaughter (but on purpose so it's not really manslaughter anymore), anti-cop :), ACAB bitches, unrealistic ways of getting rid of bodies, death, (of the oc cop), (me looking at the tags like they're serial killers what'd you expect?)

Universe: serial killer au

Perspective/main character: Remus

Side/secondary characters: Janus, Roman

Appear: Virgil

Queerplatonic relationship: Dukeceit

Platonic relationships: Creativitwins, background Anxiceit

Word Count: 2,380

Link to my collection of TSS fanworks

Written for @thereibi-art from the April Reverse Mini Bang Challenge. Find the art that this is based off of here!

This kind of life hadn't exactly been what Remus had imagined for himself when he was growing up, but then again, who had serial killer on their 'Career Ideas' list when they were little?

Sure, sometimes it seemed like a bit more trouble than it was worth, but then the victim would have that look of pure terror in their eye, and Janny would have one of glee, and Remus knew that it was all worth it.

But there was absolutely no way that Remus would've been able to do everything that he had without Janny. He'd been Remus' rock, his partner in crime, and later, his queer-platonic partner. He'd been there for Remus like no one had ever bothered to before, not even Roman, and certainly not Remus and Roman's shit dad.

But if Remus had had a rough childhood, then Janny's had been hell on earth.

Being of dragon descent hadn't made Janny's life the easiest, he'd always been shunned and gawked at growing up, but it had made one thing a bit easier…

It had made being a serial killer so very much easier, and Remus loved that for his partner. Janny deserved to have nice things.

Remus and Janny had been enjoying a quiet late afternoon in the woods, lounging in outdoor chairs by their quite secluded cabin, when the cellar door could be heard opening with a loud bang.

"Remus, didn't you latch the cellar behind yourself earlier?" Janny asked.

"Yeah, I did."

"So if it wasn't the wind… that means… someone's here, snooping 'round."

"Aw, shit."

"Indeed."

They quietly, but quickly, went around the side of their house and approached the cellar, which was indeed open.

Janny sighed softly and pulled out his knife, signalling Remus to stay put in case the trespasser somehow got past him.

Janny was gone not even a minute before he came back, a scared man in his grasp and Janny's knife at his throat.

"Nosy Ned here thought it'd be a good idea to snoop around our cellar. Saw some things he shouldn't have."

"Ooh, how naughty! What's the planny Janny?"

"Go get some rope and a relatively clean piece of cloth and meet me out front."

"Yes, sir!" Remus saluted with his left arm, just to annoy Janny.

Remus quickly got what Janny had asked for, after drinking a bit of sweet tea and checking Tumblr of course.

Remus went out the front door and Janny only rolled his eyes when Remus disingenuously apologized for taking so long.

And pretty soon they had the man tied, gagged, and cowering in their gravel driveway.

Janny crossed his arms in frustration and pursed his lips. "Just great. Now what?"

"Hmm…" Remus said thoughtfully, twirling the end of his mustache betwixt his fingers. "I don't think we can mansplain, manipulate, or manwhore our way out of this one…" Remus grinned a wicked, evil smile, and he knew that something dangerous was glinting in his eye. "Manslaughter it is!"

The man started screaming, sound muffled by the gag.

"Sure! Or any kind really. You know I'm not picky, Janny."

Janny looked at Remus, clearly holding back a little smile. "Pff."

Janny just continued as if he hadn't heard the pathetic man's pathetic cries, "Vehicular?"

"Fair enough." Janny looked back at the man, a very unimpressed look on his face. "You just had to stick your nose into our business, huh?"

The man only whimpered.

Janny continued, "Found out from our little friend here that he'd heard of people going missing 'round here from his job as a," —Janny wrinkled his nose— "Cop. So he decided it'd be a good and totally legal idea to investigate by himself."

"Wow, how rude. Not only is he a cop, but he also stuck his nose in our damn business. What should we do?"

Janny smirked a little. "Our civic duty."

"Ooh, do tell!"

Janny turned back to the snivelling man and sighed. "Well, I suppose, if you tell us the truth, and haven't told anyone a thing about us or that you were looking into these murders… we'll let you go."

Remus, knowing full and well what Janny was doing, whined, "Aww, do we have to?"

"Now now, let's be fair, Remus. If no one else knows about us then why not let this man go?"

Remus sighed dramatically. "Oh, alright. I guess we will then."

Janny finally took the man's gag off. "So, do tell, does anyone know about where you were going?"

"No! No one knows. I promise! I told absolutely no one where I went or that I was even investigating these missing cases to begin with. Really, you have to believe me!"

"Oh," Janny drawled, "We have to believe you?"

The man, completely unaware of the contempt and dangerous edge to Janny's voice, said, "Yeah! You have to! Especially because I'm telling you the truth."

"And you think we care about the truth?"

"Well, of course you do! …Right?"

"Yes, of course we do." Janny grinned and Remus could only keep himself from outright squealing. This was gonna be good. Janny turned to Remus. "Go and start the car while I untie the ropes off of this poor man."

"Okay!" Remus bounded to his green car and started it, rolling down the window as he looked over at Janny.

Janny was dusting the man off, rope laid forgotten beside them. "There's a dear…" He leaned closer to the man, smirking widely as a dangerous glint flashed in his eyes. "Now run."

Remus shifted the car into drive, foot just itching to be taken off the brake and onto the gas. But he'd wait, he wanted it to go perfectly and going prematurely would ruin the surprise.

The man didn't need to be told twice and broke off in a sprint down the driveway, making Remus grin.

It was go time.

Remus lifted his foot up and slammed down on the gas, peeling out and gunning for the man. Soon it wasn't just the gravel popping under the tires and he grinned maniacally at the sickening crunch that quickly followed.

Served that bastard right.

Remus put the car in reverse before going back over the body and forward over it one last time. He pulled to the side and put the car in park.

"Problem taking care of, Janny!" Remus cheerfully called.

Janny strode over, saying, "Ah, excellent. Of course, we're not quite finished as there's still the matter of the corpse. But anyway, he certainly won't be bothering us anymore."

"Hah! You got that right. Serves him fucking right!"

…

Janny waited by Remus' car while he made the trek down a path to the nearby lake, bodybag in his hand-pulled green wagon.

Remus rolled the wagon onto the pier and lugged the body bag out and to the edge of the wooden dock before stiffening when he heard rustling in the bushes behind him.

Remus slowly turned to look at who or what was there, he almost sighed in relief when he recognized his brother, Roman's face, but instead just rolled his eyes.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Roman?" Remus called.

Roman walked down the dock, pulling a red wagon with a large black bag in it alongside himself. "I could ask you the same thing." He paused, squinting at the body bag next to Remus. "Um… what's in the bag?"

"None of your bee's wax! …What's in yours?"

"Oh… just something I needed to get rid of. That's all."

"Well, same here."

"Okay… well, I won't ask again if you don't then."

"Deal!" Remus cheerfully exclaimed as he kicked his bag off the pier and into the water, the heavy weight attached pulling it down into the depths. "Also, ask about what?" He said foux-innocent.

Roman snorted before saying, "Fair enough." And tossing his weighted down bag over the edge as well.

"Welp, now that that's taken care of, wanna walk back to where you parked your ugly red car?"

"She's not ugly! She's a carriage fit for royalty!" Roman argued as they walked back up the path to the little parking lot, both tugging their respective wagons behind them.

"It's a sports car, Ro-brainless."

"Wha— of course I know that. You're just jealous."

"Pff, please. As if. I wouldn't drive your car if it was the last one on earth."

"Hah, you're one to talk. Your car is so junky it's basically scrap."

"Hey! My car is not. It's just a bit older, that's all!"

"Sure," Roman teased.

Remus had just stuck his tongue out at Roman when Janny and Virgil came into view, only a few feet away, and Janny instantly, yet lightly, scolded Remus.

"Aw, Janny, you know Ro-pigeon-fart deserved it!"

"Wha—" Roman squawked. Maybe he was more the pigeon than its fart after all. "Ro-pigeon-fart!"

Janny sighed. "I guarantee he didn't deserve you sticking your tongue out at him."

"Nah, Jan," Virgil joked. "I'm sure he did."

"Hey!"

Remus just ignored Roman and talked over another one of Roman's indigent squawks, saying "Wanna go for a walk after we put up our wagons? It's pretty cool for May right now and the woods may not be as creepy as I'd like, but they still look kinda nice."

Virgil put his hands in his hoodie pockets. "I'm down if y'all are."

After loading their wagons into their respective cars, Remus and Roman met Janny and Virgil at the start of the beautiful walking trail, the setting sun flittering through the trees. But the twins were soon walking pretty far behind Janny and Virgil as they both walked quite quickly.

"So weird to see y'all here too. I mean, I know y'all live fairly nearby, but still. What have y'all been up to?" Remus asked.

"Well, we're actually in town to see you guys. Just had to… take care of something at the lake. Of course, we wouldn't have come if I'd known you were going to be so rude and mean to me," Roman light-heartedly said.

"Aw, Ro-bro, you should know better. I'm always rude and mean! It's my whole brand!"

"...Okay, fair. But still, it's… it's been a while. Thought I'd see what you and Janus were up to, and Virgil wanted to come too. You know how much he and Janus enjoy gossiping together." Roman snorted. "Even if they insist it's not gossiping and just sharing information."

"Hah, just sharing information my ass! Those fuckin' twirps," Remus shook his head fondly. "But anyway, we've just been up to the same old, same old…" Remus glanced around conspirantly as if the trees had ears. "Okay, I don't really know how to bring this up, or if I really even should, but what are the fuckin' odds of us both: A. Killing people, B. Both using our wagons to carry the bodies, and C. Getting rid of the body at the same lake, at the same time. Like I know we're identical but geez. You fuckin' copyrat."

"It's not…"

Remus grinned widely, no doubt looking a bit unhinged.

Roman sighed. "But I'm sure you know what the actual word is."

"I mean, I do, but I improved it!"

"...Right. Anyway, that was a… well, an almost funny coincidence, circumstances notwithstanding."

"Aww, why not circumstances withstanding! Change up a bit, Romano-Moldy-Cheese."

Roman rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that tracks that you'd enjoy it." Roman sobered up a bit. "I'm afraid mine wasn't for fun though, but out of a necessity. Virgil and I don't actually make a habit of… just murdering people for the enjoyment."

"Oh, shit. What happened? I mean, if you wanna say. If not, I totally get it."

"I'm…" Roman looked ahead to where Virgil was, who —despite his hood drawn up and shoulders hunched over— seemed to be having a nice visit with Janny. "I'm really not at liberty to say. All you need to know is that I had to do it… I had to kill him, an— and that I did it for Virgil." Roman took a shaky breath before making eye contact with Remus. "I had to do it."

"Shit, I'm so sorry, Ro. I— I don't even know what to say. Just… sorry that you two had to go through that."

"Thanks," Roman said weakly before sniffing softly, eyes turning back down to the ground.

"Me and Janny are here for you two by the way. Whatever you need, just let us know. You want midnight tacos? We're on it. You need help getting rid of someone? Where's my damn shovel? We're here for y'all, okay?"

"Okay. Um, Y— yeah, I… thanks. I really appreciate it. And you both too, okay? I'm… God, I'm so sorry I just ignored you after highschool— fuck really during school too. Things were shit but I'm sorry I let it tear us apart. I mean, we used to be pretty close, then Dad was a— a fucking dickbag and I just let everything go out the window. I'm sorry, Re."

"Hey, it's okay, Ro. Yeah, it wasn't great, but it's not too late. Things were shit then, but we can make things so much better now. Let's just… do it together, okay?"

"Yeah, together. I'd… I'd really like that."

"Yeah…" Remus looked up ahead just in time to see Janny and Virgil disappear behind some trees on the winding path. "Hey, Ro?"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna race?"

"Oh, you're on!"

They both took off running, quickly surpassing Janny and Virgil who just rolled their eyes at the twins' antics.

Remus really hadn't expected this to be how his evening went, but he was glad it had gone the way it did.

There was no way Remus would let his brother Roman go it alone again, he wouldn't let his partner Janus go through any more ugly discrimination or persecution, and there was no damn way he'd let his friend Virgil ever get hurt again. He was going to be there for them, all three of them, now and always.

And maybe, just maybe, they'd be there for him too.

And turns out, as they slowly but surely made their little makeshift family, they were. They were there for each other, and none of them ever had to suffer alone again.

~The End~

No reposting, likes are nice, and reblogs are very much appreciated! | Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @someoneiwasnt

#sanders sides fics #vee's writing #sanders sides #remus sanders #ts remus #tss remus #janus sanders #ts janus #tss janus #roman sanders #ts roman #tss roman #Virgil's also there but only has a few lines #creativitwins #remus & janus #(queer-platonic)#background janus & virgil

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extraintrovertedalien · 3 years

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Brave face, talk so lightly(hide the truth)

'All my life, I've just wanted to make things easier for them.'

Au August

Day/Prompt: Day 26 - Soulmate

Ship: Prinxiety, brief logicality, creativitwins

Word count: 3k (I'm so sorry I got carried away)

Cw: swearing / brief murder mention / implied death / crying / nightmares(?) / anxiety mention / caps / claustrophobia(?)

A/N: the prompt is your dreams are your soulmate's memories. The title is from the song "Sick of losing soulmates" by dodie. I wrote the first 1/4 of this a few days ago and the rest in one sitting and I couldn't care less about proofreading it so Im so sorry if there are any mistakes ;-;

@tsshipmonth2020

I see a girl in the distance. She has her back turned. Long chocolate-colored hair tied in a low messy bun. My hand is reaching out to her. I feel this sudden longing to be held by this woman. Craving her caring and loving words. Telling me that everything is going to be alright.

Wait. Why is she getting farther away?

She looks back at me with a sad smile. Everything gets dark. I let my eyes stray from her to look around. When was I in a hospital corridor?

"I'm sorry, Pumpkin. You're gonna have to continue our adventure without me. But, fear not, Little one. I'll always be there by you. You just gotta learn to know where I am,"

She caresses my cheek, giving me the warmest smile I have ever received.

She's gone, suddenly. I touch my cheek, still feeling the ghost of her warm touch. Along with… something wet? Am- Am I crying?

"Roman!"

I don't move. I feel stuck. But, also free, somehow. Just unsure of what to do, I guess?

"Roman! Wake up. You idiot!

"Roman!

"Oh, thank all things unholy! I thought someone was in our room, trying to murder us! You were crying, and- and whispering stuff! And it's creeping me the fuck out! And I'm not easily creeped out, you know that" Remus exclaimed as he sat on Roman's chest, grabbing his twin’s shoulders.

"Man, you're soulmate must have some twisted memories," He continued, getting off of Roman and returning to his own bed across the room.

'Yeah. Twisted…' Roman thought.

~*~*~

"You okay there, Sweetie?" Roman heard from where his head was buried on the kitchen counter. "Yeah... Just thinking about my soulmate again," he admitted.

"Another bad dream?" His mom inquired as she sat next to Roman, patting his back. "It's not just that. It's about the move. Like, we're never really sure which of our memories they see, right? But, they've seen all my memories from this place. Like, they know where I've been my entire life…" he trailed off.

"I'm just not sure how they would feel seeing a whole new different place… They don't seem to be in a place to experience a big change right now. All my life, I've just wanted to make things easier for them. And, yeah, my dreams don't really change that much. But, I make an effort, y'know?" Roman looked up at his mom to seek at least some kind of reassurance.

"I understand what you mean, and I think that what you're doing is great. And I know that you're gonna be the bestest thing that's ever gonna happen to them. But, I'm really sorry. We don't really have any choice with this move. I know your soulmate is in a dark place right now, but you can't always do everything for them. You're also your own person," His mom hugged him.

Roman felt like he was hopeless in this situation. And, he was always hoping for the best. For his soulmate or otherwise. Maybe his mom was right about putting himself first sometimes.

~*~*~

Virgil was in his first period when someone he didn't expect to walk into his classroom… walks into his classroom… They were wearing an army green shirt, a denim jacket with neon green highlights and spikes at the bottom, ripped jeans, and platform boots with more spikes and vulgar words written on them. To say that this man was familiar was an understatement. He KNEW this man's entire life THROUGH his dreams.

Virgil felt like he was trespassing someone's life. Like, he wasn't supposed to know the man. And that, they shouldn't be in any way related. Especially to their sibling.

He wasn't really ecstatic about meeting his soulmate. IN SCHOOL NO LESS. It wasn't really an ideal 'meet-your-soulmate' place for someone like Virgil.

"Alright, students, I'm sure you've all noticed that we have a new student right here. Now, why don't you go and introduce yourself, Mister," their teacher said to the denim jacket guy.

"Umm. Sup? I'm Remus Duke Kingsley. Nice to meet you all. And, if you see a guy that looks like me but without the mustache and wears red all the time, he’s always loud, you can’t miss him. That's my twin brother, Roman. The boring one," Remus says, yawning by the end of his introduction.

'HOLY FUCK, TWINS?!' Virgil thought. Fortunately(or unfortunately, depending on which part of Virgil's brain you're asking), Remus already gave him a vague description of who to look out for.

~*~*~

Virgil continues his day and falls into his daily routine, which mostly includes attempting to avoid being perceived by anyone. It usually succeeds if you exclude his friend, Patton, from ‘anyone.’ He only hopes that his soulmate also sees Patton in their dreams cuz, to be honest, Patton is the ray of sunshine everyone needs. Yeah, he was also friends with Logan, but he’s more like a moon if you ask him.

Virgil goes into the cafeteria and sits at their usual table, his back facing the entire cafeteria. He takes out a paper bag from his bag and grabs the sandwich he bought earlier, not waiting for his friends.

A few moments pass before Logan and Patton reach his table. “Hey, kiddo! You alright?” Patton says as he sits down. Virgil just gives them a nod and continues to eat. “I heard this morning that there were new students,” Logan inquires before Patton interrupts “Oh yeah! They’re twins! I have first period with one of them. He’s really nice. Oh! Hey! Roman! Over here!” Patton shouts and waves his arm toward a student that just entered the cafeteria. “Hope you guys don’t mind that I invited him over to sit with us,” He continues and flashes both Virgil and Logan a smile no one could say no to.

“Hey, Patton.” The guy says to Patton. “Hope you guys don’t mind me crashing your table. I’m Roman by the way,” Roman says to the other two. “Pleasure to meet you, Roman. I’m Logan. And, no, we wouldn’t mind at all,” Logan answered him back. Roman looked over to Virgil who just nodded and said his name. Roman then proceeded to sit next to Virgil but not paying him any mind.

And, though Virgil seemed to be calm about the situation, his mind is currently in flames having his anxiety and his gay panic fight over each other. Virgil is currently waiting for who would win, that's why he seems so calm on the outside. After finishing his sandwich, he was trying to think of something he could do to keep himself from leaving and be noticed. He looked over to Logan, attentively listening to Patton talking about the dog he saw this morning. Roman was silently eating his lunch, also listening to Patton, but looking around the cafeteria every once in a while.

It seems that Virgil’s anxiety won the fight because he decided that he doesn’t want to stick around with his friends and his apparent soulmate without doing anything. So, he stands up and excuses himself from the group. "Hey! Wait!" Roman calls after him. Virgil stops a few feet from the table to look back at Roman who was already jogging towards him.

"Virgil, right?" He assures.

Virgil nods. "Ok, there’s just something I wanna ask you. Are those two soulmates?" Roman throws his thumb back, pointing at the two left at the table. "Cuz, as much as how adorable they look together, I kinda don't want to be stuck as a third wheel," he continues.

"Oh. Yeah, those two are soulmates. Sometimes, I wonder if they ever do notice me every time I leave the table," Virgil elaborates, looking back at his friends with a slight smile.

"Umm. Class doesn't start for a few more minutes. I was wondering if I could join you for a while? Wherever you were going…" Roman trailed off, realizing he didn't know where the shorter male was headed.

"Uhh. Yeah, sure. I was just headed to the courtyard to pass the time,"

'Shit. Virgil, why are you doing this?! Why did you agree?! You have anxiety!' Virgil mentally scolded himself.

"Ok. Cool. I'll just go get my stuff," Roman flashed Virgil a smile before heading back to the table.

'Fuck. I am so screwed,' Virgil thought.

~*~*~

"So, what's the deal with those two? I mean, how did they deal with the soulmates thing?" Roman finally spoke a few moments after they found a bench to settle on. "Uhh, well. Logan is my childhood friend and the first day we started high school here, they both had a dream of roll call the other had that day, I guess? They both heard each other's name and boom. You got your glasses gays," Virgil discussed, reminiscing the events that happened that day.

Roman let out a chuckle at Virgil's last words, causing the other's heart to skip a beat. They remain silent for a while, watching the other students passing by.

"What about you?" Roman spoke up.

"What about me?" Virgil glances back.

"I mean, what about you? Have you met your soulmate? Do you know who they are? You just seem like an interesting individual to me, having to stick around knowing you're third-wheeling all the time yet valuing your time with them and your time with yourself all the same. Well, either that or I'm just embarrassed that I think you're uncomfortable with me here…" Roman rambled, rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassed.

Virgil chuckled, "Nah. I just get anxious when meeting new people. Plus, I think you're a pretty nice guy." They smiled at each other, Virgil feeling his face heat up, and looks away immediately. "And, about the soulmate thing. I think I have a clue of who they might be, I just…" he trailed off.

"What's holding you back?" Roman muttered, lowering his head, attempting to catch the other's eye. "I… I just think that my memories aren't that… for them. They're just this amazing and joyful person… I just don't think they deserve to see my bland memories every night,"

The pair fell silent, Roman feeling sympathy for the other. Virgil felt Roman shift in his seat before speaking up, "I don't think anyone's memories are ever bland."

Virgil looks up at Roman who has a far-off look with a slight smile on his lips. "I think that our dreams are what shows us what we're missing in life. What our soulmate has that we need and what we have that they need. You know, what makes you both feel complete when you're with each other," Roman smiled.

Virgil pondered on the other's statement for a while. "Is that... Is that how you feel when you're with your soulmate?" He said, being careful with his words. Roman sighed but remained smiling, "I haven't met them yet. But, what you said earlier reminded me of them. I always think they're a little different. My moms said that dreams are supposed to show my soulmate's memories. But, no one is ever sure which ones we see. Well, my dreams always have one thing in common… There's darkness every time…" Roman trailed off, looking more sad as he continued.

"Sometimes, they walk out of their house and, suddenly, everything goes dark and I see pairs of eyes staring at me as I walk. Or sometimes, they lie in bed and, suddenly, it's dark again and I'm stuck inside a box too small for me. But, there’s always this one dream that always repeats itself. Though, I'm not sure my soulmate's gonna be comfortable with me sharing," Roman finally snaps out of his trance and looks up at Virgil, looking embarrassed.

At this point, Virgil is now entirely sure that the person in front of him is his soulmate. He feels tears cloud his eyes so he looks away to play off wiping them away before looking back at Roman with pity in his expression. This is exactly what Virgil was afraid of, having his soulmate also experience the darkness that clouds him every day he wakes up.

"Wow… They- I- I don't know what to say… What are you gonna do when you meet them?" Virgil glances at Roman, pity still in his eyes. Roman let out a sigh but smiled, "I'm gonna give them the biggest hug they've ever received and reassure them that I'm always gonna be with them and that they'll never have to feel alone all the time ever again." Roman looked at Virgil with a smile. But, before he could notice the tear that fell from the other's eye, a loud shrill of their school bell rang throughout the courtyard, signaling the start of their next class.

"Talk about first impressions," Roman said with a chuckle, standing up. "Well, see you around, Virgil. I got a few more 'Hi, I'm Roman' to do," he continued, leaving Virgil on the bench.

~*~*~

I hear my converse squeak as I walk through the hallway. There are people around me, but they're all just silhouettes of the same familiar darkness. I'm walking to what seems to be the cafeteria. I sit down and grab my lunch from my bag. A few minutes pass, two figures sit in front of me. There's something familiar about them despite being two black silhouettes.

"Hey, kiddo! You alright?"

Patton?

"I heard there were new students," Logan?

Wait. Am I…

"Oh yeah! They're twins!"

Oh.

"I have first period with one of them. He's really nice. Oh! Hey! Roman! Over here!"

Before I could look over to… me…

Darkness. Again.

I hear muffled voices. Too muffled to be recognized.

I stay in darkness for what felt like hours before I get surrounded by light.

Too bright.

There's a silhouette in front of me. It doesn't have any facial features but I can feel it stare at me. Slowly, the light around me doesn't feel too bright anymore. It feels… warm and comforting. Similar to the feeling I have in my chest, along with a squeezing feeling. I feel tears cloud my eyes, but I feel happy, somehow?

I feel someone embrace me. I look up to see the silhouette. Its arms around me, like it's protecting me. I feel secure. I feel loved.

I hug back, breaking down in its arms.

"You don't have to be alone anymore"

I hear my own voice. I break down sobbing, seeking more of the silhouette's warmth.

I stopped sobbing after a while but remained in the silhouette's arms for what felt like hours.

"You gotta wake him up!" I heard a distant voice say in a hushed tone.

"No, he hasn't slept like this since who knows when… Something must've happened yesterday..."

I feel myself slowly drifting from where I was standing.

"We can just tell the school he's sick"

"On the second day?"

I feel someone caress my cheek.

"You can stay too if you want"

"Hey, sweetie," Roman opens his eyes to his mom in front of him.

"What's going on? Why are you all in our room?" Roman asks as he sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He eyes Remus standing in front of their mama. Their mom is sitting on the edge of Roman's bed, facing him.

"Well, sweetie. You see, you just had a full night's sleep," their mom explained.

"You looked so peaceful too," their mama added with a smile. Roman stopped to let the events of his dream last night come back to him.

"Roman, is everything ok?" Their mama walked over to him, tucking a few strands of his hair behind his ear. "Yeah… Yeah, I'm okay!" He flashed a smile to his moms, meaning what he said.

~*~*~

Roman hadn't been able to sit still ever since he got to school. 'Late', he should add. Apparently, he overslept while Remus and their moms decide whether to wake him up or not.

When they got to school in the middle of first period, they were excused because their moms were there to explain. With a slightly bent truth, of course.

Roman had to wait three(and a half) classes to talk to Virgil. They didn't have any classes together, to which Roman was bummed to find out. When the bell rang, signaling their lunch break, Roman hurriedly headed to the cafeteria. When he got there, he spotted Virgil just about to sit down at their usual table.

"Uhh. Virgil? Can I talk to you for a sec?" Roman felt awkward, to say the least.

"Uhm. Sure," Virgil replied, standing up. Roman led them under a tree in the courtyard, away from other students. They stayed silent for a while before Virgil spoke up, "So… what'd you wanted to talk about?"

Roman just stared at Virgil for a few moments, examining him, before enveloping him in a tight hug. Virgil stood frozen for a while, surprised at the gesture. He slowly placed his hands on Roman's back, still confused at the sudden affection.

"You're not alone anymore, Pumpkin," Roman said in a gentle voice, cradling the other's head. Virgil froze when he heard the nickname. His expression then softens and hugs Roman tighter, burying his face on the taller male’s shoulder.

"How did you find out?" Roman heard, slightly muffled by his jacket. "Had a dream about yesterday," Roman simply stated, not elaborating more. "What about you? You said you had a clue. Oh! That rhymed,"

They both laughed.

"I have first period with Remus and I recognized him right away," Virgil replied, his face still buried on Roman's shoulder. "Oh, I'm so sorry you have to deal with him," Roman chuckled.

"No, I'm sorry you had to deal with him your entire life,"

"Well, we're not alone anymore now, are we? Roman asked with a serious tone. Virgil parted a few inches from Roman, still holding on to him. He smiled as he looked up at Roman, "No, we're not."

This might be the last one I'll do for AU august but I'm also deciding if I should go back to the prompts I missed when I was sick hmm

I wish I included Remus more in this but it was already 3k words and thats the longest I've ever written so maybe its for the best XD

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whispering-raine · 3 years

Text

Childhood Creativitwins fluff bc why not

Roman: *walks up to Remus' bed, plushy in his hand*

Roman: *taps Remus on the shoulder and steps back*

Remus: *rolls over* "Ro? What is it? Someone die?"

Roman: "Um..can I turn on the nightlight? I had a nightmare and I don't wanna be in the dark."

Remus: "You know you don't have to ask, right?"

#remrom shippers dni #sanders sides #remus sanders #roman sanders #creativitwins #sanders sides fluff #oh yeah btw they share a bedroom

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thesentientmango · 3 years

Text

Tradition

Read on AO3

Summary: Roman and Remus catch up with their uncles and hear a new story about their dads childhood.

Series: Remus, Roman and Chaos from Childhood

Ship(s): Logicality, queerplatonic Anxceit, Creativitwins

A/N: A huge thank you to the people in the TSS Fanworks Collective discord for brainstorming this AU with me and my two awesome betas for this fic @itsadastraperaspera and @extraordinarycorn (same names on both AO3 and tumblr!)

Translation: bisabuela- great grandmother

~~~

“Boys! Dinner!”

“Coming!” Roman yelled back to his dad before promptly kicking the headphones off of Remus’s ears.

“Oi!” Remus said as he swat at Roman. “Watch where you put your feet!”

“Parde called!” Roman said as he dodged Remus before smiling innocently at him. “I was just making sure you knew!”

Remus rolled his eyes and chucked his headphones on the bed. “Whatever, I would have come regardless.”

“Was that… gratitude?” Roman gasped, “Oh my- I thought I’d never live to see the day.”

Remus faked a gag as he subtly inched in front of Roman on their way towards the stairs. “I wouldn't get used to it. Race you!”

Remus sprinted down the stairs, taking them two at a time, leaving Roman to flounder behind him.

“No fair!” Roman cried, “you had a head start!”

Roman sprinted down the stairs after Remus, not sparing a second glance to the dozens of photos that covered the walls. There were old ones, from when the twins were babies, and older ones still from major events in their dads' lives, their wedding, college graduation, family reunions, birthdays; some of the pictures held faces Roman had never met, but many of them were filled with familiar faces. The ones Roman liked the most were the ones he could remember.

A picture of his bisabuela’s ninetieth birthday. He remembered Dad behind the camera trying to make sure everyone was in frame. He could still practically feel Papa’s hand squeezing his shoulder as Roman grinned towards the camera. Roman had lost two teeth the day before, his smile was wide and the holes were in full display.

A picture of Uncle Janus helping him pick out what to wear to his first piano recital— Roman had been so nervous he didn’t even register Papa with the camera until the shutter clicked.

A picture of Roman and Remus both covered in mud as they proudly presented the frogs they’d caught to the camera. Their dad, who’d helped them catch them, was smiling along with his sons, pride and exhaustion in his eyes. Roman had named his frog, Frog. Names have never been his strong suit.

A picture of Uncle Virgil singing karaoke at a small restaurant he’d taken Roman and Remus to when he was babysitting them a few years ago. They’d dared him to, and Virgil had been reluctant, but thinking back on it Roman thought he probably only did that so he could barter a deal of what they would do if he did it, because when Virgil got up there he shone as though he'd been waiting to get up there all night. Roman remembered the exact note when his attitude changed from amusement to awe.

A picture of Roman and Remus working with wood for the first time, they’d built a rickety bird house. Remus almost cut his finger off, and they never put it up because it looked too dangerous for the birds, but it had been so much fun. That was truly the gateway project to what they could do now with some wood, saws, and an afternoon.

Roman finished running down the stairs and quickly rounded the corner to the dining room and immediately grinned at who he saw, “You’re back!”

Janus and Virgil looked over from where they were being squeezed half to death by Remus. Janus waved, “Roman! Please tell me it has actually just been two weeks since we last saw you, he’s acting like we died.”

Roman snorted and ran over to join the hug. “Yeah, but two weeks is a long time!”

“Especially without our favorite uncles!” Remus added.

Janus ruffled Remus’s hair playfully. “We’re not even your uncles!”

“Yes you are!” The twins chorused.

Virgil looked at Janus, amused. “I mean come on Jan, at this point you might as well give in for good—or are you going to try and deny it for another sixteen years?”

Janus sighed dramatically and, not for the first time, said, “Alright fine, I give in! I’m your uncle.”

The twins cheered, like they did everytime Janus begrudgingly accepted he was in fact, their uncle. Janus and Virgil might not be biologically related to them, but Roman and Remus had quite literally known them their entire lives and they were just as family as their dads. And of course Janus knew that. Despite the jokes, if anyone outside of the family questioned his or anyone else’s place in the family, well Janus wasn’t exactly one for passive action.

“Did Janus decide he wasn’t your uncle again?” Patton asked as he walked into the kitchen area of the dining room and began to take pots off the stove.

“As is tradition!” Roman said.

“Well if you’re such a traditionalist, go wash up and set the table!” Remus snorted as Roman groaned, but Patton just pointed a spoon at Remus. “What are you laughing at?" he admonished. "Go wash your hands, we have guests, you’re helping.”

“They don’t count as guests,” Remus groaned as he followed Roman to the sink. “They’re family!”

“Well family helps family and I’m sure you're hungry, it’ll go faster with two of you!”

Pops was right, he always was about this type of thing, right as they finished setting the table the front door swung open and their Dad stepped in. He didn’t look into the kitchen and just called, “I’m home!”

“Come over here!” Patton called, “I have a surprise!”

“Is it whatever that wonderful smell is because if so-” Logan walked into the kitchen and his gaze immediately softened upon seeing Virgil and Janus, “-oh. Welcome home.”

“You’re such a softy L, get over here,” Virgil said as he extended an arm for a hug.

“And I thought I missed them!” Remus chirped.

Roman jabbed Remus with his elbow, “Shut it! They’re having a moment!”

Logan laughed slightly and pulled back from the hug. “How did it go?” He asked the pair.

“As well as it could have,” Janus responded. “And of course we haven’t had a chance to head home yet, Patton was kind enough to pick us up, so that’s why our luggage is in your living room.”

Roman, Remus, and Logan all peeked into the room curiously, “So it is,” Logan said. “Well, I’m sure we can drive you home when all is said and done.”

“If the house isn’t destroyed,” Virgil mumbled as Patton walked over with several pans of food.

“Oh I’m sure you turned the stove off!” Patton said, smiling at Virgil. “We’d have heard if it went up in flames!”

“More of a… figurative destroyed, but thanks Pat.”

“What does that-” Patton cut himself off when a very loud stomach grumble made its way through the room. Everyone looked over at the twins who were pointing at each other.

“It was Remus!”

“You liar! It was you!”

“Kids!” Logan said as he gestured towards the table. “Does it matter? Sit down, I think it’s time to eat.”

No one even thought about protesting. Roman shuffled into the bench and sat down as Patton placed a plate of food in front of him. “Thanks Padre.”

Remus, who had followed him onto the bench, sat down and smiled when Patton handed him his food. “Thank you Pops!”

Once everyone got their food and started eating, Janus began to recount a weird experience they had on the flight home.

“And then this white suburban mom asked if we were boyfriends— which is a completely reasonable question, don’t get me wrong, but when we said no she got really annoyed at us which, first off, is ridiculous because we don’t owe you anything, and second, you’re sitting in front of us on a plane with your noisy kid, so if anything you owe us something. And then she said, ‘Well if you aren’t brothers and you aren’t boyfriends, what are you?’ Like she completely forgot friends were a thing?”

“I mean, be kind, Janus,” Virgil said. “She was just confused because she’s never had any friends.”

Laugher sprung up from various points around the table, and Patton shook his head with a smile. “Vee, don't be mean! Give her the benefit of the doubt maybe she just forgot! Slip of the mind, she was probably focusing on her kid!”

Virgil raised an eyebrow, “Uh-huh, then why ask in the first place? It’s not like we wanted to answer prying questions about our relationship. Especially not on a plane.”

Virgil’s eyes lit up. “How much do you think her brain would have exploded if I had told her about queerplatonic relationships?”

“Oh, fully,” Janus said immediately. “If one can’t picture a relationship besides boyfriends and brothers, QPRs are brain surgery.”

“Odd metaphor and phrasing,” Logan said, “but I suppose it was an odd situation. What did you say?”

“We, luckily, didn’t have to say anything,” Virgil said. “A flight attendant came round asking her to put on her seatbelt and we were rescued by take off.”

“So where did you go?” Remus asked, his mouth half full of food, “I mean you still haven’t told us about your actual trip!”

“Oh-” Janus said as Virgil glanced at him, “Well, we went to visit some friends of ours. We didn’t do much.”

“Bo~ring!”

“Yeah you leave for two weeks and you don’t do anything?” Roman huffed. “I missed you for two whole weeks and you weren’t even out there living high and mighty! Ridiculous.”

Before Virgil or Janus could respond, Logan cut in gently, “Oh any note, Patton, how’s your new project coming along?”

“Project?” Virgil asked.

Patton’s eyes lit up. “Yes! I’ve been writing some music again! I remember why we liked it so much, it’s very cathartic.”

“I’m sure it's much better than ours were back in the day,” Janus said with a smile.

“Oh come on Janus, give us some credit,” Virgil said. “I mean we had some pretty killer songs.”

All four of the adults around the table laughed.

“Oh my god, I’d almost forgotten about that!” Patton said.

“Well I hadn’t!” Logan said, and the table burst into laughter again.

Roman looked over at Remus, who looked just as confused as he did.

Virgil glanced over at the twins and smiled. “Oh, I think it might be storytime, guys.”

Logan laughed, “Probably, but I shouldn’t tell it because well, you know.”

Roman and Remus were vibrating with excitement by the time they decided Virgil would tell the story.

“Okay so-”

“Wait! You gotta do the thing!”

“Tradition~!” Roman sang.

Virgil grinned, “Right.” He cleared his throat before bringing his hands up like a curtain and announcing, “Storytime!”

“So…” Virgil started, “We were working out a new song of ours in Patton’s garage.”

“I’m thinking instead we could go for a minor 7th here,” Virgil said as he played the chord.

“Minor 7th? Wow, getting fancy Vee,” Janus said, smiling and showing off the braces that were attempting to shackle his teeth into place.

“Yeah, I thought I’d bring out the big guns now, show you what I’m made of? The past three years have actually just been an elaborate scheme to lower your expectations of me.”

Logan snorted, “Don’t give Janus any ideas. You know he’d commit to that.”

Patton walked back into the garage with four water bottles, “Okay! Water for you, water for you, water for you,” Patton said, tossing the bottles at his friends, “and water for me!”

Logan fumbled the bottle and it rolled under a shelf. “Whatever,” he mumbled, picking up his drumsticks. “Everyone ready?”

Patton nodded as he wiped his mouth, picked up his bass guitar, and positioned himself by the microphone. “Yep!”

Janus strummed his guitar. “Seems like it.”

“I’m set,” Virgil said as he put down his half empty water bottle and nodded at Logan. “What song are we playing?”

“Pick up again at Killer?” Patton suggested.

“Sounds good to me. Count us in L?”

Logan nodded, “1-2- and a 1-2-3-”

The garage burst to life.

After an intro which went on far too long, Patton stepped a little closer to the mic…

“And I just- I completely forgot the lyrics of the song!” Virgil obviously lied, and the twins groaned. “I’ll just skip ahead. So at the climax of the song, everything was building, and as Patton sang the final lyric to top out the climax…”

“And you're just my killer!” Patton sang.

Logan’s head bobbed and collided with the drum set in a cacophony of random sounds.

Virgil looked over—that wasn’t a part of the song— to see Logan face first on the drums, unconscious.

“Logan?” Virgil stopped playing and rushed over to his friend. “Holy shit, did he just fucking die?”

Janus and Patton both now noticed what was going on. Patton gasped and he slapped a hand over his mouth, “Oh my god! Should I go see if an adult is home? Is he breathing? Do we need to call an ambulance?”

As Virgil and Patton freaked out, Janus took it upon himself to check Logan for a pulse. “Hey fuckers!” Janus said. “He’s alive. He just fainted or something.”

Virgil made a face, “Oh.”

Janus raised an eyebrow, “Don’t look so disappointed, Virgil.”

Just then Logan groaned as he began to regain consciousness. “Ugh- what... happened?”

“You fainted,” Janus said. “Uh, we should probably call your dad, right? Like so he can make sure you're not actually dying.”

“Mm- probably dehydrated, but yeah.” Logan rubbed his head, “I’m gonna have a killer headache.”

“I thought you were dead!” Patton said as he flung himself at a still very disoriented Logan. “You’re never allowed to do that ever again!”

“I’m not sure that I have much control-”

Virgil shoved his water bottle at Logan as Patton pulled away from the hug. “Shut up and drink something, where did yours go?”

Logan gestured vaguely around as he struggled to unscrew the top of Virgil’s water with shaky hands. “I dropped it?”

“Idiot,” Janus said fondly. “Do you want me to call your dad now?”

Logan nodded as Virgil took the water back and unscrewed the cap. “Yes, thank you.”

Virgil handed the open water to him, “You’re not allowed to scare us like that again.”

“You keep saying that,” Logan said as he drank the water, “but I’m not sure how much control I have over you thinking I’m dead.”

“He did WHAT?!”

Janus was holding his phone about an arms length away from his head as Logan’s dad’s voice came loud and clear through his phone.

“He fainted Mr. Berry,” Janus called through the phone. “But he’s awake now?”

“Thank you Janus. Could you put him on?”

Janus held it out and Logan winced and took it, “Hi Dad.”

“Logan? Are you okay? Did you hit your head?”

“Yes, but I’m fine, relatively speaking.”

“You did hit your head?”

“...uh, yes,” Logan said hesitantly

“Okay, I’m coming to pick you up. What did you hit your head on? How many fingers am I holding up?”

“The drum set, and... I can’t see you. We’re over the phone.”

Logan could hear the smile in his dad’s voice as he said, “You've still got your head on your shoulders, that's good.”

“In all fairness, it made a very funny sound, sir!” Patton called. “I thought Logan was trying to improv!”

Logan’s dad laughed, “Well at least it wasn’t the floor, drums have a little give to them. Have you drunk water?”

“Yeah, I just did.”

“Well, drink a little more. I’ll be there in ten. You boys keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't try to play any more drums with his head!”

“Will do!” Patton responded.

“Alright. I love you Logan, see you soon.”

“Love you too Dad.”

Logan hung up and handed the phone back over to Janus. “I can’t believe I fainted. You all are never going to let me live this down, are you?”

“Of course not, Mr. We-All-Need-To-Drink-Enough-Water-During-Summer,” Janus mocked. “Impeccable timing though, right at the climax of the song.”

Logan shrugged and rubbed his head. “Yeah yeah. You have full permission to bug me about drinking water for a while.”

“Oh, you shouldn't give us that much autonomy,” Janus said with a wink. “It’ll be years before you can talk to us without shoving water in your face.”

“Wait-” Roman interjected, “so Dad, was it actually years before they stopped bugging you?”

“Fortunately no,” Logan said, “Our focus shifted to graduation and college and people forgot.”

“Well, I never forgot. How could I? My little teenage brain thought you were dead,” Virgil said. “I was just biding my time. I got a little distracted after…” Virgil shot a look at Patton and grinned. “Well that’s another story.”

“Did you actually think he was dead?” Remus asked.

“Like a little bit!” Patton said. “I mean, it was a high tension moment.”

Roman looked at Logan. “How did it feel to faint? Did you see stars?”

“Yes, it was unpleasant, and you should hope it doesn’t ever happen to you,” Logan glanced at Remus. “Either of you.”

“Aw, so I can’t do a dramatic recreation of this story?” Remus whined.

“Absolutely not!” All the adults chorused.

The family fell into comfortable conversation as everyone caught up with one another, talking long into the night.

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aidensm8 · 4 years

Note

Creativitwins blanket and pillow fort

Random fact: My sibling and I have a large age gap so I never got to have a childhood blanket fort, but I made one for him cause he deserves to be happy

#sanders sides #art #roman sanders #remus sanders #ts roman #ts remus #creativitwins #ask and i shall reply

287 notes · View notes

whyiask · 3 years

Text

Okay so. I started out with a writing alt, @ranger-njoyc but I don't use that account anymore, and we're just gonna post fanfic on main.

Fandoms I've written for so far: Sanders Sides, Fablehaven, The Owl House, Agents of Shield, Nevermoor, Dream SMP.

✤✤✤✤✤✤✤

The Owl House

My Beautiful Stranger. ✤ AU: "I work in the library and I’m a little concerned for your health bc you never stop studying" ✤ Luz, a library assistant, decides to talk to the mysterious girl who is always in the corner of the library. ✤ Lumity ✤ wc: 907 ✤ x.

✤✤✤✤✤✤✤

Fablehaven

i’ll see you on the other side ✤ "AU where instead of Kendra throwing fruit at Ronodin, she walks up and gives him a hug that he desperately needs" ✤ In which Ronodin gets the much-needed hug he deserves and Kendra questions her perception of the world. ✤ platonic ronodra ✤ wc: 1465 ✤ x.

15 Days Til’ CotTG ✤ 15 one-shots posted in the 15 days before Champion of the Titan Games was released. ✤ Day 1: Love ✤ Day 2: Dark & Light ✤ Day 3: Fairytale ✤ Day 4: Fire ✤ Day 5: Voice ✤ Day 6: Sick Day ✤ Day 7: Beginnings ✤ Day 8: Discovery ✤ Day 9: Betrayal ✤ Day 10: Unrequited Love ✤ Day 11: Journal(pt.1) ✤ Day 12: Journal(pt.2) ✤ Day 13: Journal(pt.3) ✤ Day 14: Spy AU ✤ Day 15: Legacy ✤

12 Days of X-Mas ✤ It's winter time at Fablehaven! The whole family is coming over, and fluff and holiday bonding is bound to happen.

My Partner in Crime ✤ Warrenessa Mortal Childhood Friends AU ✤ multi chapter ✤ When a mysterious new family moves in across the street from Warren, he is immediately drawn to the thrill of suspense. After befriending their daughter, Vanessa, together they team up to explore the secrets of the town. But being associated with the Santoro family might have more consequences than Warren could’ve ever imagined. Soon, he has a real mystery on his hands- one he is determined to solve before Vanessa inevitably has to leave town forever. ✤ updates randomly ✤

✤✤✤✤✤✤✤

Sanders Sides

Superpowers AU one shots:

New Year's Party - in which Virgil and Patton take a breather from their friends' New Years Party. x.

Requests:

"that pet name was so gushy but also so cute." Princxiety. In which Roman has a beautiful voice and Virgil takes a much needed nap.

"I'm proud of you." Loceit, platonic or romantic, your choice. In which Janus is a good friend and Logan finally gets the attention and concern he deserves.

"your an idiot." "but you love me." Dukeceit/Demus. In which Remus goes to Jan for help.

“i’ve got you.” Princxiety, platonic or romantic. In which Virgil has an anxiety attack and Roman helps him calm down.

One shots:

it didn’t matter anyways ✤ platonic LAMP & platonic or romantic Princxiety ✤ wc: 2526 ✤ summary: set post POF, Roman has a breakdown and Virgil is there to help him ✤ tw: crying, little bit of blood, self-deprecating thoughts, depressing thoughts(kinda) ✤ genre: HURT/COMFORT with mostly hurt and a tiny bit of comfort at the end ✤ x. (no ao3 link atm)

Once Upon a December ✤ creativitwins, platonic lamp/calm ✤ wc: 1476 ✤ summary: Roman has been singing a song to himself, but something is always missing. The same song has popped into Remus’s mind and he can’t stop humming it. Maybe all they’re missing is each other. ✤ tw: a bit of gross stuff having to do with intestines during Remus’s bit in the middle ✤ genre: light angst --> fluff ✤ x.

Multi chapter:

Just a Stupid Dare ✤ princxiety, slow burn, enemies to lovers ✤ high school au ✤ When Virgil Summers, the second most feared kid in the whole school, is dared to befriend Roman Stone- a nerdy theater geek with only two friends- Virgil doesn't hesitate to accept. But things get a little more complicated when he realizes he genuinely enjoys Roman's company. (And he totally doesn't fall in love along the way. Of course not.) ✤ tw: unsympathetic dark sides, bullying, manipulation, fake friendship ✤ genre: hoo boy this one is angst with only a tiny bit of fluff and pining ✤ updates every week on sunday ✤ x.

✤✤✤✤✤✤✤

Dream SMP

more bitter than sweet ✤ TUA au ✤ tw: canon-typical violence (for tua) ✤ multi-chapter ✤ 42 children around the world were born with superpowers over the course of several years. Reginald Hargreeves adopted 7 of them, and somehow raised them to be the most dysfunctional family to ever exist. Now, with the impending threat of an apocalypse looming over their heads, they'll have to either set aside their personal problems with each other or watch the world burn. ✤ updates every week on saturday ✤ x.

The Ultimate Guide to Surviving the City ✤ fic universe ✤ city au ✤ Wilbur's Guide to Taking Control. X. ✤ Sam's Guide to Speedrunning Fatherhood. X. ✤

#ill update this. all the time. as i post more.#yeah but i really just don't feel the writing alt anymore.#writing on main. we die like men.#writing #writing masterpost #writing masterlist #fanfiction list #fanfic master post

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soysaucevictim · 2 years

Link

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Relationships: DLAMPR (platonic), Roceit (sexual/QPP), Creativitwins (familial), Intrulogical (QPP), Dukexiety (romantic/QPP) Characters: Roman-centric. Remus, Janus, Patton, Logan, and Virgil supporting.

Genres: Slice of Life, Sickfic, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Additional Tags: illness (acute and chronic), heat stroke, vomiting, rhabdomyolysis, compartment syndrome, kidney damage, fasciotomy, surgery, hospitalization, medication, scars, over-training, near-death experience, psoriasis, disability, past child abuse, ableism (internalized), mental health issues, self-hatred, depression, recovery (is a journey), Roman Angst, Roman Has Issues, Roman Needs A Hug, Janus Is A Good Friend, Patton Is A Good Friend, Logan Is A Good Friend, Remus Is A Good Sibling, Virgil Is A Good Friend, Remus Is A Little Shit, Aro!Roman, Ace!Remus Summary:

Roman screwed up, big time. It’s going to take a lot more to even begin to pick up the pieces and everyone tries their best to help. (Sanders Sides, Gym Rat AU. One-shot.)

(This takes place about three years after “Cherry Cola”, and after every fic posted before it. The references to abuse is connected with the end of “i started thinking of human nature.”)

Roman had always a certain fatal flaw – over-confidence. To make matters worse, sometimes he loses track of things and he was still barely past the age where he “should know better”.

The gym crew all knew this.

Janus warned him not to go to the gym or really anywhere to workout in the record-breaking heatwave the city was in the middle of. Patton tried to encourage him to just settle with the famILY for a movie night, away from the heat island most of them lived on, with at least some decent air-conditioning. Remus AND Logan knew that everyone firing off their A/C units at full blast may overdraw the power grid. Virgil took one step outside and went, “Yeah, nope.”

Hell, the regular gym they all went to was closed. So, he decided to find what was probably the only gym open in the entire city. Someplace calling itself “Daedalus Fitness Inc.”

It was a new business, clearly desperate for membership fees. Janus even told Roman that that place chose the worst time to establish itself. Logan agreed, it wouldn’t likely survive this weather event.

Roman didn’t heed any of these chances to turn back.

The final warning was when Roman vaguely overhead the manager on a phone. They said something about the air-conditioning. He didn’t quite catch what it was before popping in his earbud.

He felt the heat sap energy out of him, swifter than he expected.

His numbers were a lot lower than he wanted them to be. He told himself, “Just a little more…”

There was only so much those bottles of water he actually remembered to take could do.

A tiny part of him worried about this situation. That came too late, once he started to feel like something was very wrong, more than the last time he-

Roman felt the worst headache ever coming on. His heart pounding made it more agonizing.

After a set of squat to overhead presses, he was getting nauseous. Thankfully, it was easier to bail out with a pair of dumbbells than a barbell. Roman was taken by surprise when he suddenly lost his ability to lift those things. He had to drop them, they hit the floor hard.

He swayed, he collapsed, he lost whatever was in his stomach.

He lost consciousness and, this time, he didn’t know if anyone there actually noticed.

He woke up.

He was in the hospital.

Like last time, Janus and Remus were there. But unlike last time, they looked so much more exhausted and worried.

Janus’s eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot, they were crying. Something Roman hardly ever saw from them.

Remus looked serious and angry.

Roman knew he screwed up even worse. If he thought the last time he was in this position felt like being hit by a truck, this time – it was more like a train.

He could barely make his limbs move. He felt a deeper ache, a feeling of tearing almost every muscle he could imagine. It was like someone stabbed him in multiple places on his legs, especially his thighs. He barely twitched before Janus whispered, “Be careful!”

That’s when Roman noticed what the two of them were looking at.

There was a bed sheet loosely laid over his lower body. Roman looked at them perplexed.

Remus looked at his brother tentatively, asking, “It’s gonna look pretty fucking gnarly under there, ya ready to see it?”

Roman refused to chase down the images that flitted through his mind thanks to the ominous warning. He tried to gulp, but it wound up giving him a short coughing fit, throat feeling weird on him. He eventually nodded.

Remus carefully unfurled the sheet. They all saw his lower legs, each with a pair of large, open gashes. The wounds were loosely held together by stitching that reminded him of shoe laces. He saw way too much of the insides that should stay inside. His eyes widened and he really wanted to look away. But he couldn’t.

Janus tried to remain calm, “You know that rhabdo thing? This time...”

Remus often coped with the horrifying by laughing about it, half-jovial and half-shaken, “Apparently, it’s kind of like what people do for brain swelling. Leave a hole there so the squishy stuff doesn’t strangle itself from the pressure and die!”

Roman’s voice was trembling “W-what’s gonna happen-?”

Janus took a breath, “They had to do this to save your legs. If things go well – you should be able to use them again.”

There was a long pause before Roman finally asked, “A-anything else?”

Remus was flippant about it, barely hiding the genuine concern written all over his face, “Yeah. Your kidneys have definitely seen better days, Robro.”

Roman looked downcast.

Remus never was one to sugarcoat things, elaborating, “Yeah, we’re gonna have to see how far up shit creek without a paddle you wound up this time from the doctors. Be glad Jannie is covering all of this.”

Roman barely moved and the conversation went by so fast. After the glimpse of how badly he’d truly screwed up, a profound tiredness settled into his bones.

He didn’t so much as fall asleep as pass out.

Roman was too tired to stay awake for very long, while he laid there in the ICU.

It was a haze of pain and fatigue shrouding him.

He wondered if he heard something about his heart in the haze. He wasn’t sure if they said it was too fast or too slow. Whatever it was, it didn’t feel right.

He felt he was long overdue the rest. Except, he just felt more exhausted.

He vaguely remembered something about medications. Medications that he should and shouldn’t be given. His brain was too out of it to make sense of the salad of mouth sounds. Not that he was ever great at understanding this stuff. He thought, “I should try harder to, maybe then, I won’t fuck up again.”

His thoughts got darker and darker, the longer he stayed awake.

He didn’t tell this to anyone.

The haze lingered, yet he was staying up longer. He wished he could take that as a good sign, but it was just getting harder to sleep.

Old members of the care team from when he last had that rhabdomy-lisisis thing, would come to visit him sometimes.

The kidney doctor was the first to talk, he hated how reserved they were, he could feel the bad news about to roll off their tongue. “You cut things very close, this time, Mr. Sanchez.”

His voice quavered a little, “T-tell me why I’m an idiot, get it over with…”

The kidney doctor’s eyes widened but quickly softened, “It’s common to have mood shifts with the kind of labs we got here… you’re in good hands, while we help you get more stable.”

“Stable?”

“The heatwave and the delay in getting to us… didn’t help.”

Roman was irritable, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

The kidney doctor took a breath, “Good news. The damage to your kidneys isn’t what we would call severe.”

“That’s the good news!? You guys sliced me open like a fucking butcher – a-and-”

If Roman was honest with himself, he would be appalled by how he was acting, but he couldn’t control it. Like he couldn’t control the tears flooding down his face, like when he was barely eight and found out his parents were-

“… it’s considered moderate levels of damage. But-”

Roman knew it was unnecessary, but he still bit back, “Spit it out.”

“Unlike last time, it’s more than likely irreversible. You’re going to need some medications to preserve function,” they gave a defeated sigh, “If you can do that, hopefully we won’t need to have you on dialysis, anytime soon. Hopefully, you won’t need to be seeing me too often.”

He wanted to scream and yell about the mess he was in.

He wasn’t able to and started to sob uncontrollably.

It was a week later when the swelling in his calves went down, fortunately without any infections. A small mercy that Roman wasn’t really able to appreciate.

They had to take a piece of skin from his thigh to graft the wounds. The donor site was also doing okay, according to the doctors. He was told that closing up his lower legs without that would put too much pressure on them to heal properly.

It was looking like he was going to keep his legs mostly intact, a fact that had his little famILY excited and happy for.

He had a pit in his stomach knowing that it all would leave large scars. They would be a permanent, glaring reminder of this mistake. Hindsight and painful introspection kept going back to everyone and everything telling him he shouldn’t have done what he did. He knew he was a complete moron, or as his tío Esteban would always say, “Hay días tontos y tontos todos los días.”

The heatwave broke days after Roman first woke up in the hospital.

He was released a few days after the scars started to form, more labs were done, and some preliminary physical therapy. The discharge papers were longer this time. Janus looked even more harried as they reviewed the information.

It was abundantly clear, Roman had changed and barely wanted to talk.

“Okay. I can help you continue working on the PT.”

“Mhmm.”

“I’m going to pick up all the medications the team prescribed you, I’ll be back.”

“Mhmm.”

“Olmesartan, check. Metformin, check. Iron, calcium, and vit D supplements, check…”

“Mhmm.”

“Roman, how are you feeling right now?”

“Fucking. Tired.”

“I’m having a good enough pain day that I could help you to bed, if you want?”

The way Janus winced for a brief second told Roman that they were lying.

“I’m sitting in this fucking wheelchair until you go get Patton to do it.”

Janus sighed and acquiesced.

Janus did help Roman as much as they could, still. Their own shell of aloofness completely shattered around their boyfriend.

Roman scratched himself all over, “… so… ITCHY.”

Janus looked at the discharge instructions – drilling themself on some things to watch out for thanks to the diagnosis of “Stage 3 Chronic Kidney Disease.” Since any changes might mean he needed to adjust his medications.

That was one of the listed symptoms, and Janus knew how to kill a couple birds with one stone.

“Does a massage with some of that oatmeal lotion, sound nice?”

Roman shrugged as he kept scratching himself.

Janus used this opportunity to try to soothe everything that itched and everything that ached. They also carefully rubbed it over Roman’s scars, encouraging Roman to slowly move around his feet, to keep the scars as supple as possible. This was one of those rare moments that Roman ever took off his sweatpants during the summer, since discharge.

Everyone noticed Roman stopped wearing shorts, but knew better than to ask about it.

Eventually, with the physical therapy, Roman graded down the kinds of mobility aids he needed.

Even though a walker would be ideal after the wheelchair, he swore he was only going to use one Janus’s canes. Especially out in public.

That was until he realized being able to sit down and rest in one let him manage to do more in the day. Too much pulling on the scars in his legs hurt. Sometimes he would get breathless and dizzy, and not sure if it was his kidneys or the medication he was on. He still exhausted easily, that bone-deep tiredness that he didn’t think was possible to compare to last time.

He hated it.

He hated knowing he probably was never going to be like he used to be. He lost so much muscle from thoughtlessly shredding them up and from the simple reality of not being able to move as much for so long. He wasn’t even thirty, yet he felt like he had taken on several decades.

More than a few times, Janus would find him inconsolable. Janus occasionally mentioned holding that roughshod gym he went to criminally negligent, especially after reports of a developing pattern for it – including at least one other patron actually dying. That didn’t seem to do much for Roman.

Roman felt bad whenever he needed to call Patton out of the blue to lift him sometimes – knowing Patton was the strongest one to do so. No matter how many times Patton tried to reassure him that it was okay, he was ashamed.

Janus had long since accepted that they would need the aids more and more – especially after the stress-induced psoriatic flare-up they had while Roman was in the hospital. There was nothing wrong with needing them. They wished they could help Roman see that.

Janus was no Pollyanna, but for Roman’s sake, they still hoped that he’ll get to the point of only needing the cane.

Something to see Roman smile over.

Logan took some time researching, to try to understand what Roman was going through.

He, like everyone else, did notice the steady progress Roman really was making.

Logan was not a doctor, medicine wasn’t nearly as much of an all-consuming interest as working with code. Regardless, he looked into some case reports about “bilateral lower extremity compartment syndrome” and “fasciotomies”.

He saw that the sample of athletic individuals appeared to be able to get back to sports in average just under 11 weeks. It was plausible he could come away with it with little to no pain, even. But then, these reports said nothing about dealing with clinically significant kidney damage. Or other long-term complications...

Sometimes he’d forget he was on the clock when Remus snapped him out of it, “Ground Control to Major Tom!?”

“What is it, Remus?”

Remus was also not quite his usual chipper self.

Remus admitted to Logan once, “It was fucking funny at first… I guess I kinda hoped it’d be like last time, when he bounced back to his usual self. I don’t think that’s gonna happen, is it?”

This time Remus peered over the monitor at the right angle, seeing through the privacy screen, and talked, “You should really leave that up to the doctors... and maybe Jannie... or Padre, Nerdy Wolverine.”

“You’re right. You’re right. I suppose I missed times such as when I managed to catch him getting a mild case of heat exhaustion at the track… his rather baffling enthusiasm certainly made it a more entertaining day.”

Remus’s tone sharpened, “Don’t. Don’t talk about my brother like he’s already six feet under.”

“Apologies. This – this has changed so many things, it’s... disconcerting.”

Remus sighed, understanding, “Honestly? I don’t blame you at all, Lo. I know that’s the real C-Word here...”

“I just want to learn to better accommodate Roman’s new needs.”

Roman had been holed up in Janus’s apartment, one of the luckier spots near the edge of the city limits. Janus could stay chilled out over here in the summers. Janus continued to do the best they could caring for Roman.

Roman appreciated it to no end, most especially, once he was let go from the call center for taking too many sick days.

“Whatever,” he thought, “I hated it there...”

Outside of appointments, Roman hardly left. He had a lot of those to go to, at that point.

Primary care doctor – good to know he wasn’t, in fact, dying. Nurses, mixed bag. Dietitians – so many Don’ts and not many Dos. Physical therapists – sometimes more brutal than he thought his old workouts were. Pharmacists – Roman quickly lost track of what he was on. Nephrologist – surprisingly, not often. Cardiologist – exercise challenges somehow sucked even more…

Remus was better at retaining this kind of stuff than his brother. Remus could imagine the guy zoning out all the time in their offices, if not for Janus. He needed to see how Roman was doing, after nearly a month since the hospital visit.

Roman greeted him at the door, white-knuckling one of Janus’s canes, barely staying standing.

“Dammit, Roman. You don’t have to force it in front of me.”

Roman grunted and turned around to gracelessly drop onto the sofa – not like he was able to do so otherwise.

Remus followed next to him, including dropping onto the sofa the most obnoxious way he could. He tried to keep things light, at first, “Do you feel bored?”

Roman shrugged.

Remus changed the subject, feeling the need to talk about the badly taxidermied elephant in the room, “Look. I just wanted mention that... if the ambulance got there ANY later, you-you’d be dead... it was-”

Roman huffed, “Do you really want to hear what I have to say about that?”

“What?”

“A lot of times, I wished I-”

Remus’s knew exactly where Roman was going, and it shook him. Remus sobered further, “… I can only imagine what you’re going through.”

Roman’s voice was hoarse from all the disuse, “That all?”

“I suck at this kind of shit but – I-I- don’t think I would’ve handled that.”

“So?”

Remus said nothing before hugging Roman tightly, like he was going to slip by like sand.

Remus – Remus cried.

Roman wasn’t even sure how he should respond to this.

Few things got to Remus like this.

Roman wondered if he was crying too, softening, “I-I’m sorry I should’ve-”

“Shut your whore mouth – I should’ve basically tackled and fucking hogtied you the instant I heard you were going to-to-”

Remus squeezed tighter.

“… thanks.”

“Just… let us help you?”

“… I’ll try.”

Eventually, Roman was able to mostly just use the cane on good days.

On the better days, he got away with not needing it at all. Barely. He usually needed a moment to collect himself in his vehicle. One of these days, he made some purchases that his health care team made a big deal discouraging him from.

He was told to lay off the salt (among other things he forgot about), told his kidneys would have a harder time with it. So, that meant no fast food, no ramen, no Doritos.

He may or may not have splurged a little.

Before he reversed out of the parking lot, he opened up one of the bags of chips and started munching on them as he made his way back home. He had a moment of joy, thinking, “Never thought I’d compare these things to ambrosia.”

So far, so good. It was a little awkward supporting himself with the cane and holding the junk as he got into Janus’s apartment. He also hated that creeping tired feeling pulling at him more, too.

When he heard the door open, he was greeted by Janus. After a glance, Janus crossed their arms with as stern a look as they could manage.

The evidence was written allover his face and hands, Roman blanched.

Janus gestured Roman to hand over the bag of “food”, before allowing Roman inside.

If Roman was a dog, he’d stare at the floor and have his tail between his legs. He stuck with the former action and meekly saying, “… sorry.”

Janus rolled their eyes, tone affectionate, “I’m totally not going to watch you. I’m certainly not going to say ‘told you so’ when you regret that.”

Roman knew he was regretting that hours later, when he felt off.

He felt a little bloated, but then he wasn’t great at keeping track of time between the bathroom visits. What was more obvious was when his hands and feet ached and had swollen up a little. Roman chewed on his lip, wondering if he should tell Janus about it.

He didn’t get that chance, not aware that Janus was, in fact, watching him stare at his hands.

Janus touched them, knowing this was another thing to watch out for, “I’ll call your team about your meds. Do listen to them about the salt, please?”

As Janus turned around and stared at the bag full of junk food. They continued, “I’m also going to give that contraband to Remus, too.”

Despite improving stamina and mobility, Roman still got tired easily.

He often thought about the gym, the only reason he’d been going there was doing physical therapy.

He’d pass by the equipment he loved and glanced down on his frame, he lost a lot of his muscle tone. The definition wasn’t really there anymore. It was depressing. He hated sticking around much longer than necessary.

“Ready, Mr. Sanchez?”

Janus wasn’t the one leading the therapy, though they helped with his homework and keeping him a little active.

It was pretty comprehensive work. Doing things like full range calf raises – he always felt more stiff on the down position there and needed some support for balance. Most of the lower body work was there to help him get some of his balance and coordination back. He was told it was possible his bones weren’t going to be as strong as they used to be, so he needed to be able to prevent falls.

There was a lot of upper body work, to help him carry things, operate and do transfers with the wheelchair longer and more often. Whenever he had his worse days.

It was hard waking up the muscle groups, and a challenge sometimes to get through the whole training session without feeling like he wanted to collapse.

As Roman finished the day’s regimen, he was sprawled out onto the gym mat, waiting to recover enough to get into his car later.

He encountered a familiar voice and face, “Hey, there kiddo. You good? Need a hand?”

Roman puffed his hair away from his face, “Thinking about it.”

Patton sat next to Roman, trying to look wistful, “Do you know what today is?”

Roman shrugged.

“The anniversary of when all six of us became famILY!”

Patton was always on top of important dates like that. Roman was too tired to think of a response other than, “Oh.”

“And you know what that means?”

Roman rolled over to face Patton, “Movies?”

“Affirmative!”, Patton clapped when he said that.

Roman was concerned, “Don’t know if you noticed. I’m not exactly a ray of sunshine, don’t want to-”

“Now, kiddo, storm clouds are more Virgil’s specialty.”

Roman snorted, despite himself, “Guess it’s time to throw my glove down on that.”

“Is the contest going to involve flowers?”

“What does-”

“I don’t know if we have enough room for more-roses.”

Roman groaned, trying very hard not to smile. He didn’t feel like he deserved any of this. He wasn’t sure how to respond.

“We’ll do our best to get you cozy while over at my place – it’s not a party without our MVP!”

“… you say that about everyone.”

“We’d be FUBAR without all hands. Basically, I’m voluntelling you to go to the dang movie night.”

“Sheesh, okay, then.”

Patton greeted everyone enthusiastically as they all trickled through the entrance of his townhouse.

Logan was there the earliest, “Greetings Patton, it’s been too long, hasn’t it?”

“Hehe, yeah. I didn’t want to leave people out so-”, Patton didn’t want to mention who he meant.

“No need elaborate there, I understand.”

Virgil dragged Remus with him.

Patton was perplexed, “Should I... ask?”

Virgil grunted, “Probably… not.”

Remus was making a scene, “I need Robro here!”

Virgil continued tugging his boyfriend along, “He said. He’s going. To be. Here, jackass.”

Patton nodded, trying to understand. Everyone had changed somewhat since Roman was in the hospital.

Remus crossed his arms and pouted as Virgil made one last tug, “When I have to tell you not to worry, there’s a problem.”

Janus and Roman were fashionably late, about thirty minutes past Patton’s suggested time. But Patton was just glad they got there, “Hello, guest of honor and his lovely partner!”

Janus hovered behind waiting on Roman to step away from the vehicle, assisted by cane. Patton winced about the reminders. But once Roman stood up and caught his breath, he was a little lighter on the aid than he last remembered. Patton was encouraged by how much progress he made and smiled.

Janus spoke, not quite acknowledging the saccharine greeting, “Much apologies for being a little… late.”

Roman looked away, “You could’ve went without the dead weight.”

Janus whipped their head around in sync with Patton, and said what they were both thinking, “I swear – you are NOT dead weight!”

Roman shrugged, not very convinced, “Well. I’m here now.”

Patton ushered the last of the guests inside and they congregated in Patton’s living room. The room was completely prepared for everyone to get comfy.

It was a little awkward when everyone looked at Roman, “What?”

Patton cleared his throat, “I think they want you to pick your spot first.”

Roman felt mortified by all the attention, uncomfortable enough to notice how itchy he was feeling again. Before, everyone made a big deal on “first come, first serve” followed by plenty ribbing about “stolen spots”. He must’ve looked like a deer in front of headlights when Janus gently tapped and massaged his stiffened shoulder, “Is it so impossible to think people genuinely care about you?”

Roman shook his head and headed for the recliner almost forgetting to actually use his aid, stumbling a little before claiming it. Roman stammered, “H-happy now?”

Roman thought quietly that this was actually nice, sighing with relief, flipping up the leg rest. Everyone else was quiet for an awkward length of time before Patton clapped his hands, “What are y’all waiting for, get cozy! I’ll get the snacks out.”

Patton pointedly glanced at Janus to follow him into the kitchen.

Janus asked while they went along, “Am I needed?”

“Yeah. I mean. I know you have to make adjustments with the food, but it’s been awhile since I’ve dealt with this kind of thing. Just wanted you to check my work.”

Patton reached into the fridge and pulled out a huge platter and a couple bowls of snacks that were clearly all fresh and healthy. They would usually get the typical junk food, for these little gatherings, but there wasn’t a bag of chips or pretzels in sight.

“So. Little to no salt in this?”

“Yeah, not even that salt substitute with the potassium, something else I know you’re supposed to watch. I did try to use other seasonings to make things more flavorful. There’s some egg salad with only the whites, and low sodium mayo… there’s some home-made hummus to dip the veggies in, with just enough-”

“Roman also has to watch his protein intake… but I think these portion sizes are great.”

Patton breathed a sigh of relief, “When I served, I was helping people get stable from the kinda rhabdo you see from crush injuries. This wasn’t an area of expertise I was slotted into, so…”

“Pat. You did good, let’s go plate some of this up and give it out.”

Once that was situated, Patton had “Tangled” playing first.

Logan didn’t mind the menu, understanding. The twins and Virgil gaped a little about the snacks offered, way too used to running on less than ideal sources of sustenance. Roman, however was slowly getting used to eating this kind of stuff more often and was the first of them to munch away. It really wasn’t so bad. It might be because he noticed feeling a little better afterwards, in comparison.

His appetite wasn’t what it used to be, even then. He sometimes forgot about all of that and regretted it soon after.

As is tradition, everyone took cheeky swipes here and there about the typical Disney cheese factor. At first Roman had trouble with engaging with it, until he heard Janus snorted when the motley crew of vagabonds sang, “I’ve Got a Dream.”

It was when a specific lyric was sung, “and I know someday romance will reign supreme.”

That earned a snort in agreement from Roman. It was one of those reasons why he clicked with Janus, Roman never really understood that realm of experiences and Janus just didn’t really care. The reverie was interrupted by Remus shouting and cackling, “¡La dulce polla de Lucy! I just realized something!”

Roman was scared to ask, “...what?”

Virgil’s eyes widened immediately and frantically gestured at Remus not to say anything. An effort in futility, really.

“Weeell – Let’s just say I was Eugene and Virgie was totally Rapunzel when we first met. Except there was no frying pan involved. Or bondage. Unfortunately.”

Patton jokingly yelled, “Spoilers!”

Logan interjected, “We’ve- we’ve watched this at least ten separate times, Patton.”

Meanwhile Virgil was beet red, retreating into his hoodie. Remus noticed and yanked him into a hug, “You’re just so cute when you’re mortified! Wait, does that mean I have a humiliation kink?”

Roman yelled, “GROSS. I DID NOT NEED TO-”

Remus cackled again, Janus joined in the laughter.

Roman whipped his head over to Janus next to him, ignoring the slight dizzy spell it incurred, “TRAITOR!”

They all started to laugh after that, probably missing the next several minutes of the movie. But it didn’t matter.

For a moment, Roman actually felt okay. He was happy these tears were in laughter.

Patton was right, he really did need this. It was Normal.

A couple months later, Roman met most of his healthcare team with Janus in tow.

“We’ve been tracking your blood work and have some good news.”

Roman perked a little about it, but tried to be reserved. Janus answered, “Oh?”

The kidney doctor nodded at the dietitian and looked at Roman, “Your kidney function is holding steady, you’ve been doing a good job! It’s not easy to deal with all these lifestyle changes.”

Roman had trouble appreciating the good news, “… so it really is going to stay like this?”

His physical therapist spoke up, “Don’t sell yourself short! You’ve made so much progress!”

Janus nodded and smiled at Roman. Roman remained sullen, “… why doesn’t it feel like it.”

Primary care doctor added, “This stuff is difficult for most to grapple with. I can make a referral to some mental health providers?”

Roman shook his head, “I-I don’t know…”

“That’s alright, just know the option is there for you.”

“Yeah, sure.”

The conversation continued with some reviews that made Roman’s eyes glaze over again.

Janus whispered into Roman’s ear, “This may be a good time to ask them to clear you for a placard.”

Roman groaned, “W-what if I don’t want to take up the space someone else might need?”

Janus frowned at him, the primary care doctor was curious, “It would be no trouble to help you get parking accommodations. I should think it’d be safer for you – none of us want you to pass out in a parking lot somewhere. But, it’s also your choice.”

Janus added, “You don’t need to use the privilege on days you don’t think you need it. Consider it a ‘just in case’ sort of thing?”

“… I’ll think about it.”

The primary care doctor spoke again, “Those options are all on the table and don’t feel like you can’t ask us questions, Mr. Sanchez.”

Roman squirmed a little, realizing he’d been leaving Janus to be the one doing all of that for him. Roman didn’t trust himself to not say anything dumb or to even remember the important things. “R-right. I-I’m good, for now.”

It was strange feeling so fidgety even when his tank was pretty much empty and needed sleep.

It was like someone was giving his legs shocks and he’d roll around in bed to try to get comfortable. He eventually sat up with some strain, tiredly wondering how to get to sleep. It didn’t happen often and a lot of the time he managed to eventually pass out from exhaustion. It just wasn’t happening that night.

This wasn’t the first time Janus caught this, “Are you alright, Roman?”

“Think it’s that RLS... thing? Can’t sleep.”

“I wonder… would you be up to do some drawing or writing? I’ve missed seeing it and it may be a good distraction?”

“… maybe. I don’t know.”

At first, Roman sat there staring at a blank notebook holding a pencil. It had been too long since he tried doing this. It didn’t help that he was drilled on how useless the one thing he was actually good at was, ever since he was a kid. It didn’t help that he felt useless in general.

He didn’t realize when he started crying until Janus put their hand on his shoulder. Before he knew it, Janus gave him a kiss, on the mouth. He was so tired, but he missed this.

One of the things Roman often dwelt on was whether he was ever going to have the energy for the sort of stuff he always craved from Janus again. He wanted to get more passionately intimate with them, tearing off all their clothes, touching each other in all the perfect spots, and – this didn’t last very long, but that kiss certainly wasn’t chaste.

When they broke away, Janus encouraged him, “I believe in you.”

Roman ached for more of Janus, but he knew he was too tired for it.

Eventually, Roman felt a tiny spark of something. He tentatively made some pencil strokes into the book. He went to sketching what he fantasized about with Janus and feeling a little naughty. He didn’t really care if they saw. It was a… nice outlet.

Before long, he managed to get to sleep.

Virgil would occasionally approach Roman after his PT sessions at the gym.

He didn’t say much, he just sat there and waited for Roman to recover his energy, saying, “if you need to talk, I’m here.”

Often times, it was a companionable silence. As if Virgil had some insight into where Roman was at – without being overly presumptuous. A refreshing approach, at times Roman felt smothered by the others, even though he was grateful of the intention.

It was about three or four months after the hospitalization when Virgil asked him something out of the blue, “Do you feel… depressed?”

Roman sputtered a little, “I – I… I don’t know.”

“This is a No Judgment Zone, remember?”

“… truth is. I started wondering about that since one of my doctors suggested…”

“There’s nothing wrong with asking for help.”

“Yeah… about that…”

“Dude. You’ve been through a fucking lot this year. You more than deserve it.”

If Virgil asked him this any sooner, Roman wouldn’t be ready to listen. But this time, Roman slumped, “I guess it really is that obvious how I’ve… fallen apart.”

Roman was doing a lot of crying the past few months, this was another one of those jags.

After Virgil gave Roman a few pats, he asked, “I don’t do the whole toxic positivity thing, but do you know anything about kintsugi pottery?”

Roman blinked. He quickly recalled hearing about that from his ceramics class back in high school. How he was fast enamored by their fragile beauty, the precious metals and shiny glazes. His mind also jumped to stained glass, quilting, patchwork, collages, assemblages, and other things that held a similar theme to them. That was something he was a sponge about – he could prattle on about a wide variety of techniques and media if he was allowed to.

Roman whispered, “Maybe, maybe there’s enough pieces left…”

“It’s gonna be an ongoing project, but… I believe in you. We all do.”

#sanders sides #roman sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #gymrat au #spilled musing #(in a nutshell - roman's like 'oops there goes all my childhood baggage for everyone to see')#(outside the dlampr stuff - the emphasis is on roceit rly)#creativitwins #roceit

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things-we-used-tc-share · 3 years

Text

Empty Spaces

Ships (For the whole fic): Demus | Logince | Moceit | Background Remile | Brotherly!Creativitwins

Warnings (For the whole fic): Alcohol, swearing, kissing, innuendo and flirting (or Remus, being Remus), mentions of mental health problems, mentions of tough family backgrounds, smoking and vaping mentions.

Fic Summary: At the age of 16, every person wakes up feeling their soulmates emotions alongside their own. Scientists are unsure whether this is an evolutionary tactic, or divine intervention, but most soulmates are twinned in the same general vicinity and don’t move away until they’ve found their ‘other half’.

Roman and Remus have spent their entire lives by each other’s side, and are ready for their next adventure; university. Remus is more than determined and ready to meet his soulmate, whereas Roman has to unlearn much of his upbringing before he’s ready to meet his own. Still, only fate really decides, right?

Word Count: 1836

Part A: Calming the Storm

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Part B: Creating a Storm

Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Roman takes a deep breath in, and a deep breath out, his eyes falling closed for a mere second before he shoves his keys and wallet into his bag and opens his door. He’d tidied up his hair a little, attempted to freshen up, but he couldn’t seem to drag his body into the shower and had ended up washing his face with a cloth. He locks his door behind him, stepping to the main exit with an unusual feeling of discomfort. He could just not go, not turn up, it would probably do them both a favor.

In his chest, for once there is no icy emotionless void, but anxiety, creeping through him and wrapping around his own in a suffocating fashion. He opens the door, and walks through it, letting it close with an echoing thud behind him. His steps feel hesitant, his body acting against his own mind like his DNA is trying to rip itself apart.

His soulmate certainly is not faring much better, icy waves of fear and anger rolling through him almost as well as Roman’s. But they are soulmates, and this always was and always will be inevitable. Logan is inevitable in his life, with his beautiful hair, and beautiful eyes, and...Roman sighs, eyes falling shut for a moment. He can get through this, it’s just coffee.

The redhead tries to steady his emotions as he makes his way through the campus, all of the buildings familiar and yet could not be further from his reality at that present moment. He halts outside the cafe, staring up at a sign he’s seen so many times, but it feels alien to him. His eyes peer through the windows, settling on the person he couldn’t avoid even when he’d tried. His hand falls on the handle, but it’s almost as if he’s not the one moving it. His jaw tenses, his lips fixed into a frown, as he pulls it open and pushes his body through it like it’s made of lead.

Roman approaches the counter and makes his order, gesturing to the table he will be sitting at, the barista jokes lightly that he’s sure he won’t miss his hair. Usually, it would make him laugh, but Roman manages a noise that sounds slightly less annoyed than he is. He takes a breath in, turns, and approaches Logan where he’s sat, staring absently into the surface of what appears to be a black coffee.

“Hi,” he utters softly, sitting down.

“Hello,” Logan replies, his voice crisp and clipped.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to approach you.”

“I know, I could feel your frustration and fear,” his cold eyes look up from the drink and meet Roman’s, he looks as devoid as he’d expected, like all of his emotions had drained out of him. “Did you feel it too? Like you couldn’t control your body, no matter how much you didn’t want to be here?” A resigned nod in response. “At the very least we’re on the same page, I doubt I could handle it if you were like some kicked puppy.”

“No, I suppose whatever cosmic game this is, is cleverer than that.” Logan gives a humorless snort, his eyes trailing back to the coffee cupped between his slightly reddened hands. “So what now?”

“I suppose we be soulmates, whatever that may mean for either of us,” he takes a deep breath in, looking as defeated as Roman has felt since he’d found out there’s a whole other half of his soul that doesn’t reside in his own body. He wants to be angry at Logan, for stealing half of him, but he looks just as miserable about this situation as he is, and he just doesn’t have it in him to find that sort of fury. “What is it to you?”

“Not very much,” he shrugs. “I have half of me, and you have the other half, it defies science and logic, therefore I can’t really form an opinion of it; it’s simply what it is, and there’s no escaping it, no matter how hard I may try.” Roman nods, leaning back in his chair and staring at his hands, he picks at the skin around his nails. “Stop that,” Logan mutters, his hand darting out as if on autopilot, before faltering “...it’s bad for you,” he hand falls back to his cup. “My brother does that all the time, eating his skin, I tried to explain that skin is supposed to be on top of your body, not inside it, but he doesn’t listen.”

“I’m not eating it.” He stops picking at his skin.

“But you do, don’t you?” Roman quirks a small smile, exhaling through his nose in a gentle laugh. Logan’s lips almost make a smile. “What about you? What is a soulmate to you?”

“A shock, a horror, and not much more, no offense,” Roman shakes his head, looking up towards the counter, anywhere but at Logan. “I found out they exist a few months before my sixteenth birthday and then one day I woke up and all my feelings were jumbled up, half of them mine, half of them…” he meets the other’s eyes for a brief second, swallowing dryly “...I’d never felt so cold before.” Logan doesn’t take offense, he just nods, Roman can still feel the coldness there, even now. “What happened?”

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“You...it’s like you don’t feel anything at all.”

“And you feel in such overwhelming quantities, what reaction were you expecting?” There’s a long pause, movement catches Roman’s eyes and he looks over to see the barista bringing over his coffee. The two of them fall silent, and the redhead offers a polite, if not drained smile of thanks. When he retreats, they turn back to each other, like this is some secretive conversation that no one can ever know they had. “I was unused to it, I woke up and all I felt was anxiety crashing down on me like a tidal wave, so I shut down, I stopped feeling it, it wasn’t conscious, that’s fairly par for the course when it comes to emotional management.”

Roman bites the inside of his lip. So he’s the reason Logan is a black hole, it’s to stop himself burning out, or perhaps he’s perpetually burned out. Either way, it’s Roman’s fault.

“Stop that too, there’s no use holding yourself accountable, you personally did not dictate this situation.” Right, of course, soul bond. “The way I see this is we can keep doing this backward and forwards, blaming ourselves and blaming each other...but there’s no real need for avoidance, there’s no rule book to soulmates.” Roman blows against the surface of his coffee, taking a sip as he listens attentively to Logan. “What I’m suggesting is we take this as it comes, no need to pressure into the fanciful love stories, but no need to ostracise each other either, both and either will only end in us both becoming more frustrated and I’m in no life placement to deal with that in addition to my studies.” He holds out a hand. “Do we have an agreement?”

Roman places his coffee back down, hesitating, but this seems like the best outcome even if he’s in no state to start running alternative ideas in his head. He takes Logan’s hand and shakes it. His hand is soft, and a little cold despite the lingering warmth of the coffee cup against his palm. “We do.”

Logan gives an affirming nod, turning back to his coffee cup and retreating his grip from Roman’s. They both vaguely dislike the soft skip of their hearts in their chests. It’s just some strange biological fluke, they think to themselves, it’s impossible to fall in love so fast.

They talk about anything else for the remainder of the hour, like they were strangers that had met the way everyone else gets to meet, in a cafe, on the street, in a bar. Not lovers, not soulmates, but real strangers. They talk about their lives, their studies, their childhoods, Roman talks about his brother, and Logan mentions his own, but it becomes clear less than four words in that it’s something he doesn’t really want to discuss. Roman does not press for answers, instead, he shares the amusing information that his brother’s soulmate does in fact, have another boyfriend. “Ouch,” Logan replies, cracking the first genuine smile of the hour “...that has got to sting.”

“Oh no,” Roman shakes his head, grinning. “No, that’s basically the dream for my brother, to be honest, I never imagined monogamy to be his style, soulmate or not, he’s a restless son of a bitch if nothing else, I give it maybe another two months and he’ll have them both.” The other man shakes his head, sipping his second cup of coffee with amusement on his face. He’d not even managed to hold down one partner, he didn't want one, he couldn’t imagine the claustrophobia and exhaustion of multiple. But then, to each their own, he holds no judgment for this stranger that’s being described to him. If anything he’s a little impressed, frankly it’s heroic to an introvert such as Logan that one man can manage to hold down two men at once.

When they’ve exhausted all the conversation that they have left in them, the two sit in silence. “Should I...get your number?” Roman asks, not wanting to admit he’s enjoyed the other’s company, and by the gentle warmth that he knows is not his own by its soothing mellowness, so has Logan.

“You have the assertiveness of a soggy biscuit,” Logan replies, sliding a pen out of his jacket pocket. He takes Roman’s hand between his fingertips with surprising gentleness, and clicks the pen, scribbling his number on the back of the redhead’s hand. He looks...amused, and he feels it too, there’s some strange relief in feeling it. Roman had been so sure he’d have to hate his soulmate, to keep his distance until he’s ready, that he’d forgotten that friendship was a viable option for the two of them. Logan does not seem all that eager to fall headfirst in love either. He’s study orientated, he wants a career and a life before he worries about the particularities of caring for another person in equal measure to himself.

Roman shares the sentiment, too.

“I have work to do,” the designer manages out.

“Me too,” replies his companion.

“I’ll text though.”

“And I’ll reply when I have the time.” They share a brief nod, gathering up their cups to take to the counter, and then part with a simple goodbye. It does not feel final, it does not feel anxious or irritated, and for once Roman feels an utter calm in his emotions. Equally, Logan answers in his own chest with contentment that neither had experienced since their sixteenth birthday. There is nothing in their journeys back to their flats but equilibrium.

#es ts #sanders sides fic #sanders sides #ts sides #ts sides fic #dukeceit #logince

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