— don't make it harder on me
paring: e-1610!miles x femspidey!reader (both spider people)
a/n: i don't speak spanish i'm sorry but i used the most accurate translator i could find. if i made ANY mistakes, feel free to hmu and tell me i will certainly change em.
sypnosis: in which the reader was in love with miles but of course you were everything he didn't want, until you finally found someone for you and things...flipped. loosely based off chloe x halle's "don't make it harder on me"
wordcount: 1,768 words 9,150 characters
genre: fluff, teenagers, romance, unrequited love, angst, slightly suggestive but not really, cheater/cheating
translations: "i don't know because just last year you told me you loved me." - "no lo sé porque justo el año pasado me dijiste que me querías." "what do you want out of here mami?" - "¿qué quieres salir de aquí mami?" "my life" - "mi vida" "butterfly" - "mariposa" "cherry" - "cereza" "my goodness" - "dios mio"
You giggle as the boy you're with kisses your cheek before leaving the student lounge. He had walked you here but now he had class and had to leave. He pushed your headphones down to your shoulders as he backed up looking at you with a goofy grin.
"So you can hear the bell, I know how loud you be blasting your music girl." He says, chuckling before leaving.
"Thanks Grant." You say as you watch him leave with heart eyes. Miles, the unlucky one had to witness it all unfold in front of him, in front of his burger and drink and sketchbook.
"Grant? What is he? An uncle?" He says, too disgusted with what unfolded in front of him to even continue drawing.
You roll your eyes and look at him. "Whatever." You say as you get up, walking over to the vending machine as Miles follows you.
"So what you love him now or somethin?" He says, a bit offended and disgusted at the thought.
"And if I said I did? What would the problem be?" You ask as Miles grumbled something under his breath.
"no lo sé porque justo el año pasado me dijiste que me querías..."
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
But you picked it up thanks to your heightened senses. A year ago, you were over the heels in love with Miles, but he was in love with Gwen. Like I'm talking, sketches and doodles all OVER the notebook in love. Long story short, you confessed and he didn't reciprocate, like not even a little bit.
You were worried that it was going to ruin the good friendship you had going but Miles was more than willing to put it aside so your relationship wouldn't get damaged. It was hard and awkward at first because you had so much love for the boy...it was hard not to. But you got over it, or at least the most you could, and you found someone else.
Grant. A bit of an adult name but he's an absolute prince charming. He's always considering and caring, and treats you with the utmost princess treatment. He's so perfect, almost too perfect. Made you skeptical that people as good and genuine as him could exist, and he made it known that he really did love you.
You sighed and looked at Miles who was already looking at you with a small smile on his face. He put his hand on your waist and moved you to the side a little, walking in front of the vending machine.
"¿qué quieres salir de aquí mami?" He asked and you sighed, placing a hand on your hips and rolling your eyes.
"Miles-"
"Let me take care of you mami." He said as he took out a wrinkled dollar from his pocket, putting it into the vending machine and all you could do was laugh.
"Strawberry cake...the one in the can." You replied and he got it for you, leaning down to pick up your canned cake with a fork and handing it over to you, making sure to brush your fingers.
So corny. You look up to see Miles looking at you with a dazed look.
"I know what you're trying to do Miles.." You say, taking your cake and walking back to your beanbag chair with Miles on your heel like a puppy.
"What? I don't know anything." He says as he sits across from you, placing his head in his palm, batting his lashes at you. "But uh...tell me anyway."
"I need you to stop lookin' at me like that. We are just friends now. You already had your chance" You blatantly say as you take a deep sigh before attempting to open your can.
It seemed like what you just said flew in one of Miles' ears and out the other because he was smitten. "Let me help you with that mi vida..."
He took the can from your hand lightly and with ease. You'd think with your superhuman strength, you'd be able to open a can but
"I swear they use gorrila glue to close those cans." You say, taking the can back from Miles. You take your plastic fork to dig into your cake as he smiles at you.
"You're so cute yknow, especially when you get flustered, not being able to do the simplest things. It's adorable. You're adorable." Miles says, being upfront with his feelings for the first time in a long while.
You pause chewing the cake in your mouth as you look at Miles.
"I need you to stop sayin' the things you say cuz if you keep acting so sweet, i might just wake up and leave this boy that i pinky swear we'd be together for sure" You say as you sigh again, chewing your cake as Miles shrugs.
"Mariposa...what happened?"
"Huh-?"
"I'm just saying, you used to be so hung up on me."
"You didn't even notic-"
"Yeah but when you told me and I looked back, I realized, the signs were all there! You literally once straight up told me you thought of me like all the time...what happened to those thoughts?"
"I can't be thinking of you when I'm alone with my boo-"
"So he's like your 'boo thang' now?" Miles says.
"Please don't ever say that." You say, cracking a small smile as some icing gets stuck on the corner of your lips.
Miles notices and uses his thumb to wipe it off before putting it in between his lips, staring you straight in the eye with a small smile.
"Okay no. If you smile at me again, I may do somethin' stupid-."
"So do it (y/n)"
"Miles.."
"I don't get it. Why did you stop liking me?"
"What? Did you expect me to just wait around till you stopped liking Gwen?" You raise an eyebrow as he stays silent.
"...Kinda..?"
You roll eyes.
"I mean 'love' is a VERY strong word and yknow when someone says it to you, you kinda expect it to be relevant for a long time."
"Oh, I just remembered..."
"What?"
"How many girls you had!" You angrily voiced at the boy.
"It was just Gwen." Miles countered, putting his hands up.
"But you loved her a lot, didn't you? I mean you said you did and love is a 'very strong word'" You said, mocking and quoting the boy from just earlier, causing his lips to form a tight line and his eyes to close momentarily.
"You didn't like me Miles and I moved on, I don't get how that is a problem and blah blah blah blah blah"
He has no idea what you were saying, he tuned you out a few seconds ago, just focusing on your features. He had realized his romantic feelings for you about 9 months after your confession, you had just started seeing Grant and for some reason he couldn't stand him.
Maybe it was his rich ass cologne or his thick accent, or maybe how perfect he looked in general but he did know he hated seeing you with him. It just irked him.
"Guys like that only date girls like you with one thing in their mind."
"What so are you saying I can't bag a rich guy?" You say, offended as you looked at Miles who put his hands up in defense.
"Woah, woah now I didn't say all that ma.."
"Then what are you trying to say? Enlighten me! Tell (y/n)"
See now he knew you were ticked off, you only referred to yourself in 3rd person if you were ready to smack someone hard. And you feelings were valid, ever since you started seeing Grant he was always policing you around, talking about how he didn't like him, Grant was a bad guy and he was always looking for faults in his motives and moves. You didn't do that with Gwen though.
He realized he liked you a few weeks in and he beat himself up every day for rejecting you. Since then he tried to win you back, or at least that's what he thinks he's doing, to you he's just insulting your relationship and making a fool out of himself...a stupid, idiotic, embarrassing, infuriatingly adorable fool.
"So you need to stop bein' so nice to me, 'cause a part of me has moved on...but a part of me is so weak" You confess, putting your fingers on your nose bridge as Miles finally tuned back in.
"So listen to that part cereza." Miles' said leaning.
"Miles Gonzalo Morales..-"
"I love you." He cut you off abruptly, surprising both you and himself.
"What..?" You say, taken aback as Miles bites his lips, looking down and then back up at you.
"I...I think I love you..I do and I mean it...I love you. I love you (y/n)"
You were in disbelief. These words that you would've have been so delighted to hear just a year ago now felt like a burden, a huge burden. Something you dreaded, it felt like the entire reality you spent months fixing and putting up came crashing down with those 3 words and stupid 8 letters.
"Miles...dios mio...don't make it harder on me. I told you not to love me....and now you're growing on me." You slumped in your seat, not even realizing you blew your own cover.
He looked up, hopefully with a smirk. "I did, didn't I?" He had that same goofy grin he always had on and looked so good in.
"I told you not to want me but you don't listen to me...and you never did." You frown as the boy leans in.
"Well that's a good thing right?"
"Morales."
"Baby I'm serious. I know I don't take a lot of things seriously but I'm not playing now. I love you."
He leaned in, closed his eyes and connected his lips with yours, it left sparks flowing through your body. He paused and pulled back only a little before opening his eyes to look at your reaction.
You were frozen for a second there before you grabbed his face and pulled him back in for a kiss, leaving a smile to form on his face. He used one arm to wrap around your waist, pulling you onto his lap, and resting his hand on your lap.
You wrap your arms around his neck as the kiss gets heated and turns into a full-blown makeout session. You're so lost in each other that you never notice Grant standing a few feet away with your favorite chocolates and a gift bag in hand.
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Chapter 16- Sirin
***
She didn't hesitate. Luca plunged out of sight, and she followed, flinging herself off the edge of the pit and into darkness. Shadow billowed behind her, trailing from her limbs like wings, slowing her descent.
"Sirin!" Cereza cried after her, voice receding into echoes.
The darkness rushed past, wind slicing at Sirin's face like knives. Without warning, she hit water and went under; it filled her mouth and nose, icy and clear. She kicked to the surface and broke through, her gasp echoing through the darkness.
She searched it for Luca. A faint haze of light from the crack above filtered down, throwing ripples over the water, but everywhere else the darkness was impenetrable, not parting, not even for her.
Something slick and cold brushed her leg. She flinched, lifting her hands, looking down in time to see one of the immense cave-fish cruise by, pale and ancient, its blunt, eyeless head nosing blindly at her. Barbels twitched; she sensed its slow, simple intelligence, tasting her heat, deciding whether or not it meant she was worth eating. Sirin called her shadows, and they responded, unfurling through the water. The cave-fish took the suggestion; it turned and swam deeper into the pool, fading from sight.
"Sirin!"
Hands grabbed at her. She whirled with a hiss, but it was only Luca. He treaded water alongside her, Puppy curled around his shoulders like a fur stole.
Sirin caught his arm and pulled him through the water, toward the sound of wavelets lapping stone. Her feet scraped the bottom, and she hauled them all upslope. Stalactites rose around her like knives of black glass, the shore made up not of smooth cave stone but jagged, crystalline juts of obsidian.
Not obsidian, Sirin observed, watching the faint light play off their facets, illuminating the many colors trapped in the stone. Whatever this was, she'd seen it before, like the cave-fish, like the carvings. She'd seen it on the Leviathan's island.
Water thundered somewhere in the distance- the source of this underground lake or the channel draining it, she wasn't sure.
"Sirin," Luca said again. "Triune, you jumped after me?"
Yes I did. And you'd best be glad it was water down here. She spat onto the stones. Fool.
"I love it when you call me that."
Are you hurt?
"A few scrapes. Nothing a kiss and a moment or two of your tender, exasperated care wouldn't fix." He displayed a shallow cut on his arm. "This one first?"
She gave him a look.
"Can't blame me for trying." He shook his head, flinging water, then reached into his satchel and brought out the ork-oil lantern.
"All Hells," he muttered. Water sloshed, its wick soaked. They'd have no light until it dried.
Did you not bring a spare?
"Of course I did," Luca told her. "That's wet too."
A bass whumph stirred the air. Sirin lifted her head to see vast wings, the water made choppy by the backdraft of Niive's descent. She glided down in spirals, carrying Cereza in her arms, girl-shaped save for her wings. She landed on the jagged black rocks of the shore, then paced ahead, letting Cereza down.
"Triune, Luca," Cereza said. She gave him a little shove. "I thought you were dead."
He elbowed her in return. "You should be so lucky. Listen, Cee, do you have any matches?"
"No."
"You don't have a spare lantern?" Niive said, her tone thick with disdain.
"No! Can't you...I don't know, do magic?"
"Do magic."
"You know. Something useful?"
Her eyes flashed. "I am sorry. Are the winds that pushed your wingless corpse halfway across the seas not good enough for you?"
"Shut up," Cereza said.
"I just mean a bit of lightning," Luca stuttered. "A little spark, or-"
Sirin smacked his arm. He jumped. She pointed. He looked.
"Oh," Luca said. "That will do."
Puppy glowed. As Sirin watched, the little creature stood, ears pricked, eyes wide, blue light limning its body. Its glow brightened- summer-blue, the blue of the Great Leviathan's blood, filling the cavern with its radiance.
It lifted its head. Sirin followed its gaze. Above them, up the jagged slope of the beach, shapes loomed from the darkness. Puppy's light touched crumbling walls, battlements and walkways fallen to rubble and veined with countless tiny waterfalls, glimmering with phosphorescence. The cavern echoed, away, away, a vast vault of chill and shadow, gloom obscuring its limits.
More than a cavern- this place was a ruin.
A thicket of colossal, broken columns lay like felled trees at the far edge of the light, their scale drowning Sirin to a mote of pollen. She lifted her head as they moved up the beach and between a gateway formed by two of the fallen columns, trying to get a sense of what this place must have once been. It looked like an entire collapsed fortress crushed down into this lightless place, sundered long ago by some immense force.
The air should have tasted stale and cold, like any cave. Instead each breath sparked at her blood, charged and strange.
"What is that?" Luca murmured.
In the center of the ruin crouched a statue, sized to the same scale as the columns caging it. Sirin began upslope, Luca at her side, Puppy leading the way. Its light drew the statue from the dark: a great beast carved from reflective black stone, its monstrous beaked head and twin sets of half-spread wings furred in centuries of grime. It stood warlike, jaws open in a snarl, one foreclaw splayed as if in attack. It remained motionless, as it must have done for countless years, waiting alone down here in the dark.
Cereza ran her hand over one hooked talon longer than she was tall. Her lips were parted, her brow furrowed. Sirin stopped before the beast's foreclaws, staring up at its open jaws and the jagged fangs visible within. A heavy, ornate collar had been molded around the statue's neck, and in its center, just over the creature's breastbone, was set an enormous chunk of crystal, glistening with ripples and flashes of color.
"Whaleglass," Luca murmured, his voice hushed with reverence.
Sirin nodded. Whaleglass it was, more than she'd seen before in one place, a sphere of it as big as her circled arms. A crack split the sphere down the middle. It held no pulse, no whispers, no whalesong hum. It was dark, and silent.
Dead, Sirin thought, and shuddered, though she had no idea why the notion unsettled her so.
"I didn't think whaleglass could break," Niive said.
"It can't," Luca said. "Nothing can break it. Nothing we know of in our understanding of natural philosophy, anyway. Maybe the Aiatar knew a way to shape it. Mold it. Destroy it."
"You think this is Aiatar?" Niive said. She gazed again at the creature, her golden eyes bright in the gloom.
"Who else would have made this place?" Luca began around the beast, tracing footsteps in the dust. Puppy followed him, blue glow brightening to light his way. "Maybe this wasn't a temple to them. Maybe this was...I don't know. A city. And this thing..."
He tapped his fingers along its feathered flank. "Looks like it's about to leap into the dark, doesn't it?"
"A guardian," Cereza murmured. "A Sentinel..."
Sirin narrowed her eyes. What makes you call it that?
"I don't know. A feeling."
"You're so sure Aiatar made this place?" Niive hugged her arms over her chest, enfolding herself in her wings.
"You think those columns grew like that?" Luca's voice echoed from the dark.
Sirin tilted her head back. Higher up, almost lost in the gloom, the few remaining columns curved together, forming a setting as if for some immense gemstone. The setting was empty, though, and like the beast's whaleglass heart Sirin felt silence ring in that emptiness, and through her in turn. If ever magic had lived here, it was long gone.
"Look here," Cereza said. She stood near a fallen column. On it was carved what looked to Sirin like a map, a huge string of islands, by her estimate larger even than the Buyani archipelago. Something about it seemed familiar- that volcano, that coastline.
"It's the String of Pearls," Cereza said with a gasp. "Look, here's the mountains...and here's the bay- it used to be so much bigger..."
"That must mean the temple above was just the topmost point of the island," Luca said. "The rest must have fallen into the sea along with its foundations." He let out a breathless laugh. "Incredible."
"Half an archipelago, sunk?" Niive said. She scoffed. "No summoned storm could do that."
Maybe it wasn't a storm, Sirin thought.
Her eyes traveled down the nearest column. It too was covered in carvings, she realized, like the Leviathan's faraway temple. These were sharp, unmarked by time. She drew nearer, lifting her hands to trace the stylized forms in the black stone. She recognized Aiatar, straight-backed and proud, wings lifted to the winds. Their bird-forms flew above, drawing tides of lightning in their wake. They marched in strict phalanxes.
Armies, Sirin realized with a shiver. Not always had witches been nomads, then. Once, they held a different kind of power.
She followed the carvings. They grew more complex, more violent- lightning seared the seas, and beasts of the deep oceans reared in their death-throes as they were slain in droves, proud Aiatar standing with blades and great recurve bows. Others stood draped in mantles and fringed robes, heads bent. Their clawed hands cupped spheres of what looked like whaleglass, streaming with light.
Priests? Sirin wondered. Or alchemists?
The streams of light fell across other, smaller, forms. They knelt below in postures of genuflection. Sirin's shiver became a shudder as she realized they were linked together with arcs of carved chain, shackled hand and foot and neck. They were wingless, carved in simple, almost clumsy fashion, broad-faced and stocky compared to the Aiatar. Each face was set in an expression of awe. They advanced toward the priests, all the way to the depiction of what looked to Sirin like an altar, where one of the crude figures knelt, hands upraised in the attitude of prayer, offering his throat.
Islanders, Sirin thought.
These weren't the honored dead of the Leviathan's island, lain to rest with silver. Her body pulsed cold, her heartbeat a distant sloshing in her ears. She'd been unsure about the robed Aiatar, but chains like this meant prisoners, or slaves.
Sirin looked at the kneeling man and didn't think he was a prisoner.
A dry crack split the air. Sirin whirled as Luca gave a shout from the far side of the strange island. She hurried toward the sound and halted by his side, where he stared and struggled for breath, Puppy pressed to his legs.
Sirin gave him a questioning look, but he just pointed to the ground, his eyes wide in Puppy's blue glow.
White gleamed. It took Sirin a moment to realize what she was looking at.
Bones.
The island was a field of bones. Luca must have stepped on one; it lay in jagged shards at his feet, a long grimed femur. The rest of the skeleton lay beyond, ribcage and sternum and skull with jaw agape, pointed teeth seamed with dust.
It was twisted as if in agony, arms splayed, hands reaching. Another lay further on, and another, dozens of skeletons strewn amidst the black rocks. All of them were Aiatar, sharp-toothed and taloned, the skeletons lean and elongated. Feathers lay broken amidst the bones, ragged and disintegrating, bereft of their iridescent flash. Armor still clung to the bodies, the same sleek black armor they'd seen on the Leviathan's island. Silver winked in the light, and sapsilk, rendered brittle and colorless by countless centuries.
Numb, Sirin picked her way forward, through the bones, looking from broken spine to empty eye sockets, grasping fingers to smashed ribcages, staved in as if by some monstrous blow. Countless times she'd wished for witches as a child, and again as a slave; she'd ached to see them, ached to be borne away by their magic, then so unassailable and absolute to her. Now here they lay, dead at her feet. Seems she'd gotten her wish.
She heard the others approach, heard Cereza's gasp, Niive's soft cry.
"No," Niive said. "No, no..." She shook her head, bringing her hands to her face. "I thought...I thought there would be-"
She cut off and sank to her knees, her shoulders shaking, her wings coming forward as if to cover her grief. Cereza crouched alongside her, holding her, stroking her hair.
"Who could have killed so many?" Luca murmured. Clearly these Aiatar had come to violent deaths- nicks and gashes lingered in the bone, the dark stains of ancient blood, the torqued poses speaking of ancient pain. One lay reaching for a curved sword, its blade like a slice of midnight, black as the surrounding rock.
Sirin's shadows shimmered, her discomfit leaching into the air; she drew the darkness closer in a comforting shroud.
Or what? she signed.
Luca nodded.
"Only a monster could have done this," Niive said.
Sirin thought of the slaves carved into the column, the human offering his throat, and wasn't so sure.
"Sirin," Luca called. "Over here."
The skeleton was slumped against the statue beast's back leg, dressed in black armor like the rest, its posture hunched and curled. A knife stuck from where its side had once been, embedded so deep in the beast's leg Sirin could barely see more than the hilt. A vicious blow; a slow death. Scraps of desiccated flesh delicate as old vellum clung to the Aiatar's face, the trace of tendons and eyelids, the elegant architecture of the skull exposed. An alien beauty, like Niive, all sharp angles and tilted eyes set too-wide, fangs exposed in a rictus grin.
Its hands were cupped together, claws laced. Sirin frowned.
"I know," Luca said. "It's holding something."
He reached forward, hesitated, then gently prised the brittle fingers apart. Crystal glinted- whaleglass, no grand sphere like the beast's heart but an unworked chunk of it bound in silver. Luca plucked the whaleglass from its grip and held it up to the light.
"It's warm," he said. "I think-"
He cut off as silver light fluttered through its facets. The light spun into form, tall and muscular. An Aiatar- the one that lay dead at Sirin's feet, if she wasn't mistaken. His armor was the same, his face the same, though alive and rendered in silver light. He was brawny and angular, his cheekbones and pale throat patterned in arcane tattoos, a circlet of black stone braided into his hair. He stared not at them but past them, his gaze focused on the empty air over Sirin's shoulder.
His mouth moved, and the words came a beat later, his voice a unsteady echo. His tongue was alien, too, barbed and trilling, an unfamiliar language spoken, by him, smooth as water.
"Witch-tongue," Luca murmured, his eyes shining in the ghostlight. That was what the dead Aiatar was, Sirin realized- not alive, but a ghost trapped in the whaleglass. An echo. A memory. "Niive, can you translate?"
"I-" Niive blinked. Shame crossed her face. "I don't understand...this dialect, it is...it is too old, I can't-"
"I can," Cereza said.
She stepped forward, her spine straight, her hair streaming down her back. She'd slipped away again to that dreaming place, her eyes bright and unfocused.
She drew a long breath.
"They have come to destroy us all," she said. "And now they have come for us, too, here on the edge of the Triune Seas, on the edge of the Empire. I was General Kirzan, though now, in my failure, I am nothing."
She let out a soft snarl. The ghost's snarl, Sirin realized with a shiver, channeled through her, through millennia. "I thought we would be safe, but I was too bold. I fear all else has fallen. Rashavir is long since drowned. We few are left."
Cereza frowned.
"I won't last long," she went on. The ghost shuddered, pressing his hand to his side. "This wound has stopped hurting. I've been a soldier long enough to know when a man's dying. Now it's to be my turn."
He choked a laugh. "At least I shall go with honor, and be one with the Great Leviathan. I pray my pain will become power, and will some day be bled out and forged into a weapon powerful enough to destroy this tricksome half-breed queen and her army of traitors and slaves. I've enough hope yet for that-"
She and the ghost let out a tandem cry of pain, her face twisting in time with his, as if she felt the same agony as this long-dead Aiatar general bleeding out alone, far from the starlight. Luca moved as if to touch her, but Sirin caught his shoulder, holding him back.
"Not long," Kirzan gasped. "We've shattered the Beacon, and sunk the Sentinel, its heart sundered by her power."
He closed his eyes, his brow furrowed. "So many dead. So many of us, slaughtered. She is mighty, I'll grant her that. But what is left for her? What is left for any of them? She may be a sorceress, a trickster, a traitor, but Valeria will never truly be...truly be..."
Kirzan's voice faded. His ghost did, too, dissolving once more into nothingness. The whaleglass crumbled in Luca's palm. Cereza slumped, and Luca caught her, gently bearing her to the ground.
"What...what was that?" she panted.
"I don't know," Luca said. He scrubbed his hair back, gripping onto it so hard his knuckles blanched. "I don't know. Cereza, he said her name. He said Valeria."
She lifted her head. "Queen Valeria."
"The very same. You remember those paintings in the Palace, don't you? The tunnels, the witches-"
"You think this Valeria is our Valeria?" Her face was flushed, her lips parted. She grabbed Luca's shirt in both hands. "How is that possible? And Rashavir-"
"The Sunken Ruins?"
"They sank millennia ago. From what's known, anyhow. It's not as if anyone survives expeditions past the outer ruins long enough to report more. No one returns with knowledge, just trinkets and tales of ice tortoises bigger than ships..."
His eyes were alight, his entire body humming as if charged. "If the Aiatar were an empire, once, and they fell," he went on, "and if Rashavir sank, like this place- Cee, what if they were one and the same? The citadel of the Aiatar empire, and Sunken Rashavir?"
"And you suppose Valeria was the one to sink it? She would have to be thousands of years old, and Valeris was only built five-hundred years ago-"
"Five hundred thirty-seven," Luca recited. "Roughly."
"Five hundred thirty-seven, then. It's still too long."
"I don't know that either. But. But!" He let out a laugh, wild and half-mad. He looked half-mad too, his blond hair damp and flyaway, Puppy's light harshly illuminating his razor scars. He surged to his feet, bringing Cereza with him and whirling her around in some dervish dance. "You know what that means, don't you? Come on! Let's get out of here."
Luca, Sirin signed, but his back was turned and he'd already begun away, striding back toward the far side of the island.
"Can you take us up?" he asked Niive. She nodded, her face rigid, her eyes bright. She wiped at them, then with a shiver, transformed. Wind snapped through the cavern as she unfolded, feathers smoothing into wings, darkness massing into talons, the girl becoming in seconds a vast, black bird with a long neck and backswept wings. One golden eye rolled, tracking Sirin as she approached and climbed aboard.
She wound her hands deep into the soft, dense feathers at Niive's neck, and remembered the collars around the slaves' throats, and felt again her own scar like it was new-made, how cold the knife had been, how cold her blood as she held it in with both hands.
They wound up through the ruins, retracing their steps, emerging into the clean, cooling air of late afternoon. The sky arched deep blue overhead, so vivid it hurt. The light had fallen low over the sea, touching the tops of the waves with gold. Luca and Cereza conspired together, then faced Sirin with matching goblin grins.
"Queen Valeria was our ancestor, you'll recall," Luca said. "Hundreds of years ago she came to Lapidaean shores and liberated our island from the chains of Estara. She founded the Valere dynasty and began our way of life-"
Asking for nothing in return from the people she liberated it from, I assume.
"It was war, Sirin. Civil war had split-"
I know about the Sundered Empire, Luca.
"Yes. Yes. Sorry. Well- she's a legend. A hero. A real hero. She's said to have loved a witch- an Aiatar- and had command of all kinds of fell magics. I always figured the history had been considerably embroidered, but what if it's true? All of it? What if, Sirin?"
He moved toward her, his eyes shining, all of him shining. Earth and sky, he was beautiful. His hands caught hers, moving to her shoulders, her face. "What if she was there, when the Aiatar had their magic? What if she had it, too?"
Sirin blinked, as if to say and?
"We must find her. Writings. Artifacts. I don't know. Sirin, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but we have to go back to Lapide."
Dread knifed her in the gut.
She wrenched from his hands and stumbled back. No, she signed. No. No. No.
"Please, if you'll just listen-"
No! She slashed her hands through the air, and shadow exploded between them, driving him back and sucking the air clean of its drowsy afternoon heat. Sirin whirled and stalked downslope, not caring when she left the path. Ruins rose around her, lizards and insects skittering out of her way. Shadow walked with her, settling around her in a swirling cloud. Her head ached, her nerves burning, the pain swelling the more she pulled. She didn't stop. It suited her, the raw chafing ache of it, the jolt of despair that came with each footfall.
She heard Luca scrambling after her. "Sirin," he called.
She stopped, then turned, looking upslope. He stood a few feet away, just out of the swirling reach of her shadows. The darkness reflected onto his face, drawing its angles tighter, the gray of his eyes dulled.
He was standing too close. If she lashed out, if she lost control again, he might suffer more than a bruise and a sprained arm. Horror speared her as she imagined him falling, bleeding, dying, torn apart by her shadows.
A sob shuddered up her throat, trapped behind her teeth. With it came a swell of power, nearly too strong for her restraint. She had to get him away from her. She had to, or she- it- might hurt him again.
"It's the only way," he said. "If there was another, I'd do it."
Would you? she signed. Seems yours is ever the only way.
"Do you have another suggestion?"
Do you know what they did to me? Your people. She felt her face twist in a snarl. Your beloved nation, the shores you so desperately seek to see again.
His eyes flicked to the scar on her throat. "I know what the slavers-"
No, you don't. You don't know what it was like. You don't know the madness, the shame, the horror. Every time I saw a Lapidaean face, every time I heard a Lapidaean voice, I saw them again. The monsters, the corpses. The bodies in the surf.
In the surf, in the sand, in the smoke. Small bundles of rags, the tide coming up the beach to wash them clean. The tide turned red, the smoke underlit red, the burn in her muscles as she told herself run, run, you'll survive if only you can make it to the rocks. She might have hid there. She might have scrambled free of the slavers' nets and fled to the prophet's cave, surrounded by grave-dolls and ghosts, a terrified child cowering amongst the dead.
For a moment the grief threatened to overwhelm her, send her gibbering back into the past, gone mad at last.
You don't know what it was like to see your world die, she told him. To see everything you know die.
"You didn't, Sirin. You survived." He reached out, then, and stepped from the safety of sunlight and into her shadows. They engulfed him, unnatural wind tugging at his clothes. She saw his face tense as the cold hit him, but he didn't stop, not until he was close enough to touch her.
"You're right," he told her. "I don't understand. I can never understand, and I can never atone for what my country did to yours. But this-"
He pressed his fist into the center of his palm. "This is hope, Sirin. This we can make right. This we can change."
Hope, Sirin thought. Where had her hope gone? It died, Valere. It died with my people, on a black beach at the end of the world.
"Please, Sirin," Luca said. "Come with me. Come with me. Not...not just for Lapide, for the Leviathan. For you. For us."
Sirin wanted to laugh, or cry, or scream.
Did you plan this all along? she signed. Scheme this to your will so you can go back to your palace, back to your war, the prince victorious?
His eyes widened. "Triune, no-"
He cut off as skeins of shadow twined from the dark, over his chest, his back, the fluttering pulse in his neck. He shivered, his eyes drifting shut. The expression on his face was not fear. He looked at peace with her claws against his throat.
Maybe I was right to think I am your lady monster, she told him. Tame monster, pet monster, eating from your hand.
"You're not a monster, Sirin."
Maybe I should be. Maybe I should go back with you to Lapide. I don't think I demonstrated my power well enough last time.
Luca's exhale was shaky, his eyes bright. "Sirin," he said. "I know you're suffering, and I swear to you-"
Save it, Valere. I don't want your promises.
"And I'm bloody tired of your secrets," Luca snapped. "I felt it, you know. When you damn near broke my arm. I felt your power. It felt the same as the dark magic that warped those fish. Is that what you wanted when you half killed yourself out in the Great Blue?"
She stared at him.
"Why did you not tell me about it? I could- I could help you, I could-"
I don't want your help.
"What? Why not?" She saw the suspicion hit him, awestruck and awful. "Triune. Did you kill those fish? Did the power come from you?"
Sirin lifted her hands. No words came forth. She couldn't make herself move; the cold of her shadows was inside her, too. Luca stared at her, breathing hard, fists at his sides, his entire body shaking. Earth and sky, she wanted to go to him, to pull him under and lose herself and forget. Her shadows howled, her memories like knives.
Traitor, the dead whispered, or maybe that was just herself. You have betrayed us, our memories, our deaths. You should have died before you let yourself love him. You should have died rather than let yourself become what you are.
At last her hands obeyed her.
If you go back to Lapide, she told Luca, it will be without me.
"What? Sirin, no-"
You've made it clear. You do not need me.
"Yes, I do," Luca said. His eyes shone. It was like she was being gutted, like being wrenched apart. "Sirin-"
She jerked her head, cutting him off. I am going to the docks and taking the first ship to anywhere. You won't see me again.
"No. Sirin, please, no."
I have made my decision.
"Why?"
You know why.
"Because you're scared?" He moved closer, so close Sirin felt the heat of him through the chill of her shadows. "Because this could all go wrong, because you'd have to stop pretending you're a monster and admit you feel more in your heart than bloodlust and anger? Because hiding inside your monstrousness is the only way you can get out of admitting you're just as afraid as I am? Go on, then."
He gave her a shove; she stumbled back, her shadows falling in surprise. "Lie to me, and make a fool of yourself, because we all know out of the two of us you're no good at it. Lie to me. Because you're too much of a coward to-"
Sirin grabbed him by his shirt front and wrenched him close. His words cut off; his gasp hissed between his clenched teeth. She saw the muscle flutter in his jaw, the tremble of his lashes. A tear streaked his face. He didn't blink, not even as the last of her shadows unfurled from her, turning to smoke as the sunlight spread and shattered them. He just stared at her, and Sirin stared at him, unrelenting.
"Go on," Luca said, at last. There was no more confusion in his voice, no more pleading, no more anger. It was quiet, little more than a whisper. "Do what you have to do. Show me how much of a monster you really are."
Sirin held onto him for a moment longer, her knuckles hard against his skin. Through them she felt his heartbeat. His life, so easily ended.
She let him go. He fell against the rubble of the burned city, still staring up at her, breathing hard. Sirin turned on her heel and walked away, her spine rigid.
She didn't look back.
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